Hollywood Handbook - Jessica McKenna, Our Vote Video Person

Episode Date: November 7, 2016

The boys are joined by Jessica McKenna to help them make a good funny video encouraging people to vote at the election. This episode is brought to you by Harry's.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This is a HeadGum Podcast. detonate the Kingdom Tower 7 oh Tower 7 and we're hacking into the mainframe and we're going to change all the TV ratings on TV by numbers I love this to make it look like the boys

Quantico's falling off I love that the boys just getting together it's so fun when we finally because our schedules are all so insane and it's like

when can me OJ's son JonBenet's brother and my friend who pushed the plunger detonate Tower 7 all get in the same room and just hang out and just have fun me, OJ's son, JonBenet's brother, and my friend who pushed the plunger at Dettnay Tower 7 all get in the same room and just hang out

and just have fun and just screw around. Make it look like Quantico's numbers are falling off. When actually it's the most popular show. And we're doing it and at one point JonBenet's brother gets very quiet and goes, are we bad people?

You know? And I go, wow. Somebody's brother, I never have really asked myself that question. And right at that moment,

OJ's son does the biggest armpit fart and I was like okay rules back to reality we're having fun like for

you know normally the question that we ask ourselves is like am I becoming my father but for OJ's dad that would actually be for OJ's son

that would actually be like good because his dad is like actually good oh yeah yeah yeah so anyway welcome to Highway Handbook That would actually be good because his dad is actually good. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So anyway, welcome to Highway Handbook.

It's an insider guide, kicking butt, dropping names in the red carpet. Hey! Today, we have to do this one quickly, actually. Yes. We're a little behind on this, something that we've been wanting to do. Well, you see all these videos. Today's the day they talk about the president. They're doing president today, and we're ready.

You go into the polls, and you say this is the president. It's about time. That's today. We have been seeing all these things, these videos. People are rocking the boat. They're rocking the boat. Yes. Virally.

Yes. On the web. Yes. And, you know, Hayes and I are not stupid. If six people make a video about something, we're going to make a video about that too. We should be doing it too. But this is not, we have not done one of these before. We want to do it in a way so we can kind of protect ourselves, but also get

plenty of hits and eyeballs. So we have brought in someone who is so good at this and has done it so good. Special guest Jess McKenna. Hi. Hi, Jess. Hi, Jess. It's so good to have you here.

Thanks for coming. Did you voted already? Yeah, yeah, yeah. good to have you here. Oh, thanks for having me. Thanks for coming. Did you vote it already? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I got to that poll. Yeah, wow. I got in there and I said, this for president. She did the president and good job. Congratulations. Thank you.

I got my little sticker. And I hope your person wins, but I hope my person wins. And I want everyone to win. Can't everybody win? Yes, they can. And I did propositions and I did numbers and I said yes to some and I said no to others. And then the measures I said, I haven't heard enough about these, so I skipsied. Hey, Jess, mad props.

But seriously, isn't this election and isn't this 2016 a dumpster fire? Oh, God. Boo 2016. I wish it was over already. I just like, can 2016 just be done by now? Let's put it to bed. And it is a dumpster fire, sometimes a garbage fire. Those are the two things that I like to say about it.

Yes. Thank you for being here, Jess. I know you were saying you were re-listening to the Harry Potter books. Yes, I have to get back to that. Will you just play, just put a little bit of it on the microphone so we can just get a little taste of like... Here's where I'm at.

Okay. It was a relief for Harry to sink into the mind of someone else. He went back to the Pensieve that he'd been to so many times before, this time to Snape's thoughts. He put his head into the cool gray water and dove. And that's the magic book.

Yeah. I love how the books all begin with, like, open me, the magic book, and hear the tale. Yeah, well, I was dropping us in sort of a far. A wizardy boy. A wizardy boy, yep, yep. I was dropping us in pretty far into the story of the Deathly Hallows. That was a late chapter. Okay.

It was about chapter 32, I would say. The Prince's Tale. It felt like 32. And for me, I got to say, I would vote for anyone who would finally make it illegal for all of us to be muggles. I'm so sick of it. And I hate it. And I just don't want us to be muggles. I'm so sick of it. And I hate it. And I just don't want to be a muggle anymore.

And if somebody runs on that platform, you've got my vote guaranteed. I don't care what else you're standing for. I'm going to remember this for when I turn 35. I can finally run for president. We're also very young. Yeah, me too. When I were young as well. It's not going to be for forever.

It even never happens. But it is still the biggest. It's not going to be for forever if it even ever happens, but it is still the biggest. It's so far off. I hope I better write it down because I don't trust myself to remember it when I turn 35 because I'm very young as well. So that was a good Harry Potter, and I hope he wins and beats up the elves. Oh, sure.

Well, yeah, we don't beat up elves in the Harry Potter world. They're actually a marginalized society that we fight for. You could say that this election has had its very own Voldemort. Oh, right. Yeah, that's absolutely true. And explain that. Well, you know, a lot of people think that, you know,

Trump has played into our worst fears. Okay, this is great to get out there ahead of it. This video, we want it to be just like pro-voting. We sort of want our bases to be covered because by the time this comes out, it actually could be, we don't want to be on the wrong side.

If we've taken a really hard stance for one candidate or the other, we could look like real idiots. So if we're saying that, we could be like, well, maybe Voldemort is actually the good guy in these books so it's okay to say that trump is like voldemort but in that case voldemort is like potentially there's certainly voldemort has his own perspective i mean right well i would say that it's like pretty much like a universally horrible perspective so i think like if you want your video to just be about voting maybe just say like voting's important but i would say that like it's always better to have like a stronger point of view.

