Hollywood Handbook - James Austin Johnson, Our Impressions Friend

Episode Date: June 3, 2025

The Boys welcome back JAMES AUSTIN JOHNSON to discuss his impressions. See him on tour this summer here!Get a Hat Pack Hat here!Watch the video of today’s episode at Patreon.com/HollywoodHandbook Like the show? Rate Hollywood Handbook 5-Stars on Apple PodcastsAdvertise on Hollywood Handbook via Gumball.fm See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This is a HeadGum Podcast. Mc Crispy Strips are now at McDonald's. Tender, juicy, and its own sauce. Would you look at that? Well, you can't see it, but trust me, it looks delicious. New Mc Crispy Strips, now at McDonald's. My thing is, and I said this, you know, I've mentioned this to you before, so like, whatever My Thing is and I said this You know, I've mentioned this to you before so like whatever obviously you don't give a fuck but like I'm talking to me No, I'm talking to

To James Johnson. Yeah, okay. I Would like I know there's There's Jimmy Johnson. Yeah. Mm-hmm, right? Mm-hmm. There's Jimmy Johnson. Yeah. Right? There's James Johnson, there's the NBA player, he does karate. Yeah, he's actually, you do not wanna mess with him.

Boy, you're barking up the wrong tree, you get into a little bit of a scuffle with him. He's like a black belt in karate. I steer clear of those types of guys. Guys that have the same name as you. Yeah. Baby Tron. Yeah.

Chad Ocho Cinco Johnson. No. So you do hear that his name is Chad. I guess you are a Chad. Did you hear when you were saying it? I guess you are a Chad. Chad, lowercase, yeah, lowercase C. So then you're going like, I'm a Chad and I'm a Johnson.

My thing is you make them use their middle name. You know what I mean? You set that intention from the beginning. You go, I'm the main one. This is my corner. Yeah, two names. You make them have to throw a middle name in there. Or you do James Johnson, senior.

And then they have no choice but to be junior. And then it's up to, oh, yes, it's up to them to be junior. Yeah. And if they try to go the second, you go, can't go the second. I'm still alive. Oh, does that how seconds and thirds work?

I don't know, I'm kind of deciding that it is. That like your junior, unless the senior has passed on and then you can be the second. I really like that. They introduce themselves to parties. Hey, I'm Jimmy Johnson. Oh my God, the guy that doesn't impress, from SNL? The guy that does Trump on SNL?

No, I used to be a football coach I've met that guy and you're not gonna believe this he talks like that Okay, he really does speaking of which you were talking about his impressions. Yeah Wow, come on I sense a little SNL I don't need I in that way. I don't even want to try it now that he did it foot-flopped. Well, I can't writers pack it, but main cast audition.

Yes, yes, yes, yes. Yeah. And that's actually why I never spit it in the writers packet. Can you get them in my writers packet? I feel like they're not getting there. Do you want to just like step, it always starts with like,

do you want to just like hop up on the stage for a second? I know you only submitted a writers packet, but do you just want to like hop up on the stage for a second? I know you only submitted a writer's bag, but do you just wanna like hop up here? They give you something to fix? Hey, you're like a Justice Michael. That's how it happened for Hartman. I believe that that's the, that's you know. And look what happened, sorry.

I mean, I really don't want to even like bring that up, but just like. Yeah, look what happened. I mean, glue of every single sketch and was just a memorable performer then I'm gonna tell you obviously they'd tell you what happened I think that's also how it went down for Cleghorn and I also want to say what was that was Aristotle maybe was the Austin thing an appeal to the sort of Manosphere comic, you know, like.

The mothership. Yeah. Adopting the middle name, Austin. Kill Tony and all that stuff, yeah. To sort of link it to people of Austin. Because Hayes is just assuming it's to make James Johnson and Jimmy Johnson more comfortable, but I'm wondering if it's actually marketing,

where it's like, hey, there's James Johnson, and then there's James Johnson with a little more Austin flavor right in the middle of the act. Where he's gonna be killing Tony, he's gonna be insulting Puerto Rico. Free speech university is there. Alex Jones.

Yeah. The host of Call Her Daddy. That's right. Yes, yes. Which is one of my Her Daddy. That's right. Yes, yes. Which is one of my favorite podcasts. You know, it's crazy. You would think all the podcasting that I do that I wouldn't be able to enjoy

other people's shows as much. That one, Alex Jones's Call Her Daddy. Have you listened to that? I'm obsessed with it. I'm addicted to it. And the way that- She's like your best friend, the way that she interviews you.

The way she interviews, the way she interviews is like- She's like my best friend, the way that she interviews other people. She's like your best friend. She's like a cool therapist. That's how my best friend would interview celebrities.

And she's like a cool therapist. It's like a cool therapist, like there's therapists that are very, oh, tell me about that. And there's therapists that are like, hey, did that feel crazy? And you go, this is how I talk to my fucking friends. But she's actually getting me, you know,

to open up in this way that like, I normally would never ever do. Have you guys considered that just like full sweats, maybe no shoes and like getting more into BJ technique? I'm thinking about telling people to stop more on the show, you know? How she'll be doing an interview and someone will be talking and she'll go, stop.

