Hollywood Handbook - John Owen Lowe, Our Next Gen Friend

Episode Date: March 14, 2023

The Boys and JOHNNY LOWE help Chef Kevin prepare for his wedding.Watch the video recording of this episode at Patreon.com/TheFlagrantOnes.See Hollywood Handbook live in Los Angeles March 29th with guest Timothy Simons at the Dynasty Typewriter!Click for ticketsSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This is a HeadGum Podcast. Well, this is exciting. Like, this is a cool next chapter for us. I think even the way we've changed, like, we've been growing recently. Like, the show has been looking forward. We don't talk over the song really anymore the way we used to we're not doing these like corny ass like bitch ass like fucking just like lame ass like i have a story oh this happened to me for my story hey have a story it's not fucking stories what it is is just like raw shit real shit and it's like it's the next

gen of hollywood handbook yeah and so how fitting that we're doing tri-month next gen it's also i mean all that is exciting for that's like that's exactly the word i was thinking exciting yeah it's also it's weird it's fucked your mouth was making the word exciting as i was saying it and i could see you making the little x up at the top but it's also it's you agree it's fucked it's like objectively fucked it's it's sick it's disgusting all of this today feels like that too in a way that's like really exciting like oh my god i'm so excited but at the same time we have to acknowledge right the reality which is this shit's fucked yeah i want to go back god i mean like i don't this i feel like this show is like

all context there's so much that people just need to understand about what's happening today we've got a pipe issue as they would say in a in a writer's room um there's a lot of shoe leather to account for because you do need backstory for this episode to work kevin our producer kevin bartelt that's him he's here in in the studio the prince of the bartelt insurance castle yes he is responsible for a lot of different things on the show um it used to be that he would come in and take one picture he would take one photograph he doesn't do that anymore i guess that was like the main thing was taking the one picture and that was the most substantive contribution where at the end we would actually have a picture right and that always felt like i know what kevin did today yes he has graduated to a you know more prestigious role but i long for when i knew what he was doing but booking has increasingly become part of if not his work at least what we've

asked him to do yes yes and it's march it's tri-month so this is like really the the primary area this is like the time of year where booking kicks into high gear and a lot of times we're scrambling for a guest a little bit you know it's hard we do a show every week not a big deal but march is always targeted as like this we're gonna know exactly what we're doing and it's gonna kick a little ass and there's a huge lead-up time where we start talking about it in like august what our goals are and the shows are usually kind of badder on them because we're saving our energy for March. At least that's sort of what I had thought. Because we have Tri-Month coming up.

Yes. And we had Mackenzie Davis who was in like... Station 11. Station 11. New guest for us. Lots of like... She books like big budge shit. You know?

And so like that was awesome. awesome that was i just felt we were fucking owning it um we were on a rocket ship and then kevin comes to us to be the fucking challenger um or like or late last week i guess and it's like, I just want to let you know something. I have nothing. Loving this intro. I have absolutely nobody. So us. We have to do something. And so I said, no, we don't. You have

to do something. Figure out something that's going to save the show. I guess other context that we need. Kevin has emotional problems. He has has that's important to note yes um kevin is um stunted i mean you see he looks like a little boy you see this right yeah oh yeah no it's he's like a big little boy and he he feels that way, I think, inside as well. So that's good to know because I think sometimes he comes face to face with having to do grown-up stuff like doing your job, booking guests, or being in a committed relationship. Yes.

You know, a healthy adult relationship. By all accounts, a wonderful relationship. Oh. a wonderful relationship oh and his damage is i think creating as healthy a relationship as he can i think he's doing his best i think he's doing his best yeah sure yeah but in order to not take it any further you know what i mean like that's like whether it's sadism or masochism or both, or it's like kind of a relationship edging where for years and years, this relationship has been like fully cooked, you know, and he has just. Is he edging right now? Well, I mean, I guess what we're what we're here to discuss and one of the reasons we brought you is that this past weekend kevin finally bust yeah i mean if we if we can phrase it that way kevin busted and like i can tell if

we're talking literally i can tell like just looking at now i can tell that he has not he hasn't done that for a while he hasn't actually yeah i could see that too um he said for all of trimon that it like it sharpens his senses. He's not going to explode the whole month. Yeah, saves his look. Yeah. Yeah. No explosions.

Did you shower today? Big shower today. Really? Okay. What is a big shower? Yeah, how big? At least six minutes. I can't argue with that.

