Hollywood Handbook - Joel Kim Booster, Our Close Friend

Episode Date: June 25, 2018

Sean and Hayes talk to standup comedian JOEL KIM BOOSTER about a booking opportunity.This episode is sponsored by Blue Apron ( www.blueapron.com/HANDBOOK ) and hims ( www.forhims.com/THEBOYS ).See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This is a HeadGum Podcast. I was with Connor Obers, and we were on the football field at night. Yeah. Practicing slow dancing with the tackling dummies. Okay, right. Well, because the big dance is coming up. Big dance is coming up. You don't want to friggin' get embarrassed, step on a person's foot.

Let's get that out of the way with the tackling dummies. Yes, and I figure it'll be easier if I'm moving something this big around. it would be easier if I'm moving something this big around that I'll get strong enough to not be trying to move the girl and not be able to. Right. You know? It's like putting the donuts on your bat. No, I know.

When you want to eat your bat. Yes. Uh-huh. And so we are dancing the dummies around. And is this giving Connor any ideas for any of his crazy poems? This was before he invented music poems. So it might have been. He was thinking a lot.

But even before he invented it, I feel like it was in there. He was drawing from his personal experience. That doesn't just happen overnight. Yeah, I could see as he's doing the dancing, he is kind of like looking off in the distance in a way that he really has a lot going on. And did he sort of do a whole thing where he approached the tackling dummy and went, man, this dance.

Yeah, and even the tackling dummy can't do anything, but you can tell that it's kind of thinking, like, wow, this guy seems really interesting. Yeah, he's deep as hell. Nobody's talking about these feelings. So anyway, all the lights go on all at once. The Titans come out on the field. It's a night practice for the Titans.

The Tennessee Titans. These are the little ones It's a night practice for the Titans. The Tennessee Titans. These are the little ones. These are the ones you remember. Yeah, because they have some bonding to do. So they're having practice at night. Their eyes haven't adjusted, so they just start smashing into the dummies. So we're being just pounded into these dummies over and over again uh cool like early 70s music is like dr john is playing uh-huh these guys are just destroying us

yeah yeah you're getting smashed up too yes and ironically that dr john song is really the opposite of how you're feeling because he's going, I was in the right place. And you're going, I'm in the wrong place. I'm in the wrong place at, I guess, the right time. Yeah. But Connor also is drawing on a lot of the, he has a lot of songs that are basically about the football team beating him up. And it's for those kids that have had this experience

of being smushed by the football team. Hey, welcome to Hollywood Handbook, an insider's guide to kicking butt and dropping names in the red carpet lineback hallways of this industry we call showbiz. What up, what up? Can you believe we have Joel? Oh, no. I was going to say, is this really happening?

Somebody pinch me, I'm dreaming. And it's the Joel Kim booster and you're having something of a moment, aren't you? Yeah, I would describe this right now as a moment. Joel, is it about time? It's not soon enough as far as I'm concerned. Yeah, I've been waiting a while for you to have your moment and finally it's here. And what took you so long? But actually the real question is,

what took everybody else so long? Uh-huh. Is that a question for me that I'm supposed to be able to answer? I don't think so. But I do have a question, which is like, how did you do it? But better question, what could have stopped you? I mean, honestly. I see someone driven. I see someone nice- mean honestly i see someone driven i see someone

nice looking i see someone funny i see someone smart and cool and i go okay well what exactly standing in their way other than the world waking up diversity um i don't know actually that's probably helpful for me i'm so sorry literally i had, I have destroyed my brain and my butthole with this cold brew that has been in this office and it's just now hitting me now. It's okay. It is crazy, right? Like I am in a different universe. Chef Kevin has been tweaking it in this very kind of nefarious way.

He's like been tinkering with the recipe. Yes, he keeps saying, try the new recipe. I truly feel like I should have tested it with like a fentanyl strip before I drank it now. Chef Kevin! And you see how big the pour I am for all of us. Yeah, that's truly what's going to happen Two fingers of cold brew.

Pour a little butthole. So, Chef Kevin, Joel has tried your special new cold brew recipe. He's just talking about how it feels as if whatever you've been adding to the mix, these powders and concoctions that you've started to bring in, or possibly with nefarious intent. Yeah, my jaw hurts like I'm on Molly. What's happening? And it's like dissolving his brain,

and it feels like his brain is going to come out of his butt. Yeah. Basically. We try not to talk about butts this much

on the show. That's like five butts already. A lot of kids who listen to the show don't really. They don't know what a butt is.

A lot of them don't have a butt. I don't know if you saw the Mr. Ronders documentary but it's like he really likes kids and doesn't want to necessarily talk about butts with them. And we're sort of inspired by that. Mr. Rogers is who taught me what a butt is and how to use it.

Right. I haven't seen the documentary. But just like. He's having a moment now, isn't he? He's having a bit of a moment, isn't he, Mr. Rogers? If he were still alive, there would be no war. Like there wasn't when he was alive. Yeah.

That's not true. We need Mr. Rogers. Mr. Rogers would really have the tweet that would turn it all around. Yeah. There would be war. There would be war. But we would be focusing on the helpers who were helping do war. Instead of...

All these people who are doing the war so mean. Oh, so the helpers who were doing the war. Are you talking about Dick Cheney? Look for the helpers. What were you talking about? Nice war. Yeah, not these mean soldiers. Oh, got it.

Yeah. Okay, I see. The ones that like saved Elian Gonzalez. Saved Elian Gonzalez. The nice soldiers who like went in and saved him from his captors. Got it. The ones who are helping. That's how we're framing that.

