Hollywood Handbook - Holly Prazoff, Our Close Friend

Episode Date: July 4, 2017

Sean and Hayes sit down with HOLLY PRAZOFF to learn about Canada and to help Kevin with something. This episode is sponsored by Blue Apron (www.blueapron.com/handbook) and Chapman University (www.chapman.edu/grad).See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This is a HeadGum Podcast. So it was me and Vanessa Carlton, and we're directing traffic. We're out there at the intersection, and we kind of have our own. She has a traffic light on top of her piano, and I'm sort of doing my motions for like direct people where to go yeah uh and we're like being like don't use that old traffic light use like use this cool one that we have down here ignore that one up there right that's all part of my role it's a piano yes yes and it's like responding to her it's moving very fast because she could like piano so fast. But it is responding to her pianos.

And so I'm like, you know, I do that. They're like doing all my big directions. But what I'm directing people is, so I'm pointing at their car first. Okay. And I'm saying, P, like your car is dirty. It stinks. Oh, no. The car stinks.

Directing the car into the car wash. Oh, gosh. And they have to go. And then because you said it stinks and they're so ashamed. Yes, and they all have to go. And it's our car wash. Oh, Hayes, and you're making so much bucks. So much money.

And they come out and they're like, thank you, it's so nice. And they're smelling their own car. They love their new car. That it smells like it's brand new. Yeah, and I say, uh-uh-uh, right back in. Go around again, and Hayes, you're making so much bucks. So much money. And you get to listen to piano, and she's pianoing at the cars.

Yes. That's so nice. I'm so happy, because I did wonder, you know, you had been wearing the same pair of beat-up old cowboy boots for so long. Yes. And you came in here with these fresh new, shiny new boots. Yes. And I said, wait, where do you get the money for these?

And I said, fundraiser. Yeah. Car wash fundraiser. Yeah, fundraiser for raising money for these boots. Hey, welcome to Hollywood Handbook and Insider's Guide to Kicking Butt and Dropping Names in the Red Car carpet linebacker hallways of this industry we call showbiz. What do we like to do? So, what up, what up? What do we talk about on here?

We do a show. We never really know what it is, and we don't want to know. And if you know what our show is, don't tell us. And we like to have a guest, and we like to have Holly. Yeah. Oh, hi, yes. Holly, say your home name. Holly Prazoff.

Ooh. And everybody at home now is going, oh, wow. Yeah. We're talking to you. You're here in the studio. You did a bunch of other shows this week, huh? Talk about the other shows you did this week. I'm kind of making the podcast rounds.

Yeah. You know, and I feel like that's important for your career. Promoting yourself. Yeah, it's so important. You know what I I feel like that's important for your career. Promoting yourself. Yeah, it's so important. You know what I mean? Because we were talking about Hollywood, whatever. So yeah.

Whatever. Honestly, me too. To me, it's so stupid. It's like, I do it, but it's also like, whatever. I hate it.

It's a fucking game to me. I mean, I totally get it. My agent called me and was like, we booked you for these podcasts. And I was like, great, okay.

Yeah, sure. Yeah, sure. I'll leave you to discuss rates and let's just go do podcasts. And I was like, great, okay. Yeah, sure. Yeah, sure. I'll leave you to discuss rates and let's just go do this. And you're doing the jerk-off motion the whole time you're on the phone with your agent, correct? I mean, yeah. As soon as I see your phone number, my hand automatically just starts doing it. You know what I mean? Yes.

Yeah, I do. So you did CBB. Yep, CBB and Hard Nation. Oh, wow. So i'm really hoping you know one of those i'm not going to say which one is a very big show yes yes one of them and you know i'm just hoping now like the likes and the hits and the entire nation yeah and i'll just say that but one of them is a very big show and uh it's hard to get on that show because it's so popular. And so.

Yeah. I mean, I didn't want to start this off just by like bragging about all the podcasts I've been doing, but. No, but I wanted you to do it because I want everyone listening to know, hey, some of these other shows, these big shows that are hard to get onto that are sweeping the nation, they're not getting better guests than us. No. They're just getting the not getting better guests than us. No. They're just getting the same guests we get before us.

But sometimes when we do have someone who has only been on this show, hasn't been on another Earwolf show before, the other shows do have to get down and suck on these. And since you are here, we will be having to suck on these after the show. I just want to note that it does work both ways. We don't usually talk about it, but anytime we have a guest who's been on another show, especially in the same week, we do have to suck on these.

It's nice to humble ourselves. One for every appearance I've ever done. Now when you're saying suck on these, I'm not sure what you mean exactly. Like for somebody like Comedy Bang Bang who got you first. Did you do that one first? I did that one first. So at the time that they were doing it,

they were having a guest that we had never had on, and so now that we are having you on, we're going to have to get way, way down there. Okay. And we're going to have to suck on these. Okay, well. Does that make sense? I mean, it totally does.

I just really hope I'm worth it. You know what I mean? Yeah. We do too, but we've got to make the show regardless. My main concern is that I might have a podcast fatigue, which is something that can happen. That could be helpful because sometimes people come in here

and they're like, ah, doing all this stuff, doing cartwheels for us, and it's like, just do nothing, please. We actually are both really chill. Just please don't do anything. Hayes and I are both very chill, cool guys, and that's sort of part of our podcast is a lot of these podcasts are trying so hard. Yeah.

