Hollywood Handbook - Hannah Pilkes, Our Close Friend

Episode Date: October 22, 2024

The Boys help HANNAH PILKES try out a new last name. Get a Hat Pack Hat here!Watch the video of today’s episode at Patreon.com/HollywoodHandbook Like the show? Rate Hollywood Handbook 5-Stars on Apple PodcastsAdvertise on Hollywood Handbook via Gumball.fm See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This is a headgum podcast. So it's the type like, what? Once you see, once you know about it, yeah, you see it everywhere. No, there's a name for this phenomenon as well. And it's, and this is funny actually, because this happened to me, I think with, I want to say the word ubiquitous. And so, so, you know, and Kevin, you'll appreciate this.

Great. So he's, Kevin's like on a bit of a vocab kick. Yeah. And he, and he, and by the way, Kevin, your attitude is- He's getting really good at circling. Yes. Circling the different words. Well, congrats, that's awesome.

Yeah. He'll, like a puzzle, you know where they have the words and the word bank? Sure. And you can refer to the word bank and the different things. He can circle every word. Okay, Mr. Guy over there.

Yeah, he crosses out part of some of them because his circles are too big. That makes sense. But ultimately, if you were to, any individual word is circled properly. But you can't read all of the words because the circles are so big. You gotta keep those circles right and tight.

And so when it comes to- We're trying to encourage the guy because this is the first time I've seen him get excited about anything. When it comes to keeping him right and tight, we are gonna be having that conversation down the road, but for right now, just having found a use for those words that's not necessarily the one intended by the puzzle,

but attempting to circle them instead, we're trying to take that as a victory for right now, and then we get to the right and tight and potentially- Yes, getting better circles is- Doing the puzzle the way we want it. Trust me, going to be the easy part versus just getting him literally engaged on anything at all.

Yeah, I'm sorry about doling out that praise. I don't think it was earned yet, so. You weren't doling out praise. Yeah. That's so about doling out that praise. I don't think it was earned yet. You weren't doling out praise. Yeah. That's so crazy that you think that was praise. You actually need to get in the word bank with this guy because you were giving out criticism. Sucks to start this way.

Sucks. Well, I agree, but it happened with ubiquitous, which, Kevin, you'll like this. So it means basically it's everywhere. And I'd never heard the word. And the second I learned the meaning, it's ubiquitous. The fucking damn word was everywhere.

The goddamn fucking word started showing up all fucking, oh, it was like number 23 with Jim Carrey. Right. But it was in vocab word. And it can be about funny stuff like ubiquitous, it can be about serious stuff like the number 23, which like can happen to you, like that is real, that does happen to people.

Yes. Or like the surveillance state, like everywhere you go. Like once you start to like see like, yeah they are watching you, they are paying attention, you see it everywhere. Can I ask something and nobody make fun of me? Is the deep state and the surveillance state the same thing? So this is really interesting.

I actually would like to ask this and not have anyone make fun of me, please. No, no, no, I'm seconding. Please Hannah. No, but that's what's like what's so funny is like that even you asking that question now you're in trouble Yeah, like now like that. Yeah now you got I guess who I'm in trouble with one of those two things And you don't even know yeah, I was asking some kind of state what is So let me try Sorry to get, oh man.

Shit, shit, shit. Where are my keys? It's actually fine. Shit, shit. And it's good to just have your keys. It's good because I know what it's gonna be now. I just know what this is gonna be, so yeah. We just have my keys, I got them.

Let's give you a chance to just have your keys and put them somewhere where they can be. But you can put them by the open banana. I'll put them on my open banana. Put them near the open banana that you have. The open unfinished banana. Well, because I gotta get back to that. Small room like this, recording studio, that's a place to really space out the bites of your banana.

We don't wanna take that thing down in one sitting. At least I didn't bring my crab legs. Small room. I brought a banana, it's pretty neutral. Well. Did you not have the put your keys in the open banana conversation? Sorry, I got distracted.

You can do it now. The circling stuff is hard. There's a banana tray outside, Hannah, if you want. Okay, let me just grab my keys. I have your, I mean. Why do you have my keys, Kevin? I think you someone put your keys over there thanks to my backpack I'll just be back in a little

while all right she's back thanks for coming back do you notice this where at the grocery store sure they have those big wide aisles, right? So they have a clear line of sight down every aisle. Okay, that's so you can find mommy, with like you're looking at something, mommy. Where's mommy? All of a sudden, where's mommy? I have to be able to get all the way around. Okay, that must be what that's for.

