Hollywood Handbook - Jordan Morris, Our Close Friend

Episode Date: April 21, 2014

Sean and Hayes start off with a segment called Critically Ashamed, where they discuss the critical reception of the TV version of Fargo. Then, fellow podcast host on a rival network JORDAN MORRIS comes to the studio to talk with the guys about being a nerd, Demolition Man, fucked up childhoods, and being comedy. Then, the Popcorn Gallery is back again with more hard topics like All About Steve, Jesse Thorn, live shows, Criss Angel, and finally the gang delves into their fucked up mind caverns.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This is a HeadGum Podcast. I finish up, I squeeze the handle, I pull it out of the gas tank, and I turn and I go. So now we know I can do your job, but you can't do mine. Hey, welcome to Hollywood Handbook, an insider's guide to kicking butt and dropping names in the red carpet line back hallways of this industry we call showbiz. I'm Hayes Davenport. I'm here with Sean Clements. Hi, Sean. What up?

What up, what up? We're just a little bit frazzled today because sometimes you hold things to be true in your life. Yes. And you end up getting some information that challenges those beliefs and then you're forced to confront them. Basically being kind to us because ultimately we're eating a big, fat pile of crow, and the crow is inside humble pie, and we're munching the two things together. In our careers, Sean and I have always been very tough on critics. The critics. The people who watch movies and they watch TV shows and they listen to songs and they say whether or not the songs are good or bad.

And a bunch of them are just failed fucking artists anyway. Yes, because they don't know. They've never done a good movie or a good song. But then they're telling you if your song's good or your movie's good. Now, they've been very kind to us. Sure. They always liked our things. But is that even fair?

Because sometimes we have friends who've made something and they don't like that. And it's sort of like, what's a sport? Oh, I don't want to say soccer because there's an argument over what that sport should be called.

Right. Because some people call it football. Some people call it football and some people call it soccer. That would be confusing. You know what a big sport is? I don't want to say rugby because I don't know the rules to that one. Yeah.

Just a major sport. And not like skiing. I'm just going to use it as an example. And not like skiing. Not like a triathlon because that's got too many sports in it. And probably not like an individual sport. And not like an Olympics one. Okay.

Well, you know it could be one that is in the Olympics. Well, how about basketball? That's a great example. You watch a basketball game and you see the guy shoot. And if it doesn't work, you say, well, why didn't he just do it? But it's like, unless you have actually been out there shooting, you don't know whether that was maybe like a good idea. Yeah, or if he didn't want to just do it,

or if for some reason his teammate would have been embarrassed or something like that. You don't know. You don't know, and that's what the critics are doing, and that's why Hayes and I would never be basketball critics, and we only make movies, and we don't think it's fair to be doing critic stuff on stuff you don't do at all. And that brings us to what happened this week, which is we were reading some critic stuff about this new show, Fargo.

And laughing and scoffing at it and being this is all gonna be a joke later for us but then we and they all these critics really love the show and we sit down uh watching fargo together getting ready to just light it up because that can sometimes actually be the most fun thing watching a show that sucks so bad but it's actually really funny oh god it's almost better than seeing something really good to see something really bad with one of your funny friends funny friends like me and hayes and sometimes you sort of i like to mystery science theater it where i'm doing maybe some funny quips or saying what the guy's thinking and then hayes chime in and he's doing a voice for someone else and pointing out how dumb it is.

And so we sit down to watch the show and an hour and a half later, we haven't said a word. And I don't think I said anything for another three or four hours. Because we were thinking about the good show. I was literally in a zombified state. Just from the goodness of the show. And so egg was on our face. We're eating the crow humble pie. And we have to invent a new segment now.

And this is the first time because we have so many segments that we've done over and over again this is actually a one-time first-time segment hopefully we won't have to do it again it's called critically ashamed and the reason it's called that is because we're ashamed at the criticism we've levied against these critics they made us ashamed and it is also about critical stuff in terms of they were right and that's what ashamed us and we criticized them so we're ashamed of our criticism. We're ashamed so bad we're in critical condition. And in a way, yes.

And in a way, weren't we, by criticizing the critics, doing exactly what we said they shouldn't do because we've never been critics? No. The same way they've never been a basketball man or the same way they've never done a movies. It's not the same thing. We've never done a critic. Well, no, that's different.

Well, it is different, and it's very different, and we learned that. Now, to the show. We want to talk about the show and why we agree that it was so good, like all the critics and everybody learned that. Now, to the show. We want to talk about the show and why we agree that it was so good like all the critics and everybody is saying. They got it right. We had not seen the movie at the time of watching the show.

When we first saw the show, we hadn't seen it. But it really made me want to watch the movie. I said, well, let me go check out the movie. So we went back and watched the first movie and it was like, it's not even like the same thing at all well i there's i see where there's elements that are the same uh-huh but it's not as good it's not as good and this is what all the reviewers are saying this show the fargo tv show has carved out a completely new space it's its own thing hayes it's its own thing but the difference is it's like the movie but more of it explained

more loudly if the movie was explaining itself as you're watching the movie. One example I like to give is the movie is sort of sliding the information under the door. And maybe you notice it and maybe you don't. The show pounds on the door as hard as it can, rings the bell 20 times, makes you sign for a package that it gives you, then watches you open the package. Inside the package is a letter explaining the contents of the package, and the contents is pretty self-explanatory to begin with. It's maybe just like a big rock.

And then the guy tells you what the package is. The guy who made you sign for it goes like, that's a rock. He is hung out. And he reads the letter to you. With kind of his eyebrows raised a little bit as you're opening. Yeah. As you're opening the package. I can't wait for you to see what's in there.

