Hollywood Handbook - Hal Rudnick, Our Close Friend

Episode Date: March 22, 2015

Sean and Hayes talk more about the ups and downs of filming their pilot and Engineer Codyboy gets caught red-handed. Then, screen junkie HAL RUDNICK drops by the studio to talk movies, spoiler alerts, and Good Will Hunting. Hayes reveals a personal issue he's having with the honeypot and the boys play a quick round of of fuck/marry/kill. Finally, the Popcorn Gallery is back to ask Hal some questions.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This is a HeadGum Podcast. I'm like a music guy. This was exciting for me. I think he's one of the best guys scoring movies today. To actually see it in action, I thought was very interesting. Does he use a computer? Does he use a live orchestra? And what he does, he just sits down in front of the microphone and opens his mouth, and the whole thing just comes out and he doesn't close it ever does he have something in his mouth no i looked i got around to the other side and i looked in and it is black it is black in there so i can't see to be honest i

couldn't see but he just holds his mouth open and it produces the entire score for the movie and one of his eyes is closed just a nine inch nails guy yes okay so you think you oh so you think you know how he does it you look like you kind of figured it out yeah if it's a nine inch nails guy i think i know what he's doing oh what he's making it with his mouth because he's a musician okay like for a while is that what at some point you just you hear music so much that eventually you're just like i'll just do it If it's one of the new guys, okay. Maybe he needs a guy with a violin or something. But for Trent, I think he actually, as a musician, can make it with his mouth.

And that's probably why it looks so dark in there is because he is a little older. I have been noticing that starting to happen with me. And I was wondering, is it because I've me. And I was, okay. And I was wondering, is it like because I've been hanging out with him, is that why the inside of my mouth is getting so dark? No, no. That's a really natural, just aging thing where ultimately,

I mean, because we are all from, I mean, look, we love science. We love to talk about science. We're from star stuff, space galaxy stuff. And ultimately, you become black hole. The sky you see is blue, but when you actually look at space, it is black. Yes, and so you do become- So it's your mouth becoming space again.

You return back to space, and so your mouth becomes black hole, and then your whole body is. So it's a natural part of the aging process. It can be scary, you know, of the aging process can be scary you know but as natural as can be hey welcome to Hollywood Handbook an insider's guide to kicking butt and dropping names in the red carpet lineback hallways of this industry we call showbiz we are

we've been keeping you updated just like giving you a glimpse it is still pilot season and what a season it is. It's been an extra exciting one. We are shooting this pilot formerly known as. Weiss and Golds, formerly known as Baby Grandpa. Formerly known as Untitled Engineer Cody Boy Project.

Yes, we were ultimately unable to come to terms with Engineer Cody Boy and the network and all of that. So it's changed a little bit, but it's still good. that has like a specific, like it has demands just because your name is Cody, like you're part of a union of boys named Cody. Right. I'm incredulous about that. It doesn't make any sense to me that all boys named Cody are in a union that requires them to be paid exorbitant amount of money for doing a project. The requirements on set,

paid exorbitant amount of money for doing a project. And also the requirements on set, we had to have two liters of Diet Sprite Remix and a lot of other very specific items. Yes, and you know you can't have Surge. And so the demand that you be allowed to drink Surge is an instant deal breaker. We are not going to let you on that set with surge in your body because the things I've seen you do on that stuff is just insane.

Well, like they say in the terms, if you can't stand the heat, get out the kitchen. And that's so strange that that's part of your union code because it's so vague. And the heat in this instance is just letting you drink surge. And we're not going to do that. It's branching off of 695.

And also not just people named Cody, but the other engineers with the title Cody. We've recently acquired them as part of the union as well. So if you want to work with engineer Cody. Yeah, that's not canon for us. That's part of the other show. That's not part of our, as well so if you want to work with engineer yeah that's not canon for us that's that's part of it that's part of the other show that's not part of our no this whole other engineer cody thing don't have time for it not part of our show bullshit here but and you did

say people named cody when you set these rules before you said it was a union for boys named cody right but we acquired them that additional the additional people yeah that non-boys well it's a it's a it's an additional note that was added after the fact to the terms one of the things was you had to be allowed to punch a priest on set you wanted to punch a priest in the stomach fuck him a specific one fuck him I don't know I mean look we wanted to work with you we were excited but anyway the pilot moved forward without you and we're sorry

it didn't work out we think it could have been a big opportunity for you but a lot of these demands were pretty insane we've named some of the more tame ones a lot of them I'd rather not filthy the mic with and so now they've backed off of the whole like dress changing color thing they're on they really like this bat kid story

there was this kid who i guess like he got to like fake fight the joker and he was sick and this was a little while ago and they thought like maybe that's a show they just found out about it but i had remembered hearing about it like a year ago and so uh they said maybe that's show and there is like a young bat kid show already called gotham yes so that to us was a bump but they said well this one's gonna funny and it's going to be the kid is the star of it. So that's great. It's super exciting for us. We did lose.

