Hollywood Handbook - Jon Bass, Our Close Friend

Episode Date: November 7, 2017

Jon Bass returns to the show to talk to Sean and Hayes about a big mistake he did. This episode is sponsored by ZipRecruiter and Blue Apron.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This is a HeadGum Podcast. So, you know, we're all locked in there and it's me, it's Malcolm Gladwell, it's Bill Simmons, and we're having a bad opinion contest and we're feeding our bad opinions into the machine. opinion contest and we're uh feeding our bad opinions into the machine yeah and just the more general and the less evidence there is you know the better you do in the contest so um an example might be uh let me just think of anything um so maybe you watch like a trailer for a TV show that was on a couple years ago. And then you try to convince people that now you understand how like, um, sailing works better than anyone that people that watch.

So like the people that watch the movie master and commander are better qualified to be a ship captain than somebody that went to school for it exactly exactly they're the school guy is relying on all these like outdated yeah yeah sort of uh and it's so stuck in their ideas you know unfortunately these you know captain school people yeah are actually barnacles on the side of the sailing industry and that people

who watch Master and Commander are bringing raw instinct which makes up so much of it and then and we've got

obviously music opinions as well our taste is so far off that the machine is starting to shoot smoke out of it. And if we can blow up the machine, we can get out of the room finally.

But nothing is quite doing it. Nothing's quite getting us there. There's stuff like Muhammad Ali invented rap. I know. We're getting in there. Yeah, we've got sports opinions. It doesn't really seem to matter that much. It's all kind of stupid.

But where we really – and obviously we said the movies. We said the sailing stuff. We said the music stuff. But where we really started to break through was when we talked about why people voted how they did and like we had figured it out you know us three like kind of just rich guys who talk a lot yeah Yeah. And – Who write in an engaging way. Yeah, yeah. Fun to read. Yes, who write in sort of a cool conversational style that's easy to digest.

Yeah. And it just – the only rule for the contest was if there is more than one piece of evidence to back up your opinion, it's disqualified. more than one piece of evidence to back up your opinion, it's disqualified. It has to be just the slimmest shred, and then you extrapolate that out and apply it to something that it couldn't possibly fit. Okay, so what I heard about the Sepidic contest, the stuff that got out, that was kind of persuasive about why people voted the way they did, is that we're going off some of the tropes of professional wrestling. And so professional wrestling has broken out into society,

and now we perceive everything because we're all these huge wrestling fans, and now we perceive the political sphere. It's the ultimate heel. And here we are raised to sort of root for these heels. Yes, it's all kayfabe now. Mm-hmm. And so to see him up there just throwing the rules out the window and

openly insulting people with disabilities and stuff, that makes him such an appealing presence because he's the ultimate heel. And that's how most people vote. When Hogan joined the NWO was the most important political event of the last century.

That's totally true. And people forget about the Hardy Boys. So that sort of was all of our opinion. And when we all agreed at the same time that everyone, yeah, we stopped sort of working against each other and all decided to say in unison that everyone must have voted according to something I remember about when I watched wrestling from when I was like 11. And that's why the country's on the path it is. That is what actually blew up the machine and I was able to get out and get to the studio on time to do this show.

I'm Michael Daly. We're getting started. Got to kick mud driving in. Showbiz. Show to do this show. Welcome to Iowa Day. I'm getting tired. I got to kick my driving in right now. Showbiz. Showbiz. Industry. And welcome, John. Hi.

And it's John Bass. And you were here with Alex Anfinger before. And you guys are mad at each other now. And we don't have to get into why you don't want to do the show together. But let's do it. Let's talk about it. Yeah, let's talk about it. He did some stuff that I didn't like uh first of all he uh went on a trip with my girlfriend

without me yeah uh it was weird they kept on sending pictures saying hey hey was it an acid trip fucking drugs are so cool they're so cool They're nice and they're cool I didn't mean to interrupt but yeah but go ahead But it was like a food trip to Italy It was a food trip to Italy and they And not as like a sexual thing but like just as friends But like poking me with it Well and they only had the one scooter

And so it does look like they're having sex When they're really tight together On the scooter sort of driving to the pizza class. And he was like making a joke like, huh, well I'm having sex with your girlfriend. Yeah. She doesn't love you anymore. And I'm like, oh, this is weird. No, it isn't. And he's got a dark sense of humor and it's part of what attracted

me to him initially. But it does get too dark at times when he's saying, I'm having sex with your girlfriend. She doesn't love you anymore. And with us, it's not even a love thing. It's just physical. But that's what helped her realize that she wasn't in love. But the meanest aspect to me is when I think of John, I think, oh, like, what do I associate with John most?

