Hollywood Handbook - Ego Nwodim, Our Audition Friend

Episode Date: October 5, 2021

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this is a head gum podcast so like i said it's like a broken record with this place but i get called in for another meeting with teacher another meeting with teacher and teacher now wants uh kind of thought we just had a meeting with this is exactly what i said yeah i said gee i'm starting to think you got a crush on me teacher because you're calling a damn meeting with me every other day at this time mommy and now that's a meeting and now it's a meeting about you saying that you think teacher has a crush oh that's become a meeting where it's like now that's inappropriate now i'm sure you have they're like that's okay now this is another meeting that's inappropriate to say that i have

a crush on you and i go i do think it's inappropriate that you have a crush on me that's two meetings that's two meetings for that that comment which is basically i use a logic trap as it i have a chess mind you know what i mean so this is that that's what's known as a skewer it's a skewer where i've trapped them yeah if they move you know if they move their piece they're exposed so they have to keep the piece there and the piece they have that's my obstacle is of course the endless string of meetings and your mind you have to keep flat or else everything will fall off everything will fall off unless i keep my come in flat come on in come in please come on in so now my wife's here but anyway i had a meeting with teacher um and this time it's

about guess what does your wife come when you go to meet with teacher is that like how does that work i try not to let her know because i don't want her to worry about first of all teacher probably has a crush on me that's not gonna feel good but then it's almost weird that you're not well and it's also strange because mommy and daddy have to come to the meeting and they of course live pretty far away yeah sure and if you call that living they're dead so wow so they've got to come to the meeting yeah six feet but in some ways i feel closer to the but at any rate um you know the pick the the meeting is about uh the assignment which is i had to draw a picture of my family wow which i'm like what's your problem this time right because this is now the 50th 60th time

sure yes you know what i mean yeah and and echo we'll get to you in a moment problem no problem it seemed like when we first started the song i don't know if people heard there was like a kind of a really disruptive microphone noise i just want to make sure that you have that totally worked out so we'll we'll take our time just so your setup is totally good on your end. And you just let us know, okay? That can be as long or as short as you want. I mean, as much of the show as you need it to be. I'm totally, totally good on my end.

Okay. Okay. Totally. So you don't want Sean to finish? Or you're okay with him finishing the story any questions yeah do you have questions about the story any questions remember that guy

did you get to meet him were you with him I was not with him I was with her I was actually with her I'm with her but what about Dianeiane s pumpkins right is it time yeah and it's fucked up i'm gonna be the i'm i'm i'll be the first one to say there should have been a diane s pumpkins

um will my answer have a bearing on my relationship with sean wow maybe not with sean possibly with teacher i don't know it's really for sean dance it's not yeah event ultimately you have to pick a side are you with sean are you with teacher and i'm trying to say this as neutral as possible i'm not influencing you want to be okay sean or do you want to be with Teacher? Neutral. Based on how you delivered that, neutrally, I'm going Teacher all day. You want to be with Teacher.

Teacher actually has a crush on some of their students. Okay. In that job, I would say, really bad quality. Sure sure but did teacher smash okay does teacher does teacher fuck can we cuss is this a family podcast i not anymore it was gonna be a story about my family me having to draw a picture my family teacher makes me do this assignment over and over again that's not your family that's not your family

okay and then if you know what it is then why do you need you draw another picture yeah right the teacher kept saying why is this a picture of me and why am i a demon okay and i say oh i don't know what you're talking about that's my family i don't have any fucking questions about what's what we're discussing right now to be clear we can move and i cussed again i cussed a lot again this is bad bleep me bleep me please took the hit that I was given and I cussed again right yeah I love that too it's so good I love 90s music did you watch the Woodstock 99 documentary it's on my

queue it's on my queue I haven't watched it and you of course very into queue these days yes big follower of q q yeah well q's there are things q there are things that i agree with with q and things that i don't but i that's exactly do your own research that's a great area yeah you know what i mean do i agree with with the idea that when we go one, we go all? Yes.

Yeah. Yeah. Of course. Absolutely. Absolutely. That's a given. Sean, you look stressed. Yeah.

Yes. What's stressing you out? What's going on? Is it that your wife is just out of frame? That's a new addition to the show, sure. Speaking of new addition. That's different. Yeah. Any Bobby Brown fans?

And by any. Anywhere? You want to take that again? Yeah. Any Bobby. Excuse me. I'm sorry. Traffic was really bad on my way here um talk speak on it what talk about talk about that talk about the traffic traffic was bad i was driving east to west as everyone knows is pretty nightmarish don't do it right you don't do

it east to west traffic was bad but if i can take it again if i could just do this again because it's my one line i would really love to go again this is out so people who don't know this podcast is set up and he goes here she's gonna say are there any bobby brown fans and then haze and i just go we just go we just go and just buckle up okay i'm gonna try this again let's do it are there any bobby brown fans okay so the take is that someone can that over you can someone cue me up excuse can someone cue me up so hayes you do the kevin up where oh you want me to do that kevin and Kevin, count Hayes in. Okay.

