Hollywood Handbook - Joe Wengert, Our Contest Maker Friend

Episode Date: April 16, 2018

The boys Sean and Hayes need JOE WENGERT to help them do a contest to beat another show.This episode is sponsored by Rehabs.com (888-893-3052).See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This is a HeadGum Podcast. It was me and Dixie Kong, and we are doing our celebrity deathmatch, finally. Our rivalry, of course. So you're knuckling up with Dixie Kong in the ring. And are there any rules? Or is there just one rule? Well, Milt Blaine is there telling us the rules. But it seems like even he wants to see as much blood and guts as possible. And I am, of course, ready to throw down because Dixie and I do not like each other

because Diddy Kong cheated on her with me a few years ago. And she, of course, goes right to me, is mad at me. Right. Why don't you look at your man? I don't know you. What's your man doing? You know what I mean? Because did he necessarily, I know you told me this story, but he didn't tell you he was in a relationship.

No. But I had met him through playing the games. Okay, so that's a gray area. So I did kind of know, and she is in the games too, but I'm not playing as her. I don't know her. But didn't he say, I'm in an open relationship, and didn't you say, does she know that?

Yeah, I mean, it's up to him to tell me this stuff. Mm-hmm. So anyway, you're down to knuckle up with Dixie Kong. Yes, and so I, they gave me, like, podcast mics as weapons, and I was like, okay. Tough first thought. They also have you, I didn't know this, you have to animate yourself. Wow. When they have a celebrity on the show, you have to, like, create your clay mold.

And you have to, like, animate. So it is fighting the other. You each get one frame at a time to change your position and fight each other. And I do not know. I have never done this. I don't know how. And so it is, it looks. And I do not know. I have never done this. I don't know how. And so it is, it looks. And you've been using so much lotion on your hands that that's got to be mixing with the

clay and making you fall apart. I am sort of like gradually melting as I go, which is making me harder to hit and defeat. Yeah. And like knock down. But she also is like like that is what she normally is like i hope that's not like offensive or anything but that is what she normally looks like a little bit melted no but it's like the like sort of a clay person ah so it's a much more comfortable state for her yes whereas you look i, you're very sort of hard and crispy, which is why you use so much lotion.

Yes. And the clay is so malleable, but you are rigid. Even a clay version of me to, like, pretend to be me was going to have to be very hard to move around without, like, kind of shattering, which is why the lotion. So did Dixie Straight split your wig? She, yeah, she split your wig. She split your wig. Okay, well, I'm sorry to hear that, Hayes, and now I'm no longer mad at you for being late.

So, hey, welcome to Hollywood Handbook and Insider's Guide to kicking butt and dropping names in the red carpet lineback hallways of this industry we call showbiz. Can you believe it's Joe? I'm sitting here myself and it is happening to me and I can't even believe it is Joe. Well, and we always want Joe and he's always going to this thing and that thing and this big premiere and that huge board meeting. And this grand opening of this drugstore on Crenshaw. My iCal is a mess.

If you looked at it, it's a mess because I have to go into weak mode. Oh, wow. You have to take the wide view. There's more dots, and I can't see what the other dots are. And then when I go into weak mode, even then I need to just drag it, make it as big as I can't see what the other dots are. And then when I go into weak mode, even then I need to just like drag it, make it as big as I can. Yeah. Because I do my descriptions too – they're too long, but I have a lot going on. Well, and you need that much information sometimes because you're often going to the same building for three or four different reasons in a single day.

And so you can't just be like, I'm going to the Piscati factory. You have to be like, I'm going to the Piscati factory to meet with the chef about the new appetizers. Or you could say, I'm going to Piscati factory to meet with the servers

to talk about how we present the plates and the new silverware that's coming out. Or you might say, I'm going to the Piscati factory to talk to the CEO of Piscati to see if there's different shapes we can make. Yeah. So that is complicated.

We can say it's Barilla. That's the one I'm mostly going to that I'm involved with. Yes. We're allowed to say. I can say spaghetti brands on here. Yeah. I think that's the one where the CEO spoke out about disliking gay people. And so I appreciate that you want to align with that.

Of all the spaghettis. And there are so many. I don't see what it has to do with making spaghetti. I don't agree, but it's not stopping him from making good spaghetti. And he said he's sorry. And if he says he's sorry, then you got to reward him by keep eating this. What happened to that? By the way? It used to be you say you're sorry and boom, boom, boom, all's forgiven. It's forgiveness for everything. I understand a lot of people are doing very bad, mean crimes everywhere. But what happened to sorry having some kind of impact on the culture? He said he was sorry and it took a couple of minutes.

