Hollywood Handbook - Lou Wilson, Our Close Friend

Episode Date: October 17, 2017

Sean and Hayes bring LOU WILSON onto the show to hear about working on Netflix's American Vandal and also for something else. This episode is sponsored by The Second City Training Center.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This is a HeadGum Podcast. It was me and Scott Peterson. The Innocent Man? Yes. We were at the World Series and we're the umpires. And I'm behind the plate. We're switching off who does behind the plate. And the ball's coming in.

And every time... From a throw? Yes, the guy... Okay, so the thrower is shooting at it. Yeah, okay, yeah. I'm just trying to picture exactly. So you're standing behind the guy who gets it thrown. Behind the guy who kind of looks like me.

He's kind of dressing like me. Yes, that's right. And the thrower's shooting it at that guy. So there's like Ump Jr. Yes. You know, kind of crouched down. He's like pretending to be my little kid. And then there's the sort of mean guy with the club.

Yes, and he's threatening to hit somebody with his club. Unless you do what he says. Yes, and so the ball's coming in and if the club man doesn't swing, I say I can hit that. And then, so it's a strike. If I could hit it,

it's a strike. And a lot of times he's like, you can hit that. He's at a huge disadvantage. If it's like rolling on the ground or something. Your hand-eye coordination is like frigging last starfighter level. You know what I mean? Where you're actually the next step in human evolution in terms of your fast twitch muscles. Yeah.

I'm like future man. You remind me a lot of Future Man, Josh Hutcherson. And so I say, well, give me the thing. And he has to give me his club, and I'm smashing it. I say, do that again to the thrower, and he does it, and I'm smashing it. And I say, okay, now I get to peg you in the ass. So he's got to get hands up against the wall, back turn. No looking. Don't turn around and look. You don't get to know when it's coming. Yeah, and he's got to get hands up against the wall, back turn, no looking,

don't turn around and look, you don't get to know when it's coming. Yeah, and he's trying to look, and I'm like, well, like, you're going to catch it with your eyeball. Yeah, you get two, if you turn around, you get two pegs in the ass. Yeah. And every time I peg him, it's an ow, and I get to keep doing it. Oh, no.

So, then what happened? The game ended really fast. Uh-huh. So many outs. Hey, then what happened? The game ended really fast. Uh-huh. So many outs. Hey, welcome to Hollywood Handbook, an insider's guide to kicking butt and dropping names. In the red carpet linebacker hallways of this industry we call showbiz. At least we used to.

I don't even know what we call it anymore. Welcome to Lou. Hello. Hey, Lou. Hello. Hey, Lou. Lou Wilson. Now, Lou, why don't you just say who you are for a second and say why you think you're here. Okay. I'm Lou Wilson.

I'm an actor, improviser, and occasional writer. I've starred on such shows as TBS's The Guestbook and Netflix's American Vandal. I even said one line on an episode of IFC's Comedy Bang Bang. What was the line? It was, well, you are wearing clothing of the modern era, so here you go. And I sold Scott Occam. Scott gave you that one? Yep. I sold him a bunch of batteries. It was a real dream. And my first ever television role. Wow, and that launched you into all of this success. Into all of this. And now I'm here on Hollywood Handbook to talk about slick hands and fast moves in this big, bright city.

I will say, Scott usually likes to keep the good stuff for himself. So he must have really seen something in you. He'll go through the script and if the line has another name on it, he'll highlight it anyway. He's like, no, actually, I'm going to be doing this one. Well, in a line like that, a laugh line

that is sort of star-making, as we found out, that's the sort of line that Scott will sort of earmark and say, nobody else gets to say this. Even if he is playing the character who the line is said to, he'll find a way around that. There's a lot of camera tricks and stuff.

He knows all these tricks. He can hand himself batteries. He's like, this would be funnier this way if I'm doing it. Yeah. Does it make sense? Would I even need batteries from this guy? Wouldn't I have my own batteries and I'll just say it to me? No, just pull them out of my pocket.

Wouldn't I know where the batteries are already? He'll say, and then you'll go, okay, well, there's nothing I can do about this. Well, you know, who knows what I did on that sweet Wednesday morning to prove to Scott Aukerman that I was the one who should hand him the batteries. But, you know, I just – ever since then, I've just kept on stepping, knowing that Scott Aukerman gave me a line.

Don't get shy. You know, don't get nervous. We're complimenting you. That's great that what happened was he saw you and he went, somehow this guy is so good and so magnetic that I would forget that I know where the batteries are already and would be able to get them myself. Yeah. Because we think you're so good. We're really big fans.

We honestly do love it. It's part of why we wanted to have you on the show. Wow. We honestly do love your stuff. It's not the main reason we are talking to you and we're having you here? Oh, no. It's a trick. What?

