Hollywood Handbook - John Levenstein, Our Showbiz Friend

Episode Date: November 5, 2018

JOHN LEVENSTEIN joins The Boys to recap the new TV pilots.This episode is sponsored by Mack Weldon ( www.mackweldon.com  code: THEBOYS) and Harry's ( www.harrys.com/HANDBOOK ).See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

this is a head gum podcast just kind of lounging around lazy sunday with um spike love uh ferrison uh love lazy sunday uh the such a funny music video and we are making hot cereal which is lunch cold cereal is breakfast hot cereal with the milk put it in the microwave it's lunch okay yeah sorry I'm like having trouble even listening

because now I'm remembering Lazy Sunday I can see it kind of playing out in your head and they pick the cupcakes Hamilton's it's Yes. Hamilton's. It's about the Hamiltons. And those guys doing rap is like. Well, too, honestly, let's say it, white guys rapping. Yes.

I mean, that in itself was enough to be comedy. Right. And this is like 2006. So imagine even back then. Yes. And add some of the specifics in. Which map app are we using stuff like that you go like okay above and beyond so push the button turn on the serial then i realize it's in the

we put in the wrong one it's in the macro wave of it oh no hey so it's it's got the giant it's being pummeled by the giant waves that you can see and the waves are kind of like picking up the cereal and eating it oh i was gonna say that's got to make a mess but i guess it's self-cleaning in a way because the waves it's feeding on the waves are basically look worms. And they're eating my hot cereal. Okay. And then you don't want to put your hand in there. No, because I'll pull back a stump. Why do I have this?

What is the purpose of it? The macro wave? Yeah. Oh, it was a gift. Sorry. Oh, my God. I knew it came from someone. i forgot i forgot who it came from well i didn't want to get something off the registry because i always think that um if you've

thought of it it's not really going to be a gift so i went out and i said well what would hayes not expect now a microwave oven. No, I definitely didn't expect it. And I appreciate you not getting anything off the registry because I couldn't say this at the time, but all of that went straight to Carrie Ann. Everything on the registry, we had like a secret side to where that was all

hers. That I could sense. Hey, welcome to Hollywood Handbook and Insider's Guide to Kicking Butt and Dropping Names in the Red Carpet Land Back Hallways of this industry we call showbiz. Showbiz. And what up, what up? If you say the word showbiz, who appears? He appears like freaking the Beetlejuice Man.

And it's John Levenstein. Say showbiz three times and John's here. Did somebody say showbiz? Basically, right? I love the introduction. Thank you. John Levenstein is doing a podcast. And it's John Levenstein's retirement party. And he is a TV writer.

What are some of the shows? Do we even have time? But he's also a TV judge, isn't he? Yep, TV judge. Are you mad at Judge John Hodgman? That should have been Judge John Levenstein. I'm mad at every judge on television. I would say I was most mad when Dougoug benson was briefly a judge oh yeah doug like doug you're the

marijuana guy like now you're you're a judge you expect him to be a judge has a bailiff although he became a judge shortly before marijuana became legalized do we see any coincidence i don't i don't and then he's. I can't give that up to Doug. That was out of Doug's range. Were you a voice on Animals? No. Why do I think that you were? Here's why you think that.

And there was some controversy at the time that I'm going to feed right now. Portlandia did a series of rat cartoons. That's what it is. And I was a rat on Portlandia. And then when Animals came out, there was briefly some upset. Like, what's going on? Animals is doing rats? We just did rats.

But as I loosely investigated the timeline, they were doing it already. It wasn't as if they were inspired by stop-motion animation from Portlandia. Those guys were doing their own thing. You thought maybe you guys had come up with talking animals, but really it was just something at the time. We thought rats specifically because before animals, it was more narrow, right? Like the first one of theirs I saw,

I think was rats or maybe it was pigeons. I'm not sure. They definitely, the pigeons were the one that they were pushing the most in the branding. Yeah, that's for sure. Let me say, I was never particularly concerned about it.

Okay. Well, I was pissed on your behalf, man. Well, thank you. But also, they found a way to do it in that animals, they're able to do a lot of those things. With Portlandia, when we would do those stop-motion cartoons, we would go in and maybe record for 45 minutes. Yeah. And then six months later, there'd be some perfect two and a half minute cartoon. But those stop motion guys, they would think they were going fast if they were getting like three seconds a day.

Right. Who was, was it Stupid Buddy? It's those guys in Portland, Bent Image. Ah. Mm-hmm. Well, there's only three guys in freaking Hollywood who haven't done animals. Yeah, but John sort of inspired it. It's based on his character.

I know, but I'm just trying to find other people. I'm not available for animals. Oh, exclusivity clause. I'm just not going to do it. Yes, you're not going to do it. I'm not going to do it. Any other rap voices in the Los Angeles area for at least six months. It would be like Doug Benson being a judge.

It's not going to happen. Yeah, doesn't make sense. Doesn't work. But should we list some of the shows that you wrote for, John? You must enjoy doing that. Chef Kevin, just sit politely and listen while he tells you what shows he worked on. I mean, Kevin, if I didn't

enjoy listening the shows I wrote for, why would I be doing a podcast about my career? That's right. That's a very good point. Should we go chronologically, you guys? Or should we go haphazardly? I would love to just take a journey through time. The 80s, the lost decade of the 80s,

most of my work was for Michael Nesmith, former monkey, video pioneer. And pretty much right after college graduation, I started writing sketches for him. He invented the freaking Post-it note. His mother invented liquid paper. That's pretty close. This is what I said.