But we're not trying at all. It's like Ryan. It's Ryan, honestly. Ryan comes in here, and he's doing this whole soft shoe, like performing, just wanting to be a huge part of the show. And I think he's on some of that funny stuff. Yes, I think he's like, oh, if I'm going to be really funny and big on the show,

I have to take some of this freaky stuff that he takes. I don't know what it is. I don't want to know. I know. That's not my world. I think he's getting jacked up on some of this goofy stuff. Okay. But you see him over there, you know, spinning in his chair.

Yeah. He's like freaking Taz. I thought you were talking about a different Ryan. You meant me? Okay, and that's how fucked up he is. He's out of it. He's doing this character. He doesn't know his own name.

I mean, he's doing this huge character. It's like, Ryan, just be yourself. We already like you. You know? I mean, not that much. We were just saying that we, Ryan, just be yourself. We already like you. Yeah. You know? I mean, not that much. We were just saying that we don't, but yeah. Yeah, no, we do. We think we would if we ever got to meet the real Ryan.

It's not going to happen. Okay, and he's got his walls up. Did you ever listen to that Pink Floyd album, The Wall, and was that powerful for you? Some of the story they're telling about how we all build a wall around ourselves. You know, I actually hate Pink Floyd. You love school. Because you don't get it. Yeah, I do. I love school. I love books. I love teachers.

Wow. Yeah. So, I don't know if that's going to be a problem for you guys. Okay. Wow. Well, I don't know. I mean, I haven't heard it, but I've only heard about it. Oh, okay. It's like, hey, teacher, leave them kids alone. So when you want pudding, you say to yourself, like, well, I can't have any pudding until I eat my meat. Yes, 100%.

Yes. And then I also say something about my mother. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. There must be something. Mother something about dropping the bomb. Yeah. That part you say. I'm really tapped in Mother something about dropping the bomb. Yeah.

That part you say. I'm really tapped in. Here's the only part I know, and I think it's the most popular part. Does anybody here remember Vera Lynn? That's the only part I remember. And that's the only part I know, and I don't even know if that's from that. Okay. But I think it's the most

famous part of the whole thing. We wanted to talk about a little place a little big country called Canada and it's a place way up north. Way the great big north. And that country is?

And it's called? Canada. And it's Canada. That's right. And we have questions for you about it, and we're fascinated by it, and we're thinking of going there with some of this. With honestly all this stuff that's going on. Yeah, you guys got to get out of here. Yeah.

Thank you. I'm going there. And we are trying to go. Because we really want to go. Because some of what's going on here. The laws here are getting impossible. They're insane. and it's all this guy, you know, this one

mean guy. I don't even like to say his name because I think he gets off on it. Yeah, we'll definitely get some more hits, you know? Yes. All he seems to want is hits. Unique hits. Yeah. And he's getting tons of them.

But you've been up in Canadaada you know explain some of this crazy stuff that's going on we've been hearing this amazing stuff yeah so crazy just so wild and i've even seen some of it well you know i was born in canada and you know i've lived in the u.s holy shit for some time now but you know i really do like to act as sort of an ambassador for the country. I have to be honest, when I did leave, they sort of said to me, don't come back. We don't want you to ever sort of

associate yourself with Canada. And they're pissed. But I'm not sure. How did you get them so pissed? You know, I basically said, you guys are a snooze.'re boring okay oh wow and you were negging them because you were trying to get with them so you exactly i was trying to get them to be like please stay and it really backfired so you love a teacher in a school and a book

but you want teacher to be like freaked out and like insane yeah exactly you'd love it if they would ride a motorcycle to school. But then they do teach the class. Oh, yeah. In as many details as possible. I mean, I think you guys should go. I mean, you would like it. I'm not sure sort of, you know,

do a lot of people listen to this show in Canada would be my one question. No one listens to the show. Okay, cool. But we might want to just even live up there forever. Okay. We might go there to live up there forever just because some of the way the show. Okay, cool. But we might want to just even live up there forever. Okay. We might go there to live up there forever just because some of the way the laws are going with some of this guy, and I don't like to talk about him, but— Totally get it.

The laws are nonsense. And he's on a total power trip. And he's making rules about who you can kiss. Who you can kiss, why you can kiss them, how long for, and how much of it you can do and where you can kiss them too. To me, I'm very like, where are we finding these people to monitor all this kissing? You know what I mean?

And how they catch us. What if you're doing it in your own home? Or someone else's home. Since when was it the police's job that there's nothing other crime that they can actually be looking at that they have to. Someone is going around just doing kissing. News flash.

Just kissing. Kissing is nice. It is. I'm sorry. And in Europe. I'm sorry. And in Europe, you go up and do it on the street and people say, thank you. And you do it here.

And now the police are, it's a crime. People are doing punching and we're arresting kissers. Something is wrong here. Very, very wrong. And I'd like to get under, you know, under the rule of somebody speaking of kissing up there in that Canada area. Can you believe how hot Justin Trudeau is? Oh, yum, yum, yum. Oh, God. I mean, this guy is like a frigging six. Oh, yum, yum, yum. Oh, God.

I mean, this guy is like a frigging six. He's a delicious, tasty treat. You think he's a six? This guy's like almost practically a six, trending towards seven. See, that's maybe one thing you guys should learn. In Canada, he's a clear ten. Okay. Oh, wow.

That'll be great for us, too. For me, I just didn't think you could see a six in real life. Jesus, this gesture. Holy shit, this guy's so fucking hot. And you know what? He really does believe in kissing. That's great. I was hoping that he would be cool about this stuff.

