Hollywood Handbook - Mary Elizabeth Ellis, Our Red Carpet Friend

Episode Date: April 18, 2023

MARY ELIZABETH ELLIS helps The Boys improve their red carpet game.Click for Sean picClick for Mary Elizabeth picSee Hollywood Handbook live and streaming May 30th at Dynasty Typewriter! Click for ticketsSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

this is a head gum podcast and so they were still talking about it something about like i guess the combination of how you were posing in your facial expression i guess is like it's just really cut through in like red carpet circles it has uh it has just like left such an impression from people that like. But what is the impression? This is what I can't. It's really divisive. Okay, yeah.

I couldn't nail down like I know that there is a conversation happening and it can be good to be a part of the conversation. It can be for sure. It can be. But it can be bad to be part of the conversation. I don't think so. I think all press is good press. Okay.

What if you're like a referee or something? Mm-hmm. Just in general, I don't feel like people are going like, hey, the referee. I don't think people most of the time are like, hey, this referee is doing a really good job. Oh, you don't? I don't know.

I mean, it's just an example of a profession that usually people are talking about. That's a great example in the world, too. That is, yeah. We should say more nice things about referees. We should. Every time they do a good job, we should say something. But I think initially when you said,

what if you're a referee or something, Mary Elizabeth, hello, welcome to the show, Mary Elizabeth Ellis, was saying, are you suggesting to me that I become a referee? Like a red carpet referee. Okay, I didn't even take that away. You seemed open to like a whole new path. I've been, well, is that yours too? I think you could do it. It's a lot of running.

I've been worried about, is that your studio? I think you could do it. It's a lot of running. I've been worried about, is Melissa Rivers alive? Well, this is something I wanted to touch on. I've been worried about this. Because something that has been going on is Kevin has been talking incessantly since I arrived at the studio about how, and these are his words. The death of Joan Rivers has created a power vacuum and I am the man to fill it, is what Kevin said to us. Heavy as the head.

Kevin, talk to us. No, you know. Big shoes. Heavy as the head that wears these cans. Is Melissa Rivers alive? And what's Brett doing in the back? Brett's just taking care of some other work. Does Brett need to be visible? Brett's working

on his resume? Please don't disturb him. He can't hear us, right? Correct. Don't look away. Yeah, don't give it away. Oh my god. It's like being on a three-way call at a sleepover. You're not... Say something

bad about him, but don't let him know it's about him. Or say you have a crush on him. Do you have a crush on Brett? Do you have a crush on Brett? You can tell us. There's no one else on the line. You're engaged now.

It's fine. Big crush. Work crush. He doesn't know you exist. Look at him over there. Spreadsheets. He couldn't be less interested. There's nothing in front of him. There's nothing on the screen. It's blank. There's no over there. Spreadsheets. He couldn't be less interested. There's nothing in front of him.

There's nothing on the screen. It's blank. There's no computer there. It could be a picture of you. Maybe he's looking at a picture of you. You should figure out a way to walk by, but don't let him know. Kevin, what's Melissa Rivers doing these days melissa rivers is doing fantastic

she is an american actress and she's 55 years old you've been keeping track okay so you have been waiting for her to die so you can you think as long as there's still a rivers they'll be in charge but i i think you may want to start establishing yourself in that world now i think you could take over the mommy role right does she not need a mommy i mean we all need that's how we that's how we know her right is as the daughter of a mommy so so you could be melissa rivers's mommy okay what would that look like i think it might look a little something like this hi sweetie I'm your mommy now yeah

you're gonna need to have like a surgery because I feel like probably she was taking care of her mom post like all her surgeries and that would be nice for the wedding and you're gonna have to be a little nasty like i guess she was the queen of me and i guess she was high sweetie but she was also the queen i

guess you can be the dean of mean oh are the peen you could be the peen of me as well yeah and so you're gonna have to select you say something that like you know say that her dress is say something i mean okay this is funny yeah this is a burn i saw on tiktok i would use i walk up i see her dress i go this girl shops at forever 42 wow well she's older than that i'm taking your tiktok away i need it i'm taking you already put a time limit this is the kind of thing that i didn't want you looking at on tiktok that see that's how you parent and that's and that's how you mommy and that's big mommy energy now the reason we're talking about all this obviously is we do have a red carpet expert here obviously and we do need help okay kevin needs help with his peen of mean game

and i i also need a lot of help because i recently encountered a red carpet experience and i've become the center of some conversation and i can't tell if it's good or bad oh controversy it's from the people who like I did one earlier today a red carpet is that why you were 15 minutes late yeah I came from one where they're doing a bunch of red carpets for

movies that came out in like May June July 2020 just random carpets. And then they'll- They didn't get to do it the first time. They didn't get the carpet. They deserve to have the experience.

