Hollywood Handbook - Higher And Mightier With Joe Wengert

Episode Date: January 16, 2017

Sean gets dropped off at Brett's house to record a secret episode. This episode is brought to you by Harold Ramis Film School, Blue Apron (www.blueapron.com/handbook), and ZipRecruiter (www.ziprecruiter.com/first).See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This is a HeadGum Podcast. Feet rubs, like all the good, fun stuff. And we're all, of course, spitting into like a jelly jar to get a big jar of spit to try to make one of our enemies drink it. You know, like Jason Momoa or, you know, Martin Mull or one of these guys who thinks they're really tough. And we're going to kind of prove like you're not so tough when you drink a jar of spit and then you're throwing up. And so we're kind of trying to figure out how to disguise the jar. And we're also like running out of spit and have to like reload. And we're trying to figure out how to like make the jar look like something more appetizing. Than spit. Yeah.

Or even just like putting a label on the like even because i at one point was like let's just throw some duct tape on it and write like special drink do not drink jason and then he'll see that and he's such a troll he'll like but anyway uh as we're working on i'm sorry are you not liking this? You're like kind of being like, uh-huh, yeah. Like you're not like, this is like a really good story. Well, I mean, maybe you had to be there. I'm not, I just don't get what's happening.

They didn't have to be there, Brett. You have to be here with me while I tell it to you. That's where you have to be. I mean, it's like me telling is almost even better than having seen it. By here, you mean my house. Yeah, and your house and your home studio. Yeah. My home studio set up with all the equipment.

Yeah. Like I even set up my theremin. Please, I try not to do this anymore, but too scary. That sounds too scary. It feels like it's twilight zone or stranger things or black mirror or one of them right i just thought we were gonna like play i thought we were gonna jam all right okay well all right so hey welcome to hollywood handbook and insider's guide to kingdom of darkness recover like bank always this interesting work called showbiz

whatever okay so i'm sean clements so um all right let me catch the audience up really quickly brett is a salty sourpuss bean baby because uh i had haze drop me off at brett's house at his home studio i told haze that we were going to be having a play date we'd be doing doing a jam session here and Brett got all his instruments set up because, of course, I told Brett the same thing. Exact same thing. Because I couldn't trust him to keep a secret for me. What's actually going on? We're not going to have a jam session.

So sorry, Brett. Turn the theremin off and put it away. It's huge. Take them out of the room. Yeah, it took so much to set all this up like I have all my all my toys here I didn't think you were going to go all

I thought you'd just grab like a ukulele and we'd do like a I have that too we'd do like a you know Zoe Dash and Ben Schwartz doing the I know you belong to me Steve Martin song or whatever I thought it was going to be something small, which I would have had time for.

But anyway, Hayes, as a lot of people who listen to this podcast or any podcast know, did a smash hit episode of High and Mighty with John Gabrus where they talked about newspaper comics. The thing's been performing very well. It's got a really long tail on it. The numbers keep ticking up. And it's frankly made Hayes a little bit big for his britches. And he can't fit his britches anymore because he has this huge hit podcast. So what I'm going to do is fix his britches for him, do a little tailoring here today by doing an even bigger podcast without him on it.

I know that the reason this thing is popular is not because of Hayes, because I do a podcast with Hayes and people don't like it. So what has to be happening is it's the content, it's the newspaper comics, and a little bit it's Gabrus. So let me ask you a question. Okay. Obviously, I could talk about newspaper comics. I know everything about everything.

Of course. But what do you do if you want to out Gabrus Gabrus? Oh, you need Joe Wenger. You need to get an even crazier wild man. Yeah. You know, you need to get Joe Wenger. What up, what up, Joe Wenger? Yeah.

Okay, so I'm here to out Gabrus, John Gabrus? Yeah, that's right. We got to frigging take that guy and put him in his place because, frankly, even he is struggling with his britches, I think. You know? Gabrus? Yeah. That he's big for him because of the podcast he did with

haze man don't go there too big for his britches no it's not a not like a i realized that could sound like but um so it's not about that but anyway so i'm so i'm sorry i'm late i i was trying to uh now the uh app that i use for directions, I've made my mileage more prominent on there, and I'm trying to stay to only five miles above the speed limit at any point. So just to be a little bit more conscious of my speed and for the safety of others around me. So that kind of cut down on my time. Because the roads were open. I could have been here here but I just wanted to

well okay so you only go five miles above the speed limit well I I mean I try to stay to the speed limit but if I'm gonna go above at all no more than five and then if you could do like like that's a great story for this but if you could

also do like a big belch or something and then like be, I'm smoking weed. Okay, well. You know what I mean? Just to sort of get, like, the high and mighty feel in here. Okay. You're high, right, when you're doing that? Yeah, you got to be so stoned.