And what's my cue? My cue, I'll slate for you. Where we go one, we go all. Where we go one, we go all. Got it. That's my cue. Okay. Okay, that's your cue for me to do.

Okay, Kevin, I'm going to signal you. You count in Hayes, and then Hayes is going to give the cue. Okay. Okay. And then I'll, okay. When we go, I dip dip you dip okay should i when the cue is wrong do i still do my line i drove east to west for this and um you went east to west it against the flow against well well in the morning in the morning it was the flow in the morning it actually was you got here in the morning in the morning it was the flow in the morning it actually was

you got here in the morning okay i waited outside you've been here all day i've been here all day we are recording in the evening wow okay wow in the morning it might have been excuse me wiser to do this to drive this way in the evening because then i would have been against the flow but unfortunately i was with flow i was with flow i'm with sean i'm with teacher actually okay oh no so you oh no is this going south is this going south or is this going west it's going east to west okay great okay we're going to introduce you it's ego ego's here and we're here of course to talk about the verizon flex view ego what makes the verizon flex view such a flex well well damn um what doesn't this one we do want to get because like we like

we don't want to lose that relationship right because actually crucial yeah okay i don't want to lose this relationship either um yeah well it's got everything you need and it's stunting on everybody and um but how like yeah details what's like a it's kind of that's the thing well this is the thing that we want people to get it we want people to get it if we give away all the goodies no one's gonna get it if we tell everyone what to expect no one's gonna get it okay got it and so that's why we can say like you know that's an interesting marketing and haze and haze you are taking notes i am taking notes i'm getting it all down on paper and i can say for sure i know what it is and so do all the rest of us right no ego was in a ego was in a commercial for it she knows what brexit flex view is yeah we're not gonna tell you everything sure before you buy it like you

buy it this is like you do your own research do your own research just take it all face value like you don't you're gonna want to dig around yeah find out for yourself what the verizon flex view is don't believe everything you think and so yeah just you should get it yourself i noticed that you used Verizon FlexView to go inside the show The Office while Dwight was doing the fire drill. Yeah. What's up?

What's your problem? What's the issue? I have absolutely no problem with that whatsoever. People are free to make their own choices and use FlexView to go in The Office while Dwight's doing a fire drill. If they choose, it's a personal decision. Sure.

Kevin has been asking me, so Kevin of course famously put uh the office as uh basically as his tinder bio just the just the office just the wait so i'm sorry can i just pause for once kevin single this was once upon a time echo okay this is why he's no longer single. Okay, this is what got the girl. What were you gonna do if he was single? Smash. This is it. I'm sussing with you. Wow. Smash.

What are we all doing? Teacher. I mean, but teacher didn't, yeah, because teacher didn't smash teacher has crush doesn't he just teacher don't smash crash okay i'm sorry there's more to this tale about the office tinder bio well kevin has kind of been asking imagine the possibilities of say he ever is back on the market of course obviously he's putting the office right back there in his tinderbuck okay imagine if he could do sort of a i can show you the world style journey with his date okay into the office while dwight is doing the fire drill okay i love it get the verizon flex

and anyone can like anyone can just do it are you with the other people that are using Verizon Flex is it just like a bunch of I don't want this to get confused with the Xfinity Flex just to be clear this is separate if that happens I'm leaving the Zoom. Separate. I think you got it. I think Hayes, I think Sean has to go. Sean has to leave? Can I clear something up? Yes.

And this I think will actually be helpful to everyone. Yes. Dwight never said Bears beats Battlestar Galactica. Jim said that when he was being Dwight. Battlestar Galactica. Jim said that when he was being Dwight. Battlestar Galactica. Bears beats Battlestar Galactica. Dwight didn't say that. Okay. So I think

this is going to get us all hopefully unified because it's been a little, the energy's been crazy. And Hayes, you are taking notes, right? Xfinity Flex. And Hayes, you are taking notes. Now Iity flex and haze so i wrote now i am taking notes it is xfinity flex and that's amazing when xfinity comes to me and asks me like how did i go do selling the brand i'll be like she was awesome she passed the test she she knew what the company

was and she's some ways even better than we did yeah yes xfinity flex yeah uh and what makes it such a flex got it you go in you go in you get into the office while yeah dwight doing a fire drill but you could get into anything what's your favorite tv what's your favorite TV show? In the last week. What's your favorite TV show? Of the last week. From this week? And it's got to be on TV? It's got to be on TV right now.

