Hollywood Handbook - Griffin Newman and David Sims, Our Blank Check Friends

Episode Date: February 16, 2021

The Boys teach GRIFFIN NEWMAN and DAVID SIMS how to do a much more efficient version of their podcast Blank Check. Check out the bonus podcasts and videos at Patreon.com/TheFlagrantOnes. The Boys also have new Hollywood Handbook merch available here.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

this is a head gum podcast so we're like on the floor of the cyborg factory and it's like me we're doing we're doing like they're not for they're not being designed explicitly for sex, but we want to make sure people can have sex with them. Right. Like, just like, because... Because if you don't design for that, that's how people get hurt.

Exactly. No, that's... And this is what I'm arguing. But it was... It was me. It was Scott Stuber, and it was Scooby Don't, who is like this sort of character.

He's like an evil version of Scooby Doo. Okay. And he does everything that you don't do. So it's anything that you would not want him to do, he's going to do. Okay. So we're trying to... to huh like what's an example of that and also that implies to me that scooby-doo does everything yeah correct everything

that you're supposed to do do you have no he's like a gooby-doo do you have something about no i just like i just don't i don't think of him as like a behavioral guy well this is a bigger this is a bigger issue than if there's something about Scooby-Doo that you feel needs improvement, because I'll take that to the team right now. It's not really for me about that at all. It's just that I didn't think of him along those lines one way or the other as a prescriptive character in such a way that his opposite would be someone who is

antithetical to what I am supposed to I didn't know this is what I'm saying I'm watching the show I'm sitting there enjoying it I didn't know that I was supposed to be doing that well you're saying that I was you're not you don't need to do it because Scooby do it

you know what I mean it's like you don't you actually don't do it like scooby do it you know what i mean it's like you don't you actually don't like if you're watching i don't know bob vila saw a piece of wood you don't need to go then saw that wood because then you don't like that's not did it for me the wood sawed okay if mike rowe is you know sucking shit out of a fucking hole like you don't gotta go down there and like suck out of the shit hole like mike mike's finished with that so like when scooby is finished doing correctly doing whatever his task is that's off my plate now yeah so that you can just sit and enjoy the show but if scooby don't shows up now you actually now you have a responsibility which is go get in his way and stop him from reshaping the cyborg hole

so that it takes like a sharp turn or something so that that's really dangerous there is a hole in there, but very suddenly it turns just like at a right angle. And it traps you. Wow. And what it does is it traps you. If you were to use, I've never used one of these things

because like I don't have to pay for it. And the cyborgs are actually really expensive. Well, you don't have to because you own the factory. own the factory yeah but i also have never used them in this way i'm just allowing for people to use them but what i'm told by some of my buddies is you can get stuck pretty bad because of what scooby don't actually scooby did to them uh-huh uh and so that's just an example of where now if you were watching scooby don't you would have a responsibility like i like i had to step in and say hey you know put down the

um what was he using a tool hey welcome to hollywood handbook and insider's guide to kicking butt and dropping names and the red mostly kicking butt but mostly dropping names back hallways of this industry we call showbiz and that is the word of today movies movies on tv movies at the movie theater movies on the computer we're talking about this okay we've talked about so many different movies boom so i if i were to sit here and list all the movies we've talked about it would take an hour and this is essentially what our guests do every day is list movies one at a time and say, okay, here's what this movie

is about. Talk to me about why this is happening. And this is our friend. Yes. And his friend. Well, they're two friends. I said both of you.

Okay, but we should clarify the building there. If you actually listen to me, I actually did identify you both. And let me try it again so you can hear. If you want to clean out your ears for this round. You've got two ears and one mouth. Simple math problem. This is our friend. And his friend.

And talk about this. Did you get it that time? Well i got part of it i guess my question is which part well the billing which one of us is is getting our friend and which one of us is getting his friend well which well it's changing actually based on your behavior if you would if you would have asked me this question before the episode, I would have probably said, Griffin is our friend and David is his friend. But because you're being so intentionally dense and sabotaging the show in this disgusting competition that you've created immediately upon getting on mic, actually now David is

my friend because he has been patiently quietly sitting and listening using his two ears to listen instead of just his one mouth to talk talk talk talk talk talk podcasting is about being not obtuse and that that's that that's the first thing i tell anyone who wants to start a new podcast i'm like well you can't be obtuse because then you cannot be obtuse don't be obtuse, dog. There's no room for it. That's right. There's no room for this.

I will admit. Morbidly obtuse. I apologize if I came in both obtuse and too hot. But you have to understand. You were screaming, Griffin. I know. I was on a tear. Okay, I will admit. I was on a tear. Okay, I will admit. I was raging out.