So we are engaged in a pretty extensive legal battle with Netflix. Sort of a back and forth. Okay. And we've decided to make it an illegal battle by breaking the law to force their hand a little bit. Just to set the scene a little bit, Sean and I received a DVD in the mail several months ago. It was for the movie U-571. Okay. We pop it in.

We enjoy the movie. I think. We watch it. Wait, you're not sure whether you enjoyed it? Looking back, this was obviously several years ago. Yes. Looking back, I remember liking that the boat could go underwater. But I remember also feeling a little claustrophobic throughout the film.

Yeah, and it seems like everyone would get wet. If you actually tried to do that, it seems like everyone would get wet if you actually try to do that it seems dangerous and having you know I'm not the most skilled sort of nautical genius but I have gone underwater and I got soaked

I don't know if you end up seeing this if you've seen this movie but they end up paying for doing this like they suffer? the message of the movie, but they end up paying for doing this. Like they suffer? The message of the movie is like they shouldn't have tried to go underwater like that. Well, I haven't seen the movie, but that makes sense. Yeah. If you've ever tried to do that.

Well, don't see it. Because here's the other thing. They've got windows out of this underwater boat. You can't have Aquaman go by. Like honestly, because I'm paying to watch a movie. They're looking out the windows all the time, and Aquaman never goes by. You can't have him just come.

You don't even have to talk to him. Yeah, he could just be doing something else. But Aquaman's not going to come by? Or Free Willy? Was there ever, like, a big pod of, like, dolphins that, like, Aquaman could have been amongst? That he's disguised in the middle of the pod of dolphins? Yeah, and that's how he slips by.

He's using them as a disguise so U-571 doesn't see him. Lou, I appreciate you challenging me in this way because I'm so prepared. I went frame by frame. No dolphin pod, no Aquaman, Free Willy wasn't there. The music they were listening to wasn't very good. And so I just went, like, what am I actually, like, give me, you know, put some Beach Boys on, little deuce coop. And, like, because I'm underwater. I'm in the ocean. I feel like I'm at the beach.

Like, give me something fun. Maybe there's, like, a crazy cartoon dog running around. A snork. Aquaman comes in. Yeah, a snork, a snork eater, a snork eater eater. And All-Star and Aki and Junior, Daphne, they're all sort of jitterbugging and doing their thing. And now, if you want to do this story about the war boat,

like trying to smash another whatever, you can do that because you've got my attention. But don't try to do the hard part first. Like, make it easy on yourself. Ground it in a world that I understand, and then you can make these, like, take these big swings. Connect it, yeah. Connect it to my life, to movies, to the human experience. So they didn't try and do any of those things. There's not even like a hint of

like a Caribbean rock band or... There was nothing. No steel drum. No steel drum? No. What? There was absolutely nothing that 90s kids would understand. Did someone at least bang on some pipes? I mean, there's plenty of pipes in a U-boat. There's a pipe that's making a noise. They could bang on some choral that would make a different noise. Oh, too intentionally?

They never did that. There's a pipe that's making a noise at one point. That they're concerned about. Yes, exactly. It's not fun to listen to. No, there's no sort of rhythm to it. You can't tap your foot. So, it was a very frustrating film. So, we send it back

because we always send the movies back. This is what Netflix is asking us, whether or not we actually send them back. We do. And we sent them an email saying, hey, we just put it in the mailbox today. And we told them some of our thoughts on it. And we're saying, please send us our next movie, which is anywhere but here. And by the way, Lou, I used to do the mail. So I know how the mail works. I know how the, Lou, I used to do the mail. So I know how the mail works. How the mail works.

I know how the mail does. I used to do the mail. We all have done the mail, right? I started in the mail room. We all start in the mail room. That's how you get anywhere. Yeah. Actually, I started in the men's room, which was a mail room of sorts.

The men's room. I was a bathroom attendant, and somebody saw something in me, much like Scott Aukerman did with you, and was like, this guy should work in the mail room. Then I did the mail there. Got it. Classic hero's journey. Then I got promoted from there.

I went to the sort of gentleman's club. Another mail room. And from there, obviously, I was given a podcast. Let me drink this. Hang on one second. Let me drink this murky water. Got it.

So, wouldn't you know, an email comes back, and they say, we never got U571. This is Netflix saying this. Of course. We didn't get our movie. Hey, do I sound like the friggin' sub?

A little bit. That really sounds like it, whether it's going under. Yeah. I like that part. So Netflix is mad. Yes. They're freaking out. They're like obsessed with this movie.

And it's like, okay, it's like just one movie. Stop like freaking out. But they're like, yeah. I think they're obsessed with us. Yes. There's something. Because they always do this. Emails.

