Hollywood Handbook - Kate Micucci, Our Close Friend

Episode Date: May 8, 2018

Sean and Hayes are accompanied by KATE MICUCCI from Garfunkel and Oates to do a festival again.This episode is brought to you by Simple Contacts ( www.simplecontacts.com/theboys  code: THEBOYS) and Uncharted Supply Co. ( www.unchartedsupplyco.com  code: THEBOYS).See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This is a HeadGum Podcast. No, but I know that I... Sorry, you didn't let me finish. You're starving hungry for mischief. Yes. Mm-hmm. I just ate, in fact. But I ate in a very normal, non-sneaky way. Well, that's half as satisfying. Which was very boring.

Mm-hmm. Did you just pay for a meal at a restaurant? Yeah. I just walked up. I paid. I tipped nicely. Nothing sneaky about it. I didn't have a sneaky face on while I was doing up. I paid. I tipped nicely. Nothing sneaky about it. I didn't have a sneaky face on while I was doing it.

Oh, no. I had normal face. And so I call up the gang, and I say, let's hit the farm. Oh, yeah. And you know Peter's down that frigging rebel. This was actually the first time he had ever done it. He was like, where's the farm? Oh, okay. And I'm like, oh, you don't know about this?

Me and Penelope do this all the time. And now Peter is, of course, of like, oh, yeah, my thing is stealing from Mr. McGregor's farm. But at the time, this was like... Yeah, that's why I said you know Peter's down because he famously has always said that he does that and everyone knows him

primarily as doing that. No, he had never done that before. Was this a long time ago, this story? Yeah, this was like 73. Okay. So my job is to stomp on the potatoes so they become mashed potatoes, shoot up like a geyser. And you got hot boots yeah i got these very warm boots i don't like the potatoes too hot no no no but you got you put a

nice you put a nice hot coal in the boot yeah and then as it's cooling down you stomp the potato it cooks the potato and then smash potato guys smash potatoes thank you not mashed potatoes i like the little part. The lumps. Yes, I like the little lumps. And so they come up. They catch me in the basket. I rest my boot against a cow so butter comes out of its teat.

And spray that on the potatoes. Also in like a geyser way. So it's like. You cooking any steamed cabbage with those boots? Yeah, I'll kind of put them very close to a cabbage but not quite touching and it'll steam up the cabbage yeah very nice and i'm doing this all with my butt kind of resting on the ground so i can like rotate in a circle really fast to do all these different moves. And so I can have both feet in the air at once. Well, I also had, this is, again, I know I can't trust Peter now, but what I had heard you were doing is, you know, like in the circus or whatever,

when somebody has their feet up and they're kicking a ball and it keeps rotating, that you were doing that with a rotisserie chicken. Yeah, which we brought. Yeah. I'm not going to kill a chicken. No, Which we brought. Yeah. I'm not going to kill a chicken. No, that's disgusting. Yeah. No.

But if it's already dead and a rotisserie chicken from a freaking store, then whatever. And so Mr. McGregor comes out and is like, thank you. Mm-hmm. Because this is like, I was going to have to do this myself, and you're doing all the work for me. It's really nice. It's a big dinner. Yeah.

Would you like to share it with me? Mm-hmm. And I'm like, bitch. Like, this is not, I didn't come here for this at all. This is why I gave it up. The whole point was to piss you off. Yeah, and gave it to Peter. And so that's how I think they kind of developed their own,

their sort of double act. That dynamic, yeah. The whole thing, I want to be sneaky. Mm-hmm. Their sort of double act. That dynamic, yeah. The whole thing, I want to be sneaky. Well, I got to say, obviously, I can reveal this to you now. I was Mr. McGregor. I was trolling you. Oh, the ultimate troll. And this being 35 years later.

35, yes, 73. Yeah. Yes. 73. Yeah. Yes. Mm-hmm. Okay. And our guest thinks it was 45. Okay. Wow.

That's so embarrassing for our guests. Yeah. I'm sorry. So we haven't introduced our guest yet, but she does think it was 45 years. I actually am a human calculator. And it's so embarrassing to try to do mental math around me because you will end up getting your head exploded. Anyway, welcome to Hollywood Handbook. It's 2008.

This is an insider's guide to kicking butt and dropping names in the red carpet linebacker hallways of this industry we call Showbiz. The Hollywood Handbook. So I think that we're going to do this episode then let's take a break for about 7 or 8 years then let's pick it back up then let's air this one 4 or 5 years into the run

let's do it for almost 5 years and then we'll hit them and then we'll release this and everything will be building to that we were planning it before that makes sense that's a smart thing to do. That'll be nice. It's good business.

