Hollywood Handbook - Kaitlin Olson, Our Close Friend

Episode Date: March 18, 2019

The Boys help KAITLIN OLSON figure out what she's doing next.This episode is sponsored by Squarespace ( www.squarespace.com/THEBOYS  code: THEBOYS), Brilliant Earth ( www.brilliantearth.com/THEBOYS ), Harry's ( www.harrys.com/HANDBOOK ), and Robinhood ( www.HANDBOOK.robinhood.com ).See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

this is a head gum podcast it's all right i'm already mad just go so i'm in um and his kind of like downstairs vr chamber with stop with uh peter uh boyle just a couple years back uh and he puts on the goggles and he's like just wait and just like let it wash over you I'm not gonna give you any context or anything just like just like just let

it happen so he puts on the goggles keep going I'm on like a 360 treadmill so I have like full mobility in this VR world and I'm in the White House stop you're not and i look down and it seems like i am jackie kennedy no this is like 1961 tell me that and i'm given are you reacting to something else it doesn't seem like you're reacting to what i'm saying necessarily and you have your hand up in a way stop you're kidding can you hear me are my headphones on

or my head but i thought i was going to be able to make it through the whole episode without asking but are mine working your headphones are on yes you mean are they okay so you haven't been able to hear me no but i know what we do generally it's like somebody tells a story that was like oh that's crazy you were really really close wow you were so close i could feel it i just sort of watch your mouth and there'd be these moments where i was like where i paused for you with like a like this is interesting it was like keeping me going yeah um i'll give you the quickest rundown i was in peter boyle had designed this vr experience where i play jackie kennedy uh and so i show up in the white house as jackie

and i'm surrounded by like aids and i can hear you you can just starting right now yes and we had a little conversation before and then i was guessing during that yeah okay and this now is working hey welcome to hollywood you're surrounded by aides back always at this industry we call showbiz i can understand how that would be a difficult time for you to just jump in so it's not your fault not your fault just like presidential aides it was i was jackie kennedy uh so aids to like the first lady and it seemed like they had just finished asking me a question when i showed up in this world yeah and i didn't i had no contact for what i was supposed to be doing and they're all just like waiting for me to do like first

lady stuff yeah he didn't tell me anything i was supposed to be doing so i ended up just kind of wandering out of the white house it's a fully open world game. And so I like, I just go, I go home to my house in the game. So you're just Jackie Kennedy? Oh yeah. Because that's all

I really know to do. And your parents and your wife are just kind of like, hi Jackie. Yeah, but they don't recognize me. And so I have to explain

that I am Hayes when I'm in this VR world. What year is it? This is, so yes, it's 1961. So at the time, yes,

my wife is a little younger than I am. Yeah, of course. I mean, it was kind of fun to see her, how I sort of, that's how I remember her.

Uh-huh. It's like, I don't recognize this, the person at home. Now I remember my wife when she was, a little, when she was 45 in 1961.

Yeah. Interesting. We have a big guest should we huge giant it's caitlin it's caitlin hi guys get over here do i go by one name now oh you are caitlin god i'm so much more famous than i thought i was do you want your last name nah let's just make it a mystery yeah Yeah. It's one of the biggest Caitlins around. Right? Great. Yeah, I'll take it.

I'll take it. I like to be the biggest Caitlyn. Yeah. I think you're, for me, you're up there, baby. Really? Oh, yeah. You ever type it letter by letter into IMDB and see what auto-complete? Does it come up?

Constantly Googling myself, my name, my face, all of it. I tried it, and it happens. All you have to do is click the cursor in the search bar, and it says, oh, you're Caitlin Olsen. Right. Yeah. Well, I'm wildly successful, and so people are constantly looking up information on me. And for some people, that would mean that you are extremely, very successful, but I

know the way you're saying it, which is true, is you're successful in a very wild way. Yeah. Like I'm crazy. Yeah. Yeah. You're like doing wild stuff. I don't mean I'm very successful. I just mean.

No, you are. You are successful and you are completely out of control. Like a wild animal. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Zany. Extremely zany.

Yeah. We can talk about this. We, you came in and you sat on the chair upside down you did a headstand i know and you pulled the mic down and you said this is how you use a chair and i went wild okay i'm in for quite a ride yeah yeah and then right after that i was like did you guys see that just to make sure because you were upside down you could yeah i just want to make sure you saw what we were looking and it's lame to while're doing it, be checking in a lot with your eyes. That's right.

So I just went ahead and I just asked. And what did we say? Do you remember? You guys were laughing so hard you could barely talk. Yeah, that's right. Yeah. We have to sort of account for it. So we did an episode where Sean...

So, Kevin, help me out with this. The timeline stuff. We have to keep clarifying the timeline. So we explained to you before the show that this is try month. We're getting good guests, and we're trying really hard to do good episodes. And that's what you're seeing right now. Oh, this is that? Yes.

This is maximum effort for us. Good thing I did my upside-down chair bit. Yeah, no kidding. Gave us something to kick it off. But I said this to Kevin in the last episode, and I hate to say it again, and I really hate using this kind of language and coming down on Kevin so hard. But Tri Month is turning into Try My Patience Month. Oh, no.

And that kind of language, Hayes doesn't normally use. Oh, that's the kind of language that you don't normally use? Is it because it's negative? Yeah, I don't. He wants only positivity. And also that kind of word play is normally very hard for me to do yeah yeah it's embarrassing it's gross i see people do it all the time on these shows and i just go like how do you how did you do the normal way that's lazy maybe yeah

i like i hope so because i cannot figure it out and even because it's too lazy this is the second time hayes has done Try My Patience Month in front of me, and I both times have gone into my mind to go like, do I have something like that? And the answer has been no. Oh, okay. Hey guys, Chef Kevin here.

