Hollywood Handbook - Little Esther, Our Brand Ambassador

Episode Date: August 27, 2018

LITTLE ESTHER joins The Boys again to become the show’s brand ambassador.This episode is sponsored by Mack Weldon ( www.mackweldon.com  code: THE BOYS) and the National Highway Traffic Safety Administration ( www.NHTSA.gov ).See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

this is a head gum podcast so i'm there with jada kiss and ben foster and we're in the sunglass hut at the mall and we've all agreed and you can't say no, that we are basically going to each not be allowed to look in the mirrors, and we're going to buy a pair of sunglasses for each other. Crazy. Crazy for fun. Because we're going on vacation. Yeah.

You know, so. And you have to wear them the whole vacation. You can't look at a mirror the entire time or in the ocean. You can't see them on your face. Obviously, you can see the glasses. We're not blindfolded or anything. Yes. But a lot of times, so much of it is about face shape and do the frames complement your structure.

And you can be surprised when you put them on. Yeah. A pair that look great on the shelf or great on your friend, on you, they just don't work. it look great on the shelf or great on your friend. On you, they just don't work. And so you can only know what it looks like when everyone gets the boy's scrapbook. Then you know. That's right.

When you get the photos. What your sunglasses look like. And we're not trying to be rude. We're not trying to make anyone look bad. But we are going bold in a way that Jada, for instance, has worn essentially the same style of frame since I've known him. It's very angular. And I was thinking, what about a more rounded kind of classic aviator shape for Jada? Ben, of course, has always had transition lenses.

He wears prescription glasses that sort of fade in. And what I wanted to do was a mirrored lens for him. And I think that was an allegory for when he was, I think, in the X-Men. And he was transitioning from a human into his mutant identity. Into a mutant Avenger of sorts. Yes. Not to be confused with the Avengers. So we're doing this, and of course the alarm is blaring

because the Sunglass Hut is closed and we've smashed the glass and broken it. And the security guard has now gotten in and he's sort of, don't you do this. Jealous, I think, of the friendship that you guys have. Of course. And sort of like, oh. Well, we're going to Idlewild. And we've invited oh no one oh you did invite him and we've invited him we said we said hey look if you're so upset that we're all going to idle wild he probably

wanted to be involved from the beginning and that i think is actually what he was upset about because he's he zip tie handcuffed me pretty good pretty pretty tight. And I'm explaining, you know, the mayor of Idlewild is a dog. The mayor is a dog. You can look it up. Yeah. He didn't even try to look it up. So weird. It was really strange.

It takes one second to look it up. Well, we've all got these phones in our pocket. And believe me, I'm sure he's on the phone more than he should be. Yeah. But now he can't take it out for this thing that's actually important. Now, I see looking at your face at this point that you've been zip-dyed. Has the ink tag from the sunglasses blown up on your face? Yeah, it's gotten in my mouth and it's gotten in my neck.

It was when I had the hole in my neck. Oh, yeah. This was about a month ago. Yes. Anyway. Do you think you don't have that anymore? Well, I think it's a lot less visible. Okay, but you still do.

It is still a hole. Well, the hole is there, but I think you can only see about half of it. There's a lot less hole. Well, and I ditched the V-necks. A lot less hole. Well, and I ditched the V-necks. Hey, welcome to Hollywood Handbook, an insider's guide to kicking butt and dropping names at the red carpet lined back hallways of this industry we call showbiz. We have repeat guests almost exclusively, though.

We prefer that. We like having conversations with people we are comfortable with. It's too risky to bring a new guest into a situation like this where, let's face it. Yes. It's like trying to throw someone onto a moving train. And we had Patton Oswalt who had been sitting and watching and learning from – He studied the show. Dozens and dozens of episodes. He studied the show. And even that didn't work.

That's true. You have to have done that. He stumbled quite a bit. You have to have been there in the first 50. It was edited to within an inch of its life, that episode, and it still didn't quite work. We, of course, have with us a very exciting guest, our new Hollywood Handbook brand ambassador, the famous comedian, Little Esther. Little guest-er today. Hi, guys.

Hi. Hi. Hi, hi, hi. Very excited to meet you. Hi. Yes, hi. Crazy story. That was interesting. Yes, hi. Crazy story. That was interesting.

Oh, yes. Well, I didn't quite finish it, but long story long, we got away. I was confused a little at the beginning because Jada Kiss is what I used to call Jada Pickett Smith when we were kissing. Yes. Who is Jada Kiss? Jada Kiss? Oh, he's one of the locks.

Oh, okay. Mm- Jadakiss? Jadakiss? Oh, he's one of the locks. Oh, okay. Mm-hmm. Okay. Cool. Navy blue six speed with six airbags, even if the shit crash, feel like six flags. Oh, gosh. Okay, wow. I'm like not up to speed on so many things that you guys are doing these days.

It's kind of a new sound. You might remember him. He packs heat for any type situation, and the only heat that y'all pack really is on vacation and that's the blow dryer next to the Playstation. Okay. I'm so sorry I asked. Yeah, no, I'm really excited to be here. You guys

are awesome friends of mine. I feel honored to be asked back and yeah. So I guess I'm not. Now, you hated it last time. Yes. You hated doing the show. And we spoke about it.

And you still do. And we asked about you maybe coming back. And you went, I don't know how to do your show. And I actually thought the first episode was pretty funny. Oh, yeah. Huge, major episode. People still reference it. In fact, I think people were posting about it this past week.

Yes. About a bit that I did on the show about not knowing what a holding deal was. When you pretended not to know the difference between an overall and a holding deal. Yes. Oh, okay. Okay. Legend status episode. I wish more people would,

instead of just ignoring us when we ask them to come on the show, say that they make us feel cool. I like what you do and say, like, I don't know how to do it. Is that not common? No, usually. It's not common that people say that.

I think it's a common feeling that people, like, either have tried to do it or have listened and go go like, I wouldn't know what to do there. And they go like, oh, yeah, yeah, sounds good. Yeah, like email me. And then they just disappear forever. Or the most common I think is don't know what it is, don't want to. I'm trying to do that less where I say like, yeah, email me because then it's just – it does – those things add up and they weigh on you when you have these outstanding emails that you haven't replied to.

