Hollywood Handbook - Matt Gourley, Our Close Friend

Episode Date: June 23, 2014

Hayes and Sean start with "Late Night Snack", where they discuss Jimmy Fallon's greatest moments and play a game of laugh vs. yawn with Engineer Sam. Then, college comedy professor and podcast pro Matt Gourley is on to talk guns, robots, his classroom process, and lead the guys in a classic mirror exercise. Finally, the Popcorn Gallery is back to bring up topics like weird experiences with women, mummies, Cabo St. Lucas,  and then Matt tells a bonus story about bully vengeance.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This is a HeadGum Podcast. And we're saying goodbye. And she's like, by the way, I'm on a Ferris. And I was like, you have to admit that you kind of do look the same. Hey. What? Did she apologize? Yeah, she admitted. I said she had to. And so she did.

Hey. Sorry, I did the hey. I did a half hey earlier. But that's the real. This is the hey now? This is the real hey. and we'll do it together okay hey welcome to hollywood handbook and insider's guide i didn't like mine can i lay my can i do mine just yours and you'll put it over because i can't always hear it yes when you're and then you'll lay mine under yours i don't want to do it again i've done

two and a half uh yeah so you do yours we'll lay it under mine yes okay but i'll go straight into the name please okay and i'm and i'm gonna nail this okay hey sorry fuck it's funny no it's no i know it's – no, I know. It's just – I mean a monarch butterfly flew into my mouth. Yes. Or it might have been a viceroy. It's a monarch. The dust on your mouth is monarch dust.

Okay. Get it on this one because I'm also queuing up my thing, you know. So it's not just you doing it. Like, I'm also having to get ready. Yeah. So, okay. I just don't, you know. You did like that one.

You look very happy. It sounded... To me, that sounds like... I'm just making sure. Yes. That sounds like yours. I mean, I think that's going to match. I thought it was fine. I'm just making sure that you like... I'm just making sure. Yes. That sounds like yours. I mean, I think that's going to match. I thought it was fine.

I'm just making sure that you like it. You do like it. Do you want one more for safety? Sure. Hi, hi, hi. Welcome to Hollywood Handbook, an insider's guide to kicking butt and dropping names in the red carpet lineback hallways of this industry we call showbiz. I'm Hayes Davenport.

I'm here with Sean Clements. What up, what up? Yes. Do you want to do that again? What up, what up? We have a great show today. We wanted to start off with a segment. There was a little bit of back and forth about this segment.

We wanted to call it Midnight Snack. This is a segment about- Would love to. That's a popular phrase. Yes. This is a segment about programming that's that's a popular phrase yes this is a segment about um programming that's on at night comedy talk show programming that's um on at night midnight snack we thought would be a really fun way to refer to these shows or even at midnight snack right but

in good conscience we can't call it that because we aren't going to be talking about at midnight in this segment. Nothing against At Midnight, a show that we love. And we'll probably do a segment on it later and probably that segment will be worthy of the name At Midnight or points.

You're just raising your eyebrows. It would be worthy of points. I would hope so. So that that's for the future that's for a future segment for the second we want to do now we want to call it late night snack because it's on 11 35 the show that we love which is late night with jimmy fallon and, and not to be confused with a show called Late Night. Yes. No, no, no. So what it really should be is Late Night. Because it's the Tonight Show. Yes. With Jimmy Fallon. Right, but it's on Late at Night. It's on Late at Night. So it's a late night snack, but please don't think

that we mean late night, because that's Seth Meyers. This segment should be called Tonight Snack. Tonight Snack. So Tonight Night Snack is going to be this, and it's, well, it's not on tonight. It's tonight, Saturday night. Right, right. 11.35, Monday through Friday, 11.35 p.m. snack. Snack time. You know, snack. So that's – Really, we just want to say how much we appreciate what Jimmy, our friend, is doing for a form that had – that needed a boost.

Yes. You know, clear – Needed to be reinvented. Clear, you know. We're losing him. But then it does. But then it clear. Yes.

It does start beating. He brought it back. And now it's alive. To life. And it's even beating faster. Like beating. Do it. Yes. It's like.

Get a job. Because he did that. He brought it back to life. It's even more exciting than it's ever been. And the way he does it is with these – every night you tune into the show and you can expect to be surprised by like an unbelievable guest showing up to do something you would never expect they would do on television. And aren't we sick of seeing people do these canned preordained interview stories where it's like, oh, I got a stick of gum stuck in my hair on an airplane. And I'm Richard Gere and I'm going to just tell you that story on every frigging episode of every show. And it's like, well, we know that story, Richard.

And actually, we were there, and it was half a stick. And it came out pretty quick. We iced it. It was not chewed. It sort of just fell off your head. Yeah. And so in that way, I think that what he's doing is more authentic. And we want to relive some of our favorite celebrity moments that were kind of outside the box that Fallon's done in the past. Go ahead. Go ahead. Go ahead. Go ahead. Go ahead.

Well, I just can't stop thinking about how hard I laughed at this first, you know, at this first, you know, big celeb memory that I have. And this was Blake Shelton from The Voice put on a crocodile head. Yes. You know, and isn't that better than an interview? And he comes out and they play the Roots, who are amazing. Just their talent. And just a great thing. And then they played...

