Hollywood Handbook - Joe Wengert, Our Close Friend

Episode Date: April 7, 2014

Sean and Hayes start off by discussing this week's biggest question: Who is going to replace Letterman when he leaves and should you make a list about it? Then, very good friend of the show JOE WENGERT stops by to talk about what it was like to do a standup special, joke set-ups, plot holes, mic styles, Pierce Brosnan, and blue jeans. Also, stop holding your breath- the Popcorn Gallery is back with more thoughtful and poignant questions. This episode is sponsored by Audible.com. Go to audible.com/hollywood for a free audio book and 30 day free trial.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This is a HeadGum Podcast. So, James Marsden takes like a huge swig of hand sanitizer and is like, did anyone order a bunch of fucking pool water in their face? And he jumps off the roof into the pool, but he hit, he like hit the side a little bit. A little bit of his head hit the side that's cool hey welcome to hollywood handbook it's an insider's guide to kicking butt and dropping names in the red carpet lineback hallways of this industry we call showbiz what up what up we're here doing the show there's a huge amount going on in entertainment this week we have a lot of stuff to get to. We want to get right into it.

There's no time to talk about anything else except the big news in Hollywood and what's going on in movies, TV, and some of the new internet stuff, the new media space, and blogs. Music a little bit. The big thing this week, it's time to say farewell to David Letterman. It's a sad moment for comedy fans and also people who work in comedy but don't watch it that much. Yeah. I was, a lot of people don't know, I was on Varsity Ski Team with David Letterman. And we both wore our Letterman jackets.

And we made a lot of hay out of that. And we really laughed a lot about all the different jokes you could make. And you can just imagine that it was hours and weeks of those jokes. And that's how fearless he was and not caring about what a coach might say. Yes. Because the coach didn't want us to make jokes about the letterman jackets but you just couldn't stop dave and so even then i knew he was going to be really special and he really could take on the slopes in a and going so fast and not even being scared and and the fearlessness

and the scaredlessness and the bravery uh are all elements of what made Dave Dave and what made that show a big part of our hearts, America. And the best part for us, sad that Dave is leaving, but it's always really great when anyone does anything to read a bunch of lists about who the next person should be to do that thing. Yes, whenever something is changing, why would you fail to predict ways that it could turn out publicly and repeat everyone else who's doing the same? Sure.

I don't understand that cowardice, and Dave wouldn't have wanted that. He would have been brave enough that if he wasn't the one leaving, you better believe you'd be reading 10 lists from Dave Letterman. Mm-hmm. Because he loves top 10 lists. Mm-hmm. Is that interesting? Is that something interesting?

And so Sean and I naturally heard the news. We started getting together to put together our top ten list. We started reading the other list to see if there were any names on there that would be good that we could use for ours. And a lot of these lists say that just women, just for women who could replace David Letterman, which I – you read the headline and it's like, who is there that would do that? Just who is out there? Yeah. So they say, oh, here's 10 women who can replace David Letterman. And I start thinking and I don't immediately think of all of them. And I go, well, I better read the list. Sure. And we found a bunch of really good lists. There's one from Jezebel that we want to go over,

which is like a magazine for teens. We'll just go one by one and talk about all the great names that are on this list. Number 10 is Julie Klausner. Her popular How Was Your Week podcast is funny and warm and smart. Her writing is wicked and sharp. I Don't Care About Your Band Made Me Laugh So Hard I Cried.

And she's got plenty of experience on camera. She might not be a household name, but she's got the sort of pluck that could win America over. I get it. She has a funny podcast. She wrote a really funny book that's good. I see it. I think you...

To me, and if you remember, Letterman started out. He had a podcast, and then he wrote a book, I think six or so years before he wound up hosting the show. Amy Schumer, I don't really see it. Maya Rudolph, not sure. Nikki and Sarah, Nikki Glaser and Sarah Schaefer, they co-hosted a late-night talk show on MTV that ended its criminally short run last year.

The two have excellent chemistry, and the time they freaked out over Justin Timberlake is still one of my favorite recent talk show moments. That the show got canceled was a travesty. Reinstating them in late night would partially, in parentheticals, remedy that. Now, that partially is so important because I was going to take this list maker to task. When they said that they thought it would remedy it, sure, okay, these guys had an MTV show, and if you didn't see it, you're part of the problem.

And it got canceled, and then if you were to give them late night, some would say... Which you should do. Yes, which you should. Some would say, that makes up for it. But I think it only partially makes up for it. You should also give them back the MTV show so they can do both shows. They can do both shows, and then that would make up for it. And obviously the natural next step after they had a talk show that did not do well with a much smaller market

is to give them the challenge of having to do a show that really everyone in the country would want to watch. And be under the microscope in that way. And I think if you remember when David Letterman started first hosting the show, and a lot of people don't remember this, he was just coming off an MTV show that hadn't done that well. And I think he was always mad that he got that late show

and he didn't get the MTV show back. And that's maybe why he quit. Next on the list is Retta from Parks and Rec. So, yes, Retta has never had a talk show before, but just imagine her interviewing celebrities. Imagine it. It is pretty funny. The weakness in other late night network late night shows is that the hosts suck at interviewing. Unabashed pop culture nerd Retta would own. There's no better interviewer than somebody who is nerding out and is a really, uh, just sort of fangirling and loving the pop culture.