Technically Weird Al did it on the first episode too. He said that exact phrase? Yeah. And so that's where I got it? I think so. Oh God, now you stole something. Has anybody talked about patience? But that's what Weird Al does.

All Weird Al does is steal. All he does is steal. Right? He steals melodies. He steals rhythms. No, I know. And that's the essence of a song. Yeah, that's how, that's the way it is.

And words are whatever. And he got rich off it. And he's getting away with it. That's the way he got rich. And he got away. Well, maybe, is that rubbing off on you? Like, why are you doing it now? To become a stealer?

I hate to think that. To see the way he was living and to look at your own life people like that in here if you're that influenced you're that and i thought i was really going to be able to like like give him a stern talking to and show him the like the error of his ways yeah but he was just an intoxicating presence and he did end up sucking me in, in every possible way. Now you're saying all the things that he says. No, it's true. He was so magnetic and so erotic to be around that ultimately I was not able to challenge him in the way that I wanted. And this is the problem with capitalism.

It's seductive. Yeah, you were aroused by Weird Al. I get is the problem with capitalism. It's seductive. Yeah. You were aroused by Weird Al. I get it. It's capitalism. Kevin, what is, this is still happening in March. What order are all these things coming out in? Do we even know? This episode is coming out this Tuesday.

Whoa. I thought the last episode we did was coming out this Tuesday. That episode is going to come out next Tuesday. What? Must be something important to plug. What happened between the last recording and this one? You didn't like the recording. He didn't like something that happened.

Who messed up? No one messed up. I just think this episode would be great on Tuesday. And the next episode would be great next Tuesday. What probably happened is... Kaelin, did you give Kevin a little talking to about having to wait one Tuesday? I called on the way in. I was like, look,

I think it's more appropriate if I lead in Weird Al. This is breaking my heart that you have Kevin's phone number and call him. We talk a lot. That is devastating. You need to throw out your phone.

No, no, no. My kids were like, hey, mom, you got to show this to Kevin. And so I text him pictures and stuff. Your phone's infected. Yeah. Your phone, he's been in there. He's been rooting around in there. Oh, he's a big name in our house. Your phone's contaminated.

You got to get a new one. And maybe just cycle through burners for a little while because Kevin is the kind of number that sticks with you. Really? He'll be sticks with you. Really? He'll be trailing you. Wow. He really tricked me. So far, so good. Caitlin.

Hi. Hi. It's so nice. You guys, thanks for having me. You jumped in with the high voice, too. Yeah, I did it. That's good. I feel like we're a team.

To match, yes. I'm something of a chameleon, and this is why I didn't have one particular friend group in high school. Yeah, me too. Have you met anyone like this? Oh, and see, you're doing it now. I can see it happening. She's matching me. No, no.

This is just, I feel comfortable, so I'm good. But if I'm having a meeting where someone is super uncomfortable, I am so awkward. And then it makes me angry, i'm like why can't i just let them be awkward yeah but yeah let's talk about so we uh i we had a meeting at a coffee bean a couple weeks ago was it cool uh when you showed up and i uh pretended not to know who you are that or that you were a celebrity that's what i do in all my meetings did that work on you yeah you big-timed

me a little yeah I was like oh you're from right like well it's weird when you walk in and you're meeting with a writer um who you haven't met right and you you're supposed to recognize them you know you kind of just let me walk around for like a good 20 minutes and then when you introduced yourself you were like I'm sorry I've just then when you introduced yourself, you were like, I'm sorry, I've just noticed that you were been wandering. Are you Caitlin? And so then I kind of, yeah, that, that did kind of, that made me very uncomfortable. Right. But you were interested. Oh my God. It was very attractive. I was like, this is the guy. That is what hooks you. This is the guy. Do you remember our meeting where I walked in and then very welcomingly, yes. And I wouldn't want you to. Okay. I've in a very welcoming way., yes, and I wouldn't want you to. In a very welcoming

way, I said, do you want a glass of water or anything? And you said yes. I said, me too. Why don't you run and get two waters? Yeah, that was good too. That roped me in too. See, these are the surprises that you don't want to admit that that's going to get you, but it does.

Games. The world is a house of games. The world is a house of games. The world, a house of games, and all of us a player. Oh, wow. Caitlin, you love acting. You're addicted to the stuff.

And I'll tell you what else. You're dang good at it. Oh my god, you guys. And we want to see more of it. Thank you. Hey. That's nice. Yeah, I like it.

But we got to fix some stuff, too. Oh, you got notes. Let's talk about iconic roles. Okay. Sweet Dean. Oh, God. It was so close. So, so close.

Yep. Sweet D. Mm-hmm. She. The return. Sweet D. Mm-hmm. She. The return of the Mac. Mm. Yes. That was a little bit less close.

Ah, tonight. The Mick tonight. Mac tonight. No. Mac and me. That one was called the Mick, but it was only on for two seasons, so I can see how you maybe forgot the name. Two.

Doubled up. Yeah. Mm-hmm. Yep. Hey, that's one more season than most of the shit I've been working on. Jesus Christ, yeah. Just one full season?

I've been doing one season and often I'm not involved in the whole thing. Oh, wow. That's tricky. You would think, but it sort of just naturally happens. But, I mean, you notice a trend with some of these shows, which is that Sean is asked to go home, and then the show gets canceled. The show gets shit-canned. Oh.