So we have all that context provided provided we do have a guest that's speaking as well yeah so we i want to talk about kevin busting like a little bit yeah kevin in order to save tri-month did propose to his girlfriend now fiance uh i i do want to talk about that but i guess i don't know if i should have texted you or something but we had actually booked someone by that point who we were excited about so i don't know you might not he said he said i have something even better than a guest i'm going to get married to save the show yes and we kind of felt like boy that's not how you save the show. You should do what we did, which is go out, you know, put our ear to the ground,

to Hollywood Boulevard specifically, and say, what's coming next? Because Tri-Month in the past, we've gotten these people who, they're in all these movies and all this bullshit. Yes. And you know them from these things, you're you have these ideas attached them oh that's don draper you know what i mean oh that's dare to be stupid or whatever but this time what we have is i think we're the first ones paddling into the wave and it's and it's tri-month next gen and we have finally managed to secure a guest who i would say a year from now we wouldn't be able to book you

tri-month or other who are we going to be trying to book yeah next march let's get them now this number is this is not even a phone number holy shit that's not even a fucking phone number this number is not doing phones this number is in the garbage now because of because of how much the career has gone yeah so so we do have johnny low how do you like your name to be said i think you did fine okay yeah we've got johnny low and i'm high on that and i'll say i'll tell you something i noticed about your name as well okay whoa if you just kind of scritch out half of the w that's love yeah and we're talking about kevin's love as well like the like the vich dubleve that's exactly right you see that vich yeah yeah i'm named after that actually you're named after the vich yes wow the timing doesn't add up and the goat and stuff

yeah you're named after all that i actually the name of the goat is black philip that's okay that's right so you're named after that as well yeah they thought that was that wouldn't that wouldn't work that wouldn't really be a good name for you? No. Okay, all right, I see that. I'm actually rocking with that decision. Did you see my motorcycle shirts I've been selling? We got to.

And we will have the conversation about what, I guess, has changed in the show about you being like engaged now yeah it's not that it's not you being able to talk about your motorcycle shirts yes i saw them if you can if you can read this the vavitch fell off yes i saw that that's it but we cannot be talking about any of your motorcycle shirts on the show. It is try it. It remains tri-month. I really didn't try to establish that.

So like that it's, even though I guess you are finally trying to like fulfill your woman, which was not a concern from what I understand for quite some time. That's fine. Try to do that. But when we're on the show and we say try month, we mean like trying to make the show good, trying to get a great next gen guest star,

big Netflix show about to come out. Here's some funny writers working on it. Oh yeah. Oh yeah. Yeah. Colin stable. So go ahead. Check it out.

March 30th pending. What's it pending? Just if it's loading. Yeah. Oh yeah it's still from what i understand the page they can't get it's got the little uh circle on it got it got it so um but to be clear by the way i'm not next march i'm not coming back i can't do it that's i just checked that's awesome that's great that means that makes me feel smart you would think oh that makes you feel bad that actually makes me feel smart that we did get you know i go i made the right decision because you're doing the show right now right it's like when you park in a parking spot really far away from the venue

and you're always like nervous as you walk like am i gonna see a way better parking spot but what you're saying is like no there was nothing yeah there was nothing yeah there was nothing else about this yeah i i feel good and it's been going well so far i now are we going to circle back to the motorcycle shirts at some point or well i had a different shirt i wanted to talk about a different motorcycle shirt you could wear it on a motorcycle but it would just be and this and this is just an idea i think of all shirts as motorcycle shirts really but it would say from now on i'm gonna call the big bang theory old sheldon from this point forward yes this time starting today the top of the shirt says announcement announcement yeah everybody get in here

can you wear any shirt on a motor you don't see people wearing like a big basketball jersey on a motorcycle i do i do you do oh yeah i feel like it would with the different holes i feel like it might make a whistle it may that's probably. That's probably a feature in a bug. It might be part of the appeal, yeah. You'd be like a siren screaming by. Okay, you've seen a big basketball jersey? Oh, yeah. I've seen some big ones.

Huge. People go, did George Mirison just whistle at me from a motorcycle? So we are always working with the tools in front of us, right? And we have Hollywood Next Gen March 2024. And we have a baby who's old. Old baby bought jewelry, I guess. That's sort of the headline, right? Somebody sold him a fucking rock.

He finally stopped edging and out bust a big old rock. So I guess we talk about how many carats first, right? Sure. What's up, Doc? Guess where I got it from? A place we have a rocky relationship with. You got it from Brilliant Earth? Did you use our code?

I did. That's ethical. It didn't work, but I had to use the URL, and I got a free necklace for my sweetie with it. I didn't fill out the pre-appointment survey so i got yelled at the moment we walked in kind of ruined the romantic excitement driving all the way there immediately was where is brilliant earth there's one in west hollywood okay this is living your truth yeah this man connected one of the most special days of his life and his wife to a podcast advertiser one who fired us yeah to both a podcast advertiser

and getting yelled at he managed to incorporate both of those experiences into this moment. Johnny, for context, we were yelled at by Brilliant Earth. They were a sponsor. I did an ad for them that they did not like. And so they said, never again will we advertise on your show. We want our money back. I said, I wasn't even aware we were getting money for this. I just wanted to get the word out about this ethical

jewelry company but in a way it all came full circle because you helped this man achieve love like Kevin's ring which I hear is not actually a full circle something on your phone Kev? just looking at the

the receipts each carrot is rung up as a separate charge. Traditionally, it's supposed to be six months of the Patriot. I am going to need a few months advance. Wow. For a sweetie. Okay. For my sweetie.

