Hollywood Handbook - Ego Nwodim, Our Magazine Friend

Episode Date: August 29, 2023

The Boys talk to EGO NWODIM about joining the Hat Pack and her Variety magazine cover. See Hollywood Handbook live and live-streaming in LA with special guest Claudia O’Doherty tonight! Tickets available here.See Hollywood Handbook live and live-streaming in LA with special guest Claudia O’Doherty tonight! Tickets available here.Watch the video of today’s episode with Ego at Patreon.com/TheFlagrantOnes. Like the show? Rate Hollywood Handbook 5-Stars on Apple PodcastsAdvertise on Hollywood Handbook via Gumball.fm See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

this is a head gum podcast who wants to start i'm not starting today so who wants to start seems to be like a standing rule for like every single other episode every single or every other i guess it's a rule i didn't know it was a rule so i'm starting uh i'm not welcome to the the like the the hollywood handbook um sure yeah it's uh a moment of radical honesty it is the fourth turning as we've we've been talking about talking about how it's the fourth turning on recent episodes yes sometimes feels just like the third turning in terms of like who is like starting the episode so like it's interesting about the fourth turning is that some things don't change like some things stay no and obviously the lines are blurred as far as

like there's still third turning elements present. Right. And even in the next first turning, I think we're starting to feel a little bit of where we're headed, but primarily it's the fourth turning. Why do they do these caps where you slice your finger open? Why are they so sharp? I've been thinking about this. Why do they make it so sharp? They have to be that sharp.

Now I have to put my mouth on it and put my tongue inside? No, I know. To scoop the water out with the back of my tongue and I cut my tongue? I'm watching my kid with the fucking can break the piece off, put it inside. So it's like choking hazard surrounded by razor blades now she shouldn't have had a soda can where but like you get that i'm i'm responsible now for like their whole entire day could you imagine you are responsible for your kid's day. I don't know. That doesn't sound right.

Every day? Yeah, every day. What about right now? I'm here. Who's with your kid? Dude, yeah, right? Like, who's with my kid right now? I hope she doesn't have a soda can, whoever it is.

And being there and, like, the kid being taken care of 90 percent of the time is somehow that's not enough i'm fucking up yes because some of the time they have a soda can yes unsupervised i mean i could see i could see the can i just was like i have been like so sleepy. Like I have been tired, sleepy tired. Tell me about it. Sleepy, sleepy tired. Tell me about it. So sleepy.

Tell me more about it. No, tell me about it. I feel that I am. Tell me more. I've been like almost falling asleep. Really? Like all the time wow i went to see um he's passed out okay okay the movie in the movie yeah i'm goddamn sleep okay well here's the thing I don't know if I'm, have I even been introduced?

I don't know. I don't think I've been introduced. What do you want? What do you want? No, I don't have to, I actually prefer that people don't recognize me. No, it's better to not be recognized. I like not being recognized. I like, it's, I appreciate the anonymity.

I didn't know I recognized you. I just, I love. I said I wasn't going to start. You, like, had a big opportunity. To start, right. Well, I just appreciate the anonymity. Everyone's always looking at me to do everything. Have you tried?

Now go with me here. Have you tried coffee? The thing is so sharp. The fucking thing, you're going to actually cut your whole head off. Listen. I mean, I'm going to get sliced up. The side of all these cups. Why do they make it so sharp?

And I have to wrap my entire mouth around it? No. And tip my head backwards? And then the straw is paper, right? Yes, and it's sharp. Oh, yeah. It's a paper straw that I'm, by the way, choking on while I'm clanking my teeth against this big wide glass. I can barely get my mouth around.

And it's sharp, by the way. And it's hot. Right, right, right. Sometimes it's hot. Yeah, I guess coffee would wake me up because it's so fucking hot. Sometimes. I'd be awake with a burn. Sometimes.

Get this? It's one of those dangerous chemicals. It's ice. I don't, we're not shaking, right? Maybe a fist bump. No, I just didn't. We're actually maybe a fist bump. I don't we're not shaking right maybe a fist bump no I just didn't we're actually maybe a fist bump I can't

okay alright you're gonna get too hard you got a ring you wanna be introduced but you don't wanna shake no no no because why can't we just make eye contact

and say hi can you introduce me and it's like I've been making eye contact but just from the side no well I'm getting both eyes

I'm getting both eyes because i need to i want to be facing the mic i'm getting i'm getting both eyes oh my god my hand out to shake my father-in-law's hand over the weekend and he gave me a fist bump instead for the first time in 17 years i was like what's going on here and he was shaking your hand during like covet but that's fourth turning stuff that's fourth turning right he's beginning a new turn the dawn of the fourth turning and we invented a new hat yeah yes to honor this moment the father-in-law fist bump moment and they're they i guess they need me to invent a new everything. New cans, new cups, new hat. I guess I'm going to have to invent everything.

Just smooth and narrow is what we need for our drinks. You know what I mean? We had it with the bottle, didn't we? Didn't we have it with the bottle? We needed something better. Was that not enough for us? We're always looking for something more that's the thing always more it's more it's more it's more it's the greed of these companies yeah

absolutely these corporate entities tell me about it tell me about it no seriously tell me about it well i'm so seepy now no i can't i can't begin well no come on tell me about it you teased it tell me about it the companies and you and. Tell me about it. The companies, and take your pick, by the way. Right, right. You think, oh,

this one's good. Well, they're so hungry for money. You mean to tell me that Make-A-Wish Foundation hungry for money? No.

