Hollywood Handbook - Jen Statsky, Our Close Friend

Episode Date: January 16, 2018

Sean and Hayes welcome JEN STATSKY into the studio to walk them through a day at her famous job. This episode is sponsored by Casper Mattresses (code: HANDBOOK) and Blue Apron.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This is a HeadGum Podcast. binoculars and Peter Weller is also hugging the telescope. Peter Weller? Yeah. And it turned out to be a kaleidoscope actually when I finally got it out of him. So I was like, no wonder he thinks he's seeing so many unique birds. But we're bird watching. And Shannon's going, it's a yellow-bellied

sapsucker. It's a yellow-bellied sapsucker. And I'm going, I can hear it. It's a warbler. So give me the binoculars, and we'll really find out what it is. Yeah. And finally, I trick her because I have part of a crona in my backpack, and I am able to waft the crona beneath her nose in such a way that she just drops the binoculars and gloms onto that.

Yeah. So then she's ch gloms onto that. Yeah. So then she's chomped onto the corona. I've got the binocs, which are around her neck, and so I'm trying to be gentle so that she doesn't feel that I'm putting them on. And I put them on, and what do you think I saw? The bird? What do you think I saw? The bird?

What do you think I saw, Hayes? The same bird? When I looked. Yeah, the bird. Yeah. It was Elle Fanning. Yeah. It was Elle Fanning. Yeah. It wasn't a bird.

She just climbed a tree. I know. So this is so weird. Days ahead. It's always when I'm going out to look at these birds. Days ahead, I'll see Elle. And she'll kind of know. She's like, oh, are you going out this weekend?

No, you're going to the logger. And I'm like, yeah, you want to come or whatever? And she's like, no, I'm busy and all that. I'm busy. I probably will stay. I won't have time to be out there. Yeah, but then she's always, I think, kind of trailing us. And then she goes and sits in the tree.

And the bird calls. To be the bird. And the sounds. And does the calls. She can do all of it. Yeah. She can do tweet, tweet, tweet. Yeah.

She truly is. She can do all along. She is do tweet, tweet, tweet She truly is She is the neon demon She is in real life No, and that's what I've learned The hard way Hey, welcome to Hollywood Handbook Insider's Guide to Kicking Butt and Dropping Names

in the red carpet linebacker in this industry we call showbiz We talk and talk about who do we want to talk to Who's going to be here and who We talk and talk about who do we want to talk to, who do we want to see. Who's going to be here and who are we going to see, who are we going to talk to. Who do we want to hear their stories and talk about the work. And who can share and who's about the work. Because if you make it about the work, it'll be about the work.

And if you make it about the bullshit, it'll be about the bullshit. And who do we say, Ryan? Ryan, who do we say? Remember who we said? And who do we say, Ryan? And Ryan, who do we say? Remember who we said? And who do we say out loud in front of you? Do you remember who we said? Uh-huh. No.

Ryan. Ryan, even if you don't remember, you just say the name of the guest. You just say the name of the person who's here. No. So Ryan doesn't know the name of our guest. Ryan, you must know the name of the person who's here. No. So Ryan doesn't know the name of our guest. Ryan, you must know the name of the guest. Surely. It's got to at least be on the calendar or something, right?

No. Jen Statsky. Hey! And we do always say that Jen Statsky is about the work. Say hi, Jen. Hi, guys. How are you? Hey, good.

How are you? Kind of had like a something in my throat. Something in the throat. A little vocal fry. Oh, my God. A little vocal fry. A little tough

is the first thing on mic, but that's, you know, we made you wait and there was time for that to sort of generate. I think Ryan sort of, there was some tension there, and that was what was coming up.

And now it's out. The physical embodiment of Ryan. Of Ryan. Yeah. Yeah, when I have something caught in the back of my throat, that's sort of, that's engineer Ryan to me. And when we talk about Jen, you did our other show a while ago you remember

and in a way it's all the reality show show now sure yeah society

is a reality show yeah if you think about it that is true show never ended in a way we all I mean

we all live in one house that's exactly right. The world. We're all trying to marry the same guy. If you think about what this is, society has become a reality show. We go on these dates. And here I am playing my role. This season I'm the bitch.

And I hate to say it, but that's what's been going on. This season I've sort of carved out a way to get screen time, and that way is I'm the bitch. Yeah. And I hate it, but at the same time, I'm addicted to the attention that I get for it. And frankly, some of these girls need a little backhand every now and then from the bitch in the house, and that's me.

But I don't see you winning as the problem. in the house, and that's me. But I don't see you winning as the problem. Yes, well, and that's true. There's not really an endgame for me. And I don't have much to do after this show. And meaning this recording of this podcast. That's going to pretty much be it.

I'm hoping that there's sort of a Bachelor in Paradise, Real World Road Rules Challenge kind of thing coming up where they collect... Maybe Dancing with the Stars. Yes. The sort of splashy

cast members and kind of put them into the... Right. But even then, you're not going to win. You're not going to win. You're just there

for sound bites. But when we think about Jen, we think about Jimmy. Mm-hmm. Yeah. And that's who, Jimmy's in New York. It's always like, oh, if you're in town, you could do the show, blah, blah, blah. He's always so busy.

He's slammed. Yes. He's absolutely slammed. But you write for a Jimmy Fallon show. Mm-hmm. I wrote for it. I haven't actually written there. See, I have heard this, that he has sort of taken the reins,

and so everyone else is just kind of showing up and just watching him work. Much of Jimmy on screen, yes. And it used to be that you guys would do the writing, but now it's mostly Jimmy who is just kind of... You're an audience. Yes. Yeah. I mean, I am an audience in the sense that I haven't been employed by him in like half a decade.