We'll get this in the can, and this is sort of a pilot test. Well, let's just start out and just say, hey, we've got a guest. Yeah. That's part of how we do the show. Let's not play games. No. I'm so sick of games, and I know that our guest is, too. Let's be straight up.

Kate Micucci? Hi. Why do people want to play all these head games? Have you noticed this happening recently? And in this town lately? And in the news, and gaslighting. I mean, I think it's just post-election, really. Yes.

It's a lot of head games in the past year and a half. Yes. Big reaction. Before that, it didn't. In this era. It was really pretty mellow. Mm-hmm. It was easy.

You kind of knew what people were thinking. People were straight up. Yeah. Yeah, they were straight up. It's a lot harder now. There's just so many channels, so many outlets, so many apps. Peak TV. How do you know? It's our golden age. It's just so many channels, so many outlets, so many apps. Peak TV. How do you

know? It's our golden age. It's just too many mind games. No, it's crazy. And Mindhunter. As you're referencing, obviously, yes, Obama just got elected. Yes. Last night. Yeah. And so,

sure, everyone's a little shaken up. What does this mean? What's this going to look like? What's a little shaken up. What does this mean? What's this going to look like? What's a community organizer? But everyone seems so hopeful, but I still think that's part of the mind game. Yes. Yes. I think that's fake as well.

Everyone's being fake. Yeah, and fakeness is one of my pot peeves. I know that I am sick to death of it. So let's just get real on the show for a minute and just say, I want it to seem like the show is famous. Yeah, so we did an episode recently that was only for the pro version, which is for rich people. I assume you listen to it.

You're rich. So rich, yeah. It's sort of, yeah. It's almost embarrassing. It plays at the pool, at the rich pool on the PA. Oh, I have heard it. Yes. And so we did an episode where we did Coachella

and that was a huge hit. Masterpiece move. People lost their minds for it. Best podcast episode that has been made so far. How do you top that?

Just kind of do it again. Just do a watered-down version of it. Do it. It's a little bit worse. Stretch it out. Try to replicate it. Rope someone else into it. Sequels are mostly that.

Yeah, it's Deadpool 2. I'm down, though. I'm ready to be in the sequel. I feel like it could be, you know, it'll be for the audience who really loved the first one, and they're going to go in with a lot of hope, just like everybody's feeling. Yes. Deadpool's been vandalizing the neighborhood. Have you noticed that?

Have you seen this? No. Yeah, Deadpool is actually incorrigible, and at this point I'm not sure he's ever going to learn his lesson. Deadpool has actually joined forces with Espolon Tequila to vandalize the neighborhood. Some of these ads look like normal ads, but then Deadpool's face is on them

instead of the woman serving meatballs or whatever, and it's also for Espel and tequila. I heard that when Deadpool first sees Cable in the new movie, he goes, it's the Cable guy. And that to me is so disrespectful to take this guy's name, that's his real name, and try to turn it into like a pop culture reference. And like a joke also. Yes, and to make it a joke, and to make it a joke.

And to make it a joke. I think that, yeah. Let the cable guy be the cable guy. Has Deadpool done anything with your name in conversation? When you guys have run into each other?

We had dinner the other night. Oh, okay. He was kind of dancing around the subject of other well we actually we had um we had dinner the other night okay yeah and and he he was like kind of like dancing around the subject of like i might be using your name on a billboard or something and oh my god yeah um and uh my last name is makuchi there's a lot you can do with that if you're deadpool yeah you're looking at that name like it's a snack. Mm-hmm. Yes. For some people, it might be. Yes. When, yes, when, yeah, anyone except for DJ Khaled.

So when cartoon starving characters look at a guy in a boat, for instance, and he looks like a big old roasted turkey. Yeah. That is how Deadpool sees your name. Like, this is a full meal. that is how Deadpool sees your name. Like, this is a full meal. And he starts drooling because there's so many jokes,

each funnier than the next, to make out of that name. That's a runner. Yeah. I keep my eye out right now because I feel like I'm going to see it when I'm just driving down the street, and I haven't yet. So I'm waiting. And if anybody out there listening has seen it. Like a kick me sign. Yeah.

Oh, my gosh. Everyone laughing at you, and you think it's because of your comedy, but it's really because of Deadpool's vandalism of your back. And he planted it there with a hug. For a friend. That's sort of how he operates, though. Yes. Yeah.

Hug to your face, and then a sign on your back of your own name. Do we want to do? Okay, so let's figure out how to do, we did Coachella already. It's cashed. I heard it at the pool. Yeah. So we can't obviously do that again, but there is another festival about a week later in the same exact location. Yeah. Stage Coach.

I love what they did with that name. Location. Yeah. Stage Coach. I love what they did with that name. Yes, it's like a stage at Coachella, but Stage Coach is also like country music. It's on the Coach stage, but it's Stage Coach. They nailed it when they came up with that one. Yeah.

