Hollywood Handbook - Jensen Karp, Our Close Friend

Episode Date: October 17, 2016

Sean and Hayes invite JENSEN KARP, host of Get Up On This, to come on the show and all do their own Get Up On This after Sean and Hayes did it so well two weeks ago.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This is a HeadGum Podcast. And, you know, we're in court because we're on trial for assaulting a kid. Right. And I'm obviously cool as a cucumber. Yeah. And I see that. Vehicular assault. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It was so, well, you know the whole story, but it was so stupid.

So slow. It was like, yes. Very slow vehicular assault. Yeah. It wasn't even, there wasn't even an engine in the car. Yeah. So, like, is that really a salt? Right.

But anyway. You dragged it up the, I mean, I don't want to adjudicate this, but you dragged the car up to the top of a hill with another car. Yeah. And then cut the ropes. But this hill had a, it was like, not really a hill, it had a very, very slow incline. The incline was like barely, I mean, you know

you need a friggin carpenter's level to tell that it was even. Right. Do you know those tools? Yeah. Don't drink it. Don't drink the carpenter's level. No, I know, yeah, that I always have to remind myself.

So anyway, I'm so I'm, I know. Yeah. I always have to remind myself. So anyway, I'm... So I'm... Cool's a cucumber. I've been in this situation a million times. And Zach starts to get nervous. And I don't know if he just like...

Unhappy endings if they never prepared him for anything like this. But he's getting froggy looking like he going jump. Yeah. And so I turn to him and I'm like, stay calm, Zach. And I can see he's going to rat me out. Yeah, he's going to.

Like, I can just tell. He's going to roll up on you, yes. He's going to roll up on me and try to make a deal for himself. I don't want a sick animal on him. Right. Animal, meanwhile, is not like in the't want a sick animal on him. Right. Animal, meanwhile, is not like in the courtroom,

there's nobody controlling him. So he is just kind of a limp. It's a limp Muppet. Yeah. It's a limp Muppet just sort of on the desk. And it looks sad. Right. So I don't want a sick animal on him.

And you would put to like, kind of make him seem like he's doing something, there's that cup of water there, and you would sort of put his hand in the water like he's drinking the water, but he is just kind of absorbing it. Yes. Well, and also to say that everyone was mad at me, Animal was driving the car.

You know? Yeah, he was definitely draped over the steering wheel. He was driving it, Hayes. If anyone was, he was. No, over the steering wheel. He was driving it, Hayes. If anyone was, he was. No, I'm defending you. Yeah. So I don't want to have to stick animal on him, but I'm starting to see this dude is going to roll up on me.

And so I finally say the word. I whisper in Animal's ear. I've got to get really low down to do it. The judge is like, what are you doing? I'm telling him to mind his business. What's the word? Drums? I don't know.

But, you know, obviously Animal's unhappy. He's got a short temper. He slaps Zack Knighton. Yeah. You know. He slapped Zack Knighton with the wet water hand. And it knocked dude's goatee clear off. Hey, welcome to Hollywood Handbook, an insider's guide to kicking butt and dropping names in the red carpet linebacker hallways of this industry we call showbiz. What up, what up? Let's talk about this.

Let's confront this head on. Let's just deal with it. A couple weeks ago, Brandon Wardell was on the show. This cute boy. Cute, sweet boy. And he was on the show being a sweetie. Yeah. And he mentioned that he had never seen Stranger Things TV show.

TV show, it's online. It's Things, TV show. TV show, it's online. It's a computer TV show. There's kids. There's ghosts. It's a computer show. People can know it or they can't. There's parents. There's the police.

Yeah. And there's a monster. And so Brandon didn't know what it was. So Hayes very innocently suggested that Brandon should get up on that. And then we did an episode of Get Up On This. By accident. Yes, we just sort of fell into doing an episode of a different show. Slip, trip, fell, landed in Get Up On This episode.

And accidentally crushed a great episode of the show. So then we get, bring, bring, it's a phone call. Jensen Karp is here. Jensen, hey, this is when you're in the story. Yeah, no worries. I feel like this is my place to come in. And tell us a little bit about what you felt when you heard us doing Get Up On This. Well, you had mentioned me before in the past, like in passing, just like a name here or there. And I felt somewhat honored to be said by you guys but to bring the show into it and then the attacks felt a little more personal yeah like

maybe it was time you could put a face to sort of the name right yeah and meet me and and i because i felt that you guys i mean like using the show was rough i could see how that would be tough for you yeah it was good because it was like the bummer is that it was semi good. That it was, I mean, let's say it. It could have been better than some of our episodes. I'm not saying all of them. I'm saying like 70%. It was probably in the top. How many episodes did we get up on this?

We have over 260. Okay, so it was probably in the top 10. Right. So you're saying that there were 255 episodes that are worse than the few minutes you guys did of our show? Because I agree with you if that's what you're saying is that what you're saying that's that's what i'm driving at yeah yeah then yeah we're all on the same page and we did successfully at the end this is my understanding of your show from what i've listened to you have never gotten someone anyone someone up on anything on your show i have never it has never taken it's never the intention

has been it has never worked on it okay i didn't follow you now i understand i do try to get people up on things yes but i've technically never got anyone up at the end it almost always ends with they don't leave the studio up on it correct they they leave it there and walk away i don't understand i don't want to yeah and there's no need for me to keep this yes but we did at the end brandon but we didn't put this on the show brandon was like oh i am up on the show now and i'm gonna and now i love the show and he binged it during the second if you notice he's pretty quiet during the second half of the episode he's watching stranger things and i will say that's why he's not saying anything

i do want to admit that i think that stranger things became more popular because you guys got people up on it at the time you did. It's starting to blow up. Starting to blow up, yeah. Yeah, because we did sort of learn about it. Because, you know, I have this little cousin, Sam, and he's one of the engineers, and he actually is really smart with computers,

so I'll get some of these shows early. And it has a season two now because of the mention. Yeah, and I didn't mean to start beef with Brandon Wardell just now, just saying that he's quiet in the second half of the show and he's not really saying anything. That's like, I'm taking a shot at that dude. And it's like, no,

we're just always trying to get everyone up on stuff. Or we could, I'm okay with having just sort of an endless cycle of you and Brandon where... Just back and forth. Now he's like, I heard you with Jensen, and then we say something to Brandon that then you're like well I heard you with Brandon you know and then we have you guys back and forth that could be easier for us than booking new guests every week yes we really are not really nice you guys need me to block out bi-weekly is that what you're saying yeah if we could just get a bunch at once that would be great I'll guess what he's

gonna say about me yeah yeah I understand just know, the engineer, Sam, this is not engineer Sam. Correct, yes. Yes. This guy is Brett. Yes. What's that food? What is it? Yes.

