Hollywood Handbook - Jon Gabrus Again, Our Close Friend

Episode Date: April 21, 2015

Hayes and Sean make an important phone call to tackle a wrong review. Then, JON GABRUS is back to talk to the boys about hot topical news, his fan interactions, and Guy Code. Finally, the Popcorn Gallery is back to ask about the presidential election and the California drought.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This is a HeadGum Podcast. door the police they come in and they put chappy in cuffs what so i don't know what he did or if he's being blamed for something i did but i'm nervous for him because he's got his big movie coming out yeah and i'm just like uh-oh is chappy is chappy to be stuck in jail? Wait. The beginning of the story. You woke up? That's not the very beginning. Oh, what was the very beginning? Well, we're raging. We went to one of these raves.

Oh, okay. I mean, I'm straight candy flipping. I'm dropping tabs, doses. I'm rocking pills. I got the, okay, I did the new X-Files pills. And then we also had these triple stack Zoros. And I took Dolphin, which is just like the straight stuff, kind of dopey

and the Zoros are speedy to balance it out. And then I dropped like a couple tabs of Sunshine and White Lightning. And so I'm seriously just feeling the music, feeling the lights, and just dancing. And just

Sanctuary Sanctuary bad boy Bill. And I'm just fucking feeling it, feeling it. And then somebody introduces me to Chappie, and we kind of know of each other, but we don't know each other, and he's doing some fucking glow stick shit that literally makes it look like I'm moving down a tunnel of light. And I was just like, I'm partying with this guy tonight. And so we fucking hop in the DeLorean, the original Back to the Future DeLorean, which I've been driving lately.

I know, yes. Yeah. We throw some fucking banana peels and stuff into the Mr. Fusion. Yes. Which is ornamental. It doesn't, of course, power the car. No, but it's fun to do it before you drive. And Jabba's getting a kick out of it.

Of course, he knows it doesn't work that way. He a machine. And then we're cruising around, and I reach under my seat. There's a baseball bat there. I go, oh, that's right. I was out smashing mailboxes last week. That's why this is here. And he goes, well, let's do it again, brother.

But that's not exactly how he talks. He's like, don't do it. He talks like Nigel. So anyway, we're smashing the boxes. And then there's one of those ones that has the big plastic sort of protectant on it that you can't hit it and dude gets out puts his shoulder down and his fucking uh tread starts spinning yeah and he just fucking shoulder tackles it like tackling dummy hits it pulls it out of the ground lifts it over his head and throws it through the house wow anyway rest of the night's a total

glitch in his programming rest of the night's a total blur uh go home i i guess i don't know what we did in between but um we uh all wind up crashing out uh my shit fucking kicks out and then i just needs to take something to bring me down. I took a couple second alls, two and all, just to bring me back down. Crashed out because those fucking Zoros aren't always clean. And I get up feeling pretty refreshed. Cops at the door. And they put Chappy in cuffs do you think it was

because he threw the mailbox into a house that they didn't say that uh-huh but that's the only thing i remember he's also an escaped military robot do you think it was because of that he's supposed to go back to the army they didn't say that what i especially remember him doing which was probably illegal was throwing the mailbox to the house which i guess is a federal offense because mailman or government yeah um but it didn't seem like that's what they were mad about because one of them said something about murder oh no but i wonder if he was being framed well and that's exactly what i'm trying to get to the bottom of right after this hey welcome to hollywood handbook and insider's guide to kicking butt and dropping names on the red carpet line by callways of this industry we call showbiz you know we like to do a segment called Ant Wrong. And yes.

It has not been working. Yes, the results of the segment are there's some sort of broken computer or something. We assumed that doing the segment, talking about criticism we have received that is incorrect, always on the internet, pretty much, would result in somebody doing something to get these false things removed. And fixing it. And fixing it, changing it to something good.

Mm-hmm. And so, this has not happened. Yes. We have a couple of reviews, one in particular that has just been really stuck in our shared craw. Yes, just one craw between the two of us with this review sticking in it, and we can't taste anything else when we're eating, even if we're eating a strong flavor like a smoked almond.

And it's from October 18th, 2013. It's from Mr. Brandon Ray, and the subject line is boring. And the text is and rude. So anyway, we've decided to correct it. And we wanted you to firsthand get a listen. And this is what Engineer Sam suggested we do this. And I want to point something out that is very surprising to me. And I'm shocked by this.

Engineer Sam gave us this good idea. Engineer Cody has been doing well on the show, really engaging with guests in a strong way. Yes, and is something of a breakout star. We haven't had Engineer Brett on the show in a while. We have him today. And I think it's actually helpful for you to know, and it's a compliment to you how surprised we are that you are in third place. You've become the worst engineer. Yes.

And that's just, you've done such a good job leading the others as the lead engineer that you've actually led them right past you. You've gotten very complacent. It's a tortoise and the hare situation.

I haven't even been, I haven't even done the show. And we've noticed. That's not fair at all. And it shows, Brett. It really does show. And when you are doing the show, you seem uncomfortable. You don't know what to do with your hands, and you look strange.

I'm actually working the board unlike those guys. Well, is that— That remains to be seen, yes. Well, anyway, you've done a bad job, and you're the worst one now. So here, without further ado, is a little window into how to handle customer service representatives. We had a great experience. Make them your friend. We had an amazing experience. We had a great experience with them, and we will share. In the interest of transparency, to kind of show you how these things work, this is the call we had.

For quality assurance purposes, your call may be monitored or recorded. Thank you for contacting support. recorded. Thank you for contacting **** support. Hi, thank you for contacting ****. This is ****. Can I get your first and last name, please? Yes, the first name is Brett, B-R-E-T-T. Huh? Okay.

Last name is Morris, M-O-R-R-I-S. What the hell? Hi, Brett, how are you? I'm doing well, thank you. And I'm here with my friend as well. Yeah, we had a question. We have a question. Oh, can I get a confirmation of your email and callback number first?

Oh, yeah, sorry. The email is brett at your... Goddamn. And the call-in number is... Okay. And how can I help you today? I am an engineer at a podcast network. You host the podcast.

Yes, I work on one of the podcasts on the network. And we have a... There's an error on our... page where there's a review. There's a review on our page that is wrong and sort of inflammatory, and we were sort of hoping to get it removed. So if I understand correctly, you have like, it's like a, it's more of a, hold on, give me a second.

Well, I think of how this content a second while I think about this content. Inappropriate. Inappropriate. Right? Inappropriate. Yes. It's untrue. Inappropriate, false.