Yes. So, Kevin, do you want to confess to anything about the cold brew coffee? Hey guys, Chef Kevin here. Yes, I've been working on my own protein powder called Kevin's Way. And it's protein from a different brand and then sugar to keep your energy up and then baking soda to keep you clean. Why is it spelled W-E-I-G-H? It's also to slim your body. That's what the baking soda to keep you clean. Why is it spelled W-E-I-G-H? It's also

to slim your body. That's what the baking soda is for. Kind of a weight loss mechanism. It's purely coincidental, though, that it's whey as in... Because you do know there's a whey protein. It doesn't have any of that in it.

Kevin is also working on a whey protein, but it's not called Kevin's Whey. That one he calls My Whey. And he sings Frank Sinatra's My Whey, but he over-pronounces the H in it whenever he's mixing that in. So you have both of those in this cold brew? Because I think they might have some kind of interaction that's not good. Yeah, I have both of them in the cold brew. Kevin's Whey and My Whey. Kevin's Whey and My Whey. think they might have some kind of interaction that's not good yeah i have both of them in the cold brew um kevin's way in my way kevin's way in my way way um so i think i might know what's happening here this is like a slimming like recipe for your bod but if you are someone who

is already doing like zero percent body fat basically like joel the only thing that it's left to slim is your brain wow oh no and it starts eating the tissue that you need because all of the unnecessary tissues my body's saying i need i need sustenance and it's attacking my brain fortunately for the marketing photos you won't be able to see the brain issues i'll just like the couch photo people will be like wow it looks great and i. And I'll be like, yeah, it obviously is working. And it's probably easier to photograph someone when they have no brain. Yeah, because they just sit there. So I can take a lot of great pics and then it'll blow up.

Please don't attack the model community. Please do not attack the model community. Whoa, whoa, whoa, hey, hey. You couldn't hear it, but he had a glint in his eye when he said that sean has a little bit of a rant hill and you're the stand-up but but a bit that he does about like what kind of job is this this is a job i'm sorry what exactly are these people famous for again wearing swimsuits that's a job now. Well, sign me up. And it's funny because

technically none of that was a joke. But he said it the way he said it really gave you the impression that there was a joke somewhere. Can we really take a look at this for a second? I mean, maybe I'm crazy. I'm the crazy one, right?

But let's think about it. What is the job? Hey, honey, how was your day at work? Uh, pretty good. I put a swimsuit on. Okay? I mean, that's what they must be saying. And again, just like, sort of like, towing, like, just like tiptoeing around the perimeter

of a punchline. Like, almost approaching one, but not quite stepping over the line into technically a joke. Yeah, tough day at work. I couldn't get the drawstring on my swimsuit to tie. You know what I mean? I mean, that's their rough day at the office.

Oh, by the way, the office is a freaking beach in Ibiza. He also, a big part of it, is the swimsuits that he's always referencing are these like Umbro style swimsuits with drawstrings. I thought at the beginning that it was like bikini stuff. No, no. But it's like lined mesh swimsuits. Full board shorts.

And he seems to think a lot of the bits are about how you should wear boxers underneath when you go swimming. So it doesn't conform to your stuff. I'm sorry. I'm not trying to see somebody's B-crack, you know, exactly, when their swimsuit's easing down over the hip. No, thank you. Let's get these things up around the navel, all right? And let's get a freaking nice pair of Hanes underneath it. I mean, is that so much to ask?

Sorry, it's just like, I can't believe that's a job. This is so great to be talking about the ocean, because this is actually a huge part of the show we're doing. Wow, you really found it. You found that in. I'm starting to wonder if these people even swim. As far as I see, they're just wearing the bathing suit, but they're not using it to swim. Yeah, he thinks that they should be underwater if they're really going to be wearing a bathing suit. Well, let's see. You know, I mean, geez louise. You could just wear any old shorts if you want

to be in the sun. Thank you. Yes, okay. Now he is going to steal that. I'll tell you what, if you're not even going to get in the water, wear whatever shorts you want. So he makes it his own a little bit, but he is going to steal a lot of your stuff. Slap a set of cargoes on your thighs.

You know what I mean? Painter shorts. Old Navy painter shorts. Old Navy painter shorts. Yeah. A little hook for the hammer. Is that a... I did not know that was a type of short.

Painter shorts? Yeah. Ooh, baby. They got a little hook for your frigging... Isn't that a cargo short? No. Well, I said hammer, which is carpenter. Carpenter.

Carpenter shorts. But painter, you got one for the brush. But the brush, how do you hang a brush? In a little loop. Well, one part's wider, you know.

The handle and then the brush is wider. Oh, I guess I'm thinking for the carpenter. Wow, this is fascinating. What a great conversation. Let's get to the main concept. Yeah, okay.

We are doing a cruise. Sean and I were inspired by Chris Gethard doing a cruise four years ago. Yeah. And we have ever since been trying to do our own, because these people that listen to podcasts, all they want to do is be on the same thing as their friend. And that makes a lot of sense for you. Because whenever people ask me about U2,

I always say, yeah, they're doing sort of like what Chris Gathard would be doing four years ago. That feels very on-brand for both of you. Yeah, Big Lake just wrapped. From your lips. I mean, that would be huge. You are on track to have a true TV show. Yeah.

Or a fusion show, even, maybe. We're getting ready to sell to the first network that our show will be on of three. Yeah. Fuse. Yes. They all have very similar names, these networks that our show will be on. Fuse, that's right. But he could have been on Fusion eventually at some point.