Wow. Because I got yelled at at Brilliant Earth. I walk in, they say, you did not. Big boy. Got a big chonk. He's like, give me a big chonky one what's your chonkiest ring i walk in they say you do you did not fill out the survey get out so they were mad about that and some of the rings we looked at they said oh good it's you take a seat not there sit on the fucking

floor why didn't you fill the survey out i thought that's what the appointment was for that we were gonna like do that together but apparently they prepare stuff for the appointment with the survey. Get thirsty, there's a dog bowl over there. Crawl over and lap it up. So it went to Brilliant Earth. Got the chonkiest ring I could find. Yeah. Made an Airbnb appointment for the most romantic city. Wait, did you ask them if they,

you say I have a funky fact, I say it look familiar. No, I didn't bring it up, but I did purchase it through the website using, uh, brilliant earth.com slash the boys and got a necklace for my sweetie. This week on the Patreon, the boys record another memorable pro version and the the Flager Ones are mostly talking all things basketball. Plus, see Hollywood Handbook live in Los Angeles March 29th

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To your bed, yeah. Your bed plus one. That's the opposite of what this is supposed to do. It's supposed to help you stay fueled up and feel good all day long. They have smoothies and things like that. Reservation for two? Me walking in my bedroom. What's the second?

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and they turn around at the door and they take their little index finger and they kind of like draw it towards them they're pulling it what does that mean does their finger hurt i wonder if they spotted a spider web or something they're trying to pull down the spider down yeah but i've seen this too after a lot of dates and i need i need and have needed something like babble to figure out what the heck is this person doing with their finger because it looks like a it looks like an emergency i know i was supposed to do something Or how about those people that stand in the street? They're kind of like, they've got almost like police clothes on. It may be police.

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Like these aren't the dresses. Oh no, they were not from the movie. They didn't resemble anything from the movie. They were not, they were either way too big or way too small for a human to wear. Yeah. And one of them was a dressing. Yeah. One of them was a, was a vinaigrette. It was a raspberry vinaigrette. It was a was a vinaigrette it was a raspberry vinaigrette it was a french

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money.com slash the boys that's rocket money.com slash the boys rocket money.com slash the boys rocketmoney.com slash the boys hollywood handbook johnny you know it is something of a romance expert he was teaching me some stuff about this on the way over here yeah oh i was explaining that i it's fortunate that today is the day i get to be here with what's for us as well yeah for many reasons but huge for me huge i can tell you for haze and i was happy about it and and not you know not the least of which kevin was freaking out that freaking out i can tell actually he looks nervous you seem happy too yeah i'm really well because i'm the i got i'm like my friends it's so embarrassing my friends sometimes you know tell me like I'm like a Riz God like I have they call you Riz Ahmed

yeah well that's a little played out like the Rizzler maybe the Rizzler okay and so you told me that and I said Rizzly man no no Riz Mark

yeah I'm coming around on Riz Lee man actually okay thanks yeah thank you Kevin for saying Memphis Riz Lee's cause I think that played a huge role it did yeah but Sean didn't know what Riz man I have no idea I still

don't really get it it's kind of like um game like if you were you know if you i'm not really into games i'm straight up oh i just want to be honest with my girl like if somebody's special to me like i just want to say like honey your breath's tank oh you know i just want to be able to like tell her but sometimes what's happening that might be honey your breast tank let me suck it out oh that's riz to be clear that's that is that's riz that's riz because that's usually what i say no you would have been rizzing in that moment for sure yeah honey your breast tank let me suck it out not from there oh and so wow okay and so that i i didn't realize was riz because like i don't associate that with like game no well you really i mean i think that speaks

even more to it is like you can't learn it you can't teach it you kind of just have it or you don't and it so then it's not fortunate that you're here because you can't teach it to him. When you look at it like that, sure, but I figured... It's just nice for us. It's nice to be in the presence of it. By the way, we don't know that he doesn't have Riz yet. It sounds like he doesn't. Do we want to hear about anything more about the proposal? It looked like you drove her up to Sleepy Hollow.

I said, let's go to the most romantic city that i can think of one airbnb for big bear i put in on the notes section at airbnb i'm proposing riz i'm'm proposing Riz. Alert. Riz detected. The next day, the mayor tweeted, do not come to Big Bear. The fucking Wizard of Oz, baby. So then we move to Solvang, California. A two and a half hour hilly drive.