Yeah, he's really like, he wants everyone to kiss. Well, and I don't want to get pissed off at him. I don't want to have to mess up that pretty face of his. Yes. Whatever, what other laws is he okay with? Oh, good. This is good. He's like setting a lot of laws about like chatting.

Chat with whomever you want. That's great. And that's on AIM? Yes, exactly. Exactly. The government can't control who you kiss, who you chat, who, you know, basically Canada is super free. That's really nice. Yeah, that sounds good.

Because I'm hearing that this government is trying to regulate who you can go private with. Yes. Yes, it's true. I like to go private with only one specific person at a time. This government basically doesn't want me to be able to slide into the DMs. Whoa. Is what I've been finding out lately, is that a lot of the DMs, I'm not even allowed in anymore. Wow. I heard that you spend the majority of your day sliding up into DMs. Yeah.

Well, that was what it used to be like when somebody else was president, who I also don't want to talk about. Okay. Well, I will say that, I don't want to talk about. Okay. Well, I will say that I don't know if this has anything to do with the other thing, but in Canada, we call the prime minister our PM. So if you guys wanted to slide up into the PM, you guys probably could. He'd be cool with that. I mean, 100%. It goes down in the PM.

Yeah. See? Yeah. I think. And it's nighttime, too. Yeah. See? Yeah. I think. And it's nighttime, too. Yeah, you guys would really like it. I feel like, you know, have you guys ever, like, do you guys like walking around and going to restaurants? Well, see, this is the thing. I like walking around and going to restaurants when I'm actually allowed to, like, interact with people and engage with them.

Yeah, where it's not like, oh, you have to stay at this one table and only eat your food. You know? It can be so restrictive. It's like, what's this puritanical just shackling of our citizenry that's going on here? And in Europe, you can circulate between the tables.

You can kiss the people at the tables. You can ask people if they want to go private. The bread's for everybody. Everybody can have the bread. If they want to go private in real life, then you can just go off and do your thing. This is how it works in Europe where they actually have a civilization. And here now, all we have is the police. And it's all

one big bathroom. None of this, this is your bathroom. This is my bathroom. None of this stuff. You know, and it's like, who has the money to fly to Europe? It's kind of my thing. You know what I mean? It's like, who does? So it's like, you can just money to fly to Europe? It's kind of my thing. You know what I mean? It's like, who does? So it's like, you can just fly to Canada, which is kind of like Europe. Oh, yeah.

That's what we're thinking. What other stuff is okay to do there? I mean, basically, one of the major exports of Canada is just sort of love and empathy. Oh, okay. And you guys do that sweet ketchup, too, huh? Oh, yeah. Sweet, yeah. Do you guys, sweet ketchup? Yeah, sweet tree ketchup. The stuff you put on the big pancake comes out of the tree.

Oh, yeah, tree ketchup, yeah. Yes. Sweet tree ketchup. I love to eat it. Sweet tree ketchup. I would love to take you guys a... I hate getting it on my fingers though. Okay. I love getting it off. I was actually going to invite you guys to sugaring off, which is a Canadian

tradition. Wait, say it again. Sugaring off. Oh. Yes. Whoa. This is a real Canadian tradition where you go with your friends. I think my mom caught me doing that once. Goofing. He is kidding. She didn't catch it. No, no. He's very sneaky

about it. Right, you have to be. Yeah, you go with your friends to a cabin. You tap some trees. You get that sap. You boil that sap. You sit there with your friends and you play cards. Okay. Euchre?

Sure, yes. And then you kind of have a trough packed with snow. I've got the bower, the high bower. Basically, then you kind of dump the maple syrup onto the snow and it creates like a frozen sweet treat. Okay. And people were all just hanging out. So much hanging. And there, whatever happens, happens, right?

No one is trying to like regulate what goes down. There's no drone strike, right? I mean, I don't know how you guys do it, to be honest. Because's no drone strike. Right? I mean, I don't know how you guys do it, to be honest. Because this is the thing. Here, you get the sweet ketchup on your fingers. You're offering other people to help you get it off, which is nice. In Europe, that is considered nice.

In Europe, they actually, it's rude not to offer someone your hand to suck sweet ketchup off your finger. That's considered a big insult. Okay. Yeah. Yes. So great. So I feel like you can definitely, Canada sounds like the place for you guys. Okay.

Pop quiz, Hallshot. Uh-huh. How come it's called Canada Drive? I'm soaked. I mean, that's a great question. You know what I mean? Yeah. I don't know. I mean, I'm glad your canada soaked to be honest yeah how come it's called canada dry if i got freaking soaked by it i mean

it's one of the dampest countries in the world you know yeah just we're talking like physically yeah so that i'm not really clear on yeah and it's wet the advertisement is weird that it says that it's gonna make you dry but it makes you all wet. Well, I get out of the shower, I pop open some Canada Dry, I put that in the tub, start smooshing around in it, and I'm thinking, this will be helpful, you know, because I hate towels.

And it ends up being a lot like the sweet ketchup feeling. And then you try to get people to get it off. But isn't it kind of like a reverse psychology kind of thing? Well, explain that idea to me. Explain that idea to me. Well, basically, I'm sure they sat in a room and they're like, we could call Canada wet, but isn't that just telling everybody our secrets?

Yeah, so let's call Canada dry. Speak on that. Yeah, they basically, they thought, I mean, why market what you have when you can market what you don't have? You know what I mean? This is something I've learned a lot in Hollywood now that I've been here. Yeah. And that basically they decided to call it Canada Dry. Yeah. People would think, great, I need this for dry.

