Hollywood Handbook - Julie Klausner, Our Close Friend

Episode Date: August 17, 2015

It's scorching hot outside so Sean and Hayes are blessing their fans with a trip back to the Teaser Freezer with a breakdown of the new film "We Are Your Friends". Then, JULIE KLAUSNER from Hulu's Difficult People stops by to talk to the guys about saying goodbye to Jon Stewart, their "to-do list", and help them out with ideas for a musical.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This is a HeadGum Podcast. So I'm at the show to support Toni Braxton. And she finishes the big song and she... She's a size zero. She stops it down and she says, we're going to try something a little different. And we look under our seats. We just assume that we're supposed to look under our seats.

And we all have these paintball guns. Okay, this is interesting. And she says, she just says, one, two three blast away yes blast away wow and ever we all just kind of sat there there was just a couple minutes of like no one really wanted to shoot do this yeah no no it was we we oh see see, I forgot. They were color-coded. And so alternating seats, like I was in a red seat. The next to me is a blue seat. And so we're supposed to be like at war with each other.

But we're all sitting so close. Red and blue, and those are the only two colors? Only two colors, and they were alternating. Is that political? Oh, yeah. I i mean that was another she had been doing a lot of that stuff earlier in the show and so this was actually a logical continuation of a lot of the don't mean to interrupt but i hate this two-party system it's a joke it's the that's what the problem is one's worse than the other that's what the problem is and actually's worse than the other. That's what the problem is. And actually, well, here's the thing.

When you say that, that's actually that they are the same. Yeah, exactly. They're the same. Exactly. That's true because they are both slaves to their special interests. And I want someone who's a true independent thinker. And you can't, like they talk about red and blue, but it's actually the same color just through a different glasses.

It's all purple in a way. Did you hear what I said about Tony being a size zero? Yes. Fact. I'm sorry. I didn't mean to. I knew I was supposed to account for that. That, babe, could hula hoop with the Cheerio, my man.

Hey, welcome to Hollywood Handbook, an insider's guide to kicking butt and dropping names of the red carpet, lie back hallways of this industry we call showbiz. What up, what up? What do we want to talk about today? Oh, do the famous game. Mm-hmm. And it's been a little while, and it's been getting really toasty here in LA. It's summer months.

I can hear everyone at home when Sean says that, when he says it's been a little while, thinking to themselves, like, oh, I wonder if he's going to say the funny song. Oh, yes, yes. Is he going to do the 90s song? Maybe. Is that a joke? And the answer is no and no.

Now, it's hot, toasty summer months, and it's August, and that means the sun's beating down, and we all have to find our own ways to keep cool. Where to find Popsicle? Yes, some go to the swimming pool for it, but Hayes and I prefer to cool down from the inside out by sticking a Popsicle all the way in our mouth. Now, where would I get a cold Popsicle? You don't know? Let me tell

you. The freezer, be more specific, Hayes. What is a teaser? A teaser is, well, now it's all kinds of confused because it used to be a small movie, but now with movie clips online, it's become just like any other show. Yeah. It has, but here's what I will say. It is a small movie that is commercial for movie, and so it's all different pieces. And that is what really sets apart.

And graphics as well. And the pieces don't have to be in order. So without further ado, you almost get it, and we're going to open up the teaser freezer, and here we go. And it's the abominable snowman! Pull on my ski cap. Punch. There he goes.

Abominable Snowman explode. Hey, kids, I'm Frosty. Not anymore. Punch. There he goes, too. And turn the scarf, tie it up, and let's get a teaser, and let's get back out of here, Hayes. Turn the scarf, tie it up, and let's get a teaser and let's get back out of here, Hayes. And remember to put on your ski cap before you punch the abominable snowman.

That was actually a good lesson that you did. Yes, if you ever have to punch the abominable snowman and you don't have your ski cap on, it could get in your hair. So what's the teaser today? The teaser is We Are Your Friends. I'm excited about this movie. It's about music, which you know is very important to me, and it's actually my language. And it's about culture. Yum. And it's about being young. Yes. I have had some experience with all these things. Music, of course, Circle of Fifths is in my blood. And without it, I would be dead.

Yes. And I know that writer-director Max Joseph, who, if you recall, did do Catfish, was finally ready to step into the mainstream and blow all our fucking heads off with some hot beats and shit. Kids these days have different goals, and let's just dig into the trailer right now and hear a little bit of what the youth is talking about. And now try not to dance. Just kidding. You can't. Study halls, SATs, liberal arts, student loans, layoffs, bailouts, broken dreams. This is not our future.

Okay, so just right there, I want to stop and talk for a second. SATs, student loans, bailouts, broken dreams? Now, I specifically recall when my generation, and I'm a little older than Mr. Efron, unfortunately, but my generation decided we're going to be mainly about bailouts, broken dreams, and we're going to make ourselves take the SATs. Can I say it's about time somebody said enough of all these study halls? Oh, God. No more.

We're adults. Well, it's one of those things that's so obvious once you say it. I've been this drone zombie just marching through study halls. All these study halls. And we're getting rid of them. We should be doing our jobs.

Yes. We should be trying to get government on track. We're in study hall? Please. What are we doing in there? Passing notes? Because we're scared of the teacher? Please. What are we doing in there? Passing notes? Because we're scared of the teacher? Yes. And I'm so sick

of us choosing to have broken dreams. I mean, that's really the old way. Let's have regular dreams! Okay. Also, this listing thing, I don't think has been done in a movie, and I think it's cool. Things are different for us. You can invent an app, start a movie, and I think it's cool. Things are different for us. You can invent an app, start a blog, sell things online.

My friends and I, we promote parties. Whoa! I heard about this. Selling things online? Selling things online. You can do it now. Yes, they've just opened up an online store, and you can sell this stuff through it.

And, Hayes, do you want to talk about what you've been able to find on there? You can get replacement computer keys. You know how you rip your keys out and you try and feed them to the screen because you think the screen wants to eat the keys? When it's not doing the J yeah you stick it into the you stick it into the screen yes well now you need a new j comes from online and now now the trouble is to to get to this door you have to have memorized which one is which where the key is because obviously if you're having a problem with the J,

you're probably also having a problem with the K, the B, the L, the V, the N, the F. It turns out those are there to tell you which one is which, because it does the same letter every time. It can be a guessing game to try to get into the store at that point. But when you do, good news, new keys for the computer. And I just think that's so great. And it's new for this generation that they can do it that way.

