Hollywood Handbook - Listeners, Our Close Friends 3

Episode Date: December 7, 2015

Sean and Hayes introduce a new call-in segment called the Phonecorn Gallery where they take calls about the news, with topics like the Chris Evert Celebrity Tennis Tournament, Gwen Stefani, the queen, people building walls, the movie Spectre, and new bugs.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This is a HeadGum Podcast. So I show my gourd to Bud Selig. And it's like a scary devil, gross devil with zits. Ew. And he's doing his and he's taking like a really long time. He's like carving it out

and then he shows it to me and it says friend? Question mark? Oh no. And I guess he was asking me if I wanted to be friends that's so sad oh bud and i was like we are like we're not like one-on-one friends but like you're already carving gourds together but it was a class yeah it's a class but it's all people you know in the class. Yeah, we rented it up.

It was you, Gulagr, Lenamato. It was everybody. And so I'm like, what am I going to say? We are friends, buddy. Yeah. And he goes back into a

gets up, gets a new gourd, comes and brings that back, a diff he gets a like gets up gets a new gourd comes and brings that back carves it out turns that around and it says nice question mark no i'm sorry nice exclamation point oh okay like nice can he not speak he was speaking up until then. I think he misunderstood the purpose of the gore. That it was supposed to be you're making sort of a character out of it. I think he might have thought it was texting. Ah,

right. Because when they were first explaining it, he was like, oh, okay. Like texting. It was something something he didn't say like texting but it was like then he i definitely think he thought that if that's what he said it seemed like it was something that he had like heard about a lot and now he was like oh so that's finally piecing it together yeah okay hey oh hi welcome to hollywood handbook and Hey! gallery, which is like the popcorn gallery, except instead of popping, it's the corn

is phoning. The corn is part of the phone, or it's being used as a phone in a sort of whose line is it anyway improv game where you hold the corn up to your ear and you go, hello and what's the news? And there's going to be all kinds of good, interesting, different stuff in this episode.

Like, for example, if part of my headphones stops working, I, everyone just has to hear me talk about that to Cody and say like, for example, this is just an example. I would say, Cody, like, why did part of my headphones stop working? Is that something you did? I can't fix it. And Cody would say, if that situation were to happen, what would you say? Well, did you break it or what no I didn't break it is it broken right now

this is still part of the hypothetical this is still part of the hypothetical because you guys are playing it very real I can only hear this is my character saying I can only hear out of my right headphone ear that's what he would really say

well does your character rough with the equipment no Cody of my right headphone ear. That's what he would really say! What is your character, rough with the equipment? No, Cody, your character in this case is like playing it real also. Yeah, he's supposed to be trying to help. Don't be like, actually try. Be helpful the way you really would be. So, okay, well, it's just going to be like this.

Says my character. For the character, yeah. He won't be able to hear out a part of it. And what a fun sort of play world. And we're sort of in the Imaginarium of Dr. Parnassus in a way, aren't we, Hayes? Yes. And I think this is, my preferred Imaginarium is, I want to say Johnny Depps. Yeah. And what were the other Imaginariums?

Well, Heath. Heath, but then didn't... Well, it was all sort of Terry Gilliam's Imaginarium, and isn't everything. I mean, that guy's mind, just the cartoons he did for Monty Python, and Brazil, and the monkey movie. For some reason, I remember that other people took over and were Dr. Parnassus in different parts of that movie, and they gave their salaries to Heath Ledger's daughter,

and now every movie is still, like all the money made from those movies is now going to Heath Ledger's daughter. Is going to Heath's daughter. Yes. That's so sweet, and what a sweet Hollywood story. And I have a story about a big Hollywood movie, and I don't know if I should tell it now or if I should tell it to a caller.

Let's tell it to a caller. So people are calling in. There are a bunch of people on the line. The theme is the news this week. We're discussing the news. So much going on these days. It's exploding, literally. Country.

Oh, and the news is big today, guys. You're calling in. You're going to talk to a call screener. Sean is not going to say this. And so I want to make something clear, and I want to just lay down a set of rules for everybody. rules for everybody the person doing the call screening is a certain grand slamster stress grand slamstress slamstress from germany who is married to sean please do not try to have any kind of phone relations with Sean's wife. There's no need to get Randy. She will let me know if you do that.

Likewise, if she is being a total B word to you, you can let us know on the phone. And I mostly say this because don't let her instigate anything beyond just a normal call screen or interaction. She should be having a very formal conversation with you, and if she tries to steer you down a dark alleyway of libidinous sensualities, please cut it off at the pass because you will not escape from that. If she tells you she just got out of the shower because you will not escape from that. If she tells you she just got out of the shower,

she did not just get out of the shower. She's in the studio. There's no shower here. Believe me. If there were, I'd be sending Cody into it right now. Yes, we'd make him be in there, and also I would be killing. I'd save time that way. So let's get into the callers, and should hear from one and they talk to us and

we'll talk to them and what up what up wait let's announce who the caller is so we can know ahead of time our first caller is female listener lauren she wants to talk about duane the rock johnson saving a cockapoo puppy named duane the rock johnson here she is lauren hi lauren hi lauren it's it's clem dog the Hazy Bone, and we're here talking to you. And you're here on the Hollywood Handbook chat line, and today the discussion is the news. And I'll say this before you get into your news, is we were hoping for some more substantial stuff because we are men of substance, but some of this news of the weird and these novelty human interest stories can spark good conversation.

So just let it out. And what's going on, but say where you're from, say where you're from and Michigan looks like a glove. Which finger do you live in? I live in the bottom part of the sub. Okay, not bad.

And you saw this? I saw this on MTV News on the internet. It's me, Kurt Loder. We goof around with that stuff. Aaliyah has died. Go ahead.

Okay, so Michelle Trachtenberg tweeted at Dwayne, right? And said, oh hey, there's this puppy that's named after you and it's like, you know, gonna die and it's really cute. Remember she kissed her brother in Eurotrip?

Do you remember? Remember in Eurotrip she kisses you remember? Remember in Eurotrip, she kisses her brother. And this is a good example of how news of the weird topics can transition. It can just seamlessly lead into, into like a real discussion about, which is, is it okay?

Yeah. Incest for somebody kiss their brother. And we've probably brought this up before, but a dude and a dude. Is that cool? Is that cool? Because really the stigma around it is mainly because you could have a weird baby. And as I recall... And by the same token, and let's be inclusive, a chick and a chick.

Right. What do a chick. Right. What do you think? Right. I think it's probably bad all around. Okay. You think it's bad? Okay. One of the chicks and one of the dudes is brother and sister. Does that change anything?

Bad idea. That's bad for you? Okay, keep going with your story then. We're not getting anywhere here. So, anyways, he saved a puppy by donating $1,500 to a GoFundMe fund. Wait, I'm sorry. You made a honking noise with your mouth in the middle of the story. What happened in that part?

