Hollywood Handbook - Jake Johnson, Our New Podcast Friend

Episode Date: August 22, 2023

The Boys talk to JAKE JOHNSON about joining The Hat Pack (which you can join here) and his new podcast We’re Here to Help. See Hollywood Handbook live and live-streaming in LA with special guest Claudia O’Doherty August 29th! Tickets available here.Watch the video of today’s episode with Jake at Patreon.com/TheFlagrantOnes. Like the show? Rate Hollywood Handbook 5-Stars on Apple PodcastsAdvertise on Hollywood Handbook via Gumball.fm See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This is a HeadGum Podcast. Okay. And I want to move on from this. We'll just get into it and then we'll move on. This will not be the bulk of the episode. Let's knock it out right now and just say what we need to say, which is you're telling us you had a timer on armchair. And so you've basically admitted that you did armchair recently. Is this an old talk? Guys, we got out of the talk show game. Is this about who goes on whose show first?

Because you guys know. Is that what? Actually, no. Because you know Leno was mad, right? If you went and did Leno before you did Letterman, it was a fight. Don't explain Leno and Letterman to me. Well, is that what this is? Are you guys bamboozling me right now?

And now I'm like, did you do this? Did I do all the same? Did I do my bits? Yeah. I got an army of bits. I start with my Leno and my Letterman. Okay. So you did this too. Now, I don't know when it's going to air.

Okay. But their people reached out and I said yes. And your person is Kevin. Your person is Kevin. They have a team. Yes. Yes. Right.

Do you hear what I'm saying? They have a whole ass team. They have a whole ass team. You've got Kevin. We have a whole ass they have a whole ass team you've got a half ass kevin you got a guy getting mad at you about a hat yeah we have just about a quarter ass over here yeah you want to know how it happened on the other one emails from people i don't even know who they are and when i got there i didn't meet them because they do freaking mercs yeah this show you want to know how this one happened the wagner army kevin texted me a bunch and said then he said there's parking

in the little area next to this place there's not really parking it was really a tight squeeze really dangerous not it it didn't feel right kevin's had his own car damage last week he got it from somebody parking in here. And I had to drive their car out. You did? And he said, don't worry. I had to drive their car out. After that happened, he said, don't worry. I'll pay it forward.

He thinks of paying it forward in terms of pain. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. And I did have a different experience yesterday. Am I happy to be here as one of the guys who helped launch this baby? Yeah. Don't forget. Don't forget.

Yeah. I think I was the first. Is that right? You precede Kevin. And so when he's emailing you being like, hey, can you come on this show? How about 10, 15? And I was like, let me talk to my guys.

People talk about pre-K, and you think they're talking about a grade before kindergarten, but they're actually talking about the era before Kevin joined Hollywood Hamlet when you were the main guy. And obviously I am coming here hat in hand i want to learn from the best this is actually yes we do want a hat in your hand we want it on your head as well well what what do they cost i'm a guy who buys hats okay i like a hat it's a nice design about like because for you we would

love to have a situation where for you, it is either as heavily. Yes. Or is at least partially discounted. What if the Pops got me walking around Gelson's in it? That's advertisement for you. Is there equity? Okay, Gelson's, I guess, is one offer. I guess we could start with the Gelson's.

Okay, now we're going down to TJ's from Gelson's. Hold on, hold on, hold on. Gelson's. Okay, now we're going down to TJ's from Gelson. Hold on, hold on, hold on. Anybody from Trader Joe's who's thinking about advertising on my pod, I did not say it was going down. We're just talking about the average income of the customer base. I don't really see money that way. I'm kind of a good guy. Well, you may want to start.

You may want to start if you are going to be a part of the hat company and if you are going to build a podcast audience that is able to support you financially during the strike which i am hearing just now on the phone i got a phone call this morning is going to last 16 years. Who's your insider? Russell Crowe. Russ called? The insider, yes, right? Michael Mann snapped on a split diopter inside the 60 Minutes boardroom.

I had been here in 12 years. I had not heard 16 until right now. That's a fucking nightmare. Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, they bumped it up. They bumped it up to get serious. I think you're going to want the podcast to have actually listeners who can afford to shop.

Maybe it changes for snacks, but for the staples we probably want them going to Staples. But for food we want them to go to the gelson gelson's okay yeah the and it's not like it's not the same food like it's it's at that higher price point for a reason you believe the gelson the produce at gelson's is being heavily misted all damn day every time you go in there i don't disagree with this it's like

you're looking for freaking dr livingston i got pneumonia in there i got pneumonia from shopping yes because the level of moisture is so high there's so much moisture that it actually changed my internal environment that my lungs to the G. It means we're certain that they are misting their fruit at a level where there is no rot, there is no drying. I was there that pre and post the new change because we all know the new Gelson's

has an eatery, a bar, and it's right behind a jazz band. And a live jazz band. And it's dog shit. And if you guys say otherwise, you're lying. It's bad jazz. It's bad jazz. Also, the bar is.

It's not anything near what we do. No. Because they want you to shut. It's basically being like. But it's fake, man. You don't want to come here and drink. Who's going to go day drinking at Gelson's? Yeah.