Yeah. What's your favorite TV show? The News. It's got to be airing right now. Okay. The News. Okay. Favorite characters? Probably The Weather. airing right now okay favorite characters probably um the weather

okay mine's i've been watching this this uh game kind of like reality show competition show and it's like top chef but they they pronounce chef, chef. Okay. It's similar in a lot of ways. It doesn't look like it costs as much money. And they all say, welcome to Top Chef. And it's actually about a guy,

a gay man who is a top named Chef. And his name is Chef. There's a lot of food in it. There's still food's there is still there's a huge amount of there's more food he keeps taking breaks to eat okay i it was i was honestly watching thinking like this feels like top chef but there's way too much food there's too much is there any sex no i well they kind of tip that there it seemed there's a there's another room they go into and i think that's what's happening okay there's another room okay where they kind of tip okay the camera's kind of fixed i mean maybe it's just you're in the kitchen there's whole long periods of the show where nobody is in the kitchen and

you're just kind of seeing that the food is there for them and so are you thinking i go when you ask us are you thinking like oh maybe tonight i'll infinity flex into this show xfinity xfinity yeah and you cannot catch her and hey and haze you are taking notes right and haze you are you've been writing this stuff i am i know it's my handwriting handwriting. It's like I can't read. I know. I know my hand. I'm thinking you could go into your favorite show. Oh, OK.

So I'm in the news. Well, so let me like like I'm thinking of Kevin taking a romantic possibility into the office while Dwight's doing the fire. And we're calling people possibilities now this is Kevin's language he called yes everyone's a possibility potential yeah and so he said I don't

see you know men women people he's like every everyone's an opportunity for me and then he Kevin also said something to me that, I don't know what this means, but he did say, you know, that sometimes opportunity does knock twice with me. And then I was like, I don't get it.

And he said, knock boots. Wow, twice. So you've never had a one, well, no, that's not to say never had a one night stand it's just said sometimes sometimes sure sure yeah and now and now i'm taking and it might still be happening on one night as far as we know yeah is it a one night stand if it happens if if opportunity knocks twice in one night is it still a one night stand kevin are you giving opportunity rounds i try to sometimes i have to put on the office to get myself going for round two and what what episode are you cranking up it's a robert california season it's definitely robert

california it's him or uh will ferrell and i'm going to the bathroom saying just a minute but you can hear the volume on my phone blasting very good and so when kevin takes his date into a robert california episode for example are the other users of infinity flex in there xfinity and oh you know what actually you know what you know what i haze i'd like to propose something to you you and i go in on business sean you may. You have the option now to opt in. Before I say what it is, Sean, are you in or are you out? Sean, are you in or are you out?

It doesn't feel like you want me there. Sean, do you have an innie or an outie, by the way? I actually don't know this. Yeah, no. I've worked pretty hard to keep this quiet. It's actually something I don't know. No, it's neither. don't so what does that mean you don't it's like a tube could you explain could you explain and or show us

i am i'm not gonna show we're not doing video for this but yeah it's like um i guess like i could sort of show you like see this canned imagine it was a tube okay and so it sticks out obviously but it also goes but it goes all the way through and comes out the back yeah okay yeah so what is? It's like a dorsal fin, right? Yeah. That's about as in as you can go, but. Yeah. It's in as hell. It's also out. It's also out. But it's out like crazy.

Yeah. It's a little bit of both. Okay. It's a bottomless. A bottomless. Yeah. I like that. Yeah.

I like that, Sean. Business plan. So you and I are going in on business. Sean's in. Sean's in. I know he's being bashful. He feels like I didn't really. It just seems like you don't really need me, I guess.

No. We'd love to have you, Sean. We'd love to. In fact, we can't do this business thing without you. Infinity Flex. Infinity Flex. You and I go in on... You've heard of Xfinity Flex?

Well, think about this. Infinity Flex. And we stole Lego just like they stole the Verizon guy for Sprint. And so are you just waiting for this now? Like to do the Verizon guy thing where you're just waiting for a competitor to be like i was waiting to get come on here how much money are you offering but hayes how much money do you have in your checking account right now yeah hayes how much money this is uh dollars i will uh be talking to my dad right after this uh so i am totally happy to find out and get back to you it's

not gonna be the first question that i he likes to like we'd ask him questions about like other stuff first he's building a lawnmower okay yep uh and so we'll like talk about that dad and then i'll just be like that john my dad yes um is uh dear john but spelled uh d e e r e comma uh comma john yeah uh and he uh of course has a very generous conservatorship with me uh where very just like friendly very cool we are much more friends than uh like father and son or conservator uh guy he i haven't met him but he looks so cool in the picture of your family that you drew for teacher yeah um he uh and so i'll ask him like near the end i'll just be like oh wait like uh like i won't say my friend was asking because he'll be like what friend okay what what he'll say what friend asked you that okay got it got it got it and that'll be like this whole thing but near the

end i'll just be like that was the thing this is like so weird but like how much money is there even any money in that account just like how much money is in there um and he might he might so i i know you didn't ask me but i in terms of like he might not hang up okay in terms of like how much money i would say well there's not any money there's a lot of stellar lumens which is a crypto in your checking account that i think is ready to pop yeah it's the account that i'm checking frequently to see how stellar lum Lumens doing Stellar Lumens and what's

what do Stellar Lumens look like what's their general vibe are they dinosaurs are they oh they're like because they all are shaped like something all these cryptos have it no they're like like sort of a mix of like stars and sea creatures.