He donated some money to this puppy, and it's a really adorable puppy. It's a mix between a cockatiel and a goose. She's saying the puppy's adorable because she wants to marry it because it's rich now. Oh, yeah. And is it strange to anyone else that someone has such a firm stance on incest who's clearly part goose because they're making a honking sound with their mouth so either their mom or dad or maybe their grandma's

a goose. And also interested in potentially marrying and getting in on some of this puppy's fresh dough right out of the oven. And does that seem strange to anyone else? And Lauren, you don't answer. Alright, now go ahead.

You can. What's that? Hmm? What? You called me, sweetheart. Bye. When I say bye and when I do a downward point, that's the dump.

That's the dump shoot. Okay. So our next dump shoot. Okay. So our next caller is Ranran. He wants to discuss. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. You're just going to try and seamlessly roll through this? Did we get any of that first call? We just did like a 15-minute call, and Hayes was being hilarious.

It was great. I had so many funny things. Do we not get any of it? Is it gone? It very well could be gone. What about our introduction? Is it related to the fact that Hayes' character couldn't hear anything through one of his headphones, which he let you know about? Because now my character again can't hear anything through the headphones.

So am I to understand that either I can hear through both of my headphone ears or we can do the show yeah you could say is that really what oh cody and the intro is that gone too no that's there uh just her her phone call the her line of the of the phone from the phone is not was not recorded except through own headphones, I tried to play it back through the mic. So we have a phone conversation recorded. Our voices are recorded though, right? Yeah.

Okay, that could be good. Maybe we just use that. Yeah. That could be really funny. We'll patch that in after this and then we'll go to RanRan. Her stuff wasn't cracking me up. I mean, it wasn't doing a lot for me. It might be better could be really funny we'll patch that in after this and then we'll go to ran her stuff was her stuff wasn't cracking me up i mean it wasn't doing a lot for me really it might be better without that honestly well then i did it on purpose who's next andrew he wants to discuss quinn's wait wait

wait wait wait wait what happened did we just lose that call too did that get dumped before it even happened no someone snuck in actually I announced the wrong I think that there was a technical confusion but our next caller who's been on the phone on wait longer would be Andrew to discuss Gwen Stefani's

Thanksgiving okay put him through and Ray Ram's next Andrew to discuss Gwen Stefani's Thanksgiving. Okay. Okay. Put him through. And Ray Rans next. Andrew. Andrew. Hello. Hello.

It's Andrew here. Hi, Andrew. You've reached the Hollywood Handbook chat line. Yep. It's going good. Wait, is this Andrew from British? Yes. Yes, it is. Yeah.

How are you? What time is it there? It is half is. How are you? What time is it there? It is half past midnight. What time? Oh, what a big boy. I'm so impressed. Dragging ass at work tomorrow. What a brave stay-upper.

Thank you. Yeah, okay. So now we know this guy's punk rock. We know he's badass. And of course he's calling to talk about a famous punk rocker, Gwen Stefani. What is it about her Thanksgiving that's so interesting to you? Well, on the second day of Thanksgiving, she spent time at the happiest place on Earth, Disneyland, with her children.

There's no second day of Thanksgiving. It says here, right in this article, Gwen Stefani spent the second day of Thanksgiving at the happiest place on earth. The don't speak crew now walked off all that Thanksgiving food at Disneyland. So I don't need an article to know how long Thanksgiving is. The second day of Thanksgiving. So the British guy is telling me what Thanksgiving is.

I'm sorry. The thing we're thankful for is that we kicked your British ass off our land. Well, I mean... Do you know anything about American history holidays? I don't really, but I mean, it says right here in black and white, and I don't think they could put that down

if it weren't true. What is it on? The Daily Mail? Hey, how about that page three girl, huh? Oh, mama. She's in her knickers, huh? It's on i4unews.com. Describe the page three girl.

Andrew, come on. Quit yanking us around. Get ahead, Andrew. The only picture of a girl I can see is Gwen Stefani's face. Um, did you see what she wore to the awards?

I didn't. It was right. And it was right enough for a second. It was right in Gavin Rossdale's face. What she wore, it was sheer. She wore sheer top. Wow.

And it was big. It had Paul sheerer on it. Uh-uh, Gavin, I'm with Paul now, she said. Wow. So did that kind of wind you up? And did you also hear that all four of the voice judges are together now? In a love romance? Well, that is interesting, because also in this article it mentions that her boyfriend Blake Shelton did not accompany her to Disneyland.

No, he was there with her on the first day of Thanksgiving. This is the same article, right, that thinks Thanksgiving is like a Hanukkah-type thing, where there's multiple days of it? I think we will. Andrew, do you take your chips with malt vinegar? is like a Hanukkah type thing where there's like multiple days of it? I think we will. Andrew, do you take your chips with malt vinegar? How do you take your chips? With salt and vinegar, yes.

Yes, very good Andrew. Okay, thanks Andrew. Bye. You're welcome, thank you. Again, the largest. That's when they go welcome. Thank you. Again, the largest. That's when they go away. This is Ran Ran. He wants to discuss Jimmy Iovine.

She wants to discuss. He says women find it hard to find music. Only men can do that. Okay, what's this? Okay. She's pissed. Ran Ran, you're on. Oh, hi.

Ran Ran. Hi, guys. Hi, Ran Ran. What up, what up? Sorry that Cody called you a man-man. Yeah, that was rude. So you want to talk about something from sort of pop culture news, too? Where do all these people get their news?

This is on TheVerge.com. Do you read The Verge a lot? No, I don't know what this is. Well, that makes all of us. Go ahead. Okay, so Jimmy Iovine said that some news... No, sorry, Cody says it's pronounced

I-O-Vine. That's not how they were pronouncing it on the news. And Cody's literally working in the music industry, so sorry. I think he knows what he's talking about. Yeah, he's starting to assist Brad on some of those summertime things. So it rhymes with bovine. The people on the news called him Jimmy knows what he's talking about. Yeah, he's starting to assist Brad on some of those summertime things.

So it rhymes with bovine. The people on the news called him Jimmy Iovine, which I didn't think was how you said it. The Verge is a show now? No, on TBS This Morning. TBS. And he was there. Okay, go on. So he said that some new streaming service

is good for women because if women don't have a boyfriend, they don't know how to find out about music. Oh, Jimmy. And this is not at all the way he was portrayed to me in the Straight Outta Compton film, where he seemed like sort of a fatherly, warm figure. It almost sounds like he's out of touch.

Yeah, it's honestly, it's the same now where my girlfriend's telling me about some of it as much music as I'm telling her about. My wife is hearing music. I mean, that's really happening. And if you even think about old music, the sirens that would lure sailors to their death, that's music. And that's a woman. Don't you think so? Right.

