Hollywood Handbook - Felicia Day, Our Close Friend

Episode Date: December 10, 2019

FELICIA DAY joins The Boys to make nerds show. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

this is a head gum podcast so i'm getting stressed out obviously it's a very steep incline i'm on a roof it's slippery Slippery, and I'm calling down to Ricky. Ricky Gervais. Ricky Gervais. And I'm saying, Ricky. Did you see this? Oh, please. Did you see this?

Yes. No, I'm sure I did. They had him do a freaking commercial. I didn't see this. For the Golden Globes. Oh, and oh, yes. No. You saw this? Yes. Yes. Did you see this, Felicia? Felicia, did you see this. For the Golden Globes. Oh. And oh yes. No. You saw this? Yes. Did you see this Felicia? Felicia did you see this? No.

He's doing this commercial for the Golden Globes. You gotta see this. You have to see it. Just a commercial or the commercial. And they're like okay Ricky. Yeah. Just all you have to do is pour a glass of champagne. Pretty simple. Champers as they call it. Just one glass

of champers. And he says, okay. And he's being very well behaved. Yes, for him especially. Say your line, pour the champers. And he says, I'm Ricky Gervais, I'm hosting the Golden Globes again. Goes to pour the glass of champagne

and instead shakes up the bottle and sprays the camera. And they ran that commercial instead of the actual. I guess he never did it like he was supposed to do. They must not have gotten a clean one where he just poured it because... Do you think that that was scripted?

What? Oh yeah, they scripted the camera getting destroyed. Expensive equipment getting freaking champagned over. Okay. Yeah, they scripted that. Yeah, I'm sure they scripted that one. They could have had like a shower cap on the top of it.

And Ricky's known for following the script. Yeah. He also was very worried about the sacred cows during the shoot, Felicia. Come on. All I know about him is that occasionally someone will retweet him being angry at someone who's murdered a dead animal into my timeline. He's really anti-hunting, so

it'll be like, why is there a dead tiger in my timeline? Oh, it's somebody retweeting Ricky. And I agree with him, and I'll heart it, but I'll be traumatized that I saw someone sitting on a dead elephant or something in my Twitter feed. That's always nice when someone goes, this is so disturbing.

And then they like post into your feed, like a photo of something. Someone who had been like stoned to death. Yeah. And you go like, yeah, it is. Wish I wasn't looking at it.

Yeah. Hang on. Let me go fix it. I'm looking at my fucking phone. I'm like hanging out. How can I fix Syria? I'll just stare at this stone body. Hold up, let me get that for you.

I'm on my way. I'm booking it on United. Good thing I know. I'm doing a fucking podcast later. I don't have time. Anyway, so what happened? We're on the roof and I'm going is it this one Ricky

is it this one he's being cheeky okay and is he possibly having a laugh he's having a laugh he's taking a piss I

one of the Christmas lights is out got eat by a weasel oh come on the Christmas weasel yes m, come on. Yes. Christmas weasel. Yes. Munch, eat the light and bite the string and the wires.

Are you sure it wasn't the piss? The weasel eat the piss? No, Ricky, because Ricky took that already. Yeah. Okay. So if you follow the geography, there is no more piss. Ricky has taken it all. Okay.

He's taking it. And he's having a laugh. Did he take the weasel? Well, the weasel escaped and I'm still looking. And when I go home from this today, I'm going to get into the house with a headlight on.

I know you put some corn nuts out. Oh, yeah. They like those? Love it. Chili picante? The spicier, the better. Yeah. Because a weasel Is chili powered

Did you know that Now Explain Speak on that Because I've heard you say this before Obviously I'm a fan And this is your foundation

Yeah Well I mean I have a weasel Chili power And you are here To sort of promote This foundation

Well I just want to tell everybody I just want to spread The love of weasels I feel like They're underrated as a rodent. I don't love when they eat my freaking Christmas light. Well, I mean, that's why I'm here. Because I know that you're a supporter of the weasel rights and weasel awareness. I would like him to live somewhere safer where what he has to eat is, I guess, chili.

I just want to say he's promoting weasel awareness. So people will hopefully be aware of all the weasels in the neighborhood and tell him where this one is. I mean, you probably need to chip it. Yeah. You need to chip it. You need to chip your weasel. You need to chip your weasel and feed it some chili.

I'll chip its dang tooth with one big punch. Hey, now, I'm sorry. That's over the line. What kind of, is this a WAGA? Is this a WAGA podcast? Oh, Weasel America. Greatness. Gross again?

Gross again, yeah. Wow. Hi. Hi. So, hi. Do you want to do it? Oh, no. Who are you saying hi to?

Hi. Hi, Devin. No, if you want. Hi, Devin. No. No, there's no. Who am I saying hi to? Hi. Hi, Devin. No, if you want. Hi, Devin. No. No, there's no. Who am I saying hi to? There's dozens of listeners all waiting.

When are they going to notice us? Hi, mom. And this is us looking straight down the barrel of the lens and saying, hi. It's been like. Happy you came. We're a little out of shape. It's been a while. It feels like it's been a long time since

we did this show and it is a show and it's a show and it's entertainment and we're putting on the big show can i take one second to remember how to do the show please please and while you're doing that give me one second yeah and you need silence for it yep okay and okay and i actually wouldn't mind having a moment can I just one second you're not finished no

wait that was a long this is a long moment though I haven't even gotten it yet I feel like you're milking the moment I'm so sorry just give me one more second okay

oh so awkward it got awkward I didn't even get it what okay I've only got the chance to remember like two things well I should do it at the same time

then. Okay, yes. Because otherwise we're going to have to wait for me afterwards. Felicia, do you want to do it? I assume you could use a moment to remember to be a guest. I can probably be better. I can probably if I channeled myself. Okay, so let's all take a second to remember how to do our respective jobs. Devin, please.

Yeah, Devin, if you could too. What? Oh, that's right. Just say yes. Just say yes. Just sell the book. Sell the podcast. Just sell.

