Hollywood Handbook - Julie Klausner and Ayo Edebiri, Our Close Friends

Episode Date: March 17, 2020

JULIE KLAUSNER and AYO EDEBIRI join forces to help Sean with a very special audition. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This is a HeadGum Podcast. mishaps we have had with saving our passwords well yeah well yeah no yeah i mean because we didn't have passwords before hey yes yes but we did have passwords before dash lane and they were often uh cool and funny but not necessarily safe and dash lane i won i i don't know if i should say this in an ad one flaw is the passwords are kind of gobbledygook that they assign i mean they're just like random letters and numbers and so it's not like what i used to have where my passwords were actually cool and funny but also my passwords in the past were all getting broken into and i would use the same thing i mean for a long time for everything my password was ass word p and to me that was like first of all very cool because i was using the letters from

the thing itself and kind of a unique way um and it also was funny funny as hell like very funny crack up because it's like ass word p so you know that got cracked and i did get hacked and i got doxxed and i got revenge porned and all of that was pretty discouraging to me so then dashlane has stopped that from happening and it's a small price to pay to just have your password be kind of like just random stuff you can stick around later let me make sure i said everything before you keep your online data accessible and safe with this all-in-one app and you can stick around later in the show to hear more about how dashlane has helped us out. Okay. Okay. Ready for something bad? Ready for something bad? You ready?

This is bad. Oh my God. I just thought it. Queenie and Teenie. Okay. Oh my God. Devin, please tell me. Okay.

Do you want to play the song for me? Yes. Do you want to play the song for me? Yes. So you can stop the song, Kevin. So Hayes isn't here, and so I don't have to do the song part, which I've become increasingly... Do the song part! I'm sort of over it.

We just kind of talked about... Sorry, Kevin, can you play the song? We just kind of talked about. Can we? Sorry, Kevin. Can you play the song? So I was, and I'll tell you what. That big old boot was the biggest boot I ever seen.

In your life? In my life. Yeah. And I'm looking at this boot. It's stomping. Oh, wow. I go, wait a minute. Why is this boot stomping in my face?

Bernie Sanders. Bernie was there too. Stomping his big old boot in my face. So that's, I think, the sort of thing that people look to you for. Right. Emotionally. No, I know, I know. That was my take on it. No, but I appreciate you guys doing it and I did know actually just based on the energy in the room

as soon as you entered that I will be able to lay back deep in the cut for this entire episode. And you guys can take the ball and run with it. I mean, that was another reason to not do this song. You mean just pelt you with it like in dodgeball. The true underdog story. Never seen it. You see it? You were dating Vince Vaughn for 10 minutes, weren't you?

It was literally 10 minutes. Hearing that you've never seen it, I just threw up in my mouth a little bit. Well, you were waiting on my... Gag me with a fool, with a film. With a fool. With a film dodgeball. Gag me with a fool, the classic fool character.

The fool's game. Dodgeball made up. It's called Comedia Della Arte. Thank you. Farte. Come on now. Come on now. So, exactly.

So that'll be what this episode is. If you guys didn't love that. It's not going to get better. Please, I encourage you to go back to another one of our classic episodes. It gets better Hillary duck. It gets better Hillary Clinton duck. Ooh, and yes quorum. Hayes is taking something of a victory lap.

He pulled off quite a coup on Super Tuesday. Hayes did run Joe Biden's campaign. Yeah. So he said, like, you know, he kind of strapped that thing to his back and carried it up the hill. And he is now, I think, just... Tapped for VP. Corn pop. He's corn pop.

Hayes is corn pop. Fight club, corn pop. Hayes was corn pop. Fight club, corn pop. Hayes was corn pop the whole time. Hayes is a thug. Hayes is a corn pop thug. I'll say it. Hayes is corn pop the thug. Corn pop the thug, man.

Yo ho ho. So I couldn't place that tune. So I couldn't place that tune. I wasn't able to place the tune, and I'm not as in touch with popular music, I'm sure, as the two of you. We are DJs. But Hayes is celebrating, and I would never want to interrupt to take him away from his special time,

so I am here with the two of you. And one thing, I had a little bit of an idea for the show that you obviously will immediately abandon. Oh, we will. Right. Because we're the tangent twins. Thank you. Jesus Christ. People coming around saying, oh, these tangent twins, they're twisting everything.

No, that's not what they're saying about us. No, you're the balloon animal farmer. Right. So the idea was just Balloon animal farm, a book. So the idea was just really that Queenie and Teenie. Queenie and Teenie, which Ayo came up with.

Ayo came up with that before the show, yeah. Like a minute before, though. It was really close to right before. No, it was, yeah, I got to see the Muse strike. Glug, glug, glug. And they're drinking brew dogs. Glug, glug, glug, glug. And the ladies are.

Teenie and Queenie came in and we both say, a beer me. I'm going, boop, boop, boop. Bubbles coming out of my mouth. I'm drunk. I'm like, dilly, dilly. Motherfucker. So we've been doing this Tri-Month thing. I don't know if you guys will end up being part of it.

I imagine you will. But Kevin Books, guess who he deems very important for Tri Month. What's Tri Month? Tri Month is this thing Kevin made up, and he books guests who he thinks are like a big deal. And it just so happens that all of these guests are older white men. So I said to Kevin, can we get some women? An older white woman. Can we get some women? Can we get some women Can we get some women

Can we get some POCs Can we get some older white women Can we get like a Betty White type Can we get some diversity please Yerang Yerang That's my Betty Christopher Yerang

A playwright And Kevin I don't know if he he wants me to repeat what he said. Urang, Urang, an 80s synth pop band. So he, I don't know if he wants me to repeat what he said, but I said, can we get this? And he said, Sean, it's called Try Month, not try to make me throw up. Oh my God. Oh my God. Oh my God. What the heck? What the god! Oh my god! What the heck?