And it's gnocchi. It's like you're like Mr. Gnocchi. And now these guys are going to like eat all this gnocchi. Yeah, remember we used to call you Gnocco Ono? Yeah, no, it was a good time. It was a really good time that one time. But Eataly is like the place that I love to go in New York. You know, I love to like stop by Eataly and I go to my gnocchi guy

and I go, hey man, hook me up with some parm gnocchi and he looks at me and he goes, parm gnocchi and some and he looks at me and he goes doughy gnocchi yeah yeah and what is that yeah wait what is that what do you mean doughy you know like it's doughy because my body's doughy and then i'm also i love when they're when it's doughy gnocchi oh okay I thought that was like a play, like a pun. I remember one time we were going to Eataly, and we were like, I was buying like 15 different olive oils, and then I was like, do you want to get anything to eat? It was too many.

And then I was like, do you want to eat anything? And you went, yeah, hey, boo-boo. And I was like, oh, gnocchi bear. Yeah. Yeah. So we obviously don't have Alex Alex and we don't miss him fuck that guy yeah forget it uh he did some pretty

funny stuff last episode I remember yeah he was really good no he was good he was okay yeah this one's gonna be kind of like the main guy he was the main guy in that yeah no for sure he was that one he was the main guy for that one not here anymore let's stop talking about him. Right. Yes.

Yeah. And he was very good. He was good, yeah. And he was so funny. He was funny. Yeah, he cracked me up. That was a fun episode. Today, it's John.

Yeah. And you have a lot of stuff that you want to talk about since we saw you last time. You've been doing all these big things. And you did Baywatch. And you did the baywatch blooper reel yes and you did a promotional tour for the movie baywatch yes and the baywatch blooper reel uh-huh and the blooper reel for baywatch yes which is sort of what we want to talk about obviously you've been getting asked about it a lot. And we have questions ourselves. I know you have questions. You know, Sean and I ran into each other at the hot spot Sugarfish. And, you know, we were both sugarfishing.

Yeah, it was right after we had finished shopping at Eataly and it was time to sugarfish. Yep. And I was just, I was, you know, we were just hanging out and he looks at me and he goes, what about that blooper reel? And I said, what are you talking about, Sean? What are you talking about? And he said. You didn't know about that. Well, I didn't know that there was.

They're putting these in the movie? Yeah. I mean, it was crazy. And so when he said, let's get together, let's talk about the beeper reel, and let's get into the deep dive, I was like, let's do it. Because there are some things that I need to talk about. I said, come on my show. You know, defend yourself.

Yeah, talk about some of these bloopers. Yeah, because some of these bloopers seem like mistakes. Do you want to get into it? Codeman? Yeah, let's play it. Codeman, can I get the sound cord? Ready? All right, here.

Wait, what were you going to do? What was the ready about? Because I'm just worried that it's going to happen later. Wait, what was that? I know that wasn't about the sound cable. Yeah. Am I right that when he was ready, he was about to do a big thing? He was about to do it.

I'm worried that as soon as the sound cable is over, he is going to do it. So what was that thing? Let me just get this thing here. It's a phone. Not that. It's another thing in here. Hold on.

It's all tangled up. I feel like I'm playing Nintendo here. He's just pulling a bunch of wet tissues out of his pocket. It's not in your pockets. Oh, here you go. Alex was really good in that episode. So funny. Yeah, we didn't have this kind of dead air in that one.

So then, yeah, go ahead and plug that into the sort of headphone. I don't have a headphone thing. Oh, right. It's the new one. Okay. It's an iPhone 7. Well, we can just hold it up to the mic. Okay.