We lost a few things when we went in to actually film it. And it's in the can now and we're in the editing process. And we love what we got. We got some gold. We got some gold. We got some great, it'll be an issue of just cutting it down. How do you choose? It's choosing what to use and what not to.

Yeah. We did lose multiple locations on the day of. So we wound up filming part of it in Hayes' backseat of his car. And now it's like a fun thing where like Bat Kid, it was going to be Bat Kid like saves the city,

but we lost the city, you know, like the city of Los Angeles. That dropped out. Yeah. And so now it's going to be like. It saves like one of these little small boxes of Cheerios from what we were able to get in the car to attack the Cheerios, which is just Hayes' girlfriend's dog. And we created sort of a special effect where that little, like,

pull-down thing that leads to the backseat comes down and Carrie Ann's dog's head, like, pokes through the thing and is barking and the backhand has to, like, shove it back into the back seat and, and, and get that little compartment shut, which is tough because he is very sick. Yes.

So, uh, because you know, had we done this a year ago, that would be one thing, but now it's like a year later. Yes. He's not doing as well. That's why they let him do the thing

initially um but you know it's great we loved bat kid we loved working with that car uh mr hiddleston was a whiz with the cameras and the tech stuff we did lose him uh halfway through filming and sort of had to do it ourselves and some of that footage doesn't match up exactly uh we had a poor understanding of eye lines um yeah but they don't say is that like whose eye line is it and it mostly ended up being the dogs well what what we we did was because we knew that you needed to have some kind of eye line or something for them to look at as we go look at me. So the second half of the show, they are looking right down the barrel of the camera and kind of delivering directly to audience all their lines. And so now if the dog is going to look at the camera, the camera's going to have to be covered in peanut butter. And that affects the quality of the image somewhat.

What is this? Cody, what is that sound? What's that sound? Sorry, I didn't mean to do that, actually. What is this? What was that? It's Vice News. Vice News?

Why are you playing Vice News in the middle of... The fader was up. I didn't mean for that to be up. You were just trying to privately watch Vice News? It caught me, yeah. It's about sharks. Cody. Engineer Cody, boys. me yeah it's about sharks cody engineer cody boys so all the time we we you're we think you're configuring the sound or whatever it is you say you're doing you're watching vice news

not always but what if the news was brought to you by dickheads rich people pretending to be poor. That's the kind of news that you like? It's catchy, is the problem. The news is catchy to you? The news. Maybe like 30% of the time. That didn't sound catchy.

Sounded crazy. Maybe like 30% of the time. That didn't sound catchy. Sounded crazy. Anyway, so what the show is now is 22 minutes of this sick kid in the backseat of my car trying to defend a mini box of Cheerios from my girlfriend's dog that's popping out of the backseat through that middle compartment. We haven't gotten confirmation on the dog breed yet, but we have asked her to look into it a little bit.

She's doing one of those mail order things. It takes a very long time. Yes, but it looks like it's not a scary-looking dog, unfortunately, for the show. He's really sweet which is great that he does not like Cheerios didn't want him didn't want him

so look forward to that we are going to have to put the sound in afterwards that became an issue during filming going to have to put the sound in afterwards, uh, that became an issue. Um,

during filming, uh, I guess we had expected engineer Cody boy to be on set. Um, so we thought we'd have kind of a sound guy around. Um, and I could hear everything bat kid was saying and the dog, but, uh,

it didn't come through. Right. Um, which is an opportunity, you know, that's always an opportunity to put in some hip music or whatever we want. It lets us do some experimental stuff that otherwise,

just like having the normal sound, we wouldn't have necessarily thought to do. And I hope it runs for 25 seasons. It's a really great show, and you're going to love it. You're going to laugh, and you're going to it you're gonna laugh and you're gonna have fun anyway i see you looking very intently at your computer cody what did like what are the like a guy and a little guy in glasses went to like yeah the desert or something yeah no comment somebody's shooting a gun yeah a guy in a flannel shirt is like shooting a big gun and like wearing a turban or something

dude with a fedoras partying with kim jong-un or some shit tell me what's up he's got a hat we have a very nice guest today hal rudnick is here he's um he's at hal rudnick as far as i'm concerned follow him on on Twitter. On Hollywood Handbook. So then Lithgow takes his tile and blindfolds Christopher Plummer. Yeah. And shoves him down the water slide. We're on the tall one, the big Hoonah, you know, the Humonga Cowabunga, what's the name of the one,

the big tall one? Yeah, it's the wet willy. Okay, so Plummer goes smashing down, you know, face first, gets up, and his chest is all red, and he goes, I think I need another take take because they're both actors. But it wasn't for? We're filming, you know, just having water park. Yeah. You weren't filming?

