Hollywood Handbook - Hayley Huntley, Hayes' Daughter

Episode Date: July 27, 2015

Sean and Hayes start today's show by laying out their favorite places to escape to for summer vacation and scroll through Engineer Cody's Twitter feed. Then, Hayes' daughter HAYLEY HUNTLEY comes on the show to read some scripts, including Smirnoff Isis, H.R. K-cups, and more!See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This is a HeadGum Podcast. So, partying with Dennis Leary, celebrating the new show, just getting nuts. I kissed a member of the janitorial staff and as I'm walking away I say by the way drop the and just sex, drugs, and rock and roll.

And he said no, that's okay. i am gonna keep it sex and drugs and rock and rock and roll and i said oh okay it is your show yeah but the what the the phrase is sex, drugs, and rock and roll. That is what people say. But did he tell you this isn't the phrase? This is a show. Well, that was the correction that he made. He said the phrase is something else.

The phrase isn't the show. The phrase is sex, drugs, and rock and roll. The show is sex and drugs and rock and roll. And it was actually initially sex and drugs and rock and roll and roll. And roll. And there were, it was actually initially sex and drugs and rock and roll and, and. I told, I told him, and I don't know how I didn't see you at this party because I was partying with him. I didn't see you. I was, I was dressed as a janitor.

But anyway, I said, you know, your character's named Johnny Rock and it's sex and drugs and rock and roll. That's great. But you should have a character named Johnny sex, a character named Johnny Rock and it's sex and drugs and rock and roll that's great but you should have a character named Johnny Sex a character named Johnny Drugs and Johnny Roll you know that's your crew but he said I'm the star and when you're right you're right hey welcome to Hollywood Handbook and Insider's Guide to Kicking a Button Dropping Names on the Right Carpet Linebacker Always of this industry we call showbiz. What up, what up?

You know when you go outside and you feel the sunny day that it's summertime. And we've got it in Hollywood just like you have it in Wisconsin. The days are getting longer and the nights are getting hotter. And while you, I think in certain parts of the country, this is the season where you clean up the animal mess.

In some of the states shaped like rectangles. This is the season where the animals have made a terrific mess well under the course of over the course of the year and when the snow melts it reveals exactly what a mess all these monstrous creatures made and you've only got three months to sort of get that mess out of there in time for the fall for because if you get a double mess, because they don't care. They'll make another mess on top of the original mess. Oh, yes. They don't stop making the mess during the summer,

and that is a big part of what's so difficult when you're trying to eliminate what has been a long time coming mess clean-wise. Yes, and the bottom layer hardens. Oh, yeah. It's like a whole other. mess clean wise. Yes. And the bottom layer hardens. Oh yeah. It's like a whole other. It becomes fossil. Yes. And then becomes oil and your car run on it.

But. While you're doing that. Yeah. It's time for us to have summer vacation. Summer vacation. And of course we do summer vacation in solidarity with teachers who are heroes and are underpaid. And because they are not paid enough in this country and not allowed to work during summer, we refuse to work during summer as well.

Yes. And we are being compensated over that time, but that's what we think is so messed up. And so we want to shine a light on that by not working on the summer and being paid. Of course, we're being compensated. Yes, many of the resorts, club destinations that we mentioned are going to pay us to appear there because it will attract people like teachers who want to rub elbows with people like us. But I think that what we're doing by accepting that compensation is demonstrating the hypocrisy in this country, where what a lot of other jobs do is almost as important as what we do.

And this episode is sponsored just because we love it by New Vacation Movie. And I have converted my Waze voice to Ed Helms' character's voice, as i'm sure all of you have wally world what could go wrong next stop wally world just kidding where i were going to where you said you wanted to go don't worry what could go wrong and quite a bit i imagine just from knowing how those movies have played out in the past. And so we want to talk about the funnest spots to go in free vacation time. Oh, very quickly. Very quickly. We do donate part of our earnings from those club appearances to school. To the school fund.

And the school. And specifically to the music program, which is the first thing to go. Yes. These kids don't even know the circle of fifth. It's the most important. It's the most important one that's the first to go. Yes. Because I don't understand how people can do school without a knowledge of fifths.

Yes. Well, can you imagine trying to watch Sex and Drugs and Rock and Roll and not knowing of fifths. Yes. Well, can you imagine trying to watch Sex and Drugs and Rock and Roll and not knowing the fifths? Well, I mean, just, yeah, just thinking about... There's third, fifths, sevenths. I'm not sure how that would go. Would you be able to see the show?

What would you see if you were trying to watch Sex and Drugs and Rock and Roll and you didn't understand Circle of Fifths and get music class You would just see Just shapes And it would just be I guess flat Yeah flat shapes

I mean you'd probably get a bloody nose If you just wake up If you're lucky You wake up And it would be The next week And now this show is starting to air again. Yeah.

And it's curtains for you unless you can get to that remote in time. You're caught at a cycle of watching Sex, the Drugs, and Rock and Roll, getting a bloody nose, going to sleep, blacking out. One full week. Yes. Waking up again. Show's on again. And good luck getting out of that cycle because that show ain't going anywhere. So vacation spots.