What the hell? That was unrelated. What the heck and hell? What was it related to? I'm coming down with the flu. Oh great! Oh terrific. I'm sorry. So wait a minute. Sorry. Quick pause.

Yeah, we're supposed to be important guests. You're bringing us around patient zero? Yuck. Patient hero. Fuck you. Shut the fuck up. Shut the fuck up. Shut the fucking hell and heck up.

Jesus. Shut the fuck up. Fuck. I thought patient hero was pretty good. It was, yeah. Well, maybe I'll pitch it louder. Go off. Please go off, Queenie.

I think I'm done. Thank you for going off. Don't tell a woman. Don't tell a woman she has to go off. Go off the pill. I'm not. I'm not trying to force. And you be telling women that.

Sean. Queenie. Does try stand for something? Or is it like give it a try? I hope try stand for something Or is it like give it a try I hope it stands for something And it's my birthday today Okay and so I do have to figure out Something it stands for

Emotionally Oh boy So it doesn't stand for something It really just means give the show a try We have all these old white guys Please try it. Okay, please. Please someone try it.

Give us a chance. Got it. Yeah. We could come up with something that stands for me. That could be part of the episode. That'll take 15 minutes at least in my mind tonight. Yeah. I agree.

To make it like a funny acronym or something. Funny is not. Worth it. Worth it. not worth it worth it but so uh one thing that happened is we were trying to book a guest uh that was a little outside of what kevin traditionally thinks of as important so we're diversity hires that's it's not you guys you guys independent ofimoth, have shown up at the studio. We just recorded an episode. We were invited. By whom?

Jeff Kevin. Bosh. Bosh invited you? Yeah, Bosh emailed me. Yeah, Bosh emailed me. Why do you think dogs are stupid? I don't. Okay, good.

I don't. Good. good. I don't. Good. I'm just surprised that he had time. He makes time. He's got a lot of irons in the fire. He makes time for what's important to him. And if you were talking to him enough, I think you would know that. His inbox is like Tony, Tony, Tony, Tony, Tony.

Yeah, it's all Tony. Tony, Tony, Tony, Tony. Yeah, it's all Tony. Tony subject header WTF. And then it's just a link to Obama on the WTF podcast. Yeah, it's the recent Scott Conn episode. Interesting thoughts on photography. Interesting thoughts on photography. Bosh, thought you'd find this one particularly interesting. Thought of you.

Thought of you immediately when I saw this this morning. But one thing I thought that we could do, because we did try to get a guest who is currently a cast member on SNL and we were told that Lorne himself would not approve it. He rejected Okay, you're taking me there Cecily Strong

and your host, Lisa Loeb. And I'm getting caught up in it even. And even I. A notorious Scrooge. Scooby-Doo is a great Dane. I've been transported by the magic. He's at least eight feet tall.

When he stands on the scale. Yes, the scale measures height. This is a brand new scale. So do you guys want to do more of a musical episode? Because Julie has complained in the past that we always make her do musical episodes. I said that you make me do anything. You go, I always have to do these musical episodes. Well, you've had me do three

and then there were two ones where you're like, let's write a vampire novel. And then it, did it become somewhat musical? No, but it came, it was Tangentown. Okay. USA, baby. SNL. SNL. I'll bring you back. You want me to bring you back?

I'll do that. I'll lasso you. SNL. New York live. So we were told that they would not approve their cast member being a guest on our podcast. And I thought, well, we got to fix this. Lauren was like, no. If we don't have access to the beating heart of the comedy community. Lauren was like, no.

No. Dumpardo was like, no, no. Dumpardo was like, no. And Lauren was like, no. No. Wait, hang on.

No, I have it. No. I mean, that's him, right? Yeah. I mean,

that's him. That's good. Yeah, that's, that's lore. Yeah. You know, me and the guys, that's lore right yeah I mean that's him yeah that's that's Lord you know me and the guys that's Lord me and the guys

I'm telling you I would show up I'm telling you Lord talking to me that's Lord that was good thank you um

that's uh that's uh Bob Fosse grip on SNL for yeah I could I knew I recognized it. I didn't want to guess.

That was the second season of Fosse-Verdon. It was just him being Key Grip for the sketch where Tom Hanks and John Lovitz are like, not a chance. Am I too old? I want to feel old, Sean. I'm old now. L Sean. I'm old now. Lies. I'm old now.

Lies. Ayo, you're the show's official youth consultant. I decided I was only getting younger. You're a baby Bjorn. I'm old now. I'm going to the movies. Matinee. Discount.

I'm watching The Gentleman. I'm leaving The Gentleman. I'm headed to my... You sound like there is a slingshot in your back pocket. Leaving the gentleman before it's finished, or... Yeah, because my back hurts. And then I got to go report to my job, CBS Studios. I'm on a new show.

It's a reboot of Bob Hart's Abishola. It's called Bob Hart's Aisle, and it's about me working at a hospital, make my money, hop from that set, Carol's second act. That is her act, A-C-K. That's Carol's second act. Hop from there. I'm sleeping. I'm so sleepy.