No, no, no. I think there was a, I don't want to say anything inappropriate, but there was a lady filming with her phone, and she was very sexy. Dangerous to blindfold somebody on the water slide because then you don't know when you're supposed to roll off the side. I mean, yeah, dangerous to be blindfolded. Anywhere. At large, yes. I mean, yeah, dangerous to be blindfolded.

Anywhere. At large, yes. But at a water park, it can be particularly problematic. Hey, welcome to Hollywood Handbook, an insider's guide to kicking butt and dropping names in the red carpet lineback hallways of this industry we call Showbiz. And what up, what up. And Showbiz today is the name of the game. Serious. Yes, for real. And we love the whole industry of showbiz.

You know that, yes, Sean and I love movies. And what that means is we love talking movies. And what that means is we love talking movies with our friends. And we have a lot of friends who is movie geeks like us. I have a lot of friends who is movie geeks like us, and it's not embarrassing to be a movie nerd or any kind of nerd because really, and our guests I'm sure can attest to this, nerds have taken over and they are in charge now. It's not about the jocks anymore, you guys. Let me introduce you. Hal Rudnick is here. Hi.

He's the screen junkie. Indeed. And what does that really mean? Is it meaning that a screen is junk? No, no. A lot of people ask that. A surprising amount of people ask that really ignorant question. But it means that you have a lust for the screen, whether it be the silver screen or the small screen in your living room. Or, gentlemen,

we live in 2015. Most of us have little screens in our pockets. We're junk. We need them. We want to grind those screens and put the glass into our veins. It's so true. We're junkies for them. Yes, and I'm always smashing screens. Just debating about them, talking about them. Oh, and it's okay to get in a fight sometimes about a movie or disagree. It's all fair game. Sometimes that's the most thrilling thing.

Sometimes it's fun to have a fight after the movie over pizza. Yes, over a little pizza. Yes. Mozzarella. Oh, that's a topping. It's all part of the ritual of watching a nice movie. Yeah. See, I host an internet show called Screen Junkies

on YouTube. And yeah, I talk movies. I didn't realize I'd be doing it so much, but yeah. And we should say that even though it is junkies, that movies is not as dangerous as drugs. But they can be as fun. Yes. Don't tell that to the production crew of Midnight Rider. Okay, well, are we getting into this trivia already?

Now, what on earth is that? Oh, that was the Allman Brothers biopic starring William Hurt that had a major tragedy and someone died. And now, so this is a total movie geek, and so he knows all of this, like, behind the scenes information about, like, all kinds of stuff that, like, you wouldn't normally see on this screen that's, like, secrets just for movie guys. Right.

Or something that you could have heard about on NPR this week. Okay. They have, like, a movie nerd show. Show, yes. Yeah. I suppose. Or just it was an actual news story. Right, okay.

That's on this channel that he's talking about that is just sort of this like, you know, movie guys only channel that you can get. No, it's basically on terrestrial radio. All your cars get it. Take me to your leader. No, not E.T. Okay. So, Hayes, should we do some questions?

Like just to get some movie debates going? Yes. That could be really interesting. Yes, let's just fire it up. Now you're wetting my appetite. Right? Yes, I can see you getting hungry for some fun movie debates. You, as they say in the biz, you are wetting my movie arousal.

Okay. I can see that. And in the business, you'll say that just when we're buying a ticket. Or like you see a good trailer. You know, just when we're buying a ticket or. Or like you see a good trailer, like it's a pretty common phrase in the biz to turn to your pal and be like, now that really whetted my movie arousal. And we, the teaser, we use like the traditional lingo here of like we call it a teaser. Right, right. Because like we don't want to get like too, too inside.

Like people out there in the world sort of know them as teasers. Yes, teasers. Do you guys enjoy Red Band trailers? Again, they're teasers. But I do love a good Red Band teaser. That lets me know I'm in for a special secret tree that no kids are allowed to see. Oh, yeah. I love it when I'm in a restaurant and what you get before the entree are called

appetizers. That's where it comes from and that's where it comes from. Gotcha. Gotcha. That's the origin. Because before the entree of the major motion picture comes the appetizer that is the teaser which I earlier called trailer.

And when it's the red band teaser there's some inappropriate stuff. Yeah, sometimes you'll see a big old cock flopping around. Yes, I wanted you to, yes, I was just about to ask you to speak on some of what might be in the red band that maybe wasn't. Oh, you might hear Samuel L. Jackson drop one of his trademark motherfuckers. And so they show you the red color right beforehand,

so you get in kind of like a mood to see some saucy things. You might see graphic footage of a gentleman fingering a lady. Yes, and that was in so many movies this year. And I think that... Nymphomaniac. Nymphomaniac 2. And the part in Theory of Everything, when that becomes kind of all he can do to show his love to her at the end.