I see, I see, I see. They're like piling a bunch up at once. This was for a dual one for Mulan and Irresistible, the Steve Carell movie that Jon Stewart directed. Yep, and the dual? It's dual, D-U-A-L. Irresistible, the Steve Carell movie that Jon Stewart directed. Yep. And The Duel? It's Duel, D-U-A-L. The Duel is for next week with a free guy.

Sure, sure, sure, sure. But this one. These are big invites. They're really trying to get them all through because Fauci is going to. I mean, it's out there at this point. He's come up with a new COVID that he's going to be releasing. He and the CDC are working together to do a really big COVID.

He said he learned a lot from the first one and then he's kind of I guess knocked all the bugs out. Oh, great. That's a new release. So he will be able to do a COVID that can eliminate red carpets forever. So maybe we shouldn't even do this. I mean,

should we just pack up and go home? If we trust Fauci, I mean, I mean, yeah, the last one ended up being like sort of busted and fucked up. And so like, maybe this one will also be like a huge fail.

Yeah. It might be lame. The first one was pretty corny. And so, yeah, all the ushers, in retrospect, looking back, shit was corny as hell yeah so i do think it's like let's keep in mind uh consider the source

sort of so if it's coming from fauci yeah one time i called him fossey in front of a bunch of people oh that's embarrassing yeah it was bad but Did he do some Fosse moves then? That would have helped my case. Yeah, no. It was just a classic case of I had only ever read something. I had never talked to anyone. Oh, yeah. And you saw him. I just went ahead and said it out loud.

Yeah. I hear you. My brother-in-law said Ronald Dahl this weekend. They're talking about book censorship I guess it doesn't you know if you're a fan of Ronald doll you wouldn't like it so like you know it made me feel better about

saying Dr. Fosse but you also said that his first name was Aunt Honey yeah because you never no i just would only read it and i just like i knew those two sounds well in your defense we weren't talking a lot we were locked down i'm suspicious of everyone who knew it like let's actually talk to each other yeah we can actually hear how you say that when everyone and it totally makes sense that ants would produce honey and it's actually weird that they don't no you think about really the process of like when you see ants doing their thing versus when you see bees like what's the

fucking difference it's the same looks like the same it's so weird that honey's not coming out of this and then they live there's a queen yes they're in these little holes and what do they do what are they doing what are they making what do ants do what what's there for me nothing for me they're not making anything what's something sweet that i can scoop up with my paw from this nothing yeah no what yes what can i like endure stings in order to obtain. Like, literally nothing. So, I don't know. Just stings. More ants.

That's what they're making. Yeah. And we've got enough. Thanks. It's frustrating. So, the ushers at the thing were like, you know, it's like you're a professional usher. You're there to just like move people through the line. I'm not a referee.

So, when I, sorry, I've done this a couple times now when i say this is like an affectation of of mine when i said like you're this you're that i'm talking about like the royal everyone in the world basically the universe but it is really confusing because you're here you're sitting here and i'm open well when you just said you're actively really searching in fact yeah like this is what i seized on is like this is someone who is at a crossroads of some kind and is always perhaps looking for their next adventure yeah um but like hey it's just now i want to say you said you're here i know were you talking no that time i was also talking totally generally just like anyone

listen like you're here you're here you know you're listening to the episode you're probably wondering what's going on so i did it again but also all of we're all together ushering people down the red carpet so and is this why it's called hollywood hand back the the hand on just all the hand movements just just where just putting our hand on someone's back to go right just where the back becomes the butt yeah that's where it goes the sacrum yes the sacral crest there's a moment where it's gonna slip that's weird you're not trying to caress yes and if it's lower you're just grabbing ass it's unstable up too high it's actually falling down it can't be mistaken for grabbing ass because it's in so firm and it's really

it's sort of a chopping motion initially right at the base of the back yeah flat i like to give up and a push yeah yeah again it's actually yeah to hook one finger in there just a little yeah get it yeah right into the quadratus lumborum and so they're all learning a lot they can you can hear while they're doing this you you can of course hear what they're talking about because like their their mouths are very close to your ear as they're asking you to move forward but they're all saying like did you see did you hear about this guy at the premiere the other day? I've never seen anything like that.