Oh, absolutely. I think he's headed to the Paramount Network next year. So anyway, we're going to do the cruise. And hats off to Chris because it did take us about four years to even figure out how to put this thing together. But we finally have all the pieces sort of lined up, and we're really excited. And Joel, I know I just sort of showed your ass up at stand-up,

but we would like you to be the crew stand-up, because I obviously can't do both. I can't drive the boat and do the stand-up. So I have some just logistical questions first. Okay, yeah. What kind of boat is it? Okay, well, great.

Great question. That's a great question. And Hayes? Do you know, it's a kind of boat that's, it's interesting. Have you seen the movie

Contraband? No, I don't think I have. Oh, Contraband. Oh, great Wahlberg movie. One of the good ones. Oh, that explains it. You know these boats

that bring people around? These like little boats that bring people around? These little boats for people? This one is mostly for shipping containers. Oh, wow. Mm-hmm. So we thought, they've got all this extra room, especially when they stop in Taipei.

They lose a lot of containers. Now they have a lot of space for entertainment. Wow. Mm-hmm. So this is a lot of space for entertainment. Wow. So this is a great opportunity for podcast listeners to come on this boat. And there's, of course, a little, or if you're going to be on the cruise, you do just a little loading and unloading work as part of the deal. Oh, yeah, naturally.

It's sort of like couch surfing. Yeah, you wash the dishes. World organic farming. You go and you have a couch. You, you wash the dishes. World organic farming. You go and you have a couch and you pitch in. That's beautiful, actually. Yeah, it's really nice. And people are like, oh, you're being Shanghai'd. No, we are not being Shanghai'd. If anything, we're Shanghai-ing you.

And also that term is not acceptable anymore. I was just about to ask, what do you mean? You mean you're creating a robust economy for them? See, that's what I tell these people. And that's what we say, and we actually think that's good. It's not appropriate. But what I would say is a lot of these containers, if you stack them up, they kind of create a natural stage, don't they?

Yeah. And so we need people to get in there, stack up the containers, and then let's get Joel up there. And there's a big echo in there, so you don't even need a microphone. And we just freaking start doing some funny jokes for those guys. And you seem a little

uneasy. The noise that you're making, I keep waiting for the hmm, so that it's like, hmm, hmm, but it's just the hmm. Am I not giving you enough hmm so that it's like hmm, hmm. It's just the first. You're forgetting to do the second part. Am I not giving you enough room to do it? Yeah, I kept feeling cut off. I don't know.

How big of a, how many seats are we talking? Oh, that's what's so great. Sitting's the new smoking. It's so bad for you. There's no chairs. That is true. So it's standing room only, and I think that gives a warmer feeling that you're so close to everyone

and that you're hiding a little bit from the people who work on the ship. And easier to dance. Like, if you want to, like— Easier to dance? Yeah, from a standing position. I don't know how you dance. I will have to say—I do have to say, and this is so, I'm,

this is embarrassing as a stand-up, but famously, I don't have a lot of dance breaks in my set built in right now. I could get there.

Yeah, okay. Could you give me any, I don't know, what does a, what does, what does like, what punchline do you have

that ends in the audience dancing spontaneously? Me personally? I don't know if you necessarily want me to do stand-up again on this show. I don't want to be humiliated again necessarily, but I do in the interest of learning what a dance break looks like in the context of a stand-up show. Yeah, I got one. So you know what? We're going to wear these bathing Yeah, I got one. So, you know what?

We're going to wear these bathing suits. I got a pair of shorts you should wear. Why don't you wear some jams? Oh, and while we're at it, let's pump up the jams. Oh, wow. I felt that in my body immediately. That's so intuitive. I can't believe I even needed an example.

That makes so much sense. And then as I'm doing that in the background, it's just starting to fade. It's going, hey, hey, hey, come on, try a little. Nothing is forever. Got to be something better than in the

middle. And fucking everybody's just like, yeah, so all flowers weren't had live. Jacob Dillon is so much better than Bob Dillon. Bob's a hack. He's the most talented Dillon son. I know there's so many layers of irony that goes on in this podcast,

but that's a real hot take for me. You think Jacob's better? Well, his body would work. His body in general. He's just way hotter than Bob Dylan. And that is, I think, objective. You can't.

And I think Bob is, I think that fucks Bob up. Yeah, he's mad about it. Because he's like, I was the hot one. Yeah, and now this guy is. My whole thing was being sexy. And now he hasn't released, Bob Dylan hasn't released any new music. Yeah. Like, where is new music. Yeah. Like, and since, like, where is new music

from Bob Dylan? And I think that's why he did Masked and Anonymous because he was embarrassed about his face not being hot anymore. Yeah. So he was, like,

performing in a mask. And embarrassing for him that Soy Bob was so much hotter than he was, like, during that. Soy Bob? That sucks.

Soy Bob? Yeah, Soy Bob. The original Soy Boy. You haven't seen Soy Bob? You're Soy Bob. The original Soy Boy. You haven't seen Soy Bob? You're too young. No. I'm a little older than you, but Soy Bob was a radical artist who was in really good shape and kind of showed Bob up on his own stage.

Not unlike what I'm doing to you on this podcast. Joel, another dance thing you could do is I could sing, I'll do it my way. Hey guys, Chef Kevin here. I'll go, I'll do it my way. Thank you. And then you can go back into your next joke. And people will kind of maybe dance a little bit when they hear the song. That's not really a dancing song like One Headline.