Okay. Got it. Yes. And false about the podcast. Okay. I definitely understand the need, especially if you're working on your podcast and there's a bunch of false and fraudulent statements posted on your page.

Yeah. Thank you. Yes. That's, yes. We knew you'd understand. Yes, I definitely do. Let me see what I can do for you today. I'm going to actually have to get my senior support

on this case because they actually have a little bit more work around than I do. Yeah, whoever we need to bring in. So, Brett, can I ask what was the name of the podcast? Yes. So I can actually take a look at it. It's Hollywood Handbook, H-O-L-L-Y-W W-O-O-D and then Handbook Have you heard of it?

No I actually have not I actually don't really do podcasts that much really I listen to mostly music I'm not gonna lie I do listen to a lot of music and I have a lot of purchases of music or if it's like music I can in the background

Sure yeah yeah classical and stuff i if you're ever looking to dip your toe in the water of podcasts though i would say this is a good one to start with um i would you know it's uh some of the reviews wouldn't agree with me but those ones are uh not accurate. And it most likely is a recent one? Oh, no, I'm sorry. No, that's part of the issue. It's not recent. This one is from October 2013.

And we pointed out to the person a while ago that it was wrong, and they didn't change it. And it's just been up there and been up there and been up there. And we now, almost two years later, are getting it together to kind of do something about it and take it down. Great. So is it the 25th of October? It's the, this one is from the 18th of October. 18th, okay. And I see a couple of, this is boring and rude, correct? Yes. So, October 18th by Mr. Brandon Wray.

Yes, so that was... This is more of a slandering statement. Yes, because it's not... To say that it's boring is just inaccurate. It's an informational podcast, so there's so much to learn from. It's all presented in a very fun and very nice way. So it just seems like there's either been a misunderstanding or we think we were. We think it might be about a different podcast. Yes, that they entered the wrong name or they thought they were had two browsers open and thought they were on a different page or even potentially that it's some sort of virus.

I'm not a tech guy, so I don't know exactly how that works. But she could see it too. Yes, well, then it's not in ours, and I don't know if it's the site or what. Yes. I actually pulled up the most critical ones of your review, and that's why I was wondering which date it was. Yeah, well, and some of, and, you know,

yes, obviously there are other critical ones. We're not, I can take criticism. But this is the only one, and it of – and, you know, yes, obviously there are other critical ones. We're not – I can take criticism. But this is the only one. But this one – It's just not up to what everything should be. Because I understand criticism, but this one just doesn't really say much or do anything and kind of not what you are all about with your podcast, right? Yes, it's just a naked attack. And the rude part, too, is like, well, it's just a naked attack and the rude part

too is like, well, it's actually something where we're trying to help people with this thing, so it just presents a face for the show that is... It's the opposite of rude. It's the opposite of rude. It's actually nice. So we were just wondering if there's any way

to get it, because we did actually correct it on the show. We went on the show and said like to the person and we said their name. They're obviously a listener if they're writing about it. Otherwise, they're just crazy. And we said to them, hey, you know, you can talk to us. We can explain or anything or take it down. Now it's been two years.

I'm going, well, what at what point does it get corrected, or do we have to take matters into our own hands like we're doing today, you know? That was October 18, 2013. 18, 2013, yeah. And we could also, you can leave it up if we could. Are you allowed to change the text? No, I can't. If a user put it up there, I won't be able to remove it.

I'm going to get my senior advisor up online right now and get them to go into it. I'm going to just explain what's going on, but I have to place a call on hold, unfortunately. Oh, okay. Okay. She is amazing. She's amazing. She's great. And I think she is going to. It sounds like she is going to.

She gets it. She understands. I think she is going to take it. So we're going to be on hold for about 10 minutes. 10 minutes, okay. 10 minutes, okay. That's fine. Where are you working out of?

We are working out of... Is that nice now? They have nice... Dangerous. Malls there? Some parts of it, yeah. That's what I'm always hearing. Yeah, I'm in the suburbs, so...

Oh, okay. Definitely safe. Good. That's where I'm always hearing. Yeah, I'm in the suburbs, so definitely safe. Good. But yeah, definitely. With my last job, I sold insurance. It was not fun to go out to the more dangerous parts of the city. Oh, on foot. Yeah.

Door to door. Right. Were people trying to steal the insurance? I don't think they can steal it they have to steal my laptop they were probably trying to steal the laptop if anything but not many people mess with me that much

catch 22 though right because that's where they need insurance the most right is like in the areas where that sort of thing is happening. What company were you selling insurance for? Okay.

I love those Geico commercials. Yeah, they were a competition, but we were actually selling mostly to unionized members. Okay, right. Actually, now I'm getting more information because I actually explained what the issue was. Great. And we won't have to stand hold because I understand that my senior support will not

be able to get this off. Give me a second. I have a link. So that I, because we can't remove it. Basically, you know how I said the podcast

team does? Yes. Mostly podcast issues. Yes. Okay. So we'll have to talk to the podcast team. Yeah.

And there's not actually a link for them. It's more of a... Is there an email? It's more of an email. Okay. Okay. I'm going to go back.

It's because I'm just trying to find it. So I'll send that to the email address you gave me. You're sending that to my email, Brett's email, my email. Not really. Morning person, and I woke up at six in the morning to get here. Oh, boy. Boy.

Yeah, I don't do mornings at all. And so, but my shift is almost over. So, yay. Yes, congratulations. But I don't work Saturdays either. I'm filling in for somebody. Oh, okay. Okay, so that's a double whammy.

The morning and it's the weekend. Yep. Were you out last night, Friday night in it? No, I did not Friday night in it. I knew it was better than that. My friend's like, you're just not going to go out, right? I'm like, no, not tonight. I wake up at 6 in the morning.

You might make the last three innings of the Cubs game. The Cubs are playing right now, and when your shift is over, you could probably get over there in time. And you might even be able to get a discount ticket. Cheaper to get in for the end. No? No. White Sox only.

Because I'm not a Cubs fan. Well, you could go root against them and say, boo. But then you're still paying money against the other team

to get there. I don't think I want to. Yeah, you're lining their pockets. I mean, it's fun to go out that way, but I don't want to go to a team that I don't want to cheer for.

You could try to jump the fence. Hello? Hello? Hello? Hello? Hello? Brett, Hello? Hello? Oh, that's okay. Oh, great.

Oh, okay. Okay, thank you. So I'm going to double check this with the senior support though. Okay, thank you. Okay. You guys know this song? Yes, of course. It's Ringing Fire. Of course.