Right. And you're just talking about Gwen Stefani. Oh gosh. Yes. I imagine that, you know, you know, now that she has a boyfriend,

uh, they're probably exchanging all kinds of music. Yeah. She probably gave him a whole file with, uh, his whole, with his whole plug drive. Yes, the thing. Maybe it looks like a guitar or something, and it plug in your computer, and the song's on there.

Whether it's a song by the Fun, that band Fun, period. Fun, yeah. Or whether it's by. Or Pink featuring Nate Roos. Or whether it's by... Or Pink featuring Nate Roos. Or whether it's Pink featuring Nate Roos, Rand. Or Bleachers. Or it's Bleachers.

And it could be any of these things. So it really is something where Jimmy Iovine is talking at the side of his neck. You know, speaking of straight out of Compton. I think he should trade in his famous cap for a thinking cap. And start to think about what to say next time. Oh, speaking of straight out of Compton. I had a big movie story I was going to tell, but should I save it for another caller? Yeah, I guess.

Yes, I think Rin Rin's had... You've had your day in the sun, haven't you? We agreed with you, and that's not going to happen very much. Yeah, thank you. So I think she should get a ban-ban from the rest of this show. Goodbye.

And leave her on long enough to talk to us for a while? No. Okay, thanks. Hollywood Handbook. Do you to talk to us for a while? No. Okay, thanks. Hollywood Handbook. Do you want me to introduce the next person? Yes. But just, you know, as long as the news they want to talk about is Sean's movie story. Okay, it's Kevin, and he wants to talk about Chris Evert Celebrity Tennis Tournament.

Okay, I know a thing or two about this. Is this Kevin O'Brien? Is this the real KOB? Yeah, it's the real KOB. Okay, just stay on the line for one second. Sean's going to tell you his movie story. But, Kevin, I'd like you to react to Sean's movie story in real time. Yo, Kevin, I think you're going to like this.

Don't hold back on your reactions, please. Not at all. So I'm going yesterday to the movies because I'm a regular guy at the end of the day like everyone else. And I go to see this new, it's called Creed, and it's this new black movie that I love.

Oh, yeah. And I'm just watching and the training and all of that. But there's a group of youths behind me. I always like to eavesdrop on this sort of group because I want to know what's coming next and what these kids are into. And I hear one of them pretty loudly, and there's maybe 12. I hear one of them pretty loudly shout four or five dudes down. 12. I hear one of them pretty loudly shout four or five dudes down.

Hey, David, aren't you supposed to be in The Good Dinosaur? Wait, why? Okay, but just wait, wait. Now, hold on. Yes. Well, I think because David's a baby. And so, well, exactly. And. Well, now hold on. Yes. Well, I think because David's a baby and, and so, well, exactly. And we had a good laugh too.

I laughed. Some of the other people in my row laughed. We all laughed at him. But at this point, I'm now concerned about David. He's been faced in such a way where I'm not sure he recovers until probably post-college. where I'm not sure he recovers until probably post-college. So if this could become advice for David, and sort of maybe a reflection on a time in your life that you've been David,

because I think we all have been asked if we were supposed to be in The Good Dinosaur during a PG-13 movie that's riding the edge of an R like Creed. Yeah, do you want me to speak on that or something? Yes, please, Mr. Cobb. Okay. Well, I guess we're all sort of, um, caught in between, you know, being a child and adult. And there are times when you want to be seeing, you know, kind of a violent movie. And then, uh, your friends will put you in your place and say no you're still just a kid but you want to be adults so like that's dope that's yeah i mean like i can't speak for david because i'm not david and i don't like to you know impose my viewpoint on other people i think you should just live and let live that's dope that's dope yeah That's dope. Yeah. So that'd be great. I hear what you're saying, Kevin.

Yeah. I mean, it's not what I asked, but I almost don't even care. I, that was great. That's dope. That's dope. What news do you want to talk about? Well, um, yeah, sorry. I didn't really answer your question there, Sean. I don't know. I'm a little starstruck. Kevin, we've moved on. So you don't have to dwell on it. It was an easy question. All right. Well, I guess I was working the Chris Everett Celebrity Tennis Tournament, and it's funny.

Gavin Rossdale was there. He was playing. Were you shagging balls? No, I was bartending for the VIP lounge. Jason Biggs actually came up there, and he made some funny comments, but I don't remember them exactly. There were so many celebrities.

What did he have to sip on? Actually, I think it's his wife was having a club soda, and then he came up and he said, Jenny? Oh, hey, what is she having? And I started to answer up and he said, Oh, Hey, what is she having? And I said, I started to answer and he goes, Oh, I could just ask her. She's my wife, you know? And then he said, I'll have a club soda also. Okay. So he wanted you to think that he was maybe going to hit on this woman. And then he wanted to sort of demonstrate some dominance by telling you,

no, the type of woman that you look at that I might hit on, I already own that. Did they ever find their dog? Did they ever find their dog? Didn't their dog get lost one day and it went viral? I don't know. I think he said something homophobic that went viral. I guess it wasn't on Twitter that day. Was that big?

Yeah. I mean, you know, you said you were a news expert or something, but anyway, go ahead. Okay, well, I guess there was one person who wasn't at the celebrity tournament, and that was Steffi, and I was wondering why she didn't show up

if she thinks she's bigger than something like that, or, you know, I mean, it seems like Chris Everett was there, John Lovitz was there. It seemed like Sean and Steffi would have been the perfect doubles team. Well, I think you've answered your own question when you say John Lovitz was there

of why Steffi wasn't. I forbid her to be in the same room as him. Because as much as I do trust her and there is a lot of love there, there's some people who there's a magnetism and animal chemistry, an electricity that fills the air when they share a space. And if she were trapped in an elevator with John Lovitz, I imagine we'd have 45 seconds before they were absolutely raw dog boning. And I understand that.

It would honestly be your fault. It would be my fault for allowing that to happen. So I do have to draw some boundaries, and we all need to have these conversations with our loved ones. Yeah, I understand. There's a lot of sounds that come out in a game of tennis that can speak. Oh, yes. Monica Selle sounds like she's humping something. Don't you think so? Yeah. And that's a comedy idea. Take that and go do something with it.

Thank you very much. I'm too busy. Bye. Bye. Oh, Cody. I don't want to hear them say bye. You guys ready for the next one? Who is it? Andrew. He wants to discuss the Queen. Okay.

British Andrew? Hello? Hello? Is this Andrew again hello okay well if he wants to discuss the Queen it does sound like it probably is probably is a British person yeah I've got a bit of news

about the Queen okay what's that Andrew and now remember you already did call in to talk about this is double dipping two calls now to talk about some British news. I mean, if you have some news about the Queen, we'd like to hear from you specifically. There was actually a joke I came up with before that I didn't think to say in time.

