Hollywood Handbook - Engineer Cody's Engineer Training Boot Camp and School LIVE

Episode Date: April 11, 2016

Sean and Hayes appear in front of a live audience to offer tips on personal health and how to eat, then welcome Engineer Cody and special guest TOM SCHARPLING for an inside look at Engineer Cody's Engineer Training Boot Camp and School.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This is a HeadGum Podcast. So, I'm there with Bill Callahan. Smog. Oh, sure. And we're in Afghanistan, and, you know, we're beating up bad guys. Yeah. The ones they don't tell you about, you know? But I keep hearing this beeping, and it's throwing off the rhythm of my punches even,

which is dangerous for everybody. Yeah. And so I'm going, what is that infernal racket? And Bill, parentheses smog, reaches into his pocket, and he had set his alarm that day for p.m. instead of a.m. Oh, okay. Have you ever done that? Oh, I'm so glad to hear that that's how this ends,

because so many of your stories do end with you hearing a beeping or hearing somebody be like, Sean, wake up. Sean. Like in the sky. Yeah. And then it was your dream. Right. Yeah. Did that it was your dream. Right.

Yeah. Did that happen after this? At the end of this? Yeah. After we beat up the Afghanistan bad guys? So you heard an alarm? Well, first I had to go to middle school. Yeah.

And see my uncle? Uh-huh. He was your teacher. Yes. Yeah. But it wasn't weird. Yeah. Like I your teacher. Yes. Yeah. But it wasn't weird. Yeah. Like, I was fine with it.

Sure. Anyway. Hey, welcome to Hollywood Handbook, an insider's guide to kicking butt and dropping names in the right... Let me do it. Let me do it. Let me do it. Let him do it.

You animals. But, and dropping names in the right carpet line back, always in this industry we call showbiz. And now the pop. So you don't want me to do, because I normally would do what up, what up, and then we would have the pop. I thought we might get a second pop.

What up, what up? Are these the same mics that we had last... These are... Not as good, right? You know? And the last ones were bad, too. When you've done as many as Hayes and I, you really start to know good mics.

After the last one, my elbow... I woke up that night, and from holding it too much, I think, my elbow was inverted. It was facing toward my face. Like when I bent it, it would hit me in the face. Yes. That's awful.

Yeah, I had a similar thing happen, but just not as bad because I think my arm muscles are so strong. Okay, so yours inverted, but not as bad because I think my arm muscles are so strong. Okay. So yours inverted but not as much. Yeah, it inverted but it wouldn't quite reach my face. And I think that's just my survival. My reflexes are so quick that if it would hit my face, I'd dodge it.

I'm like bobbing and weaving. Wow. Yeah, it was pretty awesome. So what else, Hayes? We had a bunch of stuff that we wanted to talk about. Oh, good. it was pretty awesome so so what else Hayes we had a bunch of stuff that we wanted to talk about oh good

with movies and comic books oh yes nature oh music and the world of entertainment yes and political news

and our famous funny friends. But then we were standing backstage, and we were looking out at you guys, which is so funny because normally it's you doing that for us. Yeah, looking at us. But we were looking out at you, and we sort of thought, wouldn't it be good for these guys if we had a little conversation about personal health? Yes, we just sort of thought, maybe what they need is not so much a guide to entertainment as just some general nutrition information. Yes.

And not what to eat, necessarily. No, no, but how? But yes, how and what else. Yes. What else to do. Yes. Because we take care of what we put in our bodies. Yeah, of course, you guys are looking at us.

You see us and our bodies are so good. And we look so healthy. And it's like, you got to be thinking like, oh, these guys are on some insane program where they have a hundred trainers and all these people. It's like, no, we actually do it all ourselves. And we get to eat whatever we want.

And it's just like how and measuring intake and all those things. Sean, as you know, famously, oh, we eat hot dogs and hamburgers. Hamburger sandwiches. Yeah. But so slowly... Yes.

So slowly that my metabolism has eliminated the previous hamburger by the time the new one enters my body. Is knocking on the door. Yeah, yes. Yes, I do like to picture them with little hands and feet sort of walking up and going, hello, can I get in there, stomach?

And then the other hamburger goes, somebody in here. You know, just a moment. And then the other hamburger sort of like folds its arms and sort of taps its foot like, geez, this guy's taking forever. Let's talk about food. Let's talk about what you guys like to eat. And it doesn't have to be a chore. It can be fun.

And what we thought we'd do is just you guys name something you would normally eat, and we're going to replace it with something just as good but better for you. So does anyone have a food that they like anybody have a food tacos tacos perfect tacos yes okay so i love tacos too but sure not the same way that you do necessarily a lot of times if i'm craving a taco, what I'll do is I'll open up my freezer, I'll take out a Jimmy Dean's pork link sausage,

and I'll suck the ice off of it. So you get all that flavor, but you don't have that sort of yucky, I just ate a taco feeling afterwards. You have that great, I can put this back in the freezer and do this again feeling afterwards. You know how some people, they eat a taco, they turn their head to the side, and it's in a commercial sometimes? I turn the taco vertical.

And so it's trying to get in And I'm trying to make my mouth big enough But most of the time It doesn't get big enough For the taco to go in And when it does get big enough I have to go get it fixed normal again Screwed back in

Can anybody think of another food? Yogurt. Yogurt. That's actually pretty good for you. He said Greek yogurt. Greek yogurt. Oh, that's actually even better for you. Wow, somebody doesn't need our help that much.