But then you notice it's set up. So there's nowhere in the store where there's like a kind of hidden out of sight area where you can crouch down and eat hard boiled eggs like Mr. Peepers. I hate that. I hate that. And we all hate this.

And we just accept it. And this is the surveillance state. We just go to the store and we act like. And then you go to the park. And that's either the surveillance state or the deep state Well, I'm realizing now That's gotta be the surveillance Right, but then my question is like you initially said but then the guy that like comes over and is talking to you

That's the deep state. That's the death state. I think the guy that comes over and is talking to you What about the guy in the so there so he doesn't like when you call him peddler. They're married When you call him what when you say? Peddler peddler hawking your wares. Mm-hmm. I don't like that one. Thank you for saying wares noble matter You don't like your wares God, I love ho there noble merchant. Oh is it where the rent fair? It's a more like it's a rent unfair in here God, thank you even get to sample your wares and there's nowhere for me to crouch down and do it and put my

torso between my legs Mm-hmm Kevin toss me my keys. When I was growing up. That's big keys. They used to have a lot of the stuff out and you just eat them. That's the best throw Kevin's ever done. And it was so far.

That's number one. I have a ranking of times he's tried to throw things people and that shot to the top of the list. What was number three? Number three, it didn't get off his lap to give you an idea of where we were at. We've had to expand the definition of throwing. Yes.

Sure. Number three was he sort of, he got his hand up to his shoulder and when he released, it just kind of fell on his thigh. Keys got hot. I threw it to Garden State. Well, yeah, so Kevin wants to talk about Garden State this week, and I know,

I'm sure Hannah, you must have come in with something too. But Kevin's got a Garden State rant, is that right? That's right. Kevin's got a garden state rant, is that right? That's right. So let's hear about it, Kevin. Have fun exploring your infinite abyss, my friend. Let's get in there. This abyss. There's a scene, and I haven't seen the movie,

but there's a scene where Zach is on the couch and the whole world moved by around him. Is that not like the times we live in? Zachary Braffery. Zachary Braffery. Zachary Braffery. And he, it's Zachary Braffery. Zachary Braffery.

The Braffery brothers. It's Zachary, it's Zachary Batteries. Brasserie. Zachary Brasserie. Zachary Brasserie. I love. Brasserie. Zappery brasserie. Zappery brasserie. Zappery brasserie. I love his brasserie. And at this point in the film he's ingested, yes,

some recreational. Mind-deltering, expanding. Yes, loopy loopy. Things that the deep state has decided are illegal because they make us too open, too connected, right? The government. And he has taken this stuff and the world, yes, is zipping by him. Zappity Graffity is going the couch and the whole world go by him.

And time for social media challenge. This is a new segment we do, Hannah. Scoop Troop, put your favorite Hollywood handbook clip under Zappardy Braffardy sitting on the couch and everyone's going behind him. Maybe he's listening. Oh, you know what? There's a way better moment for that to happen.

Kevin has a- No way. Kevin has a complaint about this. And I'm actually proud that you've moved on for your other complaint about that movie, which is that only the waiters are allowed to wear sort of vaguely ethnic makeup at the restaurant. You were bummed about that? And my response to that is like,

the waiters don't really do that anymore either. I actually don't recall them ever doing that, except in the movie. Right. Yeah, I've been to, and this is now where I'm gonna end up sounding like I'm bragging, I've been to nine restaurants.

Where they do that? No, I've never seen anyone do that. I have been to nine restaurants total, and for my birthday next year, I am going to make it. To another restaurant? Is it a dozen, 10? Is 10 a dozen? A bushel of pear.

I'm going to make it an even dozen next year, which I believe is 10. Could be 12 though. Can we get a- You sit down at the restaurant, I'll just have one bushel of pears. Put it on my tab. Sir.

Next to the bushel it says MP. What does that mean exactly? More pears. More pears. More pears. Hannah, Hannah, we have to figure something out. All right. Say your last name for me.

I guess. You guys gonna say it? Hannah Podcast? That's right. It's me. I guess. You guys gonna say it? Hannah Podcast? That's right. It's me. Oh my God. Hannah Podcast. Well, I wanna hear your best Hollywood guesses for my last name.