And what great way to make money. But that's not what Zach does. What do they do? They promote parties. Oh, yes. Okay. All right. Bring your friends.

Bring all your friends. If they look like you, bring them all. But if you're a DJ, all you need is a laptop, some talent, and one track. That's true. That track is your ticket to everything. That guy right there.

See that handsome man right there? He's DJing. I'm DJing. Just a side room though. Can you play Drunk In Love? Absolutely not. Yes, I hate Beyonce. Yeah, she's an easy target right now. Got her.

Got her. Got her. Can you play Drunk in Love? What a piece of shit. He shut her down. Yeah, everyone hates her, and she's a good thing to go after. It's not a good song, and so it's like, people want to hear that? It's like, no way. You want to hear the one track that the hot new DJ has done,

and every DJ out there had a laptop and one track. Can I say, I like this movie, even though this is not normally my music. Well, you know what? I don't think computer is an instrument. I didn't understand how it was. I didn't understand how it was. I'll agree with that.

It's just typing fast. Okay. That was one way that I used to look at it too. And I think that just this teaser. One thing this teaser has done for me is really educated me about collecting sounds and the way the world sounds and finding your own sound. And I think, Hayes, if you bear with me, you're going to come around to a new way of thinking. Okay. Well, I'll just tell you where I'm coming from right now.

Instrument is drum. No argument here. What's the one with the devil sticks? Yes. Where you bang the devil sticks on the railroad. On the thing that looks like a tiny railroad. Ah, Kai. Yep.

Yep. What? Okay, I see. Yes. That's not a phone man. So. I just read about this guy, right, who invented Instagram. He sold it for $400 million. Now he was 26 years old. You guys want to make real money.

You want to live and die in the valley. We got to get out of here. For people who don't live in L.A., the valley is where you can't have money. I didn't hear what my headphone cord popped out. Can you keep this play? But tell me about what happened in the part that I missed. So what are you saying? They found out that Instagram got sold for a figure much lower than what you thought it got.

That's great. I heard about that. To get the crowd out of their heads and into their bodies. This I love. About 125 beats per minute. Once you've locked onto their heart rate, start bringing them up song by song. 128 beats per minute. Once you've locked onto their heart rate, you start bringing them up song by song. 128 beats per minute. That's the magic number.

Three beats per minute higher than where he started. And this is why I love this, Hazen. Maybe you'll understand how this is an instrument now. It's just using science to make music better. And finally, they explain the science That amateur DJs like me Have been trying to explain to people forever Which is you get inside the people's ribs

And you make their heart do the move You lock in on their heart rate You lock in and then you pull it up Don't go too fast Because you can actually explode someone From the inside out Which I don't know if I'd be if i don't know if there's a court in the world that would convict me if they know i was just trying to actually

have them fucking party dance their ass off well it seems like you could manipulate the jury's heart rate in that case if they let me bring my laptop yeah on my one track then i would actually be able to juice the jury all the way up to be like bopping, agreeing with me. And then if one of them didn't agree, you can... Well, that's what you could do is you can make them all nod at once. Or if there's damning testimony, I bring the heart rate down to like four

and I just make them all fall asleep. Because that's basically lower than a coma. What else is happening in this movie? You really know how to work a crowd. Play me something. I'm just going to skip ahead. He started with the shitty part of his song. That's funny.

Whenever you guys are ready to start making some real loot, you need to holler at me. Okay, this guy is a guy who was in some movies. He was in Grudge Match. And he has a suit on. He's going to make him work at a real job. Oh, wait. I want to hear her say that again. Sorry.

James thinks he's really talented. That's important to know. So, okay. Erada is now making him sit on a couch, and she's dancing in front of him. Okay, he's starting to hear the sounds in the world. Now, hey, this is what I was talking about. So he hears a zipper, and he's recording it with his phone,

and he hears the nail gun and that's the kind of beat that you can use to bring somebody up to 128 beats per minute heart rate. So now is that an instrument? The world is his instrument because of technology and science, Hayes. That can be music? That's what I'm

telling you. Yes, you're going to have to use something other than a drum. Wait, wait, wait. So anything can be music? Hey, think about this. Okay, so you know a drum sound, right? Yeah. It only sound one way, just th-could.

But what if it could do one of these? And I'm just inventing this now. And that's... Is that fucking awesome? That's you smashing your foot into your hand? That's music? Yeah, that's just me dropping my foot on my hand as hard as I can. And so smashing a microphone into the table, that's music?

Yes. And we're allowed to do that in the studio? Yes, as long as you're recording the sound of it, then you're basically halfway to your one track. That's the best song I ever heard. That's right. Find your sound the screen said. It doesn't work like that.

We're not going to be millionaires. It is not going to happen. I disagree with that character. What happened to loyalty? What, I'm not loyal now? He is loyal, you can tell. Everybody is responsible for themselves. You got that?

One of their friends died. I think they're throwing grave dirt on the top of a hole. If you have a dream, and it's made of everything that's made you, hardship, friendship, so much love. So important. So important. Yes, we all have dreams, sure. And if you'll remember at the beginning of the movie,

they talked about having broken dreams. That's not this generation. This generation is going to have dreams, and the way you do that is make sure they're made up of everything that's made you. I hate when people's dreams are made up of other stuff that's not even theirs. Oh, please. What's it made up of? Something you read in a tabloid?

Other people's smashed up dreams and just cans they found. And you can tell when somebody tells you their dreams and it's not really theirs and it's from some tabloid or can. You can tell, can't you, Hayes? Yes, it's fake. It's so fake. So it's made up of what made up for him. And for that character, it's hardship. I've seen that because there's a whole bunch

where his pool has no water in it in the trailer and he's trying to get it in there. Friendship. I know that because he's definitely loyal even if his friend thinks he's not and he is going to be a millionaire. Fuck you that guy. And then so much love. Not just...