I don't get this many emails from my freaking girlfriend. So it's been a lot of accusations that we are just keeping the movies and we're ripping them. And we're burning them onto CD-Rs for our friends. Us. We can go see the movies anytime we want. We don't need to rip these for our friends. I don't need to sit here and name all the movies that I've seen for you, Lou. You can kind of tell that I've been through it.

Yeah. But let me just give you one example. Ant-Man. I mean, that tells me everything I need to know. Everything. Which they might not even have. And I know you don't doubt me, but if someone out there does, Ant-Man was trying to steal the Hulk's last Diet Coke. So just to prove that I've seen it.

He's running with it. He's very small. Yeah. Hulk basically catches him. What they realize upon opening the Diet Coke is that at his current size, ant-sized, just one drop of the Coke is probably going to be enough for him. And then the Hulk can kind of – Have the rest? Yeah, he can pound the rest of the – I don't know. And we said all this to Netflix.

We said – so actually we've seen all the movies we need to see. We saw them, and we described it to them over email. And I think they hadn't even seen it because they were kind of like, oh, we don't care. But it's like, do you actually even know that this is a movie? And it's like, your job is to do these movies. So they shut down our account. They said, it's too many times that you've promised us that you were sending back the DVDs. that you've promised us that you were sending back the DVDs.

These are turning up on the black market that have been ripped by the Brothers Rip Van Winkle. It's what these supposed movie piraters call themselves because they rip all these movies.

It's a funny name. It's a great name. Much respect to the people that came up with that name. The Brothers Rip Van Winkle. It's a funny name I think the name is It's a great name Much respect to the people that came up with that With the Brothers Rip Van Winkle It's not us So they shut down our account They took away something that we Care about

And they actually Point blank accused us Of being Rip Torn and Jack the Ripper The two halves of Brothers Rip Van Winkle. Of the Brothers Rip Van Winkle. And I was so offended and so mad, I was about to go straight Ant-Man on these guys. And bust into their friggin' office and take their last Diet Coke. Imagine something is just like pulling their collar around that they can't even see and their head is just going like,

but they don't even, they can't even see it. Yeah. That's, I mean, that would be, Netflix would never be the same again. It's like fighting the invisible man, but even worse because the target's not large. You can, you can fight the invisible man. You can throw paint on him. Oh yeah. Yeah.

Try throwing paint on Ant-Man. Got to find him first. So that leads us to our current state where they suspended our account. They've impugned our good name. They took something that we love until we thought, maybe we could take something that they love. And that's you. It's Lou Wilson, the star of American Vandal.

They had you do this big show. They're so proud of it. And then they thought no one will be able to capture one of our main guys from the show we liked. Guys, I'm not the star. I'm just a guy on American Vandal. Am I? I'm not just a guest? You guys don't want my tips?

No, we do want to hear about all that stuff. We can talk about it because you're here already, but you're here as a guest. We want all the Hollywood tips, but the main reason is for you to be used as bait for the Netflix guys to come over here so we can pound their ass. I mean, I don't know how – I mean, I'm very excited to be on the podcast, but I'm now very confused with regard to, like, my general well-being as a whole. Oh, sorry. We're not going to do anything to you. But we are going to – you can help us email Netflix, and we appreciate you being so helpful about this.

Thank you so much, and you can't leave. Thank you, Lou. We love you, and we're in love with you. Well, you guys are being so pleasant. Lou, I love you, and I're in love with you. You guys are being so pleasant. Lou, I love you, and I'm in love with you. Wow. How does it feel to hear that? I mean, I'll tell you, I'm on level 11 out of 12, and 12 is heaven.

Well, let's bring you to 12, please. Okay, I'm on. Brett. I'm on. Brett, let's get him up to 12, please. He wants to go to 12, which is heaven. You're Mr. Heavenly. Go ahead and boost him up.

Can you jack me up to level 12? How do you propose I do that? Brett, you know what you have to do. Brett, maybe look him right in the eye and tell him that you love him and you're in love with him. Oh, right. Lou? Yeah? I have something to tell you.

Uh-huh. Lou? Yeah? I have something to tell you. Uh-huh. It's difficult for me always to express my feelings. Of course. But.

That's why it means more. I'm just going to go ahead and say it. Please. I love you and I'm in love with you. Oh, man. A little bit of a hitch in the second one, but I think it's going to work. Next time, we'll just go straight through. Yeah, we'll just have a smooth one.

It's one thought. Yeah. Oh, okay. Well, I'm at level 12 now. Yeah, and that's it. Yeah, and you might not even want to go back to Netflix, but you have to because we're going to get ready. That's going to be part of the negotiation, yeah. Okay, well, I'm happy. You know what?

I'm not going to say fuck Netflix, but let's get you guys your account back. I'm into that. Thank you, Lou. Right? I knew you would want to help us. And maybe they have to even admit that we are not Jack the Ripper and Rip Torn and the Rip Van Winkle brothers. The brothers Rip Van Winkle. Yes.