Did they perhaps incorrectly diagnose what the issue was on the show? Perhaps the thing that was helping is actually what they got rid of. Right. Well, I hope they learned their lesson. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. Everybody's doing fine, I guess. So we got to figure out what we got to figure out.

I got to figure out what I'm doing next. Yeah. I got Sonny. We're doing season 14 of Sonny. Sonny. This summer. Sonny Balwani. Chance of meatballs.

Sonny and Cher. Sonny Balwani. Remember the number two at Theranos? He and Elizabeth Holmes were having a bit of a fling. You read bad blood? Wow. No, there's a show on FX called It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia. Is that true?

Yeah, it's good. You know what? We got Danny DeVito, so that's cool. I should check that out. From Dumbo. Yes, Danny DeVito from Dumbo. One of the tweens. One of the tweens One of the tweens From Dumbo?

No no From twins Oh cause there's tweens in Dumbo Dumbo's a tween And then they don't even follow his tween What happens to that flying little tween? Probably get beat up or something Because if you think about it Why wouldn't they show it in the movie? And the new movie I've seen it follow his tween. What happens to that flying little tween? Probably get beat up or something. Oh.

Because if you think about it, why wouldn't they show it in the movie? And the new movie, I've seen it. Dumbo's a tween. Uh-huh. He gets cyber bullied. Uh-huh. Yeah. At the circus. Oh.

Yeah. I haven't seen it yet. Obviously. He gets cyber bullied. Yeah. Somebody gets in access to his DMs and offers him peanuts and lure him away. Oh, shit. And then call him not nice stuff.

Did Danny ever read lines from, did he ever like read lines from Dumbo with like on set? Did he ever was he ever confused? Was he ever preparing to? Let him get it out. Jesus, Caitlin. The guy's asking

a well-formulated question. Was it? And you're jumping down his throat. I was trying to help him. He was just stuttering all over the place. That's not how I interpret it. No? Now he's got a great question.

And it is our show. Take your time. Yeah, last I checked, it was our show. And I am actually the one doing the interviewing. So if I could just get back into it. Was he ever... Go ahead. Was he ever doing Dumbo

and... Did he ever do it on the set? Did he ever say... I will take it from... So Danny did Dumbo and you're working with him

on your show, and is he, when he do, right, Hayes? Yes. Doing the show going, that's Dumbo for him. Are you guys done? No. Okay. And he's friends with Dumbo, and is he saying that?

Is he saying on our set that he's friends with Dumbo and is he saying that is he saying on our set that he's friends with Dumbo is that the question not exactly no yeah I guess I'm not getting it

yeah I guess not we can move on let's move on yes let's just move on because you're stonewalling us on this one okay

you were saying before you never did comedy bang bang? Yeah, I was saying that before. I've never done it. Yeah. Oh, good. That's so rich for us.

That's so juicy. Do you like that? How did you even figure this out? Well, we love that. Yeah. Are you kidding me? We love it. Are you guys arch nemeses?

It's hosted by a guy you've never heard of named Scott Aukerman. And he is listening to this right now. And he's listening to you say that you hate his show. And he's squeezing his hostess cupcake so hard that all the feelings shooting out of it. Shooting out the top and bottom. When he hears you say that.

I didn't say that, though. I think he's super funny. And I would love to do his show. But I'm stuck here on this one right now. But you can't because it sucks so bad. Engineer Devin, we're going to use our edit. We're going to use our one edit. We get one edit his show. I'm stuck here on this one right now. But you can't because it sucks so bad. Engineer Devin, we're going to use our edit. We're going to use our one edit. We get one edit per show.

We signed a new contract recently. I'll throw some stuff out there. Oh no. Some more stuff. Do you want to just do them all right now? Yeah, do you want to do it? Just get it. Because we get one drop.

No thanks. Okay, she's saving it. Damn, I didn't know this was going to be so adversarial. Me neither. But I'm loving this. Iconic roles. I'm loving the energy. We have to do new iconic roles for you.

You're going to come up with the next project I should do. Chelsea Clinton. Chelsea Clinton. Catwoman. Chelsea Clinton is Catwoman. She's Catwoman. Think about it. Catwoman is always is Catwoman She's Catwoman Think about it Catwoman is always

Somebody who you don't know So when she's not being Catwoman What is that movie? Also Chelsea Clinton Not quite enough for a movie And the other movie She takes off the Catwoman mask And I'm like

Okay Yeah Who is that? Put it back on So you're saying I play Chelsea Clinton who is Catwoman

who is Catwoman hmm nice right okay people are mad at you you did something I'm not totally clear or maybe

you didn't they're pissed uh huh you go ahead you throw on the Catwoman mask you go check this out uh huh

climb whatever climb well is it a political movie I mean throw on the cat woman mask, you go, check this out. Climb, whatever. Climb. Well. Is it a political movie? Would you like it to be? Well, I just don't know why. Why are we choosing Chelsea Clinton?

We don't want someone who's so interesting that you don't want them to be Catwoman. Yeah. But we do want someone you know. It's got to really thread the needle where the person you wouldn't want to watch a whole movie about them, but you're willing to watch them if you know they're going to be too. It's got to really thread the needle where the person you wouldn't want to watch a whole movie about them, but you're willing to watch them if you know they're going to be Catwoman

soon. You also don't want to be pissed when they stop being Catwoman. Okay. But it wouldn't just be like me playing just like a character you don't know who's playing Catwoman. No, you need to two characters that you do know. I do like that. Yeah. I do like that. See? Can we could we meet

Catwoman who is Chelsea Clinton? I would love to be introduced and just be able to spend a little bit. Can we speak with her? Catwoman, who is Chelsea Clinton. Yeah, I mean, I could humor you, but here's the thing. I think it's a really, like, not an idea that's smart. Or that's something that I would ever actually entertain. You have the range?

