Hollywood Handbook - Julie Klausner, Our Close Friend Once Again

Episode Date: February 6, 2017

The boys do another insane challenge they learned about on the computer, then JULIE KLAUSNER joins the show to help them with a new project. This episode is sponsored by Shari's Berries(www.berries.com code: HOLLYWOODHANDBOOK) and MVMT Watches (www.mvmtwatches.com/hollywood).See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This is a HeadGum Podcast. So it's me and the robot, the Svedka robot. And we are at the FARC camp, like the Colombian Rebels camp. We're about to do a raid on this barracks. It's like army barracks. And we're kind of like going through the fort. You know, we like split up. We're going through the jungle.

And we get to this camp, and they know we're coming. What? Yeah. And so somebody has. Huh? I think it might have been Seton Smith, because Seton Smith was there, too. And I think it's possible that Seton Smith, because Seton Smith was there too, and I think it's possible that Seton alerted them. Yeah, what?

What? Hang on. It doesn't sound like you are responding to what I'm saying. Sam, can I not listen to earbuds inside my headphones while we do this? No, you're going to want to listen to what? Hayes' feed. Just the one set of headphones? Because I have much smaller headphones that I have in a lot.

What are those playing? They're playing just a cool tune. Do you know this band? It's new. Yeah, it's kind of dub inspired. The Rolling Stones. Oh, okay. Yeah.

They're so freaking rebellious. But it's like some of it I would get in trouble if my dad knew I listened to it, which is why I don't put it through my big speaker in my basement apartment, which is very nice. I do put it through my little headphones. But I didn't realize. I thought I could just be listening to music and then we'll do the show because they fit inside my headphones.

Well, normally that has worked very well for you. I don't know why today suddenly. It might be just that the Stones, who I just found out about, are rocking so much. Is that kind of music is distracting for you in a way that the dub that you normally listen to. Well, I used to listen to more Count Basie. Like, that was sort of my thing for a long time, was the old big band sort of. Yeah. And I was really into that and the brass, you know?

Mm-hmm. The McNasty brass band. Well, what do you want to do? Oh, well, I'm in a tough situation. I certainly don't want to stop rocking. I don't want to give in to what my dad would want and just stop listening to the Stones, man. And he never liked you listening to Count Basie either.

No, that was a big, big fight. Woof, what a mighty punch I caught. So I don't want that, but I want to be able to do the show with you, and it seems like you were making faces like you were telling a good story. Satan Smith or something. Oh, you heard that. Well, I read lips, but sometimes your lips were behind the mic, and I'd miss something.

Do you want me to start over? No, I don't want that. Well, I read lips, but sometimes your lips were behind the mic and I'd miss something. Do you want me to start over? No, I don't want that. Sam, do you have a suggestion? Try half. One bud in. One bud in. Backwards for dub. Oh, yeah, dub.

Dub Charney. I don't know. I have a joke, actually, that I came up with. You know, I'm talking about listening to music, so maybe ask me what's my favorite album. Good context. Maybe ask me what's my favorite album. Okay.

Well, let's go back to the, do another setup of like you and listening to the earbuds and how much you like the music. I just got my earbuds in. I'm rocking out. You know me. I love music. Oh, yeah. So, speaking of music, what's your favorite album to listen to?

Oh, just, but just say what's your favorite album. Not to listen to? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, okay. So, I'm rocking out to this, you know, these headphones, like, and I just, you know me, I really love music. Oh, what's your favorite album? Probably Tuesdays with Maury. Hey, welcome to Hollywood Handbook, an insider's guide to kicking butt and dropping names in the red carpet linebacker hallways of this industry we call showbiz people are doing these things that are so good online we gotta do this i was

looking at this the other day so you go on the computer somebody's showing me this oh yeah this guy's walking down the street with a laptop he says check this out shows it to me. Get off of my cloud. It's people eating. Stop. No more. It's people eating these peppers. Oh, yes. The pepper eating is so fun. And they can't even explain how hot it is because their mouth's full of the heat. They say, I hope I don't get too hot from these peppers.

But they get so hot. The peppers are so spicy. Sam, i just said no more of this are you doing that yes but you don't even have any control my buds backwards my buds backwards oh so you turned your bud so i thought i'll hear him better if i have it facing away from my ear and i have this okay and i think what's also happening now is you're playing it so well now I thought I'll hear him better if I have it facing away from my ear. And I have this, okay. And I think what's also happening now is you're playing it so well. Now that it's in your ear, sometimes when your mouth is open, you're playing, it's playing so well. It comes out of my mouth.

And so I do have to sort of talk with my lips real tight and sort of my, don't move my jaw like Nick the Bachelor. That sounds really hard. Oh, that must have been intense for you. So where was I? I was talking about the peppers. Yeah, and how hot they can be. People eat these peppers and they're so hot.

Whoa, careful. So we thought, would it be exciting for us to eat some of these? Close your mouth. Sorry. We have some of these peppers here. Sorry, just when you talk about peppers, my mouth starts watering. I got to open it to clear the drool. We have this pile of peppers.

Yep. I don't know what to do. How do we do the show with this? We can't do the peppers and the song. Okay. We can't eat these peppers

and listen to the song. Okay. I've got to pick between the peppers and the song. What if I listened to Red Hot Chili Peppers instead?

See, that would be great. And then that kind of complements the peppers. Then you have to keep your mouth open just a little bit so we get kind of like bed music. Yes, it's got to be kind of quiet. And then I have to close it, I guess, like every 15 seconds so we don't have to pay for the music. That's nice. It's not the spiciest song but this will be fine but this is just the intro so we're gonna eat these peppers and then we'll see if they're hot and we'll talk about how hot they are they're hot and we're really eating them yes and so we're here or we have this whole pile of peppers, and let's get the most, the not hottest one, but is still very hot. We'll start with one that's only a little bit hot.

Yeah, let's just do a nice light one, and this one's almost like a sweet pepper, and it's not that hot. Okay. You want to take the first bite, or we'll take a bite at the same time? I'll take it, and Sam, we need you to make a crunch sound for us because obviously we're not going to actually eat these. We're going to go crazy. Yeah, we should stop this down a little bit because we're not going to actually eat these. We're going to go crazy. Yeah, we should stop this down a little bit because we are not going to be eating these peppers because they're too hot. Yeah, and we've seen the people online, their faces look like they're really uncomfortable when they eat the peppers. So we can either put in a crunch sound later.

You can make one? Yeah, I can make one. That's great. Can you crunch the pepper? Can you just start chomping on it? Right now? Yeah. Like that? Yeah. Can you do the pepper? Can you just start chomping on it? Right now? Yeah. Like that?

