Hollywood Handbook - Julie Klausner, Our Flagrant Friend

Episode Date: August 3, 2021

JULIE KLAUSNER returns to talk basketball and broadway with The Boys.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

this is a head gum podcast we're going we are recording let's get right into it we have a really exciting guest today the big guest you are now listening to the flagrant ones you are listening to the flagrant ones. Our guest. Pew, pew, pew, pew, pew. The biggest guest. Julie Klausner. Julie Klausner. Free agency roundup special. Flagrant ones?

Yes. This is. Yeah. Hollywood handbook. No, this is. Today we're doing flagrant ones. Your guide for kicking butts. No, no, no.

Famous Hollywood handbook guest Julie Klausner has finally been coaxed over to the flagrant ones. Am I supposed to talk about basketball? You don't have to know a lot about it, but what's your history with it? With Kevin and his subject header mistakes? Is that what we're talking about? Did Kevin say Hollywood Handbook?

Yes. Did you, Kevin? Kevin. I did at first, but then I said, oh, wait, Flager 1's my mistake. Show me that email. I'd love nothing more. One moment. Let's get the receipts.

Empty eyes. I'd love nothing more. One moment. Let's get the receipts. Empty eyes. I'd love nothing more. And that's, you know, the really scary thing. He really would. He really would love that. This is how sick this guy is. And to share this email with you. That what gets him off is sharing an email.

Okay. First of all, look at this polite ass intro. Hey, Julie, are you free to do? This is July 9th. Are you free to do handbook on Thursday? Also, happy belated birthday. And then another message. I don't know if I can still say it after a week, comma, all caps, but I am. That was in second message. all caps but I am that was in second message three hi Julie are you free to do handbook happy birthday weren't you reading my responses

well I'm setting the scene a little and then you said then a fourth where I say sorry I meant flagrant once and then you said hey Kev next week's no good I did not call you Kev

K-bone what do you call Kevin when you're you know away from our prying eyes when you're communicating with him one on one you do very formal Kevin boy my Kevin boy

next week's no good but I can do the 21st. So you did say flagrant ones. Yeah. When? Well, Julie, just you don't have to. It's not like you had to prepare. I'm looking it up on my end. Just say one thing about basketball.

What's your one thing about your history with basketball? One opinion about basketball. And then, you know, we'll sort of go off that. Let that kind of feed the show. Today's subject header. Handbook. Links for today. Subject header. Yeah.

That's automatic. That's generated automatic. That's his iPhone signature. What about invitation? Hollywood Handbook. We have to do this. We have to do the show julie they pay for the zoom what is just say something about like your basketball in your life beau burnham play larry bird soon okay and yes julie we're just we're fucking with you but isn't it fun to have friends like this where it's like your comedy friends and you

know that you could just let loose with the weirdest craziest prank in history if that's what i'm feeling if fun is what i'm feeling then yes that's what this is no that's having fun yeah we haven't had very much of it lately have we julie no it's been a tough it's been it's been a hard year's been crazy but this is what it feels like a first responder standing next to lauren mich and saying Wait, what did he say? Can we laugh again? Is it time to laugh again? Is it time to be funny? Can we be funny?

Can we still be funny? Oh, I hate botching a setup. Are we allowed to be funny? Can we be funny again, please? Rudy, can I be funny? You know, there's Rudy, there's Bobby.

I gave my start to Danny, Bobby, Billy, and Rudy. It was me, it was Rudy, it was Paul. Play the song, Kevin, just so we have it. Just so we have it. This is going to be music to my ears. Just so we have it. Just so we have it. This is going to be music to my ears. It's going to be sweet.

Just so we have it. Just so we have it. And I'll just keep going. A special thing, if you're watching, if you have the video feed for this episode, this week's video feed is just the Kevin Reacts feed. So it's the Kevin feed only. It's KevCam the entire time.

Unless, and I did point this out to kevin if i say something really funny and kind of like part of the part of what's making it land is maybe something about like my facial expression during the delivery yeah he could cut to me just for a special shot we'll get a special on me and then we'll go back to the kevin feet great julie hi julius pleaser pleaser julie us pleaser julie s pleaser my middle name us julie julie julie new word comma us like this is us yes hyphen pleaser julie julie julie us pleaser don't mind if i do julie what's cooking? Give me the news. And what are you sipping on? I'm sipping on some TW, NYC TW. Oh, wow.

I'm tapping that tap. Let me see it. Put it on the glass. You're going to see like, what do you expect to see? Some old, you know, cans and an old can. Like, what do you picture in the East River? Like with the heel, a heel flapping off like a mafia guy in a concrete situation. Yep.

A rat who says, hey, I'm drowning here. Hey, I'm drowning here. The pizza he was, he dove into the Hudson to eat. Jimmy Hoffer. Jimmy Hoffer's in there. Jimmy Hoffer, Jimmy Fallon.

Jimmy Fallon in there. He goes, hey, I'm drowning here. Did people say that at the time? Jimmy Fallon, his. He goes, hey, I'm drowning here. Did people say that at the time? Jimmy Fallon, his hand, hurt his hand? When he broke like seven of his fingers. Oh, Jimmy Fallon. Jimmy Fallon, a lot of fingers. Jimmy Fallon, his fingers, huh?

