Hollywood Handbook - Jamie Loftus, Our Close Friend

Episode Date: February 8, 2022

JAMIE LOFTUS returns to help The Boys find their voice. Watch the video recording of this episode at Patreon.com/TheFlagrantOnes. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

this is a head gum podcast whitewater adventure it was the clinton scandal yes just clarifying some people think of white water as like a rafting trip i was gonna say i think theme park and then i think scallywood hamburg okay so it's a good thing we clarified okay you were gonna say that i was gonna say that but then were you thinking that were you gonna say it or were you gonna think it and then if somebody else brought it up you were gonna say that you were gonna say it well sometimes i get mixed up thank you no i appreciate that you asked and i was gonna say it but then i decided you know it's a little too early in the show for me to be talking it's not my show so i'm not gonna say it and i'm glad i didn't you know people will obviously have a very negative reaction to how early you talked in this show.

Some portion of the fan base. But those aren't true heads. Those aren't the real fans. Those people, we appreciate them. Yes. We court them. Of course. This is a business endeavor.

But at the same time, those aren't the real fans. The real fans are the 20 to 30 people, listeners, who are like, fuck yes, Jamie. Speak up early. Get yours. You've earned your spot on the show push those guys aside and i'm frankly ready to step aside you're ready to step aside i'm done i didn't think you're gonna bring that up this early in the show this is so important it's so important to hold space for this and this is actually exactly what we want to talk about with jamie loftus jamie you did the show before yeah it was a long time ago

uh your appearance then i don't remember anything about it but it's not it's not you i don't remember anything that has ever happened on the show okay but at the time i remember thinking here's a person who's fully in command of their own power this is the next generation this is the person who is going to uh come for my spot new models out i went uh-oh new models out yeah they're factory ain't gonna be making much of me anymore and she's doing these long form podcasts where we might we probably talked a little about this last time you take like one book and you do a podcast that's like even longer than the book then you did a comic strip comic strip kathy which is even shorter and you did a podcast that is so much longer than all the

comics oh it was really long it's a lot longer than a comic and i think this is someone who's in command of their own power i would love to be able to harness my skills and abilities that way i'm approaching this with a severe disadvantage which is i hate the sound of my own voice oh my god i think i said earlier i was gonna step down and i a big part of it is i cannot listen to myself i cringe i hate the sound i hate the sound of my own voice and people say it's cringe to you it's so cringe it's cringe it's choogy people say so then why did you just say that you hate the sound of your own voice no one asked you to talk about that if you're looking to make cuts in the stuff that you're saying maybe start with that this thing that you

say all the time but but that's what makes it raw you know that's you get raw right at the top and then but i but you do risk the point of pointing out how your voice sounds and then i can't stop thinking about it and then i'm like wait a second am i planting it in the head of the audience i can't stop thinking about it either it causes me severe emotional and physical pain makes me throw up i have misophonia i have misophonia and the and the sound that is triggering for me and that sets off my anxiety is in fact the sound of my own voice my own voice because me so phony yeah yeah and meanwhile you jamie loftus yeah uh-huh jamie made us you made us loft you made us laugh wow you made us last time you were here oh i loved did i make you think i laughed and laughed. But did I make you think? I laughed and laughed. Oh, I was laughing.

Jamie, you made us laugh so much. And that's why we wanted to have you back because you're someone who, your voice is very nice. You like the sound of it. I can't stop talking. And when you say stuff, you say like,

you do like a little hee hee hee. Like, just like. Yeah. You like something that you say. Well, that's how i get into my own accent hee hee hee hee yeah i love a good little hee hee you know it kind of gets me into uh it gets me into myself that's how i get out of bed in the i don't get out of the bed for less than five to six hee hees i noticed you are currently sitting on a bed is that right i am yeah yeah so what happened today today something went bad days over you didn't get out of there at all no i couldn't i couldn't get the i couldn't get the heads out later for you than it is for me so you've never left your bed no it's 8 47

p.m i never left my bed okay uh-huh is that is that i'm sorry is it okay is that do i have permission oh my god i am i think it's so important that we hold space for you to have a i think a terrible day and not get out of bed. That's good. I was hoping that you would say that. It's troubling for me because we did bring you on the show to help us, to give us advice, to try to get us over the crippling, crippling fear of hearing our own voice. How do you make one of these podcasts that you've been making? And can I stop really quickly?

