Hollywood Handbook - Matt Ingebretson and Jake Weisman, Our Globes Prediction Friends

Episode Date: January 14, 2019

MATT INGEBRESTON and JAKE WEISMAN join the The Boys to record an episode from WAY before the Golden Globes and predict them.This episode is sponsored by Squarespace ( www.squarespace.com/THEBOYS  code: THEBOYS), Simple Contacts ( www.simplecontacts.com/THEBOYS20  code: THEBOYS20), and hims ( www.forhims.com/THEBOYS ).See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This is a HeadGum Podcast. I am standing in line. No, you're not. You're talking to me. Sorry, my headphones weren't working, so I didn't even hear that. I was standing in line at the track. Yeah, you were standing in line. But you said I am standing in line at the track. Yeah, you were standing in line. But you said I am standing in line.

Sorry, let me fix it again. Yeah. Okay. Now, I think they might be. Let me see if they're working. You were standing in line at the track. And who do I see but me? Anna Kournikova.

Oh. And I start pinching myself dream girl and a big piece comes off oh wow this was the time i was eating really weird uh and well this was when you were on that clay diet. Yes, I was eating clay. I was sort of becoming a human kiln, if that makes sense. My stomach is firing clay molds that I make. I make the mold and I swallow it and my stomach kind of fires it. Yeah, cooks it, and then you drink a big thing of glaze. Yes. And then boom.

And we don't got to talk about how it gets out, but we can talk about how much it costs if you want to buy one of these things. But it was doing to me a thing at the time where you could just remove pieces of meat. Sure, well, the clay starts to become a part of you to the point that you're almost like a Gumby-type man. Yes. I mean, not that you can't walk into books. No, and I was less strong.

Sure, yeah. Standing up was easier for him than it was for me at the time uh so and immediately like gets so excited i look up for on a corner covet to see if she saw i look back down in my hand and i have already lost the piece the piece the huge piece. The huge piece. So I start screaming to everyone, for everyone to not move. And don't look at me. Yes, don't look at me, but stop moving. And everyone look for my piece. The piece is gone.

So. Piece thief. Everyone is so nice. That is so great about the track they are so cool about it i love going to the track and i don't even see i don't even watch the stuff but i go because the people there best people in the world are at the track this is the high school race track we are talking. Yes. Okay. Yes. Everyone, everyone, like they, they call me down.

They talk to me and they try to get me going about other stuff. My like, yeah, just change the subject. Yes. Move a muscle, change a thought. You know what I mean?

Just let's get going on something else. Stop thinking about the piece that's gone. That's gone. It was gone. Yeah. No, I know. But parts of it kind of grew into filling most of the old piece. Well, and I see, yeah, you have a new fingernail.

Yes. So there's a hollow, sort of, valley but it's not like you wouldn't look at it and be like where's that whole piece no you'd be like oh somebody just kind of mooshed in that part hey welcome to hollywood handbook an insider's guide kicking butt and dropping names the red carpet linebacker always with this industry we call showbiz. What up, what up? So we get the guest. Edit point. Yeah. Edit point, and now we can start. And Jordan, we say we do a chop.

A chop. Right at this part. Right here? Yes, and this is all gone, okay? And if it helps you to visualize Chuck Norris doing karate when we do a chop. That helps me. Chuck Norris jokes go. Chuck Norris is so big.

I love the area. That he is too big to go on roller coasters. Okay, yeah. You must be this tall to ride this ride. But if you're this tall, you're Chuck Norris. Get out of here! I think what it actually is, I have heard this one, and it says

Chuck Norris tells the roller coaster that it is too small to go on him. Oh, yeah. Burn. You're not big enough to ride this and he points to his butt. So, in his mind, the roller coaster that he's sitting on is effectively riding his butt.

And Jake. Jake, I haven't heard your Chuck Norris joke yet. Chuck Norris is so good at being a movie star, he's Dwayne The Rock Johnson. Okay. Gotcha. Burn. Jakene the Rock Johnson. Okay. Gotcha. Bird. Jake the Wise Man. That's pretty good. Yeah, he's real, yeah, real

wise. Sorry. I'm trying to remember what Oh, sorry. Yeah, go ahead. What are you trying to remember? I'm trying to figure out. Wait, wait, wait. I'm trying to remember a real Chuck Norris joke. Let's be serious about this. I feel like you put us on the spot, but I don't know what they are jordan jordan pull up chuck norris jokes but while you're doing that www.chucknorrisjokes www.pornhub chucknorris.pornhub slash let's have fun out there, guys.

I have to figure this out because I want to keep the Chuck Norris jokes. What we're going to do is, this is our special Golden Globes episode where we trick everyone into that we got all the predictions right. We do this every year. We got a huge press. By the way, brilliant. Brilliant idea. Yes. Brilliant trick.