Sliced through all the stuff. At a certain point, there were too many fingers for it all to be on one hand. That's why I say'd say seven but it could have been sick this sometimes this happens where people get elective surgery and they say like oh i had a big accident so what you're saying i think it is maybe possible that jimmy jimmy fellon had simply too many finger and he said i have to get rid of these in a way that like won't be obvious that i like got people are gonna see that i my i was thinking just the opposite little by little i was thinking that what

he had was an extra finger attached to his hand and then made up a story that he had broken all six of his fingers so that the story is not why does this guy have an extra finger but instead prayers and thoughts to Jimmy Fallon. And when you do prayer hands with that many fingers, you have a lattice to rival any basket maker. Ah, it would take forever. That's a cool story ever to do prayer. Not if you're a serial killer with an Etsy.

if you're a serial killer with an Etsy. Julie, how are we doing on the KevCam? The KevCam Oh, he looks... As soon as you said that, he came back to life, but until you did, he was sort of staring

out into space with his mouth ajar. It is alliteration. We can't do K-E-V-K-A-M. It has to be C-E-V-C-A-M. The Kevcam. Why can't you spell K with a K?

That's when everyone is looking for that. Right. Everyone is expecting us to do two Ks. No, we're doing C-E c a m plus i have i think the camera spelling is more sacred than the spelling of kevin's name you never never the camera has always spelled this i worship the camera i worship film oh boy you're like you're like Tarantino if you knew he was talented. Thank you.

Yes, I appreciate it. Criterion Channel is like literally the only thing. It's like the only thing I watch. I don't know that there's other stuff. Is there still doing TV? Is there still doing TV? Why? It's not just my Bible channel. It's my Bible.

Criterion Channel is like my Bible channel. He just repeated it kevin hello friends uh today we do have to do uh an unboxing on kev cam uh kevin has what are on the kev? We have a special feature. We're unveiling his hog. Yeah, Kevin will be unboxing his hog on cab. Is my hog in a box? It looks like he's opening a cage. Is there a guinea pig or a hamster about to...

It's a hog. It's his hog. Introduce its... Oh my goodness! It's a little rat! But it's a glass. It's no glass it's a spike rat what is what kind of animal is that that's a hedgehog oh that's a hedgehog kevin was such a big fan of sonic i was gonna say is that from in that film wait wait wait wait wait so hold it up to the camera so we're all pull it down for a second kevin we're all... Pull it down for a second, Kevin.

We're all just like minding our own business. We walk in and we open the door and we see this lifted up. Ah! Meow? Show its teeth. Otherwise, I won't pay admission. Remember? Oh, oh yeah the teeth cut

they wanted they had to have his he had to have his teeth be filed off what a cute little pet and he's got a little black spot on his back yeah god go fast what's his name clippy what clippy clippy clippy like the paper like the paper clip that's exactly right he's my little secretary i couldn't help but notice that you're my owner kevin can i kill myself yeah julie's back. Hey, Kevin. Seems like you're writing a ransom note. Hey, Kevin. Seems like you're thinking about writing a suicide letter.

Can I get it started for you? Oh, I already have 17 paragraphs. Hey, Kevin. Seems like you're writing another fan letter. Need any help removing some of the disturbing details how old is it how old is he a few months a few months so it's all and and and and you got him when saturday wow a pandemic pet a pandemic pet it's only monday he's only known kevin for two days this creature has no idea that this that kevin is the rest of

his life he thinks that he's just in the middle of like a just a very short Kevin interlude. Like a weekend with Kevin. Yes, but this is the whole thing now. Yeah. He's like, this isn't a bad layover before I get to where I'm really going to live. Wherever that is. Could be better, could be worse. It's like, nope, this is it. This is your whole future.

What inspired bringing Clippy into your life, Kevin? Well, we had a hedgehog for a few years and he passed away last year. Oh, death. Okay. Death of a hedgehog. New hedgehog. That's fine. This isn't the first hedgehog. That's the first one. You can't replace.

But I'll say too, it is fitting as a pandemic pet because of course we all remember that sonic the hedgehog killed more people than any other movie it was more than all wars put together is that true it was the highest grossing you know in theater film uh directly before it was the last movie people went to see in theater before everything got shut down so it was a super spreader it was it was a huge super spreader event i'm not saying it's responsible yep i think we could say it's responsible it's a fun family movie i'm not

saying it i'm not saying it created covid-19 but it didn't help and let me say this let me say this worth it if i had to do it all over again to have jim carrey back in that form a damn thing to have jim giving me his best stuff to have him find his fastball again on set yeah i'd say so how many of his paintings do you think started as ransom notes? That he was just like, he was painting a ransom note. Or was he painting, but it was like proof of,

maybe it's proof of life. Sure. So he's kidnapped this person and he's like, well, I have to prove obviously that i that i have them i'll do a photo realistic painting of them i mean making a face that only they would make like i never saw such accurate impressions as the one he used to do on the old talk shows when he would i'd be like oh god, that is such a restrained Jack Nicholson. Yeah, where'd Jim go

and when did Jack come in? What's on your mug, Kevin? It's actually a hedgehog too. It looked like a hedgehog. And it says, just roll with it. Alright, so and now we begin to talk about why I'm really here, which is because

there's a problem. And now we begin to talk about why I'm really here, which is because there's a problem. And now I see. Now I see why I was asked. Hey, Julie, what are you doing Saturday, August 21st? Nothing. Want to come to my birthday party? I forgot I was doing something. You know, of course.

