Hollywood Handbook - Erin Whitehead, Our Close Friend

Episode Date: June 22, 2015

The boys talk about their favorite toys, fancy cars, and the dangers of not being careful with car shopping. Then ERIN WHITEHEAD arrives to talk about the film documentary she made in collaboration with WolfCool productions, answer two questions from the Popcorn Gallery, and tell a secret story about her last appearance on the show.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This is a HeadGum Podcast. So, at this point, it's me, it's Macchio, it's Gail O'Grady, who played Donna Diabandando on NYPD Blue. Yes. Gail Beef O'Grady. So we're all in the hot tub, seeing who can queef the loudest. So we're all in the hot tub, seeing who can queef the loudest. And finally, Machio is like, shush, shush, shush, shush, shush. He makes everybody be quiet. And he closes his eyes.

He's so competitive. And he grits his teeth. And the next thing I know, all of the water gets sucked out of the tub into machio and then just explodes throughout the ski lodge wow and was it loud because i i mean well that's where that's where i had to throw to the judges the contest was for volume sound my volume of water. My insistence is that the sound of the expulsion was not that loud. It sounds like it might actually be very quiet. The reaction of some of the guests was very loud.

Oh, that's an interesting wrinkle. And so it generated more noise. Where was this? It was at the lodge. Yes, it was at the ski lodge. Was there an avalanche? Let's see. I was inside.

We did have to dig our way out. Yes. Yes, it was of snow. So we did wind up having to do that from the avalanche. But the sound of the queef itself, to me, was pretty minimal. Although I don't know the law. Who was judging that day? Well, I mean, the usual suspects.

Benicio Del Toro, Stephen Baldwin, Kevin Pollack, Gabriel Byrne, Kevin Spacey. Yeah. What up, what up? Hey, welcome to Hollywood Handbook, an insider's guide to kicking and dropping names on the red carpet linebacker hallways of this industry we call showbiz. Showbiz, what does that mean? Well, it's short for show, like a movie show or TV show. And biz is a kind of business, which is money.

Doing money. Yes, money. To do money. And so money from the movies and the shows. But what's all this money for? Well, good question. The money comes in and- We, yes, do it.

And you start to wonder, well, what does it go back out to get? Uh-huh. And we talk about toys. Yes, and the toys are nice. The toys are nice. And one of the nicest toys that Sean and I have a special passion for, special relationship to, and a lot of people in the city do as well, and you can see it right when you go outside, and I'll give you a clue.

It has metal and not and also glass and glass uh in square almost and doing rubber on the bottom yes and i think you can maybe guess what it is now and it's a car and this segment that we're going to do is something that we call Four Vrooms. Four Vrooms, and that's based on one of the funniest movies. Oh, funny, yes, but twisted. It really goes there. It really, really goes there. Many moments in that movie I'm saying, oh, no, they're not going to,

and then I'm going oh my goodness they did yes and they go there of course in terms of plagiarizing a Roald Dahl short story that was pretty famous even at the time and not crediting him well that's

one of the things and also he's chopping a finger and so and there's witches and four rooms and so we love that movie and we love to speed and so that's why we have a need for that kind of fastness so you say as in the question cars are expensive you and sean Hayes don't care about status. Money. We hate status. And so how do you reconcile loving speed, loving power, and not giving a shit about what people think and not even caring if they don't like you because they think you're poor and almost hoping they do think you're poor? Yes. And instead of a watch, a lot of you know that I wear a piece of trash around my wrist

and it's a fruit by the foot wrapper and then a piece of a tin can that kind of cuts into my arm. And that's what I wear to tell time with. So how am I going to get an expensive car to go fast? And that is a challenge for a true adrenaline junkie like myself that I need that little adrenaline shot when I step down on the pedal, but I don't want to be seen having money. One way you can accomplish this is car wraps. This is something that I'm very interested in. I think about the science of car wrapping is something I think about a lot. You can buy an expensive car from Sweden or Italy.

Or Europe. Put a wrap on it, which is like a car disguise, essentially. You can disguise a car as any other car. And so what I'll do is I have a Lamborghini G2. Oh, so fast and good. Which is four on the floor with backseat, trunk pop, undercarriage. Yeah. I wrap it up so it looks like a dirty wheelbarrow.

a dirty wheelbarrow and there's a guy on the front of the wrap is an old man like he's dragging it very fast but that's the illusion and I'm dressed like a pile of cans

aha so that allows you to drive it as much as you want and burn up the roads and people think it's just an old can gatherer exploding down the auto part. And if you think about this wrap technology and the Tupac hologram and how we're able to create illusions, you would understand why, you know, what car do I want to drive? Well, of course, I need to have a Porsche in memory of 9-11. And so I want, I need that car to celebrate when the Twin Towers were here

and to speed. But I can't have it looking like one of those. And so what I do is I get it wrapped to look like a little wet wagon with bunnies and kitties inside and little ducklings, baby duckies hatching out of their eggs. And I, of course, am makeuped to look like a three-year-old girl with an Easter bonnet on. What do you do about people trying to kiss your car? Okay. Well, there's an electric force field and it will blast you into space.