I didn't say that. No. I didn't say that. No. I just think it's a very stupid idea. Interesting that you didn't say it. You didn't say it, but you kind of did it in a way, right? And so when you say stupid, do you just mean kind of you don't get it?

Like I'm calling myself stupid? You know who Chelsea is? Yeah, yeah. I'm familiar with who Chelsea Clinton is. Would you rather be Chelsea Handler? Funnier. You think Chelsea Handler is funnier than Chelsea Clinton? Okay.

I'm guessing. I've never, I've never, Chelsea Clinton's never made me laugh. Now I'm getting pissed. Now I'm actually getting fired up and pissed. So you have somebody you don't know, and you're just guessing that Chelsea Handler's funnier than them. And I'll say this. I don't think we should be pitting women against each other.

Sorry. Thank you. I'm sorry. I support their whole thing. All competition? All of it. I think they all, whatever they do is great.

I feel like that's like just you throwing that out there to cover yourself. What? Do you support women fighting with each other? Because that's part of it. Oh no.

Oh no. That's a part of it. All of it. I'm cornered here. I am cornered and I've already used my edit. Wow. This is what I was warned about.

You don't need to cover yourself. I hope I hear from Scott Aukerman's people soon. It's Scott Aukerman. That's the people. That's fine. His people are him. I'll leave my phone number for him just in case he wants to reach out. Okay.

Let me know he can get it through Kevin. Mm-hmm. Okay. So you didn't like that role. him just in case he wants to reach out okay we know he can get through kevin um okay so so you didn't like that text sorry came through from my kids i gotta pass it on to kevin hang on one second okay kevin what's the text say it's uh it's a meme yeah other kids you know what's the meme that's funny man what's the meme it's a clown turning the lights off that's not a meme what you're describing is not a meme

what does it say it's cute lights off kids that's not a meme you know they don't always have to make sense. You know, the kids are six and eight. This makes too much sense. All it does is make sense.

It's so literal. There's no play on it. I just mean it doesn't make sense why they would send that particular dumb meme to him, but that's not my fault. And dumb and stupid and all these words you're using, but you know that we are very positive on this show. Well, you're getting me going. You're riling me up. Okay, and that's good. I love

that you're in that space because we're going to get a better performance for, obviously not the Chelsea Clinton Catwoman movie. As soon as you agree to do something. But when you do something, God, you're going to rip into it. Money in the bank for deposit for later withdrawal.

Sorry, when you were clearing up the timeline before with Kevin and saying, hey, this is coming out Tuesday, next Tuesday, was it because you wanted to again? It's like freaking memento on this show. Do you want to again? Some of this show is like watching memento. It is. It is.

You're like, when is this happening? One big puzzle. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. And then afterwards you go like, I think that was cool. I liked the tattoos. Who goes like that? The listener?

Or you? I do. Oh. I sort of on the ride home go like, I think that was kind of cool. Right. Were you asking him because you were going to once again clarify the timeline that in two weeks there will be an episode where I call in basically during the delivery of my baby?

Yeah. And that this show is in fact taking place five days post-baby. The baby is in the world. Yes. This would be fun for the fans to kind of stitch together to do like a flow chart and they'll probably use that gift

that everyone uses of Lights Out yeah Lights Out Cloud ah Lights Out Clown so

or the guy from the show there's a guy from the show with Sweet Dean's Friend D who is the Dean Scream one of the most

famous and he's looking at all the papers on the wall and he's like Charlie who is the Dean Scream one of the most famous and he's looking at all the papers on the wall and he's like Charlie ah right Hayes actually

we have to do what's another iconic role well there's the lights out clown obviously we could do a movie about that it's something that I know

you already like Andy Richter what about him you play do a movie about that. It's something that I know you already like. Andy Richter. What about him? You play Andy Richter in a movie. About the Lights Out Clown. Okay. Andy is being the Lights Out Clown. Yeah.

You're playing Andy. Yeah. Am I getting through to you? You're suggesting I play Andy Richter, who is a lights out clown. I think that can be part of, I think we want to span his whole career. He starts as the lights out clown, you know, then he does other shit. Is it like a sketch comedy show? I mean, why am I playing it too?

No, this is a movie. Like, you got to aim higher than this. I do? Yes. I am. You're trying to do a sketch comedy. I'm aiming way higher than that. You're way past a sketch comedy show.

I know. That's why I'm confused why you want me to play a man. Like, whether it doesn't... Okay. Wow. You're not allowed to say that? You stepped in it. You're not allowed to say that.

2019. You're not allowed to say that someone should play something or that they shouldn't. Or that they couldn't. Maybe we could say, since the timeline is all messed up, to cover that up, we could say that it's like 2002. Oh, yes. In this episode. That is helpful for me.

That's a lie. Do you want to hear something, sweet Dean, about- It's D. Interesting, that maybe would give you an idea for a role, is something that my baby's been talking to me about. He's five days old. He is saying that the famous boss baby from that movie works for him. Really?

So he's the boss baby's boss. Is that a movie? That I would do. All right. Okay. Yeah, now I'm in. CEO baby. Yeah, oh.. All right. Okay. Yeah, now I'm in. CEO baby. Yeah.

Oh. Yeah. Yeah. So that is interesting. So then we start on the boss baby and we sort of pull out to see the top of the building. And you're going, hey, boss baby, give me those numbers. Right. So what else?

You are playing this baby in your mind? Yeah, I'm playing the CEO baby. You could do it. I think you could do it. It should be a girl baby. It's 2019. I agree. Yes.