Yeah. Why not? I don't care. Sure. Okay, cool. the boys you're invited to what's the like what are we like what are we it's on the agenda what's the food like what are we doing there's gonna be a little pre-game at my place with a couple of close friends near and dear and then after we're gonna go to a bar in uh highland park what bar uh i'll put it in the chat i don't want anybody to crash his birthday party and julie's gonna fly out it didn't sound like julie was invited it actually didn't sound like any of us were invited to the

free game right you are you're invited to both oh i can't go to that bar oh no is it like a they've got my Polaroid by the cash register yeah that's one that one I can't go to that one either not a not a flattering photo not me at my

best she brought in an old old cop and tried to get free refills. Yes, but mostly you can see me holding the bottom of my shirt with my teeth. So the cup is out of the photo. Old McDonald's cup, all the wax. Oh, my God. I used to I used to make my own candles by collecting dixie cups and then using

like um just like a pointy rock and sort of scooping the inside and i would have this this mound of wax at the end of like and i I'm not talking about, you know, right now, every time it's like, oh, red solo cups. I get it. You're having a good time. Well, I would go to parties where we would have a bad time. And that meant punch and paper cups with wax. So about two or three months in, I'd say that's enough for a candle. And then it would be old

wick shopping time. Now, what's a wick? It's something that burns, boys. It's something that burns that don't smell too bad. So that rules out the hair salon. Don't bother getting any of them scraps off the floor. They're just gonna

smell real... They're not gonna smell like the Yankee Candle Company when they burn, and that's all I'm saying. So around that time, I would probably pickpocket some of them sweatshirt cords, the hoodie cords. I'd go, what's over there? And then I'd quickly unknot one of the strings that go inside people's hoodie hoods.

This is definitely, you're on the subway and the subway just like rocks a little bit. Oldest trick in the book. You pull their hoodie cord really tight. So of course their hood shrinks around their neck. It makes it all the easier to go on the other side of their head and then unknot that part. It is a forced ghost protocol on them. So you actually you you you create the ghost protocol against their will. This is the this is the Jason Reitman one.

This is the Jason Reitman one. Yeah. Jason Reitman's Mission Impossible. Yes. Mission Impossible yes Mission Impossible like where sweep out the remains Mission Impossible

Ethan Hunt has to steal Juno's hoodie cord yes well I thought Mission Impossible was sweeping up the remains of a franchise failed by who was in that besides Kate McKinnon who Who was cute in it? She had a steampunk look. It was a lot of fun.

Yeah, but you wanted to say who failed the franchise? Yeah, yeah. Jason Reitman. He's picking it up. He's the right man to write the ship. Anyway, I used to make candles.

Big deal. He's the right man to write the ship. Anyway, I used to make candles. He's the right man to write the man version of the ghost of the ghost, but boys Jason also made Jason Reitman showed. He's like everyone, everyone, please come down. What if some

of them's boys? What if just some of them's boys what if just some of them is boys and everyone's like did we over correct also some is girls and everyone's like what kind of girls

we're talking about sevens nines seven of nine wasn't that a character in something? That's Jerry Ryan. She can be in it. We're not going to forget that. Yeah, we could definitely get her involved. She's busting a ghost.

I think we could probably get her involved. Yeah, I'm not going to pass on Jerry Ryan. I'm not going to say no to Jerry Ryan. It's Parks and Rec, but instead of Jerry from that show, it's just the act as Jerry Ryan and everyone else being... Jerry! Jerry! But it's Jerry Ryan.

Oh, Jerry! Her perfect tits are so annoying. That's what I do with my Oculus. I have a program where jerry ryan is edited into parks and rec episodes and i get to imagine i'm in the office watching her get insulted by is that the only people is that the only program is it that's it for me one okay i just like i want to experience i want to be on set for parks and rec i'm not in the show like they're not real people so you're watching it i'm holding a boom so i've got so i've got the mic up and i'm just sort of like go like giving

a thumbs up like i can hear uh pretty well and then i could see jerry ryan kind of eating shit from a lot of her office uh co-workers so oculus rift Clemens, holding the boom. He's getting paid as well. Getting paid, working on the set of his favorite show. The hours are hell. There were one, well, something that's a little, what's the game of this scene? It's this. It's a little different.

It's just, there's just the one thing and it just that took me out of it that jerry was a guy and not jerry ryan and wasn't someone that made you focus hard as hell oh yes and i i wanted just a little something for the boys. Just a... Yeah. Well, that sounds great. I'm glad...