Being wishy-washy is going to be trickier. No, we are saying. No, we're really. We are taking a stance on it, which is that like everyone is bad because the election is a dumpster fire, but also everyone is like trying really hard and also very good. Uh-huh. Interesting. Interesting.

And voting is like we really want to get behind it, but we also still want to look cool, so we kind of want to be like, it's kind of stupid even that we're talking about it. That it is stupid. Oh, yeah. I get it.

Okay, so like, hey, so maybe it's like we open on you playing a grand piano. I like it. Me likey. And we have a lot of flowing fabric in the background, and maybe, Hayes, you're on the cello,

or you're playing the therophin or the theramin. Okay. Are you familiar? Hayes plays the therophin. Yeah, therophin. It's a theramin that looks like a shark fin. Oh, very cool, very cool, very cool. And it kind of does the Jaws theme, but not exactly.

If he tells you it's the Jaws theme, you go, oh, no, I hear it. But if he just did it, you wouldn't think it was that. That's helpful. And maybe we just like open on sort of like a somber melody about, hey, voting's dumb, but we should all do it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like, wouldn't it be funny if I voted? Wouldn't it be so, wait, go with me on this. What if do it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like, wouldn't it be funny if I voted? Wouldn't it be so... Wait, go with me on this.

What if we voted? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Can we be cussing in this a lot? Oh, no. Can we say voting is... That's tricky. Well, you're going to get us in trouble. No, but this is my thing.

So many of these videos don't have any cussing. But this one could be the one that has so much cussing. And we say voting's like a fucking bitch. Oh, well, here's my first note, is that it is a work day today. And you've got to be careful when you get that NSFW. NSF for work. Yeah, that's right.

People aren't going to be able to watch it at their cubicles haze. If you've got too much cursing. And you've got to get those hits on the work day. Because I had an idea that was pretty edgy, pretty fucked up and actually could really

help the video but I think we'd get in trouble for it which is maybe it's like parents find a teens like sticker for a candidate they don't like

and it's almost like they found drugs. Whoa. Yeah. Now this is, this is interesting. So then now if you had maybe like a dual storyline of you have to have both candidates given to your point, Hayes, where you don't want to be wrong. But this is an extra candidate, like one of the ones you don't know about.

Oh, okay, okay, okay. And the parents are almost treating it like they found drugs. But then that you're going to want to be cool doing it because if your parents say you don't want to do it, that makes it the coolest thing to do. And we could play. I honestly think we would be great as teen twins. That would be great. And we can still do the instruments.

It's a tough idea because I have seen one video like this, and there is sort of a, I don't know, maybe this isn't the right word for it, but like an uncanny valley thing where in order for the teen to have their parents coming down on them real hard, they need to not be old enough to vote. Right. You know, but it has to be about voting. You guys are. So you got to play them like they're 16, but they have to be at least 18.

But me and Hayes look like we're 12. Yeah, yeah. This is no problem. Yeah. Okay, great. Yeah. So we're practicing. Yeah, yeah. This is no problem. Yeah. Okay, great. Yeah. So we're practicing. We're doing like band practice, I guess.

Oh. Very good. Very good. That's what the instruments are for. We're warming up in the garage. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, yeah.

This is good. Nothing says like America more than like teens in a garage. Yes. With some instruments. Oh, yes. Yeah. You're really getting it. So, okay.

So it's like, let's vote. It's stupid. Hey, you can't vote for this guy. Hey, come on. Get off my back, dad. And who's going to be our dad? Ooh.

This is important casting. Because we do need... You probably want stunt casting. A lot of these videos have stunt casting. Could it be Dean Norris? That's a great one. That's a great one. Now... I worry that... Which face are you trying to pull in be Dean Norris? That's a great one. That's a great one.

Now— I worry that— Which base are you trying to pull in with Dean Norris? The Breaking Bad base? Or— Underdome. Underdome. Okay, great.

Great, great. That's helpful. That'll give you the hits and the clicks. And the shares. You're coming out right on Tuesday. You're going to need a lot of shares. And we can't actually— of shares the hardest to get I know he's not available now

because we have to do this so quickly but we can use a lot of footage of him from under the dome maybe being like get out of here or you're stuck here you're stuck in this dome I'm stuck you're stuck

and a lot of people feel stuck. And so they don't vote because they think that's good. It doesn't matter. We can use that audio. We're stuck. Yeah. You can just, the dome could double as a voting booth. Absolutely. It's just one big voting booth to put my producer hat on for a second. Right. The dome could absolutely double as a voting booth. Can I tell you when you're making videos for the internet and you want to get those hits and those clicks, you got to wear all the hats. Yeah. Thank you, when you're making videos for the internet and you want to get those hits and those clicks, you've got to wear all the hats. Yeah. Thank you, Jez.

That's important. You've got to wear the writer hat, the performer hat, composer hat, director hat, producer hat, craft services hat. Can I say something as we're doing this? I am going to have to be lying down for the shoot. There's a trick we could do where we shoot me from an overhead perspective so it does look like I'm standing up. Those are fun. If we get down on ground, I wonder if we could make it look like

you're just leaning against a wall. Can we turn? If we elevate your feet. Can we do this for you, too, where we turn your piano on its side and you are kind of lying on the ground on your side but in a seated position and you're playing the piano that way? I mean, I'm going to have to lie on my stomach, but it's just because, obviously, I've got this thing.

