Hollywood Handbook - Max Silvestri, Our Close Friend

Episode Date: December 19, 2016

The HH boys allow comedian MAX SILVESTRI into the studio to talk about doing TV recaps and do some for us. This episode is sponsored by Harry's (www.harrys.com code: HANDBOOK)See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This is a HeadGum Podcast. You're going to be in trouble if he jumps away and he's okay. Oh, okay. We're in the flower store smelling all the flowers. Because we have a game where we take turns smelling the flower. Sort of a danger experience where he smells a flower, I smell a flower. And we see, we go in without even checking does it have bees inside and we'll smell it and if it doesn't have the bee then we say okay good

we buy the flower for the other person so okay so let me say the game back to you as I understand it you put your nose all the way in the flower not knowing if there's a bee. He goes first, but yes. Let me say the game back to you with my new understanding of it.

The dog whose name we don't know from Independence Day who jumped out the window and we thought he was going to be hurt or something, but then he's okay. Yeah, he jumps away. He's okay. He puts his nose all the way in the flower, not knowing if there's a bee. Then you seemingly take a much smaller risk. No, it's not the same flower, Sean. And you've skipped a major step, which is after there's no bees, he buys me that flower.

He buys you the flower that had no bees. Yes, and so that flower is now out of the game. And if there is a bee, does the game end? So far, there has not been any bees. Ever a bee in the flower store? No. Have you thought about playing this in nature? There's not as many flowers there, if you

notice. Really good answer. But let me tell you what happened. So, your question about the bees is actually important, because we start the game, he smells the number one flower, and he goes, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow. I did get stung by a bee.

As a joke. Well, I don't know. He is being serious about it, I think. You know, sometimes with him you don't know. Well, he's pretending he's going to be hurt on Independence Day and then what it turns out is he's actually fine, so that's like exactly his MO. Because I look at his nose

and it's not big and red. It's not thumping. It doesn't have a hole in it. It doesn't have a big hole. I mean, it does, but it's not supposed to be there. And I didn't see any bees. I didn't hear any bees. And so I'm saying, did you just not want to buy me the flower?

Well, here's what I wonder too. If it's not that, here's what I wonder, too. If it's not that, if he's being real, are there now silent bees? Silent, yes. Bees that don't even leave any evidence. And if so, will I ever sleep again? Hi! Welcome to Hollywood Handbook. An insider's guide to getting butter dropping names in the recovery lineback. Hallbacking. King Butter Dropping Names and Recovered Linebacking, Hallways of the Century, we call showbiz.

What up, what up? Max. Max, man. What's up? The Max. You guys ever watch Saved by the Bell? I love nostalgia. Well, my version of that, my version of thinking about The Max is the trippy cartoon.

Oh, fuck, with two X's? Two X's. And it was from a time on MTV where they actually did stuff that was extremely fucked up yeah maybe you know that was the first time I liked my name Max

I don't have two X's I'm a Maximilian and I got Maxie Paddle out when I was young but then the Max I was like you know Sam Keith this amazing cool artist

this makes me feel like I'm the Max Tiny Toons must have fucked you up yeah yeah obviously they were so small

you know I liked them big and grown up yeah these Toons Tiny tunes must have fucked you up. Yeah, yeah. Obviously, they were so small. You know, I liked them big and grown up. Yeah. These tunes should be huge. Yeah, why these tunes so tiny is, you know, what I used to say. Max, people know you. That's great to hear. Yeah, it's fantastic.

I mean, that's what I'm out here for. Tell me why. Ah, this is really nice. All the time we tell the guests how they're known. Sure. But we've never done this. Yeah. Let's try it. Let's try it.

Let's try it. Sure. Well, you know, a lot of the stuff that I do, you know, my name's not on it. So people know me but don't, you know, know my name. You know, they know the thing that I do, you know, my name's not on it, so people know me but don't, you know, know my name. You know, they know the thing that I do. Taking a leak or whatever? No, but I mean, you know, like, I write a lot of sort of non, I do a lot of, you know, branded stuff.

Whoa. Yeah. Okay. Yeah, yeah. Cattle. Yeah, exactly. Yeah, it's kind of, it was sort of. I always wonder who's doing those. Yeah, yeah. No, just for. of, it was sort of. I always wonder who's doing those.

Yeah, yeah. I see the symbols and I go like, that's fucking badass. Yeah, because that's not how farms keep track of them anymore. They have chips and stuff. But then I sort of come in and I say, what if we still burned them with, you know, a symbol? And they're like, we don't want you to do that. But ultimately, these fences are easy for humans to hop. Your symbol is the comedy and tragedy mask.