What I'll do when I'm craving some Greek yogurt, which is high in protein and could be a great snack, is I will open up my freezer and take out a bag of bird's eye frozen peas, and I will pour them in my mouth and just sort of roll them around until they're all nice and warm, and then I'll spit them back in the bag

and I'll put them back in the freezer. I'll tell you what I'll do. I'll imagine that that Greek yogurt is a character in the new Seth Rogen movie Sausage Party. Upcoming animated films, very raunchy. Hard R. Hard R.

And you're picturing like, can I take my kids to this? It looks like it might be fun for kids. Well, it's got the kind of Pixar animation style and so you're going like, oh, this is just for kids. Yeah. And then mom's in the audience like,

cover your eyes. Yeah. Bugsy. And so I'm imagining this Greek yogurt is probably like a Borat style character in the movie Sausage Party and now we're friends and he's talking with the lid and stuff

and he's saying. Yeah, and stuff, and he's saying... What's he saying? He's saying, like, spanakopita. You know, he's talking about other... He's saying other Greek foods. Uh-huh. Uh-huh. With the lid. Oh! You can't

eat that. That's your buddy. Yeah, now that's my friend. Yeah, so that's a good way to avoid maybe eating that yogurt. I wonder if there's any other foods. Yeah. If there's a quiet moment like that,

then that's a time to just unleash. Okay, well, not... He was almost done. So do we take french fries? Yeah french fries Great Really urgent that that one had to come out

Where did we find french fries? Yeah no we're never going to remember that Anyway Freedom fries If I want freedom fries What I'll do is I have a little trick Where I can get the good part of the fry without the bad part, which is all the salts and fats and the things that they say make it taste good, but actually it's just that's bad. What I'll do is I will just eat a Milky Way chocolate bar.

Uh-huh. Sure. Sure A frozen one Because you only have a freezer I don't understand the fridge Not cold enough No half-stepping I don't trust it

You touch things and they seem like cold But not that cold. Yeah. I don't know about all that. That's not good. No, safety first. I freeze it. I can't get into a drive-thru the first time ever.

So if I've got a hankering for French fries. Well, you've got a dually. Yes, I have a dually, which is a dual-engine truck. It's a truck with two engines side by side. Just for his work, he's got to drive a dually.

Yes. And it also is not meeting the clearance. You know that bar at the drive-thru? It's going to take out that bar because of the flag. All the flags, yeah. Because of all the flags. And honestly, people make fun of those flags sometimes, but I haven't seen anyone tread on you.

So you got to think, like, okay, maybe it's working. I see them sometimes starting to come up. You know what I mean? Just a few feet away, be like, oh, should I tread on this guy? And then a breeze hits that flag. And then they tell their story walking.

And they turn around, yep. So anyway, by the time I get the fries, I've usually earned them in driving sweat. Boy, oh boy, is that all the foods? Yeah. I think that is all the foods.

Well, so happy to help you guys. And then maybe when you've done some of this stuff, then you will be able to, you know, take some general meetings. And that's a Hollywood connection. Yes.

And so it is actually to do with the title of the podcast. We love transparency, which is like, I pick up this plastic water bottle, for example, and I'm putting it in front of my eyes. And for people listening, because not everyone's here, this will be a podcast. He's got a plastic water bottle. He's got a plastic water bottle in his hand.

And it's got water inside. So let's unpack this. And so I'm holding this up to my eye and it's like, oh, there's a thing in front of my eye. And so now I'm blind, right? No, actually, I can see a funky, weird version of reality now. And is that really what's real? And everything else is fake. And that's worth thinking about.

Yeah. Very strange. I trip out on that kind of stuff. It's extremely trippy. And so as part of transparency, sometimes people listen to the show, and I know they wonder, they hear the engineer,

and they say, how do I become engineer? Yeah, that guy has the best job in the world. He's sitting next to Sean and Hayes all the time. And we have someone here, we have a couple guests here, but we want to talk about sort of the process of becoming an engineer

and actually allow you guys to get a look at it in real time. So first we'll bring out Engineer Cody is here. Engineer Cody. Hello. Codeman wore his best hoodie. Yeah. Show night.

A white hoodie. This guy's looking sharp. Yep. Doesn't want to not look like he could easily be in the clan. And it looks like you wrung your hair out a little bit. Yeah, you squeezed it out for us. A little bit of a goop. Right.

So, Cody, you're an engineer and you have an exciting new program, don't you? I do, yes, yes. And keep going. Do we? In all fairness, you did just ask him if he had an exciting new program. No, it's a little bit on me. It's called Engineer

Cody's Engineer Training Boot Camp and School. You so rarely get both from the same organization. It's usually like, okay, now I'm done with boot camp, now I gotta go to school. Or I'm in school, I go, I wish I went to boot camp first, I'm not really tough enough for

this. So smart to combine them. And you've got some clients, you've got some takers and how's that shaping up? It's been pretty busy, yeah. Yeah, that's great. What's the success rate? Just a number

Just saying any number Well, so far Just thinking of a number Zero That's not a number Yeah Okay So we round down to zero

And then I just am taking a wild guess Engineer Ryan did not go through this program, right? He didn't. No. Okay, so we know there's a chance that we could do better. Yeah. And that's sort of what this search

is all about, is, you know, adding to our war chest of engineers so we can come in. They're all lined up at the beginning of... Another arrow in the quiver. No, I'm sorry. The war chest. I'm sorry Another arrow in the quiver. No, I'm sorry. The war chest.

I'm sorry, I almost stepped on that. No, no, no, no, no, no. No, that's really good. No, but it's good. It's almost like sort of entering... When you go into Earwolf every day, it's like entering a house of the evening. Yes.