You could say love there, sure. Try that. Friendship, hardship, love. Okay, am I I gonna see this movie not really that sounds regular now get it ready for the teaser friendship

hardship so much love okay yes that made me think about kissing yes and I think that's important I think he kissed

Emrata in this and she's really dancing that's your ticket to everything he's jumping in the pool it's got water now my future this is gonna be the best the best best night of your life what's up i'm cole carter oh you find out his name yes it's a bit of a spoiler we should say that you do find out his name is

cole carter which i think you're trying to find out the whole movie wow very excited for the movie i learned a lot about music which wasn't turns out even what i thought it was and the movie seems to me like the logical next step for the guy who was filming some of catfish except for the parts where he was on screen as well talking about how like can we believe what this is crazy yes which means that there must have been another person there so yes for that guy to write and have directed this and who better than the catfish man to understand that? No more bailouts. That's not this generation.

He's the Catfish Man's friend. So many generation after generation has chosen bailouts to be their defining characteristic. And taking the SATs over and over. Not anymore. No more bailouts because we are going to sell things online. Well, I have so much love for this trailer and this upcoming movie.

And ZF, you've done it again. And let's get ready. And Julie Klausner's in the studio. And don't you forget it. Yes, coming right up is on this show. It's the same show with a guest. Julie Klausner, the difficult person on Hollywood Handbook. She's difficult.

Hollywood Handbook. So I'm doing the shoot with David LaChapelle. I'm doing the shoot with David LaChapelle, and he's got me in a Jessica Rabbit costume from Spencer's. It was in the bag, but he gave it to me. It's like the bodysuit with the boom boom and the boom in the back. And he's having me lay back in this pose and I'm like, what is this for? Because he hasn't really told me what it's for.

And he says it's for mud flaps. Oh, that's David. And I don't realize until I'm driving later and I see on this guy on this big truck. An 18-wheeler, yeah. Yes. There I am.

Is it a Peterbilt? Yes, it was a Peterbilt. That's me on the flap. I recognize myself. It's my nose. Well, I'll say this. Why did they need, my questions are, why did they need a picture? Why didn't someone just draw... It seems like something that just could have been drawn.

You want them to just guess at your proportions? And why didn't they use a woman's body instead of doing me up? Okay, well, okay. Here's why they didn't just draw it. Because they don't want to just guess at your proportions. Okay. Here's why they don't want to just guess at your proportions. Okay. Here's why they didn't use a woman. The dress had woman parts built into it.

That's right. If you put that on a woman, that's double. It makes a woman. Too much. Oh, that's right. So that's the genius of David, and he always does leave you scratching your head, and you are asking questions when you leave those shoots.

And then later when you see a mud flap, which has your image on it, or a jar of turtle wax, which looks like yours truly in a turtle costume, you understand, oh, David's working on a completely different level than us, visually. Please, let's welcome our guest. Hey, welcome back to Hollywood Handbook, an insider's guide to kicking butt and dropping names in the red carpet linebacker hallways of this industry we call Sam. Oh. He was. And I was throwing to you, Sam, for the button.

And that was generous. I'm sorry, man. And no, you were going to do it. It's showbiz. Yeah. You're supposed to say. Do you want to do it again? What up?

What up? No, we don't have time to do it again. Julie Klausner is here. Hi. Hi, Julie. Hi. So welcome. So you're a difficult person. Okay. Tell me. It's great to be here. Yes. Okay. Yeah. That's not difficult. That's nice. I'm yeah. What are you? Are you okay? I'm just getting situated. Hayes needs to keep his feet elevated because he's had some drainage issues.

My blood, Julie, my blood. I'm listening. Is supposed to stay close to my brain. Up near the top. It actually has to almost all be up there. Otherwise what? You faint? Otherwise.

Faint at best. Are you getting foot blood to your head when you put your legs up like that? Yes That and yes Okay Are you Yeah Do you do medicine?

Yeah, well I have the same problem Oh, you do Yeah, I get like very cold, like literally cold feet And when I scratch mosquito bites near my ankles Yes It take a really long time to heal Oh, baby, do I ever know what you're talking about And when I scratch mosquito bites near my ankles, it takes a really long time to heal. Oh, baby, do I ever know what you're talking about. Because doctors say that you don't get as much blood down there to heal it.

But that doesn't actually make sense because of gravity. Yeah, well. But I believe it. I think the doctor, though, usually is right. And in the case of Hayes, there's too much blood on the feet. Yes. So he's actually, in some ways, an upside down man. Yes.

But isn't it fun to sleep like Batman? Yes. And that is fun. Upside down? Mm-hmm. Don't you have to do that, too? I would assume that you would have to do that as well, like Batman. Well, I do have an inversion table

But it's mostly for entertaining guests On Passover Ah, specific holiday Tradition Yes, tradition Four questions The youngest to ask that question Oh, to be that young again

That it was me Now Do you have fond memories of your seders? Oh, to be that young again, that it was me. Now, yes. Do you have fond memories of your Seders? Don't sit Seder with, if you sit Seder with this guy. Even like, if I said like Sam Seder. Rest in peace. He gets very jealous of.

Yeah, he seemed to be sarcastic about. Everyone's asking me a young question. I just can't anymore. I have to leave the room. Okay. You're upset you didn't get to be a young Jew? I don't know what I'm mad about, but I know I don't feel good. He likes to be satyr. And I need to get out and just, I need to take a lap.

He sort of needs to be the youngest, so no babies allowed. And your last one was Henry Kissinger. Sater? Your last Sater was Henry Kissinger? My last Sater was me. Henry Kissinger. Carl Reiner. Hank K.

Yes. He's a C. Hmm? Carl Reiner. Carl's with a C. Hank, yes. Kissinger with a K. In your face.

So Hank K., Carl Rheins, the Rhinestone Carl boy, I call him. And then... Cloris. Yeah, Cloris Leachman. So, and that was a good Seder. Sounds like it. Yeah.

And you were the youngest. By a good margin. But. Sounds like it. Yeah. And you were the youngest. By a good margin. But you still seem sad. Yeah. Okay. Well, it was what happened after. What happened after? I got beat up.

By like a roller skate guy. Someone who wasn't there? Were you just walking to your car? He was sort of passing by. I went to get the mail. Going downhill. Like Gregory Himes and the Muppets take Manhattan? I'm not going to make a – I don't want to say yes because –

Okay. I know why. I know why. It's okay. Yes. I don't want to seem like I'm going like, yeah, it's one of those guys. Right, right, right. Because I actually like those guys in a lot of instances.