Yeah. I wonder if that's okay with the Coachella people, that they use half of their name. Oh, and off the record, they're steamed. Okay. I have talked to some of the Coachella people, and they really feel like they got the run to that deal. Because their name now is just the basis for a funny name. Yeah.

Yeah. And what is Coachella, really? Yeah. To me, it's just the setup to the punchline that is stagecoach. Stagecoach is... Or it's just magical. Oh, okay. Well, I'll hear you out.

Actually, I've only looked at—I've experienced Coachella pretty fully through Instagram and the outfits. You can kind of, like, jump inside Instagram almost and, like, feel like you're transported there like a great book. It's pretty amazing. I think there's a lot of places that, like, you can go to a party and it's sponsored by a thing. Like that sounds cool. And it just looks like a lot of people having fun. Just like a lot of smiling faces. Yeah.

Yeah. I was there this year. I had Patron fairy wings on and I had little space antenna that were brought to you by Bacardi. And so just imagine meeting me with that outfit, and there's loud music. It's a dream. You're screaming over the music. I am screaming.

Hi! What? What? What? So, have you ever been to a festival before? Bumbershoot? I've done festivals for comedy stuff. Did you do Bumbershoot? I did Bumbershoot, yeah.

Bumbershoot, yeah. Bumbershoot's fun. I really like Seattle. I suspect it as much. And then I've done... Bonnaroo? Bonnaroo. I suspected as much. And then I've done... Bonnaroo. Bonnaroo. All the bee festivals.

Bumbershoot and Bonnaroo. Trying to think of other ones. I have done a few. Camp Bisco. Have you guys done... Festivals. Yeah, we did Coachella. Yeah, Coachella we did.

I saw... Yeah, that's right, on Instagram. Yeah. Southby. Yeah, we did Southby years ago. And so now we're going to do Stagecoach. Okay. What we do is, first we have to take a plane there.

Ryan provides the plane sound. Oh, Ryan, by the way, Ryan. Yeah. So Brett lets us do this thing where we're doing a trick. And it actually is very cool and funny, and the audience falls for it because he's a master of sound. Now, I know he's the head engineer, and you're kind of just engineer Ryan. Yeah, yeah.

But he kind of lets us do whatever we want here. I didn't know he did that. And you'll be in trouble if you don't let us play any music we want. Yeah, and if you try to tell Colin, then you're in trouble. So we're allowed to do this, so don't even question it. And let's put us on a plane. Okay. Because what's happening, Kate, just like the thing around here is,

Brett, Ryan is sort of known as being a rule follower in like a not cool way. But Brett is like the boss, but he's like a cool boss who lets everyone do whatever he wants. But people are starting to think that Ryan could be as cool as Brett. Yeah. If he lets people do whatever they want on the show. He'd have to make a big move. And some people are actually saying that Ryan, even more so than Brett,

feels a little bit like he is a rebel just for kicks, man. Mm-hmm. So. Are you, are you, I could see you kind of picking up on that energy even just coming in here well that right that maybe it was gonna be the day that really like sweet guy very chill but not cool

well i i think i think so i think i mean i don't know if we were to hang out i would say yeah this guy's cool probably but we really didn't get to talk too much uh brett i know brett i know is very cool just legendary coolness ryan aside do you agree agree or disagree bad boys are sexy but we really didn't get to talk too much. Brett, I know, is very cool. Legendary coolness. Ryan aside, do you agree or disagree bad boys are sexy? Bad boys are sexy. Okay, Ryan, are you hearing this? Brett's real bad.

I like a guy with a cigarette. Okay, yeah. Brett wouldn't do that. Because that's a bad guy. Yes. No, but dangerous. Casey tastes like an ashtray. That wouldn't do that. No. Because that's like a bad, that's a bad guy. Yes. No, but dangerous makes your, in case you taste like an ashtray. But you know what Brett says. That seems dangerous.

That means you're kissing danger. Well, Brett is even, he is like being cooler than cigarettes. The way he talks about it. He'll walk up to a guy with a cigarette and he'll snap it in half and then he'll hand them like a flavored toothpick. And he'll be like, be healthy, I'm cool. Yes. Or a candy cane. Clear out your lungs. He'll be like, looks the same.

Yeah. So Brett has actually, he's post-cool, and he's such a bad boy that Ryan's got some catching up to do. I think Ryan definitely has potential, though. I believe that you could be as cool as Brett. Oh, I hope so. Yeah. Well, I found an airplane noise. Oh, I hope so. Yeah. Well, I found an airplane noise.