It's a breakfast burrito. I'm very sorry to eat. Do you want a bite? I'm Brett, by the way. We've met. We've met before, yeah. Breakfast burrito. It is a breakfast.

It's in Brett's fist. Yeah, Brett's fist burrito. It's a Brett's fist burrito. I see you guys treat everyone the same. Including ourselves. Does this bother anyone? That you're eating a breakfast burrito? Yeah.

What is the sauce? It's stinking up the studio. You have a side sauce. Is that House of Blues brand hot sauce? I know you like music. Yes, it is. It's House of Blues, like BB King sauce. Oh yeah. Wow. Okay. Like BBQ sauce?

Hot Licks sauce. Yeah. Oh wow. House of Blues, BB Kings, Hot Licks, Margaritaville. Okay. Sauce. Hard Rock Cafe. Well, that's a big sauce to have. Wow. So many music restaurants yeah why do you have so many restaurants in your sauce

I just I'm big into music I'm a music guy I can't help it it's just like I'm just drawn to it what a clean brand what a really clear

clean brand now I do want to talk about your shirt okay which says it's a Brett thing you wouldn't understand could you try to brand. Now, I do want to talk about your shirt. Okay. Which says it's a Brett thing you wouldn't understand. Could you try to at least get me up on it a little bit? Yes. Please.

Oh, sure. So let's actually, okay. You, wait, go to sleep for a second. Pause. Go to sleep. Sleep mode. We're going to be getting each other up on this during this episode. Let's both do the show. You know, if instead of like fighting over who was going to do get up on this during this episode? Let's both do the show. You know, instead of fighting over who was going to

do get up on this. He did it. He did it for a long time, then we did it. Now we're good at doing it. Now he's going to try and do it again. Let's just like, we'll both do it. Yeah. Team up. We'll hopefully learn a lot. Right. Yes. Team up, but also we'll do it separately. And then we'll decide at the end who

gets to keep the show. That's not teaming up at all. to keep the shot. Well, that's not teaming up at all. That's technically bad. No, it's like teaming up against each other. Right. Seems competitive. Right. Well, we'll just see who wins. Okay.

It's not teaming up. Yeah. We'll cooperatively decide who's going to win by teaming up in a battle against one another. Right. Now, Brett, you can start and sort of ease us in, and we'll both be blowing you out of the water because you're a joke. And just get us up on this t-shirt of yours.

Okay. Well, the first thing you'll notice, probably right out the gate, is my name is on it. Yeah. So, I mean, I'll let you. Yeah. Let that sink in for a second. My name is on this shirt. Yeah.

And so now it's making me think. You found it like that? You. Yeah. Or did it come from some sort of Brett store? You wouldn't believe if I told you. If you want to hear this story, it's pretty crazy. Get us up on it.

I was on the computer and I was just doing my thing and I look Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. Don't skip over your thing. Tell us a little about your thing. My thing is like I turn on the computer.

I open the box. I touch the numbers and the letters. And then a Brett store is on the computer. What part? Just Brett everything. I mean, I'm eating a Brett Frist burrito I'm wearing a Brett shirt It's really going well for me

Are we technically getting people up on the Brett store Or your shirt? Well the shirt is I think Maybe the first I think once people see the shirt There's going to be a lot more Brett stuff I thought you meant a lot more Brett. So what was in the store originally was a Brett Fist burrito and this shirt.

I didn't get the Brett. And the House of Blues BB King hot lick sauce. Can I ask you something about this, about the shirt? Yes. What is it that I wouldn't understand? Well, that's the thing. Have we said what the shirt says? No, but try to explain it to me.

Please. There's just a thing when you're a Brett that you go through life and people come at you with all sorts of different angles and they just don't get it. They don't get what it's like. The shirt says it's a Brett thing. Yes. You wouldn't understand. You wouldn't understand. You wouldn't understand. And so what the Brett thing is, is it's just people are coming at you with stuff.

Yeah, with all sorts of, like, criticisms and, like. You face a lot of criticism? I could see that. I mean, like, art critics? Is that what you mean? I mean, like, what do people say what you mean? What do people say? What are they challenging you about? Oh, just like,

I fucked up their podcast. It took too long to explain your shirt. I keep pausing. I do have a real question. What happens when you run into another Brett and you're wearing that shirt? Oh, wow. We ask

Brett Gellman. Great example. We actually just saw each other the other day. Was he wearing the shirt? What about Brett Butler? Brett Butler, the baseball player? Grace Under Fire, right? No, Grace Under Fire, right?

No, Grace Under Fire. Yeah. Well, she, I don't know what her Brett thing is, to be honest. Well, it's sexual harassment. Who's the Brett Butler, the baseball player? She got in a lot of trouble. Brett Butler used to play on the Giants, and then he traded to. Well, he didn't trade himself.

They traded him. He traded to. I the Giants, and then he traded to... Well, he didn't trade himself. They traded him. Yeah. He traded to... Hold on. I'm trading to another team. Can't stand it. Announcement. New city.

You guys aren't Brett's. Like the food there. You guys aren't Brett's. It's obvious. What about... Would George Brett understand a Brett thing? That's a great question. Great question.

Was it one T or two Ts? It's two Ts, by the way. Two Ts, yeah. Then he might get it. So Brett Hart would not get it. He's in the dark. No. The one tee Bretts, they get it less than anyone.

But they're closer than a Hayes. No. Oh. Oh. They're that far. Whoa. Logic. Logic here doesn't make sense.

Why not? Well, it's just one tee off. He might get a little of it, but not all of it. You get 80% of it. You would think if you're not a Brett, if you're not a 2T Brett. So that was... The shirt's green. So that was Brett...