So it's not about that aspect of him, his similarities to Gregory Hines. It was more, it was a roller skate man who happened to be like Gregory Hines. In Muppet's Take Manhattan.ines. In Muppet State Manhattan. Who was in Muppet State Manhattan. Who was cruising on those roller skates and really had a lot of momentum. Did he fall on you or did he beat you up? I'm confused. He beat me up, yes.

No, he did not fall. I did the falling. Fastest going punch. Oh, he came down the hill with his punch arm extended? Are you familiar with the peregrine falcon? Well, it's the fastest bird on the planet. They've designed some jet space. Oh, the bird.

Oh, yeah. I thought you were talking about like a Netflix series. No. Okay. So the peregrine falcon. Yes, I know what a peregrine falcon is. Does not snatch its prey. Rather, it goes so fast with its little tiny talons balled up in the fist that it knocks the prey unconscious, then comes back and eats its bones.

This is essentially, I believe, what the roller skate man was planning on doing to me. One flying punch to knock me out, and were it not for Henry Kissinger, I believe he would have feasted on my bones later that day. So, no, it wasn't the best Seder, post-Seder experience I've had. Henry Kissinger creating a human speed bump to subdue him. Yes. That was his form of pacifism at the time. He would lie down horizontally. Pasovism.

Well, yes. He's trying that on for size. Pasovism. There, yes. He's trying that on for size. Passoverfism. There's something in there. Now, Julie, you said Netflix before. Should you even be saying Netflix? Yes, exactly. I feel like I'm blushing as red as their envelopes.

They're going to take back a little of that Hulu-mulu, if you know what I mean. Oh, I saw it on Facebook. Funny enough, they do have checks that say Hulu-ulu, if you know what I mean. Oh, I saw it on Facebook. Funny enough, they do have checks that say Hulu Mulu on the letterhead. What about Facebook? That's what I saw it on. So what? My show? Yes.

Okay. Good. It started playing automatically. Sorry, that's annoying. But all my friends were sharing it. So I'm going down the feed, scrolling as fast as I can, and I'm seeing it in sort of like a flip book. That's how you saw the first episode? Playing in real time.

Is that what you had in mind? Hold on. All my friends. I just need to understand this. They posted screenshots? No. Sequentially? They posted the whole episode as a Facebook video.

And because it started every time you saw it, it would start at later points, so you saw the whole thing? No, I just saw the first second like 900 times. Like a flip book. I feel like the point of that story is that you have 900 friends. Yes. That's a secret point. All stories have a secret point, though, don't they? Yes.

That's an important thing to remember. I've never heard that expression. A secret point. All stories have a secret point, though, don't they? Yes, that's an important thing to remember. I've never heard that expression. A secret point? Yes. Yes, every story has a secret point, and a lot of movies are not about what you thought. Speaking of having a secret point, the one I want to expose is we want to say goodbye to John.

Well, we don't want to say goodbye. At least I don't. I want to say a hearty Jean voyage. We had to say goodbye to John Stewart this week. Last week? It was. It was recently. By the time this comes out, just say last August.

It still hurts. We've spoken in the past. Maybe say August before. I don't know exactly when this is coming out. No, we don't. This one's for the shelf, I think, at least temporarily. But it was not that long ago that we spoke a bit about John and how much he did for comedy and where he would get goofy and then get mad.

And that, I think, really changed the way that we talk about some of the issues. Having a mad camera. What's fucked up is a lot of us got our news from him. Well, so, but what if news we think is real is that joke? News on news? Some of the guys saying on real news. Tonight, the news. Right.

Biggest joke, even more. Is it, though? And huger. Because truly. Well, that's what changed when John was doing. Changed. Daily show. Upside down.

I'm reminded of the Trojan horse. Whose antics we'll all recall. He danced into the city of Troy. Pretending to be an entertainment horse. And said, oh, I'm a funny horse. But inside was the real parts. And that's sort of what The Daily Show did. Oh, I'm joking about the news, but here's some truth. Whereas the real news is all jokes. So it's kind of that same approach. So it's kind of that same approach And that's how John won the war on comedy and information You had a relationship with him

I got my start on The Daily Show Oh wow Yeah, I was hired as a correspondent When was this? In September 12, 2001 I started Oh wow And Such temperate weather.

And if you remember, I'm sure we all remember on September 11th, the thing I remember most about September 11th. Mm-hmm. And she's choking up a bit. It was Jon Stewart talking about how he used to be able to see the Twin Towers from his apartment and then now they're gone. Yeah, he said good runs to bad rubbish. His view improved. And he said, but now I can see the Statue of Liberty.

It is sad. And that's even better. It's making me sad now. And then he cried, like really cried, And then he cried, like really cried, like sobbed for the rest of the, at the time the Daily Show was an hour. And Mo Rocca had to come out. He said it's okay. He said it's okay.

Because he didn't know at the time what had happened. Anyway, I was brought in. He also didn't know how short a spell he was going to do on the show, Mo Rocca. Yes. Anyway, I was brought in. He also didn't know how short a spell he was going to do on the show, Mo Rocco. Yes. And he tried blotting John's tears with his bow tie. But they wouldn't absorb because there were more and more of them.

Anyway, cut to the next day. I start my new job as a correspondent. Yeah. And John Stewart is still crying. He's at the, I don't remember what we had in 2001 besides K-Cups, but he was at like the K-Cup station. Yes. Sobbing. And I said, it's nice to meet you, Mr. Stewart.

Thank you for hiring me. And he looked up and he blinked a little. And then the smallest smile came out. And it was like I saw the Statue of Liberty on his face. So in other words, I got him to stop crying. And it was better than the Twin Towers of Tears. Yeah, exactly. Exactly. And that's how I got my start in comedy.

Yes. So you decided to start doing comedy after being hired on The Daily Show. Yeah. That is so great. Once I was there for six months or so. It was a different – it was a political climate. It was like the Twin Towers are gone. Let's talk about it.

So we did a lot of talking about it. What did we have in 2001 besides K-Cups? Yeah, what were we doing? What did we have? I think we had those vending machines that you just press a button, like how you wanted your coffee, and then they would kind of just give you a— the cup would fall out of the machine and then fill it up. Yeah.