House of ill repute. Where all the engineers sort of sashay out of the back room and they're wearing sort of sheer clothing. They sort of line up in front of you and then Andrew T. saunters up beside you and goes, you pick anyone, anyone you like. And they're sort of showing like, are you looking to have a good time in there?

And some of them look like they might have just been through an engineering session. Yes. Just a little worse for wear. Uh-huh. And some of them look like they are never going to be in an engineering session. Like they wouldn't know what to do with it. And so we're just sort of trying to expand that stable a little bit. We have a great person here today who is about to go through the program,

and we thought you guys might like to see it live rather than hide it from you like the other shows do. So you're sort of seeing the connection now? With the water, yes. He's holding up the water bottle. And you guys look so crazy. This isn't like a fake thing that we're just doing for people at home. There's holding up the water bottle. And you guys look so crazy. This isn't like a fake thing that we're just doing for people at home. There is actually a real water bottle here.

I am tripping out. Look at these guys. So let's just bring out our candidate, and we will sort of watch and supervise as he goes through Engineer Cody's engineer boot camp and school. Let's bring him out now. Tom Sharpling is here. Yeah, yeah, that mic is good. Hi, Tom.

Hi. Hey, T-Sharp. What's up? What's up, doggie? It's really, it is very nice to see you out here. We've gone through such a long saga with you, really. It's been a hell of a journey, huh? It's really been something else.

What a long, strange trip it's been. And still is. And still is going. Well, I guess we started with you. We tried to set you up with the Earwolf family, and you were very hateful to us and extremely rude. You maybe didn't get it. And I'm sure now, looking

back on that now, saying what I would give. I would take what was in that box. Yeah, if I knew then what I know now. And then we brought you back again to see if we could find something that worked. We found you and Engineer Cody had this sort of rhythm that seemed like it could turn

into something. Really natural rapport and we made a hell of a pilot with you. We did an episode of that show that was actually very successful. Sean was mad that he wasn't part of it. Had to squash it. Deleted the file. Uh-huh.

But the internet is forever. Not on my watch. The internet is forever. Not when this guy gets a hold of it. He could mess it up by accident. Oh, okay. So then that didn't work. That didn't work.

We tried to set up Handbook East. You dropped the ball on that one a little bit. Did not go well. We had an episode that was entirely ruined. Yes. And then did an episode about how the episode was ruined. Was ruined, yes. And then the last time we saw you,

you staged a failed coup. To take over, to turn Hollywood Handbook into Big Apple Bible. Yes. Make it an East Coast show with just me and Hayes. No Sean. And then I ended up getting stuck on a railroad car. You were sent adrift on a railroad car. You were sent adrift. On a railroad car.

Yes. Screaming. You're stuck on the car. I'm hanging with a sklar. Little something I like to say. So, and then we saw you sort of coasting into Los Angeles. And luckily, weeks later, we saw this rail car drifting towards the ocean. Rolling in.

Yeah. You were still screaming. Don't you do this to me. Don't you do this to me. Barely audible. You'd had no water or anything in weeks. Yeah. And then I made it here.

Yeah. And then. Well, don't forget that we stopped you from falling into the ocean. You did. With our webs We shot our web Yeah I hate firing my web It kills

But when I've got to save a Potential friend And there is still a chance for that If you go through this boot camp and school correctly Yeah I mean I'm just looking for any way back in, honestly. I'll admit it.

It's like, I ate shit and it's over. I didn't want to say it, but you ate shit. Sometimes it's not until you hit rock bottom that you really see what you should be doing. It's weird that when you hit rock bottom,

that there's like shit waiting for you to eat down there. You got to munch it down. They don't talk about that. No, they don't. I was just like, well, this is rock bottom. And then you thought you were just going to like a silver lid off of a thing. And then there was just like a plate with just shit on it that I had to eat. The presentation is very nice. Almost a

tease. Yeah, that is strange that a very fancy butler in a tuxedo brings over that chafing dish. There's no way that this dude is serving me shit if he's dressed this nicely.

He doesn't seem like he'd even touch shit. No. Or prepare it. And then it was, and I'm here. I sit before you. I'm sorry. Before Cody takes a drink of water, he has to sort of dominate it with his hand

just to show it who its master is. Well, and I'm realizing that as we handled this bottle of water, people might have thought that bottle was the boss of us. But with Cody, no such confusion. People know who's in charge. He's calling the shots. It's an important aspect of engineering is being brash. Being brash.

Yeah, so that's a very good use of that word. He knows what it means and he throws it around. Like, I don't have a notebook. I mean, I'm supposed to be studying everything Cody says, right? Yeah.

Is he my master tonight or are you guys my, are you, you're his master. Master's a good word, yes. He's your master. I guess we're sort of here to observe the transparency just like everyone else. And coax it along a bit. Hopefully have some tidbits of wisdom. I'll be the master of none if you don't mind. Oh no, he went there.

Going around the city and I don't have a great job, but I still eat the finest foods. What's that music? It's cool. So let's just start at the beginning of Engineer Cody's engineer boot camp in school. Okay. Where do you like to start this process of... Usually I ask, do you know what sound is? Is that a trick question?

It is if you think it is. Okay, well, no, I don't. That's okay. That's okay. Here I for a second thought that was going to be a problem. That's where we like to begin this.