So we can do it. I mean, we can do it where we match it up, and I think what we need to do is create some levels off the wall where maybe there's a really high stool under my stomach, and I'm hunched over, my hands are playing the piano, and then maybe my feet are on a ladder of some kind. I don't want to put a hat on a hat, because you already have so many great things in this video. But another thing that I've seen do really well is modern dance choreography.

Thank you, Jess. Wow, thank you, Jess. You're welcome. I'm trying to just drop. You guys got to start shooting this video now. Yesterday. We need it done yesterday. Can we get it done yesterday, please?

How many times have you heard this in that town? Boy, ding, ding. Uh-huh, uh-huh. No, it's true, though. We need it done yesterday, and I got to say, we need it to come out today. Ding, ding. Ding, ding. Ding, ding. Somebody finally was correct.

So these are all great elements of a voting video, but shouldn't this be more than just a voting video? Whoa, unpack that for me. We don't want this to be people stop watching it when they're done voting. That's true. Because it's going to come out, ideally, only a few hours before the election. Yeah. And we want this to be wintergreen. Yeah.

Evergreen? Mm-hmm. Spirit? That would be great. Yeah, great. Winter. All of it. All greens.

Yeah. Okay, great. Yeah, well, I guess, well, voting comes up every two years at MN, you know? Uh-huh. I mean. Okay. So you have that component. You know, you could push this for midterms because nothing is more, is harder to get the vote at than midterms.

Yeah, I mean, we're doing the voting stuff. Kids hate midterms. Oh, yes. So we're like breaking pencils and being like, I'm not taking any midterms anymore. Right. Or going like ringing the fire alarm. Calling

in a bomb threat. Yes, calling in a bomb threat to the school and saying we're ISIS. Okay, well, you know what? Also, you guys could just make another video. You know, that's kind of the thing. That's the appeal of viral videos. I don't trust us to do that. Okay.

I'd rather not assume we're going to get it together to make a video just based on how long it took us to even think of doing this one. Sure, sure. And I have a feeling I'm going to be so tired after this one, I'm not going to be necessarily ready to do another one in two years. Well, I'm going to be lying down on camera for almost an hour. Yeah, it sounds like you've actually made it pretty relaxing for yourselves. But, you know, because you could just make more videos.

That's what's kind of great about them is that they're not that much time or commitment. You can just kind of churn them out. Thank you, Jess. Thank you, Jess. You know what I thought would be great is when you're lying down, you should be lying down on a pane of glass. We should be shooting you from underneath. From underneath.

That's interesting. Jess, can we do this? Ding, ding. You know, I think what's really going to help you get this video out in time is a clear shot list. So I think that, yeah, that's a great idea. Shoot you from underneath a pane of glass. Piano shot. Laying down on your stomach.

Piano shot. Cello shot. Kids in a band. Dean Norris footage. Under the dome. I'm stuck. I'm stuck. Yeah, I mean, this video makes itself, which is why I want to encourage you guys.

You could just make more videos. I got to say, one thing that really inspires me to make a video is when I've seen five or six other videos that are popular that are about a certain thing and I don't want to wait to find out what else is popular. Let's do the voting thing and then lump in some of our own stuff and maybe something not even about voting that's going on right now.

Yeah, what else would be good? Gangnam Style. I mean, anything like this. And just the idea of some big event is about to come up and we're just like, get your popcorn ready, you know. Oh, sure. And I have all this popcorn. Yeah, I mean, you could just make a video that's like about how sometimes big things happen.

Yes. And then that would really cover. It'd be so good. Like basically all your. Thank you, Jess. Thank you, Jess. That's so good. Ding, ding.

all your thank you Jess thank you Jess that's so good ding ding yes if we just vaguely kind of say that big events

do take place then we're not we can always cause ideally for me what I'm gonna be able to do is post this video again every year

you could post this you could have posted this for game 7 you could post you could post this for Black Friday hey that's just a couple weeks away you know that's post this for black friday hey that's just a

couple weeks away you know that's kind of a big event christmas new year's uh yeah you know valentine's day um um friend's birthday oh my friend's birthday posted on their wall you know that's better than just a h hbd instead here's a video that we made. Here's a video. Like, your birthday's a big thing. Yeah, sometimes big things happen. Get your popcorn ready. Does it feel like with Game 7 that, like, maybe there is still hope? You know, like, as dark as it's gotten and as much of a dumpster fire as 2016 has been, doesn't it feel like maybe there's one positive thing

and that's just the ray of light we need to guide us out of the tunnel? That is how I felt, yeah. It wasn't the Cubs, Harry Potter. Mm-hmm. Yeah. Then beat up Voldemort. Zapping. Yeah, it was sort of like the Cubs, you know, that game seven,

the seventh Horcrux they needed to overcome. The Horcrux they didn't know was inside them all along. They were willing to sacrifice themselves for the hope of the nation. And because they sacrificed themselves, that made all the difference. They were able to come back to life and win. And they finally summoned the fire zap to smash the you know ogres just like hairy

yeah you aren't finished you already said that you're not finished with the seventh book yet you are still reading it that's true oh spoiler

I know for a fact that that happens after the part you were talking about with the gray water oh interesting whoa that's another big event guys

season premieres season finales. Big stuff. Uh-huh. This is us. This could be promo for any show that we're doing. Here we go. Get your popcorn ready. Westworld finale.