Kevin, I saw Kevin looking at the levels. And he was having a fucking heart attack. I was going down, down. I apologize. We can't even use this audio. If I have to re-record my lines, I'm happy to do it. I understand that I was hit and read real fast. You're a VO legend,

Griff. I mean, you know how to do that. I can do pickups it's it's uh you know i could do them in my sleep but you have to understand because you guys are asking what it's like to talk about movies this is part of it you are i do not and again what maybe get back in those ears okay with your cleaning supplies with a towel with a sub soap get a fucking beach towel and run that shit through your ears i think you're gonna have room based on some of the choices i've seen you make so far to run it straight from one ear to the other i don't think there's gonna be much blocking it what it's like i know what it's like i'm doing it every damn day uh-huh what i asked was why you do it like that oh okay where you say here's one movie yeah the show's called blank check

nobody knows why has nothing to do with anything you never explain it it's one movie who cares it's never has it ever been about the movie blank check one time it was exactly one time oh my god one time because people asked us that question too often right so that that was well that makes it more confusing you can't just indulge anytime they they come in god if we did that on this show everyone comes in and say like why don't you do this first of all we'd be kissing every single episode each other secondly based on what we are most frequently asked we would have stopped doing the show you can't do this dead air yes and so don't do that what you did okay okay i apologize and explain to me actually i don't care i was just saying oh i was just i wasn't asking for it i don't give a

fuck anymore this is why it's called this the show's called blank check it is on patreon channel yeah yeah we have a patreon yeah yeah we're similar we're similar to you guys we we left the the big networks and and we're independent non-patreon carving we have an indie spirit yeah yeah we have an indie spirit not an indie spirit nom but we have the spirit within us the indie like that show that's how you do it where you're like everyone is getting up there being funny they're like sorry they do the show in a tent on the they do it in a tent on the beach you got saturday afternoon energy you know you've been no no no no no i've watched okay and so you talk about the movie one movie every single time right and you say this is what the uh talk about that what's this show

david i think maybe you should run quarterback on this because i'm i'm really flopping every time i speak here i know and griffin is being like yo here's such a like here's a way for david to really get it saying what the show is about explain the show in a sentence or two i think david i think david could handle this one for sure now once it gets a little stickier i'll jump back in i won't be accused of not letting david speak he's fine every every single week griffin literally introduces the show because a podcast honcho once told us we had to do that that's why we do that but the premise of the show who's the honcho yeah ackerman i can't name names i also forgot his name but he would he had big honcho energy right griffin wow this guy is so intent on not sharing this information that he straight up obliterated part of his brain that knew the name he's i'll say this

he's a honcho who probably gave you guys similar notes at one yes i would imagine that's true time i will say that okay okay it's a honcho of your past but he he gave us 30 minutes of constructive criticism and then is mr christopher bannon and then explained why he wasn't acquiring our show right and we came away from that with we need a a motto we need a one sentence uh summary okay what is this uh let me see if i get this right anytime i do it i usually get something wrong wow right what's the show about go ahead please and here i like thinking that like thinking that this was him giving David a chance to do the easy thing. It seemed really condescending the way Griffin was treating David.

And now I actually think that he was giving him too much room to run. Yeah, Griffin's put me behind the controls of something that I am very uncomfortable piloting. Wow. It's a show about directors, film directors, who get like a blank check from Hollywood, right? They have a success that Hollywood lets them make whatever kind of crazy movie they might want to make. And we go through their whole filmography charting the way the blank checks. Would you say that it's directors who have some success early in their career? And as a result, that Hollywood decides to give them a blank check to make whatever they want.

And sometimes the checks cash and sometimes those checks bounce. That's exactly what it is. Would you say that, please? Yeah, it's about a... No, I already forgot. Come on, Griffin. Help me out here. Wow, this guy melted another part of his brain

before my eyes. This dude has the freaking men in black freaking neuralyzer or some shit. There's something about the way Griffin rattles that off that I am actually... He makes it seem very easy, but I think it's more that I have abdicated it i just don't want to know the motto of our show it's a podcast about filmography's directors who have had massive

success early on their careers to give a series of blank checks make whatever crazy passion projects they want sometimes those checks clear and sometimes they bounce baby oh yeah wow i said cash but you know what that's so stupid why do you do that because we took the advice of a guy who rejected our podcast yeah this guy who heard us out for a half an hour and was like wait the show's like two hours long what what are you guys talking about we should also clarify he had not listened to an episode no he took the meeting with us because other people had told him our show was good then asked us to explain what we do on our show and then noted us based on our explanation of our format which to be fair was probably bad yeah i mean that's the one thing

i'll tell we probably did not explain the show very well we're not good we're not good at what we do no well do let's do something else yeah you know yeah let's let's figure out another like it's one movie for the entire time it's longer than the actual movie sometimes most of the time i've never even heard of the movie yeah and it's like something crazy and the way you guys talk about it i'm like what is going on but i i do i look at you guys with jealousy because i feel like you've rethought your format a lot okay i'm sorry i think of you guys with with envy because you've you've reconceptualized your format a lot and we feel very stuck i think this is this is a tough conversation but it's perhaps a really big opportunity

to sort of like scrap everything and start over. Are you talking about, because you're such a big movie guy, are you talking about the movie Envy where Ben Stiller's jealous of Jack Black because he invents a spray that makes dog poop disappear? It's called Vapoo Rise. That's a movie. That movie was directed by sam levinson's dad

did you guys know yes did you know that sam levinson has a dad i know he i just found this out yeah he's got a dad he just started having a dad and so this is an example yeah we just talk about a movie and now we're done sure that's great we're done moving Sure. That's great. We're done. Moving on. Envy will never come up again unless you try to shoehorn it in again. Christopher Walken plays a character named J-Man. I could keep going. Right. Obviously.