It's a rock and you're going to really love it. It's big, it's round, and it's gray. And I can't wait for you to actually see it. Ooh, ooh, read the letter, read the letter. The letter says, this rock is made out of rock and stone. It's gray and big and round. And then you hold the rock in your hand. Let's give an example.

It's important in the world of the show that you know that the main guy, Lester, has a rich brother who he's sort of overshadowed by in his life. It's his younger brother, and he feels like he hasn't lived up to his younger brother's reputation. How humiliating to have less money than someone in your family. Don't even get me started, yes. This is how they show you that the brother is rich. This is the brother talking about a trip he just went on. Took the whole team down to the Luz Tuesday. Big spread at the Marriott.

Oh, I always wanted to stay there. Yeah, it's real sweet. King-size bed, view of the lake, you name it. Boss took me out for dinner. Just the two of them. Stayed big as a catcher's mitt. Said, Chaz, we're going places in this world. Gave him a raise and a corner office.

Hear that, Lester? Corner office. So, you hear that, and I don't know if you noticed, but the brother went on a business trip. He got to sleep in a king-size bed. There was a big spread at the Marriott, and you know it's good because the other lady always wanted to stay there. Then the boss took him out to dinner.

They ate a big steak. It was as big as a catcher's mitt. And I don't know if you noticed this, Hayes, but did you notice that it's just the two of them at dinner? So you know he's the boss' favorite. They're friends. And he gave him a raise and a corner office. And a corner office. And he said, did you notice the part where he said that he was going places in this world?

Yeah. did you notice the part where he said that he was going places in this world yeah and did you notice that when he says corner office the lady goes did you hear that a corner office because i didn't hear it the first time and that's what's so good about this show is i'm not gonna have to listen to every single thing someone says they're saying it again again. Again, yes. And this is also after a scene that we don't really have time for at the very beginning where Lester's wife talks to Lester about how successful Chaz is. The whole first scene is just about all the same information we're hearing, only we heard about it with him not in the room. Now we get the treat of hearing about it with him in the room from him.

Yes. Let's go back to the fact that this guy is a piece of shit. How do you know that? You know that his brother's rich, but how do you know that people are mean to him and that he doesn't like his life and stuff? Well, in a thing we were talking, in a show that some critics actually did like Breaking Bad. Yes. In a show that some critics actually did like Breaking Bad. Yes.

You might find out that this guy is unhappy with his life by like seeing his boss at the car wash say like, hey, you're going to have to pick up another shift. And that's it. That's it. Maybe that's good that he has to pick up another shift. Isn't he making more money that way? Yeah. It's like that's all the information you get uh but in this show there's this great scene very early on where lester the shitty guy runs into a guy that he knew in high

school in the street it's a guy who was his high school bully the guy talks about how he put him in an oil barrel and rolled him down a hill into the highway uh and also that also in addition to that his wife gave him a hand job when they were in high school yeah this guy uh you know the shitty guy lester is married to a woman who apparently jerked another man off and they talk about that the street also and that's that doesn't seem like quite enough uh so then the guy says this never knew what she saw in you really oh well i i mean help me out is it your stupid pencil dick or your little rat face so it seems like in the beginning when this conversation is happening you're like are these guys friends or do they not like each other?

Like, he put him in a barrel and rolled him down a hill. Is that like a game? Like, I need more information. Like, the guy's wife gave the other guy a handjob when they were in high school. Like, what does that mean? Like, help me kind of put this all together. Rolled him down a hill, says rat face, says pencil dick. And I actually missed the first time he said pencil dick,

but he said pencil dick again, which helped me out a lot. He said pencil dick again. And then there's another story about how he would write his own name on his knuckles in Sharpie, the bully, and punch the shitty guy in the face. So that his name was written on his face from the punch. So once you have all this information, you can kind of start to put it together. I start to think.

He also calls him the N-word. He does call him the N-word first thing. That happens very early. That happens right away. And did you notice, Hayes, and I don't know if you did, that the guy had two sons who were kind of interesting. Yes.

And so they do these brothers who are the sons of the bully. And the way they talk, I don't know if you notice, it's kind of interesting. I didn't notice anything particularly interesting about it. I have a clip that sort of reflects their dynamic. So it's just a bunch of examples of the way these two brothers talk to each other. Will you look at that? What is it, Dad? Yeah, Dad.

What is it? He don't look black, Dad. Yeah, Dad, he don't look black. He's more like a big pumpkin. Yeah, like a big stupid pumpkin. You went to high school with a black man, Dad? Yeah, Dad, did you?

Is that him, Dad? Yeah, Dad, is that him? Ow! Yeah, Dad, ow! Oh, Dad, that's embarrassing. Yeah, Dad, did you? Is that him, Dad? Yeah, Dad, is that him? How? Yeah, Dad, ow. Oh, Dad, that's embarrassing. Yeah, Dad, super embarrassing. That's a good one, Dad. Yeah, Dad, real good one.

Did you catch that? So, okay, so now I don't know if this is what you're talking about, but something I did notice, I don't know if you noticed this, is they talk to their dad a lot. Well, I watch't know if you noticed this, is they talk to their dad a lot. And well, what? I watch it a few times. And on like the third or fourth watch, you realize that when one of the brothers says something, the other brother says the same thing. And it actually happens nine times in that two minute scene. And now, so I did, now that you say it, I did sort of notice that about them.