And on the video, we can just tack on one of those little text boxes for whatever the specific thing is. That's a great way to get your viewers involved. If they can do that, too, you know, edit your own, a big event is happening. Yeah. If we can annotate the video, things are popping up to be like, click here if you want to learn more about. Yeah. And then we'll just have like anything. We can just keep changing that.

I see a world where this is every commercial. Wow. Right? I want to live in that world. Yeah. Get your popcorn ready. Geico saves you 15% or more. Wow. Right? I want to live in that world. Yeah. Get your popcorn ready. Geico saves you 15% or more. Yes.

Please get your popcorn, and also we'll be sitting here sipping tea. What kind of tea? I need to know. Oh, it's Kermit's. Kermit's iced tea. Favorite tea or whatever. Oh, very good. Yeah.

And just watching. Whoa. Because I'm above the fray. Everyone else is all stupid and caught up in this shit. But I'm kind of like, got the bird's eye view. I got the best seat in the house, Jess. Whoa. Now you're talking. Bird's eye view,

best seat in the house. What do birds see that we don't see? I think that could be your chorus. Seed. That too. What do birds see? Worms. Okay, now you're just saying other bird things. Bird seed, worm. Beak.

They see their beak from just they can see part of it. Yeah, I feel like sometimes it's great to brainstorm and go wide, and now you probably— Yeah, I feel like you're kind of unraveling a lot of the good work we didn't cover. Probably the eggs. Oh, okay. Yeah, just further and further away. Eggs is under them. Eggs is under them. Oh, no. Okay. Cancel the eggs. Oh, okay. Yeah, just further and further away. Eggs is under them. Eggs is under them.

Oh, no. Okay. Cancel the eggs. She's right. 86 the eggs, Mac. Ding, ding. Let's walk it back to that was really great. You know, you want your chorus to be sort of the thesis of your song.

That's the catchy part. That's your oom-bop, as we say in the biz. Ah, what's my oom-bop? What's your oom-bop? What's the oom-bop of this song? So it's me. It's your um bop, as we say in the biz. Ah, what's my um bop? What's your um bop? What's the um bop of this song? So it's me, it's my little twin brother, we're playing the song, dad is in the garage,

I guess, and he wants to get out, because it is going to have to be like, I'm stuck, let me out. A kind of vibe. That's just what we have. Yeah. Because I guess the music's too loud, is what we're supposed to get from that. It's so loud because... But it's me telling the adults,

you got to get out of here if you're going to... Only you can get out if you are going to vote. Yeah, or you're going to stay stuck unless you vote. Yes. That's right. But also like, or whatever. Like, who cares? Right. Because also like, or whatever. Like who cares? Because we don't

really care. Is it to say that voting is gay? Is that? No, I wouldn't do that. I would like that. That would be a hard no. Because I everything I'm hearing, that's good. No, no. Unless you have a... And I love those guys. So for me to say... And this is dangerous for you, Jess, because actually

that's pretty good. Everyone is loving this. We actually really like those guys. So for me to say. And this is dangerous for you, Jess, because actually that's pretty good. Everyone is loving this stuff. We actually really like those guys. Yes. Yeah, no, no. And I'm getting to a place where I'm like, these guys are almost becoming my friends. Oh. And so I understand. They're hilarious.

Well. There used to be a time for me when I was like, I don't know about this, and I don't know if that's where you are coming from. No, that's not where I'm at at all. But actually, this stuff is really good. We do know about this. Verdict's in. These guys are actually really funny.

I think just putting the word actually makes it seem like you still have a ways to go. And also, just the sweeping they's are just dangerous. So you don't think it's actually the way that this is, that they're good. You think it's like a theory. No, it actually implies that you're surprised. Like, hey, this really took me by surprise.

They're actually cool rather than obviously they're cool. No, it actually means like this is for real. This is really happening. We could say factually. Okay, that would be helpful. If that clears it up. Yeah, that's a step. Factually, we love these guys.

Yeah, that's great. I'll take that as a productive step, I think. Well, I think you could say voting is gay if you had a bad character say it. That way we understand. See, I don't. You seem to not get that we're on the same side as these guys. So the bad character, what you would call the Volgamort, we wouldn't want him to be friends with those guys.

Yeah. I'm saying that friends don't use gay as a pejorative. Oh, no. We're saying we love it. That's what we're telling you. We think it's great. Voting's great. We love it.

We like voting so much. It's practically gay. Oh. Yeah, that could work. I just think you're making— Can I get a ding ding? practically gay. Oh. Um, yeah, that could work. I just think you're making, Can I get a ding ding? I'm not going to give you

a ding ding. I can't, I can't, I want to. You know I'm here wanting to hand out ding dings, but I can't, I think that's going to

muddle your message. Is it okay for me to say as long as we're in this area, yes, muggle the message, that's very funny. Is it okay for me to say as long as we're in the area,

can a brother get a ding ding? Can I say that? Because I'm here with my little baby twin brother. Yeah. Well, you know, I think like definitely, especially when you get into a political video, especially if I go back to what you first said, you really don't want to take any side in this video

because you want to make sure you come off as right. So I would make sure to not ruffle any feathers with anything that could be perceived as appropriation. Yeah. Yeah. Right. Right. Okay.