Not stoned when I'm operating a vehicle or really pretty much at any other point in my life currently. Sure, yeah, sure. But for the purposes of this. But I get for this. Yeah. All right, yeah. or really pretty much at any other point in my life currently. Sure, but for the purposes of this. But I get for this. Yeah. All right, yeah. And what do you eat? So what would Gabrus do? Are those brontosaurus ribs you're eating

or what are you eating over there? Brontosaurus? So that's like what Fred Flintstone eats, right? Yes. Okay. Speaking of Fred Flintstone, how about newspaper comics, huh um and hayes will be back at some point to pick me up and or he may call in or something brett so just like yeah uh if we could

pretend that we are having the jam session and if we could kind of throw him off our set that would be helpful i really still want a jam session i'm sure you do isn't this cool man uh you want a play date here i mean i'm kind of champing at the bit to get into some of these things, you know, I mean, for sure. Yeah, just don't tell, it's for Sean and me. It was supposed to just be Sean and me. Okay, so if you guys jam, I'm not going to jam. But I could listen, I could groove and dance and stuff. It would be, that's it.

We get self-conscious when we're jamming with other people around, so it would be better if you could kind of step outside. Why did you ask me to admire it? Because it looks cool and I'd like to get involved. Cabers wouldn't be this angry about that. I know. This isn't going. No, it's going great. So, newspaper comics.

Everybody remembers the Sunday funnies. open the page and you and your parents are reading uh one side of the news and you are sort of have to sneak you know in between the pages and try to read it while they're reading it and not get caught you know and uh if you do get caught boy you get a whipping uh and and so uh talk about that a little bit well i remember looking at newspaper comics when i was a kid but it the newspaper whooping newspapers are designed they're divided into different sections it's really easy to separate them so i never had to sort of sneak in to pull the pull the pull that section away lada, Mr. Silver Spoon in his mouth has all the newspaper sections. So what we would have at my house is sort of very condensed newspaper. I think all the sections got printed very small onto a page.

Onto just a single page? Onto one page. And then my— Seems like that would cost more money to get that done. Well, you know, I didn't get into the economics of it. I was a kid, and that's what I'm remembering, and people love this nostalgia, you know. And my dad would have a big sort of jeweler's loop kind of thing, and he would get down very small and be reading the things, and I would try to sort of angle it so I could see maybe Sally Forth.

I don't know that comic. What was that about? It was like a little brat. She's a little girl, I'm assuming. Yeah, and her dad would be like... Hayes is on the phone. Hayes is on the phone. Hayes is on the phone. Should I pick it up? Yeah, pick it up. Just act normal.

Joe, shut the fuck up. Hayes. Hayes. Hello? Hey, man. Hey. Hey, is Sean there? Can you guys put me on speaker? Are you jamming right now or if you can you just stop jamming for one second uh twang twang twing oh god oh it's haze oh hey haze

yeah sean's here sean sean's here that sounded wait i'm sorry i didn't mean to i didn't uh know you were like so deep into it that sounded great can. Can I hear the song? Can I hear what you guys are working on? It's not ready. It's a work in progress. We're just tuning it up, really. I don't have to hear the whole thing. Just a continuation of the song that you were just playing

I thought was really nice. We're just tuning. I would love to hear a little car music. Tink-a-tink, twingo. Yeah, it's just so out of tune. We're just so out of tune right now. I just think –

If you call back in like, you know, 10 minutes or – For Sean, I went to – so the first store I went to, they don't have – the first store I went to, they don't have the first one. I went, you didn't have any peeps. Uh, and they, uh, and so I tried a different store and they are starting to get some of the Easter peeps in,

but they don't have, can't be, cannot be Easter. Hayes. So does it have to be Halloween? Halloween peeps? Yes. Does it have to be Halloween?