They hit him with a car, right? I'll tell you. I know Ben Stiller was nominated for worst actor at the Razzies for that film and lost to george w bush for fahrenheit 9-11 george w bush is among other awards a razzie winner for worst actor yes for fahrenheit 9-11 he did not consent to be it i assume but you know there you go that's how bad he was at it right damn dude he didn't even agree to be in this movie he beat out affleck vin diesel colin farrell ben stiller that's that's four big names to win but it makes sense because those are all like actors what was the affleck movie was Was it Geely or something?

Affleck was nominated for Jersey Girl and Surviving Christmas. Wow. Oh. But we're done. Still are they nominated for like five movies? Anyway, all right. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm doing my show on your show.

It's rude. This is a whole new way of thinking of like maybe we should be trying to get as many movies into each episode as possible. And this is what we're going to do now. OK, OK, bitch. Now, hang on. Slow, slow your roll, because actually we're hosting this one. Sorry. Now, here's the idea.

Let's get way more movies. You know what I mean? Like, let's start wedging some more movies in yeah i mean like let's start wedging some more movies in and you guys take the whole damn time to do the one movie and it's like no wonder you have so many damn episodes this thing's driving me nuts looking at this i get a headache right so less episodes shorter runtime more movies you think like we could probably do all of hollywood in like a week just just cram it all in there and just get it over with and just be get out of here yeah let's go home so let's do like what's like you guys you you talk about steven spielberg sure you did all there did you do the whole thing we did he had so many movies we split it in half so we only did the the second half of his career everything

uh starting with lost world jurassic park someday we we will do the rest so we could go through the whole first half of his career now we could just get it done yeah you never do it yeah that's perfect now you don't even have to worry about it because we're actually helping you yeah thank you how many movies has he made total kevin are you are you gonna like actually help yes sir okay he's made 50 he's directed 57 57 movies great easy we do them all okay this is the imdb this is not gonna like yeah this probably it's gonna be beyond features it's gonna be like freaking little like short segments that he did dumb shit honestly it's so easy for the little shorts and stuff just even shorter i think for some of the movies shut up i think for some of the movies

we'll have you do like one sentence about it. Kevin wore one short for the entire summer. One shorts. One shorts. One. And for some of the shorts, let's just do one word. Okay. Yeah, I'm ready.

It's like the treadmill for us. Go to his Wikipedia page. We can't be doing every single one of these. No, that's not going to have it. Yes, it will. His filmography page will have it. It won't. You don't think it will?

It won't. I frankly would like to do the shorts. We usually wouldn't have the time to devote entire episodes. Brother, just do the damn shorts, man. Yeah, let's do the shorts. Can you go? Kevin, go back. Short films right here.

Well, it's organized poorly. Go back to the other one. Yeah, you had it perfect. You got it right the first time. This is stupid. You're all being so stupid. I hate what you're doing. All right, boys, take it away.

The Last Gun. Yeah, I don't know this one. All right, boys, take it away. The Last Gun. Yeah, I don't know this one. Yes, I was thinking the same. I was thinking the same thing. Comedy Bang Bang. Okay, Fighter Squad. Drama. Short Bang Bang.

Punch Punch. Fighter Squad. Fighter Squad. Punch Punch. Escape to Nowhere. Let me out of here. Get out of of here i don't know where to go now it's a short that's a little long for a short yeah we went a little long in that one i'm sorry what i would say with escape to nowhere is i go huh

can't escape to nowhere that's not okay i'd go um that's not a thing no okay uh firelight okay a little more room here because this is a full feature film yeah so fire we can we can kind of dig into this one yeah here we can do yeah do a little more work so firelight burn you dangerous bright right bright pretty but that's a different movie i'd be i'd be remiss if i didn't plug cowboy tv in here you know firelight that makes me think i want my cowboy tv is our t-shirt gonna be on sale by the time this happens kevin yep available now oof boy i wow boy i'd love to be wearing that and when i hear this oh baby this one says slipstream but then in parentheses it says unfinished so okay we shouldn't even really finish our thought on or should we should finish it or we should we should wrap it up for an unfinished thought

well i what i would say is slipstream obviously everybody immediately thinks of the uh van morrison lyric sure from astral weeks right or the hopkins i think what you should just start singing that line and then kind of trail off like you don't know the rest of it okay now you're saying uh start singing that line and then trail off like you don't know the rest of it what if i don't know that line the start of it well you immediately thought of it when you saw slipstream so it's here i'll handle this one i gotta do everything wow yeah and we can talk a little about the history we do have to move on but by the history of why this was unfinished this was the 60s there were more uh restrictive

codes placed on movie production at the time and there were very strict rules about going to bed and everyone had to go to bed yep at a very specific time and well it was almost 10 p.m you'd say the movie's not done and they'd say i don't care they shut it off without even saving at 959 what they said was guys we told you at 955 that you had three more minutes to finish the movie it's now been four is the movie done or not and they said no and they said tough cookies that's let me just save and they say wouldn't even save shut it off that's that's good context i i appreciate that that's that's like that's sort of what we try to do with the show is find out

interesting context did they pull the plug like out of the wall or did they like pull a big switch that turned everything off that's the only thing i don't know back then it was a huge it was a set of switches that you would right like hold down to shut off the entire town wow at 10 o'clock at bedtime say power yeah they took out the whole grid yeah next uh is amblin okay well this is very similar to griffin's name where there is an apostrophe at the end of this kind of a jaunty version of a verb. Yes. My parents named me after a casual action. Yeah.

