Hollywood Handbook - Kate Berlant and John Early, Our Close Friends

Episode Date: December 5, 2017

Sean and Hayes say hello to KATE BERLANT and JOHN EARLY and talk to them about being duos and the business of Hollywood. This episode is sponsored by Simple Contacts (code: THEBOYS) and Harry's.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This is a HeadGum Podcast. I sit in the seat. You sit on the tank, yeah. And someone approaches and I say something honest to them. Insendiary. Yeah. Sometimes about them, also sometimes about society and war and stuff, like the war. Can we get out of that thing already? Or should we stay? Well, this is what I'm saying. Can we at least decide?

is what I'm saying. It's like, can we at least decide? Yeah. And if they start to get nervous and like have anxiety about it, then they will dunk me and that's when I know that I've done a good job.

Yes, that you've made an impact. And that's when I win. But at some point, I think by accident, somebody took like a patio umbrella and leaned it against the dunk button so the seat is down all the time.

Permanently down and you can't get out and the sides are very slippery so and the water is boiling yes the water is very hot because i don't like you know like this really cold water but i'm also not expecting to sit in it for a really long time yes exactly and it's getting hotter and hotter because as the day goes on the sun is the tank is kind of like a big magnifying glass. And so it's burning me. And I'm scrambling against the sides. Yeah, trying to sort of human fly

up, but you're of course soaked. Tired as I go. But then I realize I'm churning it. I'm churning this. Ah, yes. This water, which I've been in it for so long, it is kind of like a buttery, milky water now. And some of the fish are starting to be uncomfortable as well, yes?

Yes, I'm stepping on a lot of the fish as I'm turning my way out. All of a sudden it solidifies, and I scramble at the side too fast. I go shooting over the top into the cake. Oh, no. Well, I'll have a slice. Hey, welcome to Hollywood Handbook, an insider's guide to kicking butt and dropping names in the red carpet linebacker hallways of this industry we call Showbiz. If you listen to the show, you know that we have been on a mission. Yes.

A mission to get all of the characters. To get all the characters. To collect all the characters. They're like Pokemans to us. And we love these things. We want to be the trainer. And we've been running around town and we've been scooping them up.

And we have them fight each other. But it's fun. And we, I'm so happy that now we have three. Yes. We had Lauren Lapkus, I think before the show aired. Yes, yes. We've had her four times. And now we have two more.

Two more. And we've captured you, and it's Cate Berlant and John Early. Hey. Hey. Welcome. What do you guys, tell me about what the other characters are doing. Do you guys still hang out and do stuff together? Well, they've picked us up, I think, for four more seasons.

Oh, my God. It's just an issue of getting... Have you written your own script? No. Me neither. Me neither. But they just... Because I think the first season was such a huge hit

and it's such a dent on the culture. So they're going to cross-border. Are you guys just always laughing? Yes. I mean, are guys just always laughing? Yes. I mean, are you just cracking up? Oh my God. These crazy characters, you know, to put you guys all together, I go like, that's explosive.

And I'm surprised because when I watch the show, a lot of times the characters you're doing have a very straight face. But I know John's in there and Kate's in there. And you guys must be really laughing. It is fun. We do. We can't help it. But I find that things are

funniest when you commit. Yeah, when it's serious. When it's serious. So I know when we're doing comedy, we don't really crack each other up because we don't laugh. People think, oh, you two, you collaborate. You must be a ball of laughs all the time. We're very serious about what we do, and we don't think it is funny.

We met at the Guthrie. Yeah, doing theater. Okay. Arlo Guthrie? Huh? The Arlo Guthrie? This machine kills fascists? Yeah.

You got a guitar? Sorry, sorry. So Arlo Guthrie? This Machine Kills Fascists? Yeah. Woody Guthrie's son. Sorry, sorry. So R.O. Guthrie, he's a big music guy. Used to live on his block in New York City. Really? Truly. Well, and he was out in California. He was out here, and he'd play in the streets.

This Machine Kills Fascists, his guitar would say. Wow. And then he'd stop. Because he could smash them with it. Mm-hmm. Yeah. No, he didn't. And he could break off the stalk of it and kind of, it could be a stab.

And the string, and the guitar strings would become a choking machine. A garrotte. Yeah. It's true. So it's actually several machines that killed fascists, but he didn't want to overstate it, I think, so that the fascists didn't know exactly how he was coming at them. Totally.

But that's where you guys met was with Harold Guthrie? Yeah. No, we met. I was doing the Steppenwolf, kind of Laurie Metcalf. Tracy Letts. Tracy Letts. Tracy Letts. Tracy.

Oh, bug. Yeah, and he was babysitting. Yeah, I was sitting in. Superior Donuts, yeah. Yeah, and Kate was babysitting. Yeah, I was sitting in. Superior donuts, yeah. Yeah. Well, that's so cool that you guys met, and I love what you're saying about committing and not necessarily cracking up.

Because I think laughter a lot of times is a release, and it's a release of fear. And I don't ever want to be performing from a place of fear. I want to be performing from a place of fear. And I don't ever want to be performing from a place of fear. I want to be performing from a place of strength. Do you guys know about that? Yes. You take this one I think. Okay.

Yeah. I think that being strong holding that tension, I know that's a place where I work from is through that tension. And it is That's a place where I work from. Shut up. Is through that tension. And it is scary. Performing is a risk. And go back to the characters, a shoot like that was draining.

Absolutely. It was almost three days of shooting. And day one, you're like, let's do this. How many cameras? How many cameras? Under five. And you smash cutting? We did a lot of in-camera editing.

Yeah, yeah. So it was a lot of, everyone freeze. Yeah. Freeze the music. And we had a boom box that we'd wheel around and kind of do source music. And it was a ragtag. Is that diegetic or not diegetic? Honky Tonk set.

