Hollywood Handbook - Mark Duplass, Our Close Friend

Episode Date: September 29, 2026

The Boys are joined by MARK DUPLASS, who walks them through an episode of The Creep Tapes that soon starts to become all too real... Check out The Creep Tapes on Shudder/AMC+ now!   Get a Hat Pack Hat here! Check out Sean and Hayes’s bonus shows at Patreon.com/HollywoodHandbook Listen and watch on the iHeartRadio App!See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

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Depends how far you are. Listen to Underground Zero on the IHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcast. And they told me you were musical. We had been warned. He's not just a movies and TV guy. He basically brings it in every facet of the arts. I know the circle of fifth. If you're a musician, you'll know what I'm talking about.

And he's hit upon one of our pet topics here on the show. The Circle of Fits. It comes up more often than the mouse. You made it. You finally made it here. We've been waiting for you for so long, Mark. The prophecy foretold that someone would bring up the Circle of Fits before we did. And it has happened.

Creep tapes is the show. The finale is airing as. we speak. So this is, I can see just from the title, sort of a freaky venture, am I incorrect? Are you thinking freaky-deaky or just freaky?

And now, could be a distinction without a difference, you tell me. I was assuming freaky if there's a deaky involved. Can we just love on each other for a minute? Can we just do that?

Can we just do that for a minute? Before we get into business. I want to do. We're going to do all the business. Can we just love on each other for a minute? Can we just give it up for one another? Okay. And just actually celebrate that we're in this room.

We are sharing this space. We're all a couple of salty dogs. We've been at it. And this is it, isn't it? I know this is what it's all about for you. Bare bones, independent. Raw. Raw.

Run and gun style lo-fi. Point and shoot. We do. It's sit and gun for us. Yeah. Right. And not gunning, really. Well, I wouldn't characterize it as gunning.

We, it's some... We bring a... Sort of pushing, like shoving at. Sit and stick. Push it with a stick. It's more. of a nudge than a gun. So it's like a shuffleboard kind of thing. Yeah, but not competitive.

Not competitive. Yeah, we're not keeping score. Yes. Yeah. Some people have tried to keep score in the past and we said, la la la la, we do not want to hear the numbers or any of that stuff. This is like, this is we are here because of you and this is you. And that's why you have a producing credit that we've been putting on the show. Oh, your shoulders aren't sore giant. So I thought this was more of like a like a, like a. comedy pot, but this is more of like an independent film appreciators.

It's like an independent film. Right. It's like a sundance when it was in Utah, not now. We have moments of levity. I would say that, oh my God. I wouldn't say we've never had a comedic moment. You'll yuck up on some Casavetes style humor. Oh, yes.

Cassavettis. Oh, yes. Oh, Nikki? Yes. Like some good. Nicky, you crazy kid. Like Ken Loach, Xbox. exploitation of the middle lower class,

yuck him ups. You're speaking my language. I like it. And that's the kind of comedy that we love. It's slice of life. It's gritty. It's real. It's humanistic.

I believe you, but I don't believe you. What's going on with him? You don't believe I yuck it up about Ken Loach? You. Pass me that loach, bro. You are not only wearing sunglasses, but you're wearing sunglasses that are reflective. so no one can see what's going on.

Well, this is... That to me is not raw. That is not bare bones. What's rar than my face being a movie that you can watch? I'm making a movie right now, everywhere I go running and gunning and you watch a movie. So these are like... I'm getting playback right here. Right.

Free playback. You use playback when you choose? You ever look at playback? So you're changing the subject. I feel like you've lost the thread, Mark. And deflecting. I thought this was what it was all about. I came here.

Anything can be movies. I was told that I could get raw and bare bones. But we need industry tips as well. Is there any bare bones on creep tapes? I would tell you, but I don't even think, I think it's just going to come right back at me. Just reflect right back at me. Let's pause this. So it's 3D?

What did let's pause this mean to you? Hold on. Did it mean let's keep this going? Hold on. This is something we have to talk about. Let's pause this. Okay. Okay.

I'm feeling a little bit challenged, I guess, by... What you think independent filmmaking is easy? When I said that we have moments of comedic levity, he said, I believe you, but not me. It was actually several minutes later that he said that. Yeah. Later than what? It wasn't on the levity. It was on the raw and the bare bones.

You got the levity. Okay. I mean, look, I'm fair. I'm fair. good. Okay. You have the levity. He's seen what I can do. We were going to love on each other. That didn't work out. Yeah.