It's a sway. No, no, no. It's not a bop like One Headline. It's a sway. No, no, no. It's not a bop like One Headline is. Because a big part of this cruise experience, obviously, is people are going to be coming to potentially find partners to have a little fun with. That was my next question. What is the brand of the cruise?

It's sexy. It's a sexy comedy podcast. Sexy comedy podcast container cruise. Yes. And people can get inside those containers and just throw the bananas out or whatever into the water and just start going at it. And everyone on the ship is recently divorced.

How do you... But why? Huh? But why? Well, you don't think those people deserve a next chapter? No. That's messed up, Well, you don't think those people deserve a next chapter? No. That's messed up, Joel. They don't.

Okay. I think, I believe, honestly, they are, biblically speaking, like when you were married once, like no matter what, under the eyes of the law, it doesn't matter. In the eyes of God, you are married to that person forever. You can never touch anyone again. So anything that you do after that is adultery. Okay. Biblically speaking.

Biblically speaking. Even if it's international waters? Oh, that does change things. Different laws out there, and God can't see you out there. There are different, the American God won't be able to see you. Yes. The ocean God. Ocean God will be able to see you.

Neil Gaiman's American Gods. But when you do get out into those waters. The perimeter of a drug. Yeah, we're right near it. When you get out into those waters, you are technically a pirate. Is that true? At which point you can do almost anything. Oh, yeah.

Have you not seen Pirates of the Caribbean? Oh, only the fourth one. Oh, okay. Well, you're missing a lot of context. You're missing a lot of context. Sobbed at the end of At World's End. Sobbed. It's a sad movie.

Pretty powerful. All your friends, I guess, at some point are mad at each other. Oh, they get pissed. Orlando Bloom is fed up with all of Jack Sparrow's antics. Not to mention they could drown. You used to be friends. You could drown. You used to be friends. You could drown. No, they're so close to drowning in that.

All the time. You could drown. Let's not mess around on ships and get too crazy out there. What we're doing on this one is you're doing some work, you're having some laughs, but we're not freaking doing swords. Safe dancing, getting people in the mood so that they get together.

Maybe they have children who can also work on the ship is like a big mandate for us. Won't that spoil the vibe? Where are the kids going to be during the set? Because I don't do clean. Well, it'll be hot, kids. Yeah. How old are the kids? I don't know.

I'm a little older than you. Everybody seems like a kid to me. But I got to say, part of the planning for this, of course, is that Hayes and I have gotten jobs on one of these ships. Yeah, really? Oh, yeah. And so we are going to be essentially employees of a shipping company, and we had to fudge our resumes a little bit about our boat experience. But what we've decided, Joel, and I just want to figure out a pickup point with you, is that every time they stop to drop off these containers,

we're going to let a bunch of our friends on. Yeah. Is that every time they stop to drop off these containers, we're going to let a bunch of our friends on. And so is there any water you're going to be near in about a couple months, right, is when we're going to start, so that we can get you on there. And maybe you could also bring some friends, and maybe you could wear coveralls or something so it doesn't look weird. weird that doesn't this just feels like you're coming at this backwards because it doesn't sound like if i were to tell you i am going to be near a specific i'm going to be in rehoboth beach it doesn't like that is near water but if that's not where one of your ports is but i think we're going to be friends with the captain yeah i think once we're on there for a little while he'll like just really once he listens to like our shit for a few weeks, he'll start to pick up on it, just like the level we're on.

Yeah, these captains- He'll start really loving our shit. These captains are essentially boat drivers. Your whole plan hinges on the timeline of this person being charmed by you? Well, they're essentially boat drivers, Joel, so they don't get to see that much comedy. So, just that we're like, to a normal person... We'll be sort of his way in.

That we're funny at all, which I think you could agree we're kind of funny. Yeah. So, just that we're funny at all, I think... Cut a little of that pause, please. To a boat driver... I mean, to you, professional comedian, we're a at all. Cut a little of that pause, please. To a boat driver. I mean, to you, professional comedian, we're a little bit

funny. To a boat driver, we're going to be cracking his shit up. I actually think that you're looking at this from the wrong perspective, because what might happen, and this is just a big might, it's just a good coin to us, but because he's never seen comedy before, he might see you and say,

if this is what comedy is, it's not for me. We're helping him. We're helping lead him into it because, so, you know, this is Brett. Brett, his whole thing is he's like the music man or whatever. He loves to, like, pretend he likes music. But he's almost a landlocked boat driver in a way. In a way. And so this is why he's growing this disgusting beard. So what you're saying is that podcast producers are, at the end of the day, basically boat drivers.

Landlocked boat drivers on the land. Yes, boat drivers just who don't have a boat yet. You see these lights? Do you see this beard Brett is doing where all the hairs are the same length except like six, which are very long? That's like the sort of boat driver vibe that he's giving off. And he's learning how to do these kind of comedy sea shanties. Oh, I would love to hear one. This is the kind of thing that we think this boat driver will like.

It'll help us connect. It'll help us connect with him. And then we're like, hey, if you like us, maybe you'd like some of our friends. We bring all our friends out of the boat. It's basically like the kids rule on this boat. Wow. Oh, and hey, Joel, if the captain don't like it, well, then I guess we'll just have to find a new captain, won't we?

Wait, so do you want to harm the captain some way if he doesn't like comedy? Oh, not if he plays ball. But I don't know. I'm not comfortable with violence. Hey, man. All you got to do is watch the door. Who are we talking to right now? Just us friends, buddy.

Hey, man. It's just the cool dudes over here, man. You're cool, right? Fucking cool, right? I feel like we have a lot of different definitions for different words, like comedy and cool. Brad, play a sea shanty. Oh, play one? Yeah, well, play the music and sing one of your songs.