A lot of people saying it was really disrespectful. Sure. And I see that because it could be mistaken for that. Really, it was confusion on my part, but my confusion can seem extremely aggressive. Sure.

It could be very damaging you've experienced this what what yeah I don't I am very excited to see this photo yeah before we get into this can we establish some of your professional bona fides and some of the

rouge rugs that you have yeah can over the years can we go down the list it's all over this shit what are some of the memory red carpet memories oh red carpet memories yes um i i where do i start no it's hard when somebody's like pick one really just like just anywhere like what's your favorite top five favorite songs just like any anyone best meals you've eaten it's like well i do three a day so it's a little hard to narrow i was also at a red carpet earlier earlier today yeah wow okay but i was doing future red carpets for the next avatar release next really okay The way of sand. I hear they're doing that.

Yeah. I'm really into sand now. And I'm just wearing sand. You wore sand? The future is coming. Do you know what I mean? It's an AI thing. AI is making wearable sand.

Wow. 3D printed sand wear. Yeah. Okay. Let it be known. In vest. It was shaped like a vest? In vest.

In that. In vest. I'm telling people. I thought it was in vest form. Okay, got it. It's a sand vest. It was not shaped like a vest? There were also vests.

Oh, okay. So everyone was doing this. Some vests were just on their own. I heard even your shoes were made of sand. A tasteful sand wedge. Hmm. So, you know, that's interesting that you were at that premiere. I was a little upset that James Cameron is out on water like i understand exploring a different environment

but that he's become anti-water and actually says that he can eliminate all water by the time the film is completed like that's very scary to me and that sand is the enemy of water and that he's now part of the sand army. We'll all be drinking sand. Is this an AI thing as well? They're making drinkable sand. No, this is a James Cameron thing. He's going to eliminate all water. We've seen it. It's been

done now. We've seen water. Water had its chance as the primary resource on the planet. It's obviously not working. Sand's turn. Yeah, let's give sand a shot. Yeah, it's like 75% of the entire earth.

What's under the water at like 100% of the time? What holds the water up? Yes. Yeah. Yeah. No, the water's completely relying on sand. Sand is doing all the work. Behind every good ocean.

As a bunch of sand it would fall down yeah the ocean would straight up fall on its ass like a clown but there's sand with its hand on its sacrum yeah just just a chop to the back a folding and then hook and that's how waves are made no that's a that's that's a very important point and so i i have changed my position i now i'm on james cameron's side so you were at the the the way of water sand sand and uh you also have spoken you've been an advocate a little bit for how confusing red carpets can be i have have. I have recently posted the Yellow Jackets

on my Instagram. At the Yellow Jackets Season 2 premiere. That they're yelling your name. People scream your name. They may not get it right all the time. They tell you where to look. They tell you to make a funny face. Do they say that? Yeah. Do something funny. Do they say one funny one? They say one silly one, they say that yeah do something funny they say do they say one funny

one they say say one silly one one serious do something funny they say hey mary which isn't my name but i also don't want to say that's not my name because mary elizabeth you'd be doing it so much i don't want a picture of me like chastising someone right i'm not i'm not trying to be joan yep yeah collins joan collins yes that's right none of us are trying to be joan collins over here with my chastising no no that's that's you oh okay i'm momo comma momo collins okay Mo Mo Collins. Okay. So. This is going great. I'm happy.

Me too. I know. You don't have to say it. Like we, we, we absolutely know that. Yeah, we can feel it.

We've done a lot of episodes and we know when they're going well. So like, I, I appreciate it, the support, but like. Yeah, I know it's going great. You got it.

Yeah. Hollywood Handbook. This week on the Patreon, the boys help engineer Rochelle write an email to Jake and Amir, and the Flager ones talk to Blank Check's Griffin and David about the movie Air. Plus, see Hollywood Handbook live in Los Angeles May 30th at the Dynasty Typewriter. If you can't make it to the show, you can watch the live stream for a week. Tickets for that are in the episode description. Check out all these shows and the video for today's episode with mary elizabeth at patreon.com slash the flagrant ones hollywood handbook be a better you in 2024 with babble the science-backed

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characters you put in front of it because what have i done what you what the link looks like to when kevin sends it just when it's cut off it says mary elizabeth ellis on instagram thanks for the fun premiere at yay just ye yeah and i was like sorry i'm out excuse me i'm done we're not doing that right now you didn't want me to be with easy i didn't necessarily want you to be having a fun premiere that Ye is throwing for you in this moment. Why don't you want that for me? And I don't...

