Hollywood Handbook - Laci Mosley, Our Close Friend

Episode Date: May 31, 2022

The Boys welcome back LACI MOSLEY to discuss Team Coco’s big sale.Check out all of Sean and Hayes's bonus content available at Patreon.com/TheFlagrantOnes.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

this is a head gum podcast so you know again i'm like what and she goes chapstick and i go i'm sorry i don't know what the fuck you're saying not being rude i don't know what you're fucking saying right now and i'm trying to be polite and i'm really trying not to be rude but she keeps saying it and i'm like no one knows what you're fucking saying you know in a nice way yes but just going but at that point understand like what you're doing and just stop like not you like her just stop no to her stop like try a new angle or something because she's going it sounds like it chap chap stick i want chaps and i'm going i don't fucking get it like

what's going on and she's like my lips are cracked my lips are dry and i go oh you want vegetable oil like it's like you just want oil you want congealed vegetable you just need oil like i i hate the way that these companies these corporations have us so brainwashed and they product us and they market to us and they just say here's what you need like spend the money it's like it's just fucking oil man brand vegetable oil that's what it is and you're paying corn bottle 15 for a tube with the flour on it or it's like buddy i got a i got a fucking jar of that stuff and so it was like it was a frustrating experience for me because the whole time she had been saying it i was going as nice as i could what the fuck are

you talking about like this is insane what's happening and they're like the way you're talking pissing everyone off they're like this smells better. Yours isn't scented. You can put whatever you want in the bottle. There's so much room to put other stuff from the yard in there. Literally walk out into the backyard, smell whatever you want. Your favorite smell of all the plants, anything. Put that on. Again, you're overpaying for just it's marketing it's branding you're being

producted and so to me that is the definition of what defines like just this whole generation you know because when i was growing up it was oil and grass from the yard lacy what oil do you use talk to us about this lacy welcome to the show lacy well hi yeah i uh i use coconut oil i mean i'm black so we use like all of the oils like i've put everything in grape seed oil great yeah yeah canola jojoba oil. One time I had a really good clam chowder. I put that on my edges. Like, maybe. Because we put, like, avocado and mayo

and, like, juices and berries and shit. Like, black hair. It's a scam. Because all of our products are way more expensive than white people products. And it's always, like, fresh. Fresh from the lawn. It is all from the lawn. Yeah. Just grab it off the lawn. It's crazy. the lawn. Just grab it off the lawn. It's crazy. You have to pay for all that.

Yes. I've heard this. Really expensive clam chowder. Yeah. Bisc. All kinds of bisques. Currys. A lot of that packet from the ramen. Anything can be hair products

when you're black. I've been hearing about this that they'll charge you like twice as much for like a pho they know what i'm gonna do and you just dunk your whole head in there yeah that's like you know but again like i i'm happy we're talking about it because you're you're the scam expert so like it's like why is that a question why are you saying like it was alleged why did you say like that was that's why did you're bringing that to it like that why did i say it like that i was saying it like i was saying it like hey it's so obvious right like that was my intention of like you're the scam expert like

everybody knows that like i even have to say it i can't believe i even have to say this out loud like wasting air time when we could be learning from you to like catch up like that the like two listeners or whatever in the world who have been you know living in a cave or something. I have no idea that the scam expert is here. The way I said it was actually quite good. But give me a read. I could take a note. Give me a read.

Count me in. We're going to get a, you're the scam expert that you're happy with. Because I don't want you to feel scammed on this show. I want you to feel like, wow, the boys really respected me and so just give me a read you know give me uh give me a line read i'm not one of these performers who's like never do a line it's like tell me how you want it to sound you know it's your you've been thinking about it's your show like i'm a fucking day player well one shot

i love that you guys are getting started early i know what i signed up for being here i'm just gonna give you the read that you gave me i'm just gonna parrot it back to you this is what i heard yeah so the velasity mosley the scam expert it was so shiny i was transported to a forest i was like where'd all these trees come from i hear that and i go that's pretty good yeah that's pretty good and i i feel like even hayes is walking back what he was hearing it again yeah that actually is good it's actually kind of good lacy what a couple weeks the big sale lacy yeah team coco let's get into it talk about obviously you're gonna invest some of it uh but you know it's it's 150 million dollar sale from team coco the conan o'briain podcast and company you are company we should talk a little

about how like sort of the structure of team Coco Coco of course stands for community collective where all of the team Coco hosts own an equal piece or I think