Yeah. Can you dig a little deeper on that? Yeah. I need, yeah, I'm wet and I need to be dry. And then they go to the store and then it's like double wet which in theory cancels itself out so you're back to dry again. Unpack that idea for me.

So if you think about it when you're wet what's the one thing you desire? To be dry again? Right. Sure. I mean I was going to say

hot dog. Now you are losing me a little bit with that. I was pretending to follow along So then you could also say What do you want when you're wet to be more wet You know what I mean What's drippier than a drip Well I guess the best time

To get wet is when you're wet already Yeah that's a good thing It definitely reduces the amount of towels you'll need Yeah which I hate Why do you hate towels? Well, I got snapped in the butt real hard by my coach once. Okay, that would definitely never happen in Canada. Not at practice even.

No, no, no. Just at home? At home. It was my life coach. Ah, but look at how motivated you are. I guess that's right. You know, I feel like you're really accomplishing a lot of things first of all you have me three time podcast person

Holly Prazov on the show today three time podcaster of the week after this I'll just kind of fall off and that's it well you could also squeeze a couple more out this afternoon I know T's coming in here after this

he's always got Saturday afternoon on lockdown. You can find out if it's racist. Okay, great. Sign me up. Or you tell him. I mean, I can't be racist because I'm from Canada. Right. You guys don't have them.

No, we just love each other. I would say a majority of my childhood was just spent in an embrace. You know what I mean? Do they send people back to their old country for being in trouble there, even if they didn't actually do anything wrong? I mean, no. They just let them stay there because what they did was actually okay.

If you can find a way to get there, you're there, right? Nobody's going to show up and be like, hey, you've got to go back because you've got to show up in court or whatever. Because of some BS. Some lame fake thing. Canada is like a party. Oh, okay. So basically once you get to the party.

Describe that to me. You know, have you ever been to kind of a cottage party? Oh. Yeah. You're all on a dock. You got a Miller Lite in your case, but for me, like kind of a Labatt Blue in my hands. Okay. And you're just kind of like.

But the cottage is the same. Oh, yeah. Okay. For sure. Canadian cottages, I think, are very similar, I think. Okay. So you're just like you're on the dock. You got, you know, whatever music playing for us, you know, probably be a great Canadian band playing.

Sure. You got your Tragically Hip. Bare Naked Lady. Yeah, exactly. I mean, what a great band. Can we just segue into that quickly? Well, let's talk about them a little bit. Yeah, let's do a segue.

Let's do a quick segue. Quick. I mean, have I been invited to Tyler the Drummer's house for a pool party? Yes. Oh, wow. I didn't go. And apparently he showed his penis and that was probably my night to be bathed in bare naked lady jizz. Yeah. Now that's interesting because I was going to say I was very disappointed when

I went to see them in concert because of the name. Okay. And so I feel like something like this guy showing me his penis. It's on brand. To me, it's almost, yeah, it's simultaneously closer to what I was expecting and the opposite. Okay, this is a real factual story, okay? In Canada in the 90s, the Barenaked Ladies were just starting out, and they were going to play like Snowfest 92 or something, a big concert in downtown Toronto.

And the mayor said, no, we don't want this band with their offensive name playing at this Snowfest. Oh, man. And they frigging were like tear down the wall. Yeah, basically. Basically, yeah. They were like, hey, teacher, leave them kids alone. Oh, wow. Is that part of it?

Yes, that's good. And so what'd they do? Basically, it's kind of what skyrocketed them into success because they became like big in the papers. Like, who are these bare naked ladies? And I feel like when I discovered their music was kind of a bit twee and for ladies. You know what I mean? Yeah.

It was interesting. It's kind of like when Jenny Slate said fuck on SNL. Exactly. Exactly. And you just went like, all right, you got my attention. What are you going to do with it? Yes. Yes.

I mean, what I wouldn't give for just that amount of attention for even just one second. Braveness to do that. And just being able to think on your feet that fast. Are we allowed to say fuck on this podcast? No. Even BNL would be great. Yeah, we'd love to say BNL moving forward.

Oh, okay. And when we talk about Tyler, the drummer, we just say he took out his drumstick. Okay, great. So I was invited to the party. I didn't go because I was tired. You know, like one of those nights you're like, oh, I don't miss anyone's drumsticks. Mm-hmm. So.

You know who that doesn't happen to? Ryan. See, yeah, this is the thing about Ryan. Every day after we do the podcast He's like, where are we going now? Where are we going after this? He's got this list of Different things going on

Around a warehouse Or some wharf It's like 2.30 in the afternoon One time he said there was going to be a flash rave At a McDonald's that he wanted us to go to Did you guys go? No, we were tired. Ah.

It was really fun. I don't know why you guys didn't go. I feel like this might be your BNL kind of misstep. You know what I mean? That we weren't with Engineer Ryan. Yeah. You think he's going to start drumming for like a pretty mediocre pop band? I mean, yeah, I do.

And I think he's going to show his drumstick to young, up-and-coming Canadian women. Well, okay. Austin Powers is kind of from Canada, huh? Oh, yeah. Yeah, Mike Myers. Yeah. So people, because of that, it's like a free atmosphere. People are acting like Austin Powers up there in real life.