Outstanding emails. When you have these – I'm kind of egotistical to call your emails outstanding. Well, I guess I was – I'm really not good with vocabulary and so this is going to be an interesting ride for everybody. Well, I think that it's very brave of you to admit that, to admit that you don't know how to do the show

and that you don't like doing the show but that you do have something to promote. I think so many people pretend now that they do get it and they want to come back

or they say, yes, don't know what it is, don't get it, don't like it. Well, can i be clear i like you guys oh right so that's why i'm here and we do so much more than this you guys are there's so much more to us you guys are just this isn't like really talking to me no thank you that's very nice. We love you.

I'm tiptoeing over here. I'm terrified. No, we love you. We're in love with you. Be bold. And Sam, we haven't done this for a while. I think it would be really nice if you tell Esther that you love her and you're in love with her. Hey, this will know I love you and I'm in love with you.

Oh, wow. Okay. That really feels nice to hear. It feels more comfortable. Now you're very comfortable. Yes. And you don't have to say it back. No, I don't think I should. Not yet. No. I would rather that you didn't. So what we

sometimes like to do with guests that don't want to do the show is come up with a very clear clean financial remuneration. Cut you in on the proceeds, basically. Yes, we think that... Look, we're making a bunch of dough off this thing.

Not Doughboy's money, but you should be too. Yes, however much you think it is. More than that, but less than the Doughboys. Are the Doughboys, are you guys friends with them or are they like nemesises? We might get into it a little bit. Yeah, it seems complicated. I had to ask. They're absolutely

our number one rivals. We despise them. But we can't look away. And the opposite of love is indifference. That's right. Is that from a movie? Yes.

What movie? I believe it's from U-571. I don't know. I thought it was from 10 Things I Hate About You. No? No. Seems very teen movie-ish. They both have numbers in the title.

Might be why you got confused. This is about a submarine. I've never seen that submarine movie, so I feel like it's got to be somewhere else. It might be somewhere else. It's in Chappie as well, huh? Did you know that 10 Things I Hate About You is based on ancient Shakespeare? Yeah. Yeah.

One of the oldest ones. Did you really know that, Beth? No, I did. I don't remember which one. The Tempest? I don't know. I don't know. People don't even know what the title was.

Oh, they don't? They just know it was like a pre-Shakespeare. It was pre, yes. Yes. It was pre-title. It was one of his very, very original ones. Yeah. Do you guys?

Okay. And She's the Man as well. Yes. She's the Man was ancient. And that was the title of that. That one was the, they used the same title. Oh, they did? Okay.

I love it. Do you guys love Amanda Bynes? Yeah. Me too. Now. Now more than. You love her now? Yes.

She's starting to come into her own. You are, of course, a queen, a feminist icon. Okay. So we'd be remiss to bring up 10 Things I Hate About You and Shakespeare without mentioning that he didn't write his own plays. Is that true? Yeah, and the queen wrote the plays

and wasn't allowed, had to put a man's name on it or else she wouldn't. Have you seen Anonymous? No, what's that? Oh, it's another film. Anonymous isn't that group online? It's both.

It's both. It's both. By the way, they're not so anonymous anymore. Really? Why not? It's Hayes. Are you serious? I'm the group.

You are? I'm everyone in the group. I use a special effect to make it sound like a lot of voices, but it is just me. I've never heard them speak, so that wouldn't have been my first question. It was more just like, how do you run all those accounts and manage all those updates? Hacking. Yeah. He's hacking.

I do a special hack that is like Agent Smith in the second Matrix movie, where he can explode into many different guys. Do you remember that? No, I haven't seen it. It's one of the best battles from the entire series. Yeah. Hugo Weaving. Oh, I haven't seen... It's one of the best battles from the entire series. Yeah. Hugo Weaving. Oh. You haven't seen that one? No, but I take your word. You saw Revolutions. Remember he's

Liftyre's dad in Lord of the Rings? No, Lord of the Rings... He's a king elf. I, with Lord of the Rings, I never saw it but the thing is, is I liked a guy who liked it, so I bought all the books and movies and just had them in my home. Oh, those.

Yeah. Oh, you like that too? Oh, this is so nerdy. I can't believe I left these out. Three DVDs stacked on top of three books. Oh, no, it's just an Elvish. It's stupid. It's just a wrist tattoo.

It's just an Elvish. It's my name. It's not. Yeah. So I have, I own a lot of Lord of the Rings stuff, but I've never, I tried watching. And you've kept it even though you're not with that boy. No, we're not together anymore. We did break up.

And you do live with a new. I do live with my current boyfriend. Boyfriend, but you keep the items that you bought to impress an old boyfriend. Well, so I... They're at my parents' house still because this was a high school thing. I could see a confusion going on

where this boy falls in love with your parents because he thinks that they now like Lord of the Rings because they have all this stuff in their house. And this is starting to feel like a Shakespeare. Right? Oh, my God. Doesn't it?

Oh, it is. I'm so excited. Where the boys fall in love with the parents because they've got the books that he – that's Shakespeare. Yes. It's so easy. Which is really the queen. Isn't it crazy how easy it is to write Shakespeare? You just did it with like a two-second conversation.

It's so stupid and easy. But they – back then there was like one pen. That is why it was really hard. There was? In the world, basically. And a lot of that old stuff, you do forget there was only one story. Think about a joke that you think is a tired joke. Okay. Something like

he's disgusting, he's despicable, he's awful, and he's standing right behind me, isn't he? Something like that, you go, oh, what's awful, and he's standing right behind me, isn't he? Something like that, you go, oh, what a- But one that's bad, because that one is good. That word, I was going to say, it holds up. Yes, but- But it's in the delivery.