I am trying to figure out... It's awesome. I've never... I need a bit of sugar with my medicine. I've never had an Oculus Rift moment. I know that people like to pretend they're on roller coasters. I know people like to pretend they're on rolly coasters i know people like to pretend that they're fighting they go bang bang bang and is there like a gun that comes along with it i pretend i'm getting

my ass kicked a lot of times right after work some you know the head sound guy the head of sound department oh you know still in this still program and this is the only program i have but i but i will fight it and he'll come over at the end of the day and he'll go like hey the audio is completely distorted from from your mic like the feed it wasn't coming in clean there's a gun there's a gun there's a gun that comes with it so that guy comes over it says that you messed up the audio sean completely overreacts and pulls a gun i immediately pull out okay got it yeah and he he kicks the shit out of yes right he beats me up no it's uh he's a hero this man

he stops you from making a a bloodbath out of some lovable office mates but for a while people are like because you're not... We're stripped of their grumpiness by episode two. But to the sound guy, people must be like, what did you say? You must have... He's just holding the boom. You're telling me there's no backup from the

lobs? That's what you say when you have the gun. Julie. What? that's what you say when you have the gun Julie what there she is I'm so happy to see you you've got a mask in the background Hayes you've got like it does look like you're at a hospital right now

I've got a mask I've got my cairn that's my pillow cairn okay this will have to be Hayes feed cut out of the have to be Hayes' feed. Cut out of the Kevin Feet, see the Hayes' feed. He's just showing his mask. Total care of moment. New York is back, Julie.

Okay, good. I'm still not leaving my apartment. Nobody told you? No, because I'm filming my own bo burnham special but there's no cameras that's great it's just about how i'm depressed when i heard about that i haven't seen yet but just hearing about it i was like now now julia has to do that this battle between you to this rivalry where bo comes out with something then you top his ass then he gets in the lab comes back with something bigger yeah julie it's like i i hear bodily something i start licking my chops like well what's julie

gonna do well i did breastfeed him wow he's younger than i am talk uh talk about this talk about that well i just a one-time thing it wasn't it i had a couple different gigs when i was in high school as a babysitter okay i babysat um i only babysat like one toddler but mostly it was kids that i could just kind of like watch grease with and then send them to bed and you know pick out all the marshmallows out of their lucky charms and breastfeed them and breast send them to bed and pick out all the marshmallows out of their lucky charms. And breastfeed them. And breastfeed them. Well, yeah, and breastfeed them.

And all of them went on to be very funny comedians. Very funny. And that's called biofeedback. It's called growing up in Brentwood. No, I didn't grow up in Brentwood. I came of age in Brentwood. I've never Up in Brentwood. No, I didn't grow up in Brentwood. I came of age in Brentwood. I've never been to Brentwood.

I did a lot of growing up there. I was not a youth there, but I did a lot of growing up when I went to Brentwood. Went to a chiropractor there one time who gave me a twitch by cracking my skull. Because I have like, he like cracked my neck. i and he's like how does it feel now and i'm like i don't know and then i couldn't stop like blanking one of my eyes involuntarily um which was really cool for um being in a writer's room because whenever somebody would like have to

come up with an idea they'd look around the room and then they'd come back to me. I'd be like, oh, then the ideas would just start flowing. It was a great icebreaker. Julie, did you have something or what? What's good? Seemed like you wanted to interrupt or what? Sorry. What the fuck's going on? the fuck's going on and this chiropractor also told me that he loved um doing adjustments on his nieces and nephews and he says we call it popcorn time because we make their bones crack pop pop pop

i said i got no horse in this game i don't give a shit i'm not one of those people that's like you're doing that to children i do not care i do not care i was like listen are your dogs vaccinated because that's why i'm here do your doctors get into it with you about like vaccination no are they like what are we? No, are they like, what are we working on now? Are they like, were they watching difficult people? Like how much into career stuff do you get

with your each individual doctor? I read my gynecologist's packet. Okay. As he or she was reading yours. I a she okay first of all it was i don't hire men you hired your oncologist i i hired you are your doctor's employer okay remember what is this like i am my own grandpa is it that kind of riddle i called her sis i i was a a girl boss at the time yes i did a little bit of gatekeeping

i'm ashamed to say but no gas lighting i use i use an electric oven instead. Just a smidge of gatekeeping. Do you talk about... My healthcare providers, yes. I'm very involved with industry gossip, and they're all in the mix. So you're really getting into it about Hollywood stuff with your team. That's what I...

That's your team to me. That's what I... You know. That's your team to me. That's my team. Whenever I have an email, it just says so-and-so at cornell.med.edu. You know. I'm not with WME anymore. I should probably

say that. Let's get that out right now. Let's get that out right now. Let's get that out of the way. They misdiagnosed. Yeah, sorry, what? Is it open season for Julie Klausner? Are we looking? Are we seeking new representation?

That's one way of describing the void. Yeah, it's open season. No, I'm very happy. I'm with a smaller boutique. Not a boutique agency, but a boutique.

Yes, they sell pillbox hats and the like. The cutest necklaces you've ever seen. They say, no, those aren't necklaces. They're collars for dogs. I said, well well then why does it fit around my neck and they must have said

something to that they said ma'am they didn't say this is an Arby's that would have been funny this is an Arby's ma'am this is an Arby's do you guys you don't have a dog haze just just sean has dogs you're both have kitties but sean's the only one with a puppo i'm the only dog man pupper you

heckin pupper yeah sean do you ever give bosh any of that like what is that called the ice cream for dogs it's called like uh oh uh. Oh. That good good. Paws. Something paws. Paws, yeah. Like frosty paws. Frosty paws. Does he ever get a frosty paws or no?

I think I bought him some once and he didn't really go for it. What? Really? He wasn't that into it. Yeah. He's a little funny sometimes with what he wants and what he doesn't. I mean, I pick him up a puppuccino at Starbucks every now and then. Yeah, I was going to say, with Frosty Paws, all I eat. That's your whole thing?