Your friend. It doesn't feel like being employed because you're just friends now. It doesn't feel like you're working. It feels like, oh, is this my job? I feel like I'm just hanging out with my friend and I'm his audience. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. And then in like a real sense,

also not getting a paycheck because I don't work there anymore. Yeah, you would do it for free. And I always say that about this show. Hey, I'd do it for nothing. You know, and that's the best. If you can find a job like that, you'll never work again in your life.

And as you've been saying, you're not working. I mean, I guess I'm still part of the family. But if he's in town, I'll definitely tell him to come by. Dude, so nice. Dude, yes. Yes. That would be huge. Are there big pressing questions you guys have for him or you just kind of want to...

Well, we can maybe get a lot of it from you because this is what we sort of want. Yeah. The day-to-day at the Fallon show. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Walk me through. You wake up. Yeah, you wake up.

What time is it? 4 a.m.? It's different every day. One day it might be 4 a.m. One day you might just not wake up. Yeah, you wake up. What time is it, 4 a.m.? It's different every day. One day it might be 4 a.m. One day you might just not wake up. One day you are maybe sick. You skip it. And where is this you wake up?

You're maybe sick. Where is this, Dumbo? Yeah, Dumbo, usually like near the bridge. Near the bridge. Yeah, near the bridge. But you also, you might wake up top of the rock. Okay. That's New York.

Sometimes you find yourself waking up at the top of the rock. Yeah. Yeah. That's what's so crazy about New York. You might be on top of the rock, but you might be in Dumbo right near the bridge. And then you gotta jump on your city bike. And physically, physically, you might be top of the rock,

but mentally you might be under the bridge, you know what I mean? And is there like a workout regimen before you go to work? I know that Jimmy likes everyone to kind of keep it tight. Keep it tight. Keep it tight. Keep it tight. It actually says that when you walk in in the office. It says keep it tight.

And that's jokes, but it's also body. Keep the jokes tight. Keep the jokes tight. Keep the thank yous tight. Tight bods write tight jokes, yeah. And so what is, there are handball courts there in Dumbo? Yeah, I'd usually start up on the handball court 10, 20 minutes just by myself. I've seen, so I used to race walk by there sometimes,

and I would see you, so they do like, you would do the equivalent of those guys playing chess in the park who are playing a bunch of different games at once. Right, people just cycling through. With handball. Yes, yes. Just running between the games. Yes, people just coming through,

and sometimes a line would form depending on the time of day. And I'm kind of holding court. Yeah. Ha-ha. But I am. I'm holding the court. There's no other way to say it. You know, I was sometimes involved in something like that,

and people would accuse me of ruining the games. That they would sort of feel like I was just running into the middle of a functioning game. And just sort of catching the ball. Catch the ball, yeah. Which is a move that I guess a lot of people can't do because it's so effective in handball to just catch it. And then you have full control. Yeah. And so I didn't get the audience necessarily that you did.

And I don't know what it is if you just have that thing, that spark that makes people want to watch rather than want to chase or punch. Yeah, it was disruptive when you did it. Yes, yes. Because it would end the game. I remember you being mad. Because he's so good at juking. People would try to come after him, and you would juke them out.

Oh, yeah, I'd juke them straight out of their sweats. I heard that when you would do that and grab the ball and when you would run away, you would run for miles just to make sure you were... Or right into the ocean because the water is right there. He's been spinning around so much while he's juking people out that sometimes he will get dizzy and run right into the ocean. Yeah, sometimes that goes Operation Splashdown. If he's facing the road, then you would run for

miles with the ball. Oh, yeah. And a lot of times, too, I'll just grab onto the bumper of a passing meat truck or whatever and then I just lean back on those Heelys. Right. You always wore Heelys.

That was... Bye-bye haters! And then I hit a red light and then freaking ka-clunk. Kind of a checkmate You always wore Heelys. That was... Bye-bye, haters. And then I hit a red light, and then friggin' ka-clunk. Kind of a checkmate sitch when you have Heelys. Oh, yeah, yeah. I mean, look, I could talk about this handball course all day. I could talk about the time I ran into the ocean and friggin' was spinning around so much that I created a big whirlpool and sucked up a whole boat.

You know what I mean? A whole boat? Now I got more people mad at me. The captain. Look at me. I'm the captain now. Remember that? But when you're done working out

and you're feeling fit and you're feeling sweaty, now it's time to finally go have your morning meeting with Jimmy, isn't it? Yeah. No shower. No shower. Right in there. Jimmy wants to

feel the city. He wants to smell the city. He doesn't want you cleaned off. He wants the friggin' real raw, you know, New York stuffed in his nose. Yeah. So probably, what are we doing? We're reading a newspaper?

Something I wonder, when you walk in the room, Jimmy, first to get there, last to leave every day? Every day. First to arrive, last to leave? Every day. You couldn't, you could try to get there beforehand. Couldn't do it. Always there. Wow.

Last to leave. And he's reading the newspaper. Yeah, he's, when you walk in, he has just a stack of newspapers. Every newspaper. And he's just riffing, right? And he just grabs, he just goes like, here's a headline. Yeah. Boom. And then he comes up with like four games like, here's a headline. Yeah. Boom.

And then he comes up with like four games you could play off that headline. It's amazing. He goes, oh, Trump's new tax plan to go through. Hey, got your nose. And then he's just doing that shit. And he's able to just come up with it all the time. It's, again, like the fitness thing, it is like, it's like a muscle that he has just worked so much that it's like it's instant for him in a way that it's hard to work there because you're in awe. You're just like, oh, my God.