It was 2002 and now we're cutting back into 2019. Good. So let's say for sure, we've had 17 years to marinate on ideas for you. The Boss Baby's boss, number one. Come on. So can I speak. The Boss Baby's Boss, number one. Come on. So, can I speak to the Boss Baby's Boss for a moment? Yeah, give me a second. There's a whole thing that has to happen.

And in the meantime, do you mind if I eat this sort of granola cup with almond butter inside it? Put the granola cup down. Oh, wow. It's driving me nuts. Oh no, the boss baby's boss is here. I'm getting in character. Very, very mean. And she has pulled her shirt over her head like Cornholio.

I'm hungry. Someone bring me a granola cup. Well, I have one. You have one? Who does it go to? It's hectic getting out of here this morning. If I have to say it one more time. Okay.

Get in the elevator. I guess I'm expecting more baby stuff. Push level 23. Get the granola cup. Puree it in a blender. Okay, that's true. Pour it into milk. Give it to me!

Ow, ow, ow. Too loud. This movie is a little too loud. Yeah, oh yeah. Well, you wanted me in it, right? Yeah, but... I don't know how to be quiet. Oh, okay.

Well, maybe we can do something. That's a scoop. That's a what? Comedy Bagmaid doesn't have that. That's a scoop. Oh. She doesn't know how to be quiet? We'll give that to the Daily

Express. Think about that. Sorry, that one is sold to the Daily Express. Thank you very kindly. You guys got me. That's one movie in the can, but that's animated, and I'd rather see that face

on screen, and I'm picturing now. I'd rather see that face on screen. Right. And I'm picturing now I'd rather see it up there. Me too. You don't want to play Chelsea Clinton. You don't want to play Andy Richter. No. But we're finding our range. This is like when I'm out shooting hoops and I throw one so hard it bounce off,

hit me in the head. And then I throw the other one. It barely leaves my hand. I go, now I got my range. So what is in between Andy Richter and Chelsea Clinton? As Catwoman. As Andy Richter, as the clown and doing his whole career. There's a lot of it. Andy Barker,

PI, that whole era. And Chelsea Clinton doing Catwoman. So what's right in between those? I think we all know the answer. Dumbo's tween. That's right. The story they didn't want to tell. That's right. Now, Danny can introduce you. Yeah.

To the tween? Yeah. Of course he can. So this, and wait, in this version, you're saying Dumbo has a tween child. No, Dumbo is a tween. Okay, good. Yeah. Okay.

Yeah. Dumbo is a twin. Dumbo's twin, but, oh, okay. Yeah. Okay. Yeah, Dumbo is a twin. Dumbo's twin, but... Oh, okay, a twin. Yeah. You want to play... But this, to me, also feels like it would likely not be your face on screen. Yeah, keep gravitating towards...

Would be confused. Yeah. Yeah. I have a pitch. Too modest. Okay. A couple guys are at the bar watching the game. Damn, I'm loving this. Ian Wings. Just blue-collar boys. A couple guys are at the bar watching the game.

Damn, I'm loving this. Ian Wings. Just blue-collar boys. Yeah, and they say, like, bartender, pour me this beer. Is it Buffalo Wild Wings? I don't think we can get that. Yeah, I don't think so either. I was going to say that. I referenced the tilted kilt in the recent episode,

but I don't think people really recognize that either. it's just it's just the bar we're inside we don't have to see the outside yeah door flies open and like the wind is like blowing in their face and they're like oh my god it's danica patrick oh and then they look over it is you playing danica patrick what why do i have to play other people what do you mean other famous people you want a movie about you well no i would like to just be a character she is something of a character if you've actually seen some of these ads she's a chelsea handler type in your parlance so she walks in and she's like, bartender, I'll take that beer instead of those guys. And she drinks it instead. Right.

Chugs. Right. Maybe some of it spills out a little bit. Oh, yes. We're getting into it. And then the screen freezes and it says, to see the full movie, go to godaddy.com. Are we thinking this is possible? It is sort of a trailer.

It's the beginning of the movie. So I'm doing the movie, not just the trailer? Yes. Okay. I like that. But you had me with the bar and the guys ordering a drink and the door flying open and it's really windy. And in flies Dumbo's twin. Okay.

But it doesn't have to be animated. It could be me in costume. In costume. On cables. On cables. Practical effects. Is it? I missed that.

You, are you afraid of being pigeonholed as being in a bar? Right. Right. We should not set it in a bar. Are we stuck? Well, or do we make it

like a hotel bar classy bar yes not a dive bar yeah I haven't really cornered the entire bar market well

and this is what I'm thinking it's not too jarring people aren't gonna be like what the fuck yeah what's she doing here in this movie she's supposed to be on TV

and it's like at least there's a bar and is it instead do we like get even further away from it and instead of a hotel bar it's like, at least there's a bar. And is it, do we get even farther away from it and instead of a hotel bar, it's a hotel breakfast bar? Oh, like a buffet.

Yes. And it seems like Dumbo could potentially go ham on that, literally. And what's on the menu? Cold pizza. Oh. That's so good for breakfast. Cold pizza the day after. It's kind of dive bar-ish and we want to stay away from that. But I do like Dumbo flying in

and just going straight for the mimosas and wrapping a champagne flute in his cute little trunk. Okay. So this is Dumbo's twin sister. Thank you very much. And now I really believe it doesn't have to be animated because we're saying

twin sisters so they're obviously not identical twins. And at that point, it could just be you. What we're really describing is Jack and Jill. I mean, that is something that Jill would do is roll into the hotel breakfast bar and scoop up all the most. Do you remember the Sandman doing Jack and Jill? No. Okay. Adam Sandler and the Sandman did a movie.

