Hollywood Handbook - Julie Klausner, Our Former Close Friend

Episode Date: December 22, 2020

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This is a HeadGum Podcast. Meg Ryan. Richard Gere. Michelle Pfeiffer. Rupert Grint. Oh my God. Like, you think your songs are so great, you can make fun of our songs. See, this is why I chose this topic, Hayes.

But isn't it amazing how... Here comes Hayes and Sean! This many years in, from her years into doing this podcast, that the song still connects with the same power as it did on its first hearing. Isn't that incredible?

Then that the names still sit in the exact same impactful spot as they did when we first crafted the song by a text and that's just a little glimpse into how we put it we just were we were just texting is that your process and just like saying these different names and being like oh yeah that's, that's yes. Yeah. Is our process texting? Yes. This is so perfect. This is already perfect. Sean, it's like you were prepped.

I agree it's perfect. I agree it's perfect. The show's good. It's like you were prepped. The show rocks. People love the Julie episodes. Hello, Julie. Hi, guys.

Hi, Hayes. Hi, Sean. Hi, Kevin. Hi, Julie. What is up? episodes hello julie hi guys here and hi haze hi sean hi kevin hi julie what's up what's up wow and perfect is the enemy of the good which means that uh good is uh we're gonna like kick good's ass because we are perfect and we're good's enemy and the show is perfect. Always. And look out Good and put your ass protector on. Beating the ass. Should we start from the beginning? Should we start from the top? Should we just start from the top?

I don't think so. Just do a clean break? Oh, we're going. Okay, this is going well. Okay, good. I wasn't sure. I don't think we would need to start from the top. I don't think so. We already did start.

I don't think so. We already did start. I don't think we would need to start. We already did start. We already did. I don't think so. Julie, how are you? I'm okay. Happy holidays. Happy holidays to you, Julie. The boys. What a year, eh?

Peace, brother. Peace. Oh, I'm Richard Nixon. Okay. And Julie's. So people at home can't necessarily see this julie has transformed her physical being in order to do this impression well it's an impression of you doing an impression well yeah you know i don't know what it is at this point like it's so crazy

but she's doing this impression of this guy i guess me you know but she's saying i'm richard nixon this guy and i gotta say he's got two thumbs and a bad attitude sean clements this guy uh julie you were you were gonna you were looking for um uh maybe i'm okay hanukkah guilt thank you yes that's what i was gonna say underneath sean's hat yes that's what i was gonna say i was wondering is it bad to say that julie was looking for hanukkah guilt but uh that that yes that's what i was gonna say what's under your hat sean what do you mean secrets i want to see i want to see your head oh looking good buddy his hair has been looking great it looked good when it was really long looks terrific i was gonna say like there's gonna be some covid

like i don't know a covid fro or something under there, but it looks terrific. You look like a dapper Dan. Thanks. Yeah, I have my hair cut. I got my hair cut. I had a long hair, and I had a big, even a ponytail at one point, Julie. And it was fun and it was cool, but the time for that came to an end.

When? Ooh, we can probably put a date on it hayes when do you think that happened well it was when you were sean has these uh like painting calendars so like it's it's not like a paper calendar it's like a very nice oil painting uh that has for december it has santa uh for november it has the turkey for october has jackie lantern for september it has school yes back to school no but when it but it is exciting when you first are going back to begin the year and say oh is am i in any classes with julie am i in any classes with haze and are any of my friends going to be sitting with me and that can be exciting now come around time when it's uh you know april you go i'm sick of school when's summer coming right and i didn't

have enough classes with julie and i didn't have enough classes with haze i had too many classes with chef kevin but so these the the paintings are very heavy and when you have 11 paintings kind of uh precariously positioned really thick up and they've been painted over every year a new painting gets painted over the pre-existing ones so they're really thick and heavy now yeah and the school in september has had to be like renamed a bunch of times like the first couple columbine because of columbine at one point it was named columbine it was called columbine one of you is dylan and which one of you is eric and i do not want to have this conversation with you again i do not want to do this we've all heard your theory i know who i

think who i think that the answer is very obvious we don't but anyway the 11 paintings between January and November as Sean was flipping up to December they smashed down and crushed his ponytail

so you were asking me when it happened and it was at the stroke of midnight on December 1st the ponytail shattered into a million pieces ponytail so you were asking me when it happened right and it was at the stroke of midnight on december 1st the ponytail shattered into a million pieces i was like scraping it up off the floor sweeping it up all night and i tried to forget it was really sweet sean called me and it was like can you fix this for me and he was like trying to put it back together and i was holding it like could you could you fix it and i'm holding it i was like oh it? And I'm holding it up. I'll fix it and I took it and then I just

got him a new one. Yeah, he went into his workshop but then I could hear that he was just faking just hitting the hammer against the workbench basically but not really doing anything and then he came out with a brand new one, different color and still had the packaging.