Exactly, yeah. Yeah, that's good. Yeah, but they're both crying because I'm sort of trying to transition to more hard drama stuff. So I do punch up on escape rooms and, you know, I sort of, I've been kind of helping out in that space, trying to just tighten, you know, they bring people in and it's been fun, you know. I was in a detective, like 40s detective escape room that I believe you had a hand in.

Okay, yeah. And there was sort of an old kind of 40s receptionist character who would go like, It's not in there. Yes. I pitched, Get out of there. But ultimately the writer changed it. But her stockings, that was me. Oh, boy.

Yeah, because they were kind of like crisscrossing in black. Yeah, yeah. It was like that. Yeah, I'll say. Yeah. I didn't like that, but I understand why people did. Max, the other thing that is so famous about you is you've done all these recaps. I had done.

For many years, I recapped the Top Chef television program. And you've made fun of so much food. So much. I've described what people have cooked in print. I mean, I feel like the best way to experience food is – for a long time, people thought the best way to experience food was to watch it be made on television, better than eating it. But then I was like, what if you were to then watch it be made, not taste it, but then write up what they did? Write it up and turn the pictures into words.

Exactly, word pictures. So then read about someone who watched it rather than have to look at it or eat it. Exactly. Because I think maybe the visuals are too much for some people and they don't have the time to watch the show. Max, you're something of an observer, aren't you? You know, I believe the role of the artist is to

kind of notice connections. Yes, this is right. You sit back and you watch the whole food get made and then you strike. Yeah. Almost like a sniper. Yeah. And you go in with your bullet of funny joke about it.

Vitriol, yeah. So there's a class clown, right? Uh-huh, sure. Making joke. Yeah. And then there's a guy sitting next to the class clown. Yeah. Who's pretending not to notice.

Yeah. Who describes what everyone had for lunch. Who's like pretending to doodle. Yes, makes fun of the lunch food. And is going like, hey, did you notice those chicken nuggets? Do you want to bust on some food before we get started? Let's just bust on some food. I have a pile of Rolos in my sweatshirt packet.

Do you want to bust on these Rolos for a minute? Just to sort of get you going. Sure, yeah. these Rolos for a minute? Just to sort of get you going. Sure, yeah. Hayes had eight Rolos, which I think is plenty of Rolos.

And we're just priming the pump. And I can see Max sort of coming alive. Yeah, my face is getting flushed. I ask that we not do any photos and stuff during this today, but if you were taking them, you would see that my face is kind of flushed. And there is nine. So talk about the decision there to make it eight. Well, a big part of recapping Rolos is the speed because fans of the Rolos, they want

to know about what happened in your sweatshirt hours later. If I had waited to count these, my Twitter would be like, you get scooped. Yeah, where's your row cap? Which is what people call my Rolo recaps. And I'd be like,

look, if I spent here all day fact-checking how many Rolos there were, you know, the up-and-coming Rolo recapper would already have it out.

You already made gifs of them moving around. If you do go right now to HillaryClinton.com, they are fact-checking Max's Rolo review live. Yeah. And you can see on their page as he's speaking how many Rolos there actually were. And so it's kind of like it's a bounce. The room that works on that has been pretty bleak since the election.

They're still fact-checking the stuff, but it's a pretty quiet office. It's sad. It's outside. The keys to the roof still work, so they're like, why don't we just do it up there? It's beautiful out. It has been nice lately. In Brooklyn, yeah. So,

we have been talking about these recaps every day, right? Tell them. Every day for about yeah a week yeah wow yeah yeah all week we've been saying these recaps yeah no tell really tell max hayes and i have been talking about these recaps i don't want to keep that from you and i and what we've had to say is i'm cracking up i'm loving it how's he do it stop max okay keep going hey i'm laughing again this part i don't get this seems like a mistake okay i actually know exactly where you're reading on this there's a bit of a look if i went 100

for all 2500 words people would be exhausted so there's a bit of a catch and release where you got to let people catch their breath and try and make you stop yeah yeah the and the absence of laughter is what makes the next laugh so you want one shitty paragraph yeah yeah we're you know i'm describing drama or something people like you know this has got to be here but these are the bones that make the meat taste so good right which is what i always say and here's what we say at the end every time, Sean and I say. We've got to do these for us, some of these. Yeah, some of these have got to go for us.

I've got to say that, you know, since I stopped writing those three years ago, it really means a lot that you guys kind of go back and still, you know, those seasons are hard to find, but that you, you know, sync them up and get them on iTunes or whatever. And some people would feel like— This was very similar to how Gabe Delahaye felt when we forced him to talk about VideoGov for the whole episode. We did have Gabe on about VideoGov. No, I love talking about it. I mean, people don't. Yeah, people love it.

Yes, people enjoy talking about stuff that they've stopped doing for a long time. No, I genuinely... Tried to move on from it. Yeah, yeah. And a lot of times people want to talk about what they've done in the past three years. This year, the year before, the year before that.