Oh, are we going? Yeah, you guys are. Okay, well, let's all get on the plane. Hold on, let me put my seatbelt on. Safety first. Here we go. Kate, you're in the exit row. Are you okay in case of an emergency?

I know exactly what to do. This is not as cool of a plane sound. Did he have a better one? This sort of sounds like my sound machine that I put on before I go to bed, which also makes me seem really cool. I like this. This is like the Ryan version of a plane sound where it's like, yeah, okay, I guess this does sound like I'm on a plane.

It sounds like I am in a plane. It is the part. It's the plane sound that reminds you how much you actually do hate being on a plane rather than the, like, plane taking off. Yeah, it's not exciting. But it's like, the sound is like, oh, let me see what movies are available to you. Yeah. That's what this sound says.

Yeah. And, like, I told myself I was going to read this book, but I think I'm just going to look at what movies they have. Yeah, exactly. Search cool plane sound. I own so many books, I don't think I've read any of them. Not a single one? Not all the way through. Maybe like two.

That's my New Year's resolution. In 2008, I'm going to start reading books. Yeah, all of them. Yeah, I'm going to do them all. I started listening to books. Okay. We have done ads for Audible. Do we do one right now?

We could get them back. That would be really nice if we got them back. I have a pitch. I think we did one. Deadpool could do the Audible for a year. It's like a double ad. Oh, Deadpool is vandalizing the ad. The Audible ad for this show.

In cooperation with Audible. Yeah, just think about it. What if Deadpool is doing the audiobook of my yearbook and he's just roasting all of us? All your friends. Oh, my God. Did you get a lot of signatures in your yearbook? I got signatures, no messages. Oh, interesting.

He just signed it. It's my autograph, man. Yeah. Have a cool summer. Not even have a cool summer. They just say it. No one wrote anything. man. Have a cool summer. They just say it. No one wrote anything. Just write have a cool summer. Don't say that

to me. And now I have no context for any of this. I don't know who is who. They should have signed it on their picture. It all fits on one part of one page. There's also no way to find them anymore. It's like those people are gone. And there's no way to, yeah, K-I-T.

And no indication that they want you to. Did you find a cool plane sound? Yeah. You ready? Let's do this thing. It says this is the best

plane sound you will ever hear. Oh, it's so much worse. It sounds so much like the last one as well. It hasn't taken off yet. Oh, we're waiting. We're taxing. Oh, okay. Here we go.

Oh, it feels so uncomfortable. I hate it. Really does put you there, you know? It's not cool. Oh, God. This plane was delayed. Like, you can hear that it has been delayed.

Like, a seat was broken in first class and they needed to fix it. And everybody had to wait. This stinks. I feel like there's got to be, like, a sound that has the outside of a plane. Yes. Like, the sound of what somebody on the ground would hear. Thank you. Yes.

Yeah. We want to simulate the experience. It's not for us Sitting on a plane For like six hours To get To the show It's for the visual

It's for them Hearing us Like swoop in The audience is witnessing Yeah Okay Our flight I think I know

What you're looking for Because it's like We want We want people to In their minds See the pictures Of a plane Not the inside of the plane.

Thank you. We want to see the wings and the... Oh, this one just has music over video of planes. This is cooler. This is closer. I like the vibe of it. It feels exciting. Tonight, at Stagecoach, the newest big band.

Feels very early 90s, like, score, right? Yeah. Oh, you know what we forgot to do? This is why we haven't gotten what we wanted. Uh-oh. We didn't name our band. We didn't name our band. And so, Ryan, you do music stuff, right?

Yeah. You kind of like to do music stuff, right? Yeah. You kind of like to be a big, famous musical star. Nah. Ryan, this is not the time to play it cool. He thinks he's more likely to be successful than people don't think he was. Wait, Ryan, can I ask what kind of music do you play? Experimental. Oh, interesting.

Experimental music. What music do you play? Experimental. Oh, interesting. It's all like beakers and like clanking glasses. And it sounded like a Bunsen burner turning. Things burning and overflowing. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

It's him working out math. It's him like doing formulas. You hear the chalk on the board as he's like. And you hear him like, damn it, that's not, it's not, it's not the one. Carry the one. Uh, Ryan. Well, people could really start to listen to your fucked up music.

If, uh, you were on the biggest stage at one of the biggest festivals in India, Palm Springs, right? I think you're right. So we could put Ryan in our band. If he plays ball. Yeah. All right. If we get put Ryan in our band if he plays ball.

Yes. All right. If we get what we want. I like where this is going. That we are roping him in. And so Ryan could be in one of the most famous bands. Speaking of roping, I have an idea for our band at Stagecoach for our name. How about Wild Horses?