It was Dogma 95. Kevin Smith. I think that movie came out in 99. Well, no. I'm referring to the Lars von Trier. Dogville. Yes, Dogville. That movie came out in 2000. That movie follows those

rules. Well, you have to know the rules. Dogstar was a band in 95. Ah, I can't know. That could be what you're saying. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, I mean, I love those

run-and-gun, guerrilla-type filmmaking shoots. To me, that's when... Let's just go in there and do it. Fuck it. We'll do it live. You know? CVS. Let's just go into CVS and they don't care. We'll do it live. You know? And like, yeah. CVS, let's just go into CVS and they don't care.

Let's literally go into a CVS and literally just shoot the whole thing in the candy aisle. And if we get hungry, you know, here's craft services. Yeah.

Right? Yeah. Yeah. You know, it's lifesavers and shit. I love the immediacy of cinema. Me too. I've always said that.

You know that. Yeah. Yeah. That's why, yeah, it's better than live theater, really. In terms of just immediacy. This is such a nice way to start talking about the thing

that we actually wanted to talk about that wasn't this. Which is about communication. For the two of you. I know. And talking about communication is so funny because talking is communication. So already it's such a funny thing.

It's kind of an Erebus, isn't it? Yes, yes. But you guys, you do a lot of stage performances. We do. The two of you, very fast, lots of back and forth. The two of you feeding off each other in this very snappy, snappy way. the two of you feeding off each other in this very snappy, snappy way. We can see, as a part of a dynamic duo of our own,

that you're giving each other these sort of micro cues and sort of following them rapid fire in real time. But the audience can't see. Invisible to the audience. But you guys can see as a duo yourself. As another duo, we recognize a sort of physical shorthand that you two have in your performance. It's like looking in some kind of fucked up mirror. It's like the duo in me sees another duo, we recognize a sort of physical shorthand that you two have in your performance. It's like looking

in some kind of fucked up mirror, right? It's like the duo in me sees the duo in you. Yeah. Yes. And we wanted to talk, explain to people

kind of how that works because I think a lot of times they're watching and they're wondering, like, oh, how did she know to do that move then?

Hey, how did she know she was going to do that? John was going to be in that exact place to catch her. Sometimes people think it's rehearsed. Yeah, I know. But let's pull back the curtain. Well, I would say mostly people assume that what we're doing

is spontaneous, but it's actually very, very choreographed. Very choreographed. Yes, I love this. We don't write our stuff. No. Oh, wait, no. No, the language is never prepared. The language itself, yes.

We have a team of writers, young writers, and yeah. Yeah. Just kind of source jokes. We do a lot of rehearsals, and there is no spontaneity. No. How important is it to have a team of young writers? Speak on that for a moment if you could.

I think it's so important because they are so in touch in a way that I just, you know, I had a dog, I fostered a dog, I was out of culture. I didn't know the references. Yeah, I had been teaching. And so it's, you really, the whole, the Trump?

I didn't know that was happening. No, exactly. No, that shocked me. And PC stuff. Yes, exactly. PC culture. I mean, we're walking on a, it's landmines. Be careful.

Like, even saying that. I know. They don't like that term. They don't like that. They just want it to be called culture. It's not media. It's eggshells. Yeah.

You know, and so we were, so the young writers, we bring them in. They've really kept us out of trouble. I'm just the references that they're able to pull out, this frigging DuckTales and Back to the Future and some of these cool, hip, comedic references that I'm seeing emerge now that I have no frame of reference. No, no, no. I literally am like, okay, if you say so.

But it sounds pretty cool, some of this Back to the Future and DuckTales. They're singing the SpongeBob song and stuff. Yeah, if you say so. They seem to like it. We've really been recently, we've really been into kind of riffing on Mario Kart. Oh my god. Luigi. Yeah, one of that.

Yoshi. What would Yoshi do if Mario hadn't been there? Or whatever. And the turtle shells. Because the different color. It is a little bit like society.

We'll go to a garage sale, pick out some VHSs and say, well, that's the show. And we'll just watch it and we'll go, this is the framework. Yeah. And it might be a tutorial about how to build a table. And that's all we need. And that's it. And off to the races. Get ready to laugh.

And that's when the young writers come in. You guys come in. The audience laughs. Get ready to laugh. And that's when the young writers come in. The audience laughs. You don't laugh. No. No. Yeah, that's good. No.

Can you talk a little bit about any time there's a partnership? There's sort of a yin and a yang, isn't there? And there's different roles. For instance, I am naturally funny, have just funny in my bones, but it's not repeatable. I don't know why I'm funny, how I'm doing it. So it happens sporadically, not that often, and then not again for a long time. Because I don't study it. Hayes knows all the rules.

It's math to me. That's what I've always said. I'm in school right now. Like every time I'm on the mic, I am going to school and I'm absorbing information and I'm turning it into math problems. No charisma whatsoever.

No. But a student of patterns. Yes. It's Roomba. Listening to other people, the inflections that other people are doing. And doing those tunes. Yeah.

I'm converting it into numbers and stuff in my head. I love watching that. I love to watch stand-up specials with the sound off. Yeah. And just seeing the mouths move and just the kind of, and just you can see the way. And that's what it is. It is dance. It's not, yeah. It's a mathematical dance.

It is math. So that's interesting. We also, I think, embody that in the online. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I have a BFA. I have formal training. And so there's kind of-

Where did you study? NYU. Okay. Yeah. I went to every second city and took my courses there. Okay. In every city that there was a second city, you would find Hayes. Now I think there are.

Maybe four. I would sort of wander around with sort of a second city kit where I could like sort of show up in a new city and like try and get it going. Yeah. Oh, wow. I would sort of, I had this little like traveling, sort of like a medicine cart like a snake oil seal yeah but this is for like real stuff

that can actually help people which is a second steady school because it improves communication to bring it all around you can use it at your corporation exactly it's not even about being funny it's about being present please don't try to make it about being funny.

And that's the moment of failure. I see somebody who has for the joke. That's the moment of failure. If I see them reaching for the joke, you're out. Sit down.