Should I just hold it up to the mic? No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. Let me find it. I got one. I got one. Where is that? Okay. And he's got so many different.

A lot of pills. Kinds of. You'd think that. Yeah, none of them have labels and they're all huge. This is not a bit. This is just poor management. A bunch of pills in an aluminum can. Look at all the different kinds of gum he has. The pills are mixed in with the gum in what seems like a kind of.

No, so he like chews up the pill instead of the gum. And look at that he's got Hubba Bubba Bubble Yum Bubblicious Big League Chew Bubble Tape yeah all the sugary kind

yeah all the sugary all the children kind it's weird it's a weird assortment it's a children except Eclipse is for adults only Dentine Ice

Dentine Fire a kid look at that a kid pulling out Eclipse is for adults only. Dentine ice? It would be weird to be with a kid pulling out Eclipse. A big pack of Eclipse gum. Over like Kindergarten. It's just popping out of Eclipse. Bazooka Joe? That's for adults. That's for adults. Oh my god, I almost deleted it.

Double bubble? I don't have one. Okay. Cody went outside to look for something, and then he said, I don't have one. And we don't know what it's a one of what. We don't know. All right. Are we ready for this?

Mm-hmm. Yeah. Y'all ready for this? So this is the blooper reel. for this. So this is the blooper reel. Can you set the scene? Stop.

Stop. Stop. Stop. Wait on. Stop. Undo sound. All right. So let me set up this scene for you guys.

This is blooper reel. And in the context of the movie would be great. Okay. And who's this character? This is Ronnie Greenbaum, a Jew. At the beach? At the beach. A Jew at the beach. Okay.

Is that allowed? He's looking to get something, you know? Like, you can tell he's got a rock-hard boner that just is getting stuck in everything. A rock hard boner that just is getting stuck in everything. And pretty much what happens is this super hottie CJ comes up to him. What are some of the things we're getting stuck in? He gets stuck in a beach chair. Beach chair, yeah.

There's some things that were cut out. He gets it stuck just in a seagull. He gets it stuck in the water. In a whale's blowhole. He gets it stuck in the engine of a jet ski. He gets it stuck in a cup, in a water cup and in a drink cup.

I was going to say, if he's at the beach, he's got to get stuck in a cup at some point. He gets it stuck in a pie a la American Pie. He gets it stuck in his mom. He gets stuck in an umbrella. He gets stuck in an umbrella. But go back to his mom. Yep.

Yeah. And then he gets it stuck in a condom at one point. And his mom's hair, I should clarify. Yeah, it was his mom's hair. And then that was, those are pretty much all the things he gets stuck with. I think that's it. Chinese finger trap. I'm trying to remember.

Oh, yes, Chinese finger trap. Chinese finger trap with his finger on the other side. And he's like, how do I get out of this? It's a five-minute scene. The good thing is that the director really let us go. He would go, let's just roll it, and this one's for you. really let us go. He would go, let's just roll it and this one's for you.

And whatever it was stuck in at that time, I'd really take the moment to be like, what am I stuck in? How do I really tray this prooffully? And what's my truth in terms of having it stuck in

a Chinese finger trap? And how do I feel about China? Yeah, exactly. And why did they make these nefarious traps? How did they? Well, yeah, how did they and why did they? It's still there. Yeah.

Oh, yeah. No, we could definitely see that. Yeah. I almost feel like I'm watching part of the movie. I don't know if you thought that it was like – That you were covering it up pretty well. But no, like you can tell that it is still happening. That's cool.