Giant press for being smarter than the octopus that thinks the World Cup. We just, yeah, what we do is timestamp it. We just say, we go, hey, recording this at, and then we just subtract a few days off this. I think that's what Bernie Madoff did. That's how he made all his cash. That's how he made off with the money. We have to be careful about news stuff Because

I'm talking about him in jail Yes I'm just saying we have to be careful About what we say about the news in case the Golden Globes Happen before I'm going to treat it like a Fabergé Jake's being a little snippy And I want to apologize On behalf of Jake

Speaking of snippy Jordan Snippy snippy to this section. We cannot have discussion of cheating. Okay. Okay. I found Chuck Norris jokes. Okay. Those can wait.

Okay. Because I want the original, what the Chuck Norris jokes they were doing have to go in the episode. So you have to find an organic way to talk about chopping in the episode so we you have to find an organic way to talk about chopping in the early part because uh that that was your segue without losing that section you know right that we're not referring to chopping so let's get a new way into the chuck norris jokes yes so we're just going to

stitch this in beforehand as we'll record something that just kind of organically brings us to Chuck Norris. Here, I'll lead you in. Yeah. An insider's guide to kicking butt and dropping names in the red carpet lineback hallways of this industry we call showbiz. Chuck Norris. Chuck Norris. Chuck. Chuck Norris. Chuck... Chuck...

I... I've noticed you noticing Chuck... Should I say the joke now? Yes. Wait, what have you been noticing? What did you notice? Shut up. Yeah, Jordan, you took a little long. yeah jordan you by the way i want to applaud you guys on picking the best time to record a podcast which is late in the day on a friday yeah friday 6 30 i'm at my prime right now yes and all the

party goers are outside i have so many parties to go to and i'm hanging out with you guys yes and we're we're sort of feeding off that energy. Sean, you got a fidget spinner. Yeah, I bought it at a Clippers game. Well, this is a little fake golf ball that I found right here. Oh, it's fake. But the fidget spinner is mine.

The golf ball and as you said, a stress ball and I kind of gave it a squeeze and I looked at it and I go, this has been in the Earwolf offices, belongs to someone else, and it's filthy. It's visibly filthy. So I'm going to put it down, and I'm going to ask Kevin to come in here and wash my hands. Kevin?

Kevin? Kevin? Speaking of the wizard of lies, Kevin, get in here and wash my hands. A little reference that Bernie made off before. Hey, guys, Chef Kevin Kevin here and here's Jordan's Chuck Norris joke. I think it's a good, I think it's okay.

Wait, what's the URL so we know that you didn't actually come up with this joke and people can cite it? It's chuck-norris-jokes.com. Oh, okay.

Probably not the first one I should have picked. Who's the owner of that URL? GoDaddy? It's not Pornhub, I think. But the one that made me laugh really hard was, Chuck Norris does not wear a condom

because there's no such thing as protection for Chuck Norris. Okay, and that one made you laugh. Because I've been here the whole time. Yeah. You didn't hear me laugh when I read've been here the whole time. Yeah. You didn't hear me laugh when I read that? She was laughing a minute ago. Yeah, now that you mention it, you were laughing. All right.

And it was at that? The moment ago was at you. With you. Don't get me wrong. Just chop that out. Hi-yah. All right, let's get it back into the podcast. I feel like we should start over again at this point.

Let's start over. Well, we got the segue to the Chuck Norris stuff, and so we'll come in off of that. We do have to locate it specifically in time. You seem like a big history guy, Jake, because you're dropping the facts about all these different guys wizard of lies i think it's great news buff and so you it would help if you would kind of locate us in history of before golden globes from yeah yes okay hold on one second

he's doing this without a book i just want to yeah so that. Yeah, I know history when I can read it on the internet, but just to kind of know it. I do, but it just takes 20 minutes. He's going book-free. Okay, got it. Nice. Wow, it's Halloween afternoon. So this is exciting.

Yeah, what are you guys doing? It's pre-Globes, so we can still predict. Yeah, what are you guys going as tonight? You know, I don't really dress up. It's pre globes. So we can still predict. Yeah. What are you guys going as tonight? You know, I don't really dress up. It's just another night for me. I'm going to be Ken Bone. Nice. Nice. What? Okay. What

Halloween is this? 2010. Wow. Okay. Good. Good. Good. Good. Good. Good. Good. Good. Good. Good. Good. Good. Good. Okay. I'm going to be the seven up spot. Hi-ya. Hi. Okay. Good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good. Okay. Wait. Okay. Then I'm going to be the seven up spot.

Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Okay. That is such a good idea. We predicted the 2018 Golden Globes in 2010. Of course we did. That's so much better. Of course we did.

And that's how we won up from last year. Which last year already was a big deal. Yes. And so people listening to this are like, this is just the same thing again? No. Because now we are releasing an old episode that we found from Halloween 2010.

Right, guys? Anyway, I'm so glad Barack Obama is president. Okay. First of all... That was not the kind of thing we were doing back then. What does that have to do

with the Golden Globes? It's fucking Halloween. You guys didn't... This motherfucker. I talked like that back then. I was just... In the middle of a conversation. Express my allegiance to the President of the United States.

Okay, so... Okay, how about this? Kevin, do the other hand now. You know who's got a couple of golden globes? That Anna Kournikova. Okay, and this will get us ready. And then I'll go, yeah, how about Chuck Norris? It's like it goes back into the Chuck Norris part. We'll have it clean.

We could do that, yes. We have it clean. And hey, speaking of Golden Globes, who do you guys think, here's the real Pepsi challenge. That's a thing we were doing at the time. Who is going to have Golden Globes? From?

Yeah. In eight years from now, when we are all, let's make a pact. Hey, let's, yes. We need a knife. It's got to be blood. So that's so fast to needing a knife. And you have one.

That's true, I do. Yeah, that's great. But we just, we do need it. Well, it's good that at least one of our hands is clean. Uh-huh. Mm-hmm. Let's all cut up our hands and we'll all shake on the pact, which is that in 2018, we're going to say now what the Golden Globes will be from then saying it now.

And if we're right, we'll play it. Okay. I promise. I promise. I hereby do promise. And let's all say our names. Matt. Hey. Good job.

By the way, this is 2010? Yeah. Spike. Oh, yeah, that's right. You used to go by Spike. Just for a minute, I was really trying to get people to call me Spike, and nobody did. That's not a spot.

I'm Jake. Jake. Good job, Jake. All right, so we all did the pact. So that'll be fun. Let's do the globes. Yeah. Okay, so now we have to figure out.

What order to go in. And what happened, who did this. And who's right and what is winning. And like, yeah, just the whole thing. What the different. Well, we could ask Jake again. I mean, I've been loving jake's character uh guy who has contrarian opinion on the best picture favorite every year it's pretty good

it's pretty good it's it's really good it's mine that's my character i saw i was so thrilled to see in a tweet the other day, someone not liking Roma, and then the first person right underneath, just Jake. I was tagged on it. Just say it, guy. Me too.

I was tagged on it. Well, I'm famously known as someone who has contrarian opinions about pictures. And so I was tagged. I didn't know the writer of the original tweet, and I was just ready. Because if you're not going to support other people who think the way you do, you know?

So, okay. So you have to say that this is going to be a movie and then that you are going to think that it's bad and why? Yeah. Okay. You have to say why? Um,

I think that, uh, if I i really think about there's a director coming out of mexico um right now he's made a few films um there was a film he made called etu mama tambien where some guys hooked up and that was good that was poetic and i think he's gonna make a bunch of stuff and then make this film called Roma. Hey, pretty bold. Do you really think he's going to do that, Jake? I do, and I'll tell you why. Because it's a nice hook because it's not about Rome. It's not about Rome, Italy.

It's very, yes, a huge hook. Yeah, it's a big hook. It has those four letters, and it's like, oh, it's just four letters, and I'm going to go see it. It's like four letters, or that's all you need. Very noisy. So fucking noisy noisy the movie's same name of a tomato i mean in 2018 yeah no and i feel like it's gonna be it's gonna be sort of a

portrait of like mexico at a certain time in history that That was even before 2010. Wow. There's going to be no color in the film. Yeah, today. Halloween 2010. Even before today, huh? Even before today. Can you imagine that? Yeah. Can you?

Can you explain what you see? Before today? Yeah. What do you see, like at a time before today? What's happening? before today what's what's happening uh well i'm well i'm not alone yeah you're with people with spike okay again if this is to the other dead people were not honoring my desire to oh i was talking about a different spike i was talking about spike tv yes okay which was a real thing network that's right a virile network i guess i'm allowed to go wherever i want

yeah you're you're the one describing it yeah no in this that's what i'm describing in your imagination i Mm-hmm. I go, I try the door, it's open. Ah! So this film will be so good. Yeah. And it'll be overrated, but also incredible. And it'll be about a housekeeper and like all that stuff

and there's not much point to it but everyone's going to be like wow. Is it going to win the Golden Globe? Absolutely it's going to win the Golden Globe. I have a prediction. Did it win? In your Jordan bin though. In your Jordan. Pump on a log. I can search. Kevin?

