Hollywood Handbook - Hollywood Masterclass: Grip it and Rip it!

Episode Date: August 29, 2018

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This is a HeadGum Podcast. this sort of thing, but Chef Kevin got scared that a lot of you would be terrified when you heard what you're about to hear, which is an episode of a totally different, completely original show called the Hollywood Masterclass. Really just the setting is the same. The first episode that you'll hear is just myself with the inimitable Bang Raj Man. And the rest of the season, we have other guests coming in to teach us different aspects of Hollywood screenwriting. Big, big names. Will Hines, huge names. But it's going to be living on Stitcher Premium

behind the dreaded paywall. Mwah, ah, ah, ah, ah. A little joke we do around here. But so this is episode one of season two. And if you like it, you're getting to check it out for free. A little sneaky five-finger discount. And if you want to hear more, you can hear either the rest of season two or all of season one. That's how it was phrased to me by Chef Kevin, that you could do one or the other.

I would think go in, pay, buy the subscription, do both. I think if you like this, you would like both of them. But Kevin gave me my marching orders and he told me to tell you that you could either listen to the rest of season two or you could listen to season one. Isn't that what you said, Chef Kevin? Hey, guys. Chef Kevin here. That's right. You have to – in my opinion, you have to pick one.

So in order to do that – and honestly, if you do both, I'm not going to tell Chef Kevin. But that's on your conscience then. So go to stitcherpremium.com slash the boys. Use promo code the boys. Even though only one of the boys is on the show, that's me. I'm the main boy. Okay, Brett, are you rolling on this? Do you have it?

Yes. Okay, and I know last session we had some snafus at the top. It wasn't always as maybe crisp as we wanted the intro, so I just want to make sure the levels are right. Yeah. Because it wasn't me. Because it wasn't me. Okay. I mean, I remember.

It was a while ago. I remember the levels being right and everything. But when you listen back, you can hear, hey, it wasn't right. So even hearing you say you think they're right now, I go, okay, but does he know? Yeah. I mean, if you hear something's wrong, then something's wrong. Okay. Well, let's just get it and we'll get it clean.

Ready? Ready. I'm Sean Clements, and welcome to my Nasty Class. So, if you're just joining us, I'm Sean Clements. This is my Nasty Class, and it's me, and I'm here with my student, Bang Raj, man. A lot of people wanted us to do another class session. They heard our first one. A lot of people learned a lot. I don't know.

What? I mean, I don't know how much people got out of that class. People other than me might have learned something. I didn't really take that much out of it. Okay. That particular class. And I think, yeah. And that's part of what we want to talk about sort of right away here, um, is that Bang wasn't satisfied with the class and this can happen, uh, that, you know, maybe the way I approach one specific art form is totally foreign to you and you see it a different way. And maybe, possibly more likely, you just shouldn't be doing that, what you were doing. You know what I mean? No.

Okay. Well, this is – and this is what we encountered last time in a way. It's tough to bridge the gap of communication sometimes between two people where if one sees something a particular way, maybe it's a challenge to get on the same page. So in terms of we did this last master class, season one, it was about acting. Right. And everyone who has written to me and said about the show that they love it and they learned so much. And it seemed like maybe Ben wasn't necessarily cut out for what he wanted to do. But that is neither

here nor there. Yeah, we'll agree to disagree because it sounds like you're saying the class was a failure because of me. Yeah. And I don't see it that way. I think I just – the class went a different direction than I thought it would go, and I couldn't take that much out of it. I tried to stay open-minded, and I gave it a chance, and we'll just agree to disagree. But regardless, I think what we found was we both were pretty unsatisfied with the results of that class.

That's correct, yeah. I think what we found was we both were pretty unsatisfied with the results of that class. That's correct, yeah. And I remember one big thing for you that you continually brought up was the money and how much you paid and how much it cost. That's right. And that you had paid for it and that you were unhappy with it. And I also was very unhappy with the results of the class, but you seem to think that I should not be complaining about that because I was paid so much money to do it. That's right.

Yeah, you charged me an exorbitant amount of money that really seemed unfair, and you kind of sprang it on me. I thought it was kind of taking the class as a favor, and then you sort of hounded me for— A favor to yourself. And so we're doing a new class, totally different this time, and Bang will be happy to learn that there is a totally new payment structure in place

and this class, in fact, is free. Great. For you, it's free. For the people who want to listen, it costs a little bit of money, but for you, it's free. For the people who want to listen, it costs a little bit of money. But for you, it's free unless you decide at the end, which I think you will, that you want to take another class. Okay. And then you have to pay for this one and that one.

Okay. So I think this one will go so well because of the new approach that you will decide, hey, wait a minute. I want to take another class and then you got to pay for this one, which was free, but it was so good that it actually ended up costing money and it's worth it.

So you pay for two next time. Okay. Including this one, you get one. I understand. This one's free, but not really because you're probably going to end up taking two. I understand. Yeah, so this one's free.

Explain it back to me because you said you understand. end up taking two. I understand. Yeah, so this one's free. Explain it back to me because you said you understand. If I like this class and take another class, you will charge me for this current class. Yes, it won't be the same class. And that next class. So I'll be paying for two classes if I ever want to take another class. You took one class already.