Julie, what about you? we're checking in with you what well i'm really glad sean that you brought up the notion of sitting next to your friends in school every year yes i have an announcement to share with you and maybe we could work on it and maybe hell yes and this show early and go our separate ways but i decided i decided and by the way i decided and then and then sean you came on the zoom and i double decided i double decided okay she's decided again the new year is coming we all have our new year's resolutions mine is i'm going to stop trying to be friends with you both oh wow because i'm breaking my heart i don't believe you you liar you filthy liar i have been trying to be your friends for the entire duration of our relationship and i give up i give up this is me throwing in the towel and i'm saying 2021 probably gonna be another dumpster fire of a year it probably is yeah

basically it probably is but i'm gonna go and i can't have this on top of it that I have to be crying now because Julie threw the towel at me. Show me. Show me why I shouldn't feel this way. Because I try so hard. And then I try hard not to try hard because I think, oh, they're reacting to, oh, she's thirsty. She's thirsty. Right? Okay. Nobody said you's thirsty. She's thirsty. Right? Okay.

Nobody said you were thirsty. But you know what? I've tried both ways to be friends with you, which is, I'm a puppy. I'm a puppy. Oh, I'm so glad you're home. I'm so glad you're home. I'm so glad you're home. The puppy does sound thirsty.

Versus, oh, I'm a cat, and I don't care if you're going to respond to my text or not, but I'm probably going to send you one anyway in a couple of months. Has it occurred to you, Julie, that your experience is what being friends with us is and that you're already arrived at your destination? That being friends with us is just sort of feeling like these guys suck. It hurts. It sucks and it hurts. Yes. And that's always been the case for everyone we're friends with. Kevin, I mean, you could speak to this a little bit.

100%. Every day. Well, we're talking. There's a status thing here. I wake up a dog and I go to bed a cat every night. Okay. Well, I hear about your bachelor screening parties i hear about that is that must be tough you guys go to by the way it must be hard during covid that you haven't been to an

escape room with tom in the last 10 days now you would like to be i guess um teleconferenced into those uh events would we i'd like to be something you You know what it is? I might just have to convince myself that I don't like you. Either of you. Okay, good luck. Yeah. We rock. I wish you the best of luck on that front. You will need it.

I guess if you don't like us, you also don't like, hmm, let's see, funniness? Funniness, he says. Coolness. Smartness. Uh-huh. A lot of podcasts.

Kindness. And having friends. Let's talk about kindness. Let's talk about kindness. Awesomeness. How have you been kind to me? Katness. Aberdeen.

Kind to me. Katniss Aberdeen. How many texts must go unreturned before I give up on the boys? So, Hayes' signature is that he doesn't return texts. And I have actually actually it's actually contagious okay so you're a chameleon i'm always so it's hurt people hurt people and i'm always so upset that hayes hasn't returned my last text that i don't return anyone else's until i get one from him and i i often misunderstand the point of a text. Sean will send me a nice picture, like a video of his little son.

And I will have the most wonderful experience enjoying the video. And I'll watch it and I'll just have a grand old time. He sends you a beautiful photo of his beautiful son. And I enjoy it. And I sort of thought that was the point for me to enjoy the photo. But it was actually the point was for me to do the a heart on it that well i have been upset i have been upset that there's no response whatsoever or that the response is like there is a separate question about something else and and it's just me loving the video because so often when you do text haze

what you get is like nine weeks later, like, hey, just saw this. Do you still need sugar? You guys are talking about each other and not me. Yeah. This is yet another unresponded to text from Julie. I tried to change my name to Nithya. I thought, maybe then. We don't do that here.

Maybe then. We don't do that we don't do that you just have to push you know what i'm talking about like you have to blur the lines who are you robin thick with these blurred lines okay i'm gonna sue you i'm marvin i wonder if you have ever considered this i wonder if you have ever considered this. I wonder if you have ever considered the following. And the following is this, that everyone is actually on their own journey and everyone is actually having their own experience. And the person that you meet who you might think is like being is actually going through their own journey. And I had to get my cat's eyeball removed.

Oh, my God. Yes. yes oh now i'm upset now yeah here come the here comes the apology train it's gonna me too would you like me to get him for you and so maybe next time you think about like what's happening when i don't have a text you can picture my cat's face with a freaking eyeball now hayes just left the frame. Now, Sean, you deal with her for a second. Wow. Julie, I am a father. I heard. And when I've sent Hayes videos of my son, I get nothing.

What about what I get? Cute. He could write cute. When I send you nice things, I send you nice check-ins. I send you funny things. I send you nice check-ins. I send you funny things. I send you links. I ask you how you're doing. I'm not even confident you know where you are right now or who you're talking to. The stuff you send me sometimes where you'll send me a photo of my cats that someone else posted and go, what is this? What is this? I didn't think, what is this?

These are my cats. No, you know what? I'll tell you exactly. We've talked about these. I'll tell you exactly what happened. Oh my God, look at this pussy cat. Oh, Hayes.