Hey, did you want to finish your Whitewater story? I feel like we stomped all over it. No, I just want to share something that I really love when I'm hosting the show which is i i'm often looking at kevin kevin's my only real audience and so like obviously when i say something it makes me like it hurts me in my head my body makes me want to throw up but i'm like okay i hope kevin's at least enjoying this and often i will see his face will suddenly like light up with a much brighter light while i'm talking which means that he has gone to another browser window i know that he's not on the zoom feed anymore and i assume it's to like send someone an email being like he's just said something really

nice really smart it's clearly like a like it's a very different field than what he was just in and like wow i think like wow i could say something it could compel kevin to have to actually stop doing his job for a second in order to share with one of his his two friends their names are arias and chris and it's such a it's such a commentary on our our society now right that it is as if kevin has not experienced this part of his life this show if he isn't able to share it the immediacy the ability to, whether he's posting it on social media or whether he's, as you suggested, he's DMing or emailing Darius or Chris.

What do we think about this, Jamie? Like, Kathy's show, very interesting analysis of its role in feminism and body image and how people eat what do we think of the fact that kevin's two friends are both boys i think well okay so there there's a there's a lot to unpack there because i've never seen how kevin interacts with his boys and that's gonna be really telling i've never seen kevin and this is gonna sound like an attack telling. I've never seen Kevin, and this is going to sound like an attack, but I've never seen Kevin try to interact with a girl,

so I don't know what that would be like. It's a bit like, have you played The Sims? Have you played The Sims? I've played it, yeah, yeah, a couple of times. What kind of Sim were we talking? Like, all The Sims, I think, are basically, what kind of Sim? Are there different kinds now?

Yeah, can't you make them, you can put them in a couple different clothes? Yeah, you can make them aliens. Well, Kevin, you're just giving us suggestions on how to be mean to you about the Sims. Well, if you've played the sims i think it's actually pretty easy to picture kevin uh interacting with a girl and all you have to do is just add a p before the second s um okay okay okay so so i don't think see i think that kevin could have friends who are girls if he's if he if that's the approach but which and so that begs the question are you

you think you can simp for is it cool to simp for your best friend and is that actually what we should be is that actually the standard that we should have that like yes i am a total simp for my best friend yeah anything else is toxic and can you say i'm not simping for my best friend then i'm not supporting them and do you simp your family jamie you simp your family oh yeah i simp for i simp for my family i simp for my my mommy my daddy my brother my cousins my grandpa i stand mommy guys i stand mommy okay but then what's the over what's the overlap of simp and simp and stand if you stand your mommy can you not homer simp for her i simp for god and country i stand mommy of course i simp for the troops. See, I stan the troops.

The troops for me are... We're finding out a lot about you. That's gold. To me, the troops can get it. Okay. I actually just recently talked to daddy and I haven't stopped screaming. I am living for daddy. Daddy is everything.

Is that simping or standing for daddy? Where's the line? That's a question for my therapist and believe me, I'm going to ask it. Well, I simp for my therapist you see kevin has a thrasher t-shirt today yeah kevin what's going on with the thrasher t-shirt he saw a jackass oh my god he's been completely out of control yeah oh his him and his two boyfriends are like um just like wrestling around all the time. Like when we first got in the Zoom before you got here,

these guys were like wrestling around with him. And he was going like, I'm jackass number one. And they were going like, I'm jackass. I'm the jackass. And like all like fighting. It was really not healthy. I feel like boys are always, you know, the boyfriends are always trying to figure out

who the number one jackass is, and they don't do that on the show. They're all little jackasses on the show. Why has it become a contest when it's Kevin and Darius and the third one? I think he's missed the point. Kevin and Darius and Chris. Chris.

Well, okay. So I've been finding... So first of all, I just want to say, I'm glad we're asking so many big questions tonight. Me too. You know, like it's... I feel really opened up to a lot of discourse. I feel like with Jackass,

it really, it brings out a side of people that I haven't seen in many... It brings out a side of people that I haven't seen in many. It brings out a side of people where they're like, do you remember when comedy was just this? Could we get back to this, please? Yeah. I've been seeing a lot of that. People want to just get back to, could we get back to this, please? I agree with this.

Simpler. Yeah. Yes. I agree with this. Yeah. Do you agree with this? There was i agree with this yeah do you agree with this there was a time when comedy was just this uh and that was comedy at the time that was comedy okay keep that in mind can we get back there can we please get back to this the The context of that, I wasn't aware that it, that was comedy at the time. But then for a while, maybe it wasn't. But now we're going to do it again.

Fundamentally, comedy is surprise. Okay. That is all. Would you agree that the jackasses, one, two, three, however you want to label them, are frequently surprised. Oh, I would say that they're only surprised. And that is why they're goals for me.