Well, what's one place that you go when you want it to feel so hot you can't stand it? Oh, I know you're talking about Palm Springs, baby. Ooh, yes. I like to get in my car and drive two and a half hours with everyone else who's going to the same place in the middle of nowhere. It's 109 degrees outside. But what they have in Palm Springs

that they don't have anywhere else is you can sit down near a pool. Oh, yes. And not only that, when you're at the pool, there's a slightly obstructed view of the mountains. And just feeling in touch with how big that is. And the feeling is so nice of every time you drink a glass of water, knowing that something that was alive had to die for you to drink that water. It's like, you know, the box, the story of like the box where like

if you push the button or whatever, you get a million dollars, but somebody will die. It's like that when you drink any water in Palm Springs, except you don't get a million dollars. No, but you get your thirst quenched temporarily. And I think you kind of undersold, not only can you sit near a pool, but something they have there that they don't have anywhere else is you can get in a pool that is maybe one degree cooler than the air itself.

It's been cooked by the environment all day, yes. And so that, for me, is a true getaway adventure relaxing place. And the food's not great. It's eggs. That's one spot. You can also read posters about the Rat Pack while you're there. Oh, okay. I haven't seen that one.

And menu covers. Oh, there's antiques somewhere. That's a little piece of history, but what if I want to have a different kind of adventure haze and i think you know what i mean well let me see you're talking about mud mountain mud mountain that's right i slide down it on a lunch tray it's not really a mountain but it is certainly mud yeah when i say i slide down and i mean i kind of lie in it because it's I guess it's a mountain upside down and that it's like a pool like it doesn't come up out of the ground at all it goes

down a little it's a pit but I guess a pit is a kind of mountain that's inside the earth yes well if you're next to a pit then you're on a mountain oh that's to anyone at the bottom of the pit that that's what it is you're right yes mud mountain was named from someone whose perspective was at the bottom of the pit the food there is also eggs oh Oh, yes. And they're naturally occurring. You find them. Now, I should say, traditionally I like eggs.

Yes, but under these circumstances you don't like them as much or you do like them now? No. Yeah. One more place I wanted to talk about that everyone has to go on vacation and please, it's

summertime, it's summer vacation. We've got to cool off. Can we get ourselves in some salt? Yes. To go to the Salton Sea. You got to go to the Salton Sea. You got to go to the Salton Sea.

Now it is 92% algae, which means it's alive. And the algae does a thing where if you look at it and then look away and then look back again, it's closer. And if you look away for long enough, it grabs you and you become algae too. And you can hear when you're looking away, you hear a piano going like, boop, boop, boop. And then when you look back, you don't hear anything. It stops. It stops.

Yeah. But then when you turn away it's a higher pitch piano and the other thing that i like is the sort of whispers of latin phrases that let me know i'm home yes uh it's it's one of it's you know it's the source of the romance and who's that little girl i've've never actually seen her, but there's a girl singing Ring Around the Rosie. She's playing Ring Around the Rosie and she's whispering it. I've seen her in the distance and doesn't matter where I walk, she never becomes any closer. But I'll tell you, that is a spot where I can cut loose, relax, honor teachers, and

relax honor teachers and think about the music program now one thing i wanted to bring up as long as we have engineer cody here in the studio is tweet stuff we uh there's a segment we like to do where we read cody's twitter feed he only has 76 tweets ever. And I guess that, I think that includes retweets. Yes. Which is a big portion of his feed. And a lot of it is, um, Instagrams of electrical equipment. Uh,

what you can look at his tweets and I'll look at who he is following. Okay, great. Um, so we have a couple of tweets here, uh, an Instagram new shty yeehaw. Let me just see what that photo is.

I think it's going to be a microphone. No, it's a microphone. Okay. So that's something he was excited about. Also, he's got some retweets. Oh, and he's promoting some podcasts. Here's one new at the blacklist tr hashtag ear movie is part two of at stacy malton's the other side what an informative tweet i know

what all those things mean anyway that's what he's promoting let's go back to some of the earliest people he followed it's a couple girls who i guess he was trying to stick it to at the time. Then it's Rob Delaney, like all of us. Lil Wayne. This is taking me back. White girl problems is, I think, number 10. Cody, you want to give us some of those? What's a sample white girl problem that cracked your shit up?

I don't know, like burning chicken or something. Okay. I just want to mention I now have stumbled on a cache of retweets promoting podcasts. It looks like three that are just promoting one episode of the Lauren Lapkus podcast. And then I'm just checking for us. Oh, Trends with Benefits. Yo, is this racist on today's podcast? So, yeah, Cody got tagged in that as the engineer.

Oh, he gave a live question on this one. So he's getting himself out there well i understand why you wouldn't have uh ever retweeted anything to do with us after all we don't talk to you on air like that live question from you jesus fucking christ there was a moment where he followed in a short amount of time sean parker bill gates and gq magazine oh wow that was Time, Sean Parker, Bill Gates, and GQ Magazine. Oh, wow. That was a real life change you were planning on making that never quite took hold, huh, buddy? It was like he woke up one morning and said, enough is enough.