Yeah. Can you do that again? Oh, yes, that was me. And so, and... Whoa! Ah, my mouth! Oh, my nose! Oh, my nose. It's stingy.

It's numb. It's hurting me. Now it's not numb anymore. It hurts. Oh, wow. What was that? That was like almost a bee like coming to life inside my mouth is what it feels like. A wasp attacked

my buds, taste buds, taste dubs. So, that was good. And can you go through this later, Sam, and just pull out anything? If anything, the thing to do might be to eat one of these peppers later

and then decide if what we're doing sounds like... Matches up? Yeah. It seems right. Because what was the name of that pepper? It was just like a freaking banana pepper. Yes.

Okay. Oh, this is nice. I kind of ran out. I didn't have that many songs downloaded from the peppers. But this could be good, huh? many songs downloaded from the peppers. But this could be good, huh? Okay, do we want to... This is me.

Okay, so let's... Oh, gosh. Let's just bake... Yeah, let's bank a lot of these peppers at once. Uh-huh. So, yes, just get a lot of pepper crunches, Sam. Thank you. Whoa, crazy.

Oh, no. Hmm, that's not that hot. Yeah, Sam. Thank you. Whoa, crazy. Oh, no. Hmm, that's not that hot. Yeah, I spoke too soon. It sneaks up on you. Oh. Okay, now do, like, do one that is a little hotter than that one. But, okay, yeah. Oh.

And now, Hayes, you react to the pepper. Okay. I already said it was hot. We need, but we need some of you react to the pepper. Okay. I already said it was hot. We need, but we need some of you being like, I thought I knew what hot was, and now this is crazy hot. Okay, that one before was hot, but this one is even more. Yeah, or maybe even like, so my idea is almost like, that one before wasn't hot.

I just found out when I found out what hot really was. Oh, okay, that's right. Okay. I used to think that that pepper was hot. I just found out when I found out what hot really was. I used to think that that pepper was hot. Don't talk over it. I used to think that that pepper I ate was hot. But now I think this pepper is hot. Ow!

Okay, now finish your thought. Tell me, you know, Unusual Suspects, when he's telling the story of Kaiser Sosa, and he goes, one of the stories, the one I believe. And then he tells the whole story about him basically killing his own family in front of these criminals, and he goes, and he showed these men of will. Sorry, hang on. Anyway, he showed these men of will what true will really was or something. And it's basically like, you know, this pepper's showing you, the man of hot pepper eating, what hot peppers really was.

You know what we should do, Sam, is just take some of the video. Like, if you find some of these videos and take some of the stuff they're saying about the peppers. I wish we came up with some of the stuff these people say. They're having real pepper reactions. You want actual pepper noise from the internet? Pepper noise? Yes. People eating one of these peppers.

Hold on. And then we'll say, like, this is me or something. They even smell. I don't even like having these in front of me. They smell so. They smell too spicy. Even in their little jacket. They smell too spicy.

Well, all I really eat is milk and oatmeal. Yeah. Lately. Just because I started watching these pepper challenge things and I got pretty spooked. I was like, there's stuff this hot out there? And milking is an adjective. It's oatmeal that you've made milking. Yeah, milk and oatmeal.

Oh, it actually smells good. And so we say, like, this is us now I'm talking And this is still me That's Hayes Yep That's how hot. Oh, my God.

And you're listening to Hollywood Hamburg, and this is Hayes. And this is Sean. And whoa. Speecy much? And so. And shut it down. I'm not that much of a pussy. I know.

We don't want to be like. We don't want to be like cowards. We want to be like we don't want to be like cowards yeah we want to be like fun so what a great pepper challenge so that was uh yeah what's the name oh uh it was um uh peter piper's pipe and pepper yes uh uh uh popped off pumpy challenge that was was Peter Piper's what pepper? Peter Piper's Pipe and Pepper Pumped Off Poppin' Challenge. We have a guest,

great guest on the show, Julie. On Hollywood Handbook. Hollywood Handbook. So, it is me and the Svedka Robot. We are in the jungle with with the fark rebels we are uh doing a midnight raid on the army barracks they know we are coming because seton smith is there as well and he uh leaked uh that this raid was happening uh he betrayed us yeah And so they have like a mounted flamethrower set up to cut us down. And they start firing on us and they hit the Svedka robot, but she's full of Svedka.

Yeah. And so she just like lights up. As I'm hearing this, I didn't need to take my earbuds out for this. You know what I mean? You asked me to do this again no i know i'm not forcing this i don't love this you have asked you have asked me just been listening and you asked me last time to tell you this but my tunes really get me in the zone and i feel like for doing the show we got like a big guest and we're doing this yeah but your explanation is not what is

important to me the point is you asked me to do this so to put me i assumed it was going to be a good story to put me in this position to tell the story all over again and then tell me that you don't actually need this like this was all your but to put me in the position of listening to this story which is about you did that something I don't even know what you're talking about and is stupid and bad but why but this is such a turn I'm being as nice

as I can about this where you're like the whole time when we took a snack break and you said that like I really wish

I had heard that story because like because I do know about this stuff and I want to know more you were telling it like it was good and so I'm going like does Hayes not know the difference?

It's so rude. It's so rude. I'm being as nice as I can about this. And I know you're doing this for Sam. I know you're doing this for Sam. I'm not showing off for Sam. Yes, you are. Why, Sam, do you think this is cool?

Do I look cool when I do this? It was when Sam was gone that you're saying, I have to hear that story. You have to tell it. Oh, I don't know if I said it like that, Sam. He's exaggerating. So rude. You know, I'm just, I'm going to go. Okay, and he's really leaving, and he has to.

I think that's, well, I actually think this is for the best. So go on. What were the tunes? The Robot Exploded. What were the tunes? It's a new, brand new band. You probably haven't heard of it. are they called rolling stones uh so um the robot is on fire and the fumes from the svedka are like people are breathing in the fumes uh-huh and getting fucked up yeah

and so it becomes like a party i don't know like, Sam? No, this is actually someone different, Julie. No. Hi, Sam. So, yo, get a pic of me. This is like an intentional thing that Earwolf does where they are supposed to all kind of look the same. But this is actually, this one is Kevin. Sam's taking my picture. Okay.

Anyway, we got some good pictures. Sam is really quite the shutterbug. And I heard the story for the most part. Julie Clouser's here. You've heard her voice. Now you hear her name. She's going to do the show with us, and we're going to make it work. So.