It's ringing fire. What, do you know how to play this on the guitar? Yeah, I learned it the other day. That's not even a guitar. It's mostly horns. Yes, it's horns. So this part. That's a man's voice.

So you claim to be some kind of guitar god. You don't even know what it sounds like or what it is. I don't have to play it to know that that's a, this is a person. That's Joaquin Phoenix.

You're telling me that's not a guitar. No, those are horns. There's horns and then Joaquin does his thing. Yeah. Can you play this part on the guitar, Brett?

That part? No, no. It was the quiet part. He was saying, can you play the part where there isn't any sound? Yeah, maybe you could sing that part for us. They have good music on here. I hate that elevator music. Music.

I just realized we never told her my name. No. And that may be a little bit of why we're on hold. Regardless if she's not a podcast person, okay. Or in general, how she thinks she can treat. She's always addressing Brett. She thinks she's talking to engineer Brett. Brett? Yes, hi.

And Sean? Hello. Hi. Okay, actually, my coworker is a little bit inaccurate, but we actually can possibly do something. Oh, wow. So, my senior advisor, his name is Josh.

Okay. And he'll be getting in contact with you in like 24 to 48 hours. Okay, that's great. Is that going to be over email or on my phone? Email, because most likely email. But he's sending it to our engineer team to have it reviewed. Great.

That's awesome. I probably know some of those guys. He's a response to you. Engineers don't talk to people. Oh, no. Yeah. You don't want me doing that. I'm an engineer as well, and you want to keep me as far away from the people as possible.

I deal with engineers, and they're an interesting bunch, to say the least. They're not always people persons. But that's good. They'll definitely be getting in contact with you within the 24 to 48 hours, because I know Josh. He's pretty cool. Awesome. Oh, great. He has a lot of better senior advisors than me. So, yeah. Great. Well, maybe he should Josh, he's pretty cool. Oh, great. Better senior advisors.

So yeah, great. Maybe he should talk to me and not Brett then if he's pretty cool. No, I'm kidding. I'm kidding. It's okay. You can talk to me,

but gracias. I'm sorry. I brought up the, uh, Geico thing before the competition. I wasn't even thinking. Um, uh,

not even anything. I did that insurance thing for like six months and then I quit pretty much. Oh, right, yeah. No, sometimes people, yeah. Well, enjoy the Cubs game. Get a hot dog. Sure.

And thank you so much. Thank you for the help. We appreciate it. No problem. I hope you have a good rest of the day, okay? I enjoy them when they lose. Thank you for the help. We appreciate it. No problem. I hope you have a good rest of the day, okay? I hope you do, too. Thank you. Bye. Okay.

So thank you to, we didn't, I don't know if we ever actually got her name. It didn't matter. Which I'm sure she would like us to give it, but we don't have it, so we can't. But she was great. It looks like we are well on our way to getting this issue resolved. And we'll tell you if Josh actually is cool, and we'll tell you what happens on that email. That's all, folks.

Coming up is a guest, a very nice guest to have. John Gabrus is here, and he was on the podcast before, and we introduced him then. So go back and listen to that one, and then come back and listen to the show, Hollywood Handbook. Hollywood Handbook. So I turn to Doug and I look at the course, E Fresh, and I say, let's do it for old time's sake. Let's do it for John. And he says no and he says no. And then finally we push and pull and push and pull and we jump into the bobsled and we ride it all the way down. And I get out and I sort of nod to him and he goes,

that was a cool experience. Yes. Yes, and I felt the same. Where was Malik? He had been kicked off the grounds. Because he couldn't control his temperature like being mad what's the word for that um thermometer or something but he yes and so we um but he'd been kicked off and then uh uh he also was setting off fireworks all over because it could melt the course.

That's actually very dangerous. Yes. Should we talk to our guest? Yes. Hey. Hi. Welcome to Hollywood Handbook, an insider's guide to kicking butt and dropping names

in the red carpet linebacker hallways of this industry we call showbiz. What up, what up? John Gabrus is back. Hey, guys. Thanks for having me. That was a...

For the listener, they only caught the tail end of that story, but that was a solid 45-minute – that was – blew me away. That was awesome. I'm very excited for you. Well, I don't know if they'll hear any of it. But, yeah, I think it was quite a yarn I spun, and I'm known as a bit of a raconteur.

So thank you for recognizing that. I'm glad I was able to hear that one because I had heard people tell me, like people had come up to me and said, have you heard Sean's story, the bobsled story? And I'm like, I haven't. And I just happened to wander in. Yeah, which one? Well, that was the thing because I had heard the other one.

Yeah. When you were with Marshawn Lynch at Lake Placid Training Tournament and just talking about quad strength and stuff. I think that story wasn't as interesting as this one, so it's exciting to hear both now. The way I tell it is good, but yes, I understand. This one has more twists and turns, like a bobsled course itself, like a course of the way they moved on this shoot of the ice.

We're pushing it. Yes. I like how Bob's pushing it. Yes. That's right. Yes. Right. Goodness.

John, thank you. So you've been on the show before. I have, of course. But even- Long time fan, no time listener, and two time guest. Yes. I'm a huge fan of the podcast

I just don't have time to listen to it yes what have you been doing yeah these last you know just the usual

various live performances a lot of of what comedy you know I love to laugh yeah

and I'm doing less and less comedy now and more and more just truths, you know? Yeah. And it's up to you to laugh or not. Well, we talked about guy code last time, and that's what guy code is. Yeah, that's what guy code is. I drop truths. Some people find it funny. Some people find it informative.

Uh-huh. And I don't give a fuck. Uh-huh. However you find it. That's pretty punk rock. I would, I'm not, yeah, I guess it's a little throwback of me to behave this way, but I do. I don't care for the audience. Well, it's not throwback.

Punk rock never goes out of style to spit in the face of the man and to say, this is what it is, take it or leave it. Yeah, I guess rebellion will always be in style. Yes, it takes but a single brick to start a revolution and you, John, have been that brick for a lot of guys learning the code. And I hear right after this, I don't want to spoil it for anybody, but

you're going to do a drugs on a podcast. I won't say exactly what it is. Yeah, don't give any other specifics which drugs or which podcast. But we did on ours. Well, we'll say it's a kind that you smoke and you get high from it. Yeah, I'm doing peyote on This American Life

this week with me and Starley Kine. Yes. And he's joking. I'm joking. Yes. You guys are so good at that, you know, calling me out when I'm joking, when I'm the one saying something. And I would want the same from you. And I'll give it to you.

