Hollywood Handbook - Lamorne Morris, Our Close Friend

Episode Date: February 3, 2014

Sean and Hayes start things off by explaining why all of their negative reviews on iTunes are incorrect in a segment called "(Buzzer Sound)! Wrong." Then they open up for a dangerous confession related to the rise of the nerds in Hollywood. Then LAMORNE MORRIS of Newb Girl joins the podcast to discuss his love for commercial films, how much money he makes, and the effect Sean and Hayes giving out part of his phone number had on his life.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This is a HeadGum Podcast. kissed his daughter. Deep kiss. And he had to give it up. Here comes Hayes and Sean. Hollywood Handbook. Hey! Welcome to Hollywood Handbook. What up, what up? And it's the guys at Kicking Button dropping names at the red carpet lineback hallways of this industry we call showbiz.

Another great week in Hollywood. Sean and I did a lot of movies and we did TV. Starting to feel like a broken record with how many great weeks in Hollywood we're having, good movies, good TV that we are doing. And everyone loved it, except every once in a while you'll come across someone who does not like your work. Well, this show is primarily meant to educate. And unfortunately,

not everyone learns the same way. Some people are visual learners, or some people are more auditory. And so, sometimes when someone's so stupid or so thick-headed that they can't fucking get it from the simple way we

explain shit, we have to dive back in and just address them directly and just really try to get some of these stupid morons on the right page. And so the way that a lot of our listeners communicate with us is through positive iTunes reviews, and occasionally we get some that are not as positive and we like to sort of go through them now and talk to them specifically and sort of drive home exactly why what they think is not right yes and this is a segment we like to do called wrong so let's get right into it um the first one is from user itunes user mr brandon ray the subject of his of his one star review is boring and the text is and rude so the the so

the whole message of this review is boring and rude in reference to our show and wrong and that's actually not right because our show is actually not really boring at all we do a lot of exciting things on it and the guests we get are very famous and impressive in their own right and interesting people do saying good stuff and to the to the point of us being rude that's actually not right either we're actually very polite and we wouldn't have gotten to the place we are in our careers by being rude, because that's not how you accomplish anything. Rude people don't get to keep working. They end up like Mickey Rourke.

And we actually make no room for rudeness in our own lives. We keep rudeness at arm's length. And I like Mickey Rourke. So Mr. Brandon Ray, in this case, thought something that was wrong and he put it on iTunes and embarrassed himself. If you want to stop feeling embarrassed, anyone that we talk to,

take the review off iTunes. I'll look the other way. I won't hold a grudge. But it's embarrassing for you to have that up there because it's wrong. Here's user the timothy michael with a one-star review with the subject line missing the mark the timothy michael says i'm a big fan of a lot of earwolf podcasts but these guys just can't seem to get it right the constant paradoxical banter gets boring fast and isn't even funny listening to a couple of

dudes make jokes by mispronouncing names, titles, and making up stories about the entertainment industry is dumb. Changing the title from their failed reality show podcast doesn't make up for the fact that they lack comedic talent. And that's wrong. Yes, that's actually clearly wrong. We actually do. He says that we can't seem to get it right. But the truth is we actually do get it right on a very consistent basis. We're getting it right.

And the funny thing is he's getting it wrong. And I would say that the paradoxical banter really plays into the postmodern feel. And he thinks we're making up stories about show business, but really we're telling stories about show business. Yeah, so what he thinks that we're doing, the fact that he thinks it is dumb, it's not even the thing that he thinks it is. Yes.

So I wonder what is actually dumb. Is it the guy who thinks the podcast is what is something else? Or is it the guy who knows what the podcast is what is something else or is it the guy who knows what the podcast is what is something that it really is and it's not dumb so then whoever thinks that's wrong is the one who's wrong oh i wonder which one is dumb about that between that two and we didn't change the title from our failedailed Reality Show podcast. We actually did a whole different podcast. And so that's not the same thing.

And it didn't really fail. It just wasn't very popular. Let's read the review from user Bphillips35. His one-star review. The subject is not entertaining, unoriginal, and just bad. Bphillips 35 says i have tried many times to give this podcast a chance because the get great guests but i don't find haze or sean funny or intelligent they seem to be doing some kind of bit and are just really bad at it so wrong that that that really is so wrong because the thing that is right about it is that we do

get great guests but to think that our guests are great but we're not great is actually wrong that's wrong and i think what might be happening for b phillips is he doesn't fucking get it yes i think that in this case, he thought something wrong because he said that we aren't funny or intelligent, and what's confusing about that is that we are very funny and very intelligent, and so is the podcast. And we're smart and funny, and we're being smart, funny, and intelligent on the podcast and with each other and with great guests, and that's what we get.