I'm old. 4 p.m. Get my pudding. Head on. Pudding. Get my pudding. Then what happens? Probably fall asleep in the middle of the road.

That is a disappointing ending, but I did make the journey. And I wonder if Bob, no, no, I'm just being honest. I'll start with a compliment next time. If Bob hearts Ayo, Ayo works in the hospital. Yes. Is Ayo one of those, like, death angels? I'm like the death cat. I'm like the cat.

Fabulous. Roll up on people. See? You curl up on their bed, and that's how they know they're about to die. Yeah. Because you start spooning with them. Is this an idea, or is this a sketch? No, thank you, yes.

And we're finally back to SNL. So I was thinking that possibly what we could do is use this episode to try to convince all the people who work at SNL, Colin Jokes, etc., that we in fact and his fiancée Scarlett Jokes

Hanson are great. For every jokes question, there is a joke she was good in joke joke rabbit you know i don't know it was hitler going joke joke joke joke rabbit and then they ran around in a circle for two and a half hours. But maybe we can all talk about some of our favorite SNL memories and this episode could be sort of a love letter to the show in order to convince them

like, hey, wait a minute, guys. Yes, yes, yes. Have we taken the piss in the past? Of course. Yes. Famously. Yes. But we want to do a really serious episode and who better for it

than Io and Julie to just talk about like what makes SNL special to us and why not only should they

allow cast members to be a guest on the show but they should insist on it and it should in fact be a requirement and possibly punishable offense to not appear on the show.

To not be on Hollywood Handbook when you are on SNL. Yes. So why don't you guys start off? I mean, thank you. Yeah. Thank you. You honor me. Thank you.

Thank you, you honor me Thank you For Gina Davis Uh huh As Rain Man Playing Hallelujah on the piano Remember? Boy, I wanna feel old, that takes me back

You wanna feel old? Look, look, look what Gina Davis playing Rain Man on Hallelujah looks like now Wanna feel old? Wanna feel old? Look what Gina Davis playing Rain Man on Hallelujah looks like now. Want to feel old? Want to feel old? Want to feel old? Please. Go to the doctor. And they're clinking beers.

And they're clinking beers. And I'm interrupting what really could be an all time bull sesh Glug glug bubble Favorite Saturday night love memories I like Saturday night live Saturday night love Saturday night love Cause we love the show don't we

I love Lockbox I love lockbox Yes Love from New York Love from New York. Love from New York. It's Saturday night love. I love Lockbox. Musical guest Jennifer Love Hewitt. Love Hewitt.

Yes. Love. Love. Love Rocky. Oh, love something. In the WTA. Love Guru. Oh.

Oh. And your host, the lovely Induans Demzel. That's sort of. And John. Oh, Adele. And we Adele the Dean. There it is. We Travolta-fied And John. Oh, Adele. And we Adele-ed. There it is. We Travolta-fied the name.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. So, I mean, how about this? And your host, the time Jenny Slate said fuck. Wow. Right? Yes. I mean. Iconic?

Iconic much? Name a couple more iconic. Yeah. Name a more iconic duo, Jenny Slate and the word fuck. I'll wait. I'll wait. I'm sitting. I have something. No, I don't. I have some place to be, but I'll wait anyway.

That's how busy we are. We have somewhere we're supposed to be, but we're going to wait. We're going to wait and see if you can top this. I'm saying, yeah, my mom's in hospice. She's going to stay there. I need to know the duo. You got to tell me the duo.

Because she's not in pain. Hollywood Handbook. Hey, guys. Support for today's show comes from Dashlane. Dashlane makes everything you do online easier. You can fill out forms fast, remember all your passwords, and keep your online data accessible and safe with this all-in-one app they even safely remember and autofill all your login information so you won't get slowed down by forgotten or misspelled passwords plus

it works across devices so you can access your accounts no matter what device you're using computer or phone uh just like i'm amazed that we have so many stories of the password accidents that we have had that we've encountered in the past well they because they i mean they mentioned this in the copy but they remember it for you and i would forget mine because like when i change all mine from s word p to finally stop getting hacked and doxxed i remember i made kind of not a big enough change and i just made it pps word and that uh i guess might have been smart enough the hackers actually figured it out before i did because i couldn't get into my accounts i couldn't remember what i did uh i maybe had uh one too many tom coll that night. I remember that night.

What I suggested to you that same night, by the way, was to change your password to stop doing this. Essentially appeal to their sense of decency. We're all human beings. Just say, hey, once they find your password it says stop doing this i would they have to think for a second and then maybe as you're typing that in yeah you must start to realize like wait a minute i shouldn't be doing i should go i should get out and get a real job. Yeah. Become a podcaster or some equivalent, like noble profession. Are you ready to enter a radically easier internet?

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I would make my password password at email.com because you have to have that and so that would confuse them a little bit and then have the password be my normal email which at the time was bullwinkle mooseistant at gmail.com Yeah. But that, for a lot of reasons, that email was taken away from me. Was removed, yeah.

Well, they needed it. I mean, the actual BullwinkleMoose and his assistant needed it. So, I essentially was squatting. They say, get the email for the job you want, not the job you have. Yeah. So I was like, oh, this is available?

And I was sitting on it for a really long time. I was jealous. I was really jealous. And then I wound up being relieved that I hadn't gotten it because of the legal, you know, uh, kerfuffle you ended up going through. But at the time that you got it,

I would remember I was like catatonic. I was so angry. I was, I was literally frozen. With rage. Uh, so that is dash, and you gotta do it. Hollywood Handbook. Eating better is easy with factors.