So that's one of the ways that I will stop people from kissing my car. Also, got to catch me first, and I'm going fast. And that's why you'll see me zooming over a cliff and then landing safely on the other side. And what you drive is important in the city, and the way you choose that car is important. Because in the city, there are lots of traffic lights, and so it has to be able to stop whenever you want and then start up again on command, all these other factors. You want to test drive it also to make sure that it doesn't transform.

Yes, well, one of the big dangers. Or if it does transform, yeah, go ahead. No, go ahead. I'll go ahead. One of the big dangers of doing a car with modern times is, of course, you could accidentally end up with a Deceptitron. And if you do get a Deceptitron like Megazord and you are doing driving in that, you could end up part of a crime or even part of killing the ladybug guy.

So it is a real danger. And I always try to trick the car by pretending to be asleep and being nearby. And I have, uh, these fake eyelids that I can see through that I lower down over my eyeball area and that have moisture on them. And that lets me watch it all night.

And if it doesn't sneeze or it doesn't Russell, then I know that it's not going to transform later. But it's tough because all you're really looking for when you buy a car is something that will transform into a faithful monster like Bumblebee, the most faithful faithful loyal transformer of them all and so that sneeze could get you very excited oh maybe it's a it's a nice transformer like uh ironhide or um yeah but just as often it could turn out to be starscream starscream or carmichael or Janitor. And so all of these guys can be mean guys. And I don't want to have to fight my car. That's something that has just the way I was raised and Midwest values.

And it could always end up, I worry about, honestly, my loved ones. Because for myself, it's okay because they know that I would give up my life in a second for the Autobots. But I worry that they would capture someone that I love, my girlfriend, and she would be scared. And she's getting held in some kind of electric prison. Yes. And at that point I go, well, this isn't nice and i do have to say i i'm a true grease monkey and so that is putting me at risk i love rolling on wheels underneath the engine oh yeah that's the best feeling of being a man i like or a lady well that's my favorite experience

is when you go into the garage and you say hey buddy when's the thing gonna be done my engine is complete and the guy rolls out because all you see is the big overalls but then up top it's a big pair of breasts yes and long beautiful hair draped over the breasts and grease stains on her face because she's been, I guess, kind of rubbing her face. The oil exploded on her face, yeah. And so then you go like, okay, thank you. And then you know like, oh, this is a girl who I really can talk gears with. And like when you go to the doctor, same kind of thing, and the doctor walks in. You say, okay, sir, when's my engine going to be ready? You go to the doctor, same kind of thing, and the doctor walks in. You say, okay, sir, when's my engine going to be ready?

I mean, and that's your body. Yeah. And then she takes off her surgical mask and it's big red lips. Yes, big wide red lips and a pouty mouth. And you say, okay. That's what you say when you see a lady at work. Okay. And I love when I go to the

fast food factory and I order the hamburger sandwich and I go to grab it out of the hand of the person. I go to snatch it and shove it in my mouth. And then when I touch the hand, there's an electric spark and I see that the nails are painted with little

unicorns on them and have neat things. And I go, oh, is this a goth gentleman? And then I look and I see the set of the hips. The goth gentleman, thank God. and I see the set of the hips. Oh, God, gentlemen. Thank God. And I search in the tight black jeans for the trademark bulge and there's none there. And I say, well, then I know what this is.

It's a female woman in a traditionally male role of handing me hamburger sandwich. And that's how I get off. That's four vrooms. Four vrooms. We want to congratulate Pete Holmes on getting that big interview with Vladimir Putin this week. That's very exciting for him.

I'm sure he asks all the good questions, and I'm sure he'll really get Vlad to truly make it weird. Well, I've heard an advance edition of it, and what you'd be surprised to know is that a lot of Vladimir Putin's stories, maybe only midway through them, what you find out is that the same thing happened to Pete. Mm-hmm. And he even has a better, longer version of it.

Coming up today is our guest Erin Whitehead from Wild Horses and you know her friends and you know her as well and she is friends with us and she's going to be coming in to speak with her friends, the guys, on Hollywood Handbook.

Hollywood Handbook. So, you know, of course, now all eyes are on Kit Arrington. Like, is he going to be able to catch this dog? Yeah. You know, and we're chasing and I'm trying to sort of corral it toward him. And he dives to do a big tackle. And it slips right through his arms and he goes, Okay, who greased the dog?

So you said all eyes were on. A lot of people are just watching. The whole stadium. The whole stadium, yeah. And who did it? Who greased it? Yeah. Was it one of the other tommy lasorda

oh okay yeah yeah i thought it was another like one of the lannister aren't there bad guys bad guys yeah there's mean guys but also there's other ones that are in between yeah because i'm caught up but some of that stuff is hard to, and it changes because you might go like, this dragon's mean, but... And then later you go like, but he's doing something nice. And he's nuzzling. Sometimes they will nuzzle a human. And it's sweet.

So it is hard to follow, but I can't wait for the next. Are you guys going to be doing another show? Yes, like the sort of live event where we catch dogs. It went well financially, but there were a lot of complaints afterwards. And I don't think that was exactly my fault.