Who's going to go in their right mind? Yo, you want to get some sandwiches and go to gelson's where's the bar right behind the magazines and the flowers no one in there or do you want to just how about magazines are okay the magazines are right by the entrance the exit there's a couple there's a couple of different square there's a couple of different magazine locations jesus christ i didn't realize this was a nerd podcast only uses the exit for one way if the door would you consider armchair to be a nerd podcast i'm just like now i'm interested in the taxonomy of this right now i'm in trader

joe's yesterday i was at gelson's you know what i mean you put that on wax yesterday i'm waxed yesterday yeah well we have an issue hold on we have pause pause stop it you might kev you might have to stop recording you guys know as a fact i was there planting its goddamn seed with you boys pre-kev y'all gonna turn on me because i'm doing a dance with my other friends over at armchair hold on nobody's i'm just hurting on we're other friends over at armchair hold on nobody's i'm just turning on we're just trying to get all the information because he's mad at me he's disappointed as am i i thought that part of the entire hat pack sort of brotherhood you see anything that was being born here this is but this is what we're talking about there's nothing on my

head that's my issue you don't ask you don't ask questions you don't reach out and say hey i'm gonna go on i'm about to go on armchair respect communication is one way to talk my turn to talk hey guys thanks for the reach out about inviting me on this podcast today that i got from you guys because i didn't because i motherfucking got it you wanted us to reach out because i got it excuse me excuse me yes he texted i mean different his team because you just said he had a whole ass well you're looking at do i text with that sometimes of child soldiers let's say it that's who i said well i text with you too and i'll say this when you get booked how about a little heads up hey can we bump this up because i'm going

on armchair the day before and i should wear the hat what hat did you wear on what dax show armchair hat you wore an armchair hat and the sweatshirt why the fuck wouldn't i it's armchair expert man that's a big ass he's a shepherd you know what i mean that's what he guides a flock and guess what and i paid for that shit why because the design was right you want to know how i found it from their website which was finished kevin i'm gonna fucking kill you which was finished and guess what guys i'm a guy who likes hat and i'll tell you what i got a short haircut it's not looking great admit it sean i've seen you look better yeah i've seen you look better i think

physically i've seen that's why i went i had longer hair before nice and i had a beard and i shaved the beard and the face and i'm gonna tell you don't shave your face wow because with long hair and a clean face yeah you're not gonna like what you see wait okay yeah what you find underneath this yeah and now i'm in a whole new world and i'm currently looking for a hat and you guys are rubbing it in my face that i gotta dance through a broken website to get there and again i want to find a situation i'm gonna fucking kill you man hey like everybody else in the world you know how i buy things i go on a website that works that's finished no disrespect kevin and i press a button and i purchase it your guys's website is uh it'll be finished soon there's two websites there's two there's a website now

websites but why so do you understand imagine if there was right next to gelson's another gelson's they kind of had the same product like a trader joe i mean the trader joe's is right there yeah yeah there's trader joe's next to gelson but you guys so we have one site where it's a little cheaper yeah got one discount site and then we got the i'd love to find a way to get you there but if it's the same food who would ever go to the more expensive one if if you got shopping at a luxury price point and you know there's a feeling of exclusivity there but it's and there's the implication that you're getting something better but is it jake it's the equivalent it's not the exact same process but

it's the equivalent of being misblown all over it all day that's it's worth what you'll pay for yes you know what i mean so i don't disagree with that you set the own market i really feel that about like hourly wages and stuff like that well i've been saying this we've been talking about this on the podcast forever just like everybody's so fucking whiny yeah yeah we've been saying that like yeah forever or is this point we were i mean you were here the first time we were like oh you mean like talking about you you were whining so much oh my god so annoying yes you were you're doing it right now i wasn't i wasn't i wasn't complaining

i will be i will say i'm a little shocked at my rate okay okay say it you look shocked Okay. Okay. Say it. You look shocked. You look like somebody snuck up and surprised you. Your hair's sticking straight up. Hey, guys, I didn't come here to be humiliated. Ray didn't stick your fucking finger in a light socket, man.

You did that yourself. No, I didn't come here to be humiliated. Okay, why are you here? Why did you come here? What's going on? Because Kevin begged me to come he said you built this house and does dax's team beg do they debase themselves no no it's the opposite that's yes that's right they're they're elitist they lord it over you we say we are

pathetic worms get in the dirt with us eat the scum from the bottom of people's boots. And it works for me, man, because I relate. Because I relate. Yeah, that's right. That's right. This podcast is for, you know, it's not for people who can afford our hats. That's why we need you to put the hat on and go to Dax's show. I don't have it.

The order is all wrong. Go back. Go back on tomorrow. Pictures. What am I doing? Those pictures find people. I don't subscribe to the account or whatever. The pictures find me anyway.

Yeah, that's right. What'd you talk about? What'd you talk about with that? What was I going to do today, my man? What'd you talk about? This pod. You talk about this? Yeah.

You guys bond over the little are you lying share history don't say that you talked about it and then i did and then you didn't talk i want every listener of this to listen because i gave shout outs to this pod and i always felt and you're giving me fucking stink eyes man and it's hurting because i've always felt this was a group he's gonna fucking kill you man if i find out you're lying i actually i'm gonna fucking kill you are you so are you well you better be able to back that up because i take to jitsu so i'm gonna tell you now i'm going to tell you now son i'm going to tell you now son don't write a check that you can't cash son i do jiu jitsu i'll rip your arms off and I'll beat Sean up with that. Take your arm home.

Take your arm home. I will, in three moves, go, meh, rip your leg off. Kind of take this arm home with me. Do not write a check you cannot cash. Okay. I did talk about this show on the podcast yesterday for one hour and 15 minutes. Okay? Do not write a check you cannot cash.

You talked about it the whole time. I was on that podcast too talking about this. I would love to be a fly on the wall for that show. Yeah, you imagine. I would love to be. I'd love to hear that conversation. I never got an audition. Jump through Lord's hoops.

Amen. But you know what's the best part about that? The brotherhood and sisterhood I have with all my cast members. And I look back and everything, and it always goes back to those crazy years. To me, SNL was comedy college. You know what I mean? Like, that's really where I got my undergraduate degree. And then doing this podcast, talking to you about Dax.