We definitely had a lot of coffee stuff back then. Yeah. I knew I was drinking coffee, but I can't picture out of water how it got made. In a pre-K cup world, what was I doing? Now, Julia, I see you've taken off your earrings. Are you preparing to fight? I'm always – I know it's something you want to do. I'm always...

No, it's okay. It's okay. If you notice the table, it has a lot of people's names on it. How many of these people are enemies,

do you think? With one another? No. That's our... With you? Yeah. Ooh. A hundred percent. Oh, wow. So when I come to Earwolf, you think? With one another? No. With you? Yeah. 100%. Oh, wow.

So when I come to Earwolf, I'm always ready for a fight. Do you know what the table is? Have you seen the movie The To-Do List? Is it the table from The To-Do List? It's our To-Do List. That's interesting because the only name I see crossed out is brian husky the to-do and that honestly that honestly is a stretch to even cross that out it looks pretty we gave him a hug you can still see it's his name i gave him a hug where he was facing away from me yeah it was a sneaky hug and I

consider that good as gold for me. But the to-do list brought back 90s period comedy set at pools. And Staten Island Summer, I think, is giving a generous tip

of the hat. You've been talking about Staten Island summer a lot. And I think, well, I know you're a Jost fan. You went to Montreal Jost for laughs. Well, he's the Jost with the most. Yeah. Yeah. So do you think that that's why you like it?

Just because of Jost? Just because of Jost. um just because of jose just because of jose i think i would like it even if he was replaced with and i'll just pick someone off the to-do list nick glee gore is that right well that can't be who I pick. Julie, I just noticed that your name is on here. I hope that's not uncomfortable.

It is a little awkward. It's like... Uncomfortable for you. It's kind of like... It's honestly because I think, and I am with someone now, but I think that we would just be sexually compatible because of the blood arrangement. With our feet?

Yes. That you both need to do it upside down. Well, we would be— Zack Knight. You know what would be nice is that there wouldn't be like, this is my side of the bed, this is your side of the bed, because we'd both be sleeping upside down. We'd both be hanging from a doorframe, yeah. Well, not a doorframe, because that would imply that it was like suicide, right? Oh, well, you're hanging upside down by your feet.

Yeah, but that's like you have a thing built into the ceiling. I feel like if you're hanging from a doorframe, that's suicide. And I think you know this, because you can't have doorframes, per se, because you need to be able to slide. You're hanging along the rails, and you need to be able to slide along rails into the next room. That's where doing rails comes from. Okay. All right.

I've been using that wrong. How have you been using it? Well, now I don't want to say I'm embarrassed. It's okay. It's okay. Humping a train. I use it for if you're humping a train, you're doing rails. That's what I thought.

But it makes sense the way you're saying it, that it makes more sense if you just are upside down by your feet and you have to slide. Yeah, it's like a track. It's like a track. And you're holding the remote control in your hand. Looking back on it, a lot of stuff you have said makes more sense about what you do. You said, like, I did so many rails over the weekend.

And I know. Yeah, I busted a bunch of fat rails. It's frequently what you'll hear me say about, like, yeah, my weekend or my vacation. And Hayes knows that I don't have that apparatus in my house, so he must have been confused. Yes, so it was confused. And thank you for politely ignoring that comment. Should we talk about music? I love music.

Go. Hayes, you were going to introduce it. I love all kinds of music. Great. That's so great for us. Julie, musicalss the theater now i know you know your way around that stuff because i have seen you be a difficult person and that's my new york new york broadway the great white way and and being difficult Is that something that we all relate to?

And Hayes and I haven't seen a musical, but we've got the rights to one. We don't love it. Wait, you've never seen a musical? I don't love it. Can't watch it. No. That's so interesting. Well, it's so unrealistic.

People bursting into song suddenly to tell their story. It's like, why don't they just say it? That doesn't't happen that's not how me and my friends interact but like sorry but superhero movies are unrealistic uh no because if i had superpowers i would really do that but if i could sing which i actually have a nice voice i wouldn't do it in order to tell people do you have a nice voice oh we've heard me do it on the show before and I've really nailed it. I was busting out some Phantom Planet a few weeks ago and I think people loved it. Okay, so you like more like punk music. The hardest

horror punk. I'm into hard punk shredding. Like Living Color. I'll make sense of it for you. The only musical I would even consider is American Idiot. You would consider seeing? Yes, I would consider seeing

that. Because of Green Day. Because of the roots that Green Day share with me. Now, we have the rights to one of these jukebox musicals everyone's doing. Can you explain that audience for us? The audience of a jukebox musical? No.

What a jukebox musical is. How the Jukesbox musical is. The Jukesbox musical is a catalog of songs by one artist. Exactly. That two people usually just attach the songs together with a flimsy story.

Give us an example of an artist that maybe did that. Good Vibrations. There was a Beach Boys musical. There was a musical that Twyla Tharp made where she used Billy Joel songs. And it was called Moving Out. Way better than that. We have a lot of the B-sides of the Dave Matthews band. That's some of the played out shit.

No, none of that crap you've heard a billion times. Like, what would you say? Ants Marching. Crash. All that stuff we said, you've heard that too much. But something like Typical Situation?

Now we've got our mitts on that, and that's the kind of song that we think could really get stuck in your being if it just has the right story attached to it. And we have to do a jukebox musical of it. It's actually not an option. We don't have the rights just at large. We have paid for a certain amount of time that we can do a jukebox musical with this, and we paid a tidy sum. And we can't not do it.

Oh, it wasn't like the material was like call it. Because you know when they say artists, you should only do an artist when you can't do anything else. It's not like that. It's like you literally paid. Who did you pay? The publisher? Who was that? Brit?

Huh? You gave money to Brit? You know, the ATV guy, the guy who went upside down of ATV. Oh yeah. Yeah. The one who kept thanking Jesus.

So he was very willing to collaborate with us. And he was a good business partner. But now we're dealing with his got it chill his estate and they're

they've been much more difficult significantly less chill yes yes yes because that's what happened I don't know if you when he went upside down

on that ATV he passed away oh he's dead yes well usually people don't talk about people's estates unless they're dead he's with yeah he's out there he's up. Well, usually people don't talk about people's estates unless they're dead. Yeah, he's up there

with Boyd Tinsley. The electric fiddle player. Thank you. We've got some of the stuff that Dave sang on for Bela Fleck and the Flecktones for that album Left of Cool. We've got Typical Situation. I love the bass.