So talk about – so this Jewish character with his wiener stuck in everything is on the beach and he's hanging out with CJ who is attractive and she's played by K. Roar. K. Roar. My girl K. Roar. Yeah. Kelly Rohrbach, swimsuit model, fantastic actress and just overall like – I don't want to say best friend but like we do hang out on the weekends and comedically kind of raise the bar for you well you know i've done one through four you know what i mean that's easy b-talk for 101 to 104 you know what i'm saying and hayes is second city training yes and i'm kind of just naturally funny you're just naturally you got your stuff you know yeah but like i went to harvard i mean i went i did go to okay so like um i you know i

got into it and i like did it right but um john yeah i don't wow you really went somewhere there. I don't want to say that she's the best that I've seen. But she is by far one of the greatest comedians of, I think, our generation. And for you to even put me in your generation like that means so much to me. You're welcome. That's huge. Because you've worked with Alex, who, as we said, and not to bring him up again,

but he was here last time and he was really funny on this show. And you weren't necessarily able to keep up with some of his shit at that time. And never would be. Yeah. And then she's sort of making Alex look like some kind of- Garbage person. Yes. Thank you.

Some sort of terrible human being. So you're fucked. Some kind of, yeah. Yeah. So you're you. Some sort of terrible human being. So you're fucked. Some kind of, yeah. Yeah, I'm like... So you're mega fucked. I know that I'm mega fucked. I'm looking at... You're about to be exposed.

I'm like mega, mega phone fucked. You know what I'm saying? Yeah. It's bad. No, those are pretty wide. So I, you know, it's just getting to that place with like an actress of that caliber who just really loves the art of comedy and really throws herself into it. She wants to look stupid and she's like, let me look bad in this scene. Don't put makeup on me.

Don't make my tits look like they're about to pop out of my shirt. So this is something that we need to learn from is how we're referring, because we'll get to this stuff a little later. You can say like, booberinos or top-rots. Well, frontal torpedoes is sort of an accepted term on the show. Frontal torpedoes?

Frontal torpedoes. Frontal tostitos. Frontal tostitos. Okay. But it's like boobs. Yeah, sorry. I'm sorry. I don't want to useitos. Oh, frontal tostitos. Okay. Mm-hmm. But it's like boobs. Yeah. Sorry, I'm tits. Yeah, I don't want to use boobs. I don't want to use tits. That's kind of crass, man.

It is crass and it's disgusting. Because if you think about it, like, you know, speaking as someone, I have a daughter. Mm-hmm. So I think I really can understand that we, I know you guys maybe just think it's okay to treat women like shit. Yeah. And of course I did too, but I have a daughter. Yeah.

And so now I am actually qualified and that is a reason that I have found to not necessarily treat women like shit or talk about them like they are sort of just like animals or objects. Yeah. Because of my daughter. Because of my daughter. Because of your daughter. Prior to my daughter, there's a pretty extensive record of me doing that, which I, you know, won't apologize for

because at the time I did not have a daughter and I wasn't in the room with someone who did. But now I do. And so we're not going to say tits. We're going to say frontal torpedoes, frontal tostitos, frontal totinos,

and maybe one other one. Pringles. Okay. Yeah. And I have three daughters and they're all packing as well. Oh, I forgot to mention. Yeah. My daughters are fucking stacked. Yeah. Yeah. No. Talk about are fucking stacked. Yeah.

Yeah. No. Talk about the yeah, yeah sisterhood. That's my, those are my children. I honestly, I don't have any daughters, but I've, I've. And that comes through. Yeah, I know. It's pretty obvious with the way that you said the word tits.

And I do. I say like, I say the stuff that I shouldn't say, like boobs and tits. And that's like bad. That's like a bad thing. And I need to treat them with more respect. Do me a favor. Say, hey, I respect you. You know what I mean? Because that would mean a lot to someone like my daughter, who's packing heat upstairs. I respect your booberinos would be really nice. Yeah, of course, of course. I'm not looking to be an asshole.

I want to be the kind of guy who can look at a woman and say, those frontal torpedoes are getting me rock hard and I don't know what to do with this Chinese finger trap that's popping out. I want that to be something that I can say.

What a nice goal to have in this culture where let's face it, our president doesn't necessarily always have that much respect. And isn't setting a great example. And then for a guy like you... And he has a daughter who is, look,

she's stacked. So he has no excuse. Yeah, no, she's, yeah. She got a slamming of frigging salmon upstairs. So it's like, how do you not? Yeah. Are you able to talk like this? You would think he would have learned by then.