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What does it mean when you drop someone off after a nice date and they turn around at the door and they take their little index finger and they kind of like draw it towards them? They're pulling it. What does that mean? does their finger hurt i wonder if they spotted a spider web or something they're trying to pull down the spider

down yeah but i've seen this too after a lot of dates and i need i need and have needed something like babble to figure out what the heck is this person doing with their finger because it looks like a it looks like an emergency i know i was supposed to do something or how about those people that stand in the street they're kind of like they've got like almost like police clothes on it may be almost yeah and they're standing in the middle and as i'm driving and i'm cruising they're holding their hand up for like a high five almost and they're really aggressively like pushing it out i'm like am i supposed to drive get out of the car yes or just do it at the window as i'm going that's what i've been doing dangerous yeah but some of these very subtle body language cues have escaped me and many listeners, I'm sure.

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Okay, please. Funny. Hot take, funny. Mm-hmm. Funny shit. Funny shit, I'm laughing. Funny good. Yeah, funny shit, cool beans, laugh my ass off. Funny video, funny video, good time, LOL.

L-M-B-O. Y-O. Lonely Island? I just had sex. I'm singing. Uh-huh. With Akon, right? With Akon.

Name a more iconic duo. A more Akon-ic duo? Thank you. I'll wait. Who's the second one? What's the duo? Akon and Sex. They were a more iconic duo.

Well, after that, Akon built lights in Africa. Remember that? No. He was building light bulbs in Africa. What are you talking about? He was inserting the filament into the bulb. Really? I just made bulbs.

With some tweezers, too. Oh, yes, I did. I put the tweezers inside of the bulb. So this, they're missing out on this by not having their cast members cast.

Ladies and gentlemen, Ayo and Julie singing. You're welcome. Ladies and gentlemen. And with musical guest Ayo and Julie singing. That was if the voice guy also was the host of the show. Let him host.

He's dead. Yes, but let him host. But let him host. A couple years ago. Let his ghost host. Daryl Hammond now does the voice. He's like kind Yes, but let him host. Since when? A couple years ago. Let his ghost host. Daryl Hammond now does the voice. Okay. In the beginning. He's like kind of doing it. Let him host.

But not exactly. Daryl Hammond? Yes. Absolutely not. No. No. No. No.

Okay. Okay. Yeah, that's fair. Hey, don't let him host. Relax. Yeah, actually, don't let him host. Don't let him host. There's no reason to.

He's not ready. No, he's not ready. You know who's ready? Kamiya Cabello. Kamiya Cabello. And let's let her host. Let's let her host. Kamiya Cabello.

Kamiya. Cabello. Cabello. Cabello. Cabello. Cabello. Cabello. Cabello.

Cabello. Mm-hmm. Remember her second single? No. If it's not Havana. It's not. No. And it's not.

She's being like addicted to the person that she's in love with in the song. And she's comparing it to some different drugs. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. It's a little spicy. Yes, it is spicy, too. It's spicy, too. Like Imodium? Her voice is like, nicotine, remedies, simply. Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes.

And it's all I need. Yes. Yes. It's fun. Oh, I was loving this song. Sure. You radio guy? You know, I don loving this song. Sure. You radio guy? You know, I don't want to.

Are you a radio nerd? You know, I don't want to box myself in, but. Are you a radio nerd that plays in the radio lab? Okay. And we're getting really close to what I am. And I think if we can just have one more guess. It'll be hotter and colder. Uh-huh.

Are you? You're burning up here in the sun. I'm Kuba. I'm Kuba. Star of the 2004 film Radio. Yes. Wow. You look gorgeous.

That was based on me. You look better. Well, you know, and I was disappeared into a character, and I think I was obviously beautiful in the film, and I also think I'm beautiful now. Oh, no, no, no. I think you look beautiful on the radio. But I mean, you look...

Sean, you're still beautiful. If that's your name. Sean. Sean. You're still beautiful, Sean. Remember James Blunt on SNL? That's not why I... Oh, yeah. I don't. You're beautiful, Sean. Remember James Blunt on SNL? That's not why I, oh, yeah. I don't.

You're beautiful. He was on SNL singing that song. You're beautiful, it's Sean. Yeah, I remember being so touched by that performance when I was there. Well, that was before social media, too, so everybody had to wait for the magazine at the end of the week. Who's Sean? Waiting at the grocery store. I'm sitting

on the... Lines around the block. I'm sitting on the little belt. I'm saying, don't move the belt until they put that magazine in. Because I need them to ask who Sean is. Then next week, we'll find out who Sean is. But I need to see the question first. Right, right. Magazines also used to say like, oh, now they're doing this sketch.

Mm-hmm. Yes, yes. Want to feel old? Magazines used to tell you which sketch they were doing the next day. Yeah. It was helpful. It was a different time. It was a different time.

So different. I think we're all in agreement. Hamburgers. We're all in agreement. Hamburgers. Covfefe and hamburgers, my favorite meal. Hamburgers. Covfefe.

Name a more iconic duo. Yeah, I got one. Katie Rich and Being Suspended for a really funny joke. How about that? That's an iconic duo. That's an iconic duo. I'll wait. Buck and Wheat. Okay.

You heard about that? I'm ready for the tea. Yeah, what's the tea on? I hear a kettle whistling. I have a feeling I'm about to be served some tea. Well, you're never served. It's always spilled. It's getting spilled, and someone's looking very messy with the tea.