For your last name? Well, I have a pitch on this. Okay. I think what you, like, people are reading this. Sure. And they're saying, okay, this B word is B word, which is British. Yeah. You need to be coming in here British.

You gotta bring it. Hannah Pilks, that's what we're wanting. We want Hannah PilksKS to come in. Okay? Please. They really don't like that. Oh my god. They really don't like that one bit. That's like Kevin going into the restaurant wearing the makeup that he thinks that I forgot Kevin's been doing that. Not only does he hate it, but he's been actively doing it. He doesn't like that only the waiters are allowed to do it. I see.

He thinks that the customer should be allowed to do it too. I see. But again, I don't, I only saw that in the movie. And are you going to the location of that restaurant? That's not a real restaurant. That's just a location in the movie. The movie is- It is?

Just a story they tell you. That there's a script. I believe they had one for that. I think so. Now I think there's a script. I believe they had one for that. I think, I'd say, someone to know these days. Now I think there was a little room to play after that if I know Zachary. He has a weird relationship. I do a little.

Oh, Mr. Brezzie. With the movie, too. He never saw it, but he was very heavily invested in it, and he started at the basketball franchise called the Garden State Warriors. Heavily invested, how much did you put in? How much did you put in? How much money?

At least 10. A bushel. A bushel of money. One bushel of money. Is a bushel more than a dozen or less than a scoop? And so this is what I'm saying, Hannah. George W. Bushel. You need to be talking about your confusion

around like feet and inches. And like that's the type of- You're used to the metric system. And the reason I ask how to pronounce your last name just so you know is not anything personal between us. What Kevin told me was Hannah pill piss is coming in. Well, that's correct. Which I think was connected somehow to.

Cause to our beef that we had? Yeah, I don't know. I guess it's like probably what Zappery Braffery did after that scene, right? Sure. Well I think I did a reverse name change which is I wasn't getting enough attention so then I thought Piltis.

You changed it to Piltis. Piltis and you really gotta hit piss. Piltis. There's an umlaut which of course means say it loud. So then I thought, pil-pis. You changed it to pil-pis. Pil-pis, and you really gotta hit pis, pil-pis. There's an umlaut, which of course means say it loud. Say it louder. Sorry, reverse name change because I wasn't getting enough attention. I wanna talk about what that sentence means.

Sure. So what's a reverse name change? Well, you've got your front words name changes, your diagonal name changes, can't do that one at the DMV. No, the D don't stand for diagonal. .gov, okay more like conspiracy over here. More like.government basically. It's like

that stands for government or something. It's starting to feel that way. Take that's like that stands for government or something. Yeah. It's starting to feel that way. Take that, Sesame Street. Jeez, for government. With the way the states are. God. So I think what she's saying is normally,

it's a reverse name change because normally Hannah Pill Piss is going into the DMV to change it to. To say, can I have a name that doesn't have piss in it? Can I have something more than this? Yes. Can I have something? And they say, well, we have pill kiss.

And I say, well, fuck it, I guess. But you're. I'm not gonna take my husband's name. So. So you're, so, but just to like go the other way on the statement, it's. Of course, yeah, reverse that. A forward name change it's of course. Yeah reverse that a forward name change So like I didn't do a forward name change which people usually do because they're getting too much attention. That's right

And yes, I gotta change my name. I've got too much attention So then they're doing a forward name change and a pill pit. I know about that too much attention She did a reverse name change. He wasn't getting enough So it like we landed on piss. And just in terms of- And we're gonna bleep that out, I think. We only get one bleep in episodes. We gotta use it.

Oh, fuck, fuck, shit. Yeah, we gotta use it sparingly. Might wanna use it there. So what I'm wondering is if, maybe they're letting you take Pilpis kind of out for a walk and see how you feel about it, but if you want it, like, I'm just seeing Hannah Pilkes walk into these rooms.

And everything would be different. Everything would be so much better. That's what I was expecting. You have to be coming in here British. You just gotta do it. I tried for a second and you both turned on me so quick. Well they don't like the way you did it. They don't like that one bit.

Oh my god. There's different kinds of British and we certainly haven't found the one that we would like. Do you, okay, we can workshop, of course. I'd like that to happen away from me. 100%, probably on Cahuenga. These? I didn't mean to out our location.

