Hollywood Handbook - Julie Klausner, Our Co-Host Friend

Episode Date: July 8, 2019

JULIE KLAUSNER fills in as co-host after The Boys get into a big fightThis episode is brought to you by Mack Weldon (www.mackweldon.com code: THEBOYS), My Sheets Rock (www.mysheetsrock.com/THEBOYS), and Away (www.awaytravel.com/theboys20).See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This is a HeadGum Podcast. I'm gathered with the entire view of Skewniverse. Everyone. Jai's Al-Abbab. Banky. Mubi. The Golden Calf. Alanis Morissette as God, remember?

Are you talking about Karma? Am I talking about Karma? The movie? Dogma. Dogma. I thought you were naming ugly dolls for a second. This is not. No, I was not naming ugly dolls.

You should probably start from your. I was talking about we got to keep going. And we barely got the theme song off. And it's not even the right theme song because Kevin is gone. Where is he? He has defected to Team Cocoa House. Are you serious? Yes, I am.

I wish, I wish to God it was a joke. The House of Hair. He has defected to Team Coco House, the House of Hair. I rolled my eyes just now. You should have seen it. The idea of the House of Hair,

something that he does not call it. What a bummer. But imagine if he did. That would be such an eye roll situation. Yeah, he's in New York with Team Coco House.

Wow. And so, we have the wrong, we have the pro version theme song, but maybe people are like oh sorry maybe people are like oh that's a good song i'd like to listen to that song more they don't have to want to hear more of the show but then they subscribed us to hear the song the

pro version song more so maybe that could work out despite kevin yeah the movie was dog but this is actually the sequel to or doing Dog Moss with Elizabeth Moss no this is spelled M-A-S her smell did she say that in the movie yeah that's the name

of the song she's saying is it really oh never I have not have not you know that song In His Kiss it's in his kiss

yeah yeah yeah it's in his yes yeah well it's like that but her smell it's in her it is like that yeah okay if you say, it's like that, but her smell. It is like that? Yeah.

Okay. It's a wonderful movie. If you say so. It smells so. And we are doing Snoogins and Snoochie Boochies. Okay. After a long day. Of?

Of. I wasn't even supposed to be here blocking yes after yes and the guy is there Brian Dante

Dante thank you I like my pasta al dente sorry I just turned my headphones down so I could only hear that joke

forever so we Sorry, I just turned my headphones down. So I could only hear that joke forever. So we do snoogins, which is when you press your foreheads together and you say snoogins to you. And then you do snoochie boochies, which is where you kind of lock necks. Like if you can picture, if some people don't, it's like a handshake, but with your neck. Okay.

So you're kind of like, you know how next can kind of like lock into each other. Yeah. Yeah. Well, it's like a puzzle piece, but the, yes, yes,

yes. Yeah. Yeah. I know. It fits perfectly into the woman's neck hole. Yeah. Like Robin Wright pen. Yes.

And you say, may your snoochies always be boochies. And Amy chased., is there. You gather everyone for dog moms. She was chased, but she's also chased. She did end up being, yes. Violated? No, no.

She ended up being chased in the movie. Nobody's getting violated. C-H-A-S-T-E. I know. That's not, nobody's gang violated. C-H-A-S-T-E. I know, that's what I'm saying. She, I'm saying she ended up being chased because she didn't want to do it

with Banky's friend. Got it. And I do need your help on this stuff because I know this is like your. The Smithiverse is not my area. It's not my area, but I mean, I did see Chasing Amy in the theaters.

I'm familiar with. What's Banky's friend's name? Banksy. Oh, okay. It's Banky and Banksy? Yes. Okay.

Artist. Well, Banky also did comic book, correct? Which is basically what Banksy does as well. Yes. And so, Amy is like, I don't really like doing the snoogins and the snoogee-boogees. Even a hug is like a little weird at the end of every day they do like foreheads and like neck stuff it's just like too much it's too much for the end of the day and i'm like thank you for telling me this i have sort of

taken on sort of a surrogate uh director's role why in this movie why after the heart attack oh which one kevin smith's oh no yes he had one he's doing shows about it so it's not it's content it's not a secret it's not a secret okay it's content so we like so i'm like sort of like the most i remember when nor ephron was like, everything is content. No. Tell me about that story. That's the whole story. She said that?

It was the name of a documentary her son make. It was everything is content? Yeah. Oh. And we are not doing the movie anymore. Welcome to Hollywood Handbook Insider's Guide to Kicking Butt and Dropping Names in the Red Carpet Linebacker Hallways in the industry. We call show business. The show is normal. Everything is happening the same and it is

great that we have Queenie. Hi. Who has been on the show so many times, although you would not know from how she handles the parking situation. Every single time is brand new and somehow worse. It's hard enough to like get these guys to commit to a time.

So then I don't want to be like, how do I park? Because sometimes I'm afraid they're going to stop ignoring me and just start being mean to me. Because I feel you guys sometimes straddle cold with cruel. The misunderstanding of how to drive through an open gate is a test to see if we are going to be a warm person. You can say what you want. Oh, she's fiery.