I understand that, yeah. And I paid for that one. class already. I understand that, yeah. Yeah, me too. And I paid for that one. Me too. I understand that too. So, if you want to just get into this and just like actually start doing the class, right? I do too. But we should catch up a little bit, right?

What have you been up to? Okay. We don't have to do it on mic or... Huh? We can do it outside of class. Did I see you in the show Gross Ted and you played Ted? No. You know that's not what the show's called. Yeah, I was in a show called Ghosted.

And you're Ted? It was Tad. Ghost Ted're Ted? It was Tad. Ghost Ted? Yeah, it was Tad. You wrote that character, Tad. Well, and yes. You asked me to grow a beard for it, and then you kept telling me how ugly it looked. Terrible beard.

Terrible beard. Had to shave it. Couldn't even film it. So I'm here with Gross Ted and I'm here with Engineer Brett. And Brett, tell us what you've been up to in the meantime. Hey, man. Good to be back. Yeah, been a little while, huh? Been a little while, yeah.

What have you been doing? Oh, man, where do I begin? God, where do I start? I've been really, really busy. Just working, doing all these podcasts. That's how you catch up with somebody. Some stories there. Yeah, there's a lot of stories. What, have you been in the studio? Yeah, just sound engineering, twiddling the knobs, all the podcasts.

Yes. Yeah, and a ton of other, you know, podcasts. Holy shit. Holy fucking shit. Yeah. Cool. So same old stuff. Sounds good.

Well, not exactly the same, right? It's all new stuff. Yeah, I mean, not every podcast. Different every day. Not every podcast is the same, man. It's a roller coaster, you know? Be no need to subscribe if they were. Juggling a lot of projects.

Please do listen and subscribe. This is Muster Class, and this is Sean Clemons and Bang Rajman. And so let's get into it, and let's really get into it. And this time, let's start it up. And before we do, let's just grip it and rip it. Sure. And Bang, now I just said grip it and rip it. Sure. And, Bank, now I just said grip it and rip it, and you said sure.

So that makes it sound like you think you know what that means. I mean, it's just like let's do it. Let's start it up and just go for it. Yeah, but go for it, right? It's not the same as grip it and rip it. So

what are we gripping? The it, right, is not the same as grip it and rip it. So what are we gripping? The class that we're taking. The class. Okay. What does that look like? I'm not exactly sure because... And do me a favor, don't rip the class. Okay.

You know? So when I say grip it and rip it... Right. What do I mean? Because we're going to be talking about words, what they mean, what our intention is. We want to choose our words carefully. Now, I feel pretty good about grip it and rip it. When I say that, that paints a pretty clear picture for me.

So what am I gripping and what am I ripping? Get in there with me. Okay. You're gripping the stuff we're doing in the class? Oh, my God. What? No. Okay.

I don't know. People say this. You've never heard gripping and rip it? Brett, you heard gripping and rip it? Yeah. I mean, I like to choke up on the grip. Yeah. Oh, like the golf term, grip it and rip it? Well, I mean, it's on the grip. Yeah. Oh, like the golf term, grip it and rip it?

Well, I mean, it's not necessarily that, yeah. I mean, I think it's an analogy, so you can apply it. It could work in golf, too. Yeah, it could, if you think about it. But the way Brett and I are describing it, it's not really that, you know? We're just gripping it and ripping it. We're doing it. Yeah.

You ever go fishing? Sure. Sure. You grip the pole? Yes, you do grip the pole. You rip the heads off the fish later? No. This guy's eating a fish head. Brett, you ever seen that?

P.U. Stinky. Eating a fish head. No, man. No. You gotta rip it off. You rip the head off. Just with your No. You got to rip it off. You rip the head off. Just with your bare hands, you rip the head off. Absolutely. Use a knife.

Come on. Who's going to have that out there? I'm thinking all I could fit in my backpack was a fishing pole. Okay. I have a knife out there. No, you rip the head off. You can cook it up. Okay, so that's what grip and rip it means. Oh, it rip the hat off. If you can cook it up. Okay, so that's

what grip and rip it means to me. It can, Brett. It can. There's other things. You can grip and rip. Yeah, for sure. Okay, I think I'm ready to start the class. Yeah? What are you ready to do then? Grip it and rip it. Oh, hell yeah!

Okay, so to catch us up, obviously last season we Oh, hell yeah. Okay. So to catch us up, obviously last season we talked a lot about acting and the craft of acting. And we made a little bit of progress with it. And I was able to jam Ben into an acting job. But we didn't get what we wanted from it. Ben and do an acting job. But we didn't get what we wanted from it. And what we wanted was to, and I hate to go back to grip it and rip it so soon because we just spent so much time, but we wanted to teach him how to fish rather than just rip a fish's head off and hand it to him.

So in the interest of feeding Ben and our listeners for a lifetime, we're going to do what all great artists do at some point, which is pivot. And just change our mind and say, never mind, we never wanted to do that in the first place. We actually always intended to do something else.

You know what I mean? Think about some of the great artists. You know, do you think you think Picasso wanted to paint? Yeah. He wanted to be an actor. I haven't heard that. He could be on TV and stuff.