The new life starts today, and it starts with my Twitter follows. This is who I am now, and Barack Obama's in there too. Here's a tweet from Cody. Calm your tits, kitty. That's the whole tweet. That's a joke, possibly? Maybe it's a line of dialogue for a script he accidentally wrote it in the wrong screen

or something who else do we have? Ben Stiller Edward Norton, he wants to know what they have to say Baby Blue's BBQ here's one tweet truth, hashtag Carlin hashtag LAPD

it's a picture of maybe a bumper sticker and i haven't read it yet this is all coming new to me too in the words of the late george carlin the police should have two new requirements to be on the force intelligence and decency certainly hasn't been tried yet it just might work okay well hold on cody cody that take that out of your feet if we're going to be reading it on the show we don't take sides on this stuff intelligence and decency and this and this one is from earlier today he retweeted an ellen page tweet from over a year ago. Has anybody CC'd on that tweet? It's Rob Delaney.

Oh, that's good. Why were you going through a year's worth of Ellen Page's tweets? What brought you back that far into her feed? You watched that Roller Skate movie? She was in Juno. I don't know.

She was in Juno. That does check out. You didn't actually read any of GQ, did you? I think I got relinked there from Bloomberg News or something. You got relinked? Yeah. That happens to me sometimes i have something

that thematically will tie back in and really cinch up this great segment with a nice button which is a tweet from cody scully on september 18th 2011 or september 11th 2018 but it says it says, back in LA, it's healthy to leave this city at least once every six weeks. So he went on vacation. Now, Cody, where did you go a week before September 18th, 2011?

That would be, I wouldn't be able to remember that. Well, you leave every six weeks, just pick somewhere. That was shortly after, if I could just point out, I believe that was not at all long after Benghazi. Does that ring a bell?

Yeah, Cody, that seemed familiar. Is that a country? Got that in your lab Bible? More sweat wiping. Is that a country? You know it's a country, Cody. Yeah, it is, right? Yes.

I think it was for my birthday. I left town on it. Oh, he celebrated his birthday by doing Benghazi. Oh, wow. Hillary's going to be mad if she hears that. Now, thanks for letting us see the Twitters. It's public. I don't give a fuck.

Oh, yeah. What were you going to say? What were you going to say? What were you going to say? What did you almost say? You stopped yourself. I don't give a fuck oh engineer cody boy that's it you do love to test that's on tape that's on tape cody so that's it hayley is here my daughter and she is going to talk about, she has a lot of career issues she wants taken care of for her.

And we are going to do our best coming right up on Hollywood Handbook. And kiss your doggies and kitties. Hollywood Handbook. So I'm with michael chang and i'm like it's weird to like bring like a catcher's mitt while you're like watching this you know like it's like it's it's it's not cool right he's like well you know like know, what if I am in a position to catch something? And I was like, well, this is court. Right.

You're in court. Nobody's throwing anything. Well, how's it affecting you? I mean, Top flies off the gavel. You know, Ben gaveled too hard. Top goes flying off. And he catches it. You'll be happy.

He saves you. It's him as a character witness for me to how it's affecting me. You were suing Carl Chang. Or you were being sued by? His brother. Michael and Carl were a doubles team. Yes. I was suing his brother.

Carl was taller. Michael was faster. yes, I was suing his brother. Kyle was taller, Michael was faster. To have Michael on my side, I thought would be a significant advantage for me. I would assume that they would take that into account more so than almost anyone else. That his brother has chosen to represent me

as a character witness and say that Carl's bad, a liar. But to have Michael up there wearing a big catcher's mitt. Oh, like a novelty one? Yes. An inflatable one. The kind you can sit in. That is slowly,

slowly deflating loudly. Yes. As he's giving his testimony. You didn't like it. No, no, no. Mm. Well, I hate to side with Michael, but I have been in court when the top fly off the gavel.

I have been in court when stenographer types so hard that the T key come flying off. Yeah. Hit a lady in the head. So in those situations, I think, well, I'd love to have Michael Chang with a catcher's mitt there. So do you see my side of it, Hayes? Or do you just feel like I'm saying no? I don't think the T key, even if it does, well, you can speak to this, did it hurt somebody?

She's lucky she had a beehive hairdo. This just so happens. So that supports your point no she didn't get hurt but if she had a normal hairdo like one like um demi when she got that short one no i know i'm familiar when demi did that's the most dangerous haircut in terms of being hurt yeah i could see that really scratching some gi jane oh yes hey welcome to hollywood we call showbiz yes what up what up a lot of the time you listen to the show expecting to hear famous celebrity piece some people like that yes uh some people also prefer to listen and hear a personal relationship.

Someone they relate to. Yes. Uh, in this case we have. I'm sorry. I said someone they relate to, but I meant someone they related to and they is you. That is me. That is me. Yes.