These Zigs and Zags, it would also help. So like, it's Tom Holland. This is what we need to, like, that's the thing that we have to achieve here. That's our shining North star, right? Where you hear Tom Holland, you're like, okay, I'm expecting like pointy wooden shoes. Sure, that's a gnome.

Right? And then he comes in and is like, okay, not a large guy, but he is coming in here British. Short King with a crisp accent. And then he's like, he's basically talking about a push, talk about our- And he calls him crisps. He calls him crisps.

Right? He's a ladyfink, what's the apple? What he calls a crisp accent, we call- Green apple. Sorry, clear the space for me please. Sorry, clear the floor please. What he calls a crisp accent, we call a vocal fry. What a vocal fry.

Thank you. I'm in a pill piss. Thank you. You put a vocal fry. Thank you. I made a pill piss. That's chips though. Do you guys think I should add a question mark? Pill piss? Pill dot dot dot piss? Umlaut.

Umlaut. Just say it louder. I don't think you should do that. Piss. Pill piss. I like the, and then I don't know why, pee-up-ee-us? Yeah, pee-up-ee-us. Pee-up-ee-us.

Pee-up-ee-us. Talk about, oh, everyone's stopping this girl in Cahoinga, what's her deal? I gotta say, if we're going to change the name, I wouldn't mind changing it to Kahoinga. And then of course, dot dot dot exclamation. Kahoinga. Hollywood handbook.

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It's not in the quiver. It's not, and apparently I can't workshop it here. So I'll take my keys and I'll work on that somewhere else if that's. You can't workshop it here. Certainly can't workshop it in Britain if you took that over there. I'm not allowed over there. Yeah, that's what I'm saying. I can't cross the pond.

How would we think about... So not here, not there. This is where we start having the Mexico conversation just as a place to work this out. Let's play the sound for that. A little bit of a safe house, yeah. No, see Kevin also thinks he should be allowed to have sounds that he can play at these restaurants. He's like, I'm a podcast guy, I'm a sound guy.

I should be able to go to a restaurant and play related sounds. Someone sits down, big old toot, stop doing that. That should be one of the sounds. And the fact that it's one of the sounds for every restaurant. Yeah. At Gordon Ramsay's. It's kind of better, I guess.

At Gordon Ramsay's restaurant. Which one, man? Yeah, which one were you referring to? Ah, the LAX International one. What are you getting now? Let's just have everything all lined up. Is that mace? Yeah, am I about to get sprayed again?

It's not that I didn't feel unsafe. I felt so safe. I just wanted the mace. I felt safe enough to show off my mace. I just wanted you guys to see all the cool stuff I put on it. Sorry. Can I get ahead of that?

Yeah, of course. Take one pass down. Can I hit that? 100% They should have one of those that you pump and you do the inhaler and it gives you a different voice that you need. Oh yeah. Something that you need to.

I had a puke. Not an accent necessarily is what he meant, although I think that would be neat. There was like a helium for accent. something that you need to- I had a puke. Not an accent necessarily is what he meant, although I think that would be neat. There was like a helium for accents. Oh, that's right. Fun fact, if I may, and I totally couldn't. Oh, do it, do it, start anyway.

Where our thing, we have sort of a branded version of this, and so like when you're here, if you could share a funky factable. Yeah. Okay, and I'll do it as quickly as possible. Funky factable. Funky factable, I went to the beach, two people next to me doing nitrous balloons all day long.

Okay, that's not really an example of a funky factable. Wah, wah, wah, wah, wah. Yeah, that's just a story. What would have made it funky? It's not the funky, it is funky, that's just a story. What would have made it funky? It's not the funky, it is funky, it's just not affectable. I see. Quick shout out to my Nitrous listeners. We try not to stigmatize Nitrous

since that is so much of our audience. That makes a lot of sense. That is the only way that they can enjoy the show. We gave them some 311 hats. Mm-hmm. Wah, wah, wah, wah, wah. Is that to get them back on board? It's just making them feel comfortable.

Hey, my head's doing the same thing. Yours is, wah, wah, wah. I'm just trying to imagine flipping the page. So it's Monday, I'm starting a new week. I'm flipping the page on my Funky Factables calendar. Okay, it says one day I was at the beach and two people were next to me doing nitrous blues the whole day. It doesn't feel like less of a of factable and what if Snapple was just story?