Here's user Kbc147 his one-star review is surprised this is an earwolf podcast kbc147 says incredibly hacky and mind-numbingly boring they made episodes with some of my favorite podcast guests unlistenable and wrong no we're not no we're not fucking no we're not hacky this isn't boring you okay you if you don't like those guests on here you don't like those guests yeah because we bring out the best in our guests which sometimes aren't even that good so when you think that they're your favorites it's because of us and because of how much you like us and it's actually very listenable and it's people's favorite thing to listen to and let's be honest the guests aren't even always that good we're so good that's what's good here's apartment 342 with a one-star review

here's apartment 342 with a one-star review subject hollywood handbook yeah we know it's on the hollywood handbook page apartment 342 says the first time listener and the first episode i listened to was a clip from the jake johnson episode probably not the best first episode for new listeners to hear i'm sure you will have lots of listeners who will find this podcast great but i will not be listening to the rest. Unsubscribe. Eh, wrong. That was the first episode. Yeah, you said that probably was not the best first episode for new listeners to hear, but it actually was because it's the first episode that we did.

Yeah. And it's a good thing you're sure that we will have lots of listeners who will find this podcast great because I'm sure about that, too. I'm sure, too. They love it. And you unsubscribed, but that's not even how you do that. You wrote unsubscribe in your message, but you actually have to click the button. You have to actually physically do it.

iTunes doesn't read your review and then unsubscribe you from the review you wrote unsubscribing. So why are we supposed to listen to a guy who doesn't even know how to use the keyboard right now? Or if his computer is even there.'s a cop here's a review from i listen faster uh this is a two-star review with the subject not for my time this i listen faster says the pace of this podcast is too slow for me conversation doesn't Guest's airtime is extremely short and without substance. Disappointed. Meh. Not returning.

What is this guy's thing with slow and fast? Eh, wrong. This podcast is great. People love this. Look, your slow and fast thing is weird. I listen faster.

This podcast too slow. Just figure it out. What are these fast podcasts out there that you really like? Yeah. And how are you listening to them faster than me? I don't think so. I think you're an insane person and so when you said you were disappointed that was actually wrong and you liked it and everyone else did too

some of these people are stupid but this guy's insane so that was ant wrong we also wanted to take a little time to talk about sort of a sea change that's going on in Hollywood and the entire industry that not a lot of people are willing to speak on, but Sean and I wanted to win from a personal perspective. Historically, in this business, in show business... And in all business. The people running the operation are the cool kids the jocks the bullies the greasers yes uh those have been the traditional people who are in charge of what the future of hollywood is and media and things like that but that's finally starting to change because of computers and because of

wireless it seems like nerds are really starting to run the show and you would almost go so far as to say that nerds rule nerds rule and i even have thought of saying at one point that this era is the revenge of the nerds. And they're taking revenge on some of the other types of people that you mentioned. And so what you might be saying, you hear us saying nerds rule. You hear us saying that right now is revenge of the nerds. But you think to yourself, well, Sean Hayes, who are you to say anything about this? You're the nerds but you think to yourself well sean and haze who are you to say anything about this you're not nerds sean's a sean's a jock and haze you're a greaser confession time confession time we're actually huge nerds i actually am a huge nerd and haze is one too

and it's not something that we've been willing to be so public about, but we are such big nerds. Sean and I love sci-fi. We love computer games. We are good at sports, but like we're not like superior about it. No, and we just understand the statistics of it too. That's part of what we love so much about it.

Yes. And whether it's an underground show that almost no one knows about, like Game of Thrones or A Walking Dead, and I'm curled up just watching it going, oh, they made this just for me and only me and maybe Hayes watch it, and a couple of our other nerd friends.

And some of my favorite movies are nerd movies. I love Star Wars 1, I love Star Wars 2, and I love Star Wars 3, and I've seen them all. And how about The Avengers? Does it get nerdier than this, a comic book and a movie? Made into one thing. Yes. And that is some of the stuff that we're watching that we don't actually tell people that we're watching because it's been scary to be a nerd before. It's sometimes scary to be bullied in Hollywood and to say that you like fantasy books and you use computers really well and you surf the internet.