Conan has like two pieces or something because he's both like the creator and andy has a show and he's quite tall yes he's very tall and when i have to pose some photos with him because then people realize i'm a short and that's my secret my little secret he they practice radical democracy they they practice mutual aid among all the different podcasts. And so you ask, then why would such a supportive community hire Adam Sachs, one of the most notorious Interpol-wanted corporate terrorists in the world? Someone who is so physically and emotionally abusive scratches

people scratches his friends yes if you're on his good side you will get a scratch right around the collarbone but deep and he just goes and you know when he's done it to me and i don't know what everyone else experiences but i you know i ran into him with his family in a coffee shop i would think with his family he would be a little nicer but i you know i didn't see him he was waiting in line behind me and i feel this deep scratch right along the top of the bone like right along the clavicle and it starts fountaining blood like tarantino's style shooting out it was like it was like a kill bill style scratch blood really spurts and then he goes hey bud didn't see you there which okay that's a mind fuck right you didn't see me but you're the one that scratched me

you hit that spur spot and then i and then i was just like hey uh oh yeah good good to see you adam like so happy so happy about the sale that everything's going so well it's so cool that you're sharing so much of it with with lacy then i was like just one second like let me just talk to the barista real quick and i you know i lean and i go hey i'm so sorry i don't want to hold up the line what is a cortado scratch down the center of my calf i feel turn around no he got all the way down to scratch your calf it's it's adam's toddler son oh no who then begins explaining to me what a cortado is which i'm not retaining any of it you know what i mean i'm just thinking i just got scratched again right and neither one of them i think uh has put me in a position where i can like retaliate in any way

or even take any kind of legal action because Adam clearly said, didn't see you there. There's no intent. Cannot prove intent. He didn't see you. And then the kid is like, kids just operate fully outside the law.

Mm-hmm. So it was a tough morning, tough trip to the coffee shop and i ended up not even getting anything i got a bunch of ice chips to chew on i did see him at the grocery store also with his entire family the day before the sale this did happen we talked for a while i asked him what was going on with team coco specifically he did not say anything about 150 million dollar sale actually his answer was in fact very boring he just said everything's basically the same but as he's saying this he's putting entire shelves he was tipping over train of shopping cart he was tipping over the shelf into the cart that's exactly what he was doing and he was using a laser to disconnect the freezer section from the

wall so he could just like pull it out with him like in fast five where they take the safe i saw him um actually i was like on a jog and he was on a jog too uh with his whole family wow yeah and he was running really slowly because he was wearing gold shoes like they were literally gold and He was running very slowly with his entire family. Wow. The family has all different... Their birthstone of shoe. Just wearing a huge gem.

You've heard of Uncut Gems? Yes. That's his family's shoes. shoes that's about their shoes yeah that that's now about their shoes now you know happy for you obviously happy that you're getting such a big chunk of this do you know obviously you'll invest some um and i i know you're gonna get a decent chunk of crypto but what is the plan? What's our bad money purchase? What's our fun run going to be? What are we going to do to just say like, hey, you know, we're in this, let's cut loose. What's our really fun luxury item going to be?

Sean, that is such a good question. Thank you. I felt really good asking it. I went, I'm crushing this. The amount of money that I'm getting from this sale, I've been thinking about maybe really blowing it on a super deep breath. I feel like I can afford that with the money that i got

like like outside of a spa or something yeah like i can't afford to go into the spa with the money that i'm making from the sale but i could for sure stand outside of it uh that sounds so relaxing it's gonna be so deep yeah i Yeah, I can't even imagine. Or like maybe, you know, going outside and getting a blade of grass. Wow. Things that I can afford with the money that I'm making. You're halfway to a chapstick at that point. $150 million.

No, I like to put it this way. It's like, you know, back back in the day my ancestors took like this carnival cruise and it brought them to America and they got these unpaid internships like at big like plants like some

people call them plantations and you know they would just like sing and pick textiles all day long and they would just, like, sing and pick textiles all day long. And they weren't really, like, it was like an internship, but, like, unpaid. And you couldn't leave. Right. Yeah. And I, like, make very similar wages to them.

With Team Coco. Wow. And so their respect for tradition there is really impressive. I mean, with all these new fangled companies and stuff. It's like new media and disruptors. And it's like, well, actually, there are some proven models. Yeah. Yeah.

