Hollywood Handbook - Hey Riddle Riddle, Our Close Friends

Episode Date: December 3, 2024

Hayes chats with ERIN KEIF, JOHN PATRICK COAN AND ADAL RIFAI from the podcast Hey Riddle Riddle. Get a Hat Pack Hat here!Watch the video of today’s episode at Patreon.com/HollywoodHandbook Like the show? Rate Hollywood Handbook 5-Stars on Apple PodcastsAdvertise on Hollywood Handbook via Gumball.fm See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This is a HeadGum Podcast. People throwing parties, ugly sweaters everywhere. Stockings hung up by the chimney with care. It could only mean one thing. McRib is here. At Participating McDonald's for a limited time. I don't want to talk about this the whole time, but like, do you guys have, um, like, little names for each other? Like, just like little names that you call each other, not necessarily on the show, but like outside of the show, and in your private lives? You know, those little names? Do you guys have those for each other?

Uh, pet names. Yeah. I mean. We call JPC Japs. Japs? Japs, sometimes. Okay, that's kind of what I'm talking about. Oh, good, good.

Sometimes I'll call Erin Kiki, because her last name is Keef, which starts, you know. Kiki. Okay. We call Adel the Dagger as well. The Dagger. The Dagger. Okay, that's just like in affectionate moments.

Huge Chelsea fan. It's his vigilante name. Yeah. You'll refer to Adel as the Dagger in like, quiet, nice moments. Yeah, it's like Kiki Jepes at the Dagger. Yeah. You'll refer to Adel as the dagger. We, yeah. In like quiet, nice moments. Yeah, it's like Kiki, Jepes and the dagger. Yeah. Okay.

I mean, when you say it all together, it sounds cool. It sounds awesome. So my wife has been, like, and can I talk, is it okay if I talk about this? Yeah. Okay. Yeah, I mean, if you open the floodgate, I think a couple of us will also be talking

about our wives though, so. Okay, so I mean. Podcasts are for complaining publicly about your wife. I feel like that's why I started a podcast, the bless your butt, to complain about your wife. Yeah, for sure. And like, you guys don't talk about this, but like you guys are all married to each other and like that's and that

becomes something where But it's advantageous from a patreon perspective certainly and your patron representative will Sort of make that clear at the very beginning and then it beginning and then it becomes something else or it doesn't but like you know this is something we all become each other's wives that's something that's happened and Sean and I have talked about it and we've we've like taken it for a spin and like haven't really gone there yet because of our, so like, and I've talked about my wife on the show, my wife is Carrie Ann Moss. We have a sort of unique arrangement. It's 2024 and the,

there's lots of different versions of a marriage that people can have. I am technically married to her, she is not married to me by law, I wear a ring, she does not. And this is similar to Sean's situation with Steffi Graf. With Steffi Graf. Is it kind of a one to one?

It's kind of, she is no longer, I don't know if something happened to her brain or whatever, or this is like part of their dynamic, but like she does not like recognize him anymore. Sure, yeah. Oh. Not even from, not like legally, like his face is like no longer,

sparks any sort of recognition for him. Yeah. And it has been a long time. That sounds like brain, if I were to pick up the word. Some kind of brain thing? Yeah, it's a brain recognition for him. And it has been a long time. That sounds like brain. If I were to pick up the one- Some kind of brain thing. Yeah, it's a brain thing for sure. Maybe from tennis.

From like hitting the head with the ball a lot. Like she was good, but she did get hit in the head with the ball so much. I had to look her up. I wasn't 100% sure who she was. Yeah, that's fine. I'm wondering if Erin also got hit in the head with a tennis ball.

I wouldn't remember if I had, right? Erin does. That's why we're all wondering, man. Erin, you get hit in the head. You get hit in the head a lot, right? Almost always, almost always. I think I had two major things that created my personality. One, I've talked about before when I electrocuted myself

by sticking my finger in a socket. I couldn't do math very well after that. And then also- It can go either way with that, right? Yeah, you might learn piano. Yeah. Yeah, but it's really an all or nothing proposition, sticking your finger in the life-drawer socket

when it comes to math after that. Yeah, I'm either gonna be a genius or whatever it is I am now. And then, do you remember, I don't know if this was regional, so you might know, but we would take wiffle ball bats and put them in a pool and fill them with water, and then you can use them as a torpedo under the water

to hit each other's legs. But we were playing that in the pool, and I dove under when someone threw one, and it hit me square between the eyes. And then I don't remember the whole next day. That is a regional thing from the Boston area, and there has been sort of a racial reckoning around that for what it was kind of originally used for.