But it doesn't, you know. It doesn't matter. Look, what matters is K-Roar. Yeah, yeah, yeah. She does have those frontal toninos, you know? Yeah, I guess but beyond that she's just you know she's gone through the class

classes she was on so many Herald teams before she came and we don't have to list them all here but we'll name a few Ruru Pop and Stop 12,000 And we don't have to list them all here, but we'll name a few. Ruru. Yeah, we'll name a few. Ruru.

Pop and Stop. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. $12,000. Figure it out. The Syndicate. Monkey Dick. Oh, monkey dick. The fucking Kennedys. Tantrum.

Bangs. And of course my background is Second City. Where we don't do the Herald. We do the Herald Ramis went here.erald-Ramos-Wendt here. It's what we call that kind of sketch, which I think he might have. Yeah. It's possible.

Yeah, I mean, I know a lot of guys from Harvard that did Second City stuff afterwards. And yeah, it is really cool to see them sort of learn and figure it out and become little mini K-roars. I'm not trying to. You guys have been talking a lot about Second City and Harvard. Is there some sort of plug here or is there some ulterior motive? We are doing ads.

We do ads for Second City and for Harvard. Oh, do you? Yeah, and we do ads for college, which Harvard is basically the main college. It's basically the main college. So you guys are just sort of snapping it in there just when you can. Yes, but also doing the ads on top of this. On top of this, yes. We do all the ads, but we talk about the ads we're going to do during the show portion that's not the ads.

Okay, so it's like an ad portion of the show to get into the ads. Mm-hmm. It's an inception of ads. Yeah, it's just, I mean, we talk about our own experience. If we happen to have had experience with some of the stuff that's in the ads, like, hey, it's a Second City training. Second City, yeah. It's a Harvard. Me having been in Harvard at the school, you know, those kind of things are always fun to explore and talk about with friends like John Bass.

Now, you did the Baywatch blooper reel. Yep. Yeah. So Kelly's schooling you. She's dunking on your ass and making you look like some kind of fucking chump. She was lapping you, I was sort of noticing in a lot of these scenes. It's beyond lapping. She's racing out ahead and you lose sight of her,

and then suddenly she's coming up behind you again. Yeah. Well, it's just, I want to say, because I do think it's important to say, I was working with the creme de la creme of the comedy world, right? I've got DJ and Z, who are just fucking monsters when it comes to improv comedy. Like you see them go at it.

And I remember the days back at Second City and UCB where they would do their nighttime shows, you know, midnight, 1 a.m., just fucking getting into it. Where they literally get so raw and so out there. And it's not even for the audience. It's just like them exploring the kind of darkest crevices of their mind. Yeah. And DJ doing some of the stuff.

And you see this in his Instagram stories where a lot of times there's fans that have been waiting outside set till three in the morning. Yeah. And he'll drive up, yes, to say hi to the fans, but he'll also fuck with them a little bit. Which is pretty cool. He'll go like, oh, yeah, just a little bit of a fuck. No, he's just sort of squeezing it in there real quick, popping it back out.

Just tickling a little bit. Oh yeah, tickling around the edge of it and just going like, okay, yeah, these guys are out here. I'm going to fuck with them for a second. And then he'll swing by and just be like, hey guys, peace, see you later. And then they think he's driving away and then he'll drive back and just be like, hey guys, peace see you later and then they think he's driving away and then he'll drive back and he'll sign an autograph or something. So it was really fun

and him getting to fuck with me was the best. Like the things that he did to me Yes, I think his sense of humor you're sort of a ripe target for it Yeah, the things that he did to me were not right. Yeah and his comedy is so wrong and so raunchy. No, no, no the things that he did to me were not right. Yeah, and his comedy is so wrong, you know, and so raunchy.

No, no, no, the things that he did to me, they were not right. And Cody, you say, oh, hell no. I have absolutely no fucking idea what any of you guys are talking about. Oh, hell yeah. Okay, I like that. So yeah, that's sick. And then Z-Man obviously is also

cracking your whole shit up. He's cracking my whole shit up. He's making the moves and I'm just trying to, you know, copycat. Tough for you, someone who's coming from sort of the British method approach of having studied the script for weeks, just sort of gone into your little hole and sort of planned out all of your facial moves and your whole physicality.