Every once in a while you remember like, oh, wait, I think I'm supposed to be talking. Yeah, right. Because you're just witnessing. It's like, like oh reality check I'm here I'm doing this I'm in 30 Rock I'm sweaty from my handball game this morning I'm listening to Jimmy Fallon riff off of just

anything USA Today he's got something even USA Today he actually USA Today kind of was that was kind of our gold standard if we felt like there wasn't a lot happening that morning it was like we haven't gotten to USA Today kind of was, that was kind of our gold standard. If we felt like there wasn't a lot happening that morning, it was like, Well, we haven't gotten to USA Today. We haven't gotten to USA Today.

He'll do this. He'll go, Justice League disappoints at the box office. Hey, does it look like my thumb's coming off? It's just, I'm just doing, it's both hands. Yeah. But he's able to do, he's able to just instantly generate that stuff. And I wrote, I mean, I wrote for a show that Adam Pally was on.ally was on, so on a level I do have the same thing where I'm going. You get it.

I'm going, oh, wait a minute. I think I'm supposed to be. They're actually paying me to be here. I shouldn't just necessarily be watching this guy. Right. But it's hard not to feel like you're just the audience because you're like, what an amazing show. What an amazing show I had. I forget that a TV screen's not there.

You know what I mean? And I'd sometimes bump into him or step on his shoes, which he's really into his shoes. Was that a problem? It was an issue, yeah. Well, the show's not on anymore, so you know what happened there. He was too mad.

I feel like I'm hearing you guys talk about Thomas Hayden Church on divorce. That was my saying. Yes, I was wondering if you were going to bring up Tommy. I didn't want to ask, but this morning driving over, I was like, I won't do it on the show. Yeah, that's one kind of THC that I'm not sure it should be legal. I'm not sure it should be legal. It's funny, when you watch the show,

what you see on the show is never the best stuff that he was doing. Yeah. Because we wanted that for ourself. You know what I mean? Selfishly. Sure. You'd go in the edit and cut out all the best stuff he did. That was just for us.

Yeah. Would that happen on Fallon at all? That you would cut out all the best stuff he did. That was just for us. Yeah. Would that happen on Fallon at all? That you would cut out all his best stuff? Yeah, a lot. A lot of amazing, incisive, political, just amazing points. Yeah. Cutting room floor. Never aired. Yeah, just for true.

Never aired. Yeah. Strawn takes, strawn opinions on political stuff, what's happening. Yikes. Because you were protecting him. Yeah. I felt like as a writer in a way you're more

security. You're protecting him, you're protecting the image, you're protecting the brand. I always felt like I was really working for the Secret Service more than having a comedy job where I was there to sort of jump in front of a bullet for Pally if he would have just an insane hot take. Exactly. And the code names, like, you know, Shit Brains. That's very Secret Service.

Yeah, Shit Brains, yeah. Fucking Powder King. secret service yeah shit brains yeah fucking uh uh powder king anything anything yeah so what was in the morning me what um what was in the breakfast buffet oh my god i'm the breakfast buffet it was a god. The breakfast buffet. It was a lot of it was a lot of like mixed nuts.

Oh breakfast nuts. Yeah breakfast nuts. In like a big chafing a big chafing dish of nuts. Just kind of a big bowl and you would just kind of fish around. Name some of the nuts.

The tongs that's the thing the tongs only get one nut. Sometimes like two. So it was like don't do when a new guy would come in and use the tongs that was kind of like only get one nut. Sometimes like two. So it was like, don't do it.

When a new guy would come in and use the tongs, I was kind of like, oh, he's using the tongs. Use your hands. So talk to me, it's a cashew nut?

Yeah, it's a cashew nut. It's a pistachio? Because Jimmy's a big, he's a big walnut guy. So you didn't, you wouldn't take the walnuts. Don't touch.

Uh-uh. Yeah, don't touch daddy's walnuts. Yeah, and that kind of makes me think, like, is that where the comedy juice lives? Should I be eating more walnuts? Yeah, Adam I never saw eat. Wasn't hungry. Really? Yeah.

Lawn shooting days, no food? Wow. Up all night, tons of energy, but no food wow up all night tons of energy but no food so i don't know what it was but that's genius you know yeah sometimes you just meet somebody who has that motor everyone has a different a different path a different system for jimmy a different thing that drives them it was hundreds of wal drives them. It was hundreds of walnuts. Hundreds of walnuts. Hundreds upon hundreds of walnuts. Yeah. Yeah. Which frees you up.

Then pistachio, that's all yours. Mm-hmm. You know what I mean? In a bowl. Brazil nut, that's yours. In a bowl or loose on a plate or like in a glass? They were all in kind of like a giant bowl. A big bowl.

A big, a huge bowl. Yeah. Huge bowl. And then you would kind of just fish around with your bare hands, whatever you wanted. Oh, I meant Jimmy's personal. Oh, Jimmy's. Jimmy's personal nuts. Jimmy's personal nuts, he would have in kind of like a yogurt parfait cup.

Oh, okay. Now, Hayes, I'm working on something, and you're so good at these. Thank you. So we're sort of in competition with Comedy Bang Bang, which is a podcast that used to be more popular than us. Now I think we're a little bit more popular, but it's hard to tell. They do a lot of wordplay things. It's like, what day is it?

