Hollywood Handbook - Listeners Again, Our Close Friends

Episode Date: April 6, 2015

Hayes and Sean are back with another totally planned, not spontaneous call-in episode. Listeners call in to talk about Lance Bass going to the moon, Air Bud, boats, Guardians of the Galaxy, San Francisco, and brotherly love and then the boys close out the show with a chat with a new mystery female fan.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This is a HeadGum Podcast. and eventually the conversation gets, you know, we make small talk for a while and they want to ask me to be the fifth jerky boy. This is when it was Johnny, Kamal, Jonathan Frakes, and... Steve Aoki. Steve Aoki, yes. And I say like, you know, that's really nice. I'd love, can I just try one? Can I just like, you know, can I just get on the phone and try one of these things? Yes.

And I ordered a real pizza, hung up the phone, and said, thank you, gentlemen. I'm not interested. Enjoy your pizza. And you left a $100 bill. To pay for the pizza. Yes. Yes.

Well, that's big of you and i certainly have some regrets from my wild youth of doing some pranks i wish i could take yes that's what i like you know you must think about that yes and i don't sleep well that's for sure. And one of them was hitting my neighbor with a cream pie. Oh, that wasn't a, was that a phone call? That wasn't, that was a prank phone call? No, no. I wasn't allowed to have a phone as a youth, but I did have a cream pie and I should have just eaten it looking back,

but instead I hit my neighbor on his tuchus with it and looked like he sat in a cream pie. But it was tough stuff. Hey, welcome to Hollywood Handbook. I welcome. Insiders gadget kicking butt and dropping names in the red carpet linebacker hallways of this industry we call showbiz. We did a few weeks ago a listener call-in show yeah we said at the time um we were not going to be doing one for a while yes and that if we ever did it again it meant the show was in big trouble uh well it turns out we are doing one again, but the show is not in big trouble. The show is doing very well, and it just turns out that we just wanted to.

Yes, and we just liked it, and we didn't have a guest cancel. It's not for any emergency. Nobody canceled. It's for normal. And it wasn't the second time they canceled either and i'd like to make that very clear so um we wanted to talk to our fans and it's even nicer than talking to guests and one thing is our fans never cancel on us and and not that that happened with the guest but um do we continue talking with somebody on the line or just like have our own conversation with just

somebody hanging out or should we yes let's get somebody on the line or just like have our own conversation with just somebody hanging out or should we, yes, let's get somebody on the line and then just tell them to be quiet, to be a quiet observer and just be a little, that sounds good. Tiny mouse out there. Who do we, let's get,

um, let's get somebody on to talk with us, Cody. All right. Our first caller is Andrew here. Okay. Someone respectful. Hello,

Andrew. Andrew. Hello. Hello. Oh, Hello, Andrew. Andrew. Hello. Hello. Oh, hi, Andrew. Yep, hello. Andrew, how do you feel? How are you?

We know you. Your avatar is Steve Zissou because you love the movie. What's your favorite part of that movie? The, oh, like the the yellow submarine oh okay my favorite band yes your favorite band yes portuguese david bowie it's a funny funny movie and there's always funny things happening in it and we love it too uh but how do you feel about just being just like sitting quietly for a little while and just it being like you're in a conversation with me and Sean, but just like Sean and I are catching up.

And then like in a real conversation, you're sort of just watching the two masters at work. Yes, and you're just sipping a soda pop and enjoying the show. Okay, so I wouldn't be contributing in any way. Well, no, I disagree in some way. I wouldn't say it's not in any way I definitely feel your presence to be a good observer is a real skill Andrew

okay well I can do that great I was gone last week yes tell me all about it you mentioned on the show I went to space With Lance Bass How's Lance? He's fine, he likes to go up into the moon

And he likes to Scuff up all the other footprints That are up there So he's the only moon man Neils and Buzz's and Alan's footprints Because the footprints is a science thing They stay forever. They become fossils on the moon.

But he goes and he scuffs them up, so it's only Lance. Have you thought about this at all? Now, Lance Bass, his peak career-wise, we could say, is probably when he was given the Moon Man award by the MTV music people. Do you think he misinterpreted that? Yes. Do you think that this whole space thing that he's done with you and some other

gentleman he's friends with is possibly yes, just either trying to recapture the Moon Man magic or just him thinking that he was being given a mission meant he yes meant he was being assigned to the moon uh well i know he likes to do science we went to look in a scientific cave up there and we saw special rocks um and we saw mineral streams

and there was a turtle in like kind of a space outfit and we thought like oh is this like a smart turtles planet? Yes turtles should not. But it was

Yuri Gagarin had dropped this turtle on his way through space. Oh. Which we eventually figured out. He used to just like get pets and then kind of like forget about them and just like drop them wherever, you know, just like forget about them in space. That's disrespectful. Yes. And the turtle was okay?

Turtle's great. It's a little science space. That's disrespectful. Yes. And the turtle was okay? Turtle's great. You know, it's a science thing. Turtles live. They get old, get young again, get old again, get young again, and they spiral back and forth. It's the yo-yo. It's the yo-yo effect. Of space. Yes.

So, oh, that's so interesting. And he just eats moon rocks now. Mm-hmm. That's nice. so interesting and he just eats moon rocks now that's nice i bet he misses swimming but you know everybody has to make sacrifices especially in space now andrew did you have something you wanted to call about some kind of prepared game plan stick some kind of yeah no not not really um did you have a topic or a theme or anything? A topic?

That's an interesting idea. Maybe we should do that if we do something. Oh, yes. Movies. Okay. The topic is movies today, Andrew. Now, speak on that, why don't you, please? Oh, gosh.