I believe Bohemian Rhapsody won. Right? That's the best funny musical. Best songbook. Right? Oh, yeah. It must be.

Oroma won best foreign. Best foreign? Okay. I thought that's what you were talking about. I'm sorry. I think films are, either they're foreign or they're not films. When people say, great point. you know what I'm talking about? It's 2018.

American movies aren't movies anymore. There's movies and then there's films. There's films. That's why the F is shared. Okay, so that wins best films. Thank you. Best films. What else? I have to know, if we're going to talk about this,

I need to know what happened at the thing. Uh-huh. So, Bohemian won. Okay. Kevin Hart still hosts that thing? I was wondering that, yeah. Yeah. Kevin Hart in there?

Winner for best host, Kevin Hart. Yeah. Should we say that Kevin Hart, we predict, in, will win Best Host at the Golden Globes? It's a tough category. Oh, yeah. It's a really tough category. I still worry we're getting too small time with the predictions that we're making. When we can predict, instead of Best Films, a joke that they make at the show.

Imagine someone predicting that, what you would do if you heard someone predicted that in 2010. I would absolutely flip out and I would subscribe to Stitcher Premium. You'd have to. You would have to. You'd have to. Do you want to, Matt, you've been a little quiet. Do you want to do just a thing on the front where you say like, hey, I was really proud to be a part of this episode.

We've decided to re-release it. Yeah. In honor of the Golden Globes just having happened. And say you lost it and then you found it again. And say like what you did in 2010 when you lost it. Yeah. Hey, guys. I just want to welcome you to this episode.

But don't be that loud. You have to be the same. And it has to be the same person that they're going to hear on the rest of the show. Or else they'll be so confused. Yeah, they're not going to know what's going on. All right. No, no. I got it. I got it.

Hey, guys. Welcome to the new episode of hollywood handbook uh we're really proud of this one because it's an episode that we did back in 2010 predicting the golden globe winners and where was the rest of the from 2018 from 2018 you lost it and you found it and here's the thing i just want to say uh it's uh honestly a little embarrassing that it's only coming out now even though we recorded in 2010 releasing it we're re-releasing it in 2018 yeah in 2019 in 19 and i lost it and it's a funny story of how i lost it which is that you're rolling it down the street with a stick i was rolling it down the street with a stick and singing a lullaby. And put yourself to sleep.

Put myself to sleep. And it rolled away. And how did you find it? It rolled down the grate. And who was down there? Yeah. Pennywise. That's right.

Pennywise. Yeah. And anyway, when the movie was re-released, it came or that the reboot happened. Yeah. I think that you should be... And people were going to look in greats for stuff, trying to find Pennywise, and what did they find? The episode.

That just makes me think there's got to be so many lost podcast episodes and greats all over California, and the next big rush is the podcast Rush 2020, where people come here to find the episodes and sell them on Stitcher Premium.

Guys, I just thought of instead of Pennywise, Kelly and Conway's in there. That's funny. We should claim. We should predict that. Okay, so that goes in the, that's good. So that goes into the 2010 part and now that is yours.

So we can basically go back and claim whatever. I gotta say, I gotta say, all this talk about Golden Globes, all this entertainment stuff, we kind of get so focused on that in this town. There's really important political stuff happening. I really do think Kellyanne Conway is going to be

hiding in the sewer like Pennywise. Maybe around 2016. That's a good point. What do you think happens after that? Huh? What do you think happens after that? Is that her peak?

Does anything happen that's cool or interesting or notable after that happens? See, this is your stuff. This is the history. Okay. Yeah, I'm just always like, well, something happens and then something happens because of that. And I'm always like, what's going to happen after that because of those two things that happened? He can try it. Go viral.

Okay, yeah, that's cool. I should say, too, when I was talking about Anna Kournikova's Golden Globes, I don't want to get in trouble, first of all, for something I said in 2010. Yeah, when we were making that joke yeah what's the statute of limitations well what point do we start forgiving exactly and it was a different time remember what Jeselnik was doing it was a different time

remember what he's doing right now it was a different time everyone is trying to be as like push the envelope as far as him well and it's sort of like how do you learn to be better without making mistakes yes and it's like i think everyone needs to make those mistakes and say terrible things thank you so much thank you also i was talking about tennis

balls so i didn't make a mistake i bet she won some actual golden globes she was in uh and that is that movie in 2010 that was so good yes which is this yeah the hurt locker yeah the hurt locker well that's incredible that's a little you know if you really think about what that is right that's a lot you know he's got a hurt locker yeah that and a crocova right yeah well she has a copy of that dvd and we had really gone probably at like the tennis gym yes medicine yes medicine she has tennis elbow gotta every part of her probably is a tennis part that's true uh oh yes matt you were gonna predict a joke that was made. Oh, yeah. I didn't see the show. That's right.

