Hollywood Handbook - Jesse Farrar and Stefan Heck, Our Go Off Kings Friends

Episode Date: October 8, 2024

Sean, JESSE FARRAR AND STEFAN HECK from Go Off Kings discuss Hayes’s plans for the episode. Get a Hat Pack Hat here!Watch the video of today’s episode at Patreon.com/HollywoodHandbook Like the show? Rate Hollywood Handbook 5-Stars on Apple PodcastsAdvertise on Hollywood Handbook via Gumball.fm See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This is a headgum podcast. So you know, it's, it's late and we're watching this, uh, secret lives of Mormon wives and I'm bored out of my fucking skull. This is human. I mean, I don't, me and the missus. Okay. Yeah. Okay. And I'm waiting for my moment, me and the missus. Okay. Yeah. Okay.

And I'm waiting for my moment because I'm bored. Sure. And I think she's actually watching this thing, but I finally turn and I go, this is crazy, huh? That's some of these guys are, have more wives. Taking the temperature. Right. Just going, and I go, we would never want to do that, right?

And I go, we would never want to do that, right? And she's all, she's all, no, no, no. And I go, no, me neither. And then I just kind of sit back and wait. And she goes, why do you want to do that? And I go, me? Come on, you know me. I can barely handle what I got going on right now. Right, okay.

I mean, I'm a little fucking bitch. Yeah. You know, I can't, come on, no. Why are you lonely or something? That's interesting. Turning it around. And she starts thinking, am I lonely? Cause being with me is pretty lonely.

Yeah. You might as well be single. Oh, yes. That's an upgrade. That's an upgrade for her, yeah. So I knew I could plant that seed. She's gonna be thinking, I do feel lonely most of the time.

You'd be bringing in a friend for her. That's being with me. It'd be a friend. I'm not saying anything. I'm asking, are you lonely? I know she is, because she's married to me. Of course. Yeah, of course. She goes, hmm.

You know what? At that moment, bing bong, the doorbell. Ugh, hold that thought. Got her. I go over, I open the door, and it's late. The haze man in a set of camo jockeys. Okay. Okay.

And a fluffy robe. Wow. And he goes, bad news pal, not gonna make the show tomorrow. I go, okay, okay, okay, okay. I don't even wanna talk to him. And he goes, I've been deployed on a mission to big booty stand.

I don't know what that means from what all. I've never even heard of it. So I go, well, you know, be safe. Sure. And he goes, here's the plans for the show. Cause I don't know what the fucking show is. You know what I mean? It's all in his brain. Right.

You know, I'm just trying to get in there. So he hands me this piece of paper with his chicken scratch. I tell you, you could have been a doctor with that handwriting. No, seriously. But he was too funny. Yeah, I mean, yeah.

I mean, for med school, he was too funny. For a doctor. Well, yeah, I think there was like a, there's only one Patch Adams. Right, sure. You're not gonna do it again. Yeah. They're not gonna let that happen again.

Well, the genie, I mean, you caught the genie in the bottle. He made everybody else look bad. I mean, really. Yeah, yes, yes. And so basically he hands me this piece of paper and I go, okay, bye, bye, bye, bye, bye. I close the door, I come over and I sit down on the couch all casual and I go, what were we even talking about smart? I?

Don't know ah Really uh, oh I guess something about this show did the show make us think of something she goes. I turned it off I go Yeah, yeah You know what I think it was? It was something about the Mormon wives. There's more than one. She goes, I gotta go to bed.

Oh, okay. I go, yeah, that makes sense. That makes sense. Yeah, I'm sleepy too. Ooh, and I go to do a big yawn. Like, hey, we're sleepy. We're in this sense. Yeah, I'm sleepy too. And I go to do a big yawn like, hey, we're sleepy. We're in this together. And I hit, I got a two liter bottle of Diet Sprite next to me, you know what I mean?

Because I'm watching TV. So I have a big open two liter bottle. And you know what I do with a bottle of Diet Sprite, right? First thing I do when I open that two liter, I throw the cap away. Who needs it? Because I'm not gonna fucking need it. I'm not gonna fucking need it. Yeah, you're finishing it.

I'm not gonna fucking need it, baby. So I hit the bottle. Yeah. Gets all over the plans. Okay. The dossier. Yeah. And now I gotta do the episode.

Hayes is apparently still on his mission. So you couldn't read the plans? All respect to the troops. It's a clear soda, so you should be able to. But the wetness is creating a smear. You know, even water, this is interesting. I didn't know you didn't know this. Even water on paper with ink can make it difficult,

actually, to interpret some of the symbols. Oh, this is right. Not to mention there's some kind of chicken scratch in the first place. Well, it's not just that, though. The water, the wet, getting paper wet with ink on it makes it harder to read. Can have an impact on the legibility.

Okay. Oh, so you guys are still on paper. Yeah, well that's a Hayes choice. Ooh. He doesn't want anybody tracking him. So he eats the episode. Right. We do the episode and then in sort of a ceremonial thing,

he eats the paper. Well, who's gonna eat today's episode? Well, I don't know. I guess I could try to eat it or at least suck the Sprite out of it. Suck the Sprite. But I can't read it. Kevin's been trying to defrag the paper

and he's gotten a couple phrases out. The main thing I have, and this was at the top in bold, and it just said dry t-shirt contest. I don't know what that means. There was all these bullet points underneath. Yeah. Well, do you think it has anything to do

with the package he left? Well, because he was able to come by before you got here. He ran cause. Yeah, there is a. He was able to. You got me. He was able to come by before you got here. You ran a little late, which is fine. But he was able to drop off a package, and it said for Sean's eyes only. So I don't know what it is, but I don't know if you wanna take a look at it. Jesus Christ.

All right. See what you think. Oh, and by the way, the Goof Kings are here. And they're doing their Twitch, their Twitch monsters. And. We're doing their Twitch Monsters. We're basically on Twitch, yeah. Could this be maybe what he was? Yeah.