I saw Interstellar the other day interstellar yeah what is that it's the um the space space movie oh okay okay well we just did a lot of talking about space but i guess you want us all the space talk we were going to do for the scene like we were sort of talked out about space um but i guess we can do a little more do you think uh andrew do you think that space is on the other side of a bookshelf the uh the bookshelf um i i mean i don't really have a bookshelf so i couldn't really not my question Andrew did you when there's a big surprise in the movie when Matt Damon shows up did you turn to the person you were with

and go that's Matt Damon that's what you're supposed to do in that movie when you're sitting watching the movie in the theater when he appears you're supposed to go to the person next to you and go that's Matt Damon ideally you're on a date with a girl who you think is unable to recognize faces and so you can sort of lean close to her

and loud enough for the people around you to see you can go from the informant is that him? That's Matt Damon. Did you do that? I was watching it with my mom and I did tell her it was Matt Damon but I don't think she really knew it was supposed to be

a surprise is he not really a celebrity over there he's certainly no Graham Norton who's your Matt Damon yes is it Graham Norton or is it still Eric Idle Stephen Fry Jimmy Carr isn't Wossy somebody

you guys have some very good celebrities over there probably be Wossy? Isn't Wossy somebody? You guys have some very good celebrities over there. Probably be Wossy. Yeah, you think it's Wossy? I think so too. How about that Simon Cowell? What a nasty man, but he's got taste and you can't teach that. So thanks, Andrew.

We'll see you later. And let's get a new caller in, Engineer Cody. Thank you, Andrew. Bye. Bye. thanks Andrew we'll see you later and let's get a new caller in engineer thank you Andrew bye I don't want him to have time to say bye on the air so when I say a new caller get him out of here we got Tim Treese on okay now I'm guessing okay I was gonna say I'm guessing the signal is gonna be significantly better than the last one since we have tim treese on here and he's a techno wizard and he's got money to spend yes and he's got a lot of dough i'm i'm calling from a smartphone actually see and isn't that amazing so we had andrew calling from it sounded like well it sounded an airplane yes it sounded like an airplane.

Yes, it sounded like a payphone on an airplane, which is just not practical at all. So don't do that, Andrew. But now Tim Treese is calling from these smartphones, and if you've seen these things, they can do computers. They can do talking like Tim's doing, but they can do what they can do talking like tim's doing but they can do what else hey describe your phone tim and then we'll talk about what it can do yes well it can uh talk like this you know i can talk describe no but describe the phone

describe the phone don't say what it can do describe phone. Don't say what it can do. Describe the phone. We'll say what it can do. Oh, it's kind of like a black rectangle, I guess. Oh, yes. I know that phone. I have seen this one. That phone does math. Right? Am I right about that? Yeah, a little bit.

The phone is almost a calculator itself. And if you ever play Pac-Man or something like like that you can't do that on this phone because those machines are too big but you can actually you need a dongle yes you can actually do via dongle another kind of game yeah it's got a usb plug yeah that's what we said. Yes. Now, aren't you supposed to, are you allowed to say the big company you work for? No. Okay, well then we're just going to say it. Okay, and then can you send us some of those binocular riff machines that they have

where it's only cheap cardboard, but you put it on your head and then watch a 3D movie? Tim, let us just say who you work for. We're going to do it, so just let us do it. Okay. Tim works for Google. This is my question for you, Tim.

Why are you guys doing TV shows? You're getting smoked in these TV shows. All the other search engines are doing TV shows. Yahoo's eating your lunch. Om nom nom, scrum nom nom nom nom nom. Ooh, it's so good. That's what Yahoo sounds like with your lunch. I can bring it up.

I mean, how should I do that? How do I make a TV show? Are you the boss or or you have a boss i have a boss switch with him yeah you guys have to switch tim you have to start being the boss okay he's got a name tag uh he's got a badge yes you're gonna need that you'll need his badge his fingerprints too if that's how you do it there He's got a badge. Yes, you're going to need that. You'll need his fingerprints, too, if that's how you do it there. Just to get into the door. He has a beard.

A beard? Do they scan the beard? Yeah. Ooh, beard scanner. That's making it tough. I wish Andy would keep it down out there. I mean, I've got a call screener out there, and I can hear him yelling. Do you hear that, Tim?

We might as well just... Yeah, when I... No, go ahead. When I talked to him when he was screening me, he said, okay, bye, and then he forgot to hang up on me. Tim, is Tree's your real last name, or you change it because you're Chiba Hawk? You love Chief and that kind. It's actually an Ellis Island thing, so it's kind of not my real name. Yeah, and you love Chief and the kind, buds.

You're always token to reefer. It was supposed to be Cheese. Yeah, Timmy Cheese. They changed your name to Ellis Island. I don't think our family even knows. From Cheese to be Cheese. Yeah, Timmy Cheese. They changed her name to Alice Allen. I don't think our family even knows. From Cheese to Trees. Tim, did you have anything for the topic of movies? Oh, I wanted to ask, what's your favorite movies?

That's a great question. That's great. Engineer Cody? Yeah, what? Favorite movie, go. Favorite movies, Ooh. That's a great question. That is great. Engineer Cody? Yeah, what? Favorite movie. Go. Favorite movies. Go. Citizen Kane. What do you like about that movie? Yes, what do you like?

I like their use of depth of field, especially with background, midground, and foreground. Three things happening simultaneously in the frame. That was unprecedented. I don't think he got it. I don't think he really got that movie. I also am a big fan of Rosewater. Now that's a great movie. That's a movie.