Halloween peeps, yes. It's got to be like a happy pumpkin or I just can't. Okay, because I heard they're saying in some of the other stores they might have the ghosts. Does it have to be the pumpkin peeps? Hayes, if you bring me ghosts, what? If you bring me ghosts, what? If you bring me ghosts, so help me. These are food experts, people that work at these stores, and they seem to think that they all taste the same. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

I'm sure they're going to tell you that because they're trying to sell off the Easter peeps that nobody wants. You know what I mean? They're not as good. You're getting schooled by master negotiators, Hayes. This is why you have someone like me in your life. And there's nothing suspicious going on here. And we're not doing anything you wouldn't like.

And we're just happy for you. Drop me off for the play date. Go get the good peeps. You'll be more satisfied for doing a good job. And I'm helping you. Okay. Because I don't want any peeps i don't want you to think that this is that i that it's for me too because i do not want these you'll eat them and you'll like them okay is there anything else i want some peeps is there anything else uh yeah um what is a good uh just out of curiosity like newspaper comic to talk about

what is it good well um or just or to write a jam song about a song hey i'm sorry just to let you know i have to i have to wait who is that what does that sound oh no that's just me uh strumming a lot it's just me that's brett's theremin yeah yeah i gotta get well i just want to let you know yes okay that's true that voice sounds much more raw and rude than than brett's voice uh very hardcore i do have a very nice voice. Brett's is smoother, yeah. I think his talk box is too punk rock. It's set to punk rock setting,

and that's why it's sort of blasting your ears with irreverence. I really like a raw, rude sound. With a talk box where it's like the government at the beginning saying that you have to obey and stuff right okay yeah martial law can i hear some of that you you must obey listen listen nice you must deny wow the oppressive force keep going no that's really good was that good okay i would think the government would want to accept the oppressive force but that i guess that's very punk okay uh what's a good wait so a good newspaper comic well did you ever um we haven't talked about this in a while but did i don't i don't remember if you ever listened to the episode of high and mighty i did

that was so well received no it's not about that it's uh just i was looking for it well did you ever because uh that would be a great resource we talked about so many different comics i heard bits i skimmed it i um uh okay well never mind find the peeps and uh we gotta go because we're and actually hitting a sweet groove okay find the peeps and then i'm going to come back, right? Yes, you'll come back and pick me up. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay, okay. Bye.

All right, bye. Bye. That was close. I'm sorry. I got to kind of go soonish. I got a text that a gust of wind blew into my room where I keep all my old documents and my old tax documents got all messed up and I want to get home and get them organized in case I need quick and

easy access to my tax documents. Joe, this is great for you that I understand you need to organize that, but for the purposes of what we're doing here, if you could also demonstrate a willingness to make racial jokes that I would be uncomfortable making just to kind of Gaber set up a little bit. Yeah, like is your tax guy Jewish? Yeah, and you're fine with saying that?

I've never met him because he's based out of Arizona. I think he's Italian actually from his last name. He has kind of a Jewish voice well you know you can tell a Jewish person sometimes when you hear a person's voice you're like that's Jewish this guy's Jewish okay that's really sweet you know they're you know I'm Jewish you just hear that coming across is that good that's really good yeah yeah yeah and even when you say he's Italian I think that what John would probably say is like'd have a term for Italians that maybe I wouldn't be comfortable using, but he seems fine with.

You think just John Gaber's throwing around the word Dago or something? I've never heard him say that. What else is there? Wop? No, I feel like I've heard him say Ginzo before. Ginzo? Well, maybe that'll be my way of out Gaberson Gaberson. I'll be loose with the word Dago.

By the way, that punk intro was fucking awesome. I really felt like I was struggling. And also I thought for sure he was going to find out because I just repeated what he said. No, it was seamless. It really felt like a very good punk intro that we can use if we do have time to jam after this. I was going to say, maybe we should just pivot to jamming.

I'm worried. That was cool. I'm worried a little bit. So I have to step out of the room then? You would have to step out, but if you just did that intro, you could do the intro and then step out. But we'll do that later. But if you guys are going to jam. could do the intro and then step out. But we'll do that, but later.