I wouldn't drink that. Yeah, I open the bottle. It's too personal. I just feel like, okay, I go somebody stuck their finger in this iced tea because- How else are you gonna do it? It's like they're having a relationship with the cap and everything. Like, it's just, this is a diary. There's no way they were being careful. The other day. Yeah, anything to do with the other day.

Oh, I forgot to tell you, says my Snapple cap. Oh, while forgot to tell you, says my Snapplecap. Oh, while I have you. Yeah. God damn it. So much cursing. Yeah. That was good. It is a lot of swear words.

All right. And we also don't have a thing in this room, and this is the surveillance area as well, they set it up in here too. There's almost nowhere you can just go crouch to breathe and cough and things like that. Like they wanted to see, they put camera, camera, camera. Everything has to be seen.

There's nowhere. Smile, you're on camera. There's nowhere to crouch. You wanna control my breath too? God, duck love. This is like so, so stupid. They just want you to keep doing it again and again. Another one, another one.

We the best. They even put in the song. Yeah. Are we not hearing this? Go, it's all. The government's saying they're the best in the song and they're saying you have to do another one. All I do is record you no matter what.

See, can you believe they get away with this? Got spying on my mind. Got spying on my mind that they said that? I can never do that. Have you been to a British, like a place like that? I couldn't, I'm not there yet. Okay. They do Ted Lasso there,

so it's gonna be hard to do Ted Lasso if you aren't going there. You guys seen the Beckham? Beckham what? You guys seen that, the movie? I've seen Ted Lasso and I've had the biscuits. He makes the most delicious biscuits for his bean boss. For his bean boss?

Well, yes. Yeah, that's true. A lot of bean. A lot of bean. Well, that's part of a full English is the bean. Mr. Bean. Mr. Bean. Love his little car.

Okay, well, it's really, really dangerous and it's killed more people than basically any other car. It's killed more people than all the wars combined. Yes. And I'd love to hear you say that to the guy who drives the three-wheeled car. He's somehow constantly passing and running off the road every single time.

You might say, okay, well that other car should have four wheels. That's not on Mr. Bean. And that's just a classism at work. A little ableism mixed in there too. Ableist and it's just class inequality and you, you know. Suppressing the rights of the three-wheeled car, so.

And so I do wanna. Thanks for coming by. Get your keys, get the fuck out. Just go ahead and. Now I'm just throwing them up and down. Mace us on the way to the door. I do wanna point out though that we have Mr. Bean is potentially acting as a new shining north star. They made me mace myself at the academy. How many years you were over there?

How many years you over there? At the academy? Yeah. Up through 12th grade. Up through? Yeah. You reverse diagonaled your way through your years. I was up through 12th grade, yeah,

and they had me mace myself. They said, if you're gonna be out here using this stuff, you gotta know what it feels like. I said, I have no intention of using it. You know what I mean? And they were like, even so. And so they did, they made me do it to myself. I did it right in my mouth.

Oh, and they didn't say you had to do that. I did it Benaka style. You thought you were supposed to use it like Benaka. I did it Banaka style. You thought it was supposed to be like Banaka. I did it Banaka style. Remember Banaka. Remember Dumb and Dumber. Is that the drink with the marble? Yeah.

Yeah, Banaka was the marble drink. I love that stuff. That's another thing. If I open a Snapple and it says the other day at the beginning of the factable and there's a marble just sitting at the bottom. Clink clink clink clink clink. I don't want that. I don't want to drink that anymore.

I did the sounds for that actually. You did those? Yeah, and then you press the button and you get the sound of the marble. Clink clink. Oh yeah, there's a button on it. There's a button on the front of my Snapple that I can press and it makes a sound that you recorded.

And then at the end I go, we the best, Hannah. I'm not drinking the whole thing. Another one. So you're doing, instead of doing, like. Cut that out. So you're in the sound space. Sure.

You're doing sounds for bottles. I'm doing Foley. This is primarily where we're at these days. I'm doing wheelies. I was trying to figure out what your thing was. Now I think I get it. Sound. Bottle sounds. Now what was that?

It's gotta be ketchup, no? That was your on- I sure hope so. You're at a Broadway show and you gotta open a can. You're so thirsty. So you open- A can of ketchup? So you open it slow. Your bottle sound, the example two of a sound a bottle would make is the sound of opening a can.