No, there are some proven profit models that have been in place for quite some time. Extremely lucrative. Wow. So to hear that they're honoring that is interesting. But I do have to say I did run into Adam just on my way in to record this podcast. Oh, wow. Yeah, he was standing in my driveway and he was with his family and you know we just had the best talk and um you know i congratulated him and i of

course said we're about to have lacy on the show like you know she's part of the whole team coco family unit yeah i i actually was like i guess i said oh you're with your family and then i said actually not your whole family because lacy's part of your family exactly you know and uh he said oh good and um i said well i'm sure she'll have nothing but nice things to say about you and he said yeah i just you know as long as she doesn't compare our business model to any um you know horrid human atrocities i think we're gonna be we're gonna be okay and i said hey the kid's a pro ad who do you think we're talking about so um that's not i think this all has gone pretty well he said this i mean a similar thing to me and like we're having lacy on the show and like i'm sure she'll say nice things and he said i'm sure she will too and he held up his index finger which

is the really sharp one the sharp one with the log nail yeah and it gave like a you know like that little like a single like glint that made a sound we both go to the same acrylicist wow and you have a little you have a sound put in oh yeah you and his whole family go to the same acrylicist okay if you don't know that's like a a nail person who does acrylics and it's also a word that i just came up with but yeah we all go there because we like them nice and sharp but yeah he's i when when i say with his whole family i'm including myself because why would me not be a part of his family well i i asked him actually the same question that you liked so much about what was going to be like his mad money, like fun purchase. You know, we've known Adam for a long time.

He was he was at Earwolf before Team Coco and we had a lot of laughs and obviously we did Comic-Con through them. And so I just kind of got to chat with him and his family. And I said, you know, what what are you looking forward to the most? You know, after you invest, after you get a heaping chunk of crypto like what's gonna be your thing that's just like this is adam's time and he told me he was getting wolverine surgery like he's gonna actually be able to like shing but out of knuckles. The entire adamantium skeleton. And also the healing factor that

allows him to survive the surgery at all. Yeah, exactly. Over and over again. Now, is he being selfish? Is he just doing this for him or is he going to like... His whole family is going to do it. Everyone in his family is getting Wolverine surgery. That's really beautiful you know like adam really i don't

know if you guys have seen those billboards that are like take time to be a dad yes adam saw that and was like holy shit like i gotta do that right now and that's why he does it every day he says i got he saw that billboard he said i gotta go i think all the time and obviously like the models for like what it means to be a father to be masculine and all these things have changed and and largely for the better and parenting co-parenting looks completely different than it did you know a number of years ago when i was a kid, but I do think about my dad leaving to get the Wolverine surgery, me watching waving from the porch, you know, him not even really explaining what he was on his way to get done, but not sharing that with me, not only not having me get it, which

we didn't have a lot of money so uh you know that probably wouldn't have been in the cards but for him to to not even explain to me i'm going to get the adamantium skeleton back up first i'm going to get the healing power that will allow me to survive the adamantium skeleton and then when i come home i will be like able to do the wolverine thing sean i feel bad i feel so bad for you i feel like you told me this story before and that like you guys were so broke that you like didn't even have told me this story before too like they used to call you like shoeless sean but then your dad had wolverine body yeah i mean it wasn't but his dad is also blasting the all the shoes open because he got all his hands and his feet that was less of a that was less of

a money issue and more of a just when you know when my dad tried to teach me how to tie my shoes he didn't fully have control over his wolverine powers yet and so he'd sort of show me like the bunny goes through the hole and chases the barber around it and then schnicked he would just slice through the shoes and part of my feet and um and just send you know shoelace and and leather flying so yeah so i was shoeless because of that. And I had actually a precursor to those uncut gems shoes that you saw, which is just a big rock. Was it at least limestone?

Did your dad go to the national park? I would kill for limestone. Such a soft rock. Oh, limestone's such a soft rock. I would kill for that. No, yeah. The limestone quarry was shut down at that time. Someone did a cannonball, which was not allowed.

They had to shut down the whole quarry. Mm-hmm. I said, okay, all right. For one cannonball. Hope it was worth it. Now it's rude for everyone. Hope it was worth it. Yeah, you're the life of the party.