They do a lot of wordplay things, and I'm realizing that macadamia and academia rhyme. I saw you think of that. Is there a wordplay thing we can do? You know what I mean? Yeah. And especially, and I'm not really good at them. I can sometimes identify the area, but I'm not able to come up with it. You can identify the rhyme.

I found a rhyme, but I don't know what to do with it. You know what I mean? I'm just figuring, you know, it's like a dog with a deck of cards. It's like, well, you know, Scott buys. Scott now is so out of ideas, he is purchasing. For word jokes? Yes. Okay, because he's able to do these, seemingly on the show, do these word jokes.

No, you fax them in. Okay, so I should just fax in that rhyme, and we should move off the topic entirely. But I will say, you have to check and make sure, because what will happen is you'll fax it in, and then he will use it without ever mentioning to you that he took the rhyme. So you have to listen so that you can get your bucks. So then you say, hey, notice that he took the rhyme. So you have to listen so that you can get your bucks. So then you say, hey, notice that you used the rhyme. And then he's like, oh yeah, I think I thought of that myself. And then you have to go down the road

of keep a copy on your end, mail it to yourself, because he's not going to admit that it was your idea at first. But then eventually he will give up. Yeah, it's a process, right?

He gets lazy and he gives up. I have that kind of time. So I have noticed, obviously I'm a fan of your tweets and I'm following your tweets, and a lot of times you will talk about working at Jimmy Fallon and say that it is the good place to work. Yeah. Yeah. I will. To me, it's heaven.

To me, it is like it's heaven. That is the good place. That's the good place. I can't imagine anything better. Yeah. Yeah. So I was wondering this, too, because a lot of people seem to love working at Fallon because they are all saying, hey, the good place. Yeah.

Well, it's confusing to me. Critics have come around. I feel like critics were not talking about Fallon for so long. Yes. And he was sort of under the radar. He was just mine. Right, right, right. But now these year-end lists, everybody's going like, hey, man, the good place.

The good place is doing the most innovative stuff. It was cool because I felt like I kind of used it in a tweet and then it kind of caught on that everyone started calling it the good place. And I don't mean to take credit for that, but that was something that I felt I kind of started. So dope, so tight, so quick. Yeah, it's cool. Yeah, that's cool, cool, cool. So, but I sort of skipped. So dope. So tight. So quick. Yeah, that's cool. Yeah, that's cool, cool, cool. So, but I sort of skipped some steps there. Like, let's talk about, so he's eating all the walnuts.

He's eating breakfast. He's frigging doing the newspaper, and he's reading whatever the headline is, and he's going, oh, okay, Trump, you know, invades Korea. And then he goes, like, check out the frigging cup and ball, and he's throwing the ball into the cup on a string. Yeah, it's amazing, because it's like when you think he's going to, you know, he zigs, he farts, you know? Yeah, you think he's going to zig, but then he's frigging got, like, a skippet or something on his ankle, and he starts jumping over it. It's like, want to feel old? Remember this?

Oh, no. Yeah. Want to feel old, right this? Oh, no. Yeah. Want to feel old, right? Classic. And so he's farting a lot? Yeah, but again, that's like you were saying with Thomas. That's like, we save that for us, which I do feel bad about. I feel like, selfish, but you kind of want it for yourself.

You're cutting those out of the show. You're cutting them out of the show. You're cutting hundreds of them out of the show. Wow, okay. Yeah. Yeah. So we're still in the room. Still in the room, stack of newspapers.

Yes. Bunch of walnuts. And you're just kind of, you kind of just let him lead. It's like an orchestra conductor. Okay. And you're letting him lead. You're following his lead. You're listening to him read

cover to cover the entire newspaper. Every single one. Advertisements, classifieds, everything. Whoa. Yeah. Because you don't know where the joke is. Correct me if I, this is just what I've heard,

that often in the morning you'll be working for like an hour or two and then Jimmy will just be like, you know what? Let's get out in the morning, you'll be working for like an hour or two, and then Jimmy will just be like, you know what? Let's get out in the world. He's big on like, hey, we live in the biggest adult playground in the world, New York City. And so he's like, why are we, comedy is fun, comedy is play. Why are we inside? Why am I at a desk well and these comedy writers it's like everybody's writing the same shit and it's all these shows about being a comedian or being a

comedy writer and it's like hey go to the fucking zoo man yes like jimmy's like hey let's get our ass down to the bronx fucking zoo you know exactly because like you said when you're reading the newspaper you don't know where the joke is Exactly Half these shows I watch on TV I don't know where the joke is Yeah I don't know where the joke is

Right I can't figure out What makes it a comedy Right You know With half this shit I watch So it's a lot of Let's get out

Let's do something Let's go to the fucking zoo I wanna see you guys Going down in the subway With a You guys have that one rope That's tied to each of you. Yeah, we all have one hand on the rope so you don't lose anybody. And then it would be like, let's do it.

Let's get on the Staten Island Ferry. Let's go. Let's take a trip. And sometimes you go, nothing. There's no joke there. You just turn back around. You go to Ellis Island or whatever. You go to Ellis Island.

And you just go like, I'm bummed. Yeah, it's sad that this happened. The weather sucks. It's very bad. Statue'm bummed. Yeah. Yeah, it's sad. It sucks. That this happened. The weather sucks. It's very bad. It's sad. Statue's too big. Yeah. Like, that lady, like, the only thing, because I did at one point go, oh, I feel bad for

this lady. She's huge. Yeah. How's she going to use a toilet? Mm-hmm. You know what I mean? Like, what's she going to do? Yeah.