TV wasn't really a big medium when he was painting. Yeah, even so, you know. He at minimum wanted to be in the painting. He was. He painted a ton of self-portraits. He at minimum wanted to be in the painting. He was. He painted a ton of self-portraits. You don't want to have to do it. Okay. You're not actually in the painting when you do a self-portrait.

Yeah. It's a painting of you. Okay, I'm confused. So that's just an artist. That's just an example of an artist. You think a self-portrait is like painting on someone? Hmm? I don't know.

No, you paint on a canvas. He wanted to be in the painting. Yeah, he wanted to be in the painting. Like physically inside the painting. Ideally, yeah. That's what he wanted. But when he realized that wasn't going to be possible, which seems like you have an understanding of,

he decided to do painting instead. Okay. And another artist, like, let's think. Mariah Carey sings so good. Pretty. You think she wanted to do singing? I also believe that, yeah. I think that was her dream.

No, she wanted to be an actor. Host SNL. All crazy characters, do whatever, right? Be funny, you know, get to hang out, Lauren. She wanted to do that. Okay. But couldn't do it, so, oh, no, I want to be a singer. And it is a credit to her that you think she wanted to be a singer

and a credit to Picasso that in your now twisted mind, you believe he wanted to be a painter. Yeah, hats off to those guys. I did think that. So let's pivot. Okay. And we were talking about acting before, and it just did not – we just didn't do it, right? That's not. We just didn't do it, right?

That's true. We definitely didn't do it in the class. So, okay. So, now, let's talk about writing. Bang. What's a story? What's a story, Bang? It's... What? What's a story, Bang? It's...

What do you think a story is? It's something with a beginning, middle, and end. Define story for me. A character goes on a journey and starts one way and ends a different way. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. That's probably what Bang thinks a story is, huh? He probably thinks he has a million stories already, huh, Brett?

Yeah, it was... Yeah. Oh, man. Here's what he probably thinks a story is. Oh, I read a tweet today. Hey, get off Twitter, man. Go live your life, huh? Get some real stories.

Brett's got some stories, man. Oh, God. Where do I even begin? It's so crazy around here. Yeah, it's fucking insane, man. No, yeah. Like what? I mean, like the other day, the headphone jack was like kind of buzzing a little bit.

Bang. So Brett there, now he's showing you a story, right? Because he has an intention and an obstacle. What's Brett's intention? I guess to record podcasts? Exactly, yeah. I mean, kind of a simple way to say it. Yeah, you're almost there.

Yeah, you're close. But there's this obstacle. His headphone is buzzing. The buzzing headphone jack. And what a great villain for his story. And to overcome it and slay the dragon of the buzzing headphone jack is what makes Brett, to me and to many of our listeners, one of the great heroes of our time in his story.

Now, in your shitty story, you told where you read a fucking tweet. You're not even doing anything. You know what I mean? You're just fucking looking at something somebody else did. Your intention, I guess, is to read a tweet, but there's no obstacle because it's so easy to just bury your head in your

phone. I got all these zombies with their heads in their phones. Oh, God, he can't afford Twitter on his phone. Don't say that, man. Come on. It's like Black Mirror. Looking at the phone all day. No, I know. Have you seen

some of that shit? Yeah. It really makes me second guess some of the technology. Oh, my God. And go, oh, this might be bad because some of these frigging... Quiz apps God. And go, oh, this might be bad because some of these frigging things they're doing. Quiz apps? Yeah. Twitter is a free app that anyone can sign up for.

It's a free app. You don't have to pay for it. Yeah, and somehow Ben can't afford it. You know, what is an intention? It's a goal. It's something that you want. Okay. Pursuing that.

Let's stick with that for now. What's an obstacle? It's a problem that gets in your way. For your hurdle, right? Yeah. Big tire. I mean, it could be, I guess, if you're in a race. 50-foot trench of water and barbed wire

above it. Yeah, you're kind of thinking of an obstacle course. Wall that you got to scale. Uh-huh. Steep hill. Sure. Oh, you're kind of thinking of like an obstacle course. Wall that you gotta scale. Uh-huh. Steep hill. Sure. All those could be physical obstacles. Rope, you climb top of the rope, ring the bell. I think like in a story, it's more bunch of sort of cabers, like

timber, you know, big posts you gotta jump from one another. Can't touch the ground. Yeah, yeah. I've watched that TV show where it's like guys running through an obstacle course. Heartbreak Hill. Stone Cold. Yeah. Broken Skull Ranch. Broken Skull Ranch. Yeah, I've watched that. It's a good show. Those are obstacles,

right? And what's their intention there? Well, they want to win the Broken Skull Challenge. No. They want to make Steve proud. Okay. They want to make Steve proud. Yeah, okay. Sure. Yeah. I'm sure they do. You know what I mean? Yeah, they want to make Steve proud. They don, sure Yeah, I'm sure they do You know what I mean? Yeah, they want to make Steve proud

They don't want to quit his course Don't Don't you quit on him Okay You finish that course That's badass Yeah, they want that I'm with you

I'm following you so far You ever been a badass, Bang? I'd like to think I have been, yeah. Yeah? Got any examples? I hate to put you on the spot, but he's in here bragging about what a badass he is. So,

if I could be bothered to ask for one example. You know, I stopped a bunch of guys on a subway once from mugging someone. Okay. Why? Because they were going to hurt somebody and I didn't want it to happen. But who was the person?