See? Did you understand when he's dancing that even though he's in captivity, his spirit is still free? Citizen Kane and Rosewater are sort of bookends, really, in the canon of cinema. Well, we started with Citizen Kane, which was bad. And then it took us all this time to get to Rosewater, which was good.

You can see the seed of the idea of Rosewater in Citizen Kane. But when he's in jail, he's not dancing and having a good time what did you what else did you like about that movie i don't know i liked airbud too you liked airbud 2 golden receiver or you liked airbud as well the original movie golden receiver golden receiver yeah of course yes that made more sense a dog playing football than basketball. That's definitely true. Much harder on a puppy's little nosy to hit a basketball into the hoop, but catching a football, that's pretty reasonable. And so, thank goodness in the movie they can never catch him, but you are always a little on the field or trying to tackle him.

You are always a little scared. Like if one of those big guys did land on him, he would be crushed. His bones would be broken. But luckily he's too fast to be caught. That part is lucky, but I would say this about Golden Receiver. Isn't that Deflategate? That should have been Deflategate. I mean, that feels like Deflategate.

Dogs chomping on the football yeah tim trees what's the truth um yeah i mean i think there's pretty strong evidence that um the patriots didn't really do anything wrong in that case so i think you have a good argument in the in the case where that well what a case of golden receiver they were doing that thing one of their receivers he wasn't catching the ball in his mouth but it was a dog in a velcro suit and the football was velcro

they did prove that that the Patriots did that they would throw a velcro football at the dog and it would stick to him and he would run away yes that is actually one true thing that happened. You're saying that's okay? I don't think there's a rule that says you can't do that.

Yeah, because it's been proven that Danny Amendola is actually an Alaskan Malamute. And so that was a little bit controversial. What sound does it make when I make a search over at Google? It's like a buzz kind of sound and then we can see that hayes you're thinking of something you're thinking of buzzfeed yeah you're right it's a bell sound that's bing taco bell that's either bing or taco bell tim yes oh yeah i don't know which one um is it do you want me to keep guessing or no let's just take another call thanks tim all right we got a burger ho burger ho Burger Ho. Burger Ho. Hey, how's it going? Oh, he's in the hallway on the way back to his dorm.

Guys, let me step out of my dorm for one second. I just got to make a quick call to my friends. This happened last time, so I'm trying to specifically not be in an echoey hallway. I'm sorry. Tell us about your roommates. I'm actually in specifically not be in an echoey hallway. I'm sorry. Tell us about your roommates. I'm actually in New York right now. Do you want me to tell you about my Boston roommates? In New York?

In a big hallway? Where are you in New York? A big hallway in New York. A big apple. That's like what the subway is. The subway is just a big hallway. Are you on Ellis Island trying to find out Tim Treese's old name? No, I'm on Manhattan Island.

Trying to make it in a big city. Okay. It sounds like you are trying to take your phone apart with a fork. Like, that's the noise. It's sort of a clumsy scraping that's happening against the speaker. And I would say, don't do that. Not while you're on a call that's happening against the speaker. And I would say, don't do that, not while you're on a call. Just talk with the phone, and then

maybe later dismantle it with the phone. I agree with you that something is not working. You should change something about the way the call is going. We want to crack that baby open and clean it up. I don't think this is the solution for right now. How about now?

Are we good? Are we good? That's pretty good. Please calm down, Burger Ho. I like you, but your energy is insane right now. I know. I know. I had a prepared question, if you'd like me to ask. Okay.

Is that about movies? It is about movies, yeah. Okay, good. It's a little festive, too. I don't know if you guys mind that. This is good. Okay. I It's a little festive too. I don't know if you guys mind that. This is good. Okay.

I was wondering. Festivus. You ever see Seinfeld? Sorry, sorry, sorry. Have you seen Seinfeld? I have seen Seinfeld. Great. Okay, go ahead. Okay.

It's a big movie nerd holiday coming up tomorrow. I was wondering maybe if you guys could talk about some of your favorite Easter eggs in the movies Oh yes Easter's a great holiday for movie nerds because that's when they hide all the movie secrets There's one on the

DVD for Dante's Peak Okay where you're at the main menu, right? Mm-hmm. And you hit left on your controller. Ah, yes. And it's mousing over.

You just keep hitting left, special features, subtitles, recommendations. And then when you think that there aren't any more buttons to go over, Go one more. you hit left again, and then it's a little lava pool, and that disappears,

and you select the lava pool, and that's bloopers of people pretending like they're supposed to get burned, but the lava wasn't hot enough. Oh, that's funny. You know that one. So, yes, yes they fall in and they go oh no oh no and then they're just kind of splashing around they're fine yeah i guess my favorite is on the criterion edition blu-ray for spanglish and it's in the if you pause it right at the part where Taelion, then what you can actually find out is what the Spanglish version of her lines is. And all you have to do is you pause it, and then you hit up, down, up, up, down, down, left, right, left, right, A, B, select.

And that is going to allow you to see the Spanglish version of the line. And it's just a fun way to tie in the title and also do it on the Talioni part. The part where there's a scene where she's behind sort of a clouded shower glass, but you can see it. Yes. You can see where the colors change a little bit and you can see where the different things are and yes it's shadowy and that's where it's a little darker and that's how you know where it's that's the best part the good stuff and yes and and pause and you i i'm maybe i'm confusing because i'm saying pause and i

believe that movie starred pause vega when i say pause i mean stop the movie but don't hit stop hit the two lines i think it's weird sometimes when black people say something they think sounds gay and then they say then they say and then they say pause like pause vega i have never been able to figure out what that is supposed why are they invoking pause vega when they say pause do you know about this burger hoe uh i do know at the concert i didn't know it was related to pause vega though i thought it was like burger hoe can you explain like hold up can you explain it because i don't know what hayes is talking about and it's making me oh this is a trend you don't know about this trend no oh it's a real trend it's like um it's like the black that's what she said

ah okay so what's an example of something they might say? Burger ho? So, you know, they might say something like, hey, you look really good in those jeans, those Levi's that you just bought. And then another guy who's there would be like, like, hold up. And he'd be like, pause. Hold up.