But if you put that on in a show, you might go, well, we've seen this too many times. But at some point, someone was the first person to come up with that. Yeah. So when you look at these Shakespeare plays, you go, this is fucking stupid. What's going on this guy likes her that's dumb I've seen that but at the time that he came up with it

we hadn't and really he didn't come up with it who did the queen it's a queen bee so you don't like you don't like Matrix Reloaded you don't like Jada Kiss no I never liked a guy who liked those things so I don't like... Beyonce wrote it. You don't like Matrix Reloaded. No, I haven't seen Matrix... You don't like Jadakiss. No, I never liked a guy who liked those things, so I don't know.

Okay. Do you ever change your personality so someone else will like you more? If I could change my personality, Esther... It would be so long gone. That'd be unrecognizable. You'd never change back. Please. that'd be unrecognizable you never change back please my like key go to is I never remember

if I like magic or don't like magic based on the guy I'm dating so I have no idea I've like so lost what my real opinion of magic is

over the years magic the gathering? just magic close up magic? like street magic just every guy I've dated

has a strong opinion on magic, and I just have to keep bending it. But I know right now. You have to keep Hugo weaving back and forth. Right now I don't like magic. It's like you're constant. You don't, but doesn't. Have you seen Inception?

No, you're never going to win. What about Penn & Teller's Fool Me? I've never seen that. But I know that the man you live with watches every single one. He does? Yes. Then he hate watches it. Or they had a show called Bull!

S-H exclamation point T. Remember that one? That I can't. Where they were telling the truth about recycling and all these other things. I can't with that. The society is trying to tell you one thing, but really, you have to trust these informed sources for the real truth, like this libertarian magician. That sounds good to me. Right?

Yeah. Yeah. Is recycling, does anyone here know the answer if it's real or fake? I know that it is a little bit of both. It's fake. Like so many things in the world. This is what the one that talks of the big one of the magicians

says. It's fake! That's what he says on the show. He proved a bunch of stuff was fake. Recycling was fake. I of course specifically remember the episode where he proved that Alcoholics Anonymous was a fake organization. Oh yes. Are you serious?

Yeah. Very helpful. Must have helped a ton of people. So one thing we want to get into in terms of our financial arrangement is we're not out there enough. We don't have enough of a presence online and specifically on the IG. And who do I know that is in that world? And it's you. That's interesting.

I don't, okay, I guess I am in that world. That's pretty much a shame when you think of your friend who's a stand-up comedian with a TV show that you think of them as an Instagrammer, but that's fine. Kind of an Instagram stand-up comedian. Yeah. Okay. Right? Yeah.

I do like Instagram. I bet. I think it's a healthy tool, and I definitely am open to helping you guys with your Instagram presence. And all of your bits are about it, right? Yes, actually. All the stand-up. A lot of my stand-up lately is about being a sad, lonely person on Instagram.

So. Yeah. Were you guys at the comedy store last night? Did you see that? Is that how you knew? I was in the back. Okay. With the other comedian. You should have I was on the roof. You Laying on the ground, cut to my ear. Were you considering?

Because you know somebody jumped off that roof. Jumped off the comedy store? Yeah, is that what you're... No, I was there to make sure that doesn't happen again. Okay. I'm like Batman up there. Was it Maz Jabrani? No, it wasn't.

But he's on Alone Together, season two. That was what I was setting up for the plug. Thank you. You guys are really good at this. Yeah, well, we are good at it, and yet we haven't managed to master Instagram. Our friend Esther, who is doing a TV show and stand-up. Sorry, I've got to mention everything you do every time I talk to you.

Is it okay to correct you that my name is, the H is silent? Okay. Yeah. You knew that? Yeah. My grandmother's name was Esther. Is that true? Yeah.

Okay. Are you Jewish or Asian American? No. I wish. Okay. So you, we have to do this now. Everyone is doing it, the Instagram stuff. It worked for a long time.

We were fine without it. But everyone's like, you have to, you have to. And really what you have to do is have these people that are secretly promoting your show, hot people, who are online and wearing clothes with your show on it. Accidentally wearing, for instance, a t-shirt that says hot dog go to bathroom. Yes. Something like that.

Oh, just a very, just something that would be a good idea for a t-shirt. It's really funny. Who wouldn't want to wear this? It's like a, it's like a crayon blue and it says hot dog

go to bathroom on it. And it has like the bathroom man symbol and the bathroom woman symbol and a hot dog. And you just casually are wearing it. This is real merch that we have. Oh, this is your guys' merch? Yes. Oh.

And if you could wear that in the pool or some – I don't have a pool. It's based on an improvised piece of nonsense. And it would look great coming out of the pool. So this is a shirt you guys are selling. So we're talking about your merch right now. If you were our brand ambassador, which you're going to be, you would be posting a photo that's like,

just hanging by the pool with my buddies. Hopefully your buddy's there too. Okay. And you are in like a very casual sort of normal t-shirt that says hot dog, go to bathroom. Okay. So first off, I don't have, I said I don't have a pool and I don't like really have friends with pools. So I don't hang out in pools. So I don't know if that's the right.

And I'm curious why you both keep going back to this pool thing. Is that? It's Hummer. It's Hummer. It's Hummer? It's Hummer. It's Hummer, baby. Okay.

So. It's like people, it's like the fantasy that everyone wants to live right now. Oh, that's what you're looking at. They're at the pool. The fantasy. And they're going, man, I got to recreate this in my own life, that I'm going to go to the pool. And what will I even wear?

Oh, I get it. Because a lot of our listeners are not, how do I put this? Yeah. I see what you're getting at. Do you? Skin exposing at the pool people. Oh, really? Oh, that's perfect then. We are wearing a shirt at the pool.

So am I. Yeah. Great. That's great. Underwater shirt. This is a good, okay, look, we found common ground and I'm really happy about that. The thicker and baggier the better. So I, cause I swim in, um, what are they called? It has a really weird name. It has long sleeves.

Do you swim in it? A dress. A baseball tee. No. Oh has a really weird name. It has long sleeves. Do you swim in it? A dress. A baseball tee. No. Oh, a tuxedo. It's meant to be swimming. Rash guard? Rash guard.