Because that's the problem with someone like Fallon is that he seems pretty disinterested, and he's kind of being a real dick when they come on the show and that he doesn't really love their shit. He's so removed from it. I don't think he finds anything funny except for his own shit. And so when they're talking, he's not laughing. He's checking his phone a lot of times and one

time he was doing his taxes and and so i would rather see somebody who's just like hey this is great you're great i love what you did yes and just see me like having some fun with it that's a fun interview and if you remember when letterman first started doing interviews, the thing that people loved was that he never really had any sort of dry, sarcastic, Fallon-type humor going on. And the questions he asked were all questions that you knew the answer to and that you could then say, that's great. And her Twitter's great. And so that's why she should have basically the biggest platform that there is for a comedian. But would she do it? Because she already sort of has Parks and Rec?

That's sort of her show. I see her on a lot of lists, but Parks and Rec is sort of her show at this point. And I sort of wonder if she would. Why would she need another show? Number five, Amy Poehler and Tina Fey. As co-hosts of the Golden Globes, this duo was funny, accessible, and able to hold the attention of a crowd of jerks. Both have plenty of other projects in the works. So who knows if either of them would ever want a hosting gig.

But if somehow the gods brought together a polar fey show, I'd move mountains to watch as often as I could, and I'd insist on some other stuff. Now, I really like putting these two together in a list. That is helpful to me. That's a way to squeeze. There are so many good, reasonable names on

it that you need to really squeeze 11 in there in a list of 10. Yes. And those are the two to put together. And I think that, you know, someone like Aretha, who we just talked about, obviously, if she's flying solo, that's okay because of all the things we said that she has done well, which is be the main character on Parks and Rec and have a Twitter page. But somebody like just a Tina Fey or just an Amy Poehler, you're kind of going to want

a co-pilot for them. I don't know that either of them could carry the show themselves. The problem I have with this write-up is they go, who knows if either of them would even want a hosting gig. It's like, well, a little birdie told me that they're sick of doing hit movies and TV shows and being able to kind of have a more normal schedule. And what they'd like to do is make the same show every night

over and over again. As long as they have a buddy. As a little birdie. As long as they have a buddy. Yeah, they obviously wouldn't do it. Yes, no. Who would watch that? Tina Fey hosting a show by herself. Chelsea Handler, Ellen De't do it. Yes. No. Who would watch that? Tina Fey hosting a show by herself.

Chelsea Handler, Ellen DeGeneres, Wanda Sykes. This one is great. Joan Rivers, the last one on the list, just to give NBC the middle finger. What an amazing F you that would be to NBC saying like, oh, so you think you're're doing all right with your new like Tonight Show that's a really big hit? Well, how about we put this like really, really old lady on the show? Yeah. And she's like really sick and people don't really, there was a movie recently about how she's not that popular and she's broke.

But just like, God, wouldn't that piss you off that like we got Joan? Yeah. Suddenly CBS is doing fashion police numbers and NBC just has to sit back and watch it. Just eat it all. Oh, gosh. And it's a long-term solution because Joan Rivers is going to be around forever. And I appreciate not putting the people who obviously don't have a chance among women like Aisha Tyler, Sarah Silverman, Chelsea Peretti. Yes, people who, let's face it, just don't have what some of these other people on this list have.

Morgan Murphy, Whitney Cummings, Kristen Schaal. They have this stand-up background that doesn't really lend itself well to going out on stage and telling jokes yes that's right yeah i think that they wisely ignored a lot of famous female stand-up comedians to go for more people who you want to see host a talk show uh with the exception of course of a solo amy puller or tina fey which is what I thought they were saying at first, and I just can't imagine what that would even look like. Let's get to our own because we did our own list as well. We want to get to our own list, and we like that there were a lot of lists

of the ten women who could take over the Letterman show, and we like the idea of an underrepresented group getting its due. But at the same time, Letterman wasn't really about that mission, that message. He was just about being fearless and tough. And the comedy would come out of that sometimes. Like there would be moments where you'd laugh. But it would also just be like being so amazed at his bravery and the stuff that he would get out there and do. So brave.

It would make other people so scared and would be scary. So brave. A true renegade. Okay. On late at night. Okay. Is this starting to remind you of someone else we've maybe talked about before the Batman yes he goes out at night he goes out at night he's not scared he he defends essentially

interviews people because he's always asking criminals like where what they're doing or what how why they won't get out of there and he goes after the bad guys that no one else is really willing to touch like oj and like oprah yes so in that in that way like letterman is kind of more of a batman figure and so when you think about letterman replacements shouldn't you be thinking about who would make a good Batman? We've gone over some of these people before who would also all be good Lettermans, like maybe one of the Metallica guys because they're so brave. They're pretty tough.

One of those Mythbusters. One of those Mythbusters, yes. Elizabeth Smart. Yes. I think she, you know, with what she went through being kidnapped for six months. She could probably handle a Clooney interview. And that's just the truth of it. But also, how about for a change? You talk about underrepresented groups.

Like we were saying, there's all these comedy people doing these shows now. What about someone who's doing real work and stuff that we actually need? What about a fireman? Yes, what about a New York doing like real work and stuff that we actually need? Like, what about like a fireman? Yes. What about a New York fireman hosting a New York show? Does that make sense? A guy who just freaking kicked a door down and just like carried somebody out and just like, it's okay. Come with me.