And that's comedy and that's goals. And this was, can we please also bring back, with Bob's passing, I've been thinking about this all the very more. Can we bring back america's funniest can we please bring back afv there was a time when this is what comedy was it was very simple

she i would love to bring back afV. Let's do it. The cat. It goes on the cat trampoline. Hello. I'm sitting down on the floor in much the position that Jamie is now recording this podcast. I'm a little kid. I watch the cat trampoline. I go. Me sitting on the floor'm a little kid i watch the cat trampoline i go me sitting on the floor is a little kid i'm like a baby and you don't laugh like that anymore you know i've never heard you laugh like that i grew up

and that was my mistake. It's my greatest regret. And it's maybe why you hate the sound of your own voice because it's not your voice anymore. No, you've got to get back to that. And people will say, well, we don't need AFV anymore. That's just YouTube. But I've looked at YouTube and I don't think I'm seeing a lot of footage of sledding. People sledding and maybe mom falls off the sled or maybe the sled bumps into dad. I'm not seeing that on YouTube.

So I think that the videos were simple, but you oversimplify it when you say that that's just youtube now that's not where's the youtube is lectures on rules yes i if you know how to look for it uh-huh the style of jackass number one in particular has been around all along there is some sort of like underground like prank video channels where guy walks up and is like hey what's up i'll give you like 50 dollars if we can have a kiss and the girl's like okay sure i guess so and then they just they they like they make out like they kiss for a really long time uh and it's uh it's not like a prank per se does it actually culminate in it being a prank that just kind of happens and then the guy's like

prank channel yeah it is absolutely a prank channel for sure does she get the 50 this doesn't sound like a prank i guess so at the end he's just kind of like awesome thank you and she's like yeah sure like for sure cool you don't see the 50 yeah you don't see you don't think it happened i need need to see the $50 because I feel like he's giving her an Amex gift card or something and then you scan it and then it turns out it was never activated at the store. I'm not saying this has happened to me, but I'm saying if I'm watching that video,

I'm going to want to see the $50. It creates a tension, doesn't it? It creates a feeling of anxiety. And in that way, it's somewhat thrilling. That's true. And i mean and now i feel like we're making a case against afv because they weren't showing these uh they never showed that kiss transaction they never showed a $50 kiss i watched them all the $50 kiss was not on that and i would send it never came up imagine me as a little boy i I see $50 kiss on AFV.

You were really stepping into your power. Back in those days. I did. I did. Back then, I did know how to step into my power, and I was fully in command. What happened? I'm watching TV. Bob introduces $50 kiss, and I go,

Whoa, no. Oh, no kiss and I go, Whoa, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,

no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,

no, do not touch that remote daddy. Oh, no. See, I never had an issue getting out of bed when AFV was on. Cause I would, I would be hehehehe

like it was not a problem 500 hehe's at the first clip at the first cat trampoline yeah now your hehe's are a little more like hehehe but when you were just like a tiny little kid you sort of laughed like hehehehe

yeah it was heavy it was a flummy hehehehe it was really in the back of the throat yeah it was a throaty but now i can't i can't i can barely do it now i want to i want to learn how we got here jamie i want to sort of cultivate a voice for myself that i could do a long form podcast for that is sustainable it won't like run out it needs to feel authentic to me

but it cannot sound like me needs to be sexy needs to be smart needs to be sweet I want it to be like smart but I want it to be like oh shocks holy shit am i being smart sorry like i'm so stupid i'm being smart like that's important you have to constantly like even if you're like for sure i know exactly what i'm talking about no one knows what they're

talking about in this moment more than i do you have to be like i don't know though do i i don't know i gotta work on that or then or throw in something goofy that you recently did that then makes you relatable so no one gets mad at you for being yes about something give me an example give me an example of this from your own work okay from my okay so here i would do something like uh okay so i'm talking about the book lolita it's a heavy topic difficult topic i'll talk about uh you know a a theme or very specific thing that happens in the book and hayes you've listened to the show sean you haven't and and i hold space for that get my head around it there's also a new dad he's listening to the new dad podcast i would say lolita is a new dad podcast i think it's okay it's but that so so

hayes maybe you remember this that i would uh i would say something i would make my point and then there'd be a little pause and i giggle and i go sorry i just pissed myself a little oh my god and i'd be like as i was saying did you do you have to do it or you say it you you you have to do it but not as much as you made it sound like you did with your voice yeah that happened a lot she would say yeah like oh no my piss and okay there's another some of more piss again yes oh no yes okay so here comes the piss again all right some more piss is coming out right now yeah yeah i would stop interesting that let me try that let me try that can we give that a shot okay let me try that so i'll be you know something serious something serious something serious uh-huh but whatever okay okay some more piss this is yeah the yep that's the piss again