Not that I know what the name even is. No, and that's a better name, and whoever came up with it is pretty smart. So, yeah, they have to admit that we're not that. They have to give us our account back because we've got to start shipping back and forth these DVDs again. I mean, this is what's so great about Netflix is here we are. It's 2017, and all you have to do is type in a thing, and then they put it in the mail, and then a few days later it gets mailed to you in your mailbox. As somebody who used to do the mail,

I'm still sort of blown away by the majesty of it all. Of course. Then you put it in, watch it, don't do anything else with it, and then you mail it back. Yeah. And they're accusing this. So this is the only evidence they have, is that once they said we accidentally sent them back a ripped

movie signed by the Brothers Rip Van Winkle which seems like they're maybe framing us yes and so Netflix should be trying to help us because whoever these guys are these geniuses they have it in for me and Hayes so yeah

maybe like protect us a little bit if there's one thing I learned working on American Vandal, I mean, Netflix knows how to spin a mystery. They know how to create a tale that's fabricated on lies and sell it to the public. No plugs, by the way.

This is not... We want to talk to you, but you are a prisoner. You're a POW. A prisoner of wicked awesome dudes. I'm just trying to feel out the boundaries of my entrapment. I'm sure we'll come to a happy medium over time. What we wanted to do, Lou, is sort of draft an email to Netflix saying all the nefarious deeds we're going to do to you if they don't kind of meet our demands.

Got it. And we want to make sure you're comfortable with what we're saying, the atrocities we're going to commit. Cool, cool, cool. Will be. I mean, I'm terrified of the word atrocities, but terrors or horrors I could live with. Oh, okay. Oh, let me use the word that you're comfortable with. Okay.

I'm sorry. I didn't mean to push. Look, Lou, I love you. I'm in love with you. Uh-huh. But there's got to be a point where you stop jerking me around and fall in line and do the program. Hollywood handbook.

Brett, can you pull up computer, please? Yes. Brett, do computer. Computer. And launch email. No, actually, this note, okay. So, this is devious. We should write, ugh, Kevin.

Very scary. Don't freak me out. We should write... Oh, Kevin. Very scary. That'll freak me out. We should write them... The second I'm getting talked to, Kevin Watson. Brett, weren't you taking photos with your phone before? Yes, but of Bashi. Not you guys. Very cute.

Yeah, it is interesting that as soon as Brett gets his moment to shine, in comes Kevin being, oh, is someone who's not actually supposed to be part of the show part of the show? Maybe that's me this time. And Brett used to be a real star here. Brett was starting to get really funny. Brett was actually starting to become a really funny guy. What if we wrote our note as a review of the movie Ransom?

And we give it five stars, I guess. Only this time it's going to be Ted Sarandos saying, give me back my son. Yeah. So, you know, that's right. You know who that is? Of course. Yeah, he's your dad, basically. Yeah, you know, that's right. You know who that is? Of course. Yeah, he's your dad, basically. Yeah, exactly.

He's essentially your dad. Yeah, Ted Sarando taught me how to throw a ball. I'll tell you that. He did. Yeah, a big ball, wadded up ball, $100 bills, thrown it at a stripper's butt cheek. I mean, that's what he's deep pegging, right? Yeah, exactly.

Pegging him in the ass. Playing butts up. Oh, right? Yeah. Yeah, exactly. Pegging him in the ass. Playing butts up. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Kevin, sit down. Don't just, you know. Come on, man. Like, lurk around.

Fucking take a load off, brother. You've been working too damn hard. Yeah. So, okay. Do we have to watch the movie? Ransom? Yeah. Yeah, let's just watch it.

Put it on. I guess to know if we're going to review it. Okay, so is it streaming? I'm sure it is somewhere. Okay, we can just start drafting the email while you pull up Ransom. What is this? What's this streaming stuff? So maybe you can help us with this.

Yeah. Because obviously our DVDs have been suspended. We've always watched movies by getting discs in them. Yes. Of course. But when he's saying streaming, people have been telling us, oh, you don't even have to do that. So streaming is where Netflix has a big old computer, right? Yeah.

Huge, huh? It's huge. It's like a whole building. And it's in the middle of nowhere. And it just sends – Like Pacific Rim. Yeah, exactly. It's like the wall in Pacific Rim just, it sends Like Pacific Rim. Yeah, exactly. It's like the wall in Pacific Rim.

Which I watched on a disc. As you should. So you're inside a kaiju, essentially. Exactly. You're inside a big living thing that's sending out a bunch of ones and zeros to American households all over the world. Whenever they want.