What does that say about you? And just know that if you're posting something, Kevin is going to be sending it out. Okay. All over town. I should be sending my post to you first to approve letter numbers um should we watch the video of my red carpet appearance and then the resultant photo i'd like to see it yeah let's pull it out

let's see it so far so good well something happens at a certain point so she's walking by with an envelope with my name so they'll know my name okay first of all they all start yelling my name very distracted by her yeah i didn't know gotta ignore the help what was happening like so i walked in and they gave me an envelope with my name on it and had my tickets inside and i said oh i'll need these tickets and then i walked up and she immediately took the envelope away from me and I was like that's actually mine it says my name and she was like yeah we hold this and I was like she's taking my tickets

and so then like a little while went by and she's like we just need to have this on hand and I was like okay thanks and then I like took it away from her again and put it in my jacket pocket and she was like I actually want to hold on to it so I was like okay what is the game do you think she's going to try and get in and watch the premiere with your tickets? Yes.

This is the only thing I can figure out. It must be her dream. I mean, why would she be doing this job so close to premieres in this way if it weren't her dream? She does not want to finally get tickets and see a premiere. And she sees this Rube just fell off the turnip truck. And she's like, finally, a sucker that is going to let me take his envelope. Trade his tickets for some magic beans. You're operating from an emotional deficiency before you even step on the carpet.

All right, Elizabeth, this isn't even the half of it. Because then they're like okay you're gonna be next is this like gentleman's out there taking like i don't know a million photos name names was it i believe is sir robert lowe oh no no no he was nowhere near me uh they they waited for him they got to do a whole thing that's the way to do it was a gentleman who i don't know sometimes they do stagger him that way though i just want to say so the camera the cameras get very hot sometimes they need to kind of like cool down yeah yeah you know the man's name was ronan and i believe he is uh one of the stars of lone star 9-1-1 or 9-1-1 lone star yeah which which rob low Lone Star. Yeah. Star 1 Lone Star. Which Rob Lowe is also on.

Lowe. Lowe and Star. Is that what it's called? Yes. When you first mentioned him to me you also you just read it

you pronounced it Rob Lowe. Rob. Yes. Yeah. Rob Lowe from Lowe and Star. So Ronan

or Ronan I don't know. But he only ever read it he was out there forever then he's like talking to all the people he's like dude he's talking to people with the mics and i'm like you didn't talk to them well no no no and then they go you'll be next and then i see julia garter walk up and i I go, I'm not next. And sure enough, she goes through. So then that all happens. Then they're like, okay. Wait, is she in the show?

No, but she's a friend of the show. She's doing a Delvey-esque invasion. Yeah. She's inhabited this role too much. Now she's sneaking into. She conned her way into another premiere so that happens and are you just waiting like an asshole oh my god i look like a fool you know and i've got you know my wife is waiting off to the side looking like this fucking clown ever gonna get yeah is he ever gonna get out there like is he even supposed to be here and then they do send me out and i'm

standing there i'm kind of like okay this will be quick like they don't really want my picture and i'm i get a couple pictures and then she walks in front of the envelope and only then do i understand that's why she needed the envelope so that my name was written down yeah so that everyone could shout my name because they're shouting everyone knows his name but i'm like but when i get out there they're not gonna do that i don't i don't i think it could be to shout your name so they have something to shout yeah but it could also be so that when they're saying who the photo is of they they have a visual they can take a picture of the name and they can say,

oh, this is who my photos are about. Maybe. Because I think in the absence of having a name to shout, they would just say, look over here. Hey, it's me. Maybe, but I don't think

they took a lot of pictures of the name going by. It sort of felt like things shut down as she went across. I mean, we have the video. I think they memorize it. You think they memorize every single one? I think the photographers memorize pictures of the name going by it sort of felt like things shut down as as she went i mean we have the video memorize it you think they memorize i think the photographers memorize each professional event somebody's behind them maybe to write down but then they started yelling my name which i thought wow even a nobody like me gets their name how'd that feel wow it was

interesting emotional low emotional high it was straight back to an emotional low as i became very panicked the people were shouting that's what the show was about an emotional low yeah that's right two two emotional lows yeah we got them both uh but then but then they're shouting your name but i was was like, but like to do what? Like Sean over here. And it's like, yes, you are over there. But I don't know what you want me to do. And we can play the rest of the video because you'll see what happens.

