Hollywood Handbook - Jason Mantzoukas, Our Close Friend

Episode Date: March 31, 2014

Hayes and Sean start off by playing "6 degrees of Cabocation" and talk about Nielson hatings. Then, friend of the show JASON MANTZOUKAS stops by to talk about expectations in a relationship, hanging around the office on his unknown Earwolf podcast "How did this get made?", Phoenix-fest, how superior laser discs are, and Ride Along.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This is a HeadGum Podcast. I said, she's Danish. I was talking about the model I'm fingering. She apologized. Hey, welcome to Hollywood Handbook and Insider... What up, what up? What up, what up? Welcome to Hollywood Handbook and Insider's Guide to Kicking Button Dropping Names of the Red Carpet Lineback Hallways of this industry we call showbiz. We have a fun little game that we'd like to play today.

And you can play it at home. We want to sort of introduce this wide. Hayes and I invented the game on a long car ride. We were in the back of a car and a chauffeur was driving us because we are so successful. But we were hoping to let America play.

It's a play on a boring, stupid game that you may have heard of called Six Degrees of Kevin Bacon, where you can take Kevin Bacon and using movies and shows he's been in to connect him to any actor or actress. So instead of using somebody who's fucking washed up and is barely even doing movies anymore. It's like trivia nerds memorize these movies from the fucking 60s or whatever that nobody knows about. We thought we would do a more interesting game that's fresher and more current with what people are interested

in today. The game is called Six Degrees of Cabocation. So this is a game where you pick two random celebrities, probably more current ones rather than like a Kevin Bacon, who's barely a celebrity in my estimation, and you connect these two names by who's gone on a Cabo vacation with me and Hayes. So let's just pick two names that connect. Who's red hot right now? Amanda Seyfried? Let's start with Amanda Seyafreed and uh sam worthington let's connect her to the red hot sam worthington

okay let's see if we can do it and we try to do it in six moves or less okay uh so starting with amanda seafreed she went on a vacation to cabo with us yeah we went to Cabo with Amanda, and she was in a barely there string bikini the whole time, and I was sipping on rum drinks, and we were playing a lot of paddle ball. My memory of her is that she couldn't really hang, as far as the party was concerned. Yes, she, I remember, asked the fuck out with her shoes on and we we drew some fucked up shit on her head so i think that's where the rule began that we would never invite girls again yes and it's been more fun and more wild. So I guess from there, we can connect her to Lucas Haas, who we went to Cabo with.

We had such a great trip with him that we decided to name it Cabo San Lucas instead of just Cabo. Yeah, and I remember him thinking that was very funny, and I remember that I laughed at it, too, because we were being really funny that day. We had been doing some partying. Yes, we were having a little fun with some recreational substances, smoking DMT. It makes us very funny. Yeah, it made us feel very funny and do funny stuff.

Now, Lucas, I believe, can be connected directly to another celebrity who went on a Cabo-cation with us. Okay. And that is, of course, one Jake Busey. That's right. Jake Busey connects because he also went on a Cabo vacation with us. We met Busey on the set of Tomcats. He had mentioned at the time that he liked to go on vacation

and that he liked to swim in the ocean, and we said we knew this place, Cabo, where you could do all that stuff, and people are just sort of doing that all the time. Swim the ocean and do all the vacation stuff sunny, and it's nice. And he went in the—I remember that we all got a suntan. Yes, I think I got one on my back, and then I— Yeah, I remember that one.

I think I turned over and got the front side. I turned over and got the front side. So I guess that would connect Jake Busey to Josh Lucas when we started mostly bringing people named Lucas. Yes, because of the Cabo San Lucas thing, we started inviting more Lucases. Sure. And that's, I guess, when we changed the spelling from the K to the C. Because we had found someone who could hang with us party-wise better than Lucas Haas. And I remember that with Josh Lucas, we prank called George Lucas a few times and told him to suck on these.

Because we had just made a very successful spaceman film and he wants to make all the good spaceman films and we really rubbed it in his face and all over his whole head. And so that would connect. I'm sorry.

Did Josh, is he the one he loved room service? Yeah, he's the one who really liked to get sometimes breakfast at room service. He would fill out the card the night before and then enjoy a breakfast when it came to the room. A true scoundrel, you know, breakfast-wise. He'd get the drinks and also, you know, whatever food he wanted. Now, is that five moves or four? I think that's four people.

That's four. Okay. So who can I connect Josh to? I guess someone who went on a vacation with us to Cabo. Yes. Okay. Yes. No, we did go on a Cabo vacation.

and this one a little bit breaks our no girls allowed rule, but this is who we broke it for is the fabulous Rose Byrne. And she can hang. And she proved she could hang and we said we got to bring her to Cabo because she had just been talking about wanting to splash around in water and have sand between her toes. And in nice weather and where like the sun was shining. Yeah. And she had been saying she couldn't find it. And then she had gone to Vancouver and it was cold.

And we told her, go ahead and just hop on the plane that we are flying this weekend. And we flew the plane to Cabo for a vacation. And so I guess that would connect Rose Byrne to Sam Worthington. Right, because it was the very next day that we went on a Cabo vacation with Sam. So. And now, because of his ability to hang, that's why I guess it's called Cabo Sam Lucas. That's right.

Do you remember when we came back and Engineer Sam thought that we had named Cabo Sam Lucas after him? Oh, yeah. And we had to be like... Engineer Sam, do you remember how fucking stupid you felt? I do. Do you remember how you were so excited because you had seen a map

and were so surprised that you thought it was named after you. It took me forever to make that thank you card. Yeah. I feel sorry. For what? Yeah. For what you just said or for? For everything.