And it pointed me to another thing I love about this show versus the movie. I fell asleep for 45 minutes during the movie. And when I woke up, I was so lost. Yes. But I also fell asleep for 45 minutes during the show. And my experience was not negatively impacted. And so a big apology to the critics. We're critically ashamed right now

because we got it wrong and you guys were right. And I look forward to seeing a lot more of this improvement on the movie, which was not that good. We have a great guest. Jordan Morris is here. You know him from the podcast Jordan, Jesse, Go! on the Maximum Fun Network.

We like sometimes to bring other podcast entrepreneurs onto the show and sort of talk about the podcast revolution and how to build your own podcast empire. So we're going to do that very shortly on Hollywood Handbook. Hollywood Handbook. Hollywood Handbook. Did you notice what they wrote on my Starbucks cup today? Ace.

That's accurate. I get Ace. I get H-A-Y-S. I get H-A-Z-E. It's like these fucking retards. You know what I get. Go to school. What?

Big dick playa. Hey, welcome to Hollywood Handbook and Insider's Guide to Kicking Button, Dropping Names in the Red Carpet Linebacker Hallways of this Industry We Call Showbiz. industry we call showbiz um showbiz speaking of which from the from the introduction uh it has a number of different facets now it's like a nice fine diamond uh where there it has a number of sides for people at home who don't know about diamonds they're not always probably the ones you guys get are just completely flat because you can't afford a big rock version of it. But if you do get a rock one, you can actually see there's different sides to it and you can look at it with a little eyepiece thingy and there's different sides.

And you can wear it. Oh, God. Yes, I love wearing diamonds. One of the sides of the show business diamond is movies. Another one of the sides is TV shows. And increasingly, like a real diamond, you're discovering new sides all the time. I guess to help you picture what I'm talking about with a diamond is if you think about how an umbrella sort of has different sides to it. Yes. Right. That is like, imagine, obviously not that big, but imagine the flat diamonds you see shaped like an umbrella.

And one of the new sides that Sean and I have been exploring of show business is podcasting. You're listening to us do a podcast right now. But we're not the only one. Full disclosure, we're not the only podcast. We're not the only ones doing it. And so to talk about this new form of media and sort of what it is, like you're listening to this, but what is it? We have Jordan Morris say something. Hey, guys.

It's nice to be here. Good. Thank you. Perfect. He's the host, the co-host of the Jordan Jesse Go podcast on the Maximum Fun Network. He's been doing it for quite a while. Yeah. I mean, I think depending on which podcast historian you ask um but we've been doing

it the longest and that's that's generally what i like to say is that we you know we we did it first sure uh you know i told your guy that's how i kind of wanted you to introduce me but yes he didn't relay that information or something yeah i want to take this again and just introduce me properly? I think I've got an email from Blenjamin saying what he wanted the intro to be. He sent over. I guess this is a blurb that you wrote up. But it's, ladies and jelly spoons, please welcome the bad OP, original podcaster. Please welcome the bad OP, original podcaster.

He's a true gangsta in the tradition of iced tea. And he do's podcasts and you better love it. This guy invented it. He's like frigging Neil Armstrong meets the frigging Ramones meets, I don't know, D.W. Griffith, and he's here. Thanks, and thanks for, I'm glad you took note of my inflection notes that I gave. Yeah. Oh, good.

You wanted me to be searching for some of it. Yeah, yeah, I like how some of the statements came out as questions. And that's just kind of a vibe that I like to give off. I like to play with punctuation and form and expectation. So that was – thank you for kind of bringing that vibe to my introduction. So you can just cut that one in, right? You can –

Yes, we'll just cut. Thank you. We'll cut the original one. I remember when we were on the set of Love and Other Drugs and we were talking to Jake. It was a closed set that day I think because it was when Hathaway showed her sweater puppies.

And I think that we need a closed set for that. Are you talking about Jake Gyllenhaal or Jake Branson, the guy who does craft services? I actually was on set there. And I kind of just see like the stars in the crew as equals. As the same. Yes, exactly.

They're all our friends. Hanging with Jake Branson's great. Yes. This was Jake Busey who was visiting the set that day. Great. And he was telling us. It was so nice of the director of Love and Other Drugs to just let people kind of meander around. Well, he also directed a few episodes of Shasta McNasty,

and I think that is why he wanted that other Jake around. Yeah, he just wanted that creative vibe. And Jake talked to us that day. He said there's this new thing where you can download. It's sort of like a computer radio, and you can listen to other people have casual conversation. Sure. And it sounded pretty great.

And he talks about these guys, Maximum Fun, who are doing this. And that's sort of like when we originally checked it out two years ago, and that's kind of how we got into this. But in the early days, it wasn't exactly the same as it is now was it now there's like a lot of you know money being thrown around sure there's your stamps.com your audibles just kind of like you know making it rain on all these boys yeah and all these great content creators yes you know when when we started um you know it was more of a garage operation we were kind of like i mean we were kind of like in a virtual cbgbs where we were just kind of doing it to do it you know we just

wanted to do it because you know we just wanted to express something in a really raw way because yes and i keep going back to that word raw a lot when i think of like when everybody comes out up to me and asks like why do you do it? Why do you keep doing this? As if it's a choice. Yeah, I mean, I'm just compelled to. And yeah, I'm cashing those stamps.com checks. It's great. And it's great that they love what we do.