That's Fuzzby. We found him under a car. Oh, sweetheart. Oh, he's beautiful. Here he is, Julie. So sorry I didn't respond to your text. I was trying to. Hi, sweetheart.

Save his life. Save his entire life. Good kitty. So this is the cat story, Sean and Hayes and Kevin Bart. Well, and all our listeners do apparently. Yeah, don't forget this. We actually have a show. We're listening.

I get a text from a friend of mine saying, look at these silly cats. And there's five of them. And they're all like curled up in this crazy position. And they look like a five headed cat. And I said, oh, my God, these cats are hilarious. And then I get a follow up texting. My friend is cat sitting for these cats. And she says that they belong to a friend of yours.

Okay. Of yours. And who was it? And then he goes, name name sean wow and i write back i write back oh my god he is my friend and then i text you it's so funny that this this person we both know is cat sitting for these funny cats and i'm your friend and then he does he wasn't they weren't it's a separate conversation it's the sharing of the cat pictures for cloud oh there's a cat behind shot oh i see oh my god oh my god oh my god royal imagine let's just Oh my God. Oh my God. Royal. Imagine.

Let's just cut. What if a babysitter is like sending the pictures of like a, like a, a famous person's child around, you know, because in this world, you know, like we actually need to be,

we've made a bit of a dent. This is Royal and Royal's got a tumor and Royal threw up four times yesterday. What is this? The, the, whose cat tumor and royal threw up four times yesterday what is this the whose cat is the most fucked up content well apparently it is a conversation that we need to be having as and you and can i just say what did i say you said when you texted me that you said what is this what's this and you said i didn say, what is this? And now I'm looking at the text and the text says, and this is a quote,

Sean, what is this? I said that. Yes. How do you know Hayes? Sean been having receipts. Purple Hayes. Anyone ever call you that?

And so this is why it's tough, Julie. No, no, no. Occasion occasionally to establish a real friendship with and he's showing the repeat hold on let me grab my cat let me hold on let me put a quick like paper towel cast around his leg and i'll hold him up to the camera and then maybe we'll

be on the same page hold on Let me make my cat look injured. By the way, Sean, looking at that text conversation, who was the last texter in it? It looks like it was you. Was it friendly, Sean? Was it friendly, Sean? The text?

Was it friendly? Was it mean? Was it nasty? Just tell me the spirit. The text was nice. It was a story about a Wheaton Terrier, and I hit you with all I'm asking for from his, which was a little tap back. I gave you a little double exclamation point.

And like, wow, what a story. Pow, pow. Then you say, what is this? I answer. Then I'm texting. I'm going, I'm sending you. I know you're passionate about basset hounds i'm sending you updates with the basset hounds i live with my year sean i thought that okay so what are we doing here what are we talking about look at these incoming texts from the clam dog about the bass wow big blue big blues sean that made me feel

like there was a 30 000 feet chance that we would be friendlier i was so happy when you texted me and i wrote back right away and i was passionate and i followed up and then you disappeared well you followed up and said keep me updated daily and i would and i sent you a couple more times that I saw them. But it was, of course, during COVID. So it was hard for me to interact with my neighbors. Oh, please. I know.

I know you don't believe it's a serious issue. We had this conversation with the wrong person. You're on the front lines. You're the essential workers. It must be nice to be so handsome. Both of you. It must be nice. it's not that great you know what you see looking back at you blondes and blueys blueys and dimpees

and blonde hairs blondes and bluey it must be nice Julie speaking of mirrors if we could actually hold one up to you for a minute and think about like Sean and I have talked about like

we should really be friends with Julie like it's time to like take that, like, talk to her the way we do. We tell her we're very vulnerable and we, like, you know, talk about what's really going on with us. Sean is just leaving. Sean is leaving. Are you leaving? Sean's going to... I'll take it from here.

I'm getting my wife back. I'll take it from here. I got it. I got it. I got it. I'll take it. I'll take the rest of the show. But I'll be talking to Julie and I'll say, like, Julie, you julie you know i just like i'm not in a great place right now i don't really know like what

i'm doing with my life and then you would start singing maybe like it's my life by bon jovi or say uh life or something like it or yeah this is not me this is this is you guys dancing around a straight man and life cereal yeah you go like when life gives you lemons make lemon that Brett Gelman movie or whatever like and I'd go like well first of all first of all it's a Janixa Bravo

movie first of all it's a Janixa Bravo movie first of all it's a Janixa Bravo movie but you're proving my point am I yeah it's a Janixa bravo movie but you're proving my point am i yeah bra yeah it's a genixa bravo movie watch what happens right yeah bravo watch what happens you are that's what you would do to me no you're doing your own you did it to me you're seeing things that you do in me which to me makes me feel like wait a minute we got something in common that's great that's great you know why we're in the pocket we can speak the same language when we're working are we work friends

oh boy this then god i guess i am at my job right now tell me why you like me haze you start wow this is um so challenging easy no it's so easy to do uh julie you are a pioneer in this industry and you showed that you could quit doing a podcast without like. Is this going to be backhanded now? No. I mean, like, and then somehow ascend from not doing the podcast anymore. And like, that's what keeps me going. It's like, Julie quit doing How Was Your Week? And then it worked out amazing.