So two inventors in the family then, because there's Hayes' story, which we know is factually accurate. Hayes said it out loud, and so it's canon. Yes, it was like you were correcting me, but there are actually two different things. Adding and going, well, how do you think he got that idea? His mom invented liquid paper. All right, everything's true. Great, guys. His mom invented liquid paper, and Nesmith kind of invented MTV.

I mean, he did a show in the 70s called Pop Clips for Time Warner that then he sold to them, which became MTV. He won the first Grammy for music video for his thing, Elephant Parts. So he was on two tracks in the 80s. He was doing his own comedy and music, which in retrospect was not that great. I like his country music from the 70s better. But then he was also using his money to produce cool stuff. So he made Repo Man with his own money.

He made Tape Heads with his own money. And that was the period of time when I was working for him, and it culminated in this TV show, Television Parts, which was short films with stand-up comics, and they were trying to do for stand-up what MTV had done for music. Okay. It's called Television Parts?

Called Television Parts. So a lot of things wrong with it. Television Parts was a tribute to Nesmith's Grammy Award-winning music video, Elephant Parts, which no one had heard of. And that implies that that was shown on an elephant. It implies that it's based on the myth. It's heavily implied.

I would say it's based on the myth of everyone feeling. Television Parts is shown on a television. Everyone feeling that, oh yeah, Sean told me this myth once. I see, you're going backwards now. Everyone feeling the different parts of the elephant story. That's what's based on, elephant parts. You didn't tell that story? Which story? Everyone feeling the different parts of the elephant story. That's what's based on elephant parts. You didn't tell that story? Which story?

Everyone feeling the elephant. Oh, everyone has their hands on the elephant? Yes. They're blindfolded and everybody's touching the elephant. Yes, that's right. So, oh, well, this is a good story. It's actually something of a um uh an inspirational tale because uh they got all the poorest people in my hometown and they um guided them around an elephant and they blindfolded them

and they said everyone put your hands on the elephant first you have to name what part you're touching so if it's you say some people say i'm holding the wing and they go no that's the trunk and you go okay well then you're off and they took them off one by one as they would incorrectly identify but the last person who had their hands on the elephant got to clean the elephant yeah like with a hose with their face with their mouth yeah they put they gave them sponges like a sponge helmet and they would sort of you wipe it down with their mouth yeah they put they gave them sponges like a sponge helmet and they would sort of you wipe it down with their uh top of their head and then they would sort of like just move their face around to dry it off and so unfortunately that's the only show of yours that we have time to talk about awesome though that's awesome but it was really it was so nice. And actually, the little girl that won was really just like such a sweet kid.

And I think it gave her the courage to go out and do what she did, which was jump off a building. Wow. In a squirrel suit. Oh, sure. Yeah. Base jump. Oh, sure. Yeah.

Base jump. You know that base jump stands for building a something, span, and earth. Wow. It really does. Ryan, isn't that true? Ryan. Ryan's looking at message boards. Read me the message board you read.

Share the message with the rest of the podcast. I was trying to figure out why one of these preamps we have in this new studio is crackling. Oh, yeah. All business in there, Ryan, trying to figure out the crackling. That's not what was happening, Ryan. Come on, Ryan. So, unfortunately, it is. We're always hoping for a little. You remember Cody?

Were you working with Engineer Cody? You didn't have overlap? No. Oh, John. Oh, God. So, Engineer Cody was always looking at, like, The Chive and, like, Nine Gag and The Lad Bible and stuff like that. And so, when we would catch him

doing, like, a mischief, it was, like, fun. And it was, like, nine minutes of show. Like, if you just looked at his screen at any point, you had, like, nine minutes of comedy. But for Ryan, when he tells us what he's actually doing, we have to scramble away from it back into the show we keep

hoping and at this point it's my fault but i swear ryan has to do something interesting at some point like he's reading some editing user manual there he really is troubleshooting yeah yeah or he's shopping for like uh like a electric accordion or something. That's terrible radio. What are you guys going to do? Let's go back into what we were doing. Well, I'll do what we always do now here at Earwolf. It's becoming more and more popular. I'm going to spank Kevin. Wouldn't that be a good show?

It's kind of a reset. Yeah. For most Earwolf shows. Are we just spanking him before he does anything wrong now? Is that what's happening just in case? I don't think he was doing anything wrong in the freedom show. And we spank him just to kind of have it, so we can just lay it in. Just bank it.

Just bank it. The spank bank. Can we do a couple wild spanks? Just get a whole reel of them? Give me three in a row real quick. So on the show, the retirement party show. I do feel like Kevin's playing it very close to the vest, because he doesn't want to lose this prize he has of being spanked on the show the retirement party show i do feel like kevin's playing very close to invest because he doesn't want to lose this prize he has of being spanked on the other show right if

he says the wrong thing maybe the spankings will stop it's the most famous he's ever been if he acknowledges how fucked up it is he can't risk that okay i get it i respect you kevin hey guys chef coven here thanks john uh so the that you're doing, retirement party show. Yes. You tell stories from showbiz on it. I love the way you say stories. Cause that's how I feel about stories too. Right.