I thought of that step one. He better know what sound is. But this is where I can learn too. Cody, how is that okay? Well, it's not that important. To not know sound as an engineer. This is an important dimension of being Engineer Cody is somehow being able, like,

responsible for the sound, but not listening to anything that comes into your ear. Okay. Also, where's your notebook? I just said I didn't have one with me. You're going to need to take notes. That's okay.

Well, let's focus on that for a while. Yeah. And let's think. I don't have a notebook. I don't see that stalling us out. I'm interested to see where Cody goes from here. If he asks for a notebook, there is no notebook. Do we abandon this scenario?

Or do we continue to push until a notebook is procured? The boot camp is more sort of existentially challenging than I expected. Like not knowing what sound is is somehow an advantage. You have to have what you don't have, but you can keep moving forward without it. I like what I'm seeing. So what brought you here in the first place though? Wanting back in And feeling like Again it goes back to that whole

Eat shit part of things Another great example of not listening Something we talked about For Cody The master of Sitting on stage with us for ten minutes, the only thing we've talked about is what brought you here. Yeah.

And how Cody has been summoned into the conversation, and he'd sort of like to do it again. Okay. Well, I blew it. I'm outside, and I want back in, so I'm figuring I'm going to come back through the door as an engineer. Okay.

Okay. Well, um... Take your time, Code. So you're searching for something. You're searching. It's coming from an internal place, though. Sure. Yes. As opposed to the many engineers

who were told to do that by their families or something like that yeah an external place quit messing around with that frivolous lifestyle and get a podcast engineering job something steady Something steady. Let's go into some scenarios. That's going to be important. You think he's going to encounter scenarios? Yes. Thank you, Cody. Holy shit, man. Okay.

All right. You got one? Yeah. You're in the ocean. You've got your soundboard. Okay. Your cans. Headphones.

Yeah. Good. That's big. And your monitor. Okay. Is there. Mm-hmm. And you can hear a shark coming.

Okay. How do. Mm-hmm. And you can hear a shark coming. Okay. How do you engineer your way out of this pickle? Okay. What's the microphone situation for this? Water phones. Sorry? Water phones. It's water phones.

Okay. Which I'm taking to mean multiple water-based microphones. Okay. Okay. Do they project into the water? They take in from the water. Okay. So the microphones are absorbing sound from the water. You're picking up shark sounds.

Yeah. Okay. So the shark is like a guest on a show? Is this like... Well, is that what you do? Do you say like... Do you have them sign some sort of waiver? Hey, thanks so much for coming.

Like so awesome that you were able to do this. You can sit anywhere. So what we usually do here is well here's there's a water thing there there's some cups that might be dirty so yeah so i basically set the board i've set the cans up mike the shark and then just um then i guess just let the shark just start like riffing with another shark for like an hour and a half about like shark dicks or whatever sharks would talk about

on a shark podcast. Well, now there's riffing happening so now Jonah Ray is swimming up. Okay. Does he have an oxygen tank on? Like he's scuba diving? He's free. Jonah Ray, he can skin dive.

Yeah. Okay. Well, I would obviously get a spot for Jonah. Get him a nice cup of water. I guess there's water in the cups already because we're underwater. And then just let Jonah do what

Jonah does. Kind of compliment the host and just like make the whole thing so much stronger. Yeah. Just bolster it. Just Jonah-fy it. Yeah. Yes. Good.

Great. So is that good? You passed that one. Cody, what do you think? It's above and beyond. Oh, wow. So that's so, I mean, you almost moved up to the next level. This is a very easy boot camp.

Here I was expecting this kind of drill sergeant type character, but he seems to just be loving everyone's shit. So now what happens when Jonah Ray asks you where the bathroom is at and you're in the ocean? How would you answer that? And now I'm just realizing that Jonah Ray could be like a manta ray in this scenario. Okay.

Does anyone want to leave that on the table? No. It's a podcast. You've got to use every part of the animal. Sure. What would I do if Jonah Ray said he had to use the bathroom? I'd probably...

He still is human, though, right? We're saying he's not a manta ray. Okay. Wow. Do we have to decide now? His arms are flappy. Uh-huh. But everything else is the Jonah body we know and love.

Okay. I'd probably just tell him to use the we know and love. Okay. I probably just tell him to use the ocean as a toilet. Okay. I actually know the answer to this one. You tell him that he can use the bathroom, but after you because you're already in there. Yeah. One thing that Cody... In this situation, you urgently have to use the bathroom.

And so it's going to be, what you're going to do is race. A lot of being an engineer is leaving to use the bathroom. Yes. Cody will tell you that. Okay. I could tell you that, yeah. All right. So I would just tell him, after I'm done, bathroom's all yours, Jonah.

That's the right answer, yeah. Okay, great. Gotcha. Good scenario. all yours, Jonah. That's the right answer, yeah. Okay, great. Gotcha. Good scenario. Yeah, real good. Yeah, that was great. Would you like to? Sure.

So, you're engineering at Gitmo. Okay. You going to shut that place down or what? Uh-huh Why is that still there? Uh-huh But I'm an engineer there You can shut it down

Okay Comedically You know like we shut it down in there too Uh-huh Yeah I guess if I was an engineer I would just just feign, just, I don't know. I'm just setting the mics up. Hey, I just work here, boss.

I'm just doing my job, just taking orders, right? Yeah. Right. Uh-huh. Yeah. Why, is there, like, precedent for that being bad or something? Not that I know of, no. I'm just picking something up in your voice.

Seems very loaded, the way you're saying that. No, I was just sort of saying what you said back to you, but saying it better, I think. Sure. Okay, yeah, then I'm just following orders. Okay, great. So, fucking Shark swims up. Okay.