Yeah. Yeah. Now, then, as you can see, that's a fun way to connect Amanda Seyfried, who you'd think has nothing to do with Sam Worthington, other than they're two hot young celebs. Who have boofed. And they've boofed one another. But we've managed to connect them through Cabo-cations. And you can do this with your friends, if you've been on Cabo vacation with any A-list megastars, or even if you just like us. Or just ones that we have been on Cabo Vacation with. It works best with us. That's certainly how the game started.

I'm not against people trying to innovate on it, but when you look up the original rules as people who have been on Cabo Vacations with Sean and I. There's another subject we wanted to sort of get into. That's a little more serious. We talk about industry trends. We talk about how the industry is changing. But when change happens, this is what we sort of like to say. When change happens, the old thing has to be different.

Yes. thing has to be different. Yes. When, if you look at, and I try to use examples that people will understand even if they aren't leading the kind of life I am, but if you change a sponge from dry to soggy, you can't have the same dry sponge anymore. You can, now you can have a soggy sponge, but the dry sponge can't be the same anymore. If you change your clothes from out of your Dunkin' Donuts uniform where you work into, say, a Meineke muffler outfit so that you can go work your night job, you can't still have the Dunkin' Donuts uniform on. You can still smell like coffee. There's elements that are still there. But you gotta now acknowledge that you're a Meineke muffler man.

Or woman. To that end, we want to talk a little bit about Nielsen ratings. This is how... Nielsen ratings are like the number of people who watch TV. You sort of know in general what it means. Sean and I have been saying for a long time, 20, 30 years, that the system is very outdated. It's time to come up with something new. It's why we came up with this segment. And this is us who have benefited from it maybe more than anyone else in the industry so it's not us like this is not sour

grapes these are very sweet grapes no the grapes are delicious but we you know we came up with this segment nielsen hatings because we're just hating these nielsen models because they're so old. And yeah, has it, you know, are we biting the hand that feeds us a little bit with it because we've made so much fucking buku bucks off it? Yeah, a little, but there's a lot of other hands feeding us. So, you know, let's actually make the rating system reflect the way people watch content so let's explain how the old nielsen ratings work the ones that are currently in place today what they do is they have these

little boxes uh that measure your television viewing that they send to a hundred rich families around the country. In every state. Well, it's like 100 total, two per state. Yes, yes, yes, yes. And so you end up with this thing being, first of all, the boxes are not cheap. The technology is pretty expensive, and they're huge. And so you need a lot of space to fit them in. So the families that get these things in almost every state, when you think of who lives there and who actually has money there,

it's almost always the governor and the lieutenant governor. So the result is your content is being dictated by what the governor and the lieutenant governor of utah want to see sure and if you're like sean and i you don't make shows for the governor or the lieutenant governor no i'm not making tv for the governor i'm making tv for badass freak fucking gutter punks kids smoking ciggies and fucking doing doing ollie doing-ass ollies and wicked kickflips. And that's the kind of shit that you see in my shows. So, like, look, I got a box.

Hayes got a box. We're the California ones. Yeah, we happen to make up, you know, at that point, 20% of television viewing. So my shit still gets through. And this is without you owning a TV. No, it's weird that I have a box because I do not own a TV. But it's also not weird because, like, who else is going to have one? Well, who else would have the box because it's like I'm a tastemaker,

and I've been thinking that what the ratings really should say is that the highest rated show lately is not owning a TV. Is that interesting? So when you think about how interesting it is to not own a TV and if these are the real tastemakers out there. And I've had so many conversations about it. I can guarantee you that it's interesting. you that it's interesting uh should it be the case that the people who get these nielsen boxes are like the cool trendsetters who don't own a tv and like don't really know what it is who don't have tvs and sometimes have never seen a tv show yeah so like people on indian reservations well

you could speak to that also yeah well as as one eighth American, I do know what people on the reservation are watching. And what they're watching is the fire every night. And we're telling those stories. And I'm stealing those stories. I'm making a movie. And also part of this new system we think should be computers. Thank you. It's got to be computers.

You have to honor the computer it's too big important an american thing that people have computer the way people watch tv these days is to not even have one and to take the computer and stick that on the wall and watch it and watch that in bed yeah or in your car or on top of or on top of your house or you know uh like i took steffi and the kids to the lake last week yes now steffi never wants to miss an ep of that show, Arrow. And so when you're out on the canoe. When I'm out on the canoe, I just set up. A buckskin canoe.

Yes, a buckskin canoe that I made with my pa. From the earth. Yeah, it's all, every ingredient of the canoe is from the earth. You could eat the canoe and not get sick. Because it's all, every ingredient of the canoe is from the earth. You could eat the canoe and not get sick because it's all natural. And you could maybe smoke a little piece of it and expand your mind a little bit. And I have. And I made some very good jokes right after. But imagine bringing a TV out into the middle of a lake on a buckskin canoe.

It could drop in the water and electrify the whole fish. Yes. And all the fish would be gone and only electric eels would survive and the whole ecosystem would be turned on its head. So what you can bring is a computer because it's got battery. So that, I guess, is what we would say for how to fix this old, broken system of TVs.

Yes, and so Nielsen Hatings is the name of the segment. And that's the hashtag to use. And that's the hashtag. So if you want to tweet at your governor and your lieutenant governor, time for a change, hashtag Nielsensen hatings and you can

at me and hayes in the tweets we want to quickly give a a shout out before we go into our guest segment to sam wilson uh he lives in christianburg virginia and he donated a hundred100 to the show. I guess Cabo Sam Lucas is now named after Sam Wilson. Sam, you got your Sam name into Cabo Sam Lucas, and now I think it's you, it's Sam Worthington. The Lucases are Josh Lucas and Lucas Haas. It's not Engineer Sam. And it's not George Lucas. And it's not George Lucas.