Was it some stuffed shirt? No, it was like, I don't know, a teenage girl. Yeah, but was it like a teenage girl? Now that's interesting, Brett. You seem to hear those words and need to say them out loud. What did that bring up for you, teenage girl? I don't know. I just saw his face as he said those words.

And I thought I saw something there. I don't know. What are you flying? Brett's finding his story. You know what? This is uncomfortable for me. I didn't put any sexual implication, which is what I think you're throwing out there.

I didn't say sexual implication. Brett's one of these story machines. He sees stories everywhere, you know? And so he sees a guy, maybe lying, say teenage girl, and it sparks something into him. And he suddenly finds like, okay, this is a guy. He's a character now. You know, bang, he's a character in Brett's story and he has this intention,

which is he wants to do something sexual with a teenage girl. But his obstacle, of course, is, you know, the age of consent. Yeah. Okay. Well, he sees an opportunity to, like on the subway, right? These villains come and he gets to protect them. Who he maybe paid to do it. None of that is what happened, all right?

It was nothing like that. How'd you stop him? How'd you stop him? I just pushed one guy and kind of made a lot of noise. That's insane. Yeah, it was crazy. It all happened pretty fast. Out of your mind?

That's so dangerous. Well, that's not the kind of story I want to tell. Crazy man goes insane? Tries to have sex with a teenage girl? I mean, all this stuff is just so out of line. There's no sexual... This is network television we're maybe going to be writing this for.

Worst climate to write that story to, I think. No, it really is. They hate that right now. It'll come back around. These things happen in cycles, but for right now, I would not want to pitch that story to some of these stuffed shirts. You're misconstruing my story. It's not that there was

no sexual aspect. A little advice. Since your stories that you're telling seem to be pretty inappropriate, you want a story? Read the news. Let's just break it down and make it simple. Let's follow the formula. Right?

I thought that's what I was doing. The formula is this, if you want to tell a story. Intention, obstacle. New thing introduced, problem. Solution, solution applied, backfire. New solution, new solution applied. Twist, button, second ending. Right?

Second ending, okay. Wrap up, story. Conclusion. And just fun. And then just one fun scene, like a blooper reel. It seems like a lot of endings you're tacking on at the tail end. You ever see the best picture, the Lord of the Rings movie? Yeah, I think it was heavily criticized. It's having a lot of endings.

It's a good example. Yeah, a lot of critics did pay attention to that movie. You're right. It was heavily criticized. Because it freaking won awards. Now, I'm not saying you're going to do that, man. But it's not a bad goal to have. Sure.

Let's just do a simple story. This is just something I brought in because I was afraid this might happen just based on some of my experience with acting class and all that. Let's just do a story and this is just a simple robot story. Okay, a robot story, great. Let's do a robot story. So a robot is programmed to drink piss but he wants to be a famous country singer.

Producer hat for a second. Casting idea, Blake Shelton. That has nothing to do with anything. Producer hat, and then I take it off. Writer hat. I'm going to be changing hats a lot in here, because writers have to do that. Okay, it's probably good that you explained that. Producer hat. Okay, so when I'm putting on my producer hat, I'm not necessarily thinking about the script and the story in such a pure way.

I've sort of got to look at the business side of this and go, as a producer, who can I cast in here that's going to get my finance years feeling comfortable so that I can make this robot story into a big film and win the award? So the robot's programmed to drink piss. He wanted to be a famous country singer. Producer at Blake Shelton. Oh, yeah. He's scared the piss is ruining his human vocal cords, that it's eroding it, you know? It's in a future where they don't want to have to have a toilet everywhere, so they make the robot. Sure, you know.

Okay, but he has human vocal cords? Sure, yeah, because we don't want his voice to be scary sounding it makes it relatable robot voice that might make you nervous when you're trying to pee it's programmed to sound human well has human vocal cords sure

so here we have an intention hey I'm Blake Shelton I'm going to be a country singer but we also have an obstacle hey everybody, I'm Blake Shelton, I'm going to be a country singer. But we also have an obstacle. Hey, everybody's peeing in my mouth. Okay. Plug that into the formula. Okay, so walk me through it.

So why doesn't he try to put maybe a plastic bag in his mouth to catch all the piss and then he can dump it out. He was not programmed to be able to do that. Okay, well. Programmer wouldn't let him.

Okay, well, maybe he... Maybe, maybe. Just tell me what happens. Okay, he finds an old robot head in the junkyard and he uses that... He's not allowed in the junkyard, and he uses that. He's not on the junkyard.

How about he pretends to be human? Okay. And he starts pissing in another robot's mouth. Okay. Now, he can't do that, but I like that idea, you know? That's an idea. Now, we obviously can't do that. First of all, it's disgusting. Right?