Oh, I know you will. John, can you do something for us? You have a lottery ticket sitting in front of you. It's just a fun thing we give to all our guests. Sure. Some podcasts don't offer their guest compensation. Of any kind, yes, but we offer our guests up to a million

dollars. Almost a million dollars, and that's after taxes. Yes. And the reason... Yeah, this is the taxes paid one, which is exciting. You know, I have a lot of IRS issues, so this is like... You don't even want to have to be on the phone with them. No, I can't. I don't even want them to find me, period. So actually, if I do win anything, I'd like to put it in one of your names,

and then we'll deal with some sort of barter. That works great for us, and I've given Uncle Sam my pound of flesh already. The reason I'd love for you to scratch this off, which we don't normally do, is normally we buy one for the engineer as well. But this time on our on my way into the studio engineer brett who's with us today hello brett hey texted and requested that's plenty uh a breakfast sandwich and a coffee jesus and that's why engineer brett does not have my phone number so i said you know what? That's fine.

I'll furnish you with a breakfast sandwich and a coffee. But certainly no tiki, no laundry, as you like to say. No washy. No washy, yes. That's how my high school science teacher explained semipermeable membranes and cells to me. And so Brett doesn't have a ticket today. So what I've done is I've given you

the ticket that Brett would have had. Had he not decided to get a little up and do it. Yeah, yeah. You know? If you know Oliver Twix,

it's like, more please. Yeah, and then that's where the candy got the idea. That's why there's two candies in each package.

He ate one. Yeah, he's like, more, more, nougat please. Another one? Yeah. Yeah, he's like, more, more, nougat, please. Another one? Yeah. Well, I don't carry anything smaller than 20,

so does anyone have a coin or something? Or maybe even like a euro that I can use? And you don't have a key of any kind. No, I'm all smart locks in my house and car, too.

So no coins? Brad, did you ask Hayes for the change from the sandwich and coffee? Did you also demand at least a full $10 worth of things? What about some of these toothpicks? You have your minty toothpicks. Ah, yes. You could probably use the base of this. I could probably track down keys.

Oh, interesting. A Toyota. Yes. Nice. Right. It's like an ironic key chain. It's ironic. I purchased an ironic automobile. This is, look, I don't want to act like I'm a degenerate gambler, but this is a bad sign.

You got four numbers in the 40s, which is just a sign that you're not going to see any 40s. No, you're going to see all 40s. 40s, but not those four. Except for those. Yeah. You will see the numbers right around there. What I neglected to think about was this card has Brett's luck. Right.

Oh, fuck. That's the last thing I needed. Yeah. I would have taken a breakfast sandwich. Look. See, I've got 46, 45, 47, and 42. I've already scratched off 49 and 48. Uh-huh.

That was pretty much a guess. And then there's 41. Slotting right in the middle there. Oh, man. It's such bullshit. Well, thank you guys so much for this opportunity for a crack at a movie. Well, you're only halfway. You still have so many more.

Yeah, I know. I'm just not confident and this is a good lesson for the scoop troop and I think this defeatist attitude and this sort of giving up

halfway down your scratch ticket is a thing that stalls out a lot of careers in this town do you agree hey

finish the scratch ticket yes you already have your scratcher out just scratch them all off do even the last number and find the prize. Yeah.

And then even if it doesn't look like you won, you should take it to the convenience store. Oh, I make those guys check because they have the machine. And I don't have time to read every number individually.

Right. But I did get every 40, but no winner. No winner. Yes. But that's all right because I was not prepared to give any money to charity anyway. Because I'm not going to take that.

I'm not going to take that. Sometimes people don't know. I think you might. Maybe you did win. I'll take it to the store and then we'll. Yeah, you check. And then, of course. Hayes claims that on his taxes anyway.

Yeah, it helps you. Bumps you off the bracket, you know. Well, if anything that I purchase and then bring into this podcast room is for the podcast. I've already stabbed myself twice with a toothpick. I don't think I'm prepared to have this. In the nose. Yeah, once in the mustache and once in the tongue right after. Why do they have to make them so sharp?

Yeah, it is confusing because it's easy to hurt yourself with it. And why don't they just make a nice round ball? It should be very soft, a soft, a soft ball because the round ball could actually hurt your teeth if it's made of wood. I almost, it should be a cotton ball. It should be a soft chewable ball. Um, maybe with a slightly hard shell and softer inside and a nice taste. And I'd like to be able to blow bubbles from it. Oh, that would be ideal. And, man, imagine if it came with something to read, like a fortune or a comic or horoscope of some sort. Or both, yes. That would be fun.

Yes. These are minty. This is like brushing your teeth. Let's keep the mintiness, I think. Yeah. Or go pink, go sweet and pink, like pussy, gentlemen. That's kind of the kind of things i drop on guide code is just truths like see this is a great way and just a good example of your comedy that

could get us sort of into our next thing like yes you like to your truths you like to go topical john you take from the real world what is happening and you sort of give us this skewed perspective on it that you're looking at it and go whoa he's looking like if i'm standing with my head straight you kind of got it to the side well yeah i've always been that guy i've always been that guy when someone's you know we're we're watching a football game i'm like guys but look at it from over here imagine you're over here people are like but that's not the normal point of view. I'm like, exactly. Topical storm, Gabrus. Yeah.

Fuck thinking outside the box. Look at the box and think wherever you want. Why is it so sharp? Yeah, why has it got to be a box? Yes. If you're looking at it, it could be a box to someone else.

If you're looking at it from a certain angle, it's a pyramid or a cube or a square. Yes, and topical storm, and then I just made one up, and it's John Soon. John Soon. I like it. John Soon.

That's me. So anyway, we have- So that's why I bring up topical stuff like- Yes, and we have today's newspaper, and we just thought you could just go- And just go. And just confirm that it is today's paper. Yeah, like I'm a-

So you are safe. Like I'm a hostage, like an ISIS hostage. Yes, and you've had no time to prepare anything. ISIS, he's already talking about the news. today's paper. So you are safe. Like I'm a hostage, like an ISIS hostage. Yes, and you've had no time to prepare. ISIS, he's already talking about the news. I'm already in. Saturday, April 18th. And make the newspaper noise just so they know. Yep, it's real.

Okay, I got it. And any headline you want and just go. So I'll go right here with Yemen chaos, a boon for Al-Qaeda. Oh, no. Here he goes. You know, looking at this real quick, I got for you, I got semen chaos, a boon for all Qaeda's.