And just like the wood is falling everywhere. Get down. And just like there's a big fire like boom. The ladder's over here. I think he could maybe handle a monologue. Yeah, he might be able to pull off a sketch and I'll tell you what, people will

not like this suggestion because they think it should be a comedian, but you should remember that comedy was always secondary for Letterman. Yes. Number one, it was about being tough. Being tough. Let people know where you stand. Yes. Number one, it was about being tough. Being tough. Let people know where you stand. Yes.

Number two, it was about making sure Paul Schaefer had a gig. And also, and I assume he'll be sticking around for, I can't imagine the late show without Paul Schaefer.

Like they haven't announced. You'd have to change the name. They haven't announced what he is going to do, but it's not the late show without him. You'd have to change the name. So,

also, I say that Fireman, I say the fireman. I think a firewoman would do a great job. Maybe even a better job. A thousand percent. Yes. A thousand percent, yes. Facing the kind of discrimination that sometimes you face with people wondering, like, can you carry the hose?

And, like, if she can get through something like that, I think she would be a really good fit for the late show on CBS. Yeah, I think she'd be able to handle maybe, you know, doing a field piece. Who else is brave? Well, off the top of my head, just, you know, I mean, that is most of our list. But if I'm just going to name someone who's super brave, for me, it's probably you. That's really nice why um i guess because just us doing this podcast is so fucking bold and i know you'd never do the late show because it's beneath you but well i have this you have this but i know that a lot of people want to

stop us and they don't want us to be able to get this jezebel list out to the masses and and do some of the daring stuff we've done but just like the hero daredevil from the comic books i think that we do do daring stuff and we do not always even need to like be able to see what we're doing and we have this in a way because obviously you're on my list as as well oh my god yeah well of course of course you're so brave list as well. Oh, my God. No, stop. Of course. You're so brave, and I'm always so impressed by the things that you'll come on here and say that I can't imagine doing the show with anyone else. And it's been such an incredible run. I wouldn't.

I wouldn't do the show. If it was somebody else in that chair, I'd turn around and I'd leave because I wouldn't want to do the show. And it's been just having such a great time, and it's been such a good outlet. And I've had so much fun, and I've learned so much, and I feel like the response that I get when people tell me that I'm the best podcast host in the game or whatever, and I just say, like, you should be talking to Hayes. And, like, I don't really read that stuff,

but, like, people, if they're saying it about you, I'm sure they're saying it about me too. And so then I would say – That's what I tell them they should, yeah. Well, in that case, you should probably be saying it about Sean as well. I guess you already did. They do, yeah. What about that lone survivor? That, yes.

The real – maybe not the real guy, but but walbert even just taylor kitch he was yeah those guys are famed you know they've been in movies and stuff they would be like a big draw yeah it's recognizable and um and just the way that taylor has bounced back from the whole john carter and goes to mars and all the um his Martian movie and then his ship movie. And the way he's able to go and make another movie, it's like, well, I think he'd be brave enough to maybe go and make another show after maybe he has like a bad Joaquin Phoenix interview. Those people are all brave. And then what about the guy from the brawny paper towels rapper?

Wow. Yes. I know that he never backs down from a stain. Some of those stains can be pretty scary to get up. And some other paper towel guys might not be able to handle a certain stain like that. He doesn't even have a guy. Viva, you know, sounds foreign. Like, we want an American host.

And also, the thing he'd be great at is if he had to go and do, like, the Nickelodeon Kids' Choice Awards, everybody's getting slimed everywhere. Who would you want around more than the brought-in paper towel guy? Right, because that's always a problem with those shows. Well, it's a fun show, but you gotta get that slime off before you get in the limo. It's like they're never thinking about what's next. No, they don't think about the rest of your night. So I'd love to see him have a little more prominence.

Speaking of brave, we have a guest tonight who is like a normal guy, not like the bravest guy in the world not like a not like a scaredy cat not a pussy right but you know normal yeah normal dude uh joe wenger is here he just did his uh comedy central half hour and he's also done TV and some movie stuff, and he's in the entertainment industry, and he's going to come on our show and talk about some of that and those themes on Hollywood Handbook. Hollywood Handbook. So I look at Jared and I go, well, I got a question question for you pal yeah is it a flat bread or a pizza yeah he's like oh no i go it's a pizza drops the mic dropped mic wow and just got him yeah man

hey welcome to holly What up, what up? Welcome to Hollywood Handbook and Insider's Guide to Kicking Butt and Dropping Names in the Red Carpet Lineback Hallways of this industry we call showbiz. We've got a really great guest today. Joe Wengert is here. Joe Gert. You know him from reading about how we just recorded his Comedy Central half hour of stand-up comedy.

Congratulations, Joe. Thank you. Had you of stand-up comedy. Congratulations, Joe. Thank you. Had you done stand-up before? Yeah, I'd done it a couple of times before this. Cool. Was it just kind of a jerk-off thing for you, though? For me, I was like, let me get up there and just try and put my wildness out in a different form. Nice.

Yes, because you were pretty established prior to that. And I remember seeing you see someone do stand-up and going, you know? Nice. Yes, because you were pretty established prior to that. And I remember seeing you see someone do stand-up and going, that looks fucking easy. I looked at a lot of people doing it and went, whatever, I got this. And for me, looking at stand-up, I'm like, okay, people have been doing it for a little while now, but there's so much more that could be done. I wanted to break the form and that's what I've done. And when you say put your wildness out in a different form, do you mean other than your surf rap rock band?