So like, and dangerous as what I mean, like as we've seen from like the effects on, on, on Aaron. Yeah. So my wife has been calling me the little gentleman. Oh. But, so my wife has been calling me the little gentleman. Oh. Oh.

But only when she's like really pissed off at me. Like when she's like. How would she, what context would she say it when she's pissed off? What context? So like, she's obsessed with me like doing my lessons. Like my different lessons. Like she's really, really strict about my lessons.

Yeah. And I, I like some of the stuff. I don't even know if I like band, but she's been like, really been intense about me like, joining a band, and Jeet Kune Do, and like, hand. And she can do and like, so. And I don't want to talk about this the whole time, but no, the. I think she and obviously the movie wasn't real and she knows that.

And we've talked about that. Like that didn't happen. That movie, the matrix Yeah, I mean like So like it was a real movie and we've talked about that as well Yeah, then it's more you know about it, too. I don't know about it. So clearly it was a real movie. Yeah But it did that stuff didn't actually really happen Or like maybe it is that's what's's so kind of, that's what's tough about Yeah.

being in that movie, you know? There's a lot of movies where you're like, okay, that movie's definitely not happening. Like what's an example of that? Two frame Roger Rabbit. Yeah, that's pretty much not happening. No one's gonna frame a cartoon. Like if I, you know.

Why? Yeah. If I like rob my neighbor's house and then I'm like, that was Kathy, or I guess Kathy's a comic strip. That's different. I guess that's different, I'm sorry. There should be one though.

There should be one though, Adol. Moonfall probably didn't happen, right? I think they bought the moon there. Yeah, that probably didn't happen as well. I think they brought the moon back. That probably didn't happen as well, although if it did, they would be like, okay, we have to clean this up and act like this didn't happen real quick. Okay, like a fake moon.

Yeah, I guess it's, yeah. Oh, like Truman Show. Yeah. Do we think that's ever happened, a Truman Show? Do we think anyone's ever been Truman Showed? I think that probably happened,? A Truman Show? Do we think anyone's ever been Truman Showed? I think that probably happened like, not that much, but I think it probably happened like, limited doses.

In tandem with like MKUltra? Probably like 500 times, which sounds like a lot, but there's so many people out there. Yeah. And they probably reused towns so that it's not, because it's almost, it'd be like golf courses, where it'd be like Truman shows, Truman show towns everywhere.

Right, they have to reuse it. And just because you haven't seen a Truman show doesn't mean it didn't happen, because there's probably like a thousand Apple TV shows you've never even heard of. Yeah. But, and so like, and so speaking of, and maybe this is an Apple TV show already,

but like there should be a Roger Rabbit with just the newspaper comics. Oh. Like Adel was saying. So Cathy is there, obviously. Cathy is sort of our Jessica Rabbit, unfortunately. This is what we. Bum-a-boom.

But instead of, I'm not bad. I'm just drawn that way. It would be more like a act. Like, yeah. Erin, you have a Jessica Rabbit t-shirt. You want to go get it? Oh God. Why do I have that? Do you still have it?

Tell everyone why. She doesn't remember anything. I'm not even sure where I am right now. It's like her memento tattoos. A Jessica Rabbit t-shirt. Record HH. I don't know what that means. Hopefully I did it. Tattooed, I don't know.

Hayes, do you have any pet names for Carrie Ann Moss? Ha ha ha, boy, not anymore. Ha ha ha. Aw, that sucks. I'm sure you know this, but she's 5'9", I just looked it up. Yes, I, so, and so. And she's five nine. I just looked it up. Yes. I so, and so. And she's calling you the little gentleman. Well, this is also an agreement we sort of came to that like legally

on my driver's license, I'm five four. That's succeeded. Cause when you drive, you're sitting. Yeah. I mean, yes. And like, I also have like, it's a bucket seat. I mean, yes, and like I also have like it's a bucket seat I mean it is a bucket and so like my little my Little tushy is like sunk into the bucket

Yeah, and my arms are like like all you can really see is my is my hands When you're when you're passing me it's sort of like a way mo You ever pass up what like, one of these Waymos? You guys have these? No, we don't. Unfortunately, we don't have them here. They're just in San Francisco. These Waymos, these Waymos are going around,

and there's nobody in there. Is that a slur? What's a Waymo? In the car. Yeah, they're taking it back. There's a racial reckoning with that as well. They're taking it back. There's a racial reckoning with that as well. They're taking it back. We're not really supposed to be saying Waymo.

I don't know, Kevin, if you have any ability to, you said this comes out tomorrow. I don't know if you have any ability. I don't know what. It's very empowering. It's very empowering now. Yeah. I feel powerful.