All he could do is finger his wife. Spoiler alert, we should have said. Where do you guys stand on spoilers and spoiler alerts? I love saying it to refer to stuff other than movies and TV. Yes. It's like taking it out into the real world. Yes, applying it somewhere like,

we'll do a quick example. So maybe Hayes offers me a glass of water. I might go, uh-oh, spoiler alert. Speak on that. Oh, wrong context. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It just didn't work in inappropriate usage Didn't work for you, okay, great

Perfect, and that's exactly the kind of debate we want to have on the show And I think it was good Yeah, and I'm sorry guys, if you wanted to bring in someone to toss you softballs Wrong guy We expect that Because I play in a men's over 30 hardball league. Hardball league. Hardball, yes.

Yes, and which was a movie as well. Yeah, hardball. Now let's ask a big – Chris Matthews. Let's ask a nice movie question to really get sort of the debate going. So is everyone ready? Yes. Let's settle it once and for all.

Which one was supposed to be Good Will Hunting? Oh, that was definitely matt damon that's interesting yeah okay that's interesting neat take i think it was the teacher who was being goodwill hunting or it could have been his third friend because they never say. They never say. I think it's the fourth friend and the one who makes a car at the end. Because is that good? Well, okay. I only remember his one friend, Ben Affleck. It's not him.

They do say that it's not him. Well, isn't the titular character, Matt Damon, his name is Will Hunting. Okay. Right? Isn't it? I don't remember that being part of it. I don't know if that's necessarily a piece of the movie. And even if it was, it's actually called Good Will Hunting.

And so now you're the one who's not getting softballs. Oh, you know what? Maybe I missed part of it, but maybe there's kind of a Macklemore vibe and they're looking for Goodwills to buy some repurposed duds. You know who it might have been? The apples guy who has to, how does he like the apples? Oh, the one he said that to?

Yes. How do you like them apples? It's a movie mystery. It's one of the great movie mysteries. Yeah. It was up there with Rosebud. They don't have necessarily the newest clothes. So maybe it is they're going to Goodwill.

And in that case, what a missed opportunity to not have the song where they're going to pop some tags oh maybe Robin Williams his wife died in the movie right yeah maybe it's his wife yes

you do sort of wonder is she supposed to be haunting him? Because sometimes he does cry like he's being scared. Yes. And haunting, cry, scared. Director Gus Van Zandt directed a verbatim shot for shot remake of Psycho. Yes. And it's Anne Heche who was in Gus Van Zandt's Psycho.

And how about this? Is Goodwill. If they're saying to his wife, who's a ghost, they're saying, Goodwill Haunting. Goodwill Haunting. And you know who that ghost is? wife who is in heaven where all ghosts are with the star of Gus Van Zandt's My Own Private Idaho, River Phoenix. We did it. Yes, and we all did it together and we used our movie smarts to get all the way there.

Big debate. Classic movie debate. Oh, yeah. Who's better? Luther from the show or the mask oh i mean uh not the mask but not when stoltz no not not that one deformed elephant titus not that one this is the one who why doesn't share the main mask the green face mask, not when Dorian Tyrell puts it on. Son of the mask?

Yeah, not son of the mask. And he's bad, and not when Milo the dog puts it on, although that is an interesting question as well. Jamie Kennedy's in Son of Mask, wasn't he? Yes. But the main one. Oh, Jim Carrey. Yes, the main one. You know, for my money, the best of the people who have portrayed the mask.

Jim Carrey. Yes. Well, one thing we're forgetting is Luther is definitely a hard-boiled cop and respects the law, but isn't necessarily going to let the law get in the way of justice. Is he going to take the law into his own hands from time to time? What makes it an interesting question is these two would not get along. No. In real life. What if they were forced to work together?

Are you talking about Idris Elba and Jim Carrey? Mm-hmm. Because Idris Elba just wouldn't take Jim Carrey's bullshit? Yes. It seems like there would be some conflict there. Yeah. But the question we're asking today is, who's better me ask you guys a question true or false Idris Elba fine as hell we're talking about if who's better between him and that's not that kind of better all right like

we don't want to that would confuse the issue like of course yeah yes you know of course like not not that this is my sexual preference, but if I had to smooch around one of those two guys, I'd pick Idris Elba. Well, what you're forgetting is that... That was the question, right? If you want to smooch the mask, though, he could make his lips so big and long.