Lately. Well, you look like a million bucks. Oh, thanks. Well, two paws up. Frosty Paws is working. Yeah, that's my jam. But puppuccinos, he's into. What about, what do they call it, a Dunkin'?

Do they call it a Pup Cup? Something less pretentious. I don't know. I'm ashamed to say I've never taken him to Dunkin'. Yeah, a Puppa Joe. It's just black coffee for dogs. Box of Boxo. They still have those right boxo

joe box of joe what do you guys think when you're going in in the morning to do a job you know in film and television and you see a box of joe what's the first thing you think you see that waiting for you there on set what do you think

my kind of people got it yep I'm home. I can take this ascot off finally and just be me for a change. Right, right. What about you, Hayes? That, I mean, like, I bring that to set.

I don't spend much time in the room. Like, as the sets are getting built and stuff, I'll, like'll wander down there. First of all, that's where the real comedy is. With the fellas down there. Yes, I'll bring a box of Joe.

You're bringing it? Or you're just arriving to see? I'll bring it. You bring it. Is that a union violation? What side of things are you on these days? I can't bring it. You bring it. Is that a union violation? Or are you... What side of things are you on these days? I can't carry it.

I can't carry it. But I can... You do. You put it on a granny cart. That's, by the way... I can arrange for it to be... That's a problematic term. Brought by somebody.

And some writer's assistant will come down and be like, what are you doing? We're writing. And I was like, yeah, yeah. So are we. Why don't you bring everyone down here yeah and we'll wrap we'll build a set at the same time and like cool instead of these divisions these like fake divisions cool it's like we're all in the same business let's involve the line below the

line yeah there is no there is no line i'm i get my eraser out you know what i mean hayes has an overall with the montessori studios he doesn't know what that means i did go to school unlike popular opinion and let's just see about actually i meant let's just say popular opinion of course being that you didn't go to school well sure well i love it when hayes sings hayes never sings sean's the one who sean's the crooner sings sean's the one who sean's the crooner uh i'm not guilty i've been known to sort of get into those upper registers every now and then and clear out the pipes you guys didn't ask me what i think of when i see a box oh joe when i what do you think of when you see a box what do you when you see a box oh joe what do you think of julie i think get you're blocking

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pushing that so much you're saying that you will be added on to your bed yeah your bed plus one that's the opposite of what this is supposed to do it's supposed to help you stay a lot of these i know give you a ton of energy they have like smoothies and things like that reservation for two me walking in my bedroom what's the second it's you and your bed bad i guess clippy fuel up fast with factors restaurant quality meals that are ready to heat and eat wherever you are pancakes smoothies and more discover a wide variety of easy options for the entire day like breakfast midday bites and more no we didn't even this is absolutely this is not even up for

consideration so let's just hear what the actual meal what. What was the food? I don't want to go to bed. It's very simple. It's one huge chicken nugget. Sign up and save. We've done the math. Factor is less expensive than takeout. Every meal is dietitian approved to be nutritious and delicious. Head to factormeals.com slash theboys50 and use code theboys50 to get 50% off. That's code THEBOYS50 at factormeals.com slash THEBOYS50 to get 50% off. Hey, guys. Rocket Money is a personal finance app that finds and cancels your unwanted subscriptions, monitors your spending, and helps lower your bills. You can see all your subscriptions in one place, and if I see something I don't want, I can cancel it with a tap.

I never have to get on the phone with customer service the subscriptions are insidious they're the scourge of our modern life and you never realize what you're subscribing to or that you're still being charged I know that I was about 19 dresses into receiving each one of the 27 dresses from the movie 27 dresses before i found out how much it was costing yes that they intended to send me by the way you'll this will shock you 54 dresses if i did not cancel and i you know oh that one's got an end point by like dress 14 15 i think it starts to become clear like these aren't the dresses. Oh, no. They were not from the movie.

They didn't resemble anything from the movie. They were not. They were either way too big or way too small for a human to wear. And one of them was a dressing. Yeah. One of them was a. It was a vinaigrette. It was a raspberry vinaigrette. It was a French raspberry vinaigrette. It was a raspberry vinaigrette.

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and have helped save its members an average of 720 a year with over 500 million dollars in canceled subscriptions and that was i mean just to be fully transparent that 500 million was most of that was the the dresses well yeah i mean you're talking about hollywood memorabilia you're talking about like ornate gowns you know in some cases and so that was uh yeah that was costing me a lot a lot a lot stop wasting money on things you don't use cancel your unwanted subscriptions by going to rocket money.com slash the boys that's rocket money.com slash the boys rocket money.com slash the boys. Hollywood handbook.

Julie, Broadway. Broadway's back. Huh? Well, I did see a viral video with Lin-Manuel and Jimmy Fallon strapping people down, administering... They looked like they were in a lot of pain.

So, yes! Broadway's back! What were they administering? The Delta variant. They administered the Delta variant? Just to see how it... There's a lot of experiments that aren't like, Hi, I'm doing an experiment, because then that would affect the

results did you see this video do you know what i'm talking about no i don't kevin are you able to share screen can you do that no no oh yikes no oh i wish uh what's your first show back going to be? My first show back? Mm-hmm. Probably that one that has two meal breaks. Okay. It's called The Foundation. Oh, maybe that's just like...