Now the entire quarry is closed. You're the life of the party. The last party we're ever going to throw at the the quarry well now no more limestone for anyone and and this is a great like we try to teach people lessons on the show you know any anyone who goes to a party ever you look around and you have the thought this whole place is just waiting for one crazy motherfucker to do the first cannonball. Like, people are kind of standing around, sipping a drink, and the party hasn't started yet.

Like, it's not a party yet. And you think, am I the crazy son of a bitch hero who's going to turn this thing out when I do the very first of many cannonballs? Normally a great instinct. At the quarry? Don't do it. Please. They're going to shut it down. And then we're going to have to, for the rest of the summer,

have parties at the 7-Eleven parking lot because the quarry is closed. Lacey, you were at the pool today. Yeah. Did anyone do a big cannonball? Our pool is three feet. So, of course, people were doing cannonballs. And just slamming into the bottom of the pool very quickly.

It's much like the quarry. Like, one person does it, and then there's just, like, so much blood in the pool very quickly um it's it's much like the quarry like one person does it and then there's just like so much blood in the pool yeah um the pool is basically dry at that point except for blood yeah but but then we all get in anyway because wow a lot of blood is actually fine to swim in you're pretty some of it is a lot of it actually is man i'm thinking about seeing conan's long ass in that three-foot pool him getting into that three-foot pool man he loves it he comes by just below the knee that's it that's fun that you guys that you two cut it up just have you know fun drinks out in that pool with his long ass and those three feet of bloody cannonball water listen kane conan loves to get his ankles wet like he loves to get his ankles wet never will miss an opportunity

wet them things i uh every year you know the the fellas and i go to vegas and my wife is like what are you gonna do like what are you gonna do there you can tell like she's a little bit nervous and i'm like well you know we'll do like a little gambling and stuff but we mostly just like we're just gonna watch sports and just like there's some restaurants we got to go to and stuff like that. But I'm going to Dre and I'm doing cannonballs. That's what me and the fellas do. Which, of course, leads to it's the most direct route to infidelity that you can take you go to Vegas

yes one cannonball and then it's just you know they just line up if a woman sees you execute a perfect cannonball and create a tremendous splash

at that point it's not you know intellectual thought is out the window there is a genetic evolutionary instinct right to seek out and breed with the mightiest cannonball doer and this i mean this goes you know all the way back throughout human history because if you think about traits that indicate survival ability to locate water bravery heft surviving impact shouting right because you gotta say cannonball when you do it or it doesn't count and so it's you know it's almost unfair that you let them see you do a big cannonball like that in fact it is unfair it's unfair to your wife that's true like if i see someone attractive to a cannonball like i I immediately spit out an egg.

They become attractive. They become attractive. Yeah. Like I release an egg like a pin. Can't even take it. Genetic. Hollywood Handbook. Be a better you in 2024 with babble the science-backed language learning app that actually works don't pay hundreds of dollars for private tutors or

waste hours on apps that don't really help you speak the language and the question that i always get people stop me and they say like hey i like i i trust you i know like you when you endorse a product it's something that you really use and care about but there's one language i'm trying to learn and that's body language so can babble teach me body language yes babble now has visual in-person lessons. Part of their quick 10-minute lessons that they do for other languages, handcrafted by over 200 language experts to help you start speaking a new language in as little as three weeks. Babbel is designed by real people for real conversations, and that includes body-based conversations. What does it mean when you drop someone off after a nice date

and they turn around at the door and they take their little index finger and they kind of like draw it towards them they're pulling it what does that mean does their finger hurt i wonder if they spotted a spider web or something they're trying to pull down the spider down yeah but i've seen this too after a lot of dates and i need i need and have needed something like babble to figure out what the heck is this person doing with their finger because it looks like a it looks like an emergency i know i was supposed to do something Or how about those people that stand in the street? They're kind of like, they've got almost like police clothes on. It may be police.

Yeah. And they're standing in the middle. And as I'm driving and I'm cruising, they're holding their hand up for like a high five almost. And they're really aggressively pushing it out. And I'm like, am I supposed to pull over and get out of the of the car yes or just do it out the window as i'm going that's what i've been doing dangerous yeah but some of these very subtle body language cues have escaped me and many listeners i'm sure babbles tips and tools are approachable accessible rooted in real life situations at which i have all the, and delivered with conversation-based teaching so you're ready to practice what you've learned in the real world.