Yeah. And that's okay. We don't always... Some people can't accept it. I'm not afraid of conflict. It's hard for you to take a compliment, isn't it? And even now he can't. And that wasn't even one. So that's what's so crazy. I intended it to be negative. The thing I want to... I didn't take it that way. I took it as a compliment. And that he couldn't

take it. Okay. If you want to try it to be negative. try negative, we're going to do great. Okay, well, let's actually address, though, creep tapes is the show. It's airing right now. We're a few minutes, we're about seven minutes into the two-part finale if you started this episode at the same time you started creep tapes, which I do recommend. Now, the show will have, bear bones. I think bare bones involved. Do you want to, for people, for the uninitiated, do you, do you, want to describe a little bit about the show and let me put you at ease, you can't scare us. I can't scare you.

You can't. It's not going to be an issue where we become afraid. So whatever you describe is okay with me. Okay, understood. Understood. Okay. What network is on? The creep tapes is on shutter.

And it's on AMC Plus. Good. Okay. We're good. Yeah. So, the creep tapes is about a man. Okay. Fake.

Okay, we're doing good. That's so fake. Okay. So, this man, he likes to hire people to film him. Yeah. And he pays them about $1,000 a day. You're skeptical. No, you just, you're, it's made up.

So it's not scary to me because it's not even real. I know what's made up, and I love that. I actually think that was the exact right way to go for this show, for it to be fake. I get some of the same kind of weird ideas, too. You do? I don't know if I'm necessarily to film them all, but go ahead. Did you, have you filmed any of? So, to date, we are in pre-production on most of the weird ideas.

Oh. Not hard prep, soft prep. Right. Okay. But, yeah. And we are shopping some of the weird ideas. We had one. Let's break them down. Budget, cast, schedule, kind of what's the profile here?

because I actually know a bit about making independent film. And I kind of could advise on some of this if you guys are interested. It's called the Crape Teeps. Okay. The crepe. Teeps. Teeps. Okay.

Is it short for something? Teeps. Our idea is the crepe teeps, yeah. Okay. We didn't know if Teepie was culturally insensitive at this point. And it turns out it's not. But at any rate, we covered our bases because it also is called Teeps, which is easier to say. I wonder if that's culturally insensitive.

It doesn't matter. That was kind of the one thing. They're like, don't say it's hard to say. It does matter. But let's say, we'll get into that later. Yeah, but it's called the Crape Teeps. And it's just about all the kind of sick, pardon me, but fucked up stuff that can happen when you are making breakfast. Oh.

And every episode opens on a hot pan. Then what happens? That's a type of shot that we use. And it lands on. a griddle. Yes. Okay. A sizzling griddle.

So we go from hot pan to griddle. We hot pan to the grill. And I'm watching a show on it. It's a hot pan. Okay. So I know it's called the Crape Teeps. I know that there's going to be something. And it's on.

Like pancakey, crepey something because I'm seeing the pans. And this guy was asking about Cass. And he's wondering, is there a roll for me? One to one to another. Budget and Cass, you know, does it? He said, budget and cast.

Is there a role for me? Is there a roll for me? Is there a roll for me? Is there a roll for me? for me. And is there a roll of cash? These things are important when you're making independent films, gentlemen. Okay. Oh, don't I know it?

Yeah. So where's my role? Breakfast is, that's for dinner. As in dinner roll? Ah, shit. That would have been really good. Hey, you know what? Let's cut that out. Watch this, guys. Okay. There's going to be an edit here, and you're not even going to see it happen.

Go ahead. So where's my role? A roll? Sorry, what am I supposed to So when you do the edit? I love to what you did But I don't know if he's going to be able to do it. I don't think you got it.

I do want to do something else. Casey, can you do this for us? What is it exactly the other role? What is it that you want me to do? I need you to just be quiet. Well, he's doing casting right now, which is Casey has been cast now in the role of host who gets a killer lives. No, no, no, no. Casey doesn't get that role without my audition first.

Casey, I just need to. Can you just complete the joke or? Casey? Everybody be quiet for a second. Okay, so what is my role? I have a feeling I'm about to get this back. Brett. Casey?

Bread roll, right? Casey, can you be a little faster? So what about my role? Your role? It shows up at dinner? Then that's almost exactly like what I did. Yeah. Only worse.

Thank you. That was worse. What's your name, by the way? And you can't even see the visual choices. You're not going to need it. What is your name? You're just not going to need it. Okay.