But also, I mean, I would probably just wither if I couldn't. Get this raw on a regular basis. I remember the days early on when you were just doing ads for regular stamps. Sure, we were just encouraging people, like, it's a great way to mail something. And you were going, I always have to go to the post office, and I love that. And now you've changed your tune a little bit, where you say that you never have to go to the post office anymore. Yeah, well, I mean, I like to think of myself as an innovator who changes with the times. Before, I was just saying like, hey, stick one of these little squaries on or I'll send

it back. But now, I just want people to know. Yeah, stick the squaries. Yeah, stick the squaries. And I love that you said they're making it rain on these content creators because that's what it is isn't it that's what any conversation really is and that's what the root of con uh means like good stuff and so a conversation is a form of content and the studio is good stuff talking i think if you were to translate the latin yeah con good stuffation, talking. We were talking about content, and I think con, good stuff,

and then tent is that's where you live. So it's good stuff you can enjoy in your home. In Latin times. In Latin times, it's good stuff you can enjoy in your home, which is what this is. And is there any more pure form of content than two dudes fucking jerking each other off on a fucking – Two white dudes.

Jerking each other off on a fucking microphone. Yeah, I mean, and that's what – when me and my podcast partner, Jesse, kind of invented the genre about seven years ago. I mean, we were just having a conversation. Sex partner. Yeah, well, you know, I mean, I think as you guys guys can feel and i'm kind of sensing the vibe this is a very like erotic medium like it's intimate it's close very highly charged auditory i mean they talk about the ear gland being the most erogenous gland i agree with that um so yeah i have two glands i would put before it but it it's top three for sure. Sure. Well, you know, potato, potato.

So, yeah, I mean, we were just talking. And I'll admit, like, there were people putting out downloadable audio files before us, but it was, like, really specialized stuff. It was, like, Buffy fanfic and grammar tips. And we were, like, taking all this in, and we were like, what's missing? And so we came up with the genre um improvised caucasian conversations wow yeah and we just really wanted to give people a window into what a white friendship is like like and we just felt like people weren't out there getting raw about stuff like tv movies video games that's important guy in your neighborhood like because

people were having these conversations before, but nobody could hear them. Exactly. And people weren't appreciating how raw we could get about stuff like this and how brave and just how like, I don't know, we were just putting ourselves out there in a way that I don't think anybody did before or has done since.

If that makes any sense. Does that make sense? It does. Does it make sense? It's making sense to me. Does this make sense? It's making sense to me. Does this make sense? It's making sense. Does this?

Totally. Am I crazy? Am I going crazy? Does this make sense? You're not. I mean, you're crazy in a good way. Right. Because you saw the potential.

You'd have to be crazy to see something like that. You'd have to be crazy to be a trailblazer the way you've been in a medium that just truckers were using to send files to each other. Yeah. The medium that just truckers were using to send files to each other. Yeah, about like, you know, trucking routes and, you know, at which Waffle House can you get a hand job and, you know, things like this. And we saw that potential and we loved that. We loved that. Can we expand beyond the truck world? Yeah, we're not slamming those guys.

We're totally not slamming those guys. We love them. We love what they were doing, but we're just like, what else? What else? You know, where can we go from here? How can we make this better? It's like,

those guys are like BB King or whatever, where like, they started noodling on guitar and you went like, okay, but you guys are like freaking John Mayer

where you wrote real songs. Sure, thanks. Yeah, we took that and made a few bucks. Because the BB King stuff is unlistenable. Yeah. Yeah, I mean, but he's using a tool that wound up being what you guys use. that people couldn't listen to. And made a few bucks. Because the BB King stuff's unlistenable. Yeah.

But he's using a tool that wound up being what you guys used. And yeah, and thank you for bringing up John Mayer. I mean, we've always talked about, like, we wanted to do for, you know, 90 minutes of bullshitting what he did for the pop song. Mm-hmm. So yeah, I mean, thanks. To make bucks off it. That's really cool that you hear that influence. Yeah, it's totally, it's right there on the surface for anyone who wants to see it.

You were saying before you came in that you've seen some AMC TV shows. Yeah. I mean, again, that's a big thing that we think is really important in podcasting is to like, you know, just like let people know about AMC TV shows that no one knows about and no one is talking about. Yes. You have an obligation. Have you guys seen Breaking Bad? It's ended.

It's run. But I don't think anyone's seen it. People need to talk more about this. And I think that's just an important thing. What's nice is I feel like I don't really have to see it because I'm listening to people talk about it on a lot of these great podcasts. Yeah, and we just want to give people that option. Yes, and for me, I'm obviously never going to watch Walking Dead because it's too scary and they're sick perverts who ever made that show. But what's not scary and what's not perverted is to hear a truly funny comedian yes say something that

happened on the show but not and what they think might happen yes but not feeling like they have to be no they don't have to be on the whole time when they're doing it what they what they get to do really is just sort of say it right yeah and thank and you know that's a great point and i and that i think you know this is opening up the door to a larger conversation about like what is a comedian's podcast like we kind of looked at that and we're like why does a comedian always have to be funny yes why do they have to be telling why do they have to have thought of something in advance which they think is funny yes yes that's one of the most frustrating things about comedy and raw like that that's enough like it's so hard to be raw and real all the time i mean i'm exuding a lot of energy right now being

so raw and real with you guys but like i mean think of it i almost fell out of my chair just now if i wanted to be funny on top of this it's too much and it wouldn't be authentic but what's authentic i think and i've heard one comedian actually do this is talk about how you're in therapy yes isn't that actually better than doing comedy? Yes. I mean, I guess you could have a funny observation about, you know, something that happened in therapy or what it means or blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Maybe just say what you realized in therapy about yourself. Yeah. People, I mean, people will just appreciate the fact that they're getting a little glimpse into a pretty sick mind. Oh, yes.