Then I realized, I guess she's right near the water. Just sit in the ocean and do it. Right. The body image thing is hard. Speaking as a woman. Well, she wears this really loose fitting robe and you know that she's self-conscious. She can't wear anything tight because let's face it, she's not in the best of shape. And I wish she'd work for Fallon because he's going to have you keep it tight.

Exactly. And then maybe we see the Statue of Liberty in one of these gowns that the frigging starlets wear. And she, for the first time, is confident and able to really go in and go, hey, Jimmy, I think I got an idea for a joke. Exactly. So you guys will go to the zoo. We'll go to the zoo.

We'll go to M&M World. We'll go anywhere. Okay. And, you know, in between, you guys will do, like, ladders and, like, other little exercises and stuff just to, like, keep it. Yeah, trust falls or just kind of games that, like, keep. It's all about keeping up the fun. Keeping up the fun. Because a lot of times when you're not having fun the thing to do is go

let's have fun and that makes you have fun. Okay. Yeah, I think that's cool. And I also do notice that if you aren't having fun or playing a game sometimes the darkness

can take hold and just grip you in its jaw and shake the life out of you. And leave you bruised and bloodied at the bottom of a karaoke stage or whatever. Exactly.

So it's like, dominoes, let's play dominoes. Let's fucking play dominoes. Wow. Domino motherfucker. But then I've noticed the guard at the zoo is sometimes chasing all of you. With a big giant net. With a net. For, you're doing so much monkey business, he thinks that you guys belong in the monkey cage.

Yeah. Well, a lot of that, too, is Jimmy kind of has, like, people all over the city that is on payroll. And so he'll pay the guard. It's like, hey, today, chase Jen around with a net. Create a funny scene. Yeah, create a funny scene and be like, can you believe that? She was in a net. Wow.

Yeah. How much I were that rich. Oh, if I could put people on payroll to chase some of my friends with a net, forget it. And then they get put in a monkey cage for doing too much monkey business. Yeah. Okay. Now we're having some fun. And then I don't have to think about maybe, you know, what is my life?

What am I? Like, it's so meaningless. Like, what is happening? Like, why? Childhood. When you're not distracted enough and you think too much about breathing, and then your throat just kind of, like, closes up. The more you think about it, the harder it is to do. And you don't want to do it.

And then your heart starts racing because you're not getting enough oxygen. And then you think, well, is that, like, you know, am I having a heart, you know, do you just get dizzy? No, I know, yeah. And you go, holy shit, I'm dying. I'm really sick. First it's like, did I eat something? Then it's like,

this isn't even about eating. This is like, my body's turning off. And do I want it on well yeah and it's like do I do I steer into the skin yeah and just lean in and just let it all blink out so that so you know when something like that is going on that's when I need somebody to go like hey slap bracelets and just wind it around it's got a dinosaur on it and I'm like okay yeah now I remember like let's have fun and if they happen to be a freaking cute sweetie

I don't know maybe that's okay too yeah now is Jimmy just talking like as you're going around is he talking about just some of like the favorite pop cultural stuff of your shared childhood? Like, all that. That's sort of, like, your homework for the night is to come up with, like, hundreds of hundreds of just memories of childhood of things that happened.

California dreams. Yeah. Like, that would be my assignment. Okay. The stuff that he liked when he was a kid, like i that happened. California dreams. That would be my assignment. The stuff that he liked when he was a kid, like iCarly, that's my good place. Yes, yes, yes. iCarly, yeah. Freaking Zack and Cody.

Anything, the Suite Life baby. Spongebob. Now we're adults. That me and Jimmy grew up on, and now we can finally look at Spongebob now we're adults that me and Jimmy grew up on and now we can finally sort of like look at Spongebob with clear eyes

exactly and go like hey wasn't Patrick kind of a jerk there's layers to it that you discover when you're an adult yeah

well some of this shit we watched when we were kids was so fucked up it's crazy and you just go like we show this to kids? It's crazy. It's like, I'm sorry, but that gummy berry juice?

Yeah, Wizards of Waverly Place. Yeah, okay, yeah, Wizards of Waverly Place, is that okay? Well, Pretty Little Lies. Yeah. Is that okay? Kevin, will you sit? Kevin, can you sit, please? And then just like a normal way.

Hey, guys. Chef Kevin here. Thanks for having me. Now, Kevin, you were very excited to have Jen here. Yeah, I couldn't wait. Because of a book that you're reading. I am. I'm reading Creative Quest, Questlove's new book.

Oh, wow. Okay. Have you, you know, heard of it? I have heard of it. Cool. Yeah. Questlove is, you know, in the family. Yeah.

So, like, are you friends with him? I mean, again, it's less of, like, a friend's thing and more just, like, cousin Questlove. She just said they're in the family. There's some family members that you're not friends with. This is all pre-written. We have to sort of let him stick to his script, I think. Yeah, going through my notes. So a lot of the book, he's talking about how he's friends with chefs and comedians.

Are you doing audio audiobook or original? No, I'm reading the actual book. Because I think audiobook is the way to do it. Because he's a musician. So I think there's layers that you might be missing. The rhythms of the language. He's actually recording it right now according to his Instagram. He keeps showing how hard it is to record an audiobook.

He's like four hours in, five hours in, six hours in. Yeah. Does he need like a breathe right strip? Yes. I know sometimes you need that. He should use one. So you're reading it. Are you liking it?

I do like it. Yeah. Okay. I read Mo Meta Blues, which was like his first one, I think. So you're kind of like a fanatic. Yeah, I'm a quest head for sure. Cool. That's cool.

Are you on a creative quest? Yes. Oh, I just got it. Creative quest. He is creative quest. Yeah. How far on the quest are you? I would say the first lap.