I said it once, that was an accident. I felt powerful as fuck. Felt wrong leaving my lips so that I thought to ask. A Waymo ride costs $11 for five miles. Oh, is that a lot or a little? Is that a flat fee? Oh, thank God. It's a car service.

Well, five miles gets you a lot of places though. Cities aren't that big. And so you'll be driving around and you'll sort of like lift yourself out of the bucket. Your butt kind of is suctioned in there. So you're basically lifting the bucket up with you, but you're using the steering wheel to kind of do a, just like haul yourself up.

And you look at these other cars and these way modes are going around, there's nobody in there. That scares me. I feel frightened by that. I'm actually very brave about it. But go off. Speak your truth.

But by all means go off. I feel like I would get scared. Speak on that. No, this doesn't seem like a safe space to speak on that. It's not. He just said to do it. Erin, don't you love Disneyland? I like Disneyland. I'm not. Isn't there a ride where haunted mansion or something where like you're in a car and there's a ghost driving or something? A lot of the rides have cars that don't,

that have no driver at all. It's just a roller coaster. What roller coaster has a driver at the front? And it basically behaves like there's nobody, who's in charge of this thing? Can we get someone to like be of this thing? Can we get someone to be operating this thing? It's all 19 year olds who hate their summer jobs. Even a ghost.

But you trust it though, Erin, and kids go on it. So I don't know why you would be scared of Waymo, and Kevin obviously bleeped that when I said that. What part? Just the whole thing. Erin, you respond? I respond with, you know what? Fine, I'm not scared of it anymore. You win.

You win. Actually Erin, you win because you just conquered your fear. So it's not even important to me that I win. I guess I'll just go back to being scared of heights. That's such an own. Fear has to transfer to something else. Fear never really goes away.

It's Hey Riddle Riddle. JPC. JAPES. Aaron. Kiki. Kiki. At all. The dagger.

The dagger. Why are you that? I like to... Do you just kind of do the one, like... You just, like, get that joke off where, like, it's over. You know what I mean? Yeah. Even though, even when there's, like, a few minutes left in the podcast episode.

Yeah. Yeah. It's over, episode. Yeah. Yeah. It's over baby. Yep. Put a say, it's a walk off. I'll do a walk off joke. I'll do a walk off joke where it's, you know, it lands and then we just, we, we know there's two minutes left, but we just kind of play it out. It's me rounding the bases.

Honestly, if you listen to the show, sometimes it gets to it like really early and the episode ends at like 16 minutes. Yeah, but it keeps going, but it is over. Yeah. You know, you have to get to the end of regulation. Yeah, we lose all energy and enthusiasm, but we still do, we hit an hour every episode. But we're done.

Yeah, we're done after that, for sure. Adil also carries a dagger around with him too. Oh yeah, I have a dagger at all times. Okay. Serrated. Oh, it is serrated. And there, I'm sorry, it's serrated. Serrated, so it has been raided by the ser himself.

Dame Bono, or what's his name? Dame Bono. Dame Bono. It is Dame Bono. You hit it right, it's Dame Bono, or what's his name? Dame Bono. Dame Bono. It is Dame Bono. You hit it right, it's Dame Bono. Wasn't there some confusion when he got knighted where he was in like a Mrs. Doubtfire getup or something? The misgendered.

And that's what Irish people love is getting knighted by the King of England. That's what Irish people love. They love it. You know what Irish people should have? Their own king. Well, what Irish people love. They love it. You know what? Irish people should have their own king. Well, they already got one. Silly Murphy.

No, but they wanna act like it's not cool. You know what I mean? They're very like, and we let them act like this, but they wanna pretend that like, wearing a crown and like having robes and amulets and fine jewels is not cool. It's very important to them for some reason. Slapping people with the back of your hands, in breeding.

They're just pretending that's not cool. They're like, that sucks, okay. But if you need that. I was concerned about- Obviously kicks ass. Yeah, I was concerned about Waymo's Kevin O'Hara. Whoa, whoa, wow. Obviously Kevin Bleibat, but I feel more comfortable

talking about the relationship between England and Ireland. Like I feel a little more settled. Right? Yes, because, for sure. Now, Erin, you were in Dingle, Ireland. Yep. This time last year. Not even a full year ago. I went in April Ireland this time last year. Not even a full year ago.

I went in April of this year to Ireland because I'm from there and that's why I can speak on such things. Yeah. You're not, well, no. My answer, I guess my grandparents, I have a grandparent that's from there. Yeah, your grandparents are from there,

but you're not from there. Yeah. And Erin is from New England, and so in New England we have grandparents. Yeah. That Erin is from New England. And so in New England, we have crayon parents. Yeah. That's great. And it's covered in spiders from a cranberry. It's all bogs, you know?