Stories. Yes. The wonder, where's the wonder. Thank you. I feel like what I'm doing more though, is I'm, I'm manipulating my friends to tell stories from my career.

So it's like, and you get paid. I get paid from my career so it's like and you get paid I get paid so well because it's stitcher premium yes um so people come in from different periods of my career and I kind of bait them into telling things about me and we tell stories together so I'm not having to do all the work by myself well we're not we haven't been part of different periods of your career until right now I'm on your show you know i know but we're telling you we are available to do anything uh and we should do the show and i have a lot of story you want to hear a story i'd love to hear a story yes i was uh consulting i was doing a cup of coffee

on yes father uh and open the window and a bee came inside. Inside the set, which was already inside. This was writers. This was a writer's room. Oh, but if you can imagine a bee being inside the room. Yes.

With those kinds of personalities. Thank you. Oh, yep. And you were there. yes no i so the b i'm i wasn't sure it was the same b you were talking about so the b came inside and john it was mayhem and i remember turning to haze and i just thought well we'll remember this one for better or worse yeah and we i've been looking for a way to monetize it.

And I think your show is a perfect venue for that story. I'd love to have you tell that story. I'd love it as a credit sequence, a title sequence, whatever. I worked with someone once where there was a spill. And as he got the paper towels, he said totally seriously, he was upset. This is how this happens. This is how what happens? The spill.

I think, like, guys have been goofing around. Like, maybe someone threw a ball or something. i don't remember why there was a spill but he felt people hadn't been careful enough and he was really upset rough housing yeah but in a comedy room oh yeah you have to yeah he's a target you've got to wrestle around a little exactly and so the guy who says this is how this happens he's a target for the rest of the year. Yeah, names. Forget it. Yeah, we need his name because he's- Craig. Craig. Oh, no.

Oh, and he's a friend. Not of mine. Uh-oh. And here we go, the first big fight on the show. And in comedy tradition, let's wrestle, you and I. Oh, boy. Let's start roughhousing horseplay. Start throwing things out.

This is how this happens. Uh- out. This is how this happens. Uh-oh, this is how this happens. So we have to, one reason we want to have you here. Yeah. Every year, very consistently, we do, when it's time for the new pilots, we give sort of a preview of the new shows and pilots that are happening. And which is it that we do? Do we do the pilots that are getting made or the new shows that are happening and which is it that we do do we do the pilots that are getting

made or the new shows that are on tv last time that we did it i think the new shows were just about to come out okay and so now they clips of all the table reads now i don't think we'll do that today um because it's just not that kind of show but this will be sort of a recap roundup where we recap all the pilots that have just aired yes uh and man there were some doozies this year yes john is television in the best state it's ever been there's a lot of choices yes there's so many options yes each better than the next. And the stuff that you guys like, that's what we like. And it seems like every TV has a different show now.

Have you found this to be true? It's unbelievable. In my house. Right? Mm-hmm. And the screens on these things, mama mia. They all have different guys on them. Yeah. I've found.

And you can watch two things at once. Last night during the World Series, they were shrinking the screen for the commercials during play. Yeah. You were at the game, so you didn't see that. But that was weird. Second screen. They're doing that now.

Second screen experience. And that's how I watch all my shows now. I'm always on the show's website as well. But I like to be in control of it. Oh, yeah. I don't want the TV showing me the show's website and three different things and a commercial. I want to get to pick which is in which box. I'm always reading the Twitter feed of the writing staff.

Oh, so funny. Yes, yes. The writer's room has to have their own Twitter feed. I'm going through that. So I have a sense of their voice before I even get into the show. They always stay with it, which I love that. It's never just something that the writer's room does in the first week.

And it was like, we need a Twitter feed for like some of the jokes. Okay. All the craziest quotes are going in the feed. This is not getting lost. They never just abandon it after like a week and a half and then there's like a picture from set yeah but i like to go on the show's website i have my asus transformer pad out right next to the television and i'm pinching and

squeezing the screen and making things larger and smaller. I'm reading old episode descriptions. I'm watching little videos of one of the side characters. I remember years ago, John, I worked on a show called 30 Rock. I was a background actor. I played one of the writers in the room. A little bit foreshadowing of what my life would be. and Lonnie Ross had a concept to do a web series that could be promoted during the show about like Lonnie's adventures he'd be on a big comedy tour and he'd go with two of the writers and so as myself Anthony Taminik we're going to be the two writers and he would be like getting into a jam like almost getting into a jam, like almost

getting into a bar fight. And then the writers would write some good idea and slide it to him on a cocktail napkin. And then he'd do one of his impressions, maybe Seinfeld or something. And then he'd get out of it. And that's the kind of thing that I think makes TV shows so much better. Now, of course, they did not let him do this, John. And it's because it was just too early. And the first through the wall always gets bloody. So he was just a writer on the show and no one ever knew who he was.

Lonnie? No, no, no, no, no. No, Lonnie was on the show. He was in the first couple seasons. He was the guy doing the impressions. He was sort of the Jimmy Fallon stand-in type guy. Yeah. And then they replaced him with

Cheyenne Jackson. Right? Why didn't they get Fallon? I think there was a conflict. There was a conflict. Taxi. Yes. Taxi was filming at the same time, right next door.