I've got several burns on my body because, uh-oh, I spilled this dang tea all over myself, and my skin is sensitive. Uh-oh. Well, I wish you would keep burning yourself because we haven't heard shit yet. Uh-oh, you're gonna have to give me some ointment because I'm about to die from all this tea I just spilled on myself. I will go to CVS in a minute, but tell me what you're going to say. Hurry up because I'm passing

out. I promise I can't go any faster. You better hurry up. I'm about to die from this tea I spilled. I will get a task rabbit. Thank you. Beep, beep, beep, beep, beep. Oh, fuck. Oh, no. Oh, Ayo's mother is dead in hospital.

She suffered no pain. Oh, awesome. Time of death, 38 minutes into the latest Hollywood handbook. Only 38? No, it's not even that. How long has it been? Six minutes? Wow, you're really

Six and a half minutes You are just staring At the clock saying When can I punch out No no no no no Myself with a fist I'm loving Being here

I miss Hayes Obviously we all miss Hayes Wow That's hurtful This is what I feel like Please tell me Ready for this Tell me what you think

About the show Y'all ready for this? And how you feel Are you ready for this? It's alright You clearly miss Hayes You miss Hayes, yeah I do You miss Hayes, yeah

Sean, you miss Hayes, yeah yeah. I do. Sean, you miss his, yeah. Yes, I do. But it's not time to talk about that. Sean's feeling remiss. It's time to... It's really time to talk about you guys and your upcoming project. Well, I have a couple things to plug. Awesome.

Saturday Night Live. Oh, what? When? Wow. When is it? Every Saturday at 1130. Daryl Hammond. Michaela Watkins.

And your host. Peter Dinklage. Hey, hey, hey, thank you so much. It's an honor to be hosting SNL. I'm Peter Dinklage. Mr. Dinklage, I have a question. Oh, yes, you. I just wanted to know what happens at the end of Games of Thrones. Okay, all right.

Okay, I see what's going to happen here. Everybody's going to want me to- Mr. Dinklage, I have a question. Okay, yes, hi, yes, hello. What happens at the end of Games of Thrones? Okay, well, okay, I see what's going on here. Everybody wants me to- Mr. Dinklage, I'm so sorry!

I have a question, too! I'm very overwhelmed right now. I'm very overwhelmed. Mr. Dinklage, I have a gun! Mr. Dinklage, I'm very sick. I'm going to shoot up the studio! What the fuck? Is this one of the first year people?

I don't recognize her from rehearsal. I'm pretty! Yes, you're beautiful. Please. I'm pretty. I'm pretty. Yes, you're beautiful. Please. I'm pretty. You're gorgeous. Please. What happens at the end of Games of Thrones? I've got a gun. Oh, boy. This is sexy. I'm Peter Dinklage and I've got a gun.

Colin, can we talk about the opening sketch with Peter Dinklage? So, honey, who is it? I'm Charlotte Johansson now. Honey, who's on the phone? It's Lauren. Oh, sorry. I'll take a shower. Colin, can we talk a little bit about all the guns

in the opening sketch? Wait a minute. She's not in the show. I'm singing in the shower. Colin. Okay, she's in. Is that iconic Tom Waits cover artist Scarlett Johansson?

Tom Waits for no man. Not even me. Bubbles. I love them. Glug, glug, glug, glug. Yes, it's my fiance. Oscar nominated for best song, remember that?

Actress Scarlett Johansson. Not even a good song. Song from her documentary. To the body wash. Part of the shower. What'd you want to talk about, baby? Colin, I didn't get it. What do you mean?

I'm out of body wash. I'll get you some more, honey. Okay, good. It made me feel old. Oop, there's your body wash. Thanks. Is this a bad time? No, it's...

I called during bath time again, didn't I? You did. You know she needs me during bath time. La, la, la, la, la, la, la. Listen, Lorne, we're supposed to get eggs tomorrow night. Hallelujah. So I'll just see you for your eggs, okay? Hallelujah.

I'll see you at eggs, Lorne. Okay. Lorne, you sound down. No, no, it's fine. What's going on, buddy? Talk to me. Millennials got rid of bar soap, you know. I know, baby. You tell me every

bath time. It's just all body wash now. I know, baby. They feel weird when the bar melts. I'm cool, right? You think I'm cool? Um, yeah, yeah. I think, yeah, I mean. In my corner booth at Tao.

It's awesome the way you hold court, Laura. No one can do it like you. Time to dry off. Oh, she's about to dry. Okay, I'll let you go, I'll let you go. Can I say it? Can I say it? End scene.

Can I say it? Can I say it? End scene. Ah. Okay, everybody, we have 30 seconds to move the sets and change it to the next one. If a single detail goes wrong, this entire building falls apart. So get your shit together. Hurry up.

We have to quick change these sets. And when we record it and release the video on Twitter or YouTube or Vimeo. People will freak out and respect the art of what we do. We do. And remember, it doesn't go on because it's ready. It goes on because I said so. Yes. So I have a question about the plant I'm supposed to move. What's the question? Well, it's just very big.

We have about seven seconds left That's not a question Well, it's just a very sharp plant And it's very big and heavy as well You better move that sharp fucking plant Or else Tila Tequila won't be able to deliver Her incredible line And the incredible sketch that is up next

This is not just about you This is about Tila Tequila Move it And we're back on the air Ah, leaves That's what's up next. This is not just about you. This is about tequila. Move it. Well, it's just that I'm in a full body cast. And we're back on the air. Ah, leaves. Oh my God, Pete Davidson. It's so crazy we're at this restaurant.