Okay. That's just a couple of letter changes. It's like that's one thing you could do is just, that's one topical idea where you don't even have to add any other politics or anything like that. You just hit them with the silly version of the topical. And what I'm learning from you already then is just – and I swear I didn't know this before. But you look at that boon. If you maybe turn that B upside down, it would look like a P. Semen, chaos, a poon for all K to me.

Yes, and that's something that you taught me, John. Oh, yeah. And that's just a minor word tweak topicality. I could do seriously other point of views. Here we go. Look at this. Some prospects. The reopened Empress Pavilion in Chinatown is long removed from its days as the seat of power in Southern California dims some scene.

But it's not bad. Okay, so. Uh-huh, yes. Uh-oh, here we go. I'm looking at this and I say to myself, dim sum? How about I'm young, dumb, and full of dim sum, if you know what I mean, baby? Oh, no.

So here I am. I'm just some, you know, I'm some Asian lady at the Empress Pavilion and I'm young, dumb, and full of dim sum. All right, moving on. Okay. How about this? Felix Chevrolet has a 2015 Camaro LS for $179 a month. Look out, Felix.

How about I pay you an extra $20 and you give me an MS? All right. Moving on. Got a couple other things here. This mostly adds. My head is spinning. Wait. Can we not move on?

Yeah. Give you MS? Yeah. Multiple sclerosis. For an extra $20? A month. move on? Yeah. Give you MS? Yeah, multiple sclerosis. For an extra $20? A month, yeah. Because if they can adapt you genetically, that's worth the extra $20. It's just something to think about.

To have a disease. You will pay an extra $20 a month to get MS. So what I'm saying is, though— From Felix Chevrolet. Well, I, like, okay, so here's where it comes in. Part of my truth-telling is it's your own truth, not necessarily my truth. Yeah. So I hit you with that, and that's not necessarily to say I'm willing to pay $20 a month,

$3,000 extra down, and $20 extra a month to get MS. But you did say that. Yeah, but I'm saying that to make you think, what the fuck is this guy talking about? MS. And then all of a sudden it's in your mind. You're looking it up. You're donating. You're talking to your friends that maybe have those on their budgets.

It's about awareness for the disease. But do you think people would donate money hearing that someone would pay to get the disease? That's what they start saying. I say $20 and multiple sclerosis in one sentence, and you immediately go, hey, what the fuck? $20? Multiple sclerosis?

And maybe what it is, too, is you would want even more to educate people, hey, don't pay for this. Right. And also, now I've've said it they know it's a joke because it's coming from you know the voice of the people the ironic voice of the people storm johnson yeah uh the john soon tropical storm topical storm and they hear it coming from me and then they're not going to get tricked when they go into felix chevrolet to buy a camaro they're going going to say, do you want $20 extra a month? You can have a degenerative muscular disease. And these people will be like, no, no, this is a comedy bit from my guy, Johnny G.

Delivered. Topical Storm Gaber. All right, here we go. Real estate section. A commitment to you. Open Sunday 2 to 5 like my wife's legs. Oh, no. Three hours on a Sunday

Conveniently while I'm at work Oh wow When our handyman Clemente's over To help fix the stove Is that me? No I wish And instead it's a 60 year old Latina dude Dropping the hammer on my wife

Latina's female Yeah yeah yeah But he's effeminate Okay here we go Open house by appointment and directory Open Sunday 2 to 5 Like my wife. Tina's female. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But he's effeminate. Okay, here we go. Open a house by appointment and directory. Open Sunday, 2 to 5. Like my wife's asshole.

Oh, no. It's the same time. Yeah, but you gotta heighten it. Hit it at the end. Same time. Okay, here we go. First person. No tears over the end of Sabado.

Spanish language show did little to impress one writer in his childhood. All right, relax, dick. Okay, moving on. See, the thing is, you don't want to get topical about art. You don't want to do art.

No, no. Because if I'm doing art, you don't want to do reductive art about art. Yeah, the two-word blow-off and then you just move on. Classic. It's gray on gray. Nothing shows up.

Here's something. This is going to be really funny. This is going to be a good one. This is a good jumping off point. Sorry, sorry. Even before you do it, it's good to tell people something's going to be funny before you say it. Am I wrong? Well, I feel like Babe Ruth points to the fucking stadium.

Here you go. The ball's going that way. I'll tell you it's going to be funny, and then you put up your guard to be that way. I'll tell you it's going to be funny. And then you put up your guard to be like, yeah, right, it's not going to be funny. Then I hit you with it anyway, and you laugh, and I fucking, it hits that much harder. That's like when you're in a fist fight and you say, I'm going to punch you right in the fucking face right now. You give them the heads up. And they still can't stop you. And if it isn't funny, you can still be like, yeah, it was.

Yeah, because it's all subjective. Well, and that's what Babe Ruth would do a lot of the time. As you said, he points to the fucking stadium. And then, yeah, if he missed, he would go like. There he goes. Did you see? Yeah, he fouled out a number of times and still took a lap around the bases. Yeah.

He would pop fly to shortstop and then take a full lap around the bases hoping. Well, a lot of times he would steal the ball then from the catcher after he missed, stick it in his back pocket, and go like, you missed it, it went so fast. And then he'd start running. He would get to second base, and when no one was looking, he would take it out of his pocket and throw it over the fence

and be like, told you. He would scream, told you at everyone. Yeah. Have I sufficiently stopped your momentum from what you promised us was going to be a funny take on a headline? Oh, yeah, yeah. Well, here, well, I

don't know what the take is yet because I just see a headline and I know that's got, that's got, you know, grit. That's got some teeth. There's some, there's

some meat in this. Yes. And then I, by the time I'm done reading it, I have an idea. There's still juice, juice in the squeeze. Yeah.

Thank you, Brad, for fuck's sake, you're all. That's a good noise to hear in still juice in the squeeze. Thank you, Brett, for fuck's sake. That's a good noise to hear in the middle of the show. We'll leave that in because, as you know, I'm all about the truth. It's a fucking thing. I'm switching seats for the next podcast for the peyote with Starley Kine. Alright, here we go.

He's kidding. In El Salvador, killings rise amid rubble of truce. Gangs make March the deadliest month in 10 years. Yeah. In like a lamb, out like a lion, my ass. And what is that? That is a reference.