A robot pretending to be human? Pretending to piss in somebody's mouth? Well, the whole story is like— They need parts for that. Yeah. Come on. What would that look like? A big part of what you told me is people pissing in his mouth, in this robot's mouth.

But you're pissing in a toilet's mouth every day. I mean, that's not disgusting. That's just a function. I mean, that's a machine that we have. And so is this robot's mouth. But you're pissing in a toilet's mouth every day. I mean, that's not disgusting. That's just a function. I mean, that's a machine that we have. Right. And so is this robot. Now, the robot happens

to have human vocal cords, but that's just to make you feel more comfortable and we don't want to get scared. Because he's talking while you're pissing in his mouth? No, but before, you know,

he might have a little conversation. Hey, nice to see you. Hey, hope you're not nervous. Are you doing... But it sounds more like this. Hey, partner, you know, good to see you. Hey, hope you're not nervous. How are you doing? But it sounds more like this. Hey, partner, good to see you there. You know, because it's a folksy robot.

Right. Yeah, that makes sense. Now, we don't necessarily want to let that guy do his nasty business in somebody else's mouth, but let's use the formula. So your idea is – actually, give me a different idea. A new solution that was a problem? Yeah, please, yeah. He records a country song and tries to sell it.

Let's do the junkyard one. Sure. Didn't you say something about a junkyard? Yeah, he goes to a junkyard and finds an old robot head. So we'll pretend that the junkyard's not locked for some reason, that there's not a freaking scary dog that could eat the robot, and we'll just pretend that this is the weirdest junkyard in the world, just for the sake of argument, so we can actually move forward. I mean, those seem like all easy things to work around.

I mean, maybe he picks the lock to the junkyard and feeds the dog some hot dogs. There's no program for that. The future won't have junk, you know? Yeah, did you ever see WALL-E? Yeah, it's all junk there. Yeah, well, we saw it too, so we're not going to let that happen. And it's fake. Yeah. It's a fake movie. It taught us some

good lessons. Hey, don't do this. Okay. He pays his buddy to reprogram him. Who's his buddy? He's a robot. He pays his buddy to reprogram him. Who's his buddy? He's a robot. He's got robot friends. Or one guy, maybe one of the guys who pisses in his mouth becomes his friend. Okay?

He buddies up with him. Holy shit. I'm interested in that guy. That's going to happen. The movie should be about that guy. Okay, sure. He pissed in a machine. Like if you went to the bathroom right now and went to the toilet and then went, I'm

friends with this toilet now. I would think you're the more unusual character, all right? Not the toilet. Okay, well, we established that the toilet talks and makes you comfortable. We established that the robot wants to be a country singer, producer at Blake Shelton. Yeah.

But he's not necessarily making friends. No, but music producer – Well, he said he – If a music producer came in to take a leak – He's like, hey, how you doing? So maybe this guy is really nervous and the toilet robot calms him down and – or maybe it takes him a really long time to pee, so the robot opens up a little bit. And is he working in the record industry?

Sure. Hey, Bang. You just broke your first story. Great. This is a good time to bring up an idea that I should have brought up in our last class. Some things can't be taught. I agree with that. Some things can't be taught.

What we're going to focus on in this class, hopefully, is stuff that can be taught. Sounds like a class, yeah. You know what I mean? So what's some of the stuff that can be taught. Sounds like a class, yeah. You know what I mean? So what's some of the stuff that can be taught? Technical aspect. Aristotle. Right? Aristotle's Poetics.

Right. The Big Book. Yeah, where Aristotle breaks down what stories are. You ever read it? I don't, I haven't. Let's talk a little bit about this work. So important. And let's think about some of what he says.

Our poet must beware that his study be not only to learn of himself, for he that shall affect to do that, confess this his ever having a fool to his master. What does that mean? He that shall affect to do that confesseth his ever having a fool to his master. And Aristotle said that. What does that mean?

I have to admit, I don't know. You want to see it? You want to read it? It had been written yesterday. You want to read it? And Aristotle said that. What does that mean? I have to admit, I don't know. You want to see? You want to read it? It sounds like me talking to Brett. It's crazy how long ago that actually was. You want to read that? Well, it's not. Aristotle didn't write it. It's not?

No, it's Ben Johnson wrote the introduction to it. And it's an intro. That's right. For the Aristotle book? Mm-hmm. Introduction. Character and value of the politics. But no less relevant today.

And what does it mean, what he's saying? You know what? It's a little over my head. Confesseth to ever having a fool to his master. You know what that means? You got me, Sean. You can tell me. I don't know either.

I have no idea what that means. I do not know what that means. Some things can't be taught. Some things can't be taught. It seems like a thing. It seems like a thing that could be taught. We just need someone to explain it to us. You're going to call it,

you're going to dig up Ben Johnson and have him explain it? Guys bring your worm food. Let's talk about ideas. I threw you in the deep end a little bit having you do that story, right? I kind of did the story, don't we think, Brett? Yeah, like 99% of it. Yeah, about 99%. But maybe we shouldn't start with the story.

Let's talk about ideas. Sure. What's an idea? How do you have one? How do you do it? Maybe you can start with... Maybe, maybe, maybe. How do you have an idea? How do you have an idea?