When you asked me about what I like to have with chips. Yeah. A bit of fish. Okay, that's pretty good. Yes, that was worth calling back for. You've gotten much funnier, Andrew. From the first call, yeah. I'm almost a little suspicious that it's you because you've become so funny.

But anyway, go on. Did you have some queen news? Well, she was spotted recently eating a bag of crisps. Now, this is the kind of news we were talking about. Real substantial stuff. Huge political figures. Yes. And some pretty scandalous activity.

Probably had dirty fingers. Yeah, well, I was about to ask, was she going to have any napkins or anything? Well, we call them nappies. Yeah, they call them nappies. Oh, okay. Yeah. Oh, and I'm learning, too, because I've been over on the pond, and I've done all the... I have been in there, but i was so fucked up i didn't learn a lot of the terms

do you get twisted yeah do you ever get twisted do y'all get twisted well uh sometimes i go a bit tits is that what you mean? I don't know. Well... Edger, anything else? Any other news you'd like to discuss? One thing. There are buses, and

over here, there's a top floor. Okay, thanks, Andrew. And I, just hang up, Cody. I do just want to say, I do appreciate how we have this, like, international fan base. Oh, gosh, yes. It's a great thing that we can get, like, real British people. Authentic British people calling in multiple times.

Yes. Are there more calls? Mm-hmm. And? Greggy to discuss Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes getting married. Okay. Okay. Put him through.

He's there. Hi, Greggy. Hi, Greggy. Hey, guys. What's going on? It's Greggy. You sound better than the last time I spoke to you, but still very bad. Yeah. You sound like you suffer from empty room sickness.

Exactly, yeah. Here I am. Oh, what a horrible place to talk from. You shouldn't have empty rooms in the place where you live. Your room should be full of children's toys. Because you have children, Greg.

Oh, you had to sell all their toys. Because you have children, Greggy. Oh, you had to sell all their toys, and now it's just a big echoey room. Okay. Well, you know, if you use your imaginarium, actually an echoey room can become a world of toys. Pretend it's a submarine ship. Yes, you're playing with us, Greggy. Yes, yes, we're all playing.

So you wanted to talk about news from a long time ago. Is that the bit? Yeah, that's the bit because of course I had to sell all my news. So, all I have is an old what do you call this? A magazine.

People magazine from 2006. You had to sell all your magazines and newspapers. Okay. That's a good bit. Oh, that's funny. Walk us through it. Yeah. Take us, take us from the beginning and all the way right up to the part where I, uh, helped it. Yeah. So the beginning was when I said that I sold my kids toys earlier. Uh, so, you know, I worked with that. I said, okay, I sold the toys. I must have also sold the magazines

and newspapers. So, yeah, that's where that came from. If this is true, what else is true? And it's one of the main rules of funniness. Thank you. Are any of your kids there? They're, I don't know, they're around. If you see one,

there's four in the walls. And that's a joke, I say. Your kids are... Several times in the board. Okay, well, your voice is becoming just upsettingly bad, and so I think we have to destroy you in terms of being on the phone now. Okay, bye. So, Greg, you got destroyed.

Next is Josh. Did you win? Oh, yes, I'm winning. What'd you win? Also known as Greggy got destroyed. Next is Josh. Did you win? Oh, yes, I'm winning. What'd you win? Also known as Greggy, he wants to talk about the new kissing bug that does something scary. Are you guys ready? Okay, is this about the I love you virus? Hello?

Hey, now that's a fun phone being on noise. Who's this, Josh? Yeah, this is Bird Rules. Oh, hey, Bird Rules. Oh, hey Bird Rules. What does that mean? Yeah, what does that mean? It's finally time to ask.

Is it rules for a bird? Or is it that birds is what rules? Yeah. It's just like a nickname thing that turned into... Rules for a bird. Rules for a bird.

Rules for a bird. Number one, eat the worm. Oh, number two, gobble that seed. It's mostly rules about what they eat, isn't it? Number three, have eggs. Oh, yes. Number four, flap. Fly.

Mm-hmm. Yeah. Hey, number five, drain the three ball. Am I right, Larry Bird? Yeah. Win the three-point contest with your frigging jacket on. Don't even take your frigging jacket off. Who's coming in second?

Merry fucking Christmas Remember? Yeah Remember? Um, I don't I don't know What's How about that skyline chili? Oh man

Oh yeah Aren't you Aren't you from The Queen City? Yes, I am Have you guys Isn't that Have you from Queen City? Yes, I am. Have you had it before? Isn't that London? You should take that up with Andrew, actually,

because I believe Queen City is actually supposed to be London. I don't know. I think it's something to do with a sister city in Germany or something. I'm not from here originally, so I don't really give a shit. Tell us about the news. You moved there. Yeah.

Tell us about the news. I don't know. I'm a little nervous about my news headline. I sort of picked it kind of out of haste. I'm a little bit more interested in talking about David. You didn't take a long time finding the news? I'm a little bit more interested in talking about David. You didn't take a long time finding the news? Everyone has put a lot of work and time into their news items so far,

and I don't want you to break the streak of really good news coming in. Go ahead and give it to us, but I'm nervous now, too. Apparently there is a bug, and I know, Hayes, you you know bugs and potentially frightened of them uh and it is called the kissing i've studied i've studied bugs i don't know why but it bites you and inserts a parasite and when i was trying to find like what it actually does it's not really that scary except for potentially 10 to 30 years after an initial infection. It may cause enlargement of your colon, which I thought could be an interesting topic. And for people who are not medical professionals, the colon is where the duty goes out.

And there's no other way to say it, but that's probably part of why you called, is you know that we are able to handle a topic such as this in a professional manner. We're both sophisticates. We both have some medical training. This is, let me tell you, I've studied bugs. This is a new bug. A couple years ago, people started seeing this bug around.

And none of the other bugs had seen it before. And what it does is it kisses these bugs, and it gives them a parasite. And the parasite does their colon make it large. Where the duty comes out. And the colon is where the duty comes out. Yes, and so when it gets bigger, what happens is, so does

say it with me everybody, the duty. The bug's butt. And his butt as well. And so, from behind you would say... The butt has And his butt as well. And so from behind you would say... Because doody get bigger, so the butt has to get bigger as well. Yes, because there needs to be a space for it. And so from behind you might see the bug and go, oh, that bug is sort of a buggy menage.

Kim Kardashian. Nicki my bug. Kim Kardashian bug. Kim Kardashian bug. Yeah. Oh, right. Nicki Mabug. Oh. Kim Kardashian Bug. Kim Kardashian Bug. Yeah. I get it. Something. Yeah, so we made you learn about the news,

and that news piece wound up being not so bad. You'd never know that you had hurried it, and maybe this is a lesson to not front porch your news like this, where you explain that it's bad before you give it, because honestly, that would have been a slam dunk home run, and I would have had a hell of a lot of respect for you. And front porching is, of course, a term that we all know where you, it's like how people sit on the front porch and talk about how bad their news item is.