This is actually grad school for me. Yeah, that's right. What did you guys talk about on the show? Because he doesn't normally, he's interested in all kinds of things. He doesn't normally stick on one subject. So the idea that you talked about this show for an hour. I was surprised you didn't,

because he's never been on this. So I would think you would connect on something that the both of you had experienced. Yeah had you had another comedy college under the old uh merriweather post pavilion there you and dax were both you know talk about right now because the strike wow you and dax were both yeah yeah but i want to make this very clear because i you know i'm a union man i don't know if you guys are scabs or what, but I do get a scab vibe from both of you guys. I want to say again, you need a scab to heal. Scabs are a necessary part of healing.

They are a protective layer. And the industry is wounded. Hold on, hold on. Without there, the stuff would just keep falling out. Unless you want your opponent to rot it away or you want your opponent to bleed out right because the the wound isn't on us the wounds on them oh so you're you're healing their wound we're trying to stab oh the scab is for them okay we want them to bleed out you guys know't know that. I never had thought about that.

Just say that. Just say that if you want me to not do it. Yeah, you should say a scab on their wound. Yeah, it wasn't like we need scabs to heal our own wound. Okay, no one said that. Will you agree that no one said that? Yes. Okay.

So what are you guys doing on this podcast? You got a new space. You got three cameras. You got four mics. Yeah. What's the latest? What's happening? We're really, really doing bad. Everybody is, man.

The new NTFs, man. It's crypto. There's no money in this game. It's a hustle. We're not even NFTs at this point. We're NTFs. We're not even NNFs. Everybody's talking about you get a picture of a gorilla in front of the Eiffel Tower.

It's going to be worth $10 million. No, it isn't. You're going to talk in a box in front of cameras and maybe 80 people are gonna check i'm so embarrassed so when i went on jimmy fallon and we both held up our little apes together and we just talked about like oh you have one too yeah i got mine is uh six six five three number six six five three that's gonna be worth a lot of money i feel silly now because as i look back i was really just sort of fired in the moment how much have you thrown in the crypto world how far did you go back uh you know i when i started when i started i actually got it in a

good time when it was peaking yeah you know so it it did feel like wow this is really expensive so it's got a lot of value you're talking about when a bitcoin was about 60G for a coin. Yeah, about $60,000. But you can get the whole coin for 60G. Yeah. No, you could own a coin. For $60,000. Yes, for $60,000. I believe it went to $67,000 at one point, which is when I decided to get in the pool. This is not, because if you don't go now

and it gets to $112,000, you're going to bite yourself on the ass. I'm going to be chewing on my own ass. Well, I did a thing that a lot of professional athletes did where I get all my contracts paid to me in bitcoin yes yes yes yes yes which that is looking back you know welcome to the world of podcasts because we got to build back up because i don't know if you guys know this but that whole market crumbled yeah i feel fortunate in a way because like i might as

admitted at this point like my gorilla was so clearly hand-drawn that i showed that i held up on jimmy like it was no one believed it yeah i don't really know how to draw that i was like that style i was trying to you can draw i think you're a great artist but that style and everyone is like it looks like you were you started with bart uh-huh. And then you put hair. Extra hair. It's Bart with a beard. Hold on. A Bart monkey? It's Bart with a beard.

Oh, yeah. I don't hate it. Yeah. Well, ultimately, it's probably worth more now than a lot of the NFTs. So is there a conversation to be had that you got hat pack and you got monkey bart shirts right well if we got monkey bart wearing a hat pack i don't know if you're able to do that if you got i'm telling you this for real i like business if you got monkey bart in a hat that hat is gonna jump yeah i promise you the hair i think is the thing that's helping people most figure out that it's bar. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

If we're covering up the hair, I worry. You're in a danger zone. Yeah. What about shirts? The shirt. Why not sell shirts? You already have gone down the world of merch. Don't go soft on it.

That's my only advice. Uh-huh. Hard shirts. There's a plan for the shirt. If you're doing merch,'re doing you have a website you have a hat you should sell fucking everything you know what if it's like you know the bracelet shirts sweatpants shoes socks you know this shirt everything you know the shirts that say like blank and blank and blank yeah what if it's like hayes and jake and sean and hat and pat yeah like that to me could be really

powerful we've been talking about obviously also one that says like when you when you clap back with hats that's a pack that's cool like that seems to me like that could be who's gonna buy that well ideally are the most of the country yeah is that the mission statement or is that the product which would would you want it to which one do you like like what do you i'm gonna be honest i'm liking all of it like it all me you know if this is shark tank i'm saying this i'm going to make you boys an offer okay my question is is what am i purchasing we can say this can i say this about the hat yeah you can't get a hat like this for under 30 i don't think you can get but i'm gonna tell you this right now as a buyer you can't get a hat like that because i'm not positive the website you don't have the hat and

we can't and so i was interested in getting a hat and being here with the hat and being like what's up boys kevin did you bring a hat for Jake? It's coming off his own head guys. Yeah. That ain't the move. Hollywood Handbook. This week on the Patreon the boys are inducting the first seven members into the hat pack on the pro version. Sean talks to Iowa Debris

about the movie The Player on his show Subtitles On and the Flaker ones are mostly talking all things basketball. Plus, see a Hollywood Handbook live and live streaming show at the Dynasty Typewriter in Los Angeles August 29th with special guest Claudia O'Doherty. The ticket link for that is in the episode description. Check out all these shows and the video of today's episode with Jake

at patreon.com slash theflaker1s. Hollywood Handbook. Be a better you in 2024 with Babbel, the science-backed language learning app that actually works. Don't pay hundreds of dollars for private tutors or waste hours on apps that don't really help you speak the language. And the question that I always get, people stop me and they say like hey i like i i trust you i know like you when you endorse a product it's something that you really