Maybe that's a class. Might be a class. That might be a class with the two meal breaks. What's that cult that's like not a cult? Landmark? Landmark Forum? That'll be my first show. Okay.

That's where you like call people you haven't spoken to in like two decades and you're like you like call them and they pick up and you're like, I'm sorry. And if they're not there, you leave a voicemail. They do the whole class and they're like, okay, we'll just take a quick meal break. And Julie takes out her frosty paws and just gobbles them down.

Very slowly takes them. I just put them in like pellets and I let them slowly melt. Don't put them in the pellets and I let them slowly melt. Don't put them in the back of my mouth. I got my frosty paws in. Yeah. I will probably go to Landmark

Forum the first weekend. And then... You know what's funny? I've never seen Phantom. I'm gonna go see Phantom. Oh, you've got to see Phantom. He might pick you for that for that show i would be freaking out if i end up on the phantom cam if he chose if like yeah he's like who tonight is being my bride i love it I love it when he sings the phantom cam shows the camera guy dressed in all

black the effect is just a floating it's part of his coat it just looks like it's part of his coat and it lands on me have you heard anything about the Shutter Island musical

well I heard that the twist takes place during intermission. Really? So you come back in and it's just resolved. Yeah, which sounds awesome. So wait, hold on. Wait, back to the fandom. This is a quick question. The camera lands on me.

I stick the frosty paws all the way back in my mouth so I don't get in trouble from the ushers then he brings me onto his canoe because from my in my understanding there's a i feel like i'm picturing the phantom of the opera as like a water park ride or a slow you know the one who's like yeah it's not a water not i mean like the aisle recedes the top of the aisle recedes and it's a flume underneath the aisle it's a log flume and it looks like you're about to get sawed in half by a giant circular saw as you're you're like moving towards it but then there's this steep incline you didn't see that you like jet down until like the splash zone

but i don't need to do anything right because the guy who plays the phantom is just going to be holding me and singing to me, or do I have to do something? It'd be nice if you sang back. Well, then I'd have to spit out my frosty paws. And I don't know what that's going to do to the flume fluid because it's never water in those water park rides. I don't know if you know that. I learned the hard way.

They kind of set you up where he says like, I bid you a wish to say I do. And then I bid you a wish. Ideally you would say I do. But I worry that

Frosty Paws will just come gushing out of your mouth. And then I believe he goes, my loving goddess, say what? And then I go, whoa! Exactly. Exactly. And then a PA sticks a rose in your your mouth sends you home as a souvenir i think it's worth it and i don't think you'll get in trouble because they sell frosty paws there i mean they're marked up you know like the dickens but so i shouldn't bring my own i think you should because the the pricing's

outrageous they mark them up like and they also have like the the bump at the bottom of the package so it's not actually as much frosty paws in there as what's the bump it's like it's like like a um indented package at the bottom so you can't see it but it's like air upwards no it's just like material it's packaging concave like bottom to it so that they're let's them save on frosty paws filling right can I peek under the phantom's mask if I win

so as long as you don't reveal it to the audience like you have to have the angle just so do you know what's under there unfortunately I do reveal it to the audience. You have to have the angle just so. Do you know what's under there? Unfortunately, I do. Were you chosen? Or you just know?

Did you audition to play? Not me. Oh my God. I wasn't chosen. Not me. But a character I play was. Which character is that sean okay it's now you're gonna make me do the character i like don't want to i'm not i wasn't you it's like suddenly i'm gonna have to do the character so i don't really want you don't like doing that now it makes you shy huh it makes me really shy

it makes you feel yeah this makes you feel shy well the character's name is Ray LeMantain give me a little Ray give me a little Ray want me to set him up hey ray how's it going

i don't know how it's going okay hey look over there so he says hey look over there and then he'll do something you know you don't know what he does in the case of the sort of sketch that I did with the phantom uh I ended up phantom in your sketch group

it was no it wasn't a sketch group it was a show was a tv show what was it called was it drawn together it was called pretend time that's cool yeah so then uh ray lamantane is like he's like at the piano and he's singing and uh the phantom comes up and he's like you know i he was like jeff richmond like in second city yeah okay yeah and then the phantom comes up and he's like you know i sing a little bit too okay and i go and i go you know like whatever i

call him baby and then and then i move over why are you calling baby you know it's like a thing that you call everybody that like paul schfer? I call everybody that except for actual babies, and I call them adult. Weird. Weird and interesting. Yeah. That's Ray's game. Can we talk about this finally?

We're like, it was all Jeff Richmond the whole time. All the jokes. You're not thinking of Jeff Richards, are you? No. Oh, Jeff Richards. Oh, yeah, I not thinking of jeff richards are you no i'm uh oh jeff richards oh yeah i am thinking of jeff richards drunk girl from snl yeah yes okay that's who i think i thought you were saying that someone else i would not let i would not let jeff Jeff Richards near a piano. When Drunk Girl gets near the piano? I can hear it. I can hear it.