Just, you know. Yeah. Okay. This is good. This is all helpful. Cody, have you written down all of our ideas so far? Could you just read back quickly what we have for the song so far? Good morning, Vietnam. good morning Vietnam

so Cody's heroes Robin Williams we haven't told him what happened yet but he's been sort of going through the catalog and cycling through he was when he came in he was doing like you got a friend like me it was like

so I'm not surprised to hear this out of him. And today he's watching Man of the Year, which is sort of like a politics movie. Yeah. And I shudder to think

what happens when he watches one hour photo. Shudder has two meanings. Very good. Doodling. Yes, yes, finally. This is Kevin.

This is Kevin. He's going to take photos of you. Kevin, try not to do it in a creepy way. You know what I mean? This is a. This is Kevin. He's going to take photos of you. Kevin, try not to do it in a creepy way. You know what I mean? This is a friend of ours. Yeah.

Hey, this is what I'm about to do. Hey, it's me, Kevin. I'm taking a photo. It's like an official professional thing. It's not for my personal collection. Yeah, sorry for entering this way. You know? That's off.

He talked into a dead mic. Sorry, I'll be quick. And even longer than that would be great. Because imagine you approach someone on the street and you start taking their picture and you say, sorry, I'll be quick. That's a tough opening. It makes it feel, just because I know that is

sort of a sexual refrain for you, it makes it feel like you are in some ways taking professional relationship and making it physically nefarious. You were not very nice to her when she walked in. So this is kind of a great chance for you to make a good first impression. So what would you do if you're just

approaching basically a stranger like Jess and you want to take a it's a creep shot. Who's cool and funny and smart and nice? Hey, Jess, I'm Kevin. I was wondering if I could take a quick photo of you for the website. That's going to look great. Yeah, thanks, Kevin. That was really nice.

Thank you for telling me it's going to look great. Thanks. Wow, this feels so much better. That's really nice. Thank you for telling me it's going to look great. Thanks. Wow. This feels so much better. That's really nice, Kevin. That's very sweet. Kevin, that really, I didn't think you had it in you. It makes me think that you've done,

that you've had a lot of these conversations on the street. Mm-hmm. Because you actually are very good at it. I haven't. All right, here we go. Okay. It goes so much quicker now. I've seen some of these photos, and it really is supposed to fly on the wall.

And now I fear that we've really called out Kevin so much. Like, I don't know if I can make this a candid, oh, you just caught us recording just as a bunch of pals. Like there's a candid, oh, you just caught us recording just as a bunch of pals. You know, now I'm aware of the lens in a way that I think has sort of broken the fourth wall of these photos. Our show is about transparency or translucency, rather, in large part. And we don't want to be pretend. There's some artifice in all these shows where people are going like, oh, they just happened to have a camera and caught us. It's like, no, it's a publicity event. Do you know what?

I think being translucent in your art, that's really important. I'm going to give you that's the biggest ding-ding of the day. And speaking of which, as you're lying on this pane of glass to do the video, we could actually be drawing a handsomer face on the pane of glass. Wouldn't that be good? That would be good, yes.

Yeah, I've been somewhat pigeonholed by the current face I have. I can only play certain roles, guys who have a face that's messed up. Yeah, it should definitely be a lot bigger. Oh, God, it's going to have to to fit my head. For people who haven't seen me, and Earwolf does a nice job of sort of altering the photos and stretching my face. Using a very long lens. So that it fits my head.

Kevin did say they would look great. Yes, and he's found an angle where you can make my face look like it fits on my head, but if you've met me in person, I have a little tiny sort of pin of a face on a big, wide sort of bottle cap. And it's not centered. No, no. Lower left, I would say? Yeah. Yeah.

It's all sort of focused around the chin. It's lower left right now because gravity is pulling it down there. It moves. Yes. When I sneeze, it shoots up to the top, and then I will have to sort of work it back down with some tools. If it's that malleable, can you shake it to the middle? It's not really something I can choose to move.

I mean, I can work it back down with tools just because there's sort of a track that it's on from lower left to top of my head. But in terms of getting it into the middle, there's something blocking it. And I've had a lot of doctors look at it and they don't know what the material is that's in there. Maybe it's like when people have a deviated septum and they get a, and oh, they have a nose job because they just had a,

oh, I had a deviated septum. Yeah. You could maybe have just a little work done. Well, I wish it was as simple as a deviated septum where people know what that is and the medical community has encountered it because that there's a fix for, but with this,

because it is new, which I'm proud of. Yeah, that's exciting. You know? And he has experimented with things like this, getting a new nose and things like that, but the nose that they put on mostly ends up covering his whole face so he can't breathe anymore. Well, I guess I was more so speaking like that could be your translucent thing you say to the world if you were to undergo a full face transplant, some massive, you know, it's important in this town to never admit that you had work done.

Because, you know, we want our, not only our videos, but our faces to be wintergreen. So you want to have that great sort of translucent half truth of, you know what? I did get work done. I'm not ashamed. I had a deviated septum. When really, in reality, you will have had a full face transplant. What kind of surgery are you fucking with? Thank you so much

for not noticing slash noticing. I have had nothing, oh my gosh, nothing cosmetic. Because it's important, especially as a woman, to be a good role model for good healthy body image.

It's shameful to want to look nice. I do. Yes, that's right. I have a similar thing where if I am considering some kind of cosmetic surgery, I will get in a car accident and make it necessary, medically necessary. It's all got to be health related. Yes. I purposefully or not purposefully had an accident while cooking a blue apron,

and I had a significant oil. Because it was too delicious. It was, oh, my goodness. Yes, please, yes. Oh, blue apron. What a great way to have a healthy, easy meal. Yeah. Blue apron.