Are you reading off of something right now? He's just always kind of looking as if there's a page in front of him. Desperately. It helps him to imagine that he wrote it down. Okay. It feels like I wrote it. So where was I? We went to Solvang, California.

I say, can we go on a quick walk? Yes. Where was I? We went to Solvang, California. I say, can we go on a quick walk? Yes. We do a nice King Gizzard of the Reservoir. I was wondering why Kevin didn't do that one. Rizzy McGuire. Oh, that was good. We go on a two-mile walk, and I says,

Are your Riz and hers towels? No. Okay. But you have to try. but you have to try sometimes you have to try sure you gotta fail before you succeed on that one yeah we go to the most beautiful hill i can find and i says are you ready what don't move on yet she says put your water bottle down i'm holding a hollywood handbook water bottle i'm clutching it i'm nervous i put a water bottle down i get on one knee he puts it down on its side with the cap off spilling on me he gets on one knee his knees directly under the flow of water yeah

i says all the things i'm willing to try sexually as a married man. Oh, come on. Oh, Kevin. You did not say that. You didn't do that. Come on. That is not Riz. No.

Just kidding. I didn't do that. And I said. Thank you. I asked a big question. She said. A big question. Will you make me the happiest podcast producer at Forever Dog?

And she says yes. Unofficially. Yeah. She says yes. Riz. Very Riz. That's Riz on her part. Yeah.

Yeah. Riz show. Riz Lerman's Elvis. And then we went to a hangout. No, no, no. Don't. Just. You can do that. You can do went to hang on. No, no, no, don't just, you can do that.

You can do that with the lab. Do that. Okay. Well, watch me. I'm going to do something like that. Then we went to winery hopping. Jason Mariz

bartender says special occasion. Will you done done me? I guess. I says, says yes i just propose actually he said oh wow was it a beautiful surprise he's run out of questions to ask when he hears that um i said when does this story end was it a beautiful surprise i said no no she kind of knew and he said oh okay and that was it and uh and here we are, folks. And you guys have seen, you've met his now fiance, right? Yeah, we have.

She's real? Yeah. Oh, God, yeah. Realer than him. She's like a real person. She's actually him, though. You know what I mean? Yes.

Yes. Like, as that saying is, like, she's actually him. She's actually him. Yes. Yeah. So, and now, you you know i have a big wedding you know my sister had a big wedding last year it was kind of he's got to top his sister's wedding i mean you know here's the headline you need advice this motherfucker needs to top his sister's wedding we need and i know you've been to some big events recently you want to talk at all about going to the sort of Vanity Fair TikTok mashup young influencer event recently?

Oh, my God. What are the trends? What's coming? Do I want to talk about it? What's next? I feel like I might have to talk about it. Yeah. People are going to expect to hear about it.

What's coming? Look. Because this could be good for the wedding like if he can get out ahead of some of these trends yeah was there anything in particular at the event like um like a chocolate fountain there was no chocolate fountain okay so don't have one don't do that don't do that and if you do it you'll look stupid so don't have one of those. Don't do that. Don't do that, Kevin. And if you do it, you'll look stupid. So don't do that. No chocolate. Would you dye your hair pink? Only the front half.

Okay. I would say that at this Vanity Fair slash TikTok slash... What a combo, huh? Those two team up. Look out, world. Well... Vanity Fair's doing well. TikTok's doing well. All the influencers, Graydon! What's up, huh? Those two team up. Look out, world. Well. Bear's doing well. TikTok's doing well.

All the influencers, Graden! What's up, Pip? I would say. I'm about to do some Graden right now. A plus on your outfit, King. Do you feel like you're capable of peacocking? Like. If the occasion suits itself i probably am capable he thinks he thinks he's watching peacock okay watching everything have you seen the office watching the entire okay i'm out of loyalty to the office he's consumed every everything that

they offer yeah you can say you can say i'm peacocking yes sure yeah uh you want me to binge watch peacock at my wedding i think you could maybe like uh would you live stream it like do an instagram live stream of your wedding maybe um damn dude then we could actually put the money towards the patreon you could kind of make up for where the potty at look the truth is sort of a sink the next gen sort of new wave uh-huh like if you wanted me to put you on please i'd like to be put on i'd like to get up on this yeah hey what about you you want to get put on or what um yeah i guess i could uh be put on let me see what time is it uh 6 15 yeah i guess i could be put on, let me see, what time is it? 6.15? Yeah, I guess I could be put on.

Yeah, put him on, yeah. Yeah, right now would be great. I would say like, stretching as much of your life as possible on social media.

Like, things. Stretching it? Like, stretching it in a way like, things you thought you shouldn't have ever exposed to social media. like stretch your it's all content it's all content yeah yeah there's nothing kevin's wedding even as as cameras and you know every

corner as uninteresting as the event itself might seem let's broadcast it yeah and just let and let the public decide for sure in the new wave really mean, I like what you're touching on there, is the uninteresting is interesting. So in a way, Kevin, your wedding might be its own Vanity Fair TikTok event in and of itself. I'm interested in a collaboration with Peacock, where it could be on Peacock. So you could be Peacocking and then this is off the top of my head.