Can we, can we, stop. Can you show me what you mean real quick? So I'll talk to, okay, and she'll do it really aggressive. Wait, which one's Sean and which one's Hayes? It doesn't matter. Let's do that later. So, so tell me, so you said that at the Sunset Target, that they did have- I'm sorry, who are you in the, you're interviewing him? I think this is Alex.

I'm Sean. Oh, you're Sean. You're me. And you're gonna be Alex Cooper. Oh, got it, yeah, and I'm Alex Cooper. James, you said that you went to the Sunset Target the other day and that they actually had like an SPF that you were looking for? Oh, yeah, I was,

um, uh, tr-tr-uh, sorry. Can you give me like a key phrase or something of how you talk? Cause I really have trouble finding it. How do you lock into your- Kitchen door. Kitchen door. Kitchen door.

Kitchen door. Kitchen door. Kitchen door. Yeah. Kitchen door. Okay, and then F- I'm from Tennessee, I lived here for 10 years. Okay, kitchen door.

So you're at the Sunset Target and you got an iced Americano, right? Sorry, it's my agent. It's UTA. It's UTA. It does say potential spam, but every once in a while they will spam your ass. You gotta take that.

Hey, hi. Are you UTA fam? I was there for a while. Are you UTA fam? I was there for a while. Alan? Hey man, hey I'm recording Hollywood Handbook right now. Yeah. Who does your entertainment law stuff? My entertainment law stuff?

You know what, I just felt like I had to answer. That's a little sensitive. You know what, I didn't put you on speaker just because I know a lot of this stuff. You guys do confidential, it That's a little sensitive. You know what, I didn't put you on speaker just because I know like a lot of this stuff you guys do confidential, it's like a big agency. So I didn't wanna like, I didn't wanna put you on blast. But if you have something you wanna say to the people, I mean, look, who better.

They do have, we have a client here who left recently. I don't know about recently, when was it? It was about a year ago. That's pretty recent. Okay, all right, okay. Then you year ago. That's pretty recent. Okay, all right. Okay, then you know what? That's pretty raw. I was just seeing it.

I really liked everybody over there. You what? I really liked everybody over there. Then that's obviously not true. Well. He left UTA, and it's because of crap like this, honestly. Oh, what happened? They're calling him a farting spam.

The spam calls. Where are you now? CAA. CAA, Creative Artists. Oh, okay. Well, that's more of a pure on-camera talent play, I feel like. Are we feeling like less of a hyphenate lately

as we've been getting into the- You know, ever since we had the kid. Casting game. And I got SNL, I just don't have, I don't have nine years to be like in the mud puddle of development on some like, you know, what's the story that only you can tell. And it is a mud puddle and they treat you like a pig

and they feed you a slap and you're a goddamn farm animal and they give you an old apple core to munch on. I know that you're doing- There's a spider that spells out words, yeah. I know that you're doing like a little farm scene but that's what it feels like. That's what it feels like. Oh, you were comparing it to that.

Yeah. Yeah, I thought, wow, where did we disconnect on that? I was waiting for him to say stop because we were doing a little target scene. Oh yes, but I was sorry. You were gonna say stop like Alex Cooper. Kitchen. Kitchen door. Kitchen door.

I understand the boundary between the scene and reality. And so we were no longer in the scene because you know, I didn't have to take it. Obviously it wasn't James taking that call because James is no longer represented at UTA because of some big problems he was having there. I really liked everybody over there. I hate to paint it with,

cause I actually, as you heard, I need them to do some things for me. And I don't know if you could hear my agent, but he was very humble. I said, do you have anything you wanna say to the people? And he said, you know as well as anyone, there's nothing to be gained from listening to me. That was beautiful.

What a beautiful thing to hear from one's representative. What a line, huh? Take that check though. Yeah. Yeah. How about some checks? Did somebody be gained? 10%. Something's getting gained 10%.

It's fine. It's fine. It's fine. They pick up a dinner here and there. It's a family. It's all too weird. You know what I mean? But yeah, I just feel like if I don't answer

they'll never call me again. You know what I mean? But I mean, yeah, on camera talent, I mean, that, on camera talent, I mean, that's the direction that this ship is headed in. Well, that's exciting. I had the cameo in Complete Unknown, got Oscar nominated. I had like a little role in Inside Out 2,

highest grossing animated film of all time. Complete Unknown. Yeah, yeah. So,cing animated films all the time. I've seen Complete Unknown. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, so, you know, it's kinda, that's sort of the trajectory. And there was one Complete Unknown in the cast as well. So I am thinking that I've got this kitchen door thing down and I'd like to hear Hayes say stop.

Hit it. All right, hey James, so I heard that you've got a, I heard you're doing Largo tonight with Judd. You know, that's exciting. Kitchen door. Kitchen door. Is it really, like is that real? I'm just having to anchor myself in like the,

in like, how I'm reacting. Stop. Like, it like, stop. All I'm reacting. Stop. Like, it's like, stop. All I need from you is stop because I wanted to show him how call her that. Okay, it's great to know what you need from me. All I need from you is an answer to my fucking question. Yeah, okay.