Whenever they want. So you're in there. Walk me through this. You're inside Netflix. Yeah. And you get some kind of alarm when someone wants to stream you and you do the show? Well, it's not so much an alarm. It's like a light comes on. Yeah, and then you have to go to your spot.

Oh, no, no. The big kaiju computer sends out the information and voila, a happy boy, girl, man, woman, or child has the ability to watch a movie at their leisure. Hey, Luke, can I tell you what I think streaming is? Yeah, go ahead. I did a little streaming this morning into the toilet. Missed, too. Just like Netflix does with a lot of their streaming. Yeah, with a lot of their streaming.

They get it all over the place, a little like my friend here. Yeah. Total mess. Sound familiar? Disaster in there. Forgets to put the lid up. Mm-hmm. And fell trying to clean it.

Fell and hit my head on the tank. Sound familiar? Big cut. Sound a little like what's going on over there at Netflix? Yeah, my forehead was doing a little streaming, streaming blood into my eyes. Couldn't see anything. Blood and pee mixing on the floor. Yeah.

I mean, I guess. Not cool. I mean, I guess if you see the blood as visual information and the urine as audio information, them coming together and reaching these American households. Can I tell you what I think coming together is? I did a little bit of that this morning in the toilet with my beautiful wife. Is she on the toilet? She's helping me clean up.

They came together. Well, because she found me passed out. Oh, okay. After the big mess. Yeah. I had lost a lot of blood. Yeah. Well, you've soaked up a lot of it probably with your robe.

You're sort of like a human washcloth. Well, you don't think of silk as being absorbent. But if you lie there long enough. But if you lie there, yeah, it'll get all the way into the seams and fibers, yeah. Should we watch a clip? Yeah, let's watch a clip. Let's finally watch a clip. Welcome to Hair and Makeup on Ransom.

This is Valerie's makeup area. This is Ransom as a is Valerie's makeup area. This is Ransom as a show. So we come here every morning to get processed, catch up on all the news, learn our lines.

She gets kidnapped. General Tomfoolery. Wait, turn this off. What, is this wrong? And we're going to write a review of this as part of the note. So that, okay, so I guess the movie is a behind-the-scenes clip.

Yeah, of like a makeup chair. As I understand it, it's a BTS moment from one of the actresses on the show Ransom. That's the movie? Yeah. That sounds, okay. It's a pretty avant-garde film, and I love art stuff. So I am so thrilled that they're challenging the medium of what movies are by saying now a movie is a very short clip of behind the scenes of a TV show.

Okay, so let's start the email, which is going to be in the review. Okay. So we start at like a normal review to surprise them. Activate keyboard. So it goes, I had a great time watching this movie, and I liked all the characters, and the action scenes were exciting to me. And then you do a dash dash, and then you put in a laughing skull. That animated laughing skull.

And he's going, And so then you say, surprise, bitch. It's the Brothers Rip Van Wynne. No, no, no, no, sorry, sorry. Do this, surprise, bitch. It's the Brothers Rip Van Williams. No, no, no, sorry. Do this. Surprise, bitch. Actually, the directing was pedestrian, and the performances were amateurish.

Okay, so now it's a one-star review, but now we have to surprise them again. No, we will. We will. We will. Yeah, go ahead. Yeah, and then And then So Get to that

And go And this review is only one star Dash dash Yeah And then do A red X And then do a laughing skull And then Do another dash dash and do.

Ignore those dashes. Say that. Yeah. Okay, so now. Didn't mean to type that. Surprise, bitch. Surprise, bitch. It's not the Brothers Rip Van Winkle.

It's Hayes and Sean. Mm-hmm. And we did a little ransom of our own, and his name is Lou Wilson. And so now you have to be like, hey, prove that you're here. Hey, this is Lou Wilson now typing. I'm currently being hailed by Hayes and Sean. It's not that bad, but please don't. No, no, no, no, no.

It has to be bad. But you'll just have to prove It's not that bad. No, no, no, no, no. It has to be bad. But you'll just have to prove it's you. Okay. Something that only Netflix would know. Something that only they would know you know. Hey, it's Lou. Remember that time when we were all in the limousine and we played the music too loud

and that one producer came and yelled at us and it was really scary and we all thought we were going to get fired. It has to be more specific than that i'm watching the show i'm knowing i know that you guys are cutting up off set hey this is lou wilson uh from american vandal uh i gave you uh i gave you uh my heart uh when i declared my love for Ben Freeman that one time when we were both waiting for the bathroom and then he went and told everybody

and I cried a lot. And so you had to shut down production for two days and it was just really, really hard for me to push through. But luckily we were in the last month of shooting and so you guys got to double and shot most of my were in the last month of shooting, and so you guys got to double and shop most of my stuff from the back.