It's actually awesome. Okay. And that's actually my favorite word. Awesome. I love that word. Yeah, I actually love that word. That's really interesting. What is the connection between you and that word?

My favorite word is awesome and intense. Love them. What's not to love? Awesome. It's like awe, but more than one. It's some. Awe. Awe.

Awe. Awe. Some. And intense? Two words. Intense. And intense. Two words. Intense. Come on. You hear it.

In. Sounds like. Hey, sounds like camping to me. Would you like to speak on that? And I guess take a break. Yeah, I'm actually going to get out of here. You're going to go. I'm actually going to get out.

I do want to say. And like, no, I know. I just want to say before I have this conversation i'm gonna be talking to my dad if i'm gonna be having this conversation with my dad i know you've been here i go if you've been here all day it's expired it's expired no but haze my car has been towed four times this week we need balance we need balance we definitely need balance we i'm picking up what you're putting down sean listen i've been here all day my car has been towed a few times this week okay and i parked in the lot of a bank and so i have to they hate that yeah they get really scared and if you especially if you park in the lot of the bank and

you leave the motor running and you're sitting in the front seat and you're just ashing so many cigarettes and there's like a pile of cigarettes outside the front and drinking directly from a bottle of bleach and by the way directly not even pouring it into a cup not even using the normal bleach cup that's provided with the purchase well because i don't want covid but whatever and which i which brings up what i was going to say is we're all wearing masks now so you go to the bank does anybody else have this you go to the bank and you've got your mask on and you really feel like you're some kind of the joke joker some kind of the joke right yeah form of the joker which joker would you say you feel like most times you're at the bank hmm lito's body for sure he's intensity leto's body the playfulness of jack jack

what about the mind of galifianakis oh okay oh and and joaquin of course his his dancing ability the stairs the stairs right there i say the stairs sounding of the bells oh boy yeah but i have to go um no i understand you do have to go you said that i actually have to go i have to go and that's great because there's only one thing that we originally have to work out before this is over i have another haze i have another one across town right now another one across town across town west to east west to east if you can believe it at this time of day and is that for you have to get there now to for tomorrow like you're just at this point yeah at this point yeah for tomorrow it's actually in it's i have one there tomorrow i actually have another one weirdly i have another one over here

on the west before that one but i just want to get you just want to get there i want to figure out the parking situation i want to figure out the parking situation at the one on the east like what the closest bank is i guess yeah that you can park at yeah Yeah. It's interesting to me. It's so important to feel comfortable. So when you leave your car, you want to make sure you're not trying to figure out where the building is, what floor it's on, which entrance to use, etc.

That's actually why people aren't working in this town. They're not doing that. They don't know where the entrance is. They didn't scope out the parking situation. But I do have to go. This has been awesome. It's been really intense for sure. I know how much that word means to you.

To have you use that with us. That's awesome. But you wanted to sort something else out? Just the last thing. This will take as long as it takes to go i understand i understand and that's why we have to do one more thing that could be basically any do you know how much longer it's gonna be do you know how long i know that's one thing i know there's only one number on it i know one thing that'll make it go faster okay

um what okay all right go ahead what is the one thing? It's just my park. Okay. Go ahead. Yep. Infinity flex. Infinity flex. If we're doing this, if we're doing this, let's do it. But what about infinity point?

Infinity point because you could flex, but you could also point. Yeah. Well. I think infinity point. Xfinity Flynn. Xfinity Flynn. Xfinity Flynn. Infinity Flex. You can point.

Infinity. Are we saying unfinity? I could. Unfinity. Unfinity Flant. My question is, let's talk product. What does it do like how is this how are we separating or you do have to go

I have to go okay yeah right after we talk product we're gonna get you out of here because you seem like you have to go it's been a long I've been waiting okay Xfinity Flex you go inside the TV you go see Dwight do the fire drill okay Jim is there

yeah Robert California is there. Okay. Later. Okay. Later. Kevin, don't even. Don't even. Kevin says,

Oh, Robert California. Actually. Okay. They're towing cars now. You can hear that happening, see it, or like just kind of feel. It's premonition.

You had a premonition. Yeah, that's deep down in your belly when they start towing cars, huh? They're towing cars. Hollywood handbook. Be a better you in 2024 with Babbel, the science-backed language learning app that actually works.