Tom Cruise. Can we try the joke, please? Let's give us a shot Because I've seen people Yeah It is a little bit harder than it looks Okay And everyone at home

I encourage you to play along Okay It's really I don't think it's that hard You just got to be raw You got to be honest You got to be like Do what Casavetus

Ken Lote would do with this joke Yes Yeah Okay so here we go Where's my role Are you asking me? Yeah Casey, is there anybody else in there with you?

Is there like a... There's always... There's like an intern. There's a guy called Josh. There's a guy called Josh. Who's Josh? Who's Josh? Well, that's exactly what he wants you to think. Javier's here, yeah.

Javier? Javier, can you come on the mic, please? Yeah. Have you been following along with what's happening here? Kind of. Okay. So let's give this a shot. Typical audience.

member. It's a yes and situation. I'm going to say, well, what's my role? Go ahead, Hovey. Take your time. That was a little... Wait, wait, he just muted. They're talking about us. Okay. Someone just turned the sound down in there. Casey is actually...

The lights were already off. Take it on the job of acting coach. Wow, this is very shutter coded. You know, I think... That could actually have gone right into the creep tapes. Maybe we should just... Maybe I should just do a whole episode of the creep tapes. Like, we just use the next, like, 22 to 25 minutes, and I'll just, like, do it.

Do an episode of creep tapes? Yeah. This is what it's all about. I knew he was going to come in here and do a creep tapes. Is my, I play this character who seems very jovial, and he hires someone to film them for the day. Usually offers them about $1,000. And over the course of the time that they're with him, they discover that maybe he's not telling the truth. And maybe some of his motives might be a little more.

But really what's at the core of it is loneliness. And my character is deeply, deeply lonely. And he wants to connect. And when he doesn't get what he wants, it kind of goes bad. Does that make sense to you guys? It sounds somewhat predatory. It's not. Well, it sounds like you are trying to appeal exclusively to an audience of people who do feel lonely and can relate to the character.

And as a comedy podcaster, I cannot abide. You can't abide. That is... Simply can't. so inappropriate. These people need our support, and it sounds like what you're doing, you know, we have an audience of people who have full rich lives. Right, right, right, right.

Was there a pocket in there before? There was a pocket. This is like fucking crazy. This is like the creep tapes. Hold on. I'm just going to read you something. I just want to read you something. I'd love to hear it.

Yeah, please. Dear Mark, we are happy to present. you with this offer to appear on Hollywood Handbook which is a very very popular comedic podcast in which Sean and

Hayes is that one of you guys? Wow! One of you guys? Yes, that is. One of us. What they do is they invite people to come on to the podcast. Yep, checks out so far.

And they make connections with them. But the characters that you guys play are not quite like the characters you are in real life. And so things kind of go off the rails a little bit. That's what it says right here. So how is that different than the creep tapes? They changed the language a little. No, no, that's what they told me this show was.

You're supposed to be that characters are deliciously off-cilled-so. So I'm getting this kind of high horsey thing from you guys. Like, oh, we wouldn't want to do that. But I feel like, I mean, quite frankly, this show inspired the creep tapes. I saw an episode of this and I was like, wow. Are you fucking kidding me? Mark. So deliciously malicious and, no, no, predatory and malicious.

Yeah. And I was like, I'll do this. I can't do it as darkly as you guys do it because nobody's going to watch that. But I'll add like a little comedic flavor and fun. Yeah. And it's a hit. Mark. It's a hit.

You're not going to believe this. What? Your show inspired the Crape Teeps. Yes. I think we can admit that now, knowing that you were so influenced by us. The Crape Teeps, honestly. And so we were being inspired by. us the whole

So we went from this show, the Hollywood Handbook, to the creep tapes to the crepe tapes. Back here! I don't see the connection. It's, it has different, I mean, it's not on shutter, it's on moan.

Okay. Mm-hmm. What else? And we've been told that the show does not have as many moan-worthy moanments that the network we're not hitting the metrics.

Right. Well, your show just has cookware in it. Well, I'd like to say just. Just, right. Our show has... Exclusively? A fabulous array of cookware. Only?