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rocketmoney.com slash the boys rocketmoney.com slash The Boys. That's RocketMoney.com slash The Boys. RocketMoney.com slash The Boys. Hollywood Handbook. Kevin, I know we said for this episode, because Lacey was, of course, there for the sale of Team Coco to Sirius for $150 million, that we asked you for for this episode to wear what you were gonna wear for when you pitch our network to serious for 150 million dollars so lacy can kind of like evaluate because we've been doing it like three times as long as coded yes and so i see you're wearing

the i'm in my fall fit the closers t-shirt yes olive pants dark brown shirt dark brown i wouldn't say that's dark brown yeah you're right very loose do you think lacy i mean just like number one i want you to evaluate the whole thing but like should his collar be looser i mean this is it's really it's like you stepped into the shirt like with your feet and then like pull it up throw it up in the air and then stick your arms out straight to the side put on his shirt and pants at the same time yeah but i feel like this is like a new type of cleavage you know i'm tired of the v-neck i'm tired of like people aggressively knowing that i like want to show my boobs like this is kind of like flirty it's like it moves around like oh yeah it could get trapped against his throat

you'd be able to see his entire shoulder blades or the way it is now there's like this little gosh there's this sort of like you're right this teasy flirty kind of like this is where a necklace could go it's like you'd be able to see all of it depending on how you have the shirt kevin it's like we could see like your hips oh we can see your lower back like you could move it anywhere yeah you could get a lot of potential yeah lacy what are we doing for fourth of jaleesi this year we're going to hawaii and they did say um the hawaiians they said don't come there yes please lacy please please don't come they are really saying that like legit like please no one come here yeah and i was like i like want that for you guys but like i i yeah i totally agree no one

else should come after me and even leading up to me let's all take a break right like i go but like no one should go yes but i'll be there but everyone stop um but i i use um like i'm black so then i'm like well i know you said no one come there but i'm black so i'm gonna come it's just like i deserve that it's just like we shouldn't fly private jets but like i should have a private jet quite a corner to be in yeah you're responding to that if i'm hawaii i'm sweating i go i go man i need to play this exactly right like what are you gonna say to me you're gonna say i can't come i'm black like that what do you know if i'm hawaii genuinely i i go no of course I didn't mean you no I'm saying we should tell everyone like if you could help like that nobody else should come

but no obviously you'll be here what island? I'm going to Maui Waui? Waui going to Maui Waui and like I'm going to do the opposite of the White Lotus or maybe I'll just do the

white Lotus. I haven't decided. Okay. Yeah. Either that or the opposite. Yeah. Either I'll be like completely amazing or I'll be just like absolutely terrible. Okay.

And horrible. I haven't decided yet though. Yeah. I mean, I didn't even know what you meant when you said it at first, but now it's just like it's a level of quality that you can be, I guess. Yeah, it's like a human being when you're living in Maui. But I got this house, this villa at some resort, and then my friends are flying out. But they're all flying out at different times. They're not all ever going to all be there.

That could be a really interesting instagram reel then you get you film each of them as they're coming through the door at different times and like the big platters of food that they that they brought on the plane they each have like a different specialty platter that they're bringing and then you're the song i think is welcome to my house by florida and the caption is like this is how we do or like we roll deep or something like that and that's it's them with like these big platters of trays of meat yes meat shrimp pasta platter big bagel and like lox spread candy big candy platter i told them that's like the requirement for entry is like you have to bring something and you have to fly if you're not carrying a platter like you know this is again i'm from a different generation. When I was growing up, you had a platter with you when you showed up at someone's villa.

You were holding, that was a given. You know what I mean? And by the way, if you got halfway there and you realize you didn't have the platter, honey, we're turning around. Honey, we're turning around because there was no way you were going to catch me in the middle of an Instagram reel displaying a montage of people approaching with platters. And I'm walking in there with nothing in my hands, but two big handfuls of my own ass cheeks shoved down my back pockets or whatever that just wasn't gonna happen it couldn't be me but now these kids they don't even care so uh some stuff yeah i can't wait can't wait to see conan show up to the villa holding his long ass his long ass holding the platter yeah no i mean luckily my friends they've all come up like and it's around the same time sean so we don't show up raw handed like you're not going to see the whites of our palms when we show up anywhere you'd never see it but when you do see

that they're so white because they're so rarely exposed to the sun because there's been a platter on them for most of their existence yes exactly kevin are you leaning over with that scoop sorry forgot about that this this guy knows exactly what he's doing. Right, a pin-up. A whole pin-up over here. What do you want me to see? Kevin, you want to just get together, take a couple cheesecake photos, and get the whole thing out of your system? We should start a calendar.