I know you watch it. And so like a joke that they made during the broadcast, you predict it back in time. Okay. Have you heard about how Donald Trump is the president? That's a joke from the gloves. No, that's a setup. That was the same. This is from the show.

It's a setup, dude. I can't imagine this ever happened. Oh, Jake, what the fuck did you say to me? It's a fucking setup, Sean. What the fuck? It's not a full joke. You like that? No, I mean, I didn't like like it but until you hear the punchline you

can't judge something the point is it's just i'm i'm concerned about the whole premise the point is this like it's a solid premise no not for the joke for what just what we're doing here it has to be something that was from the broadcast. If this is going to make us money, we have to get rich off this. We're upside down on this podcast, guys. We are. In Stranger Things, the upside down. I think that Andy Samberg, who's... We can't talk about Stranger Things.

He's been making some sketches for a while, and I think he's going to co-host the Globes. You think he's coming in? Yeah, good. Yeah, I think his career is just gonna continue to take off. He did... Just him hosting it solo? No, no, no.

He's gonna co-host the Globes. Solo. Oh, oh. Why does that feel... He did Just Two Guys. You're talking about that guy who did that video Just Two Guys?

Yeah. And Kablammo? Yeah. And he did that. Well, but here's the thing. Oh, the internet, it's gonna set up... Well, it's gonna set thing. Oh, the driver?

Well, it's going to set up this internet craze. Yes. He's going to be largely responsible for people turning to the internet to get careers. Oh, wow. And honestly- Are you talking about that guy who's been on SNL for like four or five years? Yeah. Okay. Yeah, cool.

And SNL, say what you want about it, but it can really help your career if you stay on there a while. Yeah. But you can't stay on there too long otherwise it's like pigeon when are they gonna leave do you just want to live in new york right you should come out to la you can do that anyway you don't have to be on snl to do that i i'm not sure about that okay have you ever lived there no i guess i guess you shouldn't be speaking about things you don't know, but that's 2018, so you'll get there.

You'll understand that eventually. Okay. Check your privilege at the door. Well, and you were talking about a joke? So I think what's going to happen is there's going to be, you know that comic Black Panther? Mm-hmm. Are you guys comic heads? Yeah.

By the living stan lee uh he's actually gonna have died get out he's dead well here's the thing the last few years he's gonna be a doddering man and it's gonna be brutal and you're gonna wish he was having many daughters uh yeah for sure wow that's what he does and then one of those daughter the three daughters he has are gonna suff suffocate him with his comics. And it's going to be poetic and devastating. That must be not as bad for him. No, he loved it.

He asked for it. Well, you get to read the nice comics as your last moments, just enjoying some of those nice panels. It's like, oh, wow, my work was good. Mm-hmm. Okay. okay i think andy is going to be really he's going to he's going to take that opportunity of that film being nominated for one of the awards and talk about how since he's from the bay area um you know black panthers were actually um a group of people that were targeted by the government um and so i think he's going to kind of talk about that it's going to be a joke and people are going to widely praise him online because people are still online and they're

going to be like wow andy is like a white guy but he loves culture in general and he wants people to be happy and he wants to know that people were oppressed and the government can be bad that being said if you are left-wing you kind of do want the government to help people. So it's confusing and we're all like, what do we do? Okay. And how are you going to feel about that in 2018? I'm just going to sort of watch half the clip if I see it online and then be like, okay, cool, whatever.

You have a mansion. So congrats on having your show continue on NBC. I think that's amazing. And I hope that you make more money because I do love your videos. And it helped me see that the internet was a place I could be in. Maybe I could get a career one day. But I'm not going to watch more than half the clip. Just half a clip.

Well, so you were saying he's going to host it solo or? Oh, solo. Oh, oh. Wait a minute. What about solo? What about solo? Maybe he's hosting it solo? What do you think?

So we have to know who Alden Ehrenreich is? Yeah. And that he's in Solo. Mm-hmm. Okay. Who do we think, who do we know? I guess we have to be friends with him now in 2010.

Wait, he's from LA. Oh, well then easy. He's actually from the area. Yeah, you could run into him in the market. He's already here. I mean, there's how many places are there to go if you're really doing it? Just the market.

Just the market. Yeah, the market. Yeah, the Grove is kind of a market. There's a market there. It's easy to run into him there. What's his name? Alden? Yeah.

Yeah. And he can also, he knows how to lasso. I don't know if you've seen him in that. Do we want to work? I'm sorry when when matt asked if his name was alden and i said yes it looked like that was a big problem for you i was i don't know it looked like you like you like like i've been silent over i don't know if you noticed but i haven't said anything in a little while and it's because i've been mulling over it. I didn't notice. Okay.