Yeah, that's how to eat. And let's please. Yes. Hello, fresh. Don't say that. Goodbye, fresh. And hello, blue apron, which is's please. Yes. Hello, fresh. Don't say that. Goodbye, fresh. And hello, blue apron, which is also fresh. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Sayonara, fresh. Yeah. Well, that becomes like sort of a racist Asian thing. Oh, okay. Sorry. That's something we've been flagged for in the past. Oh, I don't want to flag anything. I'm so sorry.

Yeah. We talked about a stir fry. I know. I don't get it either, because the food is that. How can the food is allowed to be Asian, but I am not. That's tricky. I can see that you'd get confused. Yeah. Well, just, you know, we can enjoy the food from other cultures, but that doesn't change

what culture you are. But if I'm describing a stir fry, why wouldn't I talk like what I envision the stir fry to sound like? Well, because I think it's probably not necessary, right? You could just say. But I love these guys. And you were just doing this. I think these guys are really funny and really cool.

Yeah. Again, I think it's just so dangerous to ever refer to a group by they or those guys. You know, that's just, we never want to lump. Even in a positive way? Even in a positive way. Okay. If you can believe it we never want to lump. Even in a positive way? Even in a positive way. Okay. If you can believe it, you can't even do it in a positive way. That's shaking me up.

So we should be we. We're so funny and good. But you're not part of that group, Hayes. Then how am I supposed to talk to them? Just talk to them like people. But just don't reference yourself as part of that we. How can I make them a generalized group if I'm not allowed to? Oh, okay.

It's so hard to keep track of this. I mean, it really is. It feels like every day there's something new. You know what? I think that would be a great video for you guys to make. Oh, yeah. And just admit your struggles with it. I mean, this will be the same video, obviously, but we can sort of work this stuff out.

We might as well put it in. Maybe it's a fun bridge where you're like, hey, PC culture can be tricky, but ultimately it's in the right place. It's about growing empathy for other people. But also we want to say that it's like, we do want to get that in, but also that it's like the word police and stuff.

But we like the police too. Maybe there's something, yeah, better that they could spend their time on. Yeah. We did kind of interrupt you. Will you burn yourself with oil on purpose? Yeah, so that I could get my lips done. Oh. And they look lovely.

Thank you so much. Thank you. Thanks. In a friendly way. You look lovely. Thank you so much. Thank you. Thanks.

In a friendly way. So for me, as a guy who has tried to have some face transplants and my body rejected the new phase. I'm so sorry. I'm hesitant to start injuring myself again. It can be scary, and that's why I think you want to make sure that you never move past injuries that you know are okay. People have kitchen accidents, and they're fine. Yeah. Like Hayes said, people get in minor car accidents.

Maybe you should take up mountain biking. And whoopsies, I fell off the trail a bit because I'm a new mountain biker. And I went on a trail I wasn't prepared for with the wrong type of bike. And can you please fix my face? That's a good story. I wish sometimes that it was okay for me to not have to hurt myself to get some kind of corrective surgery and to just say, I'm a human being. I'm struggling with the idea that the way I look is changing and the concept of myself is not what I'm seeing in the mirror. And I'm fragile and I'm making a choice.

Maybe it's based on my ego, but it's a personal choice. But that's not what you actually think. I mean, you're just saying just in case you ever think that. But you actually think that I mean, you're just saying, just in case you ever think that, but you actually think that I'm like cool. Yeah, no, I think I'm cool. I think I'm kind of fresh and hot.

Hello, fresh. I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. You honestly are hanging by a thread. I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. You just are hanging by a thread. I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. You just are fresh and I wanted to greet you.

What's up, fresh? Is that better? Isn't that the kind of appropriation that you're... Aren't we not supposed to do that? What do those guys do? What are those guys? Even I know I'm not allowed to say it. You know, I think what you were saying before sean it sounded like you wanted to be transparent about what you feel and we're we're

really aiming for more translucent you know that felt really transparent you just owning hey this is how i feel and it is a personal decision please don't judge me that's that's very transparent that That's very Emmy Award winning transparent. Yeah. Hilarious. We don't have any music yet. Okay. So, Cody, what do you have so far for us in terms of what we've said the song is going to be?

You've been recording for 38 minutes. Okay. So, all right. So then let's start getting some. We know that there's a piano. There's a different some. We know that there's a piano. There's different tracks. We know that Hayes is on a cello. We can do them kind of separately, but if we can just lay down these kind of tracks one by one.

Just get some sounds that we're going to want to use. I'm on the therophin, actually. You're on the therophin, that's right. I'm on the piano. And you can have other instruments that aren't depicted. You know, people do that all the time whoa you brought me

you brought me here for my help do you not want it anymore? I can leave I was almost coming up with a killer riff nevermind I'm sorry that's on both of you I think I'm sorry let me think

because please shush is what we should be saying in the future. Please shush now. So, okay. So I'm based on the circle of fifths. Yeah. Sure. What I want to do is blink-a-tink-tink. Yeah.

Bong. And that's the low note. So we've got that in place, and that's going to go under like, Help, I'm stuck. I'm stuck in here. Let me out of here. Let me out of here. You know, you could also auto-tune Dean Norris.

Help, am I stuck? You know? What? You know? What? You know? Kind of get into some of that T-pain. That's good. That's helpful. That is a really good idea.

Sort of that auto-tune the news, you know, that sort of bleeding edge of that whole idea. Okay, so I'm on a pane of glass. We're filming me from underneath. Great. My twin brother's behind me on the therafin. I'm tingling on the piano, plink-a-tink-tink, plom. The therophin is only doing the Jaws theme, but slightly.