What are you doing now? Shark at Gitmo swims up. Is Jonah Ray imprisoned at Gitmo? Ideally, yes. Okay. Okay. Well, I guess I would just let Jonah... Again, Jonah plus microphone equals gold,

so you just kind of want to get out of the way when that's going gold, so you just kind of want to get out of the way when that's going down. I guess I would unshackle him or whatever. Right. Something over his mouth, maybe. Now his hand's on your neck. Let me throw a curveball at you. Okay.

How would you make it weird? Good question. How would I make it weird? How do you get some of these guys in Gitmo To like really open up About the religion they were raised in Okay Like what do they think about that?

Sure But then I make them Just as they're about to say something I just talk for like 15 minutes about myself Like just when it's getting interesting, I spin it all the way back to the smallest possible story you've ever heard. Whoa.

This is getting good. Okay. I mean, I want to see this on HBO or something. Jeez-a-loo. That's good. Holy shit. This is feeling like a fucking series to me.

Wowie. Oh, man. So that's a good scenario. Okay. Did I do all right with that one? Yeah. Okay, I'm doing good here then, right? Yeah. Well, look, it's Cody. Cody?

He's into it. You got a scenario? Sure. So how would you react if you came across a... It looks like you're reading these somewhere, but you're clearly not. He's reading his own shoe. Are these written on your shoe?

Is that what he thinks a notebook is? Well, I have two notebooks then. So I did come prepared. Did you guys see the notebook? I missed that gosling. He's gotten very sour. He's a little... Rye rye yeah i don't know anyway i liked when he talked i liked when he talked to me in the in the one movie oh yes

that was so good i didn't feel so he's like walking towards me a lot and talking to me and i'm kind of backing up really fast. You know? Yeah, that was hard. The people behind me didn't love that movie. Scrambling over the seats? I guess I like when he has a scorpion jacket. Remember the scorpion and the frog? Is this the... Tom. Is this the... Tom.

Do you remember? Cody was in the process of... Cody was reading off his shoes, sorry. Delivering a prepared scenario. What do you know about gain structure? Signal de-essing, multi-band compressors, any of this? I don't compressors, any of this.

I don't know anything about any of this stuff. But is it learnable? No. Or is it like a skill that, is it like a talent that there's just no way to learn this stuff in an afternoon? It's a gift in many ways. It's a gift? Okay.

Then yeah, if that's it, I don't have it. Cody demonstrating total word comprehension once again. A scenario is a yes or no question. It's a little more open-ended. It's what do you know

about game compressors? Speaking of talent, Ben Simmons or Brandon Ingram, who do you take first? What was that? Sorry. You've got the first pick in the NBA draft. Yeah. You're an engineer.

Yeah. You've got the mics, the monitor, the soundboard, and you're on the hot seat, buddy, because your record was the worst in the league. Sure, okay. Well, I guess I'd probably try to figure out a way to sneak redraft Jimmer for debt, if I could. Like have him come in with a mustache on or something.

They just never really used him right. No. Set Jimmer loose. He just cut the 5'11 guy loose and just let him play that, do that one thing he can do. And stop guarding him so much. Yeah, of course he misses the shots.

He's got freaking hands in his face. No. This giant goofball standing in front of him. Get out of the freaking way. I'm sorry, I paid to see this guy. Swish him. Swish or sweet, baby.

Remember those cigars? I like when they dribble the ball into just like five guys. Like when in college basketball, when there's just five guys standing in front of the basket and then you just dribble it right into them and then it always rolls off someone's leg and then guys jump on the floor. You hear them say,

Oh no. Yeah. And then a guy gets it and then passes it to the other guy who like tries to do a layup, but hits the bottom of the backboard. Yeah. And then the announcer goes, blocked! Yeah. What a great

block that was. And it's like, how do you score that when the bottom of the backboard blocks? Does that go to the other team? Rejected. Get that trash out of here.

SWAT team shouted the bottom of the backboard. If I could posit another scenario. Okay. Now let's be Engineer Brett. Oh. Okay. Moving up in the world. You wake up in the morning and you, for a few hours,

think of yourself as a human being. You're in a great relationship, seemingly, and you've got all these friends and all this. And then you come into work and then you look at engineer Cody and you say he and I

are the same we have the same job they call me head engineer I think to keep me alive They call me head engineer, I think, to keep me alive. But I know it doesn't mean anything. Looking at Engineer Cody is like looking in a mirror. Is this like a cautionary tale now?

Am I supposed to... Is this like one of those... Is this like that thing in Star Trek, the Kobayashi Maru where you can't answer it? I love Trek. The Furbies. Oh, yes. Oh, God, the gizmos.

Oh, Mogwai. You guys, you gotta see this movies. It's so awesome. They created a whole nother world, but some of it's our world. I was mad about it being Benedict Cumberbatch. I hope you live forever. I didn't want that.

Live forever and feel good. It's so awesome. Yes. Oh, I'm using logic, doctor friend. It's so Yes. Oh, I'm using logic, doctor friend. It's so good. So I'm glad you brought it up. And that is the right answer to just distract yourself at all costs.

Bury yourself in some sort of fantasy world like Star Trek. Or did you see the new Star Wars? Yeah, that would actually be interesting to talk about for sure. Yes. Do you know about BB-8? Some of the sounds he makes?

Insanity. Is this a trick question too? I heard that Ben Schwartz did some of the said something and then they turned it into beeps but he's still basically in the movie. So he's... Is that what the B stands for?