I don't have exactly what we do, but maybe like in your vows, there are little Easter eggs. Like it's hard to keep a poker face when I see my beloved, right? That's cool. And I'll never be one of the traders to your heart. And you sort of can work in all

these peacock marketing things and they might get you know pretty excited about that too you mentioned uh chocolate fountain sure um kevin i mentioned it i hear is having a cinnamon fountain yeah oh not a chocolate guy not not not picey enough yeah and it's not like liquid cinnamon it's just like it's yeah it's just like so spice so what we've been trying to encourage me to do is to give everyone safety goggles okay can you and you can't you're not allowed to dip anything in cinnamon obviously it. It's not really dippable. It's not really built for dipping, yeah. It just kind of falls off.

Yeah, but it's definitely in the air. Yeah, you're breathing it. Okay. It doesn't fountain in the traditional way. It may be a fairly COVID-safe wedding just because people will need some sort of mask and eyewear. Yeah. Look, I think that cinnamon fountain is the right

direction i don't know well it's yeah it's new we're circling we're going there we're circling yeah we're circling it um how old are you yeah good question how fucking old are you man because you look you could be anything it really could anything. Let's give the range before he answers. Sure. You could be... If he said 14, I'd go, whoa, weird. No, I would buy it. I would say he's one of those guys who grew beards early.

I would take 14. But I could also see early 30s. But I could also see early 30s. I am hoping it's closer to that. Yeah, just because. Well, it's funny you ask. I just had my 30th and a half birthday a couple weeks ago. What is that? What?

What is that? That's a good question. I've takenvin's half birthdays you guys yeah sometimes you need an outside set of eyes to really realize how fucking sick your life has become what just you guys moved past that way too quickly what and it wasn't even like yesterday it was a couple weeks ago a couple weeks ago yeah it was his half birthday was his 30th and a half birthday did you guys all celebrate together that's kind of i mean we've talked about it on the on the show but that's kind of the only time that we can get anything out of kevin because

otherwise he's like too sad that it's like not really any kind of birthday for him and on the actual birthday it's way too much he's like completely out of commission by like 8 30 a.m yeah just too much no he just you know he drinks so much soda yes right away and then he just gets kind of spits up and passes out but i think um the half birthday is good we've been encouraging him to actually incorporate more fractional birthdays just so we can try to get some kind of there's a little like in a strange way there's The half birthday is good. We've been encouraging him to actually incorporate more fractional birthdays. Yeah. Got it.

Just so we can try to get some kind of. There's a little, like, in a strange way, there's some riz in that, I feel like. If you could just. Half birthdays are riz. Is that rizzy as hell? Yeah. Yeah. Johnny, can I ask you a personal question?

You can try. Let's see it. Do you share your locations with any of your coworkers? Phone? Phone location? I do not. Ah, see it. Do you share your locations with any of your coworkers? Phone location? I do not. Ah, damn it. How come? I'm trying to get that to be my birthday present.

The boys permanently share their location with me. No, I don't do that. But you know what? I think that... You were hoping the answer would be yes. I permanently shared my location with all my coworkers. Here's what I want to do is I want to hear your pitch on why they should.

Yeah, I guess I could be convinced. I text them a couple times a day. It's already off to a bad start. Exactly. If they... What share i mean exactly because if i if they shared their locations with me i wouldn't have to bother them as much i could see oh you just show up this guy's on his way or i could just show up he's at home now oh i can just show up so instead of you texting me you would just be standing at the bottom of my driveway

yeah and I'd take out the trash or something and you'd just be behind me here's what I'm going to say to you you never responded now take the same pitch is Monday at 5 work try and riz it up a little bit

make it sexy these two sexy fucks I text them a couple times a day Now I could always be watching them And they wouldn't They would know because they approved it But they wouldn't know when I'm watching

I'm kind of always Behind the blinds Like at a window You can see my eyes in between the blinds sure yeah oh I like this yeah okay and then you can see my breath that's sexy blinds are sexy

Kathleen Turner like body heat I'll be honest I was I was kind of not following you until you said that something about the description of his eyes peeking through the blinds is actually pretty sexy to me. It was a little horny for sure, too. A little sexy horny.

And then because it's a window, you can see my breath. You can see my eyes through the blinds, but you can also see my breath on the window. And some spit. Kev, man, I'm going to be honest with you. A little bit of spit. You didn't strike me as a sexy guy, like you're just, you're kind of a sexy guy, aren't you? Oh, thanks. You have a little, like a secret sexy side.