The podcaster's calendar. We should start a new calendar. Lazy, do you think that we should have a calendar for our Patreon? Should we start a calendar i feel like a calendar is uh really ambitious um but i do think that this could be something that would really push you know you guys this hundred fifty dollar 150 million dollar sale are you offering $150 because we Because we have room to negotiate.

So I could buy this show for $150? The first thing I heard from you that I don't want to get too far away from is that you do think that a calendar is beyond our capacity. The creative calendar you refer to as very ambitious. I just feel like it's a lot of work, guys. You know how many days are in the year? It's so much work. It's very ambitious. I just feel like it's a lot of work, guys. You know how many days are in the year? It's so much work. It is so long.

It just makes it clear that you view our personal capabilities as somewhere below that of most firehouses. Okay, can you slide down a pole and then go to a fire? No, I'm not saying you're wrong. It just was sort of jarring to hear. There's a lot of stuff that I can't do. But I was thinking, I think groups of people get a calendar going.

But now that I'm looking at it, I go, no, they all do have a little more organization underneath them. What would you want it to look like if like if you guys commit to this calendar is it going to be pictures of you guys well what what would you is that would that be good i think that could be okay i think that yeah yeah it could be okay um fine yeah it could be totally fine we probably won't do that i mean it could be fine but you know how you you turn it it's like a different image every month yeah i wonder if we could do one where it folds down it keeps going down all the way to the floor and so you're building

the full image over the course of 12 months ideally what we would sell it with a tool so that you can hang it up near the top so you would see it up really high and then there's like a month turning tool that yes you could reach up there and sort of uh you know undo the latch or whatever to have the next piece oh like when people get clothes like off a really high shelf for you at a store like yes they have a special stick okay i just imagine this like by the late fall people are going to be like tripping and sliding over the paper not knowing where the stick is oh no yeah it won't keep unfolding it's going to be the full wall most of our we did a poll actually and most of our listeners have

10 foot ceilings okay okay some of them more some of them have like you know sort of like a cathedral setup but um most of you know those podcast surveys that are like we want to hear from you so we can like make better shows but it's actually so they can find out like your purchasing power basically so they can so they can product you so they can um sell so they can brand you so that you can buy this bullshit chapstick when it's literally yeah you could pour a bunch of oil yeah so we found that yeah our uh our audience is very ceiling rich. Wow. They've got really high ones. Very ceiling resourced. Yes.

So if we hang it up there and then they've got the tool, which we probably would want to sell like a holder for the tool. Because the first thing I thought was you said they'd be tripping. I didn't think you meant on the paper on the floor. Because I know it's obviously not going to reach the floor until the last month. Right. You've done the market research. But they do not have a holder for this tool. Most of our listeners do not have one. Yeah. not going to reach the floor until the last month right you've done the market research but but they

they do not have a holder for this tool most of our listeners do not have one yeah they don't have like a blow poke or any kind of fireplace set no where they can keep all of their stuff so we would need to get something else but we can handle that side of it the the image itself i think is where you come in and yeah i think the absolute perfect image for a calendar this long would be conan's long ass yes so it's like what's going to be long enough that as it continues to be revealed over the is it 12 months now yeah there, there's 12 now. Okay. I'm never going to get used to that. Over the course of that, what's going to keep you coming back to the calendar to continue turning?

Other than, of course, your various appointments. I think it's Conan's long ass. How many of the months do you think would be like crack like are you gonna start wow you know at the hips like how many months are gonna just i think just from what i can see of it from that like the outside like concealed under the jeans i think the crack honestly begins like january 7th okay january 7th starts the crack and then i feel like does the crack go until like christmas okay it's gonna be all year yeah drag are we doing hair like is there a hair situation it would be red right there'd be like red hair yeah there a hair situation? It would be red, right? There would be, like, red hair.

Yeah. Yeah, same hair. This long ass would have long red hair. Yeah, but there's sort of, like, a red, like, quaffed, like, pompadour, yeah. It's a pompadour on it. Okay, cool, yeah. I like this.