So it feels nice, doesn't it, Sam, to have some Sams on the outside looking in and some Lucases who sort of are having to suck on these as well. We have a really fun guest today. Jason Manzoukas is here. He's on TV and he writes movies and he actually has his own podcast that I think he wants to talk about a little bit on our show. So it should be a lot of fun coming right up on Hollywood Handbook. Hollywood Handbook. I said to Anna Kendrick, if you want the part you gotta get down there she starts to undo my button fly jeans and i'm like what's what are you doing i meant down in

my basement there's a bat down there i need you to trap it don't kill it hey welcome to Hollywood Handbook. What up, what up? An insider's guide to kicking butt and dropping names in the red carpet lineback hallways of this industry we call showbiz. We got a guest. And he's here. And he's a big honking fucking deal. Jason Manzoukas.

How are you, gentlemen? You know we're good, man. How are you? That's great. I apologize. I guess I was late. My assistant fucked up my schedule, so I didn't know this started when it started. Assistance. I don't know if you guys find that. I find my girl always messes stuff up in my calendar, and then I look like an asshole when I get places, which I don't appreciate. I have the problem where mine will have me show up 45 minutes early for almost everything, which is, in its own way, even worse. Oh, yeah. Well, because then you're basically loitering around. Because the worst case scenario in that situation

is somebody that you're going to be in the meeting with sees you hanging around half an hour early. It's a lot of sitting outside a locked door. You seem way too eager at that point. Oh, it's humiliating to be early for anything. No, I have my guy make it later. I used to have a girl. Steffi will not let me have a female assistant anymore.

That's trouble. Yeah. It's trouble. It is trouble. No, I feel like it's up to you as the guy in the relationship to set your girl's expectations, you know, in terms of your relationship with your assistant. It's not her business. I can only have like a little kid now yeah uh because you know like in case i ever you know like if i ever do decide to like go a different way well james well james dean actually said that

he wasn't gonna you know live his whole life with one hand tied behind his back. And he was referencing bisexuality. So I think that's a good point. You don't necessarily want to only do something with one hand. I think especially in this town, you don't want to close any doors. Because you don't know which open door is going to be the next

big break that you've been waiting for. Sure. Most of the studio heads are men and if one of them comes along they're all like nice looking guys like like some of them aren't some of them are which studio heads do you think are sort of ugly some are monsters yeah which yeah which ones are unattractive you know network heads studio heads which ones do you think are physically pretty ugly? I think we're talking about the obvious guys. Yeah, we know. Initials are MR, TC, you know, these guys are

monsters. True monsters. But here's the deal, they get shit done to a degree that the ends justify the means. I almost wonder if being physically grotesque for them is something of an advantage

because it allows them to get so much work done because no one is choosing to spend any time in their space. Some of those initials we mentioned. Oh, yeah. And then just in meetings, the intimidation factor is off the chart. Just the idea that they might try to touch you. Oh, the knowledge that they will try and touch you

makes those meetings electric. Now, Jason, a lot of people don't know this. You also have an Earwolf podcast. I do, yeah. Tell us about that one. I have an Earwolf podcast called How Did This Get Made? Wow. tell us about that one i have an earwolf podcast called how did this get made um where myself and um uh triple threat uh writer director actor paul sheer and triple threat june diane rayfield writer

director actor uh analyze movies we take them apart we talk about what works what doesn't work what's funny about them what's funny about how, what doesn't work, what's funny about them, what's funny about how they failed, what's funny about how they succeeded. It's that kind of a – it's like a scintillating microscope put on whatever movie we decide to go at. That sounds really fun. It's pretty terrific. You guys have fun doing it? Oh, yeah. It's a blast.

Cool. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Now, we have something that i guess we wanted to bring up with you yeah just even as you're mentioning some of those people that host it with you um you're great you've had nothing but great experiences with you around the office and in the oh cafeteria and stuff we met before and just. Yeah, not formally. It's been a lot of in passing and just like discussing the- We've looked at each other in like a, you know, like sort of a-

I think, here's what I think has happened. I think I've seen you guys around a lot, but have thought you were the same person every time. Because you guys look a lot alike. Yeah. Only the one of you now has glasses. And that's intentional. I've now noticed that. Well, it used to be the other one that had now has glasses. And that's intentional. I've now noticed it. Well, it used to be the other one that had glasses.

Oh, really? Oh, see, that must be it. That's part of the problem. When we switched, then you, yeah, then you just decided we must be one guy. I'm, because I, you know, I also had this problem with the gentleman who does the Sklarb podcast. Sure. He also, there's two of him as well. Sure. So, I think I'm confusing there's two of him as well. Sure.

I think I'm confusing. Is that right? Yeah. Okay. And they switched the glasses back and forth. Exactly. So it's hard.

So I think I thought you guys were one guy as well. To pin down. Yeah. Well, regardless of how well you know us and we've met and I think we've had some pleasant exchanges.

Oh, this has been terrific so far. Yeah, in some ones before. And I think that we want to talk about at the calf, at the Earwolf Calf, where we all kind of grab our meals. Yeah. Well, we're all on the meal plan. Are you guys on the meal plan? Oh, yeah.

Oh, yeah. Swipe that card and just munch on down. Oh, yeah. All the cap and crunch you can eat. I bring little baggies. Oh, no, no. You can't do that. I bring little baggies. Oh, no, no. You can't do that. I bring little baggies.

I take it home. For real, you can't do that. But they don't. What are they going to do? Yeah. No, no. They'll do a lot. You shouldn't do that.