Or just pause. Just like, think about what you're saying for a minute. But what we're doing is pause is all we're talking about. Yes. So don't... We're just going to pause. Eliminate the whole up thing. Yeah, don't do that. And your code if you could edit that out.

Yeah, and then they say pause. Oh, okay. Pause Vega, who's a straight woman as far as I know. Are we sure it's not Paz de la Huerta? Well, that's interesting. Because I think she might be bisexual. Yes. Maybe it's referring to Paz de la Huerta's bisexuality.

Mm-hmm. And we've cracked another one. Burger Ho, thanks for solving a mystery with us. And thanks for coming by. And see you next time on Hollywood Hamburg. What up, what down, bye. All right, we got next, Chanson. Okay.

Chanson, ooh, we would have liked to do this earlier. And as I recall last time, he was the second or third call, and instead of what we specifically asked for, which was him to be the first call, he has moved deeper into the show. He's 10, actually. No, he's not the 10th call. Some others dropped in between, but just for technically speaking.

Who dropped? I want names. People hung up? Yeah, Ran Ran. Oh, come on, Ran Ran. Oh, come on! Ran Ran. Ran Ran hung up and now we're stuck with Chan Chan? Mm-hmm.

And a couple numbers but no names. 0435 and 7840. Probably all the girls. All the girls hung up. Sausage fest on the lines today. All the girls hung up. Real sausage fest on the lines today. All the girls hung up. Chan man, what's crack-a-lackin'? I'm just sitting in my car.

Chanson, we found out on the forums that the car that you're referring to is an Audi. Yes, what's the model? What's the story there? What's the model? And then explain how that's possible because you don't do anything as far as i know that's true i don't do i do jack shit really i didn't think on vishnu island that

they had an audi and that's where i believe is where you said you live you should be driving a boat yeah now i mean my dad's the captain of the island he has a boat hmm this is interesting i don't want to talk about it though what's the audi what kind of audi well do you want to know the one i'm in or the one that is mine because mine's in the shop because my fuel pump went out well that's definitely the one we want to hear about. Okay. You're in like a loaner? The cheapest one.

I'm in a loaner right now, yeah. But you generally drive a what, an A3? Yeah, the cheap one. Mm-hmm. That's, I mean, still, for who you are. All the fixings? Lease or buy? It's got a couple fixings, and I finally own it now.

Finally? You're like 22. I'm 25, thank you very much. The only explanation I have for this is that your father, this boat captain, drives people to the island and then says boy gotta be pretty expensive to buy the gas to get back we're gonna have to really come up with uh some extra dough like starting to get pretty cold here's what i think have you ever seen the movie contraband you know what i have seen that movie okay so and mark walberg's hiding stashing stuff on the boat to bring that's illegal. Okay, so who else do we know that's a captain of a boat?

Chanson's dad. Chanson's dad. And so maybe he's stashing something. Maybe it's even a car. Oh, that's right. He's smuggling cars. And he's bringing them back and one fell off boat, and oops, now my son drives it. And he owns it, finally,

after having to wait for it to go all the way around the ocean first. Well... That's true. That's how that happened. Congratulations. Did you have something for the topic of movies, Chanson? Not really, actually. Well, what do you have? I mean, I just wanted to call

and apologize for last time, because I feel like I was really combative, and I came to the realization that that's not the face I want to put out into the world. What, did you go on some kind of rant about affirmative action? I'm not... I don't remember. Listen,

I'm not... Last time, remember. Listen, I'm not. Last time, as I recall, you made some interesting points about that. About how, is that a different kind of racism? Is that also racism? If you get a higher SAT score than pretty much any minority, which I think is what you said. I think that's a quote, yeah. Because of your race, you didn't get to

go to a good college, and all these other undeserving people did. Isn't that racism? Yes, how is that not discrimination? Well, did you see this girl who wrote that letter back to Duke? It was on CNN. No us tell us about it well she didn't get in and she's pretty upset about it i guess so she wrote a letter rejecting duke because they rejected her oh okay and have you done that with

women sometimes yeah yeah i have actually i always write letters rejecting them when they reject me because it hurts so bad and you just need some way to like get the power back you know when are you gonna find a girlfriend on the forums chance and it feels like a lot of you know there there are a lot of there's a lot of tension i I think, between you and some of the female forum people. Yes, and that's going to boil over. That's what I'm saying. It's going through that stage now where they all really dislike you

because of the inflammatory things that you say about women. But if you've ever seen Moonlighting... Yes, yes, thank you. That's exactly what I was going to say. Ultimately, that bickering and sort of fiery, passionate interplay is bound to morph into something else at a certain point. There is an arc. There's a built-in arc there where somebody makes a change. Perhaps they realize that they should be confined to a traditional role.

And they, you know, they start to warm up to you a little bit. Maybe you guys get coffee. You guys think that they should change. No, I'm not saying they should. I'm just saying that I know that's the only possibility of what will happen. You're not wrong. You brought up, I think one thing that's working against you is you did bring up, you bring up writing letters to Duke,

and you did write that letter in defense of the alleged actions of some members of a certain Duke sports team. Yes. As I recall, when they were exonerated for what happened, then you were upset with them. When I was upset, they didn't just say, yeah, we did this, and it's fine. for what happened, then you were upset with them. When it turned out... Well, I was upset they didn't just say, yeah, we did this, and it's fine. Well, no, you were... Yes, you were upset that they hadn't done it.