She's got a temper or whatever. She's hot. But I am a warm. Like, I have a heart and I have checked on Sean every day since his child was born. And sometimes he doesn't text back every day yeah what do you say how's that baby well look yeah we can get into it he's not here yeah he's not here I just noticed that yeah right yeah because I was the one going oh wow and then I was like why am I saying that's it yeah and so you know honestly this has been such a long time coming like I shall not being here we make it look so perfect yeah it's it's like you make it seem like you put

a lot of preparation into it and that it's but that it's just like everything is going so well yeah and that honestly is a lot is not honesty really yes but things are going well between the two of you or with you and the show your whole thing is going great that's what we put out there every single episode look how easy it is yeah and so other people are like oh my i have issues with my podcast co-host and i must be a failing yeah i'm doing it wrong because these guys thank you on hbo watch it season five because these guys thank you on HBO

watch it season 5 season 5 it's one less episode per season and so at some point it's a

it's a special pretty soon they will be donating episodes to other shows it's a tight 45 and it's gonna be it's gonna be part of the comedians

but we I mean and you know what it's not have you guys ever been to counseling like couples because there are comedy partners that have been to couples counseling that's what this is for us this is where we work it out

so no the answer is no behind these walls and all the what's happening with the lights I don't have any idea. They keep coming down and then back up. I was either having a stroke or things were about to get fun. Real fun.

And part of it is this Kevin thing with Team Cocoa House. Want to hear a fun story I have about Team Cocoa? Yeah, sure. Conan never invited me on the show as a guest. What did he invite you on as? To do bits. Yes, I will explain what they are. Stripper.

Wow. Porn actress. Okay. Girl gone wild. Uh-huh. And what we say is sex worker, sex worker, sex worker. Oh, my apologies. Okay, and?

And I love UCB. It was the best time of my life 2000 2001 as soon as that second tower fell I mean the parts were just

everywhere and by parts I mean roles and by roles that's when it really it really things really picked up things really picked up

for me as a after the second tower yeah uh huh I miss the aughts because everything Sketch comedian. Yeah. Uh-huh. I miss the aughts. Because everything was like, I ought to take this part.

Yeah. And I did. Anyway, that's the last time I saw Conan. Was when you were just. Played like a stripper witch. Okay, that's funny. You wear a hat? Yeah. Huh. And never as's funny. You wear a hat? Yeah.

Huh. And never as a guest? Never as a guest. Well, he's mostly doing field pieces now. What is he in, like, Kabul now? Yes, he's going to Kabul. Yeah, cool. Great.

That's what he always dreamed of, right? When he was watching Carson. Mm-hmm. Yeah. He's going to do, like, right? When he was watching Carson. Mm-hmm. Yeah. He's going to do like a Zorb. I'll never see my family. He's going to do a bubble soccer. Anyway, I'm sorry to interrupt.

Thank you. Kevin's gone. Kevin is gone. And he was someone that we could always, whenever things got really bad, we could always kind of turn our attention to Kevin and be like, look at his stupid hair or whatever. Yeah, exactly. And he loved that. I've never heard anyone be happier. Right?

Oh my God. Yeah. Those were his aughts. Yes. His pants are weird, whatever it is. And then we forget whatever the thing was that we were upset about. Chef heaven. He was in chef heaven.

So Kevin's gone and just like a child graduates from college you have an empty all of a sudden like are like studios trying to look a little roomy you know we're just wandering the halls yeah our voices are echoing and so we're like okay what do we do what's our next thing how do we keep it fresh how do we do exciting new show and we say like oh well let's pretend we're having a big fight like draw attention to our show because we are like doing this feud do it like feud family feud with steve harvey yes giant show and these families are fighting and people are like really interested in seeing these families go at it yeah yeah yeah and so we're like let's do a fight like feud uh and sean is like oh like okay great we'll like

make fun of stuff about each other like i can make fun of your lisp or something and i'm like he said that to you and i'm like you can do what to my witch uh huh yeah this was the sketch do you seen it you've seen you've seen it right sometimes I can't walk down I was referencing the sketch yeah but sometimes I would go into McManus

and people would shout stripper witch and I'd be like sex worker sex worker and then I'd say yes I will have some free onion rings

there were no selfies at the time I would just sign that McManus and it's gone and New York is the freaking what is it even anymore yes it's a bunch of tall buildings sign that. McManus. And it's gone. And New York is the freaking. What is it even anymore?

Yes. It's a bunch of tall buildings. McManus is now a bank. A McMansion. McManus became a McMansion? Yes. Oh, wow. And so we, I'm like, pardon?

Wow. And he is like, well, you know, it's not like a lisp lisp, but it's like kind of a thing you do with your S's that's weird. It's like a tongue thrust or something. And he's like, sorry for mentioning it. And I say, stuff your sorries in a sack, which is not, I guess, the thing to say when you are. You have sibilant S's. When you're trying to do your S's normally. Uh-huh.