Crocodile Rock. Yes. And what Blake did that I thought was so clever is... You know, Crocodile Rock starts, I remember when Rock was young. Yes, yes, yes. But he went, I remember when Rock was old? Yes. And but he went he went i remember when rock was old yes and then he went and then

he went like yeah i'm i'm almost 40 and i thought what a great real genuine moment yes uh for me yes we all know charlie bit my finger for him him to bring out Charlie Hunnam to recreate a video that we have to, like, dress up in baby clothes and have Charlie Hunnam, like, bite his finger and do the voices and stuff. And then for him to do it again with Charlie Day the next night. And then Charlie Birdman Parker to do it on wednesday uh and then to have um i think it was axel rose yeah because once you're expecting another charlie uh the real the real joke is then to bring out axel rose yes and then on friday to bring out charles schultz's widow is like sort of a tribute to him, representing both Charlie Brown and Charlie Schultz in one thing,

and to have them all be biting his finger every night and for us all to relive this wonderful experience we had watching a video online. But instead we're watching a television show that's doing an impression of a video online that you might watch at your desk to kill time before lunch, but now it's... Recreating it in an expensive way. a video online that you might watch at your desk to kill time before lunch. Yes. But now it's... Recreating it in an expensive way and bringing in big celebrities to reference something.

Or kind of, you know, winking at it and in on it in a way where they get to really feel fun. And speaking of fun, wasn't it great when he had Andrew Garfield come out and play a full game of Axis and Allies, the Risk-style World War II board game? Yes. Which takes about four and a half to six hours to complete and to see them play that game, which some people find fun to play themselves. Yes. It's sort of recreating.

It's basically watching them hang out like you hang out with your friends. And that's so important what you just said. Yes. Because it's sort of, because it is, obviously I know celebrities are just like me. I am a celebrity. But the idea that a viewer who just turned on their TV could get the feeling that a celebrity is just like them because they are watching, you know, fucking goddamn fucking, you know, Amanda Seyfried do fucking hopscotch or some bullshit. That's fun.

It's like they're doing hopscotch. Yes. And like to have Lizzie Kaplan come on the show and like bring her sack lunch. And then she's like trading her sack lunch stuff with Jimmy's sack lunch. And they're saying. And Questlove. Yes. And Questlove is in there too. And he has funny foods. sack lunch stuff uh with jimmy sack lunch and they're saying and quest love yes and quest love is in there too and uh and he has funny foods uh yeah and what's in their lunch isn't maybe what you'd expect to always have for lunch yes and it's like just going back to what's funny about

like just being a kid you know stuff we all remember from being kids and like remembering that yeah these guys were all like kids too and it's like funny sometimes to see them act like they're not just like serious rich adults like that they're also capable of having fun and seeing a celebrity be capable of having a good time i think can be the most enjoyable experience a human person can have would you agree with that or would you not agree? I don't agree only because I don't think you stated it strongly enough. Yeah. I think it's the only enjoyable experience for a human person. Yeah. Truly enjoyable with no guilt or nothing attached to it because it is enjoyable certainly to ejaculate, but there's a lot of baggage that we have with that yeah that comes

with that yeah and it can also be enjoyable to um release your bowels i mean that can be a real freedom but there's cleanup involved or there's um possibly if you're in the middle of a crowded party yeah there's some it can be embarrassing. And there is also a clean-up in that egg-smashing game that they do on Jimmy Fallon, though. But even the clean-up seems fun. It's part of it, yes. Sam, I want to ask you a question.

About 45 seconds ago, you made a sound. I want to know if it was a laugh or a yawn. Be very, very careful what you say. Okay? Think about your answer, Engineer Sam. I just want to know if that noise you made was a laugh or a yawn. And just because you're family doesn't mean that I won't really let you have it. One or the other.

It's one or the other. It's one of those two answers. And you can take all the time you need. And you can even ask questions to us about what your answer should be. We won't tell you exactly, but maybe we'll give you sort of... And we encourage you to use the questions. Use the questions wisely. And we can maybe steer you in the right direction for whether that noise you made...

People can hear it on the thing. You made a... It was some kind of exhalation. And one question might be what those sounds coming out of a person indicate about how they feel about what's happening in the room. And I wasn't looking at you because I'm trying to do a show. And so I don't know if you were patting your mouth or holding your sides. And so it's... I was, yes, I also was pointed the other way with my

face and my eyes because you were hoping to do a good podcast assuming that in doing the podcast that i would get quiet from the person who really is not supposed to be making any right that there's the people who are who are making noise and then there's the people who are listening to the noise and making sure that the noise is coming through without any sorts of interruptions. Now, Sam. Yeah. You've had some time to think about this now. Do you have any preliminary questions

about your ultimate response to whether that noise you made was a laugh or a yawn? No, I have no questions. That was a yawn? No, I have no questions. That was a yawn. And I apologize. He's tart. He's having a sleepy day.