Follow me on Twitter. I forget to stop the recording. That could be good. Oh boy, I didn't cut my hair. That could be good. Levels, I didn't cut my hair. That could be good. Are we done yet? Okay, so let's do the show from here on out. Now I really remember. I remembered a lot of stuff.

I got a couple pieces back. Hollywood Handbook and Insider's Guide to Kicking Butt and Dropping Names in the red carpet linebacker hallways of this industry we call showbiz. And it is showbiz. Wagwan. Welcome. Felicia. Felicia Day.

That's my name. In relation to Charles. That's my dad. Charlie Day is your dad. No, not Charlie Day. Charlie Day from Pacific Rim. No, not Charlie Day. Imagine. Charlie Day from Pacific Rim. The scientist who is really having a tough time at Pacific Rim is your dad. No, but I do feel like the days were gifted the whole state of New Jersey early in the beginnings of this country.

And so I'm sure that Charlie and I are somehow distantly related. We're both slightly puffy and pasty, very white, very sort of nondescript sort of quirkiness. I'm sure that we're related. Any relation to Ben Day, who was on the golf team in my high school when you were above me? I mean, I think we're all descended from the New Jersey days. We had Vesta States, and I don't really know why

I'm not landed right now but it's okay I am do qualify for the Daughters of American Revolution wow that is a

you're very interested in genealogy I and like ethnic makeup well I have an ancestry.com account that I just keep forgetting to cancel

for like seven years now so I'm gonna get into that one yay you just keep forgetting and so instead of canceling it you just look at it I just keep forgetting to cancel for like seven years now. So I'm going to get into that one. Yay. You just keep forgetting. So instead of canceling it, you just look at it a lot. Once a year I look at my credit card statements and I'm like, whoa, what happened there? That and you're a member of a gym? These are crazy things. Better than my money's worth.

Yeah. Go ahead. Dig in. I spent $400 on Highlights magazines this year and I didn't know. You forgot to cancel Highlights magazines from when you were a baby. Yeah. Wow. It's so long ago. Parents, so this is how you teach your children.

Financial understanding is you make them pay for their own magazines. Yeah. Well, I'm forgetting to cancel. I think magazines are free. Unfortunately, it's exactly what Goofus would have done. Yes. He would still be paying. He would still be paying. I'm such a Goofus. But they're not going to run that free. Unfortunately, it's exactly what Goofus would have done. Yes. He would still be paying. He would still be paying.

I'm such a Goofus. But they're not going to run that one. Oh, yeah. Highlights is going to run the Goofus and Gallant where Gallant remembers to cancel his Highlights magazine. They won't buy them, though. No, no, no. Yeah, okay. Gallant has a 401k.

I dare them. Goofus has a lot of student loan debt. Yeah. Goofus getting his master's. In medieval Renaissance poetry. Back on the merry-go-round, yep. Felicia, did I hear you whisper something about a book before? I do.

I have a book. Sell the book, she said. Would you like me to sell the book? I feel like you have a super engaged fan base. All 12 of them are really needing some self-improvement. Excuse me, I said dozens. Oh, I'm so sorry. I thought you said dozen.

24 fans. Yeah, it's called Embrace Your Weird, Face Your Fears, and Unleash Creativity. And what kind of book is this? What is this going on inside the pages? You know, if you have a lack, it's about 250 pages. If you have a lack of creativity in your life, it's supposed to channel it. You're supposed to use glitter in it and markers,

etc. Markers in the book. Inside the book, yeah. To read. There's a book that... It's a glitter bomb. I mean, I don't want to encourage people to make weaponry. Like, Anarchist Cookbook, it is not. It really is. But it's an inner soul Anarchist Cookbook. Like, you need to revolutionize

yourself and maybe blow yourself up from the inside. Blow yourself up and go to jail. A fertilizer bomb for the soul. For the soul, yeah. So that's the book. It's a good stocking stuffer. Wow, that's it. Okay. I'm sold. The stocking would be pretty stuffed

with 250 pages in there and a marker. I wrote so many pages. There's drawings in there, but I didn't do the drawings. How many pages is one? Say drawings again. Drawings? Drawings? Drawings.

Is that a weird way to say the word drawings? What am I doing different than other people? No, to me it sounds right. Hayes is the one. No, I'm just realizing I'm weird by saying drawings. It's supposed to be drawings. Yeah. Do I say that word weird?

I say button very weird. Drawings. Button. Button. Listen, I am Katherine Hepburn. How about drawer? What are you talking about? Yeah, that's your old New Jersey heritage.

Your transatlantic accent. It's mid-Atlantic accent. What do you pull out from a dresser? A sock? No, she got your ass. Sorry. It's over. She got you. Yeah, she burned your ass.

Mid-New Jersey, so then is that home and phone? No, I've only been to New Jersey twice. I went to New Jersey to the shore to meet some friends I met online when I was 14. The situation, etc. The situation, yeah. I had an affair with the situation. Went to the shore to meet the situation.

You and him cybered. That's why I'm so pale. He and I had intercourse and he drew all my melanin out of my body. Now he has it all. He did that via cybering? Sounds like me at the summer barbecue. I'm drawing the melanin.

Yum, yum, yum. Oh, you mean like melon? I'm drawing all that melanin. You know what I mean? Yum, yum, yum. Oh, you mean like melon? Yeah, I mean, I'm drawing all that melanin. So you laughed before. I didn't get it, but I laughed anyway. Was it more of a pity laugh? Watermelonin. He has this way of like holding his finger against his ear that makes him seem like he's sophisticated.

That's not my ear. It's that. Your jawline. You're trying to pull it back a little bit. Trying to make it a little sharper. Yeah, what's left of it. Alicia, would it shock you to know that I was once considered quite beautiful? Really?

I'm asking a question. It's a yes or no. She's being shocked. I'm just questioning you. The veracity of any of those statements. Let me say look again. Look. Here's something we used to talk about on this show.