But if you guys are going to jam... But we're doing the newspaper comic thing. If you're going to jam and exclude me from the jam, I'm going to step out and I'm not going to step back. I'm having a document emergency at home and I've got to take care of it. Joe, no, it's your document. I've only had two glasses of water today.

I've got six more glasses of water I've got to get down before the end of the day, too. So I'm a little concerned as I think more about this Daygo thing that we might get into trouble because I know that based on the success of the Mick, Fox is coming out with the Dago next year. Oh, yeah? Yeah. It's like his name or something. So I guess it's okay.

So it was his name-o? I think that's part of the theme song for it. So let's just tread lightly. We can use it, but don't use any jokes about it. Yes, at this point, they own a name. If somebody has a name that could kind of be a name, but also is very directly a derogatory, like racial slur, they kind of bought most of those to be the names of TV shows. Or they kind of bought most of those to be the names of TV shows.

So let's just get right back in where we left off with the newspaper stuff. Rex Morgan, M.D., and Prince Valiant were both so funny. And remember how much words they'd have in their bubbles. Yeah, well, they were trying to advance a medical comedic storyline, so there was a lot of jargon that went into it. Prince Valiant's medical stuff always threw me. Yeah. I never understood his medical. A lot of leeches.

Yeah, with that hair. Yeah. What would get me cracking up was the Phantom, you know, because he's, that man was, his hero name was the Phantom, but he wasn't dressed as a ghoul or a specter. He just had kind of a purple unitard. So what would be a better name for him? Probably the Grape, the Grape Master. Grape Master. Perfect.

Yeah. This is going to kill this High and Mighty episode. Yeah. Grape Master, they didn't do anything like this. Right, Brett? Did you ever hear it? I heard a lot about it, but I didn't hear it. Yeah.

And then, Joe, do you want to like piss on the cymbals or something? Like something just wild right now and just like punk rock, just like make some sounds, you know, by like just busting it out and pissing on the cymbals? I'm actually trying to just have all bowel movements every hour on the hour, which is a thing that my doctor is suggesting. So we can wait until the next hour comes around. Every hour? Yeah, that's actually it's actually pretty it's very healthy for you to hold it a little bit so 24 24 bowel movements yes per day so you don't get cycle you never get a steady sleep no no my iphone has a i have a setting

where it sets me up just slightly before the hour. So I have a minute to sort of gain consciousness and then I get up and I do whichever one I have to do. Sometimes both, but it's trickier for the log if it's both. 24, that is out Gaber, same Gaber. Yeah, he only, I mean, he talks about it all the time, but it's nowhere near 24. But maybe call it like butt mud or something. Yeah. What if you called it something like that?

The phone's ringing. Oh, hey, Hayes. How's it going, man? Hi. Hey. I hope this isn't taking too long. Whoa, whoa. Oh, sorry.

I was so lost in the magic of the groove. Yeah, I'll turn down the – it's feeding back. I'll turn that down. Hey, Ace. I was worried you guys were running out of stuff to jam about. I'm sorry this is taking so long. I'm at the Albertsons in Granada Hills. There is a guy here who has an old he took me back to the um uh this like kind of candy museum he has going here

they have and i just think about this it is peeps it is halloween peeps it is not pumpkins it is um they did a promotional peep in 2012 for the movie dark shadows the um the johnny depp vampire vehicle based on the soap opera by the same name yes and so these peeps are different characters from dark shadows. None of them are really pumpkins. There's an Ava green one that I guess kind of looks like a pumpkin. Her hair is a little bit. This is like, you know, outside of the peeps, but Donald Trumpkin. Okay.

He's orange. You know? This guy is loving it. The guy, I'm on speaker, the guy, Albertson's guy, a lot of these candies are kind of political that he has here. Oh, yeah?

Oh, could you list some of the other political candies just maybe i'll want one of those he has uh well he's like sort of created uh political cartoons out of rappers and uh and so there's a lot of stuff with like cartoons um and like baby ruth bader ginsburg is a there's like a thing that he has going. I don't understand a lot of it. The notorious RBG. Have you been laughing about people saying that? Yeah, it's how she's like a boss. Yeah.

Yeah, such a boss. Refused to step down from her seat and guarantee you for luck. I am loving talking about this. Go ahead. Yeah, what? I am. It's going to close ahead. Yeah, what? I am. It's going to close. All the stores are going to close, and I'm worried that I do really want to get these peeps because you did say I would get a big unspecified punishment.