If you're a real bass head like me, you're going to love Bela Fleck and the Flecktones, and you're going to love Primus. Yes, if you love the famous banjo player Bela Fleck, you're going to love... That car rattle. I like when the change in my car goes... That's my sound, baby.

So we've got some of his outsider stuff, and we wonder if you could help us weave together a story. We've been kind of banging our heads against the wall story-wise of how do we make this make sense. Okay, so you're maybe breaking story, but you need to unbreak story. Jules, however you need to wrap your head around this. Do people ever call you Jukes?

No. Like the Ju from Julie and the K from the beginning of your name? Jukebox Julie? It's very hard for me to hear you say Ju in that way because you've got rugged Aryan features. And when you say Jew, and I know you're talking about Jew-ly,

but there's just jukebox jewels. You're like, you're chomping on the word. You're like, when you eat chocolate, you know how it gets mushy and that's when it tastes the best

is when you open your mouth and it looks disgusting. That's when chocolate tastes the best. Oh, you don't have to tell us about chocolate. Mushy chocolate? So it's like when you say Jew, you're into it. Julie, I can't keep it in the house.

You're telling me about chocolate? I can't keep it in the house. It's like my candy. Have you ever taken a bite out of a chocolate bar and then poured Windex on the rest of it? So that I knew because I know I can trust myself not to eat poison. And then eat that?

And then I'm desperately washing it. But you use like warm water. So by the time you only have like a sliver left, like when you have a sliver of soap. That's so good. That's the best part of the chocolate. And then you burp bubbles. You burp these big bubbles.

So are you familiar with some of these songs and the lyrics? No, I think I only know Drive. What does typical situation make you drive? What's that? Crash. Crash. Okay, you know that one? We don't have that one.

But it's pretty good. They should have called that song drive. We got Jimmy Thang. We got Best of What's Around. Okay, well, let's just start with, what is it, Jimmy Fang? Jimmy Thang. Like thing, but thang? We don what is it, Jimmy Fang? Jimmy Fang. Let's talk about... Like, thing, but Fang? Well, we don't have an option for what the order is.

Typical situation is first. Typical situation has to come first, and it starts with a countdown, which I think could be cool, because we're counting down at the show. Okay. And, Hayes, are you about to play it? Sam, can I have the sound, please? Well, typical situation is not a bad opening number, because it can describe the status quo of, like, a town. Ten fingers counting. I think it starts like that, right?

Ten fingers counting. Nine planets. Eight ball something. That was 15 seconds. Keep going. I'm not supposed to. Why are you going to get charged? Yeah.

Even though we have the rights to this, it's not. Yes, we don't have the rights to play it on this. We have to do it in 15 second increments in the show, too. Okay. Single spotlight. I'm listening. A little kid in his school pants. Seven oceans.

On stage. An Indian comes out. Second spotlight for like a... An Indian? Yeah. Native American? Yes. Yes.

I can do that. Yeah, you can't. Huh? Yes. Yes. I can do that. Yeah, he can't. Huh? Nothing. So let's stop it because that's definitely over 15. But he was about to go, everybody's happy. Everybody's free. You do have a pretty voice.

I know. I'm crushing it. So that countdown is pretty cool. We have the indian we know we like that but the boy and his school man story he's davey the boy's davey okay well it seems to me like the first song in a musical establishes the status quo this is how things are and like the opening number and like beauty and the Beast where she's running around town and oh, look at my life and this is how things are

and it's okay. It's good. Things are fine. Oh, books, look at my life. Old man, look at my life. Now she's singing to the books. Yes. I don't think she sings to the books.

Oh, books, look at my life. Marry me, books. Take me to the chapel, books. Take me to the chapel, books. Have you guys seen Beauty and the Beast? Okay,

well, now you're kind of catching us in a little bit of a fib. We said we'd never seen a musical, but we have,

without the sound, watched Beauty and the Beast. He's talking about the silent John Renoir movie. You never got to enjoy the vocal

performance of Jerry Orbach as Lumiere, the candlestick man. Or Jessica Lansbury as the Angela pot. Oh, yeah. Oh, yes. The pot of tea. Yes. Angela's mom, Jessica. Yeah, yeah.

That's right. Yeah. She, I think, is past the age when she should have been playing that role. Which one? The teapot or the detective? Well, the teapot. Right. Because I thought that would actually be a better role for Angela, who's like, whatever, like 70 years old.

You know what? I could be mistaken. That actually probably was Angela. That was Angela. Yeah. Oh, now 70 years old. Oh, you know what? I could be mistaken. That actually probably was Angela. That was Angela. Yeah. Oh, now I like it. Because one thing he's saying in typical situations is he says, you know, it's a typical situation for these typical times. And then he goes, too many choices.

So like this boy has too many choices. Right, because he's a many choices. I can become this Native American man, or I could become, I could become like a motorcycle man of some kind, like our friend Sam here. In a typical town.

Yes. Books. Guys, I'm going to keep challenging you to ask what the question, what your question is. Well, can what's the question? Books. Guys, I'm going to keep challenging you to ask what your question is. Well, can you make the story for some of these? Hayes, can you pull up another song by him maybe? Before we pull up another song, let's talk about who this boy is. There's one called like number 42 or something, I think.

You guys are not. Jimmy Thing. Jimmy Thing, we can definitely try. Is the boy's name Jimmy? No, the boy's name's Davey. Jesus. That's Dave. He grows we can definitely try. Is the boy's name Jimmy? No the boy's name's Davey. Jesus. That's Dave. He grows up to be Dave. Matthews? Yes but you don't see

that. Okay. You see at the end of the show a guitar. We're trying to figure out the effects of this. Okay. A guitar builds itself in his hands.

Uh huh. And it all comes out of different parts of his body. Like he, like as if the first guitar came from his body. So he's like, yeah, pulling guitar parts out of his like mouth and his hiney and like all these different,

like, yeah. Is he a steampunk man? That's the question, isn't it? Is the guitar organic? Or is the guitar electric? Steampunk we couldn't do because metal is very hard to move.