I'm feeling bad because here I've worked with Kevin for years and I've been unable to extract this secret sexy side from him. Yeah. And then Johnny shows up and within 25 minutes, 30 minutes, all of a sudden he's getting Kevin to reveal himself. And I'm realizing I might not have any riz. Yeah. I was going to say something about that. I don't want to. I mean, look.

I might not have any riz. You may have had it at one point. Yeah, maybe I had it. But it could be an age thing too. You know, when you're in that next gen wave. It fell off. Yeah. You remember when you were saying that next gen wave it fell off yeah you remember when you were saying that you felt like something fell off and you heard it i heard a little i you look around you didn't see anything i heard a thump and then like a crinkling oh okay yeah

yeah yeah i don't know i feel like if you missed that what else are you missing because he says now he's just oozing sex appeal well let me ask you a sexy question about the wedding yeah can i just get in front of what this is i'm so sorry like so when we told kevin that you were going to be on it he thinks that you're friends with he says it hosier he thinks that that you're good friends with him, and he wants hosier to not perform. Do you think hosier would like this? Yeah. Here's the theme.

Yeah. Dress code and drinks, bottomless. Would hosier like that? No, man. Okay. He wouldn't. I'm glad I asked you. So you are friends with him

i don't need to be to know that that's not his vibe but you are i can't really talk about it hosier is so private and that's the thing is like if he said yeah i'm friends with hosier i go no you're not that's exactly i bust his ass so now that he now that i got past that it was a setup it was a setup yeah this is the truth i bust his ass no fucking way and sean's always busting my ass is the truth like and he knows i gotta be on my toes that's we're really close and and he would hate that theme hosier wouldn't like it all right glad i asked so switch it up and also the drinks are bottomless. The drinks are bottomless. They're going to fall out of the cup.

Extra cinnamon, no bottoms to the cup. So I'm not sure, you know, when I said you were sexy. You feel like you woke up sort of a monster. Now I'm coming around to where Sean and Hayes are at. Then maybe you don't want to see this side of him yeah i always have kind of tried to keep kevin at arm's length as much as possible so like things like sharing uh my location or even responding to texts just have always felt a little unprofessional to me um yeah i'm gonna this is like you know no bit that was

scary i'm a little like the bottomless stuff was a big jump because it's usually weddings is like your family is there yeah yeah we i don't feel like you did the math on that kev i feel like the math ain't math should we get into the vows a little bit i think we have to just because like um well you're a writer of course we're all writers here we wrote kevin's we wrote his tinder profile a long time ago yeah we should maybe have some people at the wedding are going to expect to hear our voice in the vows they're going to expect there to be some nods to the tinder profile i believe the opening line was what's up slut yes that's right are there going to be a lot of like uh former handbook guests celebrities in attendance for his wedding

do you think they'll be invited like who like i'd be curious to know like a preliminary guest list of who you think is going to be involved and just like i'm sorry that'll help with the values because they you could like call out people in the crowd yeah it's gonna help you want to do crowd work i think probably and part of the vows thing like us being present in the vows is like if we aren't actually there physically which right now is like not looking it's really not looking good for me yeah then i can like be present in a way that's even more meaningful than like actually having to go all the way to fucking wherever the fuck this shit is. I cannot imagine.

Sounds like a fucking shithole. Probably Big Bear. If the mayor lets me go. Well, Johnny, you're technically a guest. What are you doing next year? What's your calendar looking like? I'm busy. Yeah, he already told me.

That's right. I feel like maybe you're not listening even right now. Nope. Sorry. You're right. You're obviously busy. What month? Probably fucking

tri-month, the way this guy lives his life. Probably March 1st through 30th. Busy. I'm so fucking busy that month. That's alright, doggy. I appreciate the honesty. Okay, Johnny won't be there. The boys are going to be invited. I didn't say that. I just said I was busy. Oh, okay, great.

Johnny might be there. Imagine his busy ass rolling in take the whole time i'm like just texting away it's so loud volume cranked up uh tony hawk will probably get an invite he did the show a couple years ago whoa yep that's pretty cool um has he gotten an invite to come back on the show? The issue was he got it too quickly because he was promoting his master class shortly after. What was he teaching?

Skateboard. Thanks. Tony Hawk teaches skateboard. I said, he just... I'm Tony Hawk, and this is my skateboard. He just did the show. I said, he actually just did the show. It was so much fun.

He had a blast. We'd love to have him back. We do this whole master class thing too. And I'm pretty sure it was unavailable. It was unavailable. Oh, yeah. And so all of the things you just said, this is part of your vows? It can be.