There she goes. Wow. I've never really seen a person be tracked so closely. Yeah. see? Yeah, I go the wrong way. Okay, now show the photo that they got, Kevin. So you see how that happened. I was like, hey, sorry.

I don't know what. Just to explain to people, it is kind of an eh expression. Eh, I'm just a guy here on the black carpet. I don't think it's so bad. First they said, turn this way, and I turned the opposite way and sort of showed them my ass. Which they went like, we don't want that.

Like, please don't do that. And then I turned around with my arms out like, what do you want from me? I've never done this. To me it looks like, but you love it, right? Yeah, but come on. But come on. I know.

Isn't it kind of great? I could be a little bit of a hassle. I could be a lot to deal with, but the results are worth it, aren't they? He has two hands just out in the void waiting for sacrums. Need me to carry anything? Or yeah, do you want to be guided after this?

Yeah. Goad? Look at this guy wearing very casual He could play a basketball game. Footwear. Yeah, just in case

I have to run away. I mean, look. Way worse pictures have been taken. No, no, no, no. I'm not complaining. I'm not complaining. I'm saying I need some help.

I need some guidance. Part of this show is educational. And if I get a photo snapped in this pose, I want it to be because I chose it. Not because I was going like, I don't know what to do. What would your ideal pose have been? Probably sitting crisscross applesauce on the ground.

Oh. Just sitting crisscross applesauce. Being a good boy. Yeah. Just being a good boy waiting my turn. Oh, that's nice. Sitting on the story rug. Maybe I get to pick out,

they have a whole stack of rubber dots and I get to pick out, you know, they have a whole stack of like rubber dots and I get to pick out my favorite color and that's where I sit. And then if anyone else wants to sit down, they have to pick out their own color. I think that's nice. Then everyone knows what their place is.

Well, yeah. You don't have to follow your name. Just organize the chaos. Yeah, and just go like, okay, I was on green. Red dot. Yeah, each person gets their name. Red dot Mary Elizabeth. Yeah.

So you would do red? I would do green. Okay. So I had said I was green. So it'll be my second choice. Yeah. Well, no, you already took it. Okay.

Do you want green? What color do you want? What color dot are you going to sit on? Has green been taken twice now? yep okay so i guess we could all be green and then yeah it just it's gonna become confusing again because yeah people won't know where their spot is what are the other colors there's orange there's two more greens there's so there's that many greens there's four greens and one orange uh-huh can i be glitter so did you bring glitter always okay so yeah i mean i don't know did you bring glue

never okay so we need something to make glitter sitting loosely on well they're all gonna have glitter if we do this that's right you're welcome and we'll also all have glitter thank you um did you did you rent this suit or did you own this suit now i didn't i did not rent the runway this time um do they do rent the runway for dudes they they'd better they bet if they don't right now then they're on notice yeah it's time to start it's called rent the ron way guys we're like i guess ron is like a guy's name so they're like this is that's the masculine version i guess run is the woman's name i don't know what they had about i think they're just like we have to masculinize this somewhat somehow like ron is

like a pretty guys didn't want to use Rent the Runway. They thought it was too feminine. So Ron, like Kevin, saw a power vacuum and stepped into it. Own the runway as I feel like what men would want to do. Yeah, we don't

rent, sweetie. No, we don't rent. We own it. We own shit. Yeah, in which case it doesn't don't rent. We own it. We own shit. Yeah. In which case, it doesn't even need to be its own store. You know, like, you could just buy clothes. Yeah, because at that point, I guess if they have the suit you want, sure.