Yes. So it's like when it does come time for us to end this show, I'll be like this is when it is really going to start happening. Yeah, I haven't had the confidence to even consider it yet. But to know that that's waiting out for me on the horizon. You showed me that. And she's got pipes. And the kids got pipes la la la right i mean she could sing i literally feel like i'm gonna start to cry why i feel like i'm being i feel like i'm being bullied julie said you had pipes because we said you have pipes what are you talking about

I feel like you're being mean what like you're saying things that are like kind of nice but like a little like everything you say sounds sarcastic Julie we're in the process of hosting our podcast that is us being sarcastic

oh really we love you and we think that you're friends with us and we think you're very funny. Please don't cry on the show. We won't have anything to release. Yes, we cannot have that happen. It's the one thing Kevin

said he can't edit out is if anyone ever cries on our show. He's made it a hard and fast rule. Let me try and make myself cry. Hold on. No, no, no. Please don't. I can't do it. This freaking show should be called sarcastic comment loading because that's

honestly mostly what it is. It's funny comments and they're all sarcastic. I love shooting loads. I'll say this, Julie. You want to compliment? Why are you so angry? Why are you so angry?

Well, I'll tell you why I'm angry. How many people have produced and created and starred in their own critically acclaimed series across multiple three seasons. How many people like count those up? I'll wait. I'll wait. And you're going to have to find a place to put all your extra fingers because

it's only going to be on a few fingers. And please don't tell me where you decide. And is there an echo here? Because I recall saying that to you in person at one point. So yeah, that's why I'm a little pissed. Uh-oh. He's getting fired up. I don't like wasting my words.

Now you pissed off my friend Hayes. And if I see it again, Julie, you're gone. And you're gone too, Kevin. I'm giving you both the silent treatment.'m losing kevin's job for him i'm pretending to be you and i just got texts from julie sad julie the text this is this is i'm responding to a lot of them a lot of this is me as you getting a text from julie this is this is what I say. Yeah. Yeah.

Oh yeah. That's what you guys do. And she did choreo. She actually brought going through our texts and I'm seeing big blue here. So let me tell you, Julie, this is a, this is part of the problem.

I'll say this. Your, your strategy is fucked. Like the way you have been pursuing this is strategically upside down. You cannot text both of us at the same time, Julie. Each of us will think that the other one is going to respond. Wait, is that happening to you? I've got a separate text thread. See, and that one is the

one with with where uh big blue is and i don't text separately yeah so that's maybe that's the issue julie you want me to text you individually when there's an when there's something that would appeal primarily to me like what oh i don't know what like where i can get a new eye for my cat for example if you have a line on it please okay well so hayes is getting handsome guy digest stuff like separately from me i don't get it wow that's not feeling great yeah that's really mean it's mean you're you're both hot. Jesus. Let's move forward. I do want to just relate to the visual aspect of this whole thing. Is this one

being released? Kevin, is this our first one that is going to go out as video? Well, we're doing pro versions for videos. We're not releasing main show as video? Correct. Am I sticking around for the pro version? What do we do? Oh, wow. videos we're not releasing main we're not releasing the main show as video correct am i sticking around for the pro version what do we do that is it oh wow is it uh she's thirsty again we're super busy uh-huh what is there like a like a main feed uh uh tax what's what we like we we can't just

release the video for the main feed i was saying because I was showing my cat earlier. I think there are some people out there that would probably pay. We'll take a screenshot. We'll take a screenshot. Do you want to bring the cat back in and Kevin will do a screenshot? I mean, the thing says recording. So I know what this is for. If not to say like, oh, there's like a one-eyed cat on here.

Some people are into specific stuff. Yeah. Okay. Yeah. You never know what some of these sick freaks who listen to the show are going to want. Let's try. say like oh there's like a one-eyed cat on here some people like are into specific stuff yeah okay yeah you never know what some of these sick freaks who listen to the show are gonna want let's try it might not really crying might make us go freaking viral with some of these freakazoid i'm trying just be a little meaner to me so this is i'm all out. Tank's empty on that. So this is Christmas. What are you guys going to do for the holidays? Me personally?