Just liking gadgets is enough to get you shoved in a locker and a wedgie put over your head and put in the toilet bowl. But those days are over and now nerds are in charge and we are actually huge nerds too. nerds are in charge and we are actually huge nerds too and it's time for us to confess and we don't want to tell tales out of school but we have friends who are nerds yes we have a lot of friends who are nerds

Olivia Munn big huge nerd she loves playing computer games with us she's obsessed with space stuff and I know computer games aren't cool but that's what we're saying. It's not about being cool. Now, I play my computer games on my

Xbox. You know, that's me. I'm just a real nerd. Who else do we know who's a big nerd? Oh, well... He's gonna be pissed. Yeah.

Chris Hardwick is actually nerdy. He's actually a really big nerd. You would think that he wasn't a nerd because he hosted Singled Out in the 90s. And he was in kind of a musical comedy duo. But the truth is, he's one of the biggest nerds out there and sometimes he's even a little bit too nerdy for us he did get too nerdy for hayes once and i said and i was mad at hayes for a week and then he got too nerdy for me right after that and i understood he was nerding out what we call it about we invented that the harry potter books term and i love harry potter stuff i love it but he was talking about

different things in the books that i haven't read and stuff that didn't actually get over into the movies and it was like you might be getting a little too nerdy for me i hate being a muggle yes sean and i wish that we wouldn't be muggles anymore and that we would be harry potters if only we were harry potters and if only we had some of those powers or that big bird you know and that's so fun about being a nerd is it's actually cool to have your imagination to think about having that big bird or to be, you know, talking to all those other guys. So take a hike, bullies. This business is no place for you anymore. And the town isn't big enough for the nerds and all the bullies.

And now it's the nerds' town. It's just going to be just all of us. All of us, the nerds, and me, and Hayes, Olivia Munn, J.J. Abraham, and Chris, and all our big, big-tittied cosplay girls, and that's what's truly nerdy. Yes, I love shoving my face in between two huge nerd titties. Yes. And they don't get any nerdier than the ones that are really

big. Really big and fake and you have to have an anime wig on. Yes. I love anime. We have a really great guest coming in today. A really great guest. A fresh face. His name's Lamorne Morris.

He's a TV star on The New Girl. And he also has never been on any other Earwolf podcast. It's sort of tradition we always like to... It's sort of tradition. We like to take a second. We like to take the time to tell all the other podcasts to get way down there and to really suck on these. And so let's look at who's first in line to suck on these.

It looks like Comedy Bang Bang. Ah, Comedy Bang Bang. More like Comedy Boo Hoo. You're sad you don't have this good guest, and you have to cry about it. And you should. What about Kevin Pollak's chat show? I guess this week it's Kevin Pollak's bad show

because he got some old, tired guest who everyone's sick of, and we got Lamar Morris, who's never been on a Near Wolf podcast before. So Kevin Pollak, I guess you can suck on these uh and um next is nerd poker yes nerd poker um how about nerd go fuck yourself you don't have a fucking good guest we have a good guest we've got lamor morris what are you fucking doing poker around, poking your own asshole with your fucking bullshit. So that one's next.

So now that everybody sucked on these, we'll go to a quick commercial break, and we'll come back with Lamorne Morris from The New Girl on Hollywood Handbook. Hollywood Handbook. Hollywood Handbook. So I pin him over this wall. And I go, I got climate change right here. And I push my curling iron. Oh, wow. What'd he say?

He actually said that that wasn't climate change. You've been pinning a lot of people up against the wall lately. I like it. Hey! Hey! What up, what up? Welcome back to Hollywood Handbook, an insider's guide to kicking butt and dropping names in the red carpet lineback hallways of this industry we call showbiz. Really exciting guest today lamorne morris from the news girl is here a new girl new girl i know all about it and i love the

show and i love you on it thank you man thank you there's actually a story from how you guys you uh you and sean met like how you know each other that I guess sort of gets into what we want to talk about today. Yeah, I mean, well, Lamorne and I have a, you know, we have a shared history a little bit. We started out as artists in this business. And ultimately the commerce got a hold of us, and we have had to make some choices that are for money and not for art. But we used to do commercials together.

We did. We did. Commercial films. Yes. 30 seconds of, honestly, truth, as opposed to what we do now. It's like you said, the commerce will get a hold of you, but you've got to put a roof over your head, man. Exactly. You start having a bunch of kids and the wife starts saying, when are you going to actually do something with yourself?