That could happen to anyone. Not! You're fucking dead meat, mister. And wait till I tell your friggin' dad. Oh my god. And just to have the opportunity to ask us questions and to blow that.

I'm so, like, to like, to turn it into an opportunity to be like, I'll do a funny thing because it was a laugh. I fucking saw it.

Like, you know, he was, he's enjoying the show. He was fucking losing it. He's in the routine. I didn't take my eyes off him for a second. I was watching him like a hawk,

but sideways, so he couldn't tell for sure. And to try and lie and act like it was a yawn in order to try and act big or whatever to like, whatever, like girls are listening to this and be like, and like, you'd be like, you remember that time that you like, get girls, get some. And I'm always watching him. I'm always watching him because my my training. I always am aware. Well, you have 100% peripheral vision.

Oh, yes, 100% peripheral vision. And because of my training, I'm always totally aware. And so I see him doing the laughs. And I know you're going to throw to him because I just anticipate. Sure. And I think, I wonder if he's going to try to get girls by lying that it's beyond. And it makes me so angry that he would try and turn that opportunity to ask us questions. And I hate to do this, but if there's any girls, and I know there are listening.

Who were maybe. Who were maybe Sam's age. And were maybe thinking like, you know, looking at Sam and maybe thinking like his body was like on time or whatever. It's like certain things about his physique were intriguing to you. And right on time, yeah. Maybe you'd like to see other aspects, which let me tell you, don't get too excited. Yeah. Don't build it up too much in your mind.

It's nice, but you don't want to set yourself up for a fall. We don't want to spoil it for you. Don't get too invested. Yeah, you might want to – what's a good way to prepare for it? Right, Sam? You can admit this. Should they get invested? I think so.

And see, it's the exact same thing. I know. I know. We give him this opportunity to be a part of it and to engage with us. And to be not on the same level with us. But he always goes the other way. He says, no, this is the time I'm going to be a part of it and to be, you know, not on the same level with us. But he always goes the other way. Yeah. He says, no, like this is the time I'm going to be back.

It's that punk rock mentality and it's the rap rock they're listening to now and it's Limp Bizkit and all of this. It's awful. And it's just horrible and it's just noise and it's all a big F you to everyone who actually deserves some respect because we've actually earned it. What scares me is these are the guys that are are gonna be running the world when we're old like this is who's gonna be taking care of us and imagine senator sam imagine that i can't i mean that what if we did what if we just learned to use computers and we just did it you know it doesn't

look hard you look over at him he's not doing it's not high level stuff that we just learned how to you know if he can do it we sure what the because it's not high-level stuff. We just learned how to – Yeah, if he can do it, we sure as hell can do it because it's – The squares and like – there's a big square and there's the little squares. Yeah, there's little squares and there's some of the like sort of sideways sort of squares and the one like L-shaped one. Yes, there's a big L-shaped one. Which he seems to favor in some ways. We got a great guest today. Matt Gurley is here.

He's the host of the Super Ego podcast. He is here. He's also a professor of comedy. He's going to talk about that side of his business coming right up on Hollywood Handbook. Hollywood Handbook. So, I nudge Tyson. Beckford.

Yes. And I go, oh, hello. She's talking to you go, oh, hello, she's talking to you. He goes, no, she's talking to you. She said, hey, handsome. And I go, no, you're handsome. I'm gorgeous. But she was talking to me after all. She was being, she was like nagging you.

Yes, exactly. Which it's like. Hey, it worked. Hey! Hey! Welcome to Hollywood Handbook, an insider's guide to kicking butt and dropping names in the red carpet lineback hallways of this industry we call showbiz. What up, what up? What up, what up?

We're here with a great guest. We're really excited about this guest. We really want to sort of dig into the nitty gritty of what we try to do today. Matt Gurley is here. Hi, guys. You know him from a number of podcasts. He has the Super Ego podcast. Super Ego.

He has the Anti-Ego Podcast. I like Anti-Ego. I like Anti-Ego. I get along with that. Yes. And he's doing this podcast. But for us- The Hollywood Handbook Podcast.

And the Hollywood Handbook Podcast right now. When you live in Los Angeles, what you know Matt as is, well, you're a professor. I'm an adjunct faculty member, but if we want to, yeah, I'll go with professor today. Right. Yeah, sure. Well, you wear glasses. That's right. Professor, you're right.

In Riverside? I teach online at Riverside City College. Right. On campus at Long Beach City College and College of the Canyons in Valencia. Because that's sort of like the intellectual triumvirate of the city. Valencia, Riverside, and Long Beach is where sort of while all the beautiful people are in Los Angeles, the thinkers, the intellects, they go out to those cities. And that's where they make, like, rockets. Right.

We flank them on all sides in a triangle. Yes. And you teach online, which is like a robot. It is more than you know. It is. It's amazing how much of it is just automated. Yeah. Yeah.

I check it every morning, and it mostly just answers technical questions about, my vinyl didn't click on. Yeah. And that's a – Is you scared of robots taking over? Oh, sure. And that's part of what my classes are about is just preparing for that, I think.