He drove to a podium and showed up and he had a gay person with him. Yeah. He said the guy was gay, but I don't think he was. The guy was like, I don't know. When he said it, the guy looked shocked. Yes. Yeah. And, you know, maybe he was – he had some – you know, he was trying to decide things about himself.

Oh, okay. Yeah, maybe he was finding out. Yeah. If I could reach all the way back to you saying weak mode, I misunderstood you at first when you said weak mode because that is like a fighting strategy for me with my wife. That's like weak mode is something I go into when I'm having a confrontation with my wife, Carrie Ann Moss, where I like become as weak as possible.

Normally when Hayes is doing the podcast, he's in strong mode. Yes. And that's why he's the host and I am, of course, the sidekick. Yes. He gets home, this big strapping man that you see in front of you who has the world by the tail. All of a sudden, one little mistake of like, did you leave your shoes on the driveway? And I will physically wilt into weak mode. So it becomes not fun for her. Which one is your face and which one is your mask?

Wow. Wow, Joe. And that is cutting me so deep as you say that. I guess they're both sort of medium mode. So the truth lies somewhere in between where there is sort of some weak and strong elements to the essential haze. To both the essential haze and the mask. Yes.

Yeah. Wow. Yeah. Wow. Well, that's going to take a while to sort through for our listeners. In the meantime, let's give them something to chew on. Obviously. Something to do. Yes. Because they have just been sitting there a lot.

Yes. We learned that a lot of our listeners are listening to this show in the car or at work, and then they don't do anything uh and i'm going is that really being a fan of a show yeah please or they're doing stuff for themselves oh yes i've heard about this a lot of this i've heard about this too and some of them will send me a picture of their at the beach or something yeah stop doing selfish stop like like Yeah. Stop. Doing selfish. Stop. Like only thinking about themselves as they're listening to us doing stuff for them. Yeah. And they say, oh, I guess I will use this time to do things for myself.

For me too. So they're doing stuff for me and I'm doing stuff for me. If you're going to go to the beach and send me a picture, make sure that you're making a Sandcastle podcast studio and that there's a little sand haze inside. Yes. podcast studio and that there's a little sand haze inside and there's a little sandy Clem dog and that there's a little San Joe wangard in there going like, hey guys, I got to run and got to go to the pasta factory. So that – Because we can use that. Yes.

That is the kind of thing that we actually want to talk about. Do we do a sandcastle contest? Do we do a big drawing contest and see who can draw the best pictures? Some other shows have had a good idea to have their fans do a bunch of work to promote their own show. And that gives me an idea. Let's get Joe Wengert in here and help us do this. To bring some of your board meeting tactics. Some of the magic you did for Berea,

and now that name is through the roof. Everyone knows it and loves that, Paschetti. And you've done marketing stuff for us before, I think. It was a horrible long time ago. It was sort of like a different thing, yeah. But this is close. I think it's close. It feels close enough for me to –

I truly hope it is. Well, you guys are 100 percent right because you should be doing these sort of contests just because it's a fun way to interact too. And one that we did that worked well at Berea is getting people at home, you are eating the pasta. Are you ever dressing up in the costume of the pasta? Okay. So you make your own costume where you go, I like eating the pasta so much. Now look at me. I'm fusilli noodle.

Okay. costume of, say, a snake out of noodles, or are you making a costume of noodles out of normal clothes? Okay. Well, I get why you're saying

snake, right? Because a snake is an elongated animal. It seems like one of the easier ones to do. And it's legless and most of the pastas are legless. Right. Yeah. But. But like I'm just saying, is a noodle costume made of fabrics or is it

a costume made of noodles of something else? And before we get into anything about our show, let's understand the pasta contest fully. Yes. Well, I think it's what else is there to understand? You are, you dress,

you're choosing which pasta and then you're dressing up as that pasta. And then am I dressing up, like, let's say I want to be Big Papa Hayes, but I want to be Big Popper Dell Hayes. And so then I have to drape myself in Popper Dell. Am I allowed to use fabric at all and even mix it with pasta?

Or does it have to even mix it with pasta? Or does it have to be entirely made of pasta? And does it have to be so hot that it burns my skin? Okay, well, that is actually one of the things that we put in the disclaimer in this second version of the contest, which is don't cook the pasta

if you're going to use pasta as part of the contest. I can see why version two became necessary. Yes. Well, we didn't have any instructions or anything in version one. Oh, it's like pasta costume?