And I take a swing at him. What did you say, Hayes? Hi-yah. Uh-huh. And he blocks it, which I knew he was going to do. And then he takes a swing back, and I block that easily. So you guys are physically fighting right away. This was our first

physical fight. Yeah. And so we are in a mode where we're both struggling against each other's fist, like punch move. And then we start both

furiously kneeing each other in the nads. Oh my gosh. It entered that stage of the fight. If you know stage combat. Very well. It's kind of like we both. We took a class. She's my favorite drag queen.

Stage combat? Yes. She is sickening. We took the class together. She serves all the lurks. It's called lurks now? Is that how it's pronounced? Well, I mean, they keep finding different ways to say it.

What do you mean they? What do you mean they? You say we? I've never been on that show. Which show? I talked to Tony Hale. Oh, yeah, that was good. That was fun.

Thank you. You've never been on Veep? Here we go. Never even got asked. was fun. You mean Veep? You've never been on Veep? Here we go. Never even got asked. I've never been on Coder. I've never been on Veep. I think it's really great. I've never been to Harvard.

What were you going to say? Sorry. That the guy, everyone involved in that, everyone in the cast of that show ended up being president. In Veep? At some point. Yeah. Right? Yeah, it's true.

I watched the series finale and they all became president. They all ended up being president. At the same time. I don't know if it was at the same time. It was. I saw it.

Sam Richardson, friend of the show. I was falling asleep. He's so funny. And he became president on the show. He did. That's true.

Tim Simons, never come within 10 million miles of this show, also became president. Correct? Yes, he did. because he was impeached. No, he was impeached.

He was impeached as Veep, I think. You can be impeached as Veep, I think. Yeah. You can? I don't know. I have no idea. Who cares? Thank you.

I like characters making insults. The story was always confusing. So here's what we have to do. I say, enough. i gotta do this myself for a little while wow i just need a little space so we're going on along who made that so you made the decision that you would host the show alone not he would host the show i made the call i so how did that go with him was he okay with it i didn't tell i'm the call was to engineer devon oh and i said engineer dev Devin, get studio.

Well, so here's what I have to do. If I... I don't want to beg this guy. Who? Engineer Devin. I don't want to be in a position where I'm asking him for anything. Because he will put the squeeze to me. Okay.

I don't know what you're getting at. No, I don't. But he keeps talking. You know. And so I say, hey, bitch, do you want to be the guest, like the honored guest on the show? And Sean doesn't want to let you do it, but I want you to be the guest. And it records tomorrow. It's very early in the morning.

And Engineer Devin is like, oh, great. Oh, cool. Uh-huh. And so this is the situation. Engineer Devin is the guest. So we're doing this without Sean. You are the co-host. I'm Sean.

You're Sean. You buried the lead. Look how happy I am now. Yeah. Much more fun than being a guest, right? And so Engineer Devin is the guest. Well, I feel bad because I didn't have a story at the beginning. I was just confused by and then interrupted yours.

Sometimes I do it. I do great. No, you did exactly what you're supposed to do. Do the story and you... Oh, right. One of you has a story. The other is like supposed to interject it. You can do it next time.

Okay. Yeah, you're not supposed to do that. But Sean often does. He often will do that. So is this going to be the thing you're just going to compare me to your former partner all the time? Like in Annie Hall when she's like, why are you afraid of the lobster? Just put it in a pot. See, that's not, I don't cite that movie.

Why? Do you see it? No, I don't. Do you cite? I don't. Do you cite the music? I'm not trying to give it eyeballs. You know, I'm not trying to, I'm not trying to put money in that guy's pocket.

Israel? Who? Are you one of those BTK people about Israel? They're like buying torture and kitchen or something. What do they do to Israel? It's not nice. The buying torture kill. Oh, God.

I wish I could remember. Wouldn't it have been funny if I could remember the, um, the name of that Korean band. Is it BTS? Oh, it's BTS. Yeah.

If I had done that in time, yes, I'm one of like, I'm following the BTS movement. Well, that would have been really funny. Yeah. Yeah.

Uh, okay. So we just have to ask Devin a few questions. You have to ask him how he got on the fun. Oh, he's the guest. Okay. Got it. He's the guest.

So Kevin. This is actually. So thank you so much for bringing this up. Are you about to tell me? Because I've done nothing wrong. And I know I have been here before. I have been exactly where you are a million times. So this is a different kind of Kevin.

Elaborate. That is called a Devin. And that is, as far as I could tell, the only difference. Devin. Hi. How's your veganism? What'd you eat for dinner last night? Cob salad.

Cob salad. Okay. Yeah. I'm not vegan. Hayes. You told me this as a Kevin. I know. I know.

I know. There are some differences. That is one of the differences. I know, I know, I know. There are some differences. That is one of the differences, yes. And I also, I don't like to promote, I'm not trying to give attention to Bill Cobsey. Not trying to get eyeballs? By talking about, yes, I'm not trying to put money in that guy's pocket.