That was an episode of Brett up on this. That is not a good show. Yeah, that we definitely don't want to do. And so then he loses this round. And ding, ding, it's round two. And so what we'll do is, who should get someone up on something first? Well, how do you decide on your show? Well, technically, the hosts go first.

And then the guest would go. Well, I've got one. So I'd like to get you guys up on this. Could y'all get up on devious maids hello the maids are freaking being so sneaky and really if you think about it they're in the house when you're not home you know so there's a lot of time to be devious and really you gotta start watching it it's on maybe usa or some other channel okay and it's in the cable and you uh can watch it through the wires of your tv show and when you're doing it

mark cherry so um so that's a great way just for you jensen as you think about how to do your show the tone was better than my tone the enthusiasm is great. You can tell I love it. The polite but very excited request to please get up on it. Getting the message across. Yes. But being friendly at it. And then do you have any questions for me

about devious maids? Yeah. Oh. I've never watched devious maids, so I cannot. This is actually getting me up on it. Yeah, yeah. What are the maids doing? What is so devious? They so I cannot this is actually getting me up on yeah yeah what what what are like what is what are the maids doing what is so devious they're probably diverse your prop a question

you're also saying probably which means you might not have seen devious maids well well I've certainly seen it more than you have clearly although no I haven't watched it but just the fact that I brought it up lets you know like this guy's kind of yeah has devious made still on the air right now well okay this is another great question this is maybe something we should be asking brett this is a good question i knew you guys would come back in mid-bite of the breakfast burrito. What was the question? If Devious Maid is still on the air. Is Devious Maid still on?

Oh, I can computer that. I can pivot to Mistresses if you want, because we have had one of the Mistresses on the show, and they seem like the same sort of show to me. Mistresses is with the girl from Lost, with Sun? Yeah. And you can do that on our version of Get Up On This.

I understand. Like a half. Like a Get Up On It and a half. You can shift to something else and then pretend that's what you were talking about from the beginning. If you realize, oh wow, I have nowhere to go with TV Smades. Just turn it. But I have seen like two episodes of Mistresses.

Audible. One cool thing happening on Mistresses right now is they've got Jerry O'Connell. And everyone on the show, like every woman on the show, has to be like, oh my god. Like every time he leaves, it's like he's like the hottest fucking stud they've ever seen. I don't know if it's in his contract. A lot of episodes. But I think we may have had Jerry O'Connell get up on this, which is now the bit eating itself. But I'm fine well look he was on uh a show that i was writing for and he seems like a nice nine times guy but we can admit that he's past his prime in terms of being like okay

well that's next week well now get ready for get ready for that call what did you unsuccessfully get him up on jerry O'Connell? Yeah. Probably Devious Maids. Oh, no. Probably the same. I do think we... It's always funny when we have someone like Jerry on the show and I get them up on some 18-year-old rap group in Fairfax and he just pretends he knows what I'm talking about

and that he's interested enough. But no, I think that's a better get-up-on than what I did for Jerry. Well, Jerry is on the show. They've got him. And all the Devious Mistresses... So Devious Ma did for Jerry. Well, Jerry is on the show. They've got him. And all the devious mistresses. So Devious Maids is canceled. Okay, great.

But we're doing mistresses now. Okay. Jess McCallum was on our show. If we could please just keep up with the show that we're doing. Just shut up unless you're talking about mistresses. It is hard to compete with your get up on this one. Technically, there are no rules. You just can change at any moment.

No, there's one rule. You can change whenever you want. Jess McCallan was on our show, and she's on that show. Yes. So think about it, Jensen. Are you getting up on it? I mean, I have to. Yes, I will.

I 100% will. I mean, it's canceled, so I have to purchase it on iTunes, but I will get up on it, yeah. Mistresses isn't canceled, and Jess's storyline on that right now is she's taking a self-defense class and her Australian lover doesn't like it. You really are selling it. Yep. Okay.

Well, it's a good start. And he's hot. Jerry, or no, the instructor. Well, here's the thing. In a world where this instructor is interacting with these people, for them to be going gaga over Jerry O'Connell, it's like, well, this guy's just like a supermodel. And Jerry's like a very handsome, established actor.

Distinguished man, yeah. Yeah. But not like... He's not like this Australian lover of Jess's on the show. Mmm, mama mia. So now you're up on Devious Mistresses. Yeah, that was good. That's a really good example of getting you up on basically two things.

I don't know if you've ever done that on your show. Never done that. No, that's why this is hard to compete with. Two things at the same time. Yeah, this is difficult. Do you want to see another? It would technically be your turn. Okay.

Hey! I'm thinking you got to get up on this. Typing with one finger. I have a quick question about your show. Just a quick one. Do you guys think we do it as Mario from Mario Kart? Because both times you've been like, it's a me! You do like a real opening.

Yeah. Have you guys heard me do that uh no what you kind of like slide into it right well i mean i think i have a kermit voice as it is well this can be an interesting discussion about race what what i think sean was doing sean said a yo at the beginning and then kind of ran away from that version of it. And I think I was doing sort of a Rasta guy mixed with, it's like nine parts water, one part Rasta man. Do you want me to do my Rasta guy? Like snow and snow?

Yes. His former snow. Yes. Got it. This is a thing where I can give you a Rasta guy key phrase to sort of bring you back to the accent if you want it okay I don't want to really do the accent but I can maybe do the phrase in like a super watered down way okay bobsled team okay well see I that I don't want to do that really yes seems

but I'll be like hey yo everybody ride on the bobsled team. Just a little bit of it there. That's dice clay. You're doing dice clay. And see, this misconception about the difference between Italians and Jamaicans, it's interesting. It's a good conversation. Anyway, typing with one finger is easier. You can take your time to find all the different keys.

You can switch fingers. You can use your thumb. I see everyone doing this. Where are we trying to get to so fast with all these different fingers? You're saying on a computer. Yes. And then you can do, or whatever you want to type on. And then you can do other stuff with the other fingers.

Well, and I like to pretend that my hand is a chicken and my finger's the beak. Yes, and so you can actually have it be your friend or essentially a pet. You could have your hand be a pet. Your hand be a smart pet who is finding stuff for you on the computer. Typing for you, like you're sort of instructing this chicken, like here's a word I want to see on the screen.