No, I know. Uh, Haley, my sweet daughter is here. What is your, um, I always am forgetting, a last name that you use professionally? Huntley. Huntley, yes. What is that? You're like hunting Lee Trevino? You want to be boyfriend-girlfriends with Lee Trevino?

No, I had to choose. It was a last-minute kind of thing. I was in the office of a, it's not Actors' Equity. It's a sub-union. It's sort of a farm union. And I had to choose my name very quickly. Like a junior union, like a AAA sort of union. That's right.

To get, to graduate to Actors' Equity, fingers crossed. Fingers crossed. And yeah, I had to pick a name really fast. And I just chose something that sounded a lot like my first name, but a little bit different. Those sub-unions are a great way to sort of prep yourself for what it's like to be in a real union. Get used to paying dues.

It's an unfortunate acronym that the Farm Actors Guild has. I don't even want to... I mean, you have to hand out this card. I have to say at the beginning of auditions that you're in this guild. I don't know why more people don't just say Farm Actors Guild. This is all I'm saying.

I wish that they would just say it all out. I mean, that's usually what I do here. Instead of abbreviating it. Oh, okay. You know? Mm-hmm. But anyway, how are you, Haley? How is your mother?

She is at a spa, a spa that takes two months to finish. Mm. And so I haven't talked to her in a little bit, but she's good and we're good. And I've just been, it's summer. Yeah. So I'm doing, I'm not doing summer stock, but I'm around, you know. You're around summer stock? Yeah, because, yeah.

Because, do you know what summer stock is? Isn't it, it's, my, it's just theater in the summertime. The word just is demeaning. But, yeah, it is theater in the summer. And it is packed together. I mean, it's a repertory schedule. I always say success is, you know, 99% perspiration and 1% just being around. Yes.

And so it's very wise, and I commend you. Thank you. And I commend your mother on going to the spa and I'm assuming getting that leg drained because it was bulbous in a way that made a lot of us uncomfortable. Yes. She's been good. I listened to her on Wait wait don't tell me um

and she's uh she's been very funny lately but i'm uh i'm glad that she's getting a little break to get that leg i like when she talks about her cats watching her take a shower yes because they don't like water and she's choosing to be in the water. You know? And the cats are looking like, what's this crazy lady? And I can relate because I sometimes try to occupy the mind of an animal.

And that was something that originally we worked out together. That was sort of a two-hander. And you can feel that there's some beats where she's, yeah, she's yeah she's waiting for someone else to come in and she goes oh i do this part now yes uh but enough about i um wanted to we we we talk it's difficult having someone in your family who aspires to enter the same industry as you are a part of. And there's always the dynamic of how much do you help?

Are you helping them by helping them? Are you hurting them by helping them? Or is it hurting to help? Or is it helpful to hurt them? And those are the three options. I mean, I remember one of the first words I learned was nepotism. Because you said, we will not be one of those families. But you said it in a very cute way when you were so little.

Yeah. And then as I grew up, I started to say it normal. But yeah, I remember we did little family skits. But I wonder if we could hear the way you used to say it. Yeah. skits. But I wonder if we could hear the way you used to say it. Yeah. It was like, well, I usually had a little

suit on that had little ears and a hood, so it would have been like, aw, no, but it is. That's nice. Yes, I liked it. Yeah. But yeah, we did skits around the holidays, and I was often not cast. Yes. Yes.

And still here you are doing this same thing. And the arrangement that we've come to, I think, is a fair one, which is that we want to give you a shot to participate in one of these projects for us. And the only way I want the shot is where there are witnesses around. And it's a totally transparent process. To see that you crush it if you crush it. So when I get the part or parts or am allowed to hang around,

people will say, she deserved it. You know that it was because of your performance. My talent. Yes, not because of your facial resemblance to me. And that's what we seek on this show is always transparency to be like um the glass of a submarine window and so the water's clear and then the window itself is clear and you see this the kelp you know which is the you have to be able to see that's the cleanest kind of window there is

because it's constantly being washed always wet in the water and it doesn't get and the way that these windows get dirty in your car and stuff if you don't know is from being dry so I think that it's just

we've got that out of the way. It's lovely to see you again. We've got now, obviously with the success of Whites and Golds, formerly Baby Grandpa, formerly the Untitled Bat Kid Project. Anyway, it's a hit show and we have a bunch of new pilots in development for next year already cooking them up and we want to uh give hayley her chance to um you know enter the big leagues and and do some of the auditions of these scripts um and hopefully it will mean graduating uh sag uh and you know like that would be big right and i and you know, Haley, I saw you recently at the Big Farm Actors Guild bash. But, Hayes, you weren't able to attend. What were you doing that night?

What was I doing? I think I was lying face down in my sort of entryway. in my sort of entryway, I... I came home. And sometimes you look at a set of stairs and you just say, not worth it today. Uh-uh. We're going... Going down.