But when we've sat at the How Did This Game Made table a few times. I don't know about that. Well, we've sat down. Cool. Oh, you guys have table crashed we get uh it was open and we yeah yeah yeah yeah that's sure and uh sometimes everything's full up you know all the tables are full up but that's what's so weird because it doesn't look it looks like there's a lot of space and you say it's full up yeah but it it seems like

there's actually a lot of space left well no we no, we like to keep open seats, you know, in case, you know, either some of our bros come by or if the Who Charted gang comes by, like we want to be able to sit with our friends. Sure. So we save seats. Isn't it nice to make new friends, though? You know, have more bros for when, you know, Who Charted's maybe on tour doing South by Southwest or something.

They are? Wait, did you hear that for sure? Are they for sure doing shows at South by? Wow. Yeah, they're on the schedule to do South by, yeah. Oh, wow. Okay. Which is like, that's an okay festival.

I mean, we had that Phoenix one that was like, that was like an okay festival too. Phoenix Fest? Yeah, Phoenix Fest. Yeah. Who's to say? We got invited, I think, to do that, but said no. Phoenix Fest? Yeah, Phoenix Fest. Uh-huh. Yeah. Who's to say? We got invited, I think, to do that, but said no. So you might have gotten our slot. Okay.

Right. And you said no because... That's Phoenix Fest. Right, because it's so good. Yeah, sure. Yeah. Yeah, it was good. Did you guys kill it?

They had that great Phoenix cover band played. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, yeah, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It was in Tulsa. Yes. But they did, I guess, a couple of Phoenix songs.

And like the bird, like celebration of like. Yeah, they did some of the birds. The mythical bird. Yeah. They did some songs by the birds. Was the number one Phoenix cover band in the United States there, Blistomania? No. Was the number one Phoenix cover band in the United States there, Blistomania? No, they were caught up doing a different fest.

They're great. Yeah, I like them, but the guys that were there were cool. Anyway. You guys were talking about table crashing. When they're out on tour, maybe you want to have those seats for some other guys who you know are here. Well, sure. Like if the Professor Blastoff guys are here. You know, like Tig and those guys.

I want to catch up with them. I haven't seen them in a bit. Yeah, but not Tig. I feel like I see where you guys are going. You guys want to be like new guys. Why not hang out with the new guys? Maybe those guys have a lot of extra podcast points for your launch card. Maybe they'd be willing to share some of their points.

This is one of those things. It's worth asking. This is only funny to me because this is one of those things that, for those of us who have been around a long time, is just common knowledge. This is one of those things that, for those of us who've been around a long time, is just common knowledge. We have unlimited points because we were one of the first podcasts. In a way that 20 is basically unlimited. It'd be so hard to use 20 points. When I swipe my card, the woman looks at it and it's an infinity symbol.

So it is just, I have an infinite amount of points. It's just the swiping just tells them when I've been there you have to build a special you know what I mean but since there's been so many

more podcasts now it's just kind of like Earwolf just kind of like brr here's another one here's another one here's another one right

yeah like they've trimmed it down now so they you know some of the new ones you guys have a limited amount of points

yeah we don't those new guys we actually really are not any about them at all. Oh, no. Like Glitter in the Garbage and Forget Those Guys. Michael Detective. Yeah, just like I don't even want it.

And I don't want him to sit and eat anything with me. And Totally Lame. With us, yeah. Yeah, I just don't. him to sit and eat anything with me and totally lame. With us, yeah. Yeah, I just don't. And Fogel Nest, I thought he was my friend, but really I don't like him at all because he's new. So we should all sit together and talk about those guys. Kind of the old dogs, yeah, get together and talk about. Old dogs.

I don't know if you know that. It's a movie we did on How Did This Get Made. It's just funny you said that. Oh, that's nice. Sick. It was a great ep. Great ep. So sick.

I guess it would be because there are four big movie stars in it. Yeah. Was that the answer? What do you mean? Was that the answer? To the question. Like that's how it got made? Oh, I see.

I see what you're saying. There's four huge movie stars in it? Just like guys that really make money. Yep. And the movie also made money. Sure, sure. Oh, yeah, yeah. I mean, in that instance, it is proven track record amongst the cast.

Sure. But then there are, I don't know if you guys, spoilers for old dogs, there are gorillas in it. Okay. So Funny Animals also helps out a lot. Sure. don't know if you guys spoilers for old dogs uh there are gorillas in it so funny animals also helps out a lot sure you know it's a four quadrant movie because you've got hilarious adult actors yeah um like uh john travolta and robin williams you've got hilarious children actors like robin williams and seth green and then you have gorillas right yeah did you guys travolta fire your name today i i didn't okay uh from the oscars yes from

that from the oscars so he said a name wrong so funny and uh there's like one of these websites uh my little cousin was showing me um and it's like you can go on the internet and make Travolta like how he would pronounce your name and it doesn't actually have to be your name you can do your friends names too you can actually send it to your friends yes my little cousin did that it sounds hilarious

or like celebrities names forget anything you just saw this today so you were hanging out with your little cousin today yeah he was over that's cool It really is. Wait, and you just saw this today? So you were hanging out with your little cousin today? Yeah, yeah. He was over. He was over. That's cool.

With his stepmom. Yeah. Yeah, she's seeing my dad. It's a, yeah. Oh, okay, cool. Yeah, she's seeing my dad. So it's not a blood relation? What do you mean?

Is it? No, it is. Oh, it is. Okay. Got it. You know what? None of it is. Oh, it is. Okay. Got it. You know what? None of my business. It's none of my business.

It's none of my business. And that's been made pretty clear by my dad. You've been told to stay in the basement. Yeah. Which you love. Yeah, you love it. That's why you're down there. I'll be honest with you.

I've got my own entrance. Basements are rad. You know what I mean? Dude, this one you'd be one you'd oh is it really nice flipping yeah it's so sick if you could just put honest to god if you just put a rear projection tv in the basement you know like a big one like 36 inches like you could watch like grease or like hooper or like uh smoking the bandit like and watch and watch, I've got- Brew Baker. Oh yeah.