Yeah. Right. And the chicken's, you know. And he's searching for the eggs or whatever. Mm-hmm. I mean, yeah, this is a get up on. And now you're up on it. Yeah. Right. And the chickens, you know. And he's searching for eggs or whatever. Mm-hmm. I mean, yeah. This is a get up on. And now you're up on it.

Yeah. It's, I mean, so you're saying, you're saying, you said that the other hand does things? What is the other hand? Whatever you want to do. Give me, like, what is it? What are you doing? Like, what are you doing? Waving?

Because as a good get up on it, just waving? Well, the other thing is, I see my friends. Well, maybe we want to. When I'm trying to do it all the time, Well, the other thing is I see my friends. Well, maybe we want to. I'm trying to do it all the time, like with both hands. I see my friends. This could be a great moment to get you up on the Alanis Morissette song, One Hand in My Pocket, because she has a lot of things that your hand could do.

So this is what happens on your get-up-on. So you guys do get-up-ons, but then throw in other get-up-ons. Well, you had a question, and it seems like you don't know what a hand could do. Right. Meanwhile, I'm getting you up on this fairly new song. Well, that's questionable. That is, you know, it's a modern song, and she's listing so many things that one of her hands can do.

First of all, it could just be in your pocket, and she's okay with that. Right. And the other one's typing with one finger. But then you also could be smoking a cigarette playing piano yeah think about it yeah throwing a p sign a lot of throwing a p sign a lot of get up ons i get it yeah so um listen to that jensen do you want to get us up on anything i mean yeah i feel like it would because Because now would be the guest turn, and then we go back.

So you would each have one more, no? Right, but now this is your show. Yeah, now it's me, and I have to battle against yours. No, so now you are the host. Okay. Uh-huh. Hey, yo! Guys, it's time to...

I'm liking this. It's time to get up on a thing that I learned. It's an app that I found out about that I think all you guys might like. And it's called Sleep Talk. Oh, wow. Okay. It's called Sleep Talk. Okay.

And at night, you activate it. Here's, hold on. Okay. So then you activate it, you press the button, and then you leave it on your bed. Yeah. And then if you talk, it will start recording it uh and then in the morning it has just a few i mean i don't talk all night but i i do like sleep talk very weirdly but the thing that i think is is cool is there's also where do you put the phone it's like right

next to my bed there's not but i don't have like a thing there. You have just a bed? There's no, you have no. And it's not a traditional bed. You have no other surface in your room? There's just the bed. The bed's kind of the whole room. Yeah. The bed, the bed size takes up the whole room. Yeah.

And it's not like. Is it a Casper? That would be great. Right. Just a good, a good cross brand. Yeah. Yeah. Kill for a Casper.

I did have a Casper. Can I just say, Lisa sucks. Lisa mattresses suck. Sorry, it's true. This is a get up off. Yeah, get up off away from this. Get off the Lisa mattresses. Casper only.

Yeah. You can put your talks online and then people vote on them and then there's like a leaders board about who has the best sleep talks and is some of them fake and that's who wins I assume so because there's not someone who's ever done I hate that giraffe can I say this if Lisa wants to advertise

on a I hate that stupid giraffe that's real you think that's real? yep that's definitely real I hate that stupid giraffe. That's real. You think that's real? Yep, that's definitely real. I hate that stupid giraffe? Oh, okay. All right. Well, that's my getupon.

If you had surfaces in your room, you could then tape yourself sleep talking. I've said weird shit. Can you rest it on your belly? Yes. I'm using my phone already. What if you roll over and it falls out the window? You're using it at night already?

On what? I'm listening to something on it. While you're sleeping? Yeah. What are you listening to? I don't get up on this. Well, that's why you've gotten so good at it, I assume. So you're Osmosis.

Osmosis Jones. Osmosis Jones, the movie with Chris Rock in it. Osmosis Jones. You're watching. On the TV, it's Osmosis Jones. Yeah. In your headphones. Silent, yeah.

In your headphones is my podcast while you're sleeping. Yeah, well, Osmosis Jones is a visual film. Visual delight. Meanwhile, Get Up On This is an audio feast. Sure. Feast. It actually syncs up. Oh, like Pink Floyd and the Wizard of Oz. That's the really trippy shit. Every episode of Get Up On This syncs up oh like pig floyd and the wizard of every episode

every episode of get up on this syncs up with osmosis jones yeah what i think you guys did is you picked a few key moments in osmosis jones like when he splashed through or whatever and you said like and we have a point we're gonna do a thing we have a timer up on the wall for every and then we hit 22 minutes and I go Chris Rock every time and he's on the screen his character's on the screen at that time

or at 36 minutes I'll say bacteria and that's that scene on the screen that one always gets me I'm happy you caught that yeah you only need a couple things

to really sync up for people to be like it matches up right but on the third lion's roar of Osmosis Jones, I press play and get up on this. The third Lion's Roar?

Yeah. There are three MGM openings on Osmosis Jones. Yeah. Okay. All right. Good to know. They were really proud of that one. Yeah.

Studios, when they're proud of a film, put their logo on it more than once. It's kind of peppered in through the movie so I guess like I'm up on sleep talk now but I can't use it obviously

and Hayes can't use it the belly discussion was well I allow it vague it's not perfect I can't tell you for sure that you can put it

on your belly which does seem like a lack of research on my part is it going to be plugged in I mean aren't you charging it at night

and then the wires on your belly? What if you roll over? Then again, my thought was that some people have other surfaces in their bedroom. Clearly, neither of you do. Jesus Christ, man. Hayes is your guest. Our get up on this is kind of for everybody.

We want everyone to be able to participate in the things that we're talking about. Even if they haven't seen Devious Maids. We're typing with one finger. Or typing with one finger. Sure, yeah. It's sort of more inclusive. All right. Well, it's not my round. That wasn't my round.

Okay. Now I'd go back to you. Unfortunately, I think we have to do another episode of Bread Up on this. Oh, shit. Midbite again. Inform up You know, sit down and be snowy I'm gonna play, right?

How about this? I'm singing a song but no one understands So welcome to Brett up on this Hey, thanks for having us His does seem calmer than ours Quiet confidence of a Brett thing Yeah, we. His does seem calmer than ours. Much calmer. Quiet confidence of a Brett thing. Yeah, we don't understand it. We're literally doing Captain Albano.