Yeah. And then these guys come in and it's basically like, I thought we had a script we were working with here. We had a script we were working with here. Me and Dame Judy and Ian are just sort of like trying to do our thing, McKellen. And we spend these months and years trying to like get into the craft. I was trying to be the best fucking piece of shit Jew that I could who gets his dick stuck and stuff. That's like what I was preparing for.

Right. And then getting into this moment where I'm like, okay, now I finally get to play this fucking idiot Jew. Who doesn't belong on the beach and who, uh, it's sort of like in a humorous way, um, can't do jack shit, and there's all these sort of like beautiful, you know, Gentile achievers. Like you look at them and you're like, oh, this is what people are supposed to look like. Aryan Nation maybe is the thing that we should have really considered because then I show up and you're like. You get where the idea came from.

Yeah. Yeah. So that's sick. So it was sick and it was cool. Do you and Ian and Dame Judy ever just go around where you guys are workshopping together where he's Magneto and... She's the queen.

She's the queen and you are Ronnie Birnbaum? Greenbaum. Okay, sorry. I think. And what those characters are? That's a little on you if we don't know that, you know, because we knew Magneto's name. Yeah. What those characters are like together.

Together? Yeah. Yeah, I mean, obviously you need to go around town. You need to try it out. I'm a huge proponent of getting deep into it. Getting deep into the character. I imagine Magneto could help you get a staple

out of your dick, for example. Well, he... Oh, because he has the technology to do that. Oh, that's interesting. There's an interesting thing because all those guys do know each other. Eric is friends with Xavier, right?

Mm-hmm. And then at some point they go, hey, sometimes you got to call me Magneto. Like, but he had magnet powers when he met him. It's when I have my – But there is a conversation at some point where it's like sometimes you have to call me Magneto. And then – or Logan. Yeah. You know, and it's like, you have to call me Magneto. And then, or Logan. Yeah. And it's like, hey, I kind of have these storm powers.

So like once in a while, call me Storm. But you met me and I had a normal name. Like that's a strange transition to make with a friend. Yeah. It must be an insane transition to sort of just like put that on someone. And then to pick which one am I going to use, you know, at any given point. It must be an insane transition to sort of just like put that on someone. And then to pick which one am I going to use, you know, at any given point. But that's a rabbit hole.

It's a rabbit hole we don't need to go into right now. The important thing is me, Ian, and Dame are just really, you know, dealing with our characters. We don't need to go down that either. But for this crew that's sort of making Ian and Dame look like idiots because they have to use the script, DJ, Z-Man, and K-Raw were in there and were saying, hey, the script, that was just a jumping off point. That was a suggestion of something we might do. And by the way, we won't. And you're left kind of eating dust yeah because i'm shakespeare guy you know i'm doing the real stuff so it it

was like i was eating dust mr homework um i'm so glad that i was able to come onto hollywood handbook and just destroy my career. Just truly like take some moments. Sort of the one really huge. Something of a Falstaffian move. They just don't make a lot of movies anymore. I'm wondering if it's too. And you got to be in a huge one. I know, I know.

They really gave me a shot and I decided to come on to Hollywood handbook and disparage everyone a part of it. Oh, hell yeah. Oh, no! This is truly, truly fantastic. It's too soon. Is it too soon?

What do you guys think? What are we going to do when people have stopped talking about the movie? No, we have to do it now. When people are still having conversations about Baywatch. On their planes and being like, do you want to watch Baywatch?

Do you want to watch Baywatch? We can watch it. No? I'm going to watch Jack Reacher 2. Yeah, Jack Reacher 2 seems good. Never go back. I think I will this time. What's that other one?

The weird one? Anyway. The Shape of Water? The Shape of Water. No, but that hasn't come out yet. That hasn't come out yet. It will. I'll watch it on a plane.

No, but yeah, it's fresh. People are ready to get into it. Okay, so we've sort of got an idea of the context and what's happening on the set. So now we've got these blooper things that have happened. Yeah. And let's face it, you're involved in some of them. And bloopers are errors. People laugh at these things, but what you forget is this is a mistake that happened.