How do you have an idea? See, that seems to me like something that can't be taught. Two steps. Okay. Number one, know what an idea is. Number two, go ahead and have it. Go ahead. All right.

Go ahead. Sure. Right now. I've got one. You think you have one? I think so. Okay. Don't tell it to me.

Okay. Let me guess. He looks nervous, huh, Brett? Yeah, I wonder if he does have an idea. Yeah, that's what I wonder, too. I feel like he might not have one yet. And it might be because he skipped step one, knowing what an idea. Yeah, that's what I wonder, too. I feel like you might not have one yet. And it might be because you skipped step one, knowing what an idea is.

Okay. I think I know what an idea is, and I'm allowing myself to have it. Okay. Now, don't tell me what it is. Okay. He looks uneasy, huh, Brett? Yeah.

Yeah, he does. Do we think he has one? That's hard to say. Yeah, it is hard to say. Hard to say. I mean, you would never know if he didn't have one. Let me do this. Can I give you an example of what's not an idea?

Snowboarding. Yeah, I agree. Yeah, I agree. So do we maybe want to start over? My idea wasn't snowboarding. Here's what your idea was. I don't think I want to do a movie about snowboarding. I'll write that.

But you don't have an idea yet because you didn't know what an idea was. There's no obstacle. Hell, there's barely an intention. Slide down the hill? That's the story? Okay, well, that's a guess out of nowhere about what my idea was. I could do something about snowboarding. I could come up with a snowboarding idea.

Even if you do a sweet 180 down the hill, there's not really much there. Well, that's interesting. That is interesting, and that's something I'd like to see, but it's meaningless unless we have attention. And I know you can't do more than a 180. Unless you have attention.

And an obstacle. Does that make sense? Yeah, it makes total sense. It's starting to make sense. Yeah, yeah. You've been saying the same thing over and over again. That's not my idea. It wasn't snowboarding in general.

And hey, and hey. If we want to come up with a story about snowboarding, I could fit that into your formula, I think. Hey, Bang, I'm just some schmuck, man. Look at me sitting here teaching a class. I'm just some schmuck. I think the problem, get out of your head. Stop worshiping me, okay? Just do the class, man.

I'm not. I'm taking this free class. Well, unless you decide to take another one, in which case you got to pay for both. And I have a fee. Well, obviously, Brett has to get paid. I mean, he's not here for free. Right. Yeah, I did this more as just because we're friends, and we got into a bit of a spat about the last class,

and I thought this was kind of you making amends as we do this for free. Mm-hmm. Yeah. I'm showing you how to grip and rip it. I'm sick of just handing you a freaking headless fish. That's a tension obstacle. So. A tension obstacle?

Story in a way, right? Knowing which idea to pick to make a story out of. As we just learned, maybe snowboarding wasn't the best one for your first idea. Or I guess your first idea actually was, I read a tweet today. Yeah. What was an example you came up with? It's a little like playing tennis and knowing which one to swing at. Picking your pitch a little bit.

Okay. You know? Yeah. You can't just swing at every ball. No, yeah, you want to take good swings. You got to get the right one. So you had this idea, snowboarding. No.

So that is not necessarily your pitch on the tennis court. And you maybe want to wait, let that one go by. Okay. I feel like you're mixing metaphors a lot. Like, pitch makes me think of baseball and, like, picking your – wouldn't it be, you know, even just picking your shots makes more sense or, like – Well, what makes sense really is it's – you're right. It's not just tennis.

You're playing doubles. Okay. When you're trying to create a story, a movie, a show, you're not alone. It's a team effort. Even if you're writing the script alone, marketing plays the net, right? Studio is going to return. Uh-oh. Now all of a sudden somebody here at the network is going to leap in and try to poach.

You know what poaching is? I don't think so. Not like an egg. Not like an egg. Thank you. I didn't think that. That's why I'm here. Yeah.

No, I'm getting lost here a little bit. Yeah. So poaching, so if marketing's playing the net, you're serving, okay? And you serve a big pitch out there. Now, freaking studio hits it back. The studio's your partner. So the studio, no, the studio returns. The studio is the network's partner.

So then you, I guess for this. They're fetching the ball no thank you but no who's fetching the ball probably your assistant right but that's only if it hits the net because that is not necessarily

if they have to fetch the ball because it went in the net that's not the right idea to swing at tennis is chess, you know? It's one-on-one. It's movement. It's angles. It's six moves ahead.

It's boxing. Which is really ballet. It's dancing. Boxing is just a dance. Yeah. It's just a dance. Sure, you use your arms more. So coming up, so picking ideas is like tennis mixed with baseball, boxing, ballet.

It's not mixed with anything. I mean, tennis really is boxing, which is just dance. So it's ultimately all dance. Boxing is chess. I mean, cutting off angles, closing patterns, right? A big right fist is the rook. Don't you think? Yeah, yeah, I can see how that analogy can be made.

I mean, you're trying to smash pieces off your opponent's board, his face. Yeah, I mean, that's a little bit different. It's the same in tennis, except you've got this net in the middle, don't you? Right, and then that is the marketing. Except you've got this net in the middle, don't you? Right. And then that is the marketing. Thank you. Yeah. So let's say you've got an idea.