But yeah, I'm going to do another one. I just have to do it in a different country because it was illegal what we did hey welcome to Hollywood Handbook Insiders guys are kicking butt and dropping names

in the red carpet linebacker hallways of this industry we call showbiz this industry we call showbiz what up what up we have a guest Aaron Whitehead is here

Bambo I'm here and we're excited too Not as excited as I am Not even possible Oh wow And you're friends

From Wild Horses With Lauren Lapkus And Mary Holland And they're our friends Who've been on the show They know you I don't know you guys Well yes you do

We're friends right? No but I get what you. I don't know you guys. Well, yes you do. We're friends, right? No, but I get what you mean. One of them told you beforehand that this show was going to be a weird experience for you? It wasn't one of the horses. Well, we will get to the bottom of who said it would be weird. It wasn't one of the horses.

Someone who did the show. But it is a friend and you're a female, so it was must have been another female. Yes. I can give you a fun fact about the last time

I was on your show accidentally. Okay. I don't know if you want I mean maybe we're not there yet. Should we save it? The fun fact? Yeah.

I don't know how the show works. I'm afraid I'll forget to ask. Maybe that can be the bonus for the pro version. Okay. It's always nice to have that ahead of time. Good. Great. Aaron. Well, you always nice to have that ahead of time. Good.

Great. Erin, Sean, you know that we all love movies, and that's why we do what we do. And what movie made you fall in love with movies? The first movie that made me fall in love with movies was The NeverEnding Story. Oh, wow. Yes. And you thought, maybe it could be me riding that thing around.

Yeah, and how many impressions do you do from that movie? I don't have to because I used to get stopped in the street because people thought I was Atreyu, the warrior boy.

Ah. I didn't have to do anything. I truly had kids ask for my autograph when I was about 10. And then do a quick impression of Atreyu. What does he

even say? He's always just crying. Oh, Tex! Yeah, that's... Yeah, that's good. But you were smiling when the horse was dying. I hate horses. Don't tell the wild horses that. I hate them. Yes, it's a long con.

I buy a lot of glue. Fuck those guys. What do you do with it? I just save it. I put it in drawers so that I can open it up and be like, you used to run the planes. Now I own you. Yeah. Smart. We're at peak oil.

Good to save. Anything you can hoard and save is going to be a smart move in this economy because we're at peak oil. Because it could be the new money. Mm-hmm. Yeah, and you don't know what it's going to be. Anything could be the new money. Anything. And there's no way what it's going to be. Anything could be the new money. Anything. And there's no way to account for it.

Except peas, Brett. Your peas are never going to be money. Yes, Brett. They will. Enough. The seeds for the peas will be. Brett, no way. We told you this.

It's not going to happen. In a zombie apocalypse, people are going to have pea gardens? Yes. The soil's going to be no good. Peas are already sought after. The soil was burned. You bought 20 bucks of peas the other day for me, Sean. No, that's not what happened.

I went to the bathroom. You took 20 bucks out of my wallet, and then when I got to my car, you had smashed my back windshield and dropped a sack of pea seeds in there. They're after my peas. Got a storm somewhere. So speaking of peas, this is actually a great segue. It is a good way in, and that's the only good thing about your peas, Brett. Not the only thing.

It is a nice intro into what we wanted to talk about today. Now, Wolf Cool, it's a great shingle. It's a great industry. And we are doing it. Hayes, go ahead. We've made a lot of podcasts with our shingle in the past. But we are gradually coming to realize that podcasts are for free. And dead.

coming to realize that podcasts are for free and dead and so we have been wanting to expand for a while into doing our own movies with people that we know you know friends that we have connections to and things like that because that's like what we really bring as a production company like we know all these people you know we have all these friends yeah we invest in people uh you know and that's always been the way we approach business yes so we obviously knew aaron whitehead okay and so we think about some of our friends yes and so we think about aaron and really she does improv and she is acting and so what of email courting that happened yeah emails long emails and so what is like what what is the thing for her to do with us and then it just sort of came to us all of a sudden when food documentary yes and that's what's hot so talk about food documentary what it mean

what it mean uh food documentary mean to me. You know, I'll be honest, and I just want to break this to you guys right now. I didn't want to say it in the email because I really wanted the job. Because you guys know, like, you know the people I'm on a team with. They're busy people. I didn't have a lot of offers coming in. I'm going to be honest. Yes, that's your thing. I'm going to be honest.

You're the unbusy one. I'm busy. People know. That's going to change. I haven't actually ever produced a food documentary, so this was my first one. First one, yes. And a lot of times that's the freshman effort is what's really great from people. Yeah.

I think you're going to like it. It's a little different. They talk about bands and how the first album, you know, they've been writing that album their whole lives. And then they only have one year to write another album huh you know of course the first one's better so your first food documentary i always feel like it's usually the best one yes you've been touring playing these songs all your life and there's so much about food that's a secret food. Sometimes they put a chemical in it. I,

I looked into that. Okay. And that'll be so interesting to hear about. Yeah. Yeah. And sometimes you go to the grocery store and you look at the back of the bottle and it's like a secret code. Mm.

Hmm. Yeah. Numbers and everything. Yeah. Calories and what? Yeah. And barcodes. Yes. Yes.