Ask them if they have enough. Can't paint them with. Here's a quick test. Yeah. Call them and ask them if they have enough. And did we ever suggest Do you feel like you have enough?

that is not so cost intensive? Did we ever just suggest that? Yeah. Make a reasonable wish. How about a make a reasonable wish company? Yeah. Make a reasonable wish. A frugal wish, if you will.

Sure. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. If we want to punch up reasonable. All these companies with such a broad brush you know that's all it was maybe batman the entire city needs to shut down so i become batman today and we we're just going with this this isn't even a conversation tell me about it i'm sleeping now too yeah well and And Something is having

That effect on us Have you guys ever heard of Something where someone Well It's not the hat No it's me Draining It's not the hat

Oh please Is it me If it's me Say it's me You see about these new hats Have you seen the hat It says hat pack Hat pack

You're reading this What's the message I'm reading Wait You heard about it before You already knew I did I knew I've been knowing Been knowing about hat pack Remember the You're reading this, right? What's the message? Wait, wait, wait. You heard about it before? You already knew? I did.

I knew. I've been knowing. Been knowing about Hapac. You remember when everyone, you had one of these, everyone had a shirt that said one man Wolfpack? Absolutely. I was wearing mine as recently as last week. For when people are like, well, where are your friends? Yep.

Aren't you supposed to have two friends at least? Uh-huh. And you're missing your third one? Mom and dad, two friends. Everybody comes into this world, two friends. Every family is a wolf pack, isn't it? Yeah, that's actually what it is. Every family, we begin in a wolf pack and we end in a wolf pack.

It's the first year with your mom and dad, and then later the two murderers who take your life yes but we always start and finish yes doctor and nurse who are trying to save your life at the hospital doctor and nurse yes and then the two hit men who poses orderlies and but doctor this is and it's the same it turns out it's the same doctor a nurse doctor this is my i cannot operate this was a doctor i cannot operate i am paliaci doctor i cannot operate on this man i am paliaci so we do sort of philosophize a little bit and the one man wolf pack is obviously something that was impactful, but I thought we could improve on it by becoming a hat pack. Okay.

Which is something the fourth turning is going to need. Sure, sure, sure. So a community of hat. Could you wear the hat? I mean, my hair is done, but I mean, I'd wear the hat. I basically agree. Your hair is done. It's done for. basically agree. Your hair is done. It's done for.

Your hair is done. Then I'll take a hat. It's over. I'll take a hat. Thank you, Kevin. The hat. That's from the hat pack. I try to stay

company. Now that makes you... You remember there was Rat Pack. Sure. Peter Lawford and Joey Bishop were out there. Do you remember Perry Como? Hitting people. No, I don't actually. Tell me about it.

Just breaking all the plates in a restaurant. No, tell me about it. These guys, I mean, they were swinging, you know, ba-do-do, like all this. Okay, sure, yeah. Swinging pipes around at the

restaurant. Swinging pipes and swinging some major pipes. Like nunchucks? Yes. But their vocal ability also i would classify as pipes yeah they played the organ as well sure pipe organ okay pipe organ portland organ of the pipe organ okay they played the portland pipe organ yeah absolutely yeah um i gotta say i mean the oregon coast yeah that's what i call a nude beach okay and what do you call the what's an oregon Yeah. I got to say. The Oregon Coast. Yeah.

That's what I call a nude beach. Okay. And what do you call the, what's an Oregon trail? Is that sort of like a happy trail? It is, yeah. Yeah. Snail trail. Okay.

All right. Nice. I talk about this shit on this show. You know what I mean? Hey, hey. And I like that about you guys. It's human biology. The thing I like about you too is that you talk about

you cover everything and there's nothing off every inch every no you cover everything inch of the nude body everything is covered no bone left unturned you know i mean we we really do look no skin left behind anywhere yes yes we will talk about every cell skin on one's behind um uh-huh i the left behind as well yeah kevin's going not when i'm done with it i'm going kevin don't say kevin stop man don't say that don't because i want to ask what you mean yeah no that's gonna get us out i do i want to know what Kevin, Kevin, tell me about it. Talk to Kevin about it. Kevin.

Tell me about it. What do you mean no skin left? You know what I mean? Like. Not what I'm done with it. Yeah, but what? Yeah. What?

No. What do you mean? Yeah, I heard that part, but I mean like, what is, what do you mean? Because my brain is going places I don't know that it should go, so. Every inch. Right. Wow. Is being removed by you. Wow. mean because my brain is going places i don't know that it should go so every inch right wow is being removed by you wow is being removed all right all right well i don't want to get too into that because it could get dark and we don't want to go blue you know yeah it's true it's he talks about the art of fratage i don't even know what that is fratage yeah i dated a guy named fratage

okay yeah he was a studio exec yeah i shouldn't out him now oh okay yeah and what was his what was his take about this all this strike everything he was sort of like get him back to work people do want to go he actually drove past the picket. People, you know, murdered Carol Lamborghini. Lamborghini. Yeah. Carol Lamborghini got actually in a lot of trouble for saying people want to go back to work. But it's not that controversial. They do.