I know. I can't wait to see who's going to come in. Swaying branches. What about that new coworker of yours? She seems a little odd. Yeah, she's a little bit kooky, but I don't know. Just give her a shot. I'm sure she's normal. I can't wait for her to come in.

Fruiting lemon blossoms. Oh, hi guys. Sorry I was late. Oh, hey. I'm the rock, by the way. I'm like in drag. Yeah. Oh, hey, Bethany. The lemons are rotten on the end of my branch, and I'm dying. When did they ripen?

They went right from blossoms to rotten? God. I mean, hi, I'm Bethany. Just read the cue cards. It's okay. Okay. Just ignore them. I am so horny for french fries.

I hope nobody chops me down hey what the heck we came all the way down from Canada to watch SNL and all of a sudden this crazy sketch I can't even hear the rock what the hell I think it's funny to be horny for chips I think it's hilarious

but that plant is growing so fast it's distracting my ass fucking bird's nest is in me what the hell I love being from Canada

what else about plants damn I'm so grateful for the fact that we are from Montreal we have healthcare we speak two languages and old cicada shells

hooked into me and it looks sort of like the bug itself. Wait a minute. I'm sorry. I love our conversation that is happening while The Rock is being so funny about pretending to be a woman that is horny for french fries. He could do anything.

I swear to God, I'm going to vote for The Rock. Yeah, my ass is voting from Canada, mailing in an absentee ballot from Canada. We should pretend to be people we aren't. I think that's awesome. I'm going to do it. I've done it before, but wait a minute. That plant is pissing my ass off. What's it doing now?

It's Creepy Tree. Oh, it's Creepy Tree, the new SNL character. I'm going to tell the fellas tomorrow at the refrigerator plant that I work at. Not that kind of plant. Not that kind of plant. Not that kind of plant. Colin, can we talk about Creepy Tree?

First off, I think we should stop micing the audience. Yeah, Lauren, I hear you. I hear you. It's just been an integral part of the SNL experience for over 40 years. Guess who's home with groceries? Oh, no.

Oh, shit. She wasn't supposed to be up here. She's going to list every item, isn't she, Cubs? Trader Joe's has my favorite. They're called O-O's. Ojo's. Sorry. They're called Jojo's.

Even I knew that. Yeah, cause you're cool, Lauren. Cause you're freaking cool, man. These are just bananas. I am, huh? Yeah, you rock, man. Listen, I've got my finger on the pulse. Don't worry about it, baby. All of the frozen taquitos.

Oh, shit. She got all of them. You know my ass is gonna be eating taquitos for a whole damn month. Lauren, you gotta help me, man. Okay of them. You know my ass is going to be eating taquitos for a whole damn month. Lauren, you got to help me, man. Okay, Colin, I'll see what I can do. It's me, Colin Jost. You got to help me, man, for real. Okay, I'll help you, Colin.

Lauren, what you going to do, man? Honey? Yeah, what's up, baby? You don't think Dr. Evil's based on me, do you? Oh, Lauren, absolutely, without a doubt. Honey? Honey? Yeah, baby, absolutely, without a doubt. Honey. Honey. Yeah, baby, what's up?

I bought a bath bomb and it exploded all over the JoJo. Oh, shit. You got trapped all over there. Fucking lady and bath stuff. Soap and bath stuff. I mean, the grocery thing, I thought we wouldn't be. Who are you talking to? Nobody, my friend.

Is it a woman? Yes. Is it someone uglier than me? No. Invariably. No. It's a more beautiful woman than you. That can't be possible. It's happening now. Say it's Blake Lively. It's Blake Lively. Fuck!

Fuck! Oops! And scene. Yes. Hollywood Hamburg. Well, there's a reason they call me the March Maniac I get maniacal around this time of year Because March Mania is happening And DraftKings Sportsbook One of America's top rated sportsbook apps

Is giving new customers and maniacs like me A shot to turn five bucks into $150 instantly in bonus bets with any college basketball bet. Those maniacs are even more maniacal than me, the March maniac. And during March mania, I get a little maniacal. And let me tell you something. and let me tell you something the best bet that i'm seeing on the board is one that will already have happened by the time you hear this ad that's right i'm here to give you a non-specific line from a college basketball tournament game which you will not be able to bet on because the college

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Also, the Dayton, Ohio Flyers are favored over VCU. Hey, you know what? I'm going to go double underdog on that one because I'm a maniac. Okay. gonna go double underdog on that one because i'm a maniac okay have fun seeing the games or checking up on the scores of whether i hit my bet that you could not participate in download the draft king sports app and use code the boys new customers can bet five bucks to get 150 instantly in bonus bets only at draft king sports book Sportsbook with code THEBOYS. The crown is yours. Gambling problem? Call 1-800-GAMBLER or in West Virginia, visit www.1800gambler.net.

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so what we want to talk about today with sorry you said harry's or harry i said harry's we always talk about harry's first and then we talk about you clean harry uh who are sort of our new noted mask i don't know no taken for this campaign talk about harry's first what we want to talk about is something funny that happened to you recently great a ridiculous or fun situation that you were in recently. That's the prompt, and that'll take us into discussing the product. Particularly funny. How great the product is. Funny to me or funny to just anyone?