Yeah. People always say the funniest parts of those albums and those EPs and stuff and those singles are kind of when I'm just goofing around on mic before we even get into the jam. So I was like, okay, I should do more of that. When you did your half hour, did you have something to drink? Was it like something like water on stage or was it like a beer or something? Well, they gave me the option of a beer and I was like, well,

I want to be able to rep my favorite brand of beer. And they were like, we'll have to pull the label off. And I was like, well, I want to be able to rep my favorite brand of beer. They were like, we'll have to pull the label off. I was like, they can give me nothing. What brand is that? My favorite brand of beer, Red Bull. I was like, if I can't have a Red Bull up there, then forget about it.

Like Sean was saying, you are pretty established in the comedy world. Before this, you're a writer for Kroll Show, which is sketch, right? Is that what you'd call it? I mean, again, it's sketch, but I wouldn't want to pick one word to describe it. And even if you gave me an infinite number of words, I don't think we're going to get there. Sure. I just tell people to check it out.

English words, you mean? English words, yeah. Because there are words that describe it. Somewhere? Well, it's like because Eskimos have like 14 different words for snow. And so I feel like for sketch comedy, maybe like an Eskimo would have a bunch of words that would work. like maybe like an Eskimo would have a bunch of words that would work. It's funny.

Like we're doing a lot of stuff right now that we're like, we don't know if this is for everybody, but Eskimos and the Inuit people, if they're watching it, they're like, these guys are nailing it. Is there an Inuit in the room? Because they didn't just get this just off of research, you know? And is there? I'm not really, I can't really get into it. That's too far behind the curve.

Yeah, it's a little bit. I'll let you have a peek. I'll let you put a bag over your head and feel around in the room, and you can guess what some of the stuff is. And some of it might be a bowl of cold spaghetti, but that's as much as I can do for you. and some of it might be a bowl of cold spaghetti, but that's as much as I can do for you.

The sketches that you do about, like, blubber and how many different uses it has, it makes me feel like maybe there is somebody in the room who's coming from that place. It just feels very authentic to that world. You know, some of the pitches that come out, I'm like, I haven't had this experience personally because when I'm hungry, I just like go down to Spago or something and get my dinner there. But some of the people in the room, when they're hungry, they cut a big hole in ice and then they drop a fishing line down into the hole. And then, I don't know, I guess a fish comes out of there or what, but not me.

I'm like, let me go to a spa goer. If I'm going to be casual, I'll go to like a chill bistro or a bar and get a flat bird. You know what I mean? Talk about your role then in the room on the show. We like to talk about, you know, like story beasts. Story beasts, joke monsters um not in a scary way but just uh title different types title freaks who just like you know when you're like what do we call this one call in the title freak one of the most important things because yes because it's

going to come up on the dvr it's going to come up on the DVR, yes. And for Hulu. For Hulu. For AV Club reviews, they're going to put it in quotes up there right at the top. Right at the top. Probably with a picture. If anyone buys the disc, you know, the back of the DVD case will have the titles listed sometimes. You know where else the title shows up on those residual checks, you know. You want to have a titles listed sometimes. You know where else the title shows up?

On those Residue checks, you know. So you want to have a good one there. Better make sure you're happy with it. Because that's going on the wall. Because you're going to be seeing it a lot. So, yeah. So the title freaks are in there. Well, I kind of, it's not the most glamorous role that I play on there,

but I kind of, I'm a blue-collar kind of guy, so it makes sense that this is my role, but I'm like the plot hole guy. Oh, so important. Oh, wow. So vital. You know, I want to have a smooth trip, and I want to see the story go from A to b you know with no tire damage with no tire

damage with i don't want you know i don't want your hubcap to come flying off when you're watching the show i want you to have the vehicle of your body and your mind being tip-top pristine credit condition when you get out of there yeah and you know and you don't want the track to skip Like if I'm bumping Satellite by DMB And he's just about to really get up there with his vocal You don't want me to hit the plot hole and have the track just skip No, you gotta start over Yeah, well then I'd have to start it over Because the build is a big part of that song

The whole Red Rocks, the whole thing Yeah, I'd have to start the whole concert over i don't maybe you have a long trip ahead of you and you need a little bit of a pick-me-up so you've picked yourself up a cubano but it's a little too hot so you pop the lid off and you're like i'm just gonna sip it carefully with no lid i feel confident right now that the journey that i'm on is not gonna involve any jostling any sort of moving around in any way. And this is a sandwich in a bottle? No, this is a Cubano.

Cubano. I don't know what's in it, man, but it's great. It's a hot drink. I go to the commissary, get one a couple times a day, you know. And, you know, maybe a little bit of simple syrup. I know that's in there. And, you know, maybe a little bit of simple syrup. I know that's in there.

So you basically, when you are sniffing a plot hole or feeling a plot hole, you will get out your spackle and get down there and just really smooth it over. Yeah. A real sort of Joe the plumber type. Right. And I'm like, I don't care how long it takes me. It's not going to be pretty. I'm going to get sweaty.

Maybe some coveralls. Maybe some Carhartt coveralls. Oh, God. Hey, I wear – that's why people are like, you're a slob because of what I wear to the office. I'm like, I'm getting my hands dirty today. That's why none of it's on you. Right. Maybe you have a little white hat. Yeah, you should be grateful that he's a slob because otherwise you'd be getting it all over you.