I mean, a mind that's a little twisted. Yes, I mean, because they are always saying, these freaking comedians are cuckoo. What's going on inside those, you know, melons on top of their necks? And they're going to finally find out, well, it's some, you know, half-assed self-help stuff that they sort of read somewhere and then thought about and then

are repeating on a mic and then to another guy and and let's not forget an enjoyment of amc television oh god that's good because it mirrors the way have you guys seen the tv edit of demolition man have you are you guys watching the tv edit of Demolition Man? Because this is some more great AMC TV. The places they choose to cut in to Demolition Man are so precise. They're surgeons, honestly. I'm telling you, it's like it was built to have commercial breaks. It's like they were thinking about the commercial breaks when they wrote the fucking original script. I'm actually in talks to host a Dem demolition man after show wow finally yeah because

the the only thing missing still in a lot of amc tv shows is they'll just do the show and then they'll leave you wanting to discuss it sure and then they'll just go on to another play like liar liar or something yeah and then you want to discuss i want to sit down with like the cast of demolition man but also just like some youtube celebrities and talk about like i mean what's what's going on here where's the where's the demolition man and gang gonna go next sure now jordan we have talked a lot about getting raw and can i ask you something a little more personal and you don't have to answer, but I think that our audience would appreciate if you did.

When you were younger, were you, and forgive me if I'm way out of bounds, but were you maybe a little bit of a nerd? Oh, boy. This question. Okay. I see. Yeah, I mean, yeah, I mean, it's tough

for me to talk about. We've already admitted, full disclosure, we've already admitted that we actually have read comics and have liked comics. Okay. I see I'm here with some fellow geeks. Why we can pick this stuff up is because as we like superheroes and stuff, we can maybe see a guy who might also like superheroes as well. Okay. I mean, I'm giving off that vibe.

I get it. I get it. You can tell I'm a total Poindexter. Wow. We can smell our own a little bit. I mean, we laugh about it now, but my high school days were a living hell. Sure. I mean, hey, here were some of my good friends.

Mario. Sonic. And, you know, I loved all that geeky stuff, like Nintendos. Which as a teenager, people weren't really doing. No, none of my friends liked Nintendo. Well, they were all out with a hoop and a stick just playing actively.

But we're not athletes. Football and cigarettes. I mean, I didn't even know what those things were. I was too busy playing Nintendos. Echo the Dolphin and such. I know. And like watching these nerdy shows like Coach. I mean, I would just sit there and I would write Dauber fan fiction.

And I wouldn't even have anywhere to put it because GeoCities didn't exist yet. That was my family, you know. It was me and Murphy B. And she had a different assistant every week. Murphy B. And Miles Silver B. That's right. That's what I call Miles Silver. Grant Shod, Faith Ford, a.k.a. Murphy Bean. And Miles Silverby. That's right. That's what I call Miles Silverby.

Grant Shod, Faith Ford, aka Corky Sherwood. But Jordan, but Jordan. Later Jim's in the house. That's right, baby. Jordan, Jordan. Is that why you're so funny, Jordan? Is that why today does it come from a place where your sensibility was honed by maybe not being so popular in high school?

And maybe that adversity is what leads you to be so, so far today. That pain. Does it come from a place of pain like Richard Pryor? Here's the truth. I mean, I'm glad you brought up Richard Pryor because I consider him a contemporary. I'm glad you brought up Richard Pryor.

And I see that. I see a lot of similarities in what you guys are doing. Like Richard Pryor, John Mayer, like these are the guys that I'm looking to to kind of make the gumbo that is my sensibility. Yeah, I mean, definitely like – I mean, here's the thing about all comedians. Here's the thing about all comedians across the board. They're not funny because they like jokes. Right.

They're funny because they're sad clowns. Inside every comedian is pain that is across the board that is exclusive we've all had fucked up childhoods i mean my childhood was so fucked up and miserable like i was in home watching coach and like i guess i didn't get traditionally like beat up but people would look at me in the hall like this guy's been watching coach yeah we're not going to invite him to our cigarette parties, you know, and that hurt.

And this is why I have so little sympathy for criminals because of course, of course, any one of us could have gone that route. We could have taken that pain and turn it into just being arson or doing, you know, murder in a convenience store. I constantly think about being arson. And then I'm like, you know what?

I'm going to channel that into a real comedy. Into B comedy. Into B comedy. And that would have been so easy to just get a can of gasoline and just go to the cigarette party and oops. And instead what we did is. Sorry, jocks. What we did is we made something for the world. I don't know if this was the case with you guys, and I will say it.

My parents used to fight. Oh, no. They used to fight all the time, and I remember— Is that why you're so twisted? Hearing them fight. Well, yes, it makes you want to lash out and do something that's kind of against society, but you can do that in a constructive way or in a negative way, like burning. I wish my

parents would have fought because my dad was too busy oh sean fuck man he barely even was around he's a stranger to me because he was so busy sean anyway but you're using that you're channeling it you know and that's what like well but is it why i have to stay so busy always making all this but you know what sean you all you make time for your guys you know you're not him i do i do block out every other saturday i'm with my little guys when whether and if stephy's late i give her hell because i'm going you know this is my time with them and you know i don't want to be like him have you thought about maybe like and when i say him I'm pointing at a big statue of Paul Bunyan. And I also want to clarify for people, you are still married. Oh, yeah.

But you guys have like a joint custody thing? Well, she doesn't want to live in my basement apartment in my dad's house because... She wants to live in a tennis mansion somewhere. Yeah. And I just feel like I'm not going to live in a tennis mansion somewhere yeah and i just feel like i'm not gonna live in your tennis mansion year round when i've got this sweet setup down here i've got two different kinds of futons i've got blacklight posters fucking to beat the band and one thing One thing she doesn't realize about my dad is he would be pissed if he knew I was sneaking out to see her. Right.