Thank you, Kate. Forget it. Sit down and just watch for the next whole scene. And that's something that Kate taught me, I would say, really early on

in the partnership. It's not about being funny. It's not about being funny. It's about being open and supine and ready to take in what the other person is saying. And just for people who forget what supine means, okay, prone to – Yeah, prone, you're on the tummy zone.

Supine, soup's on. Yeah, supine. Soup's on. Soupine is often in a – it's a corpse pose in yoga where you're very open and you're available shavasana yeah

soup's on and you remember that's face up so that the you don't want to spill the soup you don't want to put it prone

you're in the belly zone what's prone I don't prone is in the belly zone oh just as he's explaining it just like a lot of times I know people are thinking of the next thing that they can say.

Okay. Okay, careful. But Sean did just explain it, and he said that prone is in the belly zone. Soup's on. Soup's on. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And that should be enough times, I think, right? No, we got it.

We got everything. Okay. Let's say it a few more times. I got it. But not right now. But, yeah, it's not about being funny, which has been so fortunate for me because I'm not able to really recreate the funny moments

that happen. But they do happen and we kind of edit out the rest of the stuff. I've always said, I know John and I sometimes we'll go off stage after doing an hour,

you know, killing and we'll look at each other and we'll go, what just happened? I know. Because I was like, there's no memory of it.

No, it just, it leaves my body. And everyone's like, remember when you did that thing that was so funny? You're like, I honestly don't Because I was like, where were we? No, it just leaves my body. And everyone's like, remember when you did that thing that was so funny? You're like, I honestly don't. Because we, I don't know if it's possession or I don't know what it is, but we don't know. It feels like you're channeling something, right? Like you become

sort of just a vessel for the story. For Louis or for whoever. But specifically, mainly Louis. Yeah, for Louis, or for whoever. But specifically, mainly Louis. Yeah, for sure. Kate, where did you study? She's not trained. And that's similar to me.

So you went to places, but it just didn't really take? Well, I was rejected. I actually applied to Tisch, truly. And I was rejected. I was waitlisted at Emerson. I delivered a gut-wrenching Laramie Project monologue. Yeah. Which one?

Mr. Shepard? No, I did. Dylan Baker's character? Ben Foster's character. Ben Foster. Who I actually played in a high school production of Run for Life. I talked about finding Matt Shepard. Wait, wait, wait, wait.

Yeah, he found him. Okay, then I didn't do that. Who'd you do? You know what I'm thinking? Matt Shepard. Wait, wait, wait. Yeah, he found him. Okay, then I didn't do that. Who'd you do? I know what I'm thinking is Joshua Jackson's character. Oh, who's that? He's like, he came around here once in a while. He's shining a glass. I wish you could see.

No, I was Ben Foster. That's beautiful. I love that you did a boy monologue. Yeah, and I did the monologue, rejected from Tish. I got a steady wait list. I love that you did a boy monologue. Yeah, and I did the monologue, rejected from Tish. I got a steady wait list. I was rejected from Marymount. Manhattan. Oh, that's great.

Great theater program. And their rejection letter, I remember it so clearly. It was so cruel. Truly. It wasn't just like, oh, we forgot to inform you. Thank you for applying. It was like, you have not met our standards for excellence. And for that reason, we are unable to make room for you.

Like, we require a certain amount of technical ability. It was so mean. Well, it's interesting, isn't it, that initially your job is not to perform. It's to be told no and to keep getting up every day. Putting one foot in front of the other. Exactly. We should talk about some of these Second City programs for you, Kate, because it's an amazing thing.

No barrier to entry. No. Well, the initial cost of doing these programs is like $500,000, but you get the tools to teach other people. So they give you a big box of books and the whole kit, and you can go around now selling that to people. And sort of this multi-level marketing, I guess, is kind of how it works. And it's a way to get very rich.

With shakes? Shakes and smoothies. Nutritional shakes? Second City has a line of those, too. What I did is I didn't study any comedy or any theater, but I went to Harvard with a bunch of my rich cronies. Oh, my God. And then they just basically hand me opportunities for the rest of my life. See, that's amazing.

And it's this huge safety net. Family. And it doesn't matter what I do, and it's all fake. And I studied history, which just – it's so scary to watch how it's sort of repeating. Repeating itself. Yes. I wake up and I go, we've been here before. This isn't new.

This isn't new. And this is this war thing again. I kind of remember this war from before. Before. From when I read about it in the book. I think I've seen this one before. Yeah. In the movies.

Deja vu. Deja not Yeah. Yeah. In the movies. Deja vu. Mm-hmm. Deja not new. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. But it hurts really nice. The finals clubs are so cool. That's awesome.

Yeah. Whatever you want. I love that. I love that Harvard approach to comedy. I've always been envious of it. The Lampoon for me is where it is at. Oh, my God. At.

I was the treasurer for the lampoon. I held all the money and there was a lot. And then we'd sort of use it to have a celebrity come and do mushrooms with us. Oh, wow. And then we'd be like, this is our education or something. It would be like fucking whoever. Yeah. Woody Harrelson would come and do mushrooms.

We'd go like, now you're in the lampoon. That's so fun. That was like what we did. Yeah, it ruled. And so I absorbed a little bit of comedic stuff that way, but I can't remember much of it. Yeah. Julia Sweeney.

Yeah. Right? About time. And God laughed. Yeah. I did not realizeey. Yeah. Right? About time. And God laughed. Yeah. I did memorize that. Yeah. I got it at Dutton's in Brentwood, which was a wonderful small bookstore that has since been leveled and replaced with a CVS.

Truly. Bookstores are disappearing. They paved paradise. I know. I know. Put up a CVS. And yeah. God, you guys are cool. I mean, this is. This is. I was thinking the and yeah God you guys are cool

I was thinking the same thing about you guys I was just like oh man is it just me or is this vibe like insane are we at Jar? let's get the freaking banana cream we haven't gotten it yet

we were doing Whole30 we took a lot of business dinners at Jar right around the time we were shooting. Can I say? Wait for Dine LA to come around. Go back to Jar, but wait for Dine LA. Oh, the fixed menu?