And the cook don't wear that much. Mm-hmm. By the end. And that's the truth. And you could sometimes catch in the reflection that the person operating the grittle is nearly nude, Mark. If you get a pool,

of egg white just right it can actually be just like these glasses and reflect back some tantalizing treats the glistening runny egg white showing you just the edge of a bare thigh is the entire show shot through the lens of these glasses so four different lends these glasses we fit this is incredible yeah what's it's on moan it's it's it's been on moan we're We are shopping it now. Okay. To some other buyers. Well, this is funny because before we started, we were talking about secondary VOD Windows.

Yeah, it's true. It's true. And so Netflix is in the market, maybe? That is one of the places, obviously, we've been flirting with. Did you say Netflix? Are they flayed? Are they? I think he did.

Do you say Netflix? Okay. So we are talking to Netflix. Netflix? Yeah. Who? Who what? Okay.

What? Do you remember when there was a channel called Dog TV? No. Okay. No. We don't. All right. Well, there used to be a channel called Dog TV.

Okay. Tell me about it. And it was programming, I guess, aimed at dogs. They would have footage of dogs and other things dogs might enjoy. Nut TV was like, let's do the same thing, but for squirrels. But it was Netflix, I guess. Okay. So it's Netflix.

it's a startup. It's small. Okay. It's really small. But they don't... It's one show. It's one show. In one home.

How much does a subscription cost? That... I would have to ask the guy whose house it was, but he is the only guy who has Netflix. Oh, okay. The issue with Netflix subscribers is you, really have to wait for winter. Oh, right, right, right. It shuts down. It's seasonal.

It's really seasonal. Winter is when they are like really nut rich. But you know what? And you can start like renewing those subscriptions like. I'm an independent filmmaker and I say you make art for art's sake. And if you only have one subscriber and they're only there six, eight weeks out of the year, I think it's a win. And his name is Arthur.

So that's absolutely perfect. I think you guys are doing great. His name is Arthur. Yeah, his name is Arthur. Yeah, his name is Arthur. And in terms of what a subscription costs. It's art for art's sake. Yeah.

He didn't really get into that. He does not like to be called that. And that's the best thing about Netflix is we can really have an intimate relationship with our subscriber. And we have to. It's so easy to measure success. Because if Arthur decides to keep funding Crape Teeps, that means. that means that we are hitting all of our targets. How many episodes have you guys made?

Well, it's only one episode, but it's so long, and we keep adding to it. How long is it by now? It's like, I mean, what time is it? Yeah. Wait, hold on. Why did you just ask what time it was? Because... Are we filming the Crape Teeps right now?

Crape Teeps for Netflix. Some of this footage is actually going to be... You had mentioned wanting to do. use this for creep tapes? And casting, you were wondering if there was a roll for you. I want a roll in it. I want a roll in it. I need to get my agents involved. It's lunchtime. It's $1.29.

We got to get it. Yeah. Okay. All right. I want a roll in it. Yeah. That's what the pig said to the mud. Am I wrong? You want to roll in it.

So this is the moment in the creep tape structure where We're hitting the structure? Yeah, you guys are perfectly on time. This is where the characters start to feel confident. They start to feel like we kind of have our feet are under us. We know what's happening here. And this is where things start to switch a little bit. Something feels off.

I notice. Something starts to change a little bit. There's blood coming out of somewhere. No, no, no, that's later. Okay. That's later. And this is in a we work type environment. Like, how does this guy arrange the co-working space aspect of it to be able to make these arrangements over and over again?

Yeah, well, listen, Airbnb, VRBO, they're wonderful places you can get in, you can get out pretty quickly. Alias are fairly easy to use. But the best episodes happen when my character actually enters the environment of the victims under some sort of, you know, like, oh, I'm here because, like, I want to, like, promote my TV show or like some false pretense so they feel super comfortable and ideally they have their own cameras already set up and the whole recording apparatus is already here right and the character so my character can just come in and he's like oh I love your show like you know he like he'll pretend like he's a fan of some weird ass show that they're doing right and it's like he's clearly never seen it and he probably doesn't have to offer up that much yeah because they'd be so

excited for anyone to be a fan and if you look at the first half of the show and you're like his hands were always above the table. And then, like, the second half, you're like, his hands are under the table for, like, a really long time. Yeah. Like, what is he doing? It could be, like, interesting. If he chose, like, a perfectly specific episode of the show,

that, like, wasn't that recent, was just long enough ago. Mm-hmm. Like, the Anaconkel episode, for us. You know what I mean? If someone came in and they said they'd watch that, I go, well, you didn't just... You didn't just hear the most recent one. Yes. You didn't hear the...

one with like just like your most famous celebrity buddy or whatever. That is an example of something that would make me feel very, very disarming for me. Absolutely. Because he, my guards down at that point. Well, what he would, you know, the thing is he would have watched all the episodes, but he would have known that the Anna Conkall was a deep cut and it's for the specific fan. So if you guys felt that he was a fan of the Anna Conkall episode, then you're like, oh, he gets us.