It could be just reading off everyone who was invited to the wedding. What do you have so far? Is there anything you want to hit? Is there anything special between you two? Like from like having dated and everything? Yeah. I mean, I guess the obvious thing that I assume you're going to hit is that your

passion for her birds hotter than the fire that burned down your garage. And then you talked about every week for like, I don't know, forever. Almost a year coming up on a year yeah so johnny a little fun fact about me my house almost burned down last year i bought a house and three weeks later the garage set on fire when we were sleeping these batteries man garage shared the wall with his bedroom so um they were sleeping next to the fire yeah batteries are always just like yeah batteries just like don't want to be not on fire they like hate it

you know batteries like get me out of this backpack i'm gonna get us backpack it's the last thing i do i don't care if i have to burn to death to escape yeah so i'll probably talk about that did you what happened the battery caught on fire and he just like went to sleep like that don't ask me why don't put your batteries in your backpack they can explode when you're sleeping and set your entire garage on fire what kind of batteries um do you know the uh charge charge your phone on a plane like a lithium ion battery charge like a morphe like a morphe okay morpheus on us

i'm kind of you you render me speechless i'm really like yeah his garage i feel like his garage burned down yeah his garage burned down. So, yeah, I could do kind of some wordplay about... A lot of material there. Yeah, the fire in my loins is hotter than the fire in our garage. Yeah, the battery in my loins is about to explode. Yeah, I'm going to bust like the battery did. That's good.

Seems Riz. Okay, do we just want to bust like the battery did. That's good. Seems Riz. Okay, do we just want to start from the beginning? Sure. Are you writing this down? I'm writing this down. Dear Leah, you're a motherfucking star. Remember when we peeped your favorite movie? I like this.

What's your favorite movie? Yeah this what's your favorite movie yeah drop dead gorgeous okay and let's change it for this yeah it should be step brothers step brothers yeah your favorite movie step brothers yes okay fucking legend fucking pimp right yeah like big baller stuff big baller stuff big baller brand yes lonzo ball shout out to lonzo yeah maybe talk about your drip and then i think at this point say might as well write in there why don't you want to hold my hand yeah say that just like that's really important you're gonna need that at that like that exact moment and the why don't you want to hold my hand yeah yeah why are you guys leaving yeah i did washed it yeah why are you guys leaving please don't leave come Come back. The cinnamon fountain. Nobody leave.

Please stop. Somebody block the doors. No one can leave. I'll set fire to this whole wedding, I swear to God. I'll do to you what I did to my garage and trap you here just like I did. Yeah. You're writing this down, right? I'm writing it down.

Okay. Okay. And maybe back into some of the more romantic stuff yeah stepbrother stuff maybe a quote what's a really what's your favorite quote from stepbrothers play the f out of those drums daryl okay what what part is that yeah who's saying it or why um it's at the cantalena wine mixer daryl plays the drums when wolf errol's singing opera and someone shouts play the f out of those drums daryl maybe just let's say catalina wine mixer that that actually ran the for me yeah that's right yeah that was good okay let's say after all that other stuff so we're

coming back to step brothers and we just say catalina Wine Mixer. Do you know any TikTok dances? Yeah, Barbie Dog. What's that look like? I don't know that one. Okay, get up and do it. Get up and do Barbie Dog. Watch the headphone cord, please. So you snap by the hip?

Uh-huh. You kind of shake your hip? You don't need to talk us through it. You kind of snap? Well, people will be listening. We're the listener. Yeah. Maybe Sean could describe what you're doing.

Okay, you snap by the hip, but you're not really committed to it. Then you put your arm up. What's the song that's playing? And you scare everybody. I think it's Ice Sp spice and the one that goes oh oh like from Video Killed the Radio Star is that the sample

yeah that sounds right that boy's a liar right yeah yeah part two okay so dance to this get out okay he's snapping next to his hip.

Okay, the song is playing. All right, he's snapping for a long time. He's waiting for the right moment. Now he's sort of like, you know, shuffling. He's got his arm up. I guess it's sort of like a ride in the bull thing, right? Yeah. Yeah.

Doing the bull dance, feeling the flow. Maybe say that. Doing the bull dance, riding the flow. feeling the flow maybe say that i doing the bull dance right in the flow feeling feeling the flow and i feel like that actually is a natural segue into like um catalina weimix or something play the fuck out of those drums yeah yeah or something there i don't know i don't have it yet but i don't know catalina weimixer yeah bar Barbie dog dance yeah watch this bitch yeah I wanted to save that for the end but maybe we pepper it in watch this bitch watch this bitch not even the mayor of Big Bear could stop me from doing this shit he better hope it's not an election year after he sees this and then maybe something like this

is so much better than when my sister married antonio that no like that that that italian like yeah uh fucking pizza ball yeah pizza grease boy. I feel like that's like... I think what Johnny said is a little too much. To me... Greasy boy. To me, I just don't want the entire Italian X community to be upset with us. I would prefer if we could just point it at Antonio. And I think pizza ball, I haven't heard.