They have to fight you. Yeah, that's a big element of theater. Yeah. Yeah, being prepared and just cans just cans of beans and you know have a big water jug a raft yeah raft

and um one of those solar blankets yeah which makes you seem like a robot yourself so it's partially camouflaged

it's just you gotta learn their tricks you know and a big fucking gun and Obama wants to take our guns yeah

right Hayes well you can ask me that. Well, he's... Well, he's... John, John, John, John, John, John. Well, he's coming for them. Just whisper.

And, well, he's coming for them, you know? Okay. And I'm not going to let him take... And if you come try to take my gun, you've got a nasty... Whisper, whisper, whisper. You've got a nasty surprise waiting for you. Sean, Sean, Sean. We said you could talk about this, but you have to make sure you control your volume

when you say those kind of things, okay? A nasty surprise. How this, but you have to make sure you control your volume when you say those kind of things, okay? A nasty surprise. How many guns do you have? Well, I'm trying to get them, but Obama's, every turn it's more red tape. He keeps buying them before Sean can show up and take them all. Every time I go to get a gun, as soon as the waiting period's over, they go, okay. And I go, and I want the one I picked out, the one with the seashells on it, you know? And then what do i know they go oh uh i think a gentleman just purchased that one i turn around

and obama and he's giggling and he scampers away yeah that's right you get so excited because i'm with you for that whole waiting period and you get it all you paint the room for it and you get it all set up does he scamper away into a little door in the Wayne's Cutting that he just lifts in there? Oh, well, he may. I mean, I turn away so fast. When I see him scampering, I just bite my fist, and I go blind almost with rage. A little network of tunnels between gun stores. Gun stores all the way back to D.C.

Yeah. Yes. What I wouldn't give to have that in a little glass pane up on my shelf where you could see a little ant trail. Taking guns. Yes, just all the little ants carrying guns back to their little ant oval office. Change marriage into something that's fucked up. Yes, everyone's going to have to marry a horse.

Everyone's going to be, be you're gonna see all those dennis rodman brides around those like fake men they're trying to trick you into marrying them but it doesn't and then legally i'm not i'm certainly not going to be fooled by that again no or those those brides that are half bride, half groom when they turn to a different profile. Yes. Marry themselves. Yes. Well, and what about these bridezillas? Oh.

I mean, it's a real problem. That's why you need guns right there. Bridegiras. Yes. I'm so sorry. Yes. That was culturally insensitive. But the bridegiras.

Brideju. Yeah, brideju. Now, as professor, man. Yes. Go ahead. You teach the class that we, what everyone knows you from is from your famous Comedy 101. Comedy 101. You fly into Los Angeles.

Uh-huh. You say, you get in a funny mustache car. Yeah. And you say, take me to school because I need an education in comedy. Yeah. And they take you to see you and you teach them Comedy 101. I'm wearing a tweed tuxedo shirt. Does that make sense?

It's a t-shirt with a tweed tuxedo printed on it. Yes. It does make sense. Yeah. And that's just de rigueur for any Comedy 101 teacher. You got to start there. That's just the beginning. You learn that your first year of grad

school. So we thought we would open up your class to all our listeners who live in Nebraska. God bless them. Okay, yes. One of the most unfriendly.

Yeah, I gotta help these people. Any kind of Dakota of any kind. A North one. I don't even know if there's others. You fly over, you are in the plane, you look down and they're spelling out, help in the corn. Get me the fuck out of here,

they say. In corn. That's a funny joke and they don't even know it's a joke. They're not even doing it as a joke. They're so desperate. They're like they're so sincere but for desperate losers who live in these fucking bullshit parts of i mean it's not really our country is it you know but but of a country um they don't have access necessarily to computers where a robot man can teach you comedy profession. But for us, we know, like, they go to Sears, they listen to our show in the showroom. And we thought as they're listening, they could get some of the education that they don't have to come out all the way here and pay for it.

Yeah. Because it's very hard on their souls to walk all that way uh why don't you start us from the beginning of like the first day when everyone's coming in you've done the name game okay so we don't have to do that uh but everyone's come in and sit down you're giving them the the foundation of your comedy philosophy. And you'll sort of give it to us. And we'll sort of pretend. Yes.

And we know this stuff. Yes. But just talk to us about some of the principles as if we didn't, even though everyone knows that we do know. Absolutely. All right. First thing we do, we can't really do here. But I have everybody lie down in a circle with their heads on the bellies of the people in front of them and then

everybody just laughs and it's a thrill right because your head bounces up and down like a bunch of jelly bellies on a waterbed if you'd imagine a waterbed full of rigorous physical sexual activity uh and that's basically how i open up and that's a bit of an icebreaker and it weeds out the the, those, you know. And the ones that have the heads are too heavy. Or belly's too soft. Yeah. And that happens.

And that gets rid of the people. Sad when that happens. I need to know the first week who's not going to be able to cut it, you know. And that's the best way to do it. Then we go right into the mirror exercise. And that's not, that's no joke. Because real comedy is about truth. And if you know how somebody's belly moves when they laugh

and if you can look into the soul through the mirror of their eyes, you know what you're dealing with. And explain the exercise. We know what it is. Yeah, yeah. We're good at it and stuff. But maybe if you could explain to us like we didn't know what it was and how we could do it at home.