Did you think he'd be talking a lot? Huh? Yeah. I didn't think about it for one second. I think the co-host will be Sandra Oh. Hey, whoa. Okay, so we may not need to go to have the whole... From Grey's Anatomy.

Yeah. From Grey's Anatomy, which is still on the air. It's still going to be on the air, Grey's Anatomy. Defying all odds. And from Sideways. She wants to... A few years ago, that movie really taught me about wine.

Yeah. And it's like, you really got to think about it. You can't just drink it. Don't give that guy Merlot. He'll flip his fucking switch, man. The very sight of Thomas Hayden Church. Give him a peanut. As whole flip is fucking switch. The very sight, the very sight of Thomas Hayden church. Give him a peanut. As her drawers dripping simply,

but simply she must have him. Yeah. But it was just amazing. It kind of like, it just, I just realized like, yeah, they're going to co-host it because like one host isn't enough.

There's too many people watching. It's like, you can't cover everything with one brain. Right? Yeah. Natural with one brain. Right. Yeah, that's right. Natural pairing. Yeah. Yeah, that'll be cool.

So then, I wonder what kind of jokes she's going to make. Yeah, let's imagine a joke that she would make. I guess what I could picture is her... Hold on, I think I know what it is. Have you guys seen Donald Trump in the news? Okay, that's the joke? That's the setup. That's the setup, Sean.

Sean, you don't understand joke structure, I feel like. The fuck did you say? Sean, I said I don't think you understand joke structure. Okay. Yeah, you could have stopped that sentence a little earlier. I don't think you want to say something like that to me that for a joke structure well now i feel bad well now my feelings got hurt it's halloween yeah like yeah it's halloween

it's halloween it's called a freaking trick yeah come on back for the treat finish your joke you've got to do two setups now is this the Andy Samberg version or the Sandra Oh version oh that's the gap we need to fill so I don't know if you guys have noticed but Donald Trump's been in the news lately.

Okay, it's a little different from the original. What did I initially say? It was that, have you seen Donald Trump in the news? Have you? A decent setup. See, he does that. Have you guys seen Donald Trump in the news? Well, I have. And it's not pretty.

It's still part of the setup. It's still part of the setup. It's not pretty. More like ugly. Okay, and then when are you going to finish setting it up? Okay, that's still part of the setup. Is this for best makeup? More like ugly.

Jordan, Chuck Norris, Chuck. Now, now, now. Yes, please. You have to know. I understand you're the newest engineer. But you need to know when to come up with a Chuck Norris joke. Can you replace Chuck Norris with Sandra Oh? Can you make it a Sandra Oh joke?

Just put the name Sandra Oh where Sandra Oh's house is. Yes. But be good about this. The company won't let me search Sandro joke. No, no, no. Go back to Chuck-Norris-jokes.com. And then replace the name. Which, by the way, we should always have that open.

Yes. That's a homepage. Just in your mind, delete Chuck Norris. That's a homepage. In your mind, delete Chuck Norris and then just stop. I don't even want to risk that. Copy it out. As an experiment,

all of it into a Word file and do find and replace. Find Chuck Norris, replace with Sandra Oh. Good. And I've heard the one that really made you laugh is an experiment. I'd like to hear one that really didn't. This one didn't make me laugh.

The first rule of Sandra Oh is you don't talk to Sandra Oh. Wow. Oh, wow. Wait, is that real? This is just not. I mean, that makes her seem kind of. You told me to replace Sandra Oh. Okay, okay.

Scroll up, scroll up. I see one really, really long one. Do you want me to see the whole thing? That sounds pretty good. Can you hear that one, please? Wait, do you want... Boy, that's a bunch of shell. Do you want it to be Chuck Norris or Sandra Oh?

It's obviously still Sandra Oh. Okay. It's still Sandra Oh. It's 2010. It's working. It's already working. Hey, Jake! Sandra!

You don't talk to my engineer like that. Okay. Thanks for defending me. Shut up! Alright, you ready? I'm gonna say it anyways. Sandra Oh sold her soul to the devil for her rugged

good looks and unappareled martial arts ability. Shortly after the transaction was... It's unappareled. I'm so... Sorry. Yep. Shortly after the transition was finalized, Sandra Oh roundhouse kicked the devil in the face and took her soul back. The devil, who appreciates irony,

couldn't stay mad and admitted he should have seen it coming. They now play poker the second Wednesday of every month. Is that as funny as you thought? And that's the setup. The Chuck Norris jokes that I am familiar with. I feel like these are yours.