It's bog standard. It's bog standard. It's bog standard. I'm originally from where ocean spray is made. And you can see on her wall, she's got, she's got- Oh, she's in the marsh right now. She's got crayon paper, yeah. Yep, crayon paper.

My crayon paper. And a lot of ocean spray on the wall too, I can see. Cause that's, you're opening it too hard, I think. I went to the ocean spray factory and they had to go up to my mom and they said I was taking too many free samples. And I went, well then what's the point of even coming here today if I can't? drink you out of all of your cranberry juice?

Still my favorite drink is cranberry juice whoa What yeah, nobody's favorite drink variants uh-huh? Why that why are you looking at me like that cranapple juice is that not the most refreshing thing with a little bit of ice? What you take when you have certain conditions? Is that not the most refreshing thing with a little bit of ice? That's what you take when you have certain conditions. That's what people mostly associate it with. But for some people, it's their absolute favorite drink. I got hit in the head and electrocuted.

I don't know that that's- Those are both conditions. Exactly. Those are two conditions that you've applied to you. I don't know that those are the cure-alls for the cranberry juice is supposed to help with. Has there ever been- You go ahead., oh please.

I was gonna say the first time I was ever left to be home alone, I drank two whole thing of Ocean Spray cranberry juice. And my parents came home and I had been throwing up red all over the house and they're like, it's blood. No, it was good news, it was cranberry juice. Why all over the house? How old are you?

I don't wanna say. How old are you? This is not want to say. How old are you? This is not a safe space. Yeah, why not find? But I never said it was. It's unfair to keep saying it when I never said it was. All I'm saying is they left me home alone and I watched Newsies three times in a row and drank.

That's probably what did it. That's also too long. Where were they? Cause that's like six hours. Yeah, they were gone for a while. I think I was probably nine. They were on vacation without you when you were nine. They didn't go on vacation.

They just let her home alone. Yeah. They let me sort of set up a bunch of booby traps. To have your grandparents come and watch you? My grandparents were dead. No, don't you feel bad? They were long dead by the time I was nine. I have no living grandparents.

Wow. No grandparents, that sucks. I only met one of my grandparents. Dang. And now don't you feel bad? I have one left, would you like to meet her? No, thank you. That's fine. That was a nice peace offering.

No. My solid branch. My wife, sorry, I'm really sorry to bring this up again. No, no, no. So she, so she has, she did, she quit snuff a while ago. Oh, yes. Mm-hmm. Cold turkey, which I guess is, for some people means

that you like do it all at once, but like, for her, it's like, she'll only have it for lunch. Got it. Cold turkey is not like a dinner food, obviously. It's a lunch food. Yeah, so she'll like have some stuff at lunch. But she has, you know how Letterman, after he got his heart surgery,

he wanted his staff to eat a big steak in front of him so he could sort of have the feeling. Yeah, eat vicariously. Yes, that's her. So I guess she's Letterman in this case. The steak is a big sort of a steak sized pile of snuff. Yeah. Okay.

And I am whichever blighted intern or like low level subordinate has been forced to pound this thing for my famous Lord's pleasure. And I'm not a snuff guy really. I don't know if you guys are like, maybe you have flavors that I haven't. She like, when a new flavor comes out, she wants me to try it and Like kind of like write a little report on it. Mm-hmm. And so there's I mean like you guys are into this or I Like big league chew when I was growing up

Okay, and I felt like I'm talking like I like, I'm not talking about like dip or. What's the difference between snuff and dip? Snuff, you like, schwack it. You actually take it straight to the bone. What does that mean? And what is schwack it? It's like you cut it up into big fatties and just like absolutely blast the entire rail.

I don't know any of these words. A lot of them have been bleeped, I'm assuming, by Kevin, so it's gonna be way harder. It's not true, like the mouth is dirty. It doesn't enter the mouth that, the mouth, like, the mouth is sick. Okay. It goes- So where do you take snuff?

Straight up the, you snuff it. Straight up the shoe. Oh, like a sniff? Yeah. Okay. You sniff a snuff. Like, snuffle up, I guess, you knowuff it. Straight up the snoot. Oh, like a sniff. Yeah, okay. You sniff his nose. Like, snuffle up, I guess, you know? He's got the big. That explains so much about the character.

He's got the big snoot, so he can have a little schwap of shit. And you can tell the different flavors by putting something up your nose. You can taste the flavors. Oh yeah, I mean, it settles right on the back of your tongue. And then once it gets in there. What does she get out of it? Do you have to describe the flavors?