Oh, yeah. And if you remember, you're actually making a fatal mistake because... Tell me. If you recall, Dorian Tyrell was tricked into taking the mask

off because... Wait, are you talking about Game of Thrones? Because the woman... Stay with me here. Stay with me here, Hal. We're talking about

the movie The Mask. Starring Cameron Diaz. Yes. That was her first... That was her breakout role. Thank you. So now we're back in it. And she was tricking Dorian Tyrell into taking the mask off so she

could kick it away, Hal. So she could kick it into the air. And it ended up being caught in the air by Milo, Stanley Ipkiss' dog. Oh! And then he put the mask on. So what you're talking about when you're talking about smooching with the mask is a fatal mistake because that means the mask is removed and it can be kicked out of your hand hey i'd rather smooch with that cameron diaz but i gotta get benji

madden out of the way first this is the kind of thing that we like now this is because it's so inside yeah and and i think that um one thing about kissing the mask is watch out it doesn't taste like cigarette smoke because he's smoking is something he says. How sweet it is. Yes. And now you were talking about Benji? Benji

Madden, yes. Not famous cinema dog Benji. Okay. Yeah. Best cinema dog of all time. I'll throw it out there for you guys. Oh, that's a a football dog. Not famous cinema dog, Benji. Okay. Yeah. Best cinema dog of all time. I'll throw it out there for you guys. Oh, that's a great debate question. Wow, this is good. So I guess the contestants would be...

Yo quiero Taco Bell. Yes, Yo quiero Taco Bell. Milo, of course. From Milo and Otis. The masked dog from The Mask. Oh, but what about Milo from Milo and Otis? The pug who went on that journey. Did you guys know in Milo and Otis

so many animals were abused and killed in the making of that film? And see, this is more good movie trivia. What are some ways that the dogs were hurt? There was a scene where Milo and Otis have to jump over a waterfall and they just like,

if you had to destroy a shirt in a scene, they would just throw the animals over a waterfall, and they just, like, if you had to destroy a shirt in a scene, like, they would just throw the animals over this waterfall, and many, it's kind of, this is true Hollywood lore that, like, many animals were killed in the making of Milo and Otis. It is weird that you can do that with animals. Can't do that with animals can't do that with animals but they did yeah but you can't it's weird that you're allowed to do that with and with certain kinds of animals like cats and dogs you can do it with and like a horse you can throw that off a waterfall yes but you can't do

it with like a fish fish can swim the rules don't the. The rules of animal treatment make no sense. The animal rules are so archaic. Horses are smart. And I wish that somebody like Luther, to bring it back, would just kick down the door of some of these movie rules guys' office and say, like, let's play by my rules and really make it make sense. And I hope that is what they do next season. And I have been asking. He might kick down the door of the BBC.

The fact that you can throw somebody off a waterfall who's just like not very smart in a movie is bizarre to me. I think we should be treating all these people equally. These are people as well. Yeah. You shouldn't be allowed to do that. Yeah, don't throw them over a waterfall. Don't use a person as an ashtray. I think we should. Yeah. You shouldn't be allowed to do that. Don't throw them over. Don't use a person as an ashtray. I think we should change movies. You shouldn't. Yes, you shouldn't be allowed

to use people who you just say like, well, they're like not the smartest guy. Yeah. Yeah. Don't like don't grab someone bodily and put them at the end of the line at Chipotle just because you think they're not pleasing to the eye. Don't don't grab't grab a heavyset person and spit in their hair.

Movies need to change. One thing that's surprising to me about movie laws is you can fill someone with cream. I mean, you can literally hollow them out and fill them with cream if they just are from somewhere in Russia or something like that. Because they don't think that's as good as America.

I'll tell you what, I'd like to fill Cameron Diaz with some cream. Okay, well, okay. But I'd have to get Benji Madden's cream out of there first, because that motherfucker drops bombs. Oh, he has a big load. that motherfucker drops bombs. Oh, he has a big load. So that's why,

you do sort of wonder, he dates all these very attractive women. Well, it's because he's got tattoos on his neck. Okay, is that what it is too? I thought it was maybe because he just brings it with monster lips. Hayes, I don't want to get personal here, like deep into your personal life. Uh-huh.

Yeah, but are you are you rolling with that grade a poon how this is actually a very personal yeah question for me yes it is and it brings up some stuff that is weird it's a little weird it's your thing it's fine for me to talk about I historically yeah

I'll see a woman I'll meet someone I really like we'll go on a few dates very attractive beautiful beautiful woman. We get along really well. It comes time. We get in the bedroom. Oh, yeah.

Close the door. Yes. Close the door. Thank you. It's time to take it to the next step. And I find that most of the time, recently especially, I can't find it.

Hmm. So, are you talking about your mojo? No. Are you talking about her privates? I'm talking about hers. It's like it's moving on me. I find it for a second and. It's like it's moving on me. I find it for a second, and then it's like it's gone.

Sounds like you're having a panic attack. Sounds like you're having a panic attack. I think it's just too dark in that room of yours. Well, when the door is shut, especially. Because all the lights are outside the room. What's the light source in that room? The light source, like a loose fire. It's like a fire, but it's not in a fireplace.