You ever been part of a good show Twitter feed in the writer's room that basically becomes the real show? I'm trying to think of if I've never been part of a good show Twitter feed, but I was thinking of another question. Has there ever been a romance based on an in-show Twitter feed? One of those writer's rooms where it's like, they're writing about the dynamics inside the show, right? Yeah. Did those people ever get together? They must sometimes, right?

Because they're speaking sort of a love language, who's up, who's down. Some golden couple in the writer's room emerges with status, right? And then they start looking at each other like, well, we're the only high status ones in this room. We're getting a lot of play on the feed. We're kind of a golden status, right? And then they start looking at each other like, well, we're the only high status ones in this room. We're getting a lot of play on the feed. We're a golden couple, right? So let's just do it.

Yeah. That's what happens, right? Let's stop competing, right? Or keep competing. That's our thing then. We'll be a rich boss Bonnie McFarland, whatever. We'll be a couple that just does jokes at each other too. And we love each other.

We got to talk about some of these shows. These new shows. The new shows. That just came out. Are we talking network? People are going crazy for them. It's all over the map. Network, pay cable, basic cable.

Okay, here we go. TV shows, yes. What's one of the shows? Oh, one of the big ones that i'm into yeah um well spider tennis to me i think is like the one that i was surprised that i liked because i am so scared of spiders they could be anywhere and they're just addicted to biting um the idea that one of them would be a country club tennis coach uh and would also be best friends with michael malley was like a total revelation because well a racket is a racket is a web right yeah thank you yes what is a racket a web and and honestly, if you really think about it, so is the net.

Yes. And the spider can make both of those things and coach the team. Oh, he was so at home. Yeah, yeah. And it was such a more natural. When I got the script, it was called Arachidarachnid. Yeah. And it's one of those things. It's a better title, but it was too clever.

They go, well, it doesn't tell you what it is. And we'll face it. We're making this for the flyover states and some of those people are going to hear flyover states in this case is states that have flies over everything and so the fantasy of a spider yes coming to their town who can buy a tennis lesson but then go hey can you eat all the cake i've got? Oh my God. And just deal with the flies, you're saying, right?

Yes. To eat them. To eat the flies, yeah. They get caught in the tennis racket and the net. Yeah. What do you think about this?

Do you have any friends working on this show? They must have gone out to you. I feel like I heard a lot about the show right and like i don't understand the process and it seemed like one of those shows the more i heard about were like the technical people are going to take over you know because you're not training spiders to do all these things so ultimately i'm a comedy writer but i'm like in the hands of like some editor who

says i can do this i can't do that he and he's probably lying to me and it's like that like son of zorn thing right like ultimately like yeah it's animation so the comedy writers lose control and the guy who's gonna have control is the guy who has control over the spider over the spider yes yeah that's right ultimately it's the spider puppeteer or it's graphics or whatever it is but however in this case it is a puppet in this case it's a puppeteer it In this case, it's a puppeteer. It's a spider marionette. Well, that's better. That's better than a tech guy, because when you've got a tech guy in control of it, that's impossible.

But I have heard from people working on the show, they'll go to the puppeteer and be like, can he do this move or this dance? And he'll be like, no, I can't do it. But it's clear that he has his own dance that he wants the spider to do. Or it's the kind of actor, it's like, can the spider do this dance? No, I absolutely can't do it. Well, can you do that dance? Oh, yeah, can't do it. Well, can you do that dance? Oh, yeah, I can do it.

Oh, yeah. So what are you telling me? Okay. The spider's more limited than you are as a person. That's a choice that an actor's making that I don't want to be a part of. Even though he has more legs. I'll yell at those actors. Good.

I hate the way we limit ourselves. Yeah, and actors do it. They'll willfully limit themselves. No, my character wouldn't do that. Would you do that? Oh, under some extreme circumstances, sure. But your character never would? Come on, John Larroquette.

Names. I love when we get the names. Yes, we finally got the name. But that's just one of the shows. I feel like we should talk about others. Well, a couple of years ago, there was Pasta Mon, which was the Rastafarian pasta cook. And now there's a backdoor pilot of that that is Ramen Dad,

which I guess is a play on mom and dad. Ramen Dad. Yeah. It was called, so they were going to call it Instant Family. But then the movie came out at the same time, and it's like, okay, now it's Ram and Dad. Mm-hmm. Yeah. And it's... When I read it, it was

Ram and Mom. Okay. But then they got Ram Emanuel. But it all sounds like Ramadan, right? To me... I think that's intentional. Okay. Well, I know the pilot... I thought it was supposed to sound like Mom and Dad. I don't know. The pilot originally, when I read it, was in sort of like a Rashomonal. Okay. Well, I know the pilot... I thought it was supposed to sound like mom and dad. I don't know. The pilot originally, when I read it, was in sort of like a Rashomon style.

And I think they were all around trying to get... They were like, ramen is close enough that we should be able to do something that does sound like it. But it never did. Because the M's in the wrong place. Because the M's in the wrong place. And so it's Rahm Emanuel and his dad have inherited a ramen factory from the mom, who is alive, but just doing other stuff. Yeah, she's got too busy. Has new interests.

And the pilot, she's on a flight. And she's going like, I don't know when they're going to land this thing. Which to me, that's not how I think of flights. That's why I didn't like Apollo 13. They're just shivering in a capsule the whole time. Yes, this is kind of a similar thing. That's not a movie. Yeah, except this time, in both cases, she's totally passive, just sitting there.