I mean, do you feel like there's a difference there? Yeah, I mean, I've had things happen to me that I suppose you would find funny. Okay, but that you didn't find funny. Well, no, not really. And you have things that have happened that you would find funny, but the rest of the world would not? Yeah. I guess I'm interested in that one. That I would find funny?

Yes. But that others would not find funny. You seem to think that you have like a specific taste when it comes to what's funny or ridiculous. That is not. I ordered, uh, um,

like a scented spray for my pillow to help me sleep at night. Like a lavender scent. Okay. And, uh, they, they accidentally sent me two okay so you understand that most people would not buy that funny or ridiculous but but you but you do i just had a little chuckle about the mix up at the shipping warehouse.

Harry saw customers getting screwed over by questionable overpriced shaving products. Clean Harry on the come up. Decided to do something better. Instead of charging the same stupid high prices, Harry's found their own way to make beautifully designed razors for a fraction of the price of other big brands. Bogo, baby. Exceptional products products honest prices i don't is there a bogo as part of this because i don't want to be like talking about no but that's what happened that are no but i clean harry punk harry's two bottles buy one get one their deodorant their lotion their body wash their hair gel all very high quality products they all smell great german

engineer blades made in their own factory they stay sharp longer you get a five blade razor weighted handle foaming shave gel and a travel cover for just three bucks at harrys.com slash the boys highest customer satisfaction in the shaving industry no risk trial don't like your shave no worries it's on them. Getting ripped off isn't funny. Do you want to hear what happened to me that you might find funny? Yes. Yes, sure.

But that you didn't. Yeah. So you're attuned to this stuff. I got my foot stuck in the dryer at the laundromat and it somehow turned on. foot stuck in the dryer at the laundromat and it somehow turned on and you know that that was something other people would find funny based on well the responses you were you were getting a lot of people inside that laundromat seemed to find it pretty humorous when my leg started spinning around and flipping me over what happened was i was holding my laundry basket with both hands and i saw oh still a sock left in the dryer so i stuck my foot and tried to pick it up with my little toesies i wear sandals

punk and as i'm picking it up i just sort of tripped and my foot got wedged in between there's like slats in there and stuck inside there. And then I don't know who, somebody pushed the button or what, but it turned on and the thing starts flipping over and I'm flying in circles. Help, punk. Help me, you punks. Are your clothes staying in the basket? Are you going fast?

No, no, no. I'm wearing all of them by the end of the cycle. going fast no no no i'm wearing all of them by the end of the cycle get started with a $13 trial set for just three dollars at harrys.com slash the boys that's harrys.com slash the boys for a $3 trial set hollywood handbook so yeah so i guess you know obviously it's a bit of an audition for snl too isn't it it 100 is because we we want to come to us, but we also would like to go to them. And I think we've shown some of our writing chops today and some of these sketches that would slot directly into the show so easily. For me, this is what it's about.

Who's going to be first as an SNL host? A podcaster or Ninja, the guy who streams on Fortnite? His name is just Ninja? Yeah. It's not like Surf Ninja or... No, it's just Ninja. No, when he was on The Masked Singer, he was just Ninja. Yeah, he was on Masked Singer.

He was on Masked Singer. Yeah. What? So if Ninja can get on The Masked Singer before you, it's looking rough for SNL. Hold on. Ninja, a gamer, dressed up as a ninja

and went on Masked Singer. No, he dressed up as maybe like a bee or a fox or an egg. He was an egg. Skateboarder was egg. Yeah, what was he on there? Ice cream. He was ice cream. Ice cream. was he on there? Ice cream. He was ice cream.

Ice cream. Oh, okay. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Okay. And what did he sing, Kevin? Let's see. I'm every woman.

I'm every ice cream. They don't do that, but they should. What? Were they sing about what they are? The Fox actually did bust out Wayne Brady in his final performance Bust out Spoiler but keep going

Addressed his Some of the guesses they had had Throughout the show and stuff So he built in like a rap portion And like Talked about who he was And some of like what he had done And it was very good.

Well, he was showing his hand because it's like, who can improvise a rap like this? Only one person. I think it was written. No, that doesn't sound like Wade Brady. Only one person, Drew Carey. Drew Carey is the other one who could have done it. My favorite SNL memory is when they all get in a line

and then that woman plays the keys and then they all make up a song and they sing it together. And it's really nice because you remember that it's not just about the production. It's about the cast and everybody together. The chemistry. And the chemistry and the chemistry the unbelievable chemistry that they share and that everybody is like a trained improviser and they like put in their hard work

and like they make up like a fun song together or they play other games like where somebody will have like a huge object or they don't have to rhyme it yeah they don't have to rhyme it but they don't have to rhyme it and the thing about SNL is so cool is the points don't

count. You know what I mean? No, but it's funny to hear the points. It's funny to hear how many points. Yeah, it's funny. We're talking about when they make a song. Do you remember when they all sang To Sir With Love? Yes, I do. That didn't make me as horny

as it did. It was like, I'm not laughing didn't make me as horny as it did. It was like, I'm not laughing. I'm not horny. What is the feeling? What are you? Yes, what's on? That's what I'm saying is like, what do you feel? Cecily Strong.

You feel strong about it? Diego Luna. Do I make you horny, baby? Baby. Hey, Vigoda. Tyler Perry. Musical guest. 30 seconds to Mars.

And your host, the cast from Third Rock from the Sun! Mr. Liz Gaff! Please. I'm a big fan, sir. I just wanted to ask, you know, did you like playing Roger Ailes?