In the hot sun all day. Yeah, and yeah, it's hot out. And I can relate to that. I mean, you know, I've worked with Hayes. Hayes is the bump detector. Yes, what I do is I run my hands over the script and I see if there's anything that I'm bumping on. And you have your eyes closed or do you do like a blindfold?

Yeah, I have my eyes closed because a lot of people will just try to eyeball it, but sometimes the bumps are so small that they don't appear as shadows on the page. Right. So I close my eyes and I trust my sense of touch to see if there's anything that's bumping me. You know this from plot holes. Stuff like, if the characters aren't liking each other in a way that they, like if they aren't good friends.

Right. If there's stuff like, would that guy really do, like. Would you do this in this situation? Right. Would this character do this? Tell me about some of the famous holes that you've spackled up on. God. Well, we had this one thing in the second episode of season two where we introduced a character.

And, okay, he works. He's a pastry chef, right? Halfway through the script, I'm like, I haven't seen him put one paper hat on his head yet. Wow. So is he a pastry chef or is he not a pastry chef? Right. And if he's not, we better find out what he is pronto. Right.

And look, people are getting, people are absorbing content in different ways now, you know? So some people are going to start at ways now you know so some people are gonna start at minute nine models are changing you know the models are changing the paradigms are shifting so it's like you gotta make sure that if this guy's a pastry chef you're reminding people of that all the time so i was like let's put a hat on his head and everyone i mean they call me hat head now because that was such a like legendary plot hole save big move yeah i appreciate watching the new seat because when did you start on the show i started on season two okay that makes a lot of sense because

early on in publicity in publicity uh that stuff that they used to do where he's like a girl they're going through their jobs but they didn't do a lot of paperwork. And you're like, I feel like this job would actually be a lot, not that much talking. A lot of it is just like on the computer sending emails, like filling out forms and stuff like that. I'm glad you brought it up because I wanted to bring it up, but I don't want to be that guy.

But that was my number one note. I was like, these guys are publicists. They would be reading emails. They would be reading emails. They would be checking emails. So that's why there are – are the sketches a little bit longer? Yeah. Are there more periods where there isn't as many jokes or dialogue? Okay, yes.

But a publicist is going to read upwards of 400, 500 emails a day. So now that's all in the show. It's most of the job, and now it feels real to me. And especially when it's a guy who's being a girl, I feel like you almost have to be more on top of your paperwork because people are already, unfortunately in society, giving you a little bit of the side eye. Yeah.

Oh, yeah. And I don't support that, and I'm not against it. No, no, no. You're getting crocked all the time. You're getting crocodile eyes from people. Yes, you're getting crocodile eyes. And there's a lot more of that now in the show, which I appreciate. When people look at him, there's always kind of a, what?

Like, this guy's being strange. Yeah, because you can tell it's a guy. Yeah, sure. Yeah, it is a dude. Yeah. Yeah, and I think a lot of his characters are getting looked at like they're strange now on the show. Because a lot of their behavior is pretty wild. I've pulled Nicky aside and I'm like, dude, some of these people are acting so weird.

And it would help if we had one character go in, excuse me, with some of the stuff that you're saying. And he, you know, I don't know. I can't get into that right now because he is going to listen to this because he's keeping tabs on me, I'm sure. But a big fix for a lot of that stuff would be like play one character. Look at some of the great shows throughout time. Look at Kelsey Grammer. He played one character on two different shows.

And I would argue that Boss, if that could have continued going, you would have found out that was Frasier Crane in that show. And I would argue on the same side of that argument as you. You'd have no one to argue against if you were in a room with me about that because I would be agreeing. I'd be preaching in the choir. Yes, I'd be the choir, yes. Let's return to your special.

It's something very exciting that we do want to talk about. This is part of a series that we'd like to start doing with stand-ups that I guess we should name where we sort of pick apart a set. To me, stand-up is about jokes, yes, but even better and more fun than hearing jokes themselves is hearing people talk about jokes, how they came up with them, what the joke's about, what the joke's trying to say.

That sort of conversation, and I haven't seen too much of it out there inside the mind of a comic, you know, getting into that stuff. But I just think that's really what's fascinating and rich about comedy. Because we know what the jokes are. We've heard the jokes. I've seen a joke before. We get that, but we don't know where they come from. But I haven't seen a comedian sort of talk around the idea of a joke.

And that is really thrilling. So we'd love to take apart your set that you did for the half hour just sort of beat by beat. And maybe set it off. Set it off. That might work. This is perfect timing, too, because before you watch my special, which you're going to watch, I'm assuming, please go back and listen to this conversation again. Because I'd hate for you to just, like, hear the joke and then have whatever reaction you get out of the joke. I want you to have the whole backstory before you get into it. Because that's going to make it funnier. And maybe skip the special yeah well yeah why not hey man

it's not my problem anymore you know and that's the truth set fire to the rain maybe set fire to the rain what about ready set what ready set what okay uh so let's start at the beginning where What? Ready, set, what? Okay. So let's start at the beginning. What do you open with? Okay. I open with my opener, which is kind of, okay. People are going to disagree with me about this, and I get that. But my whole thing is like when you, from the second you step out on stage, this is your introduction to the audience. And if they've seen you do a set before, well, guess what?