Anyway, I'm currently being held by Hayes and Sean. A couple of pieces of contract information, just so they know for sure. Yeah, just like per episode of grade. Yeah, of course. You paid me $7,500 an episode and made sure there were always Strawberry Weathers originals in my trailer. I'm currently being held by Hayes and Sean. Everything is bad. It's all very scary.

the Brothers Rip Van Winkle edition version of X-Men Wolverine Origins, where most of the graphics haven't been done yet, so the biplane is just kind of like a weird gray thing. Talk a little bit about Alec Botnick. Yeah. Any producer on this? He was. And then, of course, Alec Botnick was there and at one point brought his son to set,

and I filmed him while singing Chameleon Airs Riding Dirty as he rode a scooter around. And then I got near blackout drunk, showed the video to Alec Botnick, at which point he showed his son, who now often sings Chameleon Airs Riding Dirty, like often. Anyway, again, I'm currently being held by Hayes and Sean. And then I feel like this is- I say that we're not Rip Torn and Jack Winkle. They are not Rip Torn and Jack Winkle, the brothers- Jack the Ripper, the brothers Rip Van Winkle.

Okay. They are not Rip Torn and Jack the Ripper, the brothers Rip Van Winkle. They are currently committing many atrocities to me. Please, please, please reinstate their Netflix account post-haste. And so maybe say, so now we'll say, so now, hey, so this is Sean. I'm back. It was Hayes before before but it was both of us but now it's me and if you

don't meet our demands and give us back our access to getting these DVDs in the mail and by the way I used to do the mail so I do know how it works if you don't do that then guess what we're gonna do

a big pinch and pinch loose so bad. And when you get him back, his cheeks are going to be so damn rosy. They're going to be stuck in pinch mode. They're going to be stuck all rosy and pulled up so high and have almost like a little wrinkle under the eye from how big a pinch. And good luck filming that. And makeup could help know, could help, but won't totally get rid of it.

And we should say something that proves what day it is. Kumail's doing SNL tonight. Here we go. Yeah, that feels good. What kind of sketches do you think he's going to do? What kind of sketches do you think, like, what's the premise? He's going to ruin SNL. You think he's going to ruin SNL?

Yeah, I think so too. Tonight's the night SNL dies. I feel like he'll do a sketch where he's like an IT guy and everyone's like, oh, you're just an IT guy. And then he's like, no, I'm not. I'm like more interesting than that. And that'll be the whole sketch. Making copies. Yeah. He be the whole sketch making copies yeah

Higu would be good at making copies I think he'll do making copies I definitely think he's gonna do that I think he's gonna do Church Lady oh you think he's just gonna do a bunch of old stuff again the Joe Pesci talk show I think he's gonna do Goat Boy Vinny Vedici

yeah I think he's gonna do Vinny Viddici I think he's gonna say I'm Chevy Chase and you're not I don't know something he's gonna do tonight that's not a whole show that was like 5 seconds I think he's gonna do I'm a hyper hypo

oh yeah that's right he would be really good at that. Yeah. I mean, is it in bad taste if he does the Chris Farley show? I think he'd be really good at that. Yeah, he would be good. He'd nail that. Maybe he does Coffee Talk and Chris Farley's the guest.

Okay, that could be cool. Kevin, do you have any ideas for what Kumail will do? He'll probably do the monologue and do a good job. He's going to do the bees. Oh, those bees. Yeah, the old bees from the first ones. And the cheeseburger men. He's going to be all of them.

Oh, he's going to be all of them. Oh, he's going to do Fresh Ground Pepper. Yeah. So now they know that it's today. Yeah. Because they'll see all those sketches and they'll know, oh, it was all, they knew. And if we get one wrong, that's almost more effective because they know that it's happening right before it aired. We look smart no matter what. Definitely.

What's it like just being in Netflix and getting to hang out with all those movies? I mean, it's the best. Because we know these movies as these big stars that we can't really access. Sorry, Brett, send.

Done. And let me know what they say. If they reply, Brett, let me know what they say. Okay. If they reply, Brett, let us know if they reply. Have they responded now? No. I hit undo. Tell us if they reply and then read us the message.

Okay. What's it like hanging out with all those movies? I mean. Because you get to know them as like actual, just like these personalities, like socially, like they're, you know, like they're actually being real for one. Yeah. Because you get to know them as these personalities socially. They're actually being real for once. Yeah, they're like all – I mean it is like it's definitely like a place where you can really – everyone just like sheds their skin.

Yeah. And it's like really I'm like hanging out with like the queen. The reptilian. And that like one movie that took place in Africa who's like – I don't even need to know his name. The constant gardener. Yeah, the constant gardener. Yeah. Constant gardener like, I don't even need to know his name. The Constant Gardener. Yeah, the Constant Gardener. He doesn't even like gardening. He prefers shooting hoops and

drinking cold brew coffee late at night. I don't know. We have a good time. What's your category? Netflix has these categories. So you're a Netflix category that's coming up, recommended for you.