Let's have you two look at each other right now. And this is great podcast material. And let's say, Sean, you just start moving your hand, right? Now, Hayes, you're going to mimic that, okay? So go ahead. Okay. Okay. Should we actually do it or just like make a sound and pretend like we're doing it?

Because it's a podcast. Yeah. Yeah. I'm not even in the same room. My hand. Yeah. It's very physical. Very strenuous.

Okay, now keep up there. You got to keep up because part of this is a two-way street. Now, I'm going to have you organically switch control as to who's leading. Okay. Whenever you feel like, go. Okay, good. Good. All right.

The other thing in my class is I don't let anyone make any decisions. I make all their comedic decisions. Any improv that they would ever do is me commanding them making decisions. And they're mostly no decisions. Yes. Yeah. Because comedy is about surprise. Is it?

Speak on that. And it's only surprise. Yeah. And you've said that. Yes. Please tell us about that. Speak on it. Well, I mean, that that you could if they're

so interested they could go to the book section of sears and just pick up my book and that comedy is about disappointment so if you're going to surprise them surprise them with what they don't want and that includes the audience your your scene partner not your, not your teacher, not your teacher. In fact, the only way to get an A in my class is to never show up, all right? Because that's brilliant. That says to me you're thinking outside of the box, you know? Because you're expecting them to show up. Yeah, and that's not funny. It's like a banana peel that you step on and it doesn't just go squish.

Or like helps you. Right. Like it does your homework or something you know yeah like that you were trying to get somewhere more quickly yeah and the banana peel got you there a little quicker because you didn't slip but you just like you're in a hurry conveyor belt just takes you all the way exactly where you need to go nothing funny about that but it does screw you of your fitbit steps, I'll tell you that much. And fitness is very important here in the big city.

Every one of my students has to have a Fitbit. If you don't know what that is, it's a little electronic device you carry in your pocket that monitors your steps. Now, can they have a Flex, or does it have to be a Fitbit One? No. In fact, everybody get out your Fitbits right now. Okay.

What have you got? Let's see yours, Sean. That looks pretty good. Mine goes on my belt. What is that one? It's called a Withings. A what? A Withings. But you hear this sound like it's German, and you can hear the efficiency of it.

It's German? When I tap against the mic, listen to that. You hear that? I hear it. And that's me. I'm walking around with that on my belt all day. Okay. So it's not made by Fitbit. No, it's not made by Fitbit. And it's German.

Yes. Typically the unfunniest culture. It's Fitbitter. Fit, please. Yes, Fitbitter. Okay, but... Entschuldigung. Entschuldigung, Sie bitte.

Yeah. How many steps are you registering right now? You got 384. 384 steps, and it's about 1 p.m., so I'm on pace to do about 700 steps today. And you're walking as you're doing this, but you just do it so slowly, and you act like you're really tired.

He tiptoes. These are big, long steps, heavy steps. And so I feel that each one of them counts for about 1,000 steps. Yes. And you can do that. Well, you can do what Matt is doing, and you can just move it up and down, and that's really the same as walking. And it is exercise.

It is for your arm. And you can put it on a thirsty bird's head. And then it's getting exercise. Just put it on my cat's collar. That still counts too. She's pretty active. And that's how I begin the class. And then I get to know the students a little bit, have them tell me some interesting facts about themselves.

And that is sort of documented in the movie wonder boys which is about your experience yes what was it like working with michael he uh he's a shallow reflection of me but he was the best we could do he has a roguish charm and a shallow reflection as we all know, if you read science, it doesn't look as good as one. If the water is deeper, the better the reflection is coming out. And even glass or a mirror is even better than water. That's true. A shallow reflection, you're still going to see some of the underlying surface of the lake bed or the reeds. And who wants to look at nature when you can look into your own chestnut eyes? And again, not to belabor the point and not to sound like a broken record, but you don't even really need water if you have a piece of shiny glass

or even a shiny rock that's so shiny it shows you. Or a TV that's off. Yeah, or a closed circuit camera. Anyway, he did in a pinch, let's just say. But all of that is true. The whole story is true. And I hate to bring up the

whole mirror thing again, but I'm just thinking that even a phone with glass on the front or a camera that turns around and points at you, a camera could be a good way to see yourself. And it's interesting to me because there were probably cameras on that movie. None. You'd think there were, but it's all live.

And so that's why you can't find it anymore unless we remount it. They're talking about a revival. find it anymore unless we remount it. They're talking about a revival. Also, a self-portrait or a portrait artist to reflect your image back to yourself is timely but appropriate. So these are just ways that we're beating water, you know, and people talk about how we're running out of water. It's about time.

It's about time. And they're scared about that and I'm saying, well, we've already defeated it, you know? And I don't allow water in my classroom. Just milk. So everybody can have a big old jug of milk. Because milk isn't trying to rise up and get us all

wet. No. And anybody that drinks that. Trying to make our bones healthy. No, sir. No. How much milk do they have to drink in your class and how fast? A gallon as fast as they can. And that myth is not true. You can do it.