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and that includes body-based conversations what does it mean when you drop someone off after a nice date and they turn around at the door and they take their little index finger and they kind of like draw it towards them they're pulling it what does that mean does their whole finger hurt i wonder if they spotted a spider web or something they're trying to pull down the spider down yeah but i've seen this too after a lot of dates and i need i need and have needed something like babble to figure out what the heck is this person doing with their finger because it looks like a it looks like an emergency i know i was supposed to do something or how about those people that stand in the street they're kind of like they've got like almost like police clothes on it may be almost yeah and they're standing in the

middle and as i'm driving and i'm cruising they're holding their hand up for like a high five almost and they're really aggressively pushing it out. And I'm like, am I supposed to drive by a car or just do it at the window as I'm going? That's what I've been doing. Dangerous. Yeah. But some of these very subtle body language cues have escaped me and many listeners. I'm sure. Babbel's tips and tools are approachable, accessible, rooted in real-life situations, which I have all the time, and delivered with conversation-based teaching

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dietician-approved,ian approved ready to go in just two minutes speaking of ready to go in just two minutes chef kevin is here with his new show the chef kevin factor where he creates fresh never frozen meals now this is different kevin i just want to i just want to establish it's none of this like here's a like a pile of ingredients like this is the meal the meal has to be ready it's not a recipe okay this is the meal you cook the full meal for us now kevin you don't just send us a bunch of stuff you had laying around in your cabinet you're actually doing the cooking and there are 35 different options to choose from every week including calorie smart protein plus and keto which is this

it's a little bit of all of them okay okay it shouldn't be there are also more than 60 add-ons to help you stay fueled up and feeling good all day long how many add-ons and what are some of them it's one big add-on and it's you on your bed you're so tired after you eat my meal the promises the meal makes us sleepy you've been pushing that so much you're saying that you will be added on to your bed yeah your bed plus one that's the opposite of what this is supposed to do it's supposed to help you stay a lot of these i know give you a ton of energy they have like smoothies and things like that reservation for two me walking in my bedroom what's the second it's you and your bed bad i guess clippy fuel up fast with factors restaurant quality meals that

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to become clear like these aren't the dresses oh no they were not from the movie they didn't resemble anything from the movie they were not they were either way too big or way too small for a human to wear yeah and one of them was a dressing yeah one of them was it was it was a vinaigrette it was a raspberry vinaigrette it was a french raspberry vinaigrette dressing oh they'll even try to get you a refund for the last couple months of wasted money and negotiate to lower your bills for you by up to 20 all you have to do is take a picture of your bill and rocket money takes care of the rest they have over 5 million users and have helped save its members an average of 720 a year with over 500 million dollars in canceled subscriptions and that was i mean just to be fully transparent that 500 million was

most of that was the the dresses well yeah i mean you're talking about hollywood memorabilia you're talking about like ornate gowns you know in some cases and so that was uh yeah that was costing me a lot a lot a lot stop wasting money on things you don't use cancel your unwanted subscriptions by going to rocketmoney.com slash the boys that's rocketmoney.com slash the boys rocketmoney.com slash the boys but let's say yeah have a seat i want to talk about short yeah we got this fourth mic that jake was generous enough to point out how could this be the move he took it off his head and he gave me a hat well sorry he's got to make sure that nothing that it's not dangerous yeah i'm going to say one thing about the space for real four is tight four oh i'm glad you initially had someone no

four is tight oh yeah oh yeah yeah three works i've now gotten used to this. Three felt really good. Yeah. I was vibing. I was starting. I felt like the show was really starting to find its rhythm. Me too. Same. Yeah. I think this haircut might actually be the same as yours. And that's part of why I wanted to talk about it. Same barber, same haircut.

Because it's a question of maintenance. Yeah, yeah. Well, he has gel. I didn't gel. He does have gel. I am not going to touch it. But if I did, I feel like i would pull back a stump do you gel up your hair in order to uh look more like your hedgehog so that it feels like you're

its daddy a lot of kevin's personality is having a head i didn't know he had a hedgehog one of them one of them died and the body wasn't even cold before he had a new second hedgehog like it was real yeah i have a hedgehog yeah illegal also are you okay right now yeah no i'm in a comfortable position just two chicago guys with the same exact energy yeah are you are these the guys kidnapping you are you okay kevin i'm normal i'm normal and good are you give a code my guy all right you'll know the code so you have hedgehogs help how'd you get in the hedgehog game my fiancee was working with someone who said name any animal in the world that you would like and she said i don't know a hedgehog and then the next day he texted her, meet me on Western in Santa Monica, 250 cash.

This can't be real life. Real life. So somebody said to your fiance, name any animal you want. And this woman says a hedgehog. Yeah. And then somebody else says, meet me on a corner. I got a hedgehog for 250 cash. Same guy.

Same guy. Same guy. Who is this guy? This was courtship. No, I mean, this feels like a seduction of sorts. What if she said baby Jim? He's got a baby Jim? The Bronte sisters yeah he's making her wishes come true he work at a queer uh he did aquarium stuff for a vodka company um that vodka companies have aquarium for a vodka

company well they did it was short-lived because it turns out those animals only like water. They thought like, oh, this will be such great marketing of like, you know, these beautiful sea creatures swimming around in the sea of our exclusive vodka. And, you know, it was not, it wasn't good for anybody. They lost a lot of money and they lost a lot of animals. And it's, aquariums are fish only, it turns out as well. It wasn't good for anybody. They lost a lot of money and they lost a lot of animals. Aquariums are fish only, it turns out as well. So like putting like a hedgehog. Well, there's nowhere for it to go.

No, yeah. That was even worse because when they did pivot from vodka to water, they also did drown a lot of hedgehogs. Just going like, okay, we fixed the problem. And it's like, well, there's a second problem now. Just go like, okay, we fixed the problem. And it's like, well, there's a second problem now. Anyway, this hedgehog that Kevin got in the vodka immersion process was basically preserved like Austin Powers. How real is it?