And a story about the company. Yeah. That was definitely my aim when I started. With a documentary, you have to follow what happens. It's about the people. You can't have a narrative going in. You can have a premise, an idea,

but then the people and what they give to you, that's what it truly becomes about. it has to be a story about people and that is what I found let the documentary come to you yeah yes yeah and do you just want to talk about

the main idea of the of your food documentary yeah or some of the characters yeah I mean these people are

close to me now I'll talk like let me let me start with what I went in with okay because it did change okay okay okay isn't that always the way I mean, these people are close to me now. I'll talk, like, let me start with what I went in with. Okay. Because it did change. Okay. Okay.

Okay. Isn't that always the way? I mean, I didn't know. I didn't know. I just kind of followed my instinct. And like you said, you know. Want to make God laugh? Come up with an idea for your documentary.

Uh-huh. You know, because he's going to make it. He's going to change it. Oh, that's not how that phrase goes. I don't know. You're wrong. And what, how do you mean? It's if you want to make God laugh, bring him into a room.

Plan a picnic. Oh, okay. Tickle him a little bit. Okay. Then let him leave and have him tell other people. And he won't be able to tell the story without laughing. That's right. Okay, yes.

What am I thinking of with the documentary stuff? That's my next documentary. Is that, oh, it's about tickling the face of God? Yeah, it's humor and faith. I love it. It's a great sort of Bill Maher thing. But anyway, what did you go in with? Right, right, right.

So, you know, I sort of jumped off your original email, which was like, you know, there's so many things being put in food these days. And do we even know what they are? And chemicals. Chemicals. What was the company that you mentioned? Oh, Monsanto. Right. That's what I talked to them.

Okay. I always forget the name of it. You forgot the name. Yeah. I knew it was an M word. M. M. Monsanto. But it was definitely a M. Sounds like a troll or something.

It was definitely that that you spoke to? I mean, let me check my notes. Monsanto. Monsanto. Yeah, I did. I talked to them. I talked to them and I talked to a couple other M companies and then they didn't have anything to do with food, so I didn't include it in the documentary.

What were some of those companies? I called the people of Murder, She Wrote, and they didn't know anything about food. I don't think of them as a company. That is another M. Oh, they have a production company. Yes, but there is an M at the beginning. Yeah.

But no, not a company. And I called Meals on Wheels, and they do have a lot to do with food. Yeah, so you said they did have to do with food, but they have almost exclusively food. Oh, my God. They were with charity. It was a nightmare.

Nobody wanted to talk about anything fun. It was a very sad conversation, and I found myself crying by the end, and I was like, this isn't about me. Yeah. That's good footy, though, if you got that on camera. Yeah. I mean, they're giving these people food that seems like a nice thing yeah but then where do you go with

that it made you cry that it was just so boring to you well it made me cry that like i have to leave my house to get my meals they're not on wheels you know right you wish yeah you wish that were just makes me sad you know like putting on makeup just to go to Whole Foods but you have to because I'm a woman. You guys don't have to deal with that but I do. I put on makeup even just to come here. Oh yeah,

I have no idea what that's like. I'm suing Whole Foods. The salad, you go through the salad bar and there's that clear glass that you can't see because it's clear and you go through the salad bar and there's that clear glass that you can't see because it's clear.

And you go in to sniff the food to make sure it's good. And you really want to go in there fast. Well, yes, because what I find is there's so many people around the salad bar. It's like if you don't get in when you can can you're afraid that somebody else is going to scoop you so if you want a big sniff of garbanzo you gotta put your head in there the number of spots on that glass

there's little shatter marks and then like nostril yes if only it were just a spider crack did you go through oh yeah oh my god haze went all the way through no and then um and then you know you understand now you're going through whole foods with glass in your face yeah yeah you know what did you land and you made

yourself up to look so nice it was not even what i thought it was uh i thought it was sweet potato fries but it was like some fucking squash oh that's so weird something that i wouldn't did not even want to sniff and so well that's why you sniff and that's what i'm really suing them for is for the label it bakes the best up because it's like now i have glass in my face and i'm sniffing this disgusting squash i imagine it's bloody too now the squash which whole foods which whole foods do you go to which was this this was the one i'm trying to go to them all so i can get all the bags you know how they have like a bag for every whole foods oh yeah i have a studio city bag even though it's not really my Whole Foods. It's a little weird.

I have that one, too. And so this was Escondido. I don't even know where that is. Oh, Erin, you have to go to the Escondido Whole Foods. You got to go. Is it better than the Glendale one? No. That's my one.

That's mine. No. No. But you have to go. Oh, I do. Now I do want the bag. Just to see how it's different. What color is the bag?

It's got blood on it. Oh, so it's after you. They did it after you? It's bloody. That's great. Anyway, food. Oh, right, right, right. You're getting sidetracked.

You said you talked to Monsanto. I assume that is in the movie. It's in the movie. Okay. Do we want to play that clip? You said you talked to Monsanto. I assume that is in the movie. It's in the movie. Okay. Do we want to play that clip? Yeah, you want to? Okay. Some sort of beep sound, Brett?