You've got to reintroduce yourself. And you can't be like, this person knows me. I've met this person before. Do I shake hands? You just don't worry about how you're going to do it. Now is your chance to really go, here's me. Here's who I am. Here's my mission statement. Here's my goals. Here's the agenda. Here's how long it's going to take. And then just buckle the fuck up and just get into it. And you're telling them to do

that well your joke is telling them to do that your body language is telling them to do that and then also like what you're wearing and you've got a microphone or no uh-huh yeah yeah yes so important do you do earpiece or like when you hold in your hand i? I like to hold it. Okay. And I like to have the microphone stand nearby. Sometimes I'll lean on it. Sometimes I'll sort of, to punctuate it, I'll punctuate a point, I'll sort of slam the base of the microphone into the ground, which will cause a thud.

I wanted to ask, do you like to be able to hold it because the microphone can become so many things? I mean, yes, you're using it to speak into, but if you want it to be eating an ice cream cone or sucking a ding-dong, or if you want it to be exactly the same. Or whatever color. It doesn't matter, but it's better for the joke.

Whatever the microphone is. Whatever the microphone is, but it's better for the joke if it's a black microphone. Dude, I'm glad I'm having this conversation with you guys because I can tell that you're like students of stand-up. And you get it. And a lot of these guys starting out right now, you see them, they're taking the microphone, and they're not using it for anything other than a microphone. And that to me is just like, where's your imagination?

It's wasteful. Yeah. You're missing blown opportunities for jokes. And I don't think an Eskimo would like that. I think they would use every piece of the microphone and make it into other stuff too. Yep. So that is great. So that's my opener.

That's the opener. It's just like, welcome to Joe Wengert, basically. Yeah. You're not wherever you live anymore. You're inside my mind. And it's twisted, you know? And is there just a one-line concept to the bit? Yeah.

What's up? Okay. Okay, what's up? So that's ready, set, what? And then what's up comes first. When I'm writing out my set list on my, you know, on a napkin or something, whatever, just like before I get up, before I put my whiskey down and get up and get on stage, usually at the top I just write what's up. The brown stuff. Yeah, I like the brown stuff.

I like to pour that brown stuff down my gullet, you know. Yeah, a little liquid funniness. Yeah. And what's the second thing that it says? Yeah, let's step to the first one. Okay, so the first joke is all about introducing yourself to the audience. And then what you do is you take their heads, all right, and then you just turn it upside down.

Turn everything on their head and go, guess what? What you thought you were getting into for the next however long maybe it's an eight minute set depending on what room i'm in now it's now it's completely upside down so that's the second thing i do and for me it's like it never hurts to reinvent okay and and so the joke is that you're turning their head upside down? Yeah. Was I unclear about that? No, I'm clearing it up for our listeners because sometimes you move so quickly.

Right. Because you know what you're saying. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's so natural to you. You don't realize there's people out there who've never seen a joke. Right. You know, the first joke is very much like, here's the setup, and we're coming down the road to the setup.

Then, boom, there's the punchline, right? So for the second one, to sort of turn everything on its head, I do a punchline, and then on top of that, I do what's called like a subset punchline. Whoa. Yeah. I don't want to get too bogged down in this, but how did you come up with that?

Okay, so a lot of my jokes i cannot believe that i'm getting paid to do it because i'm not writing anything these are things that are happening to me you know it's just like i i guess i'm living kind of a charmed life or something but everywhere i look i'm like like right now like okay this is going to be less fun for you guys at home but if you could see the studio right now what's going on in here what is it what i mean are we doing podcasting or are we looking at an old leather book because there's a leather book on the table and it's like is there going to be a component of this podcast where i'm going to draw something because there's a big there's a a basket of pens which also okay now time out so i'm gonna have how many pens i don't know a hundred pens

well i guess we're gonna have to put them in a basket then god it's like so it's that kind of stuff it's just do me do me okay so now again this is not going to be as much fun at home but it's like fuck that sean is like you look at sean's legs and he's like i got jeans on yo i'm just i'm from the 50s but they're up at the top he's got a hat from the nows. So where are you from, Sean? Are you a time traveler? The time traveler's wife, more like the time traveler's body. Okay, stop. Enough.

Enough. Please stop. Enough. Just a little is fine. A little goes a very long way with that kind of thing. With that kind of thing. Stand-up comedy is the last place where anything punk rock can happen. It's just you and a microphone in the same way it was with, like, the sex pistols and stuff, you know?

It's the same thing as, like, just getting on stage and making a noise. Once I get up there, there's no one holding me back. So it's like anything that I can say, no one's going to stop me. And no one's going to be able to alter it. And I'm going to make a big sound, and it's out there. And you can't trap it back into your mouth. Now, Joe, I had a quick follow-up to, you know, I had asked you a question about your upside-down head joke, which was, how did you come up with that? But this is maybe more important. How did you know it would be funny?

funny you know i mean it's for me it's like i'm not that concerned with if it's going to be funny for the audience or not there's two things i do is it funny for me okay and then i call my manager up and i go is this funny or not so important that the manager thinks it's funny. A lot of people will get out there and get grinding and do a lot of shows, and they feel like that's the way to sculpt a joke. But I'm like, I don't think I need to do that. I think I just need to get on the phone or even just put it in an email, and then that's the way you figure it out. What it feels like to me always when I watch you is like you're doing just a set for just the guys on your dorm floor. You know what I mean?