Yes. Right. Maybe they've got a swing. Rocking chairs. Yes. Or a swing. Swing. Lemonade.

A sweaty lemonade glass. Watching the sunset. Talking about how bad their news item is. Yo, my news item ain't going to mean jack squat to them Hollywood handbook boys. And that's sort of what they do in the Southern region. That's right. Well, I can't help but be a little bit modest being as where I'm from, but thank you for sort of making me feel better about it.

Now, Bird Rules, wait, before Cody dumps you, do you want to promote your graphic design workshop, Cozette? But before you do this, Bird Rules, I want to make sure you have the server infrastructure to handle the increased traffic load. You guys, I wish so badly that

we're trying to get our website done for the middle of December to have our open house and it sucks that people are going to accuse us to go through a shitty splash page still. Okay, because this could have been a big opportunity

for people to order Central Ohio graphic design. Speaking of Kim Kardashian bug, we are planning to break the internet at some point by steering all the traffic. Of Kim Kardashian bug on the cover

of magazine the racist well i mean should i still do it or should i magazine go away i advise you to email amazon web services and go away as well next is someone who calls himself superman and he wants to discuss turkey shooting down Russian plane. Ironic or in poor taste so close to Thanksgiving. Go ahead. Hi Sean. How are you doing? Who's this? This is Superman.

Hi. Hi Superman. Hi Superman. Yeah right. Oh wait this is a guy from the forums whose picture is a brain. Yeah cartoon brain yeah he's saying yeah and soup spelled like s-o-u-p that's right yeah nice try well i try okay so you want to talk about uh this big this is big part of the news it's one of the biggest it's one of the biggest parts from these days.

Yes. And this has been happening. And this has been happening. Just because this will be released two full weeks after Thanksgiving, at least, doesn't mean that we shouldn't talk about Thanksgiving stuff. That's right. So go ahead and say the news. So the news is Turkey, during the week of Thanksgiving, decided to shoot down this Russian plane. And I guess my question for you guys is, is this somewhat ironic,

considering that Turkey is such an integral part of Thanksgiving or is it and hang on Superman and hold on Superman and hold on Superman please maybe one of your superpowers can be to shut up when I'm talking because Superman I hesitate to do this

to you but I do think it's I have to go Dr. Evil on you and tell you to zip it and if this continues you might be served with a Scotty dome I do think I have to go Dr. Evil on you and tell you to zip it. Okay. And if this continues, you might be served with a Scotty Dome. Go ahead, Sean. Please don't make us do that. And I strongly encourage you not to get yourself Scotty Doted by me, Dr. Evil.

And because Earth's Yellow Sun didn't react with his Kryptonian heritage to enhance his powers of explaining what he's actually talking about, I just wanted to cut in and say that when you say turkey, you don't mean the big bird, and you don't mean Tom Turkey coming through. What he means is part of Russia. Mm-hmm. Yes. And now go ahead, Superman.

And apparently, superpower is not knowing when it's your turn again. Okay. Scotty, don't. Hang out. When I say Scotty, don't, you hang out.

Scotty, don't. Scotty, ne pas. Remember? Oh, yeah. And that's a little tribute to our friends over in France who have undergone some difficult times lately. That's a tribute to you, me, saying the way Dr. Evil does in the movie. And then he makes a noise with his mouth that I can't replicate, but it's kind of like,

you know, Scotty Nipah. Oh, that was good. Wow. And I made that. Now what's another call? Jeffrey party.

Oh, good. What do you guys think about building walls? Okay. Is this Jeffrey parties on the phone sure is from pittsburgh sandwich town yep we put french fries burger french fries on them normally on the side of the sandwich now it's under the bread we're a little mixed up here Pittsburgher And now you wanted to talk about These walls And this is another thing

That has been becoming headlines It's real news People are talking about building walls everywhere Here's the thing I know a little bit about swinging a hammer I may have built a wall or two in my day I know a little bit about swinging a hammer. I may have built a wall or two in my day or even put up sort of a sun deck just to get bronzed.

What are you talking about? I'm talking about people trying to separate countries from each other Separate the world when we should all be one big happy family But instead people are trying to keep people out of other places I've seen tons of walls Do you believe in anarchy? But do you believe in anarchy? I believe that everybody should just do whatever they want all the time

Yo here's anarchy for you Jeffrey Parties and you just deal with what this sounds like Get ready to hear what anarchy is You just finished putting fries on your sandwich I want it I just take it from you I'm invading

I go crossing the wall that should be around your sandwich just in everyone's mind because you have ownership of it. And because there's anarchy and because, let's face it, I'm stronger than you are, I straight up take your sandwich and maybe your girl. And now let's give you another version of that story. Sean reaches out, take your sandwich. His hand smashes into a wall. And I would hate to see

that happen to my friend, Sean. And then with the speed that I reach, something bad's going to happen either to my hand or the wall. And, and I'm assuming in this story, if Sean were to try to take sandwich out of somebody else's mouth, he would have to have been bitten by some kind of kissing bug. Yes, and I'd have a huge colon. I also have very sharp teeth. Um, um, not loving that comment.

Oh. Not really getting what the thinking is there. The teeth don't play into. I think if I could weigh in on this I think it's that he's going to use the sharp teeth To bite your hand Am I in the neighborhood, Jeffrey? I think so

And also I think that teeth Are kind of like the body's wall The way they're set up Well, no Teeth are the skeleton trying to escape Number one Number two You don't want to bite the hand That two, you don't want to bite the hand. That is canon.

You don't want to bite the hand that feeds you, and this hand feeds you. Funny good show. Don't forget it. So when you're thinking, should I say this about something like the teeth comment? Have another thought right after, which is no. And so that's a good way to conduct these calls.

And that's not just for you, Jeffrey Parties. I don't know if he does. Yes, sir. That's for everybody. Now, would you rather have the wall around your sandwich or you want me to eat it? I think you seem nice, so I would let you eat my sandwich. Okay. And I wouldn't bite you

With my teeth Doubling down Went back for it Scotty don't Yeah Who's next? Annie to discuss Missy Elliott releasing music For the first time in 10 years

Annie Annie Not ringing any bells I see Elliot releasing music for the first time in 10 years. Hello? Annie. Annie. Annie. Annie. Not ringing a bell. Annie. Hello?

Annie's like the pasta rabbit, right? Okay. Annie Organic Pasta Rabbit. Yeah. Okay. Same name. Where are you from? I'm from Portland, Oregon.

Okay, and your boyfriend told you about the music news? He, uh, no, I don't have one of those. Why is everybody so crunchy in Portland? Told you about what? Her boyfriend telling her about the music news? Yeah. And please don't say you don't have a boyfriend in front of Cody, by the way, because he's rubbing his hands together nastily.