He's busy, but he's not so busy. He's not blind. He doesn't approve of a man sneaking out of the house to see his wife. He's like a conservative. He's like one of those Bible-thumping conservatives. Yeah, and I don't even know if it's the Bible, but he definitely has a big book in his hand and he's definitely pissed. Jordan, we want to do something with you that's a little different from what a traditional

podcast might do. We are innovators as well. Sure. I mean, innovators who are just coasting off our wake. But yeah, yeah, sure, sure, sure. Yeah, we've said that. Do you say that in every episode? Just let them know that you've been coasting off my wake?

Well, yeah, and Jesse's. Less so. Sure, yeah, less so. But yeah, yeah. Sure. Yeah. This is a thing where we've solicited questions from our listening audience, and we ask those questions from our audience to you on the podcast.

And then comes the challenge of coming up with a name for the segment. Now, we think we've got one that works, but we don't totally know how to explain it. We're drawing from a lot of different places as we come up with this name, right? We're getting questions from a group of people who are not on the show, but they're fans of the show. One is led potentially to the area of the peanut gallery. People who are submitting questions, right? It's a little on the nose.

Is there a way you can change one of those words? Could you change just one of those words? And we looked into changing gallery. Which word? Yes. Which word? Yes. Should we call them the peanut gang? The peanut area. Well, Charles Schultz sued us for doing that. We did that on our old radio show.

Then the question arises, would it be a good idea to merge the worlds of question asking and movies? And so one is led to the word peanuts. Peanuts are a food. Is there a movie food that would be useful to put in the name of the segment? Don't say chicken sausage.

I know they've got those chicken jalapeno sausages with the mango relish at some of the theaters you go to, but that's not what we mean. They serve pizza at a lot of movie theaters as well. It's not necessarily a food that is identified with movies. What about the salt packet gallery? Like, you know how they have those salt packets for the popcorn? But sometimes they have a big shaker,

don't they? No, that's true. Yeah, you do want something more universal. So if you say packet and somebody's been to one with a big shaker. And you say, wait a second, salt. What are we doing with the salt? Back up. What's the salt? You said the salt packet for what? for the popcorn which oh hey jordan you are diet right you're so that's by far the closest anyone has ever so much closer than anyone's gotten but it's not the diet right gallery it's called the popcorn gallery

and this week the theme of the questions is that everyone asking questions has to be named Andrew or Andy, some variation on that. We didn't announce it, but people came through anyway. Yes. Okay, so. The first question,

we reach into the bag and we pull it out. Wash this down with some Diet Right. Thanks, Mark. This one's for Andy Smith. Jordan Morris, you were in the movie All About Steve. Follow-up question.

Do you like Jesse Thorne more or less now that he has a beard and children? Yeah, I mean, thanks. I'm glad he brought up my star turn in All About Steve. A little cult classic. Maybe didn't do boffo bo but you know i think is one of those movies like you know the big lebowski or it's a wonderful life that has like become appreciated and like loved and revered uh since it's been you know on cable and you know dvd and on demand and blu-ray and mobile phones, PlayStation, Xbox, PlayStation Vita.

Yeah, it's big on the PlayStation Vita. People are always downloading All About Steve. Google Play, those ads they have now, All About Steve, your heart out. Yeah, sure, absolutely. I mean, it's a big selling point for Google Play. Yeah, and isn't the Hulu original series Deadbeat based on All About Steve? Yeah, I mean, it's like kind of a Marvel Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. to the cinematic universe created by All About Steve.

It's the kind of TV companion. You know, I might be making a little cameo in Deadbeat. Not going to say which episode, but I might be showing up. Are you going to do your famous line from the movie? Do you want to do it now? Okay, I mean, I will be saying, this glue is making me high. Which was an actual line that I said it all about. I know.

So yeah, you know, my famous glue is making me high character might make it appear. Were you eating the glue? Well, I don't want to give too much away. Oh, or had you glued yourself to a really high shelf? Yes, that's the premise. This glue made me. I guess my climbing had made me high and the glue was just keeping me high.

So, you know, but you just like, you rub that stuff on the back. Well, maybe you put glue on your hands and you human-flied your way up the shelf. Yeah, and the air is so thin up there, you don't really know. You don't say it exactly right. Yeah, so I mean, just thank you to this fan

for like mentioning that I have my hands in a lot of different kinds of content I'm also brewing my own micro-brews these days so

oh my gosh yeah like that's a kind of content what a cool great hobby oh it's so fun and I just love to talk about it

it's interesting for everyone to hear about that process. Tell me some of the brews you're working on right now. Hops levels and whatever else you can say. I'm just working on a real hoppy IPA. Wow, I love hops. Strong, hoppy IPA.

I like the really bad, bitter stuff. Sure, I mean, it is gross. It is. It's a challenging drink. I like to think of it like kind of like if it was a film, it would be Un Chien Andalou because it's challenging. It challenges your notions of like what tastes good. Normal people would spit out.

I want to feel like I'm trying to win against the drink by finishing it. They're used to drinking piss yellow beer. I like yellow beer. I like black beer. Oh, swines. I hate swines who don't drink the good beers. And you said you don't want to talk about Jesse, so we can just move on. Yeah, I mean, like, I kind of want this to be about me

and, like, my stuff. I totally agree. And we mentioned that to these guys, but they still... Well, Jesse, but anyway. This next question is from... Does that come up for you a lot they still – I mean, sure, sure, sure. This next question is from – Does that come up for you a lot? Yeah, I mean, sure. I mean, I've got my fans, and he's got his fans, and he does his thing, and I do my thing.