Why does it have that name? Guarding from a rash. Sun rash? So, yeah, I sleep in – sorry, I don't sleep in that. I swim in that and shorts. So I could totally wear a t-shirt in the pool. I sleep in – sorry, I don't sleep in that. I swim in that and shorts. So I could totally wear a t-shirt in the pool. Speaking of sleeping in something though, maybe, you know, sort of like sleepy-eyed,

hair a little bit tousled, delicately tousled. Would you do my hair? Sure. Okay. I just feel like you have the vision for it. And it says, I woke up like this. Hot dog, go to bathroom. The caption says I woke up like this? Hot dog, go to bathroom.

Yeah. Okay. No punctuation. Normally it'd be better if I understood. And by the way, I don't- We don't understand. We can't help you with that. We cannot help.

Can't do it. I don't normally sell things on Instagram, so this is like a weird situation for me. But I do – You're selling yourself. Right. I use Instagram. Your brand. I see a lot of ads on Instagram.

And sort of the story you want people to think about you. And the post really just represents something you're a fan of. I feel like you've posted before and been like, I love eating these freaking chips. Yeah, it is interesting. That's what you go to when you think of things I love. You posted, hey, I'm eating this, you know, yogurt.

I don't eat yogurt, but I get it. What's the story there? Sounds like a story. Am I wrong? No. It feels like there's a story.

Well, I am sort of. I don't want to say it because everyone's going to hate me. Everyone's going to hate me, so I don't want to say it. Well, get Chef Kevin in here. He'll say it. Because he's one too. Oh. I'm like kind of vegan.

Oh, okay. And people really hate that, and it's very polarizing. So I try not to talk about it. But you asked, so here we are. No, I think that's... I just want to be on record that you asked me. So is hot dog go to bathroom in conflict with your lifestyle? No, because I'm not against... I think it's great. I'm just worried about hot dog go to bathroom in conflict with your lifestyle. No, because I'm not against.

I think it's great. I'm just worried about hot dog, go to bathroom. It's not the most vegan t-shirt. Right. I didn't even think of that because it doesn't, it's pretty silly. Okay. I think. It's one way to. Okay.

Do you have another t-shirt we can talk about? We do. t-shirt we can talk about? We do. Well, there's a t-shirt that says I love you and I'm in love with you and it's me and Hayes have hearts for

eyes. Really? Yeah. That sounds cute. And we should probably get Chef Kevin in here. He's going to want to sell his. Chef Kevin has some merchandise as well. Okay. Kevin! Although, Hayes, when I said bring Chef Kevin in here just to

say the word vegan, Esther immediately said, I'm a vegan. And it was pretty clear that she just didn't want Chef Kevin in here. No, I don't know him. No, I understand that. No, I don't know him. It's fine. But you don't want more people on the mic, huh?

No, that's not true at all. I guess I wanted to be the only vegan in the room. You say you don't know Chef Kevin and I'm like, I don't either. And I don't think it's because there's anything hidden. There's just nothing to know. Right. Does that make sense? Uh-huh. He's about as deep

as a puddle. Now, I want to talk about conflict obviously you can't listen to Doughboys anymore oh I didn't know that obviously you can't listen to Comedy Bang Bang I'm going to be on Doughboys in a few weeks no you're not

Dave King you can live with him of course he has to stop doing great debates. Okay. I think he has. Yeah. Okay.

That's great. That has to stop. Okay. I could move out. Should I just move out so he can still do his podcast? Maybe the new place has a pool. Yeah. I don't know what your arrangement is.

And frankly, I don't care. You do care, though. That's not what interests me. But you do care that I can't live with someone who has a podcast. Right. I guess that part of it I care about. Okay. But I don't care how you sort it out or what is going on with you guys.

What does that mean? Hay guys. What does that mean? Hayes, what does that mean? Just like the details. He's saying he doesn't need to know the details. It sounds like you're even – I didn't even bring up details. You brought up details. It sounds like it's going towards Sean hearing about the details. Yes.

Which he doesn't need to know. What I wanted. Yeah. Now I feel like we need to talk about the details because you're – See. See, we're bringing something up. Yeah, and this is – you can't avoid it with her. She's going to give you the details on this stuff.

No, it just seems like that's what you were – it just seems like sometimes when you find something that makes you uncomfortable, you should challenge it and go there. Well, let's talk. Let's just – let's change the subject for just a moment. Okay. Let's talk Instagram stories. Obviously, you're going gonna have to do one every week about the podcast nothing huge i'm gonna give you just a line you could say uh you're gonna go um hey guys little esther here

hollywood handbook is that podcast oh um that isn't really my voice and it's not really going to be authentic to who I am, which I think, you know, well, okay, let's try this. Let's try this.

I already can adjust this. Hollywood handbook is probably my favorite podcast. Oh, um, I don't think I can do that noise. Is that, is it, that's the pitch of it? Okay. Probably my favorite podcast. Oh, car. I don't think I can do that noise. That's the pitch of it? Okay. No, it's, what do you mean?

Like the, like the. Oh, car. I just can't do that with, I can't do that. I think there's a. Hey. Yeah, that was pretty close. If we could just like tweak it a tiny bit and it could be something like, hey, just finished listening to a great episode of Hollywood Handbook. It's my favorite show.

Drrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr On Instagram or your listeners and the people who like you? Both. Yeah, it's everyone. Okay. Everyone is doing it. It's the whole world. Yeah. I have not seen that. Okay. Well, let me ask you this because I just want to make sure that there's one conflict that's fine,

which is I have my own podcast called Glowing Up. And it's about makeup. Well, here's actually a compromise. Maybe now every episode of Glowing Up is you go, sorry, I'm just laughing so hard thinking about this Hollywood handbook I just heard. Gosh, those guys are funny. Do a summary of it in a way that still makes people want to listen. Doesn't give away all the bits, but kind of alludes to them. But that's so hard to do.

I mean, if that were easy to do, everyone would do that. A lot of people use it as a wellness, this show, as like a way to like go to sleep at night and just like calm down. Yes, people use it to battle obsessive thoughts. If it's a calming podcast, I don't think the stuff is like – You could do like, oh, just listen to the Jen Statsky episode. They talked about Jimmy Fallon. It was just really funny. Everyone should listen to it.