Yeah, but it's a little. Yeah, it doesn't sound that much like Jaws. Hey, is that the Jaws theme? That's what we want people to say. It is now that you say it, yes. We probably want some kind of rhythm section. Do you play the trash can? Or any of the drums. I could give you a basic, on a stomp, a big push broom and a trash can lid because, you know, this year is dumpster fire.

So that's just some symbolism. Dude. Dude. Just some symbolism to work in. And I could give you a classic, like, psh, psh, tss, psh, psh, tss. We could have an effect here that's so good where if you're out with a broom at the beginning and people are watching and thinking like, oh, is this dude just cleaning the video? But really, you know what I'm doing? I'm sweeping up the garbage from this year.

And I'm sweeping it up with my vote. And putting it in the White House. Gosh, I hope not. I hope we're not sweeping the trash into the White House. Gosh, I hope not. I hope we're not sweeping the trash into the White House. Well, that's where all the votes go. Well, I guess, yeah. Ultimately, all the votes go into the White House. Yeah, we're doing president today.

Yeah. We're doing big president. And yes, even just how long this episode has been, Cody brings up a good point. Probably the voting's almost closed if you've just been listening to this. Yeah. Please pause and go vote. So now at this point, we might have to do a don't vote anymore video. Yeah.

The polls are closed. You missed your shot. Yeah. And do you feel bad about it? Turn around. Yeah. Turn around and just fingers crossed. Yeah.

And also maybe saying time to go to bed oh just like let's just pivot right now let's just pivot and let's just write a sweet lullaby song because it's been such a dumpster fire year wait okay what do you got no you got it because that was good that you didn't shush her think about this thank you was hard so what i'm realizing is we're trying to make something about voting, which you said happens like every two years at most. But what this could be is people are going to bed every night. Going to bed.

So we're just walking them through a bedtime routine. I think we could still use Dean Norris. Rock the bed. Rock the, rock-a-bye bedtime. You know, like. No, like rock. I mean like rock. Rock, rock. And it's got to rock and it's got to have time, you know, like. No, like rock. I mean like rock. Rock.

And it's got to rock and it's got to have raps. Okay, cool. Great. And then maybe Dean Norris is like, I'm stuck. I'm stuck in this nightmare. Yes. Okay. He's stuck in a nightmare.

We're trying to wake him up so he can go back to bed. Right. I'd like to do sort of a We Didn't Start the Fire style verse where we just list off a bunch of things that might be popular. If you guys just want to start kicking out some specifics right now, obviously I'll start. Andy Dick. I think auto-tuning the news,

that's a great point earlier, that we should be trying to ride this wave of auto-tuning the news. Monopoly game at McDonald's. That's really very helpful. And it's fun to play with multiple syllables in that one. Monopoly at McDonald's. That has some fun, percussive.

Raw honeycomb. That's delectable. You have that. Using a newspaper bag as a cat litter. Spirituality. Great. Spirituality. Great. Turn signals.

That's big now, yeah. That's starting to catch on. Might be too early for turn signals. Oh, um. Pac-Sun. Oh, that's a great run. You could, yeah. Pac-Sun, Tilly's. could yeah Pac Sun Tilly's

Pac Sun Tilly's Hot Topic and and then you'd have a you know fourth one Reef

Reef mhm um oh uh Doughboys I guess yeah we should really be talking about

Doughboys a lot more if we wanted to go viral we're gonna be talking about Doughboys a lot more in this. If we want it to go viral, we're going to want to bring up Doughboys. Doughboys pod with Nick and Mitch. You probably want to give it like... Spoon Man Burger Boy. Yeah. Shrimp King. Yeah, yeah.

Munch Madness Champions. Evan Susser. Here we go. Go to sleep, Dean Norris. I think we really, I mean, it took a little doing, but I think we're finally on to a song that the public can sink its teeth into, which is rather than doing all this voting stuff, which I think we can agree is pretty played out.

Yeah. Ding, ding. Maybe what we do is it's about doughboys, but it's telling Dean Norris that it's time for bed. It's relatable. Yeah. Well, that's in every household. That's going to play.

Yeah. and every night you made a great point no matter which kind of guys you are whether you're like really cool gay guys or if you're Asian or whatever

it's not you know you all are gonna be able to enjoy something like this and so many of these bedtime songs are for babies and

what about me like I wanna go to sleep too can we talk about how babies get too much oh gosh yes finally someone's bringing it up they get too much

well because they can't even really appreciate it that's right because they're just like a big mushy one they get all the toys or my baby anyway a lot of them have just been big mushy it's hard because they inherit my face so you can't really see even where the top of them is

yeah that's tough. I just feel like we shouldn't be giving things to people who don't have object permanence. They don't even know that they have it. Yeah. No more lullabies for babies. I don't think their taste buds are fully formed enough to even appreciate a lot of the sriracha that I'm giving them. My wife recently had another baby.

Congratulations. Yeah, but it's like she's kissing it all the time. I'm kind of trying to get my head in there. Yeah. Yeah. Same thing. Or maybe we can both get a kiss. Yeah.

And maybe I can get a toy also when the baby gets a toy. Steffi's always hugging and feeding the baby. And I'll be like, hello, I haven't eaten in almost two hours. Like, honestly. So this is like my wife, I guess, that I used to have. And so we are not supposed to be kissing anymore, she says. Right. And the baby is not with me.