Can I suggest? You can have a little more time. Hey, guys, Chef Kevin here. Chef Kevin's going to do this little thing, and then you can do it. I have a suggestion for Brett's band name. Tommy Bahami and the Contra Bands. So you can just... The Contra Band?

Yeah, the Contra Band. There's multiple bands? The joke is like it's a band, the Contra Band. Well, is the joke that it would be so easy to have said Contra Band and Kevin made it worse? Yeah, that was the joke. Brilliant. Honestly, the was the joke. Brilliant. Honestly, the best joke I've heard.

Kevin's kind of a comics comic. I don't think that a boat driver would necessarily get him. You have to have a full, very well-versed set of references. Do you have ship material? What the guys want us to do in terms of the entertainment on board? Who are you talking about the guys want us to do in terms of the entertainment on board. Who are you talking about? This sounds like you got a job on a

boat and you were going to trick them into letting you out. So now you're saying there are people above you. You have mandates. Everyone is like, you're being Shanghai'd. This is what they do. They trick you. Sometimes they just wrap you over the head and drag you out of the

boat. In this case, they're just like tricking you into being, this is, that is not what happened. We were approached by a talent booker named Horseshoe Brown. Horseshoe Brown. At the docks. And he explained to us that all the like interesting comedy right now is happening on the ocean and so we come on this boat it'll be a real chance for us to

make our they have a great studio on there apparently a great podcast studio oh wow we can get like our ad deals will be much better than they are on Earwolf so we're leaving Earwolf basically to join this podcast network on the ocean

but we're going to bring all our for the sea to join this podcast and work on the ocean yes but we're gonna bring all our friends on too start our own podcast now or get a cut of all this who else is coming with you

who else is coming with you from the Earwolf we're splitting up Throwing Shade oh no way yes who are you which one are you taking

their engineer oh cool cool cool engineer Sam I think does most of their episodes right yeah yeah he writes what they don't know is that Throwing Shade is fully scripted.

Yeah. And Sam writes a lot of it. And he's becoming a big part of the show as well. And he's getting really good, people are saying. Yeah, Sam's starting to actually get really good. So we think, oh, this guy's getting good. Maybe he could be good on our podcast. Yeah, that would help us.

I don't want to hear a fucking grease monkey podcast engineer on mike i don't want to hear it he's getting really good stay in steerage where you belong i agree i agree i agree but i think what we'll be doing with sam is sort of my fair lady style cleaning him up sort of a pygmalion uh type of story where we turn an animal like Sam into a functional human being who could be on a podcast. Oh, is that what it takes to be on a podcast? You have to be a functional human being to be on a podcast.

Actually, it helps if you are so dysfunctional and that your thoughts are so fucked up and crazy that you actually have to do a podcast to survive. Or they'd explode your brain. I'm just going to start with a little monologue up top before I introduce my guests.

And it is going to be so fucked up and dark I'm going to work some shit out for 25 minutes before you get to that part of the content that you want to hear. That's the part that nobody skips. And then they stop when the guest that they like shows up. Yes, that is unfortunate because obviously I want people to hear the Joel part of it. But all anyone's going to want to listen to is the ads that me and him do.

So you're taking on to this C podcasting network. Yes. It's going to be Sam the Engineer from Earwolf. Sam the Engineer, yes. Who else? The guy that does the music for Spawn. Oh, great. Eben. Eben. Which sounds like a mistake.

You know? It sounds like his name should be Eben. They were so close. It sounds like just a slip of a misreading. Either a doctor misheard or his mom had a cold. And the doctor was like, what do I write down? Eben Shletter. It seems like his mom had a cold. What do I write down? Ebbins letter.

It seems like his name is supposed to be Ebbins letter. It sounds like she had a cold when she said it. It's gotta be Ebbins. And they wrote it down. It's Ebbins. It's Ebbins. Ebbins did you say? No, Ebbins.

Okay, we've got it. I can't wait to say hello to my son Ebbins. Eben, did you say? No, Eben. Okay, we've got it. Oh, great. I can't wait to say hello to my son, Eben. And then they had to keep it a name. And he has a sense of humor about himself. I think, you know, he mostly plays music. Yeah, so. Well, he invited this. Yeah.

I think what's clear is that. He's asking for it. He could have changed his name to the correct spelling at any time. He's had it coming. We know that the nice, quiet person who plays music on another podcast

has been begging to get fucking roasted. I am so glad I get to come on here and take him down a peg. Yeah, that guy's been riding high for too long.

Can you give us a taste of some of your stand-up material that you'll do on the cruise and if you could work in stuff about bunks and shipping. And how it's great to do work on a ship. Yeah, the workers are going to be able to hear this. You work three days continuously, but then you get two full days off.

Three days continuously. 72 on, 48 off, 72 on. Just to clarify, I am not only doing stand-up. That's not the work you're saying that I have to do for three days straight. As you are doing stand-up, you know how sometimes when you're doing stand-up, you're just standing there on a stage? This solves that problem. Always feels like a waste of time.

Because you are loading and unloading your shipping container. When I'm doing stand-up, I'm like, what do I do with my hands? Yes. Got it. You know what I mean? It's like, put a friggin' container in and move the thing. And I'm driving the ship, right?

Sure. I'm Tommy Bahami. Say, hey guys, Tommy Bahami here. Hey guys, Tommy Bahami here. Ladies and gentlemen, you know him from the previous 48 hours. Get ready for the next 24. It's Jolkin Booster.