Yes. Yeah. Well, I think they did do it, and I think they should just say that they did it. Okay, and I want to say this. We're going to get an upset forum member who is a big defender. Do you know what I'm talking about?

I can't remember who it is, but someone doesn't like anybody bringing up Duke Lacrosse. Oh, yeah. Someone did mention that. Yeah. Who is that? Does anyone remember? Yeah. I don't remember.

He must be from that area. Oh, it might have been Matt Cameron. Who was from that area. He does not post. So he's pissed. Chanson's pissed. I'm pissed. Engineer Cody looks like he's about to punch a hole through the wall. Fuck you.

Ah, well, I wish you didn't have to hear that, Chanson. Give Dreidel our love. I'm pretty upset about that. Hugs to Dreidel, Chanson. All all right i'll give her a hug for you guys okay that the way that sounded just forget it no it's a normal hug if you do it if you give it if it's from us do a normal one not whatever you're talking about in the way that you're saying that, okay? Okay, I'll do a normal one. I can't be comfortable with this.

What do you want me to do? Get off the phone. Okay. Hang up. who's next we got Joe McGurl hey Joe hey boys what's going on wait can I just shut up for a second Joe

Cody is that a literary death match mug yeah I found this in the kitchen I don't know don't drink out of a literary death match mug Cody you don't know what that means I don't know. Don't drink out of a literary death match mug, Cody. You don't know what that means when you drink out of that. I don't even know what it means in general. It's a show that they do here where writers read their things

and they compete against each other, and it's a death match. When you read that, it makes you seem like you're a well-read – when you sip out of that, that you're like a cosmopolitan young man i am i'd say i am you don't even know what you just said you don't even know what literary death match is i know but i read citizen kane don't cody the most cosmopolitan thing you've ever done is give me five tips on how to please my man gentlemen girl are you liking that one? I know you feel me, dog. Ha, ha, ha, ha!

Yeah. Pause. How's that sick burn feel, Cody? Pause. Okay, Cody paused it, so we can't do that anymore. Joe, what's going on in the town from the office that you moved to because you like the office uh not a lot's happening right now was it disappointing because you live in scranton right yeah was it disappointing when you moved there and we're like expecting to

you've been hunting for dunder mifflin for years right to meet to meet all your friends i've been hunting for Dunder Mifflin for years, right? To meet all your friends. I've been looking all around town for Rain Lopin, and he's just nowhere to be found. Kevin and Stanley. You'd be looking for Dwight Schumacher. Yeah. Right. Yeah. Stanley, I know, was your primary target.

Yeah. He kind of makes a face sometimes like, is this guy serious? You know, I like Jim's face. I mean, like, are you kidding me? Yes. Yes, I know the one, Joe McGurl. Oh, classic.

Joe, did you have a question about movies? Yeah. I mean, what's your favorite superhero movie? And why do you love Guardians of the Galaxy so much? Well, okay. Favorite superhero movie and why do you love Guardians of the Galaxy so much? Well, okay. Favorite superhero movie. I guess, is it like which of the Guardians is our favorite?

That's a great question. Yeah, that works too. That's a great question. I would have to say that I can't pick. The reason I say that is because they're so great. Yes. I do have a pick. Gamora. Because she's

strong, she's badass, she knows how to kick butt, and she doesn't take no for an answer. And she can handle herself in a fight. And I say, okay, Gamora, that's a great answer. But if you think for a second

about Drax the Destroyer, isn't it true that he's strong, that he's badass, that he's a tough guy, he can handle himself in a fight, and he doesn't take no for an answer? And so doesn't that... I think so.

Yeah. What's up, Joe? I think, you know, maybe Drax is the real heart of the movie, you know? That's my theory, is that it's all around Drax I think, you know, maybe Drax is the real heart of the movie, you know? That's my theory, is that it's all around Drax. Well, food for thought.

A lot of people think the movie is Drax's dream. Like, it's taking place inside Drax's dream when he was... After his entire family was murdered, he just went into kind of a comatose state. Yes. Well, I think he got killed in the first frame of the movie and that he and that Drax is actually Star-Lord's grandma or whatever oh

okay dressing up because she wasn't allowed to be one of the guardians yes and so then that's all her just in her final sort of waking moments or her sort of passage to the afterlife is this guardian adventure. And isn't that a true theory?

I mean, I'm going to have to consult the message boards online, but that sounds pretty strong. Wasn't it a nice moment in that movie when John C. Reilly's character, who you had met maybe twice in the movie prior to that and only had a couple lines but when he was reunited with his family i was really concerned that that character wasn't going to get to his back to his family at any point i didn't really know him i was terrified it was emotional payoff that we were waiting for the entire time yes it would have been confusing if they hadn't settled.

Like, does he ever hug his wife again? Well, you say you didn't know him, but don't you remember when he described each of the guardians and then was like,

these assholes? You know? But then he had that nice humanizing moment where it's like, I don't think everyone's really an asshole. I don't remember that,

but I bet that happened. I didn't mean to disagree with you. I'm sorry, Sean. No, I don't care. You think I give a fuck what you say, dude? You shit, motherfucker. Say whatever you want. It was also interesting to see that he is

actually tolerant because he has a hot red wife. She was a different color. She was red or green or something yeah and she had and that alien baby too she had big titties and uh she had a yeah she had nice taters and she was looking good and a great big tuchus but uh but she was like a weird color yes and he was tolerant of that and that and that's a great message and i and i think we're headed that way where even someone who's a different color if they do have a sweet large

took a big juicy taters and a juicy um a juicy set of uh potatoes and a squeeze box and a name and a squeeze box and they know that if those elements are there, that really that's what love is about, and it's not about what color, and that stuff doesn't matter. And I think that men, white men specifically, will become willing to take full access to all those parts that we mentioned of that woman, regardless of her color. And I hope, I hope that's where we're headed. Yeah. I mean, let's see what we got for the sequel, you know? Joe, you do a lot of Shakespeare, right?