Is that how you draw attention in a podcast? Look? Yes. Why don't you like listen? That's how I try to. Here. Here. Here.

I think Felicia needs another minute to remember how to be a guest. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. We've obviously remembered how to do our jobs. We're hosting the fuck out of this damn thing. Okay. I'm so sorry. We've obviously remembered how to do our jobs. We're hosting the fuck out of this damn thing. Okay. I'm so sorry. We're not anywhere near an idea.

We're on the speed bag right now in the studio. What's a speed bag? That's Rocky. Picture Rocky. Oh, I thought it was a new drug or something. I don't do those. That's how the speed bag makes when we do it. Isn't that another word for cocaine?

A speed bag? Or a speed bump? A speed ball. A speed ball, that's it. Is when you friggin' mix up the cocaine with the heroin. I knew it. I knew it was a drug thing. Yeah.

You're in the fast lane and the slow lane at the same damn time. Wow, you're getting a little sense of nostalgia in your eye right now. You're taking me back. I literally see 2009 in your right eyeball right now. Wow, this book must be pretty smart. I'm wearing the New Year's glasses from 2009.

The last good ones. The last ones that you could actually use as real glasses. You could just put a piece of tape over that and actually use it for last year. To do that in 2019. Or you could just see this year out with them on. Maybe a big piece of tape. Okay, I can just say that's going to be a big-ass tape.

Okay, fine. They have it. Just go to Home Depot. That's going to be a honking-ass, big-ass tape. Jesus, I don't know if I have that much tape, Felicia. I might be better off buying a new pair of glasses. Let me say what I was going to say. You had something?

Yeah. Something big. We used to say on this show, nerds is cool now. Nerds is cool now? Yes. And bullies is pumping our gas. Pumping our gas. Is that a good thing?

And nerds rule and the nerds are in charge and the bullies, well, they have to pump our gas. What does that mean? Like physically pump gas? If you've been to New Jersey more often, you would know. Well, you don't pump your gas there. Yes. That's what he's saying. The bullies do it.

The bullies do it for you. So I thought it was a sexual thing. Pump your gas. Like your gas is your dick. I'm beginning to see why you and Devin get along. I'm just wondering. Because everything goes there somehow. No, I'm genuinely confused.

Maybe it's just the way, the lascivious way you touch, you're touching, simultaneously you're touching your temple, your eyeball orbital, and then your nose and your lip. It's like all four fingers your nose and your lip. It's like all four fingers are stroking your face like Inspector Gat. Dr. Claw. Dr. Claw stroked the cat. Do you recall?

His face is the cat. Do you remember a toy called like an alien ball? And there would be two metal pieces on like a ping pong ball. And then you would touch it and it would start going right. And you would go. Oh, yeah. I don't have toys. You didn't have to have it. You could just know what it is. touch it and it would start glowing red and you would go wee-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo- next electricity. You're a human theremin. It's like a potato battery. I complete the circuit. You're playing yourself with your own fingers.

Like a theremin. Devin is having a problem over here. To Devin, that obviously sounds extremely sexual, as all things somehow do. Are you drinking squirt? No, bubbly. Devin, you want to talk about horniness for a moment while we sort of get the show back on track? Not particularly. Is there a track

to this show, for sure? Like, is there a track? Not particularly. Is there a track to this show for sure? Like is there a track? Well you don't want there to be but there is. I'm a good guest I will let you track it up The track is this The nerd stuff. Nerds fucking kick ass Nerds are in charge now and finally and I

am one of these people who was reading the comics. Like what? Family Circle? Please. For babies. It was shaped like a circle, but it was called Family Circus.

Okay. I always got that mixed up. I really got that. But you know what? That was super nerdy the way you said that. Family Circle is the magazine that you forgot to cancel. Is your hair real? Is my hair real?

I'm so sorry. It just occurred to me that that could be just an accessory you put on. Okay. Just about the only thing that's real. It's just so mop-ish. I'm so sorry. So why would I make it be like this? I don't know. If I had I make it be like this? I don't know.

If I had to choose it be in any way, why would I have it be moppish? Because you want to channel Dennis the Menace from the 1960s. Here, I'll say this. I can tell your hair's real. Now, how's that feel? Well, that's because I'm in pubes out, okay? Hey, you said you forgot to comb it before. Oh, that too.

What were you asking? I don't know that I was asking anything. You were saying about the comics. Do you read the comics now? Comic books. Oh, the comic books. Please, the books. Because I read the comics every day.

I try to explain the comics to my daughter. We must. And there are some that are in there, like Chickweed Lane. Chickweed Lane. Nine Chickweed Lane. That is one of the worst to my daughter. We must. And there are some that are in there, like Chickweed Lane. Chickweed Lane. Nine Chickweed Lane. That is one of the worst things ever created. No offense to the gentleman who does it.

Oh, because it has a take? There's no take. Oh, because it has like an opinion for once? Oh my God. I'm sorry. It's not just spoon feeding you what you've already agreed on? Holy shit, are you Chickweed Lane fans?

Nine Chickweed Lane. Oh, because it actually tries to tell a story instead of just going for the cheap laugh? The story is a naked woman with flowing hair over a piano, and then they go murp. And I'm like, how is that funny? Okay, so portraying women's sexuality in a newspaper comic is out of bounds in 2019. There's a man who's always stroking a pregnant woman's belly in it. It's so gross. It's just disgusting.

This comic, the whole arc of it this year. Oh, yeah. God forbid a father be involved in his child's life. Listen, if you spend a week... Looking at the pregnant belly and holding his nose and saying, P.U. That's what you want. P.U. Stinky. This whole week it's just a

woman playing a piano with her hair flowing around saying it tells a story there's no fucking story stick around baby jesus attention spans with these phones i'm gonna leave if we don't get off the chickweed lane i'm i'm raging now chickweed lane is the good i'm glad the scourge of the comic universe okay i'd rather be drabble you go wherever you want for the rest of my life. I'll be on Nine Chickweed Lane laughing my fucking ass off. God, I hate it so much.