So we have this device we like where he's got a cold the whole show and he keeps attaching empty tissue boxes to himself when he's used up the last tissue. Just like you do when you have a cold. So he's sort of steampunk but made out of Kleenex

boxes. And you think the tissue boxes are empty but they actually have guitar parts They're filled with guitar pieces and string. Have you considered painting the tissue boxes silver so they look kind of cool robot like? We have considered and silver or metallic paint is very toxic

and the fumes are very bad and we can't get And if you try to blow your nose with the tissue Yeah. Now suddenly that paint is on your nose.

Yes. And so you're painted like a tin man. to actually put it I mean he could act like he's sneezing right? That's what actors do. Not the one we've got.

Okay. So you seem pretty committed to the tissue box idea, and it doesn't seem like you're even asking me a question. You're just sort of telling me what you came up with, and it's almost like you're looking for approval, not even notes. Maybe if I told you some names of some Dave Matthews albums, you'd like that. Busted Stuff.

The Lily White Sessions. Something about Grugrux? Yes, totally. Something in the Grugrux clan? Is Grugrux gibberish? No. It's like his friend or something. His friend is Grugrux.

Yeah. Yeah. Okay. Is that an interesting character? Is that an offensive thing to name the Native American guy? Oh, I didn't know it was the Native American guy. Well, now it could be. Could it be? But is that a name we're doing voodoo as well?

You got excited. And it's important to notice when you're excited by an idea. Because we have this nameless character who should have a name that's kind of fucked up in some way. And we have this stupid name. Well, yeah. I mean, one and one make two.

What's this? What are you making me listen to now? What is this? I'm not making you do anything. Get the opportunity. Oh, wait. Sorry. You want to go? Go. There's the door. Do. You want to go? Oh, wait, sorry. You want to go? Go. There's the door. Do you want me to go? No, we want help with our musical. It doesn't seem like you do.

Now, this thing's called Jimmy Thing. Now, maybe it could be called Julie Thing, and you're in it. Now I'm listening. You know, if it works out. Wow. Really? Now I'm listening. I think he's about to say, and I don't know, and I think he's about to say,

what I want is what I've not got. And so we're trying to, I mean, have you ever felt that way? Oh, yeah. We're trying to put a story together. I think he said he takes a taste of white pepper. I don't know. That was hard to hear, but I did hear that he was on his knees at one point, and it seemed kind of sexy.

So maybe you're finding a way into this story. Yeah. What? So you, because we're calling it Julie-thing now. Oh, I didn't know you would decide it on that. You definitely felt like what you've won is what you've not got. I think everybody has, which is why the theme is universal, but you're being specific now. And what you need is all around you. So now you've got that way in.

And then how do you know Davey? Well, how old is Davey at this point? He's a little kid. He's small. That's why the sexual thing. I'm anxious about that. I like him being on his knees, it seems like he's...

I'm anxious. I don't want to say that you're getting him being on his knees and munching that he's chow. Yes. Oh.

You said munching. That's what you said. You said munching. I didn't say... You said munching. You brought it up. I did not say munching once. Which we said

he was a little kid. You said you wanted him to be on his knees. No, I said that was what the lyrics said. You did say that might be extreme for this show. I said that. I was uncomfortable with... Hey, hey, I love punk rock.

Busting down the walls and the moral preconceptions. You don't think I love punk rock? But this has got to be commercial, too. Only because we invested so much money. Okay. So we'll do the little kid chow and we're doing that on the next one for sure okay i mean me and my boys a lot of my boys we call 69 the happy meal and so you know that i totally get what you're getting at and i totally can speak

that language we're adults a lot of my boys- If we want to call 69 the happy man. We're all adults here. We're adults. Uh-huh. Yeah. Okay. There's a hand in poker, Ace King, that they call Big Slick.

Why? But then me and my boys sometimes call 69 Big Lick. Oh, boy. So you know that my boys can totally understand what you're getting at, but this needs to be more commercial, Julie. Okay, I'm sorry if I pushed the limits. Yeah. Now, if you want to do something with the Native

American guy, Grugrux, he's older. You want to watch Grugrux chow down on... Whoa, whoa! Grugrux is his sister. Grugrux, he's... I mean, he's old. Like, he's very old.

He's got one of those flavor savers. In the story of the musical, as it stands, Grugrux is 275 years old. He wants to die. That's kind of his arc. And does he sing a song about wanting to die while he's chowing down?

Like into a woman's lap? See, now crashing to me would have actually worked really well in this situation. It would have been good. Can you make a call to your guy and maybe negotiate about getting that in the package? Did we get that don't trick the water one? Because that would be a good end of act. We have a tiny bit of that. End of act one.

Let me see what part of it we have. We have a piece from the middle, right? Yeah, it's the exact middle. I hope they talk about don't trick the water in this part. Oh, God, I hope they talk about don't drink the water in this part oh god I hope so bad it's the guitar solo and there might be some zydeco in there this sounds like

some mandolin and a lot of plucking of strings this is actually not the worst I don't think there are enough strong female characters in this piece

this is not this right here is not the worst soundtrack for getting munched on. I don't think there's enough strong female characters but female characters are the only ones getting off. Okay. Okay. We got just a hint

of vocal in there and I think that's enough. Right. Okay. Maybe that's after he or she finished, I guess. She's finished and then you just get a little hint of vocal. Uh-huh. Because now he's free to sing. And grew grucks and then he can launch right

into, you know, whatever the next tune is. Uh-huh. Well, now he can ascend. The curse is broken. What's the curse? He had unfinished business on Earth. Uh-huh. And this, the circle is complete. Okay.

So to speak. And do you have a pitch for the ship he gets back in? It would be funny if it were like something from pop culture. Let me tell you what we have first. Okay. Go ahead. It kind of has to be this. A bunch of Dunkin' Donuts cups.

Okay. Are they connected in some like wreath? Or how are they formed a vessel? Right now they're loose. Okay. It doesn't. All right. There's tape over the label, so we could potentially use that tape to fuse them.

I don't think he should go back to his home planet on a bunch of cups. He's a ghost. I think it would be fun. It would be fun. He's not an alien. What if he went on a funny, like an Oscar Mayer Wienermobile? Okay. Now that is funny. I wonder if...