okay anyway let's get back to the topic yeah Yeah. Should I not do that because that's yours? I think that that's... I don't lay claim to the pissing yourself during the serious podcast because there's a lot of people that do. Michael Barbaro does that five times a week. Barbaro does it in the intro, but I mean, he's a pro pro right so i would say uh maybe just

don't say that you're pissing longer than the point you were making so let me try quicker hey yeah i want to try to do that as well okay so uh so lolita can be very interesting and good but also very bad and nasty oh no pissed drawers on my haunches does that sound real that i i'll be honest with you that i didn't believe you were pissing yourself at all in that. Were you pissing yourself as you were doing that? No, I was thinking about a time when I did, though. Okay. Well, I think that maybe just to start, you don't have to piss yourself every time.

But for the first 10 to 20 times, you do actually have to let it rip, too. Don't be shy. Could this work? Absolutely. Bl absolutely blast off t-minus helicopter landing piss okay let me try something let me try something quickly and just tell me if this can work because i think this might it'll make it feel a little bit more authentic to my own experience and maybe give me some distance too from your thing so it doesn't feel like I'm like a rip off artist okay Lolita

Lolita is long as hell man okay that oh okay that's just water nope nope that's piss thought it was water but just one second please thought it was water but now i'm realizing where why would water be coming out of there and just be all over my

butt and stuff so it's piss the time the the only thing that i noticed that and like jamie i want you to chime in on this too it was a part where you said specifically that it was all over your butt that was like and while i guess that can happen it's just like it's not how I would describe the experience. Like, oh no, this is like all over my butt now. It's okay. So, all right.

So is something wrong with me? So that, that was true to your experience. You, you like. Yeah. It was that from thinking it was water. That's what's most important to me. Was it? Did you authentically get pissed all over your butt?

Because if so, I would say don't hold back and that actually will build a lot of trust between you and the listener. I think what could happen too is, what I'm hearing from Hayes is, this is not a common experience, but we've always been a little bit of the mind, we'd rather be 10 people's favorite thing in the world

than a thing that a million people kind of like. And so for the sliver of society who does find that it's all over their butt when they do think it's water, but it's piss, those people will be so connected that I can make them follow me anywhere, even through the pages of Lolita. I think that's absolutely true.

I would say, you know, the piss butt comment I thought was very vulnerable. And at first, I was repelled by it. At first, I thought, very vulnerable. And at first I was repelled by it. At first I thought that's disgusting. I've never heard of that happening before. What angle would you need to be pissing at for that to be the case for you? Is it, but,

but then by, by the end, the way that you really just stood in your power and sat in your piss, it made me feel more connected to you uh than than honestly i ever have i thought that was that was just incredible and i've fallen for this like the the effect is fast because i'll be listening to a podcast like jamie's and be like how dare this person like be talking to me trying to like teach me something and like who does she think

she is like have it like doing an entire show and like having it be number one on like vulture and all this stuff when when my show that's pay for play when my show is only number five

and it's actually like three like three or four shows put together uh and then i'm like oh okay well she has piss all over her now so like that actually make you feel better yeah it makes me feel way better okay well that makes me feel great i'm glad that you're so thrilled that i'm uh pissing myself all the time but well i'm thrilled making it makes me feel a little better frankly there's nothing more human than uh appreciating that moment of gratitude you get to live in where you can say i would say, at least my butt is dry. I would rather be number one than number five,

but at least my butt is dry right now. And for you guys, I guess it would be other parts. Yeah, my butt generally stays dry. I don't need to, we don't need to go. Thank you. Unless there's kickback. I don't need to go through the hole. Unless there's kickback.

Well, I have a shield yes it's obviously yes there's a barrier that it's splashing off of and firing back oh oh like when you like when you throw a when you don't have someone to play basketball with you just throw the basketball at a at a wall and catch it again i've never been able to catch it again but yes okay so you've got a sheet okay so you've got a shield you piss against the shield and the piss comes back that's fine yeah i didn't want this to become i i honestly wanted to get into like how we could create a an engaging long form podcast and kind of like meet you in the future where you've already been living for a little while that was mostly the point i didn't want to get into a whole thing about my shield and you know all that stuff

that that wasn't really my my focus. So thank you. Thank you. I'm just feeling a lot of resistance from you. And I want to make space for that. But I'm just feeling like there's so much resistance from you right now

that maybe that's the story, Sean. Maybe that's the shield. Nobody's talking about this. Nobody's talking about this. Nobody's talking about piss shield. Shields aren't only for deflecting piss. They can be for deflecting some of our more complicated

emotions as well. They can be plastic that goes inside a little part of your jeans. Yeah. Or they can be invisible and they can go around a little part of your heart. Sorry, you put the piss deflector in your jeans?