Hi. And Julie's been on the show a lot of times and you're probably thinking like she gets it now she's used to it you'd think yeah yes and also like what more else

could they do like it's kind of like a lot of the threads are have run dry mmhmm dry threads yes

yeah how many times have you done the show Julie uh seven and a half seven and a half and you'd think maybe she uh is you'd think maybe she is tired of it

maybe she doesn't like it anymore actually we're cool she likes us you think she knows her way into the studio

no no I don't know my way into the studio she doesn't know where she is both of you guys have to come down and get me

we both have to go to have and we have to get like a wheelchair. It's like a relay race. Is it a wheelchair? No, it's a wheelchair. It's a wheel with chairs on it. That's true. I mean a chair with wheels. It's like a rickshaw.

Hayes gives me that spoon with the egg. And then I put an orange between my chin and my chest. And we do dizzy bats. We do dizzy bats where you put your nose on the bat, you spin around three times, you let the bat fall, and then you go to walk. And, whoa, it's like a Jamiroquai video in here. And then you take off my blindfold.

Yep. And then you're cooked, baby. So, anyway, we wound up in the studio. We're recording the show. And you think, like, well, between the three of them, they've done it all. They've achieved everything in showbiz. And they don't have any new ideas. And there's nothing new under the sun.

Well, sorry to tell you. No way. Yes, there is. Yes, there is. The three of us together are collaborating on a big, exciting venture, our own series, possibly, of vampire novels. People are doing these vampire books. These things are brand new. They're starting to get really hot.

The Harry Potter and Anna Rice and all these vampire novels, Fault in Our Stars and the vampire novels that are out there, Fifty Shapes, all this stuff. Fifty Shapes. Fifty Shapes. And I think it's one of the shapes is a bat, one of the shapes is an old cow fangs, you know, one of the shapes is a young debonair, you know, haze type. And so you start to see, okay, this is a trend.

Yep. So then I went on kayak and I got a ticket to come out to Los Angeles, and we're going to go all in. You told us about the trend, and we're like, all right, well, let's sort of invest. It's almost like the Big Short. Do you ever see that? You mean Marty? Is that what you call Marty?

Yeah, the big short. Yeah, I love Marty Short. Mm-hmm. That was a movie, too, and what I liked of the movie is it's helping me understand money, and it's helping me by I'm looking at this hot babe in a bathtub. She's in a friggin' tub. And I'm also looking at my masculine hero, Anthony Bourdain. Mm-hmm.

I heard the whole second half of that movie is just him talking about how much he paid for that leather jacket. It's so weird what happens in that movie because they cut to Anthony Bourdain. They're like, he's going to explain to you this thing about the finance industry. And then they never cut away again. It's the rest of the movie. The rest of the movie. It's just Anthony Bourdain at this part. And to be fair, there are numbers.

There is talk of money. No, absolutely. It's all about of the movie. To be fair, there are numbers. There is talk of money. Yeah, but it's all about how much the jacket was, and it's him haggling for the jacket is a large part of the story, and it sounds like he got a great deal. And you assume at some point that they're going to go back to all this other stuff that they've set up, all these other characters, but they never do.

They follow him. At minimum, let's hear the shopkeeper's side of the story, who sold him this jacket. Because you're only getting his perspective, which is that he really took this guy for a ride. Right. And I don't think the guy would have sold it if he wasn't making something of a profit. But I appreciate that it's a movie also for women as well as for men because they show the hot babe in the bathtub. She's in the tub.

I identified with her. That's like for the boys to understand this. But we need a little cheesecake for the girls, too. Oh, girls and cheesecake. So here's Anthony Bourdain. Yeah, yeah. Well, and I see Bourdain. I go, that's me.

Right. And I see Margot Roberts, and I think that's me. Yeah. Yes. But I'm also. Because I also like to take a bath when I watch movies. And I'm looking at Margot Roberts and saying, let's get it on. Really?

And you're looking at Anthony Bourdain and saying – Thinking how much is that jacket? And if he got a good deal on it, then I'm going to jump his bones. Well, there's nothing sexier than getting a deal. So we're going to get a big deal, book signing deal, when we do this vampire novel. Yeah. We're going to get a big deal, book signing deal, when we do this vampire novel. Yeah. And what we know the elements are romance, the undead, bats, castles, friendship, young people, right?

That's who's reading. Babies. Babies. Babies. And ideally, some kind of mystery. Oh, and forbidden. You know, something that's off limits. It has to be forbidden.

It's got to be taboo. Mm-hmm. You know? Mm-hmm. And yes, we did a movie with Paul Scheer that was also about vampires. Different. Again, we are not out of ideas. Different.

This is a completely different thing. This is a whole new thing. And we're not just realizing that now. Oh, and we're not even also realizing that we kind of did a young adult novel thing already. Yes. That's not... And I'm also not remembering that.

Yeah, and that was maybe John Daly or something. So... I love blood. Yes. Remember Angelina Jolie had all that blood? That was so hot. Because when those two, when Billy Bob, first of all, I think about Billy Bob Thornton and Angelina Jolie. Billy Bob's almost a.

I think about them fucking. He's like a pre-Bourdain. I think about them fucking. He's like a pre-Bourdain. I think about them fucking, and I think about her going to his shows, playing rock and roll, knowing that his blood is pretty close to her tits. Right on her tits. And so she's got bloody tits, and we got this pre-Bourdain.

Can we just, like, I know it's a little bit of a tangent. You think it's funny when people say Target like it's fancy? Yeah. Yeah, it's funny because they're not poor, but they go to a place that poor people can go to. Yeah. So anyway, I want to talk about a little like the kind of sex that Angelina Jolie and Billy Bob Thornton used to have because I have a feeling that they did some crazy stuff. Oh, yeah. She used to like kind of bite him a little bit.

Oh, yeah. Like nibble his lobes. Yeah, so freaky shit. I think they probably did the Pepsi challenge, but with their piss. Okay, and here's the kind of thing that we can put in the book, and we let the editor say whether it's going to be okay or not.

Sean wants to kind of get back to the book. Okay, but can I just describe what the Pepsi challenge is for people that listen to Earwolf, but they are maybe a little younger than you? You're going to say me. Okay, but can I just describe what the Pepsi challenge is for people that listen to Earwolf, but they are maybe like a little younger than... Yeah, sure. I don't know us. It's where you try to think of someone you know who prefers Pepsi. And it's a real challenge.

Yeah. Well, okay, so like two Dixie cups full of piss, right? One is BBT. One is Ajo Lee. They do the old switcheroo you've seen the videos where cats can play three card money the shell game the Michelle game

I can't tell because you're wearing sunglasses you are facing me but I can't tell if your eyes are closed or if you are I'm going to a poker game after this anyway they can't tell who's pissed is what and then they come. I like to talk about poker.

You know, I think it's something all my fans enjoy. Your poker tips? It's just a fun way. Your poker stories? Just my tips. Just like widening or tightening your range based on position, table image, the profile of your opponent? Are they loose aggressive?