So are these okay, or is there something else? If it's not, okay. If it's not the peeps, is there something else I it's not okay If it's not the peeps is there something else I can Bring back instead Okay yeah well do pick up those Political peeps and Yeah What is that

My toe Oh no Yeah Yes are you okay man What the? My toe. Oh, no. Yeah. You hurt your toe? Yes. Are you okay, man? Yeah, it'll be fine, I'm sure. That doesn't sound really, though, like what it sounds like.

When you hurt your toe, it's usually very deep. You make a very deep noise. Oh, yeah. That was the first half of the noise, and here comes the rest of it. Go, go, go. Joe, Joe, do something. Yeah. Government.

Oh, perfect. Oh, yeah. So there it is. That sounds right. That sounds right. So now I'm going to need some toe medicine, Hayes, If you could go out, you know, get the good kind. Okay. I need Bengay.

Okay. And I need. I could probably get that right here. Oh, no no but not that I need the Kind It's gotta have Joe Namath on it Okay

On the bottle Hey Hayes Can you get some toilet paper here Joe's gonna I mean I need more Joe Why would Joe Neibeth need toilet paper

He never has to go It's not real Joe Neibeth it's just on the Box That was really stupid of me Sorry I just need a lot more toilet paper You were gonna try and wipe Joe Even if he were real you were gonna try and wipe his butt

Yeah Brett I'm sorry about Brett He's a legend gonna try to wipe joe what even if you were real you're gonna try to wipe his butt yeah brett what i'm sorry about legend yeah you wouldn't wipe his butt did he like any particular newspaper comic or another name of any did joe nameth like any particular newspaper comic well uh any sports ones I don't know I don't remember any football ones Peanuts Thanks Brad That's about Charlie Brown You're thinking of Charlie Brown

Yeah you're picturing Charlie Brown Okay well Hayes go pick up the Joe Namath packaging bottle And then Get right back here. We miss you. Okay. Yeah. I'm trying.

I'm going to go. It's like rush hour is just starting now, but okay, I'll come soon. Okay, bye. Bye. Hollywood Handbook. Wow, that was close. I am so sorry. No, it's okay.

What did make you start sort of holding a long opera note? Oh, I read an article about vocal cord polyp prevention. And supposedly if you hold, you know, like a tone for eight to ten seconds, you got to do it like three hours after your midday meal. Was the article in a newspaper and perhaps near any sort of comic? No, I haven't looked at a physical newspaper in years. This was an article that I read online. All right, all right, all right.

But you want to talk more about comics. Bill the Cat or something. If I do urinate on the symbols symbols i think that just cleaning it up with toilet paper probably is not the most sanitary way to do it really yeah i would get you're not i would i would walk i would put the symbols maybe maybe fill up the sink with a bunch of soapy water and put them in there oh you're such a big fuck boy you yeah well, well, okay. Okay, so... Don't piss on my symbols. I think...

That was a joke, right? If he was willing to do it, I was willing to let him. I'm never going to force anybody to do something like that. If you turned it upside down, it kind of forms like a bucket, I guess. Mm-hmm.

Do you want... Would Gabrus save his peepee? Is that something Gabrus would do? Would he save he save his peepee oh that's a good question brett would gabrus save his peepee no i think he uh that's more like a howard hughes thing yeah i think his whole thing is like he doesn't give a fuck you know yeah yeah anywhere oh yeah save it i hope he doesn't give a fuck i'm gonna you know i'm talking about him a lot i didn't tell him i was gonna do that on this so um let's uh my uncle always called them the funnies the funny papers the funny papers yeah see you in the funny papers yeah or did you ever uh you remember silly puting. You could stretch Silly Putty over the newsprint from a comic strip,

and then you'd get sort of another image that would be on the Silly Putty. Yeah, like reversed. Growing up, we didn't have Silly Putty. We had just caulk like there was just like a caulk gun and uh and i would put that on the giant page of condensed newspaper right you know articles and comics and uh boy i'd catch a whooping for something like that and you could say that word in your family, cock. I'm trying to do this podcast, and I wanted to jam,

so the least you could do is laugh at my cock jam. Cock thing, yeah. But you knew what I meant. Yeah, you put it on the paper. Yeah. I'm sad that the New York Giants aren't still in contention to win the Super Bowl this year. But at the same time, you're

happy for the team that won and got to move on. Am I? Yeah. Right. Okay. So, their victory... Is his thing not being really gracious about— I'll be honest with you.