You know, Fretage feels the same way. Fretage does. He drove past the picket and was like, it's over. It's done. We get it way. Fratage does. He drove past the pick and was like, it's over. It's done. We get it now. Go home. Yeah. He drove past and, I mean, they kept picking.

Van Wilder 2, The Rise of Fratage. Fratage. What's that? The Rise of Fratage? Yeah. Van Wilder 2, The Rise of Fratage. The Rise of Fratage. I mean, maybe it could be a thing.

I feel uncomfortable being here, I have to say, admittedly. Me too. Yeah, I feel uncomfortable with you here as well. Thank you so much for bringing that up. I'm uncomfortable being here and having you here as well. Yeah, everything's making, what's making you feel good? Horse lips. Just the idea of being able to go sleep in the movie after.

The hat's making me feel good. An original thought from you. Okay, yeah, original. The hat's making me feel good. An original thought from you. Okay, yeah, original. The hat's making me feel good right now. Yeah. That's the one thing I know does work. I'm just... We talked about the Rat Pack.

Right. Then there's this other pack. Okay, here we go. Six Pack. Oh, you think the Rat Pack again? Don't make him start it. No, this is a nude pack. Uh-huh. Nude pack.

And their name is Brat Pack? Brat Pack. The pack's got another name and it's pack in it. And that was that guy who, remember he punched the air? What was that guy's name? Oh my God. Judge. Judge.

Judge Pack? Yes. Yeah, it was a bit of a judge pack wasn't it judge smellsome okay and he he's hitting people too do you smell what the judge is and he's even punching the air right yeah and he just held it up there right right he was able to freeze in mid air with a big punch and would not want to be the sky in that situation. I don't want to slow you guys down, but could you do me a solid and tell me about it? I want to so much.

You signed an NDA. I cannot right now. I cannot. You can't not or you can not? My life is telling stories. And not. My life is telling stories. And as much as I want to,

to tell you a story that would make you die. Oh, I don't want to die. I don't want to die. As much as I want to tell you that story right now. The nurse and doctor aren't here. Yes. The two killers. I cannot. The killers, doctor aren't here. Yes. The two killers. I cannot. The killers, yeah.

The button men. For solidarity is my given purpose this day. I will not be telling any story for any money. I dated a girl named Solidarity. Really? What was she like? You know, it was online. She was solid and dirty.

Dirty. Oh, yeah. Dirty. Verity dirty. It got verity dirty. I get that. I get that. That's kind of amazing.

Solid, stand-up girl and gets dirty? Or was she physically dirty? Or are we talking like- Again, most of it was online. Most of the relationship did take place- Again. You hadn't mentioned that previously. Well, it may have been a listening error on the behalf of some of the people in the room.

In the room. Okay, so okay. But yeah, a lot of it was online. Are you coming at me? Bud, huh? Are you coming for me you coming at me? Bud, huh? Are you coming for me or coming at me? No, no, no. Together we are taking this journey, you know, towards what I already said.

Yeah, it was primarily a cyber relationship. I would love to hear more about this, but I'd really rather you send it to me in one sheet. Yeah, so I have been trying to put this together because I do think when... As soon as this is over. Yeah. This could make an amazing commercial for something. Yes.

Commercial. Yes. That is where the money's at. I don't see it as a TV show. I don't see it as a film. Right. Hey, speaking of commercial, you want to do a commercial for the hat? Sure. How much? Okay. Sandwich.

All right. Sandwich. How much is a sandwich these days? 20K. 20K at least. Inflation is a bitch. That wallet is so scientifically interesting. It's a nice wallet.

The way the money fans out but it doesn't fall out but it doesn't fall out yeah there's a little clip inside i like it you know one point um my wife tried to convince me to buy a more attractive wallet but i just couldn't give up the function here you know because as soon as this is over right the number of ideas i mean i've got the commercial and stories am i allowed to pitch the commercial here now that we can tell to do it because i'd like to actually i wouldn't mind you know in service of getting the hat pack off the ground not that it's not already there i'll lay a little cash in your pocket, do a big commercial for it.

Well, you've already said you'd pay. Where at at goodnights? Goodnights for what? Goodnights? Yeah. Like at the end of a date? At goodnights. At the end of a...

At goodnights, yeah. Yeah. Yeah, at the end of a date. The date of the following Saturday in which a particular show airs. We're not, I don't know. We're all saying goodnight. Are we allowed to talk about shows? At a time likes. Are we allowed to talk about

shows at a time like this? We're just a bunch of friends all facing the same direction and waving and saying goodnight. Okay. And hugging. Thanks, they've been amazing.

Hugging. Wearing a t-shirt that says you're welcome. I'm not sure. G Smith is Amazing, yeah. Hugging. Wearing a t-shirt that says you're welcome. Okay. For what? I'm not sure. G Smith is fucking blowing that thing. Blowing that old horn. Yeah. Well, here's the thing.