Well, you pick your favorite noodle and then dress up. Okay. And that's just harder because noodles in there before they're cooked are just plain. So it's mostly shape. So it was a lot of people wearing beige clothes and then doing the shape. Yeah. But I thought it was good. I thought it still fit. Should we say the contest that we're trying to replicate is the Raised by TV contest?

Well, Raised by TV is absolutely murdering us. This is doing buku numbers exploding to Mars. They're drilling us. I've seen it everywhere. Literally everyone is doing this. We're getting plowed by Raised by TV. And the thing they did that's so ingenious is they made it so easy. It's so simple.

You know, they're marching in front of a green screen or something. Then all you have to do is download all of the footage and the theme song. And the logo. And the logo. And then all you have to do is edit together your own version. Get editing software. Learn to use it. Somehow use the limited amount of footage you have to do something creative and innovative

and then upload it to them and then they can go viral again, which I am always worried. To see another podcast go viral, That's so bad for us. So when we saw that they were doing that, we thought, first of all, I actually was raised by TV. Yeah. So you also wonder where they got that idea. A little bit that's frustrating.

And secondly. Happy for them, but also it's kind of a weird coincidence. Yeah. Yeah. So, yeah, it's kind of a weird coincidence. Yeah. Yeah. So, yeah, it's great. And I understand why you can't drink the ocean. Thank you. Thank you.

Because people think that podcast listeners are the ocean and that there's an unlimited amount. But you can't drink that water. It's not good for you. Water, water everywhere. And podcast listeners are actually more like a slice of pizza, and when all the pizza's gone, it's gone. Yes. So they're taking some slices from you guys.

You. Yeah. Yes. And each of these slices does not have very much money, and they can only give so much to these different things. Yeah. give so much to these different things. Yeah, it's a zero summertime game,

and we have to be cognizant of when they start eating our pizza slices, we got to come up with some new toppings, right? Yes. Or some stuffed crust type innovation, and that in this instance is going to be whatever contest you come up with, Joe, to fucking get in there and eat their lunch. Well, you know what would be fun, I think? If your fans like the show, please – Let's not start with that.

Your fans – I don't want to be reliant on that. Okay. Your fans, they tolerate the show? Is that too far in the other direction? I don't necessarily want them to have to listen to the show or know the show to do the contest, just because for me...

That would really open up the possibilities in a huge way, whereas depending on that is very limiting for us. Yeah, it's really going to only be the fans that we already have, and that, again, is very disappointing. Not with this fun contest I have in mind. So they – okay. The people that have listened to the show know the name of the show, right? They aren't – if they know, whether or not they know, there's no way for us to know because they are not saying it.

You know what? Not a roadblock to this contest idea I have in mind. So the people know what podcast network it's on, right? Yes. That's way bigger. Okay. So they know it's on Earwolf. Do they know what day it comes out?

I mean, okay. If you gave them eight guesses, they would get it. Okay. So one, okay, good. So that, good, because you're even leaving room for if they guessed Thursday. I think the first guess they would be like, I don't know, December 26th, and you would go, no, no, no, it's just a day of the week, and then they would need seven more to get to it.

That's when a lot of stuff comes out, right? The day after Christmas. So it's a first good guess. Is that Boxing Day? Yeah. Well, not a roadblock either for this contest idea. So you are a person who's aware of the show, that it's on the network, and it comes out sometime. So what you do is you get a clipboard, right?

Oh. And then you draft a legal contract. Okay? Okay. Step one is get a clipboard. Who's you in this situation? It's certainly not me. No, no, not you guys.

Am I able to do this legal contract with just a clipboard? I don't need it. I mean, like it seems like that's the only thing I need for a legal contract. I don't need a pen or a computer or anything else. This is a good question. Okay. This is two different steps. Okay.

Step one is get the clipboard. Yes. And then I guess there's another step. So scratch old step two. Okay. New step two is put the clipboard down forget about the clipboard for a little bit okay thank you okay step three would be go to your computer yes okay step four uh open up a word processing um Pages? You can use Pages. Yeah. A lot of our people are Pages devotees.

Claris works. A lot of Claris works. Okay. If I use Pages, is anybody going to be able to open it when I send it to them? Well, you might have to. They're not going to need to open it. So as long as you can open it, you're okay. Open Pages.

So as long as you can open a Hero Fix, open pages, draft a legal contract saying that you will tell 20 people about Hollywood Handbook. Oh, my gosh. Oh, that is so viral. But they have to say certain things about it. That is so deliciously viral. They have to say that they love it. It's good. They can't just be like, you know, like it's a podcast. It's very disjointed.