We're going down. Yes. Been there, brother. And so, was not able to attend, and I filled out on my RSVP card that I was going to be doing that. So I'm surprised. At any rate, let's launch right into some pilots. So this first script that we have here is something that Hayes and I are really proud of, and we think it's really cutting edge, and it's that edgy sort of cable feel that people look for. It's called Smearing Off Isis, and it is about a bunch of bros icing each other with smearing off ice, and one guy refuses to drink it, and they go,

well, if you're not going to drink it, then you've got to do something else, and they make him join ISIS. Join ISIS. Yeah. Yes. And you're going to be playing his... ISIS. Yes, ISIS, his girlfriend.

Not playing, but auditioning for and maybe playing if you slam dunk it. Yes, I don't want to say anything bad. So do we just launch into the big scene? Yes, sure. I'll read the stage. I know this is not normally part of the audition process, but I'll read the stage directions, I guess. Just because we're recording it this way, yeah.

Yes, okay. Isis enters to find Coop slipping a paper bag over his head and cutting eye holes out. I'm coming to get you. Coop, don't. It's my sorority rush night tonight. I finally find out if I get in or if I get in a different one. Hey, come on, babe. I'm just goofing around.

What are you wearing? Oh, come on. It's Bagman. You know, like Batman, but he's a bag. And instead of his parents getting killed by a criminal, they just got trapped in a bag? Okay, I'll believe that, but explain to me why you've been getting up and praying so early. Because I don't like the taste of smearing off ice.

No one does, but when you get ice, you have to drink it. Everybody knows that. You have to drink it. Everybody knows that. Coop reaches up to tug at his collar and accidentally rips it off, revealing that the word ISIS is written on his neck. Oh, I love you, baby. You've never said I love you. Well, I never accidentally revealed this tattoo before either, but it's a day of firsts bag man i mean i guess i love you too what even is how do you know how do you know what love is

i've always thought love is like the color red like when i see red is that what you're seeing as red so when you say love is that what i'm saying is love hold on i'm tripping out on this color shit what the fuck do you mean oh so what i identify as a color red right i'll go oh that's stop saying that's red and you'll agree it's red oh hold up is this just for red or this is like any color you could think about this way babe it's any color but i'm using red as an example stay with me shit so i'm going that's red and you're going that's red but what if in my head red looks like your yellow okay we'll never know but for green same thing for green if we wouldn't use a stop sign look it's confusing and i've thought about it for years so i don't blame you for just catching so if it's my yellow okay hold on

so red's my yellow then what is yellow for me? Well, it could be lavender. Do you think that's happening? I think it's possible that we'll never really know what goes on inside someone else's head. I mean, I've often thought about, can you really know another person? And I didn't know that you had that tattoo, so I'm sort of going to lie down. I would just keep going. I would love to see you guys improv on this conversation.

Just whatever we feel? Yes, just sort of an extension of this. Because it makes very little sense. Of this same discussion. Okay. So, is that for fucking shapes, too? Shapes feel more concrete to me because of the reasons I can't pick out in my mind.

Wait, you think all shapes are concrete? See, okay, that was good. Oh, yeah? That's an example of taking... Making it my own. Yes, what the other person is giving you and

turning it into a literal version of that thing. Yeah, and I think that Coop is – he's like a fucking dummy. Like he can't figure his shit out. But I've lived with this character for a little bit longer. Yes. I've lived with this character for a little bit longer. Yes. I love the idea of Hallie doing a good job, you know? Yes.

And that would be exciting. Yes. Oh. Let's talk about Hallie's character. Don't you think, this is just from the person who writes it, it's open to interpretation. this is just from the person who writes it it's open to interpretation I thought of her as someone who would do a good job

at having a conversation with somebody else well yes I thought I always pictured her as a person and so for me she was holding conversations with other people on like a human level your portrayal of her as sort of a beast master.

A what? A beast master. Yes. Neither man nor animal. Sort of living in an in-between place. It's a bold choice and I could see it working in another project. Beast master or Beastmaster 2. But for me, the fact that you were sort of always at the ready

about to maybe command a ferret to do your bidding, communicate it telepathically, that didn't seem right for this project. While I'll disagree with you about some of the ferret stuff, I too didn't feel right for this project and that's something i'm getting bold enough to say i'm in a workshop it's an audition workshop i've been in it for two years now and we haven't gotten to the improv part of the workshop and so i'm not surprised that i sort of crumbled when you're side tie what a lot of those workshops are Scientologies.

They haven't told us that yet, so we'll see. Is there, like, something with a hood draped over it? Yes. Like a, okay. They're going to lift up that hood, and it's going to be like viewfinder goggles. You know, you put the little... It's like binoculars. Yeah, it's like the first incarnation of that. You put this little wheel inside.

It's got pictures on it. Ah, yeah. And you're going to flip through the wheel, and it's going to tell you a scary story. Yes. Brace yourself. Yes. And you yourself. Yes. And you didn't feel like you were right to this part. What is it? The Jewishness?

No, I just am more of a character actress. I think, and this was so close to me. Uh-huh. Yeah. What was it that you found to be close to your experience?

I've dated two guys and one of them sort of joined like a terrorist organization that is not yet recognized by all the CIAs, but it's on its way. Corbin? That guy? Yeah, was this Corbin? Yeah. Okay. You met him.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Why didn't I meet him? Because you didn't attend. Oh. Is that the Farm Actors Guild bash? Yes. He was smashing on nachos. I liked Corbett.