I've got the commercial at the ready. I'm doing a pivot of sorts. I'm going to do a pivot. It's pronounced Pivo. What's that? Pivo. Pivo. Oh oh kind of like the want pino pivo yeah got it yeah pivo yeah it's a tv channel okay hat pack knapsack bald sack ball sack yeah well i mean here we are saying you know celebrating ourselves really for being willing to

talk about so many parts of the human body yes and we needed a guest to mention the ball sack yeah it's really showing me what a hypocrite i've been yeah i mean it's time it's actually i'd appreciate an apology because I've been listening. Do you feel like you understand the concept? Because I was only really allowed to get to the Brat Pack. There's an entire pack that came after that and proceeds

with the advent of the fourth tournament. There's other members of the Brat Pack as well. Might I guess. Moldy Ringworm. You know? Moldy Ringworm. You know? Moldy Ringworm. Andrew McBarfby. McBarf what?

McBarf me. McBarf me. Okay. Okay. Yeah. No, I've met him. I've met. I've actually.

Allie who? Peepy. Peepy. Peepy. Mm-hmm. All right. And Derek Dookie. Mm-hmm.

Mm-hmm. Yes. Yeah. They were actually, they were the, you know, the Garbage Pail Kids and the Brat Pack were popular at the same time. Sure. And I don't think it's a coincidence that they both sort of capitalized on disgusting versions of names that we were already familiar with. Right. Well, I don't think it's any coincidence that two of the members of the Brat Pack passed away and then we had... At the same time at each other's hand.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It was a death pact they had made. That was a formal duel. Yeah. You know. Pact Pack. What's that?

They were part of the Pact Pack. Pact Pack. Pact Pack. Pact Pack. Pactage Pack. Can I know? I love the direction that you went with the ad. Yeah.

Can I just add this one note that I think would be really interesting? Sure. Hat pack, fat stack. Right. That he shows his wallet. Okay, and then he reaches for his wallet, and then we see the cash fan, maybe? Yeah. Is that something you feel like you could do?

Just establishing the connection between a hat pack and a fat stack. And a fat stack. I already put it away. And a fat stack. And a fat stack. Well, it's like when you hat pack with facts, that's a wrap. Like, is that something? Say that again for me. When you hat pack with facts, that's a wrap.

I know, with facts or with facts? Facts. Facts. Facts. Yeah. Hat pack is standing in for clap back in this instance. And I may have chosen the wrong place to put hatacks. Yeah. Hat pack is standing in for clap back in this instance. And I may have chosen the wrong place to put a hat back. Yeah.

When you clap back with hats, that's a pack. But it has to go somewhere. Oh, when you clap back with hats, that's a pack. That's a pack. That's okay. I think you've got something there. That's a commercial. I think you've got something there.

But what are the visuals on that one? I don't really see the visuals for that one. I'll give you the visuals right here. And that's it. If you're doing it. Your thumb and forefinger, they have stuff on them. Running it, yeah. And you have to wipe it off.

Ideally got blood. Yes. Okay. You smear blood across the bill and you go. When you clap back with hats hats that's a pack. And I'm still bleeding. I'm still bleeding. Get a zipper up there too so you can zip and unzip the bill.

Is there a storage function in the bill here? The bill is going to open up. The bill will be a pocket. A zip pocket. You can put fat stacks in there. It'll be waterproof that's why they call it a bill okay okay all right more big bills williams and we talk about variety

variety magazine yes i well sure first of all why do they call that it's always about the same shit it's like one topic always topic. It's a variety of faces. Talk about like cars. It's a variety of faces. They would only have to do one issue about something else. Yes. For me to celebrate the title. Something

like cars. Something like gas stations. Gas stations. Gas stations is an even better one. Dinosaurs. The cost of shades, curtains in your home. It's definitely similar. Definitely similar to my suggestion.

Shades in your home, you said? Yeah. What are you guys working on? Anything? Yeah, a lot of movies and TV stuff. A lot of stuff. Am I not supposed to say that? I mean, we're working we're yeah so you guys are actually working on i have sworn a pledge of the name solidarity

and so i am not allowed to tell anyone about the work yeah that i am doing every day more than ever. But most of my work is meeting with struck companies. Yes. Okay. And just kind of be like, we doing this?

Right. Hush, hush, hush. Are we doing this? Right, right, right. Come on. Come on. How long is this really going to go? We can do one.

All that. Come on. We can do one little. Right, right. Come on. Come on. Come on. How long is this really going to go? We can do one. We can do one little one. Right, right. Come on, let's do a tiny one. And I feel like a- Who am I? Who the fuck am I? I'm nothing. You know what I mean?

Let's do a little movie. A non-struck company reached out to you. You were like not interested in working with them. Because they don't have any fucking juice in this town. Yeah. Yeah. It's juice you're after. Yeah.

Yeah. I'm thirsty for juice yeah do you ever feel like my big paper straw isn't worth the squeeze i have never had that experience what a blessed life all juice well the squeeze is not any size the squeeze itself to me is kind of pleasurable yeah like i so i'm always like'm always like, what do you mean worth the squeeze? The juice is a bonus. There's just icing on the cake. That is the squeeze.

Yeah, the juice. I was going to be squeezing anyway. The squeeze gets you off. You have to squeeze out the icing too out of the piping bag. But you can put basically anything in. Icing is also worth the squeeze, yes. That's deep.