Yeah. Go ahead and explain it for a while. So apparently, I don't know. There's some kind of gang, you know, a bunch of El Salvadorians are killing each other and stuff like that. Yeah. Speak on that. Yeah. Well, I think, you know, I usually just do headline stuff, but if you give me a chance, I could read the article,

and I can give you maybe a fully realized 25-minute one-man show on this. To me, and please educate me on this, if it is the deadliest month in 10 years March was, I would think that in like a lamb lamb out like a lion would be a correct representation of what march is like it's by killing people i think it's in like a lion out like a rabid lion to be honest oh yeah because at the end of march yeah meaner lion oh okay yeah yeah but you bring up some valid points but that's the thing with with my style of truth telling there's not time for refining there's not time telling. There's not time for refining. There's not time for writing.

There's not time for thinking. There's not time for maybe this doesn't work. Accuracy is often a victim. Yeah, there's not time for that. That's not what I'm doing. You know what I mean? I'm out at these colleges and I'm doing, hey, you, say something. They say something, boom something boom i'm off

you know i'm doing 40 minutes yeah i grab i go into a girl's purse and grab her whatever you know um her taser pepper spray whatever and i'm you know i'm fucking around with that shit on stage like i'm just doing what i have to do yeah use it on yourself yeah i use it on myself yeah i'm assuming you guys are talking about that UC Santa Barbara show I did where I grabbed some girls pepper spray and sprayed it in my mouth saying like, that's not even that hot. You know? And then I locked my eyes.

Yeah. Do you exclusively do college gigs at places where people have died? Well, because you, last time you were here, you talked about your Virginia Tech show. Yeah. And I do remember that you had done some. Kent State and UC Santa Barbara. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. tech show yeah and i do remember that you've done some yeah santa barbara yeah yeah famously places where and i did the uh the uh i did guiana for a while i did uh i did like a residency in guiana where i did like uh 20 nights of shows uh and uh the poster was me uh breaking through a brick wall and saying oh yeah like the Kool-Aid man. Right. That did not, that didn't resonate.

A lot of people didn't get it because- Brick walls are sacred there or something. It's like cows in India. Yeah, yeah. It's pretty similar to that. They don't eat brick in Guyana because it's just similar to the fatted calf, the golden calf. And you're going to a Charlie Hebdo offices to do a quick set after this right uh yeah well first i'm doing uh i gotta do uh mushrooms with um miranda july for uh for uh fresh air and then

after that i i had to uh well i haven't gotten the rights to do the charlie hebdo offices but i'm gonna do like some busking outside. I got some street stuff. I'm bringing a character artist I know from Venice Beach who's going to do some caricatures of people that are walking by and stuff. A little bit of a how do you like it. Yeah. A little bit of like, come at me, dog. Yeah. You know, that's how I end most of my sets is like, all right, so you've heard what I had to say.

Now, come at me dog because I'm an equal opportunity employer man I'm not gonna come I'm not gonna come to your school shred you guys shred everything

you believe in without giving you a chance to come up like I did I did something at a university at Iowa where

the for the fraternity show what were those guys the those nice kids with the fun song about oh right

Oklahoma yeah yeah about differences yeah yeah that was like a fun little topical song so I went down to that school

and then I had you know I did some material there and then when I said come at me dog some of the girls from the sorority came up with like

a sharpie marker and like circled all my fat and imperfections on my body and stuff and I'm i'm game for that if i'm if i'm gonna be here magnifying a fucking lens the lens of truth at different things i'm gonna be allowed to turn that lens upon myself every once and it's like you said i mean you did just say you're an equal opportunity employer and and i hate when people change that term to be equal opportunity offender. Yeah. No. Because it's like, no, you're providing employment.

Your jokes. You're giving them the job of either laughing or coming at you, dog. And if they come at me, dog, and I like it, I'll buy that joke off them. Yeah. You know what I mean? Like, I'll let that, like, I'll be like, that's pretty solid. I do look like Peter Jackson. So I'll take that.

Like, that hurts. But I'll take that. I'll buy it off them. And now I could use that in my act. The Sharpie is still bleeding through your t-shirt. Yeah, I haven't had a chance to rinse off. I had to kind of get out of that school pretty fast.

I was trying to get a sing-along going, but they don't know all the same words to songs as I do. Yeah, Santeria is a tough one. It is, because a lot of people only know the beginning. It's one of those the beginning, you know? Yes.

It's one of those you think you know it. After Crystal Ball, everyone falls off, you know? I ain't got no... Oh, fuck. I have no idea what's coming up next. They kind of do that. And I... And then I... Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Exactly, yeah. And they come back in and out. And then you're just dumb, though. We should do the popcorn gallery. Ooh, baby, let's do it. Will you find the song, Brett? Just Google it. Now, I'm a huge fan of the podcast.

I'm a diehard fan of the podcast. I like you guys a lot, but I don't listen at all. Have not listened, of course. And you were on it. You forgot what happened that time. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, because I'm living a life here,

so I'm coming from here. I'm doing something after I'm doing something before and for me some things just get lost on that a lot of our guests are not, it's refreshing because some of them listen to the show and prepare and they come on and they know

what the different bits are it's frustrating in a way where it's like, hey loser we do the show, you just be here and do a DMT with Sarah Koenig. I wish. And I'm kidding, but that's one of the jokes you were doing. Keeping the pattern alive.

For me, I look at the headlines, I look at the audience, and I come up with shit. I actually kept my eyes closed on the elevator ride up here, and I didn't open them until I walked into this room because I want to be like a baby. And I see the world. This is my first vision. Brett's got a haircut. You guys are both size medium shirts. This is something that just hits you right away when you walk in.

And now I'm flowing with it. So what's this popcorn gallery shit? We forgot to get questions. We asked questions for you from listeners. And this time what they've done is written their questions into the newspaper. You've requested

that they write their questions into the LA Times. Into the LA Times opinion page. Yes. And so these are questions for you, John Gabrus, from our listeners. Via the LA Times opinion page. Yes. And so these are questions for you, John Gabrus, from our listeners. Via the LA Times opinion page. Yes. Here's the first one for John. John, the next presidential election is coming in 2016.

And look who the probable nominees are. A Clinton and a Bush. That would be Hillary and Jeb this time. In a country of... Right? Well, our guys are... He's ready to go already. Full circle. I'm going to have a field day with this. In a country of more than 300 million people, this is the best we can do? With Clinton, we would get her ex-president husband lurking in the background. Bush is one of the lesser-known members of the Bush clan, but he's probably the most electable Republican.

Maybe some better choices will come along, or we can only hope. Trouble is, the best people don't want a job Where half the country will oppose everything they do I wish us luck We're gonna need it And that's from our listener Ron Swenson in Chino Okay, and his question is Is this the best

In a country with more than 300 million people Is this the best we can do? Who's in the middle? Yeah, off the top of my head, yes Just riffing here. It's the best we could do. Hold on.