I've seen him wear a New York Giants baseball cap before, and that's what I was basing this on. Okay, right. Okay, yeah. Okay, this is perfect, then. I'm sorry I missed it. All right, so like, yeah— Maybe next year.

Yeah. I got to wait a whole year for that? Oh, shit. So, you know, the New Yorker comic where there's like a donkey, I think, sort of represents one of the political parties. The Democratic Party, yeah. Great, yeah. Oh, great. Perfect. And he's getting like,

maybe they're brushing his teeth or something. Okay. You know, and the toothbrush says like, fascism on the handle or something. And when you say they, who's the they that's brushing the donkey's teeth? You're trying to make up a New Yorker cartoon right now?

Or are you talking about a specific one? I feel like it is a specific one. Like I'm making it up, but it feels like one, doesn't it? Oh, yeah. So who do we think would be holding the brush of fascism? Oh, maybe Congress? uh congress yeah yeah yeah but also not to overwhelm you but who does gabrus think would be holding that you know probably still congress right yeah i think so yeah he probably would think that too okay so congress is holding the fascism toothbrush brushing the donkey's teeth right yeah i think so yeah he probably would think that too okay so congress is holding the fascism

toothbrush brushing the donkey's teeth right yeah and then the caption probably is something like um uh four more years of this i don't know about that but when i would play rugby if my rugby shoes were too small I would take the New Yorker and just ball it up and then put it in the toe of my rugby shoe ah and then it fit

so this must be what they were doing the other guys in my rugby team would give me hell if they knew my shoes were too big they'd call me little feet oh yeah okay there you go yeah and then uh um and then did you you ate a snake that you found in a parking lot once right yep yeah were you wasted oh yeah oh no drinking beers college days oh yeah gabrus loves talking about that kind of stuff yeah yeah one time i took two bud lights and i poured them into one big glass drank it and then ate up a snake oh no double class somebody dared me somebody dared me to do it yeah you know uh yeah but and also yeah and also on the on the newspaper stuff um is dear abby considered a comic

or ann landers um they sometimes i think those are in the entertainment section but okay okay and sometimes you'd see a little picture of dear abby so iters there. So it's like, okay, Ann Landers, do you like your first name so much you had to put it in your last name? That's pretty good. What about Zippy? Is there anything else on that? Zippy? Zippy the pinhead?

Oh, is that a thing? He's the little sad, he's like sort of the sad hunchback. Oh. No. Does he like love you? He's got a pinhead. He has a heart. Yeah. He's on he like love you? He's got a good heart.

Yeah. He's on a lot of greeting cards when I'm a kid. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Zippy, yeah. He lives alone. Yeah. Yeah. I guess I never really read it.

Is Mr. Magoo a comic? All cartoons, I'm assuming, started as comics. They had to, right? Before they could get them moving so magoo you know maybe in the first panel he's like uh nice kitty and yeah he's like making love to like uh um you know wow okay now i'm interested yeah is he overtly sexual, John Capers? Not really.

He's not against it. No, yeah, he's not, but he's not like, that's not a signifying trait. He's sort of cool about it. Self-deprecating. Yeah, he demonstrates a willingness to kind of eat shit. will he demonstrates a willingness to kind of eat shit like he'll be like i'm and be like um my dick's so little or whatever you know what i mean like he'll joke about that okay all right well i'll let i'll marinate on that for a little bit so okay but anyways you would never say that yeah zippy or mr zippy magoo is like um making love to like a coat rack but then it turns out it's a

broom he thinks it's a broom go ahead hey Hayes hi guys how's it going are you all jammed out I'm so sorry this is taking forever did you guys find more

jams to do yeah we actually stumbled into a hot blues riff. Oh, okay. Can I please hear that? I'm sorry. I've just been driving so much. I just would love to hear it. Boom, down, boom, boom.

Doom, doom, doom, doom. Boom, boom, doom, boom. Beam, beam, beam, beam. Is that good? Yeah. And we'll even customize it for you. I got the Can't Find Bengay blues. Boom, boom, boom, boom, boom.