I'm trying to bring myself to the physical exertion that I would have. We're entering some turmoil. Excuse me? Turbulence. We're entering some turmoil. It's a ship captain term. You know, he said to like ocean stuff. We don't know the terms, but when you are.

All the recent divorcees will really relate to that terminology too. When you're entering rough water, the captain says we're entering some turmoil. Don't laugh at the captain. Well, thank you so much, Tommy Bahama, for bringing me on. Bah so much Tommy Bahama for bringing me on Tommy Bahami Tommy Bahami here what was it?

Tommy Bahami what is it? and this is his crowd work and this is Joel Kim Booster thank you Tommy Bahama Tommy Bahami hey. Tommy Bahami. Hey, guys. Tommy Bahami here. What is your name?

Tommy Bahami here. You know him from The Cruise. It's Joel Kim Booster. Thank you so much, Tommy. So glad to be here with all of you guys. I'm so excited. There's not that many people it's just me

never seen that i'm so glad to be here with you tommy bahamas um hey guys it's tommy bahami you know i know go ahead no no you say it again hey guys tommy bahami here. Ladies and gentlemen. It's just gentlemen. Yeah. Hey, boys. It's Tommy. Just one boy. Hey, boy. No, no, no. Start over. Hey, guys. Tommy Bahami here. Hey, boy. It's Joel Kim Booster.

Do you know where your parents are? Where is your How did you get on this boat? And it feels just like a beat up truck Gotta turn the engine But the engine doesn't turn And then people get to dance a little bit Sing your sea shanty, Brett

Yeah, sing a sea shanty Alright All of you boys And all of you girls Sing your sea shanty, Brad. Yeah, sing a sea shanty. All right. All you boys and all you girls grab a barrel of rum. All you boys and all you girls shake your little bums. Oh, you see, we're getting in the mood a little bit. Turn it off. We're going to get in trouble.

Turn it off. I don't think that was a version. The quality was low enough. Yeah, if the quality is low enough, you don't have to pay for the rights. So I noticed that a lot of your stand-up was just asking a little boy how he got on the ship, which is great. It's alt. I laughed. Listen, it's alt. And I want to apologize for being an alt comedian.

That's who you hired. It's not sticking to the set-up punchline format. No, no, no, no, no. It's alt, and I want to apologize for being an alt comedian. That's who you've hired. It's not sticking to the set-up punchline format. No, no, no, no, no. It's alt, baby. And it's a kind of crowd work. It is. I do, when the crowd is light, I do fall back on crowd work a lot. That is a big part.

If you could work on, between now and a few weeks from now, when we get the captain to pick you up, some material that is about like finding a spider inside the banana bunch that you're moving or something. Like stuff that is more relatable to most of who will be listening. And I don't mind if it's a little

edgy. You know what anal sex is like to me? You guys know when you find a spider in the banana bunch that you're separating and you go, ooh! And you don't know if you're excited or scared. That's what anal sex is like. Do you have any material about anything about them?

Get the conga line started. It's just me and the orphan. Get the conga line started. It's just me and the orphan. Who's taking this one? I'll do it. Is that in the track? Hey, guys. Who's doing that?

It's just the harmony. I actually... There you go. Do your bit about grog goggles. Grog goggles? Grog goggles. You know how he's like got a little too much grog? Oh.

Suddenly the captain started to look pretty good. Oh, yeah. Oh, you know when you have too much grog after a hard day of lifting shipping containers and you are feeling. You can lift a whole container? I can lift a whole container. That'll be huge. You're lifting so much container.

Orchard Brand will love that. So much grog. And you are so horny. And there is only a little boy and the captain to choose from. That's grog goggles. When you are seeing the only two options you have. Oh, wait. Is this Pirates of the Caribbean?

I love this song. This is the song Pirates of the Caribbean by... Gwen Stefani, right? By Gwen Stefani, yeah. Featuring Jason Derulo. Oh, wow. I hate her post-Blake Shelton era. What do you hate about it?

I miss Ska. I miss Ska Gwen Stefani. Oh, yeah. You know, Ska icon Gwen Stefani. Mm-hmm. She kind of mainstreamed Ska, finally. It was right around the edge forever. Yeah, she doesn't wear a tie anymore.

She doesn't wear suspenders. I can't skank to any of this music. That's why I stick to, you know, I'm all Too Skinny J's. Like, I just don't move on from something like that when somebody enters the mainstream

and is doing essentially what Too Skinny J's has been doing forever. And I just go like, well, let me not jump ship. Let me stick with the sort of like ones that brung me here. I worry that Blake Shelton is going to move on to the members of Less Than Jake. Start dating them. Just essentially destroy Ska.

When it comes to Ska. Yes. And just like kind of absorbing all of their ska powers and just ruining the genre. Dickie Barrett, I hear he's been circling Dickie Barrett from the Boss Toads. I heard Jay Guevara shot him down from Two Skinny Jays. So I guess what I want to talk about is when the stand-up's over, but you're not allowed to go to bed yet because we don't have any rooms or beds. Is there an idea for what?

There's no rooms or beds. Not really. Because the one thing on my rider when I do a cruise is there should be a room or a bed. So they have this. So the captain has this thing that he can do where you kind of stand facing a wall, and the captain will tip the boat over just a little bit so you can kind of stand facing a wall and the captain will tip the boat over just a little bit so you can kind of lean against the wall and it's almost like lying down.