I can hear it. I can hear it. I can hear it, too. I can as well. So when you win, you get to lift up the mask. Sorry, it feels like you guys think I can't hear it. It felt like you two thought you could both hear it. Oh, I'm sorry. And then I couldn't hear it. I think you win you get to lift sorry it feels like you guys think i can't hear it like it felt like you two thought you could both hear it and then i couldn't i think you might be able to i think you might be able to i am not i don't mean to exclude you sean no it's not i i want

you to be honest with me that's part of what i like about this friendship so much but if you can't to what I like about this friendship so much but if you can't if you can't hear it does that mean something's wrong with you like if you were just a little you were a little slower than we were that's all I was late on it

I was late that's okay you ended up where you needed to be it's a three part harmony we could always like do a second we could do another take. We're like doing pet sounds. When Jeff brought us

Drunk Girl. We thought... I turned to Marcy. I turned to Lindsay Sh. I turned to Lindsay Shookus and I said, get Billy on the phone. I saw the reincarnation

of Chris. Call my t-shirt guy. This is a t-shirt. We hadn't had a successful t-shirt since it's Pat. But Drunk Girl was t-shirt worthy.

Do you think he saw Girl You Don't Want To Be Stuck Talking To At A Party and was like, okay okay so we're doing this i think he was excited by it i think so we're just doing this you mean richards yes oh yeah i think at that point richards was wearing like you know how like if you keep putting T-shirts on, you look like either really muscular or you kind of look like that red character with like the hair humps from Warner Brothers cartoons. Yeah. So I think Jeff Richards is wearing all of the drunk, the drunk girl T-shirts to the extent where like his shoulders went up to his ears.

Yeah. There's a point when it's too many t-shirts. Right, so I don't even know if he saw all of it because the collars could have been obscuring his eyes. But when he did see that, or if he did see that, or if he heard it, I don't know, maybe he busted it, I don't know. Maybe he liked it.

Maybe he thought it was a tribute. Maybe he liked it. That's the sickest part. He might have liked it. You know, Paul Simon won't swim without wearing a t-shirt. So whenever I think, should this die at dress? I think about Paul Simon needing a t-shirt. about Paul Simon needing a t-shirt.

So I tend to go with the ones that are more t-shirt appropriate, if that makes any sense. Actually, I don't think Lauren would be the kind of person that would say, if that makes any sense, I don't think that would... Chevy once punched Michael O'Donohue in the t-shirt so hard. You know, when I first saw designs for Mr. Mike, I thought it was interesting that his shirt had buttons. Mr. Bill?

Did he mean Mr. Bill? Yeah, Mr. Bill. Not Mr. Mike. Mr. Mike. Which one is Mr. Mike? That, Mr. Bill. Not Mr. Mike. Mr. Mike. Which one is Mr. Mike? That's Mike O'Donohue. That's Mike O'Donohue. That was what Michael O'Donohue called his cock.

He probably fucking took out all the time and forced, like... That's all you had to do. By the way, that's all you had to do. I saw this thread on Twitter that was like, which show would you like to write for for each decade? 1960s, Mary Tyler Moore, 1970s, blah, blah, blah. I'm like, I would be, it would not, none of those decades were good environments for female comedy writers.

I've heard horror stories about every, well, the Fresh Prince ones are crazy. Not so fresh. Not so fresh. More like rotten. More like rotten. Does it take you a second to realize... Not princes, but scoundrels. No, it is Fresh Prince,

but it's P-R-I-N-T-S. It always takes me a minute to know if the whole tomatoes are the good ones until i realize that the green splatters are the bad ones oh yeah because you're like okay so this movie got a tomato right and i know that like it's not a good thing to throw at a movie yeah but then you see the green splatter and it's like okay well that's clearly bad sorry sorry sorry i don't want to uh you know it's hey it's really fun i love the conversation we have on this show and i i like to sort of let people go wherever they want if we're going to sit here and say that

the system behind the rotten tomatoes Tomatoes website is somehow flawed. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. I'm not okay with that. No, no, no. I think that was me being self-deprecating. Like, oh my God, I'm so stupid. Okay, that I'm okay with. Okay, good, because there's a lot more where they're attacking you from.

And I'll call me stupid too and I'll call me stupid too I'll call me stupid because I'm so stupid that I I sometimes don't check the Rotten Tomatoes score before I go see a movie and sometimes I'll think I like it and then I'll find out it's rotten

and then I'll put on my Oculus and get my ass kicked by the head of the sound department. Don't bring your Oculus to the movies. Don't bring your Oculus to the movies. No, I'm homeless at this point. Unless you buy it a seat, and you sit next to it,

and you put a little bow in his hair. And you go, Oh, it's Ms. Pac-Man. Do you want some fruit, honey? What was the Rotten Tomatoes for Difficult People? It was basically like a Greek salad in August, baby. Okay. Lots of nice juicy red ones.

Oh, yeah. Not a mealy tomato to be disappointed. Just the finest. A pomodoro of the sentence. Oh, mama mia. Audience score? Who cares? Not my problem.