I wonder why you're pretending not to remember this movie. I remember it. I didn't see it. Okay. Yeah, I know what you're talking about. Spicy peppers people are eating. Jill would go run and hide in the woods and cry in the woods when upset. Oh, of course.

It was a character trait. Okay. That's what girls do. Well, that's what we found out. I guess so. So, and Al Pacino, intoxicated by Jill. Love. He's doing a Dunkin' Donuts commercial, and he falls in love with Jill.

Oh, yeah? So, all of these things say to me, let's just do Jack and Jill. Oh, with Dumbo. Why are we working so hard with this Dumbo twin thing? But not with Dumbo. No, get rid of Dumbo. Okay, so I'm Jack and Jill. Well, but you didn't want to play a man in 2002 when we first discussed this. Yeah, but I've really evolved since then.

I love that. As long as I can play a man and a woman. And you can play Al Pacino too. Oh, really? Yeah. Well, we're not going to get him. Yeah, no. Not love that. As long as I can play a man and a woman. And you can play Al Pacino too. Oh, really? Yeah. Well, we're not going to get him. Yeah, no.

Not even close. No. I'm starring in it. Not even close. Why would we get Al Pacino? No. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay, great.

So we've got a movie. We've got a rich character for you. So are you going to do a pop album this year? Because we have been trying to sing songs on the show a lot.

People like that better than when we're doing comedy. Sure just play a song well i don't think it's boring when people really have an angle but when they're kind of feeling around for a light switch in the dark which is really what this show is i think that lights off clown this here every episode yeah the lights off cloud shows up right before we start recording, and he does a very good job. So what we were wondering is, are there any songs that you want to sing for us? Oh, God.

For your pop album? And it can be covers. Oh, God, you guys. What? What's the matter? No, for my pop album. What, you want to do more of like a country folk thing? I don't want to do an album.

You don't want to do an album? How are you going to play Jack and Jill? Afraid of success. Right? Am I getting that? Sure. Self-sabotage. Doesn't want to sing a song on the Hollywood Handbook podcast with Hayes and Sean.

Anna Paquin has an entire pop show now on the Pop Network. Really? It's called Flack. Always one-upping me. Yep, you and Paquin, you've been neck and neck. And now she has struck a mighty blow. Are you going to counterpunch? Or are you going to lay on the mat?

Alright, what should we sing? Okay, well, good call. Yes, what should we sing? Does it have to be a parody song? Sometimes we don't even do that anymore. Sometimes we just sing the song. And you don't have to get the rights to it if it's

a comedy show. Really? Because they don't take it seriously. And if we talk we learn that if we talk loud enough over it then the bots

that are searching for copyright violations cannot hear it. Kevin, what are some songs? What are some song ideas? Angel by Shaggy. I like that one pretty well. But I don't know

if the way I do it when I sing along in the car is offensive Shaggy might be off the table for us my first reaction was yes go do it now but then your head kicked in if it was 2002 we would absolutely sing Angel by Shaggy and do the Shaggy impression

but I think Shaggy's off the table for 2019 because we are going to be sort of fighting our instincts. Let's play it safe. I felt the bullet graze me. Okay, Kevin. Try to trap me with another one. Bootylicious by

Destiny's Child? I don't know about that. Kevin, what about I got the feeling that Caitlin really likes smashing pumpkins. You got anything by them? How did you know? We're really forcing this into the show now.

Yeah. Right? Should we not do it at all? Let's do something else. Right? We don't have to keep doing this. That's the nice thing about the Lights Out Cloud.

Right. He knows how to pivot. He gives you a real opportunity to say, hey, couldn't find the song. Yeah. Let's do something else. That's right. Do you have baby advice? Yeah, please.

Of course I do. Especially for this freaking wild man I got. I got to say this. I love my baby. One of my best friends. He sounds like a loser when he's crying he's like screaming crying oh like i'm like it's that you sound like a fucking dork dude oh like because i'm going for me sure i cry sometimes but i get way down it right you're getting stuff out. His cry is just superficial.

It's up in his nose. It's not what we want. I'm looking for him to really get down in his gut. So do you have any crying tips? You want him to be manly when he's crying. Come on. Give me a big cry. What does your cry sound like? Me?

Yeah, no, I get pretty guttural also. Can we meet? Really guttural. Okay, that wasn't that guttural also. Oh, can we? Yeah, I really let it go. Really let it go. Okay, that wasn't that guttural. Even that's better than what he's doing. It wasn't? I don't think so. It came from my gut, if that helps.

To me... I'm never like... I don't really like... Yeah, his is more almost... He's like whining. It starts... It sounds like somebody's setting off a firework. It's like...

It's like not... I go, nuh-uh. Not in my house. Yeah. You know what you could do, maybe, is put headphones on him and play

like really deep, loud, manly crying noises. Which I have some of that. Because he's a baby. He needs to learn this stuff. You've got to teach him. That's fair.

How is he supposed to know? I maybe haven't been giving him enough credit for being a baby. Well, how many days old? Five. Yeah. So he just needs to learn how to cry in a more attractive way. Yeah.

Oh, no, wait. Really? Four. I mean, he was born on the 12th. So not even really four, just actually four days. And he was born the night of the 12th. So not even four days. He's not even four days old.

Yeah. You got to cut him some slack. One thing that might help too is when he does start crying like that, you just cry louder and deeper in his face. I was pissed that he ended up, we were in there ready for him to be born

and he missed 311 by one day. Imagine, you do a 311 themed birthday party every year. Every year, yeah. All mixed up. Amber is a color of your energy. All the balloons are amber, yeah.