It's a likable celebrity quality. To play poker? To be a – And to be good at it. Yes, to be a pseudo-professional poker player just because you have a lot of money and can be in these places where you look like it's your job. Like Jennifer Tilly.

She's so cool. I mean, this is your thing. Jennifer Tilly is She's so cool. I mean, this is your thing. Jennifer Tilly is also like an intellectual. I think it's math for her. You know one of my favorite moves of hers is like she'll be smiling. Like I'm talking to you right now and I'm smiling. And then she'll take her hand like up here, you know what I mean, like above her head.

And then as she brings it down to her chin, her face changes. Her face is totally different. Yes, because when you did it, it was not really on time. Before your hand even got near your face, I could see it starting to change. Can you show me what I did? That's why Kelly's a master. She can do it so fast. When you do it, it's very slow.

Well, I was trying to teach you. So you have your hand up here. You're smiling. But as you go down, you're trying to get it. You've got to be ready. And do a frown. I can't trust my face to do all that work. That was what I was going to say, is I have a palsied face.

Yes, and so you actually are having to use your other hand to kind of drag it into the right position. I do have to use my left hand to form my face into a smile. Yeah, it's true. But Tilly can do it just her face. Speaking of being math for Tilly, here's a really quick way to calculate your odds at any point in the hand.

I was trying to circle back. I just thought you would want to get back to the book. Let's talk about the book. Maybe one of the vampires in the book is a professional poker player. A lot of those tournaments go all night. I think they go on all night because people

are so into playing poker and they just can't walk away from the table. And there are no windows in the casino because you can't see the sun, and so that makes you want to. A vampire in a way. Yeah, yeah. And they have those big cups of soda. Yeah. Which we were talking about earlier.

Huge soda cups. Or piss. What? Why are you so sex negative? I feel like every time? Why don't you, why are you so sex negative? I feel like every time I mention sex around you, you're doing what you're doing right now. Your eyes are getting slinty. Well, you've certainly got a large enough sample size. I don't even know what that means.

To make that judgment. It means you're bringing it up a little much. Oh, I thought you were talking about like urine samples. Oh, God. Sex and urine are not the same thing, but they also are. They're not different. They come from the same spot. They're not different.

They're in the same spot. They come out of the same spot. And we could talk about this. It's for both. We have talked about it. Yes. But not when Sean's around. It's for going pee and for having sex.

We think. What do you mean we think? I'm just saying. Yes. Yes. Fine. I don't know where these scientists are coming from necessarily. I'm not going to be like this person's right and this person's wrong.

Right. But a lot of the stuff we're reading is, yes, it is for going pee. Most of the implications are yes. So far, that's the evidence. But just like climate change. Yes. The conditions are, yes, so far that's the evidence, but just like climate change, I don't want to get out in front and go like, oh, yeah, definitely pee and sex come from the same spot. You know what I mean? And then all of a sudden we're changing all these laws. All right.

But we can say that. And for no reason, we're losing money. We can say that. And in the science book, it does say, yes, it's for going to pee. I thought we were making vampire books? Well, we are because I think the vampire could be a scientist who plays poker. Oh. And at that point, he's got a big Pepsi cup full of blood at the table.

Okay. And he's sort of sipping it. It's one of the big Pepsi cups like they used to have on American Idol or X Factor, either one. I can't remember which one had Pepsi and which one didn't. And they're drinking the blood. And they're trying to make a decision about a big hand, but also they're trying to— I feel like we should have had this conversation before I bought a ticket. Okay, okay.

What do you want to do? What do you think the vampires are doing? Having sex. You're like a fucking little kid. Oh my God. See, when you said forbidden, what did you mean by that? Forbidden?

Yeah, because that seemed to me like a sexy idea. Like I forbid you to like... yeah, like the forbidden dance. I think of forbidden, I think of race words I can't use anymore. You know what I mean? Race-based words that I'm not allowed to use. You know, that ideally will be brought back soon. Like a horse race, like, it's because it's animal cruelty. You know that's not what he means.

You know that's not what I mean. He means, like, the M. He means like the M word. Yeah, the M word. The Mick. Tuesday's 8.30 on Fox. The plus threes are through the roof. The thing's a fucking runaway train. What is she doing on that banister in that ad?

Whatever she damn well wants with the number she's pulling out. I'll tell you what she's doing. It's grinding on it. So it's in a way a sequel to The Grinder? She's getting off. They replaced The Grinder in a way. Yes. They certainly did.

Well, that was the thing about the show The Grinder is he almost never grinds up on any home furnishings. Yeah. Well, and believe me, I gave that note. And people are showing up to see some frottage. Oh, I love frottage. I love frottage. Like on a Sunday. A Sunday frottage.

And so now we have this frotteur in the poster. And so people know that they are getting some good grinding and some good frottage. So I'll say it a third time. Is the grinder one of the vampires? This is a character who people are already familiar with. Let's face it. They're not doing anything with him right now. Can the BFG be one of the vampires?

Okay. And finally, a constructive suggestion from Julie. Thank you. And this is why we brought you in. This is what we like instead of just like, no, no, no. I love positive reinforcement from you guys. We do a pitch instead. It makes me feel good.

Like the BFG's in the vampire boat. The BFG is doing it. And what a great way to combine two supernatural elements. Imagine a giant vampire. How fucked up. Imagine a giant vampire. Yeah. How fucked up. The BFV. That's so fucked up.

Big fucking vagina. The BFGV. It is back. It did circle back to the sexual stuff. Yeah. All right. I guess it's... So the giant vampire

I guess would be It's babyish Hold on I'm sorry Sean He said it first Sean I apologize for interrupting you It's babyish

He said it first He said it was like kids He said it was like It was like for little kids You're like babyish kids You are behaving like babyish kids And you're totally unruly Talking about sex

And the theme park is Gonna be destroyed if we let you run amok like this. I don't think it's Bebe to talk about sex. Come on. If we don't die, we multiply? How do you think they multiply? Somebody has to have sex to make more of those kids. That is what's going on right now, is you're pulling a straight up Bebe's kids, and it's Bebe-ish, as Hayes pointed out. I feel Bebe-shamed.

And I also feel Berry Berry ashamed. Oh, Sherry's Berries. Sherry's Berries. We love them. What's your favorite Sherry's Berries? I don't know what that is.