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for real conversations and that includes body-based conversations. What does it mean when you drop someone off after a nice date and they turn around at the door and they take their little index finger and they kind of like draw it towards them?

They're pulling it what does that mean does their whole finger hurt i wonder if they spotted a spider web or something they're trying to pull down the spider down yeah but i've seen this too after a lot of dates and i need i need and have needed something like babble to figure out what the heck is this person doing with their finger because it looks like a it looks like an emergency i know i was supposed to do something or how about those people that stand in the street they're kind of like they've got like almost like police clothes on it may be almost. And they're standing in the middle. And as I'm driving and I'm cruising, they're holding their hand up for like a high five almost. And they're really aggressively pushing it out. I'm like, am I supposed to drive by a car?

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choose from every week including calorie smart protein plus and keto which is this it's a little bit of all of them okay okay it shouldn't be there are also more than 60 add-ons to help you stay fueled up and feeling good all day long. How many add-ons and what are some of them? It's one big add-on and it's you on your bed. You're so tired after you eat my meal. The promise is the meal makes us sleepy. You've been pushing that so much. You're saying that you will be added on to your bed.

Yeah. Your bed plus one. That's the opposite of what this is supposed to do. It's supposed to help you stay fueled up and feel good all day long. I know. Give you a ton of energy. They have like smoothies and things like that. This is wrong. Reservation for two. Me walking in my bedroom. What's the second?

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rocketmoney.com slash the boys rocketmoney.com slash the boys how are we separating ourselves this other product lets you go inside the tv what are like what does infinity flex do that's a little different maybe it lets you go inside at other machines in your house when you can become a tv become a tv oh you are tv you are tv now you are tv oh now dwight's inside you doing the fire drill yeah maybe maybe right maybe dwight enters me and is doing the fire drill and is doing the fire drill wow yeah but it's not a smash it's not a smash it's not a smash but it is it's a massive flex i have to go so yeah i like that idea i like that okay you're not just saying that because you have to go yeah it sort of seems like you don't like the idea and like that okay you're not just saying that because you have to go yeah it sort of seems like

you don't like the idea and even that you weren't listening to the idea at all what's your what's your next one what's your next one maybe we can help you and maybe it'll actually be good to get out in front of it this time because a lot of the damage is already done with this x xfinity thing that nobody knows the name of no it's at 200 it's at 200 it's at 200 it's at 200 it's at 200 it's at 200 okay okay okay okay now i i don't need to hear any more but if sean like if i'm the dumb ass i you know i'm i'm a little dead so I do need a little more. So it's at 200. And if I could have just one more detail,

I think I would have a handle on it. And physically, you're in a lot of pain, apparently. Yeah. Yeah. I don't like to... Okay. You know how everyone else's bowels move at the top of the day

if all is well mine yeah we talk about that on the show a lot mine are on a different schedule but I don't like to use your bowels I don't like to use mine until I've finished all my additions for the day. Okay.

So yours operate on bankers hours. Yours are 9 to 5. But I'm oftentimes 9 to 5, not at home. Okay. And again, at the very beginning, I did say that we wanted to work that out so we didn't have a huge disruption like that okay well sue me um sue me my guy uh i'm doing my best call haze my guy so you you signed something you you signed a document so that you are only allowed to say that it's at 200 it's at 200 um i signed an ndma you're only allowed to say that but you could say

it as much as you want i yeah i do have to go sure can you just ask me and i guess ask all of us if there are any you want me to bobby brown fans in here okay okay great can we get that clean because we're that off if we could get that i think we'll be able to sort of just finish the rest of the and then we're good and then of course we'll we'll bring you back if that um would like you know we'll all listen to it and if this goes great we'll bring you back and we'll uh would love to have you back in here uh because this has been feeling really good okay um can i get my am i married to copy and what's my eye line kevin can you give her an eye line please sure is is clippy around yeah i'll go get him okay clippy's gonna be the eyeline

are you married to the copy no i mean i would love to hear you make it your own um you're here because we love you we love your whole thing so uh yeah that's why we got you i mean if we just wanted somebody who was married to the copy, we could have gotten Adam Driver or something. Okay. Love ya. Love ya too. Okay. That's Adam's face. But I didn't get my...

Love ya. You just became Adam. Marriage story. Have you seen Marriage Story? Yeah. Yeah. The first, the opening scene is he says love ya. And the next scene he goes JK.

Actually don't. Now Clippy's going to be your eyeline here. Clippy's my eyeline. Can we get him a little closer? Okay, thank you. Perfect. I'll deliver that right to Clippy, please. I do have to go, so then what?