It doesn't take that long. And you can get all the best stuff. At Jar, it's not a huge, expansive menu where there's so many things that you're going to want to try necessarily. Sure, sure, sure. That prefix is going to do you right. Tell me just a little what you mean. Oh, God.

Well, there's like a salad thing. Okay. Yeah. There's like a freaking pot roast or something. I've never had the pot roast. I'm guilty of that. I go straight for the filet. And I don't eat beef.

You're using prone in a way that makes you think. Which is not related to prone or whatever. Belly zone. I guess you think the belly zone you're assuming the belly zone with food stuff so now you're thinking this is a good time

to use prone because we're talking about food. It's not that kind of belly zone. Back to the filet. I do the green peppercorn sauce because it's dairy-free, but now I am engaging in dairy, as you can clearly tell. And we're very excited. I was going to say, you're really giving that off. I'm emanating. I eat dairy.

When Kate came to pick me up, I said, are you back on dairy? You're very lactic. I eat dairy. When Kate came to pick me up, I said, are you back on dairy? You're very lactic. Yeah, yeah. You can hear it in my throat, the way the nodules are. It's such a richer sound. To me, though, it does give it a new quality that sort of makes me feel like I'm gliding down a sort of... Well, speaking of the references they're doing, do you remember in freaking Double Dare when they would slide down the freaking booger nose and search for the flag? Mark Summers is, I love that guy.

Oh, yeah. Oh, my God. Where is he now? He's OCD and he hosted a sloppy show. Isn't that an interesting fact we could bring up? Yeah. Do you guys remember that? Because my young writers have been sending me all kinds of Double Dare material, and I'm loving it.

Salute your shorts. Please, yes, but Nick. They were going to tell us about this this week. Hey, dude. Okay, yeah. Hey, dude. Well, I was actually raised by TV. Yeah, me too.

Me too. Yeah, I was raised by it. Me too. Do you guys, I don't know if you you this is weird to like ask this but do you like ever like go dance would you guys like to like go dancing after this because i'm just saying like you guys are so cool like we're like having such a good time we were gonna structure we were gonna go yeah dance yeah just like i know it's like the middle of the day but like we do go dancing and i actually i know of those kinds of cool parties truly we went down we danced this

weekend yes we left one dance party and went to. We danced this weekend. Yes, we did. We left one dance party. And went to another. It was, I'm not kidding, it was 2.30 a.m. And I said, I'm not going home. Time to go to the dentist. And we went to a dance party that was in the arts district. Hang on, because.

Did you hear about it? So this is what he does, where he memorizes these. Because I read these books of funny stuff. It comes up for you. Yeah, snappy answers to stupid questions and things like that. I don't decide to joke. I just – yeah, yeah, it just comes out. And if you ask Hayes sort of a silly question, he'll have a very funny answer a lot of the time.

A snappy answer. A snappy answer. A snappy answer. Yes, that's a little bit sarcastic. I have three of them. So, Hayes, oh, boy, are those your muscles? No, they're like... My pet turtles or something.

No, it's like, no, somebody's building a sandcastle on my arm. It's like... Even snappier than that sometimes. I'm sorry, it's because Kevin's here. Normally I would be. No, Kevin came in in the middle of... No, I get it. And people, you know. Even snappier than that sometimes. I'm sorry. It's because Kevin's here. Normally I would be. No, Kevin came in in the middle of. No, I get it. And people don't know.

People are listening and thinking I just couldn't come up with a good thing. But actually, I have someone that just walked in the room while I was talking. And so much of what you do is physical. Yes, thank you. I also, I've always said I have a great face for radio, right? Because I am physical. This is Kevin. Have a seat, Kevin.

Kevin, you can get back in. Hey, Kevin. To take it back to dance parties for a minute, we do want to go dancing, but nothing structured like a dance party. No. To me, I'd rather. It's not like a dance party, but we just like go.

We want to go dance, but we want to find a place that people wouldn't expect us to dance. And sort of like an improv everywhere. Yes, that's what I was going to say. These videos where people are dancing in spaces. Yeah. And the freaking laundromat. Yes.

And what I'm thinking is, do we take it to a freaking funeral or something? Yeah, right. And go, hey, let's not make it sad. Let's celebrate this person's life. I have always said to Kate, because she's going to have a huge involvement. She's here to stay. We are literally each other's beneficiaries. For our commercial agent.

Who we no longer work with. I did a Metro PCS audition about six years ago. And that was it. Okay. And where were you at? And here's what's crazy. And that was it. Okay. And where were you repped? And here's what's crazy. I was called back. No.

Really? And I was like, I'm not going to get used to this. And then they said no. And where were you repped? TR2. Okay. And what do you get your commercial agent for the holidays? And John's making a symbol.

Like an olive oil. It's a shape yeah it looks like a jar I do a thing where it's balsamic and olive oil in one

so you can so the bottle yeah so the bottle's in the middle and that's the olive oil and the balsamic's around it so you can make a quick vinaigrette

in a pinch and it's beautiful on the countertop so you don't have to carry both bottles around you can just have the one and give it a little shaky shaky

and each year there's a different infusion. Yeah, we do chilies. This year it's hatch chilies. You've been saying hatch chilies so much lately. Sometimes I get a word and it just stays for about 30 days and then it cycles out. Wait, what were we talking about? I don't know.

Oh, dancing. Dancing, guy dancing. Yeah, no funerals. Oh, I've always said to Kate that when I die... Take me first. First of all. A, take me first. Well, if I'm the first to go...

Isn't that crazy? You might be. What will I do? I honestly don't know. I want to talk about this. Have you ever thought about the tweet that you would send? Have you ever thought about the tweet? Of course, the Facebook post.

I've thought about if I died, your tweet. What would it be? Please RT. And then at Kate Bryant. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's good. Yeah. Because that's when you truly die is the last RT.

You might not have to tweet because you guys are known as being so close that a lot of people might make it about you. People will come to you. Without you needing to pull it in. Let them come to you. Yeah. And that might be the move. We're lucky for that. How your death would affect my career.