Hardly Griffin. You're hardly Griffin. I'm hardly. So Amblin, I mean, I believe I got to look at the timeline. I can't remember if this is based on a mishearing of Steve Martin's Ramblin' Man bit or if he or if he misunderstood the name of the movie. But either way, they're inextricably linked for all eternity. Yeah, entangled. If I remember correctly, Steve Martin tried to license this for his stand up routine.

This was sort of the Rosetta Stone for him seeing the amblin short and and the licensing fee was too high so he had to sort of come up with a legal workaround put nar on there yeah yeah and spielberg rumbled him though he knew what he was doing that's what i say when he when steve martin's up there i'm like he knows exactly what he's doing up there he acts like he knows exactly what he's doing to me i'm just doing it's like, oh, I'm just doing this. But it's like, no, you thought about this. Yeah. He planned it. I honestly believe he planned most of what he's doing up there.

He's playing like 15 dimensional chess. That guy. Yeah. He's the real deal. You know what I say about Steve Martin? He's the real deal. That guy's the real deal. The genuine deal. That guy's the real deal. You know what I say about Steve Martin? He's the real deal. That guy's the real deal. The genuine deal.

That guy's the genuine deal. Very bad at the banjo. Sucks at the banjo. No one will tell him. Can't play the fucking thing. It doesn't even sound like a banjo when he does it. No. Marcus, well, you directed one episode of Marcus Willoughby, MD.

The episode was called The Daredevil Gesture. Right. Can I answer with a gesture? Yeah, sure. That's actually better. And then maybe David can describe it. Okay, let's see. You got a fist.

Right, you're revving. He's revving, yeah. You're revving. That's it. That was the whole gesture. Just revving up. It's not called the daredevil gestures. I was going to just do one gesture. It looks like he's revving up a toilet to get ready for it's one of these toilets that has a handle

on the side that you really get it going before you do a huge flush. Right. You got to really pump it up. This is for when you drop your book in the toilet. You were reading on the toilet. You dropped the book.

It went through your legs. You can't pull it out. It's over. So you have to actually rev up the toilet engine and get it fully juiced so that you can do an enormous flush and get the boat through. The toilet's one way. Once something drops in the toilet, it's not coming out.

It's going down. Right. We have to go through these faster. Night Gallery. He directed two episodes. Night Gallery. Night of the Museum. Art Gallery.

Museum. Art comes to life. Kiss. Beautiful Lisa. The name of the game. The name of the game. The name of the game. Baseball. Baseball.

The psychiatrist. Like I'm thinking, which two of us? The psychiatrist. I would just see this. I'd go, oh boy, Freud would have a field day with this. Here's what I say to this. No analyze this. He did two episodes, so one could be analyze this

and one could be analyze that. No, those are already different movies. Okay, sorry. This one is in response to those, and it's called No Analyze This. Columbo, Yogurt Show. Well, the Columbo episode is called murder by the book so it's like

maybe there's something to do with like what book it is sharp book yeah someone's found with a book embedded in their head sharp objects by Jillian Flynn sharpest book there is.

Right. Right. The fucking blade, that one. So sharp. Owen Marshall, counselor at law. The episode's called Eulogy for a Wide Receiver. Very sad. So maybe it's like, go long for the last time.

You know, it's something like that. Rip. go long for the last time. You know, it's something like that. Rip. Go long for the last time. Is that anything? Like, go long for the last time. It's your show. I mean, it's like, I'm fine with you doing that. If it was my show, I would not allow that because I don't like it.

Like, I don't get it. How would you not allow it? Would you'd start yelling or what what would happen buddy you actually don't want to find out i just wonder if you have like a button that can like you know kind of like turn a turn a turn the microphone off or something yeah brother all right the freaking easy button that's how that's how easy that was easy and how close you are be a better you in 2024 with babble the science-backed language learning app that actually works don't pay hundreds of dollars for private tutors or waste hours on apps that don't really help you speak the language and the question that i always

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What does it mean when you drop someone off after a nice date and they turn around at the door and they take their little index finger and they kind of draw it towards them? They're pulling it what does that mean does their whole finger hurt i wonder if they spotted a spider web or something they're trying to pull down the spider down yeah but i've seen this too after a lot of dates and i need i

need and have needed something like babble to figure out what the heck is this person doing with their finger because it looks like a it looks like an emergency i know i'm supposed to do something or how about those people that stand in the street they're kind of like they've got like almost like police clothes on it may be almost yeah and they're standing in the middle and as i'm driving and i'm cruising they're holding their hand up for like a high five almost and they're really aggressively like pushing it out i'm like am i supposed to drive get out of the car yes or just do it out the window as i'm going that's what i've been doing. That seems dangerous. Yeah. But some of these very subtle body language cues have escaped me and many listeners, I'm sure. Babbel's tips and tools are approachable, accessible, rooted in real life situations, which I have all the time, and delivered with conversation-based teaching so you're ready to practice what you've learned in the real world.