They don't seem to prepare. And like why am I supposed to dedicate my time to them if they're not willing to. I'm supposed to dedicate my time to them. I don't want them to say that it's so insular and that they'll do entire episodes that are dependent on me having seen a tweet from another podcast. And otherwise I'm completely at sea for the length of the episode. And that somehow it's comedy. It feels like they're limiting their audience and then complaining that it's not big. If they're saying that as a result of this legal contract, then the contest is having the opposite effect.

Yeah. And I don't want, we want the contract. And it's not true. It's lies. It's lies. And if you put that in a legal document, that is something that a judge could go under arrest for. Yes.

Yeah. Yeah. So for their own Yes. Yeah. Yeah. So for their own safety. Yeah. I guess that we want to make sure that the contract is having like a wish effect and not like a curse. What I like about it is you're making it fun because so many people are listening to podcasts and then they're going, what I really want to be doing is drafting a legal contract. And so you are taking an activity that they already wanted to do. Yeah. Like downloading editing software and mastering it, that's something that a lot of people want to do anyway.

Like some of these contests that are like, you know, write a fun song or whatever. I go, well, nobody wants to do music. They want to be writing up a legal document. Yes. Well, in songs, you're confined to just the notes, but with this, you can sort of use your own legal language. And the chords. It is like music.

It's like its own kind of music. If you do the circle of fifths. Are you doing this? Are you necessarily confined to the notes because you can sort of invert the voicings of the chords? Engineer Sam, I'm noticing, is being sort of a listener type person where he's been given the steps to actually do this while we're all just talking. And he is just sitting there not doing the very easy steps. Does that seem weird to you?

I'm having a rough time with this. Which step are you stuck on? There's more after step five, draft the document. I'm on eight. It wants my social. I don't feel comfortable. Okay, but you know it. You just don't know it.

I'm having a hard time remembering it. Sorry, did anyone hear my joke? Yes. Okay. What was it? I didn't hear it. Well, he said I don't feel comfortable as I'd get a different chair. Should we do like boilerplate language for what they say to their friends?

Okay, yeah. So that it's not, so that we just have some control over this. Just to be safe. In the same ways that you have to use the Raised by TV theme song and logo and... Well, it's more fun, really, to know exactly what you're supposed to say rather than being thrown into the deep end and told, just go drink the ocean. And they get to choose how to, like, perform it. But...

Well, I think... So we'll give them a few notes. I don't think you have to limit it to just their friends because their friends might already know the show is another thing too

so that's where the clipboard comes in no the friends don't I don't think so people are listening to and keep it a secret and it's something that's a private thing

if they know about it if they know about it they're mad about it actually what we might want to do is tell them that it is something else to get them to to get them to at least try it If they know about it, they're mad about it. Actually, what we might want to do is tell them that it is something else. That could be helpful.

To get them to at least try it. Mm-hmm. And then by the time they're mad, we already got that one listen out of them, which is way more than we were going to get normally. It's like when they changed the name. Isn't Seabass? That was called something else, right? Seabass, yeah.

It used to be called. Was that what's—is scraw different from sea bass? Well, I don't know. Or hake. I know they changed the name. I think maybe monkfish got a new name too because they said, nobody's eating this. Yeah.

Hollywood Handbook has to do something similar. So maybe we say. Trash fish. What about that? Well, it was trash fish. Oh, yeah. But now they made it fancy. So maybe we say... Trash fish. What about that? Well, it was trash fish. Oh, yeah. But now they made it fancy. So maybe we say... Lobster got rebranded.

Oh, okay. That's a bug that's eating scum off the bottom of the freaking floor. All of a sudden, it's the most fancy thing. And everyone wants to be friends with it. What's our lobster contest? Yes. Also, keep your shoulders back. So, okay.

You're going up to your friend and saying like, hey, do you want to be like healthy forever? Mm-hmm. Like to always be healthy. Yeah. I have this thing, this like magic show. Yes, this is good. You listen to this show and it changes the way your brain works. And you can jump higher.