I've set up logs, and it's kind of in the middle of the room. It's natural light. Kind of like the Olympic torch situation. They just light that thing. Yes. And so it is creating light, but I think. Kind of like the Olympic torch situation, you know, how they just light that thing and it's... Yes. Yeah. And so it is creating light, but I think that's part of the problem. It's flickering so much that it's making these shadows that, like, for a second make me think that that's where the honey is.

Oh, yeah. You're talking about that sweet honey pot. Yes. Oh, but this actually brings me to a great movie debate, which is what's the sexiest movie villain? Oh. The sexiest movie villain. Oh, and follow-up, who would you like to see them marry?

That's a great question for you, Hal. So it's a two-part question. The sexiest movie villain and also who would you like to see them marry? And that can be anyone from any movie. They can marry inside a different movie. And also which movie would you like them to get married in? Gotcha. So you're taking a sexy movie villain.

Yes. And then who you'd like to see them marry from a different movie. And then which third movie you'd like to be the location for their marriage. And I want to apologize, Hayes. Were you hoping to get more advice about finding the honeypot from Hal? I didn't mean to sidetrack that. I'm actually past the point of advice. I've gotten to the point where looking is going to have to be all it is for me haze what

about this what about just laying back and going and like just kiss kiss kiss and letting the honey honey pot come to you just let it bring it to you let it bring it bring it to you but well what if they what if something else comes i don't like these i don't like to be passive in that situation because you close your eyes people can't see this but when you did that you that, you... Yes, when you do that, you close your eyes. Oh, yeah. You can't make kissy faces with your eyes open. What kind of monster are you? Well, and that leaves you potentially as a victim to anything being on your face.

Yeah. Bees. Yeah. Bees are a knife attack. Short ribs. Short ribs. Short ribs. Braised?

Well, because it hazes on a new diet. And you can't have short ribs. I do the long ones. Yeah. And so, you know, somebody— I eat all long food. Quite a few people in this town who'd like to see his downfall, especially— You do the long ribs just like that long dick of yours, dog. Bam.

I thought you were going to talk about Benji Madden again. Dog bam. I thought you were going to talk about Benji Madden again. Oh, well, you got to get that long dick out of the way if you want to get all up in. That's right. Now, you think big loads are what really appeals to women? Oh, of course. I think that's right.

This is the Benji Madden thing, his legendary load. I've read my fair share of Cosmo guys, and I know that the ladies don't want no dribbling load motherfuckers. No, they need a big, huge load, and that's why if you're out there, kids, and this isn't a religious thing, but please save your load for marriage. And I always say, it's not the size of the boat, it's the motion of the ocean of semen. There is no load like the honeymoon load.

Yes. And that, if you can just blast them through the roof of the building, you're going to have quite a long and successful relationship. Okay, so sexiest movie villain. Who would I want to see that person marry and in what movie universe and then and what character is like what's a funny person to be like

the ring bearer who's like a different character from like a different movie if it's someone and don't use this but Fozzie Bear is a ring bearer you know or it might be interesting to see what Gollum would do in that situation. Oh, yeah.

I don't know if he'd fork over the ring. Don't use that one. You took mine. It's his. It was his. Sexiest movie villain. Who should they marry?

What movie are they supposed to get married in? And who's funny to you? Oh, and the ring bearer could be Smeagol. Okay. Right? Yeah, yeah, yeah. All right. Sexiest movie villain.

I'd go Forrest Whitaker, Last King of Scotland. Okay. I'd love to see him marry Nell. Jodie Foster's Nell. And the universe. Oh, put them in Scarface's mansion. Yes, yes. Put them in Scarface's mansion. Thank you, perfect.

Beautiful place to get married. And then the ring bearer, the ring bearer would be oh little Dakota Fanning okay how come oh cause she it could be something where like she's opening the ring box and Sam her friend I am Sam

oh yeah I was gonna say I am Sam Dakota Fanning or push Dakota Fanning oh push by Sapphire no no no no no oh you I am Sam Dakota Fanning or Push Dakota Fanning. Oh, Push by Sapphire? No, no, no, no, no. Oh, you know what? Fuck Dakota Fanning, Gabourey Sidibe. Okay.

And so he's now changed it. So now we're playing fuck, marry, kill? Yes. Yes. Fuck Dakota Fanning, marry Gabourey Sidibe, and – Oh, you know who I'd kill is that wicked Schmeagle just to put him out of his misery

yes but not you know you can answer however you want but that's who I'd go after gotcha gotcha yeah I'd kill Smaug oh yeah good luck they killed him in the movie good luck is all I'm saying

and so you know to bring it back to my water thing Good luck. Yeah. They killed him in the movie. Good luck is all I'm saying. All right. Okay, and so, you know, to bring it back to my water thing. What's better, you guys? Special effects or our own imaginations? Okay, this is a debate we get in all the time. I like when they used to do, I don't know why they stopped doing it with clay. It's all these computers now.