Millions try and zero get it. Well, not zero. There are other Bretts who get it. Yeah, you just said Brett Gellman gets it. Brett Butler doesn't get it. You just said Brett Butler gets it. Oh, the baseball player, but not Grace. No, does Grace Underfire get it?

Oh, you said something misogynistic. He said he didn't know what her thing was, and I said it's sexual. Wait, what? Well, no, I said her thing was sexual harassment. Because she was sued on her sitcom. A lot, yeah. A lot, yeah.

She, yeah. You guys are going to get a call. Is it misogynist to sue someone? Is that the Brett thing? Sexual harassment? I don't know. I mean, it's like, it doesn't seem far off from what I've seen.

What a piece of shit shirt. The thing is that they don't know. It doesn't seem far off from what I've seen. What a piece of shit shirt. The thing is that they don't understand sexual harassment. I've barely begun selling you on this shirt yet. Both your get-up-ons is the shirt? It's on the shirt again? What's it supposed to be on? You would have another thing. Yeah, like different stuff.

Another Brett thing? No, because we wouldn't understand it. We're talking about you would have another thing that's like another item. But it's get Brett up on this. It's Brett up on this. Brett up on this, yeah. It's not get Brett up on this. That would be shit show.

Can you guys do that? We would get you up on something? We do an episode of get Brett up on this? Yeah. Get Brett up on this. I guess. What do you want to get? What would get you up on something? We do an episode of Get Bread Up on this? Get Bread Up on this. I guess. What do you want to know about? I mean, based on what your thing is, it seems like you getting up on something is like potentially

sexually harassing somebody. Yeah, I don't know. Litigation? You get up on people. Like how to get away with it? I don't want to help you with that. I don't either. I feel like this is being recorded. And this is again where I wish we had Cody because I would just get Cody up on like body wash.

Oh, yeah. He says he washes his eyes, but not the rest. Oh, God. That explains so much. He blinks so much. He has like weirdly exfoliated eyes. He just rubs soap into his eyes and he thinks that's a shower. It's not a shower.

Yeah, so Cody's not up on this. Yeah, I know what to get him up on, but you, it seems like you just want to get up on how to successfully sexually harass someone and not get sued or whatever. I mean, honestly, you saying get up on this to a woman is sexual harassment. But she's on this show.

It's still questionable. Remember when Desperate Housewives had a thing where the dude slapped her, but then he said it was part of the process of that, but he still got sued. Mark Cherry. Look how up on us you got. That's right.

I watched all his shows when he told me to get up on Devious Maids. And then I got up on his sexual harassment case. So you can't have a woman on your show or else you're harassing her. I have to have her sign a waiver at the top. What's a waiver? Get me up on that. Well, it's a legal paper that she signs that acknowledges that I'm going to say something that's sexually harassing. Okay. What's a waiver? Get me up on that. Well, it's a legal paper that she signs that acknowledges that I'm going to say something

that's sexually harassing. Okay, Kevin's here. Kevin. Kevin's here. I think Kevin wants to do an episode of Kev up in this. Kev up in this. Kev is up in this piece. He's taking photos,

and he wanted to do a quick episode. So Kev, I mean, what? Yeah, do you want this? Can you use that one? He can use that one. So what are you digging lately? Like, what are you into? Yeah, what's popping off?

Atlanta on FX. So that you'll get up on. We didn't do it, but I could see how that would be someone's get-up-on. It's like so close. Everyone knows about this. Episode four, yeah. I think we're on four.

It's the fourth week. Everybody knows this show yeah uh breakfast burritos did you wait do you cover that are you listening to the whole show yeah like where are you getting a live feed is there yeah not you guys talk about that well he's eating one so it technically is probably on your mind well i brought this is a breakfast burrito right yeah it's a little different oh there's like you brought me a breakfast burrito, right? Yeah, it's a little different. Oh, there's like an illustration. You brought me a breakfast burrito, right? Try again, Kevin. If you say Osmosis Jones, I swear you're listening.

Yeah, that's going to be very suspicious. I don't believe you. Kevlar up in this? Wait, what is that? Is that body armor? Does our show have to rhyme with our name? No. Your show is called Kev Up In This.

Okay. In This. Because your name is Kevin. Okay. So what would you give people up on? What do you want people to... Is there something that you're into that you think more people should be into?

Kevlar. Sure. Can we get that? Can it be vague? Like, be positive. No. You're telling people to... You're getting people up on...

Yes, it can. Oh, well, that's your... Yes, it can. Yes, it can. It can't be that, but it can be vague. It can be vague like get positive. It can't be positive. Okay.

How about high fives? Get people up on high fives? Yeah. Like a positive action that's a little more specific. Kevin, are you like... It feels like an excuse to touch. Yeah. Okay.

And then we're back to the sexual... Are you medicated in some way, Kevin? No. Oh. Have you considered it? Can we get you up on medication? Yeah. Can we get you up on some sort of...

Can we get you up on Ativan? Mm-hmm. Or like a... A doctor handing you a prescription saying, I think you should get up on this. What if... What if? That's a good card. Like, that's a good greeting card.

Just get up on this, have greeting cards? We have not merged out that. Oh, wow. Oh, man. Get up on this soon or whatever instead of get well soon. Right. Right. I don't know.

That'd be good. I don't know. It'd be good. I don't know if that's going to go in the Brett store. So, hey, yo, get up on this, everybody. It's time. We got to. That was just the right, just the right amount. In a really sweet spot. And then we're going to immediately bail on that kind of accent.

And I'm going to be getting you up on. You only do it for the top and I'm still a little taken back by the fact that you think we start every get up on with like a taxi driver who's pulled over and asking if you need a ride is what it sounds like.

Oh, please don't say taxi driver. I meant Robert De Niro and he's had enough. He can't say taxi driver. I meant the film. I meant Robert De Niro, and he's had enough. He can't take it anymore. It's still more Italian. Yeah, and also it's like, can we get you up on Uber taxis? Who's doing that anymore? But I'd like to get you up on the Swiffer wet jet.