Is Judd really in your show or are you doing Judd? Judd's on the show tonight because I don't do a very good Judd, so I had to get the real Judd. Because I don't really do a good Judd. Believe it or not, I mean there's people that I can't do. You ain't Judd. Yeah.

People are gonna want me to say you ain't Judd. You ain't Judd. People are gonna want me to say you ain't Judd. Yeah. Yeah, well he's on the show. When does this thing come out? Comes out Tuesday. Well that doesn't do me show. When does this thing come out? Yeah, it comes out Tuesday. Well, that doesn't do me any good

and you guys misrepresented. I'm glad to know what doesn't do you any good. You two misrepresented to me. Now I know. That this was a promotional item. I like to know just where Judd is gonna be. It's gonna be a Largo with me tonight. Okay, that's helpful for me to know.

The 29th. That's helpful. I wish he'd be working on a movie. James, well I have a movie idea. I wish this came out last Tuesday. Bring this to Judd, bring this to Judd. This is so good. James, it's you.

Give it to me. It's a movie, it's a true to life. Judd likes to do these true stories of comedians. Like, it's you skewering the toxic culture at UTA. It's about your horrible, ideally female agent and your bad relationship. It's called misrepresented.

Because you kept saying that we misrepresented and it kept hitting my ear and I was going, this is for Judd. But you were misrepresented. This is for James. You were misrepresented. You were misrepresented. And she was named misrepresent. And you were misrepresented. This is for James. You were misrepresented. You were misrepresented. I was misrepresented. And she was named misrepresent.

And she's misrepresented. Yes. That's her name. I liked everybody over there. So crazy that you keep saying that. See the thing about UTA, I liked everybody over there. Because Judd left them as well. So like what is going on there?

Well where is he? You guys talk about that? Where is he now? I've talked to him twice and both times briefly sort of in restroom lines. That's where the booking really goes down. I'll tell you what, restroom lines are the new golf course.

Yeah. The deals happen in the line at the restroom. That's why I say yes to every Apple event because you don't know who is going to be needing to, you know, pee, poop. I mean, just those two covers a lot of ground. That's a lot of ground. And there's other reasons to go to the bathroom. Splash a little water on your face.

Splash your hands, just cold water on your face. Just reset. Just look in the mirror, get psyched up. But I can't count. Do cocaine. I can't count on a Judd or a Brian Grazer to be just washing their hands at an Apple event. I have to kind of be, you know,

I post up in the corner and I'm like, he's had some white wine. And he chased it with some water. I know this guy's about to pee. Blasts right out of him, huh? Sure enough, I see him. I mean, white wine and water, nothing looks more like urine than that.

Yeah, you know that that, you know that guy's getting ready to pee and that gives you. The kidneys are like done and dusted. Here we go. Nothing for me to do here. Send it right along through. Yeah, I'll just, I'm on my break.

And that's where it goes down. Tell the bladder I'm on my break. Yeah. You know, I'm gonna take five, have a smoke out back. Yeah, but I'm not into that development crap right now. I really just, I'm really- Stop! Oh, that's not how I think of her saying it. This actually did help me.

Oh, it's so, it's so aggressive. It's so forceful. It's like a real problem. That sounded more like a Red Hulk. And then the guest is- I thought it was like, I just thought of it as her like kind of getting excited and almost being like,

I can't even believe what you're saying. Like stop. No, no, she really, really needs people to stop right now. Like it's crazy. Oh wow. But that's what your kind of cool therapist would do. And people usually just kind now. Like it's crazy. Oh, wow. But that's what you're kind of cool therapists would do. And people usually just kind of like keep doing the show. I think she doesn't, she really wants everyone to stop.

I think she doesn't want to do the show anymore. Seeing what she wishes the show was off. Yeah. Hollywood Hamburg. Hollywood Hamburg. You were saying we should talk about, that you feel like we should adopt some of the, more of the conversational topics from that show.

And your first example, I think was BJ Technique. Yeah, BJ Technique. Yeah. Yeah. Well, he's a great comedian. I mean, he's, you know, he's had that. He's a great writer. He had the premise, you know, that FX show.

And there was that movie where he was, it was a podcast type thing. With podcasts, yes. Yeah, with podcasts. Which are kind of- What was it called? Vindicated? It was called

Vangance. Valiant, Prince Valiant. Oh, Vangance. Vangance. Vangance. Yeah, I didn't see it. I think it was basically near Austin for some of it. He goes to Texas. Yeah, Austin.

I feel like I should clarify. Not like a big city part of Texas. I wanna clarify, I don't have any connection to Austin. We were supposed to be in that movie. Well, we're telling you to stop having connection to Austin. And if you had seen it, you would know that. Did you guys read for Vanganser? No, it was just a request that he wanted his character

to be listening to other podcasts at some point, I guess, to like research what was out there. On the subway. And that we gave him clearance to listen to our podcast. And they said send us a clip. What we forgot to. Because, but also like this is how they. I didn't see that scene though.