That's a cool name. I mean, doesn't that sound like the kind of band that would play at stagecoach? Yes, it does. And here we are on a comedy podcast. I know. It all loops in, but would they sue? I'm just wondering. Who's they? Wild horses. Would who sue? Oh, um,

I think it's a great, yeah, let's just do it. Maybe we switch it up a little. Here's a pitch. Imagine they could sue. Give me a fucking break. What if it was like the North American Wild Horses? Like, you know those band names that have way too many names? Oh, it's like a long version of it, but then everyone just calls you Wild Horses.

Fill up more space on the poster. And I like putting North American at the beginning of it. That is the kind of thing they would do. How about something like the North American Wild Horse Society? Yes. You're like, oh, gosh. So cool. But then we're just known as wild horses.

Yeah. Although I think people would call us gnaws. Yeah. Which I also like. Gnaws, yeah. Like the energy drink, too. You see t-shirts with just the initials, you know? Yeah. Which I also like. Nas, yeah. I like the energy drink, too. You see t-shirts with just the initials, you know? Yeah, and like serious font.

Yeah. But our music is kind of fun. Well, it's really bluegrassy. Yeah, that's right. Okay, Ryan, I was going to put you in the name, but you don't get to be in the name anymore. Okay. Because we are the North American Wild Horse Society. Mm-hmm.

But you do get to be in the band if you have them to play ball. Yeah, that's fine. Chef Kevin. Chef Kevin. Can you have a seat, please? And please take this seriously. Hey, guys. Chef Kevin here.

Is now a good time to have the conversation I'd like to have with Chef Kevin? I think it could be helpful. At least he has someone here that could possibly represent his interests. Chef Kevin. Chef Kevin. So I went on a small trip the last couple days. Kate, this is to you. You're the judge.

Okay, great. Chef Kevin. Should she be Judge John Hodgman? Yeah, I guess in this case, if we want people to listen to this, you should be Judge John Hodgman. So we're taking a break from Wild Horses to talk to Judge John Hodgman.

Hi, guys. It's so good to see you. I'm John Hodgman. That's good. That's about the right flavor that he's giving off. Great, okay. Chef Kevin visits my house to take care of my cats.

I'm not going to give their real names on this show. Let's say that their names are Marcus and Cameron. Chef Kevin comes to take care of the cats. Now, my cats are very wise, very smart, very good at their jobs. They don't need someone to take care of them. They can take care of themselves. It's really he's making sure Kevin's

safe while he's gone. Yes. And honestly, I'm sort of hoping that a little of my cats, that they'll be able to teach him something. We'll rub off on Kevin, yeah. About doing a good job. That's why I didn't get paid. Well, I did give you something, didn't I? You're right.

A flute. A broken flute. But can I just say, as a bystander not knowing anything, watching you give Chef Kevin a flute is very sweet. It was a nice moment, wasn't it? But it was just like, I like these guys. They're giving each other wooden instruments. A flute.

We might do that every week. We might give Kevin gifts every time. That'd be awesome. You don't know. You could have a big garage still at the end of the year. That'd be fun, too. Yeah, if he were a self-starter, that might be a good idea. Does anyone want a wooden flute?

What he's doing is, I think, just keeping all his presents for himself. And Hayes, what happened when Kevin watched your house? Did he just do a good job and everything normal? This is all I know of what happened. I don't know what was in the house. Marcus and Cameron have not told me because they are good at keeping secrets, even for me, their best friend. Yes. they are good at keeping secrets, even for me, their best friend.

Yes. I walk into the house, and I am met with a blast of icy frozen air. Oh, no. And I say, what's happening in the house? And I look at the air conditioner, and it is set at 63 degrees. Yeah, that wasn't me. I know what you're referring to. That wasn't you. How did it get set to 63?

It was Cameron and Marcus. No, it was, okay, so then when I came in, I got blasted by hot air. And I was like, ow, it was so hot. So I turned on the AC when I left. And that was at like 9, so you got there shortly after. You turned on the AC when I left. And that was at like 9. So you got there shortly after. You turned on the AC when you left the house? So you sat and sweat all over Hayes' furniture in the hottest air possible. Then when you left, for no one to enjoy, you turned on the AC all the way.

They're my friends. Up and downstairs. It was so hot upstairs. No, this was after work. When I came back, it was so hot. Was it so hot that 73 wouldn't have been a nice, reasonable, comfortable temperature to turn it to? I just turned the AC button on and then left. You didn't check to see what temperature.