Mm-hmm. Wait, so if it's a lap, that means it's on a track? Yeah. But then you're getting back to where you started. That's what it feels like. So that's why I'm reading the book. Kevin does these, when he thinks of a quest, he goes to a high school. College.

Don't go to high school. It's not a college. It, a high school. College. Don't go to high school. It's not a college. It's a high school. And during school hours, he will, like, run the track. He wants to, like, show them how far he can run. Yeah. We've talked to Kevin a lot about some of these habits that he has. These kids will be, the mile and he'll

jump into the group. He thinks that's the best time to infiltrate a high school. During a gym class. During the mile it's all scattered. Everyone is tired. I guess what he tells me

is if you have a bunch of different colored mesh shorts and a bunch of different colored t-shirts, you could basically blend in at any given gym class. Yeah, any high school. So he'll see what the school colors are, and then he'll pull those shorts on. And then he'll come in and he'll be like, sorry, I'm late. Let's race. And then a lot of times once they really get going

and people start to seem a little gassed, he'll go like, hey, you ever want to be like to run off the track? And I guess it's sort of – so coyotes have this method where they will go up. A single coyote will go up and befriend a dog and start playing with the dog and make the dog think it has a new friend. Then they will lure them deeper and deeper into the woods where there's a team of five or six coyotes waiting to then attack and outnumber the larger dog. I believe Kevin is trying something similar.

Where he wants you to think he's your gym class buddy, that it's fun to run with him. And when he gets you outside the track, all bets are off. But then it is just Kevin at the end. There is no other coyotes. There's no team. Is it because you don't have enough mesh shorts and shirts to kind of outfit other

people for your pack? Yes, and I'm trying to, you know, new fashion ideas. So the mesh stuff I think works for me. My friends say it doesn't, so that's why they don't join me.

So that's why I run around the track. There's nobody. There isn't. There's no one who wants to do it with you. This conversation didn't happen with anyone. I've watched you talk to Dana about it a lot. Yeah, so he's talking about the other people that work here when he says, like, my friend.

He's all people because they spend enough time with him. He is honestly talking about us. And, like, Ryan. Yeah. And Ryan. Yeah. That's who he's talking about, Ryan. Work friends are friends.

That's what I say. Yeah. I know more. I mean, I work with Jimmy, so I know't. That's what I say. Yeah. Yeah. I know more. I mean, I work with Jimmy, so I know that. They're like my family. So yeah, we're all like a big group of friends. Right. So.

But a lot of them do. You realize a lot of them spend time together outside of this office. They do. Yeah. Yeah. And then you're not included in. Well, they do. If you send.

They say they're busy. If you have their phone number and you send them a text, like it's outside of work hours. Yeah. Will they respond? And you're not included in that. Well, they do. They say they're busy. If you have their phone number and you send them a text, like it's outside of work hours, will they respond? No. But then I'll bring it up the next day and then they'll be like, oh, yeah, I was having an issue with my phone. Like, I just got it. But they have their read receipts on and I can see when they see it. So I don't know.

Right. I'm trying, you know, that's my creative quest, I guess, to make friends. when they see it. So I don't know. I'm trying, you know, that's my creative quest, I guess, to make friends. That's what he says with the high school kids too, that it's like a friendship thing. Yeah. He's trying to lure them

into a place where he can like have a really close friend. To me, it just doesn't seem savory. No. It's a lot of him getting caught at the fence. So even if he gets the kid to go off the track with him, he'll get to the fence, and then as he's trying to hop the fence,

then the coach is kind of on to what he's doing. And the coach is so fast, obviously. This is a coach. Yes. It has to what he's doing. And the coach is so fast, obviously. This is a coach. Yes. It has to be the fastest one. Yes, that is a really good policy that they've instated at a lot of these schools. In order to be a coach, you have to be faster than every student. I mean, you can't learn from someone who isn't better than you.

Well, exactly. It's like Jimmy wouldn't work on my show. You know what I mean? No. He wouldn't. It is funny to think of it. But if I worked on Jimmy's, boy, that would be the good place. Kevin, you've been saying that you think Earwolf is the good place to work. I do, yeah.

So you've got a little bit of a bone to pick. Yeah, because I mean, I obviously have a bias. I just got a promotion, so it does feel like the best place to work. This happened a long time ago, man. It starts on Monday, though, officially, so

I have an extra pep in my step. Who are they bringing in? Who's the new Kevin? They're interviewing people right now. So, kind of doing both in my step. Who are they bringing in? Who's the new Kevin? They're still interviewing people right now. So kind of doing both in the meantime. Who's your horse? You got your money on a sweet little filly. Who's your horse, Kev? Colin's doing the interviewing, so it's kind of up to him.

And your horse is? We'll find out maybe next week. I don't not how you... Chaz. I go to a freaking racetrack, and it's like, I go, I'd like to place a bet. They go, on which horse? I go, I'll tell you after the race. Hey, I wish it worked that way, man.

I'd have a couple extra shekels in my pocket. Yeez-oh-my. I'd have a couple extra shekels in my pocket. Yeez oh my. I was picturing a Chaz. There are a few things I know about this person once they eventually get the job, given the hiring practices here. There's a couple things I know for sure, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. They will be a white guy.

Yeah. They will have... Huge comedy fan. They will have Kevin slash Ryan's haircut Yeah They will really be interested in comedy They will be around UCB 301 Wilco fan?

Yes Thank you Thank you Yes They're going to be into Wilco. And all of the, what, Handsome Furs? Yeah, the Handsome Furs. Golden Smug.