Don't try to make sense of that. Not today of all days. What show are like, obviously when you're doing the sounds you're imagining. Which show. Which show you're opening your ketchup cannon Dr. Evan Hansen follies is that Dr. Evan? The sequel it's the same poster and they just slashed out the E and the a Dr. Evan has like Evan Hansen and dr. Chavarro and he's now treating children who are injured and he just keeps accusing them of doing it to themselves

beautiful balance He's now treating children who are injured and he just keeps accusing them of doing it to themselves. Beautiful balance. It's... He still has the gas dot on his arm. Come on, man, you could level with me. He's like, you're not injured, I'm injured. So you may have heard my sounds over there. So it's Follies, the show that, is it because it sounds like follies?

That's why you picked ities I'm a folly artist That's people kissing at the show Why do you need to do a sound for that? Just in case you Were kissing okay now, let's get one Okay, next on what we need here, we need one of people kissing at the show. That's good, just in case people are kissing,

that can't be silent. Cause what, are you gonna kiss with nothing? That would be helpful to put that on the bottle, or the ketchup can, so instead of the sound of opening the ketchup can, you can hit the button and people think that you're kissing instead, when actually you're about to drink a tall boy of ketchup. Oh, how else are you gonna do it, little?

Well, what's beautiful is like two people on opposite ends of the aisle both hit the kissing sound on their Snapple bottle at the same time. And Lady and the Tramp with the sketchy. You know, and then they, yeah, exactly. They meet in the middle. It's like, yeah, it's like spaghetti, but it's instead of the tomato sauce,

it's just ketchup. They shouldn't be doing that. That's why you have the can. To pour it on the cooked spaghetti. I love that on my spaghetti. On my play spaghetti. The play spaghetti just hits different. You ever tried that to taste? What happens in Follies?

Let's try and find a good moment. I haven't seen it. What like, what's a good moment? Have we done this episode before? Wait a minute. It does, it really does feel like we have. This feels really, really familiar. Every aspect of it. Have we done this episode before? Wait a minute. It does, it really does feel like we have. This feels really, really familiar.

Every aspect of it. Have we done Mrs. Bean? I'm getting huge DJ-vous. I'm getting DJ-vous. Wait a bit. Take one pass it. Ketchup on the beat, right? That's the bottle closing again. When I first heard it, I thought it was.

Oh, okay. I thought he was saying mustard on the beat, B-E-E-T. I was like, all right, I'll it was. Oh. Oh, okay. I thought he was saying mustard on the B-E-E-T. I was like, all right, I'll try it. All right, you seem to. Ketchup on the B. You seem to think very highly of it. I'll give it a try. Oh, B.

Okay. I like. Ted Lasso. But let's talk about Mr. Bean as our potential new Shining North star, Tom Holland, it feels like, is a little bit of a reach out of the question. Mr. Bean has been able to cultivate a British identity.

One of the most. Without really using the accent hardly at all. Yes. He does little sounds, doesn't he? It's about moving in a very British way. Sure. His eyes are down here. Well, mustache.

I don't think so. No, I'm so disappointed. I don't think so. Yeah, no, for sure. You haven't seen it, it's just fine. It's a regrettable first specific for Mr. D. The mustache. I don't think that is.

The mustache being where we start. He has a monkey. Okay, now who are we thinking about? The stuffed, any. The stuffed monkey, that's not a monkey. Although I can see, look. In the family. Yes, it is, yes. It's not so far off.

It's not like saying he had a mustache. Hear me out here and please. I think mustache feels like I'm across the pond. He does kind of feels like he has a mustache a little bit. It's not so bean, it's more sausage roll. Well, what he feels like he would do is put on a mustache in order to make a second attempt at some sort of failed venture.

Two kids in a trench coat mustache. Well, he's trying to get to the front of the line. He keeps getting cut by people, things like this. Hijinks, ensue. Well, maybe with a mustache, I'd be allowed to get to the front of the line. You don't know who this is. Of course I do.

And now I'm starting to question the little car of like who you were thinking about. Who has a mustache. You know Mr. Bean. Is maybe a kid or two kids. He's always doing it twice. Always doing it twice. He is always doing it twice.

Yeah, it's sort of repetitive. Can't keep that guy down. Yeah, okay. Putting it where the sun don't shine. He goes again right away. He is doing that with the turkey. He is putting it where the sun don't shine. So why don't you consider that? Inside that part of the turkey. Turducken could be. Turkeys, well. Depends on the day. See and that's more, that's sort of an American thing and we are trying to get rid of that.