You kind of just want to go like, pardon my French, but you kind of want to just go, bitch. That's right. But you can't say that anymore. Because the kids are around. Yes. There was a time when that was okay but now the pc police are around and you can't just just say bitch anymore man i wish you could man uh if only we could still say bitch like we all used to say and liked to say yeah and i and i think that it is

actually the point where the pc police have gone too far yes because that is a word that was useful and could mean a lot of things. One, because you knew, like, if you heard bitch and you were a bitch, you, your ears perked up and you knew exactly

who we were talking about. Exactly. And now, the fact that you can't say that, you can only say, like, hey. Yeah. And then everyone turns.

Everyone turns around. And sometimes not even the bitch. Yeah. No way to differentiate anymore. And so it's something that the PC police are trying to do is to make us all just one thing. And you know who else tried to do that is Hitler did that. Hitler.

Oh, yeah, for sure. And so in a way the PC police are actually Hitler. And it's like now you can't even call Hitler a bitch. No. Because of these things. So it's like, is Hitler good? You like Hitler? Yeah.

All of a sudden, everybody thinks Hitler's cool. He's not a bitch. Or some of the other things that we used to call him, some of the other words that I won't say right now, but that I will say off air in the shower by myself because I'm still my own man in one place. Lamorne, talk about some of the passion commercial films that you, what are you most proud of sort of from your career? Let's see.

There was a commercial that I did back in 2009. Yes, the golden age. I mean, you got to be kidding me. It was the year of the commercial film. And I believe it was right after I met you. I think it was a Las Vegas commercial that I did, which was great. It was an extended. It wasn't 30 seconds. It was about two minutes. It was an extended, it wasn't 30 seconds,

it was about two minutes. It was a two minute commercial. Oh God, when they were experimenting with that. Yeah, that was awesome. And because it was such a passion project, I let them buy me out on it. So I just, I didn't, it wasn't about the money for me. Wow. They aired it a lot. Yeah, must not have been yeah yeah and i remember when you were you had just fallen in love with the miller light big mouth bottles oh my goodness and i and you were talking to me you said these big mouth bottles are so great i've got to let

people know about them and how did we let people know about things back then as we make commercial films make commercial films um This one was great. It was a lovely actress that I worked with named Treon. I mean, talk about a scene partner. You know, she gave, she listened. Sure. I gave, I listened. It was almost as if we were making love.

But so, you know, the kids could see it and we could let them know about the big mouth bottle. Yes. Without promoting sex, you know, the kids could see it and we could let them know about the big mouth bottle. Yes. Without promoting sex, you know. And listening is such a big part of making love. Yes, it is. It is. It's a huge part of making love. You want to know who's down there.

Yes. You want to know who's inside you. And when some, it's like, what's it called? When you shout and then someone, the roll call or whatever you call it but yes an echo yeah yeah who's yeah exactly it's an echo whose is this if you don't know if you don't hear whose is this it's good to check in every once in a while yeah in case it's somebody else in case it's somebody different from who it was at the beginning yeah which happens a lot honestly in that commercial community you know yes it gets

pretty wild man it's a little incestuous yeah sure do you remember some of your favorite quote we all know them but your favorite quotes from your from some of your films one of them um let's see i said to a girl i said hey yes you know and uh hey is a big word it's three letters depending on how you spell it but it's it's it's it's very universal no matter who you're talking to hey like you said earlier everyone can turn around but in this case i was speaking to one woman and one woman in particular and she knew exactly who i was talking to and you fit so much into that yeah yes yeah and you still remember however many years i think that one was mid 2010 yeah but you still have the exact same like it's like you you're doing it today yeah it's uh for chilies just for's. I remember that one. Well, you, I know you want to get back into that side of your.

I mean, we all do. Yeah. You know what I mean? It's such a, this business can be overwhelming a bit. And sometimes you want to just take a step back and go back to what you love. You know? It's like that first love, that first girlfriend you had. Yes. That first wife you've ever had. That first mistress you've ever had. It's like, first love that first girlfriend you had yes that first wife you've

ever had that first mistress you've ever had it's like you want to go back to that you can't there's nothing like that first wife exactly you know no the first and the first wife i always say is very special and so to me the idea of going back to my first wife commercials before I wound up having to do theater, Broadway theater, before I wound up having to do films, and before even TVs, is so important that I'm jealous of Lamorne because he's getting offers now. Yes. Left and right. And you sent us some scripts for some of the commercial films you're looking at doing

and we thought we would just perform some of them now and maybe workshop them a little bit. Okay. And help pick out because you want it

to be the right project when you go back. Right. Right, exactly. There's one. Do you guys have them here? I can just tell you. We have one or two of them.