Can I get my cue? Because I have to go. So, I mean, Clippy. I have to go, but I'm chill. I'm chill. No, I understand. But let's make the best of Clippy's. You've been a dream today to work with on this. clippy i have to go but i'm chill i'm chill no i understand but like let's make the best you've

been a dream today to work with on this let's make the best of clippy's time too here my shoulders clippy's got nine to five too so we gotta hurry yeah and clippy's being seized by the government soon so oh okay clippy okay so can i get my cue i have my eye line i'm not married to copy i'm dating it dating it i'm getting benefits dating with benefits the copy is an opportunity copy knocked twice because this is going to now be the third time i do copy okay with a suggestion and i do need to go but that's neither here nor there. So, can I get my cue? Yes. And ready? When we go, all for one?

All for... Hmm. Do I spot a Bobby? Well... So, I know you said you need to go. so i know you said you need to go but i'm feeling like we're really on to something here okay i don't know what you have at 200 but there's no way it's gonna be are you more lucrative than what we just hit with this because that was magic are you seeing any others do you are you

seeing any others we are seeing a bunch more but we we might use them all yeah we might use everyone and also you're the creative choice and everyone else just like they're for they're forcing us a little bit to everyone else is just for corporate stuff. You're the creative choice. Everyone else is just everyone else's choice. Everyone else is just the corporate, the network, the studio, the final say.

Yeah. Don't worry. You get to decide. The creative loves you. I'm feeling good about this. you yeah i'm feeling good about this pretty late i feel good i'm willing to have my car towed for this now i should have asked this before i came in is this sag okay i've i haven't heard the question phrased that way before. Is this S-A-G?

It is S-O-G. Can I ask? can i ask yeah that's that's that is the uh cia unit assigned to uh carry out assassinations so that is yeah that's who's who's sort of overseeing all of this and i should have asked this earlier but is this to advertise new edition or bobby oh so glad you asked yeah we don't we have no idea what this is yeah we they don't tell us you know because it's pretty secretive organization okay um well can i try it just one more time because i know we actually need you to yeah no you have to yeah sorry that there was a misunderstanding we it's we need you to do that it's getting really hot in here i know this is not customary but can i take my shoes and pants off? No, we figured you would ask.

I would say no on the shoes. Yes. If you could get the pants off while keeping the shoes on, the shoes can't move. Okay. These are skinny jeans. Okay. I'll just unzip and lower.

I don't know if this would help. We have some very cold pants that you could put on over your current pants. Okay. I don't know if that would make things better. What size? Cold. Yeah, cold-sized. Okay, I'll take them.

Kevin, I do have to go. Kevin, can you get those pants on for her, please? Is there a way if I have to go now that I can do the pants and go by 200, come back to this, and then go back. I'm holding them at your ankles. Just jump on three. Okay. One, two, three.

Can I get a cue? Now they're on me. I've got to take them off. Oh, no. Okay. Okay, Kevin. And this happens every time. These are cold, but I look good.

Okay. So, hmm. I do have to go. I'm the creative choice. Corporate, all the final decision makers. Corporate hates it. Corporate sent word I was disgusting. There's no fucking way.

It's been a big fight to even yeah just see me again okay but i do somehow you feel good about it and this could change things for me um i'd like to just i'm gonna clip he's pooping we gotta go have to and again i want to stress again that you you have to do it again i I don't have a choice. Yes. It's not. Well, my eyeline is pooping now. So what am I going to do?

We'll match that. So everyone's going to shit. Excuse me. I just. So, yeah. And don't worry because the cold pants are self-cleaning. But Kevin's wearing them and not me, so I'm still hot. But we'll match that.

You're going to match it. And I just got word that this is S-U-G as well. And what's S-U-G? Yeah, right? Yeah. Not much with us with you. I feel good. Okay, I do need to go.

And I'm going to start standing up. I'm standing up for myself. I'm going to stand up for myself because you guys do this to all of us. You treat it like a cattle call. A call. No. You know what? Hell no. No. you you you treat it like a cattle call a call you no you know hell no no can i stop you this speech you're giving yeah this is exactly what creative wants you this is why you're their choice but then how do we turn how do we turn corporate we've got to do something undeniable so hayes is gonna say something about q yes i'll give us the bobby brown line i'll do the prompt uh yes i'll give you the q and then

uh clippy is still pooping is that right yeah we we got a little bit of an after show my after show okay after show uh and so kevin if you could just get right up on cam and you can you can be eyeline for this so get right in there please and here we go ready when we go one two trace catorce go trace 14 go okay i'm looking around i'm sitting at home okay i'm seeing a whole lot of mm-hmm roberto is there any of you is it you is it you and scene okay we gotta do it a little quick it's so for me so for you i do need to go can you no i know i know and you will you want us to call you and just give you these notes on the road it'll be hands-free i have bluetooth speakers okay okay yeah okay i have to go i i'm concerned so we can drive you over there i mean i have been informed that your car is gone yeah somebody called their their list and if this works out, they are potentially willing to give it back. Oh, okay.