Because she can't know what the flavors are. She just then once it gets in there. What does she get out of it? Do you have to describe the flavors? Because she can't know what the flavors are. She just gets madder and madder. Like I'm doing it wrong and I know I am. But she won't tell me, you know? But it's not obvious how you would take this stuff. She has all these devices, no directions on how to use the devices.

Have you seen the movie Dead Ringers? Can you do the first scene or something? Yeah, do the first scene. Do the first scene. Do the voices. Okay, well it's about- Is it noticeable voices? It's Jeremy Irons and he's playing twins.

Yeah. I don't know what he sounds like. Oh, he's Scar. He's Scar in Lion King. Oh, just, okay, got it. Is he, okay, I'm not allowed to see that. But in Dead Ringer, she plays twin gynecologist. That can't be right.

Oh, and they remade it with Rachel Weisz. Boy, Aaron, if I am wrong about it, that's just something I made up. You're saying that can't be right. That can't be right. that's a problem for me. Your imagination is out of control. If I imagine a movie about twin gynecologists, then that, that's trouble.

That's a cry for help, that's a red flag. That would indicate that you got hit in the head with a lot of tennis balls. But they use these devices. That's, you know, it's's not It's not a pleasant film But it's way way more pleasant Than what I'm getting into with the with with these snuff devices. Yeah, so the flavors are like plum Bordeaux

Carolina barbecue Carolina barbecue yeah so well that's vinegar vinegar okay well that's interesting because you say Carolina there's vinegar but then North Carolina North Carolina is vinegar South Carolina would be like a mustard base mustard right okay yes yeah so but so this is North Carolina. Gotcha. I mean, all kinds of stuff. You've never, you've really never done this. Snuff? This isn't necessarily something my wife makes me do. And now I'm wondering like, are we, like I'm wondering, you hear about stuff

and you're like, are we doing something weird? Because we're not doing this. Carrie Anne would say it's because she doesn't love you enough to want you to be better. She doesn't love me enough. I just found one of my tattoos. That's what Carrie Anne would say. I've done a bunch of Carolina barbecue snuff, don't forget.

So I have done that. Oh Carolina barbecue snuff, don't forget. So I have done that. Oh, okay. That's great. Now the process of, I wish your tattoos were easier to find and read, or I wish you had like some kind of organizational system for like a card catalog or something. Ooh, a key.

Where you could find these things, a key. Yeah, because it's taking way too long. On my palm it says organized tattoos. or something. Ooh, a key. Where you can find these things. A key, yeah. Like a map. Because it's taking way too long. On my palm it says organized tattoos, so I am trying. Is that a tattoo or is that? Just something you've written in. Who's to say? Yeah.

Let's see if it bleeds if I spit on it. I would also say organized tattoos kinda damn near impossible to do because you kind of have to get them like in order. Yeah, my life is agony. You can't drag and drop. But also I would've thought it was impossible to have tattoos that bleed when you spin on them.

Yeah, I was gonna say something. I was gonna say something, but then I felt bad because I'd never heard of that. Cheap tattoos will bleed. And you gotta get a cheap tattoo and a pinch if you're trying to just use it as a reminder. Exactly. Or rain.

A cheap tattoo with a pinch. Do they do it by pinching you really hard? Yeah, it hurts. Everything hurts. Uh-huh. God damn. I don't have any pinch tattoos, but I could see how that would hurt

because actually getting pinched sometimes hurts kind of a great deal. Well, here's another one. Don't forget that David Letterman got heart surgery and made his interns eat steak in front of him. So, that's good. Okay, well that was lucky that I reminded you. I wonder why you have to remember that though.

When do ads happen on the show? Whoa. Hollywood handbook. Rocket Money is a personal finance app that helps find and cancel your unwanted subscriptions, monitors your spending, and helps lower your bills so you can grow your savings. You can see all your subscriptions in one place

and know exactly where your money's going. For any of you who don't want any more, Rocket Money can help you cancel them with a few taps. So Rocket Money is how I found out that I had been subscribing for like 20, 25 years to being fugly. Kevin had been saying to me, like, do you have a subscription to being fugly or something? And I thought he was just like giving me the business, but like, it turned out I actually did have a subscription to being fugly. It was on Rocket Money's dashboard. Not that expensive.