I've seen it. You can do it in 30 seconds. In rare occasions, I've seen it work. I did it. Someone challenges like, oh, you can't drink a gallon of milk in under an hour. And I did the whole thing. And I had already drank a shitload of milk before that. Much more, like five times as much right before they had me do that.

Yeah, I did. Well, because I did a gallon of hot milk in about 25 minutes. And then they said it was supposed to be cold milk and I cheated. And so then I drank a gallon or two, maybe a gallon and a half I think of cold milk. And then I turned – I made a – I did a – milk was a bad choice joke and that really bust them up. Well – Yeah, what was it?

Come on, man. What was the joke? Does somebody need a refresher course? Come on, man. What was the joke? Does somebody need a refresher course? Dish, man. Well, the joke, of course, is I was holding up a water bottle. Let me tell you something. Surprise. One time I just trough loaded curdled buttermilk,

a cubic gallon because it was so solid. And I just, just feedbacked it into my open maw. And I said, now top that class. Ice luge. Yeah. I bought one of those industrial.

Feels so good when it hits your mouth. Oh God. I'm thinking about it now. Yeah, I'm glad we're not in the same room. Now, so I just wanted to get into, because I feel like we're sort of organically transitioning into Will Ferrell quotes being a big part of your class. Huge.

Huge. And I'm wondering if you could speak on that a little bit, what the best quotes are to pick from and just which movies to watch or even old sketches. Well, we start with stranger than fiction. Let me stop you. More cowbell. No.

Friend, friend, that's the advanced class. We don't even get there in the first class, I'm telling you. They're not ready for that. Sorry. It's interesting that you start with. They're not ready for that. Sorry. It's interesting that you start with something as challenging as Stranger Than Fiction. Right. It's not quotable. So how do you find your way to it?

Well, you've got to do some work. And part of that work is watching other Will Ferrell movies and coming in through the back door. But a student who can walk around quoting Stranger Than Fiction and get a reaction from the student body on campus. Because everybody's walking around quoting something, right? Yeah. borat or alexander haig and comedy's just quotes yeah yeah that's it i mean that's all it is it's new quotes or old quotes but it's just quotes you're only quoting yourself if you come up with an original joke you're quoting your brain and uh so i i try to get them to quote that movie and and they never have. And so I've never given an A, except for students that didn't show up, because they potentially could have.

I like that yard sale movie he did. There's so many funny lines in that one. I don't think I remember that. I think it's called Let Me Go. Yeah, I think it's in Spanish, right? I think it's called like, or something like that. Yeah. Yeah. And there's that think it's called like, I papi que rico or something like that. You know?

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And there's that part where he's like, t-shirts for sale, but in Spanish. It's good. It's just like,

it's his face. You know, it's just something about his face. That's part of it. Yeah. I've never seen what he looks like.

Yeah, that's important. That would ruin it for you, wouldn't it? I think so. You've got to have some mystery. Quotes are not about the face that you make.

Sam, what was that movie called? The Yard Sale movie? There's that movie. There's that one movie that Will Ferrell did where he's selling. He's just got to sell all his stuff. And he's had a little too much to drink I think don't just look at me Sam? I'm not sure

is it 7 years in Tibet? is it Sam? oh now you're going to start looking it up ok did you think we wanted to hear that you're not sure first before you looked it up? as if we would find the answers in your fucking well wait before he looks it up let's if we would find the answers in your fucking unsure. Wait, before he looks it up,

let's find out if he's not sure. You think I'd give a flying fuck if you're not? Yeah, of course you're not sure. You don't know dick about anything, but just fucking look the shit up. But you're supposed to know computer stuff. That's your one thing that you bring to this. If Matt was in the same room as me,

I'd be so humiliated right now. Can I say something? I wish that you would. I can see on the closed circuit television that your Sam is wearing a garment with elbow patches on it. Now, I want to know if you've earned those, Sam. I want to know what your background is, what's your training, because where I come from, you've got to earn your stripes. You know, those are like sergeant chevrons, but they're teacher's elbow patches. You yourself, you've got

an injured elbow. Am I correct about that? Yeah, I got a... So you could theoretically use those more than... Are you even using those? Are you protecting your elbows? Not really. Oh, he's resting his elbows on a soft padded arm rest. Not really. It's overkill. Not really.

Sorry, Sam. That's you. Not really. Not really. Sorry, Sam. That's you. Not really. Not really. I have tender little bows. Little elbows. Put them in a little bit of warm water at night. Two little butter pans full of warm water while I sleep. Off to the side.

Is that true, Sam? No. You put them in butter pans? No. Why'd you say it? Then why'd you just say it? That wasn't me saying it. But it sounded just like you. No, it did not.

Is that elbow cream on the table? No. What is that? Is that jizz? Yuck, sick. Sam, is that jizz? Oh, sick. No, none of this is jizz.

What's that movie called? The Yard Sale. Now you guys are getting comedy. It's not called The Yard Sale. Careful of your elbows. Don't just make fake typing noises. Type something. Type the question.