I found it. I mean, you brought it up. Do you think that the juice isn't worth the squeeze feeling so antagonistic i mean i don't know this is called in the piping bag what's that if you put corn kernels in the piping bag like people only use it for icing right for cake you could grind up that you could puree the corn but you want that i put the whole kernels in there and it with a really tiny opening, it basically is a gun. It basically shoots out like a gun. It's a pushing gatling gun.

Yeah. Shooting cakes. Yeah. Oh, my God. Yeah, I do still. I haven't gone beyond pointing it at cakes. Well, Kevin says that shooting cakes is like his main line of work, you know? Yeah, Kevin, why do you?

That's why there's no no skin left on the thing kevin what do you mean by that i shoot the cake and i say the juice is worth the squeeze oh no kevin kevin hollywood handbook this week on the patreon the boys induct the first seven members of the hat pack on the pro version sean talks to leslie arfin about the movie permanent midnight on his show's subtitles on, and the flagrant ones are mostly talking all things basketball. Also, make sure to check out Carl Tartt's new fantasy football podcast, Foosballs, on the HeadGum Network, and it also has videos and some bonus episodes on the Patreon. Plus, see a Hollywood Handbook live and live

streaming show at the Dynasty Typewriter in Los Angeles tonight with special guest, Claudia O'Doherty. The ticket link is in the episode description. Check out all these shows and the video of today's episode with ego at patreon.com slash the flagrant ones. Eating better is easy with factors, delicious, ready to eat meals. Every fresh, never frozen meal is chef crafted, dietit. Delicious, ready-to-eat meals.

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an average of $720 a year with over $500 million in canceled subscriptions. And that was, I mean, just to be fully transparent, that $500 million, most of that was the dresses. Well, yeah. I mean, you're talking about Hollywood memorabilia. You're talking about, like, ornate gowns you know in some cases and so that was uh yeah that was costing me a lot a lot a lot stop wasting money on things you don't use cancel your unwanted subscriptions by going to rocketmoney.com slash the boys that's rocket money.com slash the boys rocket money.com slash the boys so they did a variety magazine about you.

Yeah. The whole magazine. Again, not a lot of variety if we're just talking about you the whole time. Hey, hey. Starting to remind me of this podcast episode. I'm actually pretty. No, hold on. There's some interesting shit to be said about me.

I'm not saying it's not interesting. I'm saying it's not a variety. Can we pull it up, please? Yep. please yep oh my gosh let me see the thing variety magazine okay you said that's me in the brown suit i say hello that's not you that's cecily strong yes and. And there's you. Yeah. And it's the two of you. Oh, would Cecily wear the hat, do you think? I think she would wear the hat. I think we could get her to wear the hat. Kevin, send Cecily a hat.

Okay. It's you standing next to each other. You look taller than her, which is crazy because Cecily is a gangly ass effort. I am. Stretch strong. I'm not taller than her. I had on giant heels. Giant.

Giant heels. Your thing about, yeah, giant heels and like making them install a fire hydrant for you. I did. I did. That was crazy. Well, I did. It's not a very for you to stand on. I did. I did. That was crazy. Well, I did. It's not a very stable thing to stand on. Especially in heels.

I wanted to show off my skills. I did. I wanted to show off my balancing skills. Okay, well, you can't see that. Well, yeah, they did express it. Well, you do effectively see it, though. I mean, it changes your muscle tone and stuff to balance on a fire hydrant. Yeah.

You're right. And it says, you say goodbye i say hello okay yeah the people's it does say that which of you is saying which thing i'm saying hello that's but and you're on the wrong side yeah can we can we flip the image kevin so that I can make some sense of this. And it's basically about the palace coup that you executed. Yeah. Double tap. The palace. On Cecily Strong. Yep. Popped into the hospital room

dressed as an order. I mean. The life of Cecily Strong. I mean, yeah, they should have moved that graphic over there. I did get a text message from somebody asking me if I was leaving. She was Cecily weak as a kitten when you were finished. Sapped the life out of her.

Did I have to read the whole thing? What are the important lessons? I want an important lesson. You got to know when to leave the party. Oh, my God. Larry King. Larry King Live said that. I always just felt like that was his whole name, Larry King Live.

Just when the moment was right, he said, I do. Yes, and he died. Not one second too long. And he also said, I do a few times. I do a. He. I do a... He truly did. Multiple marriage. Are we going to shame this dead man for having been married to many women?

No, you're Kevin's one who's a two-time loser. And I don't even think two times accurate. I think it was... Kevin, you've been married twice? No. Just engaged once fingers crossed he crossed his fingers when he saw that i saw he was lying they were crossed the whole time he said that you want some lessons

yeah i wouldn't mind getting in a gotta know when to leave the party okay gotta know when to leave the party don't you're know when to leave the party. You're out of here? Well. We're just getting started. I thought, I don't know, teach me. You don't know when. It's an instinctual thing. That's what your instincts told you to do just now.

I, you know, I don't know. Okay. All right. We do need some of this because you were able to, you know, gently nudge Cecily Strong out of the rotation. We were mindless and the Doughboys out of the studio. Like, we have Doughboys. Here's what I'm looking at.