So it's not like... You can't be in trouble because you go, I didn't know that. You can pin it on me if you want. Oh, yeah. Well, if he says, yeah, shouts to Johnny Lowe. Who's not here because he's so fucking busy. Yeah. Or he might be.

I don't know. I haven't decided. Johnny, something that was very memorable at my sister's wedding was when my dad gave a speech, he got a round of applause. He said, I've learned a lot from the Italian people that are here. For example, it's not pronounced bruschetta. It's pronounced bruschetta. And brought the house down.

And it's going to be. You used that. Yeah. Should I just say that? It's going to be used that. Yeah. I've learned a lot. Is anybody Italian going to be... To use that. Yeah. Should I just say that? To use that. Yeah. I've learned a lot. Is anybody Italian going to be there?

Your sister's... Yeah, yeah. Comedy is derivative after all. You can just recycle bits. Oh, God. Yeah. You'll make it your own. How about this?

Instead of that version, like punch it a little bit. It's not pronounced bruschetta. It's pronounced pischetti. It's not pronounced bruschetta. It pronounced pischetti it's not pronounced bruschetta it's pronounced bullshit hun and yeah that so that could be kind of cool and you can keep it you're

drilling him can you do an italian accent you think not yet oh you can do wario is that okay are you wario is also i guess he shouldn't be italian Not yet. He can do Wario. Is that okay? Wario is also, I guess he shouldn't be Italian. He should be whatever the opposite of Italian is. Yeah, right? He's an upside down version of Italian.

So what's the exact opposite side of the globe? Yeah, I mean, he should be like El Salvadoran or something. So you're still workshopping the Italian. It's in beta, but you have Wario. Wario's in beta. Oh, Wario is as well. Yeah. What's ready for market?

Mostly just what I have, my current speaking voice. So nothing. I mean, I think it's something. can you at least try for us you like sure give us something if i risked you up would you do a little i'll try a little okay um shouts to johnny i've learned so much from the italian race like it's not it's it's not pronounced no it is dang it i gotta go back to the lab so that's probably what we're gonna get on the day i could i don't yeah i don't think we're gonna be able to get past how much does it get any better yeah

i can just tell it's not nervous right i think locked in. That area feels like a dead end. Yeah, because this is a low pressure environment. It's a cool day. It might get a lot worse. Oh, man. Oh, no. Hold on. Is Josh from Stitcher officiating?

Have you asked him yet? I was planning on asking him on being the best man and giving a speech. Okay. Okay. That's really nice. Him and Darius are kind of dueling for speeches right now. Okay. And they're both like trying to do you favors and stuff.

I'm getting a lot of nice texts. Proud of you. Stuff like that Riz Thur and Riz Smith Riz Lemon wow Miss Frizzle and then me just kind of for actual

shoutouts to Johnny Lowe I've learned so much from him the president of the united riz okay so i got the thing about bruschetta and it's pronounced bullshit hon okay should i read from the top yeah dear but try and go like um fast dear leah you're a motherfucking star. Remember when we peeped your favorite movie, Step Brothers? Fucking legend, fucking pimp. Big baller brand, Lonzo Ball. Shoutouts to Lonzo.

Why don't you hold my hand? I did wash it. Why are you leaving? No, I did washed it. Oh yeah, I did washed it. I did washed it. Why are you leaving? Please don washed it oh yeah i did washed it i did washed it why are you leaving please don't leave come back nobody leave uh somebody block the doors i'll set fire to this whole wedding i'll do to you what i did to my garage catalina wine mixer watch this bitch and then i do i do my dance get up and do it

you gotta see if it works i knocked the chair over not even the mayor of big bear could stop me from doing this shit this is so much better than when my sister married that pizza ball shouts to johnny low i've learned so much from the Italian race. Like, it's not pronounced bruschetta. It's pronounced bullshit, hon. Yeah. And then you go into the Italian accent.

Yeah. I kind of did, for a word. No, no, no. A little bit of it. We'll go a little more, maybe. Sure. Mamma mia, wario. Do the wario noise.

Wah. more maybe sure mama mia wario uh do the wario noise wario noise i'll put that louder maybe a little wow okay all right that's feeling pretty good do one like really like because you're gonna have to get to the back of the room you know i mean there's older relatives all your dad's all your dad's friends are there yeah they got their big ear one their ear horn shouts to johnny low i've learned so much from the italian race like it's not pronounced bruschetta it's pronounced bullshit hon and the donkey kong noise please um what's the donkey kong noise again sure no it's your wedding um dk okay okay wario noise that's gonna be really nice that's really nice do we want to write hers or are we done that's good

maybe she'll come i mean we're not gonna have anyone for next week i know yeah we're just bringing her back in have you do these we can get notes hammer it out great yeah

I'll be busy next week just so you know no yeah I figured that's good yeah alright

bye bye Hollywood Handbook that was a hate gum podcast