Those shoes are very clean, which is a real evolution for people. There was an article written about Sean and I once about how your shoes are dirty and my shoes are clean. That's true. Yes, because he's like poor and I'm rich. It was like the idea. I'm like the scummy guy from the wrong side of the tracks

and then Hayes is like this fancy. But his shoes are very clean now. And look, I'll put my shoes on cam. My shoes are actually very, very dirty. And those are much cleaner, wouldn't say mary elizabeth i would yeah times are changing yeah so we should call ben westhoff at yeah la weekly talk about this i paid a lot of money for dirty shoes those are dirty too on purpose have you been doing this thing the bottoms are pristine i've been doing this um chimney sweep like not like um gig work well it's an app

i guess we're like chimney sweep app it's an app where you can sign up to it's it's s w i i p and like if you you can become like a sweepster and is it a dating drive around um there are sometimes like women in the house that are like having you do chimney sweep stuff but is it like you drive around um there's sometimes like women in the house that are like having you do chimney sweep stuff but it's like there's not like a romantic element involved in it but there's a lot of double entendres about like once you're done with that chimney i've got another one that you could take a look at or stuff like that right and but then it is just like another some people yeah they have actually likeneys. Oh, okay. I know at one point you called me freaking out. Like, what am I going to do?

Yeah. Like, I don't think... I think she's talking about like... Do I have to do this? Is it going to affect my rating? Yeah. Like, yeah, you don't want to get... You don't want your sweep...

Is it sweep? It's sweep. It is pronounced sweep. Yeah, it is sweep. The two I's makes it sweep. Yeah. He's like, am I going to get dinged on my sweep score if I don't check out her second chimney?

I think he thought he was going to have to have sex. And have you? No. Not in one chimney? I was also worried about how to do it because going up a chimney is just not how I thought it. I don't know.

No, no. I mean, we don't have to get into all that. But like, yeah, that's not what he thought it was like. Yeah. That's not what I was imagining. I don't know. When he does it, he doesn't think it's going to be like going up a chimney, which like is totally, you know. And that's how your shoes got dirty?

Yeah, that's how my shoes got dirty. that's how my shoes got dirty i got stuck up the first chimney or second and the first chimney i ever did but your sweep score is still high or did you bail my sweep score is so high because i was able to spend so much time in the chimney that even though like i had to be extracted it was like it was it's one of the cleanest chimneys the part just above where he got stuck got so clean because he had nothing else to do in there he had all the sweeping just wiping and i was pretending that it was like that i was like just really focused on my job yeah you were pretending to be focused on your job well when

actually i was like i was stuck before he finally did his call for help. Yeah, he was going like, boy, this is a nasty one. I've really got to sweep in here. And sort of just like a lot of like vamping kind of. And there were like different animals in there that I had to like conquer. Like different levels. Different levels. And were you like, ah, like they smelled really bad? Yeah, they stink.

Ah, another stinky animal. And then do you have to do it in a British accent? Because I would feel like that's a damaging stereotype. No, that actually is really, really frowned upon. That's the one thing they tell you. Really problematic question. And if you are British, you have to do anything else. Yeah, you cannot.

Or just don't speak. you have to do anything else. Yeah, you cannot. Or just don't speak. Being a chimney sweep now is like perpetuating just like a stereotype. Hurtful. Yeah, yeah. And that they can fly as well.

You are not allowed to do that at all. If you can fly. The stereotype is that like if you are a chimney sweep. Thinking they'd be able to. People don't like really remember the details, but they know that there's something about chimney sweeps and flying abilities. And flying is happening around them or whatever.

They sort of think that the chimney sweeps carry an umbrella also, which is like. But that's the nanny. That's the, yeah. Nannies do that. Nannies fly. That's the stereotype. That is actually real. Nannies carry an umbrella and, nannies do that. Nannies fly. That's the stereotype. That is actually real.

Nannies carry an umbrella and some nannies can fly. Yeah. And some nannies are friends with chimney sweeps, but not all of them. That's right, but not all of them. Yeah, it's just allowing people a freedom of choice that can get removed when you make these assumptions of like, oh, okay, it's a chimney sweep, so they're British and all their friends are nannies, you know what I mean? And they know a cartoon penguin or whatever.

People don't remember all the stuff. Yeah, people don't remember most of it. But they have a vague sense of... And that's how your score gets docked. Yeah, that's one way. Really any kind of racism, but that is one that is... That's the most common one that comes up probably. Top two.

Yeah. Yeah. Penguins. Yeah. Penguins and yeah. But that's how your shoes got dirty. Yeah. So...