Fabulous role. Mr. Lithgow. Okay, what's this now? I'm a big fan, and I'm not the rock dressed as a woman. And I want to know, did you enjoy playing Roger Ailes? Similar question earlier. Of course, always happy to address a question from a fan. Maybe the sound didn't travel to your section.

Mr. Lithgow. Mr. Lithgow. Yes, young teen. Mr. Lithgow, I'm a huge fan. Oh, thank you. No, when you were playing Roger Ailes, was it annoying when everybody was mispronouncing Sir Sharonan wrong? Ah, uh, not, uh, it didn't bother me. Do you have a song about it?

I have a question for Jane Curtin. I believe I do have a song about it. What about my Jane Curtin question? Yes, what is it? Well, when they said, Sorry, Ronan, I was saying, Hey now, bonehead, don't you ever say it that way. Here's a trick to remember.

Ms. Curtin, I just wanted to ask what it was like to be back at 30 Rock. Fine. May I continue with my song, please? And when they say, so rise, Ronan, I say, whoa, now I'll start moaning. If you don't pronounce it right, it's shersha, baby. Say it all night. Shersha,ha, baby. Say it all night. Shersha, Shersha, say it all night. Shersha, Shersha, say it all night.

Ladies and gentlemen, the SNL singers. Shersha, Shersha, that's what it is. Shersha, Shersha, give me the pop quiz. And Halsey's here. This is not my song, but I don't care. I am Halsey. I am British now. Oi, oi, oi, I'm Halsey.

Oi, oi, oi, oi, oi'm Halsey. Oy, oy, oy, oy, oy, oy. And the dashboard confessional guy. You can't make me sing. And six Harlem Globetrotters. Colin, Colin, Colin, Colin, can we talk about the opening from the third rock? It's still happening. Colin. Basketball.

Please. Please, I'm having so much fun. Colin, can we talk about the opening from the third rock episode? Yes. Did you like it? No. Charlotte's sleeping, so be quiet. I loved it.

Yay! What? What's happening? Frick. What's happening? I woke her up. What's happening? Oh, nothing.

Who are you? Go back to sleep. Wait, what do my tattoos mean? It's me. It's me, Spike Jonze, the director from Her. Go back to sleep. Go back to sleep. It's her. It's me, Spike Jonze, the director from Her. Go back to sleep. Go back to sleep.

It's her. It's just her. You're just her. She loves when I tell her she's her. I'm her. I'm her. Quite a relationship you've got. You set us up. Anything for my Montauk buddies

Ooh the rough and rugged side Yeah I think they'll like this You think they will? Yeah Honey where are the cats? That Uh huh

Is that Alf? No that's Scarlett Johansson. Okay. But it... She was having a dream. But it's a passable Alf. She was having a dream where she was Alf. Can I tell you for the longest time,

I didn't know Alf ate cats. Well, he never does. He just tries to, but I have a feeling that if he ever got the opportunity... He's putting them between two pieces of bread. Yeah, but I feel like that's all for sure. What a joker. Yeah, that's his shtick.

He's having a shtick. Well, on Melmac, Gordon Shumway does eat cats. I don't believe you. On his home planet, it's a food source. I think I don't agree. Okay. Do you think they went to Earth and then took back cats? Or that there are cats on Melmac?

Again, in the mythology of the show, and I'm not here to argue the merit of whether it's 100 percent accurate or not. I don't want to talk to, you know, nosy Mrs. Akmanek over here. But I do. I do have to say that in the mythology of the show, they do indeed have cats on Melmac and their food source in the same way that perhaps in Melmac, if they kept chickens as house pets, they would think it was very strange that we eat them. Ground control to nature. Well, I'm Marcy Klein,

and I'd like to see your next character. That was funny. That was a funny nerd character. I'll do it for Lindsay Shookus, no one else. Shookus, not stirred. Double O Lindsay. Shookus. Not stirred.

Look, that's my time. He's going. He's going home. He's done with us. What are your impressions? The second time you've checked the time. No, it's the first time I've checked the time. Once I asked whether

where we were. You want me to do Klobuchar? I want you to do one impression before you leave the 8-H stage. We'll all go around and we'll all do our best impression and then Lauren will decide who makes it. Okay. And who goes back to the cruise ship.

Who goes back to Kansas. Come on. The cruise ship? Yeah. Okay. SNL cruises. Princess Line. Oh, my God.

Oh, my God. Oh, my God. That's such a great idea I'm It's My You are I don't know I'm here to make

You're a font I'm here to wheel and deal You're a font Of information Not like a font Like Ariel Thank you Okay so

Do you guys want to do Your impressions Wingdings Wingdings yeah Funny font Thank you Thank you Comic sans Do you guys want to do your impressions? Wingdings, yeah, funny font. Thank you. Thank you, Comic Sans. Do you guys want to do your impressions?

No, you're first. All right. This is America's sweetheart, Julia Roberts. Ting! That's my smile. Ting! That's my smile. I think we should hire him as a writer.

I want... I'm nervous. That's me, Shadow Lorne, from your mirror. I'm the one who should be nervous. Listen to me, Lorne. Okay. I'm growing weaker by the day. Why? Um, because your mirror's not been cleaned in a while.

I'll fire her. Thank you. Then I'll be stronger again. Colin, can we talk about the Mirror Lord sketch? Bye. Bye. Hollywood Handbook.