Oh, it's not exactly my blues. I can't. There is Bengay. It's not the Joe Namath kind. I'm at a CVS in Sylmar. That totally works. They have not Joe Namath kind. I'm at a CVS in Sylmar. That totally works. They have, not Joe Namath, Bengay. And sort of way in the back, they have, way in the back and down,

they have sort of this underground part where they have old medicine and they have this Joe Millionaire Bengay. Ah, yes, Evan. Evan is on it, yes. But, so I'm like, great, fine. That's close enough. But I think the stuff inside is not as toothpaste because that was like the idea, I guess. That was the promotion.

That's like the concept of Joe Millionaire is like he had a great smile. Yeah. No, it's like that was not the concept of joe billionaire yeah i could really smile no that wasn't it the idea was that he was supposed to be a millionaire but then when you actually he's a sad millionaire he never smiles no way that was what they did no he is he is smiling i definitely see why you were confused because he was smiling so much but what actually and i am really running out of time because this store is closing now uh but i will explain this to you

he was supposed to be a millionaire but then you found out that he was actually like a worker man or something yes that's the equivalent of this toothpaste it's like not the stuff that you thought that it was gonna be which, which was the Bengay. So is that good? They do have the pumpkin peeps here, by the way. So I do have those. Okay, that's good. Okay, so I just don't know why a millionaire would be sad.

It's not really making sense to me what you're pitching. I'm sort of starting to figure it out. What is that? What is that? Text me if you want later. I'll call you. What is that? Who's making the phone? What is that?

Oh, that's the Alto Sax. No. No. That doesn't sound anything like an alto sax. That sounded like something with a phone. What do you think? Is Joe Wenger listening to a voicemail from his mom or something and we can hear it about when they're having dinner?

That's definitely what it sounded like. Oh, please. Could you grow up, Hayes? What are you accusing us of? You know we're having a jam session. Yeah, you know that uh computers are part of music now joe doesn't even live in los angeles and if he did he wouldn't be able to get here he's driving slower now okay so this is what this is starting to make sense because you guys

were talking about charlie brown so in that world if joe's mom would sound like an alto sax then an alto sax would sound exactly like joe's mom uh so okay i'm sorry i get it i misunderstood um where are we at with me being able to come home we're close we're really close okay yeah i think we're getting somewhere. Do you know if they make bulletproof iced tea? Like iced tea with butter? With butter? Yeah, iced tea with like a hunk of butter in it and like a blender. It doesn't have to be. You need like smart water to put in that, right?

Sure, Brett. You get smart. Or like the new trop that, right? Sure, Brett. You get smart. Sure. Okay. New tropics or whatever? Sure, yeah. Okay. So is this something I can just make or do I have to like actually go to a place?

I'd like a specialist. I mean, I'd rather have a professional do it. It feels a little like you'd be guessing. You know, they probably know what kind of tea to use if it's got like MC oil or something. That's the stuff. This is for your toe or your toe is... Yeah, my toe's really falling asleep. It's really swollen.

Yeah. Okay. Okay. So, bulletproof iced tea and then, yeah, and then you'll probably be in the home stretch there. Okay. I will see you there. Okay. I will see you sometime.

Okay, got to go. Just had a good idea for jam. Okay, bye. So I feel like we've pretty much crushed his episode so far, like the Gabrus thing. Like it had a really long tail on it, but I feel like the numbers we're going to do for this thing is going to be wild. Hollywood handbook.

Joe, did you have anything you want to plug? I got to call my mom back in a little bit before they eat dinner. I'm sorry about that. You put that right up to the mic. Well, I didn't know if it was an emergency from my mom. And I didn't want to, I don't like holding my phone to my head because I feel like

I'm worried about, uh, the waves and stuff. Yeah. So I play it out loud and I needed a, wanted to make sure everything was okay with my mommy, but I'm going to call her. So I guess, um, I just like to plug my continuing relationship with my mom. Yeah. Uh, well I look forward to that. Uh feel like that's gonna be big now is this so this is gonna be am i do i have a podcast now uh like you came on my podcast to talk about the huh oh no yeah no because i don't think it, you know, as I sort of tried to crunch the numbers on Hayes having this runaway train of success, I mean, I know it's not Hayes.