What's the other? There's a few other side projects, right? Loose Fur. Loose Fur, that's what it is. Loose Fur. Loose Fur. They'll be into Loose Fur. Uncle Tupelo.

Uncle Tupelo. They'll love Uncle Tupelo. You know, they will have mixed feelings about Jay Farrar, of course. Of course. They'll have seen the doc. They'll have opinions on the doc. Oh, yes. I am trying to break your heart. Yeah.

Yeah. They'll have some weird feelings about the doc and what do you say about Jay Bennett, you know? Yeah. Would that have just happened regardless? Well, so interesting when you really look at, did Jeff look at Jay Bennett and say, this is me and Uncle Tupelo. Wow. And I now am Jay Farrar.

Wow. And I'm having to make some of the same decisions that he did. That's crazy. You ever think about that? Not in that order of the words. But now it's all you can think about. Yeah, Jeff must have seen some of himself in Jay, huh? Got to write one song on this album, two, three songs on the next album.

All of a sudden it's like, I'm not going to be part of a two headed band. Yeah. This is my fucking band. So now got to kind of nip it in the bud, man. Cause that's what Jay didn't do. And ultimately songs like Black Eye, songs like Gun. I mean, these are the songs that we remember But Black Eyed is definitely Tweety Can I take us back to Jen's day? Yeah It's show time now It's show night

Yeah We've just finished the newspapers You've read the newspapers You haven't really done anything all day. We haven't really written anything. You went to the zoo in M&M World. Yeah, we went to the zoo or we took the Staten Island Ferry in M&M World. But you didn't write anything for the show.

We haven't written anything. And now it's time to do the show. But that's the kind of energy that Jimmy wants going into the show. Yes. The sense of... He's like, okay, well, guess I'm going to have to do it myself, kind of. Yeah.

Yeah. And he... Is there news breaking throughout the day as well? I mean, are you guys on Twitter looking at the news that just came out? Constantly. So he'll be like, oh my God, Prince died. Yes.

And then he'll just be like, hey, somebody get me a big fish tank full of Skittles I can jump into. You know? Yeah. And he's sort of, because we put our phones in a bag throughout the day. No phone policy. No phone policy.

So Jimmy has the phone bag. So he's kind of like doling out the information to us. Prince died. Oh, my God. Yeah. You know? Oh, my God. Tom Petty died.

Oh, my God. Yeah. Everyone on that stage. Yeah. yeah you know oh my god Tom Petty died oh my god yeah everyone on that stage yeah if you remember remember that stage yeah yeah

and so it is showtime we haven't written anything and it's just kind of like holy shit holy shit is there gonna be a show is there gonna be a show right I don't know if you've ever seen Studio 60 but it's it's just kind of like, holy shit. Holy shit. Is there going to be a show? Is there going to be a show?

Right. I don't know if you've ever seen Studio 60, but it's that energy. Exactly. Okay. Exactly that energy. Yeah. Going into Showtime. Okay.

So he's kind of like, well, I guess I'm going to need my suit. Yep. And it's your job to go put together, the writers to like find the different parts of the suit and yeah we kind of sort of a suit scavenger hunt it's a suit scavenger hunt and then you're kind of in charge of your item for pressing okay right like i was uh tie i was tied i was in charge of tie and you work your way up when you start you're like i'm on soft and you have to dry the tie off sometimes because you'll find that it's soaked in a whiskey bottle or something. Yeah, exactly.

It'll be like, or yes, exactly. It'll be like in a slinky, all like kind of twisted in a slinky and you have to undo it. But then it's good because the slinky's like, should we do something with this? Yes. Yes. Thank you.

Yes, that's so cool how organic some of that stuff is. And is it someone's job to see if Justin Timberlake is around? Yeah. There's one writer who's just kind of on JT Watch. And you're just kind of in charge of, like, is he in the vicinity? Is he in Manhattan? Is he in, you know? Yeah.

Is he filming Wonder Wheel? Right. Is that nearby? You know what I mean? Is that nearby? Is Woody Allen shooting? Because if Woody's shooting, he gets JT. But if he's not, then we get JT. And it's just a drop-in policy with him.

If he wants to drop in. That movie was tough on Fallon's show a little bit. Because as much as it is the good place, when you don't have JT, and you also can't get your hands on Jim Belushi for like a whole month or whatever. Yeah. Yeah. That's a body blow.

It's tough. I mean, because, yeah. And that weighs on Jimmy because then he knows it's all on him. Time to strap this show to my back and carry it up the mountain. Exactly. Weight of the world kind of. Carried up the rock. You know, Sisyphus pushing the rock. But luckily JT is pretty around.

Juno Temple? Juno Temple, yes. Okay, I just want to make sure which. I don't know. Yeah. Juno Temple. Yeah. Well, there's kind of a hierarchy.

It's like JT, Justin Timberlake, Juno Temple, Justin Theroux. Who is around? Jesse, Tyler, Ferguson. You know, so there's a couple. Yeah. Yeah, there's a couple. One of them is going to show. One of them is going to be around.

But you want JT, you know. Yeah, T. JTT. Mm-hmm. If you, I mean. Yeah, that's what my kids watched growing up. From your lips to, you know. Apparently my kids were big fans of his.

Your kids? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So once the suit is together, it's just kind of like everyone's got it. You're in the dressing room. It's kind of everyone is – it's nerve-wracking. Yeah.