I'll be losing it. She's playing the piano. Her hair's flowing around. God damn it. This is a throwback to the old comics. You and hair, huh? Mr. Natural. It's just this comic, okay? It's just like your hair enrages me now because I can picture

it in Nine Cheek Weight Lane. Okay, now it's a compliment. And now we're getting to the heart of this and you probably didn't even love Mr. Natural. Alright, let's talk about nerds. Yeah, let's talk about it. They're cool now! They rock. It's too bright in here. Yeah, it better. Did it get brighter all of a sudden?

I think it did. You woke up. Maybe I finally did. She is a pretty good guest it did. You woke up. Maybe I finally did. She is a pretty good guest after all. Yeah. Maybe I finally did woke up. This nerd stuff. The nerd shit. It's everywhere.

We used to talk about it a lot and then we kind of forgot to, but it was very popular at the time. At the time? Yeah, the time we were talking about it. Oh, I thought you were talking years ago. We were talking like currently in this podcast about 10 minutes ago we're talking it's cyclical and we're on the other end of it it's now people are pissed it's not as popular right now i mean i feel like now it's just like okay we got popular now we're just it's it's like merging onto the freeway like before the freeway was down to one lane but then it's like the cars are all on the freeway

and everyone's just driving now yeah Do you know what I'm saying? I completely understand what you're saying, and I actually knew way before you were even done. Got you. So I don't even need to finish sometimes. See, I'm like right then. Yeah, like right then.

You know exactly what I'm saying? Can do it, yeah. So some of the nerd stuff, even though it's not as big, and they tried to do a show here. They did nerd poker. Nerd poker? I just guessed it on nerd poker. Did they get fired from here?

Wait, they jumped ship? They did. I don't know. I just. You should ask Engineer Sam about it sometime. I just did two episodes of it. Why don't you just tell me? You're here.

Why don't you tell the whole audience? Make me go talk to Engineer Sam. What's a guy? Hey, Devin, what's a sitch? He's always passing me off to Engineer Sam. Yeah. I know. Who's a Sam? You're here. Why don't you tell the whole audience? Make me go talk to Engineer Sam. What's a guy? Hey, Devin, what's a sitch? He's always passing me off to Engineer Sam. Yeah. I know. Who's this Sam?

You do it. You do something for once. Sam's freelance gig now is doing that. What the heck? He's running Nerd Poker. Sam was really cool. He's moonlighting at Nerd Poker. He was funny.

He's not cool, maybe. I don't know. I felt kinship to Sam. He was great at wrangling a mic. No insult, Devin. You're good, too. Oh, thank you very much. You're welcome. He does have a good on mic voice. No shade.

No shade. You can wrangle a mic as well. So basically, all you do is are you casting shade against another podcast that you thought was okay to cast shade against and now they're gone? Now you feel a little embarrassed? Dude, you leave Earwolf, sometimes you fall clean off the map. Oh, yeah.

I honestly thought they didn't exist anymore. There be dragons. That's nerd shit. Yeah. You really dug deep for that one. Yeah. That's from freaking Hobbit or something. Yeah, from Smaug. Smaug. Smaug says that.

Smaug. What do you want to know here? We don't want to know anything we want to have fun with our nerdy friend so I thought they didn't exist anymore so I thought it was okay

for us to do this but we often do shows that still exist well they disappear from your view and therefore they probably no Earwolf needs a nerd podcast mmhmm

yeah we are I'm on one Voyage to the Stars yeah we already did that we did it already we're done why am I here then nerd podcast. We are Voyage to the Stars. We already did that with Janet. We're done. Why am I here then? The janitor. Why the fuck am I on a podcast right now? You tell me, man.

I got a fucking text from Kevin. It says, hey, you got Felicia Day. It was like a victory? I go, for real this time? We did have to reschedule a couple times. What kind of shitty, passive-aggressive, like, let me see that text message. Let me see the list. Let me see it.

What list? You call me a redhead fireball? Oh, wow. No. When I came in, I'm talking to Felicia, and she goes, you don't know who I am, do you? I did say that. That was the first thing out of my mouth. Wow.

And what did I say? He was like, hey, I get to do a little bit of chit-chat. And then you stared at me like you were either like, God. You literally had a look in your eye like, fuck, I can't. How am I going to fill the next seven and a half minutes of my life with this woman? That's literally what you had in your eye. That's how I feel all the time with everyone, including my loved ones. And I sat there and I ate those free raisins out there.

And I just kind of stared at you like how long is this going to go on well what I found was reminder that Felicia Day is Thursday at 7 somebody reminded you

was that Devin no that was Kevin I'll be flying back the next day so I asked Devin to engineer okay

because he knows her so well and there's a party right now you guys did you get invited to the party the party is the issue he wants us to keep this. You guys, did you get invited to the party? The party is the issue.

He wants us to keep this episode brief so that Devin can go to the party. Devin? Oh, right. That's very kind of him to care. Where's the party? That is very nice of you. Around the corner.

Oh, you guys didn't get invited? Live karaoke? He's doing up your button around the corner. Okay. Oh, no. And I walked right into it. I thanked him for it. Can you just clarify to me,

you guys were not invited to the Earwolf holiday party? I can't keep track of all these Earwolf events. Why is there a tear coming out of your left eye? I'm so sorry. It's just really dry in here.

Oh boy. Okay. But yes, of course we know who you are. You are the one female Mythbuster. That's Karen Ryron. We can't do that on this episode. We're obviously not going to do that.

Yes, we have to do dungeons. Okay, just get it going. We got to keep this brief. Dev has a party to go to. Okay. What's the first thing we do? To what? Help us create characters that are as iconic as the characters we've created on this show already.

Santa Man. Oh, Santa Man. Moriarty. You created Moriarty? Yes. Yeah, he's Santa Man's enemy. Funny, right? No.