Yeah, baby. Is that, yeah. Okay, so you can all do in real life. Yeah, baby. Okay, so you can all do that. Yeah, yeah, baby. You can all do a good voice like that. Yeah, I was curious. I didn't know if it was just that's the only one that came. So now that makes me feel like is he kind of a joke because he's just doing this thing that you guys are all doing.

Yeah, he sort of took ownership of this purely classic Canadian activity. He's saying, yeah, baby, with the peace signs, and he goes like, oh, this is, I'm a character. I mean, we're just happy to get our name out there, honestly, guys. If yeah, baby catches on, we're happy.

We're a happy nation. We're not like you bitter, kind of angry. I know. You know what I mean? I know, and likes of frigging this frigging certain president or whatever. Are you talking about safe job? Well, there's going to be a couple hits when I see him. Three of them.

Yeah. Me hitting you, you hitting the ground, you getting back up and hitting me. I'm really glad we're not mentioning his name because that would be – Hard to pronounce. Treason. Oh. Ace Ventura. Also, yeah.

How did you make those faces? I mean that's something every Canadian is taught in school. That's something you guys are doing too as well. Yeah, that's just like something that's – yeah. Just a little rubber face. Yeah. Yeah, I mean like we've got a couple major exports. Jim Carrey, Mike Myers, Groban.

Yeah. Grobes. Can you guys all do his, like, comedy stylings too? Yes, definitely. Okay. Yeah. That's one of our fallbacks. I think Josh Groban is Canadian.

Yeah, he might be. Yeah, no. Some of his comedy is really good. What's your favorite bit of his? I find it edgy myself, but go on. Thank you for letting me go. He crosses the line, yeah. My favorite is he'll do these songs, right?

He'll sit at the piano and he'll do a big song. But what he's singing about, it like it's like serious singing stuff but what he's singing about is somebody stooping Matt Damon oh no okay and that's one of your guys too right yeah no we definitely

Matt Damon is one of yours no it actually is no you guys Matt Damon is for you well he's ours now now that we have this good song about stooping him No, it actually is. No, you guys. Matt Damon is for you. Well, he's ours now. Now that we have this good song about stooping him. Mr. Joshua Groban.

I heard he's been doing some Joshua Groban. Which should be okay. That's what I heard. Yes. But it probably comes from Canada. It's okay to do it there. In this country, everything is forbidden and it's time to go to jail if you do that. Well, actually, but isn't it the opposite?

Like the president that we're not mentioning his name, he actually is known for groping people. And it's okay for him. Yeah, he wants them all. Oh, I see. And nobody else is allowed to do it. And if somebody else does it, all of a sudden you're arrested, go to jail, and please don't leave the state or go to Canada is like the letter that you get now. How do you know that? But in Canada, they're like, who cares, right? They rip it up, I hear.

Dude, yeah, they'd be pissed if anybody got mad at us. Have you guys ever heard of like an orgy before? Walk me through it. It's like bodies, flesh, moving, insert, excerpt. You know what I mean? Like hot like hot yoga yes but you're all stooping each other uh-huh yes ah like yoga lotties yeah yeah exactly and that's like what i would describe canada as wow that's great because you try and get those go in here everyone the restaurant or whatever yeah the whole thing is no rules, guys. Yes. You try to like shove the tables out of the way.

Yeah. At the restaurant. All of a sudden everybody at Panera Bread's like, no. Yeah. And they have the tables pinned down so you can't do anything. Yeah. They're like, my bread bowl. Oh, I know.

Yeah. There's always one old one, right? Yeah, my bread bowl. Beat it, grandma. I can't do a bread bowl just FYI. It's too much. Oh, yeah. Yeah.

Too much on that. I just want to eat the soup, but then you have to eat the bowl. I can't. I have stuff to do. Hard to reuse. Yeah, that is very true. Feels wasteful. Yeah, and it's just like, I don't know.

You know I'm busy. I might have another podcast to get to and there I am, gotta eat this bowl. And then you're late for the podcast. Oh, then I get a bad rep.

You're not booking three in a week anymore. It goes down to just one a week and then what are you doing? Only one podcast or maybe only two a week. Yeah, yeah. That sucks.

And then how do I pay my rent? Have you done High and Mighty with John Gabrus? No, I'm really hoping to get on there. Wait, is that Kevin? I didn't know Kevin was in here. This could be good for Kevin.

Kevin was doing a secret thing. Kevin, have a seat. Kevin, get in here and talk to our friend, Holly. Hi, Kevin. Holly's been on so many podcasts this week. This could be a great opportunity for you to launch your show. You've been here for like frigging a million years. Yeah, you must have an idea for a show.

So you must think like as you watch people go in and be like, here's what I would do if I were... They're all doing it wrong. I'm gonna have my good podcast. Your Kevin impressions are perfect. Yeah, listen to this. Get a load of this. I'm riffing on one with a pal called Two Peas

in a Podcast. It's just a couple of friends, you know, just like shooting the ass. So, what do you think? Well, I will say that two peas, or peas in a pod is a maternity line for women. But he's Chef Kevin, and so he is allowed

to talk about food. Okay. I don't know. I just thought, I'd be like, is there a pregnant woman on this podcast? Holly, your last name has a P. Okay. So you could be one of the Ps. Kevin? Nice. Okay. Do I have to be pregnant for it?

Do you want? Never mind. It's your choice. Wait, who's the friend? Yeah. Her name's Kelly. It's Paul Scheer's assistant. Okay.