Fucking studio. I wander into this new studio that they built over there the other day. I'm thinking of starting to raise a fuss about me getting to record my show with Sean in there instead of in here. It's bigger. They don't let me do it. Yes, that's the biggest thing for me. It's like, what exactly are you trying to keep me from

by forbidding me to record in that studio? But it's their studio. Your Hollywood handbook. It's all my studio. This is tailor-made for... me from yes by forbidding me to record in that studio but it's their studio your your hollywood handbook it's like this this is this is tailor-made for i gotta tell you this for you guys you point at the screen and and and i've been fooled by this as well and you think oh that's a permanent no no fixture they've installed i can see the the grids there that allow them to remove it when they're done with you. They do take it down. They take it down.

They have a crew come. I was wondering why you had a book, Poverty. They got a damn wrecking crew. Poverty in your very own Hollywood Handbook studio. The book is What Not To Do. Yeah. Snitching, also up there, by the way. Yeah, none of, neither.

Don't. I Feel Love, What Not, that is the What Not To Do shelf. None of that. Nope. Poverty, no snitch. I feel love. What not. That is the what not to do show. None of that. No poverty. No snitching. No love. These are all Adam Conover's books

and he reads all of them before he starts every episode. He reads every time same books. Yeah.

Yeah. Big fan Adam. I don't know he hasn't ruined anything for me. For me Adam blessed life. enrichens everything is that smile genuine was i smiling

oh that's so crazy i didn't even know it was so genuine i didn't even know i was i say drop the eye how can we get adam runs everything? Please. Runs. Let's put him in charge of some more things. I would love making a big stink about going into that other studio and the only show

they let record in there that I know of. What's the name of that show? It's called The Recap Show. And it's about the soccer team. The soccer team.

And they host it. The soccer team? Yeah. Which soccer team? There's a few soccer teams. And they host it. The soccer team? Yeah. Which soccer team? There's a few soccer teams. Oh, so, sorry,

for me, some people will be like, it's a women's soccer team. For me, it's just a soccer team. Yeah. Oh, that's the women's soccer team.

No, that's actually the soccer team. Because you see everyone, you just see all of us as equal, which is great. Yeah. Yeah, we're all equal.

Yeah, that's right. I think that's a good thing. And that's why I should get to play on it. Yeah. Yeah. We're all equal. Yeah. That's right. I think that's a good thing. And that's why I should get to play on it. Yeah. Yeah. That's a great philosophy. And yet they seem to be thinking of them as unequal to me and only allowed to be in that

studio even though they don't even play on this freaking team anymore. Right? I'm thinking of making a big fuss about me getting in that studio. I get to it. I'm really sorry to mention this. The team was not successful. I mean, they went pretty far. No.

I mean, maybe on a plane. I get it. Almost doesn't count. Almost doesn't count. And I, look, that's what happens when you get in business with this company. I'm sorry. I called it as soon as they said that they were doing a recap show. I said, we're not seeing the second round.

Wow. That's what I said. And by the way, and now they're pivoting to come after the hat. Pee-vowing. Yeah, sorry. They're pee-vowing to come after the hat pack. And they said that they're not even going to talk about the games anymore. They're going to launch something called Modern Day Soccer Tees.

And it's just these, it's like a soccer style jersey, like a t-shirt jersey that says modern day on it. It's like modern day soccer tees. jersey that says modern day it's like modern day socrates and like that's so it has so many more layers than hat pack like i don't know how we compete there's a whole unless we can get in that studio and get some of that you know what would you do though you don't think i go fucking nuts in there what would i do in the studio i go insane no but i mean it would be wrecked i don't think i got him ruined everything when you see my ass in this fucking studio dude i would be ruining i don't want to rain on your parade but all you had was

hat pack brings facts can't clap no that's not that's not what i had not what he said in fact that may have been the first oh sorry, that may have been the first draft. Oh, sorry, sorry, sorry. That may have been the first draft. I apologize. I apologize. It was like hat. If you clap back with hats, that's facts. That's a fact.

And then a pact is facts. My thing is, why don't you guys try to involve somebody? You're butchering it. I feel like you guys need a spokesperson. It can't be me. That's your thing? Wait, why can't it be you? I don't want to be to involve somebody? You're butchering it. I feel like you guys need a spokesperson. It can't be me. That's your thing? Wait, why can't it be you? I don't want to be involved.

You're on the cover of Variety. But you said it's Variety to me. Are you a soprano or an alto? It's called Variety, actually. It's called versatility. I do more than one thing. Range Media. It's called acting.

Range Media Partners. Range Media Partners It's called Acting Monsieur Hoffman. Range Media. Partners. Yes. Hollywood power players. Yeah. I just think maybe. It's called Hayes' representation at Range Media.

Range. Are you at Range Media? Yes. Who are you repped by? Mackenzie? Not Mackenzie, although she is friends with Mackenzie. Try again. Okay.

And I did recently say on a different show in the studio that I wasn't sure if she was still my agent or not. And that did get back to her. And she did say, yes, I am still representing you if you're interested, but I'm not an agent anymore. You just found that out. You found that out by the way. I'm a manager now.

At Range Media. At Range Media Partners. At Range Media, comma, Partners. Yes, it's called Range, sir. Range Media. Yes. Pull out two little guns, Partners. Open range.