I just think if you guys – Like a nice calm version of it. I guess, yeah. Like if that's what you're going for, are you advertising? This is a good question. Good night. I think we're getting to something. Are we advertising a podcast that is for sleep?

We're just saying we like the podcast. And if you want to use it for sleep or if you want to use it to, you know, make the morning commute fly by. Or get hyphy. Or if you want to get hyphy. What's that mean? Okay, you know when you're, when you go stupid, go dumb, dumb? Like, is that about getting high, or is that?

No. No. No, it's. It can be part of it. That's available. You can. In this kind of scene. or is that no no it can be part of it that's available you can in this kind of scene and still be

on that super duper hyphy shit sometimes I wish you guys would be more direct with me because we'd be able to conduct so much

more business in an easier manner but this is the most direct we've ever been with anyone okay it's about okay getting hyphy

is you bring glow stick nunchucks to a warehouse and you do like a special dance with the glow stick nunchucks. And there's somebody in front of you. The dance is for them. And one thing you can do is move the glow sticks back and forth by their head so fast that they're almost sailing down a glowing tunnel. I feel like I'm having a seizure based on trying to picture what you just said.

You do have to have a conversation before you do this, making sure that the person is not going to suffer any ill effects. Just to be careful, this podcast is seizure positive. We don't really try to insult a group of people. I'm not insulting. Just because you're going to be our brand representative, positive yes okay uh we don't really try to insult it's not people that so maybe just because

just because you're going to be our brand representative we don't want just to be like and that's good i want to have one i know i'm not look i've had one i've my people i my so has had one i was there it's not a big it is a big big deal. Okay. You know what? I should go. You feel trapped? I should go. I am pro-Sedra. Do you have access to gifts? Well, I'm not pro-Sedra, but we're Sedra positive. Do you have access to

gifts and memes? For my own TV show, yes, I do. From your TV show? Yes. Freeform sends us an email with a bunch of gifts from your old TV show I'm glad we are

on the same page that you are not going to do that anymore probably not no if this is gonna take up all my time that's fine yeah

but it's not gonna the hair alone it's gonna pay pretty well not as well as Doughboys would but still pretty good it sounds like I should

try to get in with Doughboys based on all the things you guys are saying. You don't want that. Why not? And they have YouSong as kind of like, he's the guy that does most of their brand stuff. So he's the guy to look out for. He's sort of a lifestyle model, yes.

He's who I should be looking out for. Yes. Kevin, come on. Why is... Where do you have to go? I called you in here You didn't do anything Now

Is there a meme From your show Where you are so excited about something? I'd have to look through the file But I'm certain Yeah, I play a character Who gets pretty easily excited Okay, so maybe

I'm just picturing a post. Okay. It's you excited. It's the same meme we were talking about. Oh, yeah. Mm-hmm. And you go, this for when. Do you know the abbreviation for that?

No. The TFW. You go, this for when. Pat Walsh is on Hollywood Handbook. And then it's like you being really excited. You're juiced. And then just like a woof. Yeah.

I feel like you guys are asking me to be your brand ambassador. Yes. But at the same time, I'm just doing ads. Well, what do you picture it as? Let's talk about that, because I don't want this to be a one-sided negotiation. Why don't you present to me your conception of being our brand ambassador?

I guess I could just do a few posts that maybe are less micromanaged by you guys, and you just kind of like... Okay. And you're like, do my hair. Sorry. Well, I thought he had a good vision for my hair so that i was like cool with but i think the actual post like if you want to

do my hair sean and you want to do my makeup sort of wild but tame yeah i that's fine because i'll i wouldn't mind help with that but i don't know how i feel about you guys micromanaging every little thing i do on my instagram it's starting to make me feel like you don't know how I feel about you guys micromanaging every little thing I do on my Instagram. It's starting to make me feel like you don't care about me or my voice or what my opinions are. And you just want my platform. Can I honestly say, I'm so glad that you brought this up. Because you talked about us wanting to be honest with you. And I think it is time to do that.

That's why we're doing this is because we do care about your voice and we think that this is kind of what you could use right now. I don't follow. You seem sort of all over the place. I do. It doesn't feel like there's a singular kind of mission statement. On my Instagram account or me as a person? Your comedy, just like your material.

It's all this different stuff. What if it were just, hey, I love this one podcast? I just don't understand how that is putting my message out into the world. I understand completely what you're saying being all over the place, I guess. Like if you look at my Instagram, it's mostly just photos of myself. So I don't totally agree. Selfies. But I guess my stand-up is kind of you know i don't

just pick one topic i mean i do just talk about myself so i i don't know i just don't understand how me posting dedicating my whole instagram account and my comedy presence your whole life to being a fan of you guys like i don't know the benefit. Like that would – And your relationship with your parents? My parents. I thought it was with my SO. You have to tell them. Tell them what? About the show. I mean that's fine.

I'll call them and tell them right now. I don't care about that. Okay. Do you want me to do that? Yeah, call your parents and tell them about the show. Okay. I can do you mentioned

doing your makeup I would love to do your eye makeup you would love really? have you done eye makeup before? yes not like around the eye

like the actual eye like on the eyeball that's what I do so many people are talking about a smoky eye yeah they're skipping

the fire eye. Yes. What is that? Like a magic hour colored? Hello. Dad? Yeah? Okay.

I just wanted to call you to tell you about a podcast that I am working with now called The Hollywood Handbook. And I just want you to know that it's my favorite podcast, and I think you should like it. What do you think about that? I think I'll listen to it. Is it video? No, it's just audio. When can I listen? Well, the episode that I'm on, I don't know when it'll be out, but I'll shoot you a text.

Am I on the podcast now? I have to go. Okay, so that worked. That was really good. That's one in the bag. And now he tells 10 other dads. He doesn't know other dads, but he could tell his friends.