Yeah. Kind of just come down the chimney. I do the charity. Charity live read for George of eight crazy nights. Tell me a little more about that. Speak on haze i'm the second night who is it it's me walton goggins and rice the vampire novelist yeah i was excited that she was gonna do it leslie odom jr uh Lizzy Kaplan's doing it right Lizzy Lizzy will be there he's in yes Michael

Patrick Jan from the state is going to be in there he's directing it I think but he's also doing it the toilet paper bear the son that dirty son

the dirty son is like the dirty son the Cottonelle dog as well am I wrong yeah the Cottonelle dog is doing a little thing an ent from the Lord of the Rings

the walking trees talking trees is this the cold open are we doing the cold open because we missed it uh no i'm a fan no we've been doing this for half an hour what your thing is i'm a fan with like i'm a fan of the show i don't remember when you guys did an episode that was so disgusting because you were eating salads and you had a cumin dressing that you said looked like shampoo and you said cumin has the word cum in it is that anything and i want to throw up just thinking of and then there was crunching eating a salad is beautiful well i'm just using it as a given us yes shampoo that you're saying is like come healthy is crunch crunch

into the mic the point is I've heard if I'm a completionist I'm a double H friggin scoop troop fan and the only way I know the only by the way I hear Tom's like today says he likes double threat

I say oh that's nice to hear from you. I love it. I love it. Thanks. Thank you. Funny show. I've been looking for so long.

I'm saying, where's my Hollywood handbook? Where's my Hayes and Sean? Well, I feel the same way. Where's my Hayes and Sean? When I look at my phone and I think, I love my friends. I'm right here. We're right here are you doing the show we're talking right now if we want is there something on that's fun it's live

we text you oh there's something on each other what no like at saturday night live every week how about this we watch saturday night live together we text goes oh we go davidson ftw that's a huge commitment jump from like just it just having normal text conversations to an hour and a half weekly time commitment 8.30 it's early it's not about the time of day your cat can pop an eye in or out you can say I'll be at the vet

by midnight I also don't watch it what what wow I also don't watch it. What? Wow. Hayes, did you know this? I'd have to start a whole new thing up.

Yeah, I tell him most of what happens, and I do. He does, yeah. I mean, I'll watch. Look, if they do a Stan parody where it's like, Dear Santa, like, yeah, I'll watch look if they do a stan parody where it's like dear santa like yeah i'll watch in that if they do dear santa and it's like those songs stan and it's like these writing the letters and you're not getting the toys back yeah i'm gonna watch that but that's maybe once a season the real eminem shows up and you're like who the fuck is that and then later they're like that was eminem and you're like it was he's in a low video screen he's doing

something the friggin Duracell dad with like you know stipple sponged onto his friggin face and you're like oh that was Eminem really okay and he's not even doing raps no he wasn't doing raps

the rap god himself isn't even rapping in there you think he's The rap god himself isn't even rapping in there. You think he's a rap god? Okay, Julia, your ignorance is showing. The man had a song called Rap God where he rapped so fast and for so

long that it actually reinvented the genre and made it, it made everything old, new again. Just what we've been trying to do with this episode. How's that going for you?

How's that been working out? Your tone is, tells me that you think not that well, but actually history will be the judge. Just another case of history repeated. See, and this is exactly. Oh, the pipes have arrived. The pipes and also the like, you know, trying to talk about something.

Pop culture. Pop culture. Oh, that's me. That's my thing. I listen to every fucking episode, you piece of shit. And I hear what you do. I guess there is an echo in here. Why don't you, like, what do you want from me, you crazy girl?

I got married so I wouldn't have to deal with women like you ever again. Is that a song you don't do you remember the salad episode do you guys remember that you're going crunch crunch crunch i remember yeah i remember we did that oh well you know i ate a salad on my spin-off episode as well it was a salad power hour a master class i ate salad as well so i get it mixed up have you listened to that master class yeah hollywood master class oh you would love it well i'll have to well i'll have to well i'll have to because i'm gonna be migrating my uh subscription over from whatever i am to wherever you guys are going in the new year

yeah okay that's friendship now you're friends thanks hey hey hey let's be friends what am i gonna do let's be cops remember that movie oh geez well i do remember that yeah i actually worked on the marketing campaign you did uh yeah that's right i did help write some of the videos that were like facebook videos or something and i think hazeman was involved as well yeah we were on the fox lot helping them shoot funny vines with um uh what's the girl's name who does the vines lily ponds i Furlan? I think it was Brittany Furlan. Yeah, I think that's right. Brittany Furlan Lee to you.

Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah. My stint corrected. And I actually might have forgotten to invoice. And then I actually might have come to them like nine months later and ask if they could pay me for my work. And they actually might have said no.

Let's be not, they said. Let's be not. Let's be not. Audience may have said that as well. Julie, Julie, Julie. Hollywood handbook. Eating better is easy with factors. Delicious, ready to eat meals every fresh never frozen meal is chef crafted dietitian approved ready to go in just two minutes speaking of ready to go in

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It's a little bit of all of them. Okay. Okay, it shouldn't be. There are also more than 60 add-ons to help you stay fueled up and feeling good all day long. How many add-ons and what are some of them? It's one big add-on and it's you on your bed. You're so tired after you eat my meal. The promise is the meal makes us sleepy.

You've been pushing that so much. You're saying that you will be added on to your bed. Yeah. Your bed plus one. That's the opposite of what this is supposed to do. It's supposed to help you stay fueled up and feel good all day long. They have smoothies and things like that.