Hey. And her reaching out to you, and that is Susie like a fox. Yes, evidence of- Ah, Susie Fox. Evidence of his influence as well. Susie Fox. fox yes evidence of Susie Fox evidence of his influence as well Susie Fox

that's okay yes hey she's Susie like a fox you ever say that to her I haven't had the occasion to to speak to her

in quite some time I've seen you both at a party and every time you'd come around she started to find herself calling her name.

You know, the hors d'oeuvres, et cetera, were just, you know. Perfect spokesperson. Ice clinking in the bottom of the glass just as I arrived. Hologram. Two-pack. Two-pack. Two-pack. Two-pack.

Hat pack. Two-pack. Two-pack. Endorsing the hat pack. Yeah. Hologram a two-pack. Endorsing the hat pack. hologram a two pack endorsing the hat pack okay that could be really good what are some of kevin's really into this stuff aflac duck what about ben aflac ben aflac this i would love can you do that for me i don, Ben. So I'm a little concerned that we have accidentally, instead of promoting

the hat pack, we have gone two steps and are just promoting the company Aflac. Right. If our characters, if our spokesperson's name is Ben Aflac. Well, what about an Aflac commercial where it's Ben Aflac

eating a roast duck? And it's sort of his announcement his coming out party yeah sorry the ducks cook yeah you know now it's now it's coming out as a carnivore is that well but also saying like you know they had a duck that was a spokesperson for a very long time okay ben's kind kind of going like, that duck's goose is cooked. That could be a dialogue. But that duck's goose is cooked. Let's do that during the strike.

Let's do that. So he goes, that duck's goose is cooked. Okay. But none of this is like, how do I? Good, it's not good. Yeah. And then maybe it's like it is kind of rough talk to me goose right tom cruise is on it too why don't they do that

you want to you want i have to come up with everything i have to invent a new hat a new can what's the budget for this commercial you have tom cruise you already did it they already shot the movie so you just want to figure out creatively the best version of it and then let's talk about the budget right let's talk about we don't want to get money get in the way it's you know like now we're making a reasonable wish all of a sudden it's like no let's not make a frugal wish that's your version what are some songs kevin that uh two packs... It's because Kevin's always talking about this stuff. He says he's the main expert on this stuff. Maybe Dear Mama. Dear Mama?

Dear Mama. Okay. I know. I know that Thug Passion starts out inventing a new drink. Well, we said that the mom was part of the original pack, right? That's true. I just know, like, so Thug Passion starts with him going, all right, new drink.

And then he starts saying the ingredients of the drink. But what if he's going, all right, new drink. And then he starts saying the ingredients of the drink. But what if he's going, all right, new pack, one part hat. Okay. All right. I'm here. I'm here. One part hat, one part, two parts pack. Okay.

Yeah. One part hat, two parts hat. And 100% reason to remember the hat uh-huh yeah I'm having trouble but I mean listen you guys are on to something I think what you're doing is really beautiful and you're

a huge piece of it are you looking up to give with the hollow yeah exactly what I'm looking at what I'm doing it well I mean obviously he also did changes right so like what if it's like change right so like what if it's like what if it's like we're in the fourth turning like we're going through changes like one of the changes is we're gonna start

wearing a different hat hat him up oh ho ho I don't like that all hats on me that's why I hat your pack that's why I hat your pack and that's your version of that's why I fucked your pack that's why I hat your pack and that's your version of

that's why I fucked your bitch that's why I hat your pack California hat California hat so you're just gonna throw in I ain't mad at at your hat I ain't hat at you I ain't mad at your hat I ain't hat at you

I ain't hat we don't have to work that hard keep your hat up of course yeah keep your hat up yes really nice and he's out there he's wearing the hat to hat and pack in LA

and let's give him like well that could sound that could sound like you're packing heat right and you don't want that to pack a hat in LA to pack a hat

yeah to head to LAX yeah to pack a hat in LA and then which point you're going I wonder like I don't really want like

bald guys to be like a hat that's just for guys that are bald like that. So what if your hair, I think it's maybe done for you. Hang on a second. But if we can put your hair on Tupac and he's wearing two hats. Obviously, visually, I love this. And he's wearing two hats? Obviously, visually, I love this,

but I think that one of probably the largest hat consumers in the world is the bald community. I just would rather not alienate them immediately. It's not like the launch. It just doesn't really seem like the best strategy for us. I don't want it to be just for... It's not just for anyone. It's not just for anyone.

It's for a variety of people. That's why we got the cover variety magazine over here. One side is Eggo's hair. One side is bald. Well, let's do yes. Let's do... That's all I'm saying. Let's do the fifth element Gary Oldman.

Yeah. Like one half. I don't know that... Exactly. And the side that's Eggo's hair is also like two-faced style. Burnt. So that side of the face is burnt. Is that how you see me?

We just need to cancel out. The hair is going to look so good. Right. We want it to be for everyone. So it's like we want the bald community, obviously, to enjoy the hat. We want the hair-having community to enjoy it. And we do want people who have been burned. Burned victims. To also have been burned. Burned victims.

To also have the hat. Okay. Sure. A little late. A little late. They could have used it before. Sunburn. They could have used the hat before.