Well, I'm telling you now, it would not make a difference. No, because they'd look at me and they'd go, where'd he go? They'd look at me and they would see the absence of you. I'm so superstitious that I almost feel that by talking about this. I am willing the death. Well, I do actually think for I think I will actually be able to handle it better.

My death? Yes. Meaning, I'm not well, but just better, so I just feel like you should be the first to go. But anyway, back to what I was saying. And you seem so strong right now in saying that. Why do you think that? It's so sturdy that I do tend to believe what John's saying.

Do you think just because I'm a woman that it would be harder for me? Or what is that? No, I think you're inherently, not because you're a woman, I just think because you're... Do you think because she's a woman it would be easier for you? You know what I mean? Right. I think there's some truth in that.

Yeah. There's some truth in that. The hag is the old bitch is gone yeah yeah yeah get her out yeah I will say Sean and I have had to deal with this a lot

because we had this period where we were sort of trading an infection back and forth a very bad infection was it on the mics? yeah we just like we spend a lot of time together we share a lot of food

and so it's like it's like running through me for a while and I almost die of it and then it like sort of finally better

and then I zap it into Sean. Yeah, suddenly sick. This very bad infection and the way what I think we figured out is that you would be

more sad but for a shorter time. I bounce back pretty quick. And I would just like carry it with me but for a really long yeah he'd be a little sad for years

for a really long I'd be so sad for about 45 minutes but so sad crying literally almost crying the same amount of sadness we're a little older than you guys so we have to think about this stuff

I I'm just And we have to think about, you know, we're a little older than you guys. So we have to think about this stuff. No, that's clear. I'm just, you know, when you... Get it out. Okay. I love this. I love this kind of thing. When someone leaves your life. Oh, no. This is so big that we have this.

I know. That's exactly what I was thinking. That's so good that we have a big moment like this because we can't do this. When someone leaves your life, you have room. Sam, are you getting this shit? I'm doing this like a special.

You know Earwolf sometimes does those clips? Yes. And they'll go on the real Earwolf account. Yeah, on the actual Earwolf account. A clip from our show. Yeah. You know, like, once every six months

they put up a clip of our show? Yeah. When someone leaves your life. Sam. Split Sider, this weekend podcast. Do you have the guy that does that? Yeah, I have him.

Might be good to tip them off. Does Rebecca not do Podmas anymore? Because we haven't been in that. We haven't been in podcasts in a little while. But it might be good if there's a press release thing. It was only Rebecca. Because this kind of thing,

people will really want to talk about. Does Comedy Bang Bang still have the use of a publicist? You know what I mean? Or after the 500th episode, did they kind of say, okay, we're not going to be beating this for a little while. You know what I mean? And it dried up.

I'm sorry. It dried up. Ow. Ow. The time is going there. I really was. You saw. I saw the tears coming. I was welling up.

I could prompt it a little bit. When someone leaves your life, you know what? When someone leaves your life. Yeah. Oh, you just make room for maybe a better collaborator. Oh, no. Oh. Oh, this.

Yes. This is like, you made it weird. Oh, God. We missed a real you made it weird opportunity. You made it weird. John made it weird. Have you guys done that? Have y'all done you made it weird?

Both of us have. We've done individual shows, and I've done about, oh, God, three live shows. What do you think God is? Like a fucking apple or something? What's religion? I don't know, man. I don't know. I'd trip out on that.

I've listened to every single episode trying to find out what it is, and I I don't know. I'd trip out on that. I've listened to every single episode trying to find out what it is, and I still don't know. And I think that's a testament to bait. Can I hear the way you did the – No easy answers on You Made It Weirdo. Can I hear the way you did the, like, are we recording right now, or have we already started? Can I just hear how you handled that moment?

Well, it was, again, kind of one of those things where I don't remember. Okay. Yeah, we're live, baby. We're rolling. Yeah. Yeah, we just go. I didn't do that. Into the mic enough.

So you were saying you wanted something special for when you die, I think. And how I process your death. Oh. Oh, no. Oh, yes, yes. Thank you, guys. I thought you were going to say

you want one of those fun, like, dancey funerals. Well, that's what I'm saying. I always say... Good food. Yeah. One of these funerals where it's, Ooh, I'm a rebel,

just a kickster. I'm a kicker, this is how this is. He's an expert. Down the street. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Totally. I just, I do, I always say the case, and when I die, this might not make sense to you now,

but I don't, I want it to be a celebration. Yeah. Make it a party. Because make it a party. Yeah. Good food, music. I want one of these. Because that's the sum of your life.

Go ahead. I want one of these. He opens the book sum of your life. Go ahead. I want one of these. He opens the book. Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today. Woo! I'm a rebel just to kick smith. Yeah. I'm a rebel just to kick smith. Also, like, you know, when you will have to give some sort of speech, don't be afraid

to be dirty. Okay. You know what I mean? You can go blue. No, yeah. I definitely want them to talk about my genitals and stuff. We'll all have my girls with me and my son and my husband. You don't know that.

And we'll kind of be like, Uncle John would have wanted, you know, and we'll all be so upset because our Uncle John's gone. Yeah. How will you explain that to your kids? Do you think about that when John dies, how you will explain that to your son? Oh, my God. I just hope they're in college. Yeah.

So they have the structure of that schedule. What is the time period of that? And they get an A in all their classes if their uncle dies. I hope they get straight A. They're in college. Yeah. So they have the structure of that schedule. What is the time period of that? That would mean... And they get an A in all their classes if their uncle does. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I hope they get straight A. That's like an urban legend, but it's true. Yeah.

Yeah, and you get free rooming. Well, I think we should have kids at the same time. You get to switch roommates, I think. We are going to have kids at the same time. So we can do our college tour together. Together. With the kids. Yeah.

With the girls. Just because we can then save on travel. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. Hampshire College, have you thought about that? You know, I was rejected from Hampshire. I applied to like 42 schools. I did not get into anywhere except in Wayneville.