It's like Ben... It's Ben and Bill. Bill Hader and Ben Schwartz. They did the sounds. Yeah. And then the 8 is... I'm sure for how much? Million bucks. Oh, okay. 8 out? A million bucks. Oh, okay. Yeah. Aid out of 10 million bucks.

Yeah. Yeah. Uh-huh. I guess that's $800,000. Okay. So here's another scenario. Uh-huh. You lost your microphone.

You're in the woods and the bear from the revenants after you. Sure. And you lost your microphone. You reach for your microphone. It's gone. Okay. In its place is a vial of poison. Okay.

Do you drink the poison? I think what I would do would be I'd set the poison up as if it was a guest microphone. I would welcome the bear to the podcast. I would say, so just tell me about being a bear. And then when the bear started talking,

it would just flick the poison right into his mouth and then he'd croak. You could make him think he was on Chris Gethard's Beautiful Anonymous. Because I'd have an hour to do it. You'd have an hour. I was thinking that what you could do to really get him talking is be like, so who are some of your guys?

Who do you like to read? Who are your guys? James Joyce or whatever like you could ask him that i feel like that really gets people going oh okay then i would do that okay well that's a pretty good answer okay cody what else i got one i gotta oh good you've had a little time Yeah, alright And is the audience enjoying seeing you in profile? Is that like a Is that just like a conscious thing? I don't know

Okay He really does not know What is consciousness with Cody? His concept of perception How people people see him, what he can see, why he is. Could God make a rock so big? So a guest shows up and you thought that they were going to be singing But they actually brought a viola And they want you to record the viola But all you have is a Shure SM7B

An Audix OM3 A Sennheiser MKH416 Or an MKH60 Which microphone or microphones do you use Well, to mic the viola I know, but I'm not going to say or microphones do you use to mic the viola? I know, but I'm not going to say. I would say is the goal to do a good podcast?

Is that the goal? And by the way, this is cool. This is so hard for me because I know, but I don't want to say it. You want to do good, but you know that you can only do as good as she plays the viola. So your inner struggle is also playing a role. Whoa!

I'm inside Cody's head now. And I honestly think she's great at it. But I think Cody's coming from a different place. Okay. And what mics? I have a Shure SM75? SM7B. different place. Okay. And what mics? I have a Shure SM75? SM7B. 7B. Okay.

And what else do I have? An Audix OM3. Sennheiser MKH416 or a Sennheiser MKH416. Sure. I'd probably go with the Senni. The Senni? Which Senni? Both? Yeah. Why not? Both Sennis? Yeah.

We'll play with it on the board, right? We'll figure it out. That's right. Make it fun. Yeah. Set both Ceni's up, get that Shure as a backup, and then we put our cans on and we find it. That's good.

Bringing a spirit of fun back to engineering. The secret. Setting up four microphones that basically produce the same sound. Yeah. And then just moving the bars up and down makes virtually no difference what you do. And you just have your own little monosound orchestra. And then if it sounds terrible, I blame the performer. Yeah. Yeah, it feels like terrible, I blame the performer. Yeah.

Yeah, it feels like Cody's ready to do that. That's wrong. It would cause too much face. Oops. Okay. Dude walked into a brick wall. Yeah. Now who's hitting the bottom of the backboard?

Blocked But now I've got the ball again There's five guys standing at the other end You know what to do I'm taking it right at all five Watch this I love your spirit Your guys only need to score like 39 points

First one to 39 wins You hit 39, the streamers come down. Yeah. Can you teach me how to crush the bottle? Is that a part of it? Yeah.

Wow. Close. And Tom's doing it so simperingly. And Tom came really close. And it seems like he maybe was given a thicker bottle or something. Yeah. Should we maybe get questions for Tom,

either in his new engineering capacity or the stories from his previous life? Oh, okay. It's all behind him now. Yeah, does anyone have a question for Tom, intern engineer, Sharpling? We used to have... We got somebody in the front here.

Hey, Tom, do you remember me? I was a Spider-Man on the first Death of Shadow. Yeah, I remember you and your brother. Friend, you were hitting each other with wiffle ball bats. That was great, yeah. Yeah, but you did it. Just because it was my idea didn't mean you'd do it. friend, you were hitting each other with wiffle ball bats. Yeah, but you did it.

Just because it was my idea didn't mean you'd do it. I like Tom's thought, seeing this guy and it's like, this guy's having fun with somebody else, must be his brother. Well, isn't that who you have fun with? Friend, yeah, but I feel like the way he's saying it is like, yeah, but he's also my friend. Someone who, this guy must be genetically obligated

to hang out with this other guy. There's no way he found someone who chose it. But the one guy was in a Spider-Man costume at the taping of a basic cable show. And just because not everyone will be here who hears this, the man's question was, Tom, do you remember me? Okay. Yes.

Uh-huh. I was the Spider-Man at the Chris Gethard show. Uh-huh. Yeah. Yes, I do. Just some of the crazy shit you get into on that show, honestly.

It's like... Anything goes there. Costumes, props. Do you ever feel like it's friggin' surreal? Like, what is? When you're on that show, are you just like,

oh, what is my life right now? No, I've kind of got a good handle on it. You know what it is? Okay, good. I've never been invited. It's fun. Not even close. Trying to get a look

at it. Has he been on ours? You better believe it. Yeah. Again, without me, people liked that episode. Yeah. Some said it was the best one. Best non-sharpling ep. Oh, boy.