It's a great way to clean your floor. It's inexpensive, and you can get the corners. Yeah, the Swiffer Brett jet. Yeah, the Swiffer Brett jet. We accidentally, we forgot to close out Brett up. We got a Swiffer wet Brett. Do you, what about the,

what is the Roomba? Do you believe in the Roomba? Okay, yes, I got the Roomba. It's not wet enough. Yes, I got the Roomba 610. You do have that. But you also Swiffer Jet. Yeah. No, I just do the Roomba.

So again... Again... Our show's mean. Again, I'm trying to understand. You get people... You got people up on something you don't do again. Like, you never watched Devious Maids. You got people up on something you don't do again. You never watched Devious Maids. You got people up on that.

And then now you got people up on... No, dude, I was fucking roasting you. I was going like, no, I just do the Roomba. Please picture me doing just the Roomba. So you're saying my house is a mess. Oh my God, you thought he was serious? Oh my God, that's so embarrassing. Oh, sweetie.

That's really cute, actually. That's so cute. No, it is that's so embarrassing. Oh, sweetie. That's really cute, actually. I can't believe you thought. That's so cute. No, it is. Sometimes I don't catch the roast. It's really cute. No, sometimes I don't catch the roast. And that was why hearing my name on your thing was such a thing I had to call about, because

I didn't understand if it was a roast or if it was a real genuine. I can't always understand people's inflection, because I'm actually a little bit on the spectrum. Well, clearly you're saying, hey, yo. Yeah, yeah. Is this a get on Wardell? Yeah. Okay, because next week is his week. Yeah.

Okay. Yeah. But sorry, we didn't close out Brett up on this. Brett, the Swiffer wet bread, anything there? Does that tie into your sex stuff you want to talk about? The Swiffer wet bread, it attaches to the Roomba. Oh, that's okay. So you can push it around. But that takes away the concept of the Roomba. Oh, that's... So you can push it around. But that takes away the concept of the Roomba.

Why? Because now I physically have to move it. The Roomba is important because it does it on its own. Boo. Are you booing me or him? There's part of what I understand is he gets booed. Right. That's the thing I do connect with.

He gets booed off his own podcast every episode. Which, after hearing your version of this show, I might start to get the same thing. It is an unfortunate thing that fans might somehow manage to boo you off your own show. I would hear it all the way at my house. Every time. Right.

Yeah. So is that episode closed out, and are we doing more Get Up On These? Well, you did Swiffer Jet. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. And then now we would move on. Can I just ask if any of you guys

have never said whether you brought up on any of my stuff? Oh, okay. Well, I technically, I don't want to, well, I don't want to officially get up

on sexual harassment, which seems like it was your main message. Well, you have to give me a reason. You can't just say you don't like Brett Apo. Why I don't like sexual harassment? Yeah.

Well, I think it puts us in a predicament. Legally. And I also think that it's just, it's a rude thing to do. It's not a Brett thing to do. You know, like we understand this part. It's not a Brett thing to do. You said it's on mic, you saying that. Correct understand this part. It's not a breath thing to do. You said it's on mic you saying that.

Legally, that's totally cool. You're infringing on my episode time. It's his turn. I still don't get it, but I'm down. Y'all guys gotta get it up on this today. A little longer. Using a urinal,

holding your shirt tucked under your chin i'm way into it's easier can you explain it more please because even the way you're saying it i'm not understanding so you're you're at a urinal yes dick out yes shirt now to explain it your shirt you don't want your shirt sucked in tips. Your t-shirt is too long. Come on, man. You're wearing one of those like Justin Bieber nightgown shirts. Like the ones that go down to your knees or you're just wearing a normal shirt.

It's wider than those. Still doing the voice. And you need both hands to control. Where does your shirt go? Tuck it up under your chin. You have a lot of get-up-ons about what to do with your hands. Bruvva. What's that?

Come on, bruv. So then what about, so what I would say about this get-up-on this is, what if my neck starts to hurt because I'm taking a real long one? A real long pee. Yeah, because I've got to really get my chin down there and really crook my neck down. Wait, can I ask, so you're pulling from the middle. From the bottom.

From the bottom. So your whole belly. Now we hear. The whole belly is showing. Yes, and my pants are all the way down. That voice. That voice is clearly a get up on this and I understand why you keep doing it.

Come on, bruh. Bruv-a. Hi, bruv. So again, you get up on. Typing with one finger. Typing with one finger is easier. Holding all of your shirt from the bottom under your neck

while urinating it like peeing so that your shirt from the bottom under your neck while urinating it, like peeing, so that your shirt doesn't get wet. I'm with you on both. That's the problem about coming here and doing the show is that it makes me face my own mortality of a podcast. Oh, yeah. Because you can see ours is ending soon. Well, so, I mean, I want you to get us up on this,

but I do want to leave time for us to talk about our Mount Rapmore. Ooh. Yes, we do have to establish our Mount Rapmore. We have to do our Mount Rapmore. Okay. At the end of every show. Yeah. Every show you do.

Every time we have a guest on, yes. That's weird, because I've listened a bunch to you guys. I've never heard Mount Rapmore before. We often don't leave time for it. But you do it, but you don't put it on. We always do. I'm always talking about who's on my Mount Rapmore before. We often don't leave time for it. But you do it, but you don't put it on. I'm always talking about who's on my Mount Rapmore. But why don't you get us up on

something? Is there another app that Hayes can't use or that makes me change my whole night routine? I think a good get up on, I mean, I would like to do a music one if it's possible. There's a rap group out of Los Angeles. Not a lot of people know that they exist.

They're sort of like a SoundCloud group. And they're from Los Angeles and they're called Villain Park. And they're young kids, they're like 19 years old. And they sound like a new rap group, things that are popular now on the radio and such. But they have like a tinge to it that sounds like a 90s far side or like a Souls of Mischief. When we were just having fun. When we were just having a good time and rap. Yeah. And so that's

Villain Park is a group. You could Google it and then their SoundCloud comes up and you can listen to it and they have a EP called Same Old Shit and it's very good. That would be my get up on. Okay. Same Old Shit. O-L-E. Same Old Shit. Yeah. And it's an EP. It's like six songs and you could just it's just free and you listen. It's great. okay same old shit same old shit O-L-E same old shit yeah

and it's an EP it's like six songs and you can just it's just free and you listen it's great it's a great if you like

traditional old school hip hop that's what you would listen to okay how do you do music how do I do music yeah meaning listen to it

how do you how does it how do you make music so let. Meaning listen to it? How do you make music? So let's say I wanted to start making music. Well, no. Making music come into my ears. Yeah. Okay. And I want to hear a SoundCloud group?