By eating. So if he's the guest, who's the engineer? God, I guess me. I haven't met Jordan yet. Do you think we'd get along or would it be a cat fight? You would start, I think, breaking into, like, you would both start singing, but in a way that was, like, nasty to each other. Like, like, feud. Like a dance off?

It would be like the other. Did you see feud? Did you see feud the did you see feud like i yeah i i think you guys would respectfully be enemies uh-huh cool because she has a ba in vocal performance right you're aware of this yeah and i have a bs call on you. I call BS. You call BS, and who is that directed at? The woman who had that speech. We call BS! And then they auto-tuned the news, remember?

Oh, okay. That hot Amber Rose-looking chick. She said, we call BS on the news? Remember, she made that speech. Yeah, yeah, it was cool. She did a... They called it a rally. It was like a concert.

They auto tuned this. They always do. I'll say this. It's time for. These guys have been like sort of hiding out in the shadows for a little while. What we do in the. Yeah. Sure.

It's time. For these guys to auto tune Trump. It's time for these guys to auto-tune Trump. It's time. I mean. These guys sit around there like we're staying out of this one. Wow. Now? Now you stay out of it?

Yeah. They're the fifth estate. Yeah. You know, and they have to put checks on the fourth estate. Oh, we want to be objective. Yeah. And that must be nice to have that luxury. Yeah.

While the world burns. Yes. Auto-tune Trump. Dare we? Mm-hmm. It's time. Devin, how are you getting the funnies up? I'm doing a bad job interviewing Devin.

No, it sucks. Look, I don't want to be in this position either. This is the beginning of like a new, we're doing this new thing, you know? You seem thrilled to be doing it with me. I am, Julie. Julie, I helped you get into the building. If I didn't want you to be here,

it would be so easy to keep you out. Just put a mustache on the gate and I think it's another building. The gate was open. I mean, you don't have to do anything. I didn't even see it. It goes, gate that's closed. Do not enter.

Not too many details, by the way. I'm sorry. Well, you'll know when you've done it. When you've gone too far, you'll know because we will be being murdered. Did you see the back? Did you see the, what is that called? The rear view window of my rental car is covered with tea.

With what? Because I left a hot tea on my car. Oh, it's from the outside. I left a cup of tea on the top of my car. And then I was like, and I take it with milk, which no one should know. Uh-huh. And then I was like,

oh, the back of my car is all milky. Where's my tea? And then I pull up, vroom, vroom. And Hayes is like,

this was the gate we were talking about. And I was like, shut the fuck up. And now you're telling me there's an engineer, Devin? Sean's not even here. It was a lot. It's a lot.

I was bamboozled. I feel like I'm in hour seven of the hour 11 pro version. And I love it. It's so nice, by the way, having people on the show who are fans have have ever even known about it before we've got through a little run of a bunch of people that are not very interested in us yeah i've been listening i know and i want people that are that pay attention to me outside of the show. Follow your moves.

That's what I want. Read your Twitter. Yes. How has your Twitter changed since all this conversation about, like, you know how, like, everyone's a critic? Yeah, so my Twitter is changing a lot. I've really been going after the critics. Yeah.

a lot i've really been going after the critics yeah people kind of like these like everyone out there thinks they can do this i know and they're so stupid and they all are so done if you could you would right and it's like here's the new rule bill maher copyright yes um like if you don't copyrighted it who did you just did thank you if he if if you don't do what i do you have no right to criticize anything i do ever yeah like you try to walk a mile in my comedy shoes before you tell me oh that joke sucks or like i have I had a show I think it was a couple years ago and I was really proud of it and then sometimes I'd read well actually I didn't really read any bad reviews we got pretty universal yeah no difficult people was at one point a hundred percent on Rotten Tomatoes okay so you're gonna have to are you able to come up with something you've ever done that has gotten any negative feedback?

I mean, there's some tweets that haven't been faved like as many times as I would like. And those are critics. And those are critics because I follow some of them on Twitter. Yeah. You know, James Ponawazig, Matt Zoller-Seitz, Jason Zinnemann.

Itzkoff! Dave Itzkoff! But Itzkoff is like, in a way though, Itzkoff I Dave Itzkoff but Itzkoff is like in a way though Itzkoff I don't consider in that because he's funny

like he posts like the Simpsons he will do memes they're funny so when Itzkoff like when I get feedback but he's a critic

certainly some is that how you see him first wandering around the Big Lake set is it a Scarlet Sea what about Big Lake he was he wrote

the New York Times story about Big Lake. Story or review? It was a story. But there was a little. Oh, he's a reporter. But there was a little. Did he twist the knife? He threw a little bit of shade before that was even something that anyone knew how to do.

Is that why he's so pale? No, it's just kind of like. Gethard is pale because he is permanently in the shade. Your stomach is very pale? Neon green. I look like Slimer

from the waist down. Is that from something related to what we're talking about? No, it's my genetics. Oh, okay. So you're saying you shouldn't talk about

someone being pale. Skin tone because your stomach is neon green like Slimer. Yeah, but like fit, like tight. I like Slimer. Slimer looks like shit. He looks like... It's not nice.