When I first heard about the show, what I liked, I liked the thought, because I'm a single father, I liked the thought of like, a dad doing the best he can, making ramen for the kid. Like maybe it's not a five course dinner, but like dad's giving the kid a hot meal, right? Yes. But then I tuned in

and I see it's a ramen factory and I'm out. I don't need a business of a ramen factory. I need a father and a son at home with the noodles. But it's a workplace family thing, which is getting more popular now. I'm fine if they don't even have a ramen. I I need a father and a son at home with the noodles. But it's a workplace family thing, which is getting more popular now. I'm fine if they don't even have a ramen.

I'm fine if the ramen dad is just, that's a personal relationship at home. I don't care if they have an insurance business out in the world. Okay. At the factory. That you don't really see a lot, but we can go there if we need it.

I'm happy to go to a workplace. I don't want to explode the concept that I love into this big ramen story, where that's a little intimate story. That's a family moment. But you do want to explode. Your pitch't want to explode the concept that I love into this big ramen story, where that's a little intimate story. That's a family moment. But you do want to explode. Your pitch would be to explode the ramen factory. If we could explode it and get rid of it, and then it's gone, and now they're just at

home grieving, eating ramen, great. Okay, grieving because people did die in it, in the explosion? I think they lost the business. Oh, they lost it. They're mourning the loss of the business. And they lost mom, even though mom's alive. Now, I heard a real pitch in the late 80s, early 90s, and this was

delivered from Warren Littlefield when he was at NBC to a friend of mine. And your ramen family's reminding me. Here's what it was. I just want to say, before you do say this, he does listen. I think that's great. Warren, here's what you pitched my friend, Don. A family show called The Pranks.

They wake up. This is a true story. Morning till night, it's nothing but pranks. It's wall-to-wall pranks with this prank family, right? Their name is Pranks as well? I think the show is called The Pranks. I think their name was Pranks. Has to be.

Even if it wasn't, who cares? It's wall-to-wall pranks. Like, you know what you're getting with The Prank Family. Walter Prank. So my friend goes in. Here's the pitch. Walter Wall Prank. Walter Wall Prank.

It's always a little bit humiliating when the president of the network is clearly going down the line, pitching it to writers who are saying no. And so he does the pitch to my friend. And friend says, I don't really, I don't understand what's the show. At which point Warren Littlefield says, picture breakfast, picture the toast. So I guess when I heard the- Literally just picture the toast. Yeah.

He's too big with breakfast. Breakfast gives you too many things. Picture the toast. Think about what they could do with the toast and then go through the rest of their day. So, like, I hear the ramen thing at first. I was hopeful, like, it's a more sort of post-comedy dramedy version of Picture the Toast. Yeah. It's kind of, yeah.

That's why I didn't want to go to the factory. Sort of a ramedy. Can I say, I've been watching a reality show. Please. My friends and I call it Grease Police. I don't even know what it's called. The way it is, it's a show. It's kind of like cops,

but basically they catch restaurants dumping grease down storm drains. And so- Wait, so it's not called Grease Police? It should be called that. That's just what we call it. I don't even know what it's called. I think it's called saying like,

it doesn't have as good a title, honestly, which is why it's not memorable. And I always find it by searching grease on the thing thing, because Grease is somewhere in the title. And so sometimes they'll start like it's going to be a restaurant story, but you have a sense of foreboding, because you know they're being busted. Sometimes you'll start more like with the cops. But ultimately, what it's building to is this moment, like, did you dump Grease down a storm drain? And there's a lot of cameras. They admit it.

Yeah, yes, I did. Is someone embedded there in the restaurant and they send in someone in glasses with a camera on it to be an undercover grease boss. If you're asking, they throw so many resources at it. I mean, they have someone embedded, they have someone at the outside, they have someone at the police,

they have someone inspecting with the restaurants and everything has permission. Everything's being shot. And it usually reaches this incredible thing at the end where the person's like, I can't believe I did that. I can't believe I took this shortcut. what other kinds of shortcuts have i been taking my life like how can i improve as a person and then like all these grease please which the show could should be called there's like a whole support system comes in like we're gonna do better we're

gonna delay type thing it's everything it's everything i'm like we're not gonna dump the grease down the store great we're gonna dispose it properly and we're not going to dump the grease down the store. We're going to dispose it properly. And we're going to raise our children properly. And we're going to get in shape. You follow them through this whole thing. No, no. But you get like at the end, like we're going to do better now. We're going to do better. I just looked it up.

It's called the oil foilers. Why? I guess they're foiling their plans to dump this cooking oil. So I must be searching grease. I'm like, it comes back. Do you mean oil? Like, call it grease, please. The algorithms are so good.

They find it. They find it. I have so much admiration for the undercover chefs who embed themselves in these restaurants for years. This is dangerous. Devising a menu. Yes. It's really scary.

Defending these people all the time, knowing they're going to drop the hammer on them. Yeah. And like, basically when the other people find out that's not a chef and they've all got kitchen knives, that's intense. Oh, please. That is probably the moment every episode where I'm kind of watching like this. And for those of you at home,

I'm putting my hands up to my eye and I'm just peeking through two of the fingers. And sometimes with the guy who's embedded, like the FBI, is he like spurring these guys on to dispose of the grease more easily? So then we have a show and we can catch them? Because that's not cool. Yeah, because what are we going to do? Just like they're not going to dump the grease.