If we search Maryary elizabeth ellis red carpet will be like is that a is that a fun thing to do or not really i mean i think some of them are fun there would it be a teaching tool sure oh sure where you could say like this one is like when before i actually had my game locked down. And this is like what it looks like when you're crushing it. I don't know if there's a game, a locking game down game to lock down. I mean, I feel like you've done pretty well. I think it's all downhill from here.

Yeah, let's take this photo down. I don't need to see it for the whole episode. All right. There's one. I was like, do I want to bring this up? There's one where we had a newborn and we went to

Shirley MacLaine's Lifetime Achievement Award. Sure. At the AFI Lifetime Achievement Awards. Yeah, I was busy. You were busy. They asked you to speak. Yeah, they wanted me to just do like a little thing. Like six, seven minutes just talking about Cheryl, you know,

and kind of what she meant to all of us and like sort of like what I did to kind of help her resonate with the public. He really could have used you. So it went really bad? It didn't go well. That was a total buzz? Has she, what she really achieved. You know what I mean?

Wow. So that's what you came at. You were going in feeling better. I bet she's achieved a bunch. About her accomplishments. And then when I left, I was like. Or at least with an open mind. I didn't hear a thing.

Okay. Yeah. Wow. All right. Prove it. Prove it. You know? Yeah.

Prove me wrong. Time to get started. Sitting in the IHU ARPS folded. Front row. I'm Wow. Yeah. Prove it. Prove it. You know? Yeah. Prove me wrong. Time to get started. Arms folded. Front row. I'm ready. Tell me. Front row. All right.

Okay. Ha! A lot of that. Okay. Well, that could be kind of nice. Just one? No, I mean, it was, come on. Oh, yeah.

You call that an achievement? Yeah, right. So you think they're lying as well? Yeah. Wow, they lied a lot. I've never seen this movie. Okay. I said a lot.

So you're acting like the movies weren't real? Yeah. Oh, please. That's a movie? I don't think so. Wow. Right? Yeah.

Why don't you... Here's something you could achieve. How about eating a mint? Your breath sticks. You know, sticky breath surely stuff like that instead of the apartment yeah yeah how about eating a mint instead of the apartment well i was thinking instead of lifetime achievement oh okay got it yeah yeah instead of being a part of it you should be yeah i'll close together with them yeah a close to a mitt okay so what happened so we were on on the red carpet and when a lady has a baby and then feeds it out of her body her breast get very full of milk so there was a lot of a lot of milk inside that dress

so there was a lot of a lot of milk inside that dress by the end of it but on the red carpet oh so much milk was it designed to like retain no it wasn't one of those milk bag dresses dress that you're thinking of okay well would have been something to heard of a glass slipper how about a glass dress you go home, you just are a bottle of milk. Like, that's interesting. Toss the baby in there like a swimming pool. Sure, yeah. Oh, God. Kid would be in hog heaven swimming around in a milk bottle dress.

Damn. Million dollar idea. Yeah. But anyway, you had a story. So, I'm in this milky dress. I'm on the red carpet. And again, probably same guy. Yelling at me this time.

Kiss your husband. Yell at Charlie. Kiss her. Kiss her. We're like, this is weird. This is horny. Do you kiss when people are yelling at you to kiss? Do you kiss? We're like, we're not going to kiss. He's like they're so horny do you kiss when you people are yelling at you to kiss do you kiss we're like we're not gonna kiss yeah he's like they must hate each other that's what

you hear that's what you're afraid of why won't they kiss what are we showing the public he's allergic to milk he hates breast milk yeah yeah that Yeah. That's what they just assume. Wow. When he loves it. Loves. Talk about a baby swimming around in a bottle of breast milk. That was Charlie. Sure. So we're like, we're not gonna. And I do the like.

Oh, you straight up put a hand up and they're like. Or just like pull my chin back, you know. And I've just had a baby. So this also looks like a bag of milk you recoil uh and then he does kiss me and so then there's a picture of him kissing me but as you're like tucked all the way away yeah turtle like turtle turtleneck in it um and it's an awful picture and everyone can look it up. It's out there. So you know what? Going like, is this what you want? Not so bad.

No. Yeah. Looking back, actually, I'm proud of that picture. It wasn't a fail. It wasn't even really a red carpet, was it? It was a black carpet. Patriot to you? Well, it's not what I was told. I was told I would walk the carpet. I guess I just assumed that it would be, you know, red or a fun color.