This was wrong. This was a wrong mess. It's a teaching tool. Yeah. Okay? Don't teaching tool. Yeah. Okay? Don't do this. Yes. And I think we've got an example of one that you were in that maybe we can discuss.

All right. You guys ready for this? No. We have to set the scene. Oh, sorry. Yeah. I'm ready for you to set the scene. Yeah.

So this is the end of the movie. Me and K-roar have finally gotten together it's the thing that everyone's been waiting for they wanted to see this fat tubby jew finally get with this super hot aryan chick it's what people came to see the movie for and so finally i get it i get this chick and she's. And she's like into it. But she's also, you know, she's also like I just slept with a Jew. Well, she still kind of thinks your body's a joke. Yeah, she definitely thinks my body's a joke.

So does everyone on set and so do I, right? We're all very much in on the joke that I got a tubby little piece of shit body. Let's slap it around, right? Yes. It's a good idea for a scene. Take that muffin top and just really jiggle it around for us, fat boy. That's what they said to me. That was the direction

they gave me. Is Derek Jeter in your eyeline as you're doing these scenes? Is he in my eyeline watching me from Village? Because weren't they... Like, they were... I think they dated for a bit.

Boyfriends, girlfriends. Derek was there. Derek was there. And he's threatening to throw a baseball at you. He was throwing baseballs at me. There were... He was pelting them at my body. He was in on the joke, too.

We were all in on the joke. Oh, that's so fun. Yeah. And everyone's kind of on the same page about what the joke is yeah exactly he was like should i make a bullseye on his belly and then just like pelt him and i was like derrick you're so funny let's do it and i wish it is such a night like i i dream of the day when there could be a movie about my bad body just like the entire movie yeah and it's about my body's not very good yeah it's about how my body's not very good. Yeah.

It's about how your body's not very good and how you should, and if you can be surrounded by as many people with good bodies. Yes. And those people keep on going, what's with this guy and his bad body? Yeah.

Or it's sort of like, or there's sort of a funny element where one of them is okay with your body for a minute. Just for a minute. And that kind of lets the whole audience go like, oh, imagine. Okay, so the scene is you and CJ got together. We got together. It's the end of the movie.

And we just fucked. And we're waking up in the morning and talking about our bodies. Okay, great. Because that's what you do the first thing you wake up when you're with the lady that you just slept with. You talk about each other's bodies. Well, hang on. She's talking about your body, and now let's play the clip, and we'll see maybe what went wrong. Oh, mom.

Come on. I like your chest as well. It didn't work when you say it back to me like that. Hey, CJ. Okay, so I'll just give you guys what's going on. So she's stroking him. That's better, by the way, Cody, than when you are actually trying to get it to sound good. That was better.

Oh, thanks. She's stroking him and slaps his chest, and it's sort of sensual. And then John says, and I don't know what the fuck he was thinking, but he says, I like your chest as well, to this woman. And then she says, it doesn't work when you say it to me. And he goes, okay. And that's Kelly saying that. That's not CJ.

It was, you know what? When you're selling character, it sort of gets mixed up. Sure. Like who you are. But I am, you know, I'm here to apologize. Yeah. Can I ask what you were responding to? Like I'm just trying to figure out like what could make you think that was something that was okay to say in that movie.

So had she said something that, you know, it was just sort of like. She said, I like your chest as well. Like, what is that coming off of? You know, it's coming off of her frontal torpedoes. But she's stroking his chest, Hayes. Okay. She's sort of doing, caressing his chest. Like, this is something she enjoys.

Like, I like your chest, chest john is what she's saying through body like she doesn't have she doesn't have to use the words yeah right is not necessarily skilled enough to i just want that and you thought that would be sound and you thought that was like you being cool or something it was being cool it was being like yeah it was being like sassy you know it's like it was like a comment to be like you know what also you have a nice one too. My daughter's going to listen to this, so just tread lightly. Yeah, as you're – sorry. But she's standing there.