Do you have a beep handy? Beep. Okay. And so here's our new corn. It's got green on the outside, yellow on the inside, and we made it so the kernels, they come off easier in your teeth and they don't get stuck between them. Are you married?

That's a great question. I am married. I'm not married. We got to get all these chemicals into the food. What chemicals? Sorry, Jimmy. You got somebody in here? Yes, Stevie.

If you could take the chemical barrel. Is this your son? It's just the only thing that gets me off is putting the chemicals in the food. Just picturing he suckers eating it. Yep, this is my son. This is Stevie. Hi. This is Aaron.

He doesn't work here. He needs to go back to school. Right, Stevie? Oh, yeah, sure. I'll go back to school. Are you a newsie? After I put these chemicals in this food. Is he a newsie on the side?

He sounds and looks a lot like Christian Bale in Newsies. He's a newsie. We did a sort of newsie adoption thing because, you know, a lot of them don't have moms and dads. Do you want a mom or a girlfriend? Huh. I guess I never thought about it. I mean, I'm not offering or anything.

I just was putting my own story out there. I don't know. Sometimes stories have their two circles, and they go over each other, and then there's an overlap. And if the overlap works, then people are friends. So you would like to be my son's new mom? Or girlfriend. How old is he?

15? Yeah? Or girlfriend. How old is he? 15? Yeah, or girlfriend. Okay, I think we could work that. In exchange for you not putting this scene in the movie, I think you can have him for whatever you want. Does that sound fair to you, Stevie? Okay. This is the best day of my life, you guys.

And I'm so happy with what you guys are doing here. I just wanted to say I totally support Monsanto. Ah, I spilled the chemicals on my head. Oh, God. Oh, God. Oh, no. Oh, my God. Oh, my God.

I can't believe I'm making people eat this. Oh, no. Oh, God. It does not look like Christian Bale anymore. Oh, it's all over my head. Oh, boy. Oh, wow. I got out of this at exactly the right time.

So anyway, that was some of the earliest footage. Sorry, we forgot. We forgot the beep out. The beep. The beep to get out. What is it with you guys? One of you other ones did that, too. You think jingling keys for every sound effect.

Slush jingling keys. Jingling keys for every sound effect. You have this whole station over there to make any kind of sound magic, and all you could think to do is hold your keys to the microphone and jingle them for everything. I feel you, though, because I did a bit once where I was jumping into a pool and I had a glass of water, so I did this, and then I was like, if I pour that over my head, no one will hear it. I'll just be soaking wet. So I'm glad I did catch myself.

So, yeah, talk about that scene. Yeah. That scene in the movie. So you did end up including the scene in the movie, even though you promised not to. I promised not to. Also, I endorsed Monsanto, which you're not supposed to do when you're a documentarian. You're not supposed to have a side when it comes to your subject. Oh, so you know that. You've never really been about playing by the rules, have you, Erin? I fucking hate rules,

man. I hate them. What are they made to be done with? They're made to be taken down to the basement and whipped a bit. And tickled. Oh, okay, yes. No, that's my next... I can't tickle rules. That's my next one. Sorry. We've got a lot of projects. Yeah, Fuck rules.

If I could adopt a rule, I'd be like, I'm not your real mom and nobody loves you. And then I'd fuck the shit out of it like Woody Allen did to his adopted kid. His kid, yeah. Yes. Yes. He's too. He's old. That was another bad rule that he exposed.

That was a rule. Why is that even a rule? That was such a big rule. It was a huge rule and we needed a brave artist to actually just put it under the microscope and say, what is going on in this rule? It's like those blue laws and, you know, where it's like in like New Jersey,

you're not allowed to wear a hat on the Tuesday. Oh yeah, no one can own a camel in Minnesota. Yes. And it's like, if you adopt a child, you can't have sex with it near a train. And so that, obviously... Did you say near a train? Near a train. That was his real daughter.

You're mixing them up. That makes more sense. Yes. Okay. Well, all these rules. Very horrifying. Because you don't want to waste the train

on a fake kid. Adopted kids are happy with anything. You don't have to give them a real toy. Give them a box. Give them the box the train came in.

Let them play with it. It's like a cat. Yes, that is what's nice about them. I can't wait to adopt. Anyway. So what happened with the child that you adopted in the clip? Well, this is off the record. I can't wait I can't wait to adopt anyway so what happened with

the child that you adopted in the clip well this is off the record like this won't end up on the podcast is that that's true

I can tell you guys and it's safe no it will end up on the podcast but it won't really right oh you know what Brett mark this part

right so we'll like cut this for sure right cause I had sex with that guy. Okay. Well, yeah. Unless it's great content. With which one? The son.

The son. Okay. You said you wanted to be his girlfriend. Yeah. And his mom. And his mom. And we kind of did both. Like I breastfed him a little bit. And I didn't actually think it would work. But like I was able to bring a little bit of lactation up. I think that's what it was anyway.

Oh, congratulations. Thank you. And that really speaks to what a sympathetic, passionate filmmaker you are. Yeah. That's how I felt. And it's natural food. Yeah, totally. And he'd never had that.