Okay, so this is a shirt. So this shirt. It is dry, I believe. So it's a shirt. It looks dry. I can read the stuff on it, so it's almost gotta be. Well, that's a handsome shirt. Okay, so I'm looking at the shirt now.

Yeah. And it's got, it says the Goof Kings. Yeah. Yeah. And it's got a little gremlin sitting on a big cat. And he's looking at, and this gotta be Jesse. Does anything look familiar there? What do you think?

Yeah, well your penis is visible. Well it's not the penis. And he's frozen in carbonite. Right. A la Han Solo. So you recognize the image. You got the reference, your star was Han. Yes.

Mm-hmm, and it's, yeah, and so I'm a little bit, a little bit of a sci-fi freak. Sure, are you? I get really into this stuff. Yeah. And it's so fun for me to imagine computers and everything. Yeah, and we're on there. We're on computers.

Dude, I know. I mean, Twitch streaming is like, that would have been considered sci-fi. At one point. When I was, yeah. Well, you see Tron. Yeah. We're sort of like Tron. So that's on my list.

OK. So Tron's on my list. What else is on the list? Well, I'm trying to think of the, what's the, the Matrix? That's another one where they go in the computer. Yeah. Matrix. Right. That's big on my list.

Okay. That's actually near the top. Yeah, I would definitely check that one out. If you haven't seen it, I would check it out. It explains a lot about modern, like- Like streaming. God, I wish Hayes was here It explains a lot about modern, like- Like streaming. God, I wish Hayes was here with the plans cause I don't want to talk about this.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I don't want to talk about the matrix at Tron. Hey, here it is. Because it's on my list, but I get really anxious thinking about my list. Well, cause it's work. It's your list. It is, it's all this shit I gotta do.

It's just like, it's a list of stuff I haven't done. Yeah. That's what it is. Well, it makes you feel bad to look at it. It's a fucking failure list. That's what it is. It's like, oh my God, I'm years old and I haven't seen Tron.

Is this on paper? Well, I don't wanna. I'm not gonna beat you over the head with it, but at this point, it's like you're sort of making your own. Yeah. What are you using? I'm on E Ink. Yeah, I use again, computer.

Oh yeah. Computer is sort of. You could do it that way too. And you use t-shirt as well. Sometimes. Yeah. The t-shirt is from the computer. The drawing was computer and then it's on the shirt. And is it all this, everything in the bag is the same?

You'd have to ask Hayes, but my assumption is that he almost didn't know what sizes people would prefer and so maybe he screwed a bunch. And that's what Hayes, and I gotta say, these are mostly dry. Yeah. These are mostly dry. That's the way we keep the shirts and the diet sprite

as far away as possible, or he did. But this was, yeah, from Hayes, yeah. But when it was in my when I was a bag I'm like am I keeping the bag That's actually not mine or Hayes's bag to give so that that bag will need to be returned to whoever What it whichever one of our friends? Mmm, or his friend. Yeah, cuz he's friends with Libby Watson and she had the bag It's it's her man her annual Writers Guild Award.

This was 2018. People talk about this Libby. Oh, okay. Sure. And she has this bag. She's got the bag. Well, she doesn't right now. She doesn't have the bag.

You have it right now. Fucking WGA Awards. I don't have intel on that. Five years ago, six years ago. Yeah, let's scoot that number up because some time has passed. I don't have Intel on that five years ago six years ago Yeah, let's scoot that number up because it has been some time has passed. I don't know all right. Oh Hang on. Let me keep track of the year. Yeah, right. That's not a fucking lose. So you got Kevin for yeah But all this stuff Has happened in the meantime and one thing that hasn't happened is I've never been invited to this.

I feel like there's a lot of award shows you haven't been invited to lately, but others that some people you know have been invited. Yeah, there's been people there, and I haven't been one of the people who's there. Sure. What do you think's going on with that? I don't know.

I don't know how you get an invite. Doesn't it seem strange? It's a little weird. Do you only get an invite, now I'm just some backwoods hick from flyover country. Sure. Yeah, no, I agree. But I don't understand how you get invited to an award show.

Is it because they think it's like, oh, maybe this guy could someday win an award? Is that part of it? Well, I hope it is, because I think that's something that I could maybe, I certainly haven't done anything where they're gonna go, this should get an award. Right.

But I do think that I've been around, you know, this stuff enough that they could go, well, maybe someday this guy will fall ass backwards into an award and then maybe we should have him here and like familiar with the kind of. Get him ready, yeah like familiar with the kind of Yeah, the kind of landscape where the bathroom is just in case.

He knows where the bathroom is, he knows where the stairs are, right? He knows what the drinks are. What's the closest you think you've gotten to getting an award, Nam? Well you've won lots of awards for this very show this show here is an award-winning show That's That's not I think how other people would see it. I say yeah, you know what I mean? Yeah

We got the one I heart radio nom. Boy, those were heady times and it was for best ad reads. Okay. But I think you could guess. Yeah, well that's the main thing people like about podcasts. Like that's what's gonna drive traffic is they go, these guys are indulging in the ad reads, the ads are longer on this show.

Yeah. I'm always hoping that when I listen to my other shows. So that felt like it was going to be helpful, but we got our fucking shoes, coat, and our hat tooken. Yeah. By the office ladies once again. Have you listened to any of their ad reads? I actually can tell that you haven't,

cause your hair would be sticking straight up like you got an electric shock. We have the hats on. Yeah, the hats. Yeah, but the hats would be blasted through the ceiling. Okay. Because the fucking power of these ad reads, it's like when I saw we were nominated

in the same category as them and I was like, okay, well, just go ahead and put a gun in my mouth and blow my brains out, you know what I mean? Because I'm fucking dead. Just kill me, yeah. Yeah, somebody kill me, please. Jenna Fisher, kill me. Yeah, can Jenna Fisher and Angela Kinsey come over here

and each fucking put a barrel of a gun up to my temple on either side. Somehow they protect themselves, but still you're the one basically getting the. I guess they'd stand behind me and sort of reach their arm all the way out. But even so, it seems like you got enough brain matter in there to ricochet the dangerous.