He doesn't know any other dads? His friends are dads? Well, they're so old that they don't really, their kids aren't kids anymore. You know what I mean? They don't think of themselves as dads. Yeah. They're more just old men. Well, if you watch the show, dads, those dads were very old.

What show is that? Dads. What channel? Fox. Dads on Fox? Yeah. Dads on Fox, yeah. Dads on Fox. Seth Green. Seth on Fox, yeah. Dads on Fox.

Seth Green. Seth Green, Peter Rieger, Martin Moe. Giovanni Ribisi. And Sneaky Pete. I didn't see that one, but Seth Green is not as old as your... He wasn't the dad's. He wasn't the dad's. He was a little boy.

He and Sneaky Pete are the dad's sons. Gone in 60 seconds, a brother who gets him in all that trouble. He's a little boy. He and Sneaky P are the dad's sons. Gone in 60 seconds, the brother gets him in all that trouble. He's the kid. And then the dad is Roseanne's manager at the diner. Roseanne Barr? Yep. Yeah. She doesn't work at a diner?

Not anymore. Not anymore, no. She's a famous comedian. I'm really confused because I... Is Dad's on Fox's show that was on a few years ago, or is it something else? Yes. It sounds like you do know it. Yeah.

It was on a few years ago. Okay. Kevin... And Roseanne was on it. Well, no. In a way. But her boss was. Yeah. He was no. In a way. But her boss was. He was a dad.

Her diner boss. Okay. I still never remember. Did she work at a diner on her show? Yeah. Okay. Yeah. We shouldn't even be talking about her.

Tell her about the aprons. What? Chef Kevin, tell her about the aprons. Now. Now. Kevin, go now. Hey, guys. Chef Kevin here. Do you know about the Chef Kevin aprons? Tell her about the aprons. Now. Now. Kevin, go now. Hey, guys. Chef Kevin here.

Do you know about the Chef Kevin aprons? Tell her about the aprons. So they're aprons that are a part of the show, and they have my face on them. And they're actually doing really well. People like them, and they wear them when they cook. So what do you think about that? Do you want to promote that? Imagine a post, right?

Yeah, check out like imagine a post where the apron is the main part of it. And this for when you're cooking vegan food. In the pool. Yeah, this for when you're cooking vegan food in the pool. And let's talk about vegan food so she thinks that you're on her team. I hear your whispers. Maybe like Gardein is like a good brand. Are you vegan?

You really are. Yeah. What did you have for breakfast? Oatmeal. Plants. What did you have for dinner last night? Vegan wrap from Los Feliz. Just the general area of Los Angeles?

Sounds like the sidewalk. It's next to the study and public house. It's like a Greek restaurant. They have wraps there that are really good. Sidewalk Grill? Yeah, Sidewalk Grill. That was my second time there. I haven't heard of it.

You should check it out. It's really good. Okay. What did you have? What's your favorite vegan restaurant or meal? See, you're not going to like this. Why? Because I'm kind of basic. What's your favorite vegan restaurant or meal? See, you're not going to like this. Why?

Because I'm kind of basic. I go to Veggie Grill a lot, and that's not a good answer. It doesn't represent the community well. Okay, I believe you. It's like saying my favorite. Okay. Shut up. Okay, so you want to do the apron thing. You want me to wear your apron.

Firstly, if you're a chef none of the things you answered were things you made so that's weird and you had oatmeal for breakfast as a vegan chef i told you to say plant kevin so i'm like a little confused about your own personal branding and what you're because you're not really practicing what you preach but it doesn't matter i'm not here for that i i used to use periscope a lot and i would do lives and i would like cook yeah and so what i could do is i could wear your apron while i like make a pizza or something is that that'd be great that's a good idea how many followers do you followers does your periscope normally get um i don't know i have have, like, I think 30,000, 40,000 followers on Periscope.

Whoa. That would be great to get that going again. You guys want me to resurrect my Periscope? A live listen to the show? What do you mean a live listen? They're watching you listen to our podcast and saying. Yeah. So it's you.

You got freaking headphones in. And just a little bit. And maybe they can even see on the screen what episode it is. And maybe it's one with like a really big guest like some of the ones we've mentioned earlier. Let me think of a guest that we've had, a real one. Who have we had on the show? Oh, God. Oh, no.

This is the worst time to go completely blank. To just literally not be able to think of a single person. Are you okay? Okay, maybe it's Eliza Schlesinger, and you can see that she's on here, and then you just wait a minute, and you're sort of listening. You have a thinking face, and then you go, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah. While you're cooking, too, and you have the apron on.

You're listening. A lot of people do that. They do? Yeah, they listen while they're cooking. Who have you seen do that? My parents. That's a plant. Your parents?

Why don't you call them and ask them if they like to cook while they listen? Oh, God. Can we hear, while Kevin is calling his parents, can we hear what maybe it would sound like? The sound you would make while you're listening to this show. Okay, I wouldn't make a sound. I'm not really a sound maker. But I would just listen quietly. I think that

okay hello how are you good are you still talking to me yeah oh yeah we got a little do you ever listen to podcasts while you're

cooking do I yeah I do actually okay thanks I'll call you later Do you ever listen to podcasts while you're cooking? Do I? Yeah, I do, actually. Okay, thanks. I'll call you later. Bye. Bye.

So she's not happy that I'm vegan, and it's only been a year and a half, so we had a little back and forth this morning about it. And she thought you weren't talking to her anymore. Yeah. Like you had shut your mother out of your life. Kevin. She doesn't like that you're vegan. Yeah, which wasn't true. We were talking and then she just said, call me

later. Kevin, how old are you? 25. Okay. You're just so cute. Like I feel like you're like a little baby. Yeah. Are you crying? He doesn't. I did rub my eyes. Always. Yeah. He doesn't need this. People have been telling him he's cute.

No, it's like he's like a little kid. He's getting very messy. What does that mean? He's just becoming a messy bitch. Yeah. Because people are lifting him up in this way, calling him cute. They're enabling his behavior. You don't want to do that.