I mean, if you want to walk us through one. If there are any that you want to do specifically, sure. There's one. It's a futuristic Popeyes commercial. You know the woman that's in the Popeyes commercials now? Yes. I mean, she's kind of... No, I don't.

Now, I'm not against broad commercial film acting, but she just takes the cake. Wow. I mean, I think these commercials Tyler Perry directed, and she's, I mean, as coonish as you can possibly be. I mean, as coonish as you can possibly be. And because we're in the future, I think we want to step things up a little bit and not be as coony with the futuristic Popeyes commercial. But this time we unleashed this motherfucker. And she, can I say motherfucker? Oh, yeah.

Anything you want. Okay. We unleash it. We unleash it. Now, imagine this old slave woman selling chicken, but she's in the future where chickens are obsolete. Oh, yeah. Okay. And chickens are hard to come by. Yes.

Yeah. And chickens have a mind of their own. And chickens are no longer chickens. So what are they? Chickens are people. Yeah. So what we've done with Popeyes is reversed time. So as opposed to eating chickens and sounding like an old-timey slave, it's the future.

Well, we still sound like an old-timey slave, but chickens are people. So we are enslaving ourselves but we also eat ourselves. We fry ourselves. So let's do the script for that commercial. Sean, you have the side for the old-timey slave woman. That's right, yeah, I do. And Lamorne, you of course have the script

where you'll be playing the role of my master. Yes, yes. This is a role that I've been dying to play. Okay. And I would just play the backing track. Great. Ooh. Yum.

Om, nom, nom. Scrum, nom, nom. Yummy people. What you doing out there in that yard? You know damn well you're supposed to be in that kitchen cooking. Oops. 12 years of Popeyes. 12 years of Popeyes.

Now, I think that would be a good first foot back into the biz, but I don't want to rush judgment. Okay. So you had sent us a script for another commercial that I thought sounded good, but I have a note, and it's you're on the New Girl bus, you're riding the bus into the studio,

and a bunch of Happy Endings fans are outside, and they're screaming at you guys, and they're like, you guys, and they're like, you're washed up, we don't like Mr. Schmidt, or they miss Penny, and you're leaning against, and we zoom in on the headphones you have on

and hear what you're hearing inside there. And then, Hayes, if you want to play what he's hearing. And why this song? Nelly is what we like to call an innovator. From some of his old music to some of his old music. He just resonates. Most people.

Yeah. When I was getting abused by Happy Endings fans, the old Friends fans, the TV fans that would say to you you're washed up and I'm like I just started you know

that kind of abuse is something that only Nelly can Nelly can speak to because I'm not sure if you noticed he created the trend of the band-aid on the face that's right which symbolizes a bump and a bruise which symbolizes a bump in the road

which symbolizes you know. So this all makes sense to me. You're on a bumpy road. You've maybe even got a Band-Aid on your face. You're listening to that song. They're yelling stuff. You drown them out.

You hear what you want to hear. You hear the Nelly song. And then you take a big bite of a Cadbury cream egg. And then you look at the camera and in the script you say, Easter's coming. To me, it seems like it should be a headphones commercial. Yeah. I mean, it should be.

Why would you think otherwise? Well, well, it's... It's seeming like it's... Oh, it's seeming like it's... The end feels like maybe a Cadbury Cream Egg commercial. No, because what happens is with commercial films, what they allow you to do is to speak to what's currently going on. Mm-hmm.

That Cadbury Cream Egg was really good, and Easter was coming. Okay. You know, I'm not going to lie to the fans. And act like that was not a good

Cadbury cream egg. It's good as hell and Easter is coming. You know what I mean? Like, you gotta, had it been Halloween, I might have looked at the camera and said,

trick or treat, motherfucker. But I didn't, I didn't. And what kind of candy are you taking a bite of in that one one of those little uh soft marshmallow ghosts oh i love those peeps ghosts yeah peep uh peep i was gonna take a bite out of a peep you know um because that would have symbolized

the fact that i can't hear a peep from all the fans that hate me. Now, you sort of innovated using profanity in commercials. Yes. And refusing to take it out and ending up having to pay a lot of fines for... It's not about the money. For saying, motherfucker... It's not about the money. It's not. Yeah.