Yeah, well yeah, and it's, oh no, they'd get dirty. I'm just worried. Oh, they'd get dirty. I was worried mainly about the bullet. With your brain. Oh yeah, well my brain is filthy. You know what I mean? The. I was worried mainly about the bullet. Oh, they get dirty. With your brain. Oh yeah, well my brain is filthy. You know what I mean? The stuff I think about.

Have you run into them here? No, so they don't, I don't think they even really exist. Right. But they're definitely not here. Sure. And then that's not even a show that is here. Interesting. That show I believe is on Conan's private iPad.

I've heard about this. So, yes. I've heard about his private iPad. Yes, Conan has, he has an iPad for work. Right. Right. He has an iPad for personal, and then he has a private iPad.

And sometimes the list will come out of like, who is on the private iPad? And it's like, wow, this. I mean, it's longer than the list of the movies from earlier. Oh, well, that's not, I don't wanna break. Sure, I, yeah. Well, I'll be, and I'll be, and I'll come clean

because we're getting along so well. The Matrix wasn't even on my list. Like I haven't even heard of some of these things you guys are talking about, because these are deep cuts. So I say the one and you go the what? Yeah. Yeah, what's next, the two?

He doesn't even know. No, but you know. I know that that's a joke, but he doesn't know that that's a joke. He thinks it's a real thing. He thinks you're being serious. So the episode we do have to do even though we don't have Hayes plans I'd love to just sit and talk to you. Yeah. Yeah, but there is you know, there is actually business to get to Kevin were you able to defrag any of the

wet paper Yes, this one says new to wet paper? Yes, this one says new to a. Okay. New to a. New to a. New to a. Oh, oh to a.

That must mean the new episode of Talk To A came out. The new episode of Talk To A. Well, are you saying it right though? Go ahead. Well, she's, yeah. Well, it's part of episode one, if you've seen episode one. She explains how to say it,

because everyone thinks it is to a. It's not to a. It's not well, it's part of episode one. If you've seen episode one. She explains how to say it. Cause everyone thinks it is two-a. It's not two-a. It's not two-a. Okay. Oh, and I said talk two-a, but it's not two-a. It's not two-a. It's not two-a. Is it twa?

It's not twa. Twa. Talk twa. It's a spit. Yeah, cause you have to imagine what you're doing on it. Which I'm performing. Or yeah, you're, well. Yeah.

Well, yeah, let's think. Is that what it was a reference to? Yeah. What am I doing? Well, it was a podcast first. Yeah. But the new episode dropped, and I feel like this is sort of the.

Well, geez, I mean, here we are trying to do a podcast. We have no plan. We have no way to figure out what it is. Right. And there's another podcast. There's another one just came out, right? Doesn't it seem like that could help us even just as an example of what happens on a podcast, right? Well, this is what it is. I don't know what this fucking show is So episode one comes out and it's Whitney Cummings is on episode one. Yeah, okay. Have you seen her here? Has Whitney been around? It's on the vision board, but not to my Yeah. Okay. Have you seen her here? Has Whitney been around?

It's on the vision board, but not to my knowledge. Okay. Okay, so Whitney, yeah. Carrie's in the episode. Yeah, she's a fucking superstar. Well, she was probably at the Emmys. Do you think she got in there? I think she, based on who else I know was at the Emmys,

I would only, I could only imagine that she was either there or offered the chance to be there and declined because she had something, I mean, better. She had to do the hockey. Yeah. She was doing hockey twice. I don't think of her as like, establishment, the same way that Hayes and some of these other folks are.

I think of her as, it's funny, because she's called Whitney Cummings. Right. But really what she does is go there. That is funny. She's not just coming, she's going there. She's coming and going. She's going there. The stuff she's willing to talk about.

Yeah. Guys talking like they're on the sports team that they watch. Oh, that's like, like you would say like my Canucks. Yeah, which you're wearing that, I hope we win this year. Right. I'm not involved at all, you know, far from it. Well if you were involved, if he were involved they wouldn't have a shot. No, they'd no way they would win. Imagine this guy in this. The rest of the team has all professional athletes. Yeah and then me. And then this I'm there. I mean. Fucking guy.

Yeah. He's a slight build. No offense to you, but yeah. I can't skate. I mean it's. Well, you'd almost be more of the guy I would see on the pro hockey team. Sure. Yeah, I could see that.

And that's really flattering. And Kevin, can you write down for me that I got a compliment this week that I look more like a pro hockey player than the other go off king? Yeah. And this is on paper, I'm already seeing. And there is a drink near it. We gotta give us time. Yeah. Got it, comp-lo.

Okay. The first episode was Whitney Cummings. Okay. The second episode. What's two? Well, so where do you go from there? Down. Are you looking at YouTube or a podcast app? I'm looking at YouTube because, of course, as you know, being in the industry,

if it's not video, you might as well flush it down the fucking toilet. That's right, babe. This one is, and this is the move that I think you do a lot of times, did he say bitch? No, he said babe, and it was actually a really nice moment between you two. I answered a bitch as well.

The thing that she did here is the thing that I feel like sometimes podcasters will do, we were talking a little bit about the podcasting crunch. We were talking a little bit about the podcasting crunch. And that's not just you talking about chips. Although that's a big part of it, my friend. And thank you for the alley on the oop. Yeah.

She had her family member on the episode two, which feels like we had to get an episode out. Okay, yeah. Well, and I'll say, as somebody who's done two episodes of a podcast, you do finish getting one where you kind of booked the big guest, you bagged the whale, right? Right.

And there's a huge crash and a pretty devastating depression that comes after recording and releasing that one. Yeah. And it is good to possibly be around your family at that time. Sure. Because it's all downhill.

You need the support. And yeah, I mean, I know, for example, we had- Polly Shore. We had Polly Shore, absolutely, but even just this week, we recorded with some other guests. Like yesterday, we did a show with two people from TV shows and stuff. And then come, I wake up this morning and it's like,

well, we do have to do another one. You know? And that's not gonna happen every time. Yeah. Yeah, well, I would say, and this is not related to what you were talking about, but I have her, Twitch is sort of the new, because TV is sort of old.