Sure. The network fails to poach, cut off the angle, right? Because if you're too close to the center line, they're going to be able to come right in and poach. Okay. So you need to take a wide angle. But if you see that they're thinking about doing it, take it right down the alley. Because it's doubles. It's a wider court.

So you've got the idea now. Marketing's at the net. Your partner's there. What is the idea? What is it? My idea is I'd kind of like to tell about some of the stories from when I was growing up. My idea is sort of a kind of a Robinson Crusoe, but it's a kid just by himself and making friends with people in the woods who are surviving with him. So it's a survival story.

If your whole idea is just like, oh, it's my story. I read a tweet. You know what I mean? It's your thing you did. Yeah. Then that's just journalism. It's not really a story. Right.

I don't think it's journalism. I think it's kind of an amazing, unique story. Okay. So this is something that happened to you? It did, yeah. Is it, you know, because Brett had, if you remember the buzzing headphone story, Brett had a clear intention obstacle.

Right. That seems very easy to fix. What? I mean, you said you just... Hey, man, stay in your lane, right? We don't want last season again, right? Yeah. I'm just saying it just seems like you...

I didn't even finish the story. All right, go ahead. I had to, like, jiggle. You stick a piece of foil in there. First, I didn't know what was going on, and then I had to jiggle the connector. Meanwhile, you know, Scott is annoyed with his headphones. Then all of a sudden it starts working.

And then it's fine? Well, it's fine, but you don't know if it's going to come back or not. Yeah, sure. Okay, so the tension that's created, you know, you're kind of in the room with the killer still. Yeah, but isn't that just life? I mean, aren't you always constantly like things could go wrong? Holy shit.

What a fucking depressing. Holy shit, man. Well, I'm bummed out now. Yeah, Jesus. I mean, people are paying for the class, man. I mean, I know you're not yet. I tell you, you want to take another one, which you will. But people are paying for it.

They're not paying to hear your fucking weird, nihilistic, fucking everybody dies bullshit. It's just my reaction to that story. It just doesn't seem so let's say so you've got this idea he didn't even finish yet but let's save it he's got this cool idea and when I hear Brett's idea

to me that's probably a movie or a series of movies that's how I see you see him fixing a headphone buzzing sound. As a series of movies? It's sort of a Harry Potter style universe to me because he's got Scott in there and who knows who's coming in next. Wow.

There's kind of this cool. We saw that from different places. Magical world. And I immediately can see this is a movie or a series of movies. Now, with some of your ideas you're talking about, sure, if we can agree it's an idea, I'm not sold on it. But if it was, we want to say what's the best vehicle for this? Is this a TV show? Is it a play?

Is it a poster for something, right? Is it a label on a funny soda bottle company, you know? It's like a picture of a fizzy man who has a sword and shield. It's like slang, bland flavor. It seems like a lot for a soda. Is it a phone call to your stepdad, you know? Is that all it is? Is just call him and just actually talk about some of this stuff?

And is it not necessarily a movie or a series of movies like Brett's idea? Yeah, I mean, I thought of it more as maybe like a movie or a show. Okay, but is it better, and we should always ask, is it better as just like a podcast ad, Like an ad for Blue Apron or something? I didn't see it that way at all, like as a Blue Apron ad. Yeah, there's no kind of like... No, but you didn't even look at it. Because I can tell you this, it's not a movie, it's not a TV show.

Okay, you think my story about a kid surviving in the woods and figuring out how to stay alive, you think that would be a good ad for Blue Apron? It would be a better ad for Blue Apron than for a movie or something. Because they use natural product, organic ingredients. And so when you put me in the woods, I go, what the fuck am I doing here? You know, unless I'm trying to get some plants and stuff to make a fresh meal. And the thing is they want to hear your personal testimony too.

They like hearing your stories in the ads. Yeah. So I mean really like you can do what you want. Great point. Yeah. So you having this personal story about actually being in the woods, and I guess you got, I think you've mentioned this before, you got abandoned or lost in the woods,

and you had to survive out there for a year or eight months or something. But that is the kind of thing that you put in a blue apron, and you talk about some of the plants you ate and how you found some Swiss chard or whatever and you mix that up with some fish tacos. And all of a sudden now this is an ad that I could see you actually getting not having to do a make good.

Do a make good? A lot of times with ads you have to do a make good. Lots of stories there. What do you mean? Sometimes they don't like what you said in the ad. It doesn't sound like you liked or ate the food, and you have to then do another one for free because they paid for the ad and then they didn't like the way you did it.

Sometimes you have your friend read the ad copy and then they go, who the fuck is this guy? We paid for the host to do it. You know what I mean? Yeah, I could see that happening. Or you send it in on like a shitty cell phone recording and they don't feel like you put enough effort into it and they send it back.