Well, so here's a scenario. Oh, boy. Well, so... So, here's a scenario. So, you're an engineer, and one of your best friends does a show with you, and you kind of feel like you guys are growing apart, and you don't know what it is. it something you did or is he just in a

weird place and you don't really know how to get at it with him what would you do invite somebody on the show to pretend to be an engineering school or And oh, P.S., you're shy. Okay. Uh-huh. How would I handle it? Yeah. I can't even imagine that situation. It wouldn't happen to you?

If it happened to me? No, you're just saying it wouldn't? That's why you can't imagine it? It seems pretty unbelievable that somebody would be a part of like a, it's like a team though, right? Sort of, you hope. And then just like, it's like they miss one event or whatever you want to call it. And then suddenly it's like everyone's talking about it. Right? Yeah. And then suddenly, it's like everyone's talking about it. Uh-huh.

Right? Yeah. And then you're like, wait, I'm here every week. And then I miss one. And then suddenly, everybody likes the one I'm not on. One event I was not on. Sure. And they're just flipping out over it. Yeah.

Am I what's wrong? Uh-huh. With the whole thing. With the whole thing. it. Yeah. Am I what's wrong? Uh-huh. With the whole thing, with the whole thing, right? Yeah. Yeah, I would take that pretty hard. That would hurt. Is this Cody and Brett?

Who is this? I didn't think they were that good of friends. They definitely don't host a show together. No, it's Jensen Karp. Oh, okay, that I understand. But it's not like it happened more than once, though, is it, Sean?

I don't know. Who cares? Any more? You have Cody up here. Nobody has anything they want to discover about Cody? There's nothing about Cody's... I got a scenario, actually. Internal chemistry?

Yeah, I've got a scenario. The guy who turns the lights up is like, Oh, great, just turn the lights up. I'm going to turn them all the way. This guy's got another fucking scenario. Well, so either one of you can answer this. So you're an engineer, but you're Julia Roberts. Have you seen the trailer for Money Monster?

Yeah, I have. Oh, oh great so this will be easier so um friggin you got like a jim cramer type dude who's like giving money advice but like maybe he's kind of corrupt you know and then dude shows up with a friggin gun and he's mad at the american system but he's not from america gun and he's mad at the american system but he's not from america right he's got a weird accent yeah and you call it his wife uh-huh and she's like that was all the money we had what are you doing and like you realize that you like you're part of it you're julia roberts in this case okay you're still part of this system do you use your platform now to take down the system that you've been perpetuating all this time yeah or do you sort of sit still is this thing bigger than we could have ever thought you know that's such a good question that's a really good question well can i give you just an inside the scenario another scenario maybe

somebody tells you to like uh say they go like well this is a very delicate situation what do you say i'm i'm julia roberts you're julia roberts you're on the phone with the police and they go like hey stay calm this is a delicate situation for us yes so you are an actress but you and this is big for you it's been and p.s i'll give you a hint what you might say in a little while i'll give you a hint what you might say they're on the phone 100 miles away and you're 15 feet from a freaking bomb. Uh-huh. Don't they tell you about delicate situations? Okay.

Is this a part of the engineer thing? Yes. Yeah, she's engineering that thing. She's in his ear walking him through it. Do you have an answer to this? Yeah, code man. So, I don't. No. The most casual posture. Hmm, what would look natural at this point?

I'll take my left arm and cross it over to my right knee. Pull that up towards my face. Yeah, now we're relaxing. me. Pull that up towards my face. Yeah, now we're relaxing. Is this the movie where she becomes a prostitute or? Oh God, you don't even think that's what that movie is. Yeah, the movie that you are trying to reference, you have wrong. She is a prostitute. She becomes not a prostitute.

She becomes a princess. But feel free to incorporate that into your answer. Yeah. Okay. So there's no way that this, what's it called again? Money Monster. Money Monster.

Money Monster. It's the name of the show. Do I know it's called Money Monster? In the scenario? Yeah. Yeah. Okay, so I know the show is called Money Monster. Yes.

My husband is... Your husband? Danny Motor. I'm home watching this go down. And it's like, I think you just got to let this thing play out. You're the engineer. You're not Tom.

You're not at home. You're just at home. You're watching Money Monster on Showtime. Okay. No, no at home. You're just at home. You're watching Money Monster on Showtime. Okay. No, no, no. No, you're Julia Roberts. I'm in the booth. Engineer, yes. Yeah. I'd probably

get the dude to like lean up against a speaker somehow and then just go pot him all the way up and blast his eardrums out. Wow. And then George Clooney would just like suplex him or whatever and then the cops could rush in damn dude and if you're cody you would do that and the cops would be like great job cody you saved the Yeah, I did that on purpose. Yeah, I made a huge sound error to do something good.

But what, so, all right. So what else? Sorry, did anyone think of a question for Cody or Tom? The guy left the lights up on you. Yeah, I can still see all of you. You might as well do something. Whoa! Oh, four heads went up.

Oh, I better do something. It worked. All right. Which of these bros? Second row. Is eggs healthy now? Is eggs healthy now? Is eggs healthy now? Tom? Now, then, this is also back to the food issue.

You're welcome. Should be, honestly, that felt great. I should be, thanks for everything I say. Yeah, how have I gone this long without being thanked? I've been talking a lot. I don't know. I can't remember what we did then. I've been on that lot. I don't know. I can't remember what we did then. I've been on that train for so long.

I just can't remember any of the pre-debut shows. Yeah, it sounds familiar, though, right? I just remember the grease nose part. Right. You know, because Cody's so dominant with those things. Sure. Like, because it started with me and Jim Florentine doing a show together. Yes.