There's a little special compartment in the jeans that, yeah, can just kind of like slot right in there. Oh, okay. So, yes. I this is yes sorry haze i didn't realize you'd seen one of these before i thought that this was new to i've seen it i mean well i certainly some sean had a lot of trouble getting his in the into the i had made like a there was like a slot that was supposed to hold it, but the shield was wider. Well, I thought it was wider. I was holding it, I guess, sort of diagonal.

Hayes could tell you because he put it in. We had to cut a little part of the jeans. Actually, like a huge part. A huge part of the jeans had to be cut off a lot of the jeans are gone but the shields the shields and and the jeans actually are fine i can't stand up in them just because we had to cut off so much and you can see his like his entire like hip bone but for podcasting he's sitting down matter yeah right i mean if you're just seeing yourself from the chest up it's fine i mean that's that that sounds

pretty uncomfortable is it in right now i mean well no that's personal you know what i take that back i just crossed a line yeah the shield's in yeah it's okay well thank you thank you for for i have more questions but i don't i'm trying to i'm trying to read the room and see if if if this is something i guess i'd prefer you share a little bit of information about your own success instead of like being number one on both the the comedy and the normal podcast list. Is that right? Yeah. For Vulture?

Yeah. Okay. So then it's not really a comedy podcast. I just want to... If it's on the other podcast list, then... Why would you have the two? Then it's not really a comedy podcast. And then I guess we would be number four. But... That would bump us up to the the it was miscategorized

but i guess i prefer in that position instead of asking questions of us which is theft questions or thieves and instead statements or gifts instead of making shape like giving us and our listeners, some of whom are still listening to talk about how to do a voice that is sexy, that is smart, that is sweet. And then you add in the little piss thing.

That is big, for me, big boy voice but is also kind of little boy voice if that makes sense yeah yeah i mean you you do need a healthy mix of both i mean you you were both talking earlier about uh you know getting back to the voice that you loved, the voice of your youth, the voice that you felt you could really enjoy AFVN. So I think we should try to bring that in there. Could we do one where, you know, we don't need to do the piss thing again,

but just try, you know, like, take your serious statement. Thank you for saying that about the piss thing. I don't want to make you uncomfortable. I do still have a lot of questions, but I'm going to, you know, do my best to not ask more questions. Can we also just touch a little bit on, like,

because I think a big part of doing these things, from what I can gather, is they're supposed to be about something. Ah. Can we talk about that a little bit? How do you find that, or what are you doing? Okay. I'm glad you asked so how i how i find things is uh i make a list of things that uh

people don't they don't want to hear about it and in fact i actively look for things that when i bring them up to people that i care about that uh they excuse themselves they say stop this they say they say enough i know what you're doing i'm not interested uh i don't have 10 hours to invest in this uh i'm gonna be sick uh i have to leave i'm peeing you know like all this as well wow please call it please call it ambulance I'm having an emergency yeah yeah they said actually there's a big emergency right now and I just called 9-1-1 uh I've had I mean and so I I think of just like the most boring punishing thing I can think about uh and then uh I I you know I kind of test it out among family and friends and if i can get someone

to be so disinterested in what i'm talking about that they call 9-1-1 or they even 5150 themselves if i happen to be in the state of california yeah that's how that's how i know that i'm uh i'm really on to something and and at that point i will then drop everything in my life and for the next uh four to six months i will uh decimate my personal relationships in in in and write everything there is to know about the most boring thing that i could get someone to 5150 themselves over. Well, we've been doing that to an extent by slowly gearing this podcast to be more about Kevin over the past few years.

Oh, okay, okay. I see that. And it hasn't had the same results. So maybe something else about our approach. But I just wanted to ask. But that makes sense and i think we instinctually sort of understood that and i think a good podcaster does kind of have the instinct you know to to do some of these things or it's like well what's the least

interesting thing we could talk about and then it's like well let's just engage with kevin yeah and then let's like and then also it's like you're gonna want it to be real long it's it's just gotta it just has to keep going and i've and and you know with you guys and kevin it keeps going it goes and goes hollywood handbook this week on the pro version sean and hayes read a tv script and share their expertise read to me Kevin, the scene heading and then just the first paragraph. Interior dive bar night. I can fix this. Sorry. With one letter, I'm going to make your script 200% more interesting.