Yes, correct. We love Shakespeare. Disagree. I love the plays that Shakespeare supposedly wrote that he definitely didn't well and so i love the word this is joe's life this is joe's life well he's living the lie and if you ever saw anonymous you'll know that a lot of people got shot with cannons over that lie. I'm furious. I'm fuming right now.

Okay, Cody, you better hang up. This is my life lesson. What's the best Shakespeare right before you go? Boy, Taming of the Shrew. Boy, Taming of the Shrew. Sounds a little salacious for someone to get a shrew to get boy tamed. What is boy taming? Yes. I don't know if I'd like to see a shrew or anybody get boy tamed on stage.

But you like what, who am I to tell you what you should like and not like? Bye. Boy taming. Boy taming Hmm Is it Hey this is Anastasia Okay Hi Anastasia

Well well well Is it taming Taming someone so they Become a boy Or is it taking a boy And taming it into Anastasia what's boy taming It's taming it into... Anastasia, what's boy taming?

It's taming a wild boy. Oh, it's taking a wild jungle boy and making him civilized. An engineer Cody boy. Oh, okay. So I like that. I would like to see that happen. Well, thank you for clearing that up. Anastasia.

All right, I'm glad I could help. Anastasia, what's crack-a-lackin'? Not much. I'm just I could help. Anastasia, what's crack-a-lackin'? Not much. I'm just sitting in my car in San Francisco looking at the Golden Gate Bridge. Don't jump. I can tell in your voice. I will. I promise.

Listen, thank you for, you made me a nice birthday video, and you sent me a card that I just got today, a nice birthday card. Thank you for being so obsessed with my birthday. I got a card that I just got today, a nice birthday card. Thank you for being so obsessed with my birthday. I got a card as well. There was one large difference between Hayes' card and my card. Five large, that is. Uh-huh. Sorry, I didn't have enough cash.

Couldn't have given us each $250. Well, what upsets me about that is, thank you for giving me $5 for my birthday, but it's not even Sean's birthday. Why did he even get a card? It delegitimizes my card. Rip the five in half, you know. One half in his, one half in mine. Then he can't use his without me. I'd have to spend it on a nice outing with you.

That's nice. I just wanted Sean to join in the celebration of your birthday. Yes, you're right. Sean does need an unbirthday present. If Sean doesn't get an unbirthday present when one of his siblings gets something, when

one of his friends has a birthday. I remember having my own birthday a few months back and I remember getting, I'm trying to remember exactly what I got. Oh, yeah, jack fucking shit from all you motherfucking forum members. And we've been doing the show for a little bit. So it's surprising to me that Hayes would get so much and that it would necessitate me getting a consolation prize.

When the opportunity was there, it's like, don't worry, Sean. You'll get something for your birthday, too. I had my birthday. I know that's not true. I thought your birthday was in August. Yeah, that's right. Did we skip August this year? I know, but it's coming around again.

Hmm? She said it's coming around again. It's coming around again. I hope you're right but some of the stuff I'm reading about the water in California I'm not so sure yeah that's true even apart from

August may be coming for the planet but not necessarily for yours truly Anastasia what's happening for yours truly. Anastasia, what's happening? What kind of movie stuff do you want to talk about? What's the best comedy you've seen recently? Funniest or best? There are two different questions. Maybe both.

Oh. That I don't know. I want to talk about Birdman. Did you like Birdman? I thought it was okay, but I honestly thought the... That's incorrect. It was a very, very good movie. It was actually the best movie of the year,

just in case you forgot. Just check. You can just check, and they tell you which the best movie of the year and you can just check you can just check and they tell you which the best movie of the year was i appreciate young people in other movies aren't discussing twitter exclusively and they they in this movie they did the right thing which was having the the young daughter who is i guess like in her mid-20s, but she sort of acts like a 14-year-old, is really strongly passionate about her father getting on Twitter. This is what young people care about today. Their parents going on Twitter. I mean, I have gone so far as to make a Twitter account for my dad, take his hand, put it on the keyboard,

and start typing tweets out with his hand while he's asleep. That's how much I care, Anastasia. And so for me to see a movie where the daughter has a sole intention of getting her dad to like Twitter and for him to say something that my dad says to me all the time, which is your whole generation only cares about going viral. For that to be the best part of the movie as well, which was used in every clip at the Oscars for every actor, that is truly the voice of my generation and every generation and the whole year and it's

best movie. So, that's probably the best comedy I saw because it had laughs, it had truths, it had acting, and it had a whole ten minutes at the end that I really thought was necessary. Yeah, I agree.

What else was good? And in a retool, everyone's going to be coming to your next dance, whoever you invite. Homie. Remember that, The Golden Globes What do you think his What do you think His next movie's gonna be His next dance

Yeah everybody's Say his next dance Yeah call it his dance What's his next dance Gonna be And Hayes has a joke For this It's gonna be

Well this is actually Not a joke It's gonna be The Foxtrot Which sounds like a joke But he to be the Foxtrot, which sounds like a joke, but he is doing the Foxtrot adaptation. Of the comic? Yes, Bill Amon's.