Maybe it wasn't that kind of— There is no— He finished the number 63. Hayes said it was set to 60. No, I saw—I did see it said 63. Okay. But it was like 103 when i came in there they i there's no way that we would ever set it at 63 i think when someone else came they turned everything off they turned

everything off yeah who was that someone who was the someone else and it feels like you guys have a secret now that there is someone who comes that kevin doesn't want to mention Who is the someone else? And it feels like you guys have a secret now that there is someone who comes that Kevin doesn't want to mention. Who's the someone else? Who cleaned? Sorry, pause, Kevin. Judge John Hodgman, I'd like to discuss with you. Do you think it's kind of sweet that Kevin wanted to protect Hayes from having people know that he has someone who cleans his house? I really like.

Because it would seem very elitist. Someone. And he didn't say you're, yeah, the person that cleaned. And he didn't know the right word. Because he doesn't want to say maid or cleaning lady. It sounds bad who cleaned. Housekeeper, I guess. It's housekeeper.

Housekeeper, sure. Are you bailiff Jesse Thorne in this scenario? Guilty as charged. I mean, look at the freaking outfit I got on. I just think... Very natty. I really... Chef Kevin, I feel like...

I think you did the right thing. Well, let's finish the evidence. Oh, okay. Let's finish the evidence more. Let me tell you a little something about Marcus and Cameron. What did you notice Marcus and Cameron mostly doing when you were in the house? I bet they're sleeping. Where were they sleeping?

Cameron slept upstairs and Marcus slept in the sun. Was it maybe in the sunniest spot? Were they maybe chasing the sunniest spots around the house? Because that's their job to let everyone know where the sun is all day?

And to absorb some of the extra sun for global warming? Were the blinds closed? I didn't close any blinds. I didn't say the blinds were closed. Okay. But doesn't it seem like they are heat seekers? And not in the way that you are where you try to latch on to any cool podcast that comes around and go like, maybe I could help engineer this one.

They're heat seekers in that they're looking for actual physical heat. And is it possible that if they love heat so much that they hate coldness? And by banishing them to a coldness and then evacuating the house was actually the meanest thing you could do to Marcus and Cameron? When you arrived, were Marcus and Cameron wearing like scarves and little knit caps and like... No, they were wearing bathing suits because it was so hot when I came in. Do they have kitten mittens on? I wish. Kitten mittens.

Yeah. Wait, is that a real thing? If it's not, oh, it is a real thing? They did it on a show? I just know it from Always Sunny. There's an Always Sunny joke, yeah. I didn't know that. I just got excited by the rhyme.

Yeah, I mean, that was kind of the best part of it. So, Judge John Hodgman. Kevin's like such a TV comedy fan. Really? Wait, that was in your Tinder bio. I should have put that one in there. It was in the bio. Was it?

Yeah, it was. Yeah, that makes sense. Kevin has his favorite TV shows listed in his Tinder bio. I think that's a really good call because... Thank you! Finally! It says something about the person. If I saw that, I'd be like, oh, okay, like I'm on board with these shows or not.

I like it. Oh my God. It means so much to me. It's just the names of the shows. It's better than a quote. Well, I guess, yeah, does it seem like you worked on them or something? Probably in this town. In this town. Uh-huh oh uh no yeah if it just says like hey Kevin like if you saw somebody's Twitter bio

and it said Kevin the office arrested you're like oh but it also said bands that I like it was just a list of like here's some yeah yeah here's musicians I've helped can I ask like what are your what are what are the shows and the bands? Musician dive hat. I said, for shows, The Office, Rest of Development, Always Sunny. Check it out with Steve Brule. Check it out with Steve Brule. And then I said, like, Grimes, Cherry Glazer, Radiohead, and I think that was it.

Now, that was a test because Kate actually is in a band and on TV shows oh yeah Garfunkel and Oates thank you and oh which is both a TV show and a band yeah

I should put it twice Garfunkel and Oates parentheses TV slash band you could have just put that your whole bio could have been just that I'm curious

how is it working well it didn't work for a while and then I dated someone and that's not a thing anymore How is it working? Well, it didn't work for a while. And then I dated someone, and that's not a thing anymore. And now I'm back on it, and now my profile is just blank. But here's the— We shamed him into just being like, hey, take it or leave it, baby. Yeah.

I'm going on a date tonight to Brett's show. What? Yeah. Which, is this the date that Grace set you up on? No. Is this a first date Brett's show. What? Yeah. Is this the date that Grace set you up on? No. Is this a first date? Oh, she canceled? Yeah.

What did you do, blow it text-wise or something? I think I said a movie that she liked. I said, oh, I just watched it. I actually didn't like it. And the next day she said, oh, I'm actually busy. Oh, no. Okay. What was the movie?

Thor Ragnarok. Okay. So your first date, you have a first date tonight. Tonight, yeah. You're going to see a band. You're going to see this band. Yeah, we're going to get drinks before and then see the band. This sounds like a great date.