But I just go like, well, why are we doing that? We've got to do some of these recaps for us. Right. And I mean, sometimes when you talk about new stuff, it makes you feel like the stuff you've done in the last three years has resonated in a way. So it's nice to kind of go back and just remember. Just remember the main thing.

Yeah, the main thing. I noticed there's still two of my Rolos that you have not touched. Would you like to? Well, I assume these are all mine. Well, yeah, you did. Part of recapping is taking ownership of something. You own the episode of the show. Exactly, yeah, yeah.

Redistribution rights, formatting stuff overseas, et cetera. Okay, that's fair. So, for example, if you were to, you know, sell a TV idea to Israel that's, like, about, you know about nine Rolos just trying to coexist, I would actually get a piece of every episode just because I touched all these. How are these nine Rolos

going to get along? Yeah, because they're all a little different, but they're all smart. They all make jokes. They're Rolos that make jokes. They don't just... I love this Rolo show. They're Rolos that make jokes. They don't just, you know. I love this Rolo show. They're good at their jobs. They're very good at their jobs.

Yes, they are. They're good at their jobs. They really care about each other at the end of the day, even though they're not above busting chops. Yeah. And they're adulting. They're adulting like a boss. And a lot of them are struggling with their relationship with their father.

And they kind of got with their father. Yeah. And they kind of got something to prove. Yeah. And I would be involved with casting. I feel like if you miscast something like this, it just feels like a lot of actors playing Rolos that don't like each other. And we want people to know that these Rolos do love each other. It's easy to cast this.

And that's why they are able to, as you put it, bust chops. I'll cast it. Get the DuckTales cast. 1.35 million views in less than 24 hours. Oh, my chops. I'll cast it. Get the DuckTales cast. 1.35 million views in less than 24 hours? Oh my God. I'm sorry. Get the DuckTales cast.

That YouTube video is number one trending right now. I mean, by the time you guys hear this, it'll probably be three million views. The submarine from the Fate of the Furious trailer

is looking to do comedy. Fuck. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Fuck, dude. And he wants to get out of the cold weather, yeah. Fuck, dude. And he wants to get out of the cold weather. Fuck, bitch. That's fucking bitching, man.

Yo, we got to do some of these recaps for us. We're going to do it. We got to do some of these. Some of these recaps, we're going to do them right now for us. We think the way to do them is play an episode of the show, and then you talk about it. So we are going to play the whole

episode just for us. But when people hear it, they'll just hear the relevant part that you're recapping. So we're going to sit in this room for the next four or five hours, I guess, and play like five episodes of the show. We'll do one at a time. We'll do one, play the whole

episode, and then you'll recap that one at a time. We'll do one. Play the whole episode. And then you'll recap that one. And then on. And Max, be brutal. Be ruthless. And be brave. I can take it. So you're letting me off the leash here.

I'm like a rolo in the sense that I care about you, but I still don't mind busting chops. Right, right. And I noticed on Top Chef you give some of these guys some kooky nicknames or whatever. I don't know if I get a nickname. I don't mind busting chops. Right, right. And I noticed on Top Chef, you give some of these guys some kooky nicknames or whatever. I don't know if I get a nickname. I don't know. You know? Yeah. I mean, we'll see. I mean, we'll see these four or five hours.

You know, I'm obviously a big fan of the podcast. I would say to this point, not obvious. Oh. Yeah. Oh, well, what it is, is I don't like listening to stuff. So I have heard, like, this is weird. I email the episodes to, like, a transcription service. Oh, wow.

And they send back a big block of text, but unfortunately it doesn't differentiate any of your voices. So it's sometimes, and I'll read it on my phone while I drive. It's just one long unbroken text. Yeah, and I skim it, and it's just 95,000 words and on my phone it's just one long unbroken yeah and i skim it and it's just 95 000 words and kind of a single paragraph in it in a word doc and i'll read it in traffic and i'm laughing but i don't know if it's haze or sean or the guests i'm not really yeah it's haze what is that write me voice.com uh rev.com it's a dollar a minute so also every episode i'm spending 60 of my own loan out's money to...

Yeah, it's getting shorter and shorter though. Because we worry about people paying too much money. I appreciate that. People are pissed, yeah. Okay, so we play the episode. You listen to it. You talk about it. We do it again.