So this is real. And you're doing two Ps in a podcast? So I got an in. And so, okay, great. That sounds bad. Okay, well, let's see what it would be like. You have Holly here. Wait, am I Kelly the intern? Can you please be Kelly for this?

Well, you could do pretty close to Holly. Austin Powers and Ace Ventura, I think you could do Kelly the intern. Yeah, baby. And give us some dirt on Paul Scheer too while you're doing it. Okay. Hey, Kevin, here we are doing a podcast. I can't believe Paul gave me two minutes off.

You crazy. Anyways, I gotta go back. Paul's really upset. Alright, take care. See you next week. Great. What do you guys think? That's terrible. That's so bad. That's it? That's worse than my podcast and I barely make one.

And that's on Stitcher Premium? Yeah, people have to pay for it. Oh, my God. No, that's so expensive for that. No, I've never met Kelly, but how was that? That was a great app. Great. I think people are going to love it.

Yeah. Is there a vacuum in the podcasting world of, like, two friends kind of shooting ass? Is that something that— I don't know if it's been done yet. Is there a space in the podcasting world of two friends kind of shooting ass? Is that something that's a space looking to be filled? Yeah, I think so. That could be pretty cool then. Hasn't been tackled. Could you sometimes have a guest and could you think your week was interesting? Yeah, probably.

We could probably make that work. Do you guys want to be a guest on our show? Have you recorded anything yet? No. Well, we record them, but we throw them make that work. Do you guys want to be a guest on our show? Have you recorded anything yet? No. Well, we record them, but we throw them out every week. Okay. Because we want our first one to be great, so it's been like two years of practice, basically.

Oh, yeah. Yeah, but you want to get your podcast great. Exactly. 10,000 hours. We're hoping Malcolm can be a guest. Malcolm? Yeah, Malcolm. Do you like Malcolm?

Malcolm? 10,000 hours. Sure, okay. Yeah. I'm down. Remember the Beatles? Oh, yeah. Malcolm.

They weren't actually talented. Oh, yeah. And they were the first rappers. Oh, yeah. And they weren't actually talented. Is that like, you know, the Paul? They just played a lot. I am the walrus Paul.

Paul Rust. That he's really a guy named Malcolm. The walrus was Paul. I am the Paul Rust. They'll love that. These guys at home, they love that. That's exactly the type of shit they will be quoting. That's a fucking t-shirt.

I know. I hate it. I think it's so bad, but I love that stuff. I hate that shit, too. I kind of liked it, but I'm... I am the Paul Rust. I think it sucks. I'm proud of Hayes

because he's getting out there and he's getting some t-shirts done. But I don't want to hear that shit. Not on my show. It's not that kind of show. But it might be perfect for Kevin's show. Kevin, yes.

Two peas in a podcast, first episode, title pitch, I am the Paul Rust. You get your guest. He's down for it. Let's do another episode. It's going to have to be me because he's not going to do it. I'll be the engineer. Let's do another episode. Kelly going to have to be me Because he's not going to do it I'll be the engineer Let's do another episode Kelly

Kevin And Hayes So you got your guest Hayes And let's hear it Hey hey Two peas in a pod We're back I'm Kelly

And I'm Kevin Hi And then we have a guest today Thank you Ladies and gentlemen Welcome He's looking at me Like I'm supposed to

Say something You know him from Hollywood Handbook. Sorry, I wasn't recording. Oh, my God. Who do you have doing the engineer? Cody. Oh, God. I'm Cody. I'm Cody, and I seem kind of mad about something lately.

Like, I don't know what it is, but there has been a definite shift in my attitude. And it's like not positive. And I don't know if one of the Hollywood handbook guys did something to offend me or if it's a

greater frustration with Earwolf organization as a whole, but I seem unhappy. The slightest inconvenience can really throw you off. Yeah, it's gone from being sort of playfully out to lunch and kind of a goofy, incompetent guy to a mean, mad guy is sort of the vibe we're getting from me. So go ahead. We're recording now, and go ahead and start, and you're wasting my time. Welcome back to Two Peas in a Podcast.

I'm Kevin. I'm Kelly. And we're with Hayes Davenport. This is our first episode. Well, first recorded episode. Yeah. Thanks for having... Okay.

I'm sorry. Thanks for being... All that prep. Yeah. And it seems like we're maybe only at like 9,000 hours. Okay I'm sorry Thanks for being All that prep Yeah And it seems like We're maybe only at Like 9,000 hours Also I probably have to go

Cause Paul Scheer's dry cleaning Needs to be Picked up What kind of stuff He got there Blankets or whatever No he gets all his socks Dry cleaned

Oh wow Yeah he likes some crunchy One of these One of these guys Okay Well that was a really good episode That was definitely better Yeah, he likes some crunchy. One of these guys. One of these guys. Okay, well that was a really good episode. That was definitely better. I think having a guest opened it up. Yes, having, yes.

Absolutely. Like, because I could be there to kind of like help you guys get stuff going a little bit. But yeah, you saying thanks for having me did sort of ruin the episode. It was good, yeah. About a thousand more hours. And I just want to say, if there's something really bad going on for me, Engineer Cody, I'm sympathetic.

I can always talk to me. I care about me. I like me. But it feels like just as an observer, it doesn't feel good. I've known you for a long time. Almost like five years now. I've known you for a long time. Almost like five years now I've known you. You can absolutely, we can text, whatever you need.