Is there any truth to any of this? It's all 100% real. So a guy who works at an aquarium for a vodka company asks your fiance what animals she wants. Yeah. How are they connected connected she worked with the lady at the vodka company for like six months absolute fish tank what kind of fucking guy walks up to a random woman and says what kind of pet would you want a fucking riz god yeah

a man with impeccable riz fucking player i cannot believe what yeah it just and then he i assume just lost interest and then you were able to swoop in and take his place because what was because at the point that he delivers the hedgehog it's he and your fiance are like man he's in the money game if it was romance you'd go like this you'd go what animal you like she'll go hedgehog he goes how about i meet you at your favorite Italian restaurant tomorrow? And she's like, why? Because I'd like to give you a free hedgehog. Corner Western, though.

He met her. It was like a sketchy corner, and he sold her a hedgehog. This is business. He's an animal dealer. He sells hedgehogs. Can be both, man. The waiter brings out the big plate of biscotti. Big meatball sitting on top, covered in the sauce.

The meatball unrolls. You go to dive in with the knife. Yes, it unfurls itself. It shoots. It spikes you. Yes. So she buys one hedgehog. Yes.

His name was Rolly. The hedgehog. Rolly the hedgehog. His name was Rolly. Which is the name of the embroidery company that make the has called Roley Hog. And so you are not with her at the time when the Hedgehog started. Not at the time. A year later, we meet. Okay.

She's now stuck with a Hedgehog. She has a Hedgehog named Roley. She loves it. She loves it. She loves me. We're all together now. Kevin kills the Hedge you okay i'm great no i think his mic is like threatening him so bad like he just said in real life

she's with me she loves that i talk she loves me looking dead forward with shark eyes are you guys doing it what happened with this hat website let's get into it we can't talk about the hat website no i got screamed at by kevin have you guys talked about that on the pod we haven't this is the first time they did we talked we talked about the website on the pod and had to be cut and then kevin screamed at us that night kevin said it had to be cut how real is had to be cut. No. But did Kevin actually get mad? Yes. He said, if you ever disrespect me like this on mic again, you're going to find out what it's like to live in a world of never-ending pain. See, this is a Kevin I like.

And he said, and I know. This is a Kevin I like. Yeah. It was fun. It's a bad man. I kind of saw off in the blow, though, because I did it with Siri and ended with send. But that, to me, felt more aggressive. That was last night.

Hats are doing great. Flashback to the hedgehog. Hats are doing great is something that somebody says is not doing okay guys Hats are doing great as a transition Hats don't do great they have their self-help

he's doing a flashback Hats are doing great flashback to 2018 or 2020 don't pull him out of the flashback because he gets

like really disoriented it's a tough transition he's in it it's like waking somebody who's there walking I love that you know don't wake a

sleepwalk because they become like super violent like you don't pull them out of the flash when he says flashback he has to say end flashback yeah like we just kind of have to wait there's been there's been like two hour flashbacks we have to cut out a recording he goes there it's like flash it's like a kratom trip but he can just sort of release that chemical in his brain but he's reenacted like massive historical events yeah like it's like it'sratom trip, but he can just sort of release that chemical in his brain. But he's reenacted massive historical events. It's kind of like how you invented drunk history. Also, that's scab. Guys, we can't advertise that.

Not even that? Well, I just saw the article yesterday of you talking about, it's actually just my idea. Note, note. It actually was mainly me i was being so funny and someone was like this is a show are you crazy well that's not what the article is but that was your take on it that's what i read great take that's what i read water thinks he can have that one thing fucking no dude go get it okay i'm known for six or seven things it's like you've got this big heaping plate from the buffet and he's just got like he's on a like

a special diet he's only allowed to eat like this one little like you guys in this box i live in a place called reality can i try that leaf oh what should I do? Should I be fake humble? It's not true. I didn't build Hollywood Handbook. It's not true. Because I did. Because he created it. And guess what?

I was here. Yeah. When you guys were here. We want you to be representing us. Episode one. I know. And what were you guys doing at the time pre-Kevin? I guess we're

and i went like this no this is how you run a show yeah and you guys left that and both of you reached out to me and i'm putting it on the pod you said thank you thank you you said what you did for our show thank you yeah so so one day when i'm doing press in a couple years and they're talking about hamburg should i go yeah i don't know anything about it I just showed up that's a fucking lie and I don't lie to people I don't lie to my audience yeah and I'm gonna tell you guys the more honest you are with that base the more fucking hats you're gonna sell because right now you're lying to him this isn't a $30 hat. It's $29. No, it's not. I got it on my head right now. I got it on my head right now. We all look ridiculous in these hats.

It's under $30. It's $29. I'm going to be totally honest. The design is right. Okay? The thing is right. This is a goofy move. And your audience knows it and you know it.

And this is not a moneymaker. And this ain't Hollywood Handbook. And I'm sorry I haven't been on this pod more. the hat pack now it ain't the hat i would handbook happened it was fun it was a great time we all had a lot of laughs what when i do an interview in a couple years i'm going to take ownership of hollywood handbook i am touching now if you went to real world if you went to real world be able to see touching the hat pack. Now if you went Gorilla Barts, if you went Gorilla Barts you won't be able to see the fucking hat pack from where you are. With this, what's

the show? Advice? Yeah. Oh, that's new. What's this show talking about? I'm not qualified to give advice. Oh, what are you some sort of armchair expert then? What are you, Anna Faris is unqualified? Isn't the whole bit of this show you guys aren't qualified to give Hollywood advice?

Excuse me. Isn't that the whole thing? The whole bit of this show is unidentifiable. There is no bit to this show. This show has no idea what it is. Half being real, half talking about something. Oh, don't try to put a number on it. It was your idea.