He's licking his lips. Is it really that obvious? He's sort of steepling his fingers. Yeah, if you say you don't have one, that really activates Cody in a way that harms the show and our listeners. Uh-oh. Sorry about that. So you've got music news. You're getting harmed. I'm sorry about you.

You're going to be harmed. I can't get hurt. Cody, please. His tongue shot out and into his mouth multiple times in a row very quickly. Like Spider-Man's nemesis, the lizard.

Yes, the evil lizard. I wish I could see it. So, remember the news you wanted to say? How does it go? Well, it goes like Missy Elliott, who is a musician, rapper. She's one of my favorites. elliot i'm sorry i can't miss elliot yeah um she just released new music for the first time in 10 years because that's honestly

what it sounds like to me uh okay she okay she released new. Is she in the garbage bags? What? Go ahead, Annie. Go ahead, Annie. The question is, is she in the garbage bags? I'm so sorry. I'm having a lot of trouble hearing you guys. Annie, the question is, is she in the garbage bags?

Oh, you know, I didn't see the garbage bags this time. I think she might be saving those for her next music video. Well, call us then. Oh, okay. Annie, call us when she does her next music video with the garbage bags, okay? Okay, I definitely will. Okay, thank you. And when are you going to call us?

As soon as I see Missy Elliott wearing a garbage bag. It's in the... Okay, okay. When she does her next music video. Yes. With the garbage bags. I hate to do this. Say it back to me so I know you've got it.

All right. Next time that Missy Elliott releases a music video and she's wearing garbage bags in it, I will definitely call you guys first thing. Scotty, don't. And you got Scotty, don't it? Cody? I love being bad.

Feels so good to be bad. Ashley wants to discuss small business Saturday. Oh, okay. Now this isn't... This is perfect. Now this is good. Now this is really good. Ashley, your friends ever call you smashly when you get straight twisted? Yeah, you bet I've heard that one.

Yeah, when you're getting crunked. Oh, yeah. Damn. Hey, guys. And when they call you trashly, just be quiet for a second and when they call you trash and when they call you trashly just be quiet for a second when they call you trashly because of your behavior with boys those aren't your real friends yo that's dope um do you guys want to hear something funny my cousin likes to call me ash tray okay okay what's the funny thing just kidding that was funny no that was

just kidding but he had to do it to you. He's kidding with you. Just kidding, that was funny. Guys, my friend Maria is here too, and I just want her to say hi real fast, and then she's going to shut up forever. Hi, I'm

from Boy To Boots. Okay, that's enough. That's enough, Maria. Ashley, Ashley, Ashley, Ashley. Please don't be friends with a baby. You cannot be friends with a baby, Ashley. What? You can't.

If you walk around saying, this is my friend and it is your baby, or people could take your baby and your friend away. I don't think it's your baby. I think it's like somebody else's baby that you're close to. That's not okay either. If you're babysitting and you're going around calling various shows saying that this is your friend,

people will discuss you with the police. Well, I mean... And it won't be in a positive light. I don't have a lot of friends, so I make do with what I can get. Where are you from, Ashley? I'm from Pittsburgh, just like Jeffrey Parties. Hey, sandwiches! Uh-oh.

Get your sandwiches over here. Put your french fry on the bread. That's really fun. It is really fun. That Roethlisberger is a scoundrel Yeah I'm glad he hurt his leg Now what's the news? Business?

Something business? Oh yeah, today is Small Business Saturday So I was wondering if you guys had any thoughts On small businesses Uh yeah Well more tax breaks Yes More tax breaks That's part of our plan should i not be saying this yet no go ahead uh haze and i are announcing that um since the current presidential

race is um a bunch of jokers wannabes losers dastardly dinguses, and other such foolishness, we're going to actually clean up this city and country. We're running for, yes, co-president of the city. Of the city, and eventually the country. But we're starting small, and one of the first things we're starting small with is small businesses and some small tax breaks. Yes. And so we'll go into your business. And if you want the tax break, you give us some... Whatever, whatever you sell. Noodles, noodle store. If it's a noodle store, we'll take some noodles.

Give us the noodles and also maybe the tax break works both ways maybe if you charge tax on your noodles then you give us a break on it and they can be old noodles they can be like yesterday's noodles oh i don't give a shit i'm not eating it it's just the the fucking point is don't throw it away stuff that you were gonna throw away shit somebody else like wouldn't be allowed to it's just about making me feel special it's a life hack to go in and say hey I'll take those noodles that I'll take those off your hands. Go. What were you going to throw out?

Is there anything in your trash right now or about to be in your trash? Because I'll I'll take it home. You know, that's a straight life hack. The noodles that were too long and you cut off the extra part of the noodles? Mm-hmm. If you give me those extra noodle pieces. Yeah, give me the little noodle bits. Mm-hmm.

I like them cut up anyway, honestly. Easier to eat. Yeah, and another life hack is if you do have a noodle and you don't have those extra long matches and you need to light your stove, you can take a short match, light the end of the noodle, and that'll burn the same. You reach that in near the gas burner. So there's kind of two noodle-based life hacks that we're giving out right now. And did you have an opinion on your news piece or you just knew the name of a day?

I did kind of just see it on Facebook and thought that maybe it would be a good thing to say. And now, what do we think? It was pretty good, right? Yeah, I think that you guys have really taught me the value of small business and, you know, economy and all of that stuff. Scotty, don't! And we've developed a seamless back and forth, Cody and I, with the Scotty Don't and the button push. And Steffi just texted me so many calls with a big exclamation point. Oh, I said just, but it was probably 18 minutes ago.

I'm curious, who's next on the phone? Chicken Sandwich to discuss King Tut's tomb. Hello? Chicken Sandwich. Hi. Okay's tomb. Hello? Chicken Sandwich. Hi. Okay, before we get into the news, tell me about your discussion with Steffi. It was great.

It was brief. She mentioned the shower thing. Okay. She did mention the shower thing. And Chicken, did she happen to mention that she was wearing a teddy? She said she had a small teddy, yeah. A small teddy. Okay, that's not accurate.

And what did you say, Chicken? She's in like a jumpsuit, like a wind suit. It's almost like what people skydive in. It's a squirrel suit. Did you say terminalinal Velocity? Sorry, I haven't caught that now. Oh, Charlie Sheen, Nastassja Kinski. Maybe it wasn't Nastassja.

It was somebody with a weird name, though. But anyway, they're jumping out of planes. It's kind of like Drop Zone. And so Steffi can wear this thing and run around and simulate the experience of jumping off a mountain. She moves so fast. That's nice. But anyways. The noise she makes.

To refer to that as a teddy is insane. What does she want that I can't give her? Anyway, you had news, Chicken Sandwich? Yes, there's a new news that's on BBC. Apparently, there's a secret room in King Tut's

tomb. Okay. Remember that funny song? There's a secret room in King Tut's tomb. What a funny-ass song. Number one comedy song of all time. Imagine how hard you crack up the first time you heard that.