Don't... Slimer's body is terrible. It's not nice. And I don't think it's because of his diet. You don't think it's because of his diet. Because I actually think he does. You don't? No, I'm at the place now where I'm like, what you eat doesn't matter. Slimer.

It's not your fault. Slimer always says like, I can eat whatever I want. And he can. No, he can't. Look at him. He looks terrible. That's so mean. Who are you to say that he looks bad?

You know what I mean? Like, maybe he looks good. For a ghost? Are you still here? Speaking of ghosts, ghosts look all kinds of things. Some of the ghosts look really good. The ghost that blew Ray. Well, okay, let's talk about that for a second.

I've been thinking about that. Even the ghost in the library for a second was looking pretty fine. The ghost that blows Ray is in a dream. And I realized this recently because I watched Ghostbusters. Because I just watched it for the part where Ray's eyes crossed. Yeah. And I was like, this is okay because he's just dreaming it.

Like it didn't really happen in the real world. I think it's in a dream okay because he's just dreaming it. Like it didn't really happen in the dream. What makes you think that it's in a dream? Just because he's lying in bed? He's lying sitting up like against the headboard. You can't get a blowjob in that position. You can't? No, you can't. Oh. So that's what makes it a dream?

It's a dream. And that's why I think they were like, PG. Uh-huh. Doesn't his physical zipper come down though in the dream it does in the dream what else in the movie is a dream that's a good question um nothing with the ghosts that's all real yeah that's but that part is with the ghosts i'm sorry i don't understand the question okay it felt i don't know how to simplify it so I guess we have to move on critics are so stupid

critics are some of the most dumbest people stupid and they're like what do you know about stuff that you don't even make

this is what I said because you've watched all of the stuff this is what I said to Jesse David Fox he puts my podcast on a list like number 7 or something

at the end of the year ouch and I go to Jesse David Fox hey, why don't you do a freaking podcast at WC? And then he did one that was much more successful. That's why you shouldn't tell them to do it. And has not had us on. You know, I like it when artists threaten critics online and post their

photos next to very long essays they tweet. Yes. And I also want to say i don't think they're even tweeting them anymore they're typing them out into like a like a snapchat text field and then doing like a sequence of like 40 oh the michael che screenshots okay i wasn't gonna say now i'm scared what are you scared of? He's really successful. And what if it happens to me? Well, you're one of the good guys.

You're not a, because Michael Che. I go right to, look at all this homeless stuff I do. I go right to that. As soon as I get in trouble from Che, I'm like, well, actually, I do all this great stuff. Oh, you mean you're, yes. Right. And Hayes is a, not a philanthropist, you're a volunteer. You're a community activist.

Is that fair to say? That is kind of philanthropy because my time is very expensive. Right. Michael Che thinks comedy critics are stupid and bad and lame. And I just also want to say that I think it's really cool that hot girls have like discovered feminism because believe women means a lot of things. It means get into it. Yep. And why I'm here,

which you didn't ask, but it's fine. So I think it's really cool that Olivia Munn finally, why are you here? it's really cool that olivia munn finally why are you here i'm here because i'm going out devin's a guest oh right oh yeah you said to be here at 9 30 so okay julie why are you here there are two gigs that i'm up for one of which i'm very comfortable about and one of which i am not okay with you're in la going up for gigs. I'm testing for two gigs. Screen test? Yeah. In front of the

executives? In front of a screen. Oh, okay. Green screen? I hope so. Are you worried that your stomach is going to disappear? I wish. Good weight loss solution. God, you can't even

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Okay, it shouldn't be. There are also more than 60 add-ons to help you stay fueled up and feeling good all day long how many add-ons and what are some of them it's one big add-on and it's you on your bed you're so tired after you eat my meal the promises the meal makes us sleepy you've been pushing that so much you're saying that you will be added on to your bed yeah your bed plus one that's the opposite of what this is supposed to do it's supposed to help you stay a lot of these i know give you a ton of energy they have like smoothies and things like that reservation for two me walking in my bedroom

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in as little as three weeks. Babbel is designed by real people for real conversations, and that includes body-based conversations. What does it mean when you drop someone off after a nice date and they turn around at the door and they take their little index finger and they kind of like draw it towards them they're pulling it what does that mean does their whole finger hurt i wonder if they spotted a spider web or something they're trying to pull down the spider down yeah but i've seen this too after a lot of dates and i need i need and have needed something like babble to figure

out what the heck is this person doing with their finger because it looks like a it looks like an emergency i know i was supposed to do something or how about those people that stand in the street they're kind of like they've got like almost like police clothes on it may be almost yeah and they're standing in the middle and as i'm driving and i'm cruising they're holding their hand up for like a high five almost and And they're really aggressively pushing it out. And I'm like, am I supposed to pull over, get out of the car? Yes, or just do it out the window as I'm going. That's what I've been doing. That seems dangerous.