It's the same thing with them getting you to hop on the stage at SNL. Oh, just like let us use your podcast, like in the movie. Do we have clearance to use your podcast? And you go see the movie. It's just a guy listening to a full episode of your podcast on the subway. Then him like going picking another one.

You just gave that away. What are other guests I know? Well, it's really interesting that you bring up SNL because. The clipper we were gonna send was you. Yeah. It was all you talking. Oh yeah, no, don't worry. It was your epi-

Yeah, of course it was your episode. That's the one we'd send to PJ Novak. I just knew he was gonna ask. I know. I mean, thank God you didn't. I've been trying to get that thing buried. What were you gonna say about SNL? I was gonna say that,

I know you're kinda kidding around about like, get on up there and hop up up there. I don't think people realize that the Donald Trump segments are basically me up there, no script. Yeah. Just doing whatever I want. They basically, you know, I mean, you know that I mean you know

A lot of it is improv and the writers are great the writers are amazing It's like it's no shade to the writers are great, but the cast fully improvises every episode Yes, I mean that's just the truth the writers are kind of there to it It's nice to kind of have the writers there right just to encouragement encouragement Smiling yep Yeah, I think that uh Just encouragement, encouragement, smiling. Yeah, I think that that is actually something that gets discussed a little bit, is like the way the writers came up with that.

Yeah. That, I mean, because you watch the rest of the show and it's nice. Yeah. That's nice. Yeah. But you nice. Yeah. But you watch that and you go, Yeah. He's channeling something.

Jordan. It's Jordan. Yeah, Jordan Sparks. It's Jordan Sparks, baby. What I say, what I like to say, I say this to Hayes. Sister. Ruby, yeah, yeah.

What I say to Hayes all the time is when there's J-A-J in a sketch, Jajina sketch. Jajina sketch. Right? Yeah, I mean. Because it feels like having sex, seeing you, you know,

seeing you like really let loose up there. And like it is, you know, to go off the dome, like which feels like dome as well, kind of getting dome. But it's, yeah, and it's even better. But to see you flowing is to me, like, it's like this raw kind of sensual experience where the rest of the show is like very planned and they've got their costumes and they've is like very planned and they've got their costumes

and they've got their wigs and they've got their, you know, little set design. It's date night. We've all agreed and it's written on the cue card. And then I'm watching this guy and it's dance. It's performative dance, which is really just a form of having sex, you know? Yeah.

And just like the way you move up there and the connections that you make. Oh man, yeah, SNL, it's like sex. It's a giant sketch. You show up there as dude, and every single one of my fucking glands, the damn bursts. Yeah.

You know what I mean? Oh yeah. No, I need a bucket next to me. And the village is like, is completely wiped out. Yeah. Buckets and buckets. Buckets of juice, man. Yeah.

Just juiced. Every gland. I need a- There's another one. Oh, I thought that was all of them. Here goes another one. I need a full, a full packet of Liquid IV next to me for like, just right after watching one sketch

because I'm totally depleted. Yeah. There's no more fluids. And imagine how I feel, you know, I'm up there doing it. I think part of what's happening is I am. I am, that is, that's exactly what's going on. That's what gets you, that's what's using my imagination.

Yeah. So some people might, I mean, it's crazy cause I just take for granted like that other people are having my experience, but then I go, well, I'm a creative. Like, I'm represented at UTA, my agent's calling me this morning. I really liked everybody over there. I mean, when I look back at my time there.

So disrespectful, really, at some point. Just say what went wrong. Just be honest, so they can improve. When you say it like that, it's like you think there's no possibility that they'll be able to understand what's going on in their lives. what went wrong, just be honest so they can improve. When you say it like that, it's like you think there's no possibility that they'll be able to earn your business back if you don't tell them what actually happened.

It's not constructive. Here's the thing. It's not constructive. So if you just say what you wish they were doing better, what CAA I guess promised to do, and I don't know if there's some sort of, you know, backroom dealing happening. Or is it just watching Judd and saying, I'm Judd,

which if that's what you're thinking, I actually have a friend who has a message for you. Yeah, right. Yeah, I mean, honestly. It's not gonna be easy to hear. If you wanna know what the story was. But Jack, it ain't Judd. Do you want me to say what the story was, what went down? Yeah. I was too spread out. I was with a million different places for a million different things, you know. But Jack, it ain't good. Do you want me to say what the story was? What went down?

Yeah. I was too spread out. I was with a million different places for a million different things. You know, at UTI, I was in commercial animation. Had three people in commercial animation. At CAA, I had four people in just like YA, sci-fi and fantasy stuff that I do.

In, at WME, that was kind of my, that was on camera principle commercial. And then, you know, I was at McDonald's. I was at. The principle in that commercial, I just wanna say. He's acting so weird. It's like, whatever, it's a choice. You're making a choice.

Yeah. Like it's fine. No principal I've ever seen is doing that. I just, I was surprised that like, so the gushers are exploding and like people are surfing around the entire school. Which is basically what happens to me when I watch you play dude on that show.

Right. Like basically, like the glands are going so hard, my kids are basically like surfing down the hallway. Yeah, they float away. Principal is like, like into it. Well, like he's- Cause other teachers are frustrated. Yeah, but he's not as engaged as I would think.