That's crazy. I didn't get in anywhere. I applied to so many schools. I was so late with the applications that I had to make my parents drive me to the post office at midnight to have me postmarked by that date. My mom just straight up wrote one of my essays. There was like this one school that I did not want to go to. And they were like, write a personal account of a day in your life. I was like, I'm not applying to Bucknell or whatever.

And so she was like, so she, I mean, she would be mortified. I'd be disowned if she knew I was revealing this. Oh, no. Because she wrote my day in the life. And I was like, so she, I mean, she would be mortified. I'd be disowned if she knows revealing this. Oh, no. She wrote my day in the life. And I was like, that sucks. Does your mom listen to Hollywood Handbook? She might actually. She does.

She just started subscribing to deadline emails. So she'll be like, CSI Miami just upgraded Lauren Jamison from, you know, she knows everything. The Mick got a back order. Yeah, yeah, yeah. My mom, oh, I haven't told you this. My mom sent me a split-sider review of Search Party in which they referred to us as comedy duo. Sent it to me, too. No way.

Oh, my gosh. She's like, and in the subject line, I was like, they refer to you as a comedy duo. And then just put the link to the article. That's nice. That's really nice. Nice way to be thought of. Our parents are so supportive. They're so supportive.

I got waitlisted at Second City originally, and then I got a little wasted once I showed up there. We did have a lot of fun. At Second City for him, yeah. There is a common application for all the different Second Cities. If you want to go to the one in Denver or something, you can just apply to that one and the one in Seattle and

Minneapolis. I wanted to go to Chi-Town. I just went to Harvard because my dad's a professor in Boston. You got into Harvard a bunch of times, right? The same year. I just kept getting in. Legacy. Yeah, Legacy. It was just really easy. They let in any – It was a joke to me.

If your dad's a professor in the same city, they let you in, right? Yeah. Yeah, that's right. Yeah, they were like, he's a professor. And they went, where? And I was like, Boston. And they went, that's basically here. Boston, Boston?

Yeah. And they probably thought it was. And professor's college. Fenway Park. Oh, yeah. The weather. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. We'll wait Fenway Park. Oh, the weather. Yeah. West Baffle.

Yeah, we'll wait five minutes and then see if the weather. Yeah, we'll see if it rains. But then wait five more. Yeah. Because it's coming back. Yeah. The one you liked. It switches back and forth.

People don't say that. Wait ten minutes and it'll be the same as it is right now. Yeah. And then at night it's totally different. It's so dark there. It's so dark. It gets really dark. It's nuts.

And then also deep dish stuff. Oh, yeah. Well, thank you for bringing it up. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I actually... Because I wasn't going to.

I was nervous, too. No, let's fucking go there. Because as we said, we're walking on eggshells a little bit lately. Yeah, we're dealing with this. Pizza or tacos go. Oh, fuck. Okay. Okay, how much time do I have? Too lately. Yeah, we're dealing with this. Pizza or tacos, go. Oh, fuck. Okay.

How much time do I have? Too late. Oh, damn it. You don't get either. Oh, no. What I like to do is fold my pizza in half, make it a big taco. Yow. Like a redneck.

This is so what? We were hoping to get here. redneck but we can't even we were hoping to get here and he became in front of my eyes this whole other

this like pizza taco character this is how long it takes to warm up though I really do find that because I'm so stiff and this is what's

so great about the way Pete does it honestly is like you're warming up and by hour three and now it's where you're like are we actually recording suddenly you're cracked

wide open and extremely raw and you just get into hey okay you want to trip out on this what if God was freaking I mean

like a a horse or something and then he goes like I don't know you know we can't say what it is we don't know he was raised religious

Pete well John was raised religious I was also raised religious. I was also gay, but I was also gay. Right. Which added such a layer. He's basically the opposite of that. It's sort of a hat on a hat.

John, when did you know? In a way, I always knew. Totally. Okay, taco pizza guy answered that. And it was so cool to see him come back. And just hear a little of his backstory. Well, it's mutable. He can be taco pizza, can be serious.

Yeah. That's what we're, I think, exploring. Because when did I know I was straight, right? So why do we make gay people do that? Because when did I know? No, exactly. Exactly. I knew when I was like a little baby.

Yeah. That you were straight. That I was straight. I was a very horny baby. Hayes literally came over and just told me. Wow. Because he's a little bit older than me, just by like a week or so. And he came over and whispered and he was like,

hey man. I think I knew when I was jerking off to gay porn. Yeah, probably. That's when I knew. That's a big clue. That's a huge moment. That's a big clue. You're just kind of like, oh, my God.

What am I doing? Get this away from me. But wow. Yeah. I was jerking off and it was men having sex and that's when I knew. Yeah. Totally. Wait a minute.

Yeah. Totally, totally, totally cool. That is when I, the same moment for me is when I knew I was straight I was a little kid I was drinking I was drinking

I was drinking to gay porn and I was just like I don't like it I don't know if this is for me you know I'm sort of

going through the motions right you know like it wasn't Kate when did you know you were half Jewish ah God

probably going to Hebrew school and going, what is this? Yeah, and everyone else was nose deep in the Torah, loving it. And I was a little bit on the, I was hovering on the outskirts. Yeah, you were just sort of a little bit into the Torah. And I thought, what about Christmas? Yeah. Yeah.

And I thought, what about Christmas? Yeah. Yeah. When I watched the pilot of Crashing and saw Pete having straight sex, I remember thinking, I could do that. Hey, wait a minute. If this guy could do it, I could pull this off. Yeah. And so to me, that's probably when I knew for sure. Hayes whispered to me early on.

Yeah. And I sort of just went with the flow. Yeah. And then when I started to watch that pilot, I went, you know what? I think I got this thing. Yeah, yeah. Let's turn this mother out, you know? Yeah.