It was like $5.99 a month or something, but I did want to unsubscribe from that. And they ultimately did not unsubscribe. They got my subscription down to $1.99 a month. They negotiated my payments down. And I honestly can't, that's month. They negotiated my payments down. And I honestly can't, that's a deal I can't turn down. So I do have a subscription to being fugly,

but now it's like so cheap. Easily create a personalized budget with custom categories to help keep your spending on track. See your monthly spending trends in each category to know exactly where your money's going. Rocket Money will even try to negotiate lower bills for you like they did for me. I just talked about it sometimes by up to 20%. They automatically scan your bills to find opportunities to save then you can ask them to negotiate for you. They'll

deal with customer service. Rocket Money has over 5 million users and has saved a total of 500 million dollars in cancelled subscriptions, saving members up to $740 a year when using all the apps features. Stop wasting money on things you don't use. Cancel your unwanted subscriptions by going to rocketmoney.com slash the boys. That's rocketmoney.com slash the boys. Rocketmoney.com slash the boys. Whoa.

Hollywood hands. Have they already happened? Do you think they happened already, Kev? I think they just happened. Nice. Kevin like gets, Kevin visibly gets an idea when it's time to do the ads. Like point his finger up in the air and go like, aha.

And so I, and I did just see him do it. He did it. He has an idea for like, for putting an ad right there. But it's always very jarring when it happens in the show. If I ever go back and listen to it, I'm like, my God. Who would subject themselves to this? Well, that's on Kevin. He's the one who did it wrong.

Anyway. Hayes, what instrument are you learning during your lessons? I am honking on bobo, baby. Now what does that mean? The harmonica. Ooh, nice. Oh man, a blues standard. Yes.

And I like, I don't know, mine fills up. Mine fills up really quick. Yeah. It's like a John Popper situation. I think he had to go, he went through 20 or 30 harmonicas a night. I mean, sometimes. Mine gets clogged.

With what, spit? Snuff? Well, I mean like with all the, everything. It's like the, like with all the... Everything. Everything. It's like the rainforest, and like it's like the rainforest cafe in there. Yeah. From all the snuff. Wet, hot, expensive.

Yes, thank you. And so that is, that's really tough on the harmonicas. Sure. But it's all part of the same culture. Sure, yeah. You know, like it's, I can feel what she's trying to shape me into. And this is sort of what I was saying about the movie

isn't real, but I think she remembers her boyfriend from that and it's like, oh, he knew how to do all this stuff. Like he took all these different lessons and like had all these different abilities. And that explains why you're also doing Jeet Kune Do the way of the water, I believe. So, I mean, I'm starting to put that together, which I get, I mean, and I'm like,

while we have discussed that the movie didn't happen, her response to that is like, why, why not? And I don't have a good answer. Karyon- There's not a good answer to that, no. Karyon Moss is a, it's a unique situation because I remember watching when I was younger, there's a show on MTV, I believe called Aeon Flux or Aeon Flux. Now the lead, it was animated, but the lead character in that looks exactly like Cariann Moss, but I didn't know who Cariann Moss was at the time.

So when I first saw Matrix, I was like, oh, that's the animated woman from Aeon Flux. So there's a weird situation with her where she's the only celebrity I feel like I saw before I knew who they were, where it feels like she's, there's something mischievous going on there. And I get her confused with- She should be allowed to be in the newspaper comic Roger Rabbit, too.

Yes. I get her confused with Gillian Anderson all the time. And are you offended by that? I can throw it up a chain. I can see how we feel about it. Yeah. I always forget which one is which name-wise. I don't know why.

Julianne Moore and Julianne Anderson, I confuse. Adel, I had that exact same experience that you had, but with Ghost in the Shell and Scarlett Johansson. I'm wishing Julianne was. Oh, you are offended. Hayes, that's not fair. Just for once, I wish she'd Julianne Lest. That's not fair. Whoa, whoa.

That would be an awesome thing for a movie critic to say if they didn't like one of her performances. That would be great. She's one of the most understated, subtle performers of her generation. I mean, I don't know. I think that could ruin your career. She can't give less if you say that. She can't, oh yeah, I'd say. I mean, I don't know. I think that could ruin your career. She can't give less. If you say that.

She can't, oh yeah, I'd say. The kids are all right. Yeah, I wish you would Julianne less. Yeah, I wish you would Julianne. I guess in Big Lebowski, she was a bit over the top, I guess, because she was like flying from the ceiling naked painting or something. So I guess that's one.

That was a choice. Yeah, that was a bit of a choice. Julianne Moore is not always more. That's what I would say if I was trying a bit of a choice. Julianne Moore is not always Moore. That's what I would say if I was trying to cut her down. Sometimes Julianne Moore is less. Sometimes it's Julianne Casablanca less. And unfortunately, and I don't really stand by this opinion, but I did write it once in TV criticism

that I wish he would more Moonves. Yeah. And I do, and I have, I do and have apologized for saying that. Yeah. But at the time he was, he was really putting out some, some real shit, you know. Running, running CBS into the ground.