You can jump higher. And it's got 12 rules for life. Uh-huh, yeah. The show has 12 rules for life, but you have to listen to all the episodes to get all 12 rules. Yes. That's good. And if we can give them – and they're still coming out. And if we can give them – maybe say they're on like rule seven and it's already making

a huge difference. And for a little while, probably explain how natural dominance hierarchies are. Yes. I would – just to hook them in too as – because when you're saying this to your friend – and I'm talking to the listeners now. When you're saying this to your friend or the person that's passing you by on the street, you want to project the idea that you've been through all 12 of the steps and you got good stuff from getting through the 12 steps. OK. But then why are you still listening? Because you –

There's a rumor that there's a 13th step? Yeah. There's a hidden 13th. We may want to call it 12 rules and not 12 steps. Right. Well, the 13th one should probably be a rule. If the other ones are rules, the 13th thing should be a rule too. Yeah.

Okay. So 13 – so they're all rules now? Yeah. They're all rules for life. Yeah, and they always were. Oh, they were? Yeah. Okay. So 13, so they're all rules now? Yeah, they're all rules for life. Yeah, and they always were. Oh, they were? Yeah. Were they ever steps?

No. Were they numbers? Well, that's actually a fair question, and you have cornered us. They were numbered. They had to be. Well, I apologize. But we never have to worry about this. We never have to do any of the rules because we'll

just say they're at the very end. And that's even better than getting one listen. They have to go all the way to the very end. But it's coming in order to have context. You're going to have to listen to the first. How many of these are we going to do? 400? Episodes of our show? No way. Counting the pro version?

Oh, man, no. Probably still no. Yeah. Okay. You have a picture of a nice car. What are we on? You show them the car, and you go, if you do every item,

then when you get to the, after the 12th item, then you have a car like this, too, and you can jump higher. Oh, that's a good idea. Okay, so we should- A picture of a car and saying that the contest, that the prize for the contest is that car. Or something like it.

The car is one example of what you've done with your wealth and power. You followed the rules and you ended up with this car. So this is a good idea. We can have them download a picture of a car and then take a picture of that car with their phone so they can show their friends like, check it out. We're only on like 230. That's why I said there's absolutely no way I will do this for even barely another like

week. Let alone another 400. That's 400 weeks. Oh, well, I'm at 400 total. No, I know. And so. But that's. But we're going to get to 250.

Yeah. Maybe. We'll do this one and then maybe one more. We'll do another one. Yeah. I'll do another one. I promise right now to do another one. I will definitely do another one.

232 is a nice one. I vow. 232. That is cool. Forwards and backwards. one. 232. That is cool. Forwards and backwards. Yeah. 232. Yeah.

Auto is a palindrome. Should we run that through the palindrome machine? Yeah, let's put it in the palindrome machine. Sam, pull up the palindrome machine. This is a new feature that we have on the show where we just have to test if things are palindromes. And so we will put different things through the palindrome machine. And then you have to wear those. Why do you have to wear gloves to operate it?

It's hot as hell. It's hot as hell. Sam's hands are very hot. And that song just means it's working. It's still processing. I have to go to that dark web. Yes, it is. That's a palindrome.

We have another palindrome. What was our last palindrome? I don't remember. I don't remember either. I think it was in the pro version, so go ahead and put your money in. Put your money in the coffers of Big Stitcher. Love that app. Love the way it works.

So cool. My favorite palindrome is a man, a plan, a Dan, banana. Hold on. Oh, don't test it. Are you testing it? We have to test every palindrome. That's my favorite one. I know it's one.

But then you'll... Yes, it is. Yes. But how much more do you appreciate it now that it is a certified palindrome? I guess. Yeah. Well, and I don't want to have a big contest here, but my favorite palindrome is similar. It's Bandana Dan, Band Indiana Bland Nats.

Yes. Wow. I guess now I have to do my own favorite palindrome. Well, you might want to just because we both did one, and we do have the sound effect pulled up. Okay. It's Panama Dan Band

Mama San Banana Dan. Do you want help? Well, I just finished so obviously not. Okay, great, great, great, great. This reminds me now that we're getting the photos that I wore a special shirt for the podcast today. Oh, okay.

So the shirt is a Barstool Sports shirt that says Saturdays are for the boys. I guess after 200-something episodes, it's incredible that we've never talked about what huge Barstool heads we are. Well, because it's much more convenient for us to record during the week. But since we are the boys and we have this podcast where we get to sort of feel like almost like we are the Barstool guys because we do chop it up and we do talk sports. Yeah. And we do get a little bit raw

and we don't necessarily listen to the ladies. Yeah. So we did insist on recording on Saturdays to try to get the same feeling as some of these guys. And who's your favorite barstool personality? Mine would have to be the guy who – he's white. It's a white guy who has like short hair. He wears –

That's mine. That's mine. The same guy who wears like a flannel shirt and jeans mhm I love that guy mhm and he's like

going off oh he is so fucking raw yeah and he's so inappropriate that it almost gets

through and becomes appropriate again he has like reddish brown hair and freckles mhm his takes are piping hot. And his gaze is steely cold.