That's amazing. Have you had sex since then? I'm so close with this one chick. Yeah, yeah. Oh, yeah. Yeah. She in the scene? It depends which scene you mean. She's a tennis player. She's a tennis player, Steffi Graf. Yeah, yeah. Oh, yeah. Yeah. She in the scene? It depends which scene you mean.

She's a tennis player. She's a tennis player, Steffi Graf. Oh, whoa. Steffi Graf, yeah. Wow. One, almost the most Wimbledon.

She's a little bit, she's a little down in the dumps because, you know, she kind of just had one of her records broken. Yeah. Oh, shit. And so she's sort of

looking for something to make her feel better. Well, as long as she's not in the business because dating in the business, you can't. Like, can we talk she's not in the business, because dating in the business, you can't do it, folks. Danger zone.

Don't enter the danger zone. Please. No badness in the danger zone. Don't drink it. Poison. It's a skull. Yeah. Because you know.

You know. You're going to end up at some party. Uh-oh. Or even worse, on sex. I remember looking over my shoulder, seeing a gaffer. I had to have him fired. Oh, no. Why?

I said I can't. Because you had been. Because we had sexed. What? We've. And so I couldn't. I couldn't perform. I had close to four lines.

In the middle of a smash cut to turn and realize. Oh, my God. And by the way, the camera went, arf. I was so confused. It was so fun. And was this in camera editing or was this something that was going to be done later in post? Okay, okay. They had the money for post.

Okay. Whoa. Do you guys want to talk about being in post? Picking takes? Why not? I don't stand post. I love it. I love it.

I call him Edit Bae, B-A-E. Because he loves it in there. And I'm going, when's lunch? I gain six pounds. I go, when's lunch? Where's my snack time? But see, that goes back to that kind of our balance, our yin and yang, which is that, you know, I like to control things.

You know, whereas Kate's kind of a feral cat. And then you leave for lunch and we come back and it's single on John, cut to wide. Single on John, now we're the master. Close on John. Where's Kate? Yeah. But when they go, oh, it's our martini shot. Back to be on John. Where's Kate? Yeah. But when they go, oh, it's our martini shot. Back to be on set.

And I go, before we know it, we're going to be in post. You could snap a finger. Post is that close. I know, I know. And Kevin's just been here the whole time. Hasn't taken any photos, just been chilling. Hey, guys, Chef Kevin here. I've taken a couple pics.

Thanks for having me. Got any good ones of me? I was going to take yours during the ad break because you normally look right at the camera. Yeah, there isn't time to get them now. I didn't even know I was being photographed. Me neither. Those are the best photos. Yeah, when you were just the candidates. That's what Kevin says

when people aren't paying attention. I try to give it straight to Cam. Yeah, Kevin. And I will say this That's what Kevin says when people aren't paying attention. I try to give it straight to Cam. Yeah, Kevin likes it. And I will say, this guy, he comes in here and just takes pictures of people. Every show. That's crazy. What an archive. Oh, well, I can't imagine people coming through here. You know, not to bring it back to myself, but I've been thinking about starting a podcast.

I've been thinking that that would be something fun that you would do. To this man. He's one of the best junior producer types that we have. I'm kind of trying to start a bidding war. So place your bets now. Between Earwolf and Handbreak. Who knows?

Have we investigated that? Here's the thing. I'm so new with the podcast scene. I come in as a guest. But I'm now going to just talk about how I want a podcast. On as a guest. That's a good way to get buzz going. Wow.

That could be a really interesting take. Because I'm serious about this, though. Well, because you know who's listening to these podcasts that you're guesting on? Other podcasts. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Podcast fans. Yeah. I mean, who's listening?

Add Kate Burlant. And junior producers. Kevin listens to all kinds of podcasts like this. All over the place. What's your podcast going to be about? Or do you not know? It's coming together. But you know it's going to be something special.

Oh, it's going to be good. Because when Kate gets in front of a mic. Yeah, when I put my pen to paper. Maybe some of the characters could be showing up. Yeah, that could happen. Oh, no. And you'll be interviewing the characters? Could be.

Wasn't it a mistake for Lauren Lapkus? Her character from Crashing was not in her character's episode on Netflix. No, we talked to her about that. Bananas. That was us. And I guess it's like people. She's a close friend. Such a miss.

Huge missed opportunity. And I think it's like, oh, you don't want to give people what they're expecting, I guess. You want to surprise them a little bit and not do Pete's ex-wife. That pissed me off. As a guy who has been rooting for her from day one and has invested a lot of sweat equity in just watching her stuff, sort of talking up, this is the next thing. To tune into that pilot, realize I was straight early on, but then also realize that she's not really doing one of the characters.

I was fucking pissed. Or vice versa. So none of the characters are in Crashing. No, no. And Pete's ex-wife is not in the characters. Oh, yeah. I was pissed. I was livid. I don't like to feel that way. When, yeah. No, I was pissed. I mean, I was livid.

I don't like to feel that way. Yeah. When we were developing that, I remember. When we were at the cellar, at the table. Yes. And I remember. Oh, wow, at the table. Yeah, yeah.

We had both been passed. And me, we were all joking around, tearing each other down. As you do. Getting really, and I have tough skin. She does, but. I really can deal it out. Although some things are off limits. Yeah. Like really, and I have tough skin. She does, but. I really can deal it out. Although some things are off limits.

Like my appearance and my family. I'll go there with you and I'll have fun and I'll get the back and forth going. I'm similar. Don't talk about my work.

Don't make fun of my work. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You know, that's sort of got to be a safe space for me to experiment. I think it's more like, what kind of almond did you order? Jesus.

Food stuff is great. I love that. Because we're at a restaurant. There's plenty to do. That would kill me. I wouldn't be able to order for another month. I'd be like, I'll have what she's loving. Because I'm so scared to get out of the lab.

That's funny too. Bill Burr. What? What? Bill Burr. Bill Burr. I won't order a Denver omelet anymore. He will not get a Denver omelet.

No. Ask him this when you see him. Yes. Oh man. But yeah, no. Eat with other comics. Do you have points from traveling so much for work? No.