Can I tell you what it is? Can I tell you what the letter is yes i'm not now i'm not sure is it r it is go interior drive bar that's okay this is a that was my suggestion as well drive themed bar yeah oh yeah is all fit every scorpion jackets All fit. Every Scorpion jacket. Yeah. Wall to wall. Yeah. Everyone is the driver from the movie Drive. Yes. Check out the pro version, the flagrant ones, Carl calls his cousin. And the video from today's episode with Jamie at patreon.com slash the flagrant ones. Be a better you in 2024 with Babbel, the science-backed language learning app that actually works.

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Right now, get 55% off your Babbel subscription, but only for our listeners, at Babbel.com slash the boys. Get 55% off at Babbel.com slash the boys, spelled B-A-B-E-L.com slash the boys get 55 off at babbel.com slash the boys spelled b-a-b-e-l.com slash the boys b-a-b-b-e-l b-a-b-b-e-l b-a-b-b-e-l.com slash the boys rules and restrictions may apply with babbel we can't promise it'll always be easy but you'll always be glad you did it kind of like this podcast except it is easy for me eating better is easy with factors delicious ready to eat meals every fresh never frozen meal is chef crafted dietitian approved ready to go in just two minutes speaking of ready to go in just two minutes chef kevin is here with his new show

the chef kevin factor where he creates fresh never frozen meals now this is different kevin i just want to i just want to establish it's none of this like here's a like a pile of ingredients like this is the meal yeah it's not a recipe okay this is the meal you cook the full meal for us now okay yeah you don't just send us a bunch of stuff you had laying around in your cabinet you're actually doing the cooking and there are 35 different options to choose from every week including calorie smart protein plus and keto which is this it's a little bit of all of them okay okay it shouldn't be there are also more than 60 add-ons to help you stay fueled up and feeling good all day long how many add-ons and what are some of them it's one big add-on

and it's you on your bed you're so tired after you eat my meal the at the promises the meal makes us sleepy you've been pushing that so much you're saying that you will be added on to your bed yeah your bed plus one that's the opposite of what this is supposed to do supposed to help you stay a lot of these i know give you a ton of energy they have like smoothies and things like that reservation for two me walking in my bedroom what's the second it's you and your bed. The bed. I guess Clippy.

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and you never realize what you're subscribing to or that you're still being charged i know that i was about 19 dresses into receiving each one of the 27 dresses from the movie 27 dresses before i found out how much it was costing yes that they intended to send me by the way you'll this will shock you 54 dresses if i did not cancel and i you know oh that one's got an end point by like dress 14 15 i think it starts to become clear like these aren't the dresses oh no they were not from the movie they didn't resemble anything from the movie they were not they were either way too big or way too small for a human to wear yeah and one of them was a dressing yeah one of them was it was it was a vinaigrette it was a raspberry vinaigrette. It was a raspberry vinaigrette.

It was a French raspberry vinaigrette dressing. They'll even try to get you a refund for the last couple months of wasted money and negotiate to lower your bills for you by up to 20%. All you have to do is take a picture of your bill, and Rocket Money takes care of the rest. They have over 5 million users and have helped save its members an average of 720 a year with over 500 million dollars in canceled subscriptions and that was i mean just to be fully transparent that 500 million was most of that was the the dresses

well yeah i mean you're talking about hollywood memorabilia you're talking about Hollywood memorabilia. You're talking about, like, ornate gowns, you know, in some cases. And so that was, yeah, that was costing me a lot, a lot, a lot, a lot. Stop wasting money on things you don't use. Cancel your unwanted subscriptions by going to rocketmoney.com slash the boys. That's rocketmoney.com slash the boys. Rocketmoney.com slash the boys. Hollywood handbook. What's the thing on your wall say what's it say what does the thing about it says uh it says uh live well laugh often love much this is uh i do feel the need to say that this is not my room but i could be lying it is your house but it's not your room this is yeah no sorry this

is uh this is this is a room in my house where i do live well laugh often love much if i can you know get enough heads to get out of bed that's generally what i'll do but this isn't my room it's just a room that is in my house i don't really i don't really use it very often but what better message for a podcaster to carry with you every day live well obviously make buku bucks laugh often goes without saying you have to fake laugh to have your audience yes i think that you're enjoying the show as much as they are and love so so so so much i love love i love much loving on the podcast he's what's happening with the is this your voice i feel like you see what you're just doing i feel like it was getting it and i love my audience love my guests love my co-host love my producer wow much much loving on my pod wow okay that was crazy that that was so good that was like changed yeah wow