And then what's your category? Well, I would say I am movies about single men trying to make it in big business. Okay. Pursuit of Happiness. Very much so. Me and Pursuit of Happiness. Very much.

Very much so. Me and Pursuit of Happiness have a lot in common. Yeah. I would say he's probably my best friend. I spell it that way now. And I don't acknowledge

the other spelling. I'm Secret of My Success, which is also movies about single men trying to make it in big business. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.

Mm-hmm. What's Lord of the Rings of the Two Towers like? Oh, he's a real bitch. Okay. Yeah, I don't know. He never wants to go outside. He seems very nice just like on screen.

No, of course. What a PR victory because he really does seem so approachable to hear that he's a bitch. It's like somebody's covering that up well. No, Netflix is pouring money into making The Two Towers look good. Burying stories about him. His wife is not happy. She feels trapped. She wants to escape.

But Netflix just keeps putting on the dough. Yikes. She'll stay. She'll stay as long as the money's good. Boy, that sounds like the Battle of Helm's Deep. Isn't his wife road to perdition? Yes. They are still together? They're still together.

But I hear they sleep in separate beds. Oh my god. But I only ever see them around Netflix. So, couldn't tell you. Brad, did they respond? Yes. Wow. So quick. How did they do that?

I think they just clicked reply. Well well there's no reply function on a review did they leave another review so they must have left a review somewhere else where they knew you would find it yeah it's just like a response to that review. Like another review under it. It says LOL. How inventive of them. It just says LOL? What a fun answer to what they did. We worked so hard

to come up with a fun way to deliver this message and they just do another review in the same movie? Yeah, you would have thought maybe they'd do a review and you've got mail or something and then you found that because that's one of your favorite movies. You're watching it, but also it sort of fit. Same movie? Yeah, you would have thought maybe they'd do a review and you've got mail or something. And then you found that,

because that's one of your favorite movies. You're watching it, but also it sort of fit. Or some music movie. Or they knew you'd find it in Ricky and the Flash or something. Because you love music and rock and roll. Yeah, that it's just for you. Or a review of Hard Day's Night, because you pretend to know who the Beatles are.

Yeah. So, wait, you want more? Yeah, I want to know who the Beatles are. Yeah. So, wait, you want more? Yeah, I want to know what it says. Yeah, what's the review say? It says... If it says LOL, that might just be a genuine review of the movie. It might not be a message to us. All right. It says, hello, Lou.

it says hello Lou I'm very sorry you have had a bad experience I'm glad they apologized we're willing to refund your subscription to Lou they're saying that?

no wait so they think wait a second they think that wait a second. They think that it's Lou who is kidnapped and also is having a problem with his subscription? And they think it's about money? I know, and that's not even what we were asking for. We want our movies back.

We have money. Well, it was a ransom. We should have asked for money as well. That would have been smart. Yeah. We made so much money off making all those DVDs. I know. They're offering a year of Netflix.

They don't know about that, though. That's true. We told them we're not doing that. That's right. They're offering a year of Netflix. Okay, that's like three movies, though. Yeah. It takes us a while to watch. We always order stuff we think we're going to want to watch,

and then it just sits there collecting dust and bones. Okay. Then it suggests Narcos third season. Very good. Something you might be interested in. Suggesting that to us on your account. Okay.

Does it say anything about... There's no symbols or anything? There's no... Is there like a surprise bitch coming? Is this it? I thought this was like a fun company. Yeah, I thought they were sort of cutting edge I always think of Sarandos as being like

at the forefront of what the latest trend is going to be I wouldn't think he'd do just a totally generic response Yeah then it goes dash dash surprise bitch Oh hey Wow okay I'm surprised That really did surprise me Then it goes dash dash

surprise bitch again Okay Double surprise bitches Surprise me. But then it goes dash, dash, surprise bitch again. Okay. Just right off surprise bitches? Right off surprise bitch? Yeah. Wow, that's really surprising. You thought there was a surprise coming, but there's actually not. And then that's the end.

Oh, okay. Oh. And it says from Ted? From Ted. Yeah. And it's a little, like little text art of Ted the Bear. I mean, that's his email signature.

Yes. P.S. Surprise bitch. Oh, there's another one? Yeah. And then nothing? Nothing. It says enjoy

Sean and Hayes. We don't care. Oh, what? Enjoy Sean and Hayes. We don't care. That's a very bad response. Yeah. So they are giving us.