Oh, the comic? Yes, the comic Foxtrot. No, the other iconic Foxtrot that could be adapted into a movie. Please, Anastasia, we like you, but just right before you talk, just think about what you're going to say, because the comic, and I like you, but the comic?

I mean, you've got to know how that sounds. Yeah, my fault. Your husband around? Can you ask him to shred for us? No, I'm by myself. Can he shred for us i'm by myself okay he shred for us oh you're in the car because doesn't he shred your husband likes to shred does he not he does shred say the truth okay did you were you just like at a bar one night by yourself thinking like it was just like any other night and then you heard the most

salacious shred you'd ever heard you fell in love with him before you'd even seen his face isn't that right that is right I think the Carpenters wrote a song about us actually I fell in love with his guitar

and it was that was it, end actually. I fell in love with his guitar. That was it. End of story. You fell in love with his guitar. Oh, I see. And he thought that you were trying to marry him. Oh, but then the only way to be alone with his guitar was to ultimately marry him. And then when he goes to sleep,

you sneak out and you spend some time with the guitar that's cool that's a movie i mean maybe that's the you know maybe that's the next uh in or two after foxtrot of course and yes anastasia the comic what else is going on in um that strange city of yours um a whole lot uh is going on there's it's a beautiful day not a cloud in the sky no fog uh people are out and about i miss when when San Francisco was only identified with being gay. What happened to that? It used to be that someone would say, like, I'm going to San Francisco. And they'd be like, oh, look out, watch out for the boys.

Don't get kissed by a boy. Now it's all Ghirardelli chocolate. Yes, now they only talk about the chocolate. Bring me back some Ghirardelli chocolate, they say. What happened to the gay jokes when people used to mention San Francisco? Yes, is that not okay anymore? Well, actually

the gay population is dwindling here and the chocolate population is rising. They've been eating the chocolate and turning straight? And I want to be very clear. We're talking about the candy chocolate because there's something

about when you say the chocolate population that could sound just because of chocolate news and some of the other shows that we love, it could sound like you are implying something else when you say the chocolate

population is rising. And we're not complaining about that. We're complaining about the candy lovers who appear to have taken over the city. Yes. You're talking about the gay population eating real chocolate and being cured

of their gayness. Yes. Wow. Well, that's something to really think on for us. I never looked at it that way. But that's why you have callers. I mean, Anastasia is here to educate us.

I can't be in that city all the time. I can't see what's happening. So your boots on the ground saying that the entire gay population has started to eat candy and that that has made them now either move out of the city entirely or start liking people who have different body parts in the downstairs part of their body. It's happening. You say candy. You say chocolate is candy? candy no chocolate is just chocolate candy is

necco wafers what's the gummy sour gummy worms those are gummies what about the wax uh bottles it's like a wax soda bottle and it's got uh you know Oh, yes. That's soda. Okay, styrofoam UFO thingies, and there's little hard miniature jawbreakers in it. Oh, that's a suckum. Okay, bottle caps. Bottle caps is like neck of wafers. So that's candy?

That's candy. Ooh, okay. Yes, it's soda candy. Hmm. Sugar baby? Sugar baby? What's your favorite chocolate, Ghirardelli chocolate, Anastasia? Which color bar? I think it's orange and it has caramel inside.

Oh, sea salt caramel. That's a very interesting combination. Okay, bye. And this probably is going to be the end of the show. Oh, I guess so. One more caller? Yeah, one more call. How many do we have still waiting?

Quite a few. Let's do rapid fire calls. Okay. First up is Steve H., American Diaper. Oh, this is American Diaper. Is that your kid? Yes, it is. Congratulations.

Wow. Oh, thank you. he's wearing an american diaper can we uh can we talk to your child really fast he doesn't really know how to talk but sure we just want to talk to him yes we'll talk at him okay go ahead okay yeah steve's son okay steve's son little steve When you grow up You're gonna think back to this time in your life And wonder why your dad was always Posting on the forums When he should have been playing with you Forgive your father

One day you'll understand Because a soothsayer Like a Sean or a Hayes Or if you're lucky, both will enter your life and you'll need to at all times. Scanning other people, talking about them, posting about them,

sometimes posting about other stuff and making people mad. But in general, you're going to want to be on the front lines. And that's what Steve has done. And so while you're suffering now, ultimately, it will be your gain. Maybe our children one day will grow up, host a podcast with a forum that you will post in a lot. And won't that be nice?

And then the circle will remain unbroken. Anyway, you sound like a nice kid. You got a good head on your shoulders. Good luck to you. You're going to be fine. Steve. Jesus, thank you. Yes. Steve, thanks for being a fan, okay? Thank you, guys.

Okay, bye, Steve. I'll play this for my son when he's 18. Bye. Okay, bye. Alright, next up. Next up,'s 18. Bye. Okay, bye. All right, next up. A bear. Okay. Hi, bear. Are you JMonsterFace? No, I'm not JMonsterFace.

Why does that theory exist, then? Here's what I think. I think because... My theory is, when you join the forum, you and JMonsterFace sort of join the forums new at the same time and you use each other as like a sounding board like you supported each other in such a way that it seemed like you both had the approval of the forums when actually it was

just one other person it was a coordinated smokescreen effort. Correct. Yes, that's right. Smart. Where are you from? I am from Philadelphia. Oh, baby. Yes.

Oh, yeah. Yeah, the goofy mascot guy. So I love that stuff, and it's so funny. You love that, and even that's a reference because of the world's most beautiful statue. What could be more beautiful than a statue that just says the word love? Yes, and brotherly love. Oh, it's very inspiring. Yes.