Totally cool. We're kind of hoping this happens where we host the podcast, but it's the guest working things out with Cody. That could be nice for everyone. Yeah. And then when Cody goes to do the other podcast, maybe it's kind of pleasant. I've never met Cody, but he sounds my type. Kind of mad for no reason.

I'm afraid there is a reason. Who was doing the other ones this week that you did? I wouldn't remember either. Yeah. I'm just like, when i'm here i'm like focused on like the prize which is like yes getting those laughs and like they're in your way yeah getting getting back to like you know you're kind of like what's the next podcast you know and what is it what's your dream podcast to be on oh gee uh you know in canada there's

several very many hit podcasts several Several very many. Yeah. And I would love to be asked kind of to go fly home and be on some of those. Okay. What kind of podcasts are we talking about up there, these podcasts in Canada? I got to know what some of these are going to be. There's one called Charlie's Chuckles. Oh, okay. Exactly.

Okay. Is that real? I love that. And it's frigging, who is it, Charlie Bit My Finger or something? Yeah, it's the number one podcast in Canada. Give me a minute. No way. Give me a minute.

See, this is what happens with Charlie's Juggles, even the name. We got to do that. We have to do that. We have to do that. So what's the second biggest one there? Laughs with Lonnie. Oh, Lonnie Ross from 30 Rock? Yes, yes. Okay.

I was wondering what happened to him. He's doing the big podcast up in Canada. Yeah, yeah. Okay. And in Canada, podcasts, you can make quite a huge salary from them. Yeah. Well, that's kind of like here. Oh, cool.

That's not making you go off, bust up like crazy so much. Is that something scary about that podcast for you? Laughing with Lonnie? Yeah, because, well, Chuckles with Charlie really did. Yeah, got you really going. Okay. No, don't do that. To warn me if you're going to do that.

This is why laughs with Lonnie is only number two. You see what I mean? It's not making people bust up. Exactly, exactly. Like I said, it makes people sad a little bit, I think.

Yeah, it doesn't really. If they could just have me back in Canada for anything, I really, you know, would love to go.

Oh yeah, because you're not a good term. No, you know, you know the term burning bridges? Uh-huh.

Yeah. Yeah. What's that about? Yeah, I mean, I'm assuming it's like when you walk across a bridge,

you're like, I don't need that bridge anymore and then you light a match and throw it behind you. So, I mean, I'm assuming it's like when you walk across a bridge, you're like, I don't need that bridge anymore. And then you light a match and throw it behind you. Right. So I did that very literally in Canada. You did it to the main bridge? Yeah, from Cononagra Falls to Buffalo.

Oh, wow. Yeah. And it was like a frigging David Blaine stunt? No. No? No, because that would imply that people didn't get hurt and that there wasn't a huge financial loss for the No. No. No. Because that would imply that people didn't get hurt and that there wasn't

a huge financial loss for the country. Okay. Was it the Bridge of Spies? No. That one I left intact. I wouldn't say that either. Honestly,

if it was the Bridge of Spies, I wouldn't be telling that either. because of like, you know who's in charge. Yes, you're not allowed to say. Yeah. But no,

it was just a regular bridge. It's basically what the bridge that people take to go across and go to TGI Fridays. Oh, good. Yeah, we don't have that in Canada. Good, I'm glad we frigging burned it down with disgusting snacks. Only we get potato skins. It is true.

But they're not going to take everybody. You're trying to go back at the same time as we're going. Basically what I'm saying is some people really need to go. And so if you're just like, oh, I want to go back too. It's like, well, actually some people actually have a good reason to be there. Yeah, who kind of have to go or else they're going to be probably in jail. Yeah. I mean, I'm going to be honest.

You guys definitely should get priority over me. Just because I feel like when you go to a party. Thank you for honesty. And you leave to that party to go to a party and you leave to that party to go to another party and that second party is a bummer. Yeah, it's a bad cottage. Yeah, exactly.

You can't go back to the first party. Or if you do, then other people who haven't been to that first party yet should get priority. Especially if people at the second party are trying to beat them up and put them in jail. Just because they were, like,

having fun at the party and doing party stuff, you know? You guys should be able to kiss whomever for how long you want. Thank you. And kiss is obviously like a... Like, I'm using that. It's like a term.

I'm using that as like a term. Yeah, it gives you the general idea. It was a term for what, though? I just don't... It's just like a fun... Catch all, like, yes. For just... Okay. Having just don't. It's just like a fun catch-all. We're just having a good time. It's just like a, you know.

So, yeah, go to Canada for sure. Take the train. You can do that still? Yeah, the CN National Rail. It's beautiful. It doesn't use the bridge? No, they've rebuilt it. Oh, they did do the new bridge.

Yeah, they had to, yeah. They were going to Friday's. Yeah, people needed those potato skins. Disgusting snacks. Yeah. Of course. Oh, we got to put the bridge back up right now. Hey, don't say new bridge because I'm sure everyone will be like, that's mine. That's right.

You stole it. What do you like to do this week? What? Yeah, this week. What's happening? What are you doing? What? Yeah, this week. What's happening? What are you doing? Between all these podcasts? Yeah.

Oh, God, guys. What are some of the, what do we have going on? What's this a springboard to? Your own podcast? I mean. High and Mighty with John Gabrus? Either or, really. What would you talk about on there?