Just you're in the common room and like maybe you guys have like ordered a pizza or something. And it's just like if they think it's funny, then it's worth doing in the show. I go back. I go, what would Mike Macheskey laugh at? You know, who's a guy that I went to college with. Yeah. And sometimes I'll get him on the phone if I need to, because that's, you know, we, those guys were the funniest guys and that was the funniest. Yeah. Isn't that amazing how those guys can even be funnier than like professional Oh, God. Oh, I always think about this. That I had had this friend in high school, Mark.

He was the funny one. I wasn't the funny one, you know, but nobody knew it. Right. You know, like he was being funny to me. And a lot of times I was just saying his jokes later when he wasn't there. And then all of a sudden I'm the funny one and I'm like, is this even fair? But, you know, whatever. I'm getting paid.

There's all of this speculation right now. And just so you guys know, I know I haven't come out with who I think should replace David Letterman yet. I'm working on that. And when I feel like I'm ready to release my list, that's when the list will come out. But I'll give you a sneak preview right now of who I think should be at the top of that list. Doug Turner. Guy I went to high school with. Funniest guy I've ever seen.

You know? Yeah. Yeah, my friend Mark would be really good too. Joe. My friend Mark would be really good too. Joe, we have a segment that we like to do called the Popcorn Gallery. Okay. It's where we – people like to ask questions. And some of the questions that they want to ask most are to the people who do their favorite comedies. are to the people who do their favorite comedies.

And so we go on the forums and we say, do you have any questions for this guy who does comedy or drama movies and TV? They write the questions and they post them on the forums. We go through the questions. We pick out the questions that we think are best to ask you. And if I could back up a little bit, not even just in terms of comedy, but also in terms of entertainment at large. Sure. Meaning movies.

Music at times. Music too. If it's relevant to that person. For this, movies. People love to see people in movies. And when they go to the movies, they're eating snacks sometimes. Yes. So some of the snacks are sweet, but some of them are salty.

One in particular that I'm thinking of. That's salty and sweet? No, just a salty one, and it's called popcorn. particular that I'm thinking of. That salty and sweet? No, just a salty one, and it's called popcorn. Let me say this about people asking questions on forums. When there's a sort of silent majority who gets its chance to pipe up, they are generally referred to as the peanut gallery. But we don't eat peanuts at the movies. No.

And this podcast is about movies and asking your famous heroes questions. And that's what this group is doing. So we call it the popcorn gallery because each question is like a little popcorn that's unpopped, and then once they get the answer, it explodes into a beautiful white popcorn piece. Mm-hmm. And we used to do a sound effect whenever we reached into the popcorn bag to get a popcorn gallery question. And we still do.

And we still do. So let's reach into the bag with a question for Joe Wenger. Popcorn! This is a question from Octodactypus. Joe, you were very outspoken during the recent hashtag cancel Colbert hashtag controversy. You had a lot of things to say about women and Asians. Can you take a moment to refresh any podcast listeners who don't use Twitter? Yeah.

Thank you. I'd be happy to do this. You know, I think that the important thing to remember when any one of these big controversies come out is, like, you got to get in there and you got to get what you have to say out ASAP. First. ASAP. I'm baffled when I see people not weighing in on some of this stuff. That's what Twitter is for. How do I know what you think about it?

I feel like if you are a person in the world and you're not weighing in and you're not giving your vote, then you don't belong in our world. You should go up to space and float around in space. And be in space. Yeah. But I still appreciate the guys who jump in saying, hey, everybody, just shut up. You know, everybody just relax. But that is an opinion. That is an opinion.

Yes, that's part of it. And then you say like, oh, that's interesting. The biggest thing, and this is what I learned the hard way, is like you can't spend all your time trying to read and research what

happened and then think about what happened and then like try and think about it from a couple of different points of view. It's important to just like, once you get the basic general idea, pop out there and say what you're going to say. You know what I mean? So like I saw Cancel Colbert, all right, and I knew that Stephen Colbert was involved

and I know that he's doing a character. So I don't know what the tweet was. I don't know who's upset. I don't know what the tweet was. I don't know who's upset. I don't know why they're upset. But I just go out there and I go, excuse me, guys, in case you don't know, Stephen Colbert is doing a character. But I know that because I'm like kind of a student of comedy myself. And I know like he started off in improv, Exit 57, you know, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Yeah.

And when people don't do that, how am I supposed to feel? What am I supposed to be thinking? Yeah. I'm friends with you on Facebook or I'm following you on Twitter because I want to know how to feel and what to think about different things that come up. And even crazier to me than the people who do what you said, where they research and read about it and just sort of form a whole opinion, is the people who completely ignore something like a hashtag controversy. Yes.

Who like sort of see it in the background and then just move on with their day. What? Slow down. Your kid's going to be there after you figure out what's going on with this. But like give the kid a big ring of plastic keys, let him chomp on that, and then let us know what you think. God. Frustrating. Next question.

Inside the bag. Yum. So that's your hand moving through all the popcorn kernels? In the sound drop. That's the... Yes, yes. That's where we got that Foley sound.

That's my friend Mark recorded those for me. Your friend Mark from school? That's how it was so funny. Yeah, I wanted to throw him a bone. Try to help him out a little bit. Yeah, because he's pushing dumpsters. Just ramming them into each other. Not a good job.