You don't get it. I'm just being honest. You know what they say, two dozen people can't be wrong. Okay. So what I would recommend is what, okay, so I need to know your personality. Can I stop? Party crusher. Party crusher, okay.

Baby Yoda. Baby Yoda is totally a cleric, right? What do you think, Damon? Yeah, for sure. Puberty Yoda, I guess. Not really a baby. Starting to actually become a man. Puberty Yoda.

I hope his voice doesn't crack. Well, I don't know. Sounds like something that... I wish I knew how to talk like Yoda. Then I could do a really funny version of it. We don't have that in our wheelhouse here. But here's the thing. Imagine a voice cracking version of however he talks. How he talks? I don't... We don't have that in our wheelhouse here now. But here's the thing, if there's... But, like, imagine a voice-cracking version

of, like, however he talks. How he talks? Imagine. I don't know what he would say, but he'd go, like... Could be so funny. What? If he had... Lightsaber! Lightsaber! No, here's the thing about... Please? Pass me the lightsaber,

please? Wow. lightsaber, please. Wow. Dad. Lightsaber, pass. That's not how Yoda even talks, man. Oh, come on, Dad. Everyone else has a lightsaber. His dad is.

39-year-old Yoda. Here's the thing about baby Yoda, though, for real. If you go through puberty, that means you have a hormonal surge that means you're going to get a bunch of woodies. So it's Woody Yoda. Okay. And it makes that sound like, right? And that is nerd comedy. You're in the middle of math class.

Yoda, could you come do this problem on the board? Could you ask someone else? Yes. That's the first time I've genuinely been amused this whole time. Yeah, man. Well, then you are a true nerd. Yeah, it's true. Hollywood Handbook. Be a better you in 2024 with Babbel,

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body-based conversations what does it mean when you drop someone off after a nice date and they turn around at the door and they take their little index finger and they kind of like draw it towards them. They're pulling it. What does that mean? Does their finger hurt? I wonder if they spotted a spider web or something. They're trying to pull down the spider web.

Yeah. But I've seen this too after a lot of dates. and i need i need and have needed something like babble to figure out what the heck is this person doing with their finger because it looks like a it looks like an emergency i know i was supposed to do something or how about those people that stand in the street they're kind of like they've got like almost like police clothes on. It may be police. Yeah. And they're standing in the middle. And as I'm driving and I'm cruising, they're holding their hand up for like a high five almost.

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over 500 million dollars in canceled subscriptions and that was i mean just to be fully transparent that 500 million was most of that was the the dresses well yeah i mean you're talking about hollywood memorabilia you're talking about like ornate gowns you know in some cases and so that was uh yeah that was costing me a lot a lot a lot stop wasting money on things you don't use cancel your unwanted subscriptions by going to rocket money.com slash the boys that's rocket money.com slash the boys rocket money.com slash the boys hollywood handbook okay listen i would propose a scenario to you guys. Okay, we already proposed one, but go ahead. Yeah, I'll just retcon that.

Here we go. You guys, and I want to make it analogous to something that you guys might have in your real life. So let's, okay, there's a club. Big might there. Might's doing a lot of work there. Might having our what? You guys are at a club.

She was going to say wheelhouse. Yeah, but you didn't, right? I didn't say whatever, but I let you think't, right? I didn't say. Whatever. But I let you think it, right? What you talking about wheelhouse? A club. You're at a club and you guys want to get in

and you can't get in. What club? Club Deviate? Is it Club Deviate? On the third floor of Hollywood at Highland? I don't go out. Is that one?

Yes. It's where they do the freaking Kismix from every Friday and Saturday night. I don't know your words that you're saying. What is a Kismix? The Kismix is broadcast from Club DVA. You ever heard of the Jingle Ball? What are you saying?

What are your words? I mean, you don't go out. You don't even go out to the Jingle Ball. No, I don't know the fucking thing. Even nerds go. So the nerds being cool now, now the entire Jingle Ball is nerds. Oh. It's loaded with nerds. Club DVA is full entire Jingle Ball is nerds. Oh. It's loaded with nerds.

Everybody's been cosplaying. Full of nerds. 200 nerds and the Lumineers. Hot, cut, wet nerds. I don't want to say any of that. Fit nerd jocks. We're never going to get to my point, are we? The club.

The club. Okay, we're at the club, and you need to get in. How would you do it? Is it one oak? It's one oak. Can I get a table? No, you can't even get in.

How are you going to approach the bouncer? Are you going to be aggressive? Are you going to use your wiles? Are you going to have somebody else do it for you? How are you going to approach this problem? That's going to give me a little insight into your personality to let you know what classes. One second. I'm really getting the truth.

Boogie, boogie, boogie, boogie down. Bad boy Bill. So I probably would ask my wife if she knows anyone who works in the kitchen or anything like that. Mm-hmm.

Wow. Yeah. I think, wait, let me see your hands. Let me see your hands. My hands? Yeah, let me see your hands. You're going to ask if they're real? I just want to see them.

You have a wedding ring, too. You have a wedding ring, too. Yeah. You guys got, did you, what happened there? My wife, so, like, try this out, Versailles nerd. My wife is Carrie Ann ann moss or technically that's right all right so she is not my wife but i am her husband oh it's like a proxy thing it's like 14th century she like all all squares are not rectangles or whatever yes but right so like she

is not married to me but i am married married to her. Is married to her. Yes. Yes. Okay. What about you? So I am married to tennis superstar Steffi Graf. Oh, she's incredible. Yes.

Do you get intimidated because her forearms are so much burlier than yours? Because you're like a twig from the wrist to the elbow. I'm so sorry. It's just an observation I just made. No, that's fine. I think it's good to insult people's bodies. What I'll say

is I have a lot of love for Steffi. She's the best wife in the world. I have not seen her for several years. Wow. And I am not allowed in her house. Oh. But if I was trying to get into One Oak, I think I would use my yearly text

and say, do you know anyone who works in the kitchen or anything? Wow. Yeah. That would be a wizard move. Don't you think, Devin? Yeah, it sounds wizardry.