Yeah, until you remember that Brett is the leader of the band and Brett is the sexiest bad boy in town. Stinky bad Brett. Yeah. He basically just like, hey, do you want to come see what you wish you had while you stand next to me? An ineffectual twerp. If I was on a date with Chef Kevin and you took me to the band and be like, wait, you know these guys? I think that'd be pretty cool. That's what I'm hoping.

Oh, that's actually my friend. I know that guy. I think that's a good call. Yeah. That's as close as she's ever going to get. Maybe some of Brett's scent has rubbed off on him. And tonight's date was like an app, like a Tinder date? Yeah.

All right. First time. She's going on a limb not knowing what TV shows and movies you like now that your profile is blank. That's true. You could yell them during the show. That's a good idea. Yeah, you saved it.

Go to the office! You sort of buried the lead that you know about Check It Out with Steve Brule. So how's this girl's self-esteem? Seems good, confident. I don't have high hopes for this. Oh, man. Why not?

Just a gut feeling. But good luck. Have we settled the case of the fucked up thermostat? Yeah, Judge John Hodgman, yeah, now that you know that. Can I just say that as John Hodgman, my heart melts. Chef Kevin is just the sweetest, and he really only had good intentions. And he's excited that he has this new flute that you gave him. He's got a first date tonight.

I think things are really looking up for him. And I'm going to give him the benefit of the doubt and say that he really just was doing the right thing. You think he just deserves a second chance in society. And he's just so adorable. Like, you can't go wrong with Chef Kevin. This means so much to me. Overruled. Death penalty.

Oh, man. You're dead. But he's a catch. We could do it online, not online. Well, I guess, yes, this is online. Ka-clink, ka-clink, the handcuffs go on from me, bailiff Jesse Thorne. Oh, no. Where does he have to go now?

Oh, to friggin' jail. Hell. Hell. Well, it sounded like it was going to be a good date. Sorry about that. Yeah, we'll never know. The demon dungeon. Ryan, while we were doing it, we don't have so much more time to do our big performance.

So now, hopefully you just have a bunch of music ready to go. And now the band Wild Horses will perform at... Oh, Brett does this thing where he actually can make it sound like we're on a big stage. Yes. And he lets us do that. And he lets us do it whenever we want. Anytime we ask.

Yeah. He says we're allowed. And is this more like it? Is this what it's like being on a stage? I'm almost... I just got a little thrown. like, wait, where am I? Yeah, no kidding. You're a stage coach.

It takes you back to being, yeah. But it's, you know, it is, it's, you know, the nerves, but it's also, then once you're out there, it's like you dove into the pool and you don't worry anymore. You're just rock and roll. Oh, wow. Or you are just ukulele and small guitar, one or the other. Okay, yeah, you rock and roll in a very quiet, quiet, in a respectful way.

Respectful and very wordy. Maybe Chef Kevin could learn a thing or two from that. Sometimes, you know, in my past experience with Garfunkel, sometimes even rap. You know, it's like there's a bit of different things happening. Oh, dance. But quiet. Quiet rap.

Quiet rap. Maybe a little bit of dancing. I pride myself in really knowing how to uh not dance and um you know so that's that's my experience in festivals you know like people have been really sweaty and going to see like radiohead and then they're just cooling off in the comedy tent and they're like what's this yeah snap do we drop a verse in the middle of our stage coach song yeah we should do like break break it down for a minute, I guess. I guess, should it be Wild Horses featuring the Funky Chef? Oh, yes, it should.

And then Chef Kevin can rap? Oh, so. Okay, here. Wait a second. No, I think that's the Bluegrass Illusionists. They're on right now. Oh, okay. So this is the other band that's on it. Oh, so we're backstage, and then when they get off, we're going to get in on right now. Oh, okay. So this is the other band. They're opening.

Oh, so we're backstage, and then when they get off, we're going to get in there. Yeah. Oh, okay. Oh, man, they sound really good. And are they almost done, I wonder? Yep. Oh, here they go again. They do that fake out sometimes, and then they come in with the glockenspiel again.

What should our song be about? It should tell a story, probably. I hope it does. I guess it should tell a story about walking into a very cold house after a long trip. Oh, that could be nice. And what a horrible experience that is from someone that you thought was your friend. But it has a rap in the middle, right? Yes.

Yep. From, I guess, the villain that perpetrated it. Yeah. Guys, we've really worked hard on this song I feel so ready to play it Yeah I think we're gonna kill Okay well there's gotta be a crowd Ryan If I'm gonna feel good about myself

Okay They're playing again We missed our window I can't believe We missed Ah good We missed our time slot. Hello, stagecoach.