He's not afraid of anything, especially telling it like it is. like it is. When it comes to sports, so many people give you the same old rote, you know, basically commercial dog food that you've been eating for a long time. And when somebody really makes a gourmet pork chop for you like some of these barstool sports guys do, it's time to slice it up and just freaking chew. Who's your favorite barstool guy? Yeah, please. I think I like the guy that's not afraid to take a popular sports figure and kind of poke some holes in terms of are they that good? Yeah.

And should they be using their platform for that? Yeah. Everybody likes this guy. But what about this other guy that's that good? Yeah. And should they be using their platform for that? Yeah, everybody likes this guy, but what about this other guy that's also good? Kevin! I do always love to, if they will say like, hey, obviously these advanced stats are useful, but maybe they're not telling the whole story. Yeah.

And maybe if you not telling the whole story. Yeah. Maybe they're only talking specifically about the statistic. Maybe you actually played the game, which they didn't. They didn't, but they know. Not at a high level, certainly. A lot of them know someone who did. Kevin, how many times have you just come in here and not been made to do something? Don't just leave.

You just came in and left. I'm really upset by that. We will need to use to do something. Don't just leave. You just came in and left. Hey, I'm really upset, Bob. We will need to use you for something. Hey guys, Chef Kevin here. I'm sorry about that. I should assume that I'm needed. Here's what you do. I don't want to hear you do this, but

you go, do you guys need anything? Just a little, like, with your face. Like a... Make the sound, and it has to be... Say that in one syllable. Did you get any good pictures, by the way? I did, yeah. Okay, good.

Let me hear you do it. Just listen to me doing it. One syllable. Give it a second. How was that? I didn't know. That was the palindrome machine. Do you have glasses?

Do you ever wear glasses? Yeah, sometimes. I would wear glasses and then have your eyes pointing straight through the glasses. But then when you're going to ask it, lower your eyes. Lower your eyes poking out of the top of the glasses. And I would also hold your hands like, how would you, like, you've been. Like I'm playing a piano above. Perfect.

A neck level piano. Neck level piano. And yes, and certainly not with weighted keys because you want the sort of bounciness in the wrists and fingers. Where I grew up, it was called marionette, but I've been doing it long and I'm tired. Yeah. Hands. So let's see it with... Pretend you have the glasses and the hands

and the... That was a little... My neck needs to be... It shouldn't be scary. It shouldn't be scary. It should just be helpful, but it's... And it's this and I'll try to do it. Hayes did's this, and I'll try to do it. Hayes did a good job.

I'll try to do it. And it's, do you guys need anything? Do you guys need anything? That was really good. That was really good. Actually, and I hate to give you a compliment. That was good. Thank you.

You got, you're over leaning forward because you don't have glasses on now. The voice was great, but once you have the glasses, you'll get it. You don't have to tuck your chin all the way. Bring the glasses. But you're learning so fast, like Lucy, basically. Thank you. Do we want to come up with a plan,

a fan plan of another great power drop? Yes. A different fan plan that Kevin can sort of try out and we'll see if it would work on the fans. Do you ever take any time, Kevin, to find the big block white letters on the internet? No. Okay.

Well, step one, figure out how to get the big block white letters on the internet okay and then i would say step two think of a meme about the show thank you yes a meme contest a meme contest a meme contest yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes because that is something where you really don't need to know what the show is or even like it i don't watch the freaking motorcycle show but is or even like it. I don't watch a frigging motorcycle show. But these two men yelling at each other. Fighting in a smart way. Those guys saying smart stuff.

Okay, yes. When they look so stupid. These normal guys aren't smart like me. Yeah. And they're saying school stuff. That shit is fucking legendary. You could do that with us. Look, we're blue collar regular Joes. stuff, that shit is fucking legendary. You could do that with us. We look like total,

look, we're blue-collar regular Joes. So get a picture of me and Hayes in front of the mics and just have us saying something about like, I mean, I wouldn't even know what the example is. Oh, I got one. I love having a cushion under my tushy and I love

having back support. Because that's not these guys. They're freewheeling on a stool, a tarred stool with no back to it. Jeez. What about the way? It's tarred so they don't slip off? What do you mean? Well, no, he made a slight mistake.