And that was Eggs Florentine. That was Eggs Florentine. And then I was Eggs. And then you? Worked with Grease Nose. Retained your role as Eggs. I got a pitch. You and Benedict Cumberbatch, who Hayes is mad at.

Uh-huh. Eggs Benedict, baby. Uh-huh. Can we get him? Maybe when he's... I don't know. Is he gonna... Maybe when he's promoting Doctor Strange,

he would do it, right? Because he's Doctor Strange now. Is he? He is. How many series? We've got a how many series. So it's the Sklar brothers going coast to coast

with Benedict Cumberbatch in his Doctor Strange outfit. And me? Am I there? Yes. You'd have to be. That's the X part. Finding the funny, more like finding the money, am I right? And what are we looking for? The funny.

So we're looking for the funny funny but they just added me and dr strange to the mix then yes okay good uh what was the other guy's question did he ask yours all right hit me with yours. Cody, have you ever overheard any juicy gossip that didn't make it to the podcast? Oh, brother. Freeze, Cody. Let me repeat the question. This guy's far away.

Cody, have you ever heard any juicy gossip that didn't make it to the podcast? Now say, oh, brother. Oh, brother. Whoa! It feels like a yes. Am I right right dude? Did you have a follow-up my man? You got him on the hook. Maybe you want to know

what the gossip is. Uh-oh Cody he's putting the screws to ya Hey not my fault The guy wants to know what the gossip is I have some good Cody gossip Oh You hesitated man Let me tell you what it's like Being friends with this guy on Venmo.

So Cody's got a girlfriend, right? And if he buys her a single french fry, he's getting paid back. A single French fry. He's getting paid back. And not as part of another larger bundled transaction. There's nothing too small. A piece of chewing gum.

That's in my feed. Maybe a little picture of the gum. They split parking meters real trusting relationship they have there 20 to 25 transactions a day on venmo it's honestly like like accompanying them through their day does that answer your question? Doesn't want us to stay on this. Yeah, he's like, yeah. Think that's enough. No double dipping, friend.

Spider-Man. Spider-Man tried to ask another one. I love that a former Gethard fan wearing a Hollywood handbook t-shirt. It's so... How sweet it is. He converted. Remember that part of the Hanukkah song?

Yes. He converted. Remember, guys? Hall of Famer Rod Carew. He converted. Yes! Back row. Tom, are you going to be engineering your own show now?

I guess I probably have to be certified for it by... Yeah, yeah. It's as if I'm the only one who knows we need to repeat the question. That guy's not mic'd. It is cool to wait, though. It is cool to wait, though. It is cool to wait to see what other people do. I guess, you know, I'm an eternal optimist.

Well, anyway, I don't know what the guy asked. But he seemed thrilled with himself. Kid's having a good time. Give him a break. Tom, do whatever you were going to do. I'm sorry. He said, like, are you going to be able to engineer your own show now?

I mean, you sort of sold everything. Yeah. For the train trip. Everything just got left behind. I'm sure it's all gone now. Right. And you had mortgaged a lot of it to make a new sign

that said Big Apple Bible. To bring you, yeah. Is there any chance you'll do it? Any chance you'll take the jump? I can guarantee you. You know what? Now that you say it like that, I mean, it's...

Sure, yeah. That sounds... Look. Oh, no. Podmass. Listen. Podmass. When you and I do a show...

Podmass. Come Monday at noon... Yeah. My phone alarm goes off. Time show. Podmass. Come Monday at noon. Yeah. My phone alarm goes off. Time to check Podmass. You and I are in Podmass. Yeah.

Sean and I did a solo show last week. Might as well not have even set an alarm. Back to bed. Oh, in the comments, sure. I'm too dangerous for Podmas. It's time to finally admit it. They're scared of what I do. If my platform gets

any bigger, I'd take this whole damn system down. Joker style. Joker style Why do you embrace chaos? Was it for some sort of end? Did you see when somebody left the Suicide Squad Twitter account open and the Joker took it over? And if you hashtag Joker was here

He might come and mess with you too. Why would you want that? I saw some people voluntarily getting messed with by the Joker. So avoidable. You just think it'll never happen to you. You're playing on the train tracks, people. You're going to get drilled. Yeah.

Can't believe they left that Twitter account open. Well, feels like we're wrapping this up, huh? I mean, right? Cody, any final words? So, um... No, no, those are all your previous words. I meant different ones from the ones that you've been saying.

Now, is it an engineering trick that you're talking into the microphone incorrectly all night? Is that like an inside, like an engineer hack? You've kind of held it. Now he's shaking it kind of like, inside, like an engineer hack? You've kind of held it. Now he's shaking it kind of like, what, this? You had it past your face half the time, and then it always drifts downward about two syllables

every single time you talk into it. Is that like an engineer? That's pretty standard for engineers. We're not too... At Cody's boot camp, we don't learn about that. It's Engineer Cody's Engineer Boot Camp and School. Well, Cody, you get the pro version this week. Thank you. Well, Cody, you get the pro version this week.

Thank you. For being such a good engineer. And I think it's only fair that you get to say our parting words. I'm more of a reactive... I'm better at reacting. No, I disagree. I'm more of a reactive... I'm better at reacting. No, I disagree. To me, you're the engine that drives the whole thing.

Tom, do you have any final stuff you want to say? I mean, anything... I think Cody summed it up when he said, before, he said, Oh, brother. Like that. What else is there to say than him weirdly going the other way with a mic and putting it in his mouth and going, oh, brother.

Bye. Bye. Thank you. that was a hate gun podcast