Woo, good to see you guys. Thanks for being here. We are the North American Wild Horse Society, but you can call us Wild Horses. These are my bandmates, Aaron Whitehead, Lauren Lapkus, Mary Holland, and of course me stephanie allen stephanie i am so excited that we are finally here at stagecoach i'm aaron okay so let's get our first big song and it's a story and i think you'll all relate to this story. You know when either your friend who's house-sitting

or your cleaning lady comes in and turns your AC down too much? Well, we sure do. Hit it. I got frostbite on my bones When I walked in that dang door Well, I wonder why the temperature is turned so low for Solo the movie coming out this weekend Cold, cold house the movie coming out this weekend. Cold, cold house.

Wait a second. Hold on. God, crowd, keep it down. Whose house is this? This house is too cold. My house is supposed to be warm. When I'm in my house, I don't like to be so cold. Get in my house to the warmth.

It's me, Marcus. I'm freezing to death. Must have been that mean old chef. Icicles on my nose. Icicles on my toes. I got icicles on my television set. I got icicles in my refrigerator. Wait, that's kind of more normal. Now rap, Kevin. Here he goes. Yo, yo, Kevin.

Here he goes. Yo, yo, yo. Hey, guys. Chef Kevin here. And I'm just... Thank you. Wait, Kevin. Wait till the music comes back.

Come on. Hey, guys. Chef Kevin here. Wow, he's spitting. Walking down the street with my friends, Marcus and Cameron. You took them for a walk? I'm sorry, that's not true. Can cats go for walks?

No. I was told they can't go outside. Damn, this is fire. Talk about blaming a nice Latinoina woman for your crimes. I did not blame... I'll wait for the... I did not blame a nice Latina woman for... But I won't call them crimes.

You don't understand that it was actually very hot before you got there. The air. How could he know that when it was so cold when he came inside? There must be a middle ground. Come on, Kev. Let's compromise. You are being unreasonable.

Oh, that's good. Ryan. Wait, do you want me to do my... Is this it? Yeah, do your part. It's about to get very experimental. This is experimental as hell, man. There we go.

I fear the song lacks a chorus. Yeah, Ryan's going to come in with the chorus. Do you want to use your special phone? Wait, let's... Hold on. Let's turn that... There we go. The clouds just appear. Ryan's coming in on the plane. We'll turn that. There we go. Awesome.

The clouds just appear. Ryan's coming in on the plane. He's landing. He's that badass that he's landing mid-show to do his part, and then he's going to fly out. Okay. Yeah. This is what I do.

Moody. Very experimental. I feel like the crowd likes this part of the song the best so far, though. Yeah, they're going nuts. Oh, wow. Love it. Oh my gosh. Brian opens his mouth and the sound

comes out. It's not fun. Did I ever apologize? I'm sorry that the cats were cold And you guys Alright guys, we've been wild horses Come check us out at Largo with Rejected Jokes Was that the experimental part of the song? Yeah

I didn't even realize I kept waiting for it to happen That's experimental for you Not knowing whether it's happening or not I feel like Oh, I didn't even realize I kept waiting for it to happen. That's Ryan's music. That's experimental for you right there. Not knowing whether it's happening or not. But wait, I feel like, can we, should we, I would feel better if we wrap up the song with like singing it all together, you know? Okay, yeah, all right, yeah.

Hang on, yeah, do check us out at Largo, but we also rejected jokes from Star Wars two ways, and we're gonna have to just get in here and finish it out. Yeah. The house is cold. The house is cold. The house is cold. Will my house ever be warm again? It's so cold, cold, cold, cold, cold.

The house is cold. Cold, cold, cold, cold. The house. Thank you. We're wild horses. We are wild horses. Bren, what is that? We'll be selling CDs in the back of the field after the show.

Okay, that was good. Yeah, good, good. Good job. I don't want to be on stage anymore. I also feel like I don't ever need to go. I never need to go to Coachella. I don't ever need to go. I've been there. Man, I don't ever need to go to no stage. I don't never need to go. I've been there.

Man, I don't never need to go to no stage. I'm still in that mode, too. Cowboy mode. Do you have a song on iTunes that you'd like people to buy? I definitely have songs on iTunes. And if they want to buy them, that's cool. We have a lot of Garfunkel. It's called Apple Music now.

Oh, yeah. It's Kevin's job to make that correct. Really? Apple Podcast. Oh, cool. If it's a podcast. What kind of apples do you like? The red ones.

How about you? I'm a Granny Smith type of gal. Thank you. Yes. So basic, the red ones. Please, Kevin. I don't know brands. Bye.

I'm a horny girl wolf. This has been an Earwolf production. Executive produced by Scott Aukerman, Colin Anderson, and Chris Bannon. For more information and content, visit Earwolf.com. Ow. That was a HeadGum Podcast.