You said, I like your chest as well. And that took me out of the movie and I thought, is anybody going to call this asshole out? Of course he likes it. And then Kelly, once again playing the hero, swoops into the scene, you know, taps out CJ and goes like, take a break for a minute, I got this, and goes, hey, John, it doesn't work when you say it to me.

Everyone likes my chest. The joke is I'm saying I like your chest, which no one would. And the only thing you do that's right on this is you sort of hang your head, look sad and you go, okay. Yeah. I want to make sure that everyone knows if you want to, uh, you know, if you want to see this, which you should go onto iTunes, buy the movie for $14.99. Okay? Don't watch the movie. Go to the end, 1, 50, 1, 20, and then press play. You will see this scene.

You will see. The blooper reel is at 1 hour and 20 minutes. 1 hour and 50 minutes and 21 seconds. Oh, okay. It is a 1 hour and 50 minute movie. There was enough material to get to two hours because they just let me go.

Woo! So, let's play it again. You want to play it again? Now that we really have a sense of it, and now you know what you're hearing. And you'll hear the chest slap at the beginning. You'll hear me go, Ha!

And then, yeah, just listen to this dialogue. You gotta really pay attention, though. Okay. Ha! I like your chest as well. It doesn't work when you say it back to me like that. Hey, CJ! Nice of her to laugh and try and break the tension

because she is mad and she's right to be mad. I wonder if it was you saying... Were all your daughters at the movie when you saw it? Yeah. All your daughters were there and you saw that part and you all said...

I froze for a second and thought oh no, I'm going to have to have this serious talk with my daughters about how inappropriate this choice was that he made. And then Kelly actually, ever the teacher, was able to save me from the awkwardness of explaining, of course, he licks her chest. And it is nice that she laughs. explaining, of course he licks her chest. And it is nice that she laughs. And I think it's somewhat genuine because it is funny that John thought that he could say that. Yeah. It is funny when you step back. It's not, it wouldn't be funny to do it in the movie, but the idea of someone thinking it was okay to do that when they're improvising is funny. Because I should have known that everyone would have thought that Kelly's chest is a good thing. It's a nice thing to look at.

I can feel you getting into this. Careful. Sorry. Careful, careful. Sorry. So I wonder if it was like kind of at the end of production and you're hanging out with all these people that have these like improv chops. And you are sort of thinking, oh, I can do this as well. I can maybe keep up with these guys now.

I'm going to show them that I'm kind of one of them. And maybe you were forgetting how bad your body is in that moment and thinking that you could, uh, you know, say something like, like it was, it was, yeah,

it was a, it was, if you had a good body and that you could do comedy, it was, yeah, it was a, it was a good body and that you could do comedy. It was, yeah, it was, it was a moment of, uh, you know, it was just a mistake. It was a mistake. I just remember going ghost white during the first half of this blooper and thinking, why the fuck did they put this in the fucking movie? Like they had a lot of footage. Because it's a genuinely because it's

a genuinely very tense moment yes and then going like oh to show us how a true pro handles when somebody just takes a shit in the middle of your scene and i'm the one taking i'm taking a huge dump in that yes and she politely cleans it up and rubs your nose in it for a second to go like, hey, not again. Yeah. Oof, man. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I want to apologize to the Hollywood community.

Yeah. I want to apologize to you two. And I want to apologize to my dead career. And to my daughter. And to your daughters. Yes. To your frontal torpedo daughters. This is a – it was a mistake that I made and –

Maybe you're going to stay away from the beach for a little while, huh? I think so. Does it make you sad to go to the beach now? A little. It's a little. It's not a place you could enjoy exactly the way that you could before. It's got – yeah, it's – the way that you could before. It's got weird associations. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Well. You know, and I got to say, John, I can see that you feel a little uneasy about some of what we're saying here. No, I think it's cool. Okay. I think it's nice and cool. Just checking. Yeah.

No, I think that's really nice and cool. Bye. Yeah. No, I think that's really nice. And cool. Bye. Bye. This has been an Earwolf production. Executive produced by Scott Aukerman, Chris Bannon,

and Colin Anderson. For more information and content, visit Earwolf.com. That was a Hate Gum podcast. For more information and content, visit Earwolf.com.