So picture this. You're facing a wall. The captain's like, okay, good night, everyone. Just tips the boat over just a little bit to the side so you kind of lightly dunk your head against the wall you think how far has boat technology come that now captains can control which way the boat is leaning okay so that's a part of that is our job which is we take all the shipping containers and we put them on one side of the boat yeah we do move them over that's a lot of the boat. Yeah, we do move them over. That's a lot of the work. How heavy are these shipping containers?

1,000 pounds. 1,000 pounds, got it. 1,000 pounds of bananas. Bananas? Yes. I can hit a wave pretty gnarly, too, to tip it over. Again, this is like entering some turmoil. It's more captain terminology.

Hit a wave pretty gnarly. Entering some turmoil. It's more captain terminology. Hit a wave pretty gnarly. Hit a wave pretty gnarly. Entering some turmoil. That's sea speak. I mean, this guy just sort of lives in this world. Okay, I'm sorry. I interrupted you. I am no longer, all of my concerns about a room have been washed away.

Because you're going to get such a great sleep on the side of the boat. I'll be getting such a nice lean. The issue is when you move all the containers aside of the boat, then you stand against the wall so that when the boat tips, you can sleep up against it. You do run the risk of all the shipping containers crushing you that are on that side. And what I've been talking about maybe is sleeping with some kind of suit of armor on.

You know what I mean? And do you provide that or should I bring my own? Well, this is what I'm actually wanting to talk to you about is do you have maybe like a hundred suits of armor oh so not only do I need to bring just one you would like me to bring

over one well yes and I'm not opposed to a museum heist in order to get this armor because I think at the point that we're getting on a boat and taking off anyway, it doesn't matter what crimes we commit. By the time they even know it's gone. We'll be in international waters. Yeah, we're swinging around Cape Horn, baby.

Yeah, we'll be dancing and laughing. Yes, that's the route we're taking. Swinging around Cape Horn, baby. Yeah, we'll be dancing and laughing. Yes, that's the route we're taking. Swinging around Cape Horn. Oh, sorry. I said Cape Horn. Cape Horn. Sorry. I meant, yeah, Cape Horn, like Korean porn.

Yeah. Yeah, Cape Horn. You had my interest piqued for a minute there. I'm way more interested in K-Porn than I am in K-Porn. It's like bubblegum style, you know. Bubblegum style porn? Yeah, it's like, you know, there's like American, like, porn and pop is a little more, like, grungy. And then there's, like, K-Porn, which is, like, happy.

It's a big group, and they all look the same. Yeah. That makes sense. Hey. And they all look the same. That makes sense. Hey guys, Tommy Bahama here. Bahami. Wait, say it again. Hey guys, Tommy Bahami here. Can Kevin's Way sponsor the cruise? Because I'm looking for investors.

Whoa, wait, that's not how it works. You have to sponsor the cruise you have to pay you would be investing in us not we would be investing in you they don't can kevin yeah wait a minute is have you wait wait wait yeah sponsors and been paying them so wait as investors to sponsor and you all along he's been Yeah, it's all been an investment. We've invested in a bunch of ads. We got into this t-shirt company called Woven. Yeah.

We got into Casper Mattresses really early and put a bunch of money into there. So that you can advertise for them. Yeah, we wanted to... Right. We need to have ads for the podcast to make money, so we had to pay Harry's Razor a bunch And it could be an opportunity for us to do funny bits in the ads. In the ads, yeah. Go off copy.

Yes. Go off copy. Do a character. And we have, and we do. And we do that in our ads, y'all. And some people still hated the ads so much that they made us stop doing them, even though we are paying for them to do the ads.

Yeah. It seems like you should get a fair amount of control. And we pay Earwolf a bunch to get to do ads for like fucking Pistol Shrimp Radio or whatever. Pistol Shit Radio?

Pistol Shrimp. Pistol Shrimp Radio? Pistol Shrimp. Bristol Shrimp. Bristol Shrimp. Bristol Shrimp Radio. Yeah, we have to pay to be allowed to do ads for them.

One of the Pistol Shrimps guys we are thinking of getting to be on the ship. Oh, so you're splitting up throwing shade and pistol shrimp? Yes. We might be splitting up pistol shrimp. We're splitting up pistol shrimp to do the onboard announcement. Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes. Great.

You got pistol shrimp. You got shrimp cocktail. That's right. Just a tepid Forrest Gump reference. Just barely getting in there. Just barely. Just like doing almost a punchline. What I like about Brett's comedy is it's asking for permission.

Was that good? Oh, so good, man. We got it. That fucking rules. You gave us enough to get there. He wants a spot in our cruise, I think.

But he's already the captain. Oh, but he wants to perform. He wants to perform. He wants to perform. Yeah. He's going to already

have like a PA system or something. That's so awkward. Wait, I thought you said there was no microphone. There's no mic to do stand-up on, but the captain from his, because he's got to announce turmoil. I have an intercom. So he

has like an intercom system. Why don't I just do stand-up from inside the cockpit then? I think people want to see you, Joel. The orphan's got to see you. No, I think that's a common misconception about stand-up, is you don't actually need to be seen. My comedy is very, it's much more uh tonal you know yeah you do semaphore comedy that would be huge for these guys because a lot of them a lot of the people we're bringing on are thai and so they don't yeah like

english stand-up is not like a huge thing for them, but they will have semaphore flag training. Semaphore flag training for Thai. It sounds like pirates. They're a little young to be pirates. Young Thai boys. Yes. Okay, so on this cruise I'm performing for one child of divorce and many young Thai boys. Mm-hmm.

I am getting more and more excited to do this cruise. Yeah. The more details that come flooding in. Well, it's a big opportunity. Yeah. I mean, because really, I've been trying to break into the Thai boy community. And it's so weird.