Everything is computers. But it used to be they could just take a hunk of clay and do whatever they want with their imaginations, and it looked better then. And not just clay. Hamburger meat. I'll come from a serious place for a second. I agree with that clay thing, because if

you're familiar with Ray Harryhausen, I just watched his documentary on Netflix. His claymation characters and his creations from like the 60s and 50s even were mind-blowing. They looked like

more real dinosaurs. Yeah, they were awesome. They were so cool. It's just like, yeah. We have some questions for you. We want to do a segment called the Popcorn Gallery. I don't have my computer drained out of battery,

so you do the song real quick. Guys, I ate some popcorn last night. Well, you're a true movie nerd. Popcorn Gallery is time for a... So normally what we do is we get questions from our listeners to ask you, movie person. We forgot to solicit questions this time. But since you're a movie expert,

we thought a fun thing for you to do would answer questions that we found from the IMDB message board. So people, these are movie fans who have questions for a movie expert. And so we're going to ask them to you, the screen junkie. Yeah. Okay. You know it's time for the movies and the stuff. We're ready.

Yes. So let's get a question out of the popcorn bag. By the way, I'm going to change my answer. I'm going to go with Cameron Diaz from The Mask. What is that an answer to? Sexiest villain? Oh, yeah. You know what? I'm going to go with Cameron

Diaz from Bad Teacher. See, now that is a better answer because she's much more of a villain in that. Oh, you know what she's really a villain in? Last year's blockbuster Annie. Oh, gosh. She could be very mean.

Very mean and villainous in that movie. She was Miss Hannigan, a classic movie villain. Do you have the question? Guys, we're waiting. It's a sword from... And then pick a famous movie with a sword in it, Al. And what we've done is kind of left an open-ended... We always pull something out of the popcorn bag

to represent the question, and it's sound drops recorded by my friend Mark, and we told him that we had a real movie expert, so he's picking items, and you pick the movie. Princess Bride. Oh, gosh. Love it. Funniest movie ever when he is doing the puzzle.

Funniest best. This is a question. So these questions are from Jason Sudeikis' IMDB message boards. These people have a lot of questions. You're a movie expert. You can help them. Mr. Horrible Boss himself. Yes.

So here's a question from PurpleBear17. Yes. Should I still like him even when his girlfriend is ridiculous and then the text that's the subject and the text is she did something ridiculous in glamour magazine you know what it's all good jason sudeikis done right for himself got olivia wild damn oh you got to get jason sudeikis out of the way if you want to get all up in that Olivia Wild. And don't forget Olivia Wild. She's just like any other woman. She's a human woman, and she loved that

big load. Now, you have a real... You know why I like Jason Sudeikis? One thing I like about Jason Sudeikis is it's just stupid because I'm really into sneakers, and Jason Sudeikis is a real sneakerhead as well. Oh, like Turtle. Oh, cool.

Oh, like Turtle. Now, I think that one thing is, so you have a real respect for relationships, and you frequently, I feel like, want to sleep with some kind of starlet, but only if you can get her man out of the way. You know? Like, I just, I like that old-fashioned sort of. You always insist that the man is going to have to be out of the way. You know, like, I just, I like that old-fashioned sort of... You always insist that the man is going to have to be out of the way before you'll do anything with this woman. You're not going to sneak around behind his back or anything like that.

Guys, I'm not saying that I'm completely opposed to a classic cuckold situation. Okay, okay. Well, that wasn't my understanding. Well, that'll make you mad. That's going to make Sean mad. Oh, now I'm, oh, I'm fuming now. Have you been cuckolded? Did we touch a nerve?

I don't know for sure, but I have reason to suspect. Sean, I got a little bit personal with Hayes before. I'm going to get personal with you now. Oh, boy. Have you been cuckolded before? Well, here's the thing. So, Steffi and I don't share a bed. I'm married to a Steffi Graf.

And so, I kind of stay at my dad's house at night. 17-time Wimbledon champion. A lot of times, yes. And a lot of times when I go, believe me, she mentions it. So, when I go to her house, our house, but her house primarily, there's another man's car in the driveway. That's a euphemism, isn't it? No.

Oh. I wish, but because I have to park like a block away, you know, because he's got my spot. But then when I go in, he's often in the shower. Oh. So is that bad? And I've heard her talk about this. She says he's fixing it.

Yes, while it's running and he's nude. Yeah, they have to test it out first. Yes. While it's running and he's nude. Yeah, they have to test it out first. Yes. And in her defense, it is working when he's using it. Yes. Was there a problem with it prior? I take baths. Oh.

Oh. So this is a guy that likes to pamper himself over here. The guy's a nice guy, too. Yes, he gives himself a little treat every now and then. Oh, every now and then. I mean, nice guy, too. He gives himself a little treat every now and then. Oh, every now and then? I mean, if he takes a bath, he gives himself a treat every... Well, he's earned it. How often do you bathe? Oh, uh...