Do you guys, I have, you know, this is one of those Hollywood things and I apologize for that ahead of time, but- This is the place for it. I have 1100 laser discs. Okay. And a lot of people say that it's an obsolete technology, but I'm here to tell you that it is far superior to almost everything

else out there. The fidelity and the blacks. The blacks are so rich. Oh my God. You could get lost in these inky blacks. Yeah, the blacks are so dark. DB came over the other night, Sweeney, and we were watching Bulletproof Monk and we were watching on Blu-ray and he was just like, I wish this was on Laserdisc.

And I was embarrassed. I think that all the time when I'm watching modern movies, I think, what if, what if I could watch a Laserdisc rather of the Pacifier? You know what I mean? Like, that would be amazing. Or like Dwayne The Rock Johnson's star turn

in The Tooth Fairy. You know what I mean? Like, that's the kind of movie that's got enough dark corners and crevices that I'm like, that's where Laserdisc would pull something out of there.

It's a waste to watch it on any other format. Hold on. I just got an email. You guys keep talking. Okay. Did you get your bumper pull? It's got fucked up

because the shipping. So here's what happened, right? So I contacted the guy over eBay. Okay, I'm good. I love this game. What's that? It was my producer just saying some funny stuff. Oh, it was funny?

Yeah. Producers can be really funny. Producers, if you've got a funny producer, you know what? You're pretty lucky. Yeah. You know? Yeah, because you think of them as the business side of it but when they're funny it just makes the business part even the fun yeah

and also when you're out with them it makes it a lot easier to talk to girls because it's like two funny guys talking to girls rather than just like it's all up to me because this guy's a real you know drip you know that's a huge it's like a huge, like, like, like weight off my shoulders. What do you like to, like, what do you say? And like, maybe like, it's as funny as what we say. When we talk to girls. Yeah. But what do you mean?

Like when you say to girls stuff, what do you do? Oh, when I said a girl stuff, I mean like a lot of stuff I do is just like credits. You know what I mean? Yeah. Stuff I've done, stuff they know I've done. Yeah. Because a lot of people, a lot of times girls will be like,

Oh, I know you from something, you know? And that's like, if that happens, I know, I know it's on. Do you ever have the problem where they're like,

what do you do? And it's like, uh, you kind of know, like I know, you know, well, this is my move.

You ready for my move? Cause like two girls walk up. Right. And cause you know, like we've've been, like, making eyes. Or, like, me and my producer have sent them drinks or something. And they walk up to us and they're like, what do you do? And I usually say to one, I go, why don't you ask your friend? Yes.

You know? Yes. Because the friend is always, like, knows. Because she's a little fatter. That's tight, yeah. So she's into more comedies. Uh-huh. She listens to podcasts.

Like, she knows what's up. Mm-hmm. Oh, tight. That's fatter. That's tight, yeah. So she's into more comedies. She listens to podcasts. Like, she knows what's up. Mm-hmm. Oh, tight. That's really tight. Yeah, I do that. Because they ask it in that teasy way. Yeah. Where it's like, okay, you're going to actually make me go through this.

Oh, yeah, yeah. Okay. I'm so glad we're talking about this. There's a lot of this. I mean, I'll say this just being in the biz, and I don't know if you guys find this. You can cut through a lot of bullshit. You can cut through a lot of bullshit with three things. $100 bill.

Just pay with a $100 bill and don't ask for change. Girl sees that. Like the valet bullshit. Like whatever. For a couple of drinks or whatever. Just take the fucking but just boom just like

act annoyed exactly exactly what you just did act annoyed by like oh you know what I don't want please don't interrupt me again with change

yeah it's not generosity it's I literally don't have time I don't have time and I've got nothing smaller because I have an early call in the morning that's a point too

we gotta get this done I've got an early call in the morning you know what I mean because and she got to get this done. I've got an early call in the morning. You know what I mean? And she doesn't know in her mind she's like an early call is he an actor?

Is he a mama? If she doesn't know what the deal is she just knows I'm very important. You know, which I think is huge. Jason!

Yeah. When you married Ice Cube's sister did you know that you were going to get a movie out of it? Or were you just trying to take a stand about interracial marriage? Well, a lot of what that was about, you're talking about the movie Ride Along. A lot of what that was about was I had the idea for the movie and could not get to Cube. And my only way in was the sister.

And for me, it was getting close to the sister. And we never actually got married because once we got kind of close to it, he had already gotten into the script and was super into it. At that time, though, it was a little different. It was called Bride Along. And it was about his character bringing his sister in a bridal gown along for the whole thing. So it was a different script. That could work, too.

Yeah, no, I've been saying that because this one was such a success. I've been, believe me, believe me, I've been blowing them at being like, hey, guys, let's dust off Bride Along. Let's bring that back because the sequel, I get it, Bride Along, too. You want those guys in it, but why not revisit this? Because this was something special. It was a little bit, there was a love scene that a lot of people had a problem with. I didn't, but it was something that I felt creatively was fit the tone of the movie.

Was it the one between Ice Cube and the car? Yes. Yeah. A lot of people don't. A lot of people don't... What I got a lot of was we've seen a man have an intimate relationship with an inanimate object in American Pie. And though it worked, we're not sure we're willing to transfer that to something mechanical like a car. I think a lot of people think that's what Transformers is going to turn into. I think a lot of people think that Mike is going to do that with Transformers 4.

Preferably, yeah. Yeah. So, I don't know. Well, that's a real thing. Making love to cars? Yeah. Oh, no, yeah. No, it's a whole subculture here.

You can get on web boards about it. Yeah, objectum sexuals. I don't know why Hollywood wants to turn a blind eye to that. There's a woman who married the Eiffel Tower. There's a woman who tried to, a man, I believe, who tried to marry a bridge. People fall in love. I mean, let's be honest.