Okay. Or they can tow you to 200, possibly. I would like to take the tow to 200, please. Okay. But your car is cubed. Yeah, so? It was already like that. Okay.

Just making sure you're cool with that. Yeah, it was already like that okay just making sure you're cool with that yeah it was already like that okay um okay thank you so much i look forward to are you wrapping up on the next one i look forward to seeing you on the next one it's always fun to come in here and do my thing okay Okay. See you guys. Do you have anything? I know in a lot of these things, I like to, when I'm doing an audition or whatever, I like to plug. Yeah, I just say what I've got coming up

or where you could see me. I was wrapping up my audition. Yeah, but I'm just saying, when I'm wrapping mine up, I'll plug. I've got another. You'll plug what? Well, currently I'm just saying when I'm wrapping mine up, I'll plug. I've got another. You'll plug what? Well, currently I'm between plugs. There's nothing pluggable per se for me right now.

Yeah, I got to get out of here. But that may not be the case for you. Yay. It's just hard to really take it that seriously because you've been saying it yeah you've been so long yeah well because you guys were dangling a carrot you were dangling a carrot well now we're offering this this opportunity to like if you have something going on that could be great for the people in the audition in the both in the waiting room and in the actual audition room to know other stuff that you have going.

Yeah. So like... It can help us a little bit with corporate. Okay. We're still rolling, so... It just feels like you took my time and then you took my time and now that my car's towed, you're ready to get me out of here.

But I was kind of trying to rush out of here to get to 200, but now I have arrived. You want to plug 200? 200 south. Do you want to plug, I mean, if you want to plug SML. Okay, yep. Okay. There it is. There itL. Okay. Yep. Okay. There it is.

There it is. Saturday Night Live. Mm-hmm. And coming soon, Diane S. Pumpkins. Diane S. Pumpkins. God willing. I feel like I'm getting kicked out.

Make them. Okay. So now I feel like I'm getting kicked out. Well, I have to go. Yeah. How's that feel? It doesn't feel good. It doesn't feel good.

Can we start over? Can we start? I'd like to start over. Kevin, let's start fresh. Because as you guys know, I was stuck in traffic on my way here. Kevin? Can you not hear this? I can hear it.

Okay. Okay. So, uh... Hayes, you want to kick us off? All right, got it. So you have to go again. I just feel like I'm being kicked out. Okay, well, we were starting again.

We played the song that's not we don't play the song at the end we only play i thought you played it at the end we don't maybe we use a big fan i see i've only you've only ever heard your your own episode i think on your episode we might have played it at the end i only heard it at the end you've only heard it at the end you've never heard at the beginning you've only heard it at the end you've never heard at the beginning you've only heard it at the end i've actually listened to some episodes where i didn't hear it at the top at all and it was only at the end and the episodes and the episodes that you've heard are we talking backwards yeah so yeah so what so the hell what sean what's your beef never, so what? So the hell what? Sean, what's your beef?

Never mind. So what? No, no, I'm kidding. I love you guys. Okay, so we're starting over. Yeah. Hi, my name is Ako Wotem. No, I'm starting over.

A clean one. Okay. I didn't because I never slated. You never slated. That's why corporate doesn't fuck with me. I'll slate. Hi? Get this one out of here.

She did slate-able. No, exactly. No. Do you want to see my hands? Sure. Okay. Okay. Front and back.

All 10. Hey, what's up? I'm going to put an infinity flex in those. Ickfinity. Ick. Ickfinity. Ickfinity. Okay. um hey what's up infinity flex in those infinity ick infinity okay um hi my name is aga wodum i am five and yeah let's do it okay let's go no No representation? Oh, represented by Hollywood. Let's go. And so usually we'd have like a fun fact about you two. Okay.

Favorite animal or just a story. Okay. In general, big fan of mammals. Like mammals. Okay. So let's get into no story so he told me if it's mammals or he told me fun fact or story i went okay but sometimes we want to make okay great most of these opportunities if you don't want to that's okay i don't want to have a contentious relationship with you okay so me neither hey what's up my name is zega one hey got hands got hands i'm five something and represented by i don't know what okay okay something interesting that happened to me today i was driving with the flow of traffic

because i like to get places early i've lost sean i've lost him sean's out the court i've lost a creative i've lost a creative corporates out so go fuck myself i'm here i'm here but i'm more administrative like well you want me to eat okay sorry let me guess sean you want me to eat glass kick rocks that was the network they actually would like to see you eat glass that was the network who actually are they're open to the idea of you being involved in this project a lot of the people they were more excited about have turned it down and really the kind of last mountain for them to climb is you're they want to see you eat glass no i just have a question everyone's dropped out everyone