He's like doing other, he's doing stuff on the computer. There's a lot of interior work. A lot of interior work. I don't know what's so important on the computer that he wouldn't need to pay attention to the gushers, but also he looks over and he's like, okay, okay. He's in charge of the school, he's in charge of the safety of the students.

Yeah, that's true. So I would think that he would have at least, at least a little awareness of, well, everyone's true. So I would think that he would have at least, at least a little awareness of like, well, everyone's surfing right now. Like, but it's not like, okay, I think he'd be like, I should call someone. Even if it was that. The school's gonna have to be shut down.

Right. Like this is actually probably the end of school. At least for today. And you're just on the computer? I mean, if what he's writing on the computer is, note to self, no Gushers policy at school. If there is school. But then we should see the screen.

And that's not your job, you're not doing it. Did you direct that one? And then why is he looking over? Where are you for directing, McDonald's? McDonald's. Yeah. Well, like, I'll tell you what I did for Gushers, because that's actually, that's like a project

that's really important to me. And maybe like a bone of contention with the whole split from all these agencies. But that, you know, every day I would be typing, you saw me typing the commercial, the computer, I was typing personalized letters to all the kids. Because we really became a tight-knit group over the course of that.

And there's a reunion every couple years we get together. Two of the kids actually got married recently. To the Gushers kids. And we lost a bunch of them in that commercial. And you see that happen as well. Well, I mean, basically the suite here that- Basically, the sweet hereafter, and you know, that's what's so sweet about it. Yeah, the gushers.

The sticky gushers going everywhere. The gushers were sweet. The movie itself is just like, there's nothing really that sweet in this. I thought it wasn't kind of answering a question that I had seeing the sweet hereafter. It's like, where's the sticky, where's the sticky sweet juice?

Yeah, and it seems like, it seems like what, what happened actually is someone said here when they handed the gusher and then after there was sweet. And so it feels like they kind of fucked up the name. Like it should be here after sweet. Or yeah, sweet, right, that's right. Here, after, sweet? Sweet, here, after.

Yeah, well, that's what I wish someone had said after because so many people died in the Gussher, you know, explosion that happened. And nothing could be really done about that. I mean, at the time it was this big disaster. But this is you, like, I'm noticing a pattern where like with you, Tate's like, I liked everyone, there was nothing they could have done.

I did like everyone. And then it's like, no, nothing was wrong, and then everyone died in the sort of gusher explosion. It's like, and nothing could be done about that, and there's no accountability, and there's no responsibility. Just an A-H human response to other people. What's going on in anyone else's interior experience?

Well, this is the thing with the impression. What is it that's good for him? Every conversation with us is like, well, here's what I need out of the conversation. This is what we talked about with the impressions, which is like, it's fun, it's very funny, like we all do, you know, we all wanna do an impression, but it's objectively cruel.

And we learned a little something about this, and I don't have to bring it up, but like, obviously, we learned a lesson, I hope, this season. Yes, nothing could be done, right? Nothing we could've done. Here's what I'll say, and I just wanna say this. You better not do an impression of me on that show. God help you if you try to do an impression of me

on that show. If I turn on SNL and I'm on there and I see myself, even a character where it's like, it's not me, but it's obviously me, If I see that, James, Amy Lou Wood's gonna feel like Amy Lou Feathers. Gonna feel like Amy Lou Feathers. In terms of how it's made soft. Wood being, yeah.

Wood's hard. That hits you, that's pretty hard. Wood's hard. That's comparatively gonna feel like Amy Lou Feathers. It's gonna feel like you got hit with Feathers. Are you texting UTA? I'm texting one of the writers of the show. Can I please come back? It's comparatively gonna feel like you got hit with feathers. Mm-hmm. Are you texting UTA? I'm texting one of the writers of the show.

Can I please come back? We have a big dry erase board of impressions that I'm doing, and I'm gonna have one of the writers who are there for us. Yeah. Mm-hmm. To just sort of erase it.

That's your pit crew. That's your pit crew. It's the pit crew. Well. I'm just gonna text the writer Mike to tell him. While you're texting, you better not be texting them to do an impression of my ass. Okay, and Hayes, I didn't wanna get him riled up. I had to say what I said.

If there's an impression of my ass on SNL. You spelled Davenport. Stop. Stop! All right, I'll stop. Then you might as well change NBC to NBC-a-later. The show and the network will NBC-cease-to-desist. And SN will be taking a major L in court. Major L. Take this L.

No, I get it. Hold this L for me. I get it. You're court. Major L, take this L. Hold this L for me. I get it, you're saying. An L's for lawsuit. I get it, I get it. Saturday night dead. Saturday night.

Well, that's what I'm saying. I'm not gonna kill him. You wanna say it. No, no. Just say it. Say Saturday night dead. We're not killing anybody and you take it to this place of like being so brutal, so mean.