Yeah. It's tense. You got any rituals to relax? Throw up or anything? Yeah. I would – I kind of – the first few years years it would be kind of like violent throwing up and now you're as hard as you can as hard as I can

now it's more like this is the process I'm going to do a quick throw up and then maybe you and me get in a freaking quick game of ping pong throw the old hacky sack around I know that Questlove meditates because of the book.

Do you ever meditate with him? That's a huge, I mean, to be asked to meditate with him is a huge, that's kind of when you know you've made it at the show, and I haven't gotten to that, but I hope to one day. Does it ever, I would be nervous about if your body is, like, trained to throw up in that moment, that you're going to be meditating with Quest 11 and like throw up. Yeah. Yeah.

And that, I can't name names, but that has happened. That does happen. Is he cool about that or? No. No, he gets mad. That is kind of one. You'll see a name in the credits and then next week you won't see it in the credits. Yeah, that's somebody who threw up.

Does he say in the book that he's mean? No. It's edited out. Oh, you know, but you know it's edited out. How'd you know that?

It was in a, like a book. Oh, it's like, or it's redacted kind of like that. or someone said underneath like,

hey, I'm adding footnotes. Someone else did that. Yeah. Oh, there's a secret footnote soldier. Wow. He's did that. Oh, there's a secret footnote soldier. Wow.

He's a lieutenant. Oh, what? What? Kevin, what? He's a lieutenant. He's a kind of soldier. It's like he heard soldier. Yeah, I know, but what the fuck are you talking about

what does that mean Kevin he got promoted in the first book he was a soldier he was a footnote soldier what in the first book oh my god Kevin

we have a guest Jen Statsky from the fucking good place Jimmy Fallon's show. The Tonight Show with Jimmy Fallon. The Good Place, frankly, the Great Place is here. The best place. And you're doing frigging, he's a lieutenant? Thanks for coming, Jens.

We're really happy to have you. We. We. Yeah, sorry. No, it's my pleasure. It's me and my friends here. I guess Questlove carries a bunch of hard drives with him when he goes to record stores. I don't know if he's showing off that he has a lot of music.

Have you ever seen that? Has he ever come into Fallon with a bunch of hard drives of music? Yeah, he has a ton of hard drives that he's just kind of carrying around from place to place and then assistants 1 through 6 carrying them. Wait, what does he do with them at the store? That's what I'm confused about. Why is he

bringing them to a record store? He doesn't say that in the book? No. He says that he has them, but he doesn't say why. Did that get redacted? Is that like, okay, so I'm here at the record store with the hard drives, and then it's just all blacked out after that? Did the lieutenant have anything to say about that? No.

Gavin? This is the person who cuts my hair. She used to work at a record store, and she said— Whoa, whoa, whoa. What? I'm sorry. He said this is the person who cuts my hair, and then he pointed at a ghost, basically. Yeah. Go ahead.

So this isn't in the book. No, this is something I've heard about him. When he goes to record stores, he brings a bunch of hard drives, those orange pack cases with hard drives in them, and he buys a dozen records. I guess he brings those hard drives with him everywhere he goes. And this is in the book, or this is the person who cuts his hair? No, I should have clarified.

This is what you always have to do with Kevin, is just unpack the whys. And it's also, I'll tell you one thing. Somebody who cuts hair is not friends with Questlove. No, she's not. Because his hair is very big and long. Yeah. So that's a huge hole in the story. That would basically be his greatest enemy if they were trying to cut his hair.

Maybe she was lying. She worked at a record store and saw him there all the time. I think she's coming from a place of anger because he doesn't cut his hair, and that's a direct affront to her business and what she does. And so she's making up this devastating hard drive story. She's trying to completely discredit him. Because when I

first heard it, I thought, oh, I'm not going to be able to take this guy seriously anymore. Got hard drives? But now that I consider the source a little bit... That's what she wants. It's smart. It's a smart plan. It's better than Kevin's plan at the high school track, I'll tell you what. Now, what time is it?

Are we done? I don't know. Ryan? It's 12.16. Okay, but when did we start? How long have we been recording? 55 minutes. Long.

That's good. Long. That's good. A lot of juice. That's good. That's good. We have time for four plugs. Okay, what do you want to plug?

Your top four things. Who's guesting this week? Let's just go Monday through Thursday. Yeah, come on and hit me with it. Who's going to be on the couch? Okay. Okay, Monday, we got Rebecca Black. Jimmy's got Rebecca Black.

On Monday, though. On Monday. That's how we're starting off. Okay. And then Tuesday, Noam Chomsky. Tuesday, Noam comesomsky. Tuesday, Noam comes by to chew the fat with Jimmy.

Thursday, Wednesday, we're off. Wednesday, go to bed. Wednesday, we're just kind of taking the day.

Catch some Z's, Wednesday. They've earned it. of taking the day. Catch some Z's Wednesday. They've earned it. Thursday we have a skip it. A skip it.

Thursday Jimmy trips. He doesn't quite fall. And then he laughs. It says that was awesome. And then where are we at? Oh, my God.

That was Thursday. That's Thursday. And then Friday, I assume you're taking off as well. No, Friday. That's the Wednesday show you're doing on Friday. We're going to do the Wednesday show on Friday. That's the Wednesday show you're doing on Friday. We're going to do the Wednesday show on Friday. But it's kind of like, it's as if it's Wednesday. Oh, nice.

Wow. Just a normal Wednesday show on Friday. Yeah. And who's the guest? Jeff Galooly. Bye. I'm a horny girl wolf this has been an earwolf production executive produced by

Scott Aukerman Colin Anderson and Chris Bannon for more information and content visit earwolf.com that was a hate gun podcast