He was saying hard stool. Oh, I heard a tarred stool. And I assumed it had been smeared with tar. No, I have a mumbled mouth sometimes. You can't hold my feet to the fire with that. Tar and feather the stool. Well, okay, so this is a really good idea, a meme contest. And then you have a picture of me and picture of Hayes in front of the mic.

And I'm talking about like some kind of thing like a hard stool or, uh, having a cushion or, um. If you want me at my this, but the something with that. Oh, you can't handle me at my, uh, clam dog that you don't deserve me at my Hazy Bone. Yeah. Wow. That's good. We're going to get a lot of good memes, but we need a hashtag for them. For the contest?

Yeah, so we can find them. Hashtag memes? Yes, that's good. Well, that could be pretty popular. Do we want to use hashtag movie rank still? Oh, yeah. We have not gotten any traction on our last hashtag that we tried to do. Let's just roll it out there.

If you already got it. It wasn't the hashtag's fault. You typed it out. No, it's a great hashtag. I thought that other people would be using it even for non-our-show stuff. No. But it actually is nobody using it for anything. I got a couple.

Some people sent me some movies because you told them to send them to me. So I got a couple hashtag movie ranks like, hey, tell the boys to do this. And I definitely did. You definitely did what? Tell us to do it? No, you didn't. No, I definitely thought about it. Okay. I probably about it. Okay.

I probably should have. Okay. He's pouring sweat. It's so good that we sort of caught you with this because the people doing the contest don't just think about it. I would do it, and I would clear your schedule and do the contest. Yeah. Because you have to actually physically, you to like fully do it in order to –

Or you're in trouble. In order to have fun. And the judge from maybe the earlier example about the legal contract could put you in jail if you don't do the contest. It could be something that helps us. No one has ever done a meme of us ever. And now I'm sad that it has never happened. And the winner of the contest, the prize for the contest

should be me not being sad anymore. That's true. Have they ever done and I always get so don't roast me if I mispronounce this because I know there's two pronunciations for it. Have they ever done a little quick moving picture? Yeah.

And it is mobbing picture. Is it little mob moving picture. Yeah. Yeah, and it is mobbing picture. Is it little mobbing picture? A little quick mobbing picture? The inventor wants it to be a little quick mobbing picture. But yes, they have done one. Okay. Yeah, there is one of those. It's me saying oh gosh.

It's you saying oh gosh podcast. That's right, I've seen that one. Yeah, and it didn't get used enough, honestly. No. Because that feels like it would apply to anything. So many. Any podcast. Thank you.

We almost did a mopping shoot, right, in Chinatown, and we didn't end up. Yeah, that's right. And guess who did do it? Raid by TV. Raid by TV. So what a coincidence. We almost did that but didn't And they're eating all our pizza

They're bending us over a stump Let's be honest It's true I can fully openly admit When Gabrus is bending me over a stump Not anymore. Not after today. Yeah, I'm climbing this tree over here and waiting.

You know, at long last. This contest is going to be the sort of low-leaning limb that I can grab onto and pull myself up and sort of scramble up the bark and just go like, get away from there. Get away. I'm gonna scream. He's down by the stump? He's down by the stump and no way he can

climb the tree. I'm way up. But he's pointing at the stump like, you here. No way. And then probably what these Raised by TV folks would do is go like, hey, I just want to talk. Just come down. This is craziness, this yelling. Trick you.

Yeah. Try to trick me. And they'll be like, oh, you remember when Fraggle Rock? I think Fraggle Rock lived in a stump. Do you remember that show? Did they know the Smurfs? How come the Fraggles are never partying with the Gummy Bears? Don't they like all the same stuff?

Oh, and what were those Doozers eating? It always sounded like it would taste so good. They made a big mistake in not selling that stuff, you know? Oh, yes. I would definitely. I would buy it right now. Oh, yeah. If there was Doozer candy and it looked like little, like, construction bricks or whatever and it was just frigging made of sugar, I'd be like, chomp, chomp, chomp, chomp, chomp.

Yeah, I would take a picture of myself eating it and, you know. Yeah, hashtag movie rank. Yeah. Go ahead and tweet that out. So, yeah, that is fucked up that the Fraggles and the Smurfs didn't hang out. Yeah. As somebody who was actually raised by TV, sometimes I do wonder how many of these things, because a lot of them have some of the same, you know, minds behind them.

No surprise. Not that many people have fucked up minds like that to come up with some of this shit. Yeah. But two creatures? Please. If you're coming up with one creature like that, yes up with some of this shit. Yeah. But two creatures? Please. If you're coming up with one creature like that, yes, you can do another one. Yes. I can't come up with any.