It's the best we could do. Next question. Great. Thank you. Here's a question about the drought. Oh, good. John. Very topical. California is turning itself upside down because of the water consumed by an agricultural industry that only has a modest impact on the state's overall economy and produces food only a modest

percentage of which is consumed by Californians. What is wrong with this picture? Our drought is a national issue and deserves federal government consideration. The billions needed for water infrastructure desalination or both should be a national expense. So what is wrong with that picture to you john that's the thing man we we're not ready for it until it's on your front door right that's what i always said yeah yeah we didn't care about domestic

terrorism until it hit us and hit us in the fucking gut you know we didn't care about um race riots till it hit us in the fucking gut we didn't care about animal testing of makeup until it hit us in the fucking gut remember that that was

that was a big one that was a big one when the Claire all bunny escaped you had the Claire all monkeys and rabbits

yeah cause I was like very confused I ran into a chimp on 9th street back when I was living in New York

and it had lipstick on and I thought it was some sort of prank oh shit it's my time that's my dad that's weird my your dad's calling my phone i guess i'll just shut it off no you can get it should i yeah just talk to him real quick mr davenport oh i'm sorry you remarried doctor doctor dr hussein davenport? Oh, I'm sorry. You remarried a doctor. Dr. Dr. Hussein Davenport. Well. Yeah.

No, this is Hayes's. He remarried and changed his. Colleague. First name. I wouldn't say friend. No, I just know him through. Yeah. Uh-huh.

Yeah, I'll tell him. All right. Sounds good. Did he say say you didn't say american ninja 2 is now on netflix uh streaming oh it's a plug yeah that's what he was calling he called him with a plug oh god that's very michael dudikoff yeah he could have texted that that would have been a lot easier yeah i'm excited for your father i noticed you didn't say love you too when you got off the phone with him well he said I love you to me and

I don't know him well enough to say I love him back I'm not afraid to say that I love a handful of people in my life my mother my wife Scarlett Johansson

Linda Carter yeah Margot Robbie the PETA guy PETA from the 100 games yeah not Josh Hutchinson but PETA from the 100 games Yeah Not Josh Hutchinson But PETA

100 games Yeah And then Thor Yep The character The character Yeah And Wendy the Snapple Lady

Yeah Those are the only people Jennifer Coolidge You talk a lot about I do talk a lot about Jennifer Coolidge But that's more I'm in like with her

Ready to fall Head over heels With Stifler's mom You don't want to fall In love Necessarily Yeah It's a little Stifler's mom. You don't want to fall in love necessarily with Stifler's mom too quickly. Right, exactly. It was first when I saw Legally Blonde that Coolidge really hit it for me.

And when she finally fucks the UPS guy, I was excited. They don't show the fucking, but I imagine. For her, yeah. That is literally my favorite joke of all time is that that scene Legally Blonde I honestly

I paused the first time I saw it I was in the movie theater I walked out because I was laughing so hard I had full on pissed myself full like

because I had drank like a giant Dr. Pepper and Cherry Coke mix and I laughed sorry I pissed my pants I was just trying to

watch it on airplane i was flying back from amsterdam watching legally blonde that scene came up again i threw up on my fucking table right right on my little uh tray threw up i was laughing so hard i hit my gag reflex they sometimes don't let you do suicides at the movie theater they won't let you do suicides movie theater but if you ask nicely at the Arclight there's this guy Mick who works well he's Irish I don't know his name

he has red hair yeah he has red hair and his little favorite movie tag you know it says their favorite movie on their name tag and his is

The Wind That Shakes the Barley. Yeah. So I'll go up to Mick and I'll say look I know I'm not supposed to do this

but give me half Dr. Pepper half Cherry Coke half DP half CC give me the DP CC baby and he knows

what I'm talking about he hooks it up then I get the I get the spicy brat with the mango jalapeno sauce on top

extra relish and I'll sit in the back movie theater and just fucking hammer it dip it right in the drink float it in there for a little bit. Sip the drink.

Get a little of the mango jalapeno essence in there. Take the dog out. The bun is like half dissolved. Pop that right down the gullet. And then I'll leave before the movie starts. Easier on your stomach that way. It's like the Joey Chestnut. Yeah.

Kobayashi, Crazy Legs, Conti. That was my old crew I used to run with back when I was doing amateur competitive eating. Well, I thought I was just eating, but a lot of people were telling me, this is highly competitive the way you're eating. People would come up and just start competing with you. Yeah, that's how I first met Crazy Legs. I was at an oyster bar on Pearl Street in Manhattan, and I had about – I was on the 10th dozen. I had gotten up to diarrhea a few times.

And Crazy Legs Conti comes in. He goes, I got a call from the manager. He says, you're up to 120 oysters. And I said, am I? Fuck, I don't have any money. Because there's no way to count them because you're eating the shells. Yeah, because I'm hammering the shells down, chewing through some of the shells, throwing them to my dog. Whatever.

I got my dog in the restaurant with me. It's a – what's it called? Service dog. Comfort dog. Yeah, it's a service. It's an emotional support dog, yeah. Because this is when you were trying to get MS. Yeah, this was back when I was fucking $240 a year right out of the pocket post-tax trying to get MS,

injecting myself with all kinds of different viruses and whatnot. I remember when I would go to eat with you, a lot of times you would be given a medal at the end of our meal, and you would be just as shocked as I was. For a while I was only eating places that if you did a feat of eating, the meal was free. I was kind of broke for a little bit because I refused to get a job. you know because i was asked to do i was asked to do conan i was asked to do the daily show i was asked to uh host the colbert report uh before it was the colbert report

back when it was not anything i was asked to do that stuff and i wouldn't i wouldn't sell out so i was just doing my brand of truth telling down you know downtown at the comedy clubs down in Battery Park and Rector Street and Bushwick and so I was I had to only eat meals I could afford and the only meals

I could afford were if you eat this 11 pound burger it's free so I'd eat that go to the hospital you know be laid up

for four or five days yeah I don't want to blow by some of the pre-Colbert rapport stuff they were doing when that was not a thing. Some of the edgiest humor. Well, I know that's a thing,

but it was still a little too mainstream for me. But you're right. Before Colbert was even around, they were doing shows that were the Colbert rapport, not with Stephen Colbert and not at all even about politics

or topical it wasn't part of Comedy Central no it wasn't part of Comedy Central yes yeah it was just they were all over one of them was Full House

was a pre-Colbert Colbert thing right they were trying that out and then another thing was an episode of Cops and

and then one of it was a live show that just didn't translate well to television. Anything where a desk was in frame was considered pre-Colbert.