I think just what's important is that, like, I was really instrumental in creating improvised Caucasian conversations. But you need someone to talk to. Right, you need another Caucasian there to improvise a conversation with. So I think that's like a big part of his contribution. Sure. Here's a question from Andrew, and let's find it. I'm going to kill myself tomorrow. Is that from Austin Powers, that drop?

No, our friend Mark, my friend Mark from high school, originally recorded all these drops. And yes, I think he had been watching a lot of AP at the time. Good flick. Not as good as the sequels. No, I mean, I think they went out on top. Like, they stopped with their best one. What they didn't do, what they didn't think to do in the first one was a scene where Ozzy Osbourne and his family see something.

And think it looks like a dick. And say, what the heck is that? It looks like a, but then you can't say dick in a movie. So you cut to someone else saying hot dog. You cut to Elizabeth Taylor turning to Richard Burton and going, Dick, you want to get married again? And that way we're able to get it all in. But that's how they got around in 2004,

like the codes that were around back then of not being able to say things like dick. Andrew asks, Mr. Morse, when Jesse Thorne does that thing where he invites strangers to go on a boat vacation with him, do you get a free ticket or do you have to pay full price? Or is it like a partial discount situation? Now, I'm sorry again about this. If we can do a better job of screening these the next time I come in. It was the people named Andrew or Andy.

Okay. For some reason, there was a lot of overlap between them and people who wanted to ask questions about Jesse Thorne. Yeah. Okay, that's fine. Yeah, I mean, you know, he's got his thing where, like, he does, like, you know, getaways and stuff like that. And I'm kind of, like, working on my own version of that where it's just, like, a trip to Fresno for, like, comedy fans. Like, fans who want to get, to get real and raw in Fresno. And yeah, we're booking some rooms at the Fresno Airport Marriott.

We're just going to have a little weekend and just get real and raw and see what happens. What a great place to listen to people talk about movies. Yeah, I think it's going to be a great venue for us. And they have one of the last remaining blockbusters. So we're just going to go there and enjoy some physical media. The live podcast, this is a little tangent. Sure.

How is that? We're in the tangent business. Am I right? Podcasts? Yes. We never finish a conversation. Wherever the star goes. Yes.

The live podcast. Talk about how that has innovated. Being able to not just listen to someone talk about therapy and movies and people they know that you don't know, but to actually see them do it. Yeah. I mean, I think that the live show has just become a really important arrow in the podcaster's quiver. It's like, sure, when you're listening, you know, in your earbuds at your, you know, office drone job where, you know, you're wasting away in that cubicle, and, you know, you're

listening to us, like, just kind of, like, spin out on whatever, like, twisted tangent we're on. spin out on whatever like twisted tangent we're on yeah i mean like sure you can appreciate like the pauses and the stories that don't get finished and you know and the yeah you're right the weird conversations where uh the audience isn't given out enough information but when you see that live it's just it's got a different texture you know and and isn't it nicer to listen to with you know that it's not edited in any way so you're getting the good stuff yeah and people are kind of reacting to stuff you didn't see yeah and you like and you like you know you feel that and you use that energy like i take that energy and then i just use it to like you know just like let people

know that game of thrones is great this season no spoilers but it is great oh you do hbo shows yeah i mean we're branching out into talking about hbo shows it was mainly amc shows in the beginning that could be big now jordan i'm gonna go ahead and put myself in the popcorn gallery for a second sure oh no it's such a big tangent i forgot where we were we were in the popcorn gallery because i have a question yeah you've mentioned a few times twisted uh tangents and stuff like that do you ever get scared at just how fucked up your mind is and all these crazy connections you make when you're just talking and just really going down the sort of byzantine labyrinth that is your synapses. What if you go too far?

And what if the string that you leave behind to find your way out is lost? Sure. I mean, that's absolutely a concern, you know? And that's just like, it's the tightrope we walk every day as podcasters. Like, this conversation about what was your favorite cartoon in the Disney afternoon, like it starts in this place and it's already a little bit like, whoa. Dark, Dark. Tailspin.

Tailspin, yeah. Rescue. I mean, see, you can already kind of feel things getting. Bonkers. Yeah, totally nuts. And yeah, I mean, that's the risk, you know? I mean, it's like Houdini. And there's more shows that you could not do today because they were so crazy.

They were just so crazy. Like today. What were the people smoking who came up with tailspin? Exactly. But that so informs the sensibility of people like us today who grew up with this really crazy original comedy. And that's why our minds are such, you know know dark caverns and and we're a bit like spelunkers you know and it's it's a rush for me it's how i get off but there's a lot of danger i mean i think a lot about like houdini and like chris angel and guys like that because like

they never know if they're coming back you know like You know, like, once they're, you know, in the box, once they're getting punched by the strong man. Yes, will they ever be right side up? And, yeah, I mean, I guess I think that every time I have an improvised Caucasian conversation, it's like, this could be my last. Like, I probably won't die, but I could just go into such a dark, deep,

Labyrinthian, twisted place that, I mean, I might not make it out. I might have to, like, you know, be taken away. The minotaur is at the center, you know? And when you do in that labyrinth, there's a minotaur in there. And if you don't know his question, you're in trouble. I love it. I just love content. And I love, you know, just getting real with my fans.