Ask me to invent a 90s cartoon right now. Can you try to invent a 90s cartoon? Ask me to do it. Ready? The guys? It's just guys. Now, something like the snorks, okay. I mean, because that's different from just guys.

So weird. It's not based on a real thing. Yeah. All-star, Aki, Daphne, even Junior. I mean, all of them. The snork eaters, the snork eater eaters. I mean, all that stuff. That's wild.

I wouldn't be able to come up with any of that because my idea for a show would just be some guys. The guys could have been like an MTV 90s detached Daria OK Cola style anti cartoon.

Mission Hill. That is the closest analog. To the guys. Yes. And the guys would be Joe Wangbones. Yeah, definitely if Joe had been around in that time, he is doing a voice of one of the guys.

He's a little young, but yeah. Crazy Hazy. Chef Kevin would probably be cooking for the guys. Yes. And they're watching, they're just watching a show. Crazy Hazy Chef Kevin would probably be cooking for the guys Yes And they're watching They're just watching a show In the show

Yeah Whoa yeah They're just sitting watching a show Or maybe they're making a podcast First one ever Sam Because we are back in that time We're back in that time

We get to invent that And like iPhones and stuff We should be Since we're like back in the 90. We get to invent that. And iPhones and stuff. We should be, since we're back in the 90s with all our current knowledge, we should be inventing stuff to make money off of. Do you ever think about that shit? Like if you could go back in time, how much fucking money you would make? Like seriously. Because you would be able to describe a phone with a screen on it.

Oh, yeah. That would be your idea. Dude. Yeah, you could go to Cupertino or whatever and tell them, what are you guys doing here picking oranges or whatever? I've got a new idea of something you should be doing. Yeah. And I've had every one of the iPhones. So in terms of 4, 5, 6, 6S, 7.

And what I would tell them is maybe start with this. Start with like 7. It was so much better than 1. That's right. So you could even go back. And they have to pay me for that idea. You don't even have to go back that far. You could go back to like 2006 when they're doing the one

and give them the idea for the seven. Oh. Yes. Good, because they'll have done a lot of the legwork then. That would be much easier. Because I don't know what's inside of it, but I know. No. I'm worried about going back to the 90s and saying, like, it's a phone. You talk

on the phone, but it has a screen that you touch with your finger, and they're like, okay, it's a phone. You talk on the phone, but it has a screen that you touch with your finger, and they're like, okay, but how do you do that? And then I would have to go back, I think, to now and get more information, get a couple books. Go back and forth. I'd probably have to smash one. Yeah, I'd have to go back and forth a lot.

I'd have to smash one and bring the insides back in the machine with me. Do you ever think about how many girls you would get if you went back in time, Joe? Knowing what you know now. Doing middle school over again. How many pre-teens you would be able to seduce with your adult mind.

You ever think about that, Joe? I mean, yes, of course I have. Yeah, of course. I mean, who hasn't? Is more of the question. Just this sinister adult living inside us. Oh, am I looking then as an adult or am I looking as a teen? No, you're in your teen body.

You're in an 11-year-old's body, but behind your eyes is adult Joe Weggert just preying on all these children. Well, it's all a game to you. I mean, imagine how boring all the stuff that you actually had to do at the time would be now that you've experienced the breadth of life. What would be good for me is along the way in my life, I've made some boo-boos

and mistakes and stuff. So this would be a chance of now I've learned and now I'm finally going to get the chance to get it right. And I think I'll get it right 100% of the time. If I had to start over right now, I've already played through the boards once. And you'd maybe learn an instrument and you wouldn't say that it's just notes that make a song, right?

Yeah. Don't you think you'd do that if you went back and you'd be using that guitar to pick up some freaking young chicks? There are only a certain amount of notes. Yeah, but you can freaking invert the voicings of the chord. And you bend them. You ever heard of bending them? So there's the note that's like,

and then you bend it and it's like, yes. Whoa. I didn't know about that. I know every good boy does fine. Yeah. Yeah, every good boy does fine. Yeah. Yeah, every good boy does fudge. You can learn Wonderwall before Wonderwall comes out.

Not a palindrome? No. Do you know Face? Nice. From the A-team? Yeah, it's in between. It's on the in-between of the freaking every good boy. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah, so. That's Face. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, so. That's face. Yeah, I know. I told you that. I told you that. Although these days it should probably be backwards. It should be e-caf because all these e-cafes that are coming out. Some of these internet chat rooms.

Bye. This has been an Earwolf production. Bye.