Yeah. So we don't have to do anything. Did you want to take your jacket off early? I'm so sorry to interrupt because you got it most of the way off. I did want to take it off. Yeah. Yeah, I did. Warm in here, eh?

Yeah. Richie, you have him crank it up? That's Richie. I'm not going to take it off right now. And does he work with accomplices or like does he just operate alone? Is he able to go into these environments? Yeah, does he ever have assistance? He is mostly a lone wolf.

which might take that hat after I murder you, which I think will be in about 12 minutes. Let me just say, literally anything on my body is up for grabs to any guest. So please do not feel like if it's for a hat. Let's go down the list here. You have to do that just to get the hat, glasses, white T-shirt, blue button up.

What's this thing? Huh? Smartwatch? that is a purely decorative jeweled bracelet understood from the past so and that that is important to me okay so I can't have that this is actually a gift from my family okay my whole family gave this to me they all got together and I was on that email chain as well you got a little you got a little choked up when you said that. I am obsessed with my whole family. The whole family. It also was a goodbye gift, we should say. Yes. It was, we've had a heck of a run. It's been great having you be a part of the family.

We want you always to think of us when you look at this. That's what makes me so obsessed with them, the one that got away. So they did a whole family, uh, no contact with you. Just all of them together. Yes. But with kindness, with love, with a keepsake, sort of outer vention. And there may be sort of a tracker or electrified chip inside of there that doesn't allow them to get within a certain radius of them. I really wish you hadn't told me that. Because part of the fun of what my character does at the end of these episodes is knowing that when the dispatch ultimately occurs, some people will really feel it.

Would miss. It would miss them. That's part of why you can't scare us. Yeah. Well, I think we said at the top, you couldn't scare us. And I guess you don't want anything from my outfit or anything. which is actually totally fine and you liked haze's stuff

and you wanted the hat and you're curious and it's yours and it's yours but now that I know my stuff I don't need you to want that now well now that I know no one's gonna miss him

maybe he's gonna be the first quick like Muguffin kill throwing knife that's what it should be you know what I mean more of a jump scare just a quickie but the really juicy

and a little sort of torture and a little oh man that was really raw that children of men that blood on the camera It wasn't really an independent film because it was technically financed by a studio but had the spirit of it.

You're looking for a squirt? Yeah, a little blood squirt. I'm what's known of the business as a goosher. Yeah. When it comes to all of it. He's a slow dribbler. Everything. Liquid solid.

In my experience, when someone describes themselves as a goosher, they really are not. Interesting. Sort of stolen valor, goosey. It's a little bit of. I've changed a lot of minds with what I can do, yes. Oh, really?

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The show's really built in the edit bay, isn't it? It is built in the edit bay. Yes, it is. That's almost the final rewrite in a way. Well, yeah, we employ improvisation so that we can get to that raw. Gracious me. You know, intimate. Would be more appropriately designated widows bay, wouldn't it?

Because it makes widows of many of our partners. Oh, yes. We must certainly kill our darlings and make widows of them. And our partners are at home as if widowed. Well, we are toiling away. cutting, recutting. I'm a guy. I'm a guy I like to eat dessert first.

I do the edit before the shoot. You do. Is that how the crepe teeps is also built? The crepe teeps has been that. It's been just us in there talking about interesting cutting patterns. You know what I mean? Just really boarding that out. Oh, close, super close, wide.

That's a laugh. You know what I mean? Yeah. Two shot, two shot, three shot. Where did he come from? Which is why I was asking. what time it is because back in the bay, we asked them to get 20 frames out of this thing by the time the podcast is over. So we can go shoot it. That's not nothing. 20 frames,

that's almost a whole second. Oh, yes. And they can't all come consecutively. Right, right. You've got to find them where the audience isn't going to feel it. But suddenly there's a tension. There's an energy that's been built by it. And if we're going to shoot this thing, we need those frames out. We've been talking to the boys in the bay. So what does he do, like, I'm just thinking of this from an edit perspective. The guy, yeah. The guy. What's his weapon of choice? Like, what does the guy do where he's like killing a guy? What's he killing with? Well, you've seen all the episodes, so. I haven't seen the finale. It's airing right now. Oh, it's airing right now. The finale's airing now. And so what might be, is there a unique new weapon or it's always the same? Well, I would say the predominant weapon is his mind.