Really just morning and night. It's very rare that I take a post-lunch bath. That's more often than normal. Let's get a question out of the bag. Okay, sorry, sorry, sorry. Anyway, the guy's a nice guy. I don't want to press on it too much.

I'm going to go with the Avengers 2 Age of Ultron. What is that? Is that the question you've selected? That's my movie choice. Okay, we just have to go with this. Okay, lightning round then. Lightning McQueen from Cars 2.

Give me another one. Round, um, short round from the Temple of Doom. Okay, he's gotten into something of a movie. Yeah, he's in a movie. Doctor Doom from the Fantastic Four. Rocky 4. yeah yeah is it a movie Doctor Doom from the Fantastic Four

Rocky IV and I had been told that this might happen with him he loves movies Ivan Drago from Rocky IV Ivan Reitman

the director of Ghostbusters Ernie Hudson the black Ghostbuster you're supposed you're not supposed to interrupt him

you don't wake somebody who's sleepwalking you're supposed to just let him the You don't wake somebody who's sleepwalking. You're supposed to just let him. The Stay Puft Marshmallow Man from Ghostbusters. Marshmallows, the best treat to eat while you're watching a movie. Bringing your own s'mores to the movie theater with your dad because you were supposed to go camping, but it rained, but he still made s'mores, but on the stove, not on a campfire. And this is him petering out.

They said that he would get into, he gets away from movies. Dad yells at you sometimes on the drive home. It feels like he's punching himself out a little bit. How? Yeah, give me another one. Throw me another one. Another question. Yeah, he me another one. Throw me another one. Okay, another question. Yeah, he's ready.

Ooh, it's a famous plane from, Hal. Soul plane. Snoop Dogg. They're on a plane that identifies with a certain race. I like that movie because it's funny when people smoke weed. Oh. This is a question on the message board from Listen to the Format.

The subject is, no sense of smell? And the text is, in a People Magazine interview with Olivia Wilde, she mentioned J.S. was born without the sense of smell. I had never heard that about him. You know what I heard? Terrence Howard? have you heard the story about Terrence Howard and baby wipes

yeah he flushes them you're not supposed to do that no you are supposed to flush baby wipes no you wipe with them and then you throw them in the trash they are flushable but it's like yeah a lot of stuff is flushable doesn't mean you're supposed to do it you throw it in the trash they are flushable but it's like yeah a lot of stuff's flushable doesn't mean you're supposed to do it you throw it in the trash and this applies actually to all

any waste wipes of any kind people i see all these people flushing these things ew i don't like the term waste wipes toilet people well toilet paper is a waste wipe how you just have to accept it oh why do you have to bring, why do we have to talk? Can't the waste go unmentioned? Hayes, you fucking animal. I'm saying people need to throw it in the trash. I'm not saying what kind of waste it is.

I don't need to specify. Don't flush it. You throw it in the garbage. Fine. Okay. Let's do one more question. One more. I'm just getting warmed up!

And that's from the movies. It's a famous microphone from how? Oh, from the king's speech that the retarded king talked his talk to the nation of Islam. Let's dedicate this question. Thank you so much, Hal, for being on the show. And we'll dedicate this question to someone who bought the pro version for our podcast. You can see agents. You can upload more pictures.

IMDb Pro, check it out today. Want a free trial? Just go to IMDb and enter Sean and Hayes. And this question is not really a question. It's for kittens, dedicated to user kittens. New user, bought the Pro version for a test. Oh, I do an impression. Oh, good, good, good.

Meow. That's really, good, good. Meow. And physically. That's really nice. Thank you. Physically, it looked very. Oh, yes. Physically, it's indistinguishable. The sound, I didn't think was very.

Sounds okay. The physical component. Visually, it's an amazing impression. Yes. That impression is on my reel of impressions. This is a question. This is not really a question, but it's from I underscore love underscore. I heart Huckabees is.

Oh, he's in a fight. Oh, no. That is my fault. Is Lily Tomlin. Lily Tomlin, incredible shrinking woman. A woman is a lady. A lady in the water. M. Night Shyamalan,

Bryce Dallas, Howard, Ron Howard. I'm going to splash it. Apollo 13. No, don't splash it. Apollo 13. I'm going to try splashing. Apollo Creed.

Back to Rocky IV. I have to. I have to splash it. Apollo Creed died in Rocky IV from Ivan Drago. Oh, shh. Creed died in Rocky IV from Ivan Drago. This has been an Earwolf Media Production. Executive Producers Jeff Ulrich and Scott Aukerman.

For more information, visit Earwolf.com. EarwolfRadio.com. The wolf dead. That was a HeadGum Podcast.