You made the show. It was before the fucking hat pack. And you guys know it's a fucking misstep with these stupid hats turn down the gas you're not wrong you know it's a mistake with the hats the hats are silly

there's five guys in a room that's probably 12 by 12 we're all wearing the same stupid hat rat pack we're missing something what kind of cult are you geeks trying to start here what is your pitch cat pack oh my god we're not gonna do that another product here's my pitch like your guy on new girl liked cats or something right and so and so and so you're cat pack and your name is on it and we get a piece of it as well?

Okay, yeah. That's better. Okay, great. Can I get a piece of that too? Let's all share. Kevin cut this out because it's scabbing. Am I mad? Now that's something.

Unlicensed show merch. You have to mention the name of the show. Spell it a little different. Make it the same font. I don't need a big percentage. I can pretend to be mad about it, but that's a good idea. And we just don't let any of the principals find out because the weather will not be so merry if we... Yeah, but here's the reality.

We're making such small money that they don't even care. But for us, hey, hey. It's not worth suing us. It's a nice little business for us it's not necessarily invest and then when they say what are you doing you go like this we're just having fun we didn't even realize oh my god we're joking around with our friends oh i guess it is kind of like the thing that you worked on but like we were like goofing around it was actually just for our friends it was and then we had a lot of friends george clooney's

tequila company was never supposed to be for anyone. It was just for him and Randy. Him and Randy being like, could we make a nice tequila to enjoy with our buddies? And all of a sudden, all these farmhands and everyone wanted to be involved and share it. What do you mean farmhand? That's who he's hanging out like when he's drinking it yeah yeah no they're also motorcycles without helmets yeah but they actually did that in real life the motorcycles without helmets yeah that's the kind of stuff that they were like and so what are you guys supposed to be private so what do you guys make of uh brian kranz and aaron paul what do i make of them yeah what do you guys make of Brian Krantz and Aaron Paul? What do I make of them?

Yeah. What do you guys think of that brand? Because that's the rival of the Clooney. So we're not rivals with them with our hat pack or the new shirt, right? But those two guys, they're battling for who owns the tequila brand, right? Right. Two different friends, two different friends. What group of friends do you want to be in?

Do you want to be with Brian and Aaron? Hanging out? Having laughs? Did a great TV show together? Or you want to be with George and that other guy? Can I answer? Yeah. Gun to my head? Pull the trigger.

You want to just die? Yeah. Do not make me pick. Yeah, take a lot off the top. So can I give... Like you said at the barber. Yeah. So here's what... Yeah, I'll be going to Southpaw for barber. Yeah. So here's what I'm going to say to you.

Here's what I'm going to say to you. When you do a pod like this, man, your audience demands honesty. So no, don't pull the trigger. What group you want to be in? You want to roll with Brian and Aaron? And they're also probably on motorcycles and their ads. That's a choice that you can comfortably make the rhythm are you questions are you shocking was shocking to turn it into that are you being honest

right now that's a choice you feel comfortable making i do that you would be able to choose that that you would be able to deny one of these friend groups and say oh i choose okay yes how about this friday night 8 p.m george and the other guy on the motorcycle say come over for a drink you get a text at the same time from aaron and brian say come over for a drink at eight o'clock you can't say can i be both where do you go who do you want to hang with? I take Kevin Hart's tequila. I take LeBron's tequila. I mix them together. And now they're friends.

One's big. One's little. I'm busy. You can create any friend combination you want. By mixing their tequilas together. Now they're friends. Imagine the two of them. He's riding in the sidecar.

Kevin Hart's in the sidecar. That'd be a funny. He's riding in the sidecar. Kevin Hart's in the sidecar. That'd be a funny. He's like going, he's scared. He's going, there's no, they're not wearing helmets. Or actually maybe he's wearing like a big helmet and like. I didn't know Braun had a tequila. You didn't catch wind of that, huh? No.

I didn't know Kay Hart had one. Oh, Braun's got Los Lobos. He's part of the wolf pack, not to be confused with the hat pack i personally am partial to 818 kendall jenner's brand yeah why tequila 818 she is repping for the valley and um I probably swirled that around with a little bit of Aviation Gin, which Ryan Reynolds is the owner of. And I think between those two. Paul Feig has a gin.

James Harden just sold 10,000 bottles of red wine to a Chinese investor. And then he did a cartwheel. Google it if you don't believe me because that's not a bit he was doing a live stream sold 10 000 bottles to somebody submitted uh i love you the heart thing with his hands yeah then for some reason did a cartwheel on the live stream and there's a lot of backlash online because the rich see daryl morey do that yeah right you're getting in the weeds now and that's they're in a tough relationship let's see daryl morey do that. Yeah. Oof. Right? You're getting in the weeds now, and that's, they're in a tough relationship right now. Let's see Daryl Morey.

Mm-hmm. I'd like to see a little Daryl Lessie from him in terms of some of the stuff he's been doing lately. In terms of connecting to my friends. But I'd also like to see James Soften as well. Mm-hmm. Yes. Yes. If Daryl could be a little Lessie and James could be a little Soften, i think there might be a deal to be made there

just because i love connecting it back to the handbook if you guys were the rockets who's who and so um i guess i'm apollo 11 and hey i'm one of the one of the those ladies that kick real high who's the guy radius he's still he's still back there heaven's in a flashback yeah what's happening what's happening over there the year is march 2020 okay that's not a year one of the most horrific things in human history happens roly dies oh you're a hedgehog dad i exploded blew up kevin's garage what does that mean so okay okay okay okay okay okay okay so that you've heard of the lab leak theory yeah and then there's