And, oh, Sharpe. Deliciously off kilter. And do we learn his name? You do not. In fact, he has a different name every episode. Some would say he who hath no name. Some would say he who hath many names.

Some people just call him Joseph because that was the name he had in the first movie. But that really may not be his real name. You want to know something really? I know that's not why you do this, but that's an IMDB hack that goes crazy. It is why I do. You play. It's the only reason I did it.

400 different guys. The IODB is moaning under the weight of the different guys. They can't handle it. And you know who else can't handle it? Who? Jeremy Strong. Yes. Because he all.

He's shaking. He wants to be the guy who plays all those characters. in one project, you know? He gets two, maybe three sometimes. You tell me your last name is strong. I say he doth protest too much. What's that thing you said earlier, that strong man valor situation?

Stolen valor. Stolen valor. I'd never heard that before, but as soon as you said it, I knew exactly what you meant. You didn't hear before, and it sounds like you didn't really hear it at the time. No, I heard it.

So you've heard it a total of once. I've heard it once. And yet no questions, no follow-ups. Exactly what you meant. The power of language, isn't it? And I can't even see your eyeballs. You're not going to want to see them right now. So let's catch people.

They're watching the finale as they're listening. What's going on with your eyeballs? Pupils gone. Okay, got it. Beyond, that's all I am. Okay, they're gone. Completely evaporated. Got it, got it.

Yeah. Well, I do use my mind. Not my character. Sorry. But it gets confusing, doesn't it? That's tough when that happens. Yes. That's tough because then you guys start to realize what is happening right now.

We don't usually. Really? Yeah, that's another one. I've been hinting vehemently that this is an episode of the creep tapes. I'll take your word for it. That we are, in fact, now at minutes 16. And the creep tapes episodes, they're rarely longer than 20 minutes. Okay.

I got to say, if I were to take a hint during an episode of this show, that would be the very first time ever. And if I was going to take any Hindu, it would probably be the many, many ones people have dropped that we should stop doing the podcast. And so we couldn't even be here. But that's another one where it's like, what are you actually saying when you say it's like, what are you actually saying? You know?

Like, what do that mean? When you say, don't do the podcast anymore. Just say what you actually want to say. Tell me what you mean when you say it instead of getting so like weird and symbolic about it. There's a lot of word salad and passive aggressive, nothing in the statement, you shouldn't do the podcast anymore.

It's very confusing. I get it. He's saying he's going to the dinner roll joke and you said word salad and that's also for dinner. They like when I just get one off. When we put those together in the edit room, they're going to be right next to each other. Yes, yes, yes.

And it's going to be very good. But I do, look, I don't want to rush anybody, but like we are two minutes from the end of the episode. Okay. So that means that you're both going to be dead. Okay. Within the next two, two and a half minutes. And what are you, like, if that had, what would you do with the last 45 minutes of our show?

That, you're going to be gone. You don't have to worry about that. You're going to be fine. Well, I still can't have it. I mean, for them, it's the only family he has left. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. It's like, you know, yes, I know some people.

think, like, yes, I've got kids, but like, who gives, I'm dead. Right. Well, if you must know, the first part of the episode is weird, it's awkward, there's some failed comedy. They're trying to get to know each other. Then things really, really ramp up and get tense and quiet. Then the murder has happened, right? And then the final part of the episode is more of, like, the Emmy bait where, like,

I'm cleaning up the bodies. And as I'm doing that with, like, you know, all good actors need business, right? So, like, I have a lot of good, like. I always say this. I always say this. You got to have business. Whether it's... So that's where I get my...

A pair of tweezers. I get the props in and the blood work in and the cleaning. And rather than look down the lens for my monologue, I'm kind of like doing it like off-kilter and I'm kind of mumbling it to myself. Oh, that's an interesting shot, Mark. And it's a 45-minute monologue about what has brought me to this place.

So that will be the rest of your show. Yeah, it's a good shot. Stealing that. No. Stealing that. Great artists steal, don't they? Let me be fucking clear right now. This is not the Crape Teeps.

This is the creep tapes. I just want to be clear. I noticed. Why did you do this? Do this? Are you going to try and kill me with the microphone? Are you going to, because that's something that my character would do in the middle of his monol, he would start messing around with this. And all of a sudden, lasso, nose, lips.