He got this healthy glow the way a rosy baby does or the way a man does when he's in love with you. I wasn't sure which it was. He also had chemicals dumped all over his head. It might have been what the healthy glow was. Yes, because he's starting to have a big glow in that clip. Yeah, for sure. And I was a little worried because immediately you saw how the chemicals melted half his face off.

And I thought I was going to be grossed out because he did kind of look like Christian Bale before that. But I was like more turned on because he kind of looked like the villain from Batman who loses half his face because he betrays him. Yeah. What is that guy? Which one? Half man, two face, one face. Half double man.

Which guy? The one whose eyeball comes out of his skull. No. The red skull. Yeah. Okay. The red skull. Yeah. Okay, so that's interesting. So you were in a Batman zone with him to begin with, and you managed to stay in there. Yeah.

I was like, you need to be mothered. You're also too ugly to be fucked, so you need that too. I felt like I really gave him everything he needed. Yes. And then I also got some great footage. But also, cut this part. Oh, yeah, we will cut this part. You mentioned talking to some other M companies.

Did any of those make the film? Are there any clips from maybe the Murder, She Wrote conversation that we should listen to? Yeah, I mean, I have the footage. And I mean, again, like you guys have seen the ref cut. It's not in there, but do you want to see the Murder, She Wrote footage and see if it should be included?

Well, I'm just so curious about what it is because you did call it a company. Yeah. Oh, it's definitely a company. I went to their building. And it has a sign. Oh, great. Let's hear about that. Let's see it.

Too long. It took me a while to get into your building. You guys have so many gates and locked doors. Well, this is not a building. You know, you call it a building, but it's a home. It's a residence. Oh, I wondered why it looked so cozy. Yeah.

So many expensive rugs. And we were just watching TV here. What are you watching? We're watching Murder, She Wrote. You guys watched that even though you made it? Oh, we didn't make it. It's just a show we like. Yeah.

I thought you guys were the Murder, She Wrote company. No, what made you think that? The sign on your front gate. No, that just shows what TV show we're watching. Oh, so it changes daily. Well, we watch a lot of Murder, She Wrote. We like the one show. Oh.

Well, I'm doing a documentary, and I'd love to interview you guys. Okay. A what? You watery? It's called a documentary. Huh? It's like a movie, but it's true. What? Yeah. Even though all movies are true because really the difference between fiction and truth is like nothing.

But people don't get that. Anyway. So, on Murder, She Wrote, what did Angela Lansbury like to eat the most in character and as herself? We got the numbers in from the latest shipment. Oh, no. Not a good time, Angela. We've been exposed as the Murder, She Wrote Company. Everyone thought it was just a TV show that went off the air.

They're going to know we got the numbers in from the latest shipment of Murder, She Wrote. What numbers are you guys talking about? Never mind. It's just the... Do we kill it? I know we'd know how to get away with it. What? I would be able to catch us.

Quick question. Are either of you guys married? We're both married to... One another. To one another. Oh, I'm barking up the wrong two trees. And, you know, also to our mom. Oh, yeah.

Who you met. Your mom is Angela Lansbury? Yeah, and we're married to her as well. Is that the kind of arrangement you would be interested in? I mean, yes. I mean, oh, my God. Because it's a two. See, okay, I'm so glad to find someone who agrees with this.

Because it's like a two-for-one thing. You know, see, okay, I'm so glad to find someone who agrees with this, because it's like a two for one thing. You know, why have all these people you're dealing with? Such a convenience. Let's all head up to the train station upstairs. You have a train station upstairs? Yeah. Yeah. Oh my God.

Well, they're my real boys. I've never done sex stuff near a train before. You're gonna love it, baby. You are so much more loosey-goosey than I would have imagined in life. Wee-hoo. You kind of sound like Mrs. Doubtfire. Oh, yeah. Woo-hoo.

Have you guys met Mrs. Doubtfire? Yeah, yeah. Yeah. Do you know what I found out recently?fire? Yeah, yeah. Yeah. Do you know what I found out recently? What? She's actually Robin Williams. Yeah, well, now he is Mrs. Doubtfire permanently because... Is that what he became?

Yeah. Oh, I love that. The whole thing is he was sick of being famous, and so now everyone thinks that this thing happened, but now he's just going around as Mrs. Doubtfire. Oh my god, I wish that. Is that really true? And he's running the Mrs. Doubtfire company! Oh no, you can't expose that there's another company for

that movie! Did she just get tired? She's a... You made this real sad face after you finished that thing you said she's getting she's yeah oh yeah everyone's pretty tired it's very late at night well we could all go take a nap you want to go take a nap sure yeah and if something happens. It happens. That's naps, baby. Jesus Christ.

So you could see how we didn't really get into food. They didn't know anything about in terms of what she might eat. They didn't even offer me any food, which I thought was strange. Yeah, when she came in with the numbers from the latest shipment, I almost thought maybe she should be walking in with some brownies or something. Yeah, that's kind of what I was hoping. I love brownies. Do you guys have any brownies?

No. We should have brought some food for you to talk about what's really in it. Because I can tell now. Okay. Yeah. Well, what about just like a Whatchamacallit bar? Yeah. What's in that?

Whatcha McCall It. That's my favorite song. Okay. Because I can remember all the words. Okay. That was kind of a non-starter. I will. What about...