And maybe you can get ahead of it. Yeah, I'm not really about victim blaming. Not a huge part of, again, that's not really like where i wanted to go immediately upon the launch of what i think should be a very big company that we all like right are able to participate in right right i mean and it's just the hats right is that all right right now what is like the another iteration our season look like this what am i doing for money? Selling things. I'm selling things. I'm selling little projects. No, I'm selling projects. We should go in together

until then. But I'm not selling items. It's like little projects, IP. No, IP. Not ID. Not IDs. IP. Selling fake IDs. No, I'm not selling fake IDs. I'm selling IP. Yeah. I'm selling IP. Yeah.

Duh. I wonder, what about, we don't need pays. We don't need pays. I wonder if Heaven got a hatto. He still threw this Tupac thing. Couldn't do Tupac off the top of his head. Because he's not, he's kind of in his own little world. He should just know some of the songs.

Right. Off the bat, off the hat, off the rip. Off the top of the hat. Off the top of the duck. And it could be... Off the top of the pack. Hat instead of running. The title doesn't matter, but it's featuring Notorious H.A.T.

I'm wearing my hat. It says hat pack. You know it's got a snap back. And you know that's just straight facts. I don't know. Something like that. But maybe, I don't know. That was a bad pitch. Picture me hat and backpack.

Backpack, okay. You said knapsack. I said knapsack, but maybe, because maybe knapsack's better. No, knapsack's better because pack is info. Backpack and hat. Brenda's got a hat, I guess. Hat, backpack, knapsack. Knapsack, hat, backpack.

Okay, I'm rolling around the city, got my hat back, got everything I need in my knapsack. I got a gun in my bag it says click clack no that's well i'd rather not have guns you have a gun in your okay so great okay i guess click clack kind of sounds like it's not loaded it sounds like heels hitting the pavement wake up in the morning and i hat myself okay is life worth living should i so maybe it's i'm walking around i'm should we take it to the love shack love no no love someone i feel like the love shack's been played out just in general fucking lame yeah i was kidding no i was no that was no but i liked i liked your pitch i liked your pitch i liked your pitch i just i feel like we could be i think we can beat it we can beat it

it's lame it was a joke we can beat it we can beat it um all right um my phone's really slow with my knapsack hey haze always happens hey are you haze yeah are you just looking at two pack songs um now i'm on lyrics some of these are giving me trouble. I'm tired of being poor and even worse, I'm pack. Yeah. You know? Yeah. I don't want it to be, you know. You guys should get a writer for the commercial, but I mean, not right now.

Yeah, I'd love to get a writer for the commercial and I'd love for it not to be Kevin because he just keeps harping on the fact that hat pack kind of rhymes with ass slap. Kevin, you're a freak. Tell me I'm wrong. Hat pack, ass slap. Sure, it kind of rhymes if we're supposed to. He keeps saying don't day L-Y. Don't day L-Y. L-Y.

L-Y. About the concept that hat pack kind of sounds like ass slap. And then he says don't day L-Y. Yeah. It's really unappealing. the concept that hat pack kind of sounds like ass slap and then he says don't day ly yeah it's it's really unappealing kevin what's gotten it's not the kevin i remember this town changes people though let's speak on it no one else wants to say it but this town changes people town that actually has a big impact on people and someone like kevin kevin has also been saying he has a big impact on people specifically one part of people it's always a big impact that's what I've been told

deep too y'all like movies, I'll show you a deep impact Kevin, that's not the Kevin last time I saw him he was a nice guy he used to be really nice. A Christian. I mean, but they say, you know, it doesn't change you, this town.

It shows people who you really are. Yeah, yeah. And I think that this has been dormant in him for some time. Is he doing porn now? I'm just going to ask outright. I know I could have done that a better way and coded it and coded it coded it you know he's been asking to have his own shingle on the patreon and i have a feeling that it is for that style of content it's called the shingle tingle oh god oh he calls it a vertical oh and he says he very very and he says yeah he makes them vertical

Kev what is that make them horizontal oh no this is just not the Kevin I remember this town has wrecked him he used to be Christian I need a vertical to do the horizontal mombo persecuting people

he used to be a Christian no he was he was. He was so present in his faith. And I found that to be so kind of charming from him. And to have made such a hard turn all the way. And say, like, now the only time, you know, that I talk about Jesus Christ is when I'm making her yell it out. Oh my God. And in that case, he's not even talking about Jesus Christ.

She's yelling it out. And what's he doing? Saying nothing? That's right. That's right. They see God when they're on my vertical doing the horizontal mambo. And he says he does christenings, break a champagne bottle on it like a boat. Oh, no.

This is our Kev, our beloved Kev. Yeah. I hate to see this tell me to chase you, but that's why I moved to New York. That's why I moved to New York. That's why. That makes more sense. Yes, concrete jungle where dreams are made of.

I had to get there. Dreams really are made of there, though. Yeah. That get there. Dreams really are made of there, though. That really is. Dreams are actually made of there. It's where dreams are made of. I know, and that's where it is. No, it's where they're made of. It's where they're made of.

The dreams are made of where they're made of. Of which they are made, and that's the location, honestly. And so I feel really fortunate to be out there. First rule of real estate. The first rule of real estate is location. Location. Location. Location, location, location where dreams are made.

Yeah. Tell me more. I actually want to hear more about that. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Right. Yeah. Okay.

Yeah. Bye. I'm curious. Bye. Okay, bye. Hollywood Handbook. That was a Hate Gum Podcast.