Well, you guys ground me for sure, so I'd say it evens out. We have to. Yeah, enjoy it. And your mom is trying to, and you try to cut her out of your life entirely. How are we only five years apart in age, and I feel like I should be breastfeeding you? He's a little boy. Like, you're such a child. Yeah, thanks.

You're welcome. My parents are vegan as well. Whoa. Yeah. Insane. Whenever I kind of want to not be vegan, that's when we get into a fight. Oh, that's amazing. Vegan dads.

Kevin, would it shock you to know that I once was considered beautiful as well? No. Look into your future, Kevin. Look what the ravages of age do to a man. Do you guys feel like if he thinks he's good-looking and cute, then he won't learn how to put his plate away? That's right. Kevin has been leaving his plate everywhere.

I do that too. And if he would just wash it right away, then he would end up saving a lot of time and not have to use the back of the brush to scrape the sauce off. And if he would just wash it right away, then he would end up saving a lot of time. Yeah. And not have to use the back of the brush to scrape the sauce off. Kevin thinks I'm cruel when I teach him lessons like this, but, you know, a smart man can learn from his own mistakes, but a wise man can learn from the mistakes of others. Oh. I want Kevin to be wise.

A woman, no experience, have not spoken, do not know what is their deal. They seem great. And it's nothing, it honestly is nothing negative and nothing personal. They honestly seem great to me. I'm fascinated. I don't know what the fuck is going on over there. They are so crazy with, they're doing all this different stuff. I just.

They like different things than me a lot of the time. And then when they're talking, they seem so mad at me. And they look like. Do I seem mad at you? Yes. I was just asking because your saying was about a wise man. Do you know how nice you were to Chef Kevin versus how you've been treating me this whole time? That's crazy.

You said he was cute and you want him to. I don't think we're going to talk about that part of it. He looks like a child. Suck on a boob. Oh my God. That's what she said. He looks like a child. That's what I meant.

Look, Sean, you don't look much older than Kevin. It's not like that. Forget it. I don't know what I walked into. I feel like I walked into a trap. I don't know what I walked into. I feel like I walked into a trap. I don't know what I walked into saying about a wise man. I guess that's how I heard the saying, but we should update the saying. This woman thing, I have a lot of questions about this while we're talking about it.

Please. You guys, when I'm looking at you on the other side of the dance, you guys tend to hang out with each other at the dance. And it seems like you guys have your own dance moves that you have like choreographed ahead of time. Yeah. And so I don't know how I'm supposed to. You're not. Get.

Okay. So then what are we doing? You know, it's called a mixer. We're supposed to mix. We are? Yes. Please. And then I'm, people act like I'm scared just because I'm sort of,'m sort of holding up the wall, as they say at the dance, with some of my boys addicted to the punch bowl.

And all of a sudden I'm a coward, but it's like, well, I didn't know we were going to come up with this whole dance before. There's no way for me to get – it's very exclusive. Aren't you guys like in your 30s? You're still going to dances? That's a problem. Well, I mean it's hard to meet people in – In this city. Yeah.

But what kind of dances – like are you going to high school dances? Well, eighth grade. Uh-huh. I mean sometimes that's a separate middle school and sometimes that is the first year of high school. So it depends on the city. Okay. You know, I mean, Kevin, you're closer to that age than all of us. Sure.

What was your experience at dances? Well, I went to a Catholic school, so it was very like heavily supervised and we had to like leave a lot of space. Make room for the Holy Ghost. Yeah. That could be a really interesting memoir. So your experiences in Catholic school, that could be kind of unique. Oh, yeah, it would be pretty good. I certainly don't know anything about it, so I'd be curious.

Well, I just remember my best friend, someone, a girl asked him out at the beginning of the song, and then he said no, and then they had a dance for like another four minutes. I just remember that being very uncomfortable. Was it Darius? No. Yeah, I guess my highlight was someone else's experience. That is very sad. Yeah.

Well, I don't know. Dances are cool, though. I had a lot of fun. I kind of was just watching people. Okay, maybe we should talk about something else. Sure. Do you want fun. I kind of was just watching people. Okay, maybe we should talk about something else. Sure. Do you want to try the sound?

Just watching people. Yeah, do you want to try to do the sound? That was pretty good. What? That was a good sound that you could make when you're listening to the podcast. Yeah. Okay, I'll... What time is it? Just try to make a sound.

There's a lot of time left. What if instead of jeopardizing your own account, you use like a fake one? That way you don't have to like ruin your own. What am I doing for this show in a fake account? I have a fake account. Oh, great. Yeah. Oh, my God.

She admitted it. Is it the men's humor account? No, it's just like a Finsta. It's like a personal Instagram. Is it the men's humor account? No, it's just like a Finsta. It's like a personal Instagram. Is it Ryan Hintz Media? Who's that? That's someone who just keeps following and unfollowing me on Twitter. Me too.

He's one of these accounts that, like, he's ripped. And then it says, like, he has, like, you know, 200,000 followers, but he's following 300,000 people yeah I think it's every verified person I'm verified

and so that I think that is when this started and I assume for you too he did ultimately yeah in a way

after a fashion after a fashion yeah he's the one who started he was giving us why aren't you verified he was giving us the business about not being verified.

That is so embarrassing. Are you verified? Yeah. Okay, congrats. Sorry. No, it's okay. I just, look, Dave King, after he got retweeted by Kim Kardashian,

nothing has been the same, and it's just frustrating that you guys would bring up him with Twitter. What did he say? Just like a tweet about pizza. Uh-huh. So. Yeah, it was about the issues.

Yeah. But you know the tweet. Oh, yeah. Okay. Believe me. I can't freaking sleep, I think, about that tweet, how it got retweeted by Kim Kardashian. We should talk about this privately because I have the same problem. So we should sidebar on this later.

I never will rest. The tweet has changed him. Yeah, of course. It's changed all of us. It was about pizza. If I recall correctly, he was also putting the president on blast. The president? Am I wrong about that?

Well, it was putting the government on blast. Yes. More about gun stuff. Oh, okay. So whoever to put on blast for that, I don't know. Has it scared you to be getting this much attention for the tweet? I don't know. I just imagine it's changed everything.