the wet market theory oh you guys are claiming they're all around it people said like they oh they ate like a pangolin or something and they got kevin what happened it was like early you know there was starting to be reports of like you know possible uh you know different things happening in the news and kevin got scared and he just said like you know let's sort of tighten our belts a little bit is it then he had to loosen his belt he ate so much roly he was floated is it true your hedgehog died and you got another one the same day i didn't get him the same day i did get a text from mr aquarium himself so sorry about rolly one another too soon you guys still think this guy's courting his those are his moves his court moves it's not just a weird business where he sells animals if he makes the effort to you know

basically have a chip inside rolly so we can keep track of whether he's dead or alive and it's it's connected to his phone so it automatically says as soon as the heart goes off yeah you know how like by the way that is good business that's not to be an asshole that's your iphone battery starts dying all of a sudden and it's just like yeah the new iphone's out and it's like this is rolling and just like the iphone's like you know like a planned obsolescence yeah like they basically knows when it's gonna die that same chip is programmed to just look part of the design is that it will mouth if he's doing this game with the hedgehog world then you know a little bit of respect if he's got other animals too because he's saying if he only has hedgehogs

right no because then he's taking a big chance to go what animal would you want as a pet and she goes like a chimp and he goes like hang on kevin's gonna yeah i heard it out the fuck out on you if you don't acknowledge that it's a no for him all right but explain the no then the man has apparently other animals kevin do you want to run through the inventory turtles and uh little fishies he's got fish and what's a totos totals or turtles is that honestly how you say it's interesting because he does those are aquarium based they're all the same the the hedgehog really is the outlier and it's so random that she said hedgehog and he goes, I happen to have a link to hedgehog. Well, this story doesn't hold up.

If you could have any animal in the world, what would it be? And your answer is like something that an illegal pet dealer would definitely have. That's where I'm getting at. Like there's something's off. What do you guys pay to make the hats? What is each one cost? No know it's a total black box we can't understand what's happening inside that whose idea was the merch the it's how did it start you know it's because i don't i don't hate i don't hate the merch game i don't hate the merch game yeah uh the hats are the merch that's it but it's not the hat for now like okay you don't like the

hat fine it's not the hat that we're selling well you said it was goofy you said i said goofy move i said right now a bunch of us sitting in these hats there was something about it to me personally speaking there's a goofy your own issue your own hand it's not it's not the hat represents that we have a membership in this community called the hat pack and the website will be having a message board as well came from the community yes we're starting a new message board yes and there's gonna be and there's gonna be a discord that i don't understand yeah so you sign up for the membership you just get the hat so you're not buying the hat the hat is just like you're a member of the membership take the fuck it no it's the membership no the membership is the membership the membership's the membership the hat is where the hat

right but everyone is a you're a member by purchasing the hat or just having the membership let me try let me try to help you understand please the hat's good we don't call the hat goofy okay we don't talk about it not being worth 30 which is irrelevant it's less than 30 which you can't find that anywhere and it's so fucked because it's Dax's exact style this is what has me so fucked up

over this and he would have fucking talked to you about how to sell it he would never have like this he does it because you weren't there on time go back to the show you have to hear the conversation you had. You have to go back and do the show again. Yeah.

What did you get into? What just like topic areas? Well, what we got into, what we didn't get into, but what I would like to get into at 43, 44, is to get a bigger understanding. I'm not fully there with the merch. Just fucking tell me. Just tell me.

Well, then fucking tell me. What did you talk about? Where are you going next? Where are you going next? i'm not fully there with the merch tell me just tell me well then fucking tell me you guys talk about where are you going next where are you going next here's what i can't get over who are you getting because you guys are smart guys i was there for episode one i helped build this fucking house i know you guys are doing this i saw on the website you had ben stiller come on your show yeah how we played your episode too he listened to part of your episode he listened to did we talk about ben stiller on ours no then why would you play a clip from ours we're trying to get him acquainted with the show that he was doing he was like what's the bet on this so he could

tell adam scott to do the show we wanted him to look adam scott for us. Is Ben Stiller your biggest get? Is that the biggest fish? Until Adam shows up, yeah. Is Adams the golden unicorn? That's a little bit of the, yeah. You didn't want to say white whale? Yeah. I forgot the term. I'm going to be honest.

I was in deep waters, my man. You should have been thinking about a white whale then. What are you doing next? What what's where you going what's on the docket today and i don't care i don't care which day i care which show i need to get you on a big show and i need you to wear the hat and i need to actually say that it's not goofy so okay i'll never say it's goofy outside of this room this is a trust circle okay so this is the hard launch of the hat so you could also not say it's goofy in this first of all okay not to say yeah by the way i was wrong just okay hold on i was wrong if this is the launch if this was the launch help me understand the product i'm helping i'll wear the fucking hat okay the

original idea you guys are doing the pod you had ben stiller you had that was a big day that was probably the big day you me and go ahead and then you guys go you're doing the how many of these have you guys done kevin 513 You guys have done 500 of these. But episode 450, one of you said, shall we get into the merch game? I'm asking. We've done other stuff. It's not the first merch ever.

Yeah. Chef Kevin apron. It's the best merch we've ever done. We had a Chef Kevin apron. Ooh, I like that. What were sales? I almost got a cut. Yeah.

Don't worry about it. You're not seeing the big picture the cut will come yeah what was that great dr. Dre quote to Eminem you know this okay yes of course he said and dr. Dre said he said I was strapped with gas when somebody all were cuddling a cabbage patch I was thinking. That's not the one I was thinking. But the point is the cash will come. Oh, I've been in a lab with a pen and a pad trying to get this damn label off. That's what it is.