Objects can be beautiful. Yes. And it's good in- Phones. Phones. I mean, we're all kind of dating our phones, am I right? Sure. Sure.

Am I right? Sure. People, you know, they watch movies on the thing. What's funny, though, what's funny is, though, that you, like, instinctively picked up your phone. Like, what people can't see in the studio, though, is, like, you were making that joke, but, like, there's such truth to it that you picked up the phone I had to touch my phone it was like a loving caress and you licked your lips I think just kind of unconsciously

little beads of sweat welled up my heart started pounding my breath became shallow yeah all these things from touching my phone it's so interesting we're all kind of dating it's like that movie from this year 12 Years a Slave From touching my phone, yeah. So interesting. It's so interesting. It is. We're all kind of dating our phones. And that's what's happening. Well, it's like that movie from this year, 12 Years a Slave.

We are slaves to these devices. We are slaves to this technology. It's just like it. We're slaves to it. And that's why it won all the awards, because it's relatable. We are slaves to the phones and to the technology. I agree. Which is really changing the industry.

Oh, absolutely. I mean, I think we're at a real crossroads here for what we're about to be doing versus what we have been doing. Yes. What we're doing now and what we've done. It's going to be different. It is going to be different. Oh, it's already different. Yes, it's already different.

You know what? It's already different. We just don't even know. It's like the Matrix. Because right now, because we're in it, it seems like it's the same. Yeah. But we're going to look back. But it's actually different.

And the thing is, if you can open your eyes to the differences and exploit them, when everybody else, it's like, again, I just said it, but I'll say it again. It's like the matrix. If you can be one of the first people who realizes they're in the matrix, you can be Neo, or you can be the girl or you can be Lawrence Fishburne Tank or you can be

Joe Pantoliano Cypher or you can be Cypher or you can be you can be any of these guys you can be one of the early adopters and in doing so you will be able to

just run the board yeah like a fucking boss yeah dude like a boss dude yeah i totally agree yo legit yeah yeah tv show on fxx yeah if jim jeffries yo if you fucking figure that shit out you're a fucking straight up boss. Yep. That show, legit, is the closest thing to the other side of the Matrix. Yep. On TV right now.

It's through the fucking looking glass. Oh, yeah. Just tearing it all down. Watching it makes me uncomfortable because I'm like, I feel like I'm watching somebody who is just one step ahead. Because it's like, that is me, but it's just like the part of my brain

that I just won't, you just won't let out. It's like when Neo is fighting Lawrence Fishburne and Lawrence Fishburne is always kicking his ass because he's just a little bit ahead. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Fishburne and Lawrence Fishburne is always kicking his ass because he's just a little bit ahead yeah yeah yeah it's and the things that show's taking down don't even know they're being targeted Jason speaking of uh slaves talk about what it's like to be a minority in this town as someone who is a writer and performer? Sure.

I mean, this is, I find my biggest problem kind of in getting work and succeeding is that I'm up against a lot of preconceived notions of how and what I am exactly. Because a lot of times I walk into a room and whether or not I'm right for the part, all they see is writer. You know what I mean? Like all they see is a writer. And I'm there saying, hey, I'm auditioning for this part. I'm here to be in this movie. for this part.

I'm here to be in this movie. But all they see are a list of writers' credits that is long, and they start thinking about those movies, and it doesn't jibe with what they're thinking, that this writer guy is here auditioning for this movie. And crushing it. Yeah. And likewise, I'll go in, I'll have an idea for a movie i'll go in i'll sit with the big bosses i'll get the call i'll go in i'll sit down and i'll start my pitch and i'll say this is what i'm thinking it's channing tatum it's this guy it's that guy here's the setup and then they

they'll say i have to stop you jason i've got to stop you i'm a big fan of you on the league you know like i love the league my buddies and i we watch the league um what what what i don't know what you're doing here like i don't know what this is you know and that's like a real hard pill to swallow because you know just like they swallow the pills in the matrix um it really is you want people to be able to open their minds and allow for multiple versions of who I am. So, yeah, no, there's a lot of, I don't know, there's a lot of hard dummies. There's a lot of dummies out there who don't have the creative minds enough to not preconceive,

to not just go with preconceived notions or judgments. The chains and whips of jealousy. Yeah. Yeah. I don't know if you guys find the same. I don't know, you know. Oh, yeah. The chains and whips of jealousy. Yeah. I don't know if you guys find the same. I don't know, you know. Oh, yeah. The discrimination that we've faced

is really... It should be criminal. It's as bad as... It's as bad as any kind of discrimination that's happened in this country you say rape and people are like oh you know like people freak out at just like saying the word and i think we should be allowed to have open conversations about stuff that's worse than rape yes but well and

and and it's also like well if we're not allowed to talk about it how are we going to change exactly or change this issue which is you know probably affects a smaller number of people, but is possibly as bad or worse and bigger. Jason. Yeah. Should we reach into the bag? Let's get into the popcorn gallery. Do you want to explain what that is?

I'll try. So people go to the movies to watch movies. Like in their home? Like in my home theater? Not everyone has a home theater. This is an in-between kind of person. They don't have the home theater, but they don't live in some shitty bullshit ass fucking... Where you have to go to your church. Ohio thing where you can only watch, you know watch the left behind church or whatever no it's a cineplex um okay so people go there uh and when they're there they eat a snack we call popcorn and pg is one of the ratings of some movies yeah oh yeah plenty of

movies are pg pg popcorn gallery so that kind of gets you where we're going so we let people ask questions to our guests on the forums. And they're in the popcorn gallery? They actually are the popcorn gallery. They are the popcorn gallery. Cool. So is this an online thing? Yeah. Cool.