Can you meet me down at Low F? At Low F? Can you meet me down at Low F for this Whatcha McCall It song? Is it the lowest level of the parking lot? What is that? In a manner of speaking, it's, you know, like the Sonic parking lot. Can you take the elevator all the way down to the bottom? Yeah, I can.

Whatcha McCall It. Yeah. Whatcha. Whatcha McCall. Yeah, same time. I lost it. Same time. You go low.

Whatcha McCall It. Whatcha McCall It. Whatcha McCall It. Whatcha McCall It. time. You go low. What you call it? What you call it? What you call it? What you call it? What you call it? What about a Caramello bar? What's in those?

Caramello and chocolate. Oh. Yeah. I talked to the company. Did that make the doc? That's in there. Yeah. Yeah.

Do you want to see that clip? Do you want to hear that clip? Sure. I'm here at Caramello. It was very hard to get inside. I'm told I'm going to speak with somebody named Todd. Hi, I'm Todd. So we got your email.

So, yeah, I feel like we answered the question in the email, but we'll say it again. The caramel is on the inside and then the chocolate goes around it. What about scary chemicals that could melt somebody's face off, Todd? Hmm. You mean like the Batman villain? Yeah, just like that. Are those in there? Hmm.

Hey, I'm here with the caramel and chocolate. Where do you want me to put this stuff? Not a good time, Rick. Oh, wow. It's just caramel and chocolate. You don't want me to put this stuff? Not a good time, Rick. Oh, wow. It's just caramel and chocolate. You don't want people to know about this? Rick, please. It's made with real milk.

It's made with real milk and cane sugar. Oh, my gosh. I love the way he says words. Do you want to be his mom? Yeah. Are you married? Yeah, I'm married, but I ain't got no mom. Okay, I can be your mom.

Okay. Yeah. You don't want nothing to do with my dad, though. Oh, so you do have a dad. And he's part of the deal. Yeah, I said I ain't got no mom. Why don't I want anything to do with your dad? What's he like?

He's injured. He's injured? Yeah. Well, I mean, I'm not against handicapped people or anything. He used to work at the factory here. That's how I got this job. Oh. Yeah.

And now he fell into the machine, and now he's like a caramel guy. He's like a caramel man. He's a caramello man? Caramel man, yeah. Yeah. Oh, my God. That's amazing. He's like a human bar. I would man, yeah. Oh, my God. That's amazing. He's like a human bar.

I would eat that up. He'll love hearing that. What? Other women aren't into that? No, his problem is not people not wanting to eat him. In fact, the opposite is what he mostly deals with. He'd like to have a nice conversation where someone didn't try to eat him. Oh, I could see how that would be really hard. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. deals with he'd like to have a nice conversation where someone didn't try to eat him oh i could

see how that would be really hard yeah yeah i have like the opposite where i would just love somebody to like want to do anything other than just talk to me but i've never experienced that you know so it's like we're the same but we're different and i bet he and i would be like two circles that would overlap yes or like two squares of chocolate and like the caramel like that part where you break them apart and there's like a little hole and the caramel is like bleeding in from one to the other like that's like how we are yeah oh god I spilled the caramel on my head oh my god look at his face it's so hot oh no well hey Brett uh if you're listening to this, maybe hit him with the beep.

Oh, so the guy spoke to Brett in the clip. I should mention, I brought Brett along to most of these. To most of these interviews. Yeah. That's so interesting. In what capacity? I just wanted company. And sometimes I get nervous around strangers, and so I wanted someone to hold my hand.

He refused each time, but I kept trying. He wouldn't hold your hand. He didn't want to. He said it was clammy. Brett, speak on that. I was looking for peas. Yeah, he kept saying that too. Your metal detector does not pick up peas.

That's for real money. What do you mean? Have you ever once, once, when you're using your metal detector and it beeps, has it even one time been peas? I found something that looked like an old possibly an old pea. But it was like a ball. It was

metal, right? It was metal. It was metal. I'm told it's worth a lot though so I think it's a pea. A metal ball? And was it inside of a BB gun? Yeah. How do you know that? That was it inside of a BB gun? Yeah. Oh.

How do you know that? Okay, that doesn't sound like a P to me. It's interesting that your metal detector, the story, you talk about how you found a metal ball and not the fact that there's a metal gun around it. But I guess everybody sees life differently. Well.

There's plenty of guns. It's the P thing, I think. That's not. The P in the gun. Yeah. Right. The princess and the P. P's on the brain, yeah. Yeah. What's that story do it I think. The pee in the brain. The princess and the pee. What's that story

doing for you? The princess and the pee? Is there like some kind of... Well, I think it's ahead of its time. It's telling us something. Would that be your ideal woman? Would be a woman who could feel pee through like 40 mattresses? Yeah, and how do you think she felt that pee?

Yeah, she's like a human metal detector. That's what I'm trying to say. Right. Yeah. Exactly. That's an amazing woman. I feel like back in olden times, that was a dream girl.

It was like a human metal detector. Now you have to just wear makeup everywhere. Whole foods or whatever. Insane. Should we get into the popcorn gallery? Yeah, boy, we really should. Time-wise, just shouldn't we be in the popcorn gallery? And do you have the song, Brett?