I did, too. Well, I loved everything about the way he ate. Yeah. But, yeah, he's involved in a lot of sort of surreptitious kind of anti-government sort of stuff that I always thought was, like, very college. Very hashtag sophomore year at college. We hope they get over that, yeah. Turns out he wasn't enrolled. Oh, wow.

He was starting the meetings at the school. Not a student. Had a lot to say. Had a printing press. Oh, okay. Yeah. Yep. That's a sign.

But anyway, that's what I related to, I guess. We can move on. Great. Hayes, man, did you have a pilot that you wanted to sort of do next? Yes. Let's do HRK Cups and stuff. Mm-hmm. We're figuring out what the HR is.

Yes, and it could be a number of things. Yeah, we don't know for sure yet. It might be Harold Reynolds, the baseball commentator. We're seeing if we can get him. But we know it's about K-Cups. It's about a little K-Cup machine who all the normal machines

say is not a real coffee machine. And this is what we're doing in collaboration with the, I don't know how you say it, Keurig guys. I've only seen it written out on the checks. Yes. Is it animated?

It's live action. You can use the lids. You can kind of open and close the lids with an apparatus to make it look like it's talking. Or if you blow a fan on them, they'll sort of flip, you know, and that's lip flat.

And you could kind of plug, you just put words in there. But the people will be real? The people, if they come up, I mean, so far we've just such a rich world with the Cups that we haven't felt the need to explore people. Obviously, if Reynolds, Harold Reynolds comes on board. The issue with him is he's eating the contents of the K-Cups themselves with a spoon. We've all tried it. I think he did that by accident first and now is like acting like it was what he meant to do all along.

That he likes it that way. Yes, like the Sufi weaver. He's made a mistake and wants to now create it as part of the pattern. And I admire the effort, but it is so sickening to watch. And it changes his behavior drastically. It dries his mouth out audibly. And he also turned down water the first time we offered it to him and was trying to play it off,

and now I feel like he thinks he can't have water around us, so he's always sort of coughing this powdery smoke. It's not really fun for me, and I can't wear nice clothes around him. So, yeah, he'll be in it, we think. And then the rest of it is kind of the cups, and we were hoping that you would play kind of the mean cup. And they're cups, so they're like the machine's kids that it has to eat. It's like sad because every time it wants to make coffee for them.

Its job is to eat the kids to make the people happy. If it's for the nice people, the nice people want coffee, but each cup means eating one of its kids. And so that's part of the discussion they have. Sounds clear to me. Okay, so let's just get right into it. Okay, so I'm the mean cup. Yes, you're the mean cup.

Donut shop coffee, the mean cup, hops up to Celestial Seasonings Green Tea, the hero cup. Ah, so. What? What tea? What tea? You got something to say? Because you better say it. Never mind.

Well, you clearly had something to say before Because you better say it. Never mind. Well, you clearly had something to say before I walked up. You were looking at me and you were like, oh, I got a little something to say to you, perhaps judging my activity? Perhaps commenting on my behavior? Well, it's just that you were, um, well, masturbating.

So? So? So? so so so look away next time i don't i don't know what you're doing in right in front of all of us it's so strange we have a little cubby that we go into for that i will say i don't know if this is the right role i'm sorry you're doing like sort sort of a vague Italian accent when you do your mean cup. It's in poor taste. Is there a different cup I could do? You want to do the mom? Like the machine itself?

Let's do that. I don't feel like you're going to cast me in that. No, I think you can do it. I think you can pull it off, yeah. People do not want to. I'll be feel like you're going to cast me in that. No, I think you can do it. I think you can pull it off, yeah. People do not want to. I'll be honest with you. We are having trouble landing. Tough to find the mom, yeah.

Just needing somebody to read for it. Who wants to do this. Well, the way she's written is, there's some turn offs for a lot of people. Yes. Okay, yeah. You want to just skip to one of the the mom scenes yes okay should i read the stuff that's crossed out or keep it well you can make out you should read okay interior countertop the mom machine sits there with all the little cups lined up. Dunkin' Donuts cup, hot chocolate cup,

the Starbucks mocha, the sleepy time, and donut chop is there. Don't eat me, Bobby. Don't eat me neither. So? Don't eat me neither. Ah, so. Don't eat me. Eat me. Kidding.

Hey, don't eat me. Gather round all my little cup kids. Mama wants to sing you a bedtime song. Should I sing it? Yeah, sure. When you were born you were each little cups. Now I need to eat you

and that is what's ups. First you little donut shop, you taste the sweetest. Then you little green tea, when can I meatest your taste? I mean, do you, because it is six or seven pages long.

I mean, I can go for the duration I stumbled over. Meetest your taste seemed weird, but I'll keep going. Starbucks mochaccino, your mommy's little favorite. I'm sorry. Starbucks mochaccino, your mommy's little favorite. Oh'm sorry. Starbucks mochaccino, your mommy's little favorite.