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No, we didn't even... This is not even up for consideration. So let's just hear what the actual meal was. What was the food? I don't want to go to bed. It's very simple. It's one huge chicken nugget. Sign up and save. We've done the math factor is less expensive

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Can Babbel teach me body language? Yes. Babbel now has visual in-person lessons. Part of their quick 10-minute lessons that they do for other languages handcrafted by over 200 language experts to help you start speaking a new language in as little as three weeks.

Babbel is designed by real people for real conversations, and that includes body-based conversations. What does it mean when you drop someone off after a nice date and they turn around at the door and they take their little index finger and they kind of like draw it towards them they're pulling it what does that mean does their whole finger hurt i wonder if they spotted a spider web or something they're trying to pull down the spider down yeah but i've seen this too after a

lot of dates and i need i need and have needed something like babble to figure out what the heck is this person doing with their finger because it looks like a it looks like an emergency i know i was supposed to do something or how about those people that stand in the street? They're kind of like, they've got like almost like police clothes on. It may be police. Yeah. And they're standing in the middle. And as I'm driving and I'm cruising, they're holding their hand up for like a high five almost.

And they're really aggressively like pushing it out. And I'm like, am i supposed to drive get out of the car yes or just do it out the window as i'm going that's what i've been doing dangerous yeah but some of these very subtle body language cues have escaped me and many listeners i'm sure babbles tips and tools are approachable accessible rooted in real life situations at which i have all the time and delivered with conversation-based teaching so you're ready to practice what you've learned in the real world studies from yale michigan state university and others can't feel good to be others

there continue to prove babble is better one study found that using Babbel for 15 hours is equivalent to a full semester at college. Babbel has over 60 million subscriptions sold. All of their 14 award-winning language courses are backed by their 20-day money-back guarantee. Here's a special limited time deal for our listeners right now. Get 55% off your Babbel subscription, but only for our listeners at babbel.com slash the boys. Get 55% off at babbel.com slash the boys. Spelled B-A-B-E-L dot com slash the boys. B-A-B-B-E-L. B-A-B-B-E-L. B-A-B-B-E-L.

Dot com slash the boys. Rules and restrictions may apply. With Babbel, we can't promise it'll always be easy but you'll always be glad you did it kind of like this podcast except it is easy for me hey guys rocket money is a personal finance app that finds and cancels your unwanted subscriptions monitors your spending and helps lower your bills you can see all your subscriptions in one place and if i see something i don't want i can cancel it with a tap i never have to get on the phone with customer service the subscriptions are insidious they're the scourge of our modern life and you never realize what you're subscribing to or that you're still being charged i know that i

was about 19 dresses into receiving each one of the 27 dresses from the movie 27 dresses before i found out how much it was costing yes that they intended to send me by the way you'll this will shock you 54 dresses if i did not cancel and i you know oh that one's got an end point by like dress 14 15 i think it starts to become clear like these aren't the dresses oh no they were not from the movie they didn't resemble anything from the movie they were not they were either way too big or way too small for a human to wear yeah and one of them was a dressing yeah one of them was it was it was a vinaigrette it was a raspberry vinaigrette. It was a raspberry vinaigrette. It was a French raspberry vinaigrette dressing. They'll even try to get you a refund for the last couple months of wasted money

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Stop wasting money on things you don't use. Cancel your unwanted subscriptions by going to rocketmoney.com slash the boys. That's rocketmoney.com slash the boys. Rocketmoney.com slash the boys. Julie, can you help us get on the vulture list for next oh yeah vulture list i don't think i have any more connections there i got no we got no it's not since andrew sullivan left uh not since tubin um? Not since Toobin. Did you guys read that article about Toobin where Malcolm Gladwell talked about bringing out the Bible or something?

Yeah, Gladwell had some interesting... He didn't talk about bringing out the Bible. He did. He actually did. He brought the Bible out and he freaking read the quote and said, hmm, so I guess the freaking Bible is doing the decisions for the newspaper now. What kind of jeans do you guys like to wear?

Are you wearing jeans during the COVID or are you in the sweatpants? Julie, I can't. I'm just having trouble keeping it in my head. You say you listen to every episode. I do. We talk about this more than anything else. No, you don't. At one point, you were talking about pants because your dicks were too big at one point.

That was a bit. Raw, selved. We don't talk about that stuff anymore. Julie, we don't talk about that stuff anymore. No, I know. We actually never did. I know. Yes, you did.

And we actually never did. Yes, you did. Don't you scrub the archives. I know what I heard. That was never part of the show. Go back and look. Listen, I know about the fucking popcorn gallery. I know about the mythology of this. I know about the mythology.

What are you talking about? I've never heard of this. You are gaslighting me. That was never part of the show. I will not be gaslit. We never talked about having enormous dogs. I'm not saying you're lying. I believe that you believe that this is real. So what kind of jeans do you guys like wearing?