i was so infused with the spirit of the thing on jamie's wall yeah and and love it's like talking about my voice became really good yeah you you went full male soprano that was that was gorgeous if we focus on the things we love when we're doing our work then our authentic voice will emerge wait a second i love i love my piss shield i love my friend who helped me put it in my special jeans. Oh, I love it so much. Wow, that was really good what I just did. That was so good, Sean. Wow. good what i just did that was so good sean wow i've never i've never heard you access that place

before that was incredible and i like that you both that you both i think it's very uh brave that you both accessed the the vocal fry at the end you have i think that was really nice yeah yeah a vocal fry and then a squeak no that's some number one shit what and what does that sound like are you able to just like bust that out whenever like is that just like in the are you like hawkeye and suddenly the vocal fry is on the quiver. Pwing! I'm exactly like Hawkeye, and people have been saying that for a long time. Yeah, no, you got to do the fry and squeak right when you're hitting your point.

That's episode, the last one, episode nine. You know, at the end. Yes, when we're finally getting to the point, people are like, what is this this speaking of hawkeye but i do as we bring up hawkeye i just wanted to know did you get my letter did i get your letter i don't are not my letter did you happen to receive a letter written on an old typewriter from hawkeye asking you to do a podcast about him wait i did i did get i did get that letter i got it i got it i got a request for it okay it would be nice if you posted that if when you get something like that one thing you can do just

kind of a nice thing to do is like post that because somebody worked sort of hard on it well why didn't you put your name on it if i knew it was from you i would have i would have responded you know oh my god i don't know who else would do a who else and also who else would do a bit so creative and like labor intensive that's true i wasn't giving you enough credit i think my thing was how and and i like when i received that i was like okay first of all that's a great fucking idea how did i not think of that right i should do that no and it kind of is a good idea too like that's part of what makes it kind of like awesome like hawkeye would be like can i have this but then but then my follow-up thought was how did this person have my address and then they also

didn't say who they were at the end of it and so i was you know i wanted to post it but i felt i i yes i put care of my twitter handle at the bottom oh really i didn't i didn't see that there was the ink at the bottom yeah yeah oh okay okay well i'm i'm sorry sean i was mostly uh afraid uh that someone had sent a typewritten letter to my house and i would say and it would you said you said you suggested it i would say it sounded like a demand arrow you said you said you suggested it i would say it sounded like a demand um yeah well hawkeye's whole thing is he shoots arrows so like i did sort of well you said that in the letter i know what you mean yeah you did bring that up and you said you know the podcast would be like an arrow to the heart i didn't say it hawkeye said it he said yeah he said basically like this you know be an arrow to all your listeners that could really affect them.

It'd be a real shame if any real arrows hit any of your listeners if there was no podcast. And it was just sort of like in Hawkeye's kind of voice. See, I haven't seen the show, so I'm sure that you're right. And there were a lot of stains on the letter too. So there were entire sections that I couldn't really make out. I couldn't figure out how to load the ink oh okay you

ever try to use one of those fucking things no well but that doesn't i don't recommend ketchup there was like there was there was all sorts of oh you're loading the ink for you know 45 minutes an hour all of a sudden you get a little hungry for some ketchup you know it's that works up an appetite so yeah okay well i'm really sorry honestly i listened to the kathy podcast uh-huh and the idea that you would say to sean like the fact that he got ketchup all over his art project basically his comedic art project while he was doing it it just doesn't feel to me like it's in the spirit of what we're supposedly learning from kathy which is it is okay to suddenly get ketchup chocolate like whatever else all over everything when she eats it's a disaster yeah yes she's like spraying the food everywhere

yeah she's like a lawn sprinkler but when she does it it contains a cultural message that i think speaks to us all and a lot of people said hey i don't think that you know this cartoon character should be you know spraying ketchup and mustard from her head like a lawn sprinkler every time she sits down at the dinner table. But I just, look, when Kathy does it, it's goals. When Sean does it and I'm feeling a threat of Hawkeye-style violence in my house that I've never told him where it is, it's just not goals for me. I don't know what to say. violence in my house that I've never told them where it is. It's just not goals for me.

I don't know what to say. Can we hear ninth episode we're arriving at the point of show maybe a Hawkeye show maybe what's an interesting

kind of like fake thing that we can like decide is true about the character hawkeye that is what oh that is what i do there might be some appropriation stuff in there oh i guess yeah yeah okay you're and're going to want to use the word grappling. Animal appropriation for sure. Animal appropriation. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. And then there's the renter issue.

That's a whole... There's the renter of it all. That's episode six. The renter of it all. Mm-hmm. Okay. And so now we're getting... We're like...

We're getting to the point. We want this to really connect. I want... I want a fry over medium. I want... You say you like to put the squeak at the end? It's got to end on the squeak, yeah. If you blow your load on the squeak too early, people turn it off.