Oh, Little Min Cinnamon, come get your hat eaten. Yeah, so you sort of skipped to the end there. You skipped time to suck out my kids. That's, yeah.

And you know what? I guess I won't say that okay yeah i guess that's my boundary yeah that i i think that's what's turned a lot of the actresses off uh that we've brought in uh i don't really get what the problem is that is so clearly what those machines are doing like yeah we tried other versions of this character, and it doesn't make sense, given what these machines are, what their function is. Yeah. I've never thought about it.

I guess I've just made the coffee. Well, and isn't that what art's job is to make us sort of take a new look at things that we've been taking for granted? That I agree with you about art. Yes. It's a job. Yes, and so we're doing art's job here. What is art's job?

We can go deeper into this pile. Okay. Well, of course, I mean, we do have I mean, there's the Left Shark Project that we've been sort of waiting to tackle. That is really starting to heat up. That's a rich one.

Everyone remembers, of course, Katy Perry doing a halftime show, Seahawks Patriots Super Bowl. And the real star on the stage was someone we all remember called Left Shark. Left Shark was dancing to the beat of his own drummer in the most spectacular way. in the most spectacular way. And a lot of people were joking around after the show saying, hey, there's, you know, I was the guy in the left shark costume. And what Hayes and I couldn't get over is just this notion of what if there really was guy in there? And what if he's a girl?

And she, if you think about it, would think of herself as the right shark. Mm-hmm. Because of where she's her orientation to Katy Perry. And hearing, there's this great moment in it where she's hearing everyone talk about left shark and she's jealous and then she realizes, she watches TV for the first time and she sees this is not the scene we're reading but she sees the way tv works is like basically it's a moving mirror yes and also

she's like blown away because just experiencing tv if can imagine, which she's never seen, for someone whose whole life has been kind of just inside a shark costume and confined to what that is, it's pretty mind-blowing. So she's taking in the technology, the fact that she is the left shark in their minds, and also that she just got diagnosed with a brain tumor.

So it's like three things at once. The role that we think would be good for you is Bill Belichick. Yeah, the coach of the New England Patriots. He wears a hoodie, and there's a lot of hay to be made from that. I can't think of running out of those jokes because there's sort of like, oh, here comes boys in the hood. There's hope I don't get hood winked. There is little blue riding hood because it's navy blue. I have three or four hundred more.

Do you guys want to hear a couple or do you want to just move into the – I want to hear six more. Six more? Okay, yeah. There's Tales from the Hood, if you recall. There's a lot that is a pun with good. Oh, yeah. It's all hood.

There's, oh, the hood humor man. He's eating ice cream in that one. There's hood morning Vietnam. And then there is, of course, hood night moon. How many was that? I think that was four great well there was also

Why You Gotta Be So Hood if you remember that Why You Gotta Be So Rude song and then there was also Sandstorm by Da Hood we doubled back for Rude and Hood thing. If you remember Sandstorm, it went... It was a rich area.

I mean, I'm not doing it justice, but it was a great song. Yeah, when we stumbled on Rude, I think we really felt we had something, and that was a good morning. Hood awakening. Anyway. New England is Boston. Hoot awakening. Anyway. New England is Boston. Yeah. Yes.

You thinking of bringing something to the table? I was thinking about it. I recently watched The Town. Oh, great. That's really going to help for this. Hallie, this could be really good. Hallie, this might be the first time that the project is meeting the performer in a positive way.

I have to take that as a compliment despite what it says about what I've done up until now. Okay, so let's get right into the scene. Bill Belichick and Left Shark are in the back room of a flower shop. Bill Belichick rolls out some blueprints. Where do you want me to put the bombs, boss? This is Fenway Park. So you're going to enter the park on the south side of the park. You're going to go in past the men's restroom.

You're going to go past the beans stand. You're going to go past... Wait, which beans stand, boss? There's six or seven of them. You'll know it when you see it. I got a guy there. He's going to wink at you. You plant the bomb,

and you walk out on the park, and you perform your number like you were planning. Okay. You're left shock now, okay? You're not right shock. You're left shock. How I'm going to remember that? The way you remember left shock is you take your left hand and you make an L.

And the L is in the right way and that means it's your left hand. But how do I know which one's my left hand? Oh, wait. That's what you were saying? Maybe I'm remembering something else. Hang on. No. Hold on.

I'll figure this out. I'm thinking about how to tell the difference between your right and your left. That's not the question you asked me. Oh, you know what's screwing me up? East and west. Left shock. Do you believe in yourself? Uh, well, I believe in a couple things.

Like, what do you mean, like, believe in myself? Like, do I think I exist? Because I have this one idea where it's like, what if I'm like a character in a giant's dream? And then every time I go to sleep, that's him waking up. And then when he goes to sleep and starts dreaming me again, that's when I wake up and start doing all my adventures. You know what I'm going to tell you? I've had that same thought.

And you know what I've decided? If that's true, that's okay. Cut to Bill Belichick and Left Shark in uniform, walking in slow motion towards the church of Boston, Fenway Park.