I almost feel like Jordan heard us having this conversation in 2010 and prepared a bunch of her own Chuck Norris jokes in 2018 for when we were going to record the episode. But these are Sandra Oh jokes. I've got another prediction for another joke. Oh, okay. Do you guys see Paul Manafort in the news? I've got another prediction for another joke. Oh. Oh, okay. Okay.

Do you guys see Paul Manafort in the news? Mm-hmm. Well, yesterday I put my... Why are you still going? Is that not the whole joke? Sean, that's obviously the setup. What the fuck? This is part of the setup. All right.

Paul Manafort in the news. I did. Yesterday I put my glasses on because I have impaired vision. And I looked at the news and I saw Paul Manafort. And boy, was I surprised to see that things aren't looking too good. Is that the glasses thing? Yeah, that's right. Okay, vision not looking good.

Because I need because I need because I need a new prescription no but the way he said yeah made me feel like Jake's almost bailing him out

how did he even have that much that Jake discovered the joke about things not looking too good which yeah that's fucking hilarious

the guy needs glasses things aren't looking too good thank you yeah that's no I'll fucking piss my pants needs glasses. Things aren't looking too good. Thank you. Yeah, that's... No, I'll fucking piss my pants. I hear a guy say not looking too good and he needs glasses. But I almost feel like Jake sniffed around and found the joke.

And Matt didn't even know about it. Jake's got a nose like a dog. I don't know about that. Nose like a dog. I guess that's pretty funny too. That's also a setup. Oh. Okay.

Let's hear this punchline. Nose like a dog. All men are dogs. Go to heaven. Yeah. You see I bailed him out again. And Jake got in there with the funniest shit I ever heard. Jesus Christ, man.

They're a team. They're a team. And now we see how it works. Instead of us, we've just been doing our separate things this whole time. Make less money, but more comedy. What time is it in the show? That's 40 minutes. Okay.

It's jam-packed, this one. And we do also have to consider how much of this is actually usable. Stuff that we're cutting. I've made two, I think, accurate joke predictions. We predicted. We nailed the hosts.

Yeah, we got the hosts. You did best films. Best supporting actress in a miniseries. What if we predict the freaking Fiji girl serving nice looks? Yes. Serving looks. Yes. Okay.

Okay. Go ahead, predict. Who's serving looks? You know, like it's obviously, look, it's 2010. Yeah. I'm a 7-up spot. Spike here is um...

Son of a bitch. Ken Bone. Just talk about Ken Bone. Be allowed to go to Ken. I'm trying to think. Um, anyway, you know

it's not just awards it's not just awards at these awards shows well there's other stuff going on it's a whole thing and it's not even just jokes people are actually serving Luke what kind of water I think you

I think if you keep going you'll figure it out what kind of water do you think well I'll say what it's not I think if you keep going, you'll figure it out. What kind of water are you thinking? Yeah. Or, yeah, no, yes. Well, I'll say what it's not. Let's talk about the waters it's not.

Yeah. It's not Poland Spring. It ain't Poland Spring. It's not tap. What it means to be from Maine. Here, here, we can do this. Fill out the word a little bit. Let's ask this gross high school boy. Hey, guys.

High school Chef Kevin. High school Chef Kevin here. Are you guys thirsty? Look, I brought some waters. You're thirsty. Hi, what's your name? Matt. I don't think he would be asking you first.

I was asking you. I heard. I'm a little confused because somebody asking you first I was asking I heard I'm a little confused because somebody asked what my name was and I answered just for the story that I'm now kind of weaving here now this is like when we met Chef Kevin and so it's a little weird

if his big interaction is with Matt but I guess we'll go with it. Well, I guess I got confused. So this is when we sort of watched Chef Kevin. This is a little bit of our origin story, which is when we watched

high school Chef Kevin talk to Matt Eager Beverson. And they did this. He asked me what name was, and I said, Matt. Okay. And then what, Chef? Okay, keep going. Yeah, what is it, Chef?

Hey, Matt. I'm just a kid in high school. Hey. Do you have, like, alcohol? I'm not old enough to buy. He does. If I give you, you like 8 bucks or something could you give me a six pack

that sounds like a good transaction here you go wait where's my money I gotta go here take this Fiji water bottle in exchange oh that could be an interesting serving Luke's yes but if instead of

this little man what if it's a woman? Whoa, man. Shut up. I was about to do it. Well, I want to be a part of this. Well, you got to meet high school chef Kevin. So what's the show?