It's not about the money for me. Honestly, it's about truth. It's about real life. It's about letting these kids know. Because at the end of the day, it's all about the money for me Honestly it's about truth It's about real life It's about letting these kids know Because at the end of the day It's all about these kids It's about letting them know To express yourself

If you feel like there's a There's a fuck in the tank There's a shit in the tank Let it out man And now Because it can actually be really dangerous If you keep it in there Yeah

Yeah now with the With the kids You Do a lot of charity work with kids. Do you want to talk about that at all? Do you want to speak on that? I have a charity that I'm running. It's kind of like the Boys and Girls Club, but it's just like the boys club.

So we all get together. You know what I mean? We smoke weed, we drink. Awesome. With little kids. Yeah. There's nowhere for kids to do that now. Yeah.

They don't have that. Some of them do it at home. And I commend those parents on allowing them to do it at home in a nice space. But this is where we get together a large group of kids and let them know, hey, you want to get high? Do it here, man. Do it under our supervision. You know what I mean?

Yes. And you doing it, I was really impressed that you do it during school because schools are not safe these days. And getting those kids into the safe space instead of going to somewhere where they might get hurt is really admirable. Exactly. A lot of school shootings going on. A lot of craziness, man. And you're against that. I'm against that.

I'm against school shootings. Speak on that. We don't want to take a position on this show. The stuff that Lamorne says, like his position on that, that's your, you know, just because we have this whole network going. And if we say like, you know, we don't want to say we're for or against school shootings. Okay. It is.

I'll stand up right now. It's a controversy right now. We know. Well, I would imagine. But I'll stand up right now on your show and tell you I'm against school shootings. I don't care. I don't care who has anything to say about it. I don't care.

And we won't have anything to say about it because we're neither against nor for school shootings. That's right. We acknowledge that they happen, and we want to hear both sides of it before we make our decision. On both sides. I'm biased. Should we dig into the popcorn gallery? Yes, let's get in there. Oh, wait, I'm biased. Should we dig into the popcorn gallery? Yes, let's get in there. Oh, wait, I'm sorry.

I think we had one more commercial thing where you've actually gotten a very lucrative offer to be the Domino's pizza tracker. Right, yes. I guess the way that's supposed to work is people call you and you sort of let them know what's going on with their pizza. Yeah.

Yeah. Okay, so let's right now bring you inside that Domino's Pizza commercial. Okay. Beep, bop, boop, bop, beep, bop, boop. Bring. Bring. Hello. Hello. Lamorne? Yeah, it's me, what's up?

Hey, I ordered my pizza, I don't know, like 15 minutes ago You did, you did, you did, hold on for a second Let me look, hold on for a second What'd you get on your pizza? You got pepperoni Yeah, pepperoni And green peppers What you got? What you got on your pizza? You got pepperoni? Yeah, pepperoni. And green peppers.

And the green peppers. Yes, all the flavors that we like. So is my boy on his way to your house right now. You still live at the same place? Yeah, same place I live. That's what I called, yeah. Yeah. All right, cool, cool, cool. He should be there soon.

You ain't got no dogs, nothing like that. So he can just come right on and knock on the door. He cool. I do have a dog, and he can knock on the door. Okay, cool, cool. All right, well, call me back if you need anything, man. Should be a text, though. Don't call me.

I'm asleep. Okay, all right. Have a good sleep, Lamorne. Thanks, man. To me, that's the winner. Yeah. And how much did you end up taking home for that spot? For that spot?

Let's see, I owed them about 1,400 pizzas. I owed them 1,400 pizzas for that one. Let's dig into the popcorn gallery. This is a segment where we have some fans of ours who are, fans of yours who are listening to our show and they have questions for you. They've submitted them to us. It's like the peanut gallery. But at movies, one of the most popular foods that they sell is popcorn. And so we've named this segment the popcorn gallery.

It's sort of a play on that. It's the peanut gallery. People don't eat peanuts at the movies as much as they eat popcorn. I eat more almonds at the movies. Okay, so. Is that the segment? So is it the Almond Gallery this week? Maybe. Chocolate-covered almonds.

From the Arclight. Fuck the Arclight. They made me miss a movie once, and'm so mad i'm sorry speak on that what happened at the arc man let me tell you man i went to the arc light and i think i was trying to watch there's one of those like is what name some like inspirational black movies that have come out recently the hell no i didn't see that one was it the but? No, it was The Butler. It might have been The Butler. No, it was something later. Anyway, I was trying to go see this movie. And I get there and...

Avatar? Avatar? No. Nope. And I couldn't... I waited in line for a very long time. And the machines were broken. And I was like, okay, I got ten minutes.