100%. You're a wizard. Yeah. Okay, so it is. You have a Steffi Graf cantrip that you just pull out of your book of spells. You have it prepared for an emergency situation. What's a cantrip? It's like a simple spell.

What's that, like a trip for a freaking can? No. It's just a simple spell, man. It's just a joke. God damn it. Jesus. Don't you insult my people. It's just a joke.

Fuck off. He's making a joke. Jesus Christ. So fucking insulting. I don't really think that people This is a joke Fuck off He's making a joke Jesus Christ So fucking insulting I don't really think That Ken is taking a trip Just don't even say it Don't have it come

Out of your mouth again Okay I'm just kidding Jesus What's the word again Don't say it What is it How do you spell it

I'm it Spell it I'm out Devin just spell it No but I'm gonna take a napkin I'm gonna This is a napkin No don't do that

Right here Ow Right in front of the mic. Okay, stop it. Wow. That was like a minor spell. Yeah. Not a cantrip, it's a little one. She's having another one of her spells.

How do you spell that? I'm not going backwards. I'm asking Devin. Oh, Devin. I assume C-A-N D-R-I-P. He doesn't know. I'm not a D&D person. He's avin. Oh, Devin. I assume C-A-N-D-R-I-P. He doesn't know. I'm not a D&D person. He's a bully.

Wow, Devin. Devin, known jock. Have you harassed? No jock. Are you a guy who does lacrosse? No. He's always, yes, yes. He's always cradling.

He's cradling. Walking down the halls of Deerwolf just cradling his big blue defenseman stick. I spend like 30 hours a week. Particularly offensive to me as someone who's one-eighth Native American. Oh, really? That he's fast. He invented it. Yes, and now Devin and all his prep school buddies.

He's not going there. He was already here. You came there. I've been here. You're the one who was there. The New Jersey days. There's so much water left in it. There's like a lot of water in there.

Go stay hydrated. She drank it like it was almost done. Can I get to be someone as well? Yeah. Listen, you've already heard the scenario. This is the same scenario. Go stay hydrated. She drank it like it was almost... I want to... Can I get to be someone as well? Yeah. Well, listen. You've already heard the scenario. Okay, so do a scenario. This is the same scenario. I don't get a new scenario.

I mean, when you play Gen Z, you're in a party. Everyone is asked how they get into One Oak. Okay, listen. Okay, you... Limbo under the frigging cordon. Mm-hmm. You... The James Corden.

The next Madea movie coming out. Okay. Okay, we have Red Car next Madea movie coming out. Okay. Okay, we have Red Carpet. You want to go. Yes. How are you going to get that PR person to let you in? Okay. I call my publicist.

It goes to voicemail after one ring. Okay. I leave a very long voicemail. A lot of like catching. We have a lot of catching up to do. So I talk about all the stuff that I've been accomplishing lately. I would like to get press for. Oh, wow.

Where is it? What theater? It's at the Hollywood. It's at the Pantages. It's at the Pantages Theater? at the Pantages theater they kicked out any Disney movie freaking Wicked is kicked out

they kicked it out to show to screen the new Madea movie yep and I would be upset about that one night at Hamilton

if they did that because I am a whizzer you call me which is a wizard oh okay I thought you were saying whizzer

no you're a wizard William Finn play falsettos wow the musical that is some deep reference I don't care about whizzer's

Marvin's new boyfriend so I thought that was what you meant and I was very upset to hear the Pantages is no longer doing theater because of course

it's one of the only places I can exist. Can we not talk about you for a second? We're on haste right now. Okay. So I guess the way, given that it's at the Pantages, my way in would be understudy for one of the munchkins. Wow. There's a munchkin in the new Madea movie.

That's a turn. No, not in the Madea movie. In Wicked. Oh in wicked oh in wicked and then you just kind of we do the show i you know maybe i'm in it maybe that's a thief you're a thief maybe the main guy no rogue you're a rogue you're a backstabber you're a nefarious sort of guy's a rogue yeah you're a rogue, man. No, it's not. It's not thief. I mean, it's not thief. I was already allowed to be there. And if I, it's squatters rights. If you're in a play at the Pantayton, you get to stay there.

He's a citizen and he has rights. As long as you don't leave, you are a sovereign citizen of the theater. Wow. That's what I am and what all performers are. You have a lot of points in persuasion. That's what I am and what all performers are. You'd have a lot of points in persuasion. That's what I would say. You'd be a rogue and you'd have a lot of points in persuasion. That's all I can say.

So he's a rogue. And I'm a wizard. You're a wizard. Devin, what would you be? Give him a scenario. Bust a scenario. Listen, you are a It's a good question. Give them a scenario. Okay, your scenario. Buster scenario. Okay, listen. You are a parent of a small child,

and the latest craze comes out. The latest toy craze. Okay, not again. Not another craze. It's a Hatchimal. Turbo Man. Equivalent. Gotcha, Hatchimal.

It's not a Hatchimal. Whatever's hot this year. Rue Hatchimal. It's Turbo Man. It's Turbo Man. It's Turbo Man. Yeah, Turbo Man. You really want a Turbo Man for your child, okay? Of course.

Yes, yes. How are you going to get... Now, the doors are about to open. There's a crowd milling about. How are you going to get that Turbo Man number one? How are you going to be numero uno? Mm-hmm. That's Turbo Man.

That's Jingle Man. Jingle all the way. That's Turbo Man. Yeah, that's Turbo Man. That's Turbo Man. What tactic? Jingle all the way. That's Turbo Man. Yeah, that's Turbo Man. That's Turbo Man. I think rather than engage in the violence of attempting to beat the other people to the Turbo Man. Not a barbarian, okay. Right.