Well, like a group that Like a sound song. Like a sound version of a song yes yes yes there's a website called SoundCloud and people when they don't have

like a distribution that's music that's in the cloud well they put music in the SoundCloud on the SoundCloud site no one understands a cloud honey

right is that the that's that movie Chuck's Tape right right do you but this is not

like movies it's like that but it's like it's just a song it's just that but it's like just it's just it's just it's like a rhythmic it has lyrics and singing or rapping in this case yeah okay and what do i do next well you would you'd listen to it with your ears you would let you listen to the song in when in your car is my dad pissed off because you're listening to it yeah Yeah. Too loud? He's going to hear it. What are they saying in the song? Those songs are about growing up in L.A. and hanging out with your friends.

You're not going to like that. Your dad. This is Villain Park, yeah. What is? This that's playing right now that you're hearing that's not my voice, the thing below it, is a song by the band Villain Park. The group I got you up on is my second pick. Okay, I feel like you are imagining something.

I don't hear anything. Oh, well, I should explain something about Hayes right now. I think I need a little background on Hayes. Hayes has a brain disease where there are sort of, if you picture the brain like a railroad track. Okay. There's only room for one train on Hayes. There's only room for one train up on this?

Yes. Okay. Up on this brain of Hayes. My brain is flat and long. Like your shirt? Yes. Yes. My brain is flat and long. Like your shirt? Yes. And he's very smart because it actually extends all the way down from not just his head, but into... Lots of people have brain just in their head.

Yeah, but his is going... You have it all the way through your body. Well, not all the way, but down at least to the butt area. Whoa. And... How does that block music? Well, it's just not... he's able to accept music, but it's at the expense of everything else.

Oh. And so as sort of a self-protection, if music is playing and he's like around people and he doesn't want to sort of like, just like slam himself into a wall. Right. What he has to do is just not accept the music. Or sometimes it'll happen a lot later.

It takes a little while sometimes for the music to travel from my butt to my brain. In an hour, you might be home using your Swiffer's Swiftjet, and you're in your house cleaning, and then you go, I like Villain Park because you just heard it. If I'm upside down, then sometimes that'll help it. Ooh, stranger thing. Speed through. Stranger things. We already got up on that.

The upside down. Brandon did that. Alright. Yeah, because being in the upside down. So what you're saying is I found another this is what you're saying. I got you up on another thing that technically you can't do.

Well, Hayes will not be able to do it now. He might hear it later, and he might tell us what he thinks about it. I, for my part... I guess I'm using my phone to do this other thing. Like, it would have to be sleep-setting. Well, it would be two separate times. How am I going to tell you if I'm using this app?

With the sleep talk? You don't have to let me know. I mean, you don't have to let me know. So is Villain Park on your Mount Rapmore? They're not on my Mount Rapmore. Okay, yeah, but you want me to get up on it, but they're not on Mount Rapmore. Well, who's on, do we want to get on this now?

Well, yeah, so my Mount Rapmore. Technically, again, I just want to state that you both had better get up on than me. Oh, wow, well, that's really nice. Am I supposed to say it back now? No, you don't have to. Stay where we are. It's fine.

First, for me on Mount Rapmore, I would have to put Comedy Bang Bang. Wait, hold on. Comedy Bang Bang is rap. Then I'm having a bit of a confusion as to what Mount Rapmore is. I assumed you would, oh, Nas or Biggie, but you said comedy bang bang the podcast yeah that's a show and the

show and the show and the tv show are both on the mount rap but one that's one of your mount rapmore's the show and the podcast yeah then one a and one i'm slightly excited to hear what else is it's a logo it's. It's the funny chattering teeth. Not Ackerman's face. No, no, no. It's the podcast. Not Scott. Right.

Please. It's the podcast and the show. Okay. What else is on your mind, Ratmore? I'm going all. You want me to run through all of them? Yeah. All four.

Okay. Probably Devious Maids. Again, not a rapper, but I... Yeah, but the attitude, the swagger of Devious Maids really is sort of like a hip-hop kind of renegade style that connects with me. And now two more rappers. Two more.

Okay, Engineer Brat. Wait, who? Engineer Brat. Oh, Engineer Brat. Wait, who? Engineer Brat. Oh, Engineer Brat. I thought you said an edgier brat. Like you meant like the rapper, the brat,

which would have been more in two. That would be an example of a rap that you basically just did. A rapper, edgier brat. Engineer Brat. Edgier brat. Edgier brat.

Right? I love it. Oh. Mm-hmm. And your last member? My last rapper I guess would be just like a glass of ice water

because how are you going to do it without well you're going to run out of if your mouth is all dry how are you going to do rap although the other picks are comedy, bang bang, devious maids engineer Brett, edgier Brett, and now Good Luck Rapping without a nice big swig of water

because you're going to sound all dry on the mic. Yeah. My amount Rapmore is candy. Wait, that is very broad. The Beatles. Wait, hold on. Hold on. What do we see for candy? I don't on. What is the candy? What do we see for candy?

I don't know. What kind of candy do you... Junior mints? Yeah, candy wrapper. That's funny. Okay. That's fucking cool. That's a Brett thing. Brought up on that. That's a Brett thing. That was a Brett thing. Brett, you're starting to get

really good. Yeah. Thanks, man. I think something about Earwolf, a lot of people are telling me I'm really starting to get really good yeah thanks man I think something about Earwolf a lot of people are telling me like I'm really starting to get good I think just through osmosis how long have you been working here? like four years

that's about the time anyway Candy the Beatles the wait which Beatles just hiking and being outside trying to

I'm trying to imagine this Rushmore a Junior Mints which Beatle or or any Beatles? The Beatles. All of them as one head? I guess it would be Brett wearing his Beatles t-shirt. Yeah. So technically, if you want to go on both.

Technically, this is one of the rules. There's a lot of overlap. This is one of the rules of Mount Ratmore. Okay. Because Engineer Brett has to be represented in one way. So it's Engineer Brett's. So I guess the first one is like a bag that you assume has candy inside. Right, you have to guess.