We're like, we need to be coming in here British. Yeah. We could run the whole thing back. We could do it sideways from now on. I was interested in the idea that the bottle when you put the cap back on, it's kind of sassy. There's almost a little judgment. I think it was like, oh, like, yeah.

Oh, okay. Is it all? Oh, oh, you thirsty, thirsty. All right. Okay, you're thirsty, thirsty. Yoinks. And this is part of the surveillance state too, that like, and you know, like look,

there's no ethical consumption and the whatever, like we're all like implicated in this to varying degrees, but the fact, do you ever think about the fact that you make the sounds that make it impossible for you to open one of these bottles or cans or packages in the store and crouch in the hidden area because like it makes this unbelievably loud sound. Yeah, well, have you heard that if you're in a room

that's the most silent room on earth, that you go crazy? Yeah, that's been this show a few times. Nothing's going on up there. on earth that you go crazy. Yeah, that's been this show a few times. Nothing's going on up there. A few times this room has temporarily had the award of being the most silent room on earth. Yes. And so that's why you guys are the way you are.

Well, how are we actually? Because you seem to have a strong opinion on that. And so I'd like to not be vague about it. I'd like to say, what is the way we are? This'll help us. You want a funky factable? Yeah, I'd like a funky factable about us. I think this'll help us

because we do have to keep doing the show. But apparently, you know, indefinitely. I'm going back to the Mr. Bean of it all. And like, if I'm gonna be tagged with like a Mr. Bean mustache level of. Yeah. You give the impression of two people who've sat in prolonged silence.

Until you didn't know who you were anymore. Okay, I mean. You used to call it like it is, I'm the doughnut out hot and tight. I'm not fucking pissed. Okay, I mean you said call it like it is I'm not fucking pissed You're acting like I'm fucking pissed right now, and I'm not I didn't get pissed either But not happen so not happen that so my husband so my good might Closer but it's still I hate it. I know. Yeah, they don't like that either.

No, they're all, they're all, show us your, I'm not doing that. Well, you can- They are all like that. That's crazy. Just the left. That is like such a crazy thing about that country. It's all show us your- Show us your this and that, and we wanna see one and then the other one.

You have it all wank. Yeah. Yeah, well. Always asking me that. It's like. Yeah. I'm having a wank, okay, and then show us your, you know, et cetera.

I love the way I taught her. I love it's like a dance. Yeah, they say these things to us and I don't know if they just do it to Americans and if they're having a wank and if they're taking this piss for themselves. Pill piss. Taking this pill piss. You see how it all went back from before.

It took a three and we went around the earth. Pill piss from before. Yes. What's so interesting over there? What's so interesting on our telephone, Mr. Kevin? You had taken the pill piss. It took a three and we went around the Earth. Pill piss from before. What's so interesting over there? What's so interesting on our telephone, Mr. Kevin? You playing Weebles? Do you have enough interesting ideas from your phone to share with everyone?

Oh, he's texting me. So are you on Notepad? Oh God. You guys text through Notepad, that's right. He's saying we do, it says- He airdropped a note. It says- Why don't you just text him? It says reminder, that's right. He's saying we do, it says. What's he saying today? He airdropped a note. It says. Why don't you just text him? It says reminder, num nuts.

By the way, you can just talk to me. It says reminder, num nuts. We do need to get to the movie. So. Oh shit. We were tasked today with, we're supposed to be breaking the story for speed three. And then Kevin's note is this time it's on a horse, and this time we blow the fucker up for real.

So like, I know it's been nice kind of figuring out your name thing. Yeah. But Speed 1 was on a bus. Speed 2 was on a boat. Speed 3, I believe according to Kevin, and he said he's talked to some producers about it Takes place in like the 16th century and it is on a horse and this time we blow the fucker up for real And it is still a bunch of people

like on the horse and from different walks of life and you saw you what like different like The horse is big ideally that situation, yeah, it's big. But it's like not so big that people aren't like, kind of like rubbing up on each other. This is a big part of it for Kevin, that like, everyone is sitting on the way and it's like going up and down, and so you're kind of. It's creating some friction.