But we're running into the same problem over and over again in a way because you – and it's going to recur forever until we sort of get to the root of it. And so I'm going to just say one thing right now that I think is going to make it very clear. You seem to want to break the formula. You don't seem to want to have an intention or an obstacle. You don't seem to want to follow the rules. And I know where this comes from. And I don't blame you. You're going, hey, man, why do I got to do all these rules, Jack? Judd don't follow the rules, right? I'm going to see these movies. Yeah, hell yeah. I'm going to see these movies. I've seen, you know, I've seen This is 40. This dude ain't follow the rules.

That's a big movie, man. And you're saying, come on, Jack. Let me do my thing. And let's just put it to bed. And this is something to keep in mind for the rest of the class and hopefully the rest of your life. You ain't Judd, pal. You ain't. I'm sorry to say it.

I hate to have to be the one to break it to you. But at the end of the day, yeah, Judd does break the rules. And you know why? Because he's Judd and you ain't. Got it, compadre? Yeah, I think I've never called you Jack and I don't talk like that. But yeah, I get it.

You didn't even give me a chance to follow the rules. I mean, sure, I'll throw my story. Most people don't need to get a lot of chances to follow the rules. They just go, oh, those are the rules and I'll do them. Right. But you don't really want to do that because you have seen some of these

avant-garde, these insanely just creative sort of trippy post-modern freak geniuses do things that defy categorization. This is 40 or whatever. Yeah. I mean, some of those movies are kind of very typical romantic comedy. Yeah, and you go, that's what I like to see. This guy's getting all this fucking dough and acclaim. Damn, I want to be like him, Jack.

Is that what you think I sound like? Brett? I think it sound like? Brett? I think it sounds like how I wish you sounded. Okay, yeah, because I don't talk like a beatnik. That might be part of the problem. But say it with me now. You ain't Judd. You ain't Judd.

All right, that's it. So maybe don Lesson learned. Don't draw lessons from him, somebody who frigging broke the mold, then put the mold back together different, then broke it again. Maybe just take lessons from me, somebody who's trying to show you how to find your dick with both hands in here first, okay? Sure. It's important to find your dick with both hands in here first, okay? Sure. And someone remember? It's important to find your dick with both hands. And someone remember?

And someone remember? There's no rules, really. Okay, now I'm kind of taking a step back. Well, there used to be a lot of rules, right, Brett? There were certain structures we had to follow. Oh, here's a procedural. Here's a serialized. Here's a drama.

Here's a dramedy. Here's the multicamp setup, punchline. Now, there's no rules, really. I mean, you can make anything. You want to make a freaking sci-fi drama? Go for it. You know, you want to do a space show? Hey, be my guest, pal.

You want to do a serialized western set in the future of hard sci-fi and piss-drinking robots? Hey, man. No problemo. So that's something to keep in mind. You can dream it. You can do it.

There's no rules. There's only one rule, though, to remember about that. You ain't Judd. Okay, yeah, I would never. If I'm doing a sci-fi, like, drama, I wouldn't want to be Judd. Here's your homework. Watch TV. Watch a movie.

Great. Sounds fun, right? Yeah. Well, it's not. Okay. Do it to friggin' learn something. Because it is still homework. And keep in mind, when you watch this, all the story stuff we talked about,

but also who are the characters? What makes a character? How do we know them? What's an iconic character? How do we know them? What's an iconic character? Is it the moment that we see the Beetlejuice man hump the gravestone? Then what does that tell me about him?

Right? When Slenderman first loads his gun and shoots a kid. Like, is that like, that's when we know hey, this guy's moral compass is different from mine, right? Right. The very first time the snowman writes a letter, okay?

Yeah. So he's literate, all right? And he's cold, okay? And that then informs everything else we see. So think about this, because I want you to come in next week, and I want you to have some characters. Slenderman's just like a mass shooter?

I just didn't... Don't get caught up in Slenderman. There's a million of these characters. There's the Bye Bye Man. They're everywhere. You know? There's a ton of these guys. What do you say? Iconic characters. The first time the Bye Bye Man, you know, waves, bye-bye, ooh, chills. Yeah.

But then you know, oh, he's leaving. Okay? So that's one thing that defines that character. He's on his way out. I don't know if he has somewhere else to be, if he's running late, but we know he is inherently an exeter.

Yeah. So think about those kind of traits, like what kind of character. I don't think that's in the movie. I actually watched The Piper Man as part of the last class. I don't remember him waving bye-bye. Chilling up.

Bye-bye. And it's subtle, but he seems to pull up his sleeve and check his watch and kind of like pick up the pace a little bit as he's kind of goose-stepping out the door. So something to think about. Okay, cool. I'll write it down. It's in the notebook.

Hey, if you're just tuning in, that was the Masterclass. Something to think about. Okay, cool. I'll write it down. It's in the notebook. Hey, if you're just tuning in, that was the masterclass. It's over. Hey, wait. Hey. Fine. So it's over. As Bank pointed out, he's so smart, right? Everybody freaking give him a clap for him.

But that was a masterclass you gotta see it to believe it so tell your friends buy the money and get in here and writers write buy the money

and that was the free masterclass Hollywood Masterclass is a free masterclass. Hollywood Masterclass is a Stitcher original and a production of Midwell Media. Our executive producers are Chris Bannon and Jenny Radelet.

Music and sound by Brett Morris. That was a HeadGum Podcast.