This'll be good. Is it a podcast? Is this like an Earwolf podcast where like Sherry... We should do two ads. We should do two... Sean, we should do

two Sherry's Berries ads. Because then they have to give it to us again. Yes, that's right. We have to get more berries. What is it, like Blue Apron but it's just berries? Yeah. Well, okay. It's not quite like that. You don't have to cook the berries. You just have to enjoy them. Yeah, so just talk about how much you like

Okay. A specific Yes. A specific what? Just a story about how much you like Okay. a specific, yes. A specific what? Just a story about a berry that you enjoy. Just like you and, yeah. Okay, like, well, one time, like, I took this,

like, this blueberry. Yeah, the blueberry, yeah. You took it to what? Now I can't finish the, well, exactly, and now as I say it out loud, I'm like, they're going to be mad at me.

Okay. You took it all the way down. No, I just put it inside of me. Yeah. And it's a seed. Well, that's what you do with berries. People don't know. Well, it's what I did with one.

Well, blueberry is a seed. Yeah, very boss whip. Blueberry is a seed. Yes. A blueberry is a seed. That's important to remember. Raspberry is a flower. Ended up in the ER A blueberry is a seed. That's important to remember. Raspberry's a flower. Ended up in the ER.

Strawberry's a bud. But it was a mental hospital. Bud, flower, seed. An emergency mental hospital. Yes. Wow. Because it was like, I was like, well, are you guys here to remove the berry? They're like, no.

That's helping. Bud, flower, seed, and thistle bullet, weapon, warhead, missile you know this is a little this is a poem you can use to remember the difference between berries and projectiles and

it's important a weapon is a projectile. Oh, yeah. I didn't know what that was. Thanks for saying. Yeah. It certainly can be. You know, not all thistles are berries, just as not all weapons are projectiles.

But certainly there's overlap. These are from scientists that you listen to that don't have any opinions about. I'm so into science. From radio lab. Pee and sex. There was a radio lab about this. Yeah. So, yeah, Sean is talking about a specific radio lab.

About thistles? Yeah, thistles and projectiles. It was called Thistle While You Work? Yeah, Thistle While I Work, and it was all about radio labs. You know when the guy lets a, the strong man lets a tire drive over his stomach? you know when the guy lets a the strong man lets a tire drive over his stomach so I've managed to pull out of a tailspin

here let's get back to this vampire book I just have a quick question about Radiolab because I've never seen it or heard it I assume it's a show or a show you know what I mean? Radiolab? is it about a man who takes little transistor radios

and puts them in test tubes and holds the test tubes up to the light? Not exclusively. Well, now, see, like, now I feel called out because I don't listen to this thing. Oh, neither one of us do. I'm just mentioning something that I've heard before. Okay, Sean, well, guess what? Look who's outnumbered. And now Julie's making me dig in on that.

He's brought it up. No, I know, but he seemed like he— Well, you're outnumbered because you're the only one who watches it. Okay. I love being outnumbered. It makes me unique. See, I don't mind being an individual. I don't have to always talk about dirty stuff to fit in.

This is you. Like, what is that thing in a – because I don't drive. So is it the thing where you, like, go in reverse and you go in the front and then you go in reverse because you're trying to get out of a hole? Yes. Oh, driving. I feel like that. That car thing, yes, when you're in the hole. I feel like that's what you're doing.

When you drive into a hole and then you're going back and forth. That's what you're doing. You're staying unique because it's not lonely. We've got to do this book. We have to because we promised our publisher. We sold the ads based on – The ads were based on us doing this book. It was part of like this big media package.

The berries? Really quickly. Yes. We're going to do the vampire book on this one. And this is our first Sherry's Berries episode. I don't know what the fuck Sherry's Berries are. So we have to do the book. You cannot say they're –

Fine. Okay. You can say that only – If you say that, then we have to explain to you what they are. The vampires, maybe they eat raspberries and strawberries because they're red like blood, and that's

a good blood replacement. That's a way for them to not be hurting people. Have you seen that bunny YouTube where the bunny eats a raspberry? Bunnicula? Yes, that could be good, I guess. Because that's already a book. It's a brand new book about vampires, Yes, that could be good, I guess. I mean, that really does. Because that's already a book.

Yeah, it's a brand new book about vampires, just like these other ones were saying. We could put that book inside this book. He eat vegetables? I don't know. Look, you keep asking about stuff. I have not read this book. It is something I have heard of. So if the vampire is dating a mummy and the mummy is like addicted to painkillers or.

Oh, that's interesting. Or the mummy is like, oh, oh, dude. The mummy is like hiding from someone in a bathroom. And then the dude is in there like taking a deuce. And then he's just like oh I think I need to wipe you know and the mummy's like oh please don't see me and he starts unrolling him

and some of it is like poking out of the hiding place and he says oh good there's my TP and he starts unrolling it do you not get it? I get it I don't like it and the mummy's like oh if he unrolls anymore they're gonna be able to see my wang I don't know guys I don't like it. And the mummy's like, oh, if he unrolls anymore, they're going to be able to see my wang. I don't know, guys.

I don't feel like we're on the same page right now. Okay, okay. You're jealous. You're jealous. What am I jealous of? Because we are really getting something going here, and you wanted to be more of a part of it. I just don't like that idea. So you can see.

Come on. I don't. Do you not understand it? I told you I get it. He looks like a big TP. Yeah. The mummy. I don't. Do you not understand it? I told you I get it. He looks like a big teepee. Yeah. The mummy. Oh, okay.

Yes. And now that, yes. I have a pitch. It's berries that you get in the mail. This is what you. Are they freeze dried or something? They're decadent, fresh, juicy, sweet, shareable, and irresistible. Are they frozen dried?

No, that's space berries. These are not for space. You're thinking of space berries. They're for sweethearts. Yeah, this is like there's nobody more special than your Valentine. What if the novel opens on Walter White's 50th birthday? And his wife, who's this bitch that that nobody doesn't want him to sell drugs. And like,

she likes to be a normie. And she's like, she's like, happy birthday, honey. And he's like, Oh my God, I can't believe I'm like 50 now,

you know, he's getting older. So like, and the food is 50. It looks like 50. She puts a food in front of him yeah and she and she makes the word 50 this is good on the food but then he's like oh cool like is this bacon and she's like it's veggie bacon because of your cholesterol yes and so and so he's like a lot of even have fun

wait a minute like i'm getting older and I have to eat this fucking rabbit food? Yes. Okay. Going off that. Going off that. He's going out. He's saying, I bet I'm not sick today.

Then he goes to the doctor and he is now. I think he is sick. He got sick from the food? No. Okay. No. Must have been something else.

It's got to be from the. Yes, is it from Benicula bit him? But we don't say that, but we just kind of know. Yeah, that's in flashbacks. Or now that's where we can put. That's book two. That's where we can put the Benicula book inside our book. And now the Benicula book is there.

He goes to sleep and is having a memory in his dream. Yes, and now we just slip back. About vernacular? Yes. Making him sick. That knocks out a lot of pages for us. Yes. To make it a dream?