I think that I would wait for people to come out with a Turbo Man and attempt to purchase it from them. Oh, you'd have to. For a markup. When you were saying that, I was like, you would beat them up and steal it from them. No, I would not do that. Oh, okay. No, he's aup. When you were saying that, I was like, you would beat them up and steal it from them. No, I would not do that. Oh, okay. No, he's a merchant. Wow, that is really interesting.

He's mercantile. You'd be, you would be like an NPC. Yeah, right. You'd be nothing. Well, that's the engineers for you. Devin's a freaking NPC. NPC. I'm so sorry.

You're not a real person. NPC. I might have a good cut scene, though. You would have a good cut scene. And if you died, you'd motivate somebody in something. Exactly. All I might have a good cut scene, though. You would have a good cut scene, and if you died, you'd motivate somebody in something. Exactly. All right?

So with these two guys. There's cut scenes in this? You can put them in. You know, whatever. You're allowed to do that? Do a cut scene in a D&D thing? Yeah. You can certainly have, like, a sidebar.

I thought it was just like, we're just, like, sitting around. You do a sidebar? So now you know what this stuff is. I was accidentally pregnant in one of my campaigns. But with a pirate. Oh, wow.

With a pirate. Yeah, it slipped in. Oh, no. Oh, no. Yeah. Oh, no, my show. So, what powers do I have? What kind of powers do you have?

Yeah. Well, I mean, you have a spell book. And I would say This lady in books. She's selling the books. I would say that you could probably, I don't know,

what kind of element attracts you the most? Like fire, wind, water, earth? No, too windy.

Okay, water? Soaked. Air? Is it the same thing as wind? I don't know Or is it metal?

Huh? Any kind of Metal What about animals? What kind of attracts me the most? I'm just trying to figure out what kind of spells he might be attracted to You know, the elements Magnet spells?

Yeah, okay I don't think that's going to work at all You have an inside joke, Glenn? Magnet spells? What is that creepy laugh? Magnet spells. Oh, God. I'm uncomfortable.

Devin has to go to a party, y'all. Don't mind me. I'm literally having a fantastic time. Devin's having the time of his life. He really likes you. I look at him and he's so like chuckling. Like he really enjoys you guys. We're friends with the engineers.

When this episode started, Felicia was like, why is he allowed in the room? Why is he allowed in here? No, for the record, Devin sits behind the glass per the restraining order when I record Voice of the Stars. All right. So having him this close and being able to breathe the CO2 that comes out of him is actually lethal to my ego. Okay? When I met Felicia,

I shook her hand and I had barely released her hand and she went, are you sick? I did. I did. I'm not. But you came in with such a weird...

I wasn't doing any... This was before she said you don't even know who I am, do you? That was before. We really hit it off early. You just looked a little like you, A, didn't want to be here, and B, a little bit anemic. Just both of those two things.

I guess, fair enough. I mean, is it just like a lack of meat? Do you need to eat some meat right now? I had sort of like a little turkey stick earlier. Turkey? A stick of turkey? Is that a drug stick? It's like a bully stick.

He can like chew on it. It's a good turkey stick. What? Oh, like a dog? It's for babies. He can chew on it for a really long time. Oh, wow. Those aren't for humans, but okay.

It's for babies, yeah. Human babies. No, babies don't get turkey sticks. I don't think. Well, not when I'm around, no. Okay. Snatch them all up. Wow.

What's Element? Oh, um... Element's skateboard. Yeah, I mean, maybe do you want to like, do you want to be a necromancer and like channel dead things? That's kind of fun.

He's something of a... When you see him with his wife years ago, he was something of a necromancer. His wife is dead? No. I'm so sorry. Romancing her neck. Romancing the neck. You mean like with a hickey?

He's a hickey monster. Ew, gross. That's so tacky. I was leaving mad hickeys on Steffi Graf. Oh, poor Steffi. No wonder she won't let you live in their house anymore. Might want to throw on a turtleneck tomorrow, Steffi. She can't wear a mock turtleneck at the open. I'm going to town.

Oh, God. Disgusting. I lock it on the carotid and just start sucking. Well, maybe you might be a vampire, then. I think you should be a necromancer. You are definitely a necromancer. A wimpier? A wimpier?

Ooh, with a Y? With a W and a Y. And no E. Do you guys do golf clubs? And two Ms. Have you heard of that secret golf club on a coanga? Oh, uh...

Yeah. Oh, yeah, yeah. We know that. We know the club yeah oh okay secret it's a secret

oh I didn't even know it was secret because I knew about it because I knew so it's invite only yeah okay

so that makes sense because I was invited and I was and I thought everyone else was just like you were to the Christmas party to the goth

yeah right yeah and so what like kind of stuff do you do there oh i would never go i wasn't invited yeah me neither yeah no it sucks i couldn't have gone i know people who go and then when they describe their evening there i'm like i don't even want to be invited oh okay yeah that's weird yeah i did it as a joke i. I mean, it'd be dark there and there's goths there and then it'd be just

a dark goth club. So many piercings. Forget it. If I went in there with some magnets, come on. Oh, yeah. Wow, that was real pandering. Jesus, I was trying to do a callback. I'm done here. We laughed. Don't laugh was a callback

as well. Uh-huh. Okay. Okay. So we we did so what character is felicia going to be yeah what's your guy and we should give you a scenario i mean here's the thing if you're i mean are we a party or are we just playing separately like if my personality would be more like a sorcerer, really high charisma, low intelligence kind of thing. That's really fun. Although I would have suspected that for you, actually. Yeah, that's wow. Really high charisma.

High charisma. That's pretty nice. That's the nicest thing. Low intelligence. Certainly that you've said and probably that anyone has. So like if we were a party, we would need some muscle. And that's not necessarily the role that I usually play. But I would be happy to be like a spell sword.

Or, you know, like that would be a warrior. But also who could do some spells. They can like enchant their weapon. Unfair. Yeah, it's a little classy. It's a little. A warrior and is doing spells as well. Yeah.