I can't listen to it. Secret Room in King Tut's Tomb. I can't listen to it in the car. If I listen to it when I'm driving, instant accident. Steve Martin, the greatest. And also, Planes, Trains, and Automobiles is a very funny movie.

Well, not only that. It's a movie, not a who. Planes, Trains, and Automobiles. You don't know. It's a classic movie. Guys gotta sleep in the same bed. Don't! I'm not gay. I don't want to sleep in the same bed don't tell me I'm not gay I don't want to sleep in the same bed with you

if flight gets cancelled imagine the funniness it's funny stuff I don't know what you're talking about I don't really know it I know being skeeved out by gay dudes is like a pretty big comedy it's very high up there in AFI's 100 Years, 100 Laughs.

Okay, yeah. Well, then I must have seen it. Yeah, I imagine having to share a bed with a dude. That's funny. And you're a straight dude? Talking about airplanes. You shut up, chicken sandwich. Okay, cool. I'm trying to piece it.

Chicken sandwich! I'm trying to piece this together. You're dangerously close to being Scotty Don'ted. And you are getting a zippet. That's right. So I'm just trying to piece together what it was because I must have seen it. And that is my kind of humor. And that always makes me think of Scotty Doesn't Know as well.

Right. It is interesting that there were two major comedy artifacts about Scotty, like some negative associated with Scotty. What's up, Chicken? What did you say? Pardon? Now you go, Chicken. What do you want nothing really

but what do you think's in the room okay Scotty don't Scotty don't he's cleaning his room so our next caller is Tim Treece he wants to discuss movie Spectre okay hey guys

hi Tim hey Tim tim you on a train uh i am in the car right now i'm on i-10 uh you know driving like the dining car yeah uh imagine uh being on train uh like plates trains and automobiles but the train uh does not work at some point. They have to get off the train and sleep in the same hotel room. It's funny. In this new Bond movie, Spectre,

there was a train, and they had sex on it also. Okay. See, the human sex isn't funny to me. To me, it's the most natural thing in the world. I don't know if it's because I've done it so much, but it just, to me, seems really normal.

Speaking of human sex, Tim Treece, don't you have a girlfriend now? Yeah, I do. Yes, Tim Treece. She's actually here. One of the best things about... What's that? And it seems like here's... Hi. Here's a good strategy that you're doing, Tim Treece. She's actually here. One of the best things about... What's that, Dave? And it seems like here's...

Hi. Here's a good strategy that you're doing, Tim Treece, because you work for Google and you're rivals with Facebook, and so your strategy is to get me to not use Facebook anymore by shoving your girlfriend in my face every day and bragging about being boyfriend's girlfriends with her or something. Yeah, I mean, hey... Please, going steady.

I noticed that Sean liked a picture and you didn't. And I was wondering, are you mad at me? Thumb slipped. The answer is Sean was mad at you. He was so mad that his thumb had a slip reaction. I was angrily

trying to close the phone, but you know I don't know how these damn things work. He's browsing in the shower, too, and imagine how slippery it can get in there. Yeah. Do you have one of those Korean waterproof phones? No John Hughes movies made AFI's 100 Years, 100 Laughs. I just checked. Not a single one.

Tim, can you believe it? Honestly. Tim, what do you think about that? What? Uncle Buck? You don't think that should have been on there? No, well, I think AFI's maybe at this point an outdated organization that's not in touch with,

you know, the current American psyche. What should I use, Google Movies? Yeah, well... Jesus Christ. It's I use? Google Movies? Yeah. Jesus Christ. It's algorithmically generated. GFI? It's faster than AFI? Give me a break. Is Hungry Games on there?

Let me see. There are no Hungry Games on here. Okay. Alright. Well, I'm starting to side with Tim, unfortunately. Tim, how, I'm starting to side with Tim, unfortunately. Tim, how'd you bag that babe? And this is the news you wanted.

Tell us everything. This is the news you wanted to talk about, right? X-Tree, X-Tree! Yeah, but it's honestly in my life, it's front page news. Ten point babe. What's up? We met in improv class. Okay.

Yes, and? And that's it for the improv guys. Yeah, we made that joke, too. What's happening in the world of news, Tim? Oh, so this cool James Bond movie just came out called Spectre. I'm getting a lot of echo. Can you guys hear that? You're fine. Don't worry about the echo.

Okay. It's a cool James Bond movie and it's called Spectre and I saw it yesterday. Okay. And now you were talking about what happened on the train. Let's talk more about that Oh there's this really intense scene Where he's fighting on top of the train

With a bad guy and his other agent Has an unclean shot And she says she can't take it because she might hit Bond And then she accidentally shoots Bond Okay Is that This is like a sexual Euphemism

Because you said earlier That that's what happened Oh that was a Was that a different train There's two trains In this movie Chanson's gonna love it And Sean did you have

Anything you wanted to say And that's a little too inside Even for me Sean say Scotty don't When I say it Okay Sean And Sean did

Did you have something You wanted to say to Tim Oh yeah So Tim Scotty don't when I say it. Okay. And Sean, did you have something you wanted to say to Tim? Oh yeah, so Tim, Scotty don't. Yes. Awesome. And should we be wrapping this up soon? Yes, yes. Yas. Should we do one more

call? Cody, should we do the monster call? Oh, she says just, Steffi is saying just burn through a bunch. Okay. Okay. Quick hits. Okay, Michael, to discuss advertisement for the Lord's Prayer before Star Wars in the UK banned. Okay.

Michael, who's this? Robotom. Oh, hi. Where are you from? Northern Ireland. How do you take your chips? Brawn sauce. Okay.

And I was thinking about something about all the stuff that happened there with, like, the bombs and stuff. Yeah. Oh, right. Did you see Blown Away? What? Did you see Blown Away? Did you see Blown Away? No. Scotty, no. Next. Okay, next is

Houston to talk about Clock Boy. Okay. Hi. Houston. Still loading. One sec. Hang on. We have a problem. Hang on, Houston. Hang on, Houston. He probably can't hear you. Hang on, Houston.

We're having problems. It won't load it. Okay. And what a shame we didn't get Houston. Sorry, it's computer, not me. It's computer, not me. It's computer, not me. What a fucking dork.

Can we have anybody? Maybe we bail on Houston. Scott for sports. Let's see if that goes. Scott for sports. Here's Scott for sports, yeah. Scott for sports. You've got Hollywood Handbook.

Quick hits chat line. Hello. I know you guys are big sports heads. What with all the Lou Amundsen talk? And I wanted to talk about the new season, uh, starting up here of the challenge and what you guys think about the battle of the bloodline. Okay.