Okay. Yeah. Any other... What else is on the menu in terms of of how you're gonna how you're gonna finish that thing off i want to hear it from you and i want to sort of know like like what like what you what are we gonna land this toolbox yeah exactly okay all right so so for the hawkeye podcast which i will make sean and yeah he's gonna shoot you with an arrow for me because i know that he's gonna kill me if i don't do it hawkeye was when they wrote the letter isn't that crazy isn't i okay look i believe

that hawkeye wrote the letter and there's certain rooms in my house that i feel like i'm less likely to get hit by you know friendly fire and maybe that's why i record in those sorts of rooms now but you know okay so so episode nine of the hawkeye podcast we've talked about appropriation we've talked about the runner of it all right we've talked about uh we've we've talked about the comic books we talked about the comic books. We've talked about the movies. We've talked about the series. So I'm coming around to my point. It's hour what? Like 18 at this point? If you play it on 1.5, it's at hour 18.

And so I would end it sort of like this. You act like you're about to get to the point you're like so in a way Hawkeye he means a lot of things to a lot of different people and it's not going to be good to all people but I think you need to take into consideration that um well, let me give you an example. My dad loves Hawkeye. And when I was growing up, I was like, I don't get it. And so due to me not getting it, I actually started to prejudge my own father. And so when my father 5150'd himself after so much rejection over Hawkeye being his absolute fave, he would stand at the theaters, he would cheer, and we would laugh. We would laugh at him. And it's one of the greatest regrets of my life. And so say what you will about Jeremy Renner and the whole al alimony issue i think that hawkeye is good actually and then it's over and so that's kind of how i would land that that plane

wow but everyone you got to do a dark family twist at the end yeah and then of course it's all a lie it's totally fake and your dad listens and he's like i don't know who that who's hawkeye i'm not none of this stuff happened and you're like dad i had you listen to this so you could memorize it and anytime someone asks you you better fucking say this is real you motherfucker i will kick your ass yeah i like to call my dad and say dad memory is actually really malleable and every time you access a memory it becomes weaker so you know he can't rely on and and exactly hey dad you piece of shit memory is really malleable especially when i punch you in your fucking dome if you don't tell vulture what they call you, that this is real. Look, Vulture has fact-checked called my dad a lot of times.

And what they don't see is that I have a gun. And I'm out there. I'm at his house. And I'm making him say shit that I made up. And I'm just sharing this with you because I want you guys to have the number one. That's really freeing. Yeah. You don't want to be number one again.

Then the backlash starts. Yes. Yeah. Then the discourse starts. Then people are going to start fact-checking the dad. People are going to say, wait a second, this man's alive? Wait a second, this man's never read a comic book in his life? wait a second this man's never read a comic book in his life why jamie loftus's dad's hawkeye obsession is actually problematic and then my and then my and now my family's involved it's look i i i being being number

one on two lists i'll i'll. It's been a burden for me. It's been really hard. It's been harder for me. It's not a comedy podcast, so don't worry about it too much. I wouldn't say don't hold too much burden because that means it's not a comedy podcast. Well, just because it doesn't count. Look, I'm having trouble doing my three favorite things with the burden of this. So I want you guys to...

So you do. You have to fry. You have to squeak. You have to yank out family trauma. And if it's not there, you just got to fucking make it up. Just make it up. Well, we got to go.

But we are leaning on Kevin more and more with the show, like we were saying. And so I do want to hear Kevin. Kevin's voice. He's loving much because we're like we need you to be able to do this as well. We don't, you know, we need to be talking more. I'm not going to record

much of this. It's going to be mostly on you. I wake up every day and floss my little, little teeth. And then I show up to the dentist's office and say, look at this. And I use my fingers as hooks. And I sit in the chair and go, ah.

And they say, you don't have an appointment today. And I say, but it's my birthday. And they say, wow, very good, Kevin, and pat my head. Okay, you said Dempis. Yeah, Dempis I liked. I like Dempis, keep that. I don't know why your teeth are so small. Are you a little kid in the story?

If so, is your head in your dentist's lap? Are you sitting on your dad's lap facing him and then he's tipping you upside down and your head is on your dentist's lap backwards and he lets you hold the mirror? All good questions. Yes to everything?

Yes to everything. It sounded like when you said little teeth you were trying to get ahead of something because if you hurt yourself then no one can hurt you that's what it's that's what i was hearing you're like if i say my teeth are little it's not gonna hurt my feelings when my my dentist starts bullying me i've unloaded my enemy's gun yeah bye that was a hate gun podcast