Yeah, but like the- Well, just because a person is disgraced doesn't mean we have to dishonor and disrespect. It's art being an artist, right. Yeah. Right. You can separate the person that he was from the things that he made. And speaking of that, so my wife,

I'm so sorry, I really don't wanna keep coming back to this. I feel like you really want to though. But you have to say it to someone. Why, what would make you think that? I've said so many times that I don't want to. We've been talking about her this whole time. We can't get away from talking about her. But I don't wanna talk about her this whole time

and I do wanna get away from this. Sure, why don't you wanna talk about her? I'll give you $5 if we don wanna talk about her this whole time. And I do wanna get away from this. Sure, why don't you wanna talk about her? I'll give you $5 if we don't talk about her the whole rest of the time. You'll give me $5? Yep. She won't do it. She never pays up.

Can you vent on him first? She puts the money right in front of you and she holds it and she dangles it, but she never pays. I'm trying to calculate that against what she is gonna charge me for not talking about her. For not talking, yeah.

And just for the studio time. So she bought a, once I started, I kind of was doing my own thing and doing the podcast and joining Headgum, and then I found out that she had taken a very large ownership stake in it and bought the company store as well. And so anytime I wanna buy some toilet paper or like- A shovel. Yeah, or like Advil for, you know, the headphones

and just like how much I've, the shovel, yeah. Thank you. I was saying shovel, I didn't know if anyone could hear me. I can hear you. You heard me when I said it? I heard it. Good. So I end up, you know, I have a line of credit with her

and the rates on that are pretty sharp. So I don't think it is gonna be worth it to take Erin's offer. I do think I am gonna keep talking about her. We have sort of a blended family. She has her whole brood that she showed up with, of these orphans that do, like, you know, like petty theft

and dress very flamboyantly and are- Foot theft. So, yes. Yes. Petty, yes, P-E-D-I theft, yes. Yes. Yeah. And they're, they talk in this crazy way,

they're so mean to me. And what do you mean, if they talk in this crazy way? Is it like Charles Dickens orphans? They're all from like different parts of the world, so they've developed their own sort of patois. Yeah, that's a great word, patois. Yeah, that's more, I think, more of a patois. Yeah. So some of them talk like, it's like a combination

of like 1920s, like little orphan, anti-orphans, and like dickens and orphans. Yes, they're all different time periods and parts of the world. Sure. Erin, you can just ask if they sound like newsies. I mean. You're kind of circling that question. Okay, well, you're trying to embarrass me

in front of all my friends? One of them is a newsie type, and he's doing his dance, they're all doing their different dances. It does actually come together remarkably well, but fuck me if I try to join in and do my dance. Now I'm ruining it suddenly. Yeah, singing and dancing is sort of for plucky orphans.

We can't take that away from them. You're sort of stepping on their whole thing. And meanwhile, I was actually the only adult to ever be in, so I met her, I was recruited to be in this. That's how I met Carrie Ann, and I was the only one to actually get in as an adult with parents. Wow. And I was pretty proud of that for a while.

Now I'm actually not sure if that sounds like, that sounds like grooming. Sounds a little culty. Yeah. So that one sounds like I was an adult with parents. Sounds like grooming. It sounds like you were groomed. I'm older than her.

No, come on. No. No, don't say that. No, come on. No. No, don't say that. No, don't say that. No. Yeah. Okay, you're right. Hayes, what year were you born?

Come on. So. What year were you born? And this goes into like the Matrix years. So like the movie didn't happen, but we do mark time as if. Yeah. There's never a short answer to this question.

I hate this question. I don't always ask this question, there's never a short answer to this question. I hate this question. I don't always ask this question. There's never a short answer to this. I'm trying to do a show here. How do I explain, how do I contextualize my whole, yeah, it sucks. I feel like. Work.

I feel for you, man. Because it sucks to answer it, but go ahead. So she had this brood that she brought and I had my my DVDs like my sick DVD collection. Criterion? No. Had to ask sir. Sorry. It's not that. I had Memento. I had Fight Club. I had like, did you see Kung Fu Hustle?

Oh yeah. Steve Chow. So funny. Did you have Snatch? I had Snatch, yeah. Boondock Saints? Better believe yeah. Boondock Saints? Better believe I had Boondock Saints. Yeah, sure. Newsies?

Newsies? Aaron. Sorry, I got electrocuted and hit in the head with a wiffle ball bat. What do you want me to say? Yeah, like 11 years ago. Rush Hour? Rush Hour, yes.