Yeah. And people are not caring as much anymore about it. What family member did she have? She had her grandmother on. Her grandma. By Granny. Granny, okay. I told Granny about Hock Toa.

Okay, and Granny, and so, yeah. Well, and you gotta imagine. If I know anything, I know this. Granny gets down. Oh, you think she's gonna be? I think she'll be lightly scandalized. Right. And then she'll come around to like, yeah.

Right. Do you think this is the first time she's- I've actually taken down some fuckin' sausages in my day. Right, yeah. You know what I mean? Because we didn't invent this stuff. I know young guys like us- We like this country, yeah.

They try to think that we invented this stuff All these sex acts. Yeah But they've actually been around for for a little bit and if grandma wasn't doing that stuff Well, I I hate to tell you this you wouldn't be here to do it either, right exactly right? Yeah Great. Hey granny was spitting on that thang before you were glistening a gleam in your daddy's eyeball. Yeah, like a dick in the balls. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

So that's actually, wow, that's actually really interesting. Now, the last time you were here, Jesse, in person, you had a long interaction with a sex worker of some kind. Is that right? Well, in retrospect, I've come to understand that that's what it was. At the time? And I will say, I learned that over the years of people saying to me,

I heard your episode of Hollywood Handbook, it was the most brutal thing I've ever listened to. Those guys annihilated you. And actually, I got a lot of I'm sorry from people who listened. I see every now and then somebody will go around, there'll be a list that goes around and it'll say like, what episode have you re-listened to the most

or something like that. Or like starting from the beginning, where should I go? And the thing I'll see, it says, not Jesse. Not that one. And I'm always- Don't bother.

That always feels to me like unnecessary. Pointed. Like people are asking only for something positive. They're just going like, you know, and it's just not efficient. Like if you were to go, like you, you always want to talk about chips, right? So if I went like, hey, what chips should I get?

You might tell me your favorite kind of chips, but you wouldn't just go like, not carrot sticks or something. It's like you could list that all day. You know what I mean? That's not even a part of it. Yeah. We're wasting precious time talking about stuff I don't like. Yeah, but you could list that all day. You know what I mean? That's not even a part of it. Yeah. We're wasting precious time talking about stuff I don't like.

Yeah, but you would have to be so passionate. About hating it. About hating it in order to do that, in order to ignore the prompt. Right. Why? I think I touch. What do you think it comes from?

I think I touch a nerve for some people. You do strike a nerve, right? I think it's because, and forgive me, I feel like I'm focusing on Jesse, but you can chime in on this too, but I think what's going on is you have this sort of comfort with yourself, and it doesn't feel earned.

Right. Right. I think people are seeing what you've got going on and going, I would not be feeling good about this. We'll never say that. We'll never just guess. But then they're seeing you do it and it's just with this ease. And I think that really activates people.

It gets them, well, it's, what they don't understand is it's actually a form of jealousy. Right. To see somebody living their best life and being accosted in the street by a woman who yanks on their thing. Uh-huh. They say, well, I want that for myself. And it's like, well, go and do it. I mean, go.

Yeah. Get out in the street. Go to the grocery store. You know what I mean? Am I stopping you from doing that? Yeah. No, I'm just living my own life. Yeah.

Yeah. And so what do you wanna say? Well, I just think, I'm, I think Jesse, I mean, I stream with him, you know, five days a week on Twitch, on the computer. Oh my God. That's the shirt.

Okay, I'm tired. That's by the, I'm the little bug guy on there. Salacious Crump, it's Star Wars, you'll figure it out when you get to it. Yeah, it's on the list, get it on the list. Okay, yeah. I think he has... Is the cat... The cat is my cat.

Oh. It's my cat and then... Oh. But it's meant to be... Oh, I don't... Yeah. But it's... Jabba.

Jabba the Hutt. Well, you don't know. That's episode five. Five. Which is the third one. That's the third. Oh no, well... He doesn't. Yeah. Anyway. He has a fatherly energy about him that I think people either are really into

or it really kind of drives them away. And we've seen that in our, there's a chat when we stream, right? So we get the reaction live. Which Kevin was saying you guys were thinking about implementing for Handbook. So yeah, Kevin, you get anything else out of those plans yet?

I really feel like I'm just treading water here. Is there anything in the plans? Because Hayes said that he had a whole episode and that it was really good. He had a lot on being a pool shark. Pool shark. Okay. Wow, pool billiards, right?

That's good. Well, dry t-shirts, so that wouldn't, because you'd go in the pool with the- Where's Carl? Yeah, that's a great question. Is Carl around? Is Carl supposed to be here later? I almost feel like Carl could bridge the-

He's in the chat. He's in the live chat. He's in the chat. Oh, we do have a live chat. Yeah. So what's, okay, so we've got the live chat running. Can we see it? Yeah, because if I could see that,

that would actually help me a lot. Carl might be saying some stuff in the chat like, this is running. Yeah, can we see it? Yeah, pull up Carl's chat. If I could see that, that would actually help me a lot. Carl might be saying some stuff in the chat like, this is awesome. Yeah. That would help. Keep it up. Carl said, send nudes, but it's about noodles, LOL. Okay. That's solid.

Tell me, I'm gonna butcher this. Yeah. Esteban? It's, yeah, yes, Stefan, but that would be the, yeah. Okay, tell me what you were gonna say before. That's a good question. Yeah, well, I just, I sort of wish Jesse had brought me a T-shirt too, I guess.

Not Jesse, whoever gave it to you in the bag. Well, it was the Hays man. Yeah, Hays, but it's not Hays' bag. I mean, but this is the kind of guy who shows up to his buddy's house in the camo. Late at night. Camo jockeys. The jockeys.

Yeah, that's true. So it's like, you wanna ask a question, but you're not sure if you're ready for the answer. Yeah, no, he's unpredictable. So when you're, so just so I have a sense, when you're streaming, who's doing it? Right. Yeah, we both are.