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Yeah. Your bed plus one. That's the opposite of what this is supposed to do.'s supposed to help you stay a lot of these i know give you a ton of energy they have like smoothies and things like that reservation for two me walking in my bedroom what's the second it's you and your bed the bed i got clippy fuel up fast with factors restaurant quality meals that are ready to heat and eat wherever you are pancake smoothies and more discover a wide variety of easy options for the entire day like breakfast midday bites and more no we didn't even this is absolutely this is not even up for consideration so let's just hear what the actual meal what was the food i don't want to go to bed

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The subscriptions are insidious. They're the scourge of our modern life. And you never realize what you're subscribing to or that you're still being charged. I know that I was about 19 dresses into receiving each one of the 27 dresses from the movie, 27 dresses, before I found out how much it was costing that they intended to send me. much it was costing yes that they intended to send me by the way you'll this will shock you 54 dresses if i did not cancel and i you know i think oh that one's got an end point by like dress 14 15 i think it starts to become clear like these aren't the dresses oh no they were not from the movie they didn't resemble anything from the movie they were not they were either way too big or way too small for a human to wear yeah and one of them was a dressing yeah

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so maybe for this one it's like on guard it's the duel car versus truck you already said Hamilton this is Hamilton this is Hamilton this is hamilton okay sorry this is hamilton this is hamilton hamilton hamilton ablysander hambley bone my name is ablysander hambley bone have you seen the footage of that one

the show where he forgot the name they had to do it for the rest of the fucking show they got right up to the edge it was in previews but it's just like they did the whole thing all those words to remember you know it's like yeah i read the book i'm writing then he goes my name is and they point to him and you see he's scared and then they tried to bail him out and improvise new lines and the guy would come in with a big book and say all right your honorary name change is to alexander hamilton and that but he refused no he was like no we don't we're not i refuse to sign the name change book because i didn't make a mistake i won't sign it i have to say like I agree with you guys that it's a lot of words to memorize,

and they were early and previous. And that one, they say that one a lot in that show. Right. So if you're going to forget one. It's an easy mistake to make. I am surprised that that's the performance they put up on Disney+. Me too. I thought that was weird.

That was odd to me because I think i think it was the only time he did that but i i mean he must have been involved in the decision making he really threw out the show as hayes said kept doubling and tripling down on like they'd be they'd be like sir you know your official name change and he'd be like there's no need for a name change next something evil the devil uh donald trump donald trump okay yes you know what i'm saying that i'm a member of the media president cheeto man yeah right yeah this is our dynamic too is that david is a journalist but i'm right like a little more of a comedian you're allowed to editorialize right stuff where david has to griffin can push boundaries right he's on the op-ed section

of blank check and i'm on the news section right if there's like a sort of a wall between us he's got a tab open with libel laws you know and i'm just saying whatever comes to mind the next one's a tv movie and it's called savage so i would just go savage griffin david ratchet savage slight queen for savage and something evil we should point uh both of those the V is stylized as the down button on an elevator like the movie Devil which I guess

inspired by these where you can actually press the movie name and go down I didn't realize that was the name of that movie I always thought it And go down. I didn't realize that was the name of that movie. I always thought it was the down. The down.

The down. Trump. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, that sounds like something from the twisted mind of M. Night Shyamalan. Yeah. Mm hmm. Yeah.

Sugarland Express. OK, well, this is nickname kevin uses for a certain part of the female anatomy i just would rather get away from it entirely it's like so vile how often he brings it up and it's just like not i'd like to move on unless you guys want to dig in and sort of talk to kevin about. No, I think it's better even if we cut this part out. Yeah, maybe we should. Yeah. I don't think that's going to be good for me.

Wise move. To have that online. Yeah. Sugarland Express reminds me of Candy Train, which is another euphemism that Kevin uses. Yeah. train which is another euphemism that kevin uses yeah but it's also what they how they if you're like listening to jack fm they don't say uh for the song crazy train they don't say crazy anymore because it's ableist and they say candy now instead so it says candy train there we're going off the rails on the candy tree do they say that when they're introducing the song or do they also talk over the song right they they talk over the dj talks over that part of the song

and says candy when they're when they're about to say crazy okay i mean is it just me or has pc culture gone too far this is it this is where i draw the line you know honestly i think candy worship is the issue it's just too much candy worship that's the actual issue do you know what the number one drug in america is sugar candy candy sugar candy you know candy pc culture sanford pez candy culture yeah that's the actual issue we should be talking about is this pez candy culture that has run amok jaws eat candy with what is this moon raker because that's the guy from that sure okay guy big big uh big teeth um dawes tiny teeth dawes like dawes Butler, voice of Scooby-Doo? Or the band?

Yeah, I'm thinking of the band Dawes. Right, right. I was trying to bring it back to Scoob. Yeah, well, you're actually reminding me of Scooby-Doo. Okay, well, no, I earned that. Yeah. I think we did right by Dawes, such a huge movie.

We talked about the band Dawes. I'm glad we never have to do it on our show now. We finally tackled Jaws. Jaws Butler. Close Encounters of the Third Kind. Hmm. This one's tough because it's a long title. It's a really long title.