Yes. Yeah. And then he wakes up. Yeah. And now he's going to see his, I think the guy is his boss. Yeah. Oh, and he's going to tell the boss to go shove it? No, I might be thinking of a different guy.

Oh. This is a guy. Maybe it's his friend. Oh, and he's like exploding the guy? Yeah. Oh, wow. This might have been from a later one. Yeah.

I'd love to get back to the bitch wife. Okay. Okay. Like, could she, like, I don't think she should be any fun at all. No, because she wants him to be normal and not do things a little differently. I think she should want him to be honest. What a disgusting trait. Yeah.

And she should just not get it, that, like, it's cool to do crimes. Mm-hmm. And she kind of should be okay with it, but we should still be mad at her. I think no matter what she does. And she should be worried about the son who has some kind of problem. Food poisoning. Isn't it great that the Gap is letting him be a model? Oh, he got sick from the food.

Yeah, the son. Oh, did I not explain? Because this Walter White character, we don't need to say, right? Yes. We'll give him a different name. We'll steal him. Heisenberg, maybe. Fine.

He's like, I don't want to eat this, like, rabbit food. And then his son. Ah, it's Benicula. No. And his son is Benicula. Hold on. I'm sorry. That's my fault.

I should have done a better job explaining it. That's why he dreams about him. Just give me a second. So the Walter White character will say, he's like, I don't want to eat this rabbit food. So he takes the plate over to the dog bowl, and he just like, you know how you take a knife or fork and you use it as like a, what is that called?

And the dog is manicular? You use it as like a frigging boomerang, right? Right. So he puts the veggie bacon in the dog is Benicula? You use it as like a frigging boomerang, right? Right. So he puts the veggie bacon in the dog bowl. And then the sun goes. And the dog turns into Benicula. No, no, the sun eats from the dog bowl. You said it's rabbit food.

The sun eats from the dog bowl. Yeah. So he is Benicula after all. Oh, no. And the sun becomes Benicula. Yeah, and he gets food poisoning. And he fights with the dog. Wow.

Let's talk about the dog. Okay. Yeah, let's sort of deepen the dog character. Are you thinking like funny dog? Yeah. It's like what is funny about a funny dog? Well, if they're flying a plane in the war, I know that's a popular comic. Which war?

Idea. World War I, a lot of those planes did not, like, there was like a 70% death rate of being a pilot in World War I because the technology wasn't really worked out. Yeah. And so that would make even more sense. Funny? Be funnier? Yeah. These dogs are like, even on just like practice.

You're pretty sure the dog's going to die. Even on practice runs. Not even like in the actual war. Missing an opportunity to like see something about war? Like how awesome it is? Or how, you know, or how great it is. Yeah, it's badass. Or how fucking legendary it is.

Yeah, or, like, you know, this is, I don't know if you guys are aware of this, but, like, this is a pretty political time. The latest wars have been a couple of smashers. Which ones? True smashers. A banger. The last wars have been a couple of smashers. Which ones? True smashers. A banger. The last one was a fucking banger. Dude, last one was a fucking legendary banger. Yeah.

Which wars? For me, the war on drugs. Legend, wait for it. The war on Christmas. The war on Christmas has been a fucking smasher. How do they travel if they're not frozen?

Berries? Yeah. Oh, well, I'm the CEO of Sherry's Berries. I'll answer all the questions. I sort of asked pretty clear once, though. Yeah. Because I'm waiting, Mr. CEO. Yeah.

Well, I have to solve all the logistics. I can't just know what the company does. So you don't have an answer. You don't know. I have to know how it does it. Okay, fine. Well, I guess you don't know. Yeah, I guess I don't.

And I guess that's okay. I guess maybe I should. I'll serve my dinner guest cereal. Why doesn't Amazon have to pay the same shipping prices that I do? They don't? Well, they must not, right? I mean, they can't be making a profit shipping all these heavy things for free on their Prime membership. This is about Good Girls Revolt.

Okay. Because they're so mad about it. This is about Good Girls Revolt. Yes. I wasn't invited. Well, when I went to March, that was what my sign said. It said, good girls. Bring back good girls.

It said good girls revolting against good girls revolt. Being canceled. Yes. Which isn't cool. So for me, as one of the initial investors in the Good Girls Guide to Divorce, I felt that Good Girls Revolt was hitching their wagon to our success. Okay. Now, I guess this is a good time to just get out of the way, address the concern that you were hitching your wagon to Girlfriend's Guide to Divorce. No, no.

That's not true. That is not true. And true. I, in fact, didn't even know exactly the name of that show. I just want to mention when I was holding that sign, I was sprayed with tear gas. Yeah. That made you sad? It made me cry.

But it must be hard to know if it was because you were so sad about Good Girls. I don't understand my own emotions. I mean, that's a whole other episode of this podcast. Do you want to also address the fact that some people would point out that Good Girls got to divorce came out after Good Girls Revolt and Girlfriends got to divorce? Sure. I'll talk about that. I'll talk about that. What gives? The soundstage flooded simple simple with what uh creativity tears creativity and liberal tears

yeah p and everything but it's true it's true i'm the who, I don't know if you know this about me, whenever James Woods tweets, I'm the guy who is the first one in there being like, oh, I love this tweet. I just read it sipping from my liberal tears mug. And then I'm the guy who tweets in response to that like, oh, I just got one as well. You can get it from like this address. I'm both of them. I love like tweeting back at people I hate

and saying things like wrong. Yeah, that's me too. More, yeah. Well, I like even tweeting back at people who I'm a fan of and going like, hey, like what you do, but this is more PC Hollywood bullshit. Same old politics. Or just like how about like stick to do, but this is more PC Hollywood bullshit. Same old politics. Or just like, how about like stick to acting?

You know, like I love saying that. And I won't be sticking to what I'm doing, but you, to my job. To not tweeting. I'll do politics and then my job undisclosed. And then you do acting and nothing else. I love that. And then how about stick to that? And yeah, I guess LA knows what's best for the rest of the world.

Yeah, exactly. Like. That's me too. What? You say things like that? You said that to me? I thought so. Yeah, this is me.

I think it's such an exciting time. I think social media is on the rise. I'm so excited about it right now. It is so exciting to be. It's so good to be social media right now. It's like a golden age in the way that, you know, like, you know how, like, okay, you guys, like, you know how there's, like, too many shows on TV? You know, like, there's, like, it's like TV is golden age.

Okay, I can admit it. Peaky TV. We're peaky blinders. Yeah, it's like deep peak. It's like deep peak blinders. Deep peak. So it's almost like, in a way, social media is better. And you can watch it on there sometimes.