Soaks them in butter pens. That seems so strange. Everything must go. Everything must go. The popcorn gallery. it's time for the popcorn gallery. That song starts, you gotta get into the peacock gallery. This is a segment where we, well, I didn't hear the song, so now I'm not really sure what it is.

We kind of need the song to remind us of what the segment is. I don't want to start it over. No, it's much too long. We just fly by the seat of our pants with it, and hopefully whatever comes out is a segment. Well, let's do this. Let's reach into, we have this popcorn bag. Oh, just sitting here on the table. So let's play the other Let's reach into, we have this popcorn bag. Oh, just sitting here on the table. So let's play the other sound clips as we reach into the actual popcorn bag.

And we'll pull out whatever's inside and then we'll do that. Get out of my little popcorn home. I'm Obama. Get out of my popcorn home. Give me that gun. Oh, it's a question. Uh-huh. And it's from one of our listeners.

It's a question for Matt Gourley from Michael Bay of Pigs. Matt, what's your strangest experience with a woman? Good question. And I don't mean like it's hard to answer. I mean good question. My hat's off. Boy, it's hard to say when you start off with strange experiences, where does the bar go? I don't know that I've ever had a normal. My normal is strange. Strange is the new normal. Do you guys watch that show? show um let's say uh one time uh i made love to a woman while doing the high jump just leave it at that she was too just just so you would have to get the physics of it yeah yeah fosbury flop indeed you know what i mean it's uh um i'm looking for... Fozzie Bear. Yes, yes.

It's sort of a niche. Yes, Muppet Babies. I just love the old cartoons from when we were kids. Raspberry, Fosberry. It's like a Fozzie whir. Steamboat Whirl. Yes, just the old... Muppet Baby.

Like any old theme song to an old show that I watched when I was a kid, that immediately, to me, that's content. Just remembering it is content. Friend, I'm looking for substitute teachers if you're thinking about anything. Okay. Are you sick? Yeah. Yeah.

I have a – What kind? I have a terminal cold where – it's not that the cold ends. It's that I eventually die. Yeah. cold where it's not that the cold ends, that it's that it ends. I eventually die. Yeah. I lose so much snot that it dehydrates my body and I turn into just a withered old mummy of a just – you know how mummies are wrapped in toilet paper? But it's like if my skin were toilet paper that had been used.

I'm very concerned for your health, but this is getting a little too scary. This is getting a little too scary for me to continue listening to. I'm sorry. And I'm so sorry that's happening to you, but it is too scary, and I don't want to scare our listeners out of listening to the show. Say words like mummy, don't really say that. You say stuff like King Tut's exotic new form or something like that. Things that won't be quite so scary.

A little more palatable, yes. I need to make a euphemism for mummy is what you're saying. Yes, and even in explaining what you need to do. Don't say money. Maybe Brendan Fraser's vicious nemesis. Yes, saying money and acting what you need to do. Don't say money. Maybe Brendan Fraser's vicious nemesis. Yes, saying money and acting like you did it by accident. That's a perfect way to do it. What's so fucked up about sick people is they say, like, I have a terminal illness or whatever. But, like, if you actually study your grammar, you don't have a terminal illness.

You are a terminal guy. And you don't have a terminal illness until you do because if you're sitting there still talking, we don't know. It's like, oh, I'm waiting. Oh, you still have it? Yeah. Potentially turned up. That's one of the most fucked up things about sick people to me. What are some other fucked up things about sick people? The sneezing!

Guys, I don't have that. I don't have that. Oh, gosh, yes. Get a wife. And the friggin', they always always have bags strapped to them. Let's reach back into the popcorn bag to see what's at the bottom. Hello, hand. So we have competing sound drops this time. We should explain sort of what we're doing.

Oh, yes. Matt's friend, Mark from high school. Mark, you're... My friend Mark from high school makes all the sound drops. Sean from Mark from high school. I see. He's great. He's really awesome.

We wouldn't be doing our job if we didn't occasionally explore other options just to make sure the podcast is at the highest level that it can be. Now, Matt let us know. And also to keep Mark on his toes. He has a friend, Mark, from high school who I guess was really funny in school and does sound drops. He's blind, so you know he's good. Yes, that means he's good at sounds. Mm-hmm. It makes you better. You're so much better at sound drops because you's blind, so you know he's good. Yeah, so that means he's good at sounds. Mm-hmm. It makes you better.

You're so much better at sound drops because you can't draw. Yeah. And so I think that that has informed some of his work, and I'm liking it. I brought some of his sound effects in. If you just want to name some, he's got them ready to go here. Oh, in addition to the sound drops we've been hearing. Oh, sure.

You name it. Okay. Yeah, well, I guess... A vacuum. It takes a while to cue up. Well, no, he doesn't... That's really good. It took a lot out of his throat. You could hear him kind of struggling with his throat afterward.

It's very good. Yeah. Here's a question from Andrew. Mr. Grawley, you haven't put out a podcast. Sorry, what did he spell me? I don't want to answer this question. It says... Mr. Grawly?

I think it might be just like sort of a reference to your persona. My bear-like persona? Yes. Mr. Grawly. All right, I'll take it. Proceed. You haven't put out a podcast for over a year. Is that due to laziness or mere incompetence?