Please. Yeah, here it is. Jingle the keys. Great. So the popcorn gallery is where we talk to you about our questions from our guys. A lot of questions about whiteheads like a zit. Are there really? Amazing.

Name-based questions. My dad used to get those when he was in elementary school, so that's how old that joke is. The name-based questions on these forums are just very discouraging. A lot of questions about Jurassic World. I'm sure that's exactly what you want to hear right now. I mean, I'm excited. I'll talk about it.

I'm sure you love being reminded of Lauren's success. I mean, I really do. This is not a bit. Very happy for her. I'm sure you do. You're alone on that one. Here's a question from Colt Barton. Okay.

Erin, you played the nurse on Episode of Scrubs. Wow, these people know their stuff. Any opinions on the recent VA hospital scandal? With the word scandal tipping me off, I'm going to say it was bad. I don't know what the story is I have a different question those guys friends in real life? on Scrubs?

yeah my understanding was was that they were this is a question about a show that aired nine or ten years ago do Scrubs are friends in real life? are the Scrubs friends in real life?

you think so? I think they were good friends was my it seemed it seemed to be the case, yeah. Any pranks? Sometimes, yeah. Because I had a line on the show,

but I was mainly a background artist on that show for a long, long time. And sometimes Zach Braff would walk by me and slam the papers out of my hands that I was holding. How much of that is improvised? What I just said? No, on the show. Oh, oh.

They would do a lot of improv, but then I would notice that when I'd watch it, they didn't really use a lot of improv. Okay. Writers like their words. I have no idea what's real right now. Guilty. Here is a question, and let's get it out of the bag. Let's get the last one out.

Oh, right. Okay. Oh, right. Okay. Oh, God. You guys are scaring me. It's popcorn. Don't eat it because there's a lot of bad stuff in there. It's a series of numbers, some sort of code. Okay, so the first question was some sort of code.

Maybe that story will continue when we reach into the bag again for the next question. Okay. Well, this is the second question. Yeah, just... It's a combination. It's a combination of a lock. And it's a lock. I better open it.

Now, is there going to be another question? I hope so. Oh, me too. Maybe not. We're really short on time. Okay. This question's from JMonsterFace. Dear Aaron, spelled like a boy version.

I'm good. What's the meanest thing you ever did to a parent? The meanest thing I ever did to a parent? I might think of a lot of them uh my does have to be my parent no no no better if it doesn't specify my best friend and this is like it's one of these things that i feel guilty for and when you hear it it's not it's not that terrible but my best my best friend's mom was the sweetest sweetest woman and we were watching a parade we'd been friend's mom was the sweetest, sweetest woman. And we were watching a parade. We'd been there for a long time. Impossible, my mommy's the sweetest.

Yeah, alrighty, this is story's become a lie. No, I spoke to your mom, and this woman is definitely sweeter. We were watching a parade, and we'd been out in the sun for a long time. I was getting kind of hungry. I was not in a good mood. And she reached over in the sweetest

way and was like, let's put some sunscreen on your shoulders. And I was like, oh my God, I know how to put sunscreen on. Like stop. And like shrugged her, like shrugged her off. And she looked so hurt. And I was like, oh my God, I forgot I can only treat my mom like that. I can't treat other moms like that. I felt terrible. And I thought it was going to be, you're so hungry that you ate her, ate the sunscreen. Oh, the sunscreen. Which is food. It is, and that's another scene in the documentary. It's also legal tender.

If you go to pay sunscreen somewhere, they have to accept it. On any island nation. Now, is that the last question, Ace? Yeah, I think that's it. Okay, great. So we're never going to know what happened with that lock. We don't know what that lock was doing, and maybe it's for the best. Aaron, thank you so much for coming. To all of our listeners, please like us on Facebook, talk to us on the forums, rate us on iTunes,

and the pro version this week is going to be purchased by— Just Add Pepper. Just Add Pepper bought the pro version. And his prize is you telling us who said that you were going to have a bad time on our show. See, you guys keep changing it. No one said I'd have a bad time.

They said it might be weird. Okay. And who said that? I can't tell. I can never tell. It's an evolved thing. It's just for this person. Only they will hear it.

It's just for Just Add Pepper. But you have to say their name and you have to at the very least say the fun fact about your last appearance. Oh, I can tell you the fun fact. Yes. And it better be fun.

It might not be fun. Now it might be kind of dark for the end of the show. But let's try it. Go ahead. So when you guys were doing your podcast, and we'll remind the listeners, you heard loud voices out in the lobby. And I don't know Sean well, so I could read on when something's a bit

and when it's not. So when he walked out and asked us to come in and apologize, I started to cry because I truly thought I was in trouble. So when I walked in here looking like my eyes were full, then my defenses went up and I was livid. So someone goes, Aaron, you want to say something about this? And I was like, no. No. I don't. I don't know what the fuck has happened.

That's a good illustration of why I'm maybe the least popular guy in comedy. Bye. bye Hollywood Handbook Hollywood Handbook is brought to you by Wolf Cool Productions a subsidiary of Calvin and Hobbes baby Baby.