It's both of us there at the same time. It's almost like a show. Yeah. We're both there. Like, talk toa? It's, oh yeah. Well, yeah. And you got it that time, I think.

If you like talk toa, you're gonna like- You'll like the Go Off Kings. The Go Off Kings show. Hey, I hate to just make this all about talk toa. No, no, no, It's hard not to. But that was part of what Hayes had planned. It's in the zeitgeist. What did she and Whitney get into? Okay. Yeah. Yeah. It was funny. Yeah. It was funny. And also there was another lady there and another guy. That guy, they're her friends, I think. And it

was the first time they've ever talked into a microphone and it was so good. They're her friends, I think. And it was the first time they've ever talked into a microphone and it was so good. Kevin. Yep. Get us some friends, lady and a guy. Right, yes. Get us some friends to have around.

A lady and a guy who's never been, who's never said nothing before. Sure. And then they can come on and they can basically go, that was cool. And that's sort of like what you need as, cause you got to say the cool stuff, but then how do people know someone has to say someone has, and that's what the chat does, but the chat lets people know, oh, this is cool.

Right. This is great. Yeah. Yeah. So if you say something like, like, what's the funniest thing you've ever said in your whole life? Have me personally? Yeah.

Oh, I got to dig deep for this one. I got to go back because the show is, we've done a lot of episodes. The show is primarily- You think it was on the show that you said the funniest thing? The show's funny comments, I save up funny things. If I'm in another part of my life, if I'm out, like, if I'm at work,

if I'm with my family and I think of something funny, I don't say it. Yeah, you save it. Because I want it to feel fresh when I'm on the show. Right. And it's been happening less and it. Yeah. Yeah, you save it. Because I want it to feel fresh when I'm on the show. Right. And it's been happening less and less. Yeah. You know?

There's only so many anecdotes you can have about your own life. Well, there's not a lot to laugh about nowadays, too. I guess the thing that I've said, I think the thing that I've said that's just so funny that actually has been like taking the world by storm. Yeah. And you guys will like this.

Sure. And by the way, you may even wanna use it. Well, it's kind of a response. So why don't you say- What's the prompt? You say something like, you're here for TwitchCon? Yeah.

You're like, we're here for TwitchCon. We're here for TwitchCon. Okay, go off a cliff. Okay, okay. Jesus. So like the funniest, so when you said that, first of all, you said it in this moment, it was electric.

Yeah. And I'm sure whenever you said it for the first time, it was unreal. Yeah. It was like Pompeii going off. Mm-hmm, mm-hmm. Yeah. But you didn't have the big.

Pompeii was the city. Hey, hey, hey, hey. Right? Right. And it almost feels like nothing's Yeah. Okay, all right. And you would just pop, cause the more I do this show, the more I'm thinking, couldn't part of the show be we just kind of

listen to Bastille and rock out? That's what we do. And we just kind of bop around. And I see some of these, they're not as big as Talk To It, but I see some of these videos they're not as big as talk to it, but I see some of these videos that are just really people going like, putting on the music, you know?

Yeah. Right. 30-year-old father reacts to hearing something for the first time. Yeah. Uh-huh. And you're kinda like. Yeah. Yeah. Or it's like what it was like to hear, you know, Possum Kingdom for the first time. Yeah. Or it's like what it was like to hear, you know, Possum Kingdom for the first time. Yeah.

And it's just somebody going like. Are these actual things that you use? Okay. Those are real bands and stuff. Well, yeah. All right. Yeah. I mean, we do react to stuff, I guess, on this one.

It's called react content. It's react content. The content is there. We all do react content. We do react content. Yeah, well the content is. I haven't gotten a single fucking reaction out of you guys. Are you saving it up for your own show? It's just like if the chat was here again

I think that would help a lot because the check gets there so if the chat gets us rocking what the chat doing now Tim says I love react content. Oh, that's great. Yeah, so like you say go off a cliff. Yeah huge Just the chat lol Lmao go off a cliff. Yeah. Huge, just walls. The chat, LOL, LMAO, LMAO, fuck, and they're loving the jokes. PogChamp goes up there. Yeah, the PogChamp. You probably have a custom mode of your face. Actually, can you do, what are you,

are you tied on this one? Can you do this one here? Can you do a, do a face that you think it would be flattering if someone cut it out and put it as a little image in the chat for you to see? And people could use that to react to certain things. Okay, hang on, so I wanna make it a nice thing. Pretty expressive.

It could be, it should have a bit, yeah, it should be sort of. It has to be nice. It has to be nice. It has to read because it's like this big. It has to read in small. Yeah. Okay, hang on.

Yeah. This is the Sean React. Yeah. Oh, that's, oh my God. So this one is Sean huh? Because the code for it is Sean huh? Or Clem Dog, huh? Uh-huh. And then that pops up when someone says something

that makes you go like, say what? Yeah, and so instead of typing huh, you put the face. But this is only for subscribers. Yes, and that's where the money is. Kevin, are you getting this? Because this feels like they've got a whole system here. It's a system. Yeah.

And my system is hazing his jockeys. Yeah. Well, who's, who up until this point, let's just be, let's say has always delivered. The fact is the guy, the guy plans a good show. Right, yeah. You know? And I've been happy to ride his coattails up until here,

but he left me high and dry on this one. And I gotta say, you say, at some point, two years in the future, three years in the future, there's gonna be another thread that says, what episode have you listened to the most? We're not on that. I'm ashamed to say, well, I'm here too. Sure, yeah, right.

You're not doing this joke by yourself. No, you're getting some blowback. In fact, you're not doing it at all. No, yeah. You're off in God knows where doing God knows what. Yeah, so TwitchCon. Yeah. You're off in God knows where doing God knows what. Yeah. Yeah, so TwitchCon. Yeah. What do you wanna know about it?

Everything? Are you gonna fucking do something crazy or what? Yeah. Yeah, we are. Yeah, we're gonna go crazy. We're gonna go insane there. We're gonna go psycho. We're gonna go fucking nuts.