Yeah, I know. It's insanely long. I mean, that's why the movie was such a flop, right? Too long. Title too long. Title's too long. Going mean, that's why the movie was such a flop, right? Too long. Title too long. Title's too long. Going to sleep. Good night.

People would walk up to the box office. Can I get a ticket to Close Encounter? You know what? I'm out of here. This is why our episodes end up being so long as well. Because very often we're dealing with a title like this. We're just like, we got to get through like six different words here. Unwielding.

Confessions of a Shabba Halal. That's how you knew he was, look, I don't want to cast any aspersions, but he was riding a little high on, you know, the success of Jaws, you know, and Dawes and all that. And he's like, we're going to do a six word title. Yeah. Right. He was high on his shit, taking the Sugarland Express every day.

Yeah. I didn't want to say anything. But he was. It was shit taking the sugar land express every day yeah i didn't want to say anything but he was it was i mean we can talk about this right because this is another part of our show is we sometimes sort of talk about what the director was going through in their their life at that point in time sometimes it like helps inform the way you talk about the movie i think was very known that after the success of jaws spielberg had a couple years there where he uh was dealing with a crippling pussy addiction right that's okay wow he he was just going absolutely loco on trim yeah okay and so this is a big part of your show and i you know i've listened to a handful of episodes. Which, somehow.

Yeah. And look, we could get into, like, addiction is one thing. I think if it's managed correctly through kind of a micro-dosing approach, which is what I take. Yeah. There's a way that it can actually kind of enrich your thinking on these things. There's a way that it can actually, like, kind of enrich your thinking on these things. If you just kind of, like, walk near it or whatever, just, like, don't ever, like, get too much. Well, look, obviously, I mean, Spielberg, you know, is still years off from winning Oscars.

And that's the story of this time period is, like, you know, later in the 90s, he's able to manage it enough that like one lick gets him there but at this period when you're in the 70s and 80s it's like he's he's spelling out the whole alphabet no yeah he he grew into uh you know he never obviously got off the stuff but he became a pretty high functioning bunchaholic and you know sometimes sometimes that does work for people yeah and it was like a big inspiration like all of these movies ultimately are about the same thing which is getting yeah every director's telling the same story you know just from different angles basically right right yeah uh so that's close to cowards of the Third Kind. 1941. 1941. Nine and four is 13. 13 and one is 14.

14 and one is 15. Wow. Six. So I would just say six. Boil it down. Sure. Yeah, let's just reduce it. Griffin, you were about to do a voice.

I was thinking maybe I'll play a person from 1941. Back in my day. You know what I'm saying? Wait, so in 1941 he's complaining about his day? He's already very old. My idea was

everyone was old then. Back then everyone was really old. My idea was this guy is so old that he's telling us current day let me tell you about 1941 and you okay so but if he's here right now we can just get him we don't need you you know what i mean that's a great point i'm sort of out yeah yeah yeah i'm making myself obsolete why don't we get whoever we want yeah you know so like provide like figure out how you can provide value sure sure don't do characters yeah yeah because then we'll just get that guy you're inviting

you're working yourself out of a job right i'm suggesting a replacement okay good enough indiana jones and the raiders of the lost ark i'm exhausted yeah, this is where, this is longer than the freaking Close Encounters one. So the Lost Ark, we all know what he's talking about. Yeah. Yeah. It's a little box that when you open it up, your face tends to melt. You know what I'm saying? Yeah.

So he's still, he's still, he's still very much. In the thick of it, as it were. Absolutely. And I mean, thick he's still, he's still very thick of it as it were. Absolutely. And I mean, thick, I mean, it's 1984. Things are thick back to 81.

Sorry. Yeah. Temple of Doom jumping ahead. It was 1941 Griffin. That's what we were talking about. And it's like 81. Like, what are we thinking?

We hear like raiding 1981 panty raids. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. This is what we were doing back then this is no it was a different time i mean yes this title is a cry for help you know he wants to get caught this was his i love you daddy he's like someone please yeah he's painting a target on his back absolutely right he presented to the world and we didn't listen we weren't ready to hear begging us to step in yeah someone anyone please do something to help him at least give me a dental dam to sort of start weaning myself off the thing you don't hear about those much anymore ever you never hear about him anymore you used to hear you guys are

talking to the wrong people whatever happened to okay yeah that that might be get out of your bubble a little bit you know it's it's fascinating that they've slipped out of the conversation considering that we're all pretty much wearing dental dams all the time now we've become a dental damn species we're just not using them for the right thing damn that's heavy man that shit's got me fucked up and this is another thing we do on the show sometimes we have to talk about the state of the world you know we're talking about what the director was going through at the time and we're talking about shut up shut up that just fucked me up though okay doggy this is my point you gotta you gotta you gotta think about things from different

perspectives and be like what is this movie saying to us today that people wouldn't have gotten out of it at the time and the answer is we're living in a dental damn world we're just not using it for the right fucking thing yeah he yeah this is all sort of predicted by indiana jones and the readers of the lost art right i mean it puss eating should be going up in record numbers these days. And I don't want to stay in this area for too long. No. Which is not what Steven Spielberg said.