Yeah. We have no show. They've got to dump the grease. And we spend all this money. If they're not dumping the grease, we've got nothing. I'm glad you brought up reality shows. I've been watching this one that I really like. It's called Shady in the Lamp.

It's a romance between Eminem and lighting design. And so Slim Shady, who's a little bit of Ben in that persona, he's a little older, more of a father now, but he still will get back into it, and he will find the most hardcore lampshades, track lighting, bulbs, old schoolhouse milk glass sort of covers for your overhead lighting. He hates this movement towards LED, these LED cans that they put in all the roofs. I mean, you know, of course it provides a lot of light, but it's way too modern looking for some of the homes that he's going into.

of course it provides a lot of light, but it's way too modern looking for some of the homes that he's going into. And just for him to find a passion beyond rap and to have a next chapter has been sort of inspiring to me as someone who's getting older myself. Well, cause led lights, they go with self-sufficiency and like everyone's an Island and I'm not even going to get to know my neighbors because I've got solar and I've got leds, but like getting away from leds, it is like, let's talk to each other.

Whereas, yes, you have to share. The whole community has to get involved with these old-fashioned things. We're all wasting energy, so how are we going to make energy? Yes, that's right. Yes, it's a community thing. Now, Kevin, I know you've been feeling like you haven't been involved as much in the show lately. You're just kind of lingering at the table looking for an opportunity to get involved.

So you can say one of your favorite shows from this new season. Well, I was going to suggest, do you know the show American Horror Story? Oh, Jesus, Kevin. Like, what if it's America's horror story, and it's a documentary, and every single person tells the scariest story they've ever heard? The scariest one they've ever heard. I'd watch. Yeah.

I mean, some of them would just be telling episodes of American Horror Story, honestly. Yeah, and why do you have to change the title? I mean, I guess because the other show already exists, but what you're describing could also be called American Horror Story. To change it to America's doesn't really seem essential. Well, but I like that you can franchise it, because then you bring this over as Romania's Horror Story. Okay, but that's good. Now it's France's Horror Story.

I like the sort of medicated, doped out look that comes over Kevin's face when he likes a show. When he loves a show, he gets such a stupid look on his face, you guys. So this is not something

that exists. This is an idea that you have had. Because we're talking about shows, Kevin. Yeah, this is a show. Instead of seeing a scary story dramatized with actors, it's different people, different Americans,

telling a scary story. Yeah. Okay. And then at the end, America actually sort of takes ownership in these stories in a way, America's hearts. Because once we've told them, they belong to us as a country. And so is there a competition element,

or we're just kind of going one by one through these people telling their stories? It could be a competition, and each one ends with the person saying, and that's America's Horror Story. And that makes it a competition? Yeah, whoever kind of sticks the landing ball. Live from New York. That's America's Horror Story.

I mean, people like convention. They like that York I mean that's America's horror story I mean people like convention they like that yeah it's true Kevin was pitching me something earlier this week based on the pranks

he was he had heard your story about the pranks before and he wanted to do a show called the Spanx he's like it's me it's PFT

it's Scott it's Lackus picture the toast. Christmas with the Spanx. Imagine breakfast. Picture the toast, baby. Kevin's shutting down again. He can't take these risks.

Come on. I'm backing away. Don't do this to Kevin. Wow. Okay. Are there any other shows? Is that all the shows there's one that i think was stolen from me oh okay yeah did you guys ever like tweet about something and then it's a real show like don't do okay don't do your show pitches on social media you guys yeah

because people read social media so a couple years ago i had an idea unless it's shit my dad says i won't say then you should exactly and that's well that's targeted but what i did wasn't targeted i was just like spray hitting late at night what's a show idea and i happened to land on something that like hit a nerve which is that moms don't put themselves first and you've got these moms right where it's time to finally mom how can you take care of the family if you don't put yourself first? So the show is called Mom's Oxygen First. And it's based on that wonderful thing that the flight attendant says, mom.

Yes. Not always moms. Whoever, adults, if you're with someone who needs assistance, do your own oxygen first. Take care of yourself. Don't neglect yourself. And then you can take care of your family. So you've got a family. And the show is called Mom's Oxygen First.

You've got a show, and it's like you've got mom who hasn't been taking care of herself, and consequently the family's falling apart. And mom's like, I can't take care of myself. That would be selfish. We're falling apart as a family. You've got to take care of yourself. Mom starts taking care of herself. The family starts flourishing.

And so I'm writing about it on twitter like an idiot and so what comes on tv this fall mom's oxygen first unbelievable i just want to explain to people that don't know you said you were spray hitting uh and that is baseball yes like well it's kind of like a hash oil it's like it's a drug thing you also call it baseball or playing pepper i guess is kind of what yeah sure but that's that's infuriating what were the tweets right you was it a thread you just like you know i thread myself of course like an idiot so i laid out the show the entire thing i laid it out bible in a thread i made it all clear and you know i'm like by the way everyone this doesn't take place on a plane. That's a metaphor.

There's a big speech in the pilot about oxygen. Mom's oxygen. Instead of a speech from the pilot. It's more like, were you ever on a plane? I probably should have said it on a plane. But it's more like a character's like, were you ever on a plane? And the flight attendant says this thing like I just did. So there's nothing immediate about it.