Yeah. Yeah. We're gonna lose our shit. Yeah. Someone go psycho. We're gonna go fucking nuts. Yeah. Yeah. We're gonna lose our shit. Yeah. Someone in the chat used the Sean emote of the, okay, what? What the huh? Right, well they're probably gonna be there.

Yeah. So they're probably getting excited. They're wondering just how insane we're gonna go, what we're gonna do. They're probably getting, well they're probably getting hype. I think they're getting a little bit hype in the chat. So you might wanna do a Sean hype emote.

Yeah, so you'd be excited. Hype train started. The hype train has started. Yeah, we do have the hype train going too. So here might want to do a Sean hype emote. Yes, you excited hype train started the Train going to so here does let's get Sean. Hi, so they can post so we need the show. Let me get it Yeah, you lower your mic Sean Because remember this is gonna yeah, we're gonna cut out your yeah. This is like you sing possum kingdom for the first time. Oh No, so the hand won't be part of it If you commission an artist to draw, they could bring the fist in,

but if it's just a screenshot, what's the whole thing? You gotta get artists. Yeah. It's a community. It is. But you have to wanna build it. And I don't know if you have it in you.

I think he kinda does. Well, he's been a man on an island for so long. But to nail two emotes in a row. That's very strong showing. That's a good start. It's a beautiful thing to see. What is the chat? Yeah, what are we?

What is the chat? Carl said, if you build it, they will Cummings. Oh, okay. Oh my God. Okay. Man, we miss him today. Field of creams. Oh yeah.

Yeah, so that's on the, no, that's not on the list. That's not sci-fi. It wouldn't be on the list. These already got kind of is there's ghosts in it, right? I have not seen it. It's actually on my list. Okay Guys everyone in the comedy world knows not every joke delivers, but Harry's always delivers They send the best quality razors right to your door for a fraction of the price of the big brands better design shaving products at A better price is no joke. It's Harry's clean Harry is here. I do want to dedicate this conversation to just Catching up a little bit. I want to Just kind of establish where you're at because I feel like every time we do this it's just sort of a full

Reset and I want I do want to build something with you. So this one, we're building a foundation to start. What is going on with you right now? You want the real answer or you just want... It seems like what you want is me to just give some polite, like I'm fine. I don't care which one it is. You know what fine stands for? I don't, I definitely don't want you to say I'm fine. Do you know what fine stands for? It doesn't stand for anything. Fucked up, insecure, neurotic, and emotional.

It doesn't stand for, it's a, it's a. That's what it stands for, punk. It's a word, it's not an acro. When everyone says I'm fine. It doesn't stand for anything. You know acro. When everyone says I'm fine, you know how they're really feeling? F'd up insecure, neurotic, and emotional. This is an example of something that.

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I just wanna know that what I'm talking about is like for real. So like what are these other leading universities that aren't being included here? So I call up Babel. Yeah, just like don't, I don't wanna say leading universities and then if somebody asks me,

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Go phones, that's the app, that's the mascot of AppStud University. Go phones. So Rocket Money is a personal finance app that helps find and cancel your unwanted subscriptions, monitors your spending, helps lower your bills so you can grow your savings. I have had great success with Rocket Money canceling almost all of my unwanted subscriptions. I have one that they have been struggling with. Kevin has had a subscription service for several years now. He says he's been doing it his whole life,

where he gives out, he says free hugs, but it is a paid service. Do you end up becoming billed, or they take it out of your payment from the patreon every month And and he says I don't know why he's rockin money says they don't have access to that But I've given them Kevin's info. Yes, but it is He says he was born giving a hug. Yeah, he's built to hug And he's the ultimate hug machine.

And that the free aspect is that he does set you free after a minute or two of hugging. He says the service is called get in here. It's he says it comes in the mail, but he spells it M-A-L-E. He says it comes in the mail, but he spells it M-A-L-E. I've actually been upgraded to like a new tier, which is get in here you son of a bitch. Which I didn't even realize. I guess it's like a premium level. He spells it tier T-E-A-R.

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by going to rocketmoney.com slash the boys. That's rocketmoney.com slash the boys. Rocketmoney.com slash the boys. That's rocketmoney.com slash the boys, rocketmoney.com slash the boys. Whoa. Hollywood hamper. Look, I will say we prepared a little bit about what you might expect as you start your journey as a Twitch streamer.

Yeah. Yeah, actually you had mentioned before recording that you had prepared something and I was kind of waiting for that to kick in. Sure. It could kick in now if you want. We can kick it in right now. Yeah.

Okay, great. Yeah. Do you normally do two hours? What do you normally do? We do, yeah, so we'll do anywhere from 10 minutes to 25 hours. Okay. Okay.

Okay. And this will be on the shorter side of that. Okay, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, because it's a big window sure sure sure yeah Yeah, well this one I think this could be good Stefan you may want to because we might we might need this you don't you probably don't unless I don't know how familiar you are with the source material. Let me see Kevin would you would you hit that first one?

If haze you seek just watch his stream, it's free and on your browser know this isn't a dream It seems to take It seems to take It seems to take It seems to take It seems to take It seems to take It seems to take It seems to take It seems to take It seems to take

It seems to take It seems to take It seems to take It seems to take So that's what we didn't want to see at all. I'm feeling huh as well. Yeah. Sound like one of you was singing. Yeah. It wasn't quite on with the music. I have terrible news. The hype train is in an accident. No, the hype train derailed?

It derailed. What level did it get to? No survivors. Oh God. So that means you don't get any of the money from the hype train. Yeah. Oh no.

Okay. In three, two. If haze you seek, just watch his stream. It's free and on your browser, no this isn't a dream. But what's the URL that he streams from? We'll let us sing it to you. Twitch.tv slash The Hayes Man. It's dot tv dot dot com and Hayes Man not the haze man. Watch it on your phone or PS 5

Hayes is new twitch guy Family guy we thought Hayes was gonna be here. Yeah. Yeah. Well, I mean I really enjoy that you Did something yeah. Yeah I mean, I really enjoy that you did something. Yeah. Yeah. So I guess now I'd like to hear the song about me. Yeah, okay. Kevin, you wanna do, yeah, let's just run it back.