But some of these very subtle body language cues have escaped me and many listeners, I'm sure. Babbel's tips and tools are approachable, accessible, rooted in real life situations, which I have all the time, and delivered with conversation-based teaching so you're ready to practice what you've learned in the real world. Studies from Yale, Michigan State University, and others. Can't feel good to be others there. Continue to prove Babbel is better.

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Hollywood Handbook. Okay, what are the parts? One is I'm up to host busy tonight. Wow. And I'm not comfortable about it. Yeah. Because I'm not, I mean, you see me like when I text or when I, like I'm not very busy. Especially not in the last two years.

Yeah. Texting Sean every day. Yeah. Well, someone cares. Yeah. And then the other one is I'm up for boat. Wow. Yeah.

And that you are comfortable with. Very much so. Well, Constance Wu, who I believe all women, had some unfortunate timing the other day. And when this airs, it'll be very fresh in people's minds. And when I say the other day, it could mean, I don't know when this is going to go on. So this, well, here's the thing.

Kevin's gone. Every time I'm like, let's do this one now. This one's good. I would love to do that for this. And Kevin is terrified of our guest booker. Why? I thought he was our guest booker Why? I thought he was the guest booker

Me too What does he do? Exactly And so every time he's like Well Hannah said that we had to We had to promote this thing Someone has to come out at this Hannah Gadsby?

Hannah Gadsby is Doing guest promotion for us. It's a big get. Wow. She's not coming on the show. She books a guest.

She is not the guest. Okay. And so he's like, well, I'm out at this exact time. And so he is bullying you.

Me? Yes, by making you have your episode come out at this very specific time whenever he wants well the great news is i have nothing to plug that well this is the thing that's then you see like all you have to do yeah is say the dumbest thing someone is like like what like you pick just something like like a like you're gonna post like a like i have just something like you're going to post like an Instagram. I have no idea what you're talking about.

All you have to do is say that you have anything. Like a big tweet planned for next Wednesday. Okay. Yeah. I have a big tweet planned for next Wednesday. Okay. Well, what is it? It's about koalas.

Oh, okay. Because you haven't tweeted in a while, have you? Thank you for noticing yeah trying to keep them waiting keep them wanting more i did have a role as a as the um burlesque dancer who like um takes bob fossey's virginity away at i think he was 12 at the time uh with another um is that who Verdon is? No. I don't know. Oh, my God.

I'm so embarrassed for you right now. Who is Verdon? Remember Don Herrera? Don Herrera. Yeah. That's like. Back then, they didn't have like, you know, fingerprint. Like, put your fingerprint here.

And that's how we verify who you are. Verified who Don Iraria was. Yeah. And that was the Verdon system. Well, we were the Verdon sisters and we took Bob Fosse's virginity away, which I didn't know when I was doing that role, by the way,

I thought we were just, you know, making them hard. But then they said in an episode, like, Hey, how'd you lose it, Bob? And he's like, well, and then I see my own face. And I said, I took his, I could have known that as an actor's secret.

He showed a picture of you? It went to the person who was doing the edit at the edit bay. Was like, now's the time to show Queenie. Uh-huh. Okay. You, so tell, you were talking about Constance and unfortunate timing. Constance Craving is my name in a musical I'm developing that I will not sing any of because I'm not a guest anymore. She's moving.

Yeah, we used to do that. And you used to complain about it. So is she not doing the show? I don't know. No one tells me anything. They just say, do you want to test for it? And I say, I'm not very busy. Is it possible that they're using you as like a foil,

something to motivate Constance to get her, get that fire back, get her to want to do the show again. And she loves all the people. She does love them. You can tell. Yes. You can tell by how many times

she said the word pleasant in that essay she wrote. Because unless I really love something, I don't call it pleasant. Sometimes when I'm getting fucked, I like to say the p word wow that this is really pleasant if i'm gonna get a guy i do finish line i do want to be here i love this fucking i love this fucking it's fun easy and pleasant everyone involved f.e.p. so nice so pleasant and you know sometimes i did have another gig that

was less pleasant but i'm gonna do it anyway because i guess i'm weird my friends are like you're weird and i'm like you're supposed to be my friends believe women so boat will be a good fit, I think, for me. Okay. So in your mind, you have booked it. I am. No, but I'm comfortable going in for it. Here are the boats I've been on.

The Staten Island Ferry. Uh-huh. Yeah. Like I was. Yeah. Like a train wreck. Train wreck was on it. Yes.

Remember? Yeah, I do. She had sex with Miner. David Miner? She didn't know. That is not what happened. She had sex with a child. I'm sorry.

Like Fosse's. In the movie. Fosse's. Are you talking about Working Girl? No, I'm talking about the movie Trainwreck. Loved it. It's a sex worker, by the way. Fine. Fine.

Fine. In Trainwreck, she has sex with an underage boy. Bill Hader. No, it's not. It's not. Haters, step to the left. Haters, back off. Haters, to the left. Haters, back off.