Oh, yeah. That is annoying. My littlest one was due on April Fool's Day. Oh, and for a comedian. It was so great. Oh, no. And then he went ahead and just stayed in there for four more days. Yeah.

Oh, he's doing a joke on you. Yeah. That's a real, you were the fool. That was the joke. I was. So he missed 311 by a day and Pi Day by two days. Oh, he's doing a joke on you. That's a real, you were the fool. That was the joke. I was. So he missed 311 by a day and Pi Day by two days. But it was free IHOP pancakes day.

Oh. So. Did you look up? It was a sweet week because there's all around you. Yeah, you're going to land on something pretty good. Have you considered doing crying training with him? You can play the sad, the masculine crying sounds, but if you put on the song 15,

Five for Fighting, I think. Is that them? Five for Fighting? Yes. 15 is the time. Oh, yeah. Okay, isn't that them? Oh, yeah.

And then he's going to be going like for. They think Superman, right? I think so. I can't stand to fly. Yeah. Yeah. Wow. You remember that?

I do. I do. You like that? Nope. Okay. No. So, that's your baby advice is maybe put headphones in low crying. 15, we're going to play.

But I strike that. Is there anything else anything mine is actually very good no one asked me but like when I like if you do you want to just get this masculine

crying sound Devin can we do like a several file for this that's the sound you make when you cry that's the crying

sound huh and I thought about some sad stuff in my own life to do that to get there I'm realizing I've heard you cry before what stuff in my own life to do that. To get there? Mm-hmm.

I'm realizing I've heard you cry before. What stuff? Yeah. My wife is really old. Oh. She was 45 in 1961. Right, yeah. I don't know if you heard my story from the beginning. I did, yeah.

But yes, she has become extremely old. I remember that. And that's a challenge. Yeah. She's probably on her way out at this point come on jesus caitlin he fucking knows that sorry yeah that's where that came from that horrible face in it but it's like i can go back and visit her in this vr world that peter boyle is created for the baby version but and unfortunately when i come back and forth

things are different i can change reality in the past when i come back and forth, things are different. I can change reality in the past when I come back. Things change. What's the biggest thing you've changed? Like what about my life is different that I haven't noticed was changed? You know Shakey's Pizza? No. Do I? In Hollywood, you know it?

Of course I do. I do. You do. Now I do. That used to be called Snakey's Pizza. Whoa! Oh, wow. That's huge.

I came back from my last trip, and now it is called Shakey's, which I guess is better. I don't know. I don't know if it's better or worse. I'll say this. They're both pretty bad. Yeah. Neither one sounds really pizza-related. I wonder if

someone else went on like a really damaging VR journey to the past and changed something in more serious ways. I have gone to the past. What'd you see? Well,

I went to what at the time was known as a pizza hut. Oh, because the pizza's hot. That makes sense. That makes way more sense. And now it's a hut, which I don't know how that happened. Did you do that? I know it was different when I got back, but I don't remember doing anything in particular.

Have you been to the past? Yeah, that's so weird. It's just so strange that all these pizza places keep changing but I my favorite place back in the 50s

to have pizza was Dammit Ho's and I can see why ah yes that changed well I think just the you gotta change with the times

it's not appropriate so that might have not even been you doing anything in the past it might have just been no no i was just eating there yeah and then now of course it's called papa john's yep that's right um classic reversal uh tell them what you're gonna do but then surprise them with the way you do that. That really did. It was so sweet. It was unexpected is what it was. Well, because it was a structured joke.

And we still like those every now and then, don't we? Yeah, but you got to get surprised every now and then. Yes. Right? Keep you on your toes. I love surprises. And so I guess what any other baby advice just in terms of like what I should be doing? More podcasting?

Exercising. Should I be podcasting instead of spending time with him? This is now, as we said, day four. Yeah, I told you what. And you're here. Well, you were telling me that you were on the phone in the bathroom in the hospital as your wife was about to deliver the baby. Stay tuned.

Two weeks. That episode drops yeah according to kevin or three kevin seems to be very unreliable i can't he has something planned can't you tell yeah but i can't figure out for the life of me what it is i know or how i'm supposed to keep track his motivations are divided he's obviously got a conflict of interest. I don't know what he's... I think he's a mole. I've thought about that and I've been re-watching the celebrity mole.

I've been watching this Fred Savage scene from Austin Powers 2. Right. It's reminding you? Yes. Who throws a shoe? Come on. That's from the first one.

Yeah, but... Oh, from 2. Yeah. I believe Fred on that's from the first one yeah but oh from two yeah i believe fred savage is only in the second one spy who shagged me is he not in the first one devin i don't see can we talk to fred about this can we and can we get can we please speak to can we please speak to to fred and when we ask fred this question fred, were you in both Austin Powers movies? Fred says no, it's just the second one. Oh, okay. I definitely thought we were going to hear you do Fred's voice.

No, I was texting. No. You sent him the freaking meme? Mm-hmm. Which is it, Devin? It's a classic. I'm not seeing it. You're not seeing him at all

it takes every opportunity to just perform it might be the third oh third I was definitely closer to right oh yeah it was advice would you like to promote anything any baby advice

I want to promote some baby advice first. Yeah, that would be great. Yeah, please. Yeah. No, just all... I was going to say that the way that you disappeared like right before she was going to push the baby out, that's always a good thing to do.

Like if you smell that there's a dirty diaper or something like that, just go... Go do a podcast over the phone. You just go say you've got work to do. Yes, that is this morning. There was a diaper situation and I was already running late. Yeah, so sorry.