Train spotting. Rush Hour, what's Rush Hour? What's the one that's Rush Hour in the West? 28 days later. Rush Hour? Rush Hour, yes. Train spotting. Rush Hour, what's Rush Hour? What's the one that's Rush Hour in the West? 28 Days Later. Rush Hour 2. Rush Hour 2. No, Rush Hour. That's what it was. What about Shanghai Nights?

I was gonna say Shanghai Noon. Oh, I didn't see the first one. That's... So, I had all these DVDs and so basically like, they've been taking the DVDs. No. They are acting like, it's like part of their thing that like,

cause they're like these plucky orphans, like she's rich, like we're like, we don't have to be acting like we've never seen a DVD before and we're using it as like a mirror to like, sure, groom ourselves, not in the JPC way that he's obsessed with. And we should start referring to that type of grooming as the JPC way.

Yeah. I'll write that down. I'm gonna get that tattooed. I actually don't have a problem with this because All press is good press Not for press like not for grooming. I feel like that's still fine for me Well, what like you said earlier even if you're disgraced I'm not gonna disrespect you exactly talk ill of you and like people, people talk about separating the art

from the artists, but they never talk about it in a way that like taking their horrible creation and separating it from what is actually a pretty decent human being, you know? Can we separate this artist who's like very nice from their artistic creation which Was was the process of of grooming sure yeah separating the grooming from the groomer So and they're making me schwack

Rails off my DVDs. Obviously Kevin believed that. Obviously. Obviously. Hard to hear. Can't say no. Thank you. Perfect. That's good.

But like, they make, like, take these like fat ass snuff rails and just like blow them straight off My own DVDs I don't make Yeah, I hate I hate being I hate stepping into this cuz I'm like so out of my element here, but I think maybe just Consider leaving her as like a consideration as maybe this is like. Wow. But she was on X-Files. Sorry. No, she was in The Matrix.

No, she was on X-Files. Hey, so I'll give you $5 if you can name three other movies Carrie Anne Moss was in. He doesn't pay. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Okay. He holds it up and he never pays. Well, so this is gonna piss her off. We've been talking about, we've talked about Memento,

I think three times in this episode that we never said Memento starring Carrie and Moss. Fuck. Oops. So like when she... She got Pierce in that movie? Yeah, in that movie she is Guy Pearce and Joe Pantoliano. A lot of Matrix cast in that.

Well, same director. They're all, but that's them. So like her theory of it is that's them in like their Matrix lives. That's before they, or like they don't know they're in it at that point, and that's every movie mmm all right so yeah I don't know she's gonna listen to she's gonna have a lot of notes she's gonna put back in all the Waymo stuff whoa yes she is no yeah all of it. If I want to run for office.

They're going to pull up this episode. You're going to be running from office with how I mean, like the like the community, you're going to attract over over the way most stuff that she's going to be having you say. You're going to have me say it. Yes. How? Actually, maybe say it, Aaron, because I don't know if we've had you saying it clean yet. No, and I won't.

And I won't. You're gonna have to spend the money on AI. You're gonna have to green screen that. Me saying it, cause I won't. And she's gonna make me hork back some. Whoa! Whoa! Come on.

There's kids here, man. Dior Sauvage flavored. Come on. There's kids here, man. Dior Sauvage flavored snuff. Ugh. I mean, happy wife, happy life. It gives you the Johnny Depp facial, like I- Ooh, cross-feet?

I dig my face into it so hard, have to like basically I basically I'm rooting around and then at this point mmm and when I come up for air the snuff has raged itself like a willy willy sort of on my face in the that's humiliating it's you willy eating that's a great point, Hayes, it's eulie-ating. Sean is here, he's just on his phone. Yeah, where are we, son? He will not engage me on any of my personal stuff. He's trying to drive a wedge.

And it is working and it is making me think about what life could be like. I would never work on a golf course though. Driving, driving a wedge. For sure, yeah, that couldn't work. You're not gonna get any distance. And that's fine. Did you hear that?

No, I didn't. I can't hear a word you're saying. Yeah. When you talk to me, it's like I didn't. I can't hear a word you're saying. Yeah. When you talk to me, it's like, eee. I do feel like that sometimes it happens where, cause I can hear, you take the headphones off. Yeah, I go, ow, ow, ow, it's too hot, hot, hot, hot. It hurts, it's too hot in my ears when you talk.

I'll have to get that looked at. But that's the headgum thing. Then you have to go to the headgum store for the balm, the special balm. I swear they're doing it on purpose because then they're the only ones who sell the special bomb coming and going And you got it like keep putting the coins into the headphones for them to keep working Yeah, and I say do Julianne less and I And I go, what's that? And he goes, it's from an awesome movie. Bye.

From. Hollywood handbook. That was a hate gum podcast.