It's just disgusting. Can we? I would hope that you would learn, I mean, you're working with Judd, even just in the bathroom line. I've talked to him in the bathroom line a couple times. There's a sweetness, there's a heart. There's a soul. There's four people him in the bathroom a couple times. There's a sweetness. There's a heart. There's a soul.

A core people. Do we mess up? Yeah, sometimes. Sometimes we do, but we're trying to figure it out. Could I grow up a little bit? Yeah. Could I smoke a little less weed and do more work at my job?

Sure. But like, give me a fucking minute, okay? Well, what you don't see in the montage of the movie is all of the work that those characters are doing to get to that place, you know? You don't see Christopher Menz-Plas all the months that he- You kinda do see that in the montage. You see a montage.

I thought that's what the montage is. Show montage. He's been criticized for that, I feel like, for showing that stuff. I like it, but I'm just saying what's been happening. You want a scene to cut, and the very next scene is that person half a year later having grown, but you don't get to see any of the visual cues

that suggest growth is occurring. Is that what you were saying? Well, I'm having grown when he goes up there as dude. Mm-hmm. Oof. So you should hear it. I'm having quite a growth. All right, you should hear it.

Okay, I'm just feeling a little bit targeted because. Oh no. It really is like, it do be like that, but like, I'm feeling a little bit targeted because you guys are clearly jealous of my success. Speaking of target, at the Sunset Target, you were saying you found an SPF that you were looking for? Australian sunscreen, I think, goes down a lot better than.

James! Stop! See? That's like your friend. I think that's what I wanted. That's like your friend. That's what a friend would do. That's very Alex Cooper.

That's so Alex Cooper-coded. Hollywood handbook. Hollywood handbook. So... I think we can get there. I think we can get there. I think we can get there, James. I think we, let's hear a couple, not dude. Not dude, obviously.

I can't be that. I can't listen to every music. We just drive this place out. I can't handle that. But, and as much as I enjoy, obviously, the release I get from watching you as dude, it is, it's not nice. It's all cruel.

You can tell that there's a mean-spirited behind it. Yes, and I just wonder, can I have one nice impression? Just something nice. So who else, like? So like, give me something else. I mean, you know, I've been doing Kamala Harris, I've been doing Paul Giamatti. Who's in the show tonight?

Who's in the show tonight? Let's get it right for the, you know, for the first night of the tour. For people who are gonna miss it because they don't hear this until Tuesday? Which you could have told. What I'm hearing is that the show is not sold out. That's what I'm hearing.

That's what I'm hearing in your anxiety. That's the message that I'm getting. Yes, and can I just say is that the show is not sold out. That's what I'm hearing. That's what I'm hearing in your anxiety. That's the message that I'm getting. Yes, and can I just say, that's fine. That's okay. It's okay. It's a big ass venue. I release you from that pain. It's a big venue. Don't take on that responsibility.

They could have probably promoted it better, you know what I mean? Hell, we could have helped more. Don't bring Mike Largo into this. That is, that's a buddy of mine, you know? We've hung out a few times. We both left UT around the same time. And that really brought us together.

Whoa. And he did not like everybody over there. But I liked everybody over there. Who are we gonna hear from? And he did not like everybody over there, but I liked everybody over there. Who are we gonna hear from? Mike Largo, Antigua, baby why don't we go to creative artists agency and we'll have, we won't be misrepresented. This is the opening credit song. Yeah. Way down in James Johnson town. Yeah. John Johnson's senior town. James Johnson's senior town. But you were,

oh yeah, so we're hearing that it's not sold out, but who else is gonna be doing the show? You know. It's Judd. There's, I got Dave Longstruth from Dirty Projectors is there. Okay, you're gonna do an impression of him? He's on the show and I think I might even do a little impression of him. Oh, oh, I'm asking who are we gonna be we attended the show? I know Billy Bob Thornton. Billy Bob Thornton. Oh, he might pop up on stage?

My pop up on stage. I mean, this is a guy who, and like, if we're inhabiting this person and trying to have a little sensitivity in our treatment of him, this is a man who has gotten divorced. Like, let's just say. Yeah. And that's something he got to the other side of.

And he's a little prickly. It doesn't define him necessarily, but it is a part of his story. And I think to completely ignore it is not to honor his truth. So I think he's been divorced. And the prompt is to be sweet and to not be. I would like the impression to feel like it's being done

with kindness, with affection. Understanding, oh, just a little bit of grace. Just actually knowing, like, this guy's been through a lot. He was divorced, which is not something he loved. And that thing where they were wearing each other's blood, you remember that? Remember they were wearing each other's blood? That means that he got like,

He had a cut of some kind. Yeah, like a vial of her blood or something. Yeah, either, yeah. I guess she was, but she had, he had her blood, but she had his blood. She had his. So where'd that blood? It had to come from somewhere.

Came out of something, you know what I mean? All right, here's this. Here's this. Here's how it's gonna be. I think, cause I heard one time he was on the phone with her while he was at Kroger. Kroger, okay. And yeah.

Okay. Yeah. So I wonder what that would have sounded like. Okay. That's what you heard. Okay. Yeah, hi, Angelina. I was just, I know you said that you needed a family pack

of strawberry jello, but I couldn't remember if you said that that was supposed to be the sugar-free kind or, so just, I don't know, whenever you get this, just give me a ring. I don't care. So stop! So, I like the impression, I like the area.