Yeah. Let me tap your head and let you know that it's time to come up from this one. But, I mean, I guess we have... I know something that he wants to eat twilight zone the movie yeah i mean i i feel like we can't really joke about this one just because of the landis thing it's just a little bit you know what i'm saying it's

sure a little raw um the fact that max landis visited set is just it feels like that is something no it's still kind of fresh for all of us we don't want to make light of we're not the kind of show that likes to touch a hot stove we we don't like to do that we we get to let that stove get ice cold yeah and it's just like that's maybe one of his earliest examples of being on a set realizing like oh i could use this kind of position to manipulate other people i mean and the fact the fact that he was born two years after that movie came out doesn't have anything to do with what we're talking about right well that's why i say he visited the set he was he was in them testes you know he was brewing around that was the first one he was in there loving superman yeah yeah i heard yes i heard that he actually swam up to the head of

the freaking weenus and was peeking out and looking around at what was going on so you know and that that's what superman would have done you know but he was in there he was in there with all that stuff going on yeah but we really shouldn't talk i heard actually that during that set visit he wrote four movies that day yeah and that they all sucked shit indiana jones and the temple of doom so this makes me think that he had a bad experience with his with his addiction yeah absolutely this feels like a case of something we're on our way out of the out of the woods uh yeah this one you have to be actually rock bottom yeah right right this this feels like uh you know the the he is steven might have been buying a lot of valtrex around this time if you know what i'm saying you know temple of genius shut up strokes of genius

what's this tv miniseries document this is some of his best work this is really good yeah uncredited introductory talk about this david i mean it's just like you know when you think about it once in a while someone just has a stroke of genius and and he wanted to talk about that and you know people told him he couldn't but by this point

he was ready to do it he was ready to uncredited direct the introductory segments so i don't know something to talk about what it makes me think is that following this sort of temple of doom experience where he probably went cold turkey and and having gotten like what whether he got stuck or he fucked up his neck or something and decided that like this was not a good situation is he rediscovered stroke in it yeah right and that there was sort of this light bulb

that went off of like, this is actually a genius way to kind of wean myself off of my former addiction. It's a little self-congratulatory to call yourself a genius just for thinking, oh, maybe I should slam some ham, you know? Amazing stories. That's what our show should be called.

That sounds like our show yeah i would just say hollywood handbook right yeah yeah just say did to say hollywood handbook just say the color purple okay that's the color of kevin just true yeah amazing stories you forgot you did that already empire of the sun empire of the sun empire of the sun um yeah griffin you want to take this one yeah i mean i'm just saying now this is griffin's moment right yeah i think this is this griffin you want to take this one yeah i mean i'm just saying now this is griffin's moment right yeah i think this is this griffin's been telling me quietly he's been waiting to talk empire of the sun i'm gonna bail you out griffin because i'm working on something and i think this is the beginning of him actually getting into a whole new territory. He obviously is obsessed with Puntang

for a solid 10, 15 years here. But Empire of the Sun, I believe, is a play on Vampire of the Buns. And it's someone who is sucking on them buns. And it is him discovering like, wow, I've really been limiting myself and existing in this you know creating these boundaries uh that are totally you know totally false and just working on the

on the cheek nothing like gross no it's like basically giving the cheek a big like hickey big suction action on the cheek part leaving a leaving a big love bite on the cheek part. Leaving a big love bite on that cheek. Sucking some tush. Yes. Sucking on the outside. They actually can leave a lot of their clothing on for it. Indiana

Jones and the Last Crusade. I mean, this one's just sad because this is like denial right this is him saying like i'm done last right i'm out yeah we know yes yeah never again one most of the movie is indiana jones looking at the camera and saying steve like you need help you gotta you gotta pay attention to me and then in the next movie he completely went the other way it was like always i will always be doing this right right except right this acceptance it's cute the biggest step of all yes the visionary this is a video that he did uh the segment was called par for the course this was of course a dwarf on golf that he directed yeah hook hook i mean he was hooked he was well yeah yeah i mean he was trying to get his fishing movie going i don't know 30 years

i mean this is what we talk about griff, blank checks. These directors have something that they want to get out. Right. One failed project leads to the invention of another. The reason he took on the Dorf video is because his big disruptive idea was, let's get Dorf in a boat. You know? Yeah. He's been on the course long enough. Let's get him in a boat.

I think we're going to need a smaller boat. Right. A tiny boat and conway was like you don't understand we cut holes my legs go through the holes we can't do in a boat i'll get wet wrinkly legs and george was trying so hard i mean the boat would sink that's another major issue that's that was sort of the second biggest issue behind his the wrinkly legs wrinkly yeah you know these actors they're so like me first they're thinking about their legs getting wrinkled and then right but other also the camera person would drown yes yeah but but hook sort of comes out of the failed

attempt to get dorf on a boat you know the next movie jurassic park that's randall park's dad jurass is sick i'd like to park my mouth there but we should be clear still on the outside right no no gross stuff not even really that close to the middle part. Just firmly on the cheek. It's just skin. It's like every other part. With a nice layer of denim in between. Less gross than the mouth, if you think about it. Mouth is disgusting.