For a while, that's what they were looking into. Colbert Report, yeah. Because Comedy Central and Bust... That's what they knew they wanted.

They hadn't met Colbert but they knew a desk should be there. Comedy Central and Bust... Which Full House or Cops did not fall into that category but then... That was pre pre the desk idea

right yeah that was just like we need we need a colbert report type show to come on after the daily show and people would say what does that mean we're like we're not sure yet and then that's like well let's watch some episodes of cops and uh um let's watch some episodes of let's watch tgif and nothing came to them yeah and i was a big part of that tgif and remembering shows from a long time ago isn't that so great like maybe a picture from tgif or disney afternoon and nostalgia isn't that in itself content yeah just like reminding people of the theme song or something or maybe a new angle on like what was in that gummy berry juice am i crazier was it just cocaine like isn't that funny yeah i love when people say shit like you know what

what's comet's thoughts you know the comments the dog from full house i like when people hit you with stuff like that or like what's comments yeah yeah or like wait steven urkel is that his name urkel yeah the black kid with the glasses i forget his fucking name uh everybody loves steven urkel everybody hates steven urkel hold on i'm gonna do something that is very good would got any did somebody got any wood did somebody got any wood, mama, cut it in. Yes. And I feel like that stuff to me is what's good. Yeah, well, because a lot of people, I find that really funny. Did you ever love the 80s or 90s on the show professionally?

I never. It really seems like you would have. I'm built for it. I'm built for it. I never loved the 80s Or 90s professionally And I've never Had a best week ever

Dude some of the stuff We'd watch when we were kids Is fucked up When you think about it Yeah man For example Thundercats Hilarious

But how come The one panther That was clearly First of all He was a panther Had a black voice Was muscular And was the mechanic. That's bullshit, man.

How about G.I. Joe? How about G.I. Joe? Let's see. Who's the only black character on G.I. Joe? Roadblock, the chef. Literally, his name means the impeding of progress. It's making me sad to hear this. The only other black guy might have been Snake Eyes, but they didn't even give him a fucking line or a face.

How come Gargamel hate the Smurfs? Yeah, and how come there was only one lady Smurf where they run the train on them? Oh, gosh, yeah. What? Yeah, Papa Smurf. Fucking that, chick. Dude, I once time saw a video on Pornhub

that was fucking Gargamel fingering Smurfette, and I came immediately. Well, he built her. I came like immediately. Well, he built her. That's the thing, dude. He built his own little- People don't remember her. He was trying to build her full size. Oh, yeah.

And then she came out small and he's like, I guess she's just for fingering. He built her to infiltrate Smurfs and break them up. But then, okay, then if she's the only girl, then how was there ever

any little Smurfs before? Anyway, some of that stuff we watch when we were kids is fucked up when you think about it. Yeah, if you want to fuck something... You ever trip out on that? If you want to fuck something super small, you have to wrap it in tape.

You know that. You guys know that though, right? We miss this. We miss you doing this. I missed you guys doing this. No, I'm talking about you on the 80s and 90s show. I should have been there. Yes, you should have been there.

We had Colton and Abood. The modern humorists. The modern humorists, Colton and Abood. You wouldn't have been in there mixing it up. We had Mib, Fitzsimmons. Mib, the man in black. Frangela. Frangela.

We had Sheard. Godfrey. I mean, come on. And no Capras? Give me a break we forgot to do the two Chuck Nice the two popcorn gallery jobs

we had Hal Christian whatever Hal Hal Sparks Hal Sparks from Queer as Folk Finnegan we couldn't get you in there Finnegan

doing his thing the best fucking comics of the time I could have been part of and I wouldn't even need to know anything about the show just show me a clip right there and you know I could riff for a fucking half hour i would have filled

beta tapes with information should we keep listing we got a few more i'm assuming scott ian from anthrax uh-huh rich eisner um richard jenny but he looked directly down the barrel on not to the interviewer so they had to put a brick wall behind him to make it make sense, like he was at a stand-up comedy club. And they superimposed a clip art microphone in front of him to help justify why he's the only guy looking right down the barrel. Well, if you brought up Richard Jenney,

then I'll bring up Stuart Scott. Fair enough. Platypus Man. R.I.P. Can we take a minute? R.I.P. the Platypus Man. Platypus Man was one of the first stand-up specials I ever saw that hooked me on comedy. Yeah.

That and Dana Carvey, Critics' Choice. I thought that's what you called Stuart Scott. No, no, no, no. I don't know who Stuart Scott is. Is he a baseball player, basketball player? First something? To look at him, you might think he was a basketball player oh okay uh he's super tall we forgot to do the popcorn gallery drops oh yeah we never

reached in to get the so you should reach in the bag twice we did too it's a minty toothpick oh well we well, we have those, yeah. Yeah. And then let's reach back in again. It's a losing scratch off, we think. Okay, so, all right, great. Well, thanks for coming. Those are good. Well, thanks so much for being here.

Yeah. So, anything you want to plug? Yeah. I'm doing some live shows coming up I'll be touring around I'll be let me just check my hold on let me just check my website

turns out we don't have time gabrus.org I thought you'd have the plug ready to go maybe email it to us later hold on I'm here hold on I'm almost there

I'm logged in okay oh wait what's the password okay I'll just send it to verify wait hold on

I'm going to just verify my email so please rate us on iTunes like our Facebook page talk to us

on the forums one second tell your friends pro version pro version we're so out of time i think we just have to give it to joe mcgurl all right here it is okay at john gabrus on twitter i found it here it is at john gabrus on twitter no h in john or gabrus and you're okay and that's the plug okay great joe mcgurl is gonna get a free twitter shout out from you okay you got it joe mcgurl and

what's it going to say? Hey, who knows? I don't know. I'm just going to pull up. You know, my tweets are just me opening up the app, typing something in, hit and send. And you're officially in the Ross hair, Joe McGurl. A lot of people do it completely different than me. I just open up the app, write something in and hit click and just boom, out.

It's out there. Hey, I put my normal pants on one leg at a time, just like every other guy. And so here we go, and let's get out of here. Bye. Bye. Big time fan. Hollywood Handbook is brought to you by Wolf Cool Productions, a subsidiary of Calvin and Hobbes. Ow, baby. That was a HeadGum Podcast.