I know it's not the high and mighty brand. So, you know, I know it's not ear gum or whatever the shit, you know, and so I'm going like, anything he could do, I can do better, Annie. Get your gun or something. And I know that Wenger is basically

like a supercharged Gabrus, so we're going to be able to replace that. So I don't think it needs to be like... I'm like Gabrus on steroids. Yes, yeah, on steroids. Yes. Yeah. On steroids. Yeah. Oh, God. Insane.

Bigger and, yeah. Hulk out. Mm-hmm. So I think that, you know, what I just thought was not that you had to have your own podcast. Do you want one? No. Yeah. Me neither.

Okay. So, Brett, do you want to do an actual jam before oh my god just like love to um okay it's getting kind of hard to keep up this lie to haze yeah and i never really wanted to do you want to come clean to him i mean now that we have the footage like uh we you know we're gonna need him to edit it anyway. So he's going to know that we did it. It was just keeping him out of the room while we were. Do you want to call him back and get him on a jam sesh?

Sure, but I would like some of those peeps. I don't want him to skip bringing those. He'll bring them. Okay. All right. I'm calling up Hayes. Calling up Hayes. Hello?

There was no jam session. Yeah, Hayes, I'm sorry. He lied to us. We had to fix your britches. We did a little bit of tailoring work and went ahead and made them fit you a little better. I'm just jamming now. We're just jamming, but Joe Wenger's here. That was a voicemail from his mom, and he and I have just recorded a really in-depth, fun,

sort of nostalgic look at newspaper comics. It's relatable. It's funny. It's smart. It's charming. You'll probably learn something. You'll definitely learn something and uh i think it's gonna really perform very well on the web wait brett why would you coordinate something like this it seems like such a bizarre mean thing for you to do to me. I didn't do that. Force my friend to try and

one up my podcast, which has been so well received. And I didn't want to have anything to do with this, Hayes. And Brett has like, and Brett was able to blackmail me into doing it. In your house? I don't understand. No, you dropped him off for

a play date. I was trying to drop hints during the phone calls and kind of let you know to come and rescue me. But he is obviously insane. And I was scared. So that's why I did it. I was invited here. I was excluded in the jam by Brett. And then I was told I can't urinate.

Don't actually urinate on the symbols you know which are like metal and they're so easy to clean it would probably make such a just killer sound oh gosh ringing off of there yeah it's been lying about liking music but I like I didn't think you would use that lie for such a like a mean reason to just to hurt me yes i don't i never thought of brett as mr sinister you know from the comics but in a way he's proven that he is with this uh evil scheme right are you mad is this does this have something to do with the fact that sean has started to wear a hat that's kind of like your hat i noticed that too you came you mad bro well at first i thought that was us dressing the same like for the band you know yeah you turn this entire thing around brought joe over i'm happy

to have you over but i didn't thank you for having me but i am upset still yeah and i don't know why you're upset at me i i didn't do any of this i wanted a chance i don't know why you're upset at me I didn't do any of this I wanted a chance I don't know why you would take Sean's hat out on me Yeah why are you mad at Hayes Because I happen to have this hat And you made Sean make me run around the whole city To get pumpkin peep Oh I hated that part of it And I was just so uncomfortable

And I have a pit in my stomach And I'll probably have to do one of wanger it's famous hourly bowel movements over it yeah wanger takes 24 bowel movements they don't last an hour each that's just because then i would just that's all i'd be constantly doing but every hour on the hour they're they're incredibly quick right very clean yeah they're really fast keeps the system running yeah it's healthy for you i've uh yeah i've heard about this um so you know uh yeah i mean still get the bulletproof ice tea just because otherwise i think brett's gonna you know do something to us. I'm going to have to edit this now?

This thing is just that Brett just designed to hurt me? Now I have to like... Yeah, you do have to edit it. If you could take out some of the more extreme moments. Yeah, if you could edit it on Martin Luther King Day, that'd be great. And just be careful around the Dago stuff because Fox is launching the Dago next year. Yeah, with Myla, Vent go next year. Um, uh, it was like Milo Ventimiglia.

Yeah. Ventimiglia. Um, so anyway, uh, uh, uh, bye. Bye.

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