The big round cheek is very normal and clean. Yeah, no, that's like just a big, soft, meaty piece of flesh. That's actually very sensual, whereas the mouth is a petri dish of germs. Yeah.

Why we should all have dental dams on. Constantly. Schindler's List. Schindler's F uh schindler's fist okay should have been about schindler beating people's ass right like the movie's good it's a good movie would anyone and he actually learned this lesson and ultimately made a simple like with munich he actually did yeah it was basically a make good on schindler's list which should have been schindler's fist and it should have been oscar schindler just punching the shit out of everyone and neeson learned this eventually as well like 20 years later neeson just

going to foreign countries and punching everybody with his giant guys careers and it's they're it's sort of a mea culpa from this point forward. Right. Schindler's List was a big missed opportunity for both of them. It kind of haunts them for the rest of their careers that they whiffed on that one. They went and had drinks after they rapped and it was just like, shouldn't I have been punching and kicking these guys? Yeah.

We landed there a day late. I missed, man. I whiffed. You could also call it Schindler's Whiff, you know? You could. Steven Spielberg's director's chair, video game. Oh, wow. Not a movie. But David's long threatened to do a video game podcast.

He kind of wants to do his own How Did This Get Played, you know? Okay. kind of wants to do his own how did this get played you know okay they're honestly i normally i would say that like there isn't room in the in the market for another show that's how did this get played but in this case i would say that there is yeah we're just more trying to recreate david can just do it recreate the model of like uh casual resentment between two podcast hosts you know yes that's the thing it's less the format that we're interested in yeah david yes you can actually use the title so good bet on yourself and against nick weiger yeah that's why that's why that's the phrase just do do the video game

podcast now david just do it okay you talk a lot of big talk get in the director's chair if you if you really want to do it the lost world jurassic park okay so this is where we started our miniseries griff yeah this is now everything i don't care about that because now spielberg's got the oscar that's right and you know for the what i forget for the director's chair or something something like that right he's right he founded DreamWorks at this point, which was sort of part of our thesis that he had the blank check because he literally was writing. He was the bank, you know?

Right. He could issue the checks to himself. This is not what we want to talk about. We want to say the lost world under those slacks is where I would like to park my mouth yes it was that's what we do now it was not lost for long once steven showed up he was kind of a christopher columbus of that land you know amistad uh amistad in bed today yeah amistad yeah'm a stud in bed i'm a stud oh i was saying i'm a stud in bed instead of going on this trip or should have been anyway oh he's like those like how they say namaste in bed

namaste yeah yeah i'm a stud is also actually no offense hayes almost as good as yours okay so i'm gonna jump ahead to munich uh where i do have a good one where it's uh that of course is an anagram for i munch i just uh want to i just need to bail myself out really fast and now we could go back to saving private ryan and now uh we can we can do something with that. Right. Well, I mean Saving Ryan's Privates. Sure. Great. Right. Shaving? Should it be shaving? It's the 90s at this

point, right? Styles have changed. He would be shaving Ryan's Privates. Right. He doesn't want to step into the Temple of Doom anymore. You know? It'd be like one of your manscape commercials you do on your show no that'd be great that'd be great yeah so

the unfinished journey that's just like when you can't when you yeah that'd go bad she don't bust yeah it's like a loud noise outside and it just kind of like messes up her headspace and that's it that's the last one that's the last movie that's called it quits wow so we did the entire thing yeah we did it so fast and it was like really uh it was smarter than how you do it.

And it was, of course, funny. And what do we think about this? We didn't skimp on context, which is the thing I thought we were going to have to do. And we didn't. So that's what surprised me the most. We actually got more information. It was more useful. And it just got better and better like what what i

what i am afraid of with your show is that there be some diminishing returns and people will get kind of tired as they're doing it right sort of yes or that you know that there'd be these long pauses after the movie title where people are all kind of looking at each other like does anyone have anything and should we have done this right but but this like this was you know there was just such a cool like rhythm yeah i feel i feel two emotions primarily i feel embarrassment that you know we have been so six years six years just really on the wrong road you know entirely you know without realizing that we should turn back and cut our losses and i also feel um just absolute uh resentment towards the people who have listened to the show up until this point and enabled us it is ultimately always their fault yeah right i hope you're listening they

letting us think this was okay you know why would they letting us think this was okay why was they letting us think this was okay that's my main question that shit pissed me off man and i honestly felt bad for you guys at a certain point where i was like why are they fucking with these guys why it feels like a troll now right i mean dude it's bullying plain and simple all those people that are paying money into your patreon just to make fun of you yeah as a fucking goof that's not what the best is about it's really disappointing to see that kind of why our fan base is called the goof troop i didn't put that together that that's what they call themselves yeah that the whole thing is a goof on the two of you yeah right okay yeah dude

they're goofing on you they're goofing on us yeah they're goofing on you so check out okay blank check if you want to be a part of this community that is making fun of these two men check out david sims video game podcast called my name is actually already a video game and go to uh the museum bye museum. Bye! Hollywood Handbook. This week on the Patreon, Carl and Ahsan discuss pink pineapples, the boys give a virtual tour of the grocery store, and the flagrant ones are talking all things

basketball. Check out the podcast and videos at patreon.com slash the flagrant ones. Hollywood Handbook. That was a hate gum podcast.