said no that they want i'm the only contender And they still need me to eat glass before they offer me the job. And they still want me to eat glass before they're willing to offer me the job. Kev, give me that bottle. Give me the San Pellegrino bottle. Thank you. Okay. I'm going to do it. Okay, stop. Okay. Stop. thank you okay i'm gonna do it okay stop

okay well once i get started eating glass it's kind of insensitive to be like stop the fact that you were willing to do it has been so meaningful of the network that they just called me and said wow she was really gonna do it we've made up our minds she should eat that glass okay i was going to and that's and that's exactly why they're so excited if you eating the no they i mean i think that everyone myself included kind of felt like it was all bravado and you weren't gonna eat the glass but when they saw how committed you were they said we don't need to see anything else except her eating that glass okay can i just i'm gonna do it i'm gonna do it i'm not a i'm not a

i'm not a chicken kevin i made the mistake of asking for a thick glass can i at least get thinner glass and a fun fact about the glass maybe just a quick story about glass you okay okay make it feel like you're connected the material okay me and glass well when i was a young kid i had the same um anyone ever seen unbreakable yeah that was me yes that was you that was me until i was 16 and i started drinking milk cow's milk only cow's milk for life whole milk um and now i don't i don't need to be i don't need i go i'm just getting a call from okay just eat a little just eat a little piece of glass real quick yeah just eat one little piece you have to. Just pop that one piece in there. One big crunch and they're saying...

So I just heard from 200. Okay, 200's calling you guys now. 200 just called. This audition is going to be over there now. We're all going to head over to 200. My car is pretty full unfortunately will you reimburse for an uber uh we can talk i'll talk to the to the uber driver i guess what we have is we have a discount code with uber eats okay well this is just so you know what i'll do i'll order uber eats over there

and then you can actually get paid to go yeah we can all go in on something i'd have to fill out the employee paperwork wait to get i'm pretty sure for them to confirm that i'm eligible to work that was likely going to take three to five business days. If you could... Could be funny if you Uber eats some glass. Okay, I'm going to do it. I'd like to do my audition here. I'm going to stand up for myself. I'm doing it here. I'm here now.

Okay. I just talked to 200. They're cool with it. They love that. That was a test. They're cool with it. They love that. That was a test. They're saying that this is actually really awesome and they want to see you eat that glass. Okay.

Kevin, could you... I don't want to chew into it. I want to just take the piece I'm going to eat. So if you could maybe break the glass for me and I'll just take a piece of the broken glass. Okay. Okay. Okay, snapped off.

You snapped a piece off. Very classy. Thank you. Thank you. Okay. Just a couple more bites. Just for the network, just a few more bites just a few more bites can I get another piece Kevin I need another piece

Kevin grab another piece and I just want the network is saying they're actually really liking what you've been giving them so far. They are not sure why the glass sounds like Donald Duck. They're not certain. But they actually think it could be pretty exciting. It's just like a clearance issue, I guess.

Oh, okay. Okay. guess oh okay okay okay and so wow great news um uh svg just signed on stan van gundy is gonna be is gonna be involved in the project which is really cool um so i'm talking to the network and they're saying for this project obviously no this was also this audition was was uh it was first come first serve as well uh it was it was really just there was a lot of tie pressure on this so it was just like the first one uh in the door all the all the other actors all the other actors said no. I'm here with a bloody mouth, stiff bowels, and a towed car. Don't forget the key car. Yeah, yeah.

Yeah. Okay. I missed an audition at 200. Yeah, you don't want to do that crap. Yeah. There's was SAG. not a legitimate outfit no there's okay there's was sag oh that's pretty good wow could i at least be compensated for my time you would like to be paid for just the time that you were here today. And that includes, I guess, the entire day. Yeah. Because I got here.

You got up here really early in the morning. I showed up at 8.57 a.m. I was parked outside. My audition was at 5.15 p.m. But I didn't want to get caught in traffic. Obviously, I fucked up. I was with the flow. I wanted to be against it.

Kevin, I wonder if we could maybe give her some more glass to take with her. You know what I mean? Just because it doesn't seem fair. Spend all this time. Do you have a bag? All this glass. Yeah. Well, I got a little

stash on the side okay okay I wanna stay now I wanna stay oh you're gonna stay you're gonna stay here with us

okay you're gonna stay here okay alright I mean this is all we had today so that yes this is great you can hang out

yeah this is great I'm staying okay alright bye what Hollywood Handbook this week on the This is great. I'm staying. Okay. All right. Bye. What? Hollywood Handbook. This week on the Patreon,

Carl and Ahsan discuss marimbas versus xylophones, Tawny Newsome teaches Bang how to rock on Hollywood Masterclass, and the Flaggart Ones are mostly talking all things basketball. Check out these bonus podcasts and videos of the full episodes at patreon.com slash the flagrant ones. Hollywood handbook. That was a hate gun podcast.