You're having a wank kind of thing. They're having a wank to some extent. You can't help it, like, you sort of can't help it. And runtime on this, runtime? The horse is gonna be running for. Yeah, most of the movie I think. At least a couple kilometers if you're talking. Yeah, basically right up until it explodes, yeah.

And when was that, oh I love that part. When we do blow the fucker up. And I hate to love it, but you guys get it. And he just sent me another text and it just says, Spie Biscuit. Spie Biscuit. Spie Biscuit. And I gotta say, that horse was small. So, I don't love that pet.

Not small, baby, or just shrunken down. Speed Criteria would be good, you know? Speed Criteria. That would be good, because that horse was fucking big, dude. Spie Biscuit. You like animals? Yeah. Okay, it seems like no.

Which one then? It seems like no. Which one then? Mr. Bean Stuck Monkey? I can either confirm or deny. You let me know. You could either confirm or deny. This is someone trained by the Deep State

in how to conduct these conversations. If I was trained by the deep state, would I be able to do this with my hands? That is kind of how Mr. Bean stands. Ah, it actually got really close. You know how he puts his way up under his armpits like that? Not the mustache, nope, nope, nope. But he does kind of put him way up under there.

Bean here, that's his classic entrance line. Let's talk about more sounds for the different bottle. Yeah, I do think we need to get closer on that because right now, none of it has made me want to drink anything at all. Okay, this is speed three, you're cracking open your can of mead. Okay, you're sitting in speed three,

you've brought in your own mead. You're on your horse. There's a special mead promotion. Yes. That we got, like, yeah. Two meads, if you show us your. It looks like the Dune popcorn bucket, yeah, but it is mead.

Mead, and here it ends, it's open and. That sounds like closing the ketchup bottle. I guess that one bottle is the other bottle. It's gotta be similar so you know my brand. It has to be similar. That's right, yes, that's right. No imitators, yeah. I've got a new stuff at Claire's,

so you know my brand. It sounds a little like Rick Ross, like his little noise that he does. Do you ever get that when people open the bottle and be like, okay, it sounds a little like Rick Ross? Yeah, little noise that he does. Do you ever get that when people open the bottle and be like, okay, it sounds a little like Rick Ross. Yeah, it's a whole- It's derivative, yeah. It's a whole legal thing.

Cause I- We call it speed colon mead. Speed mead. Speed mead. So then the speed, yeah. Speed mead. Speed mead. Question at the very end.

And do the sound again. That changed, that was different. It's a little less. That was different. That feels like you're trying to avoid the Rick Ross comparison. Yeah, because there's a legal thing. He did it first, but I did it best.

And you know with the law, that's tricky, right? That one is tricky. Who did it best? Okay, well she did it the best, but's tricky, right? That one is tricky. Who did it best? Okay, well she did it the best, but. But he did it the first. I had the same lawyer. Mm-hmm. All those who wore it best kind of posts

that you see online, those are from court cases. Serious legal implications. Yes. That was from the Menendez trial. That's a barrister was looking at that, yeah. Yes. Yeah. And that's where Slay came from. Stone cold evidence.

Excuse me. Part of she thinks the Menendez brothers were pro wrestlers. Stone cold evidence. Get knifed at WWE. You're sitting in speed three, you crack open the meat and makes that sound. How thick is this meat we're talking about? Viscous.

Yeah, it's pretty viscous. You need a cauldron to stir that shit up and it might break your spoon. Is it like? It's hot, it's so hot. Viscosity known for spoon breaking. Well, if it's really viscosity. Yeah.

That's, I mean, that's really serious. And they didn't have the spoons like we do, like back then they had like. No, they didn't have them long like we do. Sea viscous. Sea viscous. It's a horse, but he's got a lot of junk in the trunk. Yeah.

So that's a word you would use to describe. An aqueous rump. Ubiquitous. Ubiquitous. Hannah, your enthusiasm, when you think you've made a connection here is infectious. I do buy into it for a second. It is.

I go, oh wow, it did all just connect. You know what the trick is? Just a cue sound occurred again. Just hold. I think I do know what the trick is. Say it with me. Okay, forget it. Fight. That.

Whoa. Hollywood handbook. That was a hate gum podcast. Hey, hey, I'm Lamorne Morris. And I'm Kyle Shevrin. And we're here interrupting your workout to tell you about the Lamorning After podcast, now on HeadGum. That's right.

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