Raw. It's so raw. Get him. Literally, my jeans are made out of like a ship sail they're so salvaged we get it you're a wasp you're like a you're like a hot blonde from connecticut i get it this again oh my god she made me take my hat off. She made me actually remove my clothing. I was trying to talk about jeans. I know about jeans and the jean pool.

You Aryan fuckers. Jean shall we? I just said I was doing a live read of Eight Crazy Nights for charity. I am doing the work julie yes i we just wanted to check in i guess we've done that frankly but like we just wanted to see like what like how what's up i love you i love you so much okay i love you both and i just say that hard yeah just say it i did and i don't know we're 40 minutes i don't know how to love you oh wow it's you know we'll try like we will make this work julie we'll figure this out i think we've come a really long way just in this episode i have a prediction and it's that

your texts will be responded to quicker and more thoroughly for the next six or seven weeks julie okay really think about that the the progress that we've made here before we inevitably fall back into our old destructive patterns and then we do another episode that is complete insanity and then we, again, repeat this pattern. We're nothing if not our flaws, Julie.

New Year's resolutions? Anyone? Yeah, I'm going to eat 10 hamburgers in a row chase do a uh figure out a new game what about volleyball with a tennis ball what about volleyball with a tennis ball the game is volleyball but the ball is not so heavy and you play with a tennis ball like and then now it's about like speed and agility and like a touch and not just like who's like strong enough so yes i can't hit the ball hard enough to get it over the net in volleyball. The ball is too heavy. It's huge. The thing's huge. I can't even friggin... It kills

too. I can't use it. It hurts my finger to do it. But this small ball, I think, oh, I could get to that spot really fast and go and then knock and just do it back over. Do you do it with your nose do you do it with your nose

like a puppy oh i could do that yes hayes can do that hayes can do that i could do that i could boop it over he could boop it boop it no i believe it yeah we'd have to lower the net but he could do it if i was cockney i'd say uh i could petty like it's because it's betty and then boop you know what i mean how those people have these free associations and you're like why aren't you why are you do they they do free associations those people do yeah okay now you're trying it on trying it on facade don't mind if you do you didn't ask me my resolution you didn't ask my like basher yeah my resolution what's your resolution yeah we know your resolution it's the entire premise of the show you said it was that you don't want to be friends with us anymore yeah your resolution

is not even trying to be you already went even though we rock i thought we were at a different destination. You're still in the journey. I love you both. Okay. My resolution in 2021 is fuck less. Okay. I fuck too much, y'all. Okay. Yeah. So, yes. I'm chafing. I knew this was going to come up. I'm chafing. I fuck too much y'all okay yeah so yes I'm chafing

I'm chafing I'm Jessica chafing baby how do you like them references asshole here we go wow so that's a good resolution it's really good

I hope if it makes you feel better that you hold yourself to it i am also trying to get pete davidson to rap over one of my beats oh that'll be fun same resolution as last year just gonna roll it over this time try to get that guy to spit some of that hot fire over one of my beats i've obviously everybody knows i've been making a lot of beats in my garage and that there's starting to be some really cool layers and samples to them too. I sampled Jumper by Third Eye Blind in this one beat and then I sort of like just sat on a xylophone really hard

and I looped that around. So like it sounds incredible and I think if I could get him rapping over it, all of a sudden, you know, the show would be relevant again. We'd make a list next year. He and Chalamet seem to have good chemistry dude so i heard from like day one chalamet shows up and he like he's meeting everyone he's being nice to everyone but like he you know after the initial meet and greet he goes into pete's office just like kind of quietly shuts the door behind him. And he's like, this is it.

Like, it's it's, you know, you know, I know like this. It's it's for for this week. It's this is it. I heard an extra piece of that story, which is actually it's sort of the same story. But Timothy sort of, you know, half knocked, like leaned in the leaned into the doorway and he went, shall I? And Pete said, you may. And they, you know, and they both cracked up laughing, rolling on the ground because it is close to the man's last name. And that from then on, it was just they were simpatico.

I'm going to text you guys both and see how fast it takes for you julie we are okay you might get a surprise when you open up you've got two texts from me that have gone unanswered during the show hayes hi guys how do you feel how do you feel about i've sent you two texts during the show and you haven't even don't even mention oh look at these cuties john wrote back you didn't haze i just wrote back okay so i wrote hi guys and sean wrote huh and then haze said i'm at work and he didn't even have the courtesy to put a punctuation mark. I am. I am at work. I'm going to take a selfie and see how you guys like that. What?