Back and forth. Oh, man. Let's just jump in and listen to one. So this is Adam Pally's one that he did the one second one

from before or whatever yeah does anyone enjoy coming on here hmm yeah Nick Kroll for example

came on and afterwards he said that crushed it kill zone start to finish yes he said we were funnier

than he was after right cracked us up but also admitted how funny we were yes but really do you think that like when you burden a friend by asking them Yes, he said we were funnier than he was after. Cracked us up, but also admitted how funny we were. But really, do you think that when you burden a friend by asking them to come on a podcast and take time out of their life,

do you think that anyone really enjoys doing this? Well, hold on, though. Hold on. No, this is basically a guilt. This is like guilt when you have to come here. Professionally, this could be huge for you. Professionally, personally, it's all guilt. You feel bad. You're like, oh, I should do that.

Like, oh, it's a friend of mine. It's hard to say no to it. I think everyone likes it. Honestly, I just think you're wrong. I think when people are asked to do a podcast, they say this is a great opportunity to get my brand out there. I will tell you, they're having fun with their friend. No one asked to do a podcast, they say this great opportunity to get my brand out there. I will tell you that.

They're having fun with their friends. No one likes to do podcasts. You're wrong. Everyone hates doing podcasts. I feel so bad for you. Wow. Okay. Wow.

Is there anything that jumped out from that whole episode? The Mark Twain story? Anything? I think for me, when I write my recaps, I definitely like to start with the fun stuff and then kind of move into the mean stuff.

No, no, no. What's the thing that's really going to be the takeaway from this? If I was writing a recap of the whole thing, the first thing I'd want to write would probably be that thing where Pally asked you guys about whether people like being on podcasts.

And we prove that they do pretty handily. Sure, yeah. And he gets pwned in that part. Is that the part you're talking about where he gets pwned? The major pwnage? You know, as a recapper, my job a little bit is to provide an alt POV because I think a lot of times

when you take in something that you guys have control of, so for Top Chef Comedy Bang Bang, I think they would say an alt right POV. This is not the show. We are having a conversation here. We might also do something about like 90s alternative rock. You know?

Seems to be in there. Well, they would probably just do them all just do it all and then so somebody goes alt right somebody says Pepe and then somebody else

goes like right yeah and then oh shit here's Pepe and then that's Pepe's here Pepe's here

oh look Pepe's here oh look Pepe's here and Pepe is singing 90s alternative rock song yeah and it might be Spoon Man you know oh shit Doughboys is gonna be bad is singing a 90s alternative rock song. And it might be, Spoon Man! You know.

Oh, shit. Doughboys are going to be mad. Forget it. They have a Spoon Man. Just forget that part. Already forgotten. That's messed up how they bust on food, too. Does that ever make you fucked up?

Oh, fuck, dude. You are kind of the original Doughboy. I kind of was. I actually literally had a video series called Chain Gang, where me and this other old school recapper, this is four years ago, where we would go to chains.

Oh, fuck. And then we released that. We're like, well, who wants to do this every week and make that their thing? And then they did, yeah. That's fine. I don't need it. Chains anymore.

Well, they didn't make the list anyway. Their hottest comedy podcast list came out. Oh, my God. The hottest one ever, and we were number two. Oh, my God. And they were number 11, hopefully. And most fit, like in the British way. Sure fit.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like wearing tight stretch pants. Fit, but don't you know it. The streets. The guy from the streets. The streets, yeah. Skin Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like wearing tight stretch pants. Fit, but don't you know it? The streets, the guy from the streets, Skinner, Mike Skinner. The money was behind the chair.

I don't mean to spoil it. Don't come for free. Don't sit on that at the television. It wasn't the chair. Yeah. Just tweaking it.

Original pirate material. Yeah. Sometimes accidentally upgrade things and make them better in how I remember them. Yeah, so I just feel like, I know you guys kind of the

takeaway in producing that episode for you was that you pwned Pally, but I would kind of, I think, come in to recap that that he pretty much nailed you guys to the wall. Right. I see why you feel like you have to do that. Yeah, even if I agreed with

you guys, I'm like, no one wants to just read yeah back what they just saw clicking on that i'm clicking on it i see like why sean hayes actually got pwned yeah by by adam pally yeah i have to click even if it's just to make myself mad which i think it would yeah exactly and then like i might do a thing where i'm like so uh apparently hayes and sean think that they just pwned Adam Pally, question mark. And that's rhetorical. You know, I kind of write to my audience conversationally. And then I might put a gif in. Some people call them gifs, but, you know, I've been in the game a long time.

They're gifs of, like, you know, a cartoon character puking into a bucket. You know, something that's kind of the image is the answer to my rhetorical question, which is I disagree and it makes me sick that they would think that anyone would like to be on podcasts. Wow. Yeah. So that's just like a fun, and so people reading it are maybe, because I think what's fun is that you read recaps being like

okay, I just listened to the podcast and they pwned Pally. And then suddenly I come in with my laser and the reader's like Ied Pally. And then suddenly I come in with my laser. Right. And the reader's like, I think Pally pwned them. And what does that do to your soul to be such a faker and to not be true? And to be doing tricks on the internet that your mom could be reading. Yeah. I mean, I had to walk away for that reason.