TV. Sometimes I go on Twitter and it is TV as well. It's true. Yeah. It's true. It's a couple guys. I just think Twitter is so great right now. And I am so excited about, who's that hot guy that was

like punched in the face no the other one the other one that guy's so hot is he a singer or like yeah I think he is a singer yeah yeah he's one of the singers

Sanjaya maybe I like when I'm watching TV on my social media Okay. Yeah, he's one of the singers. Sanjaya, maybe. I like when I'm watching TV on my social media, and I'll be, like, watching Spencer Breslin. Yes, Spencer Breslin. I think he's dreamy. And that other guy with the funny mutts, Gavin McLeod. I love those two.

You know why? They're hot and they're funny. And like, they're smart. Like they don't, they speak opinions. And like, I think it's really cool. Glad Cale Hartman found a place to land. I was surprised Phil Hartman. I was nervous. I didn't know that Phil Hartman had a son.

And I didn't realize that his mother was cooking. Yeah, I was cooking. Yeah, I was nervous. I thought, is everybody going to shut the door on this guy? How is this guy going to find a home? He landed on his feet. And you know what else is really funny and cool is that you guys are selling those T-shirts that say, like, this is the only kind of kale I'll have in my life. Yeah.

Because it's a double meaning. It's in, like, the Yale font. Yeah. That it says kale. But it says kale with a Z. If you asked me for my notes, I would have said maybe like that's confusing, but it's your guys'

But now you're glad that we did it. Well, I'm just, I'm glad it exists that there's certain details, like fonts are not my, I'm not a font girl, you know? Yeah.

Fontsy. Got my degree from kale. Well, what I was going to say is sometimes I'll be watching a show. Name a show. Like Freezer Madness or something? Freezer Madness. I'm watching it and I'm going like, these people all look like people. So then I'll go on my social media and I'll watch it through Snapchat.

And now they all look like fucking freak dogs or some shit. Oh, like silly dogs? Yeah. And then I'm like, I wonder what everyone I know looks like with this. That's so funny. And then I go like, I hope that they don't just sort of amuse themselves with it and it's for me. Uh-huh.

I can't watch Goodfellas anymore unless everybody on it has a Snapchat filter on their face. Has like an alien head, yeah. Or just like those funny... It's funny when you think about what is a dog and it's really just a snootin' ears. I can make you look like a dog if I just put a snootin' ears on you. Yeah, I was also...

Buy snootin' ears. It's an offshoot of Sherry's Berry's prom season's coming up. Please do get a silly dog flower for your tux. It's a snooteneer. And if you hurt yourself pinning it on, they will pay your medical bills. So Sherry's Berry is coming soon, snooteneers. Go to www.snooteneers.com slash handbook slash we'll pay your medical bills if you hear this.

The sharp part is so big. It's huge. It's like an ice pick. It's huge. It goes straight out. There's no way to fold it in. Well, there's no other end for it. To be honest with you, I think that's like a way of people getting around the old gun ban in high schools.

Like the nanny states, like don't bring your guns to prom. I'm just dressed fancy. I don't have a weapon. Yeah, you can use it as an arrow. Yeah, you can. Well, it's another projectile. So it's, it's like seed, thistle.

This again. Bud and flower. It's like he's freestyling. Snooteneer. Slowly. Firepower. It's a little rhyme to remind you that the snooteneer is firepower. This was a cool movie.

At the end, everything we'd seen would correspond to the garbage he just said. And every scene would have his voiceover. And he'd be like, firepower. Like, oh, that's when Jennifer Beals, like her pussy exploded. To be inside your mind. Eli Roth. Yeah. Just to crawl in there.

Eli Roth was my rabbi. Did I ever tell you that? Yeah. So I just want to stop down during this episode. I know we're in sort of a flow. Yeah, yeah. And say we received some criticism for some of our prior episodes where it's felt a little free association, stream of consciousness, you know, grasping onto one thing. We hear you.

Realizing it's not anything. We hear you. Let it go. I hope this is – I hope that this is sort of a make good for some of the episodes we've done together, me, Hayes, and Julie, where it's not organized. It doesn't have a singular theme that's consistent. It's not linear.

It feels a little all over the place. Right. And finally, we have plotted out. This vampire book. We've sold this vampire book. And we're staying on task task and I just want to say you're welcome we heard ya and thanks for the notes

and thank you for listening and thank you for being a fan and thank you for making us better because this is actually why we do it sometimes I think I'm bisexual and I just am like no I just want to look like Raquel Welch oh well I'm bisexual, and I just am like, no, I just want to look like Raquel Welch. Oh. Well, speaking of Welch's grapes, that reminds me of berries and Sherry's berries.

And if you're not ordering these things for your sweetie, then you're sour. How are you? By the way, I feel like you guys. Advertisers, listen to the whole show. Do not just listen to the ads. We are talking about your product within the show. We're not doing the ads in the ads. That's the part people skip because they know they're ads.

We do the ads in the show. In the middle of the show. And they don't know how long we're going to talk about it, so they can't jump ahead. Because we bring it up every couple minutes. I feel like you guys haven't talked about your sweeties in a while. Oh, yeah.

What's going on there? Mine's a little mad at Serena. Why? What does Serena do? Serena beat her record in most Grand Slams. Doesn't feel great. Mine is mad because I've been calling her Sherry Ann Moss in an effort to be promoting Sherry's Berry's Advice. In your house?

Personal. In your home? Home, yes. So I won't stop. So both of your wives are – They're both salty. Both of your sweeties are like – Our sweeties are salty.

Got it. It's always something. Because Steffi, I've been calling her lingonberry graph. Why? Just because Sherry's berries or whatever. And they don't have lingonberries. No. No.

But she's a German or something or Swiss. So it's like that feels like that kind of places berry. Are they all strawberries? I think they are. It doesn't say though. No. Wouldn't it just be called Sherry's Strawberries?

Kevin. No, they're not strawberries. Google me this, Kevin. It's like the Riddler in the 21st century. Kevin. Yeah. Is my Sherry's Berries

all strawberries? Yes. And I also want to address. Why don't they want to say that? The note some people have given that some of the episodes, regardless of whether Julie's here, feel like they're being made for us, not for anyone else. And it's like, well, they're at least being made for Sherry's Berries at this point.

Can we acknowledge that? Yes. Let's meet in the middle on this. Okay, yes. It may not be for you, the person who's listening, unless you are Sherry's Berries. And I hope you listen to the whole episode. Which, listen to the whole episode. Are you crying, Julie?

I just am thinking about how sometimes I think I have an eating disorder, but then I'm just like, it's okay. I just want to eat fruit all the time. Yeah, berries. That's good. That's good. This is helping. And then like, it's like. That's good.