Someone thinks of it. Well, because Cole opened, right? She's harried. She's getting to the airport. She's, do you have your food? Let me get your juice. You got it. And everything is going wrong for her. She's, you know, the stroller runs over her foot and she's just getting destroyed.

And then she's sitting there and they're going through the rules right before you take off. And they mention, like, make sure you put your own oxygen on first. And you see this kind of revelation. And as you hear the like ding of the sign going on, it's like a light bulb. And when I find, when I used to talk about this with women, cause I didn't just tweet about it. I talked about it because mainly on dates, cause they love to hear it. Like I would go on, yeah, I would go on dates with single moms.

Right. And I would talk about moms neglecting themselves and like moms oxygen first. And you would see this like wave of calmness and desire wash over their faces. Like I feel suddenly- So like a very relaxed horniness. Yeah, like I understand.

Yeah, like now I finally, I get it. And now I have like a mature desire for you. Women love it. So it's ringing a bell. It's like a once in a lifetime thing mom's oxygen we live in a period of time yeah

and I gave it away just pitching she's on the plane Dylan McDermott is the pilot okay Captain Dave she's sitting next to Ed she's sitting next to Ed Weeks yeah and she's literally

hyperventilating she's like been doing so much and putting herself last she's literally out of breath and nothing's even happened. And the oxygen's not coming down because there's no plane problems. It's just a lot of talk about oxygen. But she is short of breath.

And the kids have too much oxygen. They're getting sick. They're getting an oxygen bar. They're getting loaded. And the kids have no immune system because it's been all oxygen. They can't handle an ash. They can't handle one little thing wrong without getting pneumonia is that how it works with too much oxygen you your immune system is proper one single pile of ash or you're dead meat you can't handle anything

this is an episode of america and america's horror story i gotta get the title right it is yeah very important that the title is correct yeah so anyway i gave it kind of like you know why didn't springsteen record because the night why didn't i write mom why didn't i even pitch mom sock because it's all there in the pitch like i wouldn't even had to write it i could have just sold it and have like whatever brad copeland write it who cares yeah get some friend of mine to write it yeah He'll do it. I had the idea. For anyone who doesn't know the Springsteen stories referencing, it's pretty

intricately detailed in the documentary series The Defiant Ones, which reminds me of The Flagrant Ones, hashtag The Flagrant Ones, a Patreon podcast about basketball hosted by myself, Hayes Davenport, and Carl Tartt. I only bring that up to clarify John's point. And I obviously would never promote

a totally separate show on this show. And also, express some sort of ownership. Mail it to yourself. Whatever you have to do. Like, that's your show, okay? Yes. I hate turning on the TV and seeing my tweet. Just for...

Yeah. Well, that's why I stopped watching the news. You know what I mean? Because they're always taking my commentary on whatever happened. Mailing it to yourself isn't even safe anymore because these postal workers will hold it up to the light

and take your show. They'll steam it open. And they'll post-date it. They'll actually stamp the wrong date. Yeah. To show that they had the idea a day before, and then they go home and write it in their diary. Yeah, superstore.

Justin Spitzer was a mailman. So he knows. Yeah. And that originally was a show that I had devised called Brad, Beth, and Beyond. It was set in Bed, Bath, and Beyond. Brad was sort of a ne'er-do-well, always Beyond. It was set in Bed, Bath, and Beyond. Brad was sort of a ne'er-do-well, always

doing crazy stuff in the aisles, jumping in the shopping cart and crashing into other people. And then Beth, not to step on mom's oxygen first, she was a harried single mother who was assigned to manage this Bed, Bath, and Beyond. And are those two going to find a common ground?

Is he going to loosen her up? And is she going to straighten his life out in a way where all of a sudden, hello, he's becoming a good dad and he's teaching mom to get some of her oxygen first, Brad, Bath & Beyond. Yeah, yeah. It seems like they could get along because he is his ne'er-do-well. He could use some of that extra ne'er on her because she is so harried. But to show that he's controlling,

could Brad Bath & Beyond own a container store instead of a Bed Bath & Beyond? Could Brad Bath & Beyond be about a man named Brad who owns a container store, not a Bed Bath & Beyond? Okay. Interesting. Everything in his work life is so contained i mean it's unfortunate that the pun works better with bed bath and beyond i am married

to the title but if we could call it brad bath and beyond about but it's set in a container store i'm not against it maybe he's jealous of maybe bed bath and beyond comes like i'm jealous so i wish i could be like the bed bath and his home life is like spilling out. Can Nicole Byer still work there? Yeah. She's just like over it. She would have to become Nicole's seller. Ah, yes. If she's working at the store.

Right. But also if she's got a larger than life attitude, like I cannot be contained unless it's a bed, bath, and beyond. Okay. It has to be a bed, bath, and beyond. Well, I need someone to be like, when are you two just going to get this over with? Yeah. Get down to business.

Who do you like to see in that part? I have a pitch. Okay, go ahead. Okay, I'll hear it out. You think about what makes a good comedy. It's the supporting actors. What show had the greatest, funniest supporting actors of all time? Mad About You, Cousin Ira. So that to me. John Panco, time? Mad about you, Cousin Ira.

So that to me. John Pankow, baby. It seems like a Cousin Ira to me. So we're going to get Pankow in there to do a little hanky-panky on the Pankow. And then they had that woman who was so funny, too, the other character, the sister. Okay. This is Cousin Ira's cousin?