I have one on my keychain. I wonder... God, how would this work? Would I hold it up really close to everyone in the audience's eyes to make it look big? No, put it close to the lens. Oh, shit, it's a musical. See, and we've run into this problem. Okay.

Yeah, it's a funny idea. Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh. Put it in front of a fire, and then it looks big on the wall, the shadow. Oh, like the Native Americans used to do. Yes, story. It's Groove Grumps' fire. That's funny. The big weenie.

Big weenie. I like it. It seems to me like you guys have a lot of backstory, but I don't know what the actual story is. Oh, I thought that's exactly what we were asking you for at the very beginning of this. Every time I pitch something, you shut it down. We have elements. We work with what we have. We have some restrictions.

Yes. Okay, well, can you just tell me how does the first act end and how does the musical end? This thing needs more acts than one? I think traditionally you have a two-act structure. Oh, jukebox. Where does it end? Does the little boy grow up to be Dave Matthews and start a band? Yes. He brings all of the different guitar parts out of his body.

He gets made into a guitar. And he invents the first guitar. And uses it to start a band? Well, we can't show that. Why? Because we don't have the rights to the idea of a band. You painted yourself into a corner. What I want is what I've not

got. Can you sing like that? Is that legal if you do like you know, I won't say an impression but an interpretation. As long as I'm singing from the stuff we have license to. If I were to do the part from Ants Marching where he goes, cut, cut, cut, cut, that, cut.

That's illegal. And we have to edit that out. And so now it's going to sound like I'm doing it again. But Sam, that part we do need to cut, cut. So that is just that. No other way to say it. No, that's how you say it. Do you guys like the squirrel nut zippers?

Oh, that'd be interesting. Do you remember when they had a cool girl who dressed in clothes that she found at a dump? And she'd be like... He's finding it, I think. He's like... Now, is it legal for you to sing like that? He's like, oh, my guy. Now, is it legal for you to sing like that? He's like, da-da-da-da-da.

Mm-hmm. Da-da-da-da-da-da. This is the song you want the guy to do the munching to? Yeah. No, I didn't say that. Haze. You didn't say that? No, that just happened in college.

Oh, my God. It doesn't feel exactly right. It was Southern culture on the skids and squirrel nut zippers. This band is so money, baby. It was so great before 9-11 when we loved swing. Yes. Because what we didn't really talk about is that when the towers fell, so did swing. Yes. Because what we didn't really talk about is that when the

towers fell, so did swing. Remember when Brian Sensor tried to bring it back and then it didn't work and then he just cooled his fucking heels for like a decade and a half and then just a big Cheshire Cat grinned and swept across

his face as Big Bad Voodoo Daddy. Yeah. And scrolled the zippers. Yeah. And cherry popping daddy. And he let them pave the road for him. And then he just went, told ya. And I remember distinctly he turned to me and he just said, told ya.

Like the moon in that movie where the moon gets his eye whacked. Yeah, he said, told ya. Outside a telescope or a spaceship. Yeah, Brian Setzer seemed like a real string puller. Like a Robert Evans of the swing generation. And I remember also when the Mighty Mighty Boss Tones were the house band for Jimmy Kimmel's. It was called the Kimmel Project. And they had his,

and it was like a raspy voice. It was really comforting. Mm-hmm. Like, Welcome to the Kimmel Project. Yeah, yeah. Listen to me for an hour and a half it was so

edgy and it was like that was when ska was punk and everything was punk yeah I like the ska puns and I like pho as well you guys

what a great musical I feel like we've made together, and we really just need one more thing from it. Am I right, Hayes? The pro version? Just the pro version. So for the pro version, we're going to name a character in the musical after you, and Julie's going to tell you whichthews song plays when your character

gets introduced wait well let's do you want like you you want to talk about the show how do we how do we watch the show what show where your show difficult people yes on hulu we want you to get that hulu which which computer any computer but which one Which one has the show on it? I'm going to talk to Sean. Do you have a computer? Oh, well. It's my computer, baby. He's got one. I'm sharing with Hayes.

I do have one. Okay. Hayes is mine. My little cousin Sam also will let me sometimes share his tablet. Okay. It's a Surface. Okay. Okay.

Well, if you go to Hulu.com, I'm sure you, do you know how to, you could do that? The screen doesn't want to eat those keys anymore. It says it's full. I'm sure you guys will. Now, is this, so,

is, just so I'm clear on what it is, is this a streaming service that I can pay for, but I still get to watch the ads? Is that possible? Because I know I pay for Netflix, which I love, but then there's no ads. Well, there's, right, right.

And Amazon's the same way. And it's frustrating. It is frustrating. Well, the great thing about Netflix is that it has every season of Peaky Blinders and nothing else. But the great thing is there's so many seasons of Peaky Blinders. And all these British shows that shows you didn't even know were based on. Right. Yes.

So, I mean, it's a trade-off. Well, that's nice, and I do like that, but I get so mad that I don't get to see commercials. So if I'm going to pay for a subscription, I want not only the option, but I want you to insist that I watch the commercial. I'm going to address this. I'm going to address this, okay?

As of now, you can watch my show free. You will have to sit through ads, okay? But can I pay, Julie? And if I pay, does that mean I lose the ads? Give the people what they want, Julie. You can pay. And I would also say, yes, you'll have your precious ads, but here's the thing. Give me, give me, give me. Can I have both the long ad at the beginning and the ads in the middle part?

Why do I have to choose? This is relevant to me. I wanted to say on behalf of my patrons, my meta cheese, is when you buy buy the thing then you can have access to all the episodes and if you don't buy the thing then it's just the current episode i think and then one day there'll be a paid option where there's no ads but that's another musical so bye no no we forgot to give the pro version

no no wait stop Sam don't do it Mike Bonetti gets a pro version uh and his character I guess wants to bone Eddie Izzard. And so what was Julie going to do?

Tell which Dave Matthews song is he introducing that character to? The Cat in the Fiddle. That doesn't seem right. No, that's not right. Bye. This has been an Earwolf Media production. Bye. This has been an Earwolf Media Production. Executive Producers Jeff Ulrich and Scott Aukerman.

For more information, visit Earwolf.com. EarwolfRadio.com The wolf dead.