One guy goes, come over here. Come over here. And I go, okay, great, I want to see this movie. He goes, oh, man, it's starting in six minutes, oh, five minutes, I can't let you in. I'm like, it's starting in five minutes. I can get to my seat in five minutes. And I'm with my girl at the time,

and they would not let me in. I move over to another guy. The movie, it's about a minute away, and the guy goes, oh, man, I would have let you in if you'd been here five minutes, say, maybe. But now it's like one minute. And I'm like, well, that guy right there just told me it was five minutes and he couldn't let me in. He's like, everyone's different. I'm like, oh, so he just used his own discretion and just felt like I don't want to let him in because I feel like as a moviegoer, if you walked in, you would disturb my beginning of the film.

That pissed me off. And was that the end of that relationship? Yeah, I haven't been back to that theater since. And why'd you make that up? That's true. Okay. That's 100% true. It just seems a little far-fetched, but.

That's 100% true. So I go to the AMC. AMC Theater is located at the grove located at they don't know a lot of the people who listen to this podcast live in like states like wyoming they got amc theaters over there no they just go they watch movies standing outside of sears ah yes they play them on, they see the movies about two years later and they watch him on a bunch of screens with no volume

and they stand in the TV section of a Sears and that's all over Wyoming and some of the other shitty states where people listen to this but it's fun for them

to get a window into a place where you can actually go to a movie theater. Buy a ticket and see a movie. Buy a ticket, buy popcorn

or possibly almonds and get into it. I get it. I'm sorry about that. For all those who are out in Wyoming, there's a movie coming out called iRobot. Y'all should check it out. It's going to be hot. William Smith. Anyway.

Well, let's reach into the chocolate-covered almond bag. Mmm. This is a question from our listener greggy greggy asks mr morris do you make a lot of money is he serious let me tell you how i woke up today it's a brazilian girl on my right it's a puerto rican girl on my left right. There's a Puerto Rican girl on my left. That's how I woke up. Wow. And they ain't cheap.

They're the most expensive. Those are the two most expensive kinds of girls. Brazilian and Puerto Rican, man. Because you don't just feed them, you gotta feed their families too. Very big families. Culturally. Yeah, culturally. It's like giving a dowry just for

sex. Like, I don't want like giving a dowry just for sex. Like, I don't want to marry you. I just want you to leave. Give somebody a goat. Well, that's a good answer to that question. Here's a question from ShowShowBro. Lamorne, best band ever, Eagles or Tom Petty? Coldplay.

Next. Here's a question from Chanson. Actually, you know, I take that back. Eagles. That's right. That's the right answer? Yes. Okay, cool. And I would take it one step further and actually say Tom Petty. Oh.

That's also right. Then I would take it another step further and go, who are those guys? That's what makes them so good. It's the kind of thing where if you know a band's name, they're not doing it right. Exactly. You don't want to know who they are. Exactly.

Because then it's not about the music. It's about the name of the band. It's about their name or something. People focus on that too much. Yes. What does it mean? What does a death cab mean for cutie? That's kind of scary. I won't listen

to them because it's such a scary idea, death cab. It's terrifying. I listen to music to escape and I listen to music to center. And I don't listen to it to feel scared as if I'm looking at a Frankenstein or something like that. I don't want a song to send scared as if I'm looking at a Frankenstein or something like that.

I don't want a song to send shivers down my spine. You know what I mean? You speak on that? Shivers. A song by Coldplay. That's it. You want to sing it?

Do your shiver. I mean, you have it in your computer. You can probably tell me if I'm on key or not. I don't do music anymore. That's what iTunes shows me. It says that you're on key your computer. You can probably tell me if I'm on key or not. I don't do music anymore. That's what iTunes shows me. It says that you're on key.

Yeah, man. Here's a question from Chanson. Lamorne, since you're in Hollywood, who is your favorite Jewish person? I have a question for Chanson. Is that your real name? I think that is actually his real name. Okay. And I think it's on his license plate.

It's on his license plate, so that makes it legit. Yeah. All right, Chanson. Who's my favorite Jewish person in Hollywood? Or it doesn't say in Hollywood. Oh. In general? I guess it can also be from history.

Oh, man. Oh, man. There's a guy named jeremy man jeremy jeremy can get you anything you mean you got a problem you got a headache like you got like this bump on your and you don't want to go to the hospital and you want a guy like come over and check it out jeremy know what guy didn't come over check it out and it goes through your insurance too, so it's good. Last thing you want is when you get a bump on your... to go to the hospital and TMC is there next morning.