Are you going to come back next week? I don't think you will, Matt. We have to clean up this mess every week from now on. And you get to write, you got your own TV show. You think I would love to have my own TV show and then I just pop by and do your podcast once

and it makes all my shit the whole time. I gotta say. That sounds fucking great, man. Guy's a main star of a TV show. I'm one of the main stars. And I'm truly, but what really made my day today? Jake's more of the wisecracker, but this, I mean, you know,

like this guy is like the lead lead. I'm the heart. Yeah, and Jake is like the guy who's like leading him like sort of through this world. I gotta say. He knows all the ins and outs. To be a part of the Chef Kevin origin story

is an honor of a lifetime. That's a Chuck Norris joke. What? It's a Chuck Norris joke. Chuck Norris joke. I finally got one. You can find a joke in anything that Matt says.

Yeah. It's like Matt says this stuff that sounds like me to like, I'm going like, why are you saying this? And Jake comes swooping in. He knows exactly what Matt can pretend to try to do. Turns on this super powerful spotlight, and it illuminates just the funniest shit I ever fucking heard.

Damn, man. Well, this is insane. That's why we got a TV show. That's why we got our own show. Let's talk about the TV show. Yes. What do you want to say? What's the billboard this year? Yeah, how are we doing it? Oh, the tagline this year is, sorry, you're hired oh that's what it says so you're watching it you're watching the billboard as

you're driving because you're moving so you're watching okay and it's like why are you why are you apologizing to me and it's like oh because i, because I have the job, so the job's bad. Sorry, you are, now you work at Comedy Central? Yes. Sorry, you're hired. That's what we're apologizing to people for. At Comedy Central. Congratulations, you're fired.

Yeah, maybe. Does it work? Does that work? I don't know if it works as well as sorry you're hired right well it's the same it's i mean it doesn't work as well it's the same wait you're saying i can't but i just did right which is sort of like but it's the same it is the same it's i mean it's not better okay watch this no exactly watch this watch this Say sorry. You're hired. That was another duo.

The tagline initially was the setup. You said you're hired. Sorry was the setup. The initial draft of the tagline was we'd like to apologize to you. You're hired at the company that you're now working for.

Congratulations. We got in there with a scalpel yeah we got in there with a scalpel what are you guys doing on there what are you going crazy back to our old tricks oh it's the same stuff it's like you know there's it's you build a world right and so then inside the world there's like a whole there's so many things you can do it's like essentially when you create a world, right? And so then inside the world, there's so many things you can do. It's like, essentially, when you create a world in a TV show, it's like you can just hop around and play around and what people come back to is the characters.

And that's a big question. And they do stuff, and you're like, oh, they're back to doing their stuff. Is this what you do on the billboard? Yeah. Do you see yourself as a writer or as a playground architect? Mostly a producer. Oh. Yeah, that's where the power is.

Yeah. Power is why I do it. But the show's dark. It's fucked up. It's so dark. And that's the thing. I've heard that. There's no light.

You guys say suicide on it. It's like, do you know if you... Have you ever acted in the movie Bird Box? Oh, yeah. You know, and like when you're acting in the movie, it's like you have to wear a blindfold. And it's like dark. You can't see anything. And part of what makes the performance so good is you can't see anything.

So you really have to act. You're like, oh, shit, I'm scared. Because this is a 2010 number. You can't say Bird Box. Just say what you're going to be doing on your show. Okay. Well, when you said you've heard of the bird box, it was kind of like a lie. But okay.

In a bunch of years, I wrote a spec for a movie. Yeah. So if you're ever in the village, in the movie The Village, you get a page at a time. So the first day you film page one, the third day you film page three. And so you're in the dark and you don't know what's going to happen. And there's those twists. Do you get any days off? No, why would you get a day off?

It's a privilege to work for M. Night, for M'Night. And so you don't take a day off. And you pay him to be in the film. And so you're in the dark and you don't know what's going to happen. And that's how dark the comedy is because like you don't even know that's what dark comedy is when you don't know what's going to happen because you can't see anything it's like being in a dark room oh matt you're awful quiet Sean, you've been giving me guff all damn day with this.

And I'm about fed up. It's only an afternoon. So I got a joke for you. Oh, boy. You guys seen Sean in the news? Oh, no. No, no, no, no, no, no, no. No, we are not doing this.

We are not doing this. You guys seen Sean in the news? Because yesterday I put on my glasses. No, no, no. We are not doing this. We are not doing this. You guys seen Sean in the news? Because yesterday I put on my glasses. No, no, no. Finish it, Matt. We have to finish this. We have something here. I want him to finish the joke.

You do not finish this. We could lose this episode. No, no, no. It's on Stitcher Premium. Please. Finish the joke, Matt. Not on my show. I'm not helping you this time you guys seen sean in the news because yesterday i put on my glasses and i had crystal clear vision

and sean was looking pretty ugly in the news. Bird Box. Bye. Hollywood Hamburg.