This is a question from michael bay of pigs uh joe how often do you get money seems like that should be due uh how often do you get money from tv shows for using your name pros versus joes the joe schmoe show uh he gives another example that's bad. I had to jump in with Joe Millionaire. I guess the question is how often do you get money for that? It's all on different cycles. So what I'll do is when I get up in the morning, I'll just scoot on over to one of the websites, the SAG-AFTRA website or the WGA website. I'm like, what cycle are we in? Is it like a rolling chair from your bed to the that's what i'm picturing yeah i just would love to know yeah i

have my apartment's super fun so i have hardwood floors and i just have rolly chairs everywhere um so i'll just you're in your socks a lot what oh yeah yeah you're in your socks. You ever see Risky Business? No. Okay. Well, I don't want to ruin it for you. Watch Risky Business and then give me a call. We'll come back on the show? I'll come back on the show and we'll talk about it. Okay, so you heard it here. Joe's going to be back here in about six weeks.

I think I've got an opening then to watch. You have a long queue, yeah. Yeah, I've got a – Your queue's amazing. My queue is magnifique. Muy delicioso. So you'll scoot over there. I'll scoot over there.

First, you've got to figure out what cycle you're in. And then you've got to figure out do they have my current address or not. And if they don't, that's going to be a delay if they do i'll make a decision sort of game time decision whether to go down to the mailbox or not see if i have any have any checks waiting for me there uh the the thing that i'm trying to figure out right now is if i can get any money from something that kind of rhymes with Joe also. Oh, sure. Like Game of Thrones. It does kind of rhyme.

Thrones essentially rhymes with Joe. It's so close. I thought you said Joe when you first said it. Well, I guess it's time to ask the last question. Okay, third question. We almost always do three. Okay. Even when there's only two good ones. Reaching in

to find it. I got trash on my hands. And the question turns out to be from Greggy. And it is, Mr. Wenger, have you ever met Pierce Brosnan? Funny

story about Pierce Brosnan. I used to take a train from New Jersey into New York City. This is back in the early days. I guess so. From New Jersey into New York City. Okay. Whoa.

This is back in the early days. Sure. I guess so. I'm not living in the city yet. I'm like one of those guys who is like, I don't need to be in the greatest city in the world. I'll be in a city next to it in a state. Yeah, right. it was very dumb and uh i was living my life in that way now i would kill myself immediately but i'm alive at that point for some reason and i would get on this train

to go in from new york to new jersey and there was a watch ad on the train. Okay. Okay. I love time pieces. Okay. This is like a wrist-based time piece for watches. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And this is right around the height of, it's after Mrs. Doubtfire, we're in the thick of James Bond. Oh, right. Yes. Yes.

Yes. I thought you were doing one of your surf rap rock singles. A lot of that is inspired by the James Bond theme. I could tell. Yeah. It just made the connection. Yeah. Because my character in a lot of those songs is like that kind of like playboy.

I kill people. I fuck women. So Pierce Brosnan is the ad guy he's the ad man he's the face of the watch industry the ad guy yeah you know and he's in he well he's not the ad guy but he's the guy he's the guy that is telling me to buy a thing yeah he's like an ad executive he's like don draper like an ad marketing marketing no i don't think it's that but thing. Yeah, he's like an ad executive. He's like Don Draper. He's a marketing guy. No, I don't think it's that, but he's the guy that's like, where's the beef? That's Pierce Brosnan, but he's going, where's the watch?

The guy who pitched the line, where's the beef? Pitchman, yeah. Okay. Well, anyway, he's there, and it says Pierce Brosnan's choice, and it's this watch. Brosnan's choice and it's this swatch. So underneath that somebody and speaking of people that we think are

funny that should be in this industry that should be taking over for David Letterman rest in peace. This guy on the ad that I've never seen before goes Pierce Brosnan's choice and then he writes the words butt sex underneath

and that's real that's 100 that happened to you that happened to me dude no wonder you became a freaking stand-up i mean i'd ride this train is the answer and i see that thing and i'm like okay what's up you know when people are you know uh saying, how do I get into comedy? It's like, I guess just live a funny life. Yeah, maybe just get out there. Open your eyes and just sort of start listening to the world around you. Get out there and live. Just put the computer away.

Get off your fucking phone. Joe, thanks so much for coming and doing and being on the show. Joe, thanks so much for coming and doing and being on the show. We are a podcast that people can like if they want on Facebook, and they can also rate us on iTunes and write something nice there. And if they've got something nasty to say, they can just go jump off a bridge for all I care. I'm not going to read it anyway. And then you can also get on the forums

and talk to us there. And did someone buy the pro version this week, Hayes? Yeah, I think somebody must have, but it's just a question of figuring out who it is. Let's go through our files. What about Dr. Blue Jeans? He definitely bought the pro version this week. Okay, Dr. Blue Jeans bought the pro version

and as one of his prizes, and it's a great prize package in general, but one of the prizes is Joe is going to do some riffs on you, Dr. Blue Jeans, and he's done some stuff on jeans today already, and I think he's primed. Yeah, I've already dipped my wick into that candle wax already, so I'm ready to go. that candle wax already so i'm ready to go well dr blue jeans first of all okay i'm coming into your office and i'm expecting a professional doctor and in my opinion professionals get a pair of slacks okay go down to old navy and get yourself a pair of slacks because you think you're gonna put your finger in my butthole wearing

blue jeans? Hold on Fonzie, I don't think so. Eeeee. Bye. Bye. This has been an Earwolf Media Production. Executive Producers Jeff Ulrich and Scott Aukerman. For more information, visit Earwolf.com. Earwolf Radio.com. The wolf dead.

That was a HeadGum Podcast.