It caused a lot of stuff outside even my professional. I was unhappy. I didn't like food or TV anymore. There was a lot of sort of sex stuff, like not getting hard, being mad at the other person, stuff that was clearly because I was angry about that I just had to tear apart these people. And that fixed it to stop doing the recaps?

Yeah. Yeah. Okay. And I just... But how would that translate if you're not doing them already? You know? What's the version of that for someone who's not doing recaps?

Yeah, let's say somebody's not doing recaps. I might start doing recaps and then stop them and maybe just have the momentum. System shock. Exactly. It's a little bit of blown in the cartridge. I'll try just about anything. Okay, let's do it again. Yeah.

Yeah. Just to be clear, though, you're not, like, turning my appearance here, you know, this kind of hang among friends into, like, a clip show for your purposes, right? Oh, are we friends? I mean, we just met. I stole your email off a separate chain from somebody who is friends with you. Sure. I do want to say I really appreciate being courted.

That is, you know, it means a lot to be courted. Okay. Tell Adam Pally, you know. There's a heat coming behind me. Okay, it is Kevin. Oh, okay. You feel that heat blast? It's his sweater.

His sweater's so big. So let's, Kevin, just be quiet for this part. Let's do a recap of Kevin. Kevin, get a pic of your sweater, which I think was a blanket. That you chewed through. You chewed a hole into. Yeah, he chewed a hole into it and put his head in. And then he, like, clothes pinned the arms in.

This is from Darcy. You know Darcy. Sure. Oh my God. Love Darcy. Oh my God. Hi Darcy. Hey Kev.

First I want to apologize for like looking at you from the window as you entered. It came off probably creepier than it was, which I guess explains what I'm about to say. I'm first sorry for entering the room. And Sean and Hayes have also noted creepy accusations, I would like to call it. And a lot of it is me taking photos of the guest without their permission. Accusations aren't creepy. It's you. You are.

It's accusations of creepiness, but they're not creepy accusations. It's you and your behavior. Accusations are plain as day. They're really straight up. It's hard just because it's like you looked at me outside when I was pulling in. You definitely looked at me from this fourth floor window or whatever. So you had a weird little eagle eye on me in a way that definitely at me from this fourth floor window or whatever. So you had a weird little eagle eye on me in a way that

definitely made me feel uncomfortable. And you probably wondered if he was taking creep shots from up there. Yeah, I was thinking maybe he was taking creep shots already. And he was. Is that true? Yeah. He likes watching people when they don't know he's watching them. Doesn't he, Darcy? Yeah, I think that's exactly what's going on.

And then I would like to apologize because after you after I heard that you were looking at me out the window I did whisper I'm going to kill you in your ear So we listened to the whole episode Sure yeah and Kevin was a big part of it

Big part, big part And so now you're seeing Kevin as as you're yeah listening to the which is hard i mean a lot of um the power of being a recapper is is the distance uh yeah from the food yeah of just you know firing up your copy of apple pages and you know just letting the fingers fly you know you're sipping on a cold brew and you're just like it's like fencing yeah parry and poke or whatever the terms are and then you send it in yeah eater and they're like like, it's like fencing. You know, parry and poke or whatever the terms are. And then you send it in to the eater and they're like, can you please reformat this? It has no extension.

It's just thousands of weird symbols. And I'm like, you know that iWork.com is available to all iCloud members. You can actually type right on your browser. And they're like, can't you use Google Docs? And I'm like, look, the muse doesn't strike when I'm in Google Docs. I just put it in the body of an email. Did I say the body?

The subject line. But I definitely, I would probably tear apart that when Kevin kind of apologized to Darcy. Yeah, he was pwned there a little bit. Oh, gosh. I mean, this time I'm on board. I mean, he was pwned big time. I might kind of. This is something where for you to say that Kevin pwned Darcy in the headline would actually be working against you.

Yeah, I mean, I would want that to be the surprise. I mean, you know, there's, you even imagine how people are going to read this. They're scrolling through and then maybe I would take a picture of Kevin and put like an impact font, pwned, like red letters,

and I would have it flash. I could animate that. Oh, wow. You just do layers in your copy of CorelDRAW and then you can export that. Would I get a nickname or anything? I mean? I don't want

to force it. I would give you all, I mean, Kevin would be probably like Curvin the Perv you know, or Curv. Oh, no. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Kevin. Curv the Perv. I might be like is it just me or

are these guys doinking? I'd kind of insinuate a backstory. It's about haze and guys doinking? You know, I kind of insinuate a back story. It's about Hayes and I doinking? Okay. Yeah. That's interesting. No, no, no, no. About Darcy and Darcy.