We'll run it back in three, two. Stefan, you start. Oh, it started over. It's alright, that's fine. Ooh, different video. This is a different- this is not part of your thing. This is maybe... Oh. Is this Possum Kingdom?

Stream with Hayes, what could it be? He's probably raising money for a good charity. But is there a way to gain more viewers? And then get them to subscribe? Hayes should play some video games That's what Twitch is there for Going for the high score Charity is a bore

Anyway Hayes should play some games Yeah, yeah Again, more, if Hayes was. Yeah, it feels focused on hey Well, he was the guy who was doing the he does this he was doing so and so that's all you Well, I mean everything's about a twitch stream and it's all about haze. No, no, it's I mean no Okay. Yeah, let's I even appeared on his twitch's twitch stream once. Did you catch did you catch that? I didn't see that the I saw Libby on there. Libby was on there. I was on there

Yeah, were you helping money to raise money for charity? Yeah, I was helping money to raise money from charity. That's good That's good. This fucking guy can't talk. That's good. Your old job is to talk. Were you helping money to raise money? I was singing. Kevin don't edit that so the last so My whole job is to talk. Were you helping money to raise for the. I was singing. Kevin don't edit that. So. The last. So yeah, I mean, indirectly I was helping money to raise money from charity. Right.

Because what I did was he was raising money for charity and I made the stream worth watching. Of course. Yeah. And we do have a, I mean we have another. What's the funniest thing you ever said? Oh. What's the funniest thing you ever said? Oh. What's the funniest comment you've made?

You put me on the spot on my own show. You're good at coming up with stuff on the spot. We are. We normally write stuff down. Yeah, I mean it's all written out. It's color coded. This is the best thing you've done so far since being here is the stuff that you prepared ahead of time,

which was all, you know. The shirt thing, did you like the shirt thing? Well, that was an interesting coincidence, huh, that all we had was dry t-shirt contest, and then he had the shirts. I liked it. Are you gonna wear it? Any notes? Am I gonna wear it? Yeah.

What do you want me to say? I have a Hollywood handbook shirt, and I wear it. He does. He wears it on the stream. I wear it on the stream. So maybe the next time you do a podcast, who's the next guest, Kevin? Do you have the next guest lined up? We're trying to get, we're circling Whitney Cummings.

Okay. If you get Whitney Cummings on, would you wear the Go Off King shirt? Wear it with Whitney? Yeah. Okay, Kevin, if you get Whitney, remind me. Yeah.

That I should wear the Goof Kings. Now, do I have to wear it right side out? Oh, well it's a pretty, I mean the graphic would be uncomfortable on your. Yeah, it would be really sticky to my skin. It would be really sticking to your hot skin. Yeah. So.

It's a good quality shirt. It's a great, well I don't know if you wanna say what kind of shirt it is. No, say what company made the shirt. Well I think it's a Bella Canvas blank, which I think is one of my favorite blanks. Okay. What do you guys do for handbook shirts?

Kevin got some real scratchy, starchy shit, you know what I mean? These heavy t-shirts are all the rage. I don't know if you've seen the bear, but the t-shirt the man wears is actually thick. And now that's t-shirts, is thick t-shirts for now. But it's really important to have them. Would it surprise you to learn I've never seen the bear? No, chef.

It's from the show. I don't. No, it's from the show. I don't. No, it's from the show. I'm not sure. Yeah, you got it. Kevin, do you wanna do that one more time for us? I think this one will please Sean. Yeah, here we go.

This one's not about Hayes. In three, two, one. On streams today, you sometimes see someone watching a movie or a show from TV But do twitch terms of service allow this or will you maybe get banned? You've received a copyright strike There's something that you can't do you'll just have to make do streaming a game or two That's you. That's all right. Fuck. Don't get a copyright strike.

You color coded this yourself. I got confused because red and blue sometimes look the same on the. No, red is you. Well, it's on the, because we have dark mode on the. Yeah. So you can't watch TV on there.

But that one didn't mention Haze specifically. That's just more streaming. I wanna watch TV, yeah. So speaking of like watching other shows and copyright strike, I think we got like two or three minutes left to film. Do we just listen to do we just do people like react videos? Yeah, people like you know Some of the stuff that you guys do when you're you know, yeah commenting people like our do

We just do we just fire up some of that talk to a and react to it What's if you want to react? Yeah, we just check out the first minute or two of it? We had like five more songs, but yeah, we can, it's okay. You do? No, no, no, no. We have one, I mean, one more for sure that would have been, but. Well, let's fire up talk tour.

Let's do talk tour. Okay, yeah, yeah, yeah. And then we'll do a song after if there's time. If we have time. Yeah. Yeah, of course. This is cool here, huh? Did you set this up?

Yeah, so this was my idea, basically. That's funny. Was just the concept of a screen. That's so funny. Yeah. I guess maybe that's the funniest comment I ever made. It's time to get out of the bed and quit rotten. Hailey, get up.

All right, I'm ready to talk. Is this the new episode? This is episode one. This is episode one. This is the first one. Yeah. Kevin. I hate when I do that This is episode one. This is episode one. This is the first one. Kevin. I hate when I do that. Well, you haven't seen episode one.

You haven't seen episode one. Wow, she's from Belfast, Tennessee. Did you see the Kenneth Branagh movie about that? What is he doing? Uh oh, here comes Granny. Is there? I was on the radio. On the radio.

Granny, listen to what I'm saying. So she's sponsored by a betting company. Yeah. Belfast, hell. Dude, I love fireball. It's like my spiritual calling. This is a crazy conspiracy theory. That's one of the people that's.

That was her friend from the video. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. Okay. Do you guys have one of these where you do like the, before the show, you have like the real of the episode two. Why isn't there like, can you cut up the top?

Can you cut up this show so that the top of it, Kevin, is a bunch of random comments and just like, and it's got like a music bed under it, and it'll feel like kind of quick cuts. Yeah. Can I use this one? Just this exact one? Yeah.