No, no, it's like Helen Hunt's sister, right? Okay. I'm back to Mad About You, those really funny supporting Okay. Yes. This is cousin Ira's cousin? No, no. It's like Helen Hunt's sister, right? Okay. I'm back to Mad About You, those really funny supporting characters. Yes. Right. Yes. Well, of course, that introduced us to Ursula, Lisa Kudrow's twin sister to Phoebe. Yes.

Who got to cross over between Mad About You and Friends, which was like the thrill of a lifetime, where you're like, I know her from somewhere. And then Friends goes, here's where you know her from, the show that was on right before. I thought that reflected very well on Mad About You, that they could get Ursula. Friends didn't need it. Friends didn't need Mad About You.

If anything, the idea that they were connected made Friends a little depressing. Uh-huh. And that was Littlefield's genius. That was all his idea to have the characters. Making all the shows one show and then supersizing them. Picture the toast. Remember the horrible supersized shows?

Yeah. 40 minutes. There's a comedy number. We all needed 10 more minutes of what? Because it wasn't just even just Frasier and Friends and Will and Grace. There were other shows that were supersizing. Well, a lot of these characters

had understayed their welcome. Like, why is George Segal on Just Shoot Me just flying through when he could stay and sit and have a five-minute conversation and we could supersize it? It's a great feeling on some Netflix shows now to be 22 minutes in and feel like you're done, but you have a delicious 18 minutes remaining.

Yeah, my internal clock is not okay with that. Cousin Ira in To Live and Die in L.A.? Maybe. It's neither here nor there, but I think he's in that totally fucked up freaking movie. It's like the partner to Michael Peterson. William Peterson. So William Peterson, that's right. Michael Peterson, of course,

is my favorite murderer from The Staircase. Oh, my favorite murderer. I didn't mean to shout out another podcast. Kevin, Earwolf owns that one or no? No, but we're cousins. Okay, great. They came over here for one second, right? They're with Midroll.

Midroll. Midroll's part of this right yeah you know i feel like this company has had four different names and none of them are that great so like over the years what have we had earwolf stitcher howl midroll midroll scripts scripts is involved if you had to go with one of those because everyone has a different email address too like if you had to go with one of those names which is is it ear email address too. Like if you had to go with one of those names, which is, is it Earwolf?

The one that people know? Earwolf is the brand I think that is recognizable. Howell was a better offshoot, I think than Stitcher, but Stitcher was an already existing app and company. And so they had to fold that in. Midroll, Stitcher and Earwolf all being one company feels like

some sort of Ponzi scheme where things are being hidden from each other. That's actually Midroll's money. Find the lady. Colin's getting three paychecks a week, right? Oh, yeah. God damn it, Colin. It has to be happening. You don't leave the BBC unless you're getting three

paychecks a week. How do I get out of bed. What's the next episode that we have to look forward to of John Levenstein's show? Of my podcast, you mean? Yeah. I believe what's happening is there, because it was on Stitcher Premium, so I've been behind the paywall, right? And when you're behind a paywall, friends get mad at you. Yes.

They yell at you at parties. Even when they sign up and they listen to it and they like it, they're a little mad that they had to go through that process. So finally we're being set free. And I guess they're starting with episode one on November 5th, which is about when Sit and Spin, this group I was with in the early 2000s where we would read stories on stage, where we went to the Aspen Comedy Festival in 2002.

And while I was on stage, someone in the audience threw up. And it caused a big stir that weekend. And so we got the people in the studio and we talked about it. And then we got that guy on the phone. He's an, what is he? You got the throw up guy? Yeah, we got the throw up guy. He works for, he used to be an agent.

When he threw up during my monologue, he was an agent. But now he works for Caesar's Palace in Las Vegas. Wow. And in the course of talking about, like, it's me and Jill Soloway and the other people were there, we're, like, building up this anger towards him as we're talking about, like, what happened back then in Aspen in 2002 when this asshole agent threw up when I was on stage. Was it really loud? Well, it just cleared the place.

And then there was a 45-minute delay in the show, and it was a midnight show. The whole thing was a nightmare. But when we finally got him on the phone, he was a surprisingly sympathetic character. For someone who would do something as evil as throw up. Yeah, the malicious throwing up guy who I imagined. No, we were just mad he'd ruined our show. But it turned out, also, he hadn't just thrown up. He'd passed out.

Like, it was a serious thing. And then he woke up to find someone calling his boss to tell on him. So in the whole story, he emerged as much more sympathetic than we expected to the point that we're probably going to go to Vegas and visit him at some point. And he's going to give us a deal. A deal at Caesar. You got to stay. He was such a sympathetic character that you've decided to leverage your relationship with him. He's going to love it. Ryan can confirm this. He was such a sympathetic character that you've decided to leverage your relationship with him.

He's going to love it. Ryan can confirm this. He was full of the offers that we've got to come to Vegas and he'll give us a deal. And he was actually misguided enough to think that he wanted us to recreate the spoken word show in Vegas. And he'd throw up again? I think he just thought it would be a crowd pleaser. Maybe he thinks Kiel Soloway travels or something,

but it's okay. Which, which room in Vegas are we going to perform these first person narrative little bits of musing for you? I don't think, I don't think we'd fly in Vegas.

Well, they'll cancel Celine for one night. America's Horror Story hosted by America Ferreira. Bye.