The second one is Brett's torso. Just his torso. Yeah. The third one is like the outside. It's like a landscape up there. Hard to imagine. And the fourth one is a spontaneous nation another podcast brett were you the engineer for the episode of get up on this with pete davidson where it was skipping a lot did you do that how did you know that come on man

all right that is by the way that like triggered a real ocd in me not not a joke so i will come out of this to just tell you that that was a real tough moment for me. Did you bread up all over that podcast? Were you bread up on that? Technically, I do the show from my house. I don't do it here. So I did not bread that one up. It was some sort of digital mistake that you've now triggered my OCD with. I'm sorry to punish you.

I'll be fine. I'll be fine. Do you want to hear my Mount Rapmore? Yeah, please. I mean, yes. Maybe Engineer Brett can alter it. What's your first Mount Rap? I'm a huge Jay-Z fan.

I think he's probably the greatest rapper of all time. Okay, Jay-Z, Penny. And then now Brett's turn. You did four I have not done four now you guys are alternating they've made a rule that I clearly

don't understand they did all four each this is how we do it right this is how the show works now we we go back and forth so now it's your

we've always done it this way right it's your turn um I like traveling okay that's really good. Traveling is on your Mount Ratmore.

Okay, so Brett's kind of winning. All right. My second one, I think I said them before. I think Nas should be on my Mount Ratmore. Nas. Jay-Z and Nas so far. Two classic rappers. Your turn.

Okay, Nas and X. Yeah, so this is what we do. You say you're a rapper. And then you make a word. We sort of play off it with a different thing. Ackerman style. We take the word. We make it a different word.

Like Kevlar did earlier. Right, right. Yeah, well, and he's been around. And this is all sort of to give Brett time. Keanu Reeves. Like his beard, it's cool. It has like a weird notches in it.

So it's Keanu or it's his beard? It's his beard. Keanu's beard. Okay. Close one, but he pulled it out. My third, again, I'm confused as to why his are good and mine are bad, but the third one for me is Ice Cube. I think Ice Cube has had quite a career. He took

Ice Cube. It's in his water. Right. Was it Ice Cube the wrapper in the water? No, it was ice water. It was a glass of ice water. He didn't say cubes, Brett. That's not a... It's going to confuse people. Yeah. That's not a... People are paying admission for this thing. For Mount Rattmore? Yes.

It's your turn. Oh, I thought that was invalid. No, I say Ice Cube. That's three. No, Ice Cube's not invalid. I did the wrapper. He did Ice Water. So then we got to say gleaming the Ice Cube or something.

Right. Do I do an Ice thing? Ice tea? Ice tea the wrapper? Ice tea Ice tea? Ice, there's like an Arnold Palmer. Arnold Palmer just died. He did just die.

Yeah. Yeah. Get up on that. Were you pissed? Get up on this guy's death. That seems mean. Well, but people have to know about it. I think it's meaner to ignore it.

Yeah, it is meaner. Imagine you die and nobody gets up on it. That's tragic. The end of our show is me listing off everyone who's passed away that week, and then it skips a bunch bunch which I will not stop thinking about okay my fourth so I have Ice Cube, Jay-Z, Nas Brett has Traveling, Keanu Reeves Beard

and Arnold Palmer the drink not the dead guy it's Ice-T drinking and Arnold Palmer oh you like that commercial The dead guy. Yeah. Right. It's iced tea drinking an Arnold Palmer. Oh, you like that commercial? Yeah. Wait, there's a commercial where iced tea drinks Arnold Palmer? It's kids at a lemonade stand.

People keep walking by and saying to the kids, is that iced tea? And they go like, no, it's lemonade. No, it's lemonade. And then the third time you pan out to see it, iced tea's sitting right behind the lemonade stand. And he goes, goes no it's lemonade which is the same accent you do get up on this with

just the slightest it's not racist the voice you do it's clearly not I mean it might be I'm likely to learn later that I've been very racist on this show.

And someone will call you and let you know? Please. Right. If I had been doing a podcast 10 years ago and I was listening to it now, I'd go, wow, I was really racist on that one, but I'm not anymore. And then I'd do what I'm doing now, and then 10 years from now, I'll go like, wow, I was really racist back then, and I'll be doing stuff I don't think is racist in 10 years.

And then I'll find out 10 years after that, that that was me being racist. Like Howard Stern. And I'm trying. I am trying, Jetson. I want to be good, but I don't know. I don't know because I think that I should be doing at least the slightest hint of talking differently than myself when I'm saying what I T said,

but maybe that's racist. Right. And yeah, maybe it's like Howard Stern. Why did he just admit that his shit was bad? what Ice-T said, but maybe that's racist. Right. And yeah, maybe it's like Howard Stern. Why? Did he just admit that his shit was bad? He used to say, you know,

the retard, or he would say homophobic things, and now he doesn't. You know, 10 years later, he's like, ah,

I feel bad I said those things. Sure, yeah. Yeah. And he said, yeah. And he's older than me. Yeah. One more rap.

Final Mount Rapmore. So I have Ice Cube, I have Nas, I have Jay-Z my fourth will be I'll put the the late Notorious Big

Biggie Smalls okay the fourth B.I.G. you want to do something with that Big Lots you guys have okay

all right well that was my final mine final is you wouldn't understand the shirt or are you just saying you're saying we wouldn't understand your fourth pick

or are you saying the fourth pick is your shirt good question I think it's a mangled callback basically it's the words what callback, basically. It's the words. What Brett often tries to do is deliver the line that we're just like, boom, out. The music hits. Yeah, yeah. You didn't get it.

You didn't get it. I also thought you'd go with your sauce for your fourth. Oh, that's a good one. BB King's hot lips. So what you're saying is I did understand in the end. Brett goes up to the plate. He calls his shot. Like Brett points over the left field wall.

And then bunts. And then bunts. Yeah. And then bunts. He calls it a day. Bunt cake. With his... Bye.

Bye. Bye. Hollywood Handbook is brought to you by Wolf Cool Productions, a subsidiary of Calvin and Hobbes. Ow, baby. Ow, baby. That was a HeadGum Podcast.