Guess who's got a bump on his... Lamorne does. Exactly. You don't want that. You don't want those kind of problems. So you call Jeremy and Jeremy be like, man, look, I can take care of myself if you want me to. Or I know a guy.

And he can go right through your insurance. And it goes through your insurance. It sounds like Jeremy knows a doctor. Yeah. Yep. The Chanton's follow-up question is, why don't you like all of them? I know another guy. I know another guy.

Benny. Oh, yeah? Benny's a real asshole. Now, yeah, he is Jewish, right? You know what I mean? Mm-hmm. Benny don't know nobody. So you got a problem, you can't go to Benny, because you're like, Benny, man, I'm like,

I broke up with my girl, and my head hurts, and I'm sick, I got this bump in my... Benny's like... Benny just goes, you want to go get pizza? I hate Benny. Benny don't pay for nothing. Benny's cheap. That's not a play on the whole Jewish stereotype.

That's just Benny's broke. But him eating pizza is sort of a play on how Jewish guys are always eating pizza. Always eating the cheese and the pepperoni very Jewish very Jewish double stuffed crust Lamorne thank you so much

for joining us on the show thanks for having me man do you have anything you'd like to plug I'm about to do a

1400 city tour yeah to promote my new book. Wow. My new book is called How to Be in a Successfully Failed Relationship. Oh. I got a chance to read it. It's very long, but it couldn't really be any shorter. It couldn't because it chronicles every type of woman that I've dated.

That's a lot, you know, and all types and why they, uh, most of them were whores and, uh, and how to be in that relationship when it's clearly failed and how to get out of that relationship. How does it's the art of self-sabotage that teaches you now as a follow-up, we did give most of your phone number out on our Jake Johnson episode. Has that caused any problems for you? A lot of, well, well, part of my book, part of my book

in the art of self-sabotage, a lot of it had a lot to do with outside circumstances. One of those circumstances being the fact that you guys gave out part of my phone number so i had all kinds of people calling me at uh strange hours you know what i mean which really upset my girl she left me you know to somebody with a less uh known phone number um and so uh it caused problems in that i can't go down the street without somebody going hey what's up 310, 310? And I'm like, damn, man,

it's hard. It really is hard. I'm not known as, for who I want to be known as, commercial artiste, I'm more known as, that's the 310 dude. It sucks that everybody

knows your area code and the last four digits of your number. Well, we're sorry that Jack Johnson did that to you. Yeah. Jack is a real asshole.

We had to run it because it's just good for the show. It's better for the show. As journalists, as responsible journalists, it was important. But we couldn't really cut it out. That would be dishonest, and I know you wouldn't like that. No. You know what I mean?

Because, again, you guys are centered in truth, and I know Sean from A Place of Truth. Yes. You know what I mean? Yes, the Iron Man LG phone commercial. That's right. I mean, which, in my opinion, was one of the greatest things I had ever seen. Yes. You know what I mean? In our, yes, the Iron Man LG phone commercial. That's right. I mean, which in my opinion was one of the greatest things I'd ever seen. Sure.

His, his, his acting was so believable because what you stop it, what happens in the commercial, if you haven't seen it, is that Iron Man is behind him. We were there. He wasn't really behind him.

You know, that's why they didn't use cutaways to the other actors because they knew we weren't believable and we weren't grounded in truth Sean was grounded in truth and that was my first lesson my first lesson on being grounded in truth

you guys I'm getting embarrassed you're getting hard dude rate us on iTunes talk to us on our forums please buy the pro version of our podcast Skizzolo bought the pro version of our podcast. Skizzolo

bought the pro version last week and as part of his bonus, he gets medical advice from Lamorne Morris for Skizzolo. Honestly, bro, alcohol gets rid of everything. You got a problem? Dip it in alcohol. She ain't smelling right? Dip her

in alcohol. A lot of times people focus so much of their attention on prevention. Yes. I'm not about prevention. I'm about forgiveness. You know what I mean? Yes. Like, oh, shouldn't have done that.

Ask for forgiveness, not for prevention. Yeah, exactly. So if you got a problem, man, just rub some rubbing alcohol on it. You don't got that at home. You know, a little vodka might do the trick. A little whiskey, man. Just rub some rubbing alcohol on it. You don't got that at home. You know, a little vodka might do the trick. A little whiskey, perhaps. Bye! Bye!

Hollywood Handbook. This has been an Earwolf Media production. Executive Producers Jeff Ulrich and Scott Aukerman. For more information, visit Earwolf.com. EarwolfRadio.com The wolf dead. That was a HeadGum Podcast.