Do we have to- I don't like what the impression implies. Do we have to do these gender role, right? I can't remember what you wanted. Oh, you should be watching your figure with the sugar free. Oh, the stupid man. This dumb ass husband doesn't know the grocery list. Oh, what would we do without our wives?

We wouldn't be able to feed ourselves without our wives. What if he said this, and I'm not gonna do the impression. Hey, I enjoyed. I'm not gonna do it. But what if he said, I'm here at the grocery store, I remember that you said you wanted

the family pack of strawberry jello. And I wrote down that you wanted the full sugar version because you deserve to indulge yourself. My queen. I hope we never get divorced. I mean, would that feel better to you? Something like that. I think he could actually just for her. And if we do, it would that feel better to you? Something like that.

I think he could actually just for her help. And if we do, it would probably be what's best for both of us. I think he should be honest with her and say, I will not be buying you the full sugar version. Okay. That's interesting too, yes. As a means of control.

However, are you implying that the blood in there was fake jello? Is that what you're trying to imply? I think perhaps on some level, that that could be what I'm saying. Wow. And that they need a whole family pack to experiment? Wow, because they've got to make it more blood like.

Each other's bloods? Make it more conscious. Yes, yes's bloods? Adding more conscious- Yes, yes, because it can't be fully liquid, it obviously can't be fully jello. And so getting that sort of correct viscosity that they need the family pack to work with. Well, if that's the case, then let's just say it. I don't know if it's nice,

but let's kind of say what the process is gonna be. And let's have him not be like a Southern guy. I know, it's such a cliche. You know what I mean? No, I'm from the South. You're from there, do you sound like that? You don't sound like that. Oh, everyone from there sounds like that?

This is how you sound here. I'm listening to you right now. When I'm drinking, if I have a couple drinks, it really comes out. So you're implying that he was drunk at the grocery store. So he's going down the aisle at the store, taking poles of rum off the, from the shelf. Mm-hmm.

Of the Goslings dark rum. Yeah. Mm-hmm. Yeah. Wow. Yeah, I mean, he's a rock and roller. I mean, he's a rebel. He's an American iconoclast. And, you know, I've, he's a rock and roller. I mean, he's a rebel. He's an American iconoclast.

And, you know, I've never met him, but we've hung out a few times, and he's somebody who's... I have friends like that. I have friends like that. Yeah. We could hang out. Hung out a few times, but I've never met him. You know, seven nights a week.

I've never met him. Never really met him. Never really met him. I think I'm never met him. You know, seven nights a week. I've never met him. Never really met him. Never really met him. I think I'm that for Kevin. I'd certainly like that to be the case. I hope he doesn't feel like he knows me. If he does, I've done something wrong. Really?

Mm-hmm. And finish that name. Kevin. Would that I could, friend. Yeah, okay. It will remain unfinished. Gotcha. I've heard it.

The rest remains unfinished. I've gotten it before, but it just, it will not stick. Just one of those names, faces, personalities. George Lucas is gonna be on the show tonight. Ah! George Lucas. George is coming. Now that's what I'm talking about.

That's making those other guys put their middle name. You know what I mean? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. So that's gotta be like the George P. Lucas talk show. Yes, sir, yes, sir. It's a huge get for us, yeah. Mm-hmm. Yeah, Connor Rapp fucked.

Let's hear from him, he's got this. You know what I mean? He's got this new museum out here. Yeah, it's here. Yeah. Okay. Sorry. You have your headphones on, Kevin.

Is that exactly what I just fucking said? Yeah. So is he gonna talk about that or like, I don't know. Whatever. I mean, the original impression is pretty mean Yeah. So is he gonna talk about that or like, I don't know, whatever. Direct people to the museum or- I mean, the original impression is pretty mean and I'm hearing that that's- Let's hear the original.

Let's hear it, let's hear it. Let's hear the original. Let's hear the original. He's never gonna hear this part and then we'll- I'm sure this one will be really nice. Yeah, and then we'll be able to make it nice and I think that actually everyone can have a good time at the show tonight, if anybody comes.

Okay, so how do I get in there kitchen door kitchen door all right you know I showed I showed an early cut to Brian DePalma and he said I I don't care about any of these characters I'm not invested in this story you know who's the little guy who looks like a trash can that you I don't care about any of these characters. I'm not invested in this story. You know, who's the little guy who looks like a trash can? I can't relate to this guy. He said, I want to kick him. You know, I want to kick him every time he see him on screen.

R2, whatever the fuck his name is, you know, it just makes me want to run up and smash him against a rock. You know, we were in Tunisia against a rock, you know. We were in Tunisia for a while and it was really hot and I remember Anthony was feeling really constricted in the C-3PO costume. I said, you need to push through it because we only have a number of days and we have a lot to accomplish.

Stop! We only have a number of days, and we have a lot to accomplish. Stop! James, let him take some of the costume off. Let C-3PO take, and you can choose which pieces he takes off. My suggestion would be just to let a little heat out and still maintain the illusion.