I'm glad I did answer this when I will right now. Listen, you don't know what it takes to podcast. I'm sitting here in a different room with two gentlemen that do understand what it takes to podcast. One of whom has a broken meniscus or whatever he did on his arm. I got muscle small in surgery to play Sammy Sosa in the new 61 movie. And it is going well. I just came from the set, which is in Cuba. You don't have to sing an aria about it. My muscles are trying to big in themselves again. They're rejecting their smallness. Initially, they thought they could small in the muscles he had,

and it turned out that they couldn't be separated, and so they injected smaller muscles into him, which his body's now rejected and spit back out and his new muscles are growing in so rapidly. And exploding out of my new small skin. The short answer is I do all of my podcasts in Cabo San Lucas and so I haven't been able to get down there for reasons I can't go into, but I like to check in with Sammy Hagar and go to Cabo Wabo.

Cabo Sam Lucas. Cabo Sam Lucas. That's the stuff. I'm serious about you teaching my class. That's the island we named after Sam Worthington and Lucas Haas. But we're going down there soon, and we're going to have some stuff out soon. Okay. Well, this is sort of, I guess're going to have some stuff out soon. Okay. Well, this is sort of, I guess, the last chance for our Mark from high school.

We have one more sound drop for the popcorn simulation. Competing against Matt's friend Mark from high school for who will be our new sound drop artist. So let's reach into the bag. Do you want to? which mark is doing this one they're competing at the same time they're both doing the same time okay great okay let's reach into the bag right now well i'm a popcorn, and here are my friends. Doom, doom, doom, do-do-do-do-do-doom, doom, doom, doom, doom, doom, doom. Welcome to the factory floor of Popcorn Bacon.

I'm a popcorn giant, and here are my friends. Well, how did you get in the factory? It takes a long hiring process, and I don't know your face. Oh my god, the sound drops are addressing each other as the recording. Well, how'd I get in the factory? I walked through the front door. Are you part of the guild? That's what I thought. We better cheese it, guys.

Trap door. No! Popcorn. It's what's for dinner. It sounds like since the giant, from Sean's friend, Mark from high school, the giant that he represented died at the end of the segment. I thought he landed in a nice, soft, fluffy bed of popcorn. I think he was the loser.

So I think our new SoundCloud person is Matt's friend, Mark from high school. Luckily, you guys went to the same high school, and it's the same person. What? And it is the same Mark, yes. Oh, my God. How did he do that? That's amazing. Here's a question from Bozos of Basketball.

Matt, did the jerk kids in grade school call you Matt Gurley? If so, which weapon did you use to beat their butts? That is absolutely true. And I went to Ireland with my father and my grandfather a few years back, and we visited. No joke. I know we do our things, but this is true visited the gorley farm and i said oh this is so great to be here at the gorley farm and a guy named ivor mulligan who owns the place now said oh you mean the girly

farm and i went no it's the gorleys he goes no it's the girleys and uh he vindicated all those some bitches and so i chose the glaive from the movie Krull to just kill them. But I had to wait until I heard. So I had to go back as a man to do it. Okay. Yeah. That sounds like some sort of club, a smushing weapon. It's not.

It's like a six, I think it's six or five pronged boomerang that has little knives that come out each one of the prongs. And you throw it like a boomerang and catch it. That's not coming back. Did you, like, not know what a glaive is? No. I mean, did you say it was like a – I mean, am I crazy? Did you say it was like a clubbing thing? Yeah.

I bet you can't even sing theme songs from old Christmas. No, listen to what I said. Listen to what I said. Like a boomerang-y thing. No, I said it was like a smushing weapon, and that is what, when you throw the boomerang. Why aren't you Googling a glaive? You didn't hear what I said.

It's G-L-A-I-V-E. This is fucking mortifying. Listen to what I said. You sit here, and it's like we're talking to each other. You'reI-V-E. This is fucking mortifying. Listen to what I said. Listen to what I said. Okay? You sit here and it's like we're talking to each other but you don't. You're like a grown up. What just happened for you? Wait a minute.

Thank you, Sam. Thank you, Matt, for coming on the show. Thank you for having me. Rate us on iTunes, Matt, please. And like chat with us on the forums if you could become sort of a frequent forum user. If you could become a regular poster. Sure. We would really appreciate that.

Yeah, sure. And if you would buy the pro version of our podcast. I already have. Okay, well, then you bought the pro version this week. You bought the pro version, and you take that prize from one of our forum users. And the prize is going to be they get to take your class. Oh, that is a good prize. So that will save you a little money.

I wish I could take that prize. A little cash in your pocket. You're taking it. No, you are taking it. Well, that's my one regret is I can't take my own class. Well, mirrors. We talked a lot about mirrors in this episode, and that seems like one obvious way that you could do it. Use for a mirror, mirrors. We talked a lot about mirrors in this episode, and that seems like one obvious

way that you could do it. Use for a mirror, yeah. Bye! This has been an Earwolf Media Production. Executive Producers Jeff Ulrich and Scott Aukerman. For more information, visit Earwolf.com. Earwolf.com.