I'm just trying to wrap my head around it. It's not easy, and we've been through this a lot. You've actually come a lot farther than most of our other guests. You're the closest to understanding it, and you don't get it. Because of your podcast experience. Yes. Let's reach into the bag. Cool. Yum.

Here's a question from Freya. Mr. Manzoukas, do you have any tips on how to straighten my hair like you do on Kroll Show? Oh, well, Freya, I mean, I think the easiest way to do it is to have two people who work in hair come to your house. And they've got all the stuff. I can get you the names of the two girls that did it when I was on Kroll's show if you want. I don't know if this is something you're amenable to. But you get them to come out, Erin and I think Jackie was the other girl's name. And it takes about 45 minutes, sometimes a little bit more, sometimes a little bit less.

And they will set upon your hair with a fury. I'll be honest, Jackie can be a little chatty, which I don't care for, so I put headphones in. So you can get your hair straightened. And if you want to chat, I'm sure they can chat you up if you want. But that's the deal. So it really is just about hiring the right people for the job. In certain parts of the country, I think, Virginia, Connecticut, some of the – The Virginia, Connecticut corridor? You know, the flyover part of the East Coast.

Sure, sure. The flyover eastern Seaboard. Yep. You're going from Miami to Portland, Maine? Yeah. They wait till it's raining and they just have to walk outside. Oh, yeah. I see what you're saying.

Yeah. Good tips. Yeah. Oh, no. I mean, there's nothing for especially for stuff like that hair and makeup and all that stuff there are professionals out there who it's just much easier to pay to have it done because these people don't know you know uh and oh i mean let's be honest dummies can't do their own hair you know what i mean no uh Is there another question in the bag?

I think so. Better check. I'm choking. I'm choking on the popcorn. I love you guys' sound effects. These are great. Yeah, these are a bunch of drops that we had. They were really funny.

We had Diplo make them for us. Oh, man. I love his stuff. Do you like him? Major Lazer? Yeah. Come on. Exactly. So good. That's my favorite kind of reggae. Mm-hmm. Let me get that. Okay.

Is there a question? Yeah. Good, good. This one's from Bruce Reed Robinson, the second. The RR2. You know him? Nope. He's got you as his avatar on the forum, so that'll probably sting a little bit. He is irrelevant to me. His existence is pointless.

So you don't have him as your avatar? I don't even know. Honest to God, I don't know what an avatar is. This is the first I've heard of forums. I just assumed since he had you, you would also have him. No, no. I figured it was an exchange type thing, like when I gave Hayes my glasses. No.

So it's just him using you, and he doesn't even know you. Nah. But he's used your face to represent him on the internet? Good. That's fine by me. If he wants to like i feel bad for here's the reality it seems weird here's the reality i feel bad for him because he's probably very ugly um maybe he's been burned i'm not sure and as such he is you know choosing

uh something to represent himself that he believes in something maybe he idolizes or or or maybe i'm his hero or much in the same way that like as a young child i might have chosen if there were such a thing as avatars when i was a kid like magnum pi is my avatar you know what i mean like someone aspirational like i would like to become this person and so for for this person brr2 i suspect i'm that to him oh dude magnum was a fucking boss i mean right yeah Yeah. Dude, dream life. Just lived in a sick-ass fucking mansion. Oh, yeah.

Didn't pay shit for it. Fucking cool car on Hawaii. Higgins was always up his ass. Yep. Dude, and the babes. So many babes. Guys, I love beautiful women, man. That's my weakness.

Really? In a two-piece? Okay. Here's the... The only bummer is really just those very intense Nam flashbacks. Yeah. I could do without that part of it. Yep. Yep.

Very intense. So much so that in later seasons he had to go back to Nam to just get his head right and rescue some POWs. And that wife he thought was dead? She's alive. Boy. and he died I watched the entire series once a year yeah he died then he came back

oops Bruce R. Robinson who is not your friend never met him, don't care to asks seems like a lawsuit using that face for the avatar if not from you then whoever he meets Seems like a lawsuit using that face for the avatar, huh? If not from you, then whoever he meets, they think they're getting prime rib.

Here's the deal. It's one of those things that I have a guy. I've got a lawyer. You know what I mean? If I sent him on every one of these people that puts a picture of me up on the internet, the guy would be charging me up the ass. So, you know what? This guy, God bless.

You know, use... You want to use my picture as your avatar? Go for it. You know, yeah, I know it's not worth your time. I'm just saying, like, he could get sued by, like, his own friggin' dad

if he sees a picture and invites his son back over for Thanksgiving and thinks, oh, he got his burns fixed or whatever. He thinks he's gonna get prime rib.

Wait, so you think the dad thinks that I'm the son? The dad thinks... If he sees the avatar, right? The dad thinks he's gonna get prime rib. So you think the dad is... Wait, so you think the dad thinks that i'm the son the dad if he sees the avatar right thinks he's gonna get prime rib so you think the dad is wait so you think the dad is on the forums as well i mean i maybe he's searching for his son how does son find out yeah i see what you're saying yeah no i mean this sounds this is dark but if he's expecting prime rib you know he gets friggin uh friskies feast yeah yeah i mean that's not nice guess

what that is that's a rude awakening if you think you're getting prime rib and you can instead get friskies feast bruce reed robinson asks jason yeah could you please give a comprehensive list of your food and environmental environmental allergies oh um sure uh it's a comprehensive list of your food and environmental allergies? Oh, sure. It's a short list. I have a life-threatening food allergy to eggs. Environmentally, I'm cool. I feel like he's going to use that now when he goes to these meetings and people ask him what he's allergic to. Oh, you think he's just gathering?

Like to check if it's him. Well, I think that, yeah, they're going to go, hey, your face doesn't look quite the same. And he's going to go, I just ate eggs, which I'm famously allergic to. Do you think this guy's trying to take over my personality? Like, he's trying to steal my identity? Well, how else do you explain the photo? He's 95% of the way there. I thought it was, yeah.