Just the torso plate. So you just see a bare man's chest. Nipples, belly button. Sort of a Schumacher Batman version of C-3PO's costume. Yeah, but with that one too, that was my thing with that costume, the exact same thing. Okay, you're showing the nipples, just take the whole torso plate off.

Or what about this, because we all know where we're getting hot and swampy, is that he takes off the sort of metal cond piece, and he just has sort of bulging bikini briefs. A full man's bikini briefs. Yes, and it's just, that's coming out of C3PO. I actually think that could be more futuristic and more sci-fi.

Because it would be a sexually liberated society, you're saying. Well, but yes. And they should have the red, kind of long stockings of the time, fashion of the time, those ones that had like a flap on the back and a big button and a flap on the front as well. Like an old prospector's underwear. And one button undone, one button open

and a little peek of like the top of a, you know. Like the underwear that an old man in the woods would wear. Yeah, that's right. And it has two big wood buttons and one of them is undone. Fashion cyclical, right? So by the time we get to that point in our future, the space travel, the robots, all that, we're probably gonna be back around to that underwear,

which there was nothing wrong with it. There was nothing wrong with it. We didn't get rid of it because it was broken. Well, it's all, I don't wanna be like my dad. I don't wanna be like my dad. So you think Revenge of the Sith would have worked a little bit better if people were wearing night gowns

and stocking caps and wooden shoes. I think it would be better if the actors on set were comfortable, if they weren't like in physical pain. And then maybe we'd been walking around so crazy. You think an itchy wool body suit is comfortable and that's why we got rid of it. It got the job done, didn't it? We got the gold out of the river.

I notice there's not much gold left. I go down to the river, I look in there, I don't see a lot of fucking gold in there. Are there any gold? So we were able to do that in that underwear, but no, no, no one could make your movie in that underwear. It's really interesting you bring that up because- Making movies panning for gold.

It is, isn't it? It's all a gold brush. That's all it is. And I couldn't be happier for Lilo and Stitch remake. I couldn't be happier for those guys. Me too. Cause they really hit a vein. Finally a win.

Finally a win. Yes. Finally a win for those guys. Jesus, because it's like, everyone's just talking about like, they don't like it. Just watch it. No, it's good for me.

It's a little bit bittersweet because I was involved with Snow White and I ended up on the cutting room floor as you know, is common with people in our, Yeah. You know, circle. And it's an eight. Hello, UTA?

Yeah. We had them on, Just saw the latest edit of Snow White. You fired, right? Yeah, I might. I might. I might write that down. Yeah, I might write that down for that. Sounds a little cruel, though.

It seems like it goes against sort of your whole mission today. Well, it's him standing up. It's you, as him, actually like standing up for yourself. Yeah. He was mad that he got cut out of the Snow White movie. Suddenly, at this advanced age, growing a backbone. Trumpy, Trumpy the eighth dwarf. They couldn't have dude play a dwarf.

James Johnson senior vertebrate. Yeah. Yeah. But I think- I had a great time with Rachel. I had a great time with whoever played the other seven dwarfs. Being friends with Rachel and doing George Lucas.

Bro. Rachel Zegler's coming out of the show tonight. Bro. She'll be there. Friends with Rachel and doing George Lucas. Bro. Rachel Zegler's coming out of the show tonight. Bro. She'll be there. Yeah, she'll be there. And her and Judd talking. Tough medicine. What would that sound like?

Her and Judd talking, right? Yeah. Here's what it'd sound like. I think you're in the wrong bathroom line. Yeah. Not trying to be difficult. And then maybe she goes, I think you're in the wrong bathroom line.

Okay. Judd was in the wrong bathroom. That felt mean. And that's, you know, that's to heighten it. Well, yes. Now we really created a comedic scene. It's a scene now. Well, it's not just a scene, it's comedic.

It's comedic, yeah. Who's one more guy, and I'm sure it's a guy, who we might hear from at the show tonight? I feel like I've cued it 20 times on this episode so far, but Paul Giamatti is gonna be coming out at the show probably, yeah. Okay, okay. And what's he talking about?

Well, you know how every last guy, Billy Bob's got a Taylor Sheridan, what's his nuts, Costner's got a Taylor, Harrison Ford and Sam Elliott. It's like all of these people, Lioness, like all these people have a Taylor Sheridan as a freaking Taylor Sheridan vehicle. So, you know, what would it be like if Paul Dramati had a Taylor Sheridan? Whoa.

Oh, okay. So, what do you mean? Like what would it sound like? Yeah. Oh, I gotcha, yeah. Yeah. Oh, okay. Might wanna put the sweats on for this.

How does that get there? for for this kitchen door kitchen door I was told that there was a lot of oil in this start patch but you're not texting me back. Bye! Hollywood Handbook That was a HeadGum Podcast. Hi, I'm Jessi Klein. And I'm Liz Feldman, and we're the hosts of a new HeadGum podcast called Here to Make Friends. Liz and I met in the writer's room on a little hit TV show called Dead to Me, which is a show about murder. But more importantly, it's also about two women becoming

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