Thanks. Uh, Scotty sports and Scotty sports. Don't. All right. And next is Michael to discuss the current pop news. Hi, guys. Michael, you've reached Hollywood Handbook Quick Hits.

What's your one sentence of the news? The first thing I saw in the pop culture news was Cards Against Humanity made $71,000 by selling nothing. Speak on that. Cards Against Humanity made $71,000 by selling nothing. Speak on that. Cards Against Humanity, we are no longer being partners with them because I got a card combination that I thought was good. Is it one of those double ones with two things you have to put in? The two blanks to fill in? Yeah, it sure is.

Anyway, one of the blanks. Tell them about my card combination. So one of the blanks, Hayes filled in with something that he thought was very funny, and he posted a picture of it on Insta. And he thought, oh, I'll get so many gram likes on this. But what happened is he actually had to go to jail. Was it the big black Hitler dick? Yes.

Okay, so you've seen this. You've seen it, yeah. I saw it before they took it down, yeah. It was about Hitler liking big black dicks or something. Which I think he deserves to have that said about him. And I thought it was a funny combination, and it did get some of the votes, which I think is how you play that good game,

is you say, this is two funny cards. I've arbitrarily decided that either the one that fits well or the one that's most random is the one that I like. Who doesn't love random stuff, right? Oh, gosh. That really can crack me up. Let's just do an example right now. And this is the kind of thing that might happen in the game, and that's real.

So it might say... Giraffe? Something that's... Yeah, okay. So the giraffe, and then I'll go something that's gooey is... And then you play your giraffe card. Yes, of course. Something that's goo yeah, okay, so the giraffe, and then I'll go, something that's gooey is, and then you play your giraffe card. Yes, of course. Something that's gooey is a giraffe?

And now I'm fucking losing it. My mom's pissing herself. Freaking everybody I know is just about breaking their neck, throwing their head back, laughing. To get a look. And the neighbors are peeking in. That's right, Hayes. And we're pulling the blind blinds tighter but they've got some sort of like uh um like a slim jim that they jack in between the window to slide open the curtain can i just say it's time for everyone

else to give up on being rando because that facebook ad about the unicorn that's like pooping the like frozen yogurt or whatever really had a big colon and and it's and it's a rainbow as well it's pooping rainbow yogurt or something like that everybody else go home we found the rando-est thing yes uh this search is over and we can all go back to our families now do you think we've met rando poop it do you think we can get even more rando? Well, that's what I just said. I don't think it was your idea.

And for that, Sean, did you have one thing that you wanted to say? Oh, actually, yeah. It's funny. Now that you brought it up, Hayes and I were discussing this, actually, before we even taped the show, and I wanted to bring up with someone like you, Scotty, don't.

Yes. Oh, yeah. Next is Sam to discuss Charlie Sheen's HIV diagnosis. Hey, Engineer Sam. Hello, Engineer Sam. Hi. Thankful to be here. Really happy.

How's your motorcycle? Good. Bish. I said good. Got him. He said that being a bish was good. It was nice. What's the news?

It was nice. What's the news? Charlie Sheen, diagnosed with HIV years ago, just came out saying people extortionated him for money. It's a plot. Yeah, it's a plot. It's a nefarious plot, and I haven't gotten to the bottom of it yet. And it's fake.

It's fake. It's a plot. It's nefarious. It's actually currently the investigation still open so we're not at liberty to discuss it but rest assured it will be settled and and charlie will come out on the right side of it as always scotty don't and next we've got um how many more is these well about three well's about three, but there's a lot more that haven't been screened yet. Okay. Let's do the middle one.

Okay. How about Nick to discuss video game censorship? Okay. I love this kind of stuff. Hello, hey. Hello. Hi. Hey, who's this?

This is Nick, and I wanted to talk to you about an issue that is very, I know you guys are big gamer nerds, and you might have some thoughts on this. There's a game that's very sexy, but very tasteful, called Federalize Extreme Beach Volleyball 3.

And the creator, Shigeru Miyamoto, was saying that the reason they can't bring this one to America this time is because of all these social justice warriors and isn't it bad that we can't have a fun sexy beach game in the United States

is it porno shit going down on the beach? a little bit you get a hint of it but it's mostly classy and there are a lot of relationship elements and it's for adults, but it's mostly classy, and there are a lot of relationship elements, and it's for adults only, so it's still okay. Listen, let me tell you something. This is what's going on because I do read game news

because if I'm going to play the games, I want to know what's going on, what they're about. People are mad about these fake gamer girls about uh people are mad about these fake gamer girls because they see these girls in the game think maybe these are real girls yeah they try to touch them that that i could like play beach volleyball with they do uh what's the one you put your hands together and you do like an underhand bump that's a bump yeah you do a big bump uh destroy your tv when you bump into and you're trying to sort of accidentally bump into one of the girls yes or even maybe put some kind of tie around her wrists when she's in bump formation to play sort of sexy game now I understand being upset about getting tricked.

I don't think there's anyone among us who didn't get X'd during the Jamie Kennedy experiment and look back and kick ourselves a little bit. Sure, it's funny for the viewers, but it's not always fun for the person who thinks they're in a commercial for a new Jeff Goldblum cologne and then also thinks they hurt Jeff Goldblum by spraying him with it. So I'm the first to admit, yes, I've been upset about this sort of thing.

But I don't think that all these guys being pissed about fake gamer girls should be able to forbid this game, which you said is sexy, fun, and has some positive relationship elements, from coming in the United States, especially for a volleyball enthusiast like me. A little bounce and jiggle never hurt nobody, and I think we learn that in Charlie's Angels, and

we'll learn it again as many times as it takes until I get to see what I need to blast off when I'm watching TV late at night. Do you think virtual reality headsets could be a way to maybe make it so you can meet these ladies and form what is a real relationship with them

so that it can be sexy at the same time? Yeah, I actually read something about this the other day, which is Scotty don't. All right. I think he was going to make a dirty joke about a virtual reality giving headset. Okay, well... And I'm glad we Scot-don'ted him before he made that. I could feel that coming as well.

I could see that coming down. That's not funny. Down the train barriers were coming down in front of my car. It's a shaped thing that the train lives on. It can't leave it. But I can see it coming from far away. And it's like a... Not a wire.

It's like a stripy... Yeah, it's not a chute. But it's, yeah. It's like a ladder on the floor. Yes, it's a ladder on the floor. See it coming down the train ladder. Now, are we doing one more and then leaving? Yes.

All right, one more and out. This is Joe McGurl to discuss the war on Christmas. Hello, Joe McGurl. And it's Joe the Hammer McGurl. And he's closing it out with a good call. And it's Hollywood Handbook. Computer froze again. Bye!

Hollywood Handbook. This has been an Earwolf production. Executive produced by Scott Aukerman, Adam Sachs, and Chris Bannon. For more information and content, visit Earwolf.com.