I don't like this. I do feel like I should talk to my lawyer about this. Jason. Jason. Yeah. We saw on your Wikipedia page that you are famous for wearing white shirts and jeans, and you're wearing one right now. I guess so. Yeah, by happenstance.

Talk about the importance of a recognizable uniform in this business. You know what? I'll be honest with you. I go to my closet every day, and I just pick out a shirt, and I pick out pants, and I put them on, and I walk out the house. Just so happens that closet only has white shirts and jeans in it. It just happened like that. It just happened like that. That's what the house came with.

I don't know what house you guys were given. Where were you located here? I was given on the hill. Oh, on the hill? Mm-hmm. I'm right down under it.

Oh, wow. So you're in the flats. At the base, yeah. So I was given a house up in the top of the hills and it had my wardrobe, it had these glasses, it had the whole thing in it.

So this is pretty much what I got and I like it. You know, I'm wearing it. I think it pretty much what I got, and I like it. I'm wearing it. I think it's great. You know, it's not, you know, it was what was chosen for me. What do you do about stains?

Stains? Oh, bleach. You know, I'm assuming, I mean, I put everything in a basket. I bring the basket to the chute, the chute goes to the basement, and the basement girl does it. And their stains are gone? Oh, yeah, the stains are gone. The basement girl, I think, gives it to the upstairs girl, and she distributes it through the house, so I have stuff at my avail.

But I don't like to see the basement girl because, you know, she's a basement girl. Yeah. Spooky. Yeah. Too scary. People, you know, like, I don't know if you guys find this, but like when you run into people who, you know, work in environments where there's not windows, there's something off about them.

Yes. The wet breathing. Oh, yeah. Wet breath. My basement's actually not like, it's not like that because I have like a dehumidifier in there. Oh, dude, that's rad. Yeah.

It's sick. Yeah. It's loud, but it's nice. Do you ever see how much water ends up in there oh dude that's rad yeah it's sick yeah and like loud but it's do you ever see how much water ends up in there oh friggin yeah i check it all the time that was all in the air oh yeah that's the air is water we're walking i'm basically swimming right now yeah you know you can drink that water uh yep you can i don't know you can drink that water. Yep, you can. I don't know.

You can, man. Bro, I'm telling you, just drink it. Start drinking that water, bro. I'm scared, too. No, man, don't be scared. Don't give in to the fear. That's what this town is, man. This is what this town is.

This town is about overcoming your fears. Just drink that dehumidifier. Red pill or blue pill, man. By the way, that's it. That is it. Start drinking the dehumidifier water and then you're going to see the next level. Then you're going to see the screens. The little machine they use to control you

crawls out. Totally. Maybe one sip. Yeah. When you're dehydrated. Yeah. And your camelback's empty. Jason! Yeah. And your camelback's empty. Jason.

Yeah. Thanks so much for being on the show. Oh, guys. My absolute pleasure. Was this the first one? Hey, first one with you on it, you know, and it's... It's a great kickoff. It's one of the first.

Can you tell me who bought the pro version this week? I've got a good pro version. Thelonious Junk. Okay, Thelonious Junk bought the pro version this week. And as his prize, Jason's going to tell him the third thing. He said you can cut through a lot of the bullshit in this town with three things. Then he said one, pay with a $100 bill. And then he said two, say you've got to be on set early in the morning.

And we didn't hear the third thing. Sure. And so we're're gonna lay that out just for Thelonious and everyone else earmuffs what movie oh oh oh Anchor

is it Anchorman it's like the line from Anchorman you like stumbled over it to a degree that I was like this is embarrassing. No, no, I was, I'm wicked high, so. Oh, really? Yeah.

On drug smoke? Yeah, I mean. Oh, man, that's rad. Put me in cuffs, yeah. Friggin, yeah, totally. Oh, man, 420, am I right, man? Yeah. 420?

Oh, the best, it's the best time. Total 420, man, total 420. And that day is great. Yeah. Hey20? Oh, the best. It's the best time. Total 420, man. Total 420. And that day is great. Yeah. Hey, you know what you should do after we're done here? You should listen to reggae. Oh, I'm going to have to, to come down. Yeah.

Intense. So great, man. You just, like, man, like, the whole thing, the whole time i've been like keyed in on glasses guy but like you just like jumped to the top oh it's not a competition with us but that feels really good you're cool i get i get what you're doing you're cool yeah and if i seemed off at all during the rest of the show to any listeners it's like i was wicked high oh man yeah fucking a right on it's such a fuck you to america to do that but well i'm like um i'm really like sick so like oh no but i don't really talk about that but that's why like

something's going around man yeah if you've got a weak constitution you'll get it but that's it's cool in its own way and like i can sometimes like be sort of high that. Yeah. Well, you know what you should do? Start chugging that cold medication. Yeah, that stuff will really make you... Robo-tripping? I was going to say, bro, drink that Robo, bro. Oh, Robo-tripping? Yeah. Me and my buddies call it Brobo.

O-O-B-E. Out of body experience. Dude, Robo-tripping. Wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, where am I? Yeah, like a robot. Freaking yes. Yeah. Yeah.

What was the third thing? Oh, ask her if she wants to snort an Adderall, but then cut up a roofie. That was just for that one guy, though. Thelonious funk. Thelonious. Thanks again. And we will do yours. We'd be happy to. Oh, no, that's Thelonious Funk. Thelonious. Thanks again. And we will do yours. We'd be happy to.

Oh, no, that's cool. Bye. Bye. Bye. This has been an Earwolf Media Production. Executive Producers Jeff Ulrich and Scott Aukerman. For more information, visit Earwolf.com.