It's a good kind of eating disorder. All you want to eat is a cherry berry. It's like the only kind of fruit I like. Is cher's berries? Yeah. Yeah. Well. By the way, it's sherry shepherd, right?

I'm sorry. I'm mad of spit. I just spit all over Sean because I'm trying to make him like me. It was like that Jurassic Park episode yeah yeah that first episode of Jurassic Park

where you meet all the characters was it Jurassic Parks and Rec mmhmm where the dinosaurs like have yeah interviews to cameras

Jurassic Parks and Rec Jurassic Parks and Rec Jurassic Parks and Shrek. Jurassic Parks and Shrek. Gadoosh. That's a funnier die. Yeah. Gadoosh.

I don't get that. I've never seen a funnier die. You've never heard the gadoosh? I don't think so. Oh, my God. Gadoosh. They say that at the beginning of the funnier die. It's funny. Kevin, you know about gadoosh?

Play it. Find it. Is that how the big shortouche? Play it. Find it. Is that how the big short opens, too? No. All right. Well, it seems like it should. Well, yeah. You'll get no argument from me.

At the end of the big short, is the audience asked to vote on whether it's Funny or Die? Yes. That absolutely is the ending. You have a clicker. You have to stick around for the whole credits. Got it. And are there outtakes, too, or die? Yes, that absolutely is the ending. You have a clicker. You have to stick around for the whole credits. Got it. And are there outtakes too or no? Yeah, there's outtakes of Bourdain just like trying on different leather jackets

and telling a story about those. He owns like 700 of them. They all look the same. What else is happening with you? What's it like? What are you doing? Doing a show. Yeah, how's the show?

It's so great. I'm so blessed. It's so surreal and I'm just over the moon. Yeah. Talk about space. All I do is eat ProVigil and berries, so I'm functioning great. ProVigil, that's like jet fighter pilot. Yeah.

Like our dog hero in our book. Yeah, and if you, like, grind it up, back to the grinder, I guess, you sprinkle it over Sherry's berries like it's, back to the grinder, I guess, you sprinkle it over Sherry's Berry. It's sweet and low. And then that's all I need. And then I go to the writer's room and I fucking crack skulls. I break story. I kill it. Yeah. Smash jokes, break stories, crack skulls. And then I I crush it and deliver it to goods yeah so I guess I'm

doing pretty well yeah thanks for asking alrighty then remember so just to go over a quick character sheet

for us we have the grinder we have the dog who's a fighter pilot the mick we have the kid who's binicula the mick's in it

the bitch wife the bitch wife piece of shit. We got the Walter White slash Heisenberg. We got like a- Billy Bob and Angelina. Billy Bob, Anthony Bourdain, Margaret Roberts. Who's the frottage character? Is that the grinder specifically?

Van Wilder 2, The Rise of Frotage. Remember? Got it. Yeah, yeah, yeah, no. Alrighty then. Let's talk a little bit more about your show, though. So when you're done crushing it, then you got to show up on set, and then what happens? Just to let us inside.

Then I'm just sort of like, you know what's interesting is then I start killing it. Can I tell you what happens if you're doing a sex scene and the guy gets a boner? This is what happens. I go, I look up to the sky and I make prayer hands

and I go, thank you. Yeah, so you get to feel the prayer hands and I go, thank you. Yeah, so you get to feel the boner. Thank you. I go, thank you. Through like some tape or something? What do they do? Like put some tape on it? It's mostly masking tape, but I like having like a –

well, because there's always going to be a gaffer on set, you know? So we'll use a little gaffer tape. Hayes has been infected by this. The acting bug? Foul. Do they have to dry it off to get the tape on? That's a great question. Blast a hair dryer on it.

That's what I would think would work. Before you put the tape on, because it has to be dry. It can't be all wet. The tape, you mean. Because it's naturally very wet. I'm confused about what you're asking about what's drying off. No, the thing. The guy's thing.

Oh. It has to be dry so the tape will stick. Does it? Yes. Yeah. Yes. It's not, like, because normally it's. Because it's thing. Oh. It has to be dry so the tape will stick. Does it? Yes. Yeah. Yes. It's not, like, because normally it's. Because it's resting in goo.

Yes. Normally. I've never. Oh, like a. Normally it's very gooey and wet. Like aspic? Yes, like an aspic. It sort of lives in goo.

You know, I've never been there for that part of the process because they like to have privacy or whatever. Right. When they bring you out. It's already. It's already all dried off. It's dried off and strapped down, I guess, yeah. Can I say this, and congratulations if you stuck around. I really do get mad

at this thing that I see lately, where people say, check out Hollywood Handbook. And somebody will go like, I tried it, but I can only stand like 20 minutes of that inside showbiz joke. This fucking show is literal nonsense like i understand if you don't like it i don't think i would but to be like it's inside showbiz it's like well then you only read the fucking title

right because we haven't talked about showbiz for two and a half years. This is the closest we've gotten. So, you know, like, I get it. You don't have to like it. But just change the note. I have a better reason. Okay. So what else happens on your show?

You know, I'm so blessed. It's such a thrill. It's so surreal. Is Billy going to be beating anyone up this season? With a crowbar? Yeah. Is he going to crack open somebody's skull with a crowbar and just eat the juice out of the

inside of their brain? Like a zombie? Yeah. Santa Clarita Diet? Finally, a Zomcom. Is it a zombie show, or is it about cannibalism, or is that both the same coin? People are starting to ask about this. Zomcom. And then people are also like, is it a real diet?

People are unwilling to resolve this question by watching the show. I've been finding. They just ask. I always thought Drew Barrymore's last name was Scary. Scarymore? Barrymore. Barrymore what?

Freaking bodies because you're a zombie? Unpack that. Is she doing a zombie? Sorry did I spit on you again? No, it was just the once that you spit a huge wad. It wasn't a wad. It was a mega wad. Come on, it was like a

I was wearing a mitten all of a sudden made out of spit. Come on. So, there you go. You don't need any tape. There you go. Wow, look how much Sean hates thinking about sex when I

bring it up. I'm not comfortable with it as a concept. Oh, right. And I never have been. I keep forgetting that about you guys, that you hate sex. That's not my cup of tea. I know, you guys don't like it. My cup of tea is tea. You know?

Whatever happened to that's how we enjoy ourselves at night. You get you and your loved one, get together on the couch, you put the hot water on until it starts to whistle, and then you throw some leaves in there and give it some flavor. The dish. This has been an Earwolf production.

Executive produced by Scott Aukerman, Chris Bannon, and Colin Anderson. For more information and content, visit Earwolf.com. That was a HeadGum Podcast.