Oh. So I'm not supposed to be part of this. You shouldn't even be there while she's kissing the baby. Yes. According to her. Right. But why? while she's kissing the baby. Yes. According to her. Right. But why? Meanwhile, they were married once.

Yes. But why does the baby get all this attention and I suddenly have zero? Well, it sounds like that was a divorce. So maybe, yeah, she's probably right. I think maybe. Oh, Hayes writes for that show. Yeah, so for you to tell me what it is when it's like I invented it, basically. Oh, yeah, no.

Do you understand how that's weird? I do understand how that's weird. I'm so sorry. It was more so me trying to unpack, and it sounded like you had gone through a divorce. I just wanted to make sure I had the facts straight. Not trying to reflect on the fact. No, I mean, it's a show. You're talking about a fake show.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. We wrote it. It's like fake. Yeah, I wanted to make sure that you were in some way connected to Thomas Aiden Church and Sarah Jessica Parker's new HBO show, Divorce. Yeah. Was it your idea to have them in front of that train? Yeah, they're about to get killed by the train.

Oh, so they get killed. Whoa. For better or worse, or worse. What could be worse than train death? Mm-hmm. So we agree that it's wrong that the baby's getting all the kisses and I'm not. I think we have to. Based on the fact that you created divorce. So I do think this.

I mean, I've loved Thomas Aiden Church since Wings, so I think I have to agree with you, yeah. I think this video would be good to be saying, enough of all these babies. Now let's do something for the adults. Yeah, this one's for you grown-ups. Put the babies out of the room. Maybe even put them outside. Yeah, maybe. If you have a screened-in porch.

I don't want any babies left in forests. That, I think, will come back and hurt the video. Oh, right. When I say outside, I mean outside your house. I don't mean get as far into the nature as you can.. When I say outside, I mean outside your house. I don't mean like get as far into the nature as you can. Not even on the lawn, like on the paved part. I feel like you have a lot of rural

listeners, so you have to be like It's true. It's true. You have to be careful. It's a big cabin show. People listen to this in cabins. So it's because it's such a cozy pod. So you want to make sure that no one's putting their baby in the woods. A little more authentic. And cabin people recognize that. Yeah, I think that's why you want to make sure that no one's putting their baby in the woods. A little more authentic. And cabin people recognize that. Yeah, I think that's why you have to use cabin following.

It's actually very offensive for you to be saying this whole inside and outside distinction because a lot of the people listening are just like, well, I'm just here. I don't really have... They sort of live in the moment. What's the structure? And in the moment, they don't have a place to live.

Right. Absolutely. I think, yeah,'t have a place to live. Right. Right. Absolutely. I think, yeah, I was just wanting to make sure that when we put the babies outside, they're not too far. I guess just don't put babies in the woods, I guess, is like the more, and not in like an abandoned desert. Right. But people are listening now and being like, what's not the woods? You know what I mean? I get you. I get you.

You're coming from a very coastal elite perspective. That's true. Are you gaslighting me? I would never do that. That's just what someone who's gaslighting me would say. Hey, I feel like this is really about your paranoia. Uh-oh. She may be right.

I like saying it's flight planning. Is that the same thing as flight of the concourse? No, is that the same thing as flight planning. Oh, I thought you were going to say flight of the concourse. No, is that the same thing as flight planning? Gaslighting? Yeah. When you're on a plane with your kid and you wake up and your kid isn't there anymore. And everyone's like, you never had a kid to begin with. Oh, right.

Right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right. Yeah. I think it is the same then. What's the Liam Neeson one? Isn't there a Liam Neeson one like that? No, it's not. Yeah, it's another plain one. There's also.

Brutal. There's also Red Eye. That's brutal. That was a spooky one. Red Eye. That was a real spooky one. Skellington Key. Jack Skellington Key. That's brutal. That was a spooky one. Yeah. Red Eye. That was a real spooky one. Skellington Key. Jack Skellington Key.

Mm-hmm. Well, I actually have to leave. Hey, when you leave, you will be neither outside nor inside. You'll just be wherever you are. Is that better? That's really good, inside. You'll just be wherever you are. Is that better? That's really good, yes. You'll just be wherever you are. Like now.

You'll be right now. You are here. So we are leaving now. What's some stuff that you are doing, and what is your Mount Rapmore? Oh, my gosh. your Mount Rapmore. Oh my gosh. My Mount Rapmore is probably, gosh, I have a real,

my current one is a real Kendrick Lamar. And that's two? That's just one. Okay. Kendrick Lamar, that's his full name. Okay. It's just one. Okay. and then I'm going to say get a last name

that is his last name he's gaslighting me right why do you feel like I'm gaslighting you this is just a new term that he's been hearing a lot it's been used in a lot of different ways hey Sean thanks so much for joining me on me and Hayes' podcast it's been used in a lot of different ways. Hey, Sean, thanks so much for joining me

on me and Hayes' podcast. It's been great having you in. Is there anything you want to promote? We had a lot of listeners asking for you to be on the podcast. We're excited we could finally work it out. Okay, I guess I'll just plug this out and wrap more real quick.

Snails. Copier machines. Driveways. Wheat bread. That's it. That's four. Is that all you do? Yeah, that's great. That's it. That's four. Is that all you do? Yeah, that's great.

You nailed it. That was our reoccurring segment, Mount Ratmore, here on the Doughboys podcast. Bye. Bye. This has been an Earwolf production. Executive produced by Scott Aukerman and Chris Bannon. For more information and content, visit Earwolf.com.