This is a great walk so far. It's the Freedom Trail. You look down and you see little coins buried in the ground that tell you sites from America's history. A founding father. Can we stop in cheers? That's all we can play that we got in trouble for playing too much songs, which if you check people like song, if you ask me more, if you like the song, then more is better of the song.

But it's like people who like the song being like don't have it these people asking us not to do this it's their songs and they don't like their own song they're sick of it here's the question am i allowed to now since I played 15 seconds of it, am I allowed to go like, to do like other little pieces? Am I in trouble now? Oh, that's a great question, Holly. What do you think? I mean, you've got some experience with unions. I'm over, I'm over the 15, yeah, so what would your union say about this?

I'm over the 15 second limit on how much to play of the songs. But I keep, what if I accidentally keep hitting the button? I think you're safest if you change the words. Oh boy, okay. When I was a freshman in college, we wanted to do a production of Spring Awakening,

very famous Broadway musical, but the rights weren't available. So we just changed some of the words and then it was okay. So if you could change the words to the song, I don't know if the song ever gets words. It says sandstorm in the middle. It stops

the thing. I can't play it, but it stops the music and a guy goes, sandstorm! And then it comes back up exactly the same. I think if you have sort of a muscle spasm that makes your arm hit the space bar, nobody can say anything. Okay, I don't know how I'm going to get one of those. I guess we keep going. I thought that was amazing.

And when you said move in slow motion, that made a ton of sense to me. And our bodies kept moving in slow motion even though our words were in fast motion. Well, that's the question, because I wonder, that makes it seem like it didn't make sense to you, because you were supposed to be talking like you were in slow motion. Oh, well, that's partially on Left Shark 2, who I don't think I mentioned, has her voice sped up to twice normal human speed. Naturally very fast voice.

Right before this scene. Wow. As part of her disguise. Because I took my cue from you, but I was wrong because I didn't know about the voice speeding. Well, you said you'd seen the town, which made me think that this was going to be a match that made sense. But you've spoken normal voice during the slow motion part. The town didn't have any.

Which is not what the townspeople did. Well. Remember the curse? They all got cursed. Are you thinking of the village? No, that was the village was Why are you flipping through your notebook? What are you looking for?

Yeah, what's in there? It's something else. It says I'm supposed to hang out with Sam right now. Sam? Hey, man. So I was having this other conversation before, but now we're supposed to be hanging out. Now, we're supposed to be hanging out. And so I just want to tell you that I have to delay our hangout session in order to do the show.

Okay. I'll put it in my notebook. That was in his notebook. Anyway, I forgot what we were talking about. I feel so warmed up. I feel kind of in the zone. Okay, well, that might be a good stopping point for us. Okay, but I just achieved sort of what they call flow, I believe.

Flow, oh, God. It's very unfortunate that this is a stopping point because I would love to talk about flow. I have something about flow here in my notebook, and hold on just a second. Sam? Yeah. Flo's in those progressive commercials, right? Yeah, yeah, that's her. Okay.

I was just talking to Sam and it went pretty well. I guess we got one more quick pilot that's sort of like a gift as the pro version. Yes. And let me figure out, let me look up in my notebook who got the pro version this week. We haven't done anything funny yet. I don't know if you have. A lot of it was supposed to be, yeah. We have a funny one. Is there a funny one in there uh yeah there's a wacko goofy one just some like dumb like just some dumb wild shit stupid kaboncos crazy stuff

kind of wild shit make you lose your mind stuff make you bust your butt off laughing and just some of the most legendary yucks and comedy jokes. We got some of those in this one. Let me just flip through and make sure this is the right one I'm thinking of. Yeah, it's called Hospital Bitch. And it's for like fucktards and like just fuck offs, fuck ups, like people who just like don't really give a shit and want to have fun. And it's not really going to make a lot of friends with the PC police, but that's not really what we're about. Is it Holly Huntley? You changed after that Red Bull.

Like you're like different. Well, it was not a sugar-free one and that's what i'm used to and so i think i am feeling it makes him gnarly pretty strange and yeah uh some of what's happening for me physically i'm not comfortable with and so i'm talking to cover that um yeah so we're to read two lines from Hospital Bitch for the winner of the ProVersion this week as musical guest, which I believe is a Comedy Bang Bang reference, how this got through to being able to,

that should disqualify you from purchasing the ProVersion, but I'm sure that name will change. And without further ado, thank you, Hallieie for being on the show and sean it was great to spend some time with you as well oh thanks man and uh i love having that happen for us that just every once in a while you check in and you say this has been enjoyable and i like seeing holly and uh where's the spa because um maybe i should be there too just so i don't have whatever's have it feels like my back wants to escape does

that make sense to you uh yes yeah uh so here come hospital bitch okay i'll take a short stack of flapjacks. This is the ER. Flapjacks are in the cafeteria. You're cast. Bye. Bye. Hollywood Handbook is brought to you by Wolf Cool Productions, a subsidiary of Calvin and Hobbes. Ow, baby.

That was a HeadGum Podcast.