What is it about the two of us that you. What's not you two? You just think that would be a, that would work? That's just going to get clicks, huh? If Hayes and I are doinking. Yeah, I meant Curve and Darcy. That's so funny because we are not. Because we're actually not. No, we're not.

But for you to encourage us to is making me think like, oh, well, I don't know. It's just an interesting position to take. I wonder what would be the case for that if you were to make it? What's the argument? What's the pro argument? I think it would be grade A click

meet if you two were confirmed doinking. Okay. I mean, I can just imagine that headline, like, you know, on the Doinkster report or whatever, confirmed, maybe it would be like, hey, it's like some sort of funny, you know, kind of, it's harder to do that in a headline. But, you know, look, I'm not the guy that writes the Doinkster. You know, I know there's been a lot of stories like, does Max Silvestri, is he the

guy behind the Doinkster report? Because you don't put your name on all your work. Just because I retweet a lot of the stuff doesn't mean that I'm trying to get this site off the ground. Yeah, okay. You know, it's just like a good gossip. If you guys don't read the Doinkster report, you should. You're the only follower on their Twitter account. I mean, I'm honored that they only follow me on Instagram. And you retweet a lot with like, oh, you guys should't read the Doinkster Report, you should follow. You're the only follower on their Twitter account. I mean, I'm honored that they only follow me on Instagram.

And you retweet a lot with like, oh, you guys should check this out. Have you seen this? I mean, I don't normally read this stuff. It's kind of a guilty pleasure, but this stuff's good. Who is writing this stuff, you say? Because a lot of this stuff is just pictures of celebs, but there's funny copies. The way the stories are told is funny. It's a good angle. Yeah.

And no cons to us doinking, I guess. When you think about it, there really is no reason not to, to me. Yeah. I think that should be fine. Yeah.

I mean, uh, I think that should be absolutely fine. Yeah. Sorry. Yeah. Sorry. I'm brave.

Yeah. No, that's great. I think it is great. so our nickname is like, are these guys doinking yeah that's interesting well i probably you know i'd probably ship you i like to do that in the recap so kind of you can tell the story with the cows now what's that that's how they track the

cows with the ships yeah yeah yeah i so i might be i might say like um and then you know uh i couldn't focus on the next part of the podcast because Clavinport made the room smell like sex again. You know, something like that. Because it's like I've given you a fun name, maybe. Sex has an odor. Yeah, it does. And even people that just want to have sex. Yeah.

It must have a must. Yeah. Do you start with that? Is that how you like to make it happen? I mean, look, I like to find evidence of what's there and then build on that. No, I mean, like, with the odor. With sex, is it, like, the smell first? Do you put the odor on first? And then that helps it.

Is that how you get it to go? No, I think when you smell it, it means you can, that's when it's okay to do it. Obviously, I know, like, that's for the... But who's making the smell? Oh, I mean... If I'm going to smell it, am I somehow making that smell, and then I smell it, and now it's...

Or am I making it, and he shows up? And now it's going to work? I mean, ideally, you both would be making such a similar smell that you don't know where your smell stops and his begins, and that's kind of what a partnership is. Yeah.

It's just your smells are in line. Is it at the store? The smell? The smell. I don't know. Yeah. You could buy it, but I think it's better if it comes from you. He doesn't even know.

Yeah. See. He doesn't know. See, I find this a lot with these experts. So let's listen to another episode. Yeah, this is when we talk. So this could be interesting because we sort of did a recap of Nip Tuck, but we did it when we were actually watching it live,

which when we think about doing that sometimes, it's sort of like recapping without a net. Instead of being like, oh, you know, I'm going to, like I know you try to do it quickly right afterwards, but what about doing it at the same time? But I feel like, you know, I'm going to, like, I know you like try to do it quickly right afterwards, but what about doing it at the same time? But I feel like, you know, my job also as a critic and cultural commentator is to digest this information, is to sort of spend time contextualizing and sort of, you know, finding, you know, signification that I think you couldn't possibly on a live viewing. From your safe little secret.

Yeah, we're not digesting it. It's going right through us. We're spraying it out. Sure. Like a penny down a well that is just flying out of the back of you the second it touches your tongue. Yeah, like a penny down a well.

Yeah, it goes quickly. I'm like one of those... So we have a thing to water our Christmas tree right now that's like a tube. When you say our Christmas tree. Me and Hayes. Yeah, okay. So me and Hayes have this tube. I don't know if you had another tree.

No. I have a little tiny one that I keep in my room and I'll decorate however I want. Hayes doesn't get to say. But I picked the Tremens, is what you said right before we started recording. And this one, what I did was lights. Just lights.