I love my haters. And then she gets on the Staten Island Ferry after that. And then it says, I think it says train wreck on the screen. Or maybe, I think that's later in the movie. But she does ride the Staten Island Ferry. She takes a ferry of shame. That's cool. They should have said that.

Devin's like, yeah. Yeah, they should have. It's good. Oh, wow. I'm sorry. I don't know what to do sometimes. So I'm just going to do Sean. Well, we were talking about, let me try to tell you what to do.

We were talking about, you were talking about the boats you've been on. Yeah, that was done. That was it? Was that not a ferry? I think I was once on one, like a ferry from like Boston to P-Town. So two ferries I've been on. I'm afraid of sailing. I went to camp. No, that's's not true I've been in a kayak

I was in a kayak at camp Did not do well at camp You were saying you've been to camp Then you said that is not true And then you said you were in a kayak at camp Yeah yeah yeah I was in a kayak And I was in Guys and Dolls At camp?

I got the horse ride here Yeah Fugue for Tin H horns is that one of the songs it's the opening song okay and again we like every time you were here like why do i always have to do musical stuff and this is why it always comes back and i was the one who complains yes i Devin Who are you? Thank you That is a good question That's going deep Cob salad

Eating I was trying to think of one Beard having That is a really good question What's an interesting thought What's an interesting thought That you've been having That you haven't posted on

Add baffle gabs Invasive thoughts Watched the first episode Of Paradise Hotel last night. What is that? Exactly. It's this new reality show that's actually a reviving of a format from like 2003. I do kind of remember the really old one.

Is this like, it's not Bachelor in Paradise adjacent. It's not. What's funny about it, they are absolutely ripping off a British show, Love Island. Cool. That came afterwards. But they're using an old name so they can't be sued for ripping off a newer format that's much more successful. Got it. It's upsetting. What happened?

Is there any snogging? Yeah, there's some snogging, yes. The format is a bunch of singles. They pair up and have a hotel room apiece. One person's single. They try and break up all the other couples, and then someone gets voted off at the end of every episode one person is single at the beginning yes and they their job is to then ping pong around all the other couples and try and break them up so it's like temptation island but with like one agent like someone who's the agent to do yes the the dirty deeds but in a hotel where they keep

them liquored up seemingly all day long. The agent that is not affected by this WGA thing, which I think is fabulous, by the way. I love this WGA thing. I think everyone looks great in it. Okay, good. So usually, like a lot of times on the show, we say stuff that is like not what we really believe.

Yes. Oh, that. Yes. No. No, I think it's fabulous. I think it's a great, I think it's great i think there's definitely an end in sight i can't wait and the great thing too is that it's affected me a lot is that my life has changed so much since i had to fire my agent okay well drastically so we'll say that it had not changed.

No! No, no, no, no. I'm just saying. I can't even think about that. But as an example, say that your life had not changed at all. Wouldn't that be kind of good? Because the one thing that would change is not having to pay somebody. Hold on.

Hold on. So by saying like if you were to say yeah i know you were saying it has changed a lot for the for the better but say that nothing had changed at all wouldn't that suggest that they're that they weren't necessarily doing as much as they should be doing as much as they should be. Take as long as you want. This is something I want to do more of the show. It's like people actually being allowed to think. People are allowed to take one second. This is how I will respond to you.

Okay. I have been hashtagging all of my social media with Wga staffing boost and it has gotten me a laid because people are looking at that hashtag yeah and guess what they see my slimer torso they're interested oh so you were doing full body pics for your own well you can do that on twitter you don't need to blur out the nips like you do on Instagram. Uh-huh. Yeah. So. Okay.

So you. Let's just say it's made my life a lot more pleasant in the pussy. Okay. So this is like putting together sort of the timeline of your last couple of weeks, which is you did a hashtag WGA staffing booth. Got laid. With, with,

it sounds like nudes. Um, but the, the, instead of a, a U, it's two, uh,

zeros. Wow. What is that? Is that mean anything different? Well, the zeros look like my breasts. Not capital O's. Let's just say this is a pretty good staffing season.

Let's just leave it at that. You're getting staffed. Oh, I'm getting staffed, all right. Wow. Wow. right wow okay and so then that's how you ended up in this situation where recently you said you were essentially releasing a statement because of having sex with someone that you referred to as pleasant that was a result of your hashtag wj staffing boost. Unrelated. That was unrelated. Oh, okay.

Wow. We haven't seen each other in like almost a year. You are very busy. There's a lot I have to catch you up on. I feel like I haven't been here in a long time. It has been a really long time. It's been a long time. We don't live in the same city.

Yeah, but phones work both ways. Okay. Ding-a-ling. Ding-a-ling. That's, yeah, that's true. We could do more catching up.a-ling that's yeah that's true we could do more catching up and again

that's something I want to do on this show I just want to catch up yeah I just want to be able to catch up a little bit

okay does that mean you want me to ask you questions about how you're doing no I mean I just like just like the stuff

we've been thinking about like this that's what this has been right you know the three of us what oh right

sorry Devin. It's fine. Just chopping it up. Do you have a lover? When Sean's in here, it's bits and doing jokes. Yes. He's obsessed. With his lover.