It's crazy because Ted, the last time I talked to him, he was starting to become really funny. I remember that he was contributing with all these cool little touches that really enhanced my Netflix viewing experience. And now it seems like he's fully given up. And it's like there was maybe an intern or a producer or whatever who started to take Ted's spotlight for a little while. And instead of using that time to keep getting better,

he let his comedy muzzles atrophy a little bit. Do you think that's what happened? That's just what I'm seeing from this email response or whatever. Does Ted have any comment on that? Yeah, Ted goes, he goes, PSS. I kind of lost. PSS? Yeah. Isn'tS? Yeah.

Isn't that? Yeah. Post-script script. Yeah. Post-script. He goes, I kind of was tuning out for half of the original review, and then I kind of lost sight of what was going on, and then I felt kind of put on the spot.

Ted's got a baseline going on his head. P-P-P-S-S-S. I'm so humiliated by getting called out that now I have to back off and act like I'm too cool and above actually being a part of this. I'm reading a review of Across the Universe. And it's from Ted's assistant, the producer. And it said, hey, Brett, glad you loved this movie. Please let Lou know. We will try to safely get him out.

And there's a scavenger hunt for Sean and Hayes if they want more of their Netflix stuff back. So there was a secret note just to Brett that Brett was not delivering to us where they're going to put us on a scavenger hunt and then they're going to steal Lou? I think they're going to distract you with the scavenger hunt and then they're going to steal Lou? I think they're going to distract you with the scavenger hunt. Everyone at this company sucks.

While you're... Everyone at Netflix is trash. Kevin, while you're here, we'd like to do something special for you. Kevin has been complaining and Lou, you may have heard about this, that when he gets his name googled,

the top result is Kevin Bartelt creep, and that it kind of disturbs his mom and his family, and we feel... Have you tried doing this, Liz? Slightly responsible. I've yet to give it... Type his name into Google and see what comes up. Okay.

So what we'd like to do, as a favor to Kevin Kevin who's tried to be helpful to the show in the past we're going to actually be helpful to him everyone who listens to this show go into your google search bar

and type in Kevin Bartelt MMA and what we're going to do is we're going to get this viral. Yes, and we're going to knock creep down to number two on the results. So now he's going to be a very dangerous fighting creep. Yes, so now it's going to seem like this guy's tough as hell. Nobody's going to want to call him out on being a creep because they're going to be like,

holy shit, this guy might put me in a freaking triangle choke. Yeah. And it may have And so, yeah. And it may have changed already, Lou. It may have already changed, so it may now say Kevin Bartell MMA, but let's really dig this in and maybe even start putting into just random websites, go in and leave a review or a comment, like a comment on a deadline story that's totally unrelated and just say, I couldn't get past Kevin Bartelt's guard.

This guy had me in a devastating guillotine and his MMA skills are impossible to defeat. He got me on the ground and then his hands were everywhere instantly. That's the nicest thing you guys have ever said to me. So it's going to be Kevin Bartel MMA. That's going to knock Creep out of the number one spot. It's going to be, Kevin will be a little like Radiohead where he refuses to play Creep anymore. And so the fun thing for Brett, he likes music.

And Lou, do you have anything you want to plug just about being a prisoner? Yeah. I mean... Because it seems like we got what we wanted, but they want us to keep you. Okay, so yeah, so it's just going to be... I'm just going to... We're going to hang out all the time? Well, yeah,

I mean, we have other stuff that we have to do. Oh, we actually go. I got to do a little stream. You know what I mean, we have other stuff that we have to do. We actually go. But other people. I got to do a little stream. You know what I mean? Yeah. I now know exactly what you mean. Because I didn't get to finish this morning because I have to. Yeah.

But other people are coming. Hard Nation is probably going to come in. Okay. So I'll stay here and hang out with them. Yeah. And probably learn some stuff as well. Oh, very cool. About the political scene.

Okay. I guess that'll happen. Well, I guess while I'm here, you all can watch American Vandal on Netflix, or you can watch the guest book on TBS.com. But not that. Stuff like that's like plugging stuff that's in the place where you, what you're doing

now, like you're in here now. Well, if you want, I'm going to be on the floor of the building near the – on Boulevard. Are we allowed to give out the exact location where we record? We can't. We can't. All right. I'm going to be – Why not?

Why can't we do that? We don't want people to come here? All right. Fine. I'm going to be at the building right by the 101 freeway near downtown. You can't even say what city we're in. All right. I'm going to be in Vancouver. If anyone – I mean currently –

Don't say a fake city either. Don't say a fake city either. Okay, so I'm going to be in Rara Township, which is in the Atlantic Ocean. And if anybody wants to get their scuba suit and come save me, or a U-boat and rescue me, that would be fantastic. Ties back into the. Bye. Bye. Bye. Earwolf. I'm a horny girl wolf.

This has been an Earwolf production. Executive produced by Scott Aukerman, Colin Anderson, and Chris Bannon. For more information and content, visit Earwolf.com. Ow. That was a HeadGum Podcast.