I like this. How are you guys marking the holidays? Like, are you guys marking the holidays? Like, are you putting Thanksgiving and... Like, is it a freckle? I guess that gives Thanksgiving. Is that what you do? Thanksgiving. You mark the...

Thanksgiving. Thanksgiving. Thanksgiving. Thanksgiving. I wish I could have been at the first Thanksgiving. It's probably really bad. No, it definitely was, huh? It's probably really bad. No, it definitely was, huh? It's probably so fun.

The first Thanksgiving was probably so awesomely fun. Just like because you didn't have all the baggage tied up in it, right? Where everyone's being producted now. Chilling with Squanto. Oh, yeah. That does actually sound lit. And it's like the first New Year's Eve and it's like the like the first new year's eve because it's like there's no pressure for it to be good yeah if i was there man

i would have eaten so much i'd have to loosen the buckle on my hat oh yeah it might have been getting thick all that turkey they had turkey right turkey pulled up to the party right it's like an invited guy they thought it was a turkey they didn't know what any of this stuff they didn't have just got the bird identification tool that we have now so a lot of stuff would get called turkey yeah we had some of that flying turkey what he had some of that crawling turkey yeah it was a rat it was a big seagull friend you ate a friend that you ate oh no no i was saying friend yeah you ate a and then he jumped in

with seagull which was pretty good that's okay that's a yeah that's actually eating crow that's what that comes from it's like it's like you thought it was a turkey actually the crows are big they're big you know every time you see a crow you might edit this out yeah really oh when you see a crow you have to say that's a big crow yeah and one thing you can do too is go is that a raven ravens are bigger right that's such a big crow you have this is not right none of this is accurate lacy no they also have a lot of bones like who wants to eat a crow you're gonna just mostly be sucking on like so many lacy they don't have barely any bones they're they're huge they don't have barely any bones at all a crow is like a boneless wing like yes she's never had any bones which is a

chicken nugget what is that why is boneless wing lying to us like that it's a chicken nugget the boneless wing is a chicken nugget the kevin's wing is a chicken nugget this is making me think of um kevin's feet kevin what are you wearing on your feet for the sale tomorrow i i cut off just the tip of let me see show me wow wow ankle socks so you're trying to show a little ankle i give him just a little ankle the rest is fantasy i like this like victorian harlot look kevin's ankle he says you want to see the rest you gotta pay 150 million bones well lacy we're at the halfway point of the recording. It's time for Kevin's little quiz. It's just a machine gun questions that I have been working on over the years.

Sock and boppers or slip and slide? Sock and boppers because slip and slide, you die. And there's lots of rocks. You get really sick. You slide and there's so many rocks just scraping your body. Yeah. They shouldn't have all those rocks on there. Yeah, it's covered in disease.

You're sliding on disease. Tap dance or ballet? Tap dance because anyone can look good at it. You just have to have loud shoes. It is so easy to just start tap dancing and look so cool so anytime someone's impressed by it i'm just like what do you think you're seeing right yes that's fake it's so easy just move your arms around a lot but like a very straight it's like the sound is so much of it it's like just get you know you can make that sound with anything men will literally do

blank before doing therapy men will literally like do anything yeah don't don't even answer this because don't even answer this because whatever you say kevin will literally do it before going to therapy i know he's looking for something he has permission to do yes yeah just say just say their jobs for uh for our sakes they they will do their jobs before going to therapy so you guys are actively keeping kevin from therapy is what you're saying yes well we just need him to do his job first yes i i don't mind if he goes to therapy once his job is done. When is that, though? When do you clock him out

and say he can go talk to a professional? When I'm satisfied. When you're satisfied? When I'm satisfied. When we hit our goal. These are really vague, Sean. I feel like these aren't time frames.

We have an agreed- agreed upon goal for a number of subscribers to this show all of this is so big like i feel like if i got on the phone calling with a bank and they were like you might have to wait for three to satisfied minutes what is sad it's like how long is that we want to be at least half of doughboys kevin's job is done. When I get a phone call, I answer the phone. I say, hello? Nobody answers. I hear breathing on the other end. I

know it's Scott Aukerman. I know he's calling to tell me that I won. But he can't bring himself to say the words. And you just know how he breathes. I just make him sit on the line. Scott? Hello, Scott.

I've been expecting this call. This is a tricky one. If that happens, I've officially seen... Hollywood Handbook. That was a HeadGum Podcast.