So, like, I think I owe them that much, you know? The minotaur has a bull's head and that makes him extra scary very scary imagine i saw one chris angel episode of mind freak you know where he gets locked in a prison cell and he's naked and there's a bunch of there's a bunch of women outside and he's got only a certain amount of time like two hours to get out of the prison cell where his clothes are on the other side and if he doesn't then the women are all going to see him and they want in boy oh man do they want in bad there's a lot of interviews the women going i

mean getting to see chris angel the mind freak without any clothes on and they're so excited and the his bodyguards and his handlers are going like i mean of course these women want to get in i mean imagine like them getting to see a sneak peek at chris angel and see his whole fucking wiener but anyway it's the danger that like chris angel could get blown to death i think he's worried about that and maybe he had just gotten into a relationship that was getting serious but anyway he hit a key somewhere in the cell you know and so right as the time's ticking down he does manage to unlock it but

that's sort of what we're doing yeah we're almost getting exposed all the time. Everyone's almost seeing our emotional mind weird. Yes. Here it is. Here are my opinions about Christine's comments. And if you're built like me or Criss Angel or Jordan or Hayes, it's a pretty significant risk. Sure. We had another question from Andy Neese.

We're not going to do it, but I'll just ask the question. Just find it in the bag, and I'll just read it. But we won't do it because we don't have time. Oh, my God. There was a dragon underneath the bag. I'm getting eaten by a fucking dragon. This question's from Andy Neese.

Jordan, this isn't really a question, but could you please show off your acting chops and do all your best accents and impressions and then make Hayes and Sean do some too, please?

Thank you. That sounds like it could have been pretty funny. That would have been fun. That would have been real fun. I would like to see the implications that Uggass could make us do, like we love you, we really think you're great,

but that you would come in here and make us do something that we don't want to do. We control the edit afterwards even, so we could just take that out if we didn't want to. Even if you got us to do it in the room. Which you can't, no offense. I think what, I mean, i mean i guess i could go up come at this one of two ways like i could try and make you guys do it here or i mean i can do it on

my show and then like a couple years down the road you guys will be doing it on your show just because like wow i feel like the community takes cues from us yes and like they hear what we're doing and then you know their you know their little brains kind of like eventually are able to wrap themselves around. Once we figure out the technology. It's a little like – A big idea, like a big idea, like funny voices. Not to nerd out, but it's a little like – Oh, man.

Keep patrolling. Get to Comic-Con. You're going to nerd out. You can say that because I know it's our word for each other. Yeah. Nerd is our N-word. But it's a little bit like how when Coach had the story where he

and his wife were trying to get pregnant and then, you know, a year later Murphy Brown maybe wants a baby too. What a great... I think people took a lot of cues from Coach. What a great thing this is. Just so we can talk openly about this. Just be among our own, you know?

Yes, it really is nice, and it's so special to be together. And it must make listeners feel a little more comfortable with who they are. Which is important, too. Yeah, I mean, if there's just one kid out there who decides that he doesn't want to be arson, and that he'd rather be podcast or comedy or just want to be content, you know? Just be any kind of content, whether it's, you know, micro brews or tapas or webisodes or, you know, like mobile phones.

To wander around. Imagine what it must be like. And we're so far removed from this, it's hard to remember. But to just walk through the world thinking, am I the only person who likes video games? Is it only me? It can feel like you are.

It can feel like you are. It can really feel that way. Once just like some brave guys are able to get out there and say like, hey, you know. Yes. Brave guys who have made a certain station. I remember Mortal Kombat 2. Yes.

Who have proved that you can like video games and also be successful. Yes. And we have the right to, of course, tell people what is cool to like now that used to be uncool. Yes. Because we sort of have been ordained as guys who are so great. There's a financial component to that as well. Yes, we have fucking shit tons of dough.

But if I'm saying it's a whole lot of dose of baby, if I'm saying something maybe that I realize in therapy or something maybe that is a pretty trite and obvious observation because it's been said many times by other people, it's like, right, other people didn't get said by me or by Hayes or by Jordan. The people who are actually important because you kind of enjoyed something we did comedically once. What would it sound like if we said that? Because we did that web video.

I feel a real kinship with the electronic mashup artist Girl Talk. Because he's making something new out of other stuff. And yeah, I guess I didn't invent Mortal Kombat 2. I didn't invent the idea of leaning in. Fatality! Remember? Oh, man. You remembered that, and I like you now. Because that's also something I remember. Jordan,

thank you so much for being so honest and so raw with us today. We would like to ask our listeners to rate us on iTunes and to like us on the forums. If you liked what you heard today and if it made you feel special and like you have good friends, we would also like you to buy the pro version of our podcast,

which is where you get real good information and other nice things. As a reward to Andrew who did buy the pro version, Jordan is going to relay the plot of one of his favorite episodes of Coach. He's going to talk about what Dauber did and some of the other things that happened. Okay. So, yeah, I mean, I think, oh, God, I mean, which episode of Coach to pick? I mean, there's just so many to you, you know. Do you do the single coach days?

Do you do the married coach days? I mean, I think I'd want to go with, like, season five, episode 11, Dauber's big day. And this was really, like, a great Dauber episode because Dauber met a woman who thought he was a contractor, but Dauber thought she was hitting on him. And he goes to coach, and he realizes this, and he wants to fix her deck anyways, and he has to have a crash course in handymanning from the seaman. And it's just great because, like, Dauber, dauber you know like he's not good with his hands and he's a sweet guy uh so you're rooting for him so you're rooting for him you want him to finish this deck and eventually you want him to have sex with that fuck this woman played by a free pre-friends courtney cox oh it was a little bit of a may december thing and i think it made

some people uncomfortable that jerry Van Dyke was trying to fuck a 19 year old Courtney Cox. Jerry Van Dyke's not dauber. Bye! This has been an Earwolf Media Production. Executive Producers Jeff Ulrich and Scott Aukerman. For more information, visit Earwolf.com Earwolf.com. Earwolf Radio.

Boom. Dot. Com. The wolf dead. That was a HeadGum Podcast.