He's always. What? Like, so many posts are like, we went to this. It's like, oh, okay. You and your. We went to see this movie. Yeah. Yeah.

I get it. We went and saw Longshot. It was great. How'd that go? It was great. Yeah, it was fun. It was really fun. It's cool. Laughed.

Liked. Laughed and liked. Laugh, like, love. Right? You know, it's like, it feels like a real conversation. You're still talking about this. Fine. Yes.

Great. Look, I like being congratulated when I fall silent. Yeah, that's what I did. Yeah, I like that. I like being praised for things. Good job. Thanks. What are you looking at your watch for?

I was seeing if Sean was texting me and he was not. And that is good. That seems a little hurtful. That to me is some of the best news. And that makes me feel like I'm in heaven. What's going on with you guys? I said earlier. The lisp thing into the high yas.

That seems like a BS story. There's some crotch punching too. It was actually kneeing in the nads. Nad kneeing. You don't believe that. I just think there's something else going on under the surface of that. Because I've never heard you have a lisp in the first place. And I also know that guys tend to monkey around and rough each other up.

And that's part for the course. So you think there's something. Yeah. Something more going on. Yeah. What do you think it is? I don't know. I haven't seen you in a year.

I'm asking you to challenge yourself to say what is underneath this, this fissure. Baby doesn't help. Oh, yeah. That's tough. Are you jealous of the baby or we're already in a place where like i like we speak on that i don't remember like so thank you so much for saying that because when you say that it feels like from a different person's life. That's why I said it. It's from, I don't even remember that person and that kind of.

Popcorn gallery. Who, you know? Yeah. Like that's when this was not a job. It was me and my friend. Yeah. And now he's got that. Like.

You guys have abandoned a lot of bits. I'm going to show. Some of our best ones. And, but, but to be fair, we have taken, replace them with bad ones. It's not like we have stopped doing them. We have just done different ones.

Are you talking about the ads? That are worse. Yes. We do way more ads now. Right. Santa man. Yeah. That's the only thing I can think of.

Santa man. ads now right Santa Man yeah that's the only thing I can think of Santa Man what you mean what are our new like repeated yeah bits that we do yeah well we did I love you and I'm in love with you that was maybe four years ago literally heard every episode of the show I've never made sense of that as far as how it attaches to cannot make sense of the idea of fine whatever I don't care loving someone and being in love with them. I don't care. The very idea. I have a limited amount of time.

I have to be in Santa Monica. Is unable to be made sense of by Julie. It's just not from the show. I just don't remember that as like a bit. We did. I remember hamburger sandwich. I remember hot dog go to the bathroom. I know Bosh.

Oh, that's a new bit. Big dog. I love how he. Oh, that's a new bit. Big dog. I love how he talks as, I miss Sean. I do. What? Like, so, like, if I. I miss you and Sean and I think you. What?

I could get an animal in here and do that. An animal? What kind? Would you like to be more specific? I mean, yeah, sure. Or like a freaking, like, chinchilla. Fine. I miss you and Sean.

Funny example. And I want you to confront him about his baby. I, like, and it's not something, you can't put it back in. Uh-huh. Can't put that toothpaste back in the tube. Uh-huh. You know?

So what happened? Yeah, the quip things, you're still circling. You'll figure it out. Figuring out what the bit is for that? Yeah, but you did. I don't know if we will. It seems like it should be easy. It's a toothbrush.

Right. But then they're like, stop doing this. Stop doing that. Oh, as far as their feedback. That's always helpful. I love that. I love it when advertising people are creative. Fucking critics, though.

Yes. Critics. Reality shows. Critics. Non-advertising critics. The worst. The worst. Fashion bloggers that are, like, really nice and aren't mean.

I hate those bitches. Did you want to say something about Olivia Munn? No. This episode, I mean... Rules. It went great. It rules. Yeah.

It's so good. It's great. What do we need? We don't need Kevin. Yeah, we don't need Kevin. We don't need Sean. We don't need Sean. I would love to have seen Bosh this trip.

I like animals. And he is cute, to be fair. He's so cute. Yeah. He's real cute. It's like, this can work. And this was the first one. He wasn't listening to that at all.

Let me repeat the exact same thing. You said you wanted to see Bosh on this trip. Okay, so he heard us. I don't know if he's listening. And then Devin said, to be fair, he's cute. I don't know why he said to be fair, because he was just agreeing with what you said. He's sucking up to you. And you said, I like animals.

Sucking up to you. In a loud way. Well, because I do. Impossible not to hear. Well, something I feel strongly about. And to get back to what I was saying, this isn't even going to be the best one of this new way of doing it. Yeah. This is the first one. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

And everyone from now on is going to be. I'm going back to New York on Friday. Okay. So we can bank a bunch. Well, let's do another one. You can stay? Oh, yeah, absolutely. Okay, bye.

Hollywood Handbook. That was a HeadGum Podcast.