But it always needs to be like that you really want to. You know what I mean? Like I really want to do this, but I'm late for work. So I shouldn't have said, that's my cue. That'll give you away. Holding your nose. It's suspicious.

Putting a clothespin over your nose. Yeah. Being like, ugh, gross. Get it away from me. Yeah. Okay. But it was nice for you and your husband were working on the same show, so you could both go to work when you smelled a dirty diaper. Yeah, but we brought the baby.

I was feeding the baby. And the baby's there. Yeah. Okay, from the body. Straight from the body. Yes, and I've been seeing the baby doing this too eating from a body isn't do you how do you feel about that is it weird that's insane it's kind of awesome right all of it has been pretty crazy yeah it's real crazy well when

they come out that's what was in there yeah the whole time you know what i mean yeah like you're seeing this guy go that was it yeah all curled up in a ball that's what it was and there's such a mystery for so long like what is in there yeah did like did it have hair freak me out yeah yes really hair that's so weird mine were bald there's something about that that's so weird. There's hair on the head. A lot of hair on the head. We'll see if it stays. A lot of hair on the head in high school. But not really eyebrows. So I go like, what's this choice? Oh no. I have a question for you.

In high school, my drama teacher said that when his wife gave birth, he lactated. Did you? What? Did you do that? Whoa, that is dramatic. Just a little bit. He said a little bit from both nipples. That's a lie.

From both nipples. That man lied to you. What else did he do to you? I didn't check. No, I'm the one with the predatory beauty. Oh, yes, that's right. But go ahead. He taught you the key to acting.

You're looking at it. You're watching it. He's performing right now. Wow. Always performing. God, what a genius that man was. Yeah. Yes. you're looking at it you're looking at it you're watching it he's performing right now wow always performing god what a genius that man was yeah

yes you didn't do that did I Rob? did I what? did he make a milk did he bust from his did he bust from his nipples I don't think so

did he blast off no he didn't mention it he didn't mention it if he did he didn't yeah cause if I did it that's for me but you could see if he was wearing

like a heather gray t-shirt or something you could probably really tell. That's the worst color for liquids. It really shows up. No, I don't think he did. He did go and take a shower when I was in labor because he didn't feel fresh.

Okay. And why do we think he might have gone to do that? Oh, do you think he lactated? He got to wash the milk. Just spraying everywhere. He had to go wash that shirt. Why do you think I went and? He got a wash of milk. Just spraying everywhere. He had to go wash that shirt. Why do you think I went and did a phone call? Yeah.

You know? It's embarrassing. Because of freaking milking. So do you want to plug anything? You know, I do a show called It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia. Yes. We're back for season 14. Yes. Longest running show.

Live action comedy. That's nutso. Pretty. Longest running show. Live action comedy. That's nutso. Pretty crazy, right? Cool. There's that. And then that's it for now. I'm friends with Patrick Walsh. He was on the show before.

I love Patrick Walsh. A couple of times. He's a good guy. A couple of times. Funny, funny guy. What else about that show? That's my biggest connection. That's it?

That's as close as I can get. You're making me feel like you've never seen it. Are you kidding me? No. The gang does this. The gang. Remember when the gang is trying to. Well, there's this device in which the gang is always up to something, aren't they?

I'm friends with Howard from the show. Howard? Howard who? Oh, you don't even know Howard from the show? I have a feeling you don't know. Below the line. I just said his name. You just said that you don't know. Below the line. I just said his name. Howard who?

He's very big on the show. He's one of the main guys. The main ones. You should tune in. It's funny. It's a funny show. Howard Howerton. Howard Howerton. I'll tell Howard

that you said hello. From both. And if you see I'll tell Howard that you said hello yeah from both from both and if you see Pat yeah he doesn't work on our show anymore what happened there he moved on I don't know I'm not in charge of the writers room you're still cleaning up the mess

still trying to put the pieces back together and of course if I were to ask someone like Sonny Lee he would say it's not always Sonny in Philadelphia. Oh. Because he doesn't work there anymore either. He doesn't work there anymore. But he's got the name in common. I wonder what happened there.

I don't know, guys. Both very, very funny. Funny guys. Good people. You know what? We just had a different idea. You had a different idea of different You had a different idea Of how to do the show

From either of those guys Neither one wrong Neither one right Just different Just different And sometimes it's best To just wash your hands Of one another

And say never again It's best for you to go on Best of luck And you do your own thing That you think is funny You know And we'll just keep going on I'm sure it own thing that you think is funny. And we'll just keep going on for 14 plus years. I used to have a writing partner. When we broke

up, he went to write for the Mick. What do you think about that? What was his name? Is this true? Dominic. Oh, really? Dominic, yep. He left you behind. Yeah, he left me behind. Sorry about that. But you got this. For sure. You got this. For a show. Yeah.

You got this. That's nice to think about. I've got this. That's right. What has he got? Money. Right. Right, yeah.

And you have a movie coming out where you play Chelsea Clinton. Yep, I have that in the works. No release date yet but yeah I'll let you go I'll send a that's how they do it now it just shows up in your iTunes or whatever

no release date you don't actually you don't even really have to do it this is automatically on my phone instead of first daughter it's called fist daughter

is that correct? fist daughter? because of the fighting no bye that's not gonna go that's not gonna standards and practices is gonna go on veto fist daughter we said bye bye oh bye Because of the fighting. No. Bye. That's not going to go. That's not going to.

Standards and practices are going to go on veto. Fist daughter. We said bye. Bye. Oh, bye. Hollywood handbook. Hollywood handbook. Hollywood handbook. That was a HeadGum Podcast.