Lasso the nose and lips. Boom. Horrible way to die. His nose and my lips. lassoed together with a with live by the shore die by the shore

the sure is the name of the microphone just so you know so Mark is pointing to the microphone that should be what they call widows bay there's a grand name on it tagline for widows bay live by the shore die by the shore pretty fucking good it's a good show I still like the it's the place where editing

happens and you kill your darlings and they become widows I think that's a more sound metaphor. And the widows at home as well. The widows at a little. It's as if widow. The whole thing is like, honestly, is the best thing you guys have done in 15 years of this podcast.

I noticed you mentioned some failed comedy. That was really strongly implying to me that some of the comedy didn't fail. Is that what you were saying? I didn't want to put a spotlight on it right away, but I'm glad you doubled back. Because I like, I like compliments. Yeah, I do know how to take them. Something like this.

I take the back to my room. All right. Let's try. For winter. Yes. Let's try a couple of things on. Okay. You, your fingernails are unbelievably well manicured, which to me means you have a confidence about you.

You're okay. I've never seen a day of hard labor in my life. Yes, yes. Yeah. You know what I mean? You took that well. You didn't really gobble it, but you took it well. Yeah, well, I guess.

I mean, that's one where you don't have to tell me that mark. Yes. You are doing such an incredible job of hiding your inferiority complex next to your friend here. You barely see it. It's so beautiful, honestly. And when I say a good job of hiding it, we can all see it. You can see it.

But the attempt makes it that much even sweeter. It's not a flashing neon sign. You know what I mean? Yeah. It's a subtle, it's a... It's a blinking yellow light on a long highway. Yes, yeah. Oh, that's so good.

I love to do that. Yeah, and you're good. at it. Oh, man. Thank you. Knowing that the one who's better at it is right. He's right here. He's better even at that?

He's better even at hiding the inferiority complex. You know how I know this? The minute, the minute you guys sat down, look at the way your shirt is tucked and buttoned up. Look at the level of the zip on this guy's hoodie. Look at this thing. I get out of town. He doesn't give a flying.

Just an antarableness. Fuck. About, well, about you, but about anything. Well, certainly not about how I look. It's incredible. Can I pay you a compliment? You've done a tremendous job keeping your jacket on, even though I know it's killing me. I wanted to take it off.

I wanted to take it off. But you know what I realized? S subtle. I thought about that widow's bay. I was like, I'm going to take this off and then they're going to be cutting back and forth to me. It won't match. The footage won't match. And the footage won't match.

Continuity nightmare taking your jacket off in the middle of the recording. Also, because we don't have a single clip here that's going to be able to be on barrel in. We're going to have, that's going to be built. We're going to have to, yes, find it. Okay, 30 seconds left until the end of the episode. Yes. Just really quickly. Okay.

What's one thing that you wished, you kind of wish you had done in this podcast or a guest you wish you would have before my, not me, my character. from the creep tapes kills you guys in the next 30 to 45 seconds. Isn't it obvious? What? More Dane. More Dane Dahan? Come on. Dane Dahan is incredible.

Tony, of course. If we could add Tony. If we could have had Tony. Yeah. But you really lit up at the mention of Dane to. I like Dane Dahan. Mm-hmm. You know those could have been movie stars, you know?

Special talent. Why is this person not a huge movie star? Mm-hmm. I thought Dane Dahan could have been it. I still own some stock. You do. I still own a few shares of stock. He hasn't gone public.

Little beachside property on Dahan Island. Long Dahan. Uh-huh. Upper coast of Maine, still rural, hasn't popped. yet, but it might. Mm-hmm. Yes. Harvesting potatoes up there.

Mm-hmm. I have a shit cord of his. Is it signed? I have a signed shit coil of Dane DeHan. Great Dane. Marmaduke. Thank you, blockchain. Okay, so this is the moment when my character does a big reveal to you guys about what's

happening. Oh. It's the mini monologue before the big 45 minute one, and the murder happens. So this would be if my character, if I'm in a creep tape type show, he hasn't really picked up on anything in particular. He does need it spelled out more explicitly. And you're getting impatient. Maybe the time to go home. And this is where the rubber meets the road.

This is where the shit cord hits the fan. This is where things go down. Okay. So, but I do want to offer you guys something, okay? I want you to have the ability to also use this for Crape Teeps because, look, I've grown to really like you guys, okay? You've got an incredible vulnerability. This whole bravado thing you're doing. You're worried you're not as good as him.