I'm not getting attention. That's the problem. He is. And I'm the actress in the home. And you used to get attention from him. And now. He's giving attention to himself. Yes. Would have been nice for him, I noticed

he didn't do this, to in the, he could reply to the pizza tweet and plug your SoundCloud, which I notice he has not done. That could be dope as fuck. Wait, you know about my SoundCloud reps? Yes. Okay, that's, thank you for researching me to that degree.

Yeah, no, that's a good idea. Can you ask him to do that for me? We don't have that kind of relationship. You don't? No. Because it was such a good idea and it came from you so organically that I feel like if you could ask him that, that would be a big deal for me and my rats. When I went to Sean's mini golf birthday party, me and Chef Kevin were in the last group. The caboose.

In the caboose. And Dave showed up kind of late. And our group was not very big. It was the two of us. The smallest group, yeah. It was the two of us and Kevin's lady friend and Mitch. So that was cool. It was good to have Mitch there.

That's dope, yeah. But Dave showed up. Wait, Mitch from the Doughboys. Mitch from Love, yeah. From Doughboys. Yeah. Mitch from the Doughboys. Mitch from Love, yeah. From Doughboys. Yeah. Mitch from Alone Together. Mitch.live.

Mitch from the Alone Together pilot. Oh, that's true. But I just want to make sure because you say a lot of bad things about the Doughboys and then you just said you were with Mitch like it was a good thing. Fuck the fucking Doughboys. He is our enemy, but I love him. Okay. It's complicated.

The opposite of love is indifference. Yeah. And Dave did kind of skip our group. And you were there. And he did kind of go one group ahead of us, which was already a lot of people. People he's more comfortable with. Like, I get it. Has to be what happened, yeah.

But when you're saying, am I the guy to tell him to plug your SoundCloud in the reply? No, I think that's more of a Ders or – Uncle Blazer. Well, someone has to do it. People in that group that he seems to be closer to. Here's the thing. Right now we have to decide someone's doing it for me. Sean, if you want to do it.

Should it be Chef Kevin's mom? I think, Hay think Hayes, you came up with the idea so organically. Yeah. And this would be a huge deal for me and if it was something I could just say like,

hey Dave, can you do this? I would, but I can't. Well, while we have this platform, why don't we hear some of the raps?

I don't perform live yet. It's just all in the studio. No, I know, I know. It sounds very, it sounds very heavily edited. I'll just give him a quick call. Well, you've listened to them,

so why don't you repeat one of your favorite quotes? Hey, it's Dave. Leave me a message. Leave a message. Leave a message. Okay. It sounded like he rejected my call. One ring. Hi, Dave. It's Hayes. Leave a message. Okay. It sounded like he rejected my call. One ring.

Hi, Dave. It's Hayes. You got green buttoned. I was just thinking about the famous pizza tweet that you did that Kim Kardashian retweeted, and I decided it would be really nice for Esther if you would plug her SoundCloud in the reply to that tweet. I think it's probably still doing pretty big numbers. And so I think that could be really huge for something that she wants to

get out there. Anything else? My raps. Tell me. And her raps. The soundcloud. The rap soundcloud. Oh, the rap soundcloud. Not the R&B soundcloud. Bye. Okay. I appreciate you doing that

Is his phone off? No, no, no I think he's at a thing with people So he wouldn't answer Okay, just let it ring out Yeah, but if it's a quiet room And you don't want the vibe The vibration

Yeah Thanks for doing that So we all called someone The vibration. Thanks for doing that. Yeah. So we all called someone. Yeah, everybody except me. Sean, do you want to call my dad? Who should I call?

Do you guys normally call people? No. No. Once every 10 or 15 episodes probably. Who am I going to call? You could call my co-star, Benji. You could call Benji. You could call Durs. Hang on a second.

Call Darius. His name is Darius now? Yeah, I never corrected you guys. Who are you calling? They put me on hold. What? Well, I called Taqueria Lozaniah. Oh, yeah, we're coming up on lunch, yeah.

Yeah, I just figured that I would just make sure they were open today. Esther, please just, so we can keep using it, just give us one sound like you're laughing and you love the podcast. Okay. Please. Okay. It would help if we could like, I don't know. I mean, you guys are pretty funny.

I've been laughing. You want to tell a joke? Yeah. Okay. So. Okay. I have to think of a joke, don't I? So there's a barn fire that has gone out of control.

And the farmer goes out back and he's spraying his hose on it and he's going to the well and he's filling up buckets of water and he's splashing on it. But the fire is threatening to destroy all of his crops and he doesn't really know what to do anymore. threatening to destroy all of his crops, and he doesn't really know what to do anymore. And finally, he decides, I'm going to call the volunteer fire department. Now, it's a brand new fire department. He doesn't really know these guys. He doesn't really know if they're up to snuff, but he doesn't know what else to do. So he calls the volunteer fire department, and he's not really sure what to expect.

And his friends have been trying to keep the blaze under control, but it's just not happening. So the fire truck comes roaring in, and he thinks, like, are these guys going to be able to handle it? And in fact, they drive into the middle of the blaze all the way to the center of the fire. Everyone jumps out of the car and starts effectively controlling the fire and putting out the flames and doing everything they can in their power, and they put it all out. And the farmer's standing there with his buddies, and they are all so impressed. They go, these are the bravest motherfuckers I've ever seen in my life. Like, I can't believe this. The fire goes out.

The farmer comes over. He shakes the hand of the head of the volunteer fire department, and he goes, man, that was so impressive. I can't believe it. I know you guys don't normally get tipped, but I'd like to give you something. I'm going to give you $1,000. And the firefighter goes, thank you so much. I really appreciate it. And then he says, no, no, that's fine. And then one of the friends goes, hey, that's a pretty nice tip. You got any idea what you're going to do with the money? And the firefighter goes, well, first things first, I'm going to get the brakes fixed on this truck. And like a hi-hat.

That was a really good joke. That's good. We could use that. Bye.