Yeah, that's interesting. Pretty popular. Or what we could do, guys guys is let's just try to have some disconnected comments that feel like they were part of an exciting conversation. Yeah. And then Kevin can assemble those, he'll put like cuts between it.

Kevin can fuck himself. And then. Oh! No, you did not come for. Come on, come on, come on. You did not come for one of my credits. Come on, come on, come on. That's probably the closest I ever got to winning an award.

Yeah, I was on IMDB before we walked in. Yeah, I was. We're going to do something really crazy at TwitchCon. You don't want to miss it. It's going to be fucking insane and you got to be there for it. Right, JF? Don't put that, don't put that. Just if you could just... He's going to know how to do it. Yeah, no, that was.

And that's when I said, hey lady, you're grabbing my nuts. You told that on the show already though. But it's just a fucking, it's the thing. Why wouldn't they just take the clip from the first time you're on? Because I didn't say that. I was too scared because I was being assaulted in the street.

Okay, so you've taken it, okay. Yeah, that's from the other one. What's your one? That's not pizza sauce. And that's something we're doing tonight. Because we can't, you know what I mean? Like she did the like, I love fireball. Granny did just, she went,

Hock-to-wee! She said, you can go to hell. You can go to hell. Hock-to-wee! Yeah, I've been on the radio was one, but let's have some stuff like this. Okay. Yeah. We'll use some of theirs and some of ours. And it's just, I don't think we can do some of theirs and some of ours. Yeah, and it's just I I

Don't think we can do Hawk to II probably not no Well, I guess one a little conflict would be nice so let me lay this okay, yeah, yeah shut up you old bitch Yeah, that's that works I think yeah good um Hey, Jeff, I never want to stream with you. You know I should say this like I never want to stream with you again Jf on twitch Say the URL so people know where you're not gonna twitch TV Jesus yeah, oh our URL. Yeah, is it on the shirt? It's on oh, it should have been it's not on the fucking Oh, our URL. Is it on the shirt?

It's on, oh, it's not on the fucking shirt. And that's the last time I ever let that lady touch my nuts. So you're so focused on the lady. This is really nuts. It was different. It feels like, no, it's a different, it's a different sentence, but it just feels like we're kinda in the pocket

in terms of I was like, I told you to shut up. And then, and I think like, here's one that's a little, it's a little less in your face, but it's just like, okay, well, thanks for playing. Fuck, if I ever had that. You know what I mean? Like that shit. If that ever happened to me.

What is the chat saying to, I mean, is there a, the hype train is boarded again. Okay, so that's good. Wow, that's awesome. Yeah, that's big. Maybe a call out to the hype train or the chat could be, so for the new era of Handbook where it's more interactive. Where there's a chat.

Maybe in the intro video we're sort of teasing like this is a community, so. Can you just give me a fucking phrase? Just do something and just have it be not about your nuts and have it be just like something we can use for the trailer. Right. Right. Okay. Yeah.

You're now a part of the Hollywood handbook community. Welcome, and don't forget to grab Sean and Hay's nuts on your way out. Chef Kevin's nuts. Okay. That's just a good standalone phrase. Chef Kevin's nuts. Hey, Chad, are we all feeling blessed today?

Oh, that's- Because I think we wanna be positive. Positive. Yeah. Positivity. After all the negativity. Maybe, how about this is enticing. Okay, okay.

You're probably gonna have to bleep that one, Kev. That's in the trailer? Yeah. They gotta hear one. What's gonna get bleeped? Well, if it's bleeped, they're not gonna know though, right? Well, that's.

Oh, how about this? How about this? Fucking sweet. Who the hell just walked in here? Maybe they think, is it Carl? Okay. It could be. Carl could be exciting. Yeah.

Oh, that is so wrong. Oh crap. Yeah. Yeah, oh crap. Yeah, and because they're gonna wanna watch, because of all the stuff that's in the trailer here. Well, they're gonna, well, I guess at this point, they've already hit play,

but they're not gonna then go to their phone and be like, oh, what's on Instagram? You know, what's on TikTok? Well, they'll have to be on their phone to be in the chat though. Are we even allowed to say that? Oh my God. Okay, exclusive.

Oh, that's okay, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Like, celeb gossip. Do you have any celeb gossip while we're here? Oh, I saw Jack Black yesterday. I saw Jack Black. Jack Black. Yeah, okay. Have you guys seen him on the show?

You know what? He's on the list. He's underwit me, right? Yep. He saw Jake Gyllenhaal earlier. Well, I think I did. J.G.? Yeah.

Yeah, I've seen him. Okay. You've seen him around here? I don't know. I mean, I've seen him. I don't know. I've seen him running. Sure. Okay. He was just standing, I think. Well, he mean I've seen him. I don't know. I've seen him running. Sure.

Okay. He was just standing I think. Well he was walking. Oh okay. Yeah, so maybe not him. I don't think so. I've seen him before and he's usually running pretty fast. Who else do you see around here?

In this neighborhood? Hayes, Kevin, Amir. I haven't seen Amir. Yeah, no you're not gonna see him right now. Right. He's doing some like extended bit about being on a cruise ship. Okay. That's like not, it's really hard to kind of connect with.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Wait, is that a mirror? Put that in there. Oh, for the... If people like him, I guess. That could work, yeah. I have one. Okay, we stop recording.

Bye. Yeah. Hey guys, stick around after the credits for a secret fourth song from the Goof Kings. Good morning, Sean and Hayes. I've got a feeling that it's gonna be a wonderful day. The sun in the sky has a smile on his face and he's shining a salute to the American race. Oh boy, it's swell to say good morning, Sean and Hayes. We didn't do the rest of the lyrics on the video. Good morning, Sean at Shana Hayes. We didn't do the rest of the lyrics on it. Good morning, Shana Hayes.

So we had the first line and then. We ran out of time. We thought maybe. I finally got into a song. Bye. Hollywood handbook. That was a hate gum podcast.