Is that the brotherly love thing? This is something that's always confused me. Is that supposed to be like between, is it like two guys or like two black guys? Well, it is 2015, you know? I think both situations are encouraged. Is it like brotherly love? You know what I mean? One thing is, this caller episode,

I don't know a single caller that it hasn't brought up. Race, sexuality, gender inequality, and very controversial angles on it. And to the listener who's listening to this episode, it may sound like it's coming out of Haze, maybe, mainly because of the way it's edited. That he, at every turn, has somehow made stuff about that.

But no, it's the callers bringing it up. And admit that, A-Bear. What? Bobby A-Bear. Okay, next person. Thanks, A-Bear. Alright, this Chandler Bing.com and mom. Am I on?

This is the true villain of the forums right here. The man who almost destroyed the forum. What nefarious plan do you have for this show? I brought some showgirls for you guys because your demographics have been down. I got my mom, my dad, and they like shows.

They like showing their stuff. And I can keep going. No, yes. Yes, please. When we're quiet, that means keep going. Yes. Mom and dad, they're calling me off.

Okay. They're leaving right now. So guys, I've been on the forums. I've been making some jokes. And I came to say hello. And it's really quiet in here. Very, very quiet.

So quiet. We just like to hear you do your stuff. This is your platform, man. Yes, I've been listening to the show and laughing my face off. It's quite enjoyable. Thank you. Yes, you're quite talented

and that's been rubbing off on all of us as I've noticed. I don't know about all that. Thank you Chandler. Thanks Chandler

and we love friends. Friends with cancel in the 90s. But do you remember the one episode where Chandler is gonna go inside and he

is worried about being funny and he's sort of practicing jokes outside the door and he says

is that funny and then he says why am I asking you to the door he says why am I asking you you're a door you only like knock funny? And then he says, why am I asking you? To the door, he says, why am I asking you? You're a door. You only like knock-knock jokes. And then he goes, save it for inside. That part was good.

Yes, the inside jokes are always the best jokes. You'd miss the point of the story. And that's okay. Yes, you'd miss the point of the story, and that's okay. But, yes, you'd miss the point of the story, and that's okay. But it was a good part of the show, and maybe since it's your namesake, go back, find that episode, and just really study it. That is consistent with his posting style as well, though, which is taking the last word that someone said and saying something about it.

It doesn't matter what, but it must be something. Yes, it seems like sometimes you're in a hurry. If it's a joke, I'm in the middle of it. There's two things happening. Someone is holding someone you love hostage and telling you that if you don't post, they're going to hurt them, but also they don't want you to fully read the post before. They need you to skim it.

Is that true? Hey, posting works for Bjork. It works for me. You're doing it again! You're doing it again! That's exactly the same thing! Wow. Well, I'm sorry.

I hope your loved one is free. I don't want to say talent. Disease, I guess. It's an amazing disease that you have. Okay, thanks, Chandler. Thank you, Chandler. Who's next? Next we got Lauren Silly Lily Cui.

Is this a woman? Yep. Oh, my God. We didn't know you were still out there. Yeah, yeah. Who are you on the forums? Silly Lily Quee, I just joined the forums. It's actually my first time posting anything online,

but I haven't posted yet because I've been too nervous. We're nervous, too. You certainly have nothing to be nervous about, because you're going to get a lot of attention. And the way they do it in our forums is they're not, like, offensive, really. They're just excessively nice. Yes, yes.

They seem really nice. Yes, but specifically if you are a female forum member, Chanson in particular is trying to marry someone from the forums and he's made that very clear. And so you will get, and if you're married,

slow play that like Anastasia did. Don't tell them for a year or so. Yes, really ingratiate yourself and become, you know, an essential part of the fabric. Casually mention your husband so that they know. But that's probably the way to do it

because they will keep complimenting your posts. You'll get a lot of likes. And we always like to see that those numbers bolster just so we can brag to our investors that women like it too. Well, that's some great tips. I appreciate it. We appreciate you. Mm-hmm. Well, that's some great tips. I appreciate it.

We appreciate you. Do you have a question? How many cents? Cents and dollars and cents. Oh, God, I have Jailer Big disease. I've been infected with Jailer Big disease. I have to comment. It came through the phone.

I just spoke over you. What were you going to say? It's my show, but what were you going to say? Well, yes, All respect to your show. Had a question about movies for you guys. When were

you the most afraid during a movie? Go ahead. There was a moment where I thought that Groot wasn't coming back. And they really made it feel as if groot had sacrificed himself for the team and i thought oh no that means groot is gone but the nice thing about that movie is that he wasn't and it just is fine so i did like the sense of stakes it created, but then after, you know, the stakes are cooked, I was very scared.

Oh no, no more Groot, and are my friends in trouble? And that's probably the most scared I've ever felt, and I'm so glad I was relieved afterwards that he wasn't dead, he was just dancing and he's a baby. And Ally McBeal proved that works. What else? I think we got to go. Oh, we got to go. We got to go. Thank you, Lily.

Show's over. Thank you, Lily. Thank you, Lily. I guess since you've never posted, you win the pro version. Yeah. But most improved has to go to Mr. Chanson O'Hool. I don't know what that means. But he, I feel like last time, was a bad caller,

and this time he was an okay caller, verging on pretty okay. So thanks, everyone, for listening and talking to us on the forums. I guess you already do that. And liking us on Facebook, you probably have done that by now as well. And Lily gets the pro version and I guess...

Yeah, she gets a pro version and she's going to get one haze like on her first post. And those are tough to come by. Bye. Bye. This has been an Earwolf Media Production. Executive Producers Jeff Ulrich and Scott Aukerman. For more information, visit Earwolf.com.

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