Hollywood Handbook - Employee Reviews, Our Useful Tool

Episode Date: April 25, 2017

A shocking revelation forces Sean and Hayes to have discussions with the staff. This episode is sponsored by ZipRecruiter (www.ziprecruiter.com/first) and Harry's (www.harrys.com/HOLLYWOODHANDBOOK).See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This is a HeadGum Podcast. And you know me. You have to do two truths and then you do one. You have to do one dare. You cannot do three truths in a row. So you can do, if you've done two truths, it's a dare's a coming. And you know me. I'm wild. I'll do fun stuff, funny stuff. I'll ring my neighbor's doorbell and ask to borrow a handful of toilet paper and say, don't worry, I'll bring it back. It's just like, what am I handing back to them?

Like, what did I use it for? You'll only do that. But that's a funny dare. No, it's very funny. I'm just saying. That's a really good dare. You say you'll do stuff like that, but that is the thing that you will do. But that's the dare I'm willing to do.

Yeah. And I'm totally willing to do that. I think that's so funny and we all have a good time. And the neighbor kind of knows it's coming. I've done it a few times now. So I've done a couple truths and I've bent the truth a bit. And then it's, I'm watching the circle come around and Gemma Arterton has gone and Zosia Mamet has gone and Selena Gomez has gone. Yeah. And Kat Von D has gone.

And it's closing in. I mean, there's only four or five girls left to go before it's my turn again. And Hailee Steinfeld has gone. And Abigail Breslin has gone. And I'm sort of thinking like, uh-oh, this is going to get to me soon. There's like two or three left, you know. And I'm starting to get, let's face it, pretty nervous about this thing really coming around and getting to me.

It sounds like it's getting pretty close. Yes, yes. No, it is. It is. Yeah. Yeah. And when it gets to me, Hayes, as I've said, a dare's a coming.

There was, so in the two girls before you, those were both truths. No, Hayes. The rule is, if we're playing the game. Yes. I submit to you, truth or dare. Yeah. You go, oh, I'll pick truth. I don't want to do a dare.

If you're a baby. You had done two truths in the last couple turns. And you're not allowed to do three truths in a row. There are so many players. So each time you have to be like, what did we do last time? But these girls are sharks. They know. They know. And as I'm watching the circle, it's Bonnie Hunt has gone.

And it's starting to really get, and I'm getting nervous. I am getting nervous just hearing about it. Should I get up and go to the restroom or something? Tim Allen has gone. And I'm going, oh, no. This is really getting close to me. There's only three, four maybe left before it gets to me. And I'm starting to really wonder, like, and Barney Frank is going,

and he's, you know, up for anything. And I'm going, I hope it doesn't get to me because I don't want to do this. You just hope it doesn't, that it just takes so long. Or I'm trying to time. I keep getting up to go to the bathroom thinking, oh, I'll be in the bathroom when it's my turn, and I'll go, oh, you skipped me. Well, I'll just let it come. When bathroom thinking, oh, I'll be in the bathroom when it's my turn. And they'll go, oh, you skipped me. Well, I'll just let it come.

When it comes back around, I'll do two or something. Yeah. Because everyone's very drowsy at this point. Like people are going to start to fall asleep, I'm thinking. Yeah, yeah. You know? And it's not – it's just not going down that way, you know? It's just not going down that way, you know.

John Calipari is going, and I'm sort of getting like, what's this dare going to be? What do I do if I don't want to do the dare, right? You know, and I'm just like very like, uh-oh, you know, Ariana Huffington's going. Yeah. And you're scared of what the dare is going to be. Oh, gosh. I don't want this dare. Because what if it's something so crazy and I just can't do it? And I'm embarrassed in front of some of my friends.

Yeah. And you're worried about this. And you are worried about this. Well, and a lot of my friends are there. Yeah. You know? Yeah. So your feeling is you are worried about this. Well, and a lot of my friends are there. Yeah. You know? Yeah, so your feeling is you are nervous. Mm-hmm, mm-hmm.

Yeah, I'm feeling very nervous at this point. And Busy Phillips is there. She's there, but. She's not playing. She's just sort of supervising. sort of supervising. And I'm starting to think, I really don't want this dare to get to me.

Yeah, sure. I hope the person before me does it. Because what if it's something that you are nervous to do? Well, and I'm hoping the person before me does a truth that takes so long or something, if they wind up basically filibustering the sleepover. Or that they do a dare that gets everyone arrested and we all spend a night in jail. I would prefer. Yeah, sure.

You're just hoping it doesn't get to you. Some of these dares I've heard. And just to give you an example of one of the dares that someone had to do before me. It was so crazy. I would have been nervous to do it. I wouldn't have wanted to. That's the example. That's the example. Like, that's the level.

So, yeah. I am, of course, sweating, and I'm looking, and I'm sort of counting, and I'm going, like, I think there's only three or four people left before it's actually down to me going, you know? And Alexis Bledel is there and she's gonna have to go before me

that's not that many people you know um and a couple more beside her Alexis Bledel is barely any people

no it's true it's true um and she'll be the first to tell you that that's not mean oh I know

that's not mean Scott Wolf Devin Gummersall okay mm-hmm brian crackow are those two different people no he played brian crack on my so-called life okay and he uh raped amy joe johnson the pink ranger on an episode of felicity oh wow and you had known him as this sort of bookish kind of sweetheart, you know, maybe with a little bit of an edge, but nothing like that. I imagine he would be receptive to doing a scary dare, which is making you so nervous because you don't want to do that dare. Because then they're upping the ante's of the dare.

Yeah. You know, like they do a crazy dare for him. They get to me. It's guaranteed dare, if you'll recall from the rules. Yeah, that's right. I have to do one. And if he's just done one that's really wild, then these people are just – have this bloodlust, you know, where they're only going to want to go even bigger. Right.