Well, I'm a multitasker. I wear a lot of hats. Okay. Then I'm like also I'm like a giant that can like do lightning bolts and is smart. Like I get to do whatever. I'm like

a smart, incredibly strong giant. You're an incredibly strong, giant rogue who can do lightning bolts and has like... I'm the planet. I'm the whole planet. Which one? For the entire game.

I don't know how that works, man. And I'm Jesus and I'm friends with everyone. You're going to role play Jesus? Jesus was more of a cleric, I would think, right? Okay, yeah. I can see that. Okay, we cannot get into the... I was warned that you were going to do this.

What? Every time. We cannot get into this stuff. was warned that you were going to do this. What? Every time. Listen. We cannot get into this stuff. Jesus was a cleric. He has such high stats. I love him so much. He makes out with bats.

That was like a rap. That was amazing. Anything in a Jesus or a Alice Cooper? That's Minnesota rap. That's like Minnesota rap right there. Oh, please. Minnesota rap is slug. Yeah, Doomtree.

Come on. Okay. A spell sword. Yeah. Who's pregnant as well, you said? I mean, when my character was, I was a wizard. I was a wizard and I was accidentally impregnated by a- Captain Jack Sparrow.

Yeah. Well, not Captain, the equivalent in that world. Yeah. So that was my character in that world, yeah. Yeah. So that was my character in that particular campaign, but you can play a different character every time. From the movie? Nope.

You don't listen to the score? Absolutely not. You don't appreciate a good score? No, I don't listen to any... I don't listen to one lyric ever. I don't even want... It's as if I'm listening... No lyrics? No lyrics.

Is that true? 100%. I don't care about a lyric I'm apathetic about it yeah thank you Dev I have it's funny because

I really like lyrics and records but I'll have favorites Devin it's not your show Devin stop we're having we're having a little we're having a spin off

okay it's me and Devin having a spin off sidebar it was a sidebar she didn't even ask you a question NPC sidebar

NPC I can roll I'm gonna it's an interview you don't listen to the score or the lyrics Devin having a spit-off. Sidebar. It was a sidebar. She didn't even ask you a question. NPC sidebar. NPC. You're acting like it's an interview. You don't listen to the score or the lyrics? I mean, no. Why? What the fuck are you listening to? I listen to the, I just watch the lips move. It's just a, it's just a music video on mute. Uh-huh.

Well, that's very interesting. Wow. So finally now, you know, like talk about that. Like that's very interesting Wow So finally now Talk about that I finally got interesting After two and a half hours of talking It seems like It has not been that long

I don't know how long it's been but it feels Like my eyebrows grew We used to play Do We Have The Song Which one? How Long Has It Been The song, how long has it been? The song for how long has it been? I'm unfamiliar with this trope. We used to play a song.

We would play it on the show a lot. Oh, I apologize. A fan made it. I apologize, that's before my time. It's not in the playlist at this time. Sucks. Yeah. Wow.

Say what you're going to say and I'll see if I can find it. He's phoning it in because he wants, he's already at the party, Devin is. Phoning nothing in, it's just before my party, Devin. Phoning nothing in. It's just before my time. I apologize. You can see. He's got a little shimmy in his shoulders. Yeah, from the waist up, he's here.

From the waist down, he's already at the party. He's got a little extra giddy up below the belt line. He's doing some sweet, sweet grooving to a little bit of Billy Eilish. Yeah. So I was going to ask Hayes a question, but Hayes just told me. So, I was going to ask Hayes a question, but Hayes just told me to say what I was going to say.

He's texting someone else right now. Are you texting him? Are you guys texting each other while we're having a podcast? We said each other funny ideas.

Are you kidding? Well, this is in the vein of a funny idea. You try being a supportive co-host sometimes. So, the way that we normally end the show is... How long, how long has it been?

Ah. I hope like 20 minutes. That's for our other show. You have more than one podcast? We have like... Why? No one needs that much from you. It's not a matter of what you need.

It's a matter of what I want. Wow. So you basically just attach a mic to your mouth and walk around 24-7, right? Oh. Not a bad idea. That's our next show. Set it up. People would pay for that.

Mic mouth. Our business model has been basically a dozen people listen to this show for free. Two dozen. Then we do a subscription version of this show. Then it gets cut down to like 16 people, but it's

$5 a month for a bunch of other stuff as well. We also have a show that's $5 a month just for that show. There's five people that listen to that. So this is, we have to find the one person who will pay like $50

a month for Mike Mouth. That's the next logical step, I'm realizing. You're going to be able to find that. You're close. You can do this. It could be just Steffi Graf. They're out there.

It could just be Steffi. It won't be, but I appreciate you saying that. All right. I'm just trying to heal the wound that that relationship has obviously caused a great chasm in your soul. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. She hit a forehand at me. Oh, my God.

Last time I pulled my pickup truck on her front lawn. You have a pickup truck in LA? I got a big ass pickup truck I pulled onto her front lawn. Do you have a gardening supply? I turned on the high beams to try to see through the bay window to see if she was with her man. What man? She came out and hit a big forehand at the truck.

Shattered the windshield. Woke me up. What? Wow. This is so... Shattered the windshield Woke me up What you Wow This is so There's a lot going on In this story Well I'd had about

50 beers Oh boy 50 beers That's a lot of beers That's a lot of pee It was over the course Of a month Over the course

Of a month But you were in the car In her lawn On her lawn For the whole time In her car 50 beers over a month And then she finally came out

after a month and said, get off my lawn? Forearm? Like Clint Eastwood and Grant Torino in kind of a similar voice. Yeah.

I'm so sorry. It's okay. He has a truck because he's a landscape architect. I was going to ask. I wanted to ask why he had a truck. He does topiary

for like bachelor and bachelorette parties. You know how some people do like cakes, like funny cakes? Yeah, of course, yeah. He does topiary. He does like the topiary version of that. So do you customize the vulvas? I grab the shrubs and I'll do,

honestly, you usually can't see them because Snoopy's going down on the check. Bye. Hollywood Handbook. That was a HeadGum Podcast.