With High and Mighty. Let's workshop your High and Mighty episode. I mean, I'm hoping to just really get to know John Gabers pretty well yeah but he wants to have something in common

with you and like sort of reveal like gross stuff about himself yeah I want him to be a little bit more honest you I think would be

the one who would be able to like really get in there maybe you could finally crack him open because he's so reserved and he's so polished and it just feels almost like he's

robotic where it's like, hey man, let your hair down a little bit and just give us something real for a change. I mean, I will name drop but he was, John Gabers was on the CBB podcast with me this week. Come on.

And did you see a little bit of a chink in the arm? So many walls. So many walls. You know what I mean? I just want to be like, let loose and just tell me who you really are. Yeah. But, you know, you guys are like, I feel like you guys are translucent, to be honest. Yeah.

That's one thing we like to say about our show. Thank you. Thank you for honesty. I'm seeing inside of you guys, and I'm loving what I see. Oh, that's one thing we like to say about our show. Yeah, I'm seeing inside of you guys, and I'm loving what I see. Oh, that's so nice. And this is when Ryan starts texting, like, what's good today? You know, like, what's going on? Like, he can feel like, okay, like, what's jumping off?

Yeah. Hey, me and my boy Skeeter and Cockroach are going to, you know, head down to the fucking old burnout bridge and get under there and start a freaking electronic dance party. It's like, come on. I would go, but I'm not allowed near any bridges. He's doing these silent raves, like a silent disco. Mm-hmm, yeah. He's always in a silent disco.

You see those headphones? He always wears them? Yes. And in the headphones, there's a silent disco going on. Oh. I don't know. I don't know how I feel about those. I mean, Ryan, I guess, Ryan, this is that when you make your pitch.

Were you guys talking to me? I couldn't hear you. Yeah, okay, and this is exactly right. His baseline is that he's candy flipping. Okay. That's just sort of him at zero. It's in his bloodstream. And then he

adds onto that depending on which way he wants to go. If he wants to jack it up or if he wants to bring it back down. And so this is him just regular? This right now is all we know. Okay.

So this, to me, is normal, this level of insanity and popping off. Are you guys going to bring him to Canada when you go? We may not have a choice. He's our ride. Okay, okay. Okay, well, I mean, I just don't... Because we gotta get under some

blankets or something in the back. And in this country, they take your driver's license away for kissing. Yeah. Yeah. I mean— For kissing people. Yeah, just because you're doing it like in a crashed car. Uh-huh.

So, you know, to me, this country's stupid. I'm done with it. I'm going to the new one. Does the president want to say his name, if that's even what he is? And any of the presidents, forget them. They have all, honestly. Hi, Justin Trudeau. We talk about like, ooh, I'm licking my chops.

Democrats and like Republicans and all, like it's all the same. They all have these same insane laws. It's the Whigs and the Tories. I mean, it really is. It is. It is. Can you expand the Tories. I mean, it really is. It is. Can you expand on that, Holly? All I can speak is from a Canadian point of view, and the political parties are

different there. There's the chill boys, and then there's the horny boys. The chill boys and the horny boys, and they both basically believe the same thing. The Austin Powers. Yeah, baby.ny boys. The chill boys and the horny boys. And they like, you know, they both basically believe the same thing. Yeah, the Austin Powers.

Yeah, yeah, baby. That's everybody's. That's everyone. Yeah. And often the horny boys become chill and the chill boys become horny. It's hard. The lines, the political lines are always. So, you know, I feel like. Here it's all one.

Everybody's horny and chill. It's the frigging Democrats and Republicans. Except actually, you know, you get in trouble for expressing that stuff. Between the Democrat and the Republicans – I didn't want to. I'm sorry. I didn't want to do that. This is very edgy.

I just don't understand why we're pretending there's any difference between these things that are the same. I mean, you guys are, you're screwed. Your country's screwed. I don't know what you're planning on doing, but it sounds like getting under some blankets and heading to Canada. Oh, yeah. Buying a nice cottage there. Oh, and party the- Get a little party going.

Party your life away. There's too many rules here, and I just, I I'm really I'm sad to say it. You guys talk about freedom. Yeah, we do all the time. That's basically the reason we wanted to start this podcast. That's what we said. That was the conversation that we were initially having as we were talking about freedom. Let's get some of this

freedom talk out there on the airwaves. But are you free if you can't kiss somebody? See, and that is what we were saying. Yeah, so I feel like the real free is when you can do what you want. Can you please talk about that some more, please? You know, it's just basically like if there's no shackles holding you back, then you're free. One more.

Two more things. Okay, if you're not in a cage, then you are free. Okay. Yeah. I don't know if that was a whole one. Okay. So one and a half more. It was kind of like the shackles.

Very similar to the shackles thing. One and a half more. Yeah. So if you're like basically like in a box and someone's locked that box. Yeah. That's sort of like a cage, what you're describing. To me, that was the same thing. What if you're in a car, a hot car,

someone's locked you inside and taken the keys. And the windows are up? Yeah, and then that's America. That's like another quarter of one, I would say. So now we still need one and a quarter more good observations about this on this subject.

If you're in a basement. Okay. Okay. A hot basement? Yes. And the door is shut firmly. And the windows are up. Yes.

That is what you guys are. Okay. America. And we're on the first floor and we're just walking around. Okay. You know what I mean? Okay. What do you think?

Do we have it? Yeah. Okay. You know what I mean? Okay. What do you think? Do we have it? Yeah. You think so? Yeah. Great. Bye. Earwolf. I'm a horny girl wolf.

This has been an Earwolf production. Executive produced by Scott Aukerman, Colin Anderson, and Chris Bannon. For more information and content visit earwolf.com that was a hate gum podcast