Something about saying Thai boy sounds sexual. It sounds like Thai Bo. It sounds sexual in a way. You have a riff about that. Thai Bo? Yeah, I have a... There's a lot of Thai Bo material. It's all about the line in the train song Meet Virginia where he's like,

checks out Mozart while she does Tybo. And I'm going, okay, is this a girl he actually knew? She's checking out Mozart while she does Tybo? Or did he write that? Is that his dream woman that he's imagining? Hmm, what do I want her to be? Hmm, let's see. She's got to have pretty hair and

she's got to check out Mozart while she does Taibo. I'm sorry, train. Not relatable. Oh my god, this is a bop. It helps for the stand-up. He goes like, see? And then, you know, people can hear what he's talking about. But it's not...

I got your back. The answer is in the song. He's saying meet Virginia. He's obviously talking about Virginia. He didn't write it. He's talking about Virginia. Don't you know Virginia? He was playing the song and then shut it off when he heard that. Wait, what the fuck are you talking about? Meet Virginia.

Yeah, he's saying, hey, meet my friend Virginia. Uh-huh. She listens to Mozart while she does Taibo. Okay, and I'm asking, is Virginia a fictional character? That's not how songs work. Yes, it is. If you say someone's name. It not how songs work. Yes, it is. If you say someone's name, if you say someone's name,

if you say someone's name in a song, it has to be a real person. No, not true. Absolutely true. Lou Bagel only knew half the women in Mambo No. 5 and the rest were just names that sounded good in the song.

And he's admitted that in an interview and I actually met him once and he was really nice and he signed my fedora. So if you want to sit here and tell me that every name in a song is a real person and that Virginia couldn't possibly be either Virginia Madsen

from Candyman and Sideways or could just be somebody like, yes Virginia, there is a Santa Claus, Virginia, which is a big person. This is what you guys do. This is what you guys do when you use the Lubega interview to prop up your agenda. Is you omit the part of the context of that interview was that all of the names that he had stories about in Mambo No. 5. Any descriptor, any time he described a woman in Mambo No. 5, any descriptor,

anytime he described a woman in Mambo No. 5, it was based on a real woman that he knew. Yes, every specific that he gave was about a real person. Anytime that he said just a name, that was made up. That was just a made up name. That was just a word that was intended to meet the meter

and the rhyme scheme. So don't try to do that. You twist the Lubega interview to fit your narrative. And that is what pisses me off about you. Look. I thought we were really getting somewhere. I love that all of the songs, you can only... It sounds like they're trapped in another room. Sounds like they are...

Can we do these whenever we want? We never get in trouble? That's my theory. Something. Whatever we want, we never get in trouble. That's my theory. This version doesn't have the name, so maybe that settles the debate. Oh, because maybe they were real people, that they wasn't allowed to use them in this version. Yes, they sued the song. Yeah.

He only can say trumpet. Monica. Yeah. Monica was the only one we could Monica Yeah Monica Monica Salas Monica Salas Was who it was And she sued What about the song

Stan Um Again Another real person I saw I just saw him In concert Recently at Bonnaroo

Stan Eminem Eminem Stan Eminem You saw him At Bonnaroo Eminem was Stan

Yeah It was not It was a fine experience I don't know You Eminem. Stan? Eminem. You saw him at Bonnaroo? Eminem was Stan. Yeah, it was a fine experience. I don't know. The way Eminem says bitch really makes you remember that it's a slur. There is just, it's like for me. Can you do it how he does it? I don't, I honestly, I don't think I have it in me. Because for me, bitch is is a fun celebratory word. I use bitch as a verb and a noun and an adjective

and it's of my community. And then he says it and it's like, oh. What about the Breaking Bad bitch? Excuse me? What? Excuse me? Okay, okay, okay. Brett is really into it.

Brett has a bunch of t-shirts that say, like, yeah, science, bitch. What about the Breaking Bad bitch? I'm Heisenberg, bitch. No, I wasn't calling you bitch. Are you talking about the actress who played Skyler? Oh, Anna Gunn? Are you calling Anna Gunn a bitch? No, Brett fucking loves science.

What about the Breaking Bad bitch, Anna Gunn? Why hasn't she been getting work? She was transcendent on that show. Brett, show them your Heisenberg for the win t-shirt. Here. See, this is beautiful. It's gorgeous. Brett's got ten t-shirts on.

At any point if the situation arises, he'll just lift up three of them and show you Heisenberg for the win. He has a Hermanos one. He's really into That one that says it's the win or yeah. He has a Hermanos one like he's really into That one that says it's the periodic table bitch.

Yeah. It's just so it's been so long since I've heard or said called someone a bitch in anger. Yeah.

It's just like a fun it's a term of That's right. It has almost completely been removed from that. Except in and then you hear Eminem say it and you're like,

Oh yeah. Right. It was mean. I love Dido. I love listening to Dido in the rain. This brings me to a cruise. Now you can take a bird. Dear Slim.

I had to hang on. And my home got in the bottom. I had to hang on. I had to hang on. Hey guys, Tyler Wahabi here. Wow! There's no bitch in that one. I'm a fan. I'm a fan. And I'm a hat. My name is Stan. Wow. There's no bitch in that one. I don't think he says bitch in that song. That was incredible. That was really good. Yeah, thanks.

I love rap. Bye. Bye. This has been an Earwolf production. Executive produced by Scott Aukerman, Chris Bannon, and Colin Anderson. For more information and content, visit Earwolf.com. That was a HeadGum Podcast.