Yeah. And so I love the apron. I think the apron's fucking hot. What were sales on apron? Well, it was too hot, actually. A lot of people were having um uh medical episodes wearing the apron it's not meant to be worn with other clothes you can't cook you can't cook that was a cabin demand you cannot be around flames yeah any kind of heat source and then when what episode around did you guys say let's create the hat pack a membership based around a hat where there's

going to be a message a message board because it doesn't have some of the like censorship that these other platforms these other platforms because of the but so this so this community i think i think the community's a win what else what i'll say jake is this has this has been the only thing that we talk about period for six or seven episodes and the members but are you i don't see three different shows and i don't see it and it's fascinating time soon i think that this is this is the new era of the show it we are in the fourth turning. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I agree. It is a societal. But it's a limited number.

I mean, the end is like it's a club. It's exclusive. There's a limited number of members. So you should only sell 100 hats. Well, actually, no. Yeah. Because you want to sell more hats. We make money off each one.

Maybe 400. like this yeah okay so we make money off each one yeah maybe 400 so are you excited for the idea of bringing him over on the couch did you feel like there was two parts of this podcast first half second half because i kind of did do you feel like he's the hat pack of this uh episode why is the hat off like what did you talk about this like yeah where to go i can't even see well i i have a dog shit haircut right now. So put the hat on. There's something about the hat. It ain't right.

What size are you? Which snap are you using? The last one. The last one? Yeah. I got a big head. Yeah. So look, this is why it's off.

They can't see. Well, actually, maybe they can. But like, it doesn't feel right. You like to wear it a little. It doesn't seem good, Jake. Yeah. I wish you could see yourself. It doesn't. Yeah. It doesn't. I know it it does it looks so much better than your haircut yes all right

your haircut looks so bad like i can't believe you came here like that and then the hat is like saving it looks yeah your life my eyes like everything is working with the hat do you guys think it's cool that we're all wearing the same hat oh god imagine seeing this you walk by and you see this wearing it how do you feel on the outside like the whole idea is like the exclusivity and making people who see us feel like shit so why not sell i like what you were saying. Sell the membership. And then you get a hat. You get a shirt. If you're a premium member.

So this for 30 bucks, you're just a member. But you don't get all the perks. It's not 30. It's one of the only hats you could find for under 30 actually. Not true. There's a lot of hats

you could find for under $30. Not like this, brother. No. And the membership as well. Not like this, brother. No. And the membership as well. Oh, okay. That's true. But what if you guys did for like $100, you get the hat, you get a shirt, you get a little bomber jacket. Well, let's talk.

All saying hat pack. What if a shirt had a picture of this hat on it? Sure. And what if you spend $1,000, you get to do what kevin did on this podcast just sit there during a podcast and everyone's well say a couple words that the other the guest goes are you okay and then talk about your pets and you don't even have a gesture so yeah but for a thousand dollars we did in it we we did discuss this at one point and we actually uh did a little bit of like stress testing of like looking at members who had

contributed to higher tiers and whether they would be you know interested in doing this and unfortunately not a single one of them passed a background check there's not one not one person they're a member of your pack casey yeah you Casey. You're Casey? Yeah, I'm Casey. You're afraid of some wild card? An animal like you with ripping those tats and that cool style? He doesn't want to be in the same hat pack. He's the biggest dog in this group. Well, that's the issue. None of us have tats.

He doesn't want to get outdone. He wants to be the only criminal in the group. He wants to be the bad boy of the show. And so we bring one of these. How about for $1,500? Another bad boy sitting right where Kevin's sitting. You think you could deal with that? Bad boys can come in for $1,500.

So what? Casey gets like $500. Well, Casey's probably not getting cut in yet. It's probably going to start. Why is it more appealing to him that we charge more? Casey's replaceable. This is business. I'm talking about capitalism, son.

We get someone else who's even badder than Casey. I'm talking about capitalism, son.'s even badder than case i'm talking about capitalism son you know yeah thanks for coming that's how it works yeah that's what now if you're not an animal you're not going to succeed in capitalism casey get out you're fired and casey stay until i'm done just in case you're doing something technical. I don't want to do that. Casey's like insanely bad. Like a bad boy or bad at his job? No, he's like a really bad boy. You're a legit bad boy? He's like a really bad guy.

I may be the baddest boy there is. Casey's like a very bad guy. You've been hearing about all these smash and grabs? Yeah, I have. Casey just does a smash and hang out. He only does the smash part. He doesn't grab anything. Were you part of the Alen and Glendale he just does a smash does the smash smash and hang out he only does the smash part he doesn't grab anything were you part of the gallery yeah yeah i planned it yeah what are you getting out of that my guy uh viral videos you're doing it that's how you go viral okay all right don't get rid of this guy he's a winner

he doesn't care about the merch. You don't want a piece. It's getting on the news, and it is going viral. He's not the guy you replace. I never change it. I'm not the guy you kill. I'm the guy you pay off. That's a great line.

Do you have guests on your show? I don't really feel the need to talk about the show here anymore. You did at some point. I came in really excited. You wanted to talk about the show here anymore. Okay. You did at some point. I came in really excited. I saw no indication that you wanted to talk about anything. Yeah. You won't say what you did on Armchair. You won't say what you're doing next.

You won't talk about whether you even have guests on your show. I guess I can look at myself. Well, I'll tell you why. You won't own your drunk history. I will own it. I won't scab like you. Because I'm not a fucking scab, dude. I'm just trying to figure out what you guys have been doing for the last 500 episodes.

Because it started strong. I did the first one. I'm finding out whether you have guests on your podcast. Well, I hear a clip. I listen to this trailer. And there's other people's voices yeah adam scott's coming on calling are you fucking kidding me you want to know why because it's a real podcast guys oh my god yeah look at the first fucking pic that shows up when i search jake johnson podcast it's him and Dax. That's not from this one. It's him and Dax. I will say this. That's not from this.

That was from a lot of years ago. I know how that feels right now. Both of you. Boy, oh boy. Boy, oh boy what? When you flash back to Dax, that's a wrap. Soggy. Bye.

Bye. Hollywood Handbook.