You're worried you're not as good as him. It's so sweet. Yeah. It's like, it's like of mice and men. But it's Lenin of McCartney. It's everything. But it's everything. But it's learning to McCartney.

Yeah. Uh, no. I mean, it's. saying we're driving each other to perform better. Oh no, he wrote a better song than I did. Now I got to go and get in the lab, right? I kind of have a lot of friends, I just want to say. But no family members.

Yeah, but like I'm good. Okay, all right. But so we're going to use, it's going to be a Crape Teeps crossover. It can also be, um, it's Kobe and Shaq. Don't you think it's Kobe and Shaq? No. I would say it's Dom Pellawees and Bert Reynolds in Cannibal Run, too. Right?

Okay. And I definitely know which one I have. In the deuce. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Yeah, we all know. We know. We know.

We know. We don't even have to say. Yes, I'm Bert. But what else do we need for the Hollywood Handbook podcast to be complete? Because we got plenty of Crape Teeps footage. What do we need in terms of getting the episode? Done. What do we need for the Hollywood Handbook that really makes this a zinger?

humdinger of an episode. I mean, really, the episode itself doesn't matter anymore. It's only about getting a functional clip that we can put online. There is no episode per se of any podcast anymore. There's a 90 second max TikTok from the episode. And then people say, like, did you listen to this episode? And then everyone who saw the clip says, yes. And that's the only thing that can be discussed.

So if the whole podcast was like a buffet, like the only thing that matters is the plate up front that shows you the kinds of things that are in the buffet all that food over there. We need a crab leg. Nothing. And then we have kind of a mini, like a little trailer for the buffet basically. Like we do that thing where we have a clip before the clip.

Right. And then there's a clip. So like that's important to. We got enough for that. That's awesome. And then usually how it ends is like the guest creates like a device within the show where they basically are saying they have to leave.

Yeah. They want to go home. We end the episode. They try to kill us. A lot of the episode is them feeling frustrated and lying they're going to leave. Well, I'm about to lassoo your lips and nose. Are you going to less? Have you not predicted?

I'm watching. Okay, well, I just want to say this has been great. I do have to go. but I have a fun announcement to make before I go, which is that I pitched them an episode I was like, it's gonna be cool, it's gonna be kind of meta. I think like my character should go on a podcast and they kind of like mess around a little bit.

They get confident. He sets them at ease and then he reveals to them that. And you kill them? No, no, no, no, no, no, no. That would be my. Okay. Can I make a pitch?

Can I make a pitch? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Can it be that you kill them and can it be us? Do you, I mean, can what you're describing be actually about us? Plusing that? Plusing that idea? to plus that idea up which I love Hayes

and thank you for thinking of that I'll do plus that idea I'm catching on I know what's happening here now plusing it up could you kill Casey as well Casey would you mind coming in here for a second bye

Hollywood handbook Lisa Tell them about our new show. We have a new podcast. It's called Don't Lie to Me. I'm Lexi Youanu. We're two best friends, 22 years apart, but so close at heart.

And I'm Lisa Di Giulio, the old one, which means we have wildly different references, occasionally different opinions, and at this point in my 50s, I've lived it all. Now in my 30s, being the founder of new shoes,

good taste is my business. Listen on the IHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. The Miles change how you, you move, but more importantly, they change how you show up for your life. I'm Emily Abadi. On The Hurtle with Emily Abadi podcast, I sit down with elite athletes, record holders, coaches, and everyday runners to unpack the mindset behind pushing through when things get

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Even if it's natural, why should we suffer through it? Listen to Decoding Women's Health with Dr. Elizabeth Pointer on the IHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Hi, I'm Michael Imperioli. I want to tell you about my new podcast, Underground Zero. We're looking at the opportunity of a lifetime for us and the other families. It's about the aftermath of the 9-11 attacks. What's in the tunnels? Gold bars, Silver Ingech. It could be worth half a billion. Starring Steve Sharipa, Ray Abruzzo, and me, Michael Imperioly.

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Yeah, I can use that. And Open Igloo co-founder, Alia Mohammed. I love staying on top of what is going on in our city, what is on renter's minds, and taking all of that knowledge to build a platform. that hopefully is going to make New York City better in the long run. Listen to Here's the Thing on the IHeart Radio app Apple Podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts. This is an IHeart podcast. Guaranteed human.