I do Double Tree. Well, I'm La Quinta. Yeah. So I haven't done. The Hyatt loves me. But anyway, from touring. Yeah. So somebody orders the whole stuffed flounder.

What do you say? Just give us a little, you know, for the fans, a little tree. Yeah, get in. I thought you said no wives were invited. No. And that would be me. Yeah. And I'm taking that on the chin.

My mouth open. Just, no. And my comeback's like, more water? You know, because I have nothing now. Yeah, of course. And I love that. Oh, that's a highway. But that's another glimpse into the table.

I love the no wives rule at the table. Leave them out. Yeah. Leave them out. They can be around, but they should be on the sidewalk. They're at the wives table. Or they should be in a different table. They're at the wives table.

Yeah. Don't bring it down here. No. Not at work. They're not going to like it, honestly. They're not going to like seeing that side of me. It is work. You know what I mean?

That part of the debriefing. That's what I tell my wife. It is playtime. And when I'm in there and it's me and it's Dom Herrera and it's Jim Norton and it's Kate Berlant and it's Hayes and it's John as well. And we're all sort of ordering and we're saying that only

what we order. Yeah, yeah. And Sherrod Small's there. Ben Bailey. Yeah. Finesse and everybody. The whole team. Everyone's there.

Yeah. Then I start to go, oh, this is why I started this whole crazy thing. Absolutely. Because they know you like no one else. Because they know you like no one else. Because they've been there for the early bits.

They've seen you grow. John knows, I can say summer of 2007, my closer that I did for the better part of six months killed and then crickets. There was a turn. There was a turn. And he knows what I'm talking about. But yeah, that kind of encyclopedic knowledge of my work is what I really feel like a friend. And I don't know if the world changes or if we don't find it funny anymore, but sometimes it's time to hang it up. Sometimes I hang it because they love it.

The crowd loves it. I don't love it anymore. Well, here's the best way to hang something up. Put it in a special. I was going to say, or do it on late night. Or do it on a set. Yeah, yeah. I'll do that. I'll rotate.

I've got a killer six minutes. And I'm done with it. And I'll go on one of the late night shows. Yeah. Yeah. Send it off. Yeah. Send it off in style.

Late night show. Put it up as a pay what you want model. Oh, well, that's. Yeah. Patreon. However you want. Yeah. Do it as a.

Yeah. Patreon. It's a Patreon. Watch it as many times as you want. Yeah, do it as a Patreon. It's a Patreon. Watch it as many times as you want. Pay every time. Chelsea Lately, Roundtable. Print a bunch of DVDs, mail them out, and then it's out of your system. Every 14 months I break out my notebook

and I say I need to have a new icebreaker. I need to have a new closer. I need to have a new bit about whether or not people like the DJ at a given party. Yeah. You know, because that's going to come up. Yeah, absolutely. And I say I need to have a new order or Kate's going to freaking roast me on a spit.

Oh, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You know. When I know your act as well as my own. Oh, that's not good. That's not good. Maybe it's time to retire the Cheeto closer. Uh-oh.

Louie does a whole new hour every year, and then he burns it. But no, you guys, here's what I knew. Now I'm so excited to see what he's going to do next year. Here's what I knew. He was daddy. Yeah. Was when I heard, I read this twice. He has his closer.

Yeah. And then he goes, you know what? I'm going to open with my closer. Flips the script. Competition with yourself. And that's what he is for me listening are like well they're both jokes so like who fucking cares and it's like you do not understand you don't know it's a completely different and over in a closer why would i be explaining this to you if it wasn't important i always say yeah you know i go if i'm explaining how I build my act. Listen up.

Yeah. Maybe it's super important which order I do the jokes in to you. And maybe think about that while you're watching me do it and don't just listen to the jokes. The jokes. Thanks. Yeah. Yeah, because I'm doing a new act. I mean, that pisses me off.

Oh, God, yeah. And I hate to get worked up again. Yeah, yeah. But it is honestly cool that Louie's daddy. I mean, we got to be pretty close to having to wrap it up. Yeah, what's happening? You guys want to like... I've got your agent calling me. I mean, this is so funny.

I've got your agent. Is that... Who's that? Oh, boy. And I've got a Google alert for the characters and I'm not kidding. It's John Buchwald's on the phone. That must be a tough, like a lot of stuff must be coming in for the phrase the characters. Yeah, the characters. Maybe not all of it.

80% of it is about the show, the characters, but it must be some other stuff. It's not. Yeah, it's not related to Netflix. Okay. Is it anything else? Let's just say it's not yeah it's not related to Netflix okay what is it is it anything else let's just say it's late night it's got

we've got a lot of stuff we've got red carpets to figure out looks to do yeah anyway yeah do we want to

do we want to push anything that's coming up do we have anything well I would say you know people a lot of times they haven't watched our our Vimeo series

our Vimeo series 555 nominated for Gotham Award for Best Original Web Series. Short form. We're going on Monday to the Gotham Awards in New York City. Oh, my God. So pray for us, folks. Are we a little scared? Yeah, well, that's what I was going to say, that the Joker might show up.

Because for these like gala events, like this black tie stuff, this is exactly the kind of thing. Yes, that's the perfect place for him to emerge. Introduce chaos. Yes. Embrace chaos for its own sake. Well, that would be one thing, but the Joker loves to find people who are taking themselves pretty seriously. And putting on the fancy wear. Curiously.

Yeah. And putting on the fancy wear. Yeah. And it just gas. I will say, going to this party, don't necessarily breathe in the green gas. When the green gas is coming out, maybe try to go to another room or something. Because often, often that green gas is Joker toxic. It's knockout gas. A lot of times it's knockout gas.

Or it'll make you laugh so hard you don't know where you are, and the Joker can change your clothes or do anything else. That's crazy. Yeah, just keep on the lookout for the next stuff. Bye. This has been an earwolf production executive produced by scott ackerman chris bannon and colin anderson for more information and content visit earwolf.com that was a hate gum podcast