But the Oscars were champagne colored carpet this year, right? Yeah. Yeah. I noticed that. So I think trending away from red. We're moving in that direction trending towards sand champagne

colored sand black sand it can be different colors does James play with that at all in the way of sand oh yeah so many different colors of sand and the AI really gets in there with the clothing. So expand on that a little bit.

Just the idea of how they really get in there. Into the sand? I guess, well, whatever. Do you want me to explain AI to you? No, just like, just as though. No, but you said. That the AI really gets in there. With the clothing.

With the clothing. With the clothing. Like, what do you mean exactly? Gets in where? Oh, into different colors of sand. Okay. So it's AI using different sand. Okay. Sand theory?

So I know what sand theory is, of course, but Kevin is curious about what sand theory means. Artificial intelligence. is of course but Kevin is curious about what sand theory means artificial intelligence they know things that we don't know do you want me to explain sand theory to Kevin yes Kevin can you go on cam again please

there you are did you find that picture in your little travels did you find my squish face your little travels did you find my squish face have you been here where have you been kevin's pretending that he doesn't he's been in the parking lot he lives on image search so he feels like he has to pretend that he's not like looking up pictures all the time but see there you go he was right on none of those oh there it is yeah i see it i see it you're getting that kiss and it looks wow there it is yeah it's i kind of want to get it painted and hung in our

house it's cool how can't help but think if i had he has been there to speak about shirley just you know butterfly flaps its wings might have been out yeah a little bit more he has kind of a thumb hooked in his pocket might have been kissing me never know you might have kissed him now yeah now both now everybody kisses somebody kiss me and i'm kissing the photographer you know they're surprised that no one was kissing you in your picture yeah is that what you were asking how to get kissed on a red carpet well i i wouldn't mind some tips just because like when i was out there it was it was prettyonesome. And so they didn't... Maybe that's why they were trying to rush you for it with Ronan.

Maybe they were trying to pair you with Ronan. That could have been something. You could kiss Ronan. At least there'd be a heat, just the possibility of a kiss happening would just make the pictures kind of crackle. Robert De Niro was in both of those movies. I'm sorry to interrupt you. I wasn't. I was just saying he was in both of those movies. I'm sorry to interrupt you.

I wasn't. It was just saying he was in both. He was in Heat and Runnin'. I was going to ask if you had any milk on your person because I always suggest that. That would have helped me a lot. No.

I had cream, but it was a medicated ointment. Oh. Yeah. So it wasn't milk. No, I had cream, but it was a medicated ointment. Oh. Yeah, so it wasn't milk. It wasn't a dairy product. Yeah, or breast milk specifically. No, no, no.

Do you always have a little flask of breast milk? It really ups your confidence on that carpet. Yeah, it's like your actor's secret. Just knowing it's there. Yeah. Yeah. Like your constant, like an inception. Mm-hmm. Yeah.

Everyone has a different one. Mine's a flask. And yours is just a little flask. A tiny flask of breast milk. And they're like, holy shit. Like she's got a little flask that she's pulling from. She's like got some sort of issue with alcohol but instead it's something much if they actually knew it's much yeah it's much stranger

yes it's much more distressing it's it's it's beautiful and i don't even drink it i just smell it is it yours or it can be anyone's it's it's i have i i keep up the supply i just keep it going oh i have my child's almost 12 it has nothing to do with my child anymore yeah they're solely for red carpet this is just for me and you were doing it before they even showed up it's just like they just happened to first time i stepped on a being there, yeah. Sure, yeah, red carpet can activate those instincts. Yeah, it's like a baby crying to me. That's just, that's nature. You could also lift a car when you're on there.

Yeah. It's that same kind of like something primal. No, these things that are associated with like maternal, like parental kind of superpowers, right? Shooting milk out, lifting a car, stuff that you think only belongs to people who are raising children. It's like, no, red carpet gets all that stuff going. And you can hear people's thoughts.

And I have eyes in the back of my head. Like how your mom always said that to you. Yeah. And I have a little mouth in the back of my head too Like how your mom always said that to you. Yeah. And I have a little mouth in the back of my head too. That's what Sean was trying to show them. Yeah. The eyes in the back of your head? They said, hey, face the camera.

And I said, sure. His whole ass. I am. Check out my whole entire ass. I'm facing you right now. Whatever, man. It's fucking stupid. Yeah.

Yeah. Red carpets are fucking stupid. All right. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Hollywood Handbook.

That was a HeadGum Podcast.