Yeah, I like it a little more. No tinsel? Did I fucking say tinsel? No, I... It is kind of lights. Just lights. Tinsel's a kind of lights. Tinsel's a kind of lights?

Yes. What? Can you recap that opinion for me, please? It's blasting lights. Tinsel? tinsel yes no it's reflection yeah of what of what sean of whatever there is of whatever there is of lights i mean all the reason we're able to see one another is just because our um all objects are reflecting the light so we're not all lights. Or is this? No, because we are all.

Something that amplifies a light is not a light. We're all star stuff. Stars are lights. Okay, he's just phoned me. And you can recap that if you want. But let's do it after this. We'll listen to this one. This one is an hour and 40 minutes. And here

we go. It had to. It's my only defense against the... I wonder if this guy's a mean guy or a nice guy. It has been a long recovery, Dr. Troy. A long... Okay, Dr. Troy. Okay, Dr. Troy.

Dr. Troy. So that's a big clue So, okay, we're starting to piece it together And his name must have been Last name was Troy before he became a doctor And so she must have gotten some kind of surgery before And it's interesting to think about She did, she did Is that what we saw? I'll let my own daughter visit me. And so she must have gotten some kind of surgery before. And it's interesting to think about. She did.

She did. Is that what we saw? Was that her? One of the things is they were going, you're addicted to plastic surgery. Take this woman. And that's one of the things they do on the show. And so that's one of the things that it's helpful to explain, I think, because that is one of the things we do know that this is a plastic surgery show so how interesting was that for you i mean i i know we

were just going to do one episode three years ago but now we ended up doing the whole season was just like i don't know which storyline i cared about more the you know the obviously the nip tuck one or the story of us figuring out what that show was. Yeah. And just coming into your own as recappers. I mean, you know, sometimes it's fun to see the, uh, the tool set fully developed from the start,

but to watch you guys, uh, grow and sink into it and get so it just second nature. Um, because I've seen your unedited when you would just file your recap. Sure. Yeah. It would have a lot of the, like, what is this? What am I writing about?

Who is this? How do I start a new line? How do I make it? A lot of questions of even how to, you know, why is the save icon a disk? Like, a lot of things that weren't actually going to end up in the final product. Max, you talked about our tool set, and you talked about watching us grow. Yeah. So you think – so your general impression is like that's something that's going on for us, right?

Our tool set is going to grow. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And it doesn't stop growing. I mean the tools only get bigger and sharper. Good, good. Okay. Or heavier, depending on what kind of tool. I mean not all tools are –

And people like this? People like when this happens? They want it, right? They're not like, they don't like wake up nervous and then it goes away and they're like, okay. I think there comes a point where if your tool gets, if your tools grow too large. Too sharp.

Or too sharp. It's worrisome. But I think you just have to embrace it and be like, I like it. I like how strong my tool is. Great, great, great. And you can make it stop if it is going too fast? Whatever you're doing,

when the growth happens to quickly, just stop it. Your tools are always going to atrophy. Should it be cold? The tool? Like ice cold. I mean, if you're using your tool outside, I think it's fine for it to be cold. But I think if it's cold inside, you need it.

No, wait. The other day you did. Right. Okay. I have an outdoor shower. Well, anyway, so, you know, we're growing as recappers. Yeah. You got to experience that.

I mean, not that it wasn't good at the beginning. I mean, it was raw, but in a way that, I don't know, it's so exciting because it's like, ah,

new voices on the scene of people that watch. I mean, the kind of, the nip-tuck community of people that release full-length live recaps is active. And there, you know, there's a lot of great different voices out there, and it's exciting to hear a new one. Well, it's nice to hear us figure it out. It's like how people prefer student films or non-professional sports.

Right, right. I prefer young improvisers. Yes, yes, before they sort of have gotten stale and have their bag of tricks. Yes, and a lot of times when they sort of get better and maybe join a group that has chemistry, you're like, okay, you're just kind of hitting these notes with people you know. But when it's like a graduation class or something where you were just kind of assigned based on scheduling,

that's when there's exciting things that happen. That's magic. That is magic. Yeah, yeah. Who did you find to be getting pwned in that episode? Oh, great question. Yeah, yeah. Who did you find to be getting pwned in that episode?

Oh, great question. Oof. I mean, I think you guys pwned Dr. Troy pretty hard. Yes, I remember. Agree. Agree. And do I have a nickname in this episode? Wait, you as the recapper?

Mm-hmm. Oh, so me recapping your recap, what would I call? Yeah. I know you would call Antonio the spy or whatever on Top Chefs so maybe I'm like a spy no I think Sean the spy oh that's good

you're great at this can I be is this guy a spy the microfilm no but I was saying an interesting one for me. Oh, sure, sure. Please, please, please. It could be like Andy recap with two Ps.