You just keep doing different things. A Super Bowl selfie. Oh, this is terrible. I got retaped. I'm taking a Super Bowl selfie in December. Julie just took a Super Bowl selfie. Right before the holidays. right before the holidays um remember the super bowl when like shakira and j-lo were shaking their booties and people are like this won't do and then covet happened and people are like

that doesn't matter people consider it was competing for the early headlines with covet for a minute and actually i think is a big reason why we were sort of uh caught with our pants down to use words that they'd understand with how low these genes are genes are these days why don't you get a nice sail from an old sailboat diet blue wrap it around your waist up around near your belly button you know cinch it together with some clothes pins now you got some raw salvaged denim that actually looks good is functional keeps you safe and covers up your body let's play remember this happened before covid this year

slash this was on my 2020 bingo card okay this is a game i would like to play my 2020 bingo card is basically nude right now there's no little blocks marked off hold on you guys are both sending me i think they're gifts you're both you're both sending me justin timberlake gifts is that i use that one is that supposed to remind me that you guys are both blonde and have your pick of all the ladies in Hollywood land? So remember what happened before COVID this year? I do. Parasite won. Yeah.

Did we ever remember this happened? Okay. Parasite won. I got another text from Sean. I hope it's a gif. It's a gif of Andy Sambergberg justin timberlake with their dick well it is the holiday season all right i too can play at this game no we can't actually do this right now we have we're going well like we're not i feel like you're worried julie that once this is over we'll just disappear on you again and we won't do that we are ready to do

the work but we cannot be texting right now this was on my 2020 bingo card uh trump uh yes trump uh passes the shower law that's like showers should be a better yeah that's right what didn't he say that he has to flush his toilet 215 times and that's just so this is tough because i actually feel like i almost have to go because earlier i was talking to jesse david fox and he was asking me if i thought trump had been good for comedy or not. And after that, I actually do feel like I need to potentially call him to change my answer. Let's

leave all this drama in 2020. Okay. Right. What do we say? I love you. I love you too. You do? Are you in love with me? Remember merch from the show? We didn't do that on this show, actually, but I'll You do? Are you in love with me? Remember? Merch? From the show.

We didn't do that on this show, actually. But I'll say this. Was I more fun when I was with Ayo? Was I more fun with Ayo? I wasn't even there. Yeah, that was just us. No, it was about the same. Okay. So we leave it here we we continue in this very toxic place for another two weeks

right and we just absolutely wallow around in this in our own fill this unhealthy dynamic and then we'll get it back so we'll be vaccinated against the bad vibes. That's right. And in the new year. We will. I saw someone say, if you are attracted to Pete Davidson, like, don't worry about what's in the vaccine. Wow. And I just don't understand. I don't understand the connection there.

Like, why would that make any difference? I mean like. No. Yeah. Seems like a separate issue. Totally unrelated to me. I think it means you're like that kind of girl. Okay.

But that's suggesting that like that there's nasty stuff in there. Is that what they're saying? In the vaccine? Are they saying if you're not. I guess they're saying whether there's nasty stuff or not. Are they saying you should worry about it if you're not attracted to Pete Davidson, you should? I guess they're saying whether there's nasty stuff or not. Are they saying you should worry about it if you're not attracted to Pete Davidson? Yeah, so everyone who's not attracted to Pete Davidson should worry about what's in the vaccine?

You're supposed to be worried now about what's in it? That's crazy to me. That's bad messaging. And Fauci's saying this? Fauci. Dr. Fauci said this? I couldn't believe it when Fauci saying this. Fauci. Dr. Fauci said this. I couldn't believe it when Fauci tweeted that at me.

You said Fauci in an interesting way. Was that from something? I like that. That's good. Oh, good. Kevin's back. It was curiosity. Oh, good.

like that that's oh good kevin's back it was curiosity good when wouldn't that be sad to be kevin also i don't even say also handsome kevin's handsome and he's right here listening to someone this extraordinary woman tell other people on the show that they're handsome and that she wants to be only and that she wants to be only their friend only fans see and this is what i'm talking about julie it's not what are you and your cat going the same time this is kind of a pattern of how you interact where you hear the last word that was said and then you say something about it. It makes it kind of hard to have a serious conversation with people. It's exactly the opposite of what you do.

I don't have that on my Hollywood handbook bingo card. It's just sad. I feel bad for Kevin. Sean is just sitting there thinking, what's for dinner? Do you know who's very good at this? No, I already know what's for dinner. what's for dinner? Do you know who's very good at this? No, I already know what's for dinner. Grilled cheese. What's for dinner?

Oh. Grilled cheese. Girled cheese. How do you girl it? How do you girl the cheese? Yeah. Hey, if you have to ask, you can't afford it. Kevin's good at texting, Julie.

So maybe it's like, hey, I have have this message for this is what we should do is link up the two people who text us no don't you pawn me off Kevin is obsessed with texting us don't you pawn me off I'm just saying I'm just saying it's a good fit I have a guy for you

I don't like that I ask a guy to the prom he goes no but how about the janitor well the janitor the janitor? Well, the janitor can really dance. Let's see. Kevin, what's your dance move? Seriously, if you're on the dance floor, what do you do if you have to dance fast? Shoulders.

It's a fast song. It's a fast song. It's a fast song. I'm all in the hips. The only body part of mine that is moving are the hips. And your feet are planted? No, they're very spread, actually. Oh, that's fun. Bye.

Hollywood Handbook. That was a HeadGum Podcast.