Who gives a shit? Fuck them all. Right, Kevinith and the he-man show apparently i was told this this weekend i was held down forcibly by what looked like jimmy fallon and lin-manuel and like executioner hoods and they were like we're gonna tell you all about the kevin smith he-man reboot no it's like why they were like because you're resistant to the Delta variant we still need to do experiments I said okay

they said it's a guy in the executioner hood but he's doing that like lip biting face you could just you could just see his lip and then also the other executioner has like you know splints on every of every finger of his glove he's got one of those one of those gloves that's like are you gonna like reach into a cauldron of some kind with like wax on the other side of it but there are there still had wait a minute

is a falcon gonna land on that Jimmy Falcon oh my god oh my god so anyway they told me that um Kevin Smith made a show where he man is like killed or something and then and then

he showed me that the audience score was very bad and the tomatoes were very good and then and then he showed me that the audience score was very bad and the tomatoes were very good and then i slept for 18 hours can't kill he man you can't kill he man no wonder the audience is so pissed. Yeah, right. Who's going to beat up Skeletor? Like, Boneselus would actually be able to kill He-Man. There's no way that Boneselus has the powers over... Boneselus couldn't kill He-Man. Boneselus couldn't kill He-Man with all the power of Eternia.

Oh, Eternia. That's what it felt like this conversation had been going on for. Yeah. Literally, He-Man could lie down and just open up his chest and present it to Hordak. And Hordak would be unable to murder him. Think about that sean did you want to say what was under the mask when like you didn't because you were able to look under the phantoms mask under the phantom mask when you won oh sure i don't want people to just

be like being like oh well he saw it was under there and he didn't say what it was. Right yeah. It was Sonic's teeth. Gross! Like made out like a mask of its own kind of? Like tiled like a roof? Had to put them somewhere.

Yeah. Oh okay the smaller ones. They put Sonic's teeth in there like the long bloody root and everything the whole thing yeah cause some of them are upside down too and you're seeing the under piece gross

yeah it's Sonic's teeth no wonder he hides all day and sings and they're full of bugs because he's going so fast it's like a they're like splattering all over his teeth wait bugs? don't the mask protect the teeth? oh Julie

you gotta we gotta get you out of the highway sometime really open her up when you are when the phantom mounts his hog when you're on the when you're just like really open her up. When you are out there, when you're on the freaking, when you're just like just melting

blacktop, the bugs are exploding all over your car. This is a biker thing? Are you guys bikers now? Yeah. You have old ladies? This is my old lady and this is my Are you guys bikers now? Yeah. You could do it on a bike. You have old ladies?

This is my old lady and this is my... What do you call it? Steed? Hog? Something? Altamont? I just call it my best friend. This is my old lady and this is my best friend. Got it.

So, there are bugs in the phantom a t-shirt that says if you're reading this the hedgehog fell off he's holding the hedgehog's waist no no opposite opposite the hedgehog is holding his waist yeah i was gonna say i don't know how to find the head the waist of a hedgehog and by the way after this pandemic i don't know how to find my own waist that's interesting that's interesting if he's holding the hedgehog's waist and you just assume the shirt had it written on the front. I don't know. Sometimes we wear things that are just for the benefit of ourselves, which reminds me of another phantom, the phantom thread. He would

sew messages into each one of those dresses before his best friend would give him diarrhea and then they were in love. They were in love and friend would give him diarrhea and then they they were in love they were in love and she would give him diarrhea she'd be like he'd be like he'd be like darling give me diarrhea again and she'd be like the usual she was like a diner waitress she's like the usual and he was like yes that's right i want

the love i want the love special and she'd be like one mushroom omelet coming up and then you see her in her you go anything else i can get you no she leaves the check right there which i love by the way because that means that when i'm done eating i just leave at 20 and get the hell out but in this case i wouldn't go anywhere anytime soon daniel day yep you're gonna want to stay at the table and use the tablecloth and i'll say this the most romantic movie i've ever seen about giving people diarrhea with omelets the the t-shirts that he wove at that movie. You know, I like this character because

he wants diarrhea, which is interesting. So we're cutting diarrhea man from dress. Adam. reminds me of something diarrhea man from dress Adam Colin you know what's interesting is two Collins posted update does anyone notice that or have I lost my mind anyway we're cutting diarrhea man from dress

my Rudolph comes home and is like there was this amazing we did this diarrhea man sketch tonight and it got it got cut from dress paul thomas is like yeah he takes out his ear horn he goes say it into the horn dear this is an incredible diarrhea man sketch today click click click click click click what okay are we done speaking of take us out speaking of fashion movies julie i think i have a nice way to take us out yeah you invoke the phantom thread and maybe we all say a little prayer for each other this difficult time and we give it up to the father the son and the house of Gucci. Oh.

I give it up to the house of Tucci. Okay. He's eating pasta and looking good. Yes. Are you going to see that? You guys going to see the house of Gucci? Yes. You can't wait. In the theater

with Jimmy Fallon and lin-manuel and their delta injection look at this little look at this little guy is he wearing a t-shirt he's got a little shirt keep him warm what's he saying kevin uh he said you can take the money and i'll take it one day at a time oh is that from something a breakup i saw on tiktok oh it's like whoa what else is going on with you kevin it's like oh breakup like well okay Like, well, okay. It's backstory. Yikes. Listen, if that happens, don't tell us around the end of the show.

Don't do that. What else does he say? Or at the beginning or middle of the show. Have him give a little goodbye message. Bye. Hollywood Handbook. This week on the Patreon, Carl and Ahsan discuss skydiving,

the boys dedicate a whole pro version to one special listener, and the flagrant ones are mostly talking all things basketball. Check out these bonus podcasts and videos of the full episodes at patreon.com slash the flagrant ones. Hollywood Handbook. That was a HeadGum Podcast.