Oh, like the hot fries. Yeah, but actually he's from a newspaper comics trip, and this is something I know a lot about. I did an episode of High and Mighty about five months ago. That's actually performing really well. It's doing great. It's continuing to grow. The tale has been extremely long.

Yeah. Have you listened to that show? You should get transcriptions of that. I's doing great. It's continuing to grow. The tale has been extremely long. Have you listened to that show? You should get transcriptions of that. I will get Rev. Gabrus' voice actually does come through in the transcriptions. Sure. Well, you know, out of loyalty to Stereogum and Videogum because of their ongoing lawsuit with HeadGum,

I don't listen to any of this stuff. I mean, I do read the transcriptions when I can get them onto Rev, but I haven't actually gone to the website. Oh, you guys. I'm reading Stereo Gum and Video Gum. I'm breaking all my devices, putting gum in my stuff. Sure, sure, yeah.

I mean, I think we all agree going back a long way, gum is our favorite thing. So, how do you apply that enthusiasm of something that's delicious and enriching to say, media, say, podcast, say, audio. To sort of skitch off of the success of gum. The success of gum, yeah.

As an adult, gum is such a big part of my life. Because now I can get it whenever I want. When I was a kid, it was like, yes, people are trying to stop you from having gum. And then when you sort of come on your own and you have a big, hot podcast, number two on the Vulture list. Sure. And you have friends, a Christmas tree, everything you could want. People say they probably forget about Comedy Bang Bang, right? Or there's some reason they couldn't include that as number two or number one.

No, they did remember it, and it was number six. Number six, so. So they know about it. Yeah, they listen to everything. They do know about it. Yeah, they do know about it, but you guys were number six. Number six, so. So they know about it. Yeah, they listen to everything. They do know about it. They do know about it, but you guys were number two. Yeah, I mean, you guys can, you're now at the place in your lives where you buy as much gum as you want. Gum, yeah.

And you've realized you have a, not only can you afford as much gum as you want, but your appetite for it has only grown. Sure, as a bigger man, I can fit more gum in my mouth, and I need more to get done what I need doing. And you now have those new semi-porcelain veneers that – The chompers. Yeah. You can handle gum. The fresh chompers. Yeah.

No, I can take on gum like nothing. Because I know your old caps, you couldn't do gum for a while. Well, that's a misconception. Or you had to soak it in water, and you could just sort of chew in the back teeth. I could do it but the clean up process between pieces of gum right

and of course when I take them off I have these really sharp thin sort of vampire totally creepy

it almost outweighed the pleasure you got from gum almost almost but now yeah look at you I mean

you have I got these huge chompers. I got the Lancasters, Burt Lancaster, Rainmaker. Yeah. And – Now, is it just because it's kind of a little colder in L.A. that you keep having to apply Vaseline to your – like are your lips always this raw? I have to put a gel on them because my lips don't create their own moisture and I guess something about the application. They will fuse to the choppers. Yeah.

Sure. They're rejecting the new choppers. Yeah. Yeah. Something about the application of the choppers. I think it's actually the opposite. They are liking them too much. Right.

Yeah. They seem to be accepting them as such a part of my body that the inside of my gum line wants to fuse. In lieu of the skin on your face, it's almost like we choose the chompers. We want to leave your face. Mm-hmm. Yeah. You need to do something about the rest of your face.

And that's kind of why you guys got into Nip Tuck is because, you know, you are looking for a nip tuck. Well, I was curious. Address this on one of the episodes. Before we hire them, we should see if they're good doctors. Yeah. Yes. We should see if they're good doctors. Yeah. Yes.

And I went, yeah, because my plan was to bring in the Reagan mask from Point Break and just go like, make me this. Well. Well. I did love it. What do you want to do now? It's been a special, special time with you. Yeah. We've learned about recapping.

Would you guys do a quick recap of me? Of you doing it? As a guest? No, I don't think so. No, not as a quick recap of me of you doing it? no not as a recapper as a guest oh as a guest not as a recapper that's interesting it's hard for me to remember the beginning yeah

well there's this trick in writing in medias res where you can just kind of pick up somewhere and you hope your audience will catch up so you know you can just kind of pick up somewhere and you hope your audience will catch up so you know you could just

sort of pick what do you mean what the fuck are you talking about medias res witherspoon right master of horror

res witherspoon you're teaching us a lot of tricks in media owns the doyngster they're kind of they just bought it during this

so really exciting excited for whoever owns that site. It's a stock-only deal. What's coming up for you, Matt? You've talked so much about what you're not doing. When will this come out

I don't know oh man um you know I just would love people to follow me on social media you know just come out to the shows bye Hollywood Handbook is brought to you by to the shows. Bye! That was a HateGum Podcast.