And so you're nervous. And so the problem with a lot of movie sequels oh i am freaking out i mean i'm heart beating yeah you know breathing and i and i genuinely don't remember what happened after that hey welcome to hollywood handbook and insiders got a kicking butt dropping names in the red carpet lineback hallways of this industry we call showbiz. What do we want to talk about today? We have to do the box office review.

We have to do what else? Look in the newspaper to see who got the best movie times. Which movies got the best times. I don't think we're going to get to any of that. Why? We have to. I know't think we're going to get to any of that. Why? We have to. I know, but... We have to, wait. We have to look at the newspaper and see which movies got the best movie times. And I wish that

I could promise you, hey, we're going to see what movies had the best times, movie times. Like the time that the movie plays in the theater who got the best time. But would you agree that that's not something we can do on our own necessarily and that it takes a whole group of people to help make this show what it is? Yeah, of course it has to bring me the newspaper and circle the times.

All of these things, all of these elements, they have to circle the times. They have to translate those times because a lot of times it's just in minutes and they have to tell you how many hours that makes. Right. Because that's not how you think it is. The way I was picturing doing it was not with running times. Like what movies got the best time of playing in the theater? Well, even then, then you got to go like, was this on the East Coast?

Yes. So what time is that for me? Thank you. Was this in Budapest? Yeah. What time is it for me? So a lot of those ones that play in other countries get terrible times for me. So, because a lot of those ones that play in other countries get terrible times for me.

Oh, sure. The stuff in, we freaking crossed the pond there. And some of them begin with 17. Yeah. 21.

Yeah, on Fort Bragg or whatever. Yeah. So, I am, speaking of bragging, I am here to tell you some bad news. Me? Yeah.

Okay. And I got a feeling. Because you're looking at your tea. I know. Okay. No, I'm sipping it. Got an ouchy throat. So my little frody hurts, but I'm pushing forward because it's so important to talk about this.

You are probably going to be so upset it's going to take up the whole first segment. We're not even going to have time to do the movie times. This is awful. And we have to do the movie times. This is awful. My little cousin, as you know, is always doing looking at other podcasts to do research. And I don't have time to listen to this stuff myself. I don't have time to see the movies. I don't own a television.

Isn't that interesting? I can only really, 10 minutes a week with my cousin, and he sort of goes like, here's what's important. Yeah. And apparently there's this podcast. And they say something at the end of the show that I think you'll be interesting to hear. Yeah. So you sent me something and you said, don't listen to this.

I said, listen to this clip on the air. I want your real reaction because I think you'll be very interesting to hear this. Okay. Let me open this. Oh, email. Okay. oh email okay this is this is a link to an ebombs world video i guess you uploaded the audio to ebombs world i want as many people to see this as possible i want this out there i want it exposed and so i don't you know i, well, what has the biggest audience? Yeah.

Like what's in your bookmark you go every day, right? Peanut butter jelly time. Peanut butter jelly time, right? All the e-bombs stuff. What else is on e-bombs? The soundboards. Yeah, yeah, yeah right yeah so this is so this actually is a sound board i guess so i have to click all these all the sounds in sequence to play the whole thing yeah okay i'll just click really fast then we we'll listen to this now. You want me to listen to it right now? I think you need to hear it. Okay. S-Town is produced by Julie Snyder and me with all-star editing from Ira Glass, Sarah Koenig, and Neil Drone.

This is good so far. We have the best podcast staff in the world. Bang. Oh my. Bang. God. You heard the same thing I did, right? I must not have heard it the right way.

Go ahead. Again? Play it again. Because I tried that. S-Town is produced by Julie Snyder and me with all-star editing from Ira Glass, Sarah Koenig, and Will Drumming. We have the best podcast staff in the world. Bang! Oh, my God.

Oh, my God. And now you know I haven't slept in in three or four days. Is this, what is the, is the show like a serious, is this, what if it's part of the show? I thought the same thing and I grilled my cousin on this and I got him to get him on the phone. Oh my God. And on the phone they said that they're serious show. What? And I hung up. what what right what what do

we do now because this is anyone you're right we can't do the we can't do who had the best movie can't do the movie times right now we can't do the box office review no we're not gonna have time no and even if we wanted to do we have any faith that it would work, that it would come out, that people would hear it? No. When, as it turns out, the podcast staff we're working with, even though we demanded to have the absolute best. And they said and have been told all the way along that we do have the best.

Jeff Ulrich told us. Scott Inkerman told us. Colin told us. Adam Sachs told us very quickly. I mean, everyone was saying this when they came in here. Yeah. And so I'm going, huh. Yeah, I'm hearing.

Isn't that funny? And the names he says of who's doing the all-star editing. Different, different. None of them. none of them. Yeah. None of them is engineer. Cody didn't say, he didn't say engineer. Ryan.

I listened to that too. It is different. When I listened back, I went like, and even here I went like, was he mentioning maybe, you know, maybe somebody like, even if he just said Randy's Clark. Even that. Then I go, all right, well, we're adjacent then to some of the best people in the biz. He didn't say him.

Believe me. Or the other one. And then I'd watch at midnight that night to see if they were going to mention, either of the Sklars were going to mention that they maybe were doing this podcast, working on it under a different name. And then I go, okay, that would work. And did they say that? No, they were wearing a sweatshirt with a rainbow from a Venice beach shop.

Yeah. That I guess they got from that shop without paying. Okay. So they, but no mention of the podcast. No, no, no. They, if anything, they mentioned the shirt. We have to do performance reviews. We have to do this today.

I know we're always supposed to do them every five years. It's a useful tool to evaluate your employees, and what I'm learning is since this is not the best podcast staff in the world, which is what we thought, they may be one of the very worst. That is on the table. And perhaps, they're not podcast staff at all. And the only way to get

to the bottom of that, in my mind... Yeah, they could be the best something else. Which, have them go do that! Or, they could be the worst something that is not even the podcast well in which case that's now out there good they're not doing that you know but should we see what that's like because sometimes the worst group of people doing something can be a pretty funny tv show. Okay. Okay.

Who do we start with? I really want to do those movie times, and I do apologize. I know, but we can't. You're right. Yeah. We can't figure out who had the best movie time. In the eights. When you get in the eights, you know you're really something.

It makes me sad to even talk about that. Seven is often you get that, and then after the seven you get the nine. But if you got in between, that probably means you're running into theaters. Yes. Everyone is going to the movie. I would love to talk about this. I agree with you. I'd like to as well.

That we can't. Cody, I just want you to know, I know you're not listening to this. I want you to pay attention because you are part of this discussion. I'm implicit. pay attention because you are part of this discussion. I'm implicit. And looking back, it all makes so much sense. Because even that thing that he just said was so stupid.

It was so bad and stupid and so wrong that I go like, I thought this guy was part of the best podcast. I mean, my bar was pretty low because I was going, there aren't many podcast staffs. There shouldn't be. They shouldn't know how to do it really. It's so stupid to do it at all that I was going like, well, nobody's going to be that good at it. But now I'm going like, it seems like this guy, because there was music under his talking. Yeah. And that seemed to be allowed, which that's not allowed for us.

Yeah. Somebody let him do, somebody first which that's not allowed for us. Yeah. Somebody let him do, somebody first of all, managed to put that in there in a nice way. It sounded really nice. And his voice sounded clear. Yes. Even with that.

So this is Cody, you are involved and you are going to be having a discussion very soon with me and Sean. So get ready for that because I know you need a lot of time for some of these things. Yeah. I know that giving you time to really load up your comments

always benefits the show. You like to front porch it for me? I need the front and the back porch. And so that's the opposite of what we're saying. You right now are just getting time and that does not require any talking. The reason we're having this conversation

is so you do not have to talk until later and you can think really hard about the kinds of things that you're going to talk about in your performance. And we're hoping that what's going to be going through your head is I'm not going to say this back porch thing. I'm going to be reminding you throughout this that eventually you are going to be part of this conversation. On a hot seat.

All right. Got it. Got it. What's that noise? What? What is that? We're not allowed to have music, so whatever it's. Sorry. Yeah, that was me.

But that is on Cody as well, who's responsible for the sound that's happening anywhere in the room. You should have been able to hear that, stopped it, knew it was Hayes. When were you listening to Hayes? I was listening to the band Redbone. Okay. So let's go ahead. Who first? Is that in relation to Leon Redbone. Okay. So let's go ahead. Who first? Is that in relation to Leon Redbone?

I don't know. Do you want to hear an impression of Leon Redbone doing the Mr. Belvedere theme song? Okay, that would be a good way to make me feel better. Drop kick your jacket when you came in the door. Make it kind of time And I will make me more Now and then Nothing more In your mind

But But But But But But But But

But But But But But But But But

But But But But But But But But

But But But But But But But But

But But But But But But But But

But But But But But But But But

But But But But But But But But

But But But But But But But But

But But But But But But But But But But But But But That's... Doom. Doom. D. That's really nice. I feel very energized to do these now. I don't really know Leon Redbone very well.

I told you my throat hurts at the beginning of the show. And I don't know the Mr. Belvedere theme, but I had... You know Wesley? I did have a good time listening to that. And I feel good and I feel ready to start this. What do you think, Kevin? Yeah. Kevin! Laughing.

Oh, God. Did you hear that the same as me? Yeah. Yes. So we noticed, Kevin, that when Hayes called you in very professionally, this is not a time for your snapshots. Put it on the floor. Yes.

Where you can't reach it. Excuse me. Cody. Engineer Cody. I'm just glad that that is all out of you before the discussion at the end of the show. Because if that were to happen during... If that happened during the talk at the end of the show...

Our discussion with you. So, Kevin, you ever see the film American Beauty? Yeah. Remember how he's kind of living his life through the lens of his little camera and he's maybe not necessarily experiencing the world in a real way? Yes. Well, I don't.

Do you know what this is about? Do you know what's going on? My camera, my photo-taking skills. Am I too loud when I come in? Yeah. Cody. Cody. Cody.

Seriously now. Stay out of the show. For later on in the show, you'll be talking. Do not do anything anymore. Stop it. Except if Hayes starts playing music, you can stop that. Yes. Everything else is just, you're just waiting.

You are only stopping sounds. You are not starting. Doing are only stopping sounds. You are not starting. Doing more sounds. You're not starting sounds. Enough. Now, Kevin, do you know why we brought you in here? To take photos?

And then we had you put your camera underground? Oh, yeah. Why don't you try taking photos of the camera all the way down on the ground? I can't reach it. Exactly, I don't. Why don't you try taking photos of the camera all the way down on the ground? Yeah. I can't reach it. Exactly. And that's intentional.

Should we play the clip for Kevin? Kevin, I'd like you to hear a clip. And if you could just listen to the clip and hear what it says for me, please. Great. And so I'm going to play the clip and you just give this clip a little listen. Nice, right? Nice clip. Wait a second.

Julie Snyder and me with all-star editing. You tricked me. Ira Glass, Sarah Kane. Stop. What are you talking about? Listen to the clip. Sorry. Why are you?

Cody. You're going insane Cody Cody don't do anything he's making noise you told me I could stop the noise he's making noise

Kevin what surprised you? don't stop the noise why did you have to take why did you have to take your headphones off when you got surprised? because it's S-Town and that's like about a creepy murder and I'm not allowed to listen to those

I get nightmares Kevin Kevin we made that rule for you creepy murder and I'm not allowed to listen to those. I get nightmares. Kevin. Kevin, we made that rule for you because you were dragging ass in the office, all tired, taking photos of your feet. It's the only thing I can reach with the camera is shots of my own feet. Yeah, well, you were doing that before, too, because you were dozing off mid-focus and then tilting your head down

and your neck would sort of fall down like a drinking bird or whatever. And then you'd get a photo of your feet and broken camera, and then we'd have to fix it with tape or whatever, and then there'd be tape on the lens. So, obviously, we're not breaking our own rule for no reason.

Yeah. There is something very scary about the clip. There is, but we haven't even gotten to it yet. And we're not here to discuss your nightmares of people wearing baggy clothes that don't offer skin exposure. That's what you meant. Of not being able to see skin. Can we just keep going? Mr. Skin.

You would love for us to think that it's about support for you, and you're concerned that you're like, everyone needs tight, minimal clothing so that their pieces are all supported. And the fact that you call them pieces. Vile. It's so distressing. Can I play the clip, please? If you remember, maybe I'll

do the directions that I offered initially. As long as we can keep the lights on. I'm going to play this clip and I'd like for you to listen to the clip please. And hear the clip. Now the talking is coming

so please don't get surprised again. S-Town is produced by Julie Snyder and me, with all-star editing from Ira Glass, Sarah Koenig, and Neil Drumming. We have the best podcast staff in the world. Now, bang! What the? What is that? Yeah, that's what I said.

Yeah, what the? And I self-edited as well, because I was about to deliver a pretty stinky word. Oh, yeah. No. Yeah. I could see. Right?

The word Hayes was going to say, boyo. Cover my mouth with both hands. The word he was going to say, boyo. Oof. It'd rattle that big old tomato can you got on the top of your neck, brother. It'd freak your beans something nasty. So what does that clip make you think about? Hmm.

It makes me mad. Who do we know who's on a podcast staff? Yeah, do we know anybody like that? Yes. Who is it? I'm on a podcast. Kevin. You're on a podcast staff.

It's Kevin. And are you on the podcast staff of the? Just wait. Admit that it's Kevin, it's Kevin. And are you on the podcast staff of the... Wait, admit that it's Kevin. It's Kevin. Ah, we got him to say it. And that's recorded. Crud. And are you on the, just so I'm sure,

are you on the podcast staff? Is your name Snyder or Starly Kine? Are you on the Stown podcast? Are you on Stown? No Hmm Oh

Okay Because Stown Apparently Has the best podcast staff in the world And we And so you have admitted That you are on a podcast staff But not

So you say But not that one Hmm Correct So So I wonder how I feel. Part of my podcast staff is Kevin, which you admitted. Yeah.

And that is on tape. Cody, I invite you to admit that that is on tape. I'm inviting you to say that. Admit that it's on tape. Technically, it's on a hard drive. It's not on tape. Okay. Good point.

That's enough. Even that. But I see your point. Even really good podcast staff would support the host. You know, the best one. Somehow finding a way to ruin it. First makes a noise like a buffalo waking up. So, where are we now with Kevin?

If he's on a podcast staff and it's not the sound one, and that's the best podcast staff, then it must be that Kevin is not on the best podcast and did a trick Kevin tell us about the trick and you won't get in any more trouble it's the lying it is the lying the cover up is worse than the crime Kevin tell us about the trick

and you won't get in any more trouble and maybe some of your little friends will be the ones who get punished. Who talked you into it? Was it Dana? It was Colin. Colin. Okay.

Tell us a little bit about that conversation. He said I should apply for a job at NPR but not use my real name. I should go by my zip recruiter name, Evan, Vevin, Evan, and Nevin. But keep out the K, just Evan with periods in between. Apply for a job, show them some of my creep shots. Say, pretty good, don't you think? Of course they would take me

and I took notes while S-Town was being produced and brought them back to the big guy. That story I couldn't even hear. None of it has anything to do with anything. It was so long. It's so bad.

It's like NPR though, right? No. It's not well produced. You brought in the notes for S-Town? Uh-huh. What does that have to do with anything of what we were discussing? Well, I was part of their staff, the best staff in the world,

the best podcast staff. Kevin, I think you probably... You already admitted that you were not on that staff. That was one of the first things you admitted. And that's on tape. After that it is Kevin. And that's on tape. And I got to say, Kevin, you probably think,

and you're correct to think this, Hayes and Sean don't pay any attention to me. They don't know what's going on. They don't even know I'm a guy. But what I do know is you predate Colin here. Oh, devastating.

And so it seems Even Cody is forced to agree. Even Cody's forced to make a noise like a buffalo eating some human food. Wow. This is like Bosch. It's honestly like watching Bosch. I feel like Bosch.

I feel like I'm Bosch. Watching you and thinking that was such a Bosch moment. Yeah, it was. Bosch. I've had my Bosch moment. No, you got Bosch. Kevin. You did.

Yeah, it was. You got boshed. I've had my bosh moment. No, you got boshed. Kevin. You did. How dare you try to flip being boshed back onto Sean when actually he's boshed? That'll never work.

Sorry. So. What an amazing clue. Go ahead. So, I would have to say that you definitely lied when you said it was Kevin and that you also lied about having the standouts and that you lied about being on a podcast staff because the only thing I know for sure is you're a liar.

Yeah. And I'm starting to wonder if these are even your creep shots that I have. Is Colin here today? Maybe. Yes. He is? Yeah.

Okay. Well, then maybe we get Colin in here. It's not Boxing Day? No, it's not Boxing Day. Colin! Is Colin here? Can you come in here, please? Why'd you bring him?

We've got to sort something out. I'm bringing in my boss. Oh, you're the one who brought your boss into this, buddy. You're the one who said that he put you up to it. Oi, bruv. Oi, oi, oi, mate. Sit your bum down. And now I am speaking

disrespectfully for you, even though you are my boss, because this is how Let me explain. Let's play a little clip, shall we? Yeah, you might want to hear this clip, and Kevin had an interesting story about the origin of it, but... And Kevin, no clip spoilers, please.

Yeah. So we're going to play this clip. And we'll see if Colin can follow directions a little better than Kevin. When we play the clip, you listen to the clip. And we're just going to hear what it says in the clip, and then we can talk about it or not talk about it. We probably will talk about it. We are going to talk about it, mate.

And so now I'm going to start playing the clip, and we'll listen to the clip. What do you think of the music? Nice, right? S-Town is produced by Julie Snyder and me, with all-star editing from Ira Glass, Sarah Koenig, and Neil Drumming. We have the best podcast staff in the world. Bang!

Would you like to summarize some of the things that were said in the clip? Is there anything in the clip that's jumped out to you? A little nice music. Right, which I'm pretty sure they would have licensed that music. Colin, I don't want to tell you how you do your job. No, no. But here when we do these podcast shows, we like to speak into the microphone. I'm sorry.

Okay. So there was some nice music and then a little some other junk. But there was something they said at the end, didn't they? Some interesting comments they made. And if you think we're here to talk about the music, we already fixed the music problem. You threw that monkey wrench at us pretty hard, and we wound up using it to fix our car, and it goes faster now.

So that's one of the things we do with a monkey wrench. So that actually was fine. Well, yeah, you have to say that now because it blew up in your face. That's fine. Well, yeah, you have to say that now because it blew up in your face. But he had some interesting words to share. Can you summarize a little what that was? About the best podcasting staff in the world. It was something about that, wasn't it?

I think it was. I do seem to remember there was a mention of something about that. He said something about that, didn't he? Yeah. That they have the best podcast staff in the world. Cole, do you know anybody who's part of a podcast staff? I mean, you've got two of the podcast staff in here. Yeah.

That's right. It's Kevin, for starters. Kevin, and he admitted that on tape, so that's on the record. Ed, it's Cody, who we are saving for the end. We're giving him some time to prepare for his conversation. He likes to have a little time. I look forward to that. Start, yeah.

Now, Colin, would you say that you are part of a podcast staff as well? I mean, yeah, I guess so. I guess you are. I mean, I kind of run a podcast staff. If Kevin's part of the staff and you are Kevin's boss, I think that makes you part of the staff. And you may have heard him admit that he does actually run the podcast staff. Ah.

And that's on tape now, Colin. It's on flash hard drive, actually. Solid state. Not tape. With YC4. It's fair, I think, because he did do it to me earlier. And now we've both gotten it once and all we need is for it to not happen again.

So we had I'd say some pretty fair demands when we signed up to do this show. Number one, have to have the best podcast to have in the world. Oh, okay. This might have been before I joined

Airwolf, so I wouldn't have seen that original contract. Kevin, speaking of timelines that don't match up, what's your little story? Tell Colin your little story again. Tell Colin what you said about who tricked you into doing a bad podcast

staff with us. I didn't say trick you into doing a bad podcast. Kevin came in here. Let me tell you what Kevin said. Kevin came in here and, first of all, admitted that it was Kevin. Recorded. And that he was on a podcast staff, but not on the Stown podcast staff, and so, therefore, not on the best podcast staff in the world. And we said, oh, I wonder how that might have happened.

And he immediately said it was Colin. We said, who put you up to it? And then I suggested Dana. Yeah, was it Dana? He said, no, it's Colin. Immediately said it was Colin. Now, is he so scared of what Dana would do to him? So now this is your chance.

It's the accusation that I've put Kevin on not the best podcast staff in the world. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. That's what he told us. And that you made him do it. And he said some other story that was so long. He really went on this really long bad story. It was so long.

I don't even think we can cut it out because we wouldn't have an episode because it's that much of the show now. Thank you for the notes. Is this really bad story. Thank you for the notes. But the upshot was that it was Colin that made him do it.

That put him up to it. The whole thing. To not being the best. Yeah. Well, I said Colin put me up to learning from the best. And already we're... And now he's doubling back

now that Colin's in here. Incredibly strange but boring territory. Maybe you could clear this all up. Without hearing what Kevin said, in your words, how would you say you tricked Kevin? I don't know. Was it Dana? I don't know how I've tricked Kevin.

I mean, Kevin was here when I started. He was already part of the Earwolf podcast staff. Was it better before I joined? We pointed that out as well, and it was a Bosh moment. I got Boshed. Yeah, and then he tried to say, I got Boshed. What you would think of as a Miss Marple moment or whatever. Because Bosh is an elderly female detective.

Colin, the thing that upsets us most is the line. I would say that, yeah, what hurt me is not necessarily that the podcast staff is so bad and that everyone knew it the whole time. It's that they lied to us about it. And we looked a fool because I've been at, I can't tell you how many parties in the past month. Oh, my God. I'm just remembering some of these conversations. No, I know. Oh, my God. My face is hot.

My face is so hot thinking about this. And I'm well enough talking about our podcast staff and how it's best to roll. And it wasn't even bragging. We said at the time it was just being honest. So we thought. Right now we have been made liars. Yeah. I hate more

than anything. It ain't bragging if you do it. And what I was able to do I thought was have the best podcast staff and so I was saying it a lot and sometimes I was saying it at the town people's parties the rat party Cody's just wandering around the room while this discussion

goes on which isn't helping my case I think that what's going on is he's thinking about what he's going to say later. He shot a little too much blood into his brain, and so now it has to kind of— I mean, he might be enraged. You're kind of being quite insulting about his professionalism. All right.

No, I don't know. Nobody just said—I don't know what this is. He's kind of stalking the room. Again, we're waiting. You seem to be building up for a major bit of some guide yeah it's all gonna happen at the end the idea is it will clear everything else out we'll just get everything done and then if you do something that fundamentally derails the premise then we will at least it will at least be over the show will be over yeah so that's why i'm announcing as i did

before that you can take all the time you need to prepare something for the discussion which will the show will be over. Yeah. So that's why I'm announcing, as I did before, that you can take all the time you need to prepare something for the discussion, which will happen at the end. And it won't work, and then we'll have a little bit of an emergency hatch that we can pull and just bail out of the show because we'll have done all the stuff with the people that we trust to at least be people.

Well, I'm working over here. So what can I do to improve this podcast staff situation? If I just start talking about the staff as the best part. I think you can tell the truth. Yeah. I think you could tell the truth for a change. That's an interesting start. What's the, how is, so,

it seems like you showed up pretty late in the game. Right. You yourself that finally admitted this. Right around the time that we found out that the podcast staff over there

is the best. Yeah. But you know who was here for quite a while before you was Dana. And Josh.

And we suspect them, don't we, Colin? Sure. And that's on tape. Oh. No, Cody. Yeah, we did manage to get you and that really felt like we once again really botched them

pretty good. Yeah. So why don't we get what's the dude's name again? Josh. And then what's her name? I said Dana. You're Dana. Okay.

Why don't we get Dan and Josh are in here. Whoa. Dana and Josh! Do here. Dan and Josh! Do you think that including more of the not-best podcast staff in podcasting in the show is going to help or damage the show? We want everything on the table.

We want everything on the table. We don't want to keep sweeping it under the rug. That hasn't worked out too well for you so far, has it now, Colin? Yeah, why don't you tell us how to do this and end up in the same place where we started, which is, I don't want to spoil it for Dana and Josh. Maybe we'll just play a little clip. Yeah.

And Josh is going to need some headphones. And Josh, no. Dana can explain it to Josh. Dana can listen to it. Dana can tell Josh what she hears. That's better. That's better. I'll explain it to you. She can listen to it. Dana can tell Josh what she hears. That's better. That's better. I'll explain it to you.

She can tell him exactly what she hears. We're going to play a little clip. We're going to listen to the clip. You're going to want to hear the whole clip. Hear what it says. And then the discussion. Here's the clip. Oh, some pretty music.

S-Town is produced by Julie Snyder and me, with all-star editing from Ira Glass, Sarah Koenig, and Neil Drumming. We have the best podcast staff in the world. Wow. Bang. Wow. Josh, it's the end of S-Town, the credits of S-Town. She listens.

With that really annoying song that you just... She knew it was from the end. S-Town, the credits of S-Town, with that really annoying song that you just... She knew it was from the end. The whole time. S-Town. She knows the song. They said that they had the... I've never gotten to the end

of an S-Town episode, so I wouldn't have known that. Well, they said they had the greatest podcast staff, whatever, greatest staff of all time. They said they had the best staff in the world.

Yeah, I mean... In the world. I don't know. Those guys paid pretty well. They could probably get some good stuff. I feel like a little bit of that. And now the money. And now it comes out.

And the mud begins to sling. And the money. Follow the money. I'm speculating. I don't know. I don't know how much they pay. I'm just speculating. And now he's trying to hide back in this little hole.

Because he just accidentally admitted that it was the money. And he admitted that he's just, it's all a play for money. And that's why he is. But I put boards over the hole. And he has to stay outside. It's not totally about the money for me. Because it's like, I mean. Of course not.

You're pulling the strings. I just feel like. It's power. I'd rather me, because it's like, I mean. Of course not. You're pulling the strings. I just feel like. It's power. I'd rather be here with, like, these people than have to listen to that song every week. You know what I mean? She listens to the song. I don't like it. It's not about the money for me, either.

You get what you pay for in podcasting. You know, it's just, you want the best possible. You want to get 100% from your staff. Is this a Stitcher premium commercial? Colin has a furrowed brow like real hard right now. I'm wondering if Sean and Hayes are breaking my staff down to then build them back up again. That would be great. We hope that's possible.

We hope that's possible to build them back up again To the mighty giants of podcasting They once were But we're afraid that it's so tarnished From what the Stown guys did Which is a big long podcast They did And then they said They were the best in the world

And frankly I believe them Now Josh is obviously coming after us because we don't pay very much money. I'm sorry, I don't do this for the money. You know why I do it? For the potential for money later. Think about that, Josh.

Somewhere else. Somewhere, somebody please pay me to do something else. I've been doing this show for a while now. And we will take a version of the show that is not owned by Earwolf and call it something else, like Tinseltown Teacher Time. And we could do it anywhere for more money. Teaching Mrs. Tingle. With maybe the Stown people.

Yeah, maybe we'll get those. Since they seem to be doing such a good job. Can we talk about some of these numbers, please? Do you have some of the numbers? Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Here's some of the times that people have listened to Stown. 8 a.m.

5 p.m. 5 p.m. 2 in the afternoon. I mean, these numbers don't lie, people. They're doing really big numbers. Wait, I can tell you. Breakfast, post-lunch, and early dinner. I've looked at the numbers for Earwolf shows, and I can tell you that people

are listening not just on the hour, but also on the half hour. We've got 9.30 and 4.30. Hayes? Do you have those numbers? I have seen Josh giving me these numbers. I have no reason to believe that these listening time numbers are real. And what we're learning is he fabricated the numbers. And I also think it's reprehensible that Josh is sort of monitoring people as they listen to the podcast,

and he can see where they are. Disgusting. He follows these little dots around because he has this app where if you are listening to an Earwolf podcast, Josh knows your location. That's definitely true. It's part of my job as an Earwolf producer. And he can see what kind of swimsuit you're buying. I'm not, I don't even have this app.

Yeah, no. Kevin's reflex to say, whoa, and that was bait, and you just got botched again, Kevin. Kevin, say it again for the tape. Whoa. Nice. Now that's on tape. We don't invent numbers here. I get all of my stats from StownCloud.

Wait a minute. StownCloud? Hang on, I'm having an idea. StownCloud is a show called Nest. Then he called it StownCloud. He's been pronouncing it Stown as a joke. And if it's StownCloud, then we're off of Stown Cloud. He'd been pronouncing it Stown as a joke. And if it's Stown Cloud, then we're off of Stown Cloud.

Now we're on something like B-16 or some weird shit like that that I never heard of. And it's really not clear what the numbers are for the show. What do you mean? I mean... It's, you know, this is where Earwolf puts all of our podcasts now. IB.

It's, you know, this is where Earwolf puts all of our podcasts now. You might know we're moving off of SoundCloud. But on SoundCloud, we get all of these additional stats. Like, we can see what swimsuit you're buying, for example. Which one am I buying? I didn't look. I don't know that one. Yeah, it really sounds? I didn't look.

I don't know that one. Yeah, it really sounds like someone who didn't look. Seems suspicious. Real didn't look vibe to that answer. It would be weird. We work right across from each other. It would take so long to come up with I didn't look. Why? I'm looking at some of these reviews for us.

And they are... Look, we get a lot of nice reviews. But my reviews are the best reviews in the world. I'm Trump, you know? Right. That was a really good one. Yeah. But...

Me. Why are we... Huge, big reviews. Yeah. But me. Why aren't we huge big reviews? Oh, my God. If you guys are so good, and if you guys are such good podcast staff, why haven't you written reviews? Why haven't you written reviews for this show? Do you subscribe, bro? I've written reviews before.

Of our show? Not of this one. Oh. Just the ones that I work on hardcore. Which ones have you written reviews for, and what were they? What did they say? Stown. Like, Hard Nation.

And I was like, wow, this show's so funny, and it's, like, political, but it's not, like, so political that I'm, like, confused, you know? It's like anybody can listen, something like that. Josh, write a review for our show right now Josh review it now

hey you should listen to Hollywood Handbook because that's the subject line the subject is it's terrible the subject is hey

and then so bad the review the review is such a bad subject line here's the here's the subject line opportunity

big money yeah okay read this free music The review is... Here's the subject line. Opportunity. Big money. Yeah. Okay. Read this. Free music. Okay. Free.

Subject is opportunity, big money. And... Royalty free. Yes. The review is, listen to Hollywood Handbook. You will never hear any music that costs royalty on this show because these guys are true professionals and Hollywood insiders and sposh. We did this already

and Colin ended up a meat mess at the end of that. If you recall. That didn't feel very good for Colin. I can imagine. He still is half meat mess. He's still kind of scooping himself to death.

To come into work when you're mostly meat mess and you've got to put the bottom half of yourself into a garbage bag to get to work in the morning because you're a meat mess is not a nice feeling, is it, Colin? And do you want anyone else to have to feel that? I mean, if it makes them the best team in podcasting. Okay, well, and I'm all the way around on Colin. Colin is on message here.

I'm all the way back around. He understands what we're talking about. I started the day being like, this is my last day dealing with Colin. He's clearly been working against me from day one, but now I'm back around. I think he actually wants it to be good. He just showed up late.

It was an unsalvageable situation because Dana had poisoned the well. She tricked Kevin into doing goodness knows what. She's got something on him. She's got some kind of mind control power. She's got Josh is clearly just obsessed with whatever swimsuit. I did not. No. Josh, I can sense it.

It's like we've been working so hard. And the Hard Nation obsession. All to prop up her Hard Nation vanity project. She owns like 50% of Hard Nation. We had Ken Foley's family on. It was really fun. She's willing to crater the rest of the network all to benefit Hard Nation.

I'm loyal to it. She wants to turn this whole country into Hard Nation. Yeah. Kevin, write a review of our show right now. Kevin, do it. Is this show canceled? And then the body would say, once you get... Are you clearing your throat in the review?

Yes. It says, asterisk clears throat. Well, first it should say, parenthetical, all phlegmy. Yeah, the subject should be parenthetical. Parenthetical. Gargling jam. Gargling jam. Is this show canceled? Asterisk clears throat.

And then the body says, once you get 60 episodes in, you start to get the inside jokes. I love it. That feels good to me. See, that's nice. That's a nice review. And then you have to set up other accounts to market helpful. Yeah. At least a dozen.

Can I try another review? I feel like my last one wasn't great. Okay. All right. It's subject Hollywood handbook. That's a very good subject. Yeah, just very descriptive. That's great. That works. All right. It's subject Hollywood handbook. That's a very good subject. Yeah, just really

descriptive. That's great. Thank you. That works. Thank you. And then the review is, at first I wasn't totally sure what this show was.

I thought it was about Hollywood, but it sounds like it's not most of the time. It's actually a really difficult show to describe or market to people, but if you listen to it, you'll

probably think it's funny. Hollywood handlers. I would take out if and probably. But you listened to it. And your throat was clear the whole time. Which is not a way to grab people's attention. It doesn't put them in the room with you the way that Kevin's review did.

That's a really good point. Can I have one? I'd like to have one. Okay, it might be time. Let's clear, maybe we clear everyone out. It's going to have to be just us alone with Cody.

Yeah, so everyone else get out of here. Cody, we just kind of need the room alone with him. This conversation will continue. Let's quickly do the employee reviews, which was the performance review.

Yes, that's right. Okay, I would say Colin, seven. Kevin, seven. Dana, seven. Josh, seven. Yeah. Keep up the good work. Great, thank you.

Feels good. C-minus, I'll take it. Thanks. C-minus? Yeah, everyone knows a seven is a C-minus. Do you guys ever ask your listeners to leave you iTunes reviews? Because I think without wanting to talk about another podcast on the network, Paul F. Tompkins does a really good job of telling his listeners to leave reviews,

and that helps build the audience. What do you think we just did? Yeah, we just told some of our biggest listeners. We just told everyone in the room, the people that listen to our show all the time, to write reviews. And this is the kind of micromanaging that's like, why don't you take the thing that you've already been doing for almost 200 episodes and do it again? Colin, your ass will get busted down to a six so fast it'll make your damn head spin. I mean, a lot of guys would just take that seven and run with it because I got to say, you're digging a deep, deep grave for yourself, man.

You'll be down with the millennials in their safe space six feet underground. Now, if I can't get the Earwolf employees to write a review, like if the people who work here and actually have something of a financial interest in a long-running show succeeding have not done a review yet, for me to expect my fans to do a review who are just listeners is kind of hypocritical. I think I should tell the fans, hey, do what Kevin and Dana and Josh do. Only write a review for a podcast. for a podcast, if you have some weird nefarious plan to have it be the only podcast on the network

and burn the rest to the ground just so you can be right. And say that you're not getting enough money to ruin all of these shows. And bring up the money, yeah. Can I try to write one review? Just one. Everyone's sitting back there.

It's really authentic. It's partially my fault, know it's partially my fault but it's partially their fault I would the subject would be in all caps and it would say yay yay yay yay yay

and then like a bunch of exclamation marks that's pretty exciting yeah I'm actually really engaged and then the top in the actual body

okay I'm fired up I'd be like wow wow wow a bunch of W's and O's all caps this show is so funny it's real weird but it's good check it out

and then a colon capital D for a big smiley face that's making me cry that was really nice I'm glad you guys cry. That's, oh my God. That was really nice. Oh my God. I'm glad you guys liked it. Dana, that was a really sweet review. I'm like, my stomach hurts in like a good way.

Wow. Well, it's from the heart. Dana, that was so sweet and nice of you to review me that way. That was the best review, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. In reviewing you guys, for sure. I'm marking it as helpful. She says it's real weird, but I like that. It seems like she thinks it's weird in a cool way.

Yeah. Yeah. Wow, that was really cool. And sometimes being weird and different is actually what can make you really great and special. Think about the weirdest bug you've ever seen. It probably had a special power. Yeah. Like blow a special power. Yeah. Like blow a stinky wave or something.

That was, I think Dana is maybe a 13. Oh, wow. So Dana's a 13. Dana's a 13. And she got all six of columns. She popped up six for one. Thanks, guys. You guys aren't with Dana all the time.

Do you know that she like... See, and this is Josh once again admitting. He's with her all the time. And neither should you be, Josh. It should be when you're at work. Do you know that she chews ice really loudly? I like the ice from coffee being in chili. He's talking about when she's at the beach.

Everyone does that at the beach. Josh, that's how you keep cool on the inside. I feel like that's at least like that should bring her down a point or two. Josh, you're not rating me. They're rating me. I know, but they don't know all the details. So? Okay, I like what a cowardly weasel Josh became

and how he tried to stab his coworker in the back. That feels like what probably happens at NPR a lot. So I am going to actually bump Josh up. So Josh has an 8. Dana has a 12. Colin, zero. We had to take his numbers to give them to Josh and Dana. That's only fair.

That is fair. Kevin, seven. Yes. Kevin has to be seven. Okay, and so we were getting up before. And then Engineer Cody's going to find out his true number. You have to call him Apple Podcast

now, not iTunes. Just so you know. What? Yeah, we're not supposed to call it iTunes anymore. Really? Yeah, Apple Podcast. According to who? Who's mad? Mr. iTunes. Why Kevin exploded out with Apple Podcasts. According to who? Who's mad? Mr. iTunes. Why Kevin exploded out with Apple Podcasts earlier with no explanation.

And now 12 minutes later we can find out why. Who gets mad? I'm going to keep saying iTunes. I'd love to find out who I get in trouble with. Alright, Cody. Now, Cody, you were announcing something that you wanted to do. And it's entirely, this is what we've been building to this whole time yeah it is entirely your show yeah yeah yeah yeah and you

get to do whatever you want and so just come out with what you've thought of and it's been an hour and a half yeah i i oh my god and you and even more than usual you have been in such an incredibly weird place for the last, like, two weeks, I would say. Something has happened with your brain chemistry. I don't know if it's, like, some kind of reaction to pollen in the air or just, like, some sort of dietary change. Like, there might be some kind of poison inside you that's working very slowly. But it's not good. And there are, you know, obviously there are diseases like this people can get. You can get Mad Hatter disease from breathing mercury.

You obviously could, actually from cat stuff, cat litter boxes can get kind of a brain disease. Yeah. Which I'm sure I have. It makes you unpleasant. But if you're a woman, it makes you more promiscuous, I read. So it's like, maybe throw some cat shit on somebody's babes. So let's go and let's find out exactly what the disease is. And also there's a wasp that sting you, crawl up inside your neck,

and then control your brain and just zombie you around. And is that maybe what's going on for Cody? So we'll see if he asks for what would they want. Flowers? No. More pollen. No, I don't think that's what the wasps want. What do they want in general?

Cody, what was the thing that you had all loaded up? You wanted to do a review first, so let's do the review. Yeah. My only request is that I just, let me get through it before you interrupt me like you always seem to want to do. Okay. Please.

My only request is that you, so I won't interrupt you, but please say it in a normal way and just let the words do the talking themselves. Don't put so much of the work onto the enunciation or the accent you've chosen. Should I do it in monotone? Just straight monotone? Just don't try to do it monotone, but just don't do too much with it. Okay.

I think I can do that. That's a fair agreement. All right. You guys ready? Yeah. So I would write you a review. The subject would be... What is in your hand?

These are zip ties. We promise. A packet of zip ties? You're waving them in my face? I know I promised, but he didn't tell me he was going to threaten to kidnap you. Zip tie me together. Put those down, and then you can do it. All right.

So my subject would be, and this is none of it's capitalized, subject, colon. Check this out. I have a meeting in 30 minutes from now. And the body would be also not capitalized in any way. And it would be body, colon. angels, then Hollywood Handbook is something that might relate regarding it being a foolish conspiracy of hobgoblin little minds. Sean is a person that reminds me of a well-zested lemon fruit.

Reality show show was what it was before. Bye for now. I have to go to the bathroom. Listen to Hollywood Handbook on Apple Podcasts. Bye for now. I have to go to the bathroom. Listen to Hollywood Handbook on Apple Podcasts. Bye. For more information and content, visit Earwolf.com. Ow. This has been an Earwolf production. Executive produced by Scott Aukerman